Are You Self-Soothing or Self-Numbing? (How to Tell + Why It's Important!) - Terri Cole

[@terri_cole]

Let me know below: what do YOU find soothing? What scents soothe you? To create your own self-soothing toolkit, download the guide: www.terricole.com/the-art-of-self-soothing-guide

[@DeshArt]

I say to myself "I'm safe"

[@patriciagss2024]

Terri, I started seeing a guy two months ago. Sometimes he says that he loved his ex very much, that she was important and that he keeps in touch with her for that reason. How do I set boundaries?

[@katarinafrunge-atribe4487]

Meditation, music

[@Wingsandflowers77]

Crochet. Read a book. Watch a movie. Go for walk. Herbal tea. You are so right, we should sooth ourselves the way we do with others. I love your content. Thank you Terri

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for being here and sharing 💕

[@linduiaero4310]

One of my favourite self soothing practises it knitting. The movement with my hands is really doing something with my brain. It's calming down my mind, and still gives me the feeling that 'I got something done' . Especially if the wool is natural and smells like sheep and straw 💕

[@terri_cole]

Sounds lovely, thank you for sharing 💕

[@LorraineGrant]

While experiencing a tough time, one where it was difficult to find the motivation to get up every morning - I put many gifts from friends on a shelf by the bed. By seeing these it reminded me of my friends and good times we had, and helped me have positive thoughts to start the day. You could also use photographs or momentos of special places/events.

[@terri_cole]

I love that, thank you for sharing, Lorraine ❤️

[@lisaschmidt8466]

Thank you. This is confirmation that I do self soothe. It’s taken a lot of practice but the dividends are bountiful. I stay present and feel my feels. I drop the storyline by journaling. Glorious peace and confidence is my result.

[@terri_cole]

I love this so much, Lisa ❤️ Amazing!

[@karenherrera287]

I like the "drop the storyline by journaling."

[@mary_syl]

This is so interesting....I only discovered essential oils for myself in the past 2 years. I went through some extremely stressful times and discovered SUCH relief from natural scents!! 😊 My favorite are Jasmine, Orange Flower, Lemon Balm and Almond Blossom ❤ I also made sure my new home is really beautiful and calming to me, I painted the walls, often put up flowers and love candles. A nice home helps me immensely to practise mindfulness.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing your favorite scents 💕 Our environment can have a huge impact on how we feel!

[@HanaRosePrevious]

I feel like this topic would go so well with interviewing Anna Runkle. I’m currently reading her book “Re-regulated”. It’s really aimed at those of us who have childhood ptsd and who are prone to dysregulating more often and for longer periods. It’s a neurological injury to have had certain trauma in your formative years that makes this quite difficult at times. Loving the daily practice in her book.

[@kims1912]

I follow Anna as well and have found her knowledge so helpful.

[@Nokss_20]

It took me 37 years to realize I don't know how love feels like and how to "self sooth." It's been a difficult ride, but taking one day at a time. I want to learn to be okay instead of avoiding the situation.

[@terri_cole]

That's an amazing intention to have 💕

[@well_weathered]

My morning routine is driving but I stop for a French roast or Americano. Probably not calming, but it is warming and smells good. Listening to you, YT, or radio.❤

[@terri_cole]

A nice warm beverage can be calming! All about the intention 💕

[@geraldineinspires]

This was very helpful and added value to.my life. Depending on where I am walking outside, warm showers, guided meditation, and lavendar work for me. I plan to download the breathing app tonight. 😊

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@brightpage1020]

Ooh great question! ❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@debborabora5530]

Hi! I just "found" you last night and I am so grateful to you for offering these videos and your guides for free. This is very gracious of you. Thank you.

[@terri_cole]

So glad you found your way here 💕

[@karenherrera287]

I need to self soothe when anyone other than me is driving. I tell myself that panicking is doing no one any good. And I am actually able to handle everything better when I'm calm. It does help me. I like your twinkling lights and the idea of taking them with you on a road trip. I do like taking a walk because we have "issues in our tissues." The breathing app sounds interesting.

[@Maliilse75]

I love that episode! I realise that I reach out for my lap top too often after an exhausting day. It feels like a treat. I also have to deal with reading a lot of depressing things during my days because I work in environment and climate change. I have this urge to indulge myself in content that will help me escape the destruction of planet Earth (we are really an insane species slowly destroying our own home). But sometimes, I feel afterwards like I over-indulged. Would you have advice on how to know when I have crossed that line of binging versus self-gratification?

[@kims1912]

We aren't destroying it, big corporations, the UN and World Economic Forum are destroying it, all the while blaming us and gaslighted us. Evil runs this realm.

[@terri_cole]

That is a great question! First of all, the desire to escape and indulge makes a lot of sense. I think you know that you are over-indulging by the feeling you are experiencing of being depleted, rather than fulfilled afterward. Try to swap out your habit of going toward your laptop with something else that will help you to escape some more intense parts of reality (because we all need that at times!) without it taking away from your ability to genuinely feel soothed and more relaxed. For example, try reading a silly, non-serious book whose narrative you can get lost in and totally escape reality, rather than indulging in your laptop. ❤️

[@Maliilse75]

@@terri_cole Great advice!

[@debbie6415]

Thank you so much for this. It’s the first time I’ve really understood the distinction. I’m excited to put together my tool kit and feel hopeful this will help.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad you feel excited and hopeful, Debbie 💕

[@Chantal103]

Thank you for putting this into words. I never distinguished between the two.

[@Chantal103]

Lately, I find listening to Eckhart Tolle talks is very soothing, and helpful when I am triggered.

[@terri_cole]

You're so welcome, glad it was helpful 💕

[@amberkanehailua881]

Thank you so much for this!!! I so needed this. I am grateful for you! 🙏🏽

[@terri_cole]

So glad it resonated 💕

[@mhlorenzo]

Oh this is so timely! Crazy! Heaven sent, one could say. I eat Terri, and I want to stop.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion and hope this helps ❤️

[@hollo0o583]

Numbing behaviour leave me dissociated. Not in a DID sense but in a phlegmatic to melanchomic brainfog kind of way. Thinking straight is incredibly difficult and I’m in this state of existing, about as proactive as a houseplant. Self soothing on the other hand makes me feel safe, loved, deeply relaxed. All that tense fear just leaves.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing how you distinguish between the two ❤️

[@marinamavrogenis4381]

Thank you!

[@terri_cole]

You're welcome!

[@cinkoking]

Thanks 🎉🎉

[@maevey3]

Thanks for this. Going to look up David G.

[@terri_cole]

Woohoo! His website is davidji.com/ for anyone who is curious. ❤️

[@fraemme9379]

Hi Terri, your videos are always very soothing to me 💖 other activities that I do are: walking in nature, drinking herbal tea, drawing or painting, listening to beautiful calming music, talking to friends, journaling, sometimes watching videos. But I have a question: when is it soothing, and when is it an avoidant behaviour in disguise? For example, I am noticing that I constantly sooth myself with these activities, but then I kind of avoid doing other tasks that I don't like or that I fear doing... I mean, when does that become a comfort zone? I thought that numbing could mean just avoiding your emotions and problems, while soothing is taking care of them in a kind compassionate manner, but that can be difficult if your problems are complex to solve.. thanks!

[@terri_cole]

That’s a great point! I think soothing (or any self care) can be used as a tool of avoidance. I think part of self-care and soothing can be centering yourself and preparing for the things that stress you out, so that you can approach them from a grounded and intentional mindset. It sounds like implementing those thoughts (regarding how to approach the areas that cause you stress) in your self-soothing routine might help transform this experience for you. ❤️

[@fraemme9379]

@@terri_cole That's true, thanks! 💖

[@well_weathered]

I feel like the heavy tiredness that weighs on my in the early evening and sleeping through that time period may be numbing, because of the fact I am able to sleep with it all?

[@amymcdaniel2935]

Well hello

[@sterlgirlceline]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🏆🌼💛

[@valebilan]

💕🥰

[@terri_cole]

💕💕

[@ladeec5124]

Why does it take so long just to get to the content?

[@well_weathered]

I experience the smell sense response so this sounds like a great idea. If I respond to it I should pay attention and enjoy more scents. This made me remember when the kids were little we made sensory bags for Christmas gifts. The only thing I remembered in the bag was the milk weed seed pod with it's silky, puffy seeds. Thank you, this is very helpful. 🪷

[@terri_cole]

I love the idea of making sensory bags! So glad it was helpful ❤️