"What Is This Family Prison I Am In?" Enmeshment 101 | Psychotherapy Crash Course

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Enmeshment can truly lead a famiky to experience years of intergenerational trauma.

[@dnk4559]

Thank you so much Tàmara! I was the oldest parentified child. When my father was forced to take custody he was told I needed therapy for becoming a mother to my younger siblings. Unfortunately we moved shortly after this to another state so there was no way for the social workers to make sure I got that counseling. When I asked my Dad about it, he told me I didn’t need it. He then proceeded to have me give up what as left of my childhood to keep taking care of his responsibilities. I’ve forgiven him but the hardest thing is that my younger siblings (now in their fifties ) hold all their anger and resentment at me. I literally got screwed out of a childhood had no parental support and have spent my life without support from my FOO. My Narc Dad got all the love and compassion and I got all the anger and resentment. I’m now trying to navigate whether or not I can have a relationship with them.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

☺You're welcome and thank you for watching! I'm so sorry that you had to live through this. Parentified children struggle quite a bit to find gounding and balance for themselves. And it's a shame social services/workers cannot hold parents more accountable and "follow" them until the services are granted. This is such a challenging road. Praying and wishing you peace as you walk along your journey.

[@dnk4559]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you for the difference you are making for all us walking this road of recovery! I have found therapy and twelve step recovery support in the Al-Anon program.

[@BrookeLynn-sr6vy]

Wow you broke down some parts of my life🥺 Thank you for the knowledge. Knowledge is power!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Glad it was helpful! Thank you and you're welcome!!

[@aprilcreary6202]

Ok me too

[@Homoclite]

Something very interesting came up for me after watching this video. My sibling and I have had some of the issues that we have due to my sibling's personal involvement with our aunt. I happened to remember an incident in which this aunt sent another family member over to my mother's house to get a large sum of money from her. This seemed to be a big habit of my family. My mother was the loan officer, housing authority, the nurse, the doctor, the psychotherapist, the food pantry for the alleged poor and a whole host of other things. She took on those things begrudgingly because in her mind and words "She's Just Doing What the Bible says and it was God's Word". (side note) This sort of thing has sealed the deal with Christianity. Anyway, I put an end to all of these outside family members bumming and taking money from my mother. My aunt got pissed off about this and this is where all of the madness began. So, I inherited the hatred from family members my late mom left. It took me a couple of years after my mother had past to realize that the lousy treatment these folks have always had for her wasn't going to be yet something extra that I was going to take on and deal with.

[@truth4utoda]

Girl I love YOU!!! Thank you for covering this. Love your style as a psychotherapist.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much!!

[@lisaleo729]

You have described my family to a T. I live in a twilight zone of enmeshed narcissists. I need help.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry. Having a parent like this is very difficult.

[@cjrodgers3922]

The title got me clicking real fast

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤭

[@allysonjackson5610]

👍

[@rishaa682]

is it always wrong for people to play different roles? eg i have a longtime friend who is like a sister/mother to me sometimes ( as i dont have much family)

[@truth4utoda]

Not al ALL!! I do too.🤫

[@rishaa682]

it’s not enmeshment?

[@rishaa682]

what about like an aunt that acts like a mother sometimes?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

It can sound that way!! This might be helpful: www.fulsheartransition.com/enmeshment-symptoms-and-causes/#:~:text=Enmeshment%20is%20a%20description%20of,family%20member%20does%20as%20well.

[@usernane3652]

as an uncle who had to help my own parents raise my sister's kid, yes I can tell you it's always wrong