How to safely leave an abusive relationship - Terri Cole

[@terri_cole]

Timestamps for the video: 0:00 - Introduction 1:30 - A warning 2:25 - Support & encouragement 3:10 - Admitting there's abuse 4:54 - Safety first 5:50 - Reach out for help 7:02 - Why are you drawn to an abuser? 9:15 - Gathering evidence 10:55 - Your escape bag 13:13 - Protection order + leaving 14:08 - Figuring out where to go 15:38 - Don't minimize your situation 10 signs of an abusive relationship: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fX7Jqn2sbp2Ba6M

[@persephone3309]

I pray for every single person including myself, who needs to watch this ❤

[@brightpage1020]

Amen and thank you 🙏

[@queenrocksradio2677]

The situation is much worse when ur an immigrant and have no family support and totally dependent on ur abuser n he reminds u daily that you have no where to go 😭

[@lauriej.3544]

Call an abuse hotline. They will help you make up a good plan of escape. Immigrants have rights, too, like other people. He has you hypnotized with the belief that you have nowhere to go. But you have already travelled farther than many of us, you probably speak more than one language (a job skill in itself!), and you've had the strength to endure this jerk. You are strong and there ARE places you can go and people who would admire you. Don't listen to him. Get yourself free. If you've come this far, you CAN do it.

[@alexandrahobson8456]

I can relate so much to your situation 😔 an immigrant who left everything and everybody for what was supposedly ‘the love of my life’. Chronically ill with multiple diagnosis, dependant in every way on your abuser, away from family and the little real friends left. Recently removed from the place you built some life and built friendships in this foreign country. Surrounded only by his family that call him special and tell him all the time he’s not done anything wrong despite knowing. Surrounded by his friends who cyber bully you. How do you get out without support network, without being able to work or pay for meds, needing a caregiver all the time, having no money, being in a foreign country and you never even got a citizenship because it was too expensive. I just can’t see a way I can do it, stay safe and survive. And have my pets with me.

[@nulokiea1805]

I'm so sorry. I just cried for you co's we are literally in the same situation! Please fell free to talk. I will give you my contact when you see this.

[@alexandrahobson8456]

Nulo Kiea Hi, is this a reply to my comment? I’m sorry if I upset you, I wrote it just after another horrible situation and it does sound dramatic but it’s the truth. I’m sorry you’re in such an awful situation too.

[@nulokiea1805]

@@alexandrahobson8456, to you and the lady who posted the original comment. ❤

[@SeaofMadness-lz6ig]

People whom are abused..you deserve happiness your children deserve happiness and yes there is help out there! It won't be easy at first but every day that goes by gets a little easier. If you have children they will thank you for trying to give them a peaceful home!! 😊

[@bdaina]

My narcissistic husband verbally abuses me. I am trapped because I am financially dependent on him. I am on disability. I am afraid of him. He says horrible things to me. I REALLY want to leave. Thanks for this video.

[@agentcoco7023]

Me too😢 Miserable in my marriage but he will make my life a living hell if I leave

[@jackiekent8720]

Sending hugs and prayers one day at a time you have to make an escape plan in silence God Bless hope you are safe.

[@liliansblog]

Exactly what Am going through right now..am planning to leave this April.

[@candyfloss39]

I'm in The same situation

[@brettjohnson861]

Same....but not only mental

[@truthserum5855]

When you grow up in a narc family and you're the scapegoat, it's very hard to know anything different; the internet wasn't around in the 70's.

[@parrotpirate9648]

Oh damn this is the realest for me how can I not want more for myself I don’t trust myself I promise myself I will leave I hope this time I can hold my ground and leave

[@valerieduckworth6649]

Same.

[@danyellesibert6724]

@@valerieduckworth6649yep same

[@AnthonyLiccione]

"The key was in his hand, but she found a way to unlock herself."

[@anneabbott1868]

Its unbelievable how long the gasliting went on. I was angry all the time because i couldnt get personal agency in my life. It took me years to see the insanity cycle and learn to have control over during the blindsides. It really is devastating. Thank you Teri💜🌸💜🌸💜

[@mikemccarthy7338]

That must so devastating and traumatize for you to as a whole. Sometimes I wonder how cruel some men could be. I'm sorry for your experience

[@deepags2720]

That's where I am at im literally so angry all the time

[@livelife5309]

Making a copy of car keys was a great idea. They will take your keys. They also steal or try to unlock your phone. The problem is having money because many abusers keep you from working when you have children.

[@tijeraslack3]

All facts! 💯🙌🏾

[@serenaraquel3961]

How to make copy when they know you’re every move?

[@latoyasavage7961]

My situation as we speak on this comment I'm solely dependent on him for everything he doesn't want me to work at all I'm stuck and ready to leave now,any ideas of escaping for me

[@coreyanderson1457]

I must point something out though. Do be careful about trusting a family member because they often are the first to betray information to the abuser. This actually compromised me in the past. If the family member has a positive relationship with the abuser, it may be best to not provide info. Just saying because I did have serious problems with that.

[@tijeraslack3]

I’m having issues with my family. They don’t like the man I was dating, but my mom is very verbally abusive and has hit me while I was sleeping.

[@charmainemcewan300]

I’m 22 weeks pregnant with my abusive partner, I’ve been with him for 5 years, he used to hit me, he still gives me emotional, mental and psychological abuse. He was threatening to kill himself a few weeks ago to the point where anxiety got the better of me and I fell and hit my head and social services are aware... I’m taking steps to leave for my unborn son Every lady who watches this video and reads my story I urge you to leave this toxic relationship for your children if you have any, if not for yourself. My mother got abused my by dad when I was a child and it wasn’t a nice situation to grow up in but she got myself and my brother and we all left and was happier and had an amazing life since that day we left it’s scary to leave but I’ll do whatever I can to make sure my boy doesn’t see any evil when he enters the world ❤️ good luck to everyone who leaves and it does get better ❤️

[@honeygummy8022]

Charmaine McEwan I hope you and your son are doing well and finally safe and happy...sending you loving vibes.

[@ephie5048]

Omg as I'm reading the comment section what is it with abusers and threatening to kill themselves? Mine does the exact same thing!

[@saijanaswamy7210]

That walking out, dangling your "relationship" over your head, silent treatment or self harm, unaliving are common fav tactics of abusers...and especially narcissists.

[@NICKKI006]

❤❤

[@gladysmashabane8400]

❤😊

[@amandalouw2295]

GOD help us all, so scary

[@capenzi8753]

This is the first video I've read all the comments. I watched part one. I just needed confirmation I wasn't losing my mind.

[@SonjaSpingola-bt9cg]

Ok the best thing I did when I knew I had to leave. I put on the best act I could . Resist resist resist reacting. I automatically got brave when I knew I had a safe place to go. Had all my drucks in a row. I had 100 attempts to leave but let my " I'm finally leaving you ha ha". I'm going t

[@cubanjulia]

I am so frightened to leave the father of my children.... the last time he hit me was 7 years ago.. I left the state with the kids and eventually came back. He kept his word by not laying a finger on me since but the verbal, emotional, & psychological abuse is just as bad if not even worse! And what's even worse is the notion that no one in his family cares about him! Hence, he would have nowhere to go! He tells me every other day that he should leave, that he wants to leave... for me to tell him if I want him to leave... yet it's all a psychological game... I know in my heart that if I was to say yes, all hell would break loose! I just don't know how to leave him! What do I do?!

[@terri_cole]

Julia, Get into therapy, call domestic abuse hotline, look for women's groups in you area who provide support for women to leave abusive situations. Don't give up. Involve whoever you need to so you and your kids can get out. Do it for the kids if you can't do it for you because they do not deserve to be around it and they will be likely to repeat it in their lives if you stay. I am sending you strength and protective energy. xo

[@intrinsicallyme8404]

julia gallardo tell him to fuck off you can do better. You're worth alot more than he is reducing you to. And that doesn't necessarily mean u should find a better replacement for him... it just means you know your self worth and you uphold that worth for yourself and you set a good standard for your children. They will be affected and treat you like their dad treats you. Unless you show your kids otherwise. Good luck x

[@zenfan1098]

julia gallardo I'm in the same situation, with no kids and not married, I have a dog that I love tho, I don't know how to get out yet either but maybe if we keep reading and listening we will be for it's too late. I get it from MN.

[@yvonneross4404]

Have police exort u out of the home

[@stephiedrown795]

Oh good luck to you. I 've been in the Sam situation. Trying to get out of it now. An important thing I found, was to be clear in your mind, to say and believe "I do not want to live like this anymore". The exit is very difficult - i' m trying to do that now (after failed and painful attempts in the past). If you have children they will thank you. They live in the shadow of our unhappiness. My daughter - an adult now and a bit lost - was overjoyed when I told her I was finally leaving. I wish you all the best. Courage. Stay strong. ♥️

[@MynameisY0k0]

Abusive partner isolates you from friends, and financially controls... How can we leave him in that case?

[@terri_cole]

Ask for help. There are resources here terricole.com/gethelp I am sending you strength and protection.

[@oddicalone]

I’m isolated, fiscally controlled, video monitored, phone records watched, emails hacked multiple times. Threatened that if I leave they will expose my mental health decline and get my child taken away from me. Controls my job, made me start working from home, yet doesn’t let me work without interruption or emotional turmoil that makes me cry over half my day silently while taking calls. Also-has verbally threatened to punch my child in the face and cut out her tongue for saying no to him. Threatened to kill my dogs if I even think of “screwing him over” aka leaving. He’s taken everything from me and I don’t have anyone or anything, and I will never leave my dogs to get killed from spite. I’m also stuck on the lease. Any hope or light would be appreciated.

[@tammysummers5892]

@@oddicalone I'm right there with you! Same thing is happening with me!

[@natefmx]

@@oddicalone take your power back silently one day at a time. You need to make an escape plan then with your children and dogs go to a shelter that he doesn't know about.

[@natefmx]

@@tammysummers5892 there are places that can help you. There are shelters where he won't be able to find you.

[@SonjaSpingola-bt9cg]

Another problem I had was I didn't think he was smart enough to calculate and abuse me. I thought I could outsmart him and control him you saved me from a huge mistake. Thank you I appreciate you

[@tammysummers5892]

Thank you for these videos! I've got to do something, I can't deal with this anymore! Love and light to you and everyone else ❤️

[@terri_cole]

I'm holding space for you and wishing you safety and peace ❤️

[@ashleyk13]

im trapped on house arrest living next door to my "boyfriend" who wont let me dump him... i might get off tomorrow....if i do im going in to shelter...

[@randykern1842]

My partner constantly makes me feel worthless and lesser than because I concentrate on school full time and don’t bring in much money. He blames everything on me and I can’t take it anymore

[@terri_cole]

Sorry to hear about your painful situation, Randy. Have you tried to talk to him about the way it makes you feel?

[@lauriej.3544]

You are smart to continue your education no matter what he says or does. It is probably your best chance at survival and a much better life.

[@nulokiea1805]

Finish your schooling. It may very well be the road to your liberty once and for all. I am slowly going to put myself in school again.

[@angelablackthorne3026]

Attempting to discourage activities that will eventually result in financial independence for you is a common behavior for abusers. My abuser would meet me at the door when I came home from night school and interrogate me about the exact number of minutes it took me to get home and why, and whom I spoke to before, during, and after class. I would come home excited about what I was learning and looking forward to seeing my spouse hoping tonight would be different and within a few minutes feel deflated, frightened, humiliated and depressed. My Exes repeatedly worked me over emotionally until I dropped out of school and quit my job, withdrew from the world, and wanted to end my life. They played on my sensitivities, my love, and my vulnerability.

[@Lexilea68]

I hope you are free and have reaped the benefits of self support (school in your case).

[@jacquelinepeace8698]

💖thank you so much Terri. You are helping me so much as I'm divorcing a narc after 23 years. It's so difficult and I keep getting hoovered back in. This time I want to escape and break free. 💖💖🎀

[@terri_cole]

YAAAAAAS, mama!!!

[@lauriej.3544]

Hope you are free by now. If you are not YET free, consider making some audio or visual recording of your abuse; then if you are free, you can listen to the tapes or watch the videos as a hoovering preventative measure.

[@mmanda515]

As someone who can totally relate... (26 yrs, on/off since High School, btw. First 17 of, had no idea what/who I was actually dealing with; he had me convinced it was 110% a problem w/ me. Took the next nearly 9 yrs, to finally safely escape & stay out, #NOCONTACT. A hell I couldn't have even imagined, tbh.. hardest thing I've ever done (& 100% alone; SO weak, confused, broken down, STRESSED, afraid, sick & now 'disabled'...... w/ a teenage son & nearly nothing as he continued to try & impact us, so we'd HAVE to come back.... or he'd find us &... ?!?) I didn't even realize this type of person even existed.. OR considered I could EVER be fooled, manipulated, used & abused in SO many ways! Yet there I was, blinded.. trusting those words & empty promises! The more I gave, more he took, as I'd always be trying to get back to who I thought he was/could be, that he showed at the beginning of the cycle... every time! Trying to give more, I did evvvvvvverything for everyone (at my own expense, sadly) whatever it took.. so that maybe, just maybe.. he'd treat ME, like he treated everyone else we were around! (easily leading one to then believe the issue MUST be me!) I didn't think anyone could be so cold, treat people who treated them well... so awful & on purpose... That they could say/do the horrible things they do... I guess, because I never could even FATHOM treating anyone like he did, for ANY reason; ESP those I 'loved'. Pffft..... that was, until I figured out he truly wasn't capable of actually loving anyone BUT himself. That he saw others.. more like objects/toys to play with & at his disposal. That others, were ONLY useful to him..... if/while they were of benefit to him (&/or thought he could get something from!) Of benefit...... until they weren't, that is. At which point, each/every time, like a light-switch, he disconnected. (OF COURSE NEVER that obvious until ya' "know" the red flags etc... since he twisted everything around to never be his fault or doing & used tiny grains of truth to spin a whole new story he then presented as ALL factual. Often times, even shifting blame so that whomever he had no more use for... would, somehow be MY doing. Because of MY attitude, even just the look on my face, or I'd get the usual, "well, what did you do/say to them?!" so I'd feel confused, guilty. Being an empath, worked.. like... a .... charm, I'm afraid) He pretty much only said/did things tho, for 1 of 2 reasons: As a means to try & GET something from someone................ OR.................. to try & get OUT of something HE said/did! No matter the subject, he'd circle it around to be attention seeking, praising himself falsely.. taking credit for... shifting blame, insulting someone, but always... about himself! EVERYTHING, to him.... no matter what you brought up or if 2 min ago, he considered (like a child thinks) off limits because, ya' know.... that was "the past" & I needed to leave the past the past, stop dredging it up. smh right?? But he could try to throw things in my face from 30 yrs ago that never even happened, then claiming I must have forgotten. Ironically, because of all the gaslighting, etc... I have a near photographic memory. My mom used to call ME, to get addresses/phone numbers of HER friends... when doing her xmas cards. LOL. Anyway, have rambled on way more than enough. Just hoping you've found your way OUT & are safe. Doing so, imho, can absolutely be done.... requiring 3 things most of all. Determination to finally end that cycle... first & foremost, you HAVE TO HAVE $$$$$$ they cannot get to & already on hand. The more, the better. If you have even 1 person (support system close to you, even better) you can trust FULLY & rely on, even if just for emotional support, an ear to listen...... you can start over & without having to spend every waking second worried about just surviving, eating, having a roof over your head, making sure childs needs are met, basics...etc. Rather than just trying to survive, here's hoping you are able to finally LIVE.... to THRIVE, as we all deserve to! Decide that there is only 1 thing worse than spending 23 years w/ someone self-serving, toxic, hurtful & manipulative... who doesn't even appreciate the presence of you, or anyone else... let alone all you've given... & that's... spending 23 years + even ONE DAY more, w/ that type of person! Hope you are taking care, staying safe & are well. This World, these days, phew..... for many of us, it's been like stepping out of the fire..... right into a big 'ol frying pan!?! We've faced worse tho, just glad I can see what's going on... for what it really IS. #HiddenAbuse "B.A.I.T.E.R.S." #PsychopathFree #LifeCode ((HUGS))

[@boomerangsruckflug8513]

Photograph all important documents and store them either in your email program or in a cloud like Google drive. Thank God I didn't live together with the abuser. I anyway changed the city ( with my daughter, whom he is not the father of, fortunately...) and started a new life which was much better!

[@terri_cole]

Congratulations for successfully escaping, Mireille! Keep up the great work and thank you for being here ;)

[@nulokiea1805]

I have scans of those docs. Well, some of them. I will keep on adding to the list as new roads open up.

[@tanyarodriguez321]

Love this video really helped me open my eyes, im currently leaving my boyfriend and my apartment. Not only am i being coercively manipulated & just now starting to realize it after 9 months but the other day was like the 19th time id gotten my ass whooped for no reason. Im worried because hes already eliminated my friends, by telling me things were said that werent about me he convinced me that my hole family is out to get me. Telling me things like “No disrespect to your family but they didnt raise you correctly” because I attempted to leave after being struck.... which only leads to him striking again. He is here at home in the house, & im finally to my breaking point. I can wait and sit around no longer. Last time i tried to leave he almost broke my arm and also damaged the house busting holes in the wall with my body parts and insisting i should pay for them... ive tried talking things out ive tried hearing him out but he never hears me out... not ever. Im to the point now that im walking out of here, leaving my home, my furniture, clothes, everything. Because i already know he isnt going to give me a thing, even tho i pay all the bills and i bought everything that we have. He says i cant be trusted, although ive never wronged him. His brother attacked him the other day for attacking me.... now i am being instructed that i have to block his brother (my friend and the only one whos had my back) and never speak to him again. What bothers me the most is even though I know the second im done typing this and i get up and go to walk out of here hes 90% out of 100 gonna beat my ass again. And I know ill have to defend myself, i still feel horrible inside for his brother attacking him even if it was in my defense.... why do i feel empathy for someone who has no regaurd for my life or my feelings.... he says hes the smart one and im not responsible enough to have my own money that i work 40+ hours a week for .... he says it has to go to him or we have to get a joint bank account so he can watch my money, he says all thats mine is his but he keeps all his own paychecks.... one day he broke my front tooth striking me..... that was in the beginning about 9 months ago I still havent been able to get it fixed because he wont let me.... i feel so horrible about myself i feel as if i look like a druggie now. All my self esteem is gone.... But you know what there comes a time when your tired of making excuses for staying even to yourself. Today, i say no more. Wish me luck . ❤️🙏🏼

[@daejalovette]

i’m praying for you 🙏🏾 I am so sorry you had to endure that. God bless you ❤️

[@amyharker6850]

I had a support group of people that greatly helped me get out of my abusive relationships, at different times in my life.

[@Shawnne01]

Although this video came out nearly 2 years ago, it resounds with me. When I had my two abusive situations, there were no cell phones or the Internet available. I didn't have any close family or friends to go to. I was on my own. I had to live by my wits and fear to get away. Now there are more resources available than ever and I hope that women in this situation can find the help and resources they need to safely get away from these situations. (this could also apply to men, of course.) My situations were back in the 70s and late 80s. Things have changed drastically since then regarding available help and resources.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you Shawnne. I'm glad it resonates with you. I hope you've found peace and strength since your situations.

[@lauriej.3544]

I can relate. Back in the 60s I lived with an abusive boyfriend. He terrorized me. I ran to my mother for help because I really wanted to believe she would shelter me...and because I was only 19 years old and naive. She told me she was glad he was hitting me...Then she slapped me so hard I fell down into a chair. I sobbed, heartbroken, as she picked up her phone and gave him directions to get to her apartment...and I had told her that he had threatened to kill me! She stood in her doorway until he arrived so I could not escape. When he got me, he dragged me down her stairs as she slammed her door. He called me "a dumb little orphan" because "even your mother doesn't want you, you're as good as an orphan!" He laughed, slapped me, then laughed some more. He told everyone I knew the story making fun of me. 6 months later I got the courage to escape again and this time I knew better than to go to my mother. Later, months after my final successful escape, he found me. But I was no longer his "dumb little orphan." I'd grown up and was able to easily intimidate him big time and send him packing. I haven't seen this asshole since 1966. My unforgettable mother passed away in 2003.

[@nicolemurphy2629]

@@lauriej.3544 You had a horrific mother. So sorry for you.

[@tijeraslack3]

Resources are very limited, especially in Nevada.

[@Itsyagirllizzy69]

I just left a abusive violent controlling relationship and I feel better about leaving and I’ve never been so scared in my life and I feel better after reporting it too

[@lauriej.3544]

Are you still free? I hope so.

[@glitter2664]

I think one of the top reasons that people don't leave has a little less to do with being scared and a little more to do with most people that are in relationships like that are financially dependent on the abuser and especially when you have children and you don't have family and you don't have friends how are you supposed to leave a relationship when you have no money and no way to get a job? I have watched so many of these videos before and I've never heard any of them explain how to get out when you are financially dependent on someone.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for the feedback. It's hard to address that situation in a general way in a video because it is so specific to each individual. The best thing to do is reach out to someone in that field that can help gather resources and create a plan. If you're looking for a place to start, start with The Hotline www.thehotline.org

[@autumnstevens9426]

I got so tired of the abuse and ended up having to call the police because I was afraid that he might kill me. It's been 24 hours since he got arrested and I am so terrified. His family has been harassing me all day and threatening to take my kids away. I feel so lost and confused and terrified. I don't know what is going to happen next.

[@Kaleidalee]

Autumn Stevens I’m so sorry to hear that his family is harassing you, but I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been able to escape! Stay strong. You deserve to be happy, and you’re taking amazing steps toward a much better life.

[@aprilcherron2210]

Hope things got better for u

[@lauriej.3544]

Are you OK now?

[@chandrasteward3846]

I’m being verbally and emotionally abused. Have been physically beat for years. I’m been trying to get out for years

[@lauriej.3544]

Look for a way. Maybe you need some education and job training. Community colleges offer some great potential careers; medical tech is a good one, for instance. You can become a phlebotomist in only a few months. Get creative, believe in yourself, decide you can overcome this and you WILL.

[@mamnoomrsyawar]

Thanks for giving these ideas, it's the 1st video that may help someone! Many others were such a waste of time. If you have time, rent a storage and start moving your stuff out... then once you find a safe place to go, get your stuff you want or while he's at work even if that means you call in, or get the police to be there to get the remainder of your belongings. It's against the law for anyone to hold your stuff hostage like if they try to say you owe $money. It's against the law for them to trash, burn or put your stuff on the street to be stolen or picked up by trash, you can sue them... but NEVER start an argument or let them know your leaving. YOUR IN THE ADULT WORLD NOW, THE LAWS ARE THERE FOR YOU, USE THEM TO YOUR ADVANTAGE! NO MORE PITY PARTY! YOU LOVE YOURSELF AND NOT THE LIES THE ABUSER TOLD! GOD BLESS🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@tijeraslack3]

I got a storage for sure and have my stuff in there. Unfortunately, after the pandemic, prices are rising. Mine just increased almost an extra $100. I went back to my family temporarily and they have been abusive as well. I already researched and called shelters and very minimal to no help.

[@mamnoomrsyawar]

@@tijeraslack3 Stay strong... what about a church? Do you belong to one? I don't agree with their teachings, but the LDS church is known for helping their own... if nothing else...it's an option. They've helped me as well over the years, depending where you live, they can even hey you a job at Desseret Industries, it's a thrift shop with school opportunities.

[@urwashahid9210]

I never chose my abusive partner I already knew he is abusive as he gave me many red flags before marriage but my abusive mom forced me to marry him by threatening me getting anxiety attacks and getting sick. After I got married she gaslighted me lowered my self worth and told me that no one else can bear me other than this great man

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion. You do not deserve abuse and you can set boundaries to protect yourself emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Be kind to yourself. Abuse is not ok.

[@urwashahid9210]

@@terri_cole thanks for responding ❤️ I am planning to leave with a support worker but its very very tough. I start to feel sorry for my husband because even though he doesn't love me, he loves our baby and I'd feel guilty for separating them

[@Rosie-ou2eg]

@@urwashahid9210 did you leave?? How is your life now?? I am 20 years old and I have 2 babies!! Life with my husband is getting very badly and so I have decided to leave but are scared !!

[@urwashahid9210]

@@Rosie-ou2eg I left. But it was very hard to live all alone with a baby. I had zero family support. They were only with me as long as I was with my husband. I was humiliated by everyone after leaving him. My baby was very hard to deal with and the system in the UK is very harsh. There was no proper housing or settlement. Now my circumstances have pushed me back with my husband after being away for 8 months! My son is happier this way.

[@Rosie-ou2eg]

@@urwashahid9210 I am sorry that you had to go back to him!!! There is still hope!! Start to save money if you work and hide it from him in case if an emergency!! Don’t have more kids !! It’s very hard to deal with the kids when you have a husband that’s always puts you down and gives you anxiety and depression!!

[@priscillagonzales3647]

Thank so much! I stumbled upon your channel and I love it. The first part of this video made me cry and want to give you a hug. I left my abusive narc husband 2 months ago. I did it for for the kids because it was a toxic and violent environment and emotionally exhausting. I can’t really talk to friends or family because they can’t truly understand what I have been through the past 17 years, it’s hard for me to even understand it. Thank you for talking about this.

[@freedomtobeintheknow-kryst9705]

Thank you so much for taking the time to do these videos. You are appreciated.

[@terri_cole]

That warms my heart. Thank you for saying that!

[@freedomtobeintheknow-kryst9705]

@@terri_cole You're welcome. Have a great weekend.

[@sivannaa537]

Thank you for posting. I’ve been in a abusive (physically, mentally, verbally) for 3 years. We have a 1 year old & he tries to hide my child from me. He is a felon, drug addict & narcissist. Every time I feel strong enough and I actually get away and feel as if I won’t go back he legit stalks me and forces me to take him back. I give in every time because I’m so tired. I just want to be strong enough to get away and stay away and not feel guilty && I want to get my son back without having to pretend I want to be with him 😩😩😩. Every advice helps

[@terri_cole]

I'm so sorry to hear about your painful situation Sivanna. I think you need to get legal advice. I am not sure what the laws are in your state or country. Perhaps you can get a restraining order. Look for a local domestic violence agency that can help you. www.thehotline.org/ You can try contacting this organization. I am sending you strength and protection for both you and your child.

[@tomboydee3326]

I have 4 kids by the abuser.i have no family support.i want to leave but i cant because i have no one to watch my kids while im at work.i cant afford to lose my job.

[@Teee100]

This is my current situation and I too am afraid I will use all of these helpful tips to get out. Thank you

[@terri_cole]

I'm holding space for you and witnessing you with compassion.

[@jennyselvas1100]

I hope you got out safely

[@deborahj8405]

Lucky i don’t have children with this narc

[@terri_cole]

#Blessed

[@dt564]

I want to leave but I don't even drive and I've been so broken down it's so hard to even hold down a job. I have no friends or family willing to help and I can't support myself. I feel so unhappy and so trapped. I also have done abusive things in the relationship too and so I don't know if it would be different if I hadn't done things I regret.

[@terri_cole]

Don't beat up on yourself for things you did in the past. You were doing the best you could at the time. And when we know better we do better. You can go to thehotline.org and look for resources there. You are not alone.

[@slajoy9567]

First off pray to God on what to do.. Then have a support system that you can trust.. Then make a plan so he don't know where you at ..

[@stargazer2042]

Have you escaped yet? Im trying to rescue my sister but dont know fully what is going on.

[@thankyoujesus2836]

@@stargazer2042 did you help her?

[@deborahj8405]

I have been in this relationship for over 9 years left a few time kept coming vs k but didn’t know why until a few years ago I found out he’s a narcissist, done so much self healing rewire my brain self love care to get my health back and setting boundaries mine is verbally emotionally and now financially as I don’t have a job , now I want out omg it’s harder to leave when your trauma bonding than Just falling out of love , my mother is a narcissist Yep tried to leave a few weeks ago and narc starts his drama and making it difficult fir me to leave plus I didn’t have a plan in place , I do have a plan now just have to pick my window of opportunity to make my exit

[@terri_cole]

Be safe, Deborah. We will be here holding space for your safe, smooth, drama free exit.

[@deborahj8405]

Terri Cole Real Love Revolution thanks so much Terri 🙏🏻💛

[@zionjohnson8567]

@@deborahj8405 hey Deb how did it go??

[@unlockyourstarz]

I left an abusive partner and I am experiencing the same type of abuse that is described - embarrassing me at work - stalking me through people I come in contact with everyday. I have moved out and changed jobs twice since I left him - and the harassment at work has persisted at my last three jobs. I am dealing with this everyday and I have reported it to HR but it still persists. I need help resolving this situation. I don't feel safe or happy and I am afraid for my children.

[@tijeraslack3]

See if your company has an EAP program. I work in HR and your company should be creating some type of risk management program related to workplace violence. Workplace violence involves stalking from an intimate partner for sure. Hope this helps.

[@babylafontayne8676]

Ive been with him on n off for 5 years. In that 5 years iver been choked out, beat, gas poured on my clothing when i try to leave. Electrical wire wrapped around my face left me looking like the joker. I have 2 kids with him and believe him every bit when he says he will kill me if i try to leave. I am fully aware my relationship is abusive. . emotionally, physicaly, mentally, financialy. . in most ways. I think of suicide, but cant leave my babies. . I have no one. . I feel stuck, terrified, and 100% alone. . I dont know what to do anymore. .

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear about your dangerous situation. Please contact www.thehotline.org/help/ to get guidance + assistance. I am sending you strength and protection.

[@water9baby972]

Hey how are you doing now honey?

[@laurenm9563]

Sounds exactly like my sik husband. I started calling the police and I told our neighbors and theu called the police. I exposed him, I'm not sorry. It may have saved me my life. Here is what 2 do, call womans shelter see if room is available. Then pack in private and leave that night. Get ur kids shit too. Than when ur ready 2 finally leave, call police and have them make sure you get on ur way safely. The cops will escort U 2 ur womans shelter. Thats how I did it before, how I'll do it again. Go now!

[@psalm91.777]

How are you now I care I am in a similar situation

[@coreyanderson1457]

If there's no physical violence it is harder because there is no evidence that they're dangerous, so only you know they're harmful. My ex got custody of my son and part of the problem I ran into was that there was no way I could show he was abusive. When I left, or he was asked to leave, he went straight for custody. And the abuse didn't start really until I was pregnant, so since there hadn't been a lot of time, I had little way to protect my son. My family helped my ex, not me, because they're the same way. I had three members od my immediate family who I think have pd's. And, I worry every day about my son. I ended up not coping well with all of the stress too. In my childhood, I had no boundaries I wasn't allowed to have any boundaries, and I saw my mom and my step mom be abused. So, I think when there was no physical abuse with my ex, I assumed that maybe I was being too hard on him by breaking up, maybe things aren't that bad, he just had a bad day, whatever. And looking back I realise it was subtle, and it didnt become obvious to me how cruel he was until I got pregant, 10 years into the relationship. We didn't live together that entire time, so I think he was able to hide it longer.

[@taylorjaid8479]

Sorry this is pretty long... but I’ve been in an abusive relationship for almost 2 years. Every time I go to leave he hugs me and cries and makes me talk to him before I make any “final decisions”. This is the most recent thing that happened to me: the other day I bought a pair of rain boots at target. I sent him a picture and he says “ew” and then calls me and tells me to bring them back and that he showed all of his friends and they all said they’re ugly. So we go all day and I come home from work and I’m wearing the rain boots, so he looks at me and goes “they’re gross” and I repeatedly have to tell him that I don’t care what he thinks because I like them. So we start fighting again and he says “I think we’re hitting a dead end. You need to get out by Wednesday or I’m evicting you” (he owns the house we live in). So I’m like okay whatever and start bringing my stuff out to my car, which he wouldn’t even let me put them in bags. And he’s in the room and starts crying saying “I don’t want you to leave” and so I sit and talk to him, I think he’s finally going to realize that what he’s doing is ridiculous, but at 4 am the same night he wakes me up by getting up and getting on the floor with our dogs, so I ask “what are you doing” and he tells me not to worry about it. Turns out he’s upset because I wasn’t “trying to make anything better”.. so I get up and he starts bickering about my shoes again.. and then how I wear makeup.. and it escalades to him pushing me and pulling on my shirt and then throwing me on the ground and hitting me. So I try to leave again and he won’t let me. Then he calls off of work that day to make sure I don’t. Currently, he is being so sweet to me, he bought me dinner last night, kissing me, cuddling me, and so on. I know I need to leave because this has been an ongoing thing for the past year... but why do I feel so guilty now that he’s being sweet to me again.

[@terri_cole]

I cannot say why you feel guilty but will agree that you need to leave as soon as possible. That's it - it is not more complicated than that even tho to execute it -it will be. His behavior will escalate so nothing good will come from waiting. I am sending you strength and protection to choose you.

[@queenrocksradio2677]

Reversed pyhscology and soon as u get comfortable it will resume trust me

[@lauriej.3544]

Get angry. Overwhelm your guilt with some righteous anger at his games, efforts to control you, and violence. Think how you would look at it if it were someone you cared about being abused in this way, like your close friend, or sister, or neighbor or co-worker. Wouldn't that bother you? Keep a baseball bat under your mattress and get ready to defend yourself...or, better still, just leave.

[@jeannemarie3704]

Get out. Don't tell him your plans this time.

[@rockettcassia]

Sounds like mine smh I hope u left because I’m getting ready to

[@m.ggonzalez925]

thank you for this video, this help a lot to those people who abused by their partner (man/woman).

[@violetmarroquin5258]

Is there a video on how to leave someone who gaslights you ? No physical abuse. When they go to your house send flowers and food. Get into your home and act like eveything is ok. But since they’re not Physically abusing you, how do you call the cops? I love that I found Terri Cole! For many reasons but just watching your videos gives me hope on fixing myself! 💖

[@terri_cole]

Hi Violet- I would recommend starting here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rWeuc61qmL18lcU ❤️

[@mariawilson6520]

im scared. i dont even know how to tell my story.

[@terri_cole]

Find someone safe to help you figure out an exit strategy. Look for domestic violence support in your area. Please reach out, even tho it's scary. Staying is more scary and you deserve to be safe. xo

[@desireepratt4947]

Maria Wilson me too

[@hawraadakak1125]

Maria Wilson I’m in the same situation but idk what to say , just scared

[@juzagirlntheroom2692]

Same

[@rehnigstan]

@@juzagirlntheroom2692 Please get help. Be careful, but get help and get out. You Will feel better afterwards. I wish you so much luck.

[@a.k.4085]

This video is FULL of useful info. That extra car key. YES. 💯

[@moxie96]

witnessing this, my friend's bpd had just moved up their wedding date to 17 days from now and they've been together only 3 months and she's been normalizing her behaviors at him and switches back and forth by the second forcing him to think she is fine a good woman to him better than all others nobody else will love him right but her and he chose this and it's his job to fix her. Always uses those "even at your very worst and they still want you" type memes repetively as a blinder to look "positive" to him and her audience when it's not. Me and his friends are not at all fooled and hate we can't do anything. He's nothing but her slave and as soon as it gets legal and why she's rushing the marriage date means she's hardly able to keep the facade mask up she's gonna let all her hellish ways break loose on him.

[@lauriej.3544]

You are right, of course. Rushing any aspect of a relationship, especially marriage, is a red flag. He will not listen. Just be there for him when he eventually figures it out.

[@jaymietalks]

I wish you were my personal therapist

[@kats3780]

I dont know how to leave. I am not allowed to work. I just found out there is immense debt. I homeschool my 2 children. There is emotional abuse, financial, and more. I dont have any family or friends to help. I am so broken

[@kwasont4268]

You’re a really good therapist

[@marymanley9567]

My divorce is final, however we are still living together. Just signed another year lease. Plus I'm pregnant. I couldn't handle the emotional verbal backlash from my ex to move out. To me it's worse than taking the time needed to get moved out on my own. There has never been any physical abuse, it's all been verbal and emotional. Some verbal threats, even though she says she was teasing. That in her opinion that's how she feels, but would never physically harm me. I feel trapped.

[@terri_cole]

Verbal and emotional abuse is still abuse. Can you ask your ex to move out if you're not able to? You need to be safe, for you and your baby. I'm sending you strength, Mary.

[@yuhanhe2583]

You are being very helpful for a lot of people if they ever reached you. I hope you know that I appreciate your work .

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for kind comment, Yuhan. I really appreciate you being here with me and am so glad you are finding the content helpful.

[@jetsetwm]

Shelter can get full and you can be turned away. My friend had bruises on her neck and chest. Cops called and she has two young children. She was turned away from the only local abuse shelter. Not enough space to go around. Thanks for the advice anyways maybe it can help someone.

[@caleuxx9108]

A toxic/abusive example from my life - I have been called stubborn many times by my narcissistic father... When the narcissist tries to control other people, they use various persuasion tactics. My father has many times asked me to do things for him, that were illegal, morally wrong or just wrong and when I told him no, he would press the matter with his brain washing techniques and when I still resisted he would call me stubborn and try to shame me for my integrity. He actually used the word integrity in the same sentence as pathetic - "you and your integrity are so pathetic"....

[@katarinatibai8396]

Buy a new mobile phone in case he have put a track - spay ap on your phone. When you leave the door the last time - throw the old phone away.

[@yeisonfelix6925]

Thank you so much for this advice!

[@tijeraslack3]

I believe people need more education on shelters. You only go to a shelter if you DO NOT have supportive friends or family members. A shelter will not take you if you go to a family member or friend first and they are abusive as well. If these people are narcisstic, it wouldn’t be a good idea to even go. And the cops won’t even tell you about a shelter unless you mention it. Also know the difference between a Domestic Violence shelter and a homeless shelter. Sometimes you have to get a hotel room or Air bnb and disappear.

[@cwhitley5007]

I'm on my way out!!

[@terri_cole]

Right on!!

[@michellec2899]

Hi Terri ,I'm a nut, as I still love my husband of 37 years,just found your videos. I've been through a lot in the past 10 years,had many good times ,but accepted many behaviours in the past ,to smooth things over.2009 was assulted bad ,and was so messed up from it ,seems like I never got over it.moved out for 5 mons felt real good in the beginning ,but then was so lonely ,he knew where I was and would ask me for dinner ,as I was always broke I would go😔 come to the cross walk wher I worked & wait for me to cross in front of him,and say out of the window when are you comming home I love you. Talked a lot on the phone,ended up going back ,started up again after a cupple of mon, I was still working ,but felt ashamed as a cupple of my co workers knew,as I confided in one of them,I got upset with one of them and ran as I could not deal with all my emotion.(quit) on and off problems when I worked through the years.( he was a provider to his family through the the years) when the kids left,things got bad.

[@lauriej.3544]

The people we love are not always good for us. I hope you have gotten yourself free by now.

[@amyharker6850]

Thank God I never had children!

[@berrymess123]

I don't know about others, but when I hear "You deserve happiness, you only have one life, that you can leave and live a better life. ", my brain just stops listening to them. My mind takes it as condescending. Pretty sure I am already experiencing the horrible effects of abuse and then having salt poured in the wound by reminding me that I am currently living a shitty life makes me stay in the emotional (limbic) brain state and verifies that I don't feel love. Then I stay in the mindset of it's probably better/comfortable to stay in this horrific toxic relationship because I don't have support. I would rather listen to, "Living life is not easy. Most people will end up in relationships that are toxic. That shit is hard and whatever path you choice will be hard. " That is my opinion. I'm aware that people find that type of stuff encouraging and empowering and wouldn't want to hear what I would rather.

[@princessjasmine5970]

You are a blessing on this earth thanks for this video

[@shelentapaul3724]

I just recently got out of an abusive relationship about a month ago. He had been physically, emotionally and verbally abusing me for years. I grew up with an abusive dad and my mom stayed until we all were old enough to take care of ourselves. My husband and I have 2 lovely boys together. When i left he came back and played all his cards like he always does then about a week ago he came over to my place of residence and beat the crap out of me for a very petty reason. This guy has been telling me for years i would never get anyone better than him that when the abuse began i actually believed him and stayed but the last time he put his hands on me i retaliated and he had to go to the hospital to get stitches in his wrist and hand. Now he is the one playing the victim and has turned his back on the boys. I have asked him on numerous occasion to do specific things for his boys and he has out right ignored me. The silent treatment is one of his manipulation tactics which i have come to realize. Part of me is determined to not go back to him but the small part that still loves him wants to believe that he will change. Is that feeling normal?

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love and strength ❤️ I'm so sorry to hear you went through such awful abuse and that he is not willing to do things for your boys. To answer your question, yes, it is normal. I have a video about not getting sucked back into toxic relationships here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rZDWmmeuf9OpbKc You might find some of the tips helpful for staying away. It's not easy, especially with kids, but you can do this. ❤️

[@antonioluis8344]

I'm a 20 year old that's been on and off with my girlfriend for 3 years now. We've had our fair share of fights and yells and most of the time she's the one yelling at me. She hates all of my friends (especially one that I've been friends with for 14 years) and whenever I want to go hang out with them she starts having an attitude and starts acting immature. Its incredibly difficult trying to keep both parties happy. I feel like I'm being split right down the middle and thats putting even more stress on me than I already have with school and life problems (Bills, Family issues etc.). I feel like I'm stuck and in a hole that I cant seem to hoist myself out of. I don't wish any form of abuse on anybody and I pray that the people that are unfortunately in those situations, quickly and safely get out of them. Much love..

[@nilakshi_das]

Currently dealing with a person who is both mentally and physically abusive. He is extremely insecure and always jealous of me for some reason. Always trying to impose his insecurities onto me. His words are very harsh in such a way that its pushing me towards thoughts of self harm. I am not able to take it anymore. It took me years to move on from my 1st narcissistic relationship. This one is feeling way worst than that. Its been a tough year. I hope I am able to survive this one too.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear you're experiencing abuse. If you believe you are in danger of harming yourself, please reach out to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. I hope you find the resources helpful, as I am unable to offer any personalized assistance. I am sending you so much strength and courage to get through this and find a way out. ❤️❤️

[@SasSas-fv9xx]

Yes it's scarry!! but like you say , everyone diserves a happy ,save , live i have my dogs love me so mutch and protect me , but when i take my change theyyyy come with me it's not easy to plan but we go for it to change ouer live in a happy way we diserve this together. ❤ thank you for this video video

[@kerrysandersismyname]

Wow thank you for this….exit plan activated

[@terri_cole]

So glad to hear that ❤️

[@ashleybellerose7104]

My heart is breaking...... i have to leave my partner. And i love him but im scared he will really hurt me "but oh my god dont" i love this video. Its so hard I love him so much and I know no seeing him everyday will hurt... however i do not feel safe anymore

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@beforetherainbow355]

15 years at home with kids and trying so hard to get employment so I can leave. It’s so hard. I need work but no one will hire me. I have car accident settlement coming but idk when it will happen.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️

[@blondellewilliams593]

I'm in a abusive relationship right now I don't even know what to do I'm crying right now anybody know what to do or what to tell me I need help I'm scared for my life he threatened to kill me if I left him I should have never went back to him I feel so stupid right now because I knew in my heart. he would never change but I thought he would change and I went back to him I didn't listen I told are three kids your father change but he didn't I'm so stressed right now I can't even sleep it's been two years since I've been dealing with this I've been choked punch in the face everytime I try to leave come to my house threat to break all my windows he even threatened burn my house down with us in it I have proof that he said this it's all on my phone I just don't know what to do with it not going to let no one heart are three kids to me he's not a father what kind of father would want to hurt their own kids. I guess that's why I'm staying in this relationship cuz I love my kids more than I love myself I'm 46 years old I will be 47 years old August 19th 1973 I'm almost through with my house I don't want to leave my home my baby's grew up in this house, and I had two missed it up going back to that man I worked too hard to get this house besides I do'nt have anywhere to go the only family member I had is my mother she died when I was 25 years old I'm in this world by myself I don't even know why I wrote this I guess because cuz y'all don't know me I guess I had tell somebody what I'm going through if anybody reading this please pray for me and my family and I will pray for all the women have to go through this

[@terri_cole]

Please take care of yourself and do what you must do to be safe. That is most important. Reach out to www.thehotline.org and they can help get you started safely.

[@MWisdomWisdom]

OMG, WHY DID YOU GO BACK?? UNFORTUNATELY A LOT OF US GO BACK.

[@juzagirlntheroom2692]

He does not work. Never leaves longer than a few minutes at a time. The abuse is knowing he has killed someone before and he will kill me if I try to leave. I have no car, no friends, no money. I fear for my life every single day I have NO WAY OUT. He has illegal things in the house and I fear if I call authorities I'll be arrested. What do I do. I live in an areas which has a very high percentage of abuse, highest in the state. All I want is my cat and I out of here, but there is no escape. I have no money or means of getting any, no friends or family. What do I do? I walk on egg shells always. I hate him. I won't go back if I'm ever afforded the opportunity to get out alive with my cat. God, it's as bad as it can be. Please help me. I'm begging.

[@terri_cole]

I'm witnessing you with compassion. I hear you and see you. Start with The Hotline www.thehotline.org and they can help you find resources to get you out safely. Or call the hotline 1−800−799−7233. I am sending you strength and protection.

[@juzagirlntheroom2692]

@@terri_cole thank you and soon as hes blacked our again, i honestly will call. Please keep sending me those vibes. Needed more than I can say.

[@EgyptianGirlzCurlz]

Im completely in a toxic marriage. My husband controls my life. He wont let me leave the house. He tells me where I can go and who I can be around. He thought I was cheating one time and he was so furious that he head butt me and broke my nose, after finding out that he called the wrong number. He was terrified I was gonna leave him. He started following me, he always interrogates me, he has his buddies follow me. I see them often from a distance watching me. My husband tells me he could never let me go and that he'd gladly go to prison for murdering me if I attempt to leave him. Here's the problem, he hurts me because he thinks I am doing bad things, but he assumes these things are happening so I am at the mercy of his thoughts which hurts me. He is consuming me. Before you say leave and call the police, he is the police! Im terrified to leave. He has made it clear what happens to me in the end. The police do nothing. He has handcuffed me to the bedpost one time for 6 hours while he slept because he felt I was leaving that night. How do I escape without the police? I need to disappear!

[@Rosie-ou2eg]

Wtf 😳!!!!! He is the police 🤯 How are you now? I wish I had a car I would come and picked you up and we would escape together and drive faaaaaaaaaaar awaaaaaaaay!!!!!!

[@Rosie-ou2eg]

Go to the ER 🚨🏥 because of the COVID they won’t let him in and you can just say your heart or stomach is hurting and you take everything you need like documents and money with you and then you ask them to help you!

[@QueenE1989]

I am praying that you've gotten out

[@LaCubanita4life]

I’m pregnant, in a different country, don’t know anybody, scared to fail, love him

[@terri_cole]

I don't know what country you are in, here are many resources here for several countries www.terricole.com/gethelp/

[@stephennordlinger4112]

Often it takes a good friend to tell you what you cannot see.

[@Tulipanarosen]

I’m emotionally and physically abused and my partner threatened me to kick me out of the house I feel not safe and once we fought he tried to drag me out from my hands out at 11pm

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear your partner is abusive. The following resources are available if you're in the US: *If you are in immediate danger, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline listed below or call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone] & www.thehotline.org/ Women’s Law: www.womenslaw.org/index.php National Network to End Domestic Violence: nnedv.org/ Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness: stoprelationshipabuse.org/ Office on Women’s Health, listing resources by state on violence against women: www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/resources-by-state-violence-against-women.html Domestic Shelters, discussing how to flee an abuser when you are with your children: www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/fleeing-an-abuser-with-your-children#.WHa2l7YrLVo The National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, listing child custody saws by state: www.ncjfcj.org/our-work/state-laws ❤️

[@saijanaswamy7210]

This is powerful!! You are doing impt work!!! Thank you

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@ricardodelvalle948]

Is there any help for men in an abusive relationship? I got married and relinquished all control to a narcissistic woman . The sad part is that deep down inside I knew how she was towards and part of me was hopeful ..

[@razan9z7a48]

I’m in toxic relationship two years with someone who’s older than me in 20 years, every time I try to leave he keeps me in, he says I don’t know what I did and that I ruins everything because I make him angry he cut himself the last time I tried to leave so i feel stuck now we broke up for a month and he went to my parents and told them all my secrets and what mistakes I made in my life and after all that he made me go back to him and he told my I’m lucky for getting back because he was about to harm my life and family , the police can’t help because he will kill me I’m 20 y.o and I feel so stupid for even started a relationship with him

[@Heseesyou]

Did you leave?

[@chrissy1856]

Thank you for your kind words

[@terri_cole]

You're welcome.

[@amberdoesitmatter6019]

my bf screams and yells at me when I wake him up puking my guts out in the middle of the night or accidently pee the bed. he has thrown a pack of cigs at me and stands over me like he's superior. he gets mad at my son and slams stuff and goes into the bedroom. he blames my son and me for everything he is doing. I am paralyzed waist down from a Bad car wreck when I was 15 and I honestly felt like I was helping him and making him see what he's doing. I've called him out on the emotional abuse he's doing to me I told him he needs to leave but he says I need a eviction notice.

[@terri_cole]

Amber, I'm so sorry to hear that. Please involve the authorities. You don't deserve that treatment and neither does your son.Here is the domestic abuse hotline information www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/ Sending you strength and protection. xo

[@hoaxmjdeathborden201]

amber doesitmatter omg I wish I was there to save u and take care of u I pray he leaves and u are able to care for u and ur son I feel so bad for u being paralyzed must be very hard to deal with I pray angels around u to protect u and ur son

[@plusssizemodel]

My husband blamed me and my kids ,when he get drunk the last time he got drunk he went to jail an I bail them out an never said thank you r anything and still doing his shit and now I wish I left him there

[@denissenicolemendoza1229]

To think this video would come and help me in my life 4 years after you made it

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@starfiji]

I've been in an extremely abusive relationship for coming up to four years. It started slow and escalated over time, like I've heard so many do.The problem is I keep taking him back. Don't get me wrong...I've pressed charges to which he has plead guilty to on three different occasions,(hes served a little over two years in jail for the three, which is half of our relationship) however I seem to always end up answering his calls eventually and trying to reason or justify myself until recently. He held a knife to my throat and abused me for hours over absolutely nothing. So as of four days ago I've had no contact with him. He has been blowing up my phone and I'm wondering what to do?

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and sending you strength and protection. You do not deserve to be treated that way and have your safety threatened over and over. Please surround yourself with people who truly love you and take care of your wellbeing and do not threaten or harm you. And ask for help from experts such as thehotline.org and have people on your side. The website is secure and can be deleted from your history if you are concerned (they tell you how to do this)

[@tijeraslack3]

Go to a DV shelter and file a RO, if necessary. I don’t believe in RO’s at times though because someone can still come after you.

[@lizetteshort486]

What do you do if you're physically unable to support yourself? I have 6 kids, 5 at home? He knows he has me because I'm financially dependent on him. What resources are there for persons like me?

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and I hear you. Have you looked at thehotline.org for help and resources? You do not deserve abuse and need to get to safety not just for yourself but also for your kids. They need to be safe as well.

[@janmclain6301]

Thank you for saying that unwilling sex in marriage is rape.

[@jamielynneswim]

Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou !!! I needed this so so much !!!!!!!!! My heart is broken but I at least have hope

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@paytonkoppert8269]

I needed this video so much. Thank you.

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@oceanblue24134]

Can you also bring insight when it comes to a narc father? Like how to safely get away from a narc father when one is afraid to leave due to something possibly happening to the mother

[@lauriej.3544]

THEY are the parents. You should not have to act as a parent, sacrificing health and freedom, to protect your mother who, so far, has not apparently wanted to leave. Give her the opportunity to leave with you; both of you will probably make it better out there as a team. Let her know where you are, and offer to assist her in moving out. If she insists she doesn't want to leave, that is her choice. Just let her know you care and believe the abuse is wrong.

[@oceanblue24134]

Laurie J. I’ve let her known so many times but she feels sorry for him. Her choice. Guess what? As aim typing I’m opening a new bank account. Just got a job Thank you God!! And I’m making steps to leave for good!! I’m too young for this!!!!!

[@lauriej.3544]

@@oceanblue24134 Good news! I am so glad to know you are breaking free of an abuser. You are providing a good example for many, perhaps including your mother. You are being your own hero, and you deserve the best.

[@saeed4484]

💔💔I'm miles away and oceans away from u although I'm watching your video crying I just don't have anyone and alone and so scared and not happy I admit there is abuse and I know that I'm abused 💔and my story I'm sure is more difficult and complicated than anybody u have helped I'm so depressed and I really want to tell it the problem that no one will understand and believe I don't live in America im not an American my culture and my country makes it soo difficult!!!

[@hmstru8y827]

I'm so sorry. I am praying for you. I am currently in a similar situation of abuse and if you need to talk I will listen.

[@reflections4me]

You are alone

[@grandmastermario3695]

Im always just like just leave, but isnt always that simple, its just that often when i hear someone not leaving there abuser, it just reminds me of when i was a kid, my mom witnessed my stepfathers being abusive to me and her and, yet didnt do nothing about it so i had to suffer more abuse, so when ever i hear of a person not leaving there abusive partner, im just reminded of me being abused and my mother doing nothing about it, i just got my own terrible traumatic scars.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@mandylouw3003]

Thanks u inspire me im hopeful and excited despite the odds badly stacked against me❤️🙏

[@Doggie-ic3lc]

Because they are never a abuser when you meet them...that comes later.. when they have you where they want you.

[@maryeli9297]

This made me cry 💔 what does one do when you’re all alone and have no one to talk to? And to top it all off, I don’t have enough money to pay for my own place. I live in CA and the cost of living is super high. I can’t afford paying rent, babysitter, car, ins etc all by myself. 😔 This is my 12th year and I’m hoping it’s my last with him. I would love to feel happy again.

[@yazminvela4368]

Mary Elizalde we are in the same boat! I’m in Cali, (los Angeles) I think I’m going to a DV shelter 😞

[@maryeli9297]

Jasmine Castaneda I wish you the best. Let’s be strong and do what’s right for us. I’m moving to OK with my brother. I’m hoping to start a new life there. I’m just trying to hang in there until my job is done. They’re relocating to another state so as soon as I get my severance package I’ll be leaving with my daughter. Just be safe and reach out to friends and family. I finally did and I honestly feel like I can do it now.

[@yazminvela4368]

Mary Elizalde you are very lucky to have your family’s support. Take advantage and do what’s best for you & your daughter. I reached out to my mom & unfortunately she can’t help me much at the moment so a shelter is the next option for me. Best of luck to you!!! 💜

[@johanna7509]

Hi Mary, I am in the same boat. The difference is he knows where all my family lives and works and I am afraid if I leave he will try to hurt one of them. I’m stuck and don’t know what to do. I can’t move my whole family away, they have careers and lives of their own.

[@lauriej.3544]

Can you find a relative or acquaintance in another state where you can go? If not, what you probably need is a job and a rented room in a private home, at least for now. I'm from LA by the way although I now live in the desert.

[@hanhuynh7798]

I need help!!!!

[@lauriej.3544]

I hope you are OK now. What help do you, or did you, need?

[@myeverydaylifevanessaally]

Thank you so much for your advice

[@pheonixranye3625]

My neighbor finally left her abusive relationship, she finally called police after she was choked and with hand covering nose and mouth.. but how do we keep her safe from him in that house.. he has ankle monitor and is nearby in hotel waiting trial.. now what?

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear your neighbor has dealt with such awful abuse. Her safety is definitely a priority. Does she have anyone trustworthy she can stay with in the short-term? There is a safety plan from the National Domestic Violence Hotline that may provide some resources and ideas here as well: www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/#gf_1

[@Xioxioxime]

I’m in a long term relationship it’s been some months only. The guy I’m dating is so controlling and dominant he doesn’t even let me do anything. All this behaviour started when he took my Instagram handle from me and since then he’s treating me like shit. He threatens me that he’ll tell my family really bad things about me and defame my name if I ever try leaving him and the next moment he’s sorry and guilty. This cycle never stops and he doesn’t even let me make friends in college or talk to guys this might seem like a really minor abuse to you but when you’re in this situation this seems really tense. I can’t let down my family when he tells them shit about me. He even threatens to physically harm me and my family if I try to leave him, it’s like I’ve been held hostage from afar. Please help me out someone.

[@lasilveira805]

What if I left before but my older kids wanted to stay. So I just took my youngest kid with me.

[@terri_cole]

Figuring out what to do in an abusive situation is super complicated especially with multiple kids. Have faith you did the best you could, stay in touch with them and monitor to make sure they are not being abused by your ex. It really is all you can do, as long as they know they are welcome to come be with you if they want. Sending you strength and protection xo

[@lasilveira805]

Terri Cole Real Love Revolution Thank you, I will remind them when i leave again. My boyfriend is a narcissist and he mentally, verbally, and physically abuses me daily. Grey method will only make him more angry and rage. I just need to leave and no contact with Him. Pray for me!🙏

[@terri_cole]

I am saying prayers of protection, beauty xo

[@lasilveira805]

Terri Cole Real Love Revolution Thank you. I'm going to need it🙏❤

[@adrianapederson2446]

How do we handle leaving a man who is only emotionally abusive until you push too hard and then he gets violent so I prevent it or deal with the abuse and just shut my mouth n bow down.

[@terri_cole]

I have a vid on how to safely leave an abusive relationship here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnK0dn5sZ6-indU ❤

[@cwhitley5007]

How do you identify if you are controlling or abusive yourself but not physical?

[@cwhitley5007]

I'm taking as a female