The Adventure of Grief: Dr Geoff Warburton at TEDxBrighton

Psychologist, writer and innovator, Geoff Warburton has spent the last 25 years studying love and loss. Geoff challenges conventional apathy about grief and loss by offering an approach that evokes curiosity, openness and compassion. His approach synthesises Eastern wisdom traditions, in-depth psychology and common sense. The emphasis of his message is towards thriving after loss -- and not merely surviving. He presents a perspective that challenges Western thought by saying there is no 'right' way to grieve and advocating that grief can be 'the ride of your life'. Working from both his personal and professional experiences of bereavement, he goes so far as to say that loss through bereavement can become an adventure to be had, rather than a problem to be solved.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you all for leaving comments about this video of my talk. Knowing the impact it has made has made it worth doing. Even though I stand by the essence of the talk, my approach has developed over the years. If I did a similar talk again, I would talk more about the role/need for compassion as an essential companion on this adventure. Geoff

[@urbanphil0s0phy]

Hi Geoff, I'd like to hear more. Lost my Mum on the 1st of May...she suffered a stroke the week before and we spent a week with her round her hospital bed. She was a huge part of our lives (two sisters, brother and grandchildren). It's just left a massive void.

[@jenniferprevost8]

Your talk has really helped me grieve the loss of my father. Thank you so much.

[@shoedecour7510]

This was refreshing to hear going thru grief of my husband. 🙏🏽

[@anndoose1702]

My father died September 22nd, after a lengthy illness that included dementia. So I had been grieving who he was for more than a year. But now that he’s gone it’s obviously a different grief. Either way, it all stinks and yet is part of life. Thank you for your insight.

[@ursulamelia7136]

That was by far the best talk i have heard about grief. We lost our much loved dog, who was like a child to us, on 2nd January and whilst i am crying whilst i text this, i wanted you to know how much i appreciate you sharing your knowledge and experience! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻.

[@gabrielazeina1753]

I ve lost my husband 1 month ago... Today I ve planted a cherry tree.. We wanted to do it togheter.. I did it for us... It s very hard but I will do my best.

[@Diannako1]

[@nancyshinn2037]

A very beautiful thing to do. My friends say my husband who I lost 3 months ago is looking down on you. They are trying to console but I don't go for spiritual magic any more than ghosts. But you did a very beautiful and difficult thing and the cherry tree will live on and your love for him will never die.

[@jeaninerumble6503]

My heart goes out to you. It’s been almost eight years for me (seems like yesterday). I try to live by the saying, “If your heart must break, let it break open and not closed”. Peace to you.

[@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb]

@@jeaninerumble6503 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.

[@richardmcguinn732]

@@jeaninerumble6503 I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@pamarabenton9039]

Thank you. The love of my life died less than a month ago. I know he would want me to enjoy the rest of my life and live for both of us. Its going to be hard to do. I wanted desperately to die with him. We had so many plans........I don't want to do those things with someone else.

[@richardmcguinn732]

I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@kristijarrett318]

Thank you so much for this amazing video. My lovely daughter, Kaycee, committed suicide just over a month ago. She was 22. My grief has been overwhelming. This talk has given me so much....I'm learning to not avoid the pain and the grief..the "abyss." This is what makes me human. Someday, surviving the abyss will give me the courage to live, and "live well"....to honor my daughter and the 22 years I had with her. Thank you.

[@corinatralala2556]

Kristina Calin I really hope you are doing better now!

[@denaredford6701]

I am so sorry for the lost of your beloved child . ❤

[@tshegofatsochabeli2267]

I lost my mother a month ago whom I was very close to. Her death came as a shock to me as it was unexpected and it left me paralyzed with grief. Thank you for this talk...We honour the dead by choosing to live well. My mother wouldn't want me to sit in the couch and cry and not do anything with my life. From this day on I choose to live

[@genesis-yp4nc]

Im sorry. Lost my mom too sudden and unexpectedly om feb11. I love her more than anything. We spent togther everyday. I am learning to live without her, so alone and empty. 😭💔

[@bi_bruh1610]

I think I knew everything Geoff said, but it is so easy to get sucked into the vortex of feeling sorry for yourself. I lost my spouse after a two and a half year battle to cancer, at the age of 29, with a 21 month in tow. During Christmas number 2, and with the 2 year anniversary of his death approaching I find it so easy to use his death as an excuse to check out and just survive. However, I have a child to raise, and I refuse to model for her that only surviving is good enough. Geoff is completely right, I have been to hell and back, but actually feeling the emotions, and walking through the fire of grief, can bring you to a place of enlightenment, peace and gratefulness, if even for only a few moments at a time, that are absolutely mind blowing. My husband fought hard for his life, and now I fight for mine. I honour my husband by living well, living happy, and living fully.

[@jenniferjaundoowolfenden5329]

I lost my husband almost 9 months ago...he was my knight in shining armor...I believed that he was worth every tear I cried, I believed he was worth every crushing heartache... it allowed me to feel every emotion without apology... today I'm comforted and happy in our home with nothing changed... his picture comforts me... his things comforts me still... I have more grief to endure... I know... because someday when I'm ready, I will give his clothes away. For now. Things are as is and I live, laugh and endure alongside his beautiful memories... thank you! I believe in entering the abyss... it worked for me. I believe in living well alongside the river of grief and sadness... it's working for me. But above all, I believe in a God who continues to sustain me in all of this.... your talk confirms these past 9 months... despair does lift in the face of gratitude... bless you!

[@Carrollco0411]

My husband fought hard for his life, and now I fight for mine. True words.

[@Justhannahfashion]

@@jenniferjaundoowolfenden5329 this is really helpful as I lost my boyfriend recently. He saw me as his future wife but he was ill and he fought really hard for his life. I’m struggling at the loss of him and I’m struggling to believe I can be as brave as him in fighting for life.

[@maryannruprecht2200]

Beautifully said...🦋 "We honor the dead by taking care of the living"... I believe this goes for both taking care of those we can...and also for taking care of ourselves and "our living "....picking up and going on...taking one courageous step at a time... My best wishes for you...💜

[@treeseer1573]

"You need to let that abyss swallow you" this is key to grief and eventually passing through it. Beautifully said. You can't block it even though it hurts. Great talk!!

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you for your lovely comment. Geoff

[@MLaak86]

I lost my father, my best friend and closest confidant last week... this adventure will be so so very hard.

[@kirsten712]

I just lost my beautiful, brilliant fiancé three weeks ago. Geoff, this talk made such a difference to how I feel about everything. Thank you. I will live well for the both of us.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Kirsten, thank you so much for sharing that. If my talk made any positive difference at all, I'm so glad. Warm wishes. Geoff

[@sharonjackson1035]

"I will live well for the both of us." I'm going to hold on to those words and I'm doing my best to get there. Thank you

[@MrMontonman]

I lost my wife in 2015 and after watching this powerful video while going through my grief. I decided I needed to becone a Bereavement counsrllor which I have been for 4 years Thank you Dr Geoff you changed my life x

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Wow! That's really something to hear. I hope this counselling journey inspires and moves you.

[@AlohaJacqueline]

A part of me did die. Grief was the most difficult thing I've ever been through.

[@matthewb.7172]

I divorced while we still both loved each other. It did kill a part of me. I lost my first love with the same finality death would bring, but without any of the familial support. I completely understand when you say part of you died. Your consciousness when you had them still in your life and in your future dreams, that dies, and it doesn’t die quickly.

[@syamsyamansyur6280]

There won't be the same happiness 💔💔

[@mbords01]

...and I think of him 24/7. Sure, grieving people are considered selfish, but sometimes we just do not know any other way. We are only human, and imperfect I am...

[@zebratsjki]

You have no idea what this means to a girl who heard about her father's death yesterday. I've literally surrounded myself with books and the internet to listen to others. It's turns out it does wonders to hear from much more experienced people. Thank you!!!!

[@oflower72]

Hang in there my friend , I lost my daughter on valentines day this year at 23 years of age in a car crash it does help listening to people , reading , crying whatever you have to do . I have been reading Dr. Brian Weiss and it is soothing to the soul . I wish you all the best in your journey to heal

[@elainealexander7098]

I just lost my beloved dad on Sunday three days ago. h It has been a horrific experience. I am besides myself with grief and regret and devatation. I am surrounding myself with books and videos and anything I can find to keep from falling apart.

[@jodidinkin3592]

Thank you. I lost my husband on Friday night. I don't know what to do 😞😭

[@reginakiehl9765]

My only child Marvin died 8 month ago at age 26 and my heart is broken , numb and l feel like l've died with him . This ted talk makes sense! Thank you

[@valoriestewart8272]

How are u doing now

[@harsimrankaur1565]

Are you fine now?

[@lauralewis5726]

I feel you Regina, I'm still trying to go on (11 years now) when my only child, my Son, Julien took his own life at 13 years old. He had high functioning Autism and we were very close. He was the victim of a cruel Cyberbullying and did not tell me. Instead, he ended his life by laying in front of an oncoming freight train. Not only was this a horrific shock to me and his step father - but to all his friends as well... Some days are harder than others, I wish you all the well wishes and healing - I've barely made it this far - I hope you find some peace - no one should have to bury their child...

[@Laurachkaable]

Laura Lewis I'm soooooo sorry...I cried as I read your comment. I hope He gives you continued strength and endurance to live your life while honoring your son ❤️

[@reginakiehl9765]

@@harsimrankaur1565 there is no 'fine' anymore after you buried your only child ... this world has lost its colour .

[@beckylivingston7873]

Way to go Geoff. Love that courage, love that message. My daughter died 3 years ago (she was 23) and after 18 months of holding it back, I opened myself up to a whole new way of living, certain of her blessing. I've taken (and left) her ashes wherever I travel, started a blog and a Facebook Page, Joyful Mourning, to begin the conversation about how grief CAN change us in good ways. People want to talk about this stuff!

[@obsessedmind7856]

How do I find your Facebook page?

[@susantassinari7517]

Although this Ted Talk was 10 years was 10 years ago I just came across it. I lost my mom over 40 years ago and believe it or not I still struggle. Thank you for your inspirational words, and I will continue to move forward keeping them in mind. Thank you.

[@markumlauf650]

"Grief is a way of loving that which has slipped from view. Love is a way of grieving that which has not yet done so" from Stephen Jenkinson the "griefwallker". Live deeply, love strongly, grieve openly. Thank you Geoff for sharing your life and adventures.

[@MrKrissdekaliss]

In a short time, I have lost my Mom (with whom I had been living all my life, including the last four tough years with vascular dementia), I have lost my home (I had to let go of where we had been living together), I have lost a safe network of neighbours I knew very well; and I got robbed (they took, among other things, her jewelry). I have no mate or children and my brother is distant. Now I have to reinvent myself. I am holding on through this "storm" and counting on a few friends. But in moments of deep spiralling grief, like this morning, a talk like this one - even if it is on the internet - keeps my nose out of water. I am grateful for this.

[@Susana456]

God bless and good luck. Praying for you.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you for posting that. It means a lot that this talk could be of any help.

[@misomichelkarr9726]

The Ah-Ha moment: "We HONOR the dead by CHOOSING to live WELL!" YES!

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you for this lovely comment.

[@lorrainewalker7687]

Eg vmvmllj§vlphweiguu

[@steveparker2938]

My God that one line was so liberating for me. I lost my husband just 8 days ago after 21 years of marriage. I was fearful of being single again and doing things we wanted to do together but now couldn't. Now Ill honor him by choosing to live well. By the way dear husband, I will be changing that garden.

[@FIDIOT-cringe]

Screw honoring the dead. They're fine. They understand everything. They're at peace.

[@steveparker2938]

@@FIDIOT-cringe I don't think you understood my meaning. I'm not saying to live for the dead, or to subjugate your life, I'm say don't cry at the grave, go out and live.

[@tomsparks6099]

This was excellent. I am recently widowed and it is my second loss of a love. I learned to dive right in. Grief is a very high form of love unconditional. It's still hard, but when I hear others' stories, I feel involved and I am not spinning alone in my own satellite.

[@shirleysarradet9486]

I lost Paul After 68 years of marriage. If someone has Not Had This Loss- no one can even know this kind of pain. It has been 11 mos. For me. I did choose to live. To stay alive until I can live fully. I am very old. Very old. Very blessed. Nine great children to really care for me-to love and pray for me. God holds me. Praying for all who has had to go through this grief.

[@bugsyashton]

The worse feeling in grief is the longing for that person who's died, and trying to get your head around the fact that they will never come back....RIP to my wonderful great aunt who died yesterday, she was like a mum to me and will be very much missed. There for me when i took my first breath in life, and glad i was there for her when she took her last.

[@Gunngirl]

So true. I lost my sister and only sibling a month ago and the longing and loneliness is driving me mad. We lived together and did everything together. I lost my best friend and the only person who really knew me and cared about things I cared about. I'm gutted.

[@bugsyashton]

+Dedra Perkins I am so so sorry sweetheart. I wish i could say something that would help to fill that awful emptiness. That feeling is just awful and even though other people like family members are also grieving you still feel alone! All i know this is a natural feeling that we all have felt at one time or another and in time that empty hole will get a little smaller. We will still miss our loved ones but in time it becomes a little easier to manage, and the sadness will be replaced with good memories. I wish we had a magic wand to bring them back.xx

[@Gunngirl]

+bugsy ashton oh you don't know how I wish I could bring her back like some science fiction movie! I just miss her so much it's unbearable! The one person in this world who "got me" I just lost so much and she was taken before her time. That void will never get smaller. I can't believe she is gone. The best sister in the world. Thank you for replying. This pain is like a hot knife.

[@bugsyashton]

+Dedra Perkins Life is very unfair sometimes. It sounds like you need some extra help, maybe from a grief Councillor or something. They will help you through this awful time.Even though i don't know you, i am worried about you! Please seek some more help, there are some really lovely grief Councillors out there that have gone through what you are going through and found a way to cope!! Talking about your sister and how you feel will help a lot! She obviously was a very special person. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, please promise me you will seek some help?

[@ombudlady]

+Dedra Perkins Sorry for your loss.

[@tenillemagick]

I first watched this talk a few years ago after the death of my spouse (also called Chris). It was so powerful for me. I rewatch it every year as we approach the anniversary of his death and it reminds me to lean in to grief and not to waste any lessons it brings me ❤️

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Tenille, I'm so glad that my talk is supportive. Thank you for saying so.

[@Yoginiams]

I have heard many TED talks on Greif this last month after the death of my 24 yr old nephew. This is the only one that touched on the part of us that died. I feel that. I appreciate seeing it as a positive experience with the possibility of a rebirth. I believe I will grieve my nephew for the rest of my life but I have hope that it will not mean I will experience the overwhelming sadness, fear, anxiety, anger, and emptiness I feel today.

[@jennifermiller1222]

Thank you for acknowledging, confirming and supporting my journey through grief and loss and my life beyond it. You are a special soul and I am honoured to have 'met' you through this TEDx talk. Namaste.

[@janetburke1726]

What a courageous, beautiful and vulnerable presentation - after 10 years working in Palliative Care this is the best presentation of its kind I have ever seen ...

[@geoffwarburton7375]

+Janet Burke Dear Janet, That is so nice of you to say. I'm really touched. Geoff

[@janetburke1726]

+Geoff Warburton I have worked in health for 15 years and palliative care for 10 of those and have never found a talk so profound and impactful for training - thank you for providing both the theory but surrounded with vulnerability

[@afrocentricallyshakina]

Janet Burke I currently work in Palliative Care everyone asks me how do I do it. Honestly..after losing my Brother I didn’t think I could go back but I used what I. Going through as strength and I help and love others as much as I possibly can.

[@MarkNailer]

Thank you. I am going to find a way to live in peace and will live well in honour of my beautiful wife. I will one day thrive. Much love to you all

[@peterpeterson3266]

I lost my partner of 20 years one year ago and this is the most helpful video I've seen! These are heart felt words of wisdom rather than advice or steps. He's a terrific human and real speaker.

[@barrywhite5899]

I lost my wife of 23 years two years ago. Now a single parent to two teenage daughters. My wife died of AML after 5 short weeks in hospital. It turns everything upside down and I’d swap with her in an instance given the opportunity. I wish you well and hope you deal with your grief the best way you can

[@shaunbrown6510]

Dr Geoff Warburton. thank you.

[@ElevatingHope]

Excellent talk on surviving vs thriving mindset. Embracing grief as part of life and proof love exists!

[@inight2011]

Just found this talk in a moment when I needed it most. Thank you so much Geoff. It's going to be difficult but I will try to follow the philosophy of 'living well for both of us'. I'd love to find more of your work.

[@sarahellison7755]

Dr Geoff you are a beautiful soul.

[@IbnShahid]

Commenting as someone who stuck to the “stiff upper lip” approach for years, I’ve come to realise over the last few weeks that trying to block or deny your grief is like trying to stop the tide coming in or the planet spinning. You must accept and embrace your grief in order to gradually move forward.

[@Prettymapleleaf]

Yes… the only way through is to flow with all the emotions of grief. You never truly move on, you move on WITH the one you’ve lost. To ignore your grief only prolongs it. Crying is the most healing thing a human can do and actually shows strength. Embrace, accept and work WITH your grief. I am living for two now.

[@NathalieHimmelrich]

Love this "we honour the dead more by choosing to live well" #oncomingalive

[@geoffwarburton7375]

+Nathalie Himmelrich Thank you Nathalie

[@susanmcmahon4733]

This got me thinking about my LOVELY LOVELY Aunt who passed away this day last week at the age of 98, when I look at her life and the way she lived it was AMAZING to me, she had AWFUL AWFUL LOSS in her life her BELOVED husband passed away 20 years ago and her PRECIOUS daughter who was only in her 40s passed away 8 years ago and use to live with Aunt and had the most incredible relationship more like best friends then mother and daughter so her daughters passing was a BIG BLOW and we at the time thought she wouldn't EVER get over it, looking back now she was AMAZING and did grief very very deeply but carried on and was so kind and helpful to others that carried pain in life, she chose the high road and even tho her heart was broken went on happy in her own little way living on her own right up into late 90s, she cut the grass hedges and did things that most us younger women just wouldn't take on, she now at peace with her beloved husband and daughter and even though we sad for passing know in my heart she is in a HAPPY place and wouldn't take that happiness fr her, she has left us soooo many lessons in life and such a GREAT ROLE MODEL on how to life a GOOD, HONEST RESPECTFUL AND HAPPY life and be GRATEFUL for all the LOVELY PEOPLE we have in our life, Rest in Peace Auntie Sadie and thank you for being you l will ALWAYS BE IN MY THOUGHTS, until we meet again LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE your neicie Sue Xxx

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thanks for your comment Susan. Sounds like you loved her very much.

[@reflectionOfLyf]

This video is therapeutical

[@sharonpanesar2576]

This is astonishing. This has resonated with me because I lost the love of my life. Wow, thank you so much, this speaks to my spirit. This will be my mantra : I will live for the both of us. Touching and soothing. Thank you

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you for leaving that comment. If my talk helps in any way then I'm glad I did it.

[@mandybrown4883]

Thankyou so much for this. I have had many losses, most recently my husband, the love of my life. I am/have been actively grieving, facing the tsunami when they wash over me, immersing myself in the pain - but also feeling joy in my family and friends, my home, the weather etc, and now I am looking to the future, taking my husband with me in my her part, determined to live well for us both. You have affirmed for me that I am grieving 'well' and healthily. You are an inspiration. Xxx

[@danaschindel6722]

Embracing everything that grief brings means moving through the emotional abyss as honestly as possible. Connecting to the flow of life for me right now means writing, taking pictures of flowers I see out on my walks, breathing, learning a new skill, and saying yes to everyone reaching out to support me. Thank you for this helpful talk.

[@andreasduenow3329]

this dude is my hero

[@DapperDavo]

Thanks Geoff. My Mum passed away 5 days ago. I have been feeling guilt as I live a very good life (but sometimes I do not see this..). My Mum was not in a good place and in a lot of pain. And for this I felt guilt. When you said you can honour the dead by living well, it really made sense to me.. Thank you...

[@geoffwarburton7375]

+DapperDavo Thank you so much for sharing this message. If the talk offered you anything at all I'm most touched. Geoff

[@myexperienceasanadultfemal1052]

I have watched this video so many times. I lost my only sibling in a car crash seven years ago and where do you go and who do you talk to who really understands how that changes you? To someone like this. I need to hear this and more than once. The way he explains the pathway to peace is remarkable. What a beautiful soul he is. I wish I could thank him myself because this 20 minutes truly changed my perception of the worst experience of my life. Now I am living well, as well as I can, for my brother and myself. Amen.

[@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091]

+My Experience as an Adult Female with Asperger's I feel you, I lost my brother and only sibling in 2011 from sudden heart attack, no warning. Not having anyone to talk to who understood me for my world has been devastating, we spoke at least once a day on the phone.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

+My Experience as an Adult Female with Asperger's Thank you so much for writing about your experience of my talk. I'm deeply touched that you have. You have deeply moved me - so thank you:)) Geoff

[@acadiabonita7549]

Greetings from Maine...this is My Experience...with Asperger's..on my new account.. I just had to stop by again, as I have done many times in the last few years. To refresh my mantra, to live well, for me and my brother Alex. To thank you again, for being the one voice in this world who got to my heart when I needed it most, and I have never even met you. It's year ten, in April, since Alex relocated to heaven. Lots of emotions. From deep pain to elated joy. I'm so very grateful to have this road map, to guide my way. What I have learned over time, is this isn't just a road map for the journey of grief. It's a road map for the adventure that is life. On all levels. Now I can pass this knowledge on, to my grandchildren, like your grandmother did for you. Many blessings to you Geoff Warburton from across the pond! I hope 2017 finds you in a great place. :-)

[@acadiabonita7549]

Hi NS

[@acadiabonita7549]

Oh yeah... I'm also the SG, my brother was the GC. After he died it became very clear who the favored child was and is. The survivor's guilt, HUGE. Growing up in a family dynamic like that is especially hard when you lose your sibling, the only one who really understands. He protected me emotionally, and when he was gone, the gloves came off, and they turned mean, and spiteful, angry. All of it directed at me. That's why this video has helped me so much. I know how it feels to be alone. It's a horrible way to feel. I am praying for you, that you are doing ok. Many blessings.

[@nennettedebs8333]

LOOOOOVE

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you Nennette. So kind of you to share your appreciation:)

[@caro69064]

This was very good. I lost my brother 6 years ago when I was 18. I feel through this experience I have become a stronger more compassionate person. Thank you for this beautiful talk.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Dear Caroline, Thank you for sharing about your loss and for your kind words.

[@pikapoka17]

Thank you so much

[@5MinutePsychology]

Grief and anticipatory grief in particular are such difficult experiences. No matter what we do I feel we are never fully ready for it. But it's good to try. It's definitely important to spend the last moments with our loved ones.

[@rositahuff4858]

…my love died 2weeks ago….he was wonderful….he would not want me to change in any way! He loved me. He would want me to live….with him in my heart!

[@Prettymapleleaf]

I love for two now as well. My love wouldn’t want me to backslide. It’s been one month… I’m bringing him with me.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thanks for your comment Rosita. Your heart sounds full of love.

[@BarbaraIreland]

Beautifully expressed, inspiring. I loved how you realized the best thing was to live FULLY, for you AND your brother. My heart felt so full when I heard that, as I grieve a deep loss from 3 weeks ago. Thank you.❤️

[@luchia655]

Its been 3 weeks since I lost my almost 9 year old baby. I don’t want to get out of bed and want to sleep all day long. I feel guilty when I eat and do things I love. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. My heart died along with him.

[@drus8671]

Live well dear Luchia. He lives in you. Never feel guilty about joy. Joy, is never wrong. It will take time but live well for the both of you.

[@Hodder2008]

Thank you so, so much. It will be six months tomorrow since my husband died, your thoughts and insights are a real source of comfort, validation and hope.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

+Ruth Madeleine Hodder Dear Ruth, Thank you for such a lovely message. I've only just checked this video out, so have only just seen your message. Heart warming.

[@notatroll9676]

This is what I needed to hear. I think I’ll be okay, even though I’ve lost someone very special to me recently. Thank you.

[@lupepedraza8497]

Thank you. I needed this so bad. I've just lost my husband ten weeks ago, you have helped me so much with just that sentence. Bless you.

[@richardmcguinn732]

I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@TaKeyliaRyan]

This was absolutely amazing!!! Thank you for your 25 years of research because now I won't have to do it. Because of your drive you've helped me. "I will LIVE well for the both of us".

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thanks for the lovely message TaKeylia.

[@clarabell5514]

Lovely to listen to your calm and heart-felt words again, Geoff. I have just lost a very close friend and have tried to keep my heart open throughout the process: it hurts but it's real. Clare Thalmann

[@MrTheBoblola]

We are not alone. Thank you for this.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

+MrTheBoblola You are definitely not alone. Warm wishes. Geoff

[@karenhultgren7810]

Love this! also choose to live my life well for me and my beautiful Mom that transitioned in March. It’s very painful but I do it to honor her. Love you Mom❤️ Thank you Geoff🌷

[@victoriadombrowski384]

Thank you,Dr.Warburton-you're an utterly charming,funny,lovable guy and it probably wouldn't surprise you what a central issue grief is in everyone's life.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Dear Victoria, for those lovely words.

[@thebestmedicine6688]

What a big, brave offering from the soul. Thank you for giving us a map and reminding us of what we already know somewhere deep and ancient inside ourselves. I'm changing my "Journey of Grief" to my "Adventure of grief" from this moment on. My wife and I loved spontaneous adventures, We lived for them, It was what we wanted to share the most with these beautiful babies she has left me with. Carry on Dr Warburton, the world needs you so.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

That is such a lovely message. Thank you!!

[@sinamofidi3847]

This man is really lovely

[@S1RUS81]

I am sorry you lost someone so special to you. You are not alone. I lost my only sibling six years ago. It's been hell. But I am still here. Still learning. You can't walk around it, or go over it or under it. You have to go through it to get to the other side. Just keep walking. And find people you can relate to and talk to who understand. I belong to support groups on FB. Do what you have to do, be good to yourself, don't give up. You are not alone.

[@hennye2449]

Thank you, so much! Fine line between grief, depression, and self-sorrow over losses that are so too much they cannot be sustained.. except at a great price. Which is so well laid out here that listening to this should be mandatory with prescribing anti-depressants. On a personal note: Had not heard any of this when my own suppressed grief hit the surface, after decades of struggling to keep the abyss at bay. It was an adventure.. scary and unsettling. Eventually it turned out that there IS indeed life on the other side of that "tunnel".. and that the voyage through that tunnel is nothing less than the real Hero's Journey. Or the 'Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death' voyage that will most certainly change who you perceive yourself to be - and all of life, as well. The idea that grief is the opposite of joy is erroneous. Grief deepens and widens the space for more joy. It is a different and deeper joy that comes in; but it will come in when grief no longer blocks the way. 11 years after that Journey started, and out of the tunnel for a while, this much is obvious: there are other adventures waiting, and to venture forth is not betrayal of lost loved ones.

[@rugertrader]

Thank you Geoff, at the end of the video I wanted to join your audience in applauding you. Thank you.

[@godsloveforthegrievingwido7688]

This was excellent I recently lost my husband August 1st 2021 we were married for 34 years and this has truly blessed me thank you!!

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you for that comment. It makes the talk worth it.

[@RobertBrown-mm3un]

thank you so much, I can slowly move forward now a little at a time... ☮🧡

[@carriewithers2251]

Great great talk! thank you I found this for an assignment but it has helped me to shape my own personal grief journey after the death of the love of my life. I feel a flicker of a flame of life I want to fan and grow. Thanks

[@christinesavage7036]

im a nurse in Aus (RN). This is the best lecture ive ever seen on grief and loss. this has taught me so much, but most importantly the importance of theraputic humour, in serious conversations. how therapeutic was the pause 'this is why i dont get invited to many parties' and everyone roared with laughter, but then everyone re concentrated, at an even deeper level, because a trust was instantaneously built, maybee the trust was that they could go deeper into reflection with him because they then knew that he would guide them out of the emotion again after further deeper reflection.. very therapeutic video. wish all nurses would watch this.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you miss Savage for your appreciative comments. I'm glad it was of use.

[@christinesavage7036]

Geoff i just found your website!! :-) im going to come for a session when im in England next ♡

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Get in touch when you are here. Warm wishes. Geoff

[@christinesavage7036]

[@richardmcguinn732]

@@christinesavage7036 I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@JayyDouglas]

I lost my mom suddenly yesterday. I needed this

[@folkdup]

You are a beautiful man. Thank you for sharing. Lost my Mum yesterday. As scary as it is, I'm doing my best to feel and allow the emotions whatever they may be. I feel sad, angry, numb, confused, lost; you name it, I'm going through it. I know it's OK, I'm allowed to be in a turmoil of emotions right now. I will have grown stronger and be more compassionate for this challenging journey in the end.

[@jadeT59]

Thank you for your video,its a big help.I tried to fake I was okay after the loss of my husband so I got busy an took on too much while silently grieving but still trying to push it in the back of my mind an I ended up in a depressive crash an burn situation.Ive decided to just take time to grieve an feel an find a new norm...an ..live my lfe like I know he would've wanted.Alot of praying an talking to God on my journey for sure.

[@joanchadbourne2390]

I am so touched and grateful for Geoff's talk and telling it from his heart -- obviously his head works quite well too. I am sitting here while caregiving the love of my life. I know what is coming to us. His disease is terminal. It helps me to be prepared and know possibilities. Geoff's words and thoughts show me a path I can follow -- he presents it in such an authentic way I know I can come back to this talk and remember Geoff and he will help me to life the Grief and Life as an Adventure. Thank you.

[@marycicco6564]

I lost the love of my life 2 months ago. He was my everything, my soulmate. He made my life a fairytale of love. After researching reading, talking to people, friends, family, and professionals…. This is the ONLY thing that resonates with me, and gives me a glimmer of hope that I can continue living …. Thank you.

[@jayneelisabet1159]

Hi Geoff. As usual, I put a talk on (yours) and zoned out. That's how I am since losing my 40 year old son without warning last year. But I'm going back to listen again, properly, because I picked up on many things that you said which I can relate to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for making the most sense than anyone else I have listened to on the thunder of grief, and for helping me to feel less alone and more understood. 🙏❣️

[@oddlilbird]

Absolutely brilliant and beautiful! Thank you, Geoff!

[@kristianbaker8022]

I wish there was "love" button for videos. This is inspiring.

[@jennyengland4025]

Thank you Geoff, for making the time and commitment to share what you have learn't along your way. I found your talk reassuring, affirming in that I have had the fortune to hear many people talk and describe similar thoughts and experiences and a gift always to hear someone talk so openly, clearly and kindly on such an important part of all our lives.

[@valeriebusari3695]

Thank you so much. I just lost my client unexpectedly yesterday and I have been engulfed with grief, pain and anger!! Listening to this is helpful

[@sugarbearkt830]

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Your words touched me, encouraged me, gave me hope. I feel lost after the death of my Mom 7 months ago. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I will ponder your words and heed your advice and honour her by choosing to embrace life.

[@Diannako1]

thank you!

[@teresaedgil6644]

In 11 days it will have been one year since the death of my wonderful, marvelous friend of 30 years. My husband, Earl. How very thankful I am to have happened upon your talk. I realized that I have been allowing my heart to close-perhaps to try and survive? You have made me aware of this. I desperately needed to "feel" my feelings. I wept as I listened to you speak. Thank you so vey much. I will now attempt to stay with this grief...and gain the knowledge I need.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Teresa, thank you so much for sharing that. It's heartening to hear your thanks. Warmest wishes. Geoff

[@cathykeith6301]

Thank you. I am in an emotional abyss but know I have to continue on. I am not sure if I will never feel happy as I never was since age 8. I have a "dead life." Yes, emotionally numb

[@richardmcguinn732]

I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@oodell160]

Loved this talk, so true, grief can be like a wave and sometimes you've just got to allow it to engulf you knowing that in that moment it'll eventually ebb away, and you'll feel more cleansed and clear headed for it.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

+oodell160 Thanks for saying that. So glad you enjoyed the talk.

[@reneafortune7302]

I am 2 years 3 months surviving the suicide of my 28 year old brilliant son. This is a view point, an approach I have not heard until now. I have saved this video to watch over and over when I need a reminder lest I forget. Thank you giving this talk , sharing your brilliance, and your pain.

[@AngelaDeancircus]

This really helped me so much with the loss my Mum, my best friend. Your speaking is eloquent, the speech succinct and what I loved most of all was your vulnerability at the end. Keep that boyfriend ❤🎉 If you don’t, best to you in any event. Cheers 🎉❤

[@joshvanschaick4896]

Very good talk Dr. Warburton. Appreciate you:)

[@betsysloan4619]

This was excellent! I lost my husband on Jan01,2020 after a 10 year battle with Early Onset Alzheimer's. Yes,I have my moments. I decided I am going to enjoy life more than ever before! I will continue to honor Matt with my advocacy work!

[@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb]

I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.

[@taylornoren642]

My daddy’s name was Matt and I’m trying to do the same thing

[@betsysloan4619]

@@taylornoren642 , I am so sorry about your dad. Your dad would want you to enjoy your life!

[@dordil]

A part of me died when my husband passed away but 4 years later I embrace life and have come to realise that due to my husbands death that I'm happy and content with life no wealth will make you happy. I'm in a better space now.

[@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb]

I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.

[@richardmcguinn732]

I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@buddahfox]

An anchor in my storm of grief

[@TashaUVArtist]

thank you so much for that. I cried alot because I realized so much of what you said is exactly what I needed to hear. I went in my living room and did exactly what you said about thinking of my loved one and what they would say and telling them that I choose to live well. I cried my eyes out but feel a sense of peace and welcoming feeling that I can't explain. thank you so much.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Dear Natasha, Thank you for sharing your story. Sharing your courage in this way will, i'm sure , help others.

[@ianmarch6535]

Wow what a great Ted talk. I have just lost my Dad and have been struggling badly. Very inspirational.

[@TinaSotis]

I've been in that abyss - many times. The pain was and continues to be - at times - unutterable. But I'm thriving. At 62 I'm at University. Gee. Maybe I'm NOT going about it all wrong.

[@dotinspaces]

Paddy thanks for posting this . Its really excellent and makes a lot of sense

[@jennyhughes4474]

I was trying to apply this to me: I lost me: the old me was destroyed, murdered (manslaughter?) by NHS doctors in Brighton during an unnecessary and bungled operation. During the op (well, in the operating theatre) I woke up paralysed and suffocating and I 'died' (was sure I had died) and had an out of body experience looking down from up near the ceiling. But I later woke in recovery room = I was alive. But I didn't yet know how injured I was nor that the ME (who I was) would never come back = that's what an acquired brain injury does: you look sort of the same but suddenly (NOT like getting older) you can't do things that were always so easy before. Can't walk/move as did. Can't remember lots of things could easily before, such as my son growing up and holidays we had together. Can't sleep as always did, unbroken nights, always. Can't eat what I want and must concentrate to swallow (mega damage in throat from their errors with intubation). Can't see as I did: moon and stars double (triple sometimes)... But I carried on and did my best to adapt to brain damage and broken throat, neck and so on. I tried to tell them and my GP countless times but they believed what was in the medical records (NOTHING noted about what went wrong). They chose to believe the docs' version of events and so were blinded to my symptoms = choosing to 'hear' them through the distorting spex of lies/misinformation. After the farce meeting Head of PALS ('Patients' Advocate' - who said not a word throughout) said 'it'll end up in court'. Apparently he thought that'd be a good way for me to get remedial care = what a twat (and paid WAY too much to do a job he didn't even do). But then they went even further: they wrote those lies and circulated them to others: they LIED and DENIED about what had happened and sent them in a letter to my GP from the consultant surgeon (via his solicitor = medical defence union and the hospital Trust's solicitor/legal department = paid for, without consent, by all of us, the UK public). That tipped me over the edge - I went out to kill myself, it was (and still is) unbearable. They were ALL denying reality = because it suited them to do so, my welfare wasn't even considered except for fobbing me off to a 'counsellor' who searched desperately for evidence that I had already been a damaged, abnormal, antisocial oddity BEFORE = untrue and she must have KNOWN that but didn't care and was really icy/nasty and told me to tell my GP to put me on valium. The day I went out to die I couldn't DO it. I came back home and collapsed on the mat inside the door. I rang (long story) several people/charities then in despair rang this same GP: I need to see a psychiatrist NOW and I need drugs NOW = this was 6 weeks after op, counsellor about a month after. I was in the abyss and pleaded to my GP - HELP ME. He promised to but he did neither: no access to psychiatrist and oh 2 different stories about what happened to the prescription he had promised for drugs (valium, I think). He even prevented THIS 'help' as a last resort because he/they had prevented correct help = info and remedial medical care. Cruelty to the extreme. I didn't block the pain, I diverted it into tring to understand how/why this happened and to try to help make sure it wouldn't happen to others. I repeatedly tried to cooperate with them but they betrayed me every time. A few notes (my memory problems): You say: 'block pain and you block access to compassion' = bollocks. I had to block the pain (physical and psychological) because nobody would accept them as true and real but my compassion was NEVER blocked. You:' who you really are - energy that'll take you forward'. But I'm mourning the old me, the me I was, who I REALLY was. VERY different from moyrning somebody who's died - living AND dead. Imagine if docs had said to you: your brother hasn't REALLY died = you're imagining it, you're deluded = mind games, SO cruel. You 'in centre of abyss, in that silence'= for me,my brain injury = brain white-out, short-circuit, brain burn, can't talk/move even worse, flat-out, even when hurt lying in one position = too exhausted to move. = a 'good' abyss? Nope. you: 'connecting to the flow of life... HOW you travel... open to experience...' Yes, did. do but too much is TORTURE. Abyss OK IF got people around that help you get out. Mental health recently allowed me to FLOUNDER alone, after I talked about the GP and his repeated neglect. I opened the flood gates and BAM, when alone = too much retraumatises. Then very recently = talked about all that PLUS the lies after, the day I went out to die (january 2006) = and BAM: massive mental breakdown for 2 weeks ish. A 'good' abyss? Nope. You: 'CLOSE off the experience = depressed'. No: I never have, OTHERS close off from it = THAT is what causes 'depression' despair and ABYSS. You: 'grief not = depression' I know. But docs don't? And NO education on loss and grief from medical error and acquired brain injury and anaesthetic awareness (awake paralysis with suffocation and experiencing OWN death). So ALL belittled, denied. Prevents help of any kind let alone the right help = but they knew that anyway but didn't care. You: 'ADs... suppress dopamine system = connection to world.' Yes, they tried to put me on these I refused. They refused me the truth and to see an expert and valium. THEY were controlling me and access to the truth. you: 'dying... his brother... not skim over experience... guilt = him not me. he'd say: don't be so daft. honour the dead by choosing to live well. survivor guilt. i will live well for the both of us'. They tried to make me accept I was deluded, a liar. They tried to make me accept I was guilty when I was innocent (I am) and THEY are the guilty ones. It's what powerful people/groups often do. CONTROL, CONQUER, SILENCE, KILL (spirit if not the body). It works. You: 'let grief run its course, FIND PEACE' = I'm not allowed: no income, begging for benefits/welfare, lost my home, moved on again & again, no security, no healthcare, no TRUTH. NO JUSTICE. = an abyss that can never be undone - nor can the extra physical (and psychological) injuries inflicted WILFULLY and ON TOP of the abuses I had already been subjected to. You: 'be creative, really be alive, grief opens our hearts, let loss be a life adventure, let your inner experience guide you...' I try to be, can be sometimes but I'm far more injured now. I said (Khalil Gibran) that the more sorrow cuts into your soul the more joy you can contain - but that was before a few of my EXTRA injuries and I don't believe this now (I used to). Sometimes the abyss is TOO deep for WAY TOO LONG = destroys. Some say that whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, sometimes true but some aren't strong enough to survive so no: NOT true, may be for some but not for all. I've experienced lots of deaths: 2 very good friends on their motorbikes, I was orphaned at age 12, my Granny, close friends dying. I have never experienced death of a child (just miscarriage) or grown-up child = THAT must be the very hardest grief to bear = unimaginable horror. But death is NOT the same as sudden disability, experiencing OWN death, and worst of ALL: denial of the truth. Death of others is understood and catered for, it is known, common knowledge, that is more simple grief. I, and others like me, sets such as: those injured my medical negligence, those who experienced awake paralysis with suffocation, those who are innocent but are branded guilty and punished without trial, those with 'invisible' disabilities/injury/illness, WE suffer in ways not in common experience and ON TOP we are punished because people don't believe us and even if true = 'it can't hurt THAT much, can it?'. So, sadly, your talk felt rather light, rather superficial compared to what I've been through (is that unfair?). Please can you do another talk, maybe about some things I mention, maybe it's 'complicated' grief or something? And what having NO access to truth/justice does to people? Many thanks.

[@planofarmer294]

May I have your contact, Please! I have similar experience and I want to sue the doctor but didn’t know how?

[@dentrill2439]

How can I live on, how can I move forward? When my grandfather was suffering, I was indifferent. When he was screaming for help, I didn’t help him. How can I move forward? I’m the worst person. I love my grandfather so much and if I could turn back time, I would. I will carry that regret for the rest of my life.

[@Neishamariex3]

I’m sorry for your loss but you are not the worst person please don’t feel that way. & I’m sure he would forgive you :(

[@TheMeagandixon]

My mama and daddy share the same palliative care team. I am their caregiver. I appreciate your talk! I feel like that abyss will take over before their even gone. I can’t do that and keep moving.

[@danassamsretna]

Thank you for making me feel normal......I lost my only child five years ago. I was a single parent. Nikko was 16,5 when he left. It took a long time, very long time to find a way to sit, stay still with both; grief and love. I do not push either away... they are and will always be part of my life and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I feel them as they appear, without clinging on or running away. I simply feel. By finding a way to embrace grief, explore it, wrap it in comforting arms of love I feel in my heart - I have found peace, love and compassion I never new I had. My heart is full of love.. I simply embraced my emotions, all of them. "You need to feel that emotional abyss... close off your experience of the abyss and you close off the flow of life."

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you J.B. for sharing your story. I'm sure you inspire others with the way you are dealing with such terrible loss.

[@drgloriareading]

Wow. Thank you.

[@samanthapaitakispp]

Excellent Excellent.... Thank you so much for sharing your open heart and wisdom xo

[@juliemorrison6936]

Absolutely loved this!!! Thank you!!!

[@shadows4419]

All I can say is THANKYOU for this great talk , it is comforting , very comforting in this grief that we are in.

[@geoffwarburton7375]

Thank you fro saying so. If the talk provides comfort I'm grateful for that.

[@Tulku]

This talk is very enlightening and helpful. It's helping me embrace this adjustment to living life with the death of someone I love(d) very much.