Helpful or Codependent? The Patterns in Your Relationships to Watch For - Terri Cole

[@terri_cole]

Let me know: did any of this resonate with you? Do you think your behaviors may be more codependent than helpful? How are you relating to the people in your life? To get more clarity, download the guide: www.terricole.com/are-your-relationships-codependent-guide

[@nadyc.lassk.4426]

I am in my relationship anxiosly condependent although I am independent and go everywhere alone when I am alone, but in my relationship I am needed lf parter's presence or constant reassurance that he cares and loves me. He is the opposite.

[@julesv5670]

I'm Julia! I was raised in a rough childhood, so I have been people pleasing my entire life. I worked (and thrived) in customer service because I gave my time to everyone. I just recently took a wfh job, having more time to be insightful. I cant wait to detach from this codependent crap!

[@terri_cole]

Right on, Julia! I'll be cheering you on ❤️

[@kims1912]

I'm codependent in the sense of wanting to fix everyone's issues. My ex was codependent in overdoing for everyone and he couldn't say no and I think his resentment festered until he was at the description of end stage of codependency. I'm working on staying on my side of the street. Everytime I get focused on a friend's issues and feel I need to do something to help them, I remind myself to pray for them and focus on me.

[@terri_cole]

🙌🙌🙌

[@caroleminke6116]

He was a narcissist

[@kims1912]

​@caroleminke6116 no, he wasn't. I was married to him for 30 years, he is a good man who has his own trauma to heal.

[@WesterElias]

This definitely hits. I can oftentimes give advice, and I recently realized that's not the way to go. Instead, I want to help them explore the 'problem' for themselves by asking questions. So they feel like the idea (my advice) was their own, instead of mine. Which is the only way someone actually changes.

[@terri_cole]

To clarify, asking expansive questions ('what do you think you should do?') coupled with being genuinely curious about what the other person thinks is best for them allows them to lead and empowers them. It's not about our advice or what we think they should do. It's letting them be the heroes of their own story and letting go of trying to be in control of their situation (which we can't be). If they still want our opinion after that, it's okay to give, but it's best to be unattached to them taking it. Hope that makes sense!

[@truthseeker4504]

I'm a high functioning codependent person and it was my Spiritual journey that uncovered the unsolicited advice and taking on of others energy. I am now going through your first book and look forward to the second. Thanks for helping me on my journey to express the best version of myself.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so honored to be part of your journey 💕

[@leslierisan7603]

I loved that you reminded us to teach children critical thinking as young as possible.

[@terri_cole]

So important 💕

[@phemery1182]

Stayed till the end, new TC member. Starting it amazing for '25. THANK YOU!

[@terri_cole]

🙌🙌🙌

[@marilynoverton8142]

Such great content, Terri! Thank you very much! And no overly loud, intrusive commercials. I really appreciate this!

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@lenaristeski6434]

This is incredibly powerful. I work as a therapist and have read so much about codependency but this video has been the most succinct and straight-to-the-point explanation of codependency. Thank you. I’m rushing off to buy your book 😂❤ I could personally relate to the part where you mention frustration towards friends who don’t take your advice

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it was helpful! 💕 If you enjoyed this I definitely think you'll enjoy Too Much!

[@aaronmohammed9250]

Thank you for sharing, the timing of this is so timely and needed.

[@terri_cole]

Glad to hear it 💕

[@Jp18888]

This was really helpful ❤ thanks terri

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@ChengChengFeng-o1h]

Thank you for sharing this❤ actually I suddenly understand why I always feel afraid to tell my mom what I’m thinking or what I’ve been through , cause she always react too much , she being so stressed about what happening on me. And now I know that the feeling I have is being treated like a problem she needs to solve, and I always feel guilty if I troubled her

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing 💕 That makes a lot of sense.

[@LifeisaBeautifulting]

I never thought that treating people as a project was considered codependent. I ended up doing this with an emotionally unavailable man, since I'm pretty good with my emotions I thought I could help him with his attachment style (had to learn the hard way I can't). I just thought that since no one is perfect, certain things you would have to work on in the relationship. So I stayed and tried to work on it with him instead of walking away

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing- you're so not alone 💕 To clarify, I think it's worth talking about these types of issues and how it's impacting you, but they have to want to change things and be willing to do the work on their own.

[@angelareyes8859]

Thank you for this insight that spoke so positively to me. 💗✨

[@terri_cole]

So glad it resonated 💕

[@aliahmadsani8611]

I can improve my knowledge with this channel Thank you for sharing

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Thank you Terri 🎄♥️…..so good!

[@terri_cole]

You're so welcome, thanks for watching 💕

[@leanneb9111]

Thank you for this very important reminder. Codependency is a work in progress.

[@terri_cole]

Indeed!

[@sachanu8230]

I feel like this is my relationship with my sister. The more I assert my boundaries or put myself first the angrier she gets. I’m always uncomfortable when there’s conflict but it usually happens after I assert a boundary or express my feelings and then it turns into me comforting her anger and not the situation at hand. And everyone in my family treats me like I’m the problem but I’m so tired. And I feel anxious whenever she’s upset because my whole family makes it my fault.

[@sachanu8230]

I always feel compelled to fix things no matter how the conflict starts. I’m tired. I don’t know what to do

[@terri_cole]

I'm witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Your sister's reaction is not your responsibility. We can try and set boundaries with all the kindness in the world and some people may still react poorly. It's just not within our control. It sounds like your family isn't being very supportive, either, and it makes sense that you feel tired. ❤️ I'm not sure what your overall family dynamic is, but these videos may help make some sense of it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aJ20nJarasd3jMk & kzbin.info/www/bejne/aZzcooJ5jZ6Xqdk

[@cliffg64]

It will take me a while to sort this all out , I’m a recovering drinker, army vet during desert storm , auto mechanic, I definitely am over invested with everything, and every person, there are only two emotions that seem normal to me and that’s fear and anger and a few moments of calm between, if I avoid people I’m a lot calmer, my whole body shakes when I have to tell someone my true feelings, I noticed yesterday at the gas station I was completely prepared for war if anyone said or did anything I would deal with them , so it’s pretty cool for me to even notice what I’m feeling, so if my a d d stays calm I’ll get the boundary boss book when I get $

[@terri_cole]

Self-awareness and being able to identify your feelings is huge, Cliff ❤️ Boundary Boss may be available at a local library, too!

[@jolopones]

The tuna fish sandwich. Lol. I've seen things along that line😂

[@wallendegen1]

Thanks but how do I deal with a friend who always has a problem . She wears me out sometimes and seems to need advise from me😢

[@terri_cole]

These scripts can be useful: "I have faith that you'll figure it out because you're the only one who can!" "I don't know what you should do better than you do." "What do YOU think you should do? What does your gut say?" 💕

[@wallendegen1]

@ thanks ☺️