When You Know There’s Chemistry (But They’re Pulling Back)

When you know there's chemistry but they're pulling back, you're suddenly put in an awful place of wanting to pursue to make them come back into the fold. But why did they start to pull away? You sense incredible mutual attraction. You’re certain they’re into you. Yet, they resist making a move, and avoid every opportunity for engagement. Here’s how to bypass their defection and move forward into a meaningful romance.
Things are not always what they seem. And sometimes, it is what it is. This is what you have to figure out through a series of questions and honest dialogue. You can track the external actions, or you can be bold and diplomatically tell them what you've noticed.
If any indication has been given as to what their fear or hesitancy might be, think about it before you begin a discussion. Is there a solution? Can you think outside the box?
This transit of knowing somebody is into you and yet pulling away from you can be excruciatingly painful, and cause heartache and sleepless nights. Discovering the root cause of why this person is pulling away gives you a foothold in the possibility of bringing them closer.
Work with me: susanwinter.net/consultation/
The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?
Not to worry. I’ve got you covered: susanwinter.retrieve.com/stor...
The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?
Answers to all your age gap questions: susanwinter.retrieve.com/stor...
Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache
Audible: www.audible.com/pd/Self-Develo...
Amazon: www.amazon.com/Breakup-Triage...
Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life
www.amazon.com/dp/1479176087?...

[@l.a.poet_4841]

I would rather die than settle. The only thing worse than being alone is being with someone you don't want to be with. Rejection hurts. Settling hurts more.

[@brockcharz2104]

the problem is alot of women nowadays have incredibly high standards compared to what they are themselves, for example if an average guy said he wants a supermodel and he just wont be happy settling for someone less than a super model, what would you tell him??? the guy is basically asking for a 9 or 10 when he is at most a 6, there are alot of pretty 6 out there, his standards are too high

[@jennyg495]

100/100

[@famyesmee6362]

@@brockcharz2104 true..but I'm not settling.....to me it means I'm not going to say yes just because it might be all I have. I think most of us do realize that our dreams are just that. Brad Pitt needs to marry me already!!! For Pete's sake...ive been waiting for years now!!! Lol but I'm not settling for someone who doesn't trigger me. And so far...only one in 4 has hit every bell n whistle...the rest failed miserably...but hes the one that pulled away. Not settling. Just can't afyer all that chemistry. It does make me want more but I don't want anything that can't hit those bells n whistles now that I know they can be reached!! 😘❤💋🙏

[@kevphillips02]

brock charz Really smart and observant comment .

[@robertswift6101]

@@brockcharz2104 lmao@ his standards are too high,,,you got it all all wrong,,,he is the diamond,,,he is the catch,,he is the man...not the other way around

[@mritam123]

After all this years, I have only learnt..chemistry is rare, if that happens believe it.. I say that to every young person who say they are scared of rejection.

[@maxrn3923]

If I just could get the upper hand over my fears

[@Notme811_you]

Chemistry is rare?

[@CitiesOfAsh]

​@@maxrn3923alcohol

[@zarinepoghosyan6904]

The relationship should be easy, if it is not, then it is not worth having it, even if there is a strong attraction.

[@emilygreene3460]

Even if its easy, it is not always worth saving. That's what happened with my ex-beau and there was mutual attraction, compatibility, etc - and in the end, I had to take a step back and realize, thanks to God, that I didn't have to settle.

[@glisciousful]

I love the part where she says “ the human animal is reading it 100%” because it is true ! You can try to hide you feelings but it’s right there and you can’t do anything about the chemistry two people feel when there is mutual attraction. Once I had a guy who would always look at me every time I would go in the same room as I did and I felt his eyes on me , it was undeniable . Finally he came up to talk to me and instantly when we locked eyes I felt like he was staring into my soul that’s how intense it was . pretty awesome feeling !

[@UnlimitedAspirations24]

@VA - that’s exactly what happened to me few days ago and what a beautiful rare feeling..unfortunately he’s taken and it sucks big time ( we work same place - no choice but to suck it up and pretend he’s not there 😏

[@lizb4156]

And nothing came of it as usual.

[@shannon2748]

I have had this happen with a guy at work, but now suddenly, he is ignoring me, won't look into my eyes, and acts like I don't even exist. It's hurting me so much.

[@SouljaMan]

@@shannon2748 might be scared of falling in love, or in a relationship

[@maxrn3923]

​@@shannon2748it's exactly what SouljaMan says. For some people (completely unexperienced) it's just too much pressure, i know that because I'm at that exact point right now and the girl is probably feeling the same. I told her that I like her and she said she liked me too, but after that nothing happened yet and we "basically "ignore" each other. Idk what to do because I'm too afraid to just talk to her and she is also very shy

[@zan752000]

Undeniable attraction between two people is incredible, this happend to me recently. The guy went out of his way to ignore me, and then kept staring at me, Really bizarre.

[@SusanWinter]

I know! It's a common response. If you like him, you may have to use the 'objective comment' technique.

[@SweetGirl-xd1oc]

My same story

[@NarnianLady]

This is how it usually has been for me - the greater the attraction, the more the guy tries to deflect and play it cool. I also find it unfair that as a woman I should be the one trying to draw this aloof man out of his shell and break his resistance. While I do have compassion, I also need to feel valued and appreciated instead of chasing a mirage who wants to disappear. It is also the hot and cold phenomenon where the man seems to lose all interest the minute he sees that 'aha, this woman is into me'... My prayer is to finally meet a man who acts like 'the retriever puppy' showing his interest openly, without trying to keep me guessing...

[@terrytorres5026]

All that means is you are attracted. Let's see a man pick his nose in the date and betcha the "attraction" goes away real fast.

[@panda59043]

That sounds more like attraction by one person than mutual?

[@metsrus]

attraction is very tricky, just be careful. What you perceive as "playing hard to get" might actually be lack of interest and vice versa. But I guess the moral of the story is be brave enough to find out.

[@danaglover6801]

Tom Ly So true🤔

[@pure-pisces9470]

Very confusing & painful!! Misleading

[@unknownninja4430]

"experiences outside the norm, catalyze emotional reaction also outside the norm". beautifully put.

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you!

[@MsRubyRayne]

Fear of failure and rejection keep many people from their greatest experiences. It's difficult to be vulnerable and honest about what you want with so much uncertainty. Yet by taking those risks you find out if what you want wants you back. Yes, rejection is hard, but isn't it harder to always wonder if you could have been living a better life right now with that particular person? We are creatures that seek out love and acceptance. Not going for something is basically rejecting yourself over and over again and telling yourself that you are not worthy of what you desire. If you can find the courage to go after someone or something you want, you will ultimately be happier in the long run, even if there are rejections along the way. Life can be hard and disappointing, don't break your own heart by missing out on the things that could actually make you happy. Fear is the enemy here. Conquer your enemy and win the prize of self confidence, self love, self acceptance, and resiliency when things don't work out the way you had hoped. :)

[@lazn9863]

i missed THE experience 35 years later i still see her in my dreams

[@TeleKneticGenius]

Beautiful Speech I Wish My Soulmate Could Hear That

[@TeleKneticGenius]

@@lazn9863 That Must Hurt 🤕

[@LumkaMbangeleli]

I'm in pain thts all I can say

[@maxrn3923]

Damn what a good comment, absolutely true and I'll try to do my best. In theory I'm able to do it but when the moment comes my fear is taking the upper hand

[@DarinDmarkovic1]

This is the type of attraction that you feel in your heart and really intuitive

[@ldsentertainment3130]

This woman is brilliant!!

[@foxyroxy123]

Yes she is

[@glisciousful]

She is a genius !!!!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you LDS

[@dirkusmaximus9268]

LDS Entertainment Sure it is a woman ?

[@Tekno2012]

@@dirkusmaximus9268 Yep. That's the question.

[@georgekrutz8292]

She is right on point. Her insight is very refreshing compared to the superficial dribble usually found on such topics.

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you George

[@joannadavid8753]

@@SusanWinter i am married so when this happens to me and in one moment I completely freeze up and I know my husband can sense and see me. In another moment I try to act completely carefree jumping with excitement and unable to have any mental clarity in conversation. Its horrible. But im learning.

[@sukiosartchannel3689]

I agree, she actually knows what she’s talking about, so good!

[@emilygreene3460]

Actually, she's far from being on point and her so-called insight is just the same dribble spoken about these topics. Honestly, its quite hypocritical and far removed from reality. The good news is that there are honest realistic people who are beginning to realize the dribble from Susan Winters and wake up to move on to sense. Praise Yeshua!

[@UnlimitedAspirations24]

@Emmily Greene - I disagree with you but you are entitled to have your opinion, so she was very much in point and deliberated without wasting any time.

[@rebeccabrockway8258]

I am too old to be fooled by men whom are just not that into me. I'm too old, yet it has happened again. One great thing about being older: the emotional pain is fleeting and recovery time is far less. I'm quicker to pay attention to my gut instinct, and of course, I have experience, maybe even a little hard-earned wisdom, under my belt. I no longer allow my heart, exclusively, to rule the roost. Every relationship is a teacher and I'm focused on my positive growth: I'm 100% responsible for my own happiness! Thank you, Susan, for the high-quality videos that keep getting better. Today, literally, you were a godsend (goddess-send). Blessings to you!

[@aureliorodriguez5275]

It is hard to believe you can be rejected.

[@danaglover6801]

Rebecca Brockway 💪👍👏👏👏

[@youtoo2233]

The average guy does not go around rejecting Women Believe Me. I'm just happy to get a woman to talk Dirty to Me

[@danaglover6801]

You too You are tooooooo funny😂😂

[@maldmc2873]

Amen.

[@kelsimacleod5652]

My attraction to this guy I like is so strong that I’ve gone mute and can’t even bring myself to look him in the eyes anymore. It’s a really strange feeling because I feel deeply attracted to him and I feel like he feels the same way about me, but it never goes anywhere it sort of just stays in the air like a weird intense energy if that makes any sense?!

[@16JPE]

I know what you mean, it’s the same with me and this girl too, it’s weird. I wonder if she feels the same? Anyway, I hope things worked out for you and the guy, since this comment is 9 months old.

[@16JPE]

@friendly Jew wow. What a blanket statement. Thanks

[@scorchedearth1451]

@@16JPE Maybe you are the guy she is talking about. LOL

[@16JPE]

@@scorchedearth1451 OMG. Maybe lol you never know.

[@D33Lux]

You have personality disorder, self esteem issues perhaps. You're taking life too seriously, you should focus on building your self-confidence. Try listening to Tony Robins, Jim Rohn, Kevin Trudeau, the book "The Secret". When you find confidence, you will find that you'll work on being a great person and you will feel great about yourself and then you want others to succeed and be happy. Opposite sex are just human beings like everyone else fundamentally, but common interests and sharing the same cultural practices is what makes people interesting and attractive. Good luck and remember YOU ARE GREAT! Find the happiness within, work on being the person you want to be in life. Go out and experience life and succeed!

[@rjc7289]

With a woman, I've had physics, calculus, biology, statistics, trigonometry, etc. -- but no chemistry!

[@barbarawalker499]

RJC 72 lol

[@Ytnzy250]

Made me :-D

[@george-trad]

RJC 72 haha amazing

[@elaineroyal2785]

That comment was hilarious!!!!! 😆 😆 😆

[@wilfridjoseph5222]

I love this

[@Righteous1ist]

This actually does help. Some feelings or tension are too strong and it's tough.

[@dsrtflwr6093]

I avoid men I'm attracted to because I fear rejection.

[@darrencorgan]

that's smart! i hope you like cats!

[@dsrtflwr6093]

Dogs. I’m a dog person. Hate cats.

[@Shalisha24]

dsrtflwr lol love your response

[@GearsOfLag2]

I have never rejected a woman cause I have never being approach by one. On the hand, I being rejected countless of times.

[@NoDripp2]

dsrtflwr same with men

[@boomerangsruckflug8513]

I made that step with different men and always failed. The only relationships that really happened were when the men did the first steps and I had nothing to do but to say "yes". We should be careful, since it could be an illusion on our side and on the other side is no hidden feeling at all, meaning he is not hiding any feelings, he just has none!!!

[@SusanWinter]

True, I agree that men should move toward what they want. However, some men are temporarily paralyzed. They're good guys, trying to "play it cool." In that case, an observational comment could break the ice and give them courage to pursue. Thanks for your comment, Mireille.

[@kelleyoneal9780]

That's how my guy friend is. I can totally tell there's mutual attraction and I'm not delusional. The sparkle in his eyes, the winks, the touches. He's not a big talker, and I get the feeling he hasn't had a huge line of women in his past. He's 52 and I'm 46. A customer at work. But I haven't seen him in a week. I know he has a crazy work schedule, so I'm not taking it personal. I had mentioned wanting to get to know him outside of our jobs and he seemed open. I am just going to give him space and not seem clingy. I'm not ready emotionally to give up, just not going to be too forward either. When I see him again, should I not even mention going out and just talk in general? He has told me he's available. Hasn't said whether or not he's interested in anything serious. I don't want to mess up again being over eager.

[@SusanWinter]

I suggest you give him a clear green light. He's mentioned he's available for a reason. He wants you to give him a sign.

[@nelsonwingate8241]

I had a relationship once with Kim Kardashian's butt. It was awkward and probably not a two way thing. I've made my house as a gigantic replica of Kim Kardashian's butt in an effort to over come the sexual antagonism. It is helping. I see the postman putting his letters up Kim's crack every day and feel things are moving forward.

[@chrisv9204]

The most important thing, which you don't know, is whether they are just flirting or really into you. We should not keep ourselves from making some steps to see reactions BUT the thing is, if you say i like you and he doesn't feel the same and you keep being around because for instance you go to the same parties, bars ect. That would be super uncomfy. That's my torture nowadays. I know he likes me, but he confuses me by making me jealous or not talking to me, while he's talking to everyone or not remembering important things about me. I have the options either to alienate my friends (they go to the same party with him) or not getting over him because I keep seeing him. I'm trapped.

[@jakekenyon2892]

I wanted to thank you for this particular video.. I recently ended I friendship because this man I was basically in love with for a few years kept denying that he was attracted to me but yet his actions were so different, I could just sense there was something there but when I tried to act on it he pushed away and tries (and succeeded) in making me jealous around other men, it's truly an awful feeling to feel like your left behind but as I'm growing older (I'm in my mid 20s) I'm starting to finally see I don't need people like that in my life and I will find someone who will cherish me some day and to let this one particular guy go and live in his fantasy world of not being into me like I was him, I'm done with excuses and games and again thank you for this video

[@vishvasahaananda8710]

I feel like I've struck gold with your channel! Thank you so so much Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

thank you!!

[@GodskidUr1]

This is the 1st video that's answered my question towards what I'm dealing with

[@Light-n-love]

Right!!!

[@amymeibauer9079]

Your insight is amazing. I have answers now

[@gemini6828]

Me too. This is soooo helpful! I thought I was going crazy because I could feel the attraction from this guy I've known for a long time. When he speaks to my peers, he's normal voice and seems at ease. When he's around me, he'll come up to me, stand directly in front of me with a big natural smile, concentrate on looking at me in the eyes and his voice softens. He'll say a compliment subtly, then I guess he realizes what he did thinking, OMG I'm giving myself away, he'll often say something snarky that can be very hurtful. He NEVER does this to my peers, only me. It has really made me wonder WTH was going on and if it was me, not him? Now I know it's him.

[@yvaz3373]

I tell you what, if the guy is like that at the beginning, chances are he will not get better with time and intimacy. I had a year relationship with a man who never told me how he fell about me and kept pushing me away every time I tried to close the gap. It went for so long because I loved him and could see he wanted me too...it was all so clear but at some point I had to let him go...it was like climbing a slippery mountain with no ropes. Every time I thought we made progress, he would push me back again. The lack of open affection or the reluctance to say what he felt for me became too much to bear. I need to feel safe with a man, I need to feel loved and protected and frankly I don’t think I’m asking for too much, just the basics so I ended it.

[@sonnylijangun]

It took me 7 months and decided to end it. I'm still thinking whether it's the right decision and having a hard time coping with it. How do u feel now?

[@yvaz3373]

Sonia Lijangun still hurts, can’t lie...I ended it 8 weeks ago and still think about him but I know i did the right thing. That makes me feel better, knowing is for the best. He cant give me what I need so nothing else to say, isn’t it?

[@ahmadjaber3611]

You are very brave and prideful! You are not dating someone's potential. I wish you the best!

[@wanderertatiana2498]

I think you made the right decision. I let something like that go on for about 3 years, and I've inadvertently spent another 3 years trying to get over it! Good for you for not wasting more time. X

[@VK-ns9es]

Wow one of the first sentences was so incredibly important for me! Just the acknowledge that meeting a special person can bring up intense emotional feelings, because it's so out of your day to day life, lifted so much weight off my shoulders! I too see myself as a logically thinking person so just hearing, that this is completely normal and dosen't mean that I am delusional meant a lot! Thank you Susan!!

[@morpheus-thrall]

This is literally so spot on. I met a guy a few months ago where the same thing happened...I could sense the chemistry and attraction between us immediately but we were both the more closed off sort. I eventually took on the “golden retriever” role if you will and organized a bunch of group outings where we conversed in a more observational way...and it took MONTHS of that before we are now more comfortable with one on one conversations...and it’s magical. We both move slowly when it comes to dating and stuff so I’m quite happy with the pace of things, I like to be friends with the person first. But this video makes so much sense to me!! I’m definitely excited to see where things go xoxo

[@anetea.3903]

And how did the thing go?

[@morpheus-thrall]

@@anetea.3903 not well I’m afraid… last summer I finally plucked up the courage to ask him out. He got very testy and defensive with me and completely shut me out. When I said it was my mistake, that I had thought there was something between us, he couldn’t say anything. It broke my heart, but I understood that he wasn’t capable of what I wanted from him, even though he may have felt something for me. We are still friends, closer than ever in fact. I think I may always love him, but I’d much rather he be in my life as my friend than not at all.

[@lianashafer4161]

@@morpheus-thrall I was really hoping for a different outcome for you. I hope things change and he realizes what he could have with you.

[@morpheus-thrall]

@@lianashafer4161 thank you, that is very kind. Perhaps one day, if he ever comes to his senses 😜 my gut tells me that he is frightened of whatever is or could potentially be between us, which I can understand as usually in the past I’ve been the one that was afraid of such a connection. I always see him watching me out of the corner of my eye, so I know attraction is not an issue. But, this is something he has to figure out on his own. I hope that, if he ever does come to his senses, it’s before I’ve found someone else ✌🏻

[@eyesonthesky8953]

I hope you find some one else, who you like very much and he likes you more, and that there are not fears, no tension, nothing but good attraction and intention. Someone who can love you with all his heart with no reservations. Someone who can let you know right away. There has to be someone like that for us 🙏🏻

[@EmmeStAnne]

Sometimes the chemistry between two people is out of fear of what people think. I had guys be attracted to me but not say anything because I was a larger woman.

[@lorenamares1427]

This is totally me all my life. The more attracted I am to someone, the less I feel like I can function normally, and this is when I know they’re mutually interested. Shyness isn’t a part of my personality and I’m outspoken. I didn’t grow up with my father. Though I grew up around males, romantic or just normal opposite sex interaction with an individual to whom I’m attracted has been so difficult. This is where the problem really is me and not them. Your tip is great here. I also try to shift my focus in order to find the more extroverted part of me.

[@chynanhua5562]

You're intuition was so key on. I'm the person that deflected my feelings and I do freeze up when my crush's attention is on me. I feel so blessed to have come across your channel. Your experiences are priceless. Thank you. All the best to you.

[@SusanWinter]

THANK YOU chyna. I truly appreciate you kind words!! Give your crush a sweet little smile. Or, look at this person for a second and as you turn away, smile. You have to give your crush a green light. If you don't, they'll always b a fantasy and never a reality.

[@jazzbirdbecky]

💛

[@nofybn7794]

@@Books_Makeup I wish I could be good with it, But I have regretted every one. Even if it wouldn't have worked out and it wouldn't have. I still missed it. I didn't get to know. Chemistry can last past the honeymoon phase.

[@coletteannemaud1340]

Good on you Susan for making all of us humble people feel better about ourselves

[@kevinwoods9488]

You have giving me the answers to my questions that I have been asking my family, friends, and myself for all these years! No-one has quite given me the answers that I was looking for until I started watching your videos. You are smart, informative, and blunt. Thanks so much!

[@SusanWinter]

THANK YOU KEVIN!!

[@annalisbeth1030]

Hi Susan, thank you SO much, so so much, for this video. It really resonated with me, to the degree that it felt like you were reading my mind or had walked in my exact footsteps. Especially the "feeling crazy" part. My situation is complicated, a mix between this video and the "pulling back" video - there is palpable chemistry, he stares all the time, it's electric whenever we are in the same room, etc., and he had actually gotten past acting like a *cough* to trying very hard to please me and to open up though he seemed highly self-conscious. But after getting much closer, and very vulnerable, in a short space of time (e.g. insisting on buying me a drink, then getting all embarrassed and bashful about having revealed so much about it being important to him; sharing things about his childhood, family, fears, etc. and then saying we shouldn't be talking about him so much), he has withdrawn - so I'm giving him space. Does that sound like the right thing to do? I sent him a friendly message, he replied very quickly but didn't respond to everything I wrote; this is why I say he has pulled back. So I sent him a "have a nice week" response back and left it. I had really begun to question myself and wonder if I am just delusional.... so this video has helped me to keep the faith that I haven't gone crazy. I know you probably don't have time to read, let alone respond to, all your comments, but if you do see this, you have helped me a lot. Thank you. I don't know if this guy and I will ever get anywhere, but thank heaven I now know, at least, that I should trust myself that there was really something there. It means more than you can know.

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Anna! Thank you for your thoughtful note. Yes I read everything. You're not crazy. He's exceedingly shy. Here's my suggestion: you have to be the one to give the continual green lights. You have to initiate the smile, the contact, and Communication. This is just until he feels a little more confident. But bravo to him for buying you a drink!! That can be a scary venture for a guy. If you need to clobber him over the head to make him understand you're interested, check out this video:kzbin.info/www/bejne/hYOuaZiVnaeKhZY Wishing you much happiness and so happy to have you in my KZbin family!

[@whitneyangelie3682]

What she said at the end...Thats me, afraid to put myself out there. I always expect the guy to do it, but I’ve lost out on a couple really good guys who I KNOW liked me but they were afraid just like me. It was like a game of chicken but neither one of us swerved so it all just crashed and burned before it started.

[@SparklyGirl9911]

Exceptional explanation! I truly feel I am caught up in this scenario and sadly, yes, I’ve put my life on hold. I’m fearful of coming forward and I too am playing it safe to save face.

[@robertblanks9602]

Susan after viewing dozens of videos on dating and relationships, you have hit the nail on the head you have confirmed what I inwardly felt and believed thank you so much!

[@xiomaraortega4199]

We stare at each other We like each other We have chemistry and the needs to be together BUT .... We both are shy and timid moreover afraid to do the first move. He’s beautiful!!!

[@cappuccinomithafermilch]

same here..

[@xiomaraortega4199]

slrrh ! 😔

[@brianstrickmaker926]

From my personal experience, attraction does NOT mean that both parties are currently interested in a relationship at that time.

[@m.r.5990]

Yes, but it doesn't mean that they have to avoid their feelings and shut themselves down. To feel attraction is a wonderful thing when both parties are honest about it.

[@brianstrickmaker926]

@@m.r.5990 sometimes people are not in a position in life where they can invest the time to have a successful relationship. In todays world it takes constant work, above and beyond what should be necessary because of the distractions of social media and dating apps etc..

[@basicinfo2022]

Youre not in love if love feels like work.... ​@brianstrickmaker926

[@gerr2035]

Wow, I haven't heard anyone ever discuss this issue. It all makes sense. I'm dealing with this right now. Thank you for your insight. This is the first video I have watched of yours. Looking forward to seeing more.

[@goddesspluto2627]

Literally going through this right now, you are the only person who has been spot on regarding this topic, thank you!

[@larryrubin5150]

This woman is the best. So educated. So helpful

[@katelynmensing9048]

Your videos make a lot of sense and I really like your solutions. I love your perspective on these situations. Thank you!

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks Katelyn. Much appreciated.

[@pagehenkelchance4508]

Great points. I lasted 30 years before I realized my own golden retriever puppy self needed to leave in order to find another golden puppy boy. So much fun now!

[@jackpetersen7545]

Page Henkel Chance,You are beautiful 🌷,Hope you are with a good man!

[@terrylaguardia6838]

Thank you, Susan. for giving such high quality advice. I recently found myself in the shutdown position you describe so well. So much was going on in my mind and physiology of memory that I was overwhelmed into self-consciousness. I felt light years away from the potential me I sensed awakening between us, and it seemed I had to cross those light years in no more than an instant - that’s where I froze. The light years starter to seem reachable but I was still on the brim of time (between the time of immeasurable, infinite Kairós and that of measurable, linear Chronos.) I could not recognize in my self-image the lightness her look showed me I could feel in my body. I froze, feeling how far I still was from the real me I began to see and wanted to present to her. In films when this happens we as outsiders tend to understand more easily how intensely engaged the frozen person is. Visibly (in the film), they may be dealing with burying no less than all the wounds of their past to make themself new for what is clearly a higher octave of their imperfect, human perception and experience of love. Your advice, to deflect the spotlight, is so perfect. That’s not what happened to me, because of the pressure of chronological time over the impending distance between the different continents we live on. I have never thought I would someday consider nourishing a long distance relationship but now I am. I am aware that for her it may have been nothing but a flirt, but one second of the way her presence felt with mine is more than that to me. This is a gift; sharing it with her would be a whole other gift.

[@andromeda1903]

i'm the dopey klutsy golden retriever puppy as well :D and i love to see it in other people when they meet me (anybody, not just potential romantic partners). it's such an amazing feeling, that instant connection and you both can't stop smiling and gushing all over each other!

[@moniquesings23]

You are always spot on. Love your vids! They explain and reveal so much. Thanks so much.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks Monique.

[@beverlybenjamin5947]

I just discovered your channel. I have never seen a video of this type that so clearly speaks to EXACTLY what I am dealing with.

[@mihai0377]

I'm a guy, i've watch bilions of videos here on KZbin... but dangg, this woman speak the real truth ! This channel is genuine ! Keep up the good work Susan ! People actually learn alot from your videos ! Cheers

[@abubanana4976]

Experienced, knowledgeable, and to the point.

[@lindasmilesrfree6067]

Wow, you are so on point Susan! You are amazing! I am experiencing this same exact thing with him. I am definitely the golden retriever wagging her tail. I am also the empowered one and he is very dismissive, snappy at times etc...I see him staring at me when he thinks Im not looking. He has trouble looking at me in my eyes. He knows that I like him and he keeps pulling back. It's his way of controlling the situation. One day he's attentive and the next day he acts like he's not interested and pretends he doesn't see me, except for a few interjections when I am talking to someone else. We work for the same company and fortunately im relocating to another building, but he also works at the building im relocating to on certain days. Im not sure what will happen now. Hopefully the heart will grow fonder in my absence... one can only hope! 😗💛

[@dellchica2373]

Wow! Exactly same look your sister puppy here. He is being controlled over his feelings while i am literally hurling myself at him.....now I am pulling back :(

[@VentiColdbrew_]

i love you finally someone understands. i’m so grateful for this video. i know he loves me. he’s just being odd af

[@townfool6859]

So intrigued by title. While watching the video, I was smiling and laughing. Describes me most accurately. Learned something about myself. How frustrating I can be to others.

[@uptownelectronix2278]

This type of dynamic also happens all the time when "straight" people are seriously attracted to someone of the same sex. It's a form of homophobia. As a matter of fact, if the lgbt person is very attractive, most straight people will act this way towards them because the truth is sexual attraction is fluid. The straight person is so terrified that people will figure out that they are attracted to that person of the same sex when they are in public, that they feel they need to be dismissive, rude, sometimes even become aggressive or attack to keep everyone else from figuring out that they are attracted to someone of the same sex. However, one-on-one, if no one else is around and they feel no one else will find out, they beg and can be obsessed with having a physical interaction with that person. It can really be a dangerous situation for the lgbt person. Susan, I know your channel is based on hetero- but it would be great to hear someone speak on this.

[@6688ya]

Wtf 😂 😅 I'm a straight male and only am attracted to women , and never have I seen nor have I been seen another men Sexually attracted 🤢 , NEVER

[@rachellariviere9750]

Shes a blast from the past! So seventies. Shes in a timewarp and i love it!

[@zst3871]

Amazing and smart piece of advice, thank you. Similar situation, chemistry and all but he decided to wall me out because he's not ready

[@guybrown2339]

Men have the same problem. But then I see this fantastic woman with a douch. He had the confidence to speak to an amazing woman and got her.

[@RG-hf4et]

Chances are she isn't thrilled with the douche but is dating him because he made the first move. Women as a general rule want be desired by the man. We all want to be desired but when it comes to that initial first meeting, the first spoken words, the first contact, etc. women want the guy to make the move. It tells her he finds her attractive, it tells her he is available, it tells her he wants to get to know her better.

[@jadizm]

This video was very helpful. Thank you Susan!

[@GeorgeG90]

that was a really nice message, that i ve never seen on youtube before. Thanks for taking the time to unravel this issue.

[@IsabellaDemarko]

such good insight and advice, thank you x

[@johnparadise3134]

“This kind of attraction does not occur in a vacuum” But what if I am “delusional?”

[@rhondaearnest2541]

After searching all over for the answer, I finally found it. Thanks Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

Fantastic, Rhonda.

[@adamagi680]

Miss Susan you are truly amazing..I just love your videos and watch them over and over again..Thank you for doing these amazing videos for us.xox

[@angelforfreedom]

Amazing insight and foray into this very delicate component of everyday human interaction. Kudos to you, gal!

[@PeaceFan1]

Amazed how Right ON you are about this Stuff!! WOW!!!

[@PamweChete2503]

I’m glad I stumbled on this because this is the exactly where I am at the moment.

[@deepdiver849]

Toss a coin in front of her when ever it happens and you feel paralyzed. It will make you both laugh 😂

[@jkcreationz9118]

Since the day I found this channel I've known a lot, Thanks alot Susan you always give me hope

[@SusanWinter]

jaycents kartel jr thank you!! I really appreciate your taking the time to write, and tell me this.

[@c.l.s.s.2169]

I definitely agree with your solution to this situation. It's right on the mark.

[@pinkcardigan3329]

I needed to hear this. Thank you ❤

[@doubleagent2504]

Are you incredible or what, I have been through something like what you have been through and I was about to lose my mind so thank you

[@connielosee8811]

Thank you. This subject coveted, very valuable in my life right now.

[@violetlune72]

I wish I saw this before I dismissed this extremely shy guy....he's soo sweet and very direct over texts, but in person he was literally extremely "mean", cold and paralyzed (not a single word) in my presence. I was always puzzled but now it all make sense. Thank you for the clarity, you are so good at what you do! 🙏🏼😇

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks Lyric.

[@Iguanchik]

that's where we were…neither one of us could step up and we're no more…

[@johnjay336]

Your right, I've always wondered why this happened and had my suspicions but never knew how to brake the barrier, if you will.

[@imwatching2960]

This is so amazing! I've never found anyone talking about this issue

[@rickhenneberry6869]

Brought a tear to my eye. Ive watched a few of your videos now. Almost 2 years. Everytime we are around each other its electric. She admits her fear now as we dated a year. Her backstory is very sad. I date others now.. She refuses to date anyone after me. Even told me if she cant love me she cant love anyone. But .. Ive been around, im not a kid, and Im not dillusional. Many if your words speak more volume than so many other channels. Ive even been o e if those hot and cold guys with others.. I recogize all the patterns.. Her reactions are truly fearful, and what is heartbreaking, in my opinion is.. I truly think she found love after all of her years of not even knowing what it was.. And it literally emotionally paralized her. She came into my life at christmas again.. Promised to do more together..and then retreated.. So.. I go live my life again.. This journey is something only she can choose to fix. We are both in our 40s. She is using her children and work for distraction, and it will work for awhile, but sooner or later, whatever we bury will bubble up in ourself. I might be there, or I might be gone.. But that connection meant the world to me. I hope one day Ill have the chance to see her happy.. Her past, her pain.. None of it is her fault. God bless you for your kind words.. Many sights, make these people seem like monsters.. Ive done enough research to realize that there are monsters, but they are simply just lurking below the surface of thier soul, and is telling them lies.. I spent a long time being like the puppy. Ive come to realize, I cant do this anymore, but I can still let her in if Im available.. I can be positive, I cant tell her I believe in her without letting my ego get the best of me. Maybe one day shell realize someone didnt totally give up.. Be well

[@Hat6000]

Thanks, it's nice to have someone confirm what I am perceiving. I'm trying to be patient and hang onto my strong feeling that the attraction is indeed mutual, and this is going to go where I want it to, but it is very frustrating. She is quite friendly and we have a really good time together, but she seems determined not to acknowledge that there is a romantic element to our developing relationship.

[@Juniperbreezeer]

I wonder if you ever said something to her?

[@Hat6000]

@@Juniperbreezeer Yes I did, over a year ago, and she make it clear she did not intend to be involved in a romantic relationship again because of a previous bad relationship.

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

​@Hat6000 never wait if you want a relationship.

[@px8068]

Recently I felt this same situation. It felt like magic. Mind you i don't normally fall for just anyone...The chemistry was off the scale... Sadly the lady suddenly gave the old "it's not you its me" speach. Her reason for letting me go/ (dumping me)? " I deserve better. "Really she couldn't of told me that before I started having feelings for her. In the end I wished her happiness in life and it's been three weeks, I decided to date again but never will I put all my feelings out there. Besides I don't have time to babysit. I think it all comes down to do you really love yourself, when the answer is yes you will have moved up on the sexy scale and they will notice.

[@jenniferdesjardins287]

You are an amazing person. Everything you said was articulate, interesting and very helpful. I love your videos.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Jennifer Desjardins,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌺,hope you are with a good man!

[@simi6152]

Great video! I'm glad that you've given me insight unto my situation.

[@tinamessier1869]

Wow! I feel better that others have the same problem with deflecting. I am definitely the puppy dog and he's the deflector

[@nelsonwingate8241]

Tina I'm not one to judge. If you want to dress up as a puppy dog and do your business against lamp posts on the street who am i to judge? However, it would be unusual if you pick up dates this way.

[@Pain59579]

Trust me when he is around I watch him watching me but men and myself fear falling in love because past heart breaks

[@lunastar30]

Susan, you are such a lovely and natural spirit! Thank you so much, you are a inspiring lady! Blessings!

[@LasOlasRealEstate]

I just discovered you. You are amazing. THANK YOU!

[@JOHNLAURO2012]

send that puppy dog wagging your tail this way. much Love !!!!!!!!! xoxo John

[@sharathsuma7556]

I totally agree with you , Susan . I am in love with a woman who is 18 years older than me . She is a divorcée with a kid . We both were getting along nicely . Suddenly the fear of getting accepted by my family , my society haunts me and thats the reason why I began to distance myself . However deep inside me I love her . Its only that if I get into a relationship with her my family will be ashamed that is stopping me . She loves me too . Your video was very inspirational . I feel I have to go back to her and say sorry from the bottom of my heart for puling back . I have to prove myself that I am worthy of her .

[@SusanWinter]

I can't believe I just found your message today. I'm so sorry to have not sen it sooner. I'm thrilled at your perspective and sincerely hope that all will be well for you. Thank you for the kind words.

[@purplerose5316]

Sharath Gopi I am the older woman ,divorcee with one kid and this is happening to me. True love is so rare don't just throw it away! My cousin just told me a story of a guy she knows who was happily dating a woman 2o yrs older.She was a young spirit,healthy, in a great shape,but his family pressured him to leave her and find much younger...and he did. now the young one got very sick,he has to take care of her,she can't have kids! Be with the one God sends you!

[@SusanWinter]

HI April. What an amazing story. Thanks for sharing this with all of us!!

[@sunvavachi]

Sharath Gopi Oh wow. I know how you feel! It is very hard especially when culture blocks off things. Have you ever discussed with her about your fears? sometimes we have to explain so they also understand and you both get a reality picture. If your pursuing it's worth really investing in a talk with her, whether she is also ready to invest in your culture (if you are interested in maintaining your culture). If your culture isn't an issue to you then heck with it go for it! End of the day if you are independent and working you have no issues. No one can stop. I have many friends who don't have independent working lives so they feel stuck and bound. We live life once but really have an in-depth talk with her and see also what she thinks her child can handle too before jumping into the fry.

[@purplerose5316]

You are welcome! There are hundreds of thousands of stories similar to this one..and not only love stories Age is just a number. I know of a woman who had a baby at age 57..what is everyone's thought on that:What an irresponsible decision to have a baby at that age and leave him alone after you die..Right? Well... she outlived her son,who died at age of 41 :( When you love someone-don't stop yourself! When God sends you a baby,17 or 57 -have a baby!

[@danielvondrak8406]

Thank you for your message, this was very helpful! I appreciate it.

[@Carybarnes123]

Sudan your superb and very clear with you’re coaching 👌 thank you so much 🙏

[@MrBoy-qj3bs]

I'm so glad I found your channel. I have been in countless situations with "deflectors." It happens so frequently that I can't help but wonder if I come across as intimidating. I certainly don't try to. I will remember this video the next time I find myself in this situation.

[@SusanWinter]

Excellent, Mr. Boy!

[@PHOEBEE69]

Mr. Boy You probably do tbh

[@galdd2024]

Happening to me right now... I’m deflecting, he is deflecting and we will both end up alone .... Thank you fir helping me understand what’s going on ...

[@christianpulisic7784]

Gal DD,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!

[@ruthykaysruthkarashani3085]

Awesome ! i really needed this ! We are really driving each other nuts !!!

[@mukthang1561]

Such wisdom much love. Thak you Susan , your videos really helped me for years. Just taking a moment to appreciate your work :)

[@olivia_sathyamoorthi]

I could listen to you all day. You are a beautiful being. ❤

[@SusanWinter]

THANK YOU OLIVIA

[@MsKimberly4191]

This describes my situation exactly. I thought I was going crazy.

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Miss Kimberly,you comment touched my heart ♥ and I will be glad to know you more

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Miss Kimberly, you are so beautiful ❤❤❤❤❤.

[@jackpetersen7545]

Miss Kimberly,You got a lovely smile 😊

[@jackpetersen7545]

Miss Kimberly,You got a lovely smile 😊

[@savelikeaprowithleah5157]

Super informative! I have been to the same situation! Thanks for sharing!

[@1RPJacob]

The Threat response: Freeze, Fight, Flight... or Fawn. Good video, pleasure to watch. TY :)

[@kimbobrunel566]

Now I don't feel so bad for blurting out "I am so in love with you!"

[@AgeofCraccadilliaassent]

I told her i was crazy about her lol

[@AKouyaksu]

I rejected a guy several times because "I was in love with my boyfriend", now I understand that my relationship was a waste of time because I kinda obligated myself to love him. I actually love the guy I rejected... but I think he hates me now. I think I'm better alone...

[@redpanther1027]

Get back in touch with him and say hello and that you like him and such, but in a less obvious manner but not too hard for him to catch on too and if he doesn’t catch on and make a date then just leave it and wait for him to come back, don’t message him first.

[@liambear1951]

That is absolutely brilliant. Thank you, Susan

[@mehrnoshk2321]

Wow thank u Ive been looking for this video for days this is exactly my situation thank u so much susan ❤❤❤❤

[@sharathsuma7556]

Dear Susan , Your speech is truly inspirational . You are really a God's gift to this world . Thank you , Sharath

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you!!

[@alesiastephens1890]

I’m gonna give him space by moving on. Asked the guy I like on a date to the movies last year around November and still no response. I don’t have time to wait. I deserve better.

[@UssiTheGrouch]

Great advice! Thanks, Susan.

[@wayntjies]

Hi Susan I started watching your videos 2 months ago and saw your subscribers going from 63k to 68k! Congrats!

[@shoutinoutnext6979]

I have been the one who has been so in awe with this guy I met that every time I asked him a question about something that was very important to me he usually gave me answers that blew my mind🤯 so much so that I wouldn’t say anything else afterwords. I guess you could say he shocked me into silence but I was so impressed by his answers that I was just unable to supply him with a response. In the end it made him feel like I was submitting to him. In a way I was...but I was mainly just thinking about how similar we were. Also this is a different situation (same guy) every time I see Him while I’m out and about I would be so nervous to say hi to him that sometimes I wouldn’t say anything and I would just walk straight past him and other times we would be walking next to each other and I would say hi really fast take one look at him and start speeding up almost as if I’m running away but really I’m not I’m just hella nervous...😬 and I didn’t know how to react with the intensity of my emotions. Btw These tips really helped a lot thank you! I will use them next time I see him ☺️