Taylor Tomlinson Examines Dating Trends Through the Years

Taylor Tomlinson explains cuffing season and why the holidays are the perfect time to start dating someone new, but the worst time to go to an apple orchard. Later, Taylor shows an interactive graph that displays how couples have been meeting for the past hundred years or so, and apparently, online dating is the new church!
#AfterMidnight #TaylorTomlinson #Comedy #TVShows #Monologue #CuffingSeason #dating #dazed #eharmony #fall #applepicking #orchard #fallactivities #autumn #venndiagrams #boudoir #yolo #dating #datingtrends #meeting #cuffingseason #holidays #happyholidays
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AFTER MIDNIGHT is the smartest show on television about the dumbest things on the internet. With celebrated comedian Taylor Tomlinson at the helm and a panel of guests from the worlds of entertainment, comedy, music and beyond, AFTER MIDNIGHT is a late-night comedy series about what set the internet abuzz that day with a game show feel. AFTER MIDNIGHT airs Monday through Friday, 12:37-1:37 AM, ET/PT on the CBS Television Network and streams live on Paramount+.

[@diakydiaz]

"Is it so much to ask CBS to just get me a wife, Colbert has one!" PRICELESS 😂❤

[@moonfour4]

Is she trans

[@tejaswoman]

​@@moonfour4what would that have to do with anything? It's not an orientation.

[@_PatrickO]

@@moonfour4 Why would wanting a wife make someone trans?

[@nate9361]

@@moonfour4 You mean gay. And trans people are also a part of the gay community

[@Peter_Cordes]

@@moonfour4 - No, she's bi; she's a cis-gender woman who's interested in both men and women. When two women are married to each other, they're both each other's wife.

[@11matt11]

Taylor is so needed during these times. Just brilliant monologues and hosting.

[@AnimefortheLazyman]

yup. her anger - our anger - is apparent and cathartic.

[@chesh1re_cat]

referring to the british bake off as a sexy reality show absolutely sent me, that joke was so good

[@AbnormalFailures]

I've been injecting these monologues into my veins since I discovered that Taylor has a late-night show on November 6th lmao. CBS please she deserves a wife for the emotional labor she's been putting in for us

[@luizajobim6542]

agreed, she’s been single handedly carrying me on her back the whole year 😭😭 CBS give Taylor a wife immediately

[@themangochannel]

I reaaaallly like her delivery. Funny but at the same time warm. I've been watching a bunch of these since I discovered them a few weeks ago.

[@RSProduxx]

"timelaps of something in decay, but instead of an apple it´s romance" too true ...

[@glittermytimbers]

Tip for anyone not sure if a gift will be needed for any acquaintance or new relationship! I make a bunch of fancy biscotti every year in interesting flavors and wrap it nicely and give it to basically everyone I know (in addition to proper gifts where appropriate) because I find it is the perfect balance between being enough of a gift if they got me something and being not too much to make them feel bad if they didn’t get me anything. Food is a people pleaser and since it’s handmade it seems nice, even though it costs me very little and I can make enough for dozens of people in a single afternoon!

[@butterpopcorn5678]

This is a great idea! Can I ask: 1) what are some of your top flavors? 2) can you tell me a bit more about how you wrap it(what kind of paper do you use and do you wrap them individually or several together?)

[@zubin2562]

Now that's good dating advice, if I ever saw one.

[@PlaceForAnEcho]

Biscotti is so tedious so people better appreciate your work. My mother made them for the holiday season and EVERY year she would mumble and then eventually yell she wasn’t making them the next year. But she was a crazy Italian (there are no sane ones) and would bake again the next year.

[@glittermytimbers]

@@butterpopcorn5678 I try new flavor combos every year, but best by far was the “mulled apple cider” flavor I did last year!! I used dried apple (both freeze dried and regular worked great when I experimented) and some of the common spiced used for mulling. You could find a cinnamon flavor recipe to give you a starting point for how much to add and then don’t overdo the stronger ones like clove. I also added some orange oil (extract would probably work too) I got online to a royal icing and drizzled it over the top. Highly recommend that addition! I’ve done different wrappings but my favorite was taking two and wrapping them in cling wrap, then taking a strip of wrapping paper and wrapping that around the middle and tying a ribbon around that.

[@glittermytimbers]

@@PlaceForAnEcho It is a bit tedious, but I’ve only ever had people be really appreciative. And I get creative with new flavors, so I really enjoy the process too. And I got the great tip that brushing a little water around the edges before cutting them helps it not crumble, which has made that step so much easier!

[@lynnstlaurent6789]

Taylor’s commitment to the running club bit will always make me laugh.

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

That meds joke didn’t get enough of a laugh.

[@luizajobim6542]

fr, not enough mentally ill people in that crowd 😭

[@revengefrommars]

Ironically, it's the audience that needs their meds upped.

[@waxbeard]

“I don’t know, I’m a career woman.” Lol

[@likearollingstone007]

She gives me crying alone vibes at night in her hotel room

[@lilykep]

My sister met her husband online in 2009, and it was still considered so embarrassing that she literally lied to her friends and said they met in a bar. Meanwhile my husband and I met in church like it's the 1890s.

[@heavenlygothicgirl]

The apple picking bit was hilarious because I literally just had a friend get out of a relationship before a trip to go apple picking in New York 😂

[@ashe1317]

"Can CBS give me a wife? Colbert has one!" 💀

[@0o0ification]

🎶Break me up, then September ends 🎸

[@Raddiebaddie]

😂

[@i_like_rocks]

Such an underrated comment oml

[@procrastinator99]

As a Green Day fan, thank you lol

[@RomanSionis85]

Love that song, whatever it's officially called 🤣

[@wokeaf1242]

Stay safe out there you hilarious young woman. Taylor Tomlinson is literally the only comedian that has made me genuinely laugh after November 5th, the night mostly everything simply stopped being even a little bit funny. Laughter might die after January 20th so Taylor might be the hero we need during the dark times. She's most certainly the hero I want.

[@lionel1963]

HELL, YEAH!

[@kwyatt261]

Woke af sounds about right

[@thisthatbetbetter]

Taylor is a consistently funny late night host. I hope they keep her around and she grows in the role. Also that graph...school having more success at building relationships than college is....weird.

[@phelanwolf6747]

Why would that be weird? How long does school last and how long college? It is simply the amount of time spent together, so it was weird that college overtook school at some point.

[@Raddiebaddie]

Omg that graph 😮

[@alexithymia6288]

Getting socks for Christmas would mean that I have a romantic partner, so that'd be a W for me

[@sunnyjohansen1958]

Taylor, I am your future wife. I am completely happy and content with seeing you when you are available. I am happy to live in separate homes, hell separate states or countries for that matter. 🤷‍♀️

[@OneInsignificantLife]

anyone else scroll back to keep rewatching that graphic? It's so insane; it hits every time!

[@taylor_green_9]

What's up with that, CBS?! Get Taylor a wife already! 😂

[@jasonwachtel3285]

Protip: Do not pay for said wife with Venmo.

[@stereoroid]

3:50 “how d’ya like *them* apples?”

[@James-nr9gm]

Ifl Taylor, she’s one of the few voices in comedy I feel like keeps me sane

[@WCGreeny]

I was golfing at men's night and can confirm my fellow mens' total sense of despair in fall. Me: "Fall is nice." Him: "Fall is hell. First it is orchard walking season. Then it is apple picking season. Then it is pumpkin picking season. I don’t KNOW what one to get! THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!"

[@michelleelizabeth1063]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@GrumpyMcFrog]

9.9's are people, too!

[@LycanLink]

Taylor's a 20/10, in my eyes. 😍

[@veronicadoggone5660]

Taylor... bluesky is requesting your presence 🙏💐

[@FMAkers-jq2kh]

Every time I see that word, my brain always pronounces it wrong. BLUESKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[@GrumpyMcFrog]

NOOOO, THREADS!!!

[@TheRealSugeKnight]

She mine girl

[@solvseus]

Agreed

[@daegrun]

This show is why I made a Threads account but would be nice to come to BlueSky too. ^^

[@TrumbullComic]

Taylor, you're absolutely right that apple picking is where relationships go to die. There's one woman I know who broke up with her boyfriend not long after they went apple picking together. (Of course, the guy she went with was also an eerie physical doppelganger of her last boyfriend, so I think you could see it coming.)

[@johndescy7904]

Petition to dress Taylor in a silk blanket for one of the next episodes. :-D

[@averraver]

Give Taylor a wife!!!!

[@jaebee1121]

"First I work, then I pay, then I have to eat fruit?! Why was I ever born?!"

[@ThatGuillermo]

lol church got rocked

[@margaretsteigerwald1124]

gets its what rocked?

[@Archgeek0]

@@margaretsteigerwald1124 Dunno. The nave, maybe?

[@heatherbocks]

“Or sometimes even why” aro rep 😅

[@robphoenix1182]

Too true online is full of crazies! Me being online....what?!

[@glittermytimbers]

I started a new relationship 3 weeks ago, which was just a couple weeks after his birthday. I hadn’t thought about the benefit of not having a lot of pressure over gifts 😂 But Christmas will be right around two months if things keep going well, so not sure if I fall within the too soon window or not? It was a really incredible whirlwind romance and from the first date was clearly much more real than either of us have ever experienced, so not sure if that drives up the expectations to do a gift? Darn it, Taylor, it’s too soon to be worrying about this yet!

[@BreandanAnraoi]

Christmas is probably too soon for panic, but don't worry! Valentines is coming just over a month later, perfectly timed for unrealistic pressure 😂

[@taylor_green_9]

I'd say you can't go wrong with a small, simple gift. It can be meaningful to a moderate degree, but it can't be expensive. Just make sure it doesn't scream "grand gesture", and you'll be fine

[@christopherlundgren1700]

Here’s a wild idea. Now, hear me out. You could try asking him if he wants to exchange gifts. And if yes, set some reasonable limitations.

[@taylor_green_9]

@@christopherlundgren1700 Right! Clear and open communication is also a perfect way to never go wrong

[@lincolnyaco5626]

She (and her writers) is very funny...and insightful!

[@lowstringc]

Man here who is probably more excited than his wife about apple picking. It’s good.

[@KJiiFrost]

Apple picking is a chore, not a date

[@angguaa]

As a professional apple picker, I don't understand what's the deal here? There's plenty of couples picking together year after year. I met my imaginary wife in the orchard...

[@nikalyn5398]

I've never seen her in a different hair style! She looks amazing! :))

[@yew2oob954]

I never thought I'd identify as a woman...but Taylor asking for a wife has me feeling like a strong empowered woman. 👩🏽

[@KxNOxUTA]

Listen there, trans women aren't unsure about themselves feeling like women other than maybe the super early phase. So beware6to cone of ass the cis male impostor creep who gives real trans women a bad name in the books of uneducated sexists. That's not how you wanna show up and leave impressions, regardless if them being intentional or accidental. Pull yourself the hell together. Privilege looks like very ugly abuser look on everyone, these days, who's not decent enough to make up for is by being at their most kind and humane. Now get out and don't come back until you know how to be respectful towards peer humans, regardless of your gender, gender identity or sexuality.

[@AdrianColley]

"Taylor's Wyf'd" - a reality show in which we find a wife (or wyf, if you will) for Taylor Tomlinson; in Old English style.

[@eyeyayayay]

CBS is *trying*, Taylor: they keep making you mention that "Tracker" guy every five minutes...

[@OvSpP]

Man, do wish I could be part of dating 😢

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Hey Taylor I’m into laughing, coffee?

[@danielsykes7558]

1:45 and society

[@Axolotl_Mischief]

Socks are the most favorite part of my wardrobe. A sock with a hole in it is like a girlfriend telling me that she 'doesn't get art'. They are DONE. BUT... Give me socks for Christmas and I WILL marry you.

[@AnnoyingMoose]

In Sep. 2000 I met my first wife online (she died in 2016) and in Sep. 2022 I met someone online that I will marry in Apr. 2025.

[@Goni983]

Somebody did a bad job at surveying college students lol, Wayy more meet ups there than I have seen in any other setting .

[@LindaVernon]

Meet-ups and relationahips not quite the same thing. 😃

[@notme222]

The whole graph has Survivorship bias. Some methods are naturally more likely to lead to long-term relationships, and some for hookups. So you get different results between 30-year relationships and 1-year ones, regardless of societal trends.

[@TheXomas]

Taylor is totally a 10 if not an 11. Humor goes a long way.

[@BoMwarriorVlog]

Graph starts at 1:07

[@the.austinclark]

I’ll be your wife, Taylor ❤

[@ataxius86]

Love you Taylor ❤

[@KingOfMadCows]

Just like it says in the bible, Eve ate from the tree of knowledge and realized Adam wasn't right for her.

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

2:15 Hey, CBS, this sexism has to stop!

[@3DJapan]

Wait, you can meet people online?

[@peterisawesomeplease]

Yes but it has really negative effects. The combination of it emphasizing looks and de-emphasizing consequences creates even more distribution problems than dating used to have. A small number of people have huge numbers of matches and go on endless dates while most people only get a very small number of matches. Even without considering gender this generally results in less happy people. Both those who fail and those who succeed are generally less happy in this situation. People are having less and less sex and are less and less satisfied with it compared to pre-internet. There are lots of research papers about it.

[@dhotnessmcawesome9747]

Taylor's lookin eh? I'm single. Canadian. NeverevereveEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEver Trumper and I own... my... own.... home. I KNOW! I know.

[@FadingVitals]

Can’t believe that Taylor doesn’t find a Wife. She’s a keeper!

[@QueenMegaera]

Ok, but I feel like "the dancefloor" is missing from that graph. All the older couples in my family met while out dancing. What does that count as on the graph? 🤔 Is that just not a thing in America? 😂

[@peterisawesomeplease]

Probably falls under bars/restaurant or maybe under friends. But yea the death of social dancing sucks. Not only because people miss out on it as a way to meet and it being fun in and of itself, but also because even if you do go now the scene is so much more insular. It used to be full of intermediates just doing it for fun. Now its full of complete beginners and insanely good people.

[@AdrianColley]

First, we in the clerb. Then, we all fam.

[@vanessamgates6018]

I love apple picking, but I end up in an apple throwing fight which makes it much for fun.

[@bluesdjben]

So if I'm interpreting this correctly, my parents have an orchard, so I should never take them to meet my parents?

[@KxNOxUTA]

No, you should meet them and you can even have a nice stroll through it. Just don't take them apple picking. If you wanna pick apples, go seperately and each of you can e.g. take friends and one of the parents, or helpers etc.

[@tejaswoman]

Or you could meet up with your parents at a restaurant

[@andonbailey9656]

I doubt Taylor reads these boards but on the off chance. As to Taylor's Who I'd like to submit myself. As to the where, northern MN. Why? Does Taylor still have daddy issues? I have to be close to her father's age. Second argument, I have a dead mom too. Bonus, Taylor is already in therapy so half of my work is done. Last argument Taylor once said she wanted someone who earned less then she does. I totally do that.

[@SteampunkALIEN]

You're a 10 Taylor. You just don't know it !

[@ERMediaOfficial]

I'd date Taylor, my wife would love her 🥰

[@tejaswoman]

Hmm, if CBS gets her a couple, then she has somebody to kill the bugs AND somebody to plan the holidays.

[@edwardcote2440]

I volunteer as tribute. When do you want dinner every day? Do you have any food allergies? I can also do the grocery shopping,. I love Aldi.

[@armikstepanyan9677]

I volunteer being Taylor’s wife!

[@Rj-pw7zs]

60% of relationships starting online explains why we're fucked as a society.

[@ThoughtsonThoughtsandFeelings]

Hooray for online

[@williamreilly2567]

I used to LOVE going apple picking, but that was mainly cuz the orchard sold fresh baked goods so I'd leave there with probably 2 or 3 dozen donuts, a couple pies and whatever else made my man-brain say "mmm, we need those too". Of course it was hideously overpriced but that's kinda the point of going, right?

[@carnivalcat]

Give Taylor a wife!

[@hayatoochiai1642]

I would ❤ a pair of socks from TT 😂

[@SilenceNate]

Orchard, Apples, Sex, Break ups: Why isnt this the perfect Adam and Eve joke? It seems perfectly ordained by God?

[@solvseus]

Pam Bondi is the replacement pick since Matt Gaetz dropped out. She once stole a dog. Seriously. Watch out for Kristi Noem!

[@ZachsMind]

2:29 "...I'm not hot enough to get on The Great British Baking Show. They only let tens on that show." Did Taylor even ask them if they'd put her on their show? She's an eleven I mean, what's her problem? Doesn't she know that she's better than ten?

[@AdrianColley]

She got onto _Is It Cake?,_ so I'm sure she could get on _Bake Off._ But I've seen her insomniac cake skills, so maybe she could be a judge and just banter with Sue Perkins.

[@LtPowers]

I'm surprised college is so low on the list.

[@Underscore182]

Time for Evie to make a cameo.

[@TheYorkRose]

Taylor is hotter than everyone who has ever been near GBBO, I fully don't understand what she means at all in that joke lol

[@dingdong4567]

Online dating is great though, for example once had a match and after many words decided to meet for a couple of minutes at a parking place, after smalltalk for a minute went in for a kiss and was surprised to not get pushed away even though we got pretty naughty over text Then she drove away to continue her work and that was 3 years ago, we still happily together

[@puppetpalklimp]

Sex Apples is my new stage name

[@zwipify]

You wanna talk about apple picking? Ask how it went for Adam and Eve 😂

[@frankswarbrick7562]

Taylor, I dare say most people here find you to be a 10!

[@KxNOxUTA]

No, because he have no urge to rate people like objects, so you don't talk for anyone but yourself.

[@noxteryn]

This is actually a poor metric, because "online" can mean so many different things. It can mean anything from dating apps to book clubs and gaming communities. Currently, most of my friends have moved to different countries, so I talk to them online. If I met someone through them, it would count as "online" instead of as "friends". With the exception of dating apps specifically, everyone else meets online in pretty much the same way, and I would wager that most couples who've met "online" did so through online communities, not dating apps.

[@jmcg982]

Apple picking😂

[@shifttheshaman]

Hold out for Evie Colbert in next year's contract negotiations.

[@LycanLink]

I don't think myself worthy of Taylor, but a guy can dream. 🥰 I also doubt she'd date a 39yo that has a cartoon avatar. 😅

[@YeeSoest]

Hey, we have Birthdays too...and yeah, there's gifts... You should know, it's that day where you call your bestie before and after sex even though you've been married for 8 years now and should know the drill 😂 Also Come on, girl ... you don't need her pity anyway, you just want to flex your naughty side and that's fine but don't start the call like "can you imagine..." Yes she can she's my ex 😊

[@RevYars]

You can walk at parkrun, there's no requirement to run. And it's not a "running club". You're welcome.

[@farcebrook]

run Tailor, run

[@pikeyMcBarkin]

I'm still not getting a dating app.

[@DarkPesco]

I'm sorry you feel so down about my 15 year, ongoing, happy, sex 8-10 times/week, 2 child, met-on-OKCupid marriage. I sense you feel neglected and left out...like you aren't having any fun or getting anything out of your current relationship. I'm having the time of my life with my wife! Perhaps finding someone online is an easier winnowing process for the compatible and correct mate...? Does that mean all of society is bad? No! Just the ones who make meeting compatible souls nearly impossible...in other words: MAGA! You are right, though...the red hats are a good clue! And both men and women wear that MAGA crap so it makes it much easier today in public.

[@teelo12000]

So I'm gonna call BS on that graph claiming 0.03% of couples met online in 1983 considering the world wide web wasnt invented until '89.

[@dave_gutteridge]

Usenet, BBS, and other online networks existed before the web. People met through them.

[@crimsonoakshadow]

Usenet and BBSes had existed for a while by 1983, as indeed the infant internet so it's not beyond the realm of possibility.

[@The45thClown]

The internet didn’t start with the www. BBS, chat rooms, mintel (France) were all popular in 80s and used for dating/hooking up. Computer matchmaking services (questionnaires, then analysis by computer) were around in the mid 60s.

[@JohnnyBurnes]

Well, .02% were nerds humping their computers.

[@marekzynek2633]

how can singles brake up? and with who?

[@Tiajuan]

Idk what's going on but Taylor needs to stop looking so goddamn fine! I'm married goddamn it!

[@KxNOxUTA]

What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you making your poor emotion regulation her business? It's not a compliment. It's just telling on yourself. Where's your wife? We need to talk. She needs to have an exit strategy ready, cause you're doing such a poor job of being an accountable partner!

[@Tiajuan]

@KxNOxUTA Jesus christ dude it's a joke 😆

[@thatotherjohnc]

Tune in every night to be reminded about the election and not escape from reality.

[@H43N]

date me taylor

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

2:34 omg someone I know in life just went on a reality show! For The Love Of DILFS, season 3, hosted by Stormy Daniels!

[@PurushaDesa]

You needed _that guy_ to wear _that hat_ before you avoided him? Yeesh.

[@CoyoteLofi]

Whatever, bro. I dig apple picking.

[@justicerainz]

Oh no, people don't find love through family anymore!

[@barrettpickett5603]

Honey you ain't got to run we can jog past Johnny Appleseed's girlfriend.

[@Tonyhouse1168]

So no teacher role play then..? :/