Survivor's Guilt

Welcome to The Mental Breakdown and Psychreg Podcast! Today, Dr. Berney and Dr. Marshall discuss the issue of survivor's guilt and the recent suicides of two Parkland survivors and a Sandy Hook survivor.
Read the articles from the Miami Herald here (www.miamiherald.com/news/loca...) and from ThoughtCo. here (www.thoughtco.com/survivors-g....
We hope that you will join us each morning so that we can help you make your day the best it can be! See you tomorrow.
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[@EstairiaH]

9:46 for those that want to skip to them talking about survivors guilt

[@Sim_Pole]

Thank you!

[@joshuapere997]

Thanks a lot 🙏

[@jamesjoe4654]

It took that long?

[@OrchestratedChicanery]

Thanks for this timestamp.

[@nikkibijl2390]

its too late for me but thank you anyways!

[@roarkemurdock3027]

8 years ago I was in an accident, my friend was driving and we were both very drunk. He lost control and we were both thrown 40 feet, I hit the sidewalk and broke damn near every bone on my right side, he hit a street sign head first and the left side of his face was impacted. His brain was leaking out of his face. I can not move on because he was an amazing friend and person, but I can never remove that image. I can never forgive myself for not preventing his death, I had the opportunity to prevent my friends death and I didn't. I should have taken his keys, but instead I rode with him. I can't help but think that the better person died. I don't know how to overcome this so that I can be a better husband and father

[@Xqzba]

Im sorry. I'm at a loss for words. I'm sorry

[@roarkemurdock3027]

@@Xqzba Thank you... I shouldn't have posted anything, but it was shortly after the anniversary of the accident and I was drunk and in my feelings when I posted this comment. I was going to delete it, and I probably will, but I wanted you to see my thank you before deleting it, so you'd know that I appreciate your words. I hope that you have the strength to deal with what ever it is that brought you to this video on survivor's guilt, just as I promise to have the strength to deal with mine. Much love from one stranger to another

[@Xqzba]

@@roarkemurdock3027 no no you don't have to delete it this wasn't survivors guilt but when my aunt died in the hospital I felt that I could've been there and it was August of last year and I still feel guilty

[@nasrinshanavas5500]

Hey hey hey it's not your fault, you were drunk too. He didn't keep the keys away either (not blaming him, just saying it was not entirely your fault) so it could have been you. I know you can't help but feel this way, but you wouldn't want him to feel like this if it was you right? And now you have learned from it and won't let someone drive drunk or drive drunk yourself right?

[@cristianm7097]

@@roarkemurdock3027 Please do not delete your comment, other people might find it helpful to cope with their trauma.

[@roguechest743]

My right ear really enjoyed this edit: i dont think my comment is even relevant but my earphones were broken when i watched this and i thought the video itself was only emitting sound on the right

[@jenniferkenneally3714]

Wait.... sorry if this is personal but what about your left ear

[@roguechest743]

Nah i just realized i was using a broken pair of earphones when i watched this video

[@ermegurd]

lol its backwards

[@CrazyBunny123]

Are you sure that your right ear isn’t suffering from hearer’s guilt?

[@roguechest743]

@@CrazyBunny123 the heck is that

[@juliesoo5873]

No cure for my survivor guilt. However, I have learned to accept it. Been 16yrs already, I really pray and hope that all survivor of any kind can live stronger, happier and may all negative emotions RIP...

[@juliesoo5873]

@Draven Pyles , in a ship collision accident...

[@juliesoo5873]

@Draven Pyles , just saw this msg u posted earlier ...

[@matthewskinner1637]

I’m not sure if it’s the same thing but I lost one of my best friends to suicide a month ago and, I don’t know recently I’ve just been thinking about all the different things I could have said to him. The hardest thing at his funeral was hearing his dad say that he was listening to what I said to him in the sense of looking for things to keep him happy. I don’t know if it’s survivors guilt but I just feel guilty like I should have done more

[@ldragopegasis2]

Your story hits really close to home... I've been dealing with for almost 4 years. Get help as soon as you can, it does get better but only when you accept it.

[@NotGoodEnoughTheory]

I felt the same way when I found out I was standing in my aunt Vickie's front yard about to go in and visit... But I went off to go buy a CD instead... Came back home... Found out she shot herself in the head... She made me promise to visit her.... I was about to keep that promise but the garage door was down and everything was locked up and the dog was out so that usually means they don't want anyone over.... I had a bad feeling something bad was about to happen but I shrugged it off and planned to go the next day instead.... I watched her die at the hospital.... I still think about her everyday wondering had I hopped the fence and banged on the garage door.... Would she still be alive today... Or if I just went through the back door and knocked on her bedroom window.... Or something.... If I knew that was about to happen I would have hopped the fence one way or another to save her.... This is why time travel needs to be invented... There was no way I could have known... I feel so sorry for her... She was like a mother to me...

[@ldragopegasis2]

@@NotGoodEnoughTheory Hey man. I know it's easier said then, but please understand that what happened wasn't your fault. The what-ifs, the should've could've would've do not change what has already happened, and are just a form of self-harm. As you said yourself, with the information you had at the time, you couldn't have known.

[@Daviddiegob]

At the age of 7 I clearly remember being along side my step father whilst he was consuming drugs and drinking himself to death and I had an understanding that those things were bad since I grew up in the outskirts of Barcelona where those things were common and I remember trying to tell him to stop consuming so much alcohol and cocaine and after warning him once I gave up and carried on playing games on my phone. He died of an overdose halfway through the same night and seeing his dead body being carried out the hallway of the small apartment I lived in plagued me and 8 years later I still blame myself for it and think about how life would’ve turned out if I actually tried stopping him.

[@OrchestratedChicanery]

😢

[@JeffPittman]

Survivor's Guilt is a real thing, and tough to understand.

[@leontriestomeme9712]

I wanted to write a character who survives a tragic accident, but her sibling doesn't, and her actions throughout the plot are motivated by guilt. I didn't actually know survivor's guilt was a real thing, poggers.

[@oldboy8755]

Uhmmm.. yeahhh poggers

[@prikas4313]

If you are writing about this topic, it may be better to take things more seriously than "poggers" since, like you have realized, this is a real thing.

[@leontriestomeme9712]

@@prikas4313 no way See, i was planning on having her have a flashback to the most tragic event of her life, and then physically pogging

[@prikas4313]

@@leontriestomeme9712 ?

[@OrchestratedChicanery]

Lol poggers 😂

[@CooldBloodedGaming]

Sometimes I just can't get the image of my best friends dying in a wreck I caused, thank God they didn't ride with me

[@cristianm7097]

I feel guilty I do nothing about people's suffering.

[@bens3767]

You should look into co dependency

[@MeganVictoriaKearns]

I completely relate. I feel a tremendous, strong instinct to be involved in rescuing animals from abuse/neglect/injury situations. But trauma induced agoraphobia and (so far) no improvement in my major depression despite trying 25+ meds over 15 years... those things keep me from taking action. My self-esteem is on the floor. My parents no longer look at me with pity (which was bad enough) they now look at me with disappointment, embarrassment, frustration, anger, resentment, blame, indifference and take nothing I say seriously. It's as if before I utter a syllable, despite them not having any idea what I'm about to say, they've already decided that what they're about to hear me say, no matter what it will be, will not be anything of value or importance. It's bad enough to share something you feel is honestly really clever or insightful or helpful or interesting... and then once you say it, you get shot down with an eyeroll or the person you just said something to reacts like "yeah, whatever. Go away" Bad experience every time. But what's even worse is the kind of thing I'm dealing with. Now I no longer need to say anything at all to get an eye-roll reaction or a "no one cares, you're an idiot" reaction. If I go downstairs, stay there for 10 minutes doing something like preparing a snack or taking out the trash or cutting up apples to leave outside for this mama possum who's made a den with her 2 babies under our deck... 10 minutes of tasks won't elicit much from either parent, generally I am ignored unless I say something first, but there's not hostility. (Guess they figure I've gotta leave my room some of the time) but after 10 minutes, after returning up to my room, if I forgot something and within 2-3 minutes of being back upstairs I end up going back down to do what I forgot to do (or retrieve what I forgot to bring up with me) it's like I am the most irritating, repulsive burden in history. That return trip just lights up hatred out of them. "WHAT the fuck do you need NOW?" That's 80% of the time my mom. And the exasperation she expresses at the mere sight of me walking by, well that's soon followed by shame inducing insults berating me and low-key mocking me for my mental issues. I don't know why I wrote all that. Tangents are certainly consistent with my personality, but I really didn't mean to go off topic. I'm going to leave it. I don't actually think anyone who can help me will read this, or if they do I don't think they will actually respond, but I am so close to giving up that I suppose if all I've got left is one last internet hail Mary type out reach-out... well at least I tried one more time to find a reason stay instead of checking out without one final shot in the dark. ❤ If a loved on is mentally or emotionally or functionally below the bar they should be at given their age... please don't shame them for their shortcomings, even if they are irritating beyond belief and frustrate you to the 100th power. Trust me, they hate themselves more than anyone could ever hate them and they feel terrible that they aren't where they are supposed to be. Please choose compassion, even if the person has, over a long time period, made that a very difficult stance for you to take. Do you have to help them? Absolutely not. Not at all. Are they likely to cure their own mental illness if you do nothing to help? Absolutely not. You don't have to be kind to someone you don't think deserves it. But just understand that as long as you are indifferent or, even worse, as long as you're resentful and take no action to help the person... please understand that mentally ill people do not just randomly snap out of it if you allow enough time to pass. Do nothing? Fine. But do not ever expect and improvement in your family member. Mental illnesses get WORSE not better if left to play out over time. Seriously I'm almost ready to go. If you can help, and yes I know I'm a just a faceless, rambling stranger to you, but there was a time when I (and everyone) believed I was incredibly smart, fun, strong and motivated. I do want to give up but I am hanging on by a thread only because I keep hoping those good things everyone saw in me long ago may possibly still reside in me... somewhere... and THAT PERSON is keeping me going and trying to get this loser version of me to not kill them along with my current self. Like "she's" trapped and if I go, she goes. I want out, but she's motivating me to try one last thing... idk... I'm just so incredibly sad and alone and I have unraveled down to where I am nothing. Well, except a disappointment and a burden.

[@cristianm7097]

@@MeganVictoriaKearns Please stay strong and the better version of you will win and the loser version will be discarded like an old shell.

[@foxtemple1952]

Can you talk about more spectres of guilt?

[@chocolatesugar4434]

The volume is so low....but great conversation topic 🙏🏿💜

[@TheMentalBreakdown]

Thanks. We will work on the audio issue.

[@NotGoodEnoughTheory]

The problem isn't guns and gun control.... The problem is minds and mind control.. People obsessed about personal, political, and social threats who become overwhelmed and anxious by other people who ban together to antagonize someone the believe to be socially threatening, politically threatening, and personally threatening be it about race, religions, and points of views... When a large group comes down and overwhelme's one person, or a small group of people, and nobody does anything about it... That small group or person becomes helpless, trapped, insecure, extremely sorry for themselves, they feel extremely threatened, and they feel extremely helpless for numerous reasons so so so many reasons.... School shooters are created, their fashioned, their dealt a very frustrating and traumatizing hand and nobody does anything about the people who are making them feel threatened, sorry for themselves in so many ways, and helpless in so many ways... And ask yourself this... If you were going to school and everybody thought you were a freak or treated you like a loser and they threatened you on a daily basis, said and did anything they could to make you feel sorry for yourself for many many different reasons, and made you feel helpless.... Wouldn't you be in a position of teetering between homicide and suicide???? And these kids know their creating school shooters... The adults know their creating them too.... Don't act stupid... People dabble in psychology all the time finding ways to fuck with people's minds... And they do this shit in groups... Where ever there is a School Shooter... I promise you... There is a mass group of idiot teenagers that gave that kid hell... They all ganged on that guy since the first grade and by the 9th or 10th grade is usually when he snaps... And count how many school shooters are white males... Oh, what a coincidence right??? And count how many white kids are at his school... Little to none... Yep.... And how many liberals punked on the kid for being racist, or not listening to rap music, or not having a subwoofer in his car, or loving anime, or punked on him for being emo or goth or a nerd or weak or weird in any way shape or form.... And you can take guns away all you like... They will start coming in with knives the moment you take guns away... They'll get creative once you stop the guns... It won't end at guns... It's always some stressed out white boy for a reason... Because these bastards instigate, escalate, over exaggerate, and stop at nothing to piss the guy off and get him to do or say something stupid and pressure him so they can play victim and call him a bully.... When their the ones fucking with his head... Then they accuse him of having mental health problems and tell him that he's to blame for everything... And because their tactics are subtle and easy to overlook... The white boy cries for help but nobody listens... They just put him on pills and call him crazy.... And it's bullshit... The process is always the same with these people.... They act like their your best friend and get to know you so they can get inside your head... And the adults are in on it too... Once they know you well enough they pull back and start their shit... They find what bugs you and gets under your skin the most and they do it every single opportunity they get.... Then they start rumors or raise allegations and false claims about you and overwhelm you with persistence trying to instigate, escalate, over exaggerate, insinuate... They call you every name in the book... And the teachers and principle don't give a shit... Their in on it.... The moment you fight back, explode, or get angry.... They label you a bully to these "defenseless" victims who most likely chase you down the street on your way home.... The victim gets the biggest punishment while the punks get a slap on the wrist... Because the faculty is behind it. It's all orchistrated and set up.... Their pushing agendas and they don't give a damn who gets hurt in the process... All they care about is more reasons to gain control.... Their sick. And what these targeted boys need to do, is realize that playing into their sick game.... Does them more favors.... These boys need to realize that these punks are not worth it.... It pays to strengthen your mind and see through deception and anticipate the moves of these psychos who ban together to demand change in this country... Radicals...

[@beverleyabrown488]

I know there is something wrong with me but I don't know what the label is or how to make me a better person. Please can you help me?

[@foxtemple1952]

What is wrong with you.

[@beverleyabrown488]

When I see these things happen I know I’m supposed to feel empathy and compassion but I don’t ‘feel’ anything and it worries me. It’s not a normal response. What’s wrong with me?

[@Dave-fr8tk]

@@beverleyabrown488 well that sounds like a symptom of PTSD, a form of dissociation, but I am just some random person on the internet who happens to be looking into PTSD, I am not a doctor and you should see one before accepting any diagnosis

[@buddhoya5647]

Self Acceptance Bro I ain’t a therapist

[@beverleyabrown488]

Anaïs & Ethan I’m not a narc or psychotic. I think I’ve faced too much pain and loss in my lifetime and I feel less of everything

[@bhight100]

You lost a lot of points at the "Assault rifle" part

[@maniac5877]

you don't gotta be that one guy

[@ivanbonilla5324]

Umm

[@rosachristensen2717]

8 mins in and you haven’t mentioned guilt, just grief. Stating repeatedly that there is a lasting emotional impact doesn’t shed much light on the actual experience of guilt. Disappointed by this video!

[@CanadianPhinsFan853]

Leave your politics out of it and talk about the mental health only thanks

[@Tom-tw6fs]

Do you realize how distracting it is when you continuously validate each other's comments?