8 Issues That Expose A Narcissist's Immaturity

[@demigaines5644]

1/ There Constant Need For Admiration 2/ Deflection And Gaslighting 3/. Silent Treatments 4/ Ignoring You / Pretending You Don’t Exist. 5/. Evading Accountability 6/. Belittling You/ Dismissive Remarks. 7/Destroying Your Self Confidence 8/. Jealousy..

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

White hot!

[@jwsuicides8095]

Yes...and many yeses.

[@demigaines5644]

@@jwsuicides8095 Absolutely

[@LoneStarLady-]

Great list Dr C.! If I could add a few items that speak to their immaturity (that’s at the level of a toddler): 9. Constant need to be entertained or seek adventure/excitement 10. Sulking and temper tantrums 11. Desire to be constantly validated and need ego-boosting or to be center of attention 12. Prioritizing their own needs and wants over others 13. No ability to handle delayed gratification 14. Extremely competitive and trying to one-up others 15. No consideration for feelings or things of others

[@jwsuicides8095]

@@LoneStarLady- Absolutely.

[@barbarasterner7863]

The worst effect from dealing with these narcs is that I become very reactive; angry, exhausted, revengeful, childish. It´s not worth it!

[@tbunnyshy1]

When they create a pretend argument, tattle tale to others about what you “did” and then get attention.

[@joanbaker3710]

They are perpetual victims.

[@jwsuicides8095]

Puhleeeeese! Absolutely!!!

[@christinelamb1167]

Yes! Like Dr C talked about, when they make a big deal out of small things. So many times I've been left dumbfounded at why they are so upset, and I'm standing there thinking "what just happened"?!

[@duromusabc]

@@christinelamb1167they’re 5 year olds in an adult body - pathological immaturity 🤦‍♂️ Dysregulated, erratic and co dependent

[@miss_whipps]

​@@SaddleRockManitouYES!!! It's so frustrating when you're constantly being misrepresented; they "vent" to people about things you've done... Except they're things you *haven't* done, or a warped, distorted, inaccurate version of things you did, which shows you in an unflattering, negative light. Ughhh. 🤦‍♀️

[@KathieMihindukulasuriya]

My father always said, "Consider the source." and "Empty vessels make the most noise." This really applies to narcissists - they criticize you and it can hurt that they don't find you up to their standards, but then you have to think - "Wait, I don't WANT to live up to their standards. I prefer my standards."

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make a lot of sense!!

[@malwads1836]

Exactly you DON'T want to be anything LIKE their "ideals"🤢🤮.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They have unrealistic expectations!

[@chrisd9759]

user-zs: After awhile we come to the realization that they may have their relationship 'terms' or 'standards' but we have our own relationship 'terms' and standards and need to stick to our own as well. This changed everything for me. And I mean EVERYTHING. Great post user-zs!

[@ramonaearnest4709]

If I see a narcissist trying to take over a project that I have set up but they think they can do it better...I will step back and let them do it because I can see it's not going to end well and at some point I can show you better than I can tell you... I will let them take the fall and usually I am right and they look stupid.. like what just happened? I say, "You want to take over and run it because you think your idea is better and you failed now let me do it my way!"

[@cf2387]

Telling them no. Asking them for anything. Working together on anything. Publicly humiliating others

[@MacJank7]

They can’t seem to understand why no one wants to deal with them…

[@dawntreader815]

All this and blame you for it. LOL I call it "hitting me and then saying I hurt their hand."

[@MacJank7]

@@dawntreader815 yep

[@Angela-ul9si]

@cf2387 oh my. So how did you meet my husband? Lol 😂

[@angiea8022]

Never join them in their childishness. Don't argue and don't compete with them. You must be the adult and dismiss them as being the incompetent childish competitor that they are. Except that you'll never have a productive conversation with these individuals.

[@ln8885]

you're so right, but I find this terribly difficult since I am a teenager with my father (now 35)... Still he triggers me so much with his crazy allegations and remarks that I end up raising my voice and proofing him wrong. This always makes me feel bad in the end and never gives any satisfaction as he will always deflect, say that I am a liar or even threatening to end his own life since he never gets respect from me... I should really train my emotions but it is very difficult to not get triggered...

[@jeankipper6954]

I'm so sorry. He will never change. He is extremely unlikely to give you what you legitimately need in a parent. He's extremely unlikely to even see your needs. He can't do that. So, you will have to find different ways to get your legitimate needs met as a teenager. Big Brothers, organizations that can help, safe places to go. Like that. It can be done. You are worth it. And, this will change. You will grow older, you will be able to. Get what you legitimately, honestly need. Easy? I've not found that. Maybe, hopefully, you can, you will. But, you WILL get past this. And because you are working clearly on this now, with this kind of information, you are on the way to being an extraordinarily successful person. Much more than he, and when he resents that, just nod and know. Sending you good thoughts.

[@ln8885]

Thank u

[@ladennayoung2939]

Never ever. I didn't understand what was going on for many years before I got this type of information. I would try to converse with them to get them to understand what I was trying to say.

[@anneyoung2310]

Never say never, except in this case! LOL

[@davidk2906]

This immaturity discussed here is a cancer on democracy. Failure to admit fault and smearing and trashing your perceived opponent could not be worse.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They are insecure, threatened and cannot deal with confrontation!

[@cherylcobern4483]

Wishing i had all this info 50 yrs ago.

[@Shelley-j2y]

Don't we all?

[@beentherebefore050]

Better late than never; it's great to finally walk away from nonsense

[@joanna0988]

20 years ago for me 😢😢

[@cleaningtim]

You and me. I tell myself that all of the time now. I could have made my life much easier.

[@GinaG557]

With all the narcissists that have been in my life. I can say the older I get the better I get and I'm 51 years old

[@secondhorizon]

Needing to possess and flaunt their TOYS FOR GROWN-UPS ~ their STUFF.

[@cherobinson6371]

Yes very superficial

[@MacJank7]

Usually attained illegally or through lies and deception

[@nashi._.7563]

My dad to a T :/

[@LarryA-w4j]

Little boys in a grown body they have no feelings for no one but themselves they don't realize when they hurt you it all about them you must protect your peace sign Cynthia Smith

[@gazoo7411]

The narc is very defensive, and cannot take ANY criticism. The quicky attack you..

[@melissamiddleton3026]

NOPE!!!! But they love to dish it even of things not true.

[@Deengirl1205]

They are clueless, and it's so very sad to watch it.

[@aatt3209]

These 8 issues, if unfortunately are present in the workplace, especially in the management level, can make your days truly hellish.

[@adamguy33]

My dad is a narcissist and drinks almost a 5th of alcohol a day. He blames others for the reason he has to drink. He says he wants to quit drinking , but he cant because if someone says something wrong to him it makes him want to drink. He will say if you would treat him right then he wouldn't have to drink. Also when he drinks he is almost unbearable and says the worst things ever.

[@christinelamb1167]

Typical alcoholic behavior and way of thinking. Not all alcoholics are narcs, and not all narcs are alcoholics, but what a combination if they're both! 😓

[@farmboypresents9977]

My (possibly narc) sister and her overtly grandiose narc husband are both alcoholic. Bloody hard work at the moment and for the foreseeable.

[@annjohnson8437]

Sounds just like my narcissistic husband. He says it's our fault he drinks because we aren't the perfect wife and children that he always pictured. Such a load of horse manure.

[@christinelamb1167]

@@annjohnson8437 Alcoholics always blame other people for their problems, "causing" them no other alternative but to use a substance to deal with their own emotions.

[@ln8885]

So sad to hear and I wish you well... Hope you dont live with him anymore. My father does the same only with Oxycodin: In his opinion his body is broken because of all the sacrifices he had to make for me and my mom, and he never got any respect or validation for it, he claims.... This is his claim already for 20 years. Like a broken record.

[@mariaawake4502]

Believing in fairy tales, collecting toys and stubbornly denying any misdeeds?🤥🙄🥴

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Bingo

[@christineswick5977]

Don’t forget the habitual cheating

[@danielkaiser8971]

Don't forget the habitual lying. It is sometimes so ingrained that they do it for no reason without thinking.

[@mariaawake4502]

@@christineswick5977, cheating not as far as I know, he is too arrogant and that kind of thing is beneath him, besides that it probably would require too much work and effort.

[@christineswick5977]

@@mariaawake4502 I was just commenting in general not specific. I’m sorry for confusion

[@jaelo2314]

I dealt with 4 narcissists in my life so far. I had no idea there was a name for it until I saw these videos over a year ago. What a difference they've made!

[@Blandinemax]

Same. Found out 8 years ago and still learning!

[@jaelo2314]

@kelkrote and I'm reliving parts of the trauma when I see someone who behaves like one of the 4.

[@shiny7301]

If you have ever closely dealt with children you can observe a narcissist's immaturity and similar patterns. Their tantrums, jealousy, unreluctancy for sharing, need for admiration and praise, obsessions etc. These traits can be acceptable for a child because he/she is a child but not tolerable for an adult person. Thanks Dr.Carter❤

[@Avery_4272]

And I've seen better behavior in some children than in adult narcissists.

[@annjohnson8437]

​@Avery_4272 You got that right!

[@shiny7301]

@@Avery_4272 Totally agreed 👍

[@YourCapyFrenBigly_3DPipes1999]

Exactly.

[@michelleharkness7549]

In Thanksgiving: btw: ( USA 🇺🇸) : btw: I most certainly agree: btw: again: agreeing

[@gunjanmaskara83]

What all of us need to realise is that ultimately we are in charge of our lives. The narcissist may try to control, but it's within us to take away that power from them. I feel that that a lot of times people fail to see through the narcissists devious designs and remain trapped in the illusion that things with improve with time, effort and patience. I suffered for more than 10 years at the hands of my narcissistic wife, but after I realised and understood her game, I was pretty quick at taking back all the power I'd given her. The woman couldnt stand for more than a year after that... ran away from home to her parents... however she took my kid along.... whom she has always used as a bait to get what she wants... I've now filed for divorce and child custody... its a tough battle ahead but I'm hopeful and positive that Ill get justice 💪

[@jacksg1809]

I hope u manage to get ur kid away 🙏

[@kariroderick2856]

I’m married to a narcissist husband for 26 years. I’ll pray for you and your kids. My kids are grown . I’m not arguing with him anymore and now he’s trying to argue with me with Facebook people lol.

[@YourCapyFrenBigly_3DPipes1999]

@@kariroderick2856 maybe it's time for a divorce? Do you want to die next to somebody you don't even love???

[@YourCapyFrenBigly_3DPipes1999]

Would you be opposed to share custody? I don't doubt she has many character flaws but if she's not abusive to her son I don't like to see people lose their children, I mean I think that's not really fair to them but I'm not excusing any of her terrible behaviors I would say the same thing to a wife about a husband. I draw the line of course at mental or physical abuse or neglect or anything like that. I would never suggest anyone tolerate that. She might have not been kind to you but if she's a good mother to her son she deserves to be in his life it's that simple. I don't mean this personally or unkind in any way. I know how narcs act believe me, but if she's a good mother then that's a separate issue is all I'm saying (maybe she's not idk because I don't know the situation).

[@YourCapyFrenBigly_3DPipes1999]

@@kariroderick2856 part of loving and respecting ourselves is we don't waste our lives with people who just denigrate us or don't love us. You know there are good people out there that will treat you like a queen. I don't mean this harshly but maybe you should go find them. Why waste the life you've been given?? How many more decades is it worth??

[@amymefford53]

Repeating their flaws, but not caring about growth is spot on! Thanks for phrasing it that way.

[@Hatbox948]

Narcissists are very difficult to be around. How I wish I'd known this information 30 years ago. I remember hearing the word here and there, but was so clueless. Dr. C is truly helping people with his vids. After watching the first one (I don't remember which one it was), I kept thinking omg this is my life. The insanity finally had a name.

[@CS-iv8tk]

Narcissists show you the direction of losing your self

[@roxymovie3938]

That's a very insightful perspective! 👏

[@joanna0988]

Yes!!

[@danielkaiser8971]

Absolutely correct. And healing leads you back to your true self.

[@patc1871]

Working with a true narcissist for over 20 years and no longer affected by her miserable self. Feels so good! Sad for her.

[@imnoel8214]

Such people are everywhere. Thank you Dr. Carter for helping us deal with them constructively and protect ourselves.

[@user-kcrpine]

Yeah, no doubt, and to make it worse society has created two generations of mostly narcissistic women who do not actually suffer from the condition. It’s learned traits based in delusion.

[@carolnahigian9518]

Cousin Windy had an issue being slighted by my Sis: I comforted her. It was OVER( I thought)! Three days later. she Re-opened the scene, cried& got Free Dinner from another Family Member( enabler)... Sister and I are confounded!!

[@carparthero]

8 Issues That Expose A Narcissist's Immaturity 1-refusal to admit personal blunders 2-leaving others feeling insignificant 3-repeating flaws and insensitivities, a lot 4-their envy overrides gratification towards you 5-refusing to be psychologically vulnerable 6-will readily dismiss an outsider 7-operating with absurd defensiveness 8-creating problems out of minutia

[@PropertyRecoveryAgentCLE]

I was just discarded by a 41 year old covert narcissist and she acted more like a 12 year old in so many ways! Truly shocking and the last 4 years have been hell on earth for many reasons because of the narc! Now I am looking for a place to live because I still have to live with her while I find a place. Really sucks!

[@melissamiddleton3026]

Sorry!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I get sucked in to the alleged "caring" conversation. It isn't long before the narc's true colors bleed through!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Like writing notes, quickly during a college lecture, the pen ink messes up the paper!

[@harmonizedigital.]

They love to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

[@schill1758]

This makes so much sense. Three years ago after a long day and hearing my mother's negative comments all day, I asked her if she would please not call people "ugly" all the time, EEk! I should have known better...First of all she fired back that "you do it all the time!" Then denied she said it, saying she said "lovely" ??? Three weeks went by where I thought we had all forgotten it, she sent me an incredibly nasty letter saying she would "never forgive" me for "trapping" her in the car (we were travelling home and were several miles away, so short of stopping and pushing her out of the car to walk home, there was no choice!) I was wondering if perhaps I shouldn't have said anything. Since watching your videos Dr. C I have realised that my whole life has been like this and I'm now 64. Better late than never!

[@caroleminke6116]

My mother was the covert passive aggressive narcissist & my father was malignant. I went no contact with both & felt nothing about them when they died. Moved to Florida & enjoy my freedom @ 65 so it’s never too late!

[@YourCapyFrenBigly_3DPipes1999]

That's definitely an overreaction to that interchange.

[@knowledgeapplied]

There's a time a place for everything, but it seems this situation literally just amplified her own actual mental state. Her own perception of matters of being "trapped" in a car shows how she 100% failed to take responsibility as a grown, mature adult. She could have simply said, "Stop the car, I want to get out" or "Pull over, I can't be in here right now" and have handled it with grace and calm.

[@kdevinturner8778]

I will be hitting 64 very soon. The old Beatles song playing in my head. You and I have also had similarly awful momma narc experiences for sure. Take care my friend.

[@camisnyder3460]

Sounds exactly like my mother.

[@MT-tx7bu]

I come from a family of fixers. After getting help dealing with the abuse in my life, I came to realize that, ultimately, I'm responsible for my life and the choices I make. In doing so, I've lived a healthier life for my family and for me. They are still using the silent treatment to punish me for not playing along, but hey, I refer to that as, PEACE. Take care of you. Take care of you. Take care of you. Thank you Dr C. Always on point!

[@sabinespies4706]

Yes! Thank you. Sounds so familiar.

[@sueg2658]

When married to my narcissist 6’2” husband (I’m 5’3”) he started choking at dinner. He got up made it to the sink, couldn’t dislodge it so I grabbed his belt, yanked him back to the steps so I could be higher and started heimlich-maneuver, I tried and tried and finally out it flew across the room! A huge chunk of meat. I saved his life. What did I get in exchange? You guessed it, he BLAMED ME for making him choke!!! He never even said thank you! But at the divorce years later, I reminded him I saved his life. He said nothing. I often wonder how things would have played out if I the shoe was on the other foot.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That is astonishing!

[@MrTwinkieeater]

Not really astonishing at all. If that was you, it wouldn't have ended in divorce... at your expense.

[@CPAndy-x5x]

Next time let him go.

[@denicehaley9902]

He’d probably ignore you like mine has when sick, post surgeries, cancer diagnosis, and with Long Covid for over 21 months! Sad they truly lack empathy, especially for their spouse! I’m glad you’re free, and continue healing on Team Healthy.

[@dylannaenzo9737]

if the shoe were on the other foot..... you would have died with meat in your throat.... and nobody trying the heimlich maneuver.

[@peeveandtoonces]

Went home, got sucked in, now I’m ruminating and raging. So bummed. I’ve been trying so hard.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They are good at what they do, and relentless. Try not to get too down on yourself. This illustrates the need for distance.

[@peeveandtoonces]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Kind of you to respond. Thank you.

[@MacJank7]

Who here in the comments has ever experienced litigation with a narcissist? Judges, counselors and even your own attorney will side with them every time and make you the one that is overstepping boundaries. Narcissists are allowed to violate court orders, break laws, abuse their children and there are no repercussions. The double standard is absolutely insane and will leave you feeling like the crazy one.

[@wildhorses6817]

Yes, the police, Attorneys, including the attorney who was there to represent me. !!!! And, the Family Court System. It was Shocking. Understandable because he presents a completely different side professionally. There is Terrified Child and there is FAKE Professional MASK deceiving everyone. It certainly Deceived me.

[@MacJank7]

@@dawntreader815 It’s insane how even psychologists will try to appease them and pretend that a narcissistic sociopath has the potential to change for the better. What’s the percentage of reformed narcissists?

[@victoriaselby800]

My daughter did and he took her to court five times she lost all her kids

[@MacJank7]

@@victoriaselby800 I’m sure…the justice system is 100% compromised. The only thing I can come up with to explain it is the judges (or most of them) are also narcissists.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

Oh God, no! Am filing for divorce he doesn't want (cuz' he'd have to pay me). He can play "nice guy" for short periods of time, but I thought my own lawyer would see it for what it is. Maybe not!?!

[@gillianbrookwell1678]

They are very judgmental even with people they've never met; I was married to a narcissist for over 40 years and he never admitted that anything was his fault, was in denial of what he had said in the past; I used to be sucked in by the narcissist but after nine years of separation, not anymore.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My non-narcissistic ex-step-dad passed away a few days ago, he treated us well. I will miss him!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

He is alive in your heart.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

And my memories, thanks, Dr. C!@@SurvivingNarcissism

[@heathermixson1265]

Immaturity is putting it lightly with these reprobates. Thank you Dr. Carter. And YES, consider the source. My dance instructor ALWAYS said this as well.❤

[@MT-ij4kd]

Oh boy, you summed it all up! I wish you could speak to my flying monkeys (so called family) I asked myself that question for years "why does he behave like that?" Well now that I know better - I ignore him completely. After 30 years of marriage I'm finally getting my life back. Thank you for your wisdom!!

[@kellymackie4836]

I LOVE THE PINK SHIRT!! 🎉 It’s my favorite color and looks good on a dress 👔 shirt! Yes they are immature it’s like dealing with a child only an evil child that’s in control. Never again

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks!

[@Greenwings701]

THIS. Their mouths are sharp, deadly weapons.

[@TheDkeeler]

Number 4 : Envy overrides gratification toward you. Narcissists are certainly given to the seven deadly sins which envy is one of them. Thank you for your words of wisdom and kindness Doctor Carter.

[@lt827]

I still remember my narcissistic sister combining two of these: envy overriding decency and pretending others don't exist. I was heavily pregnant with my first child and had brought my young teenage stepchildren to visit my mother when my sister was there. My sister turned and looked away as if we weren't even there. It was as if she could not stand that I had a larger family and did not have a difficult time getting pregnant like she did. This was even though she already had a child of her own! My covert narcissist mother later ripped my sister's head off because my mother thought her behaviour was extremely rude. Later after my second child was born, she would not even come to the phone to congratulate me even though she was pregnant with her second at the time. Somehow me giving birth to the first male grandchild stole her thunder. How dare I do such a thing!

[@macnchessplz]

There is the “look through” also (not literally turning of heads) but look through…you aren’t there and you don’t exist. An attempt at dehumanization.

[@helenhighwater5313]

Some people really do need to get out more.

[@blue.5058]

This describes my father to a tee- you name it, he’s done it. The refusal to take responsibility, the blame for his own mistakes, the self-serving machinations, all of it. This is especially the case on the professional level, too. He always has to present himself as the expert in a given area of work, despite his not having a clue about what he’s talking about. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve had to undo a FUBAR situation that HE created (or as would be the typical case, situations he never get to work on in the first place). Highly frustrating stuff.

[@Steparo]

The last item on your list I refer to as a wrangle. A meaningless argument that leads nowhere. They're asking you to join them in their hamster wheel. Remember even if you step in you can always step out

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make sense!

[@ProfarTheGod]

Yes, I must admit - sometimes I do find myself “matching energy” with a narcissist… and honestly, every time I do I find myself in deep regret knowing I sacrificed my core values and principles to hurt them the same way they tried to hurt me. It’s a sign of my lack of maturity whenever I go out of my way to feed them poison as opposed to nurturing my own garden.

[@ElisabethBowell]

They are the most immature individuals yet they will lie to themselves that they are mature. They will project onto you that you’re immature while they’re stalking and bullying you 🙄 The more you understand narcissistic personality disorder the more you see how insecure they are. They always feel the need to attack others. That comes from their pain that they have buried down deep inside themselves and suppressed.

[@brandondavey2398]

I sure did get sucked into. Been in a psych ward 4 times and had everyone tell me to GTFO. Im 29 now, its been too long, too fucked up to change, its a subconscious reaction for me now to constantly be defensive. Cant get out of the house. Lost my job as an emt.

[@melissamiddleton3026]

Damn sorry!

[@brandondavey2398]

@@melissamiddleton3026 nah I'm just lazy af, don't be

[@ninath13]

Pray 🙏🙏 you get back together

[@janinealexander2037]

Omg…. Yesterday a neighbor initiated an argument about a stray cat. Accusing me of trapping and killing the cat, he cursed, name called and told me what all the neighbors 2:14 thought about me. I calmly told him to get off my property and not return. Greyrock is appropriate here!

[@helenhighwater5313]

Had a situation like that many yrs ago. Somewhat distant neighbor banged on my door to tell me my dog had dug in his flower bed. I told him I didn't have a dog, which I no longer did, he pointed out "you have a dog pen", to which I replied, "my dog died, thanks for reminding me". He left without a word.

[@Greenwings701]

Their accusations give themselves away. If you happen to have a cat don't let it get near them or their house. You know what will happen.

[@andy.hello.6602]

The spiritual lesson is self love. Self respect. Thats what the narssisist in your reflection is for. Love you, defend you.

[@rosearning9974]

Your pupper Seems to have great inner peace. I'd like to hear his thoughts..

[@danielkaiser8971]

I imagine Gus often thinks about beef and chicken, and lots of pets and snuggles. 😊

[@roxymovie3938]

@@danielkaiser8971 Gus surely does think those things 🤭 And I imagine he just feels relaxed by hearing his buddy's voice and to be in his space together with him 😊

[@danielkaiser8971]

@@roxymovie3938 I think you must be right! 😄When my kitty-cat hears me talking on the phone, he thinks I'm telling him a bedtime story so he curls up and falls fast asleep! 😅

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Spot on. The inability to introspect and learn amazes me. I'm about half way thru Debbie Mizra's book Worthy of Love and am astounded at our parrells moving towards a Worthy Self.ike me she was astounded at how often she allowed hurt. And though we did it differently we both have found how to balance our lives, how to self heal. Its a full moon today. A great time for self appreciation. May it be so for all. 🌹

[@danielkaiser8971]

It sounds like you are really benefitting from Debbie Mirza's book Worthy of Love. I admit I am drawn to the title. May I assume you do indeed recommend the book?

[@kellymackie4836]

I remember the creating a fight out of nothing. Horrible horrible ppl.

[@Spootiful]

My life is genuinely bad, having lived on welfare pretty much my whole life due to mental unhealth (for various reason) and still not able to support myself the way I want to. In some aspects I still seem to be far more mature than certain other people in my life, those who only want to cause problems, or those who think maturity comes from wealth. That makes me sad, as they remove hope and inspiration from my life. I want to find inspiration in others, to learn from others, to know that if they can do it then so can I. Not everyone, of course, but a few rotten trees have obscured the forest for me. I have such a hard time understanding why it is so hard for some to understand, that we all live different lives, we all have different burdens and different pasts, we all have different fates. My life may have been bad, I may (at the moment) still be a loser, but at least I take responsibility for my own wellbeing and despite the struggle in my life, despite my personality and my low conscientiousness, I've dedicated my life to learning, to creativity, and to being constructive.

[@charliewilliams3826]

Thank you Dr. C for continually putting out content for those of us that find ourselves trying to make sense of living with, or trying to love narcissist, particularly covert, malignant, narcissist.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome.

[@YourCapyFrenBigly_3DPipes1999]

It seems like somebody like that isn't capable of ever truly loving somebody else. Perhaps it's best to consider walking away.

[@celiastepney5772]

Thank you for this Dr C. I’m really struck by the realisation that some of these people are parents. What chance do we as children have to learn healthy ways to be a stable human with them as role models?!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true and so sad. Some of us need to look elsewhere for those role models.

[@lisameaney1627]

The last one I just dealt with said he will run circles around me and that I would never get the upper hand. I never wanted the upper hand. I thought, wow what great skills to have. I hope they serve him well!😂

[@kdevinturner8778]

Hit the nail square on the head again Dr. C. Thanks for instilling belief in my being. I knew inside I wasn't wrong and thank God I didn't choose to go down to their imploding depth of hate, ridicule, bullying, and unhappiness. Choosing to be miserable, backstabbing, and resentful for no expressed or objective reason is a dead-end road I don't want to drive on. Thanks again Dr. C. and Gus.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome.

[@caroleminke6116]

Arrested development is the best description of people who never made it to adulthood & that’s just the starting point for a narcissist ❤️‍🩹

[@shanerob681]

Another great video. I just had an experience where someone refused to just communicate and resolve something minor I didn’t even consider a conflict. Instead, I was met with unjust accusations and avoidance.

[@Anne-ih3jm]

My NPD sister told me in March she never wanted to talk with me again and she forbid me from contacting her children. But...I knew she would come back around and contact me. Sure enough she contacted me 2 days ago. No thank you, I’m no contact. It’s the same behavior over and over again.

[@blackhannahofficial]

Boy, I wish I had this foundation of knowledge to help me a few years back

[@rwdchannel2901]

I was adopted by a narcissist who put me under the care of her mother. She said one time when I was around 10 years old that I was smart and I asked her if I'm smarter than her. She went into a rage, said I'll never be smarter than her and told me to go to my room. After a week of getting the silent treatment from her I apologized to her then she told me to behave that way again. When I was in my 30's she was still behaving that way and I went no contact with her after many years of limited contact.

[@roxymovie3938]

Glad that you went from limited contact to no contact quite early on. I made this mistake: In my 20's I went no contact for several years, then limited contact for too many years and since 1,5 years again no contact and I am now in my 50s. And my mother told me exactly the same thing, "You are so smart." While after a pause, she started a new sentence with, "Only I know...nobody knows and can do like I do." I am not adopted like you but I felt all my life like an orphan.

[@rwdchannel2901]

@@roxymovie3938 I did go no contact in my early 20's for 2 years when I went to a university. Then when I left college I moved into my father's place since they had divorced when I was 15. My father was playing flying monkey for her and is a narc himself. He forced me back into limited contact with my mother because I felt he would kick me out when I didn't have a job at the time. I got a job, moved out of his place then a few years later went no contact with both of them. Sorry you had to wait so long, but if you can go full no contact now I'd do it. Healing takes years of no contact and lots of other positive things such as stress relief and understanding what happened to you.

[@jeffmyers7062]

Yup no inner peace, just conflict

[@denicehaley9902]

I’m like Gus shaking off the immature narcissists in my life!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus is honored!

[@michellehill718]

Happy weekend Team Healthy and Dr. C! 😊🥳😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Michelle.

[@yukio_saito]

10:40 "They will predictably accuse you" My recent example of that is the project leader at my previous job. I refused to renew the contract of the job immediately after he accused me of things he is responsible for. I had already had enough of his poor problem solving. He can't handle conflict or solve complicated issues. He is incompetent although he graduated a prestigious school 😮

[@SandraMuller-vs8ck]

So thankful for this educational message. I am vigilant moving forward in recognizing the behavior of narcissistic individuals. God bless. ❤

[@ryuhayabusa5222]

Gus is looking so intensely at u soaking up every word u say he is adorable so sweet another good video as a always thank u

[@0426nornor]

This is insane. Just called my father and literally at least 6things you just stated happened in not even a 5 minute call... ugh

[@sandracaezza7234]

I have become aware long term use of steroids changed the mental emotional band width at the end of the relationship. His gym use & constant adoration there brought out a 14 yr old child. This combo was so profound, when I discarded I felt the relief of a parent loosing a wayward child. Pattern repeat for 24 yrs TY Dr C for validation. Helps my healing. I’m in such a better place

[@hallelujah969]

IMHO, number 3 and 4 are much alike. My mother is a passive AGGRESSIVE, covert narcissistic person. She matches up to everything on the list.

[@notagain779]

When I try to stay my own person, and stay disentangled, the narcissist in my life will say, "I'm sick and tired of being put on the DEFENSIVE." (?) As though standing up for my own rights does THAT to them. !!!

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

I love Gus. He is such a calming and comforting presence. ❤️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm rather fond of him too!

[@jamesbishop9156]

I love your wisdom, I wish there was another way to explain their ignorance without comparing them to a child. Children are very loving and innocent with high emotional intelligence. Please understand...😢❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I get what you're saying. I try to use the word childish as opposed to child-like.

[@jamesbishop9156]

@SurvivingNarcissism I like that distinction. It is hard to get around describing a narcissist behavior. 👍🤙🙂

[@crishuez]

Gus never leaves! Come back Gus!

[@roxymovie3938]

Sometimes he must go his sperate ways 😉😄

[@ambds1975]

I got in trouble once for crossing the street in the wrong place. A little quiet side street. He kept asking; 'Just *explain* to me... I am genuinely curious why anyone would choose to cross the street right *here,*' etc. He'd question every single decision I made like that, and then deride my 'lack of confidence' when I asked him beforehand what he thought I should do in an effort to ward off his disapproval. Why did I put up with that?

[@aaronkwolfe]

Ooh, truly stumped. Not even a clue. Definitely wanna watch this one. Thanks Doc.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hope you enjoy it, Aaron!

[@michelleharkness7549]

Thank you, Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D.: again: thank you 🙏

[@aaronkwolfe]

The best part of these streams is I often come in guessing, but finish with so much more enlightenment. Well, that and all the virtual friendships I’ve made here.

[@andreaarchambeau9499]

Trying to be helpful to and attempts to understand, have been to my detriment. Recently I’ve realized that the why’s and how’s, are not excuses for this behavior.

[@roxymovie3938]

1. Refusal to admit personal blunders 2. Leaving others feeling insignificant 3. Repeating flaws, insensivities a lot 4. Envy overrides gratification toward you 5. Refusing to be psychologically vunerabe 6. Will readily dismiss, reject an outsider 7. Operating with absurd defensiveness 8. Creating problems out ofminutia

[@yukio_saito]

Thank you for making the list ✍ So helpful.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@yukio_saito Yukio, you are welcome and glad that it's helpful 🙏

[@annmcgetrick243]

Yes, thank you!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@annmcgetrick243 you are welcome and thanks to you 🙏💛🙏

[@oxigenarian9763]

Spot on Dr. C! These are all apparent now when I encounter the narcissists in my life and explains why my relationship with them is ALWAYS a shamble...

[@barneybearandlove6665]

as i was questioning whether it was me that is the narcissist, you answered my question by stating the mimicking of them...i tried so hard to be the other that now it is a recovery while realizing my faults inside to correct them. as you say, confusion. i always thought it strange that one day you are given praise then the next day diminished to lower than a cockroach. and everything is a problem...then i started thinking like that...deprogramming now oh what a life... thank you for your great gifts for the viewers.

[@TellTruthWV]

Oh my gosh, listen to this one when you have a chance

[@susanbates1707]

Thanks for labeling Gus! It helped me focus on your talk instead of thinking all about your dog😂

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus has it in his contract that he gets a billing in the introduction.

[@elizedenaemissd9498]

Gus just showed he is individualized😂

[@Circuit7Active]

I wish my daughter would grow up. She's 35.

[@WolfdogBURN]

Stalking a person, they insist on their rights, or discline the force relation then it attempts to punish. It throws insults, it attempts to gaslight, its trying to bring down wellbeing. Punish for the result of his own behaviour. Its very tragic. I count this as documenting harassment and stalking.

[@timmyrahman4803]

Came across your channel recently after the end of a relationship with a covert narcissist, was left with a lot of confusion and felt like I needed to pick up the pieces. Your videos have been a god send understanding the situation, the person, and including myself. Made me finally address my own people pleasing and control issues. I have a long way to go but it is definitely a start.

[@barbarakelly1916]

You are not alone. It was hard for me to see a long-standing pattern of narc behaviors in a family member. Like you, I am working on my own issues and moving toward better health. It feels grand to have a more peaceful life unfolding. Best wishes for a better future!

[@page1news]

Hi Dr. Carter, Once again, you have spoken to my heart. Many years ago, when I was about 28, I had the great honor of being invited to the Vatican for an audience with Pope John Paul II, in recognition of some work I had done to improve Christian-Jewish relations. It was a huge surprise to me, and i certainly didn't expect it. I went home to tell my mother, a true narcissist, and her reaction provided me the title of a book I later wrote: "Haven't you got anything better to do?"

[@roxymovie3938]

This sentence "Haven't you got anything better to do?" I also heard so many times, which is such a humiliation and diminishing you as an individuum, who has worth. And by the way, my mother is also a Narc. Good job you've certainly done for I am with you on this special subject. In the past I also have done improvements for a better relationship and understanding between Christians and Jewish people. So I do honour your work and I do certainly understand why this is an important work to do.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's cold blooded.

[@page1news]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Indeed, she was cold-blooded. After she died, I did a complete rethink of my life thus far, did my best to cleanse my mind of everything negative, and became, as you would say, "a person of peace." I appreciate your videos so much!

[@danielkaiser8971]

Back before "caller ID" existed, if ever I called my narcissistic mother, she didn't know it was me so she would answer the phone as anyone would. But later when caller ID showed her that I was calling (or her other two children were calling), she would answer the phone and sound as though she was completely out of breath, and then would continue speaking in a distracted manner as if the call had interrupted her from doing something important. In retrospect, this was her strategy to preempt anything she didn't want to be or do for her own children, like talk to them on the phone.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@danielkaiser8971 Whenever my mother was not working, she would hang on her phone talking to people to get validation and supply. Once, about 10 years ago my daughter and I decided to invite her for a dinner at Christmas Eve. First she came nearly one hour too late (and we are living in the same house) and after she sat down at the table, she put out her mobile phone. I had to tell her to put the phone away because we wanted to have diner. Of course, she did not. While we were all eating she would not talk with us but staring at her phone all the time and after having finished, she would again pick up the phone and write messages. I told her that she better could go back home when she was more interested in her phone than in us. She looked at me first mortally defended and then she got angry. I showed her then the door. After she had gone, my daughter and I were looking at each other and we both could not believe what just had happened. And we had the same opinion: never ever would we invite her again. This was the first and last time we invited her to our home. Nothing had changed since my childhood: not being interested at all, except in herself.

[@jimjam8949]

My older brother has been revealing all of these traits big time in the months since my mother's death this Feb. It's making it so hard to manage her estate with him. But I can also separate out what is his stuff not mine. 15yrs ago after my dad died I hadn't got to that point in my own self understanding to not be drawn in. I guess you are always healing from dysfunctional families but therapy does help.

[@dawntreader815]

I am executor of both parents' estates, with three troubled siblings who not only failed to even care for my parents when they were alive, they piled on with trouble. They do not even know where my parents are buried, would not work with me to get the wills completed (no communication) now suing me, losing, and refusing to recognize they've lost and now want their legal fees paid. Without therapy and constant growth I would be bitter, angry and probably unable to work and enjoy my dear family. I feel like a survivor of war.

[@diannedell8405]

I have similiar issues with my older brother over my recently deceased mothers estate. I have been extremely stressed, and found it very hard not to lose my cool. So glad I now understand narcissistic behaviour, its helped me get through such a tough time.

[@MrTwinkieeater]

The irony is pointing out the truth to them makes them see you as narcissistic. They personify Catch 22.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So accurate.

[@user-ep1lj7dc1r]

Its only a matter of time

[@janicekagenski1638]

Dr. C, you're a genius! I've hit the lottery! 8 for 8!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Not a test you want to ace!

[@Hatbox948]

I don't normally watch the ads, but the Kitty Robot ad was just so cute.

[@crina193]

No, they don t learn 👍👍👍👍

[@kellyjones5133]

Thank you Dr. Carter. I am so glad you came along when you did. I appreciate these daily confirmations and pointing out these necessary points for health and healing. I can see the backlash coming when I withdrawal financial and emotional assistance to family members. But my needs and priorities need to be and should have been always first. I'm just ashamed to have let this go on like this for so long. It really has become a cult like environment with expectations unbalanced. All 8 of these examples are right on. Bless you and your work. All this expert support is giving me the hope for a future.❤

[@michellehill718]

Operating with an absurd defensiveness, indeed, Dr. C! Yep! ✅Lol 😊

[@robin24512]

Hey Gus!! Such a good boy. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@elipotter369]

My friend i was staying with turned out to be text book narcissist. She did some really weird stuff. In the outer world, she presented as terribly la-di-dah, but behind closed doors it was sooo downmarket - to the point i had to be very cautious what i ate to avoid illness. One morning, sitting at the beautiful, classic and stylish dining table, i said "oh, there's a bit of mould on this pear' (in the fruitbowl in front of me). I picked it up to hand to her for dealing with. She told me to put it back in the bowl and i spent a week worriedly watching the mould patch grow in size! She had really low standards i had realised, but it still made no sense to me to keep it like that. Perhaps it was to upset me!

[@123raven4]

I have a coworker like this and she knows that i know! Her agenda is to tattle on me for anything even if I did nothing! I can be friendly and she will somehow twist it to the boss the other way and guess who the bad guy is? I don't get it! I can tell that she is doing that by the other way the other employees are treating me! She is very judgmental and is very much about her Appearance (body, teeth, hair, skin, diet)! I try to be a person of integrity! I know justifying, arguing, defending or explaining isn't going to get me anywhere because they won't believe me anyways! It can be a very hard day to be around fake people! I am worthy and I am loved and their opinion is their opinion, not mine to believe! ! Their behavior is on them, not me! I can't let other people's opinions determine my life or my finish line! It is a daily struggle! I must love me and choose me!

[@cherylnathanodette]

Cheers again for another insight into the world of narcissism. Always packed with helpful informative tips to get through the day after the narcs antics.

[@DaphneBlake-gu5tw]

Dr.C.-Fantastic topic, as usual !