What Do Narcissists Really Believe?

Darren Magee discusses the belief system of narcissists. What do they really believe? What do they believe about the word around them? And what do they want you to believe? Exploring questions such as 'why do narcissists behave the way they do?, Why are they so emotionally destructive? What are narcissistic behaviours and what drives them?
What is narcissism?
Four different types of narcissist
Overt (Grandiose) narcissist
Covert (Vulnerable) narcissist
Communal narcissist (Public)
Closet narcissist (Worship and devotion to someone else)
Traits, behaviours, characteristics of narcissists
Lack of empathy
Lack of emotional depth
Unable to regulate emotion
Indulging in emotional abuse - mind control games
Belief vs Reality
What do narcissists really fear?
Can the narcissist be 'helped'?
Other videos you might find interesting:
Why did the narcissist pick me?
• What Attracts a Narcis...
What happens when the narcissist can no longer control you?
• What happens when the ...
How covert narcissists manipulate
• How Covert Narcissists...
The narcissist's false superiority complex
• The Narcissist's False...
Please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future videos
If you find this video interesting please consider supporting me on Patreon or Substack
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#narcisissm #narcissisticbeliefs #whatdonarcissistsfear

[@DarrenFMagee]

The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.

[@gregwindell7702]

FORREST FENNS SEARCHERS COMMUNITY MARVEL GAZE

[@sausage6984]

How to completely destroy a narcisist. Step by step guide please.

[@casbondi2239]

Hi, I would love something about how a parent can help children who have a narcissistic parent (acknowledging that both parents likely unhealthy). Much appreciated.

[@christopherheath6523]

I know someone who is like that. SHE TOOK OVER MY PHONE NUMBERS AND EMAIL ADDRESES, FROM MY LAWFUL RIGHT TO CON-TROLL MY BNY MELLON ACCOUNT ACCESS.

[@onlythaclonessir2525]

LET PONCIE TAKE A SHAVE ???

[@scotttully8572]

They'll do ANYTHING to avoid accountability.

[@jelizabethpetrie6656]

Hit’s the nail on the head.

[@thegreenfairy5039]

Absolutely.

[@williamtiffee3799]

Indeed. Reminds me of a recurring post I've seen several times on YT: "The narcissist's Prayer." (i.e. Of non- accountability...)

[@Megdracula]

Why is it so hard? All humans make error. Why can’t they just say so? Why do they blame even when it’s something trivial???? It’s not going to kill them to say oooops my bad I messed up I apologize. I’ll try harder next time or anything along those lines but they can’t. They won’t die admitting a fault!!! I don’t GET IT

[@williamtiffee3799]

@@Megdracula That's because the "false self" is perfect, and "infallible." Narcs do NOT have an "ego" in the fully developed sense, and the vast majority of them discarded their "inner child" (self and soul... due to abuse, neglect and/ or entitlement) between the ages of 3- 9, before the real self emerged as an individualized, EGO. They are looking for attention, validation and to "indoctrinate you, into their world..." then gradually pass the "baggage baton," and later ultimately DISCARD YOU, after transforming "the other" into what they then view as: "the NARC." Unless they are (close) family, MOVE ON on and go "No Contact," or they WILL make you increasing more "like them," because it's literally an all- pervasive, mind, body and soul, parasitism. (i.e. "Emotional vampire," succubus!) And they'll take it, to the grave. (Do NOT change...)

[@donnaholton1981]

A liar that believes their own lies are the most dangerous people

[@JohnSmith-bm6zg]

Politicians?

[@laurajane4806]

Narc's greatest fears: (1) Exposure of the false self (shame); (2) Loss of control of the victim (proof they're not omnipotent).

[@karlabritfeld7104]

It's all about them. They come first, everyone else comes last.

[@user-zp1sr8kn6k]

There is no one else, only themselves.

[@Proud-Obese-unhealthy-American]

That is called being selfish, not narcissistic. Two completely different things but unintelligent people just seem to conflate the two and combine a cluster of negative personality traits and label them as "narcissism" to sound smart on KZbin.

[@debbieg1406]

They even have to walk in front of you if we ever walk anywhere!! Now I know why.

[@The311wax1980]

After catching my now ex wife texting with a guy she confessed to me about multiple affairs she had over the course of our 5 year marriage. Two days later while my world was falling apart she told me she wasn't going to feel bad about it anymore, that she had forgiven herself. Even after everything I've learned about narcissism it's still difficult to wrap my head around this behavior. It's just straight up evil.

[@Cornusnuttallii]

That's why narcissists confess... assuage guilt and dump it on the other person to forgive. AHHhhh....

[@amber40494]

I had to laugh, sorry, i know it was painful for you. My narc ex told me ge was taking me off his medical insurance after i was diagnosed with breast csncer and needed surgery. I had to laugh because i always paid all my medical bills myself, even though i had no insurance. It was in y face evidence he was uncaring and more worried about his premiums than my health.

[@amber40494]

He would ignore me instead of arguing, never ever engaged, it was like who is this person i martied???

[@amber40494]

He always made the decisions even though he never let me know until hed done them. Hows that for superiority complex? He hated my cat but waited til i was out of town to have the cat euthanized. Horrendous

[@MattyNelson-rs3ik]

She had to make an excuse for her bad behavior to justify her actions.

[@jamiemacdonald208]

The most surreal thing having been in a relationship with a covert narcissist was that she couldn't get her head around that I had had a meaningful life before I met her. It was like to her my life only began when I was an extension of her. It was like before then I had been an ethereal being only becoming flesh when I met her. Other people doing brilliant things outside of her, she just could not comprehend. It was the same speaking about my life before I met her. Met with complete incomprehension. Unless of course I mentioned another girlfriend. Then the jealousy would go off the scale, even when I hadn't heard or seen of that girlfriend for decades. As I say. Surreal.

[@bookmaid1]

Thank you for this comment. I have tried to explain a similar experience but didn't have the words!

[@deejohnsson109]

I can identify... my Mrs couldn't get her head around me continuing with any of my interests that I had before we met... like my life was now a blank page to written with whatever she deemed important to her and no one else

[@YFL.111]

Omg same experience! You explained it very well. Its very weird indeed I dnt know how I ignored that this was not normal

[@deirdreday8731]

Jamie i would have my doubts about you. Are you sure your not a Narc. I detect it in the tone of your post.

[@dolores2716]

My narc ex talked as if he hatched me out of an egg even though I was almost 30 when we met. Unless I had an experience with him, it never entered his mind that I had already had that experience in the past. And this could apply to some incredibly common things.

[@lindainphx6515]

This is the most spot-on description of the narcissist that I've ever heard/seen.

[@xannaxanna9854]

This is the best description I have ever heard. I have researched this personilty type thouroughly. I lived it for 3 years, confused af. This video should be in every classroom in America, his explanation is 💯. The torture of being abused by a narcissist, not knowing that this type of personality exsist, caused me to suffer much. They try to make you their slave, in many ways. They are only selfish, disloyal, stupid, destructive and chaotic. RUN fast, it's like committing spiritual suicide staying with them.

[@c4m774]

Very true best too run and save your health and mind set

[@petergreen96669]

"Spiritual suicide."

[@petet968]

Living in the moment... I knew a narc that would say anything to look good in the moment. "I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that." But never followed through. It was forgotten as soon as the moment passed. If challenged they would give you the death stare or say "I never said that."

[@Joelswinger34]

Yeah, I had a friend who would tell the stupidest lies and constantly contradicted himself. I thought it was his ADD, but now I think he is just a narc. I dumped him.

[@brianlane9534]

But never followed through. I've heard it described as "future faking". The past few years have been the most horrible experience of my life.

[@ViralVibes_01]

@@Joelswinger34 yeah same here I also was told it was ADD but he was so mean and flakey and brutally nasty.. I could not handle and love him anymore

[@Tryagain563]

Yep: "I never said that!"

[@Tryagain563]

@@brianlane9534 very sorry to hear it Brian!

[@musicmadeforyou6316]

Thanks Darren. I always feel either depressed or afraid around narcissists

[@rakelpeneyambeko]

You are not alone, same here.

[@MaileyMcAslan]

“Every solution has a problem.” 🤣

[@Porsche_911_Experience]

So true

[@wildrose12.47]

Great video, very good overview of what makes them tick. “There’s a difference between a change in a person and a change in tactic”. That is a great statement. They don’t learn to be a better person, only a better manipulator!

[@katrienvh4289]

What I have noticed about narcissists, is that they have a list of rules, but those rules don't apply to themselves. And if you tell them that, they will change to topic and accuse you of something. Even things that happend years ago. Or if they don't get what they want of someone, then they will try to make other people get angry at that person, pit them against each other.

[@fancy134ify]

so true

[@brianlane9534]

BINGO! She will tell the most outrageous lie, then an hour later say, "I never said that." It's amazing.

[@drfoye219]

I keep coming back to this video, it's got to be the best explained on this subject

[@jellybean6778]

Agreed. These are the most helpful videos, with practical and relevant advice. Thank you, Dr.

[@annettavicckies298]

Exactly

[@tanickasinclair7035]

I agree. I created a transcript of a few of Darren's vlogs.

[@heynunya5986]

Ikr

[@debifambro1039]

Me too 🙂

[@RP0415]

Once again, this describes my father 100%. I had to live through 42 years of narcissistic abuse which constantly made me question my sanity. Finally I can put a name to the abuse and start my journey towards recovery.

[@chrisecker9341]

My ex-wife argued with my father who was a MD many times about health topics and she talked like she was the better MD - but she wasn‘t a MD at all. Everybody on the table scratched their heads.

[@pippagatz]

My friend's ex wife insisted on going into the doctors with him and tried to tell the doctor what was wrong with him... Always wrong of course! Crazy, nasty humans

[@CTSCAPER]

You're the first person who I've seen touch on how a narcissist wants to be seen as the alpha. Most people talk about narcissists wanting control, which I suppose is what alphas want, however, the way a narcissist goes about getting control is so messed up. I have no problems with a good leader, however, the way a narcissist leads is downright pathetic and over time their lack of leadership will take any organization, or family down. Initially, their false confidence fools people into thinking they are a leader, and only after some time do people spot how it's all about the narcissist. Unfortunately, by the time most realize what is going on the narcissist has become well embedded and is difficult to cut ties with.

[@wisegentle7859]

Excellent description of my mother and ex-husbands...they made me feel like a whipped dog. I am aware and free from these people now, thank you Darren F Magee for exposing these abusive behaviors

[@choosepeacetoday]

Wise Gentle: Perfect description of that feeling. " Whipped dog"

[@eyespy0070]

That's why I'm single. No repeat of my own mother. Had to walk again and again. Just left one again. They love us....its brutal. I believe there's an energy.

[@hissyfitz7890]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ “I’VE MADE MY MIND UP; DON’T CONFUSE ME WITH FACTS.” ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[@louiseevans5752]

YAA & RT IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES,,,

[@sandywiles]

If only more people understand the inner dynamics of how a narcissist thinks and behaves…. This would be revolutionary! I think the door is now opening to their illness and how it affects those around them … 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@shereeholland172]

Darren is spot on! Having worked with these type of toxic individuals and being related to one it is right on the money! If you look at the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders) and you read the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder it is somewhat difficult for some Psychologists to translate it into laymen's terms if they have not personally experienced this grinding, relentless, mentally and physically exhausting behaviour which breaks you down in slow fragments. Hi from Australia, and as a Registered Psychologist thru AHPRA!

[@motorcityblacksheep121]

Thank you for a concise description of their behaviors, tactics etc. The validation it brings is priceless.

[@deetheman3508]

4:52 The sort of person who wets the bed and blames the blanket, or blames their victim for not telling them to go to the bathroom before going to sleep - have you met my ex lol?

[@jillneumann4918]

My narc told me “I am happy with who I am” after 5 yrs of abuse. I left and went no contact. Enough is enough.

[@keirmathur16]

Great work! “Discern the difference between a change in behavior and a change in tactic”. Spot on! If the narc changes to play nice, they just want something. That’s all, then they’ll change to their usual self again. - Can a narc change long term? Yes (in theory), and I suppose a caterpillar could change into a kangaroo, just don’t be disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

[@nd612]

Darren F. Magee: I haven't seen any Narcissist do this in front of a 3rd person. So it's safe to say they only do it to their supply which is their Victim, their only Victim?

[@jamesmcpeake1515]

15:02 'Discern the difference between the change in a person and the change in a tactic' So right. I so wish I'd known this back when I was constantly being guilted into staying and giving another chance by both my mother and later my (now) ex-wife. What about children of narcissistic parents? What happens to them when they grow up?

[@DarrenFMagee]

Glad you found it helpful

[@sms1067]

They often either become narcissistic themselves or become codependent which sets them up for a lifetime full of narcissistic relationships. Ask me how I know…

[@burkaboy1]

It depends what role they were assigned I guess , the scapegoat usually figure out best if they figure it out and learn to deal with the trauma

[@learningenglishthroughtran8540]

They would be doing wonderfully like everybody else. just like anybody who goes through difficulties. They have strengths just like everybody else.

[@gladysabalagajarakukeba7890]

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 and just be living pitiful lives being shadows of themselves. No more of that for me!!

[@ammj6202]

This is hitting everything from my experience. It is unreal to find yourself with these kinds of people. The biggest irony I am finding among some of the victims I know, is that they never figured out the problem was Narcissism or they are still in denial about the abuse they report. I have watched people gaslight themselves or totally glaze over the facts that they present to me. The narcissist is the elephant in the room that they talk about, but won't quite point out.

[@Proud-Obese-unhealthy-American]

The funny thing is the biggest narcissist always seem to think everyone else is crazy, In denial, etc. Your post reeks of narcissism.

[@ammj6202]

@@Proud-Obese-unhealthy-American The narcissist gaslights and manipulates people, thats exactly what they do to their victims. Cognitive dissonance is real among victims...that doesn't make them narcissists or crazy, nor does it imply that Im calling victims narcissists. Victims are confused and many don't know what narcissism is or its terminology. It's called being in "the fog". Seeing Narcissism for what it is doesn't make you a narcissist but every person who discovers narcissism can then understand the tactics used on them. But most, if not many are not looking for a mental disorder... victims or narcissism will blame themselves, make excuses, or still live within that cognitive dissonance when the situationship subsides.

[@kayokk-]

That “connection level“ was absolutely spot on👍🏼 No matter how many years you spend with them your connection is always extremely weak and fleeting at best.

[@KizetteandTotoro]

After waking up from a bad case of brainwashing by an alcoholic monster and finally understanding what he was doing to me, I truly appreciate the sense of humour. Before I met him, I was always lauhging and joking with my friends, I would go to work singing every day…I had a life, and it was wonderful. I am slowly recovering pieces of me and finding humour in the ridiculous world of this evil narcissist makes me feel better, and look forward to the day when I break free…(YEs, I do sing Queen’s song while I’m hoovering!). I have been calling him the AA, (the alcoholic as****e) just secretly, to myself. The Terminator analogy made me chuckle. It remind me of when I first started to feel like I was healing and every time I heard him explode with rage at… whatever…I would sing to myself AC/DC’s song “TNT” to get the edge off and stop him from dragging me to his hell ...Hell’s Bells! :-)Thank you very much.

[@jp4546]

“ I’ve made my mind up, don’t confuse me with facts.” Spot on.

[@Tatiana-um2my]

This video LITERALLY saved me!!!!!

[@charleyybrewer6430]

OMG that is absolutely the most perfect description of the narcissist. Thank you so much.

[@mejohn101]

Wow. Beautiful, spot on description. Thanks so much for this reflection. Offers a lot of clarity to hear it put in words.

[@haritharocks]

I am shocked to see someone mouth my own words.. Everything i journaled is pretty much the same as What I hear from you.. Thanks a ton for validating my feelings. I am gona save this video for reassurance whenever in doubt.. Ur videos have helped us a lot. Thanks a ton

[@butterflygirl2285]

What I can never figure out is what my narcissistic sibling thinks he is winning by pushing others away from him due to his cruel behavior. He does not lead a successful life, and has always been dependent on others to support him. He gets in a rage over minor issues, and blows them out of proportion. His behavior is very strange.

[@sgist7824]

I suffer the same from mine. Everything is everyone's fault never his. His life has become chaotic, he takes no responsibility and feeds off drama always needing saving. Also responds with rage, threats, threats of suicide and more. But to the outside world is charm personified.

[@craiganderson936]

Once again thank you... YOU hit the nail on the head.... my ex-girlfriend. 💯 percent.. I thought I was just me... She wouldn't try counseling to help our relationship..she is always right and cut off my conversation with her.. She had to be the Alpha... THANK YOU..

[@joyjones6927]

The win-win explanation where they need to feel or look good and others need to feel or look bad helped a lot. Thanks.

[@tomorrowmely3624]

Having a narcissistic grown-up daughter is an excruciating pain, when you have barely survived the malignant narcissism in a family member before. It also carries a stigma, because it's extremely difficult to find support. First of all, because narcissists are so good at isolating you while providing others with a perfect image of themselves and a totally wrong image of you. Second, because when you really feel like opening up and sharing what you're going through with someone, they first thing they tell you is that it must be your fault and that you must be the abusive parent that they are rebelling against. It's so hard and extremely confusing. I wonder if you could help us parents who have done their best in a difficult situation, sometimes having to protect the child from an abusive ex partner, and ending up become the adult child's scapegoat. I always feel like I could go no contact with anyone, but that I still have to stand by my daughter. However, I cannot deal with the abuse anymore.

[@uyoebyik]

I had to go no contact with my daughter in the end. She just got worse with age

[@forcabrasil6128]

Devil's joke!

[@aujuliawod]

You aren’t required to let abuse happen to you. It doesn’t matter if it’s your daughter. You are allowed to cut that tie for your own well being. That being said it is hard to believe that your child just came out that way and your parenting had nothing to do with it. It’s possible on rare occasions but most people are shaped by their childhood. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@tomorrowmely3624]

@@aujuliawod I never said that parenting had nothing to do with it, although I now tend to believe that there may be a genetic side to the personality. Her father left me when I was pregnant and then wanted to come back, but also made it clear that he would not pay any money for child support. He harassed me for years until the case went to court and I won. I do believe that part of the problem also comes from the attempted parental alienation by the father. I wish she could realize and seek therapy, but narcissist rarely do. It's painful, but for the moment, I don't know what to do.

[@TC-gx3qn]

Thank you, Darren. That was such a great tip to discern the difference in a changed person and a changed tactic.

[@allaboutgrace2560]

Narcissists are VERY DECEIVING; because they, themselves are so trapped in DECEPTION!! And IF you DO NOT have DISCERNMENT; you can EASILY be DECEIVED by them! THANK YOU, SIR, for posting these videos! They have been VERY INFORMATIVE; and have helped ASSIST ME in having MORE understanding of what my YOUNGEST SON has to ENDURE for the sake of getting to spend time with the one who MEANS MOST TO HIM, HIS SON!

[@agathagelderloos5174]

That last part about the covert narc just hit me like a sucker punch!! They thrive on you fussing over them!! O, my God! That is their supply! And the fussing is never good enough! When I confronted him with this he said: “Are you giving up on me?” Making it look like it was my responsibility to change him or wait for him to change. And I bought it hook, line and sinker! Looking back on it, it was all pretty pathetic!! So glad I am out of it!! But this video is a very good summary of what is really going on inside their head.. they would never admit to it but it becomes obvious after a while...

[@LucyFre]

Covert vounerable is worst. You can't please him , rich to him( her) . You are never good enough. When conflict arrive you'll see their real face.And you feel guilty that you do something wrong

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Mine almost drove me to suicide

[@LucyFre]

@@MJ-qb5ph I got the same

[@raquelfrizzell]

@@MJ-qb5ph I am also suicidal. I think about it everyday. The covert narc I live with is driving me insane, I'm in hell.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

@@raquelfrizzell sorry to hear that. Can you get out and enforce no contact? Mine was family so different to intimate relationship

[@nanalen60]

OMgosh! You absolutely described my boss.

[@lindalenz888]

Oh my goodness!!! This information is exactly spot on & what I Need because my Daughter-In-Law is!!! My Son is belittled pretty well daily, she is explosive! Re-writes always, mis-wording to her advantage!!! I will send to my Son who lives states away with my grandchildren 😢

[@angelas.3645]

This is spot on. Very well explained. Best I’ve seen! I just happened to see this channel by accident. I immediately subscribed; everything he has explained I have witnessed.

[@cynthiazimnick5088]

You are right on. I turned my karate school over to my head student in order to save the school. My husband would proclaim that I (Masteraster) didn't know what I was doing and everyone must listen to him. My head students would just laugh behind his back. COVED forced the school to close. My students are always happy to see me and I still enjoy their company.

[@laramonroe3363]

I always chortle and wince when I watch your vidieos. Here's one from my mother's greatest hits: "You know, I've been thinking about the situation. I've been thinking very deeply, and, you know, I'm right."

[@TheCazz10]

This was so accurate!! Especially doing charitable stuff in public and plastering it on social media

[@rettssong]

When you say they accuse you are everything they do THIS is correct. I learned this about a year ago with my husband. He stopped going to therapy because he didn't like what the therapist told him. It's very tiresome and a total waste of time and life and if these people ONLY realized how happy they COULD BE if they left ALL the BS behind perhaps they would.

[@louiseevans5752]

THEY C A N ' T THEIR SO CALLED BRAINS WILL NOT EVER "GET IT "

[@kimkoch3272]

The person i was with i often said he was “combative” never understood why everything was so difficult and would lead to arguments and rages . Minor things that were truly insignificant. He once screamed at a server because his pretzel was cold. He was entitled , to treat people poorly, because he was successful. Employees, waitstaff, etc. i always found myself apologizing for him.

[@anjaliv2117]

They are worst creatures on earth. 🤢🤢🤢..

[@andre1987eph]

This was tough to listen to but it is the truth unfortunately

[@spindrifter7519]

Absolutely right. Before I retired I was a successful Commercial Manager with an annual budget of £4,500,000. My ex wife and I took over a Preschool business (it was her dream) and would she listen to me about managing the finances. NO. But hey although she had no business experience at all she knew better than me. The outcome: A Preschool that had been going in the local Community for 30+ years was destroyed. But hey its not her fault. She was / still is, Never Wrong & Never Sorry just like her horrible Mother. 6 months after the closure of the school she started cheating with an obvious lowlife downgrade. I confirmed that was the case left her and divorced her. I make the joke about my wife: If My wife drove her car into a tree; it would be the tree's fault.

[@bettyk3372]

This is so accurate of my ex husband that I’m shaking my head in agreement to everything you just described. It’s unreal how you explained all of his characteristics so well! 👍

[@sharpestartist5304]

You've described narcissism extremely well. Easily to relate to and understand.

[@kimkoch3272]

I have watched many you tubes on this topic. You are by far the person that has accurate information. Its like you knew him!

[@td2968]

He didn't fall in love with himself, he fell.in love with the reflection, the false self.

[@pippipster6767]

Can you do a video on recovery time. I was entangled with a covert for 18 years. Been 13 months of complete removal. Do feel very much better, but still quite effected.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for your suggestion I will do 👍 In the meantime, you mentioned 18 years with a covert. I made a video recently on narcissistic abuse syndrome which might help you understand what you’ve been experiencing for the past 13 months. I will say though recovery is a process. Be kind to yourself and thanks again for the suggestion

[@jeanettecook1088]

The first thing I observed the narcs in my life to be or do, is that they believed they're perfect. They are never responsible for anything. 🎉

[@deborahwentworth8792]

That could be why my ex watched the Terminator over and again.He must have every single line in that movie totally memorized for as many times as he watched it

[@Eva-me5ol]

I've never heard this explained this clearly before, the details are surprisingly so exact. Thanks for your videos.

[@scotttully8572]

My favorite narc moment was when she took the vacuum cleaner from the 25-year car washer to show him how it's really done. 🤦 So embarrassing!

[@michaelsigmon1905]

perhaps you've done this video already, but I am looking very hard for a video regarding dealing with the aftermath of being raised by a narcissist or in a relationship with a narcissist. I am extremely clear that my victimizer was/is a narcissist. I've removed that person from my life. Now I'm trying to deal with the aftermath of bad behaviors I learned from them, and also dealing in a healthy manner with the anger and pain that results from their abuse. Thank you.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Hello and thank you for your question. I have made videos on roles in narcissistic families, the affects and have recently started putting videos out on recovery. Have a look at my playlists hopefully you’ll find what you need, if not I’ll be happy to make one more specifically.

[@edgreen2660]

Very good. Thank you. I have one suggestion. At the end, instead of saying the Narcissist says, "I've made my mind up. Don't confuse me with facts," say that (s)he says, "I've made my mind up. Don't annoy me with facts."

[@nickf9392]

They have grandiose ideas of being the center of attention, however they know they have no skills to back that up. So they develop a different skill set....they are all about using people, and that involves pulling them into their web, praising, then manipulating, then devalue, then discard. And you are nothing but an instrument to them. When they say I love you....the translation really means, I need to use you some more, so get over here.

[@fancy134ify]

🎯

[@truthseeker-cz6lf]

They are more of an expert in the expertise you have! So true, I am an IT expert 25 years but there times that she knows my field better than me LOL.

[@theguynextdoor4978]

Actually, one thing to also put emphasis on is the fact we were all born narcissists. We learned things and developed empathic traits between the age of 0 and 9. That's why we turn into non-narcissist adults. Narcissists were often raised in an environment where they had their control taken away from them. If the child is put in an abusive situation where he/she is unable to defend him/herself they may develop a defense mechanism that causes them to always need to be in control. Everything the narcissist does is to: a) control people b) get narcissistic supply 3) exploit things to their own advantage. They feel entitled to have everything handed over to them and to be above all laws, rules, boundaries, and conditions. We are objects to them, not separate entities.

[@chamomiletea9562]

And there can possibly be a genetic predisposition but that does not excuse their behavior.

[@theguynextdoor4978]

@@chamomiletea9562 It may partly explain why they became who they were. Justifying or excusing their behaviour is another thing. It can't be justified.

[@denisedelgiudice3378]

I don't personally feel that is the same as normal centration, which changes with social development. I think people who choose to exercise malignant narcissism have learned that it works for them, know how to create the environment for it to be reinforced, and see no reason to change. I also don't think Malignant Narcissism happens in a vacuum, although it may have developed in earlier years. Others may also have their own motives for overlooking their behaviors, believing their lies, excusing them (or finding excuses for them) and turning against their victims in front of them, so they learn these behaviors can get them what they want and make them feel powerful, and more important.

[@denisedelgiudice3378]

Well, there are a lot of children who came from violent homes that became the exact opposite, because they knew how difficult it was for them and even have a need to make things better for others. We need to really do away with the stereotype that people who were abused become abusers. A lot of it is a choice.

[@wolflarsen941]

good observation and point.

[@marcdc6809]

They'll look for faults they have themselves in everybody around them and then vigorously point them out to everybody, as if it's very important to show that their faults are omnipresent and their behaviour is normal.

[@veep5712]

Very valuable content. Thank you. The double standard is unreal in those seeped in entitlement. In my experience, they have bad boundaries, intentionally. As you illuded to in a previous video: they mistake kindness for weakness. They view your value as something they can take and abuse without any conditions or terms, and will even act like you owe it to them. The complete disrespect of others time and value, yet the double standard is often demanding "respect" through bullying or manipulative tactics. Which if examined, one doesn't get respect by force or trickery. Compliance, perhaps, or getting their way temporarily, as you mentioned with having the last word, but it is a shallow/ material-level addiction often to power or control. Which is why it seems they are never satisfied, they are addled to trying to exert over others.

[@ned3655]

Hi Mr Magee I heard you mention respect, my wife and most of my five children all are telling me that I have to earn respect!!! All because I have in the past pulled them up on their total lack there of. Can you please explain how respect works, and does it have to be earned or does it come from you showing respect and therefore it should be reciprocal???? I’m one tired man who is sick to death if the triangulation, gaslighting and general narcissistic abuse on a large scale. I once told my wife ( you won’t get away with treating me like you do when the kids get older and they see what your like) Boy did she prove me wrong, she has fully manipulated them and left me out in the cold 😌

[@DarrenFMagee]

Hi there thank you for sharing and for your question. I made a video on that very question do you have to earn respect. I hope it answers your question.

[@charlotteboyett-napper4780]

When I asked my husband after 9 years of marriage “why can’t you just love me??” He looked at me with the eyes of satan and said “you have to earn my love”. After 9 years together and 3 children, that’s what I was told. And that’s when I knew it was over for me.

[@ViralVibes_01]

@@charlotteboyett-napper4780 tbh after all the crap someone I dated did to me. I also told him he has to earn back my trust.

[@Tryagain563]

I haven't seen Darren's video he mentioned in reply to you. But my feelings and thoughts are that a woman *should* respect her husband (and he her,) if she doesn't why marry him? Respect is essential in any type of relationship or it falls apart. There is a time and place to earn respect too, but basically, you are deserving of respect. Does she outright *dis*respect you? That is a tough thing to deal with; I hope Darren's video helped you.

[@reneec2583]

Magnificent explanation of what I've been living with! Thank you for your videos. This one's a keeper. It will remind me that I'm not imagining things. Someone else knows and sees what a narcissist is, even though the Flying Monkeys who protect my husband cannot understand who they are protecting. Thank you again, for making these videos. It really helps to know that someone understands what it is.

[@cml2492]

Thank you! The sum of their belief "I have made up my mind. Do not confuse me with facts." This to me is so true, at the same time very tragic. If you are in a settlement battle after he divorces you for setting up boundaries, get all the facts and evidence. You will need the judge to settle the case, as he will constantly lie, move the goal posts and try to bankrupt you emotionally and financially. Isaiah 41:10-13.

[@SparkingLife111]

Well that was epic. Thank you. Very healing and validating

[@beewise439]

You say “they have to want to in order to change” BUT since they think they’re always right and the victim is always wrong, I can’t see them wanting to change.

[@christinemcgarry7754]

This is the BEST video I've seen so far! Thank you!

[@andre1987eph]

You did a good job separating the fantasy we have about them and the reality. They are very hard to spot. I have seen world experts such as Dr. Ramani unwittingly get into professional alliances with covert narcissist here on KZbin

[@williamtiffee3799]

The "helping fields" are full of (covert) narcs. Anywhere they can bamboozle and "power play" people, from children to the elderly, they do flock... like the parasitic energy vampires, they all are. And likewise, in psychology and psychiatry. (Many narcs have psych degrees, to advanced mind control and manipulation techniques training... and are in "politics, to religion.") My eighty year old mother is in an "independent living" place in California that is FULL OF these people. (From the former director, to several employees and a disproportionately HIGH percentage of the 100ish residents... many families want nothing to do with, later on.) Since the advent of TV, Hollywood, and public indoctrination while both parents work outside of the home... there has been an EXPLOSION in (intentionally) "institutionalized and collectivized," narci- schism. (From academia, to the corporate environment.)

[@bcpr9812]

Who with?

[@cynthiawhite1122]

Best to explain your accusation if you feel entitled to make it.

[@keganboddy8598]

I have been the victim of a narcissist and I stumbled on to videos like these and what I have realized is that I have some of the traits of a narcissist. It has been and uncomfortable realization. The videos have helped me make sense of the abuse that I have suffered and understanding has brought relief. But now, how do I change the behaviors that I have which are narcissistic in nature?

[@LightnessofJoy]

Awaken with JP video on this topic offers clues. “Why am I the perfect match for a narcissist?” I looked up some answers because I too have at times found myself on either polarity at times (codependent or narcissist). Resolving these 3 things: self-defeating thoughts, need for approval from others, and high anxiety is a good start. I do healings to clear those things, and it’s also a conscious practice to replace the habits of self-defeating thoughts, and reparenting our inner child (the 3 year old who experienced the narcissistic wound), and other strategies for overcoming the above.

[@awclark3]

My ex would literally switch sides in an argument if she thought she was losing, then swear I was the one that changed sides.

[@TC-gx3qn]

Yikes 😬

[@Dustandfuzz]

I dumped a narc friend so many times and tried again so many times, but all the narc noted and mentioned was how many times over the decades that I dumped him. Well my thing is if I hadn’t tried so many times with him, I wouldn’t have had to dump him. It would have been only once. But my trying again and again just went unnoticed. That tells me just like you said, they are never at fault.

[@theincandescentman685]

You're unique and beautiful even if you speak your truth that's against the 99%. You're doing your best. Keep it up!

[@jenniferraymond9766]

My Father in law is the guy who is a saint in public, always eager to be someone's knight in shining armour, even to those he dislikes...and when he's tired of keeping up this act he comes home to his wife and treats her like a servant and emotional punching bag. He's the one who thinks his small town in the middle of nowhere would die without his presence.

[@darrynreid4500]

I wanted to take a pre-emptive crack at the question: I would say that they believe that everyone else's agendas - including thoughts, feelings, preferences, goals and and plans - are to be defined by however they happen to feel.

[@AllahNuke]

This has completely blown my mind. Very thankful for this man and his channel. I'm speechless. You're shedding a lot of light. Thank you.

[@annettavicckies298]

Wow! I'm glad I found you ❤ You've answered allot of questions and people I've dealt with who I cutoff recently.. I cannot believe what I am hearing. I never heard of gaslighting before. This is amazing and freeing. Dealing with someone now like that. Unfortunately I'm trying get my personal property back and close doors 🚪

[@jenniferoleary-erlich1420]

Your channel is so amazing and helpful. I have been doing ALOT of research about narcissists online for the last year your information just hits differently. Would love info on help with a covert MIL and how covert narcissists treat grandchildren, help for parents who can't go no contact. Thank you!

[@MJ-qb5ph]

My God this is frighteningly accurate - it describes my family totally

[@TheHillrat4wd]

one of the better videos on this topic. Thank you.

[@kayokk-]

I had to write another comment because the video turned out to be astoundingly accurate and living truth of that experience. Bravo and hats off.

[@junkettarp8942]

They often can not understand how anyone could dislike them.

[@Jlk9711]

The first time I watched your videos, It was hard to understand the accent. Now, 5 videos deep, I completely understand you 100% fluently haha

[@hutchm92]

I really enjoyed learning about my family with this video. Seems like you know them and their tricks. I’ve had to remove my narcissistic tendencies. They don’t work when you’re trying to have healthy relationships. I am have learned from the best… but I’m very committed to being a better person & want my loved ones to have a wonderful experience being around me. However, I almost spit out my water with the last trait…don’t bother me with the facts, I’ve already made up my mind. Gosh do you know my mother! 😂 Thank you for providing such a great community service.

[@gracesavin6356]

This is uncanny!!!! Thank you.

[@djangoapple8230]

Can a narcissist change? They would have to want to? Why would they want to? They have the best of both worlds. What ever they're lacking , they will take.

[@nicolaihel9165]

Wish I'd watch this one vid 3 years ago when you posted it. Might have saved me a lot of heartache, time, money and health.

[@janicemurphy4373]

THE TRUTH WILL ALWAYS STAND!!!!!!!

[@monteblazilla7776]

Here in Las Vegas! I'm at the hardest part in my life rn, ive blocked her on all social media sites i jus changed my phone number today. Staying with her and her family has drained me to the point of no return. Im set to leave and live out my car next month though, rent tooo expensive lol. Y'all all stay positive we gone get thru this💪🏾

[@betterlife6142]

Why do narcissists believe these things? Do they believe their own lies or do they just want others to believe them?

[@jennifermcc879]

I think they may believe it at that moment, then pretend like they never said it if they change their mind.

[@jedimaster3048]

I don't think you can be in a relationship with a narc and come out of it not feeling like you've a PHD in narcissim, even though they still don't make any sense. I'm guessing Darren Magee has been on the wrong end of a narc at some stage, you don't get that kind of insight from a book or video.

[@Joelswinger34]

I know! Is it possible that no reality seeps in to their brains?

[@westcoast747]

The false self protects themselves from shame and criticism from others. They can’t internalise negative feelings as they can’t cope and accept weakness. They have to pretend to be perfect so others can admire and be in awe of them. It’s all a big sham, their thinking process is a shambles, disordered. They can’t cope with reality and real life.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

@@westcoast747 Sick isn’t it?

[@amandahorvath6082]

Your absolutely so right about everything you say, spot on