Good Sex Isn't About Knowing What You're Doing | Sarah Byrden | TEDxVail

[@toddbowles]

She is absolutely correct. We're confused between our minds expectations and what down deep we really want and need.

[@hojofan]

@Plumbing Inspector Contractor As a woman speaking here, some of us women know exactly what we want but the frustrating thing is when you make it clear to the man and he wants to what he's wants to do and doesn't listen. I know exactly what I want and don't want and make myself clear to him but then get accused of being controlling just because I know how to express what I need. Makes me sad and frustrated.

[@minagica]

I don't even know what I need -_-

[@diaperdude6163]

>"We're confused between our minds expectations and what down deep we really want and need." Nah. I just want a cat girl waifu.

[@soulfuzz368]

Todd Bowles it’s very true but it is missing one thing. Many people don’t know what they need and require someone to show them, this is where the “knowing what you are doing” part come in. I think she is right about the problem but the solution still has some practical aspects.

[@NICEFINENEWROBOT]

"what down deep we really want and need." Then, unexperienced as we are, we let it out, it becomes awkward, and we get despised. And that's it?

[@AvzBiker4Life]

This happens when you are genuinely connected to your partner, the souls just do their love making and it’s just the best feeling ever! Thank you :)

[@blissreframed1681]

Thus is soo True! People are missing the soul lick, that connection that bonds💖

[@kosterix123]

yes, happened with two girls, never with others. It's highly sought after.

[@milad.m]

First time I watched this, I didn’t understand, I was like: but how?.. fast forward 3 years, and an amazing woman later, this completely makes sense. Thanks Sarah.

[@shahrazade26]

This talk really hit home. She made me realize that I cannot be myself or concentrate on what I'm feeling because I am being judged and expected to perform. I don't know where I'll go from here but she gave me a starting point and a road map. Thanks.

[@SasoriLuva15]

What you write is so incredibly relatable!

[@ajflamingo5839]

shahrazade26 The expectations society has put on men to be high level performers inside and outside the bedroom are grossly unfair and largely unaddressed. We all must endeavor to release this damaging idea. Brené Brown has done some amazing research on ways to heal the shame that is at the root of this. I recommend her book, “Daring Greatly” for answers.

[@ixxgxx]

I focus on the beauty of her wrists and her back and transport each other somewhere else during the caressing.

[@By.daniieel]

@@ixxgxx damn you should write a poem

[@ramasodimalete2699]

🔥🔥🔥

[@5piecekit]

I think this kind of talk makes sense to people who can easily improvise in the moment, like musicians who are used to showing up and jamming without any preconceived objective. Just putting the biggest pair of ears on and being willing to follow wherever the moment takes us. Of course there is no guarantee you'll make music, but that willingness to be open, fearless and sensitive to another makes for great lovemaking when the chemistry is there.

[@msmith53]

Perfectly in tune!

[@williamharvey1992]

What a gift is this lady at 75 a great awakening

[@gabriellesinclair971]

How did you guys miss her point? She was saying that you should just be present and try to enjoy the journey with your partner not rush to the end goal. The Journey is full of different sensations and experiences. You have to get out of your head and be aware of your body that is all.

[@dwightk.schruteiii8454]

Gabrielle Sinclair But that doesn’t say anything practical. Its an incomplete thought.

[@gabriellesinclair971]

Kev Man456 she's not suggesting anything specific because everyone has a different body and would like different things what she's saying to to find out what you really would enjoy instead of routine rushing to climax or faking enjoyment

[@xplorethings]

@@gabriellesinclair971 It's an incomplete though, plus one that really ignores reality. No matter how much I enjoy different parts of a meal, at some point I will eat it just to be full. Every now and then you can stop to appreciate again, but it's not an experience that happens every time, nor should it.

[@dwightk.schruteiii8454]

Gabrielle Sinclair But creating practical examples, though it cannot be tailored to every individual in the audience because everyone has a different body, would at least give an idea of what she means by what she’s saying.

[@gabriellesinclair971]

Kev Man456 she's wants them to discover it themselves it's better for people to feel than being told what to do. Also It's a ted talk also I don't think they would show anything that graphic.

[@frankandricciola9782]

Great speaker. Time for us to let go, no inhibitions, better self esteem. It’s not about the game, it’s about the journey

[@weethree2070]

there is no "game". If you make it a game, it isn't real.

[@shiryang3490]

if we hold back emotion the body will hold back pleasure and our capacity for compassion!

[@imightfixit]

Spot on

[@jrsboom9598]

That’s beautiful

[@jasonhaveten5608]

Yeah... And when you show emotion to a woman you know what will happen...

[@PhillMagGamerDad]

@@jasonhaveten5608 , no idea. What will happen?

[@jasonhaveten5608]

@@PhillMagGamerDad see will see you as one of her friends and loss all attraction for you. Who likes a leader that shows it's emotion? You think you would like to see it, but when you do, it is re-election time.

[@jamesriesterer1141]

This woman has gifted us all, through her presentation, with the essence for more radically fulfilling lives. In humble gratitude 🙏🏻.

[@amlasaad5178]

Good❤

[@aurianepuignero2410]

Sense8 vibes, anyone? I think this is the same message this serie was trying to broadcast. Beautiful. Thank you so much for explaining a train of thought and emotions that should be elemental.

[@saggifire]

First, our purpose for being on this spiritual plane is to find out who we are. Second, when we understand that, our choices of lovers will be with those who want to be with us as much as we want to be with them. There will be no doubt. There will be no guilt or outside distractions.Just being in that moment.

[@Alex-nw1fr]

Well said

[@Ra-rg1vk]

Your purpose here isn't to find out who you are but to feel feelings and to conquer all things bad

[@cjpatz]

Media makes us feel like we’re doing it all wrong. When I just let things a flow and not think so much, disregard what I’ve seen and learned. It just happens.

[@beatrixbliss276]

Religion is what made me feel like what lm doing is all wrong.

[@PassionateStrawberry]

We are living in a time where cell phones are becoming more important than an actual connection. Blessed are those who are mindful.

[@whoever79]

Blessed indeed are those who are mindful!

[@humaneleaguelancPA]

So true!

[@senubk]

Lll

[@Max-jo8mb]

This is one of the most deeply open and revealing conversation of pleasure I have heard.

[@degascochin]

Pointing out the internal points, she explained beautifully.... Great speach

[@EnriqueSalceda-k4v]

Omg a great talk, and she didnt even needed to mention genders, or make fun of anyone. I loved it.

[@loridecker-harring1737]

This is exactly why I can't forget! It was the one place I let all my inhibitions go, and I let myself be completely vulnerable with you...can you say the same?

[@curtismcdonald6461]

Fantastic presentation on the topic of intimacy. Excellent information. She provides a wonderful lens, highlighting the misconceptions we have about the exchanges of love, pleasure, bonding, etc. Excellent work!

[@graemeroberts2935]

Such truth and wisdom. Lovely!

[@DrRuben]

Love to see the link of emotions with our capacity for connection and then link it all back to the wisdom of pleasure as a guide (in essence the wisdom of our bodies). Thank you for sharing it through this lens!

[@bjulienem]

Deeeep!!

[@bartolome8834]

This is pretty pretty deep if you wanna listen and pay attention and apply to the real life

[@Space.Pimpin]

nah

[@mirageuc]

In a nutshell: Mindfulness.

[@maocharlisme]

Not quite. Although it is a major part of it!

[@fly12345678901]

@@maocharlisme hahah you talk like you'd know the answer and are not even giving any substance to your comment other than that.

[@lukefarren3409]

Mindfulness isn’t treating feelings and emotions as messengers, being mindful is simply paying attention in a non judgemental way. Trusting the wisdom of the body involves more than just mindfulness.

[@AngelLPena]

YES!!!!

[@Ssalongo1]

I could not agree more

[@DylanBegazo]

4:59 "What we are missing, is ourselves" Case and point.

[@starlightwhispers6781]

So eloquent and grounding. Wholesome in that it makes you think of the topic holistically rather than just being a slice of life

[@WilLSOwNs]

She is so right, you have to have your emotions engaged during that time of pleasure or you are a dead thing.

[@JulianNguyen-d9p]

Pointing out the internal points, she explained beautifully.... Great speach. Your explanation is so simple and simply beautiful. Thank you Sarah! .

[@ednavazquezmusica]

Great speech! This is the best pill for 'low libido'. Thank you!

[@weethree2070]

Applause! A standing ovation from me. This talk is excellent. So well scripted and so well delivered. It feels like this first time in many, many years that somebody says it like it is. Thank you.

[@weethree2070]

…and just for once, the title is click-bait, yes - but it is absolutely authentic and delivers what it promises!

[@bronwyndobbins282]

Wow, she is so right. Went from my ex Mr. 17 minutes of well that's another chore done, to now friend Mr. Cant get enough. He is amazing.

[@susanarupolo2212]

Thank you ,first time someone could express my feelings and why the people never guess this is a top experience.

[@kevintucker3354]

I knew this was a top experience with my first love at 19. She figured it out a few years later with a couple of kids from someone else and let me know with tears.

[@johnzimpelman9018]

It is never about the end results but rather true emotions and being connected. The examples we see say otherwise.

[@Lambert7785]

exactly, and it's always fun and pleasant to just be your real inner self and let it happen - sometimes it's super fulfilling

[@stephaniefortney22]

She is spot on…. Extremely insightful

[@lynnmarieanderson1744]

Very honest and real talk. She had guts to say it!!!

[@sammyjo2852]

Our hearts and our bodies are intimately connected for sure!

[@madgemackles4337]

Props to the ladies who can absolutely let go during the journey of coitus

[@Warrior1Spartan]

In other words: "Happiness lies in the journey, not the destination."

[@shirleykurtz]

Great journeys lead to great destinations!

[@humaneleaguelancPA]

Love your name, do you believe you were a Spartan in a past life?

[@Warrior1Spartan]

@@humaneleaguelancPA I used to think that, or at least that I could've been.

[@humaneleaguelancPA]

@@Warrior1Spartan If you think you were for whatever reason, you probably were. I work with Veterans with PTSD and I have felt they have been Spartan's in a past life. Mainly because they have shared with me, some unbelievable stories of fearlessness and brushes with death, that they can't explain. I have also dated a guy, we are in our 60's now and he was told by a teacher that he was a "leader" in another life, he also believed he was a Spartan. Pretty cool!

[@kevintucker3354]

We are all warriors in this life. The one who conquers hisself is the only hero to ever exist.

[@sososanchez3512]

Let this lady have the floor.. Absolutely amazing and nothing but the truth

[@Rachmanfan4life]

It’s terrible

[@blackh2o1]

Floor, dining room table, washing machine, porch swing, the stairs......

[@dylannoonan9751]

I literally clapped at the end. Well spoken.

[@khd7271]

I wish I could shake her hand. Preach on.

[@MrNemitri]

Communication is the key, I try to please my partners to the best of my ability, by asking if they like it, you can get instant feedback, and go from there, sometimes it is important to pay attention to body language too. We are not telepathic after all.

[@elizapedersen4702]

Right, you need to be unwrapping your own and your partner's expectations and feelings at the same time

[@CambrianCole]

Absolutely loved this message...the only thing which felt out of place, however, was the projected picture of kids at an aquarium towards the end 😂

[@MrYepic]

Without a script!great!I liked the spontaneity of her speech, and knowledge.

[@ReccaPatel]

Umm… is this satire?

[@beatciunia]

I got so emotional watching this and how true it is what you said ☺️

[@Dotexe245]

Just thinking about letting go with some of these heartless people in hook up culture is enough to make me want to cry. What she is describing is truth but difficult to do if you don't trust people.

[@worldwithoutwar8622]

Yes. Truth has to be combined with love . . . otherwise it leads to cruelty. I read that in a book called "Falling for Love"

[@lizicadumitru9683]

Hook up culture is the antithesis of what she speaks of

[@nathanielgray4235]

Right on

[@sunstatehousebuyers7856]

Hopefully, a lot of men will listen and understand this. It always takes two to make things work.

[@marks.7593]

You are right, but the woman needs to do something other than lay there silently saying "make it happen."

[@tanyatanu1]

This is amazing and aligns with what I had discovered for myself years ago. I hope this helps a lot of people understand the pleasure of being in that moment and feeling, getting closer. I suppose some people might be scared to feel vulnerable, but then there isn’t pleasure in simply performing the act.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Tetyana H interesting

[@Mik1-bf1dt]

Hi Tetyana how are you. Greetings from Ireland. Hope you’re safe from covid. It’s a good video. Your comment is very good. Best wishes for a lovely weekend 😊🙏 Michael

[@Bluemgwes]

Yeah this is of course a wonderful point and I agree with it full-heartedly, but when she asks "are you close?" nothing kills the mood faster or says "I am present" than that.

[@manujbhaskar9941]

Your explanation is so simple and simply beautiful. Thank you Sarah! 🙂

[@gabrielcaleb9277]

Wonderful talk.... a blessing in Byrden 's clothing....

[@leogarcia-cuesta5211]

It's a journey, not a job, so respect it and enjoy.

[@gd1465]

Sounds amazing. Not a performance but an adventure and discovery

[@anushkathetree]

Very insightful, thank you!!

[@shrimpysquad5821]

I resonated with "instead of calling their bluff"

[@gerardbraun8269]

From the Netherlands : Ik kijk geregeld naar TedX video's waarin bevlogen mensen hun passie, ervaringen en kennis delen over alle mogelijke onderwerpen die zij in hun leven beleven. Het onderwerp van deTedX lezing die ik met jullie wil delen kom ik op facebook niet of nauwelijks tegen, behalve soms in een "grap" die vaak meteen onze schizofrene verhouding tot sexualiteit weerspiegelt. Onderstaande lezing verwoordde voor mij precies waar het in dit leven over gaat en sloeg de spijker op zijn kop m.b.t. de fake cultuur waar wij door de vercommercialisering van onze "samen"-leving in terecht zijn gekomen. Niet alleen met onze sexualiteit maar ook met onze gezondheid. Ik hoop dat de moderators van facebook dit bericht toelaten. KZbin gelukkig nog wel.

[@kuuttinen]

To all the guys who worry that they didn't last long enough, as I tell my husband: it's the most honest compliment, the most amazing thing that I make you feel that amazing that you just can't hold it back. Seriously.

[@tahamalik5073]

God bless but not every lady thinks like that

[@kuuttinen]

@@tahamalik5073 Propably not. But neither do all think it's always bad. The opposite problem for me is MUCH worse.

[@tahamalik5073]

@@kuuttinen got it thanks

[@Jose-rj6nj]

Awwwwww that's so cute! I don't have that problem right now but I had it, and I would have loved hearing that and seeing that point of view. And besides, I want to add that you are right, there are women that don't like when you finish quick but there are other women that don't like when you last that long, so at the end of the day, every single person has different likes but the thing that I consider is more important is the attitude that both have! It's definitely everything

[@kuuttinen]

@@Jose-rj6nj I have experienced both sides, and I can tell you it's not at all funny when it takes 1.5h for him, especially if too often, it makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me tbh +it can literally be painful. I appreciate taking your time but on the other end(I mean long foreplay, making her feel like you really want her etc, there can never be too much of that:).

[@camilleluna6442]

Thank u for this wonderful speech I loved it❤

[@sylviemarchetti9966]

Magnifique !!! merci beaucoup Miss Sarah Byrden !!!

[@carolfox9620]

This is poetry.

[@tommcfadden5232]

Bad poetry.

[@debevangelista6977]

I clicked on the Tedx link to find a familiar face on the screen. So lovely to see you and hear your words that resonate with me as Truth. What a great talk.

[@sudiptapanja5108]

I just played it, closed my eyes & kept crying

[@babarrehman4746]

Thank you Madame. Very truthfull accounts of most people's feelings.

[@eurowerx4267]

Facts!! Never rush a good thing. Enjoy the whole pie, not just a slice😋😋

[@tabithablalock]

This is beautiful and spot on. ❤

[@estevanvault9261]

I'll hit ur spot

[@badlandskid]

Sometimes I wish I could turn my thoughts off, especially during intimacy.

[@NSiFe]

Try meditation

[@maghrath1]

smoke weed

[@kimberliemorrison8926]

badlandskid same baby. Same

[@jasonhaveten5608]

Notice you thought(s) and get your focus back on what you were doing

[@smendes2004]

@@maghrath1 weed doesn't disconnect thoughts...it makes them paranoid...not a good advice.

[@suzihazlove4979]

No one's making love anymore.

[@nobody46820]

Yeah, feminism fixed that.

[@leaseconsultare1748]

I knew it you want that cave man love ! Come her moma !!

[@monkeybidnih]

It ain't necessarily so...the question is, are you?

[@NeinFeline]

Do Milk

[@markcavandish1295]

Suzi, you are correct. I would love for my wife and I to have long lasting, teasing, playful lovemaking sessions. We have 10min. fucks so she can go to sleep.

[@MemorableJ]

This just spoke on everything that twenty years of f**king has been missing in my life -

[@janettamenendez3796]

Shh..best comment!

[@estevanvault9261]

I'd smash

[@michaelrusso8300]

why do you think that is?

[@Stevie671]

"F...omg" is what it ain't.

[@zer0creative930]

I like her. She's on to something. Top stuff 👌

[@user-rh8kl6mj7b]

very deep things I feel now I know what my sticking point and how to bring it out. A great thank to you sarah

[@federicabrondetta3858]

"this is about going home" wow, love that

[@Dulles-jt6sr]

Yeah it should be nice to come home.. that's not the reality... 😳

[@clinthightowerclinthightow4950]

Good job, not exactly car stuff like my channel but I'm gonna try to get my wife to watch this and see what we can learn. Thanks.

[@user-jd4qy1fd6m]

Yikes

[@corilia9529]

Take away fear and you can do anything

[@jennythescreech]

Interesting how the majority of the negative comments are from men who simply don't seem to get the message she was trying to convey.

[@kimberlysmith8968]

I noticed that too.

[@tanyatanu1]

Yeah, coz they are alpha males who are taught not to allow themselves to feel :/

[@markcavandish1295]

Agreed

[@rogerdinhelm4671]

Maybe it is because the message is poorly conveyed?

[@immortalpilot8472]

@@tanyatanu1 I don't want to give them the credit of being alpha males. I'd say they watched hoping to get pointers on how to be better performers, missing the point that it's not a performance

[@BoidyFilms]

This was so on point Sarah! Really well thought out and true. Great to meet you and share the TEDx stage with you.

[@KellyLCall]

that was outstanding! Seriously!!

[@miguelcavanna736]

Tremendous talk Ma-am, thanks

[@lsporter88]

She's absolutely correct. Great commentary.

[@4ebban]

Thanks for The Wisdom of Pleasure

[@sailingbug9653]

What an interesting woman. She has some really pertinent points, I like her speech.

[@joanmckinnon2368]

Thank you for this insight 100 percent correct

[@skleppardit]

Beautifully expressed. Thank you

[@louiseparker1915]

This is fabulous advice. It's taken me a long time to get to this place.

[@janice2532]

I get this on such a level.....maybe you have to be and older women to get this. I get it. Thanks. I found this talk to be very important.

[@SebastianLopez-nh1rr]

Janice Eakin my girlfriend and I get this quite well and we’re just in the beginning of our twenties

[@AriesRising4444]

@@SebastianLopez-nh1rr Good for you! Congratulations!

[@LM-doodle]

Amazing lecture....

[@FacetsOfTruth]

That was brilliant! Thank you so much.

[@Gratitudejoy21]

DEEEEEPEST GRATITUDE from Belgium, Europe 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@blinachka]

Wow... I knew I was lucky & knew it was “something else”...see, none of this applies to us. We have it so good because we actually COMMUNICATE. In & out of bed. And imo, that’s the key... damn listening to this I realize that I’m a very lucky girl.

[@irinaavram5201]

me too.

[@worldwithoutwar8622]

Sounds like you two really understand love. Have a look at the book Deeply Touched Inside. It might speak to you, for you, about you . . .

[@imshaun4563]

Very rare now days to hear a woman express what you are. Do you tell your man as well? Without fear that you are inflating his ego too much

[@melaniewilson1742]

A lot of people here are saying this is a big revelation for them, but I've always kind of innately knew this. Just let your body and emotions guide you? Way ahead of you there, Ms. Byrden. Though, I'm glad this video exists, because now I know how to put this into words, and other people will be seeing this, as well.

[@Kathrynlove]

I'm glad that I don't deal with that shit....I have never felt like I put myself in a box or not been myself...I love sex...I know what I am feeling and I am extremely expressive of that. ❤

[@NikolayNikolov1987]

Good.

[@coraleibowitz6954]

do you know what your partner is feeling? lol

[@Kathrynlove]

@@coraleibowitz6954Yes

[@klausskmdrah1308]

Hmmm...

[@MrNanah38]

I only wish my wife was like you

[@srob4660]

My life would change entirely. I would actually feel happy, joyful, energetic, confident, satisfied and grateful.

[@dougyoung9330]

This is the best example of the best example of togetherness that I've ever heard

[@vilashote7188]

Hello mam Sarah Barden how is your Martial life I hope it will be full of happiness I hope your husband your family children great happiness will be there may I correct????????

[@Lambert7785]

yup - she has absolutely nailed it - and don't forget to go ahead and let your inner self express and manifest itself as well :)

[@free2tingleasmr918]

Very powerful. Beautiful. Thank you.

[@rasulbogdan6639]

When your essay needs 1000 words but you are only at 250

[@GreyWind]

mike P lmao genius

[@John.K3]

mike P I don’t get it

[@conservativemacro80]

@@John.K3 11 minutes video for something that could of been summed up in a few sentences.

[@cinsolidarity]

This isn't an assignment for her, it's her presentation. I think she said enough to hit her point home very well, in a few different ways. I think she did great.

[@richardenis1120]

Dear Sir or Madam, I am curious about the customs of your species. My limited observations have only caused more confusion for me. Would you be so kind as to explain to me how your noz and dingle function? As you generously explain facets of your species, I would be remiss in not divulging details about my own copulatory patterns. My pennies is bigger than yours. Once approximately every five of your Earth hours, it turns purple. It stays this way until I extract the code for generating new life and the longer I leave it unattended, the more painful it becomes. Some great philosophers of our species once attempted to forgo this process indefinitely and died as a result. In modern times, some juveniles have attempted this feat and had to have their pennies surgically removed. This procedure saves many lives but also prevents the individual from reproducing. Often, after the code of life is extracted, it is discarded in a container that holds photosynthesizing organisms and is broken down by smaller organisms into nutrients for the photosynthesizing organisms. However, on rare occasions, it is exchanged with other members of our species. Once or twice per lifetime, an individual is given the honor of nourishing a juvenile. That individual then organizes a celebration with other individuals they wish to contribute genetic code. The celebration is approximately twenty of your Earth hours, over the course of which all extractions performed by the guests are placed inside the incubation cavity of the individual who will nourish the juvenile. Thus far in my life, I have contributed code for seventeen juveniles and upon completion of my Earth research project, I will use my incubation cavity to nourish one. Thank you for listening. Telling you about my pennies means a lot to me. I appreciate your patience and understanding. Sincerely, RickDiculous

[@TANYAJOY629]

I gotta be honest, I was expecting something different. So glad I listened. Like, REALLY REALLY glad! I listened to my instincts just like she said cuz I got a thing for 11:11! LMAO!

[@saradyer9124]

11:11 for me, too along with the title.

[@joanabatista8374]

there's a song called 11:11 and a book called 11 minutes in case you want to check it out

[@BoyTsamba]

She's really good at motherhood statements

[@JSB103]

When in play, make every nano-second last forever.

[@au8747]

Love her voice!!

[@hdremus]

Thank you Hollywood!

[@ursulaansbach2244]

So wonderfully profound and wise. I applaud you!