The Secret Ingredient to Feeling Good in your Body | Marla Mervis-Hartmann | TEDxSalinas

When suffering to accept our bodies, we often overlook the key component that can help relieve body dissatisfaction. Marla Mervis-Hartmann shares the missing ingredient that not only creates a healthy relationship with our body, but will help us have a happier life.
“Do you Love Your Body?” As creator of Love Your Body Love Yourself, Marla Mervis-Hartmann assists women in finding a “YES!” to that question. After years of struggling with her own dysfunctional relationship with her body, including healing body dysmorphia, food obsession, and Binge Eating, Marla uses her experience to help women honor and appreciate their bodies.
Marla is a graduate of Kent State University and was a leading body image expert at Journey Malibu, a Drug/Alcohol rehabilitation center. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and son and works full-time as a professional coach, speaker, facilitator and Living Light Reiki Master and Teacher.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@MindyZielfelderArt]

I saw how thin and gorgeous you looked and almost didn't watch. At over 200 pounds and not that pretty, it's hard to take advice from those that look like you. But I persisted and realized your message is exactly what I needed. Thank you!

[@kwasont4268]

Your beautiful and I know your probley don't believe it but it's true ❤

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

thank you for sharing that... I appreciate your honesty. I believe that negative body image affects every size, shape, and age. We are all in this together. Light to you!!!

[@lailaalbernaz206]

I think this comment is so important. Body image struggles, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, etc., can and do affect everyone. However, we can't ignore how extremely fatphobic our world is. It's a lot harder to accept your body when the outside world marginalizes you because of the way it looks. We learn that we're bodies first, and humans second. You are not just the way your body looks, in fact, that should be the least important part. It takes time and patience and a whole lot of love, and then more time, and some more love and patience (lol), but it IS possible to rewire our brains and the way we see ourselves and completely shift our priorities. Sure, believing that our bodies are beautiful can be important, but if we're not there yet, it's even more important to see the beauty in ourselves that does not lie in our outside appearance, and nurture ourselves from the inside out. This is all a heck of a lot easier said than done but sending love and strength to you!

[@romausa18]

I relate. I am overweight and it's hard for me to internalize the message

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

@@lailaalbernaz206 Wow! Thank you for sharing. I couldn't agree with you more.I am continuing to learn and grow and express my message of self-love in different ways.

[@Makehimfamous]

I’m actually a guy that has suffered since I was in high school with body image issues since I was in high school. I a victim of abuse and I am also 5’3. Cannot get over being so short. There is almost no conversation about image issues as they relate to men. So this talk was very relatable to me. You really take what ever value you can for yourself and not judge the rest. As she said I’m learning to appreciate my body for what it can do, for the physical sensations of virility to can grant me, and for the value it bring to others ( manipulate my physical environment, give a massage, climb, run, etc.) I wish more women understood that men have the same issues as they do.

[@Underpants678]

I really hope you feel better about yourself one day. Bodies issues can be hard.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Oh goodness! I am hearing more and more men reaching out for support. I don't think many men are open to sharing their discomfort. I work with men. And it is the same issue as women... feeling like their body needs to be different in order to have the life they want. Their is always a deeper issue underneath the body image pain. Healing this makes lasting change. Big hug to you

[@phyllismknapp6038]

Your picture is handsome to me, and your honesty on your feelings is refreshing.

[@happinessbegins444]

I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s never a pleasant feeling getting bad views of your body and no one is afraid to say so. But we are all beautiful including you!! I know I haven’t met men/ boys who go through this but of course I know they do too. Stay strong hun your on the right path to excepting who you are which is beauty🥰♥️😊

[@makaylahollywood3677]

i have always like shorter guys;-)

[@elvienieeddy4253]

I'm crying so hard while watching this video... I've tried so hard to love my body to love myself

[@emilierawlings2461]

Sending love. You’ve got this 💛

[@matthewrogers2711]

Your beautiful don't dought yourself

[@Saavycupcake]

This was an amazing talk. I used to stand in the mirror and say bad things to me so I wouldn't eat. I just wanted to be lovely. Thank you for being so candid.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Saavycupcake you are so welcome. Is your relationship with your body better now?

[@AbianahAlmeida]

I know this is late but you are lovely.

[@VeronicaKrestow22]

Such a powerful, necessary talk!!!

[@danabrennan7275]

Thank you SO much....I've struggled with negative body image for 42 of my 50 years, and your approach is EXACTLY what I am consciously changing my mental image of myself with. I'm DONE dieting, I'm DONE looking at myself and saying such hurtful things to my reflection and I'm DONE not enjoying food and life because I am SO consumed with my body ! Nightly meditation is helping HUGE, so for anyone looking to take a step in the right direction, please start there. It is still a struggle, but at least it's not constant anymore.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

I love your commitment. Stay in the positivity. It isn't always easy but it is possible.

[@melvayaredaguilar]

thank you for supporting others for talking about what you feel

[@TheDouglasSeth]

Wow, I was watching Ted talks and saw this. Congratulations on your success Marla! We went to school together and remember Mr. Crytzer. :) It is wonderful to see you doing positive things and promoting positive ideas! All the best!

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Thank you! So good to see you here Doug!

[@merituulia1370]

This is such a beautiful and healthy mentality towards food and living. We are here once, why deprive ourselves of pleasures of life when living a life to it's fullest, truly enjoying your food, relationships and being present, is usually the key to both health and happiness? Very well-spoken, one of my favorite talks I've heard!

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Thank you for sharing that my journey has touched you.

[@sarazaman9434]

I have lost about 15 kg in the past 2 years thinking that would help me grow my confidence and make me happy…little did I know that would just lead me to develop body dysmorphia and losing my period due to being underweight! Now I’m trying to heal my relationships with food and get my health back, please remember that health ALWAYS comes first before any silly and unachievable social standards of beauty that are constantly changing

[@stewynotthedog]

So true, we need to learn to love ourselves at all sizes, health isn't always depicted in a small body!

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

You are right, Sara. Weight loss does not guarantee sanity with food and confidence. For me, it brought more pain and suffering. I can relate to your story. Thanks for sharing.

[@robinsmith4958]

Great talk!! What we say to ourselves in our own head is SO important!

[@tasos_xatz]

And that is how wisdom sounds like!!

[@josefthepichler]

This is hitting home for many. Reading some of the comments I am reminded that it doesn't matter who you are, where you come from - we have all been conditioned to some extent to feel like we have to strive for more or be better or whatever. Acceptance is key. Understanding from others will follow suit.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Thank you Josef. I love what you said, "acceptance is key."

[@heerpatel3944]

idk why while watching this video i started crying . i've practically starved myself to loose weight . there were times i had 500 calories in 24 hours and i feel so ....bad i treated my body that way . i hugged myself today . i told myself its okay ... i told myself i am proud of who i am turning into .. i can't thank you enough

[@martac.machado3892]

you very brave! we all deserve to be happy and comfortable in our bodies to be able to enjoy life!

[@pisaas1979]

Amazing talk Marla!

[@pattymcnally5029]

Ms. Marla - you are a truly beautiful soul!! Patty

[@liliamargret]

I can't believe the diary entries... she is and was gorgeous

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

right?? so painful to have found these diary entries.

[@HealWithRRR]

what a PLEASURE to watch again...happy new year! xoxoxo

[@radiancewellnessspadianara9227]

You are so inspiring! Thank you

[@tdh6003]

Wow. Thank you for sharing this talk with us. It was sincere, genuine, and TRUE.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

I am glad that this is helpful to you. It is vulnerable to share my story but feels important if I can help others.

[@tdh6003]

@@MarlaMervisHartmann I could tell from your talk that everything you said was deeply felt and understood. And when you shared the picture where you were hyper critical of yourself, my jaw dropped because it showed how you were not seeing yourself clearly and that is so relatable - we all do that. This is one of those talks I feel I can come back to again and again and it will always be true. Thanks again ❤

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

@@tdh6003 I was pretty sick. Thank you for your words!!

[@maryferr333]

😢that was me at 11 I went on a diet lost 54 lbs looked great but excessive exercising and ate very little down to 87lbs at 21 I'm now 63 years old a healthy weight. Still won't step on a scale at the Doctor's 😊 finding my spiritual journey 🙏 thank God

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

yes the scale can bring a lot of overwhelm. I turn my back at the doctor's office too. It brings peace to not know.

[@steeveleibold531]

I've been quite vocal over the years about how so many facets of life force us to compare ourselves or see ourselves in an unrealistic way. I appreciate Marla's voice on this topic as it's so true, everything she is saying is so spot on.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Thank you Steeve. I am glad to hear that you are vocal about comparing ourselves. It's important that more people are sharing the truth.

[@itsselinbilgin]

Excellent! Can totally relate.

[@jay6828]

Hi, Marla from a (fellow-former) resident of that little town! I did a double take when I saw your name and YOU on the video!! Great talk - I thoroughly enjoyed it and you have always been a beautiful person - inside and out. Take care!

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Jay Seifert thank you for your kind words

[@robinnoneofyourbusiness9963]

Wow! I could have written those diary entries, and I have.

[@nancysrivastava7779]

I searched for this🥺😔

[@s.tolley7528]

So did I, and there's nothing wrong with that! In fact, it shows we acknowledge that this is something we need to improve about ourselves. That doesn't mean that there aren't other aspects of our life that we're good at though! For example, I may struggle with what I see in the mirror, but I am a very supportive sister and daughter. It's okay if you struggle feeling good in your own skin, as long as you are working on it!

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Glad you found this Nancy. Feel free to reach out.

[@esmebird9176]

I want to be like you when im older. thank you, you are one incredible, strong, beautiful woman. you should be so proud of your journey and how many people you are inspiring.

[@esmebird9176]

Im 18 and have struggled for years and today was very difficult, im surrounded at school by beautiful girls who don't eat and are pretty ill, its the same case in a lot of other British private schools. we need to change this, I cannot wait to grow stronger and teach my children such beautifully positive self talk.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Thank you Esme.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

@@esmebird9176 Yes, teaching children that there is another way to be with our bodies and food is important to make lasting shifts in our society. We can dob this by feeling confidant and being good role models. thank you for responding.

[@strawberryfields7330]

Her hair is amazing

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Aw thanks!

[@marif2993]

everybody’s gangsta until they face their inner child

[@theothersideofego]

haha good way of putting it

[@NN-fz4pd]

lol facts

[@90MysteriumFascinans]

Wow, this is impressive... very well-put. This seems like perhaps the perfect way to explain all of this. Thank you for your talk, Marla!!! I'm very glad I got to watch this.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Thank you for watching. And for sharing.

[@ShelleySophiaCrawford]

Great talk Marla, I really enjoyed listen to this! Thank you!

[@feliciap9907]

awesome speech thank you!

[@melvayaredaguilar]

it’s a great speech

[@MadihaBeeAwakenedWoman]

Thanks sister for sharing!! It is not an easy journey, but it is worth it at the end, when we arrive AT HOME in your bodies

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

I agree. Feeling like our bodies are a safe home is worth the journey.

[@milagroczarnecki]

I’ve never been overweight, but I have also had maybe only 1 or 2 times in my life when I was happy with my body. When I tried to express how much I disliked my body, people would tell me ‘You’re not too big’ or imply that looking like I did, did not warrant these feeling compared to their struggles with weight and body. So instead, I just never talked to anyone about it. I felt shame that I felt this way about my body when others had a better claim to those feelings, and also shame that I couldn’t get the body I wanted despite being ‘naturally small’. Society and social pressure attacks women from every angle and what we are left with is something unachievable.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Your feelings are valid. And finding the right person to talk to about them is crucial. I get it---Not everyone wants to hear that I struggled because my body size was fine. But it doesn't mean that I didn't hurt myself and feel awful. It isn't about size. It is about the internal judgment. I wish you well. thanks for sharing.

[@fumblingtowardsecstasy3986]

Yay Marla!

[@Bill0102]

Admirably profound and articulate; akin to a book that was profound and articulate in its narrative. "Your Body Your Temple" by Sophia Wintergreen

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

I will check that book out. I have read snippets but not the whole thing. Thank you for commenting. I appreciate it.

[@shraddhapuralkar8909]

God bless you

[@mile5842]

wow, this was actually helpful

[@melvayaredaguilar]

whether I deserve something I sure wouldn’t know but that’s what you say

[@viktoriawltr439]

I hope your words and advise help me, i'm gonna start today. ! Not always being "fat" is the problem.. being too skinny could also make you hate yourself :(

[@MissMeowy]

hey) as someone who has suffered from depression and bulemia and in general from an unhealthy relationship with my body and myself, i know how easy it is to find pretexts and excuses to hate ourselves. these two things that you mention - fat and skinny- have something in common - they are about what you LOOK like. maybe try focusing on what you can teach your body to do, first. Pick a thing, a simple thing, like be able to touch the floor with your hands without bending your knees and work to achieve that goal, or run a mile or two and ENJOY it (the enjoyment is part of the goal) and mark your progress as you work towards this goal. You see, our bodies are made to function "good" not to look good, and when we work towards function, we thrive from inside out. Try to work not towards looking thin or skinny or fit, but towards being strong, and healthy, and flexible and fast. The satisfaction you will get, especially with strength, is incredible, and it will transfer to your psychological and emotional self as well.. i hope you find my words helpful in any way. best of luck. you are not alone))

[@mikemcmillan5482]

I will fix you with my Love :)

[@mouhcinehouda2978]

so inspiring. thank you

[@azj2894]

@@MissMeowy amazing

[@zuzuzuzuzuzuz3900]

This is so so so inspiring. Thank you, Marla!

[@lostnlonely669]

The Body is a temple

[@CreativeChakraSpa]

Excellent Marla

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

thank you for watching.

[@timbeussink9196]

Thank you for your talk because I suffer from this very thing . I am trying to get more comfortable with myself and my body but i have not been able to yet are there any tips on this

[@olanowez]

thank you so much for this video

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

you are so welcome. Are you struggling with your body, too?

[@olanowez]

@@MarlaMervisHartmann sadly yes:

[@fatimaa4067]

Shes so gorgeous.

[@wanderingaudi4138]

Thank you...

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

thank you for watching and sharing!! Please share with others that this may help.

[@seymills]

wow ! thank you for that great talk :)

[@rachelrotterdam2242]

Wow...what a speech...i hear what you are saying, but i cant change my mind of of eat what i need...i've got a little of anorexia and a bit of bolimia! I lost 90 pounds in 2 years and still i aint happy! One day i am and the other i am not!

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

It is quite a journey to be happy. Keep going and hopefully, you will find happiness more days.

[@anonymousgoob7173]

Strong 💪

[@MikeServis]

Olaf is a lucky man. You go girl 1

[@AKBHD]

nice..

[@belloarturo]

Took me a bit when I started to watch, she is the "IT" girl with it all. But I get it, talk worked, well done Marla.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

thank you Bello for watching and your feedback

[@aileascooper]

BODY NEUTRALITY. It's a thing.

[@cool-cat-guy]

agree!

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

agreed

[@kmm2442]

WOW.

[@taniyasyangdan8015]

Wow

[@paulshib7205]

I don't who r you but feeling is the best energy any time any man and woman. Feeling.

[@emilliapeachrose5692]

This is feminine power

[@aaronmartinez7604]

7:55 and the fact that I can still do the splits *Looks suductivly into crowd*

[@InnerHealings.]

Thanks but I didn’t get much from this! I never had parents, siblings or any family that was ever kind or nice and no memories to latch on. Not helpful for some wanting to start from scratch.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

thanks for sharing your experience and that you need to find another way to support yourself. Love and light to your journey.

[@novalesterson]

I know so many people who spend more time worrying about how they look - rather than how they feel about themselves. Time to listen to yourself, not others!

[@pleaseinspiremetoday]

Isn't this the truth.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Amen!!!! It takes time to unwind society's views and tap into self.

[@pamelaislam676]

I never could loose weight bcoz i was eventually happy for today. So scale is my worst enemy

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

I couldn't agree with you more. The scale is not my friend.

[@mansimakwana5715]

Woww😀😀

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

thanks for watching

[@timbeussink9196]

I am ashamed of my body and i feel like I am not worth anything

[@darioconsolata8691]

We all like attention, we all diet because we want to feel better, is that the issue or is the issue when people take it too far. Healthy is good after all thats why I eat well and work out.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Good point. I think health is good when we are doing out of care and love, but not out of hatred. Would you agree?

[@bobertgenn]

I keep waiting for the solar flares. No internet means no marketing means no ridiculous societal standards to follow

[@timbeussink9196]

And was she wearing shoes in this video

[@castiellagabriella6059]

I do everything with pleasure, including exercise.

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

good for you!!!! Have you always been like this?

[@katherineanderson2290]

Was looking for tips to feel better about myself. This wasn't it. Disappointed

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

Are you still searching for tips? I do hope you find the perfect medicine to help you feel good about yourself. Blessings on your journey.

[@sinumathew5593]

I m not married

[@ekennahutchinson1636]

I eat too much

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

it's okay. compassion with self is most important

[@keving7805]

If you marry me, I'll take both your last names!

[@MarlaMervisHartmann]

LOL

[@lisaharward2572]

🤣🤣

[@tnachkebia]

I just hate fake emotional talks. just tell me what you want to say without any theatrical voice. I can't listen to so many ted talks because of this.

[@lookaway8936]

Tamta Nachkebia , I agree with you a hundred. In fact I think I've said the same as you on other TED talks. I wish they were just themselves

[@ecreifyogi3831]

BTS

[@sinumathew5593]

Can we have pleasure with reiki

[@danielkoki3539]

Damn the nervoussness lvl is high

[@adismell]

What's up with this hystrionic voice? This woman is clearly a depressive by nature - she needs help.

[@kristensorensen2219]

Crazy people think irrational thoughts and obsess over nonsence; congrats you figured out you are nuts! Wow!

[@AppleSlicesUnite]

Yet here you are seeking out this type of video. how you doing?

[@saviodias7747]

Boring

[@idanwillenchik3050]

I don't care for how women suffer.I've suffered because of women.Their pain is their own and I have no sympathy.

[@amberkirlew3250]

Im sorry u feel this way ❤️

[@NN-fz4pd]

And no one cares if you suffer. Why are you here.

[@hazelbrownn]

Why can't women (some women) speak without getting over emotional....................

[@ellaschagren7056]

hazel brown because what she went through is extremely personal and painful (I’ve had an eating disorder for 3 years and am recovered) talking about it is a struggle because you can be afraid of what others say also men sometimes aren’t as expressive because there not shown from a young age that they can be emotional and venerable

[@user-mn5ge3mq9f]

Well some men do that too, so no need to mention about the gender right?

[@Swanky95472]

BORING, i just couldn't get past half of the talk.