The Hidden Paranoia Of Every Single Narcissist

[@rg-mi5hh]

The paranoia is weird. No matter how many years they see that you are not trying to take something from them, they still think you are because they would do it in a heartbeat to you. I despise narcs and will stay as far from them as possible. They are just plain evil.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Yes. This happened to me.

[@elipotter369]

Yes. There's nothing pleasant about being around them. It's annoying and draining to see ongoing stupid power games that you're not even playing.

[@imsaltylit3101]

Exactly. Because THEY do it. 😖

[@a.pepper6687]

Yes, they do evil things. In their childish minds they can think of themselves as reasonable as they meet their own needs. It's best to not engage in an emotional or romantic relationship with them. Look around at how many of them you have allowed into your life? It's shocking!

[@Bianca-sw5id]

Monsters

[@MsGreyMouser]

Trust your gut. If you feel bad around them, remove yourself from their presence - you'll soon feel a lot better!

[@437Colie]

The reason they think everyone is out to get them and deceive them it's because they are deceptive a manipulative and out to get everyone and hurt people destroy lives their kids their parents their siblings the supply everyone and everything

[@danemartin5674]

Yes. This is true. This is so so true. And it's not stinking thinking....

[@yazajag]

Yes I had to do this unfortunately 😔

[@danemartin5674]

@@yazajag for sure not easy.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I have stopped dealing with my narc dad since August: my win!

[@brianplord]

The irony of the narcissist’s fear of betrayal is that they act so atrociously that everyone ends up distancing themselves. Which probably gives the impression of betrayal. Further reinforcing the fear of betrayal. 🤯

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Well said. And my ex-husband betrayed me many times. Unbelievable.

[@elipotter369]

Yes. Watched my narcissist friend trailing after a neighbour who obviously was trying to get away...she churned through people and was behaving worse and worse and alway marauding for supply.

[@CinzaChumbo]

Well put! Narcissists have a fear of abandonment... thus they act in a completely abhorrent way, driving people away. And so comes the abandonment. Everything about narcissism is messed up.

[@barbo1106]

@@CinzaChumbo This is the most insidious thing about narcissism. And this lack of trust prevents them from seeking the help they need. 😞

[@carolynbennett2735]

@@CinzaChumboYes, their life is one big vicious circle!

[@roxymovie3938]

It's absurd: they feel threatened in this world and therefore they need you to threaten you.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

True. They hit out 1st just in case they get hit. Even if they don't need to!

[@BarbzSA]

Well put!

[@Geep1778]

It’s how they control and maintain certainty of their unclean view of the world around them

[@Geep1778]

It’s how they control and maintain certainty of their unclean view of the world around them

[@bongofury333]

They live backward. They react to imaginary future outcomes impulsively and then have to work like criminals to cover or justify their reaction to sh*t that never even happened. It's backward and upside down 🙃

[@fred.k9875]

No trust can flourish in a paranoid mind.

[@duromusabc]

Narcissistic relationships are very predictable despite their unpredictability- you can predict the relationship WILL NOT GO WELL during any conflicts

[@VaitheeswaranRamaswamy]

Since conflicts is the place they live, it’s all the time

[@duromusabc]

@@VaitheeswaranRamaswamy the narcissist misbehaves during conflicts hurting the person close to them and the narcissist NEVER CARES if the person is hurt emotionally psychologically (due to their lack of empathy)- and the narcissist repeats the misbehavior on the next conflict that happens to him or her (guaranteed)

[@IamKetra2you]

Yes it's a roller coaster relationship

[@robbiewooden5067]

They hate to be rejected, and hate the word No.

[@cazjay017]

Yes, true.

[@antheredhen]

No means keep pushing, guilt tripping until you finally give in. They refuse to accept NO.

[@lynnebucher6537]

They can fake vulnerability in order to get you to drop your guard and share personal information as part of the data gathering process. Also to garner sympathy.

[@antonjw]

In short, these people are 'ducked', and you're never going to have a proper relationship with them. Hard to learn, but essential to know. (Cheers Doc for a great video)

[@C7774u]

I think this is why they are not teachable . Paranoia equals defensive equals void of ever being teachable.

[@caroleminke6116]

I knew one kicked out of school in the 8th grade @ 15 for fighting & he hated teachers… I am a teacher who met this narcissist in the 60”s & concluded that he was simply unteachable because unreachable

[@michaelthompson-li7zs]

Spot on! Discarded by a "friend " of several years during a rage blame of something nothing to do with me. Silence for a month; and then they want me to apologise for how I treated them!! Unbelievable. Now I'm giving them what they wanted - my absence.

[@cindyrobinson3882]

When friend(s) discard us, I take it as a sign that the door on that relationship has closed......treasure the friendships who respect you and your boundaries.

[@a.pepper6687]

@@michaelthompson-li7zs Good for you! Watch closely for signs of narrisium in the next person you allow in your life.

[@ze8340]

I think Gus has earned his PhD by just casually laying on the couch and listening to thousands of hours of the material!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus has heard lots of stories!!

[@Dove-gx5gz]

You said you can't take care of all of us, but your devoted work absolutely DOES take care of all of us on Team Healthy!! I don't think you realize how many people you have saved from severe mental illness, despair and therapists who don't get it due to their unfamiliarity with narcissism. I have learned more practical application in 4 years from you than in 25 years of therapy attempts. You fast track recovery with your tremendous educational archive, introduction to other experts in the field, and genuine, honest empathetic compassion. THANK YOU for your passionate pursuit of helping others when you could be pursuing recreation in retirement! We love you Dr. C!! And please thank Gus for still faithfully coming to work with you each day. He reminds us to find the peace you always wish for us as sign off each day 🕊 💜

[@caroleminke6116]

It’s his voice of reason in my head that came out in simple statements that helped me to gray rock out of a dangerous situation with a narcissist & he may have saved my life

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're so kind. Thank you.

[@Dove-gx5gz]

​@@caroleminke6116I believe that. Bravo, bravo, bravo for your tremendous bravery!! ❤ I am so glad you found safety & freedom!! 😘 That reminds me of how Dr. C always says "notice my tone of voice..." & puts his hand to his neck. I think of that all the time: Calm Confidence. I did it just yesterday with a narcissist. Normally I would freeze up, go silent & then cry in my car- frustrated by being intimidated. Instead I steadily met her obnoxiousness with matter-of-fact expressionless questions & statements. This allowed me to accomplish my objectives. She was so stunned by my not being intimidated that she had to stop talking about herself, and at me, answer my questions and hear my statement. Another lady observing the interaction just smiled. Dr. C for the win! Take good care of you Carole❣️

[@elcee7800]

I second that! Dr. Carter is truly a girl's best friend.

[@Dove-gx5gz]

​@@elcee7800 ❤!

[@elainesmith5313]

Dr. C. I have finally come to the conclusion that being Stoic is the safest space I can occupy when dealing with narcissist. If not, it's a NO win situation. Thank you! Hugs fir Guss!❤

[@petagaymacmillan9449]

Apart from the horror of this type of awful person you do have a fantastic sense of humour. Very subtle but you crack me up. 👍🏼😊

[@yukio_saito]

A micromanager in my early career tried to control things based on paranoia. He assigned unnecessary tasks to me and blamed me on the phone for having a sick leave. He was a workaholic, alcoholic, and gamble addict. He flattered his bosses but was hard on subordinates. Finally, I escaped from the job.🏃‍♂💨💨

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Yes, Kicking Down & Licking Up = Classic Behavior for these types of people. + Did you ever see the Bird Cartoon ? ("When the top... looks down ... see only shit/ When bottom .... looks up ... see only assholes ")😉 Well THAT idea exactly ! Zero idea of the dynamic on how the shit actually came to be ... (PS: If you are not familiar with the Bird Cartoon, just Google it, you'll like it !)

[@judyhogarth80]

Envy can take over….this describes my neighbour. I have been friends with a neighbour for 25 years she is now in a home as she is 92. I see her every week and her son has me over for coffee. They are grateful. But the narcissist can’t stand the fact that I get all this attention. He can’t bare it. He’s tried to give present s and invite my friends son for drinks and the son doesn’t want to. The narc can’t stand it. He’s rejected in his head and he can’t u derstand why I get attention and he doesn’t!!!! He is not a friend to anyone. Everyone knows the narcissist doesn’t enter into genuine ai cere relationships. I love my neighbour and we enjoy each other. The narcissist is just not able.thanks again. Really good session. Judy from uk

[@jaykay3839]

Exactly! I was house shopping with my husband and said I prefer the family room to be towards the back of the house. Very calm, just simple conversation as we were sitting together looking at houses online. My husband started arguing with me, saying I was being unreasonable and family rooms are Never near the back of a house... Umm, our previous house had exactly that: family room at the back of the house. I got sucked in to the argument but quickly remembered that this was an idiotic argument so I simply stopped and calmly stated that I was just stating my preference, nothing more. He looked flustered that I'd calmed down so quickly and pulled myself out of his argument. As far as jealousy, his mother once displayed that perfectly. We were moving out of state and it was my last day at work. My manager and coworkers had very thoughtfully gathered to say goodbye. They brought cake and a bouquet of flowers. It was lovely. Well, as I got out of my vehicle when I got home that day, MIL was at my house helping pack. She looked as if someone had slapped her across the face and asked Where those flowers came from. When I explained that my coworkers had gotten them for me and there was some cake too if she'd like some, she was so offended and exclaimed that none of Her coworkers would ever do that for Her. Umm, alright. I didn't know this was about you, MIL! She was so ridiculous.

[@psalm91.777]

Dang

[@437Colie]

They argue because they're running low on Supply they just make stuff up don't argue at waiting on line at Starbucks waiting in traffic it goes on and on and on these people are so absurd low vibration stay away from them

[@elipotter369]

Precisely. EVERYTHING is about them. It's exhausting. And possibly her co-workers simply were so fed up they wanted to minimise interaction

[@antonjw]

and you discovered right there the reason why they would never do that for her!

[@jaykay3839]

@@antonjw Well, I already knew how she was by then 😆 but yes, she displayed very clearly *exactly* why they would never have done that for her.

[@EL-gu8fv]

That explains why, when I was brushing the cobwebs from my door light, the narcissist accused me of having CCTV trained on his windows! Also, one morning when I didn't notice him, he took so much offence it was ridiculous, plus, I've even overheard him getting another neighbour to promise to be loyal to him. What a sad old man.

[@caroleminke6116]

Dangerous situation so go gray rock & do not be afraid of a restraining order… it gives you a leg to stand on as it deters this person from harassing you

[@psalm91.777]

OMG sounds like something my husband would say, for years he said I was drugging him, and now he thinks everyone is recording us even in our own house! That's not even the tip of the iceberg, he claims he is the most photographed person in America, omg I am so done, I'm trying to leave

[@mjrewerts]

THANK YOU! After decades of trying to please a narcissist who belittled me since birth, it has been freeing to discover that I can identify the real problem and no longer have to let this person have control over my self esteem and emotions. It’s very hard for the scapegoat child who just wants to love them and be loved by them. And then they age and need your help and vigilance to protect them and they won’t let you 😥

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

The covert type is more challenging I was married to one for 41 years and I knew he was strange but I didn’t figure it out until 2017. My therapist asked how I did it. Everything has to be their way so you either have to be persuasive or find work arounds. He was super smart and manipulated me; he had great cold empathy. He sunk into alcoholism and I finally started seeing who he really was. Cold, manipulative, misogynistic and mean.

[@KerryDent]

This is so good, Dr. Carter. This paranoia explains a lot of my husband's behaviour. Thank you. I just feel so grateful for this particular short talk, I have not previously heard the narcissistic behaviour explained as paranoia, and it makes so much sense to me. 😊

[@RaHB7]

Thanks so much for the knowledge. My husband kept accusing me of adultery over a long period of time. I pointed out my good record of loyalty to him for over 25 years. He often woke me up to search the bed at night to find ‘the lover’. I told him that he had never found any evidence at any time. Why would I invite a man into the house while my husband was present? Also I am over 80 years old. I held his hand and spoke gently to him and for a brief moment he seemed to reach an impasse and looked so confused within himself. By the following day he had reverted to the accusations again. We are now separated for my own protection from physical attacks. So sad.

[@antheredhen]

That could be dementia. I've seen multiple dementia patients do that. But you said it went on for years? Usually it's them who are cheating when they continually accuse you. That happened to me and a friend. The whole time our husband's were cheating not us.

[@RaHB7]

@@antheredhen Quite possibly he projected his own tendencies onto me, but his whole life was a cheat. It’s good to be free at last!🏔🛟

[@rossanderson5243]

They feel safe with their flying monkeys and people are all to willing to enable. I think they have an understanding of who can enable them. I think they have an excellent understanding of enabling people and use them. Enablers fall for the false mirroring.

[@rossanderson5243]

@@SandraII-in9sl yes that’s it.

[@aaronkwolfe]

… being secretly hated by everyone?

[@dylannaenzo9737]

I see Gus has won the battle over sleeping on a blanket on the sofa. LOL Blanket is AWOL.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's a guy thing.

[@janebethshimon]

I noticed that, too.😊

[@cindyrobinson3882]

Boundaries......Lol. 😁 🐾 Even dogs have boundaries. Hugs to Gus. 🤗 🐾 ❤

[@Raul-nv7rr]

Geez… narcissists are a real piece of work! 😮

[@BaraSchmidt]

Trust is predicated on accountability - and we know they don't do accountability, so we cannot trust them! IKR? Move on to Healthy and I'll see you there!

[@chanchan5349]

Be very careful: there are different, sneaky narcissist out there. Mine is very covert & neglectful. You’d never, ever think he’s a narcissist. He hides in plain sight, covers his lack of empathy (you’d think he’s very empathetic), and seems like the greatest guy in town. Behavior is nothing like a typical male narcissist.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

I will PRAY for them all …….I pray the Lord God Almighty will touch their hearts and transform them…. ONLY the hand of God will be able to touch their hearts and souls. I pray over every one of your fathers, or mothers or siblings, or spouses or children, and loved ones that the scales will fall from their eyes. That the Lord God Almighty will touch them and transform their hearts in Jesus mighty name. Thank you Dr. C and Gus for all your videos. Hugs to all from Cynthia Ann on “TEAM HEALTHY” in JANESVILLE, WI.

[@cindyrobinson3882]

Amen!! Only God can change their hearts. If God can take Saul and transform him into the Apostle Paul....HE can change a narcissist heart. 🙏 😊

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

@@cindyrobinson3882God bless you and thank you for your comment… I know things seem really crazy, but our awesome Lord God Almighty created us and the Earth, and all we can do is clean to him and nothing and nothing and nothing is impossible for our Lord God Almighty.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

@@cindyrobinson3882 Awesome CINDY it looks like you have the same name as me. My birth name is Cynthia but I have been called Cindy all my life. God bless you Cindy.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Honestly, the scales are on their minds and hearts. They need a total transformation just like Rabbi Shaul, Saul, whose translated name was Paul, did.

[@IamKetra2you]

Amen

[@petagaymacmillan9449]

As usual you help me so much with understanding this mental disorder. Don’t try to rationalize with a narcissist. It will never work You are so right. Thank you so so much. Keep doing your great work I would love to meet you. 🥰👍🏽🙏🏼🇯🇲

[@joycecornell4541]

My STBX is paranoid with people stealing from him. Accuses family members, cleaning people, coworkers of stealing stupid stuff from him (tools, coffee cups, toothbrushes, inconsequential things) it’s exhausting and bizarre. Has happened dozens of times.

[@truthseeker-mk4rt]

Dr Carter how can they ever trust...? Because they can be sneaky and exploitative and taking advantage of people and situations. So they knee jerk and automatically think decent people are doing that to them too. Maybe if they stopped their deceptions, they may find peace and start to heal and trust. Because Trust doesn't happen in a vacuum. And Trust is the opposite of deception. They reap upon themselves what they sow to others.

[@caroleminke6116]

If a narcissist stopped the self deception there would be a collapse of the false self & that’s the whole point of narcissism! It starts with mother before age 3 & deception becomes ingrained then because they never separated appropriately but developed black/ white thinking based on fear. Lack of whole object relations or object constancy (think blankey as a transitional object instead of mommy) mean that a narcissist never entered reality at all

[@benjaminbosley6169]

Thank you, Doctor Carter, for helping me recognize that the key to freedom is self-connection. I'm free to live according to my own insight, intellect, and interpretation, free from their ignorant misinterpretations of me.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it.

[@friendterri3035]

Hello, Dr. C. I wrote you a question a year or so ago about the narcissist we struggled with who threatened to kill my husband, and you were kind enough to respond in your weekly session. You confirmed our course of action (which was to maintain no contact, at that point). We were thinking of re-establishing contact, or at least reaching out, but now she has died. We are of course very grieved that now there is absolutely no chance of restoring any kind of relationship, but on the other hand, I have to say I am relieved that no longer do I have to have the feeling of watching my back or my husband's back. Anyway, thank you for your videos and your kind response to questions we all have about navigating these difficult relationships.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

My goodness. You've been through the wringer. I hope you have a renewed sense of freedom now. Please know I wish you well as you continue forward.

[@a.pepper6687]

Dr. Carter, it's true what you have shared with us! Thanks! Working for many decades (I was dedicated!) TRYING to reach my partner only proved to be extremely emotionally painful for me. Dr. C helps us to understand we are dealing with the unreachable. It's a hard truth to admit. But understanding reality brings a period of grieving, but with acceptance it will eventually turn into a more peaceful way of living. If I can become healthy living with this truth so can you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're describing radical acceptance. It's very difficult but so necessary.

[@nrai01]

Great advice. My adult child is a horrendous carbon copy of his absent dad. He's made feel so inadequate for other pple letting him down and now tries to get on better with his narcissist dad!! 😢😢

[@EL-gu8fv]

Don't worry, they deserve each other. You do you and do it without them. Nobody needs that in their life.

[@nrai01]

@@EL-gu8fv Thanks. You're 100% right. I'm right at the beginning of this journey of finding myself again. My grown son is still in my life so the peace I get when he's not here is valued self time, it's a very slow process with one step forward and ten backwards when his flight or fight kicks in, triggered by things he blows out of proportion. I'm hoping to grab myself some 'life' soon, as in, enjoy living some part of my life... at the same time, hoping and praying that my son finds some inner peace in order to enjoy his own life properly 🙏🙏

[@caroleminke6116]

Remember the nature vs nurture conundrum ❤️‍🩹 temperament is the quality the child brings in & environment shapes this little mind often to its detriment

[@nrai01]

I always say this as well and try to apportion what's innate and triggered and the rest of it environment based. Tbh, he was a lovely 'normal' child til he hit 13 years of age. Being bullied from the age of 11 at school, only child, I'm a single parent & worked ful time, he was devoid of a father figure, he put up with severe behaviour for 2 years, I tried to sort out home schooling, moving him but by then, I think his teenage hormones kicked on and from what I could see even to date, seemed to get double the amount of a testosterone boost to his system and literally turned into the tables and became a very aggressive bully. It was ugly to see, out of control, had the police involved, found drugs, fuelled with bad male family role models, I couldn't protect him they way I wanted. He's still very intense and frightening to be around, I'm very uncomfortable all the time he's here and can only breathe when he leaves for a few weeks. He's walked in and out of counselling. He's had some good women in his life but after a while they leave. His current fiance is ready to walk but is tied there til she gets things sorted out in order to walk away. At the end of the day, I love my son & want him to come to terms with himself, his past and move on. Much easier said than done though. I'm still hopeful.

[@jennyhewitt3472]

The 181st time isn't the one where you'll have a breakthrough. 😂 I love that Dr C. Tell it how it is! I agree with what you said in another video... That by around 40, people just are who they are. Accept it!!! And move on if necessary.

[@istateyourname4710]

That someone will say, 'I see you.' Only not in the love scene way from the original Avatar movie, in the OH, NO, I've been exposed kind of way that will throw them into a tailspin.

[@DovZeev]

I went to couples counseling with my narcissist and every single appointment he would voice the same concern over and over again and every single time I would give a simple explanation to solve it but he would continue to reimagine the problem every time. And even when we would solve one issue, he would claim that there were all these others that had to be dealt with in the future. I just got tired of their always being some issue that I was never privy to and had no ability to fix.

[@susanmercurio1060]

I just can't watch any more videos about narcissists for a while. It's too near my own experiences and I'm having a hard time dealing with them. I just have to take a break.

[@caroleminke6116]

Can you go gray rock?

[@susanmercurio1060]

@@caroleminke6116 The narcissists in my life are the managers of my apartment building. I try to ignore them but they use their key to my apartment to walk right in even if I deny them entry. When I used to open the door to them, to tell them that they weren't welcome in my home, they would put their foot in the door to keep me from shutting it, and become the victim when I tried to push the door against their foot to get them to move it: "You're hurting my foot!"

[@annieeatch9014]

I hadn’t met anyone like this before and tried to talk and boy - avoid if you can. Then they found others and have had 10 years of abuse from strangers who have included police and legal system to process punishment against me.

[@judithargitay9860]

You're so spot on, Doctor Carter. Right now I'm struggling with some paranoia-ish feelings, too. After years of therapy, self-education, meditation, yoga etc. I think I've left a fair amount of my healing journey behind. But...I just cannot be around people anymore who quite obviously live in abusive, toxic relationships. I've got two close friends like that, one man, one woman, and I found myself extremely exhausted listening to the horrific stories they keep on sharing with me about the abuse they endure regularly. I know they are victims, I deeply feel for them, but I'm debating with myself on going no contact with them as my stomach literally churns whenever they call or contact me. I cannot help them, I listened to them a lot, sent over some links (including some of yours, Doc), but they are incapable of breaking free. One of them even lets her 7 year old girl be tortured by her partner, last time the girl was "punished" with not getting anything to eat for a mischief she did not even commit, and she was forced to sit at the table and watch the guy and his own sons stuffing their heads. Am I a bad person that I'm thinking about cutting these friends out of my life? At least until they leave their abusers?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

No you're not bad for feeling this way. You're probably experiencing compassion fatigue, which is something people in the health care profession have to stay on top of too.

[@Mishmixalot]

Yes always paranoid of abandonment.

[@henrykujawa4427]

A the computer place right now. Checking to see everything's working. See ya'll on Saturday!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Hi Henry. Glad you're OK 👍 ❤

[@well_weathered]

Very good to hear from you. 💻

[@sarahstrong7174]

I am very suspicious of people who accuse me of doing things or wanting to do things that I would never think of doing? I have learnt that it often means that I'd what they would do casually, even if I think it'd a horrible thing to do.

[@sharonboehm5296]

Thanku Dr Carter - so helpful. In 6:18 where u mention that narcissists cant take criticism because that implies that someone is thinking poorly of them - why is that such a bad thing. ❤

[@pkswty]

I tried to sit down with them and I was the only one who wanted to meet in the middle. They rewrote the narrative and didn’t take any accountability for their own actions that bothered me. Didn’t work.

[@dougwhitaker8572]

Hi Dr. Les, I really appreciate and enjoy your videos. Thank you for continuing to help people in your retirement years. It would be nice if you would make a video telling about yourself and a little bit about your personal life. I think many of your watchers and subscribers would enjoy knowing more about you. You seem to be an awesome person with a great sense of humor and a wealth of knowledge. Take care and look forward to more videos.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks...

[@lisamartinez5888]

Thank you. This really affirms what was going on before I separated from the narcissist in my life. Thank you for your teaching and understanding, affirming videos.❤

[@kathydecz5016]

Thank you Dr Carter! I am glad you popped up in my KZbin stream!! Your listeners’ comments are very empowering 💗

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome!

[@casesimpson5765]

Narcissistic will Tell People you are Jealous of Them and They don’t have Nothing if it wasn’t for You

[@Geep1778]

They’re so agenda driven and focused on what they want and go thru great lengths planning it all out that they think everyone else is too. This is also why you don’t want to take them on as an enemy or try to out manipulate them. It’s because they’re always scheming that when an amateur steps into their comfort zone they see all the angles of any intended outcome. Not to mention they kill at will w no empathy for anyone in their path that its a lot easier for them to play the game unfettered by any potential consequences. Basically if you’re honest and true just walk away w o closure rather than fight a losing battle in which your opponent will always choose scorched earth rather than own up to their own mistakes or bad behaviors.

[@bereal6590]

We trusted them and it's why we end up in a mess. We believed them. They do not trust us. I realise my mother never trusted me, my father just plain outright was always calling me a liar as a kid accusing me of things I had not done. They'll constantly betray in small to larger ways whilst expecting perfection. I remember once doing something that could be interpreted as a betrayal of my mother but there was no malice, I was 19 and she never talked to me or guided me so I'd been listening to a woman older than my mother at work who had kids my age. I thought what I did wasn't so bad, it was the wrong thing to do and I regret that and was sorry for it, but not once has my mother admitted to the many betrayals she perpetrated. She never seems to be happy for me if someone else says or does something nice towards me, instead she is jealous. Only what she does should be seen as good, even if it's not what I wanted. Even one time after struggling for 2 years through a torturous process to get help as im ill, when I did, her first words were "well I didn't get that". A lovely lady at the meeting I had to attend said"well done, you deserve it", I burst into tears! When a complete stranger thinks you deserve something and your own mother doesn't! Knowing your own mother never wanted you to fly free 😢.

[@antheredhen]

My dad was always accusing me of things I didn't do. Now I have fear of authority figures. If I'm asked if I did something that I didn't do I get paranoid and afraid then I look guilty..

[@caroleminke6116]

Taking such wonderful care of us! Thanks so much for your efforts Dr C ♥️

[@MBAinternetmktg]

Thank you, this analysis is spot on.

[@fionaponsonby165]

Thanks

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

Discernment - between real victims and those playing the victim e.g. vindictive personality - LOOKING to be offended to justify taking revenge. The latter make it harder for the former to be given credibility.

[@deborahrichardson3731]

Yes, their paranoia is real. One thing was, he was always reading a bad tone in text messages. Instead of just reading it as it was, it had to be angry or hateful or accusing him or it was a lie or ...

[@PinkRoses58]

Please help me stay away from him, I want my peace back

[@LucyFre]

PARANOIA and hypersensitivity about themselves..as well. Enough when you look at them from different angle and they think God know what.? It's not enough to say " its not the way you think darling . I apologise. Forgive me " ( and sometimes there is even nothing to apologise for)

[@arielalejandro6900]

Thanks Dr C. I will always say that I appreciate all you do and how much I learnt from watching your videos

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@mday3821]

Dr. C, I am confuse. I grew up with a Covert/Malignant mother. I have never trusted anyone in my entire life, not fully. I have had to learn to take care of myself. But I mever assume people were out to get me either. Yes, I grew up thinking people weren't safe, but I also didn't think people would go out of their way to hurt me either. I do now after spending five yrs taking care of my mother. So why am I not paranoid like a Narcissist. Shouldn't I have been the way I grew up or maybe I am and don't see it. I don't like being at odds with people, but I'm not a push over either. I don't even know if this makes sense. I just don't go through life thinking I have to get them before they get me. Thank you for all your hard work. This video explains a lot on how paranoia plays a big part in Narcissism.❤

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

My mother seems to get worse if she thinks I’m thinking about more drastic things like no contact. She gets worse. Panics. So what seems to work better for me is to fake reassure her and go ahead with my plans…which include more distance, better boundaries and plans to move at LEAST a few hours away from her (as it’s tricky Bcuz my adult kid would potentially be moving back at least to this main major city, so trying to find a way to be close enough to him but far enough away from her).

[@corujariousa]

Narcissists don't want to let anyone know who they really are? While this can be true in general, it is not a rule of thumb. Some of them are vocal in ways like: "This is who I am. The world has to accept me as I am", while they expect/demand "the world" to shapeshift to please/serve them. To these individuals reciprocity and fairness are alien concepts.

[@1969kellyp]

The narcissist in my life says I’m paranoid and I can not totally trust him. Because of the way he treats me and what he’s done and the threats he’s made I do have fear and I can’t trust him. No security and trust is earned. I know I’m not perfect and I have my fears but it’s coming from a legitimate source. So why would it be a narcissistic thing while I have to trust?

[@solitairecat1]

Good point!

[@caroleminke6116]

Consider the source here

[@SybilaR]

Thank you for the all the insightful information. You have perfectly described what I have dealt with for many years. How can you deal with something if you know what it is? Your videos have helped me immensely.

[@barbo1106]

This is an excellent summary! Bravo and thanks for sharing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@ro7547]

What if someone seems to be your safe haven for years and one thing is done to “offend” them so they tell you not to contact them anymore? Does that seem narcissistic?

[@elcee7800]

This is profound. Makes so much sense.

[@jesseb5112]

Thank you for confirming my choice was a good one.

[@lindabell2940]

Cool, thanks community,

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Your welcome 🙏

[@Ry-n8j4l]

Team Healthy= Dignity+Respect+Civility

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@Ry-n8j4l Absolutely 💯

[@Hatbox948]

Not sure. But, they are not fun to be around.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Indeed!

[@janebuchanan3684]

They can suck the joy out of everything.

[@chanchan5349]

Except with people they think they need - they can be great fun. Just not as a partner.

[@miker4430]

Thank you again Dr Carter. You have been phenomenal and so very helpful

[@marisamadera3650]

Thankyou so much @Dr Les Carter ❤🙏❤

[@susanmunoz7688]

As alway, thank you Dr Carter for your kind wisdom and help for team Healthy. 👍👍👍

[@peggyerickson2549]

Thanks Dr C!!!! Wish I'd known that Year's ago.

[@Andre-jz2mu]

God bless you Gus

[@maritamarcolongo3749]

I love your video, you summed it up beautifully! Thank you!🙏🏼

[@irismartens2496]

Thank you for sharing this with us ❤

[@markgibbs904]

Thanks Dr C. This one is quite enlightening. I know a few of those.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Dailygrind-vl7nn]

Hi Les 👍🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻… your a legend

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're kind.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

Another slant on paranoia to contribute: - I have both borderline personality disorder co-occuring with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type (combination of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder - a psychotic mood disorder - runs in the family). Paranoia is found in both - mistrust of God and others (have experienced these very real delusions) and second- guessing myself are rampant. To be down to earth -been running for my life from a haunted house on fire - relationships present as a very real horror, terror - experienced entering hell itself. Have personally experienced this in hallucinations. Still running - for decades. Truly, I wouldn't wish paranoia on ANYBODY!

[@aaronkwolfe]

Watched the “Patience” stream. Chat was very light. I’ll still post a joke Saturday, just in case it gets rescheduled.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Me too! 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Something goofy happened. I think both went up at the same time. I'll set up a new one for this Saturday.

[@lindabell2940]

@@SurvivingNarcissism love you my community same time, I will love to always listen, yea buddy, Saturday

[@kristie8357]

Is the paranoia related in any way to the schizophrenia paranoia?

[@ElisaMorgan-e8c]

This is a really good video! Thanks!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

Your work is so extremely important (o,m,g...): Dr. we all already know this but your work saves countless lives & helps victims pull through life threatening situations in which the people in their life even their defenders are threatened there is a video called: "Plymouth man arrested in federal cyberstalking case" that explores the additional documented crimes I have been experiencing *on top of the documented crimes that these criminals love, ones I have been experiencing since birth* (so they exploited them!! Like sick people do!!) & your work is the glue that makes work & life balance for every one possible & ultimately; finally prosecutions like this possible... TEAM HEALTHY THANK YOU!!! God bless you & Gus & your lovely sweet potato pie baking wife & your brother & all your loves ones!!!

[@rwdchannel2901]

When I was 13 years-old my narcissist father was at a big dinner in San Francisco. His wife started nudging him in the arm telling him to give a toast. He gets up to give a toast and has major performance anxiety(His face got red and his voice was shaking). I think my narcissist mother knew that would happen to him. It seems she enjoyed playing on that hidden paranoia of his because he is a covert vulnerable narcissist and she is an overt narcissist. They went through a divorce a year after that incident. My mother said she wanted a divorce, but my father filed for divorce first(probably to beat her to the punch).

[@Michael-kn6ti]

You know Dr. Carter I was vulnerable and told my therapist that I was a survivor of S/A at age 5 and I was made fun of. And apparently it's my fault, and I should enjoy being made fun of for that. So yeah I'm sorry that I'm not as open as I should be, but I really don't think it's all my fault.

[@VaitheeswaranRamaswamy]

How do we tell a Narcissist that their Behaviour, attitude and personality is causing a rift in the relationship?

[@chanchan5349]

You can’t. Hopefully it’s not a long relationship. Get out now. I didn’t realize for many many years that there are different types of narcissist, so I didn’t think mine was one. I ended up thinking I was always the fault & it has worked on my self confidence in a way I would have never believed. You can’t fix them , you can’t fix the relationship, trust me on this (I’m nearly 43 years in & not one thing has changed). I finally accepted he isn’t teachable, doesn’t want to learn anything, and basically deep down doesn’t care what happens to me or the family - only how it will affect him. That’s all there is.

[@ashleyschwartz9550]

Gus needs an introduction! He’s our beloved Team Healthy mascot 💖😂 Thanks for this helpful info and coaching doc 🫶🫶🫶

[@cecillekinnear4585]

I struggle with family gatherings with certain family. I find it extremely hurtful that nobody actually takes any interest in what i have to say and i find even if i try to engage in positive conversation i get a deadpan look and quickly the conversation is dominated by the other people. I cant make a joke contribute or be looked at even. Am i the marcissist for feeling hurt. So much so that its undermining me.

[@mstorwall]

Thought half of those traits also describe people who endured trauma or unstable relationships their whole life...

[@FBolton-m3w]

Keep hearing this remark. ( She don't want us). Never questioned that remark. An don't care to know. Level 0 don't need understanding.

[@caroleminke6116]

My father 🤦‍♀️ it comes from his narcissistic mother 🤷‍♀️ should never have married & had kids but just hire a housekeeper with benefits… but then he’d have to pay her & he wouldn’t even pay for home care @ 90

[@jonbeckel1649]

Soooo True..!

[@precisiongrinder]

So I suppose, then, that the paranoia and trust issues that present in the victim are differently categorized…?

[@caroleminke6116]

Toxicity infects everyone like rabies… it’s almost viral in scope! Think Trump

[@rebellaire55]

My dad is the most paranoid person I've encountered.

[@KahnDoo]

Please accept that no matter what you do, or do not do, you will be criticized and condemned by the narcissist (be they "family" or "friend"). But do you know what that gives you? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT GIVES YOU?? Answer: Perfect freedom to do what you please, and do what is best for you to reach that place of peace for your soul. Place that thick and tall, beautiful, green hedge around you and your loved ones, and go forward with your own God given purpose in this life.

[@PinkRoses58]

He would punch his face and make himself bleed, calls the police and says that I did it. 😢. How can a man do that

[@gardenia77]

Dr. C, is this where we can leave a question for future live videos? If so, here is a question I have: Does pure Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder exist? I know it is not in the current DSM, but I thought I read it is in the appendix, so I'm not sure if it's still considered or not. Or, is pervasive passive aggressive behavior more likely to be some form of narcissism? My ex has all of the PA characteristics, but I can only find information about those habits in people as part of narcissistic Personality disorder. I am trying to figure out who my ex really was as part of my healing, and more importantly, so that I can assess what he was really doing versus what I told myself I was seeing. He had some narcissistic characteristics, like gaslighting, future faking, never being accountable for his actions, and literally saying he never did anything wrong/blaming me for 100% of everything big or small. But, many of these things could fall under passive aggressive behavior, if I am understanding correctly. And, there are things that are often labeled as NPD behavior that he never did. Mostly, he was not a grandiose, "look at me" character. Much of what he did was about not doing things, withholding, being unreliable, "forgetting," acting irritated and denying it, or obviously trying to upset me until I reacted and then looking at me like I'm crazy. Or, never being receptive to my feelings no matter how sweet and gentle I approached him about something. He held an overall view that because he never complained (outwardly) and that I did come to him with things that bothered me that I was the one causing all the problems. In 12 years, he half apologized twice, saying he was sorry I was upset, and "real" apologized only once, appearing to own something he did, but then months later he told me that he only said that to appease me, and then later said he never said he only said it to appease me. But then when I asked him if that meant he meant the apology, all I got was word salad and him saying I liked to argue. Anyway, he didn't do many of the things I hear spoken about NPD, like discarding me (i was the one to break things off), he did not try to make himself look super important (in fact he liked to act like he didn't need anything from anyone so if you did need something from bin you were selfish) (but he did want things from people, just indirectly), he didn't fake out the people around me into believing he was a great person. In most instances he embarrassed me terribly around my family and friends by avoiding them when they came over or never wanting to come with me when I did things with then. BUT, every now and then, he would act normal or kind around them. But usually he withheld participating with me with my friends and family. Sometimes, I'm the rare instances he was around them, he would overtly so something like contradict me in conversation in an embarrassing way or call me a flake to my family or laugh in a rude way at something I said. But it was always something he could disguise as innocent. A couple of times he really embarrassed me. Once, when his family came to visit us, he got drunk and acted like a fool. He wasn't someone that got drunk. Then, one time he came with me to a family vacation with my family. My family had never done a family vacation. He got sloppy drunk every single day. He would walk into the kitchen to discard beer bottles and grab a new beer. He never drank like that before. He didn't participate in any of the group activities. And he started a cigar habit on that vacation, sitting on the back deck getting slishy drunk and chain smoking cigars. I felt like he did it to punish me in his passive aggressive way, because he had just spent 3 years not working and lying to me about trying to start a business, looking for work, etc. I had been pressing him about it and I was done tippy tieing around him, and I felt like that was his way of trying to show me what happens. But I just can't figure out if he was a narcissist or if it was passive aggressive Personality disorder or what. His mother told me he was diagnosed with passive aggressive personality disorder in middle school. She pulled him out and let him do whatever he wanted. They had a very enmeshed relationship and he treated her the way he would have treated me as his partner. She was very mean to me and he never saw it. So I also wondered if that was what it was. I don't know. I'm just glad I'm not living that anymore. But I just don't know what I was dealing with.

[@gardenia77]

I'm sorry, my question turned into a long, rambling comment. I don't expect you to read that or answer that book, lol. I'll try to ask a succinct question in the future, lol.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's not a technical term in the DSM, but it is a very real phenomenon. It usually runs parallel with covert narcissism.

[@caroleminke6116]

@@gardenia77covert narc

[@vtamilka]

Covert narc, yes..