Relationships After Rape | Shelby St. Pierre | TEDxHamlineUniversity

[@mostaccero]

Thank you for this video I'm a boyfriend trying to understand and help my love how to surpass her traumatic experiences.

[@theotherside8846]

Me too man, its tough but we have to stay strong. I know your struggle.

[@mrsandman8203]

We are in this together .

[@trenbolognejabroni9983]

Same man, researching a bunch of videos.

[@mostaccero]

@Eli Aurelio we are still together and She is better than ever, thank you all

[@SuperBaadMan]

same here, you a real one brother

[@mandyfebres8975]

Today's marks exactly 6 years since I had been drugged and taken by 3 men that had been over twice my age. They left me on my front lawn whenever I guess they were done. I only remember being in a jeep and my neighbor being on top of me and someone else in the car too. I feel so alone. I'm terrified of doing anything alone. I can't go for a walk, or even sit out front. I live alone too. There's some days I feel extremely depressed and don't really want to live anymore because it feels like this is never going to go away. Everything just seems exhausting because I have to constantly remind myself that I'm safe. I'm 27 and my family doesn't acknowledge that it happened either. My mom just tells me that he said sorry and that I need to move on and stop being negative... I've been having reoccurring dreams for months now too. I am seeking help but idk. I just feel extremely alone

[@ashleymcm405]

Mandy, you may be physically alone, but I am your sister in spirit and am asking if it’s ok to hug you right now? Take some of the strength that I have worked so hard to learn, and know that you will be strong in ways you never knew so that you can share it too.....

[@LarennPBel]

I’m so sorry for what happened to u. I hope ur having a better day today or when ever u read this❤️❤️

[@shabbirkhan6015]

Find a life partner who will take you out of all this and give you new memories to survive for a happy life.......

[@WitchyShelbs]

So sorry this happened to you and thank you for sharing. You are not alone and you have many people out here that have gone through something similar and traumatic. Have you reached out to a therapist? Therapy will help immensely. I strongly suggest that, along with finding people you love that will support you. Keep the supportive people in your life and push the toxic people out. Message me, if you would like to discuss further about supports out there. I am here for you.

[@AndraSterian]

@@shabbirkhan6015 you actually used your brain to think and type that

[@charliewilson9085]

"i learned to expect a trigger" that's so sadly true

[@charliewilson9085]

Wolverine Logan wdym

[@kevinsmith4814]

expect a trigger.... this is universal.... I will take heed to this message for general life knowledge. im easily triggered and angered. you all survived something I never experienced, I could truly utilize you all coping methods that bring you all peace.

[@ishtargurl]

I start therapy next week. Thank you for this important video.

[@milzdechnik846]

Well done on taking that step ❤️ You're very strong x

[@candacemalfoy228]

I hate hugs, and people tell me I should. They basically hug shame me. I hate being touched.

[@irenesantander3340]

In my own experience, I crave hugs however I'm scared to get it or be touched unexpectedly

[@asandezuma3768]

Same😭i hate being touched on my shoulders.

[@barbarafrancis5196]

Only my husband knew, he's gone now and I'm terrified of dating again and just waiting for the same to happen again. I'm 67 and still cannot trust a new man. My husband knew but now he's gone and I'm terrified again.

[@arbizu27]

I am so sorry to hear that. Wish you the best

[@kevinsmith4814]

you have children you could live with? or a favorite family member of the same gender?

[@littlewhale8086]

It happened today, I don’t know how to feel or how I’m supposed to fell. I just froze and now I’m going over all the things I did to make her think that I wanted it

[@WitchyShelbs]

you are not alone, so sorry this happened to you. find a counselor that will help you heal, one that you trust. It is not easy but it will help. talk to someone. find ways to cope and take care of yourself. giving the talk was something the helped me on my healing journey but it is truly never over. I have good days and bad days. you are loved and you have worth. remind yourself that everyday.

[@rclastname3829]

You did ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong. Please remember that.

[@apurvashyam620]

Hugs

[@aiandyikanova3729]

Hope you’re doing better nowadays. Lots of love to you 💛

[@agirloncrack4413]

Im sorry for you , it happened for me 4 years ago and it’s has been recent I started talking about it

[@janeosisiogu138]

When you said your diagnosis I laughed because I was also diagnosed with all three of those as well. Touch gives me anxiety. I hate when people are close to me now..

[@growandglow1258]

🥺I'm with you on this

[@SpEvcoo96]

Acting like it did not happen will work for the short term..but it will not last..it will come out in your future..again and again..reach out NOW and KNOW..you were NOT responsible!!!

[@AndraSterian]

It came out after 3 years for me.

[@Iamchi137]

For me it just came out after 45years I did all I could to forget and I tot I did until today , he I was9 when my uncle molested me it does come out in the future

[@Iamchi137]

I meant to say I was just 9Years Old when it happened

[@divyagundampati5]

Thanks I needed this

[@AngelHopeSilverbullet]

The nightmares never really go away for me 😇🥲 but I never stop trying to overcome what happened to me and I know that I’ve even pushed my family away my friends.

[@kiahalong8612]

Thank you for this as a survivor as well I have ocd and trauma after my own. Constantly cleaning this was moving needed to hear this.

[@audreysmith5855]

I have the same story. thank you for this video. I do not feel so alone anymore. 2 years later and I still go through times of denial. And I experience the triggers everyday.

[@tonycook7679]

I hope you have had some relief from this telling of your experience. I do know that part of the trauma comes from feeling the need to conceal what happened and I am sure that this public talk will help in finally putting those restrictions to bed. It is a sad thing that so many women discover that assault like this comes from simply trusting men to behave and to respect them as people first and not just someone to take advantage of when vulnerable.

[@Emo_Queen]

I was 12 when it happened. The abuser was someone who worked for us. It wasn't the end, it was the beginning of a life long abuse, although it happened when I was that young, it lasted for 2 years, after that was years of being in denial. To this day, men terrify me, I thought I found love but my hesitation towards intimacy drove that away too, the last time I was assaulted was three weeks ago. I try my best to challenge my emotions in music and in powerlifting. I hope who ever that had the urge to look this video up knows that you aren't alone. You're special and I'm here for you.❤️

[@waterarmadillo]

Thank you very much for sharing this with us. Is helping me to understand how to be there for someone I love that's been through this. Thank you xxx

[@reek4062]

she shared her body

[@catbatfishie]

Happened back in December and May with an ex. I just told a doctor for the first time. I cried. She's the only one who knows. Right now I don't even like my mother to hug me. The idea of being touched by anyone, even holding hands is enough to make me panic. Thank you for sharing this video.

[@livliv4169]

Thank you so much for sharing your bravery and survivorship. It is truly helpful to not feel so alone but it is also very heartbreaking that this happened to you. Your story is so very much like mine. I wish you the best of a loving, safe and peaceful path of healing and rediscovery of happiness. 💚

[@TheCalypso14]

this is so healing...thank you for your courage

[@rogerborras607]

Thank you very much for sharing this with all of us. You're very brave and strong. You'll get through it completely, I believe it very much. Lots of love. Roger.

[@reek4062]

she shared her body with lots of men

[@soniachetty6899]

Thank you for this video , I felt suicidal this evening after remembering what has happened to me .

[@ameliah8758]

ALWAYS remember that you are loved and you are worthy of LOVE❤❤❤

[@siiiriously3226]

I feel you. it actually helps to know someone is going through the same. we can do this! send you much love!

[@Byeleavemealone2]

I feel suicidal

[@tiffanylluvy8880]

It’s been 8 days since my assault and I wake up like it’s groundhogs day and having a bad lsd trip that’s never ending- idk when the pain will end

[@MissMaeww]

It's truly horrible to live through. You are not alone, and we support you. We cannot let the bad ones win.

[@MyRyleighGirl]

You may never see my comment but I have to say how very brave & strong I think you are. You have helped so many just by speaking out. 🔊 Even though we don't know one another, I am so proud of you! I hope you continue on your life long healing journey to keep speaking out, we need to be heard! Sincerely, Another Survivor of abuse ❤ 💚 💙

[@persydiangelo8461]

I wish I had seen this before I hurt her. I didn't know how to help as a boyfriend, and now I cant help at all. I'm so sorry Lars. I hope you can forgive me some day.

[@dakotaviolette]

Help them get through this instead of telling them to get over it. 🙏

[@patc2515]

Survivors, both men and women, need to get professional help and to be willing to be vulnerable enough to help that process to work. There is no substitute for professional help and a personal will and desire to let that professional help work. There is absolutely no way around it. If only other Survivors could find a way or if their support network could find a way to help them to see this early vs wondering alone in a downward spiral. Too often, we try everything to cope with trauma and seek real professional help last. As a society, we must reverse that order and engage in our recovery and cultivate the growth and healing we so strongly desire. In no better.

[@kevinsmith4814]

yeh something like doesnt deserve the victim to go looking for help, help like this should be advertised more and more. a ladies retreat... mix it in with other vices.... some fun fun fun w/o male predators lls. it could work.

[@derachokolate]

I will definitely show this to my girlfriend. Thank you so much for this ❤️

[@bigkj2.027]

Sad 😥

[@bigkj2.027]

Why men can't just keep well enough alone

[@bigkj2.027]

This will help alot of men understand what there woman went through

[@user-pp1ko3be6p]

even the word hurts and triggers me

[@palapalak.8907]

Thank you do much for sharing. U are wise beyond your years! Excellent advise! Best speaker on this topic I have ever heard.

[@dawnbonderczuk770]

Good job - you really nail the feelings and experiences

[@ewoodify]

Happens all the time in relationships no means no.

[@araceliguerrero3191]

I am so traumatized I could not believe you wore that short skirt and not felt scared, you look amazing, I want to wear dresses again one day

[@shennyrusli]

Thank you for this video,it’s so helpful,many rapes was happened by an acquintance

[@shekinahcanillo4797]

Thank you so much 😭💕 it's helpful.

[@drishti1838]

"get over it" is such a bs thing to say for someone who is suffering mentally

[@chrisbustos5321]

She recently opened up to me, it happened nearly two years ago when she was 15, we’ve been together for well two years and I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to help, don’t know how to feel. I need help.

[@anthonyissak3102]

You gotta love on her bro, understand it’s not her fault. Show her love & tell her it’s not her fault.

[@mikahist4155]

just try making good memories. if she has a problem moving around in the day time- go for walking with her in the night. give her books to read about it. watch comedies with her- laughter is the best medicine. accept when she dont want to talk much. give her a first aid box: bath bombs, essential oils that will make her feel good (aroma therapy) , find out what calms her.. organize some hiking trips, if she likes nature. most of all both dont forget to think about future: make a affirmation board: visualize both where you wanna stand in 5-10 years. where you wanna live, how you wanna live. the more in detail you visualize how the next steps will be for a better future the more realistic it is that it will happen like you visualized ( visualizing is a technique that is used in sports as a preperation to give the required performance for winning!) much love from europe, emi

[@kevinsmith4814]

be her knight in shining armor around her triggers, if you know them.... as a matter of fact that's one thing I never asked my wife of 9yrs, what are her triggers. she cries every time she speaks on it. and this was over 20yrs ago.

[@epicmonkey6663]

their isn't much to be said just simply listening being their and supportive and understanding goes a long way and sometimes find positive distractions that you know can help comfort when she is upset

[@jinchuriki7022]

Family blaming you is even more trauma.

[@efegeniosojr.5885]

brave strong woman god bless always...

[@snoozyq9576]

I have all but given up on love. I'm here because I want to change that. I want to be whole. I'm done pretending things didn't happen.

[@lillyo2638]

A trigger but needed to hear it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@kevinsmith4814]

stay strong lilly

[@estherodeh210]

Thank you 💕 I hope am able to help my self and my relationship again I don't want to loose my relationship anymore

[@shivakumarv301]

First you are angry, guilty and frightened. You donot speak even when forced to the person. But you know that the other person had no other choice. You see the world from a different perspective. Your dreams are shattered. You wanted to be loved not used. You wanted to be true and expected the same forme other side. You donot know where you are heading to.

[@monicagingerich3514]

A helpful video. Thanks for sharing

[@ant1724]

It must have been hard for her to experience intimacy after that traumatic experience.

[@Audreyreagan.s]

It’s hands down the worst thing

[@tanyaharris8492]

Thank you for sharing.

[@rebbeccafinch5082]

❤ thank you for sharing.

[@hiroshinohara2359]

Is it easy to get proper relief? For 10 years i m suffering from with that problems in every single day. I can't get out of my head. There is no one to help me in my family. They always probe me wrong. Can you tell me how i relief from this

[@leonievirginia259]

hi Hiroshi, know that you are NOT alone. Please reach out and get some professional therapy. You can do this.

[@hiroshinohara2359]

@@leonievirginia259 thank you

[@WitchyShelbs]

@@hiroshinohara2359 you are not alone. my counselor has helped me a lot. find one that can help you and give you self care and coping methods. survivors have to find a way to live with the trauma, it is not easy. doing this tedx talk was a helpful part of my healing journey. I have good days and bad days. take care of yourself.

[@ebeth2282]

Reiki and therapy have been helping me heal

[@kevinsmith4814]

talking to a confidante. my wife has been dealing with her multiple attacks tween age 7 & 14 for over 20yrs. the older we get the less distractions we have to keep us from thinking of it. Find that closure if you can, bring support, incase butts need kicking. we all want the perp to feel the same hurt the vic feels.

[@joyceadegboyega8524]

Everyone who has experienced trauma has different triggers with PTSD .

[@chantelann]

I related to this so much

[@lovedforevermum2085]

So sad

[@desertflower6751]

Very very brave and beautiful soul 💜💜💜

[@The_Carolean]

I wanna help my girlfriend so bad.

[@WitchyShelbs]

Ask her what she needs and start with that. Encourage therapy and give her space unless she doesn’t want space. Everyone responds to trauma so differently so asking what she needs is a very powerful first step of support right after showing her you believe her.

[@GreyGreenGod]

@@WitchyShelbs I often ask my girlfriend to seek therapy and she won’t listen. I know I can’t force her but she really does need help that I can’t give her.

[@bacchus9389]

@@GreyGreenGod Have you offered to help in the process of searching for a therapist? It isn’t an easy process

[@kevinsmith4814]

closure

[@caitlin5508rules]

Thank you

[@Lissalistudio]

Love you, sweet girl 💕

[@Byeleavemealone2]

Me and my boyfriend just broke up . I know it’s bc of the r word

[@delainawilliams4063]

See if your insurance offers therapy, there is also group therapy which can be more affordable. That’s the safest space to seek help, then when your comfortable share with who you can but keep the support of your therapist

[@kevinsmith4814]

that's whack, things like the R word made me want to be there more. did he think he couldn't protect you?

[@Byeleavemealone2]

@@delainawilliams4063 a year later and now I’m calling ty . I really do need therapy

[@beverlynelsin8833]

I'm truly sorry u went thru that I hope some day u forgive him and can move on and yes please belive none of it was your fault u did nothing wronge

[@anuhyavenna]

It happened and nobody believed me. The End

[@katiejohnston6783]

So scared!

[@lifewithnosibusisodingaan6411]

I can relate

[@Deeznutz0811]

Life With Nosibusiso Dingaan hang in there ma’am. We all searched for this video for a reason. Keep being strong💯

[@siiiriously3226]

it's not your fault. it's not your shame to carry. we are capable of healing from this. I hope you have support. much love!

[@lifewithnosibusisodingaan6411]

Thank you so much sisters

[@andiswakona5410]

I hope you're feeling better

[@jkwellness1639]

Can someone refer help for me? This is probably the 10 time but I'm clean now. Some days I think im dead he killed me.

[@WitchyShelbs]

You are alive but probably feel like he took something from you. I know that feeling. I know what it feels like to be damaged and broken. We have to pick up the pieces, everyday and live with the awful things done to us. you are not alone. find help, talk to someone. it is not easy but you have worth, you are alive. we are all alive to find our own meaning. we can all help each other. have hope, we are all worth it.

[@zizendorf]

Contact a local women's shelter. They will have knowledge to help you access help that may be local and affordable (maybe even free). There are resources - good ones. Make the phone call, for your self and your future. Kind regards!

[@kevinsmith4814]

@@zizendorf everyone should like your comment.

[@benjaminperez2326]

My name is Tracy. I came back from a trip when I was 18 years old to my large family home. When I arrived home, were three male exchange students from Brazil. This was the early 1970s. We went to party and we all had been drinking. Rogerio came into my room and assaulted me. I was so afraid of my father that I couldn’t say anything because I was so afraid of rocking the boat. It was a very terrible time in my life. However, I was able to forgive him to his face. FORGIVE

[@katiejohnston6783]

A very good story!

[@katiejohnston6783]

Good!

[@katiejohnston6783]

Well done for sharing your story !

[@katiejohnston6783]

Wellldone!

[@katiejohnston6783]

Very frightentning!

[@jeffreyrichardson]

Doug Brothers RIP

[@shivakumarv301]

A dream of true love is myth. A dream of faith and devotion is laughed at. Atleast a boy should be a play boy and not faithful to his spouse

[@nursetinalouise]

Right!

[@katiejohnston6783]

Poor woman!

[@azorahai96]

i cant write my opinion

[@virtuoso1064]

God Bless every one

[@janedenktasli3064]

Ever heard of victim blaming? I do find it strange that she's comfortable like that though...not judging, I'm just surprised she doesn't feel uncomfortably exposed.

[@caitlinsampson5456]

It took her 4 years to be comfortable enough in her body to be able to wear that. Why question it? Be happy for her.

[@virtuoso1064]

@@caitlinsampson5456 very true I am taking that message down. Thank you

[@biggooeyyy]

that was a setup with her friends

[@kevinsmith4814]

that's what I was saying. a setup. poor choice of friends had to be learned in one of the worst ways.

[@hobynasandratra8970]

really poignant story!

[@anchoredspiritpodcast]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾💖💖💖💖

[@lysandercharles6671]

SHELBY WHERE ARE ALL YOUR RELATIVES IN ALL THIS. ARE YOU ALONE IN THE WORLD. WHY NO MENTION OF THEM.

[@siiiriously3226]

many people have unsupportive families. our habe survived abuse from them to begin with. this is not uncommon.

[@yourpalcraig]

How tall are you?

[@kevinsmith4814]

most women are shunned by their relatives. my wife's mother blamed her and my wife was 7yrs old. like wtf.

[@oddhumourofficial]

ladies stop talking to chads

[@GreyGreenGod]

Are you an incel or something?

[@kevinsmith4814]

unless chad is a N.E.R.D. lol

[@nickafanasyev6550]

It rimes with grape.But it ain’t fun kiddos!

[@ewan5536]

what is she wearing🤦‍♂

[@leroyblackzilla9749]

Remember, when a women says no, tell her she's being islamophobic.' - The Quran, probably

[@sko3925]

What ? You drunk buddy ?

[@vermilliongecko]

What are you on?

[@katejames2054]

???

[@Ezequiel55vf]

I get it now 😐

[@juliaplaga2314]

Get help

[@lospolloshermanos5659]

horrible tattoo on her arm

[@mistresslondon448]

I share an April ‘anniversary’ with you xxxx sending love and strength xxxx