9 Signs You're In a Codependent Relationship - Terri Cole

[@terri_cole]

Let me know: did any of these signs resonate with you? Have you ever been in, or are you in, a codependent relationship? Remember to download the guide to dive into the questions asked: www.terricole.com/9-signs-in-a-codependent-relationship-guide

[@Summer_Harvest]

I was very much this. As I started needing for my children and me (and here I am talking needs) the resistance started. I'm healing from this and as I do this I am seen as difficult. I didn't realize my children were being alienated from me. I had a great relationship with one daughter until she was bullying her siblings (even shoving where injuries were sustained, and dictating. I brought it to a family meeting. They explained it to their father. She said she wouldn't change. Her dad basically said the same. End of story. He has taken all of the decision making away. I will be an easy discard when he has no use for me. He gaslights. This was when I was to follow my career and he puts up obstacles and impossible situations. I feel he wants me to see how ridiculous that idea is. I still try to calm situations and walk on eggshells. I've lost a lot of me. I am apprehensive to just go somewhere alone. Right know my parents are both in poor health, my dad is in hospice at home. I've had the time to learn on youtube, I'm now in therapy, and reading books. This past year has been very changing for my mind. Thank you❣️

[@PrettyGrlP]

Wow! I use to do so many of those things. With your book and talk therapy I am well on my way to recovery. It feels so good to know that I have actually changed my behavior. Was it super easy no. But it has been so rewarding when you can see all you have accomplished with boundaries in place! Thank you so much Terri! I am so grateful to have found you!

[@terri_cole]

I am so happy to hear my work and talk therapy have helped you begin recovering 🙌🙌🙌 Amazing work!

[@Ayesha-r9j2k]

My God this is what I was seeking for . Thank you so much dear Terri. I am a therapist my self and this is really valuable to me and my clients . You speak with consideration and moments of pause so we may understand and absorb well . I am subscribed and taking notes from it. God bless you ❤

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad this video was helpful, thank you for subscribing ❤️

[@KishorSharmaExploringLife]

It is very helpful, thanks ❤❤😊

[@ladyofspa]

This was amazing .would love this to be taught in my all girls high school. I could relate to doing all of these things in my past.❤ beautiful job.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you ❤️

[@magpackdoggos375]

🥹 Thanks Terri, I have become tired of enabling and I am finally trying to stop the codependency. I have ordered your boundary boss book and can’t wait to start feeling better.

[@terri_cole]

Wahooo way to go! I am cheering you on 🙌 🙌 🙌

[@ReneeTester-er1rk]

Wow, Teri, I always thought these codependent symptoms were just sweet, old fashioned attributes. Thank you so much for the knowledge you give.

[@terri_cole]

You are so welcome! To clarify, being helpful isn't *always* a bad thing, but we have to be aware of how much urgency we feel when someone around us has an issue. ❤️

[@HarperPolo]

Yes it did open my eyes. Ty.

[@moen4645]

Gosh, how interesting! There are so many explanations in this video that resonate with me. I did question the meaning of what I was doing and the dissatisfaction involved, but not being sure, aware or understanding. ?! 🤔 Very helpful, thank you!

[@terri_cole]

So glad it was helpful ❤️

[@grantwtk]

The Jerry Maguire quote "you complete me" was used on me in the past because it was an arm twisting technique (an I didn't like it). Good one for ringing it here!

[@yvonnehall7568]

Thank you Terri. I am a recovering codependent so most of my answers were no, except for my fear of abandonment/ rejection. I just figured out a year ago that seed was planted, when I was 4 by my dad when he threatened to pack up and leave after fighting w my mom. It terrified me because she was physically abusive and he protected us. I really have to be hyper aware when this kicks in for me usually when there's been a dispute with my boyfriend. I also have learned to let him handle his own shit. He is dealing with a former student, who has been stalking him for years. When he first told me about it, I told him how to get a stalking order. He hasn't done it but complains when this person shows up. I told him this week "there is a solution and the more you don't do it the more embolden the stalker is". His issue.

[@terri_cole]

Way to go on recovering 👏👏👏 And I am witnessing you with compassion regarding your fear of abandonment and rejection. Good for you for being so self-aware about this ❤️

[@trevawhitmoyer682]

Per usual, EXCELLENT, concise information and advice. Thank you, Terri !!!❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@metasantos8624]

Thank you Terri, reading your book and following you, has helped me to accept I have a codependant relationship with both my kids, just the first step. I am working on seeing myself and treating me with compassion regarding this, as I know is hard as moms to let them go, because our own value is very much attached on our performance as mothers. Thank you, thank you, thank you, all your content and updates always shows me a new growing path. Kind Meta, from Nicaragua.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and also joy as you're noticing these things and giving yourself compassion ❤️❤️ You might want to check out this interview I did with Dr. John Delony: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eWnIlImhdqehfZY we talk about codependency + kids more in-depth.

[@metasantos8624]

@@terri_cole Thank you very much, it means a lot to me.

[@amandapaigejones3659]

Hi Terri - from Australia 🥳 I found you only last week I have already got your book, and listening to the audio one also Omg I have never had boundaries, I let everyone walk over me. Narcissist mother, I had a co dependent relationship with ( I was strong enough to walk away a few yrs ago) I have already set some boundaries in the last week with others in my life💪🏼 All bloody hell it felt so good Thanks so much for all the info Your voice has been around me every morning for last 7 days 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@terri_cole]

Hi Amanda, welcome, welcome! So glad to have you here, and thank you for the kind words and for reading Boundary Boss 💕 Way to go on setting boundaries already!

[@myhottea]

Thank you Terri! Yes, some of these signs resonate with me. The question format that you used today is very helpful to zero in on self awareness and understanding. Also, thank you for the guide ... be well! .

[@terri_cole]

So glad to hear it was helpful ❤️

[@meganengland3252]

At the risk of sounding like a love bomb- you look absolutely stunning…and it radiates from the inside. 💕✨🙌🏼

[@aprilwright2286]

All of these resonate with me in my current relationship.

[@jzimms]

Hi wisdom mama. Thanks for spreading more magic. I am definitely in a codependent relationship and have placed myself here for years. I met my partner after leaving a broken home with constantly yelling and turbulence. I have been in this relationship for five years and as year six approaches I know I need a shift. I totally mood swallow and am so affected by him and how he presents walking into the room. I have over the years been isolated from my friends started with any male friends I had then went to my interaction with the opposite sex period, then even my female friends. I have a lot of love for this person I’ve given years of my life to. But I also know I’ve just built that to be comfort and the rage he reacts with has never felt absolutely safe. any tips for taking a big shift and centring more on myself and my needs. Keeping in mind I auto accommodate, and people please to the eleventh degree.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ as well as joy for recognizing the situation and wanting to make a shift. I have three videos that might help- one is on gently healing a codependent relationship: kzbin.info/www/bejne/i3fShaWAa7WdisU One is about less self-abandonment and more self-love: kzbin.info/www/bejne/emmwXqRueMafidU And the last is about owning your own happiness in the context of codependency: kzbin.info/www/bejne/amPdYn2wj8d-ppo I am cheering you on!

[@percubit10]

I feel like I am a piece of crap. I am in a codependent relationship. I have nothing to give anymore.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love your way ❤️

[@percubit10]

@@terri_cole I am an immigrant from Iran. Came to this country when I was 16 years old. went to college and studied Physics and computer science. Worked as an IT consultant doing coding and programming. Had a neighbor who was an older white Christina woman from the East Coast. Italian Background. Constantly sticking her head in my business, A busy Body trying to shive Jesus down my throat all the time, A total Narc. She practically ruined my life. She took all my self confidence away from me with her false preaching. made me feel like a worthless human being.

[@ladyofspa]

Would love to hear your take on a re-emerge topic of feminine women being submissive to her male partner. I personally think its dangerous for women. But would love your ideas maybe seeing it incorrectly.

[@terri_cole]

I am a fan of splitting responsibilities with a partner in whichever way feels best to the two people involved. Clear expectations matter. (And people are allowed to change their minds later, hopefully with an open conversation.) Many of my female therapy clients felt resentful for doing too much in the relationship, and resentment kills intimacy.

[@deeee7833]

How about someone calls me. It is Sunday. A friend suspects an almost dead battery. I invite her for dinner. She can prepare her day as a teacher I can investigate her car battery. We ordered a new one. It makes me feel good to do this. Does this make me codependent?

[@terri_cole]

I think intentions and urgency matter. When your friend called about her nearly-dead battery, did you jump to offer to help? Did you feel like her problem was your problem? Is this a pattern in your friendship (do you over-give a lot)? If not quickly and no, then it might not be codependency. Rather, you just saw an opportunity for a win-win. It does make us feel good to help others, but I think we need to watch out for patterns. In my case, I kept over-functioning in my 20s, making other people's problems my own, because I got to avoid facing my *own* issues. I hope that makes sense ❤️

[@bellakrinkle9381]

I've often wondered if it's healthy for couples to share all feelings, emotions and intellectual ideas with partners - in other words to be open and honest. I've never seen couples interact in such a manner. Therefore, I'm curious. I'd love your feedback. I guess I'm talking about sharing emotional labor. (No children, or parents.) BTW, I'm self sufficient. Please describe a healthy, close relationship between two adult self sufficient people in a loving relationship since I observe none among friends. (And, I'm very familiar with all forms of narcissists.) How is some degree of enmeshment not possible in any typical marriage or committed relationship?

[@terri_cole]

Good Qs- thanks for asking! I don't think you have to share every single nuanced idea you've ever had in your life, nor do you need to share things you talk about in therapy. I am a fan of talking true and being transparent in a general openness sense. I share things with my husband that might not directly affect him, but if it is important to me, I need him to at least care about how I feel (he doesn't need to understand). I do the same for him. As far as emotional labor, I believe in having a healthy split and talking about it. When I was writing my book, my husband took care of so much (especially as I was also caring for my mother during her cancer treatment). But once I was done, we went back to more of a balance. If he cooks, I clean up (for example). I did a whole episode on emotional labor that might help paint a better picture: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mYC5o6uqjNOteNk Generally, enmeshment means to be intertwined in an unhealthy way. It involves a lack of personal boundaries. You know I'm a big fan of boundaries- I think healthy love is boundaried love. I also believe in compromise. For example, I dislike loud places because I'm sensitive to noise. But I will attend a jazz concert that's important to my husband- I'll just bring ear plugs. I will leave you with two videos I did in the past- one about healthy families (kzbin.info/www/bejne/mX-QlJp6j7iHgtU) and one about healthy love (kzbin.info/www/bejne/mnaVk5lrpNell8k). I hope that helps answer your Qs ❤️

[@jessicatill4981]

Relationship happy Jessica till boyfriend family

[@tayfunisk6400]

Hello 🎉

[@terri_cole]

Hi there!

[@saragracie5554]

Why doesn't anyone else mention!!! There's a terrible BUZZ. NEED TO STOP LISTENING.