The 3 KEY SIGNS That Relationship Will Last! (How To Find Love) | Lewis Howes & Jay Shetty

Why do some people stay in a relationship? People stay because they are in love obviously - but sometimes people stay because it’s convenient and they don’t want to waste the time they’ve already spent with that person. But is this really what makes you stay?
In this episode of On Purpose, we get to listen to Jay’s conversation with Lewis Howe where they talk about whether someone can stay in a relationship with someone for a very long time.
Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getti...
Key Takeaways:
00:00 Intro
02:46 Real love is different from the movies
05:13 Desire in relationships
06:50 The chase and pursuit
09:56 Why you don’t need to love one person for the rest of your life
11:14 The reason why people stay in a non-working relationship
11:56 Starting a relationship in therapy
13:16 Seeing life in seasons
14:05 Polyamorous relationships will not give you peace
18:37 Have a conversation about the relationship that you want
22:20 Relationships should be high engagement - low attachment
24:58 A long term relationship does not mean it’s a successful one
28:20 Life story vs. love story
30:18 Commitment
31:26 Stop bringing baggage into the relationship
33:21 What you can learn in a committed relationship
37:52 Removing sexual chemistry in the start of a relationship
42:12 Wanting to be in a relationship because you feel lonely
44:50 Learn what you want to do together
48:12 The different stages of relationships
50:26 Inner peace
Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to calm.com/jay to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay Only on Calm!

[@NathalieLazo]

“Stop trying to find the right person; be the right person. Instead of being with someone who makes you happy, first be someone who makes you happy.” - Jay Shetty 💛

[@jirayakakasii]

Beautiful

[@funkytess096]

My values are connection and Peace

[@basemynt]

and then you run the risk of realizing you don't WANT anyone else....gasp

[@anniebenefield5430]

My values are spiritual connection, peace, and service.

[@marisaburt9609]

ah huh

[@veragrig8645]

"If they're always with you, then they cant bring anything to you." this just changed a perception, thank you.

[@sheila5795]

❤

[@rafsamujeebrahman1650]

Mine too

[@SeanClarke]

My parents were together for 66 years. I never saw them argue, or even disagree about anything. My father adored my mother and did everything for her until he died.

[@kb8521]

That's awesome

[@hsanchezisidora]

Beautiful 💙

[@EdytaSantos]

how beautiful wow

[@britnifierro3106]

🤔 hmmm then chances are he was probably most definitely cheating on her....I ain't knocking him tho, that's straight up OG Mac Daddy status for sure! 🎉

[@AndreiaGrigsby]

Make my day to read it.

[@jedilady4485]

Remove sex, money and children..... if you can still be together, love each other and have some things in common without those, that means you have a real authentic true connection! The rest are just extra perks that makes things fun! 😉😉😉

[@maggieumoh3229]

True true true

[@moonfish8229]

❤❤

[@visuallization]

So basically a friend

[@yofitjamie22]

In some things in common, do you mean like activities or can it just be ideas?? Sometimes it’s hard, in my opinion, for make and female to share favorite activity’s together..

[@calixtecalixte1667]

That's a Platonic relationship not romantic one. Personally I don't see sex, kids or money as a perk.

[@Csoli79]

“Are we growing together, are we thriving together, and are we learning from each other?” Love this because these are important elements to have in a relationship to me.

[@mala2802]

This was so great. Would love to have the ladies (Rathi and Martha) included as well in the next episode to view their perspectives on topics such as this - to see how males and females look at values, relationships, etc differently/similarly. 💛

[@angiem7514]

Yes!!!

[@nikitaanne8001]

P

[@cerastone7153]

Such a great idea !!!

[@datingandgrand7437]

My bf and I have conversations on every topic. We are both planners by nature and prefer full transparency. He recently shared that a few nights ago he was in the middle of his evening prayer and began crying tears of joy. He proceeded to list all the things he is receiving from me and our relationship and what warmed my heart the most is when he said peace. I give him peace. We are both faith filled and I responded that God will see us through this and everything happening within this relationship is all blessings from His plan. Obviously, it's a daily decision we make to ensure others respect our relationship. So I'm enjoying your conversation on various topics. Thank you both and keep moving forward.

[@lilstkngal]

I like that Peace given to a spouse is more important than anything.

[@user-cz9dh4yy3g]

when is he going to marry you? I hope you're not giving him for free the wife/girlfriend experience (companionship, sex, houseekeping, emotional support)

[@Melaniegallegos76]

some videos on YT say that there's only 1 sign but i definitely do not agree with them - they say only sex expereince . yes, i mean it's important but really the only sign? no! and i love those that say that and then just take their spanish fly enhancer and say it was their energy but actually wasn't as we know now after those drops

[@TheRainbowMagician]

“I’ve learned so much more being committed to one person than I think I would have being single for the last 10 years” I always had destination addiction, happiness is always in the next relationship, next job, next location and I finally decided to commit to a relationship for 3 years and the deep connection, growth and intimacy that brought even though it didn’t work out is something I will always be grateful for and we got to carry it into a beautiful friendship. Also I’m with someone now who even when it is hard or frustrating I just want to heal and repair it with him and rarely if ever find myself thinking it would be better with someone else.

[@sylviareck-xy3kn]

Don't leave it to discussing your relationship ONCE a year! We have a weekly heart-to-heart-session - it seems like real work, which it is! But so worth it! We've only met in our early seventies, and believe in this practise so deeply. The scheme: each one gets 30 minutes to talk about what he/she feels about the relaionship over the last 7 days (the listening partner is just listening, never commenting yet). Then it's " open commenting and discussion with open end". So honest, conscious, connecting - simply so worth engaging in it regularly. Try it with commitment - and you'll be reconnecting and nourishing your relationship. It has become such an enriching habit we intend never to give up as it is so rewarding.

[@huiapuketapu2881]

So wonderful to read your commitment practice to getting right what works for you both. Esp given youre in the mature end of life. Inspiring. Thank u.

[@britnifierro3106]

@sylviareck-xy3kn ••• it is so awesome that you have been able to find a partner who is open to and willing to take the time to have such a conversation! That discussion is one that I would absolutely love to sit and have with my significant other on a regular basis but how would I even approach it? How did you accomplish this?

[@syafiqghazali6134]

love this. will put this into practice too

[@gauravbhan]

'I need to think about it' is many people's way to not talk about a subject and ignore it completely.

[@Makeupzised]

I like the high engagement, low attachment approach and checking in regularly to see if the relationship is going in a way where both people are happy or there's anything that could be improved. Super interesting and helpful. Thank you both ♥️

[@christinaashcroft8716]

I was married happily for 50 years with the same person. We had to change and understand that we were different people as we grew up and had our children. We had to find each other again and fall in love all over again but with the same person. We had arguments and had difference of opinion but we worked things out. He sadly died when he was 71 and now I’m seeing a person who we love spending time together going out but nothing too heavy we are spiritually aligned but not a full relationship

[@jillianbaker8442]

Thank you for sharing this

[@tianiemitchell5692]

Yes. It is possible to have a long relationship with one person but it takes those two people to make it With Honor, respect, maturity, caring for the other as much as you care for yourself compassion, open-mindedness and expressing their passion to each other whenever possible.

[@tianiemitchell5692]

I think it's important for people to express their feelings towards the other even if it is more than just a hug or kiss or the words I love you or any positive words that uplift your partner. Or giving them a thoughtful type of gift that is personal to them that you know that they like like, if it's mountain biking , a weekend at a crazy which they could do that. Or a new bike or something that's for their bike or clothing for them to wear while they're biking excetera but something thoughtful and personal for them that shows that you pay attention, that their needs are important to you. When you love someone you encourage the things that make them happy because when they're happy you are also happy what is that phrase their happiness is your happiness

[@gracejasinthpriyadarsini2489]

Getting such a wonderful person as our partner who loves without any expectations shedding tears for us we are the most blessed in our lives.

[@09karolita]

YES! Absolutely! I have so many notes! This kind of conversation is so needed. TY!

[@joshuaholliday648]

YES Thank you both for an wonderful interview🙏🏾

[@etheldacosta1388]

I am absolutely pumped with this conversation because it resonates so deeply with my way of life, thoughts, values and purpose

[@carolinepostlethwaite4861]

Loved listening to you both. My marriage broke up after 24 yrs with a very messy & painful ending Looking back I see my mistakes. I thought I could hold it together for both of us. Earlier we were mutually invested but for the latter years I knew my husband was not invested. It takes 2 wills. Mistake number 2 was that I didn't really hear him when he wanted out. I kept trying to convince him to stay. This destroyed my self esteem & really was not respectful to me or him. In the end he totally sabotaged & killed our relationship so repair was not possible. It really hurt & created more trauma to add too my childhood wounds of feeling unlovable & wanting my partner to heal with me. Here are my realisations 4 years later Self respect & integrity are key to everything Self love includes ALL parts of myself lovable or not lovable. I bring love & compassion to all parts but do my best to ACT from my most enlighten self Wound healing takes time Now I see that my husband was not as committed to openess & growth. He was spilling out his pain. That's where he was. I took it instead of setting boundaries so self betrayal. Now I catch this in myself & am true to myself even if I may loose someone as a result Those that stay stay because we are committed to growing together Dating I'm very fussy. If I don't see we have potential for depth & integrity it's not for me Meanwhile I have created a new & peaceful life. I'm building work that is fulfilling & heart centered helping others with their healing & spiritual journey. I hope to write a book with the keys to wellness. That's still to come My relationship with my grown up children has become healthier & deeper & I know my X & I are both commited to them. I surround myself with loving supportive friends I don't find myself fighting because there is so much more clarity & service to love. We can find our way without a fight. If a misunderstanding occurs there is quick repair so toxicity is very reduced. All in all I'm so grateful for what I've learned from challenging or beautiful experiences in life & so grateful for these enlightening podcasts Still have work to do overcoming my limited beliefs but now love & compassion leads the way not self hate

[@nahec3308]

This session was just absolutely amazing!! Pls post more of these 🙏🏻❤️

[@srishtidubey]

Awesome episode! Loved the ‘more engagement less attachment’ and ‘life story versus love story’ bit!

[@katherinebarahona4898]

This was soooo good ✨✨✨ such an amazingggggg amazing conversation feel like I’ll be watching this one a few times to digest the gems. Thankkkkkk youu both for letting us sit in on this conversation 💫

[@cherylpa527]

Loved this! I value: accountability, kindness, growth, loyalty and dun. I'm happily single and embody those traits and will remind single until I meet someone who shares those values ❤

[@daudmoridiyah]

This conversation made me and my big sister had a 5 hours discussion. I think I learnt the whole wrong thing about relationships. And, this is a stepping stone for me. I am very grateful for this episode.

[@user-cz9dh4yy3g]

ok just try not to bl.ow up anything today : )

[@melanieboykin9455]

This conversation is so good! I've watched several times and have shared with at least 10 people!

[@MinaDV5]

I absolutely LOVE this episode!! Great talk addressing ALL important points in a relationship- Thank you both - One of my favorites!!👌🙏💕

[@gracemartin4504]

Even at 57 gentlemen.... even at 57. Incredible conversation and after 32 1/2 years of marriage this stuff is scary... but so worth pursuing.

[@lorid.7844]

This was a great show. You asked good questions, for us to ponder and consider. 👍🏽

[@taniacoelho2498]

thank you for sharing this powerful conversation and your perspective.

[@thesherdou]

It is truly amazing that two men can actually be so self aware and have this amazing conversation about their love life! I am so grateful that you have this podcast and willingness to share and be vulnerable! I so agree that being in therapy first is such a rich idea shows that you are committed to yourself about being on the right path. It’s a time saver. So many truths being said tonight such as living your own life and then sharing life. You can’t bring anything new to the table/ relationship if you are always together! Great way to make things stale and stagnant if you don’t! So important for guys to have their night out with friends!

[@marilynoverton8142]

Growing, thriving, learning together! Beautiful!

[@righteyebravery]

This episode is a breath of fresh air. Thank you 🙏

[@sumentaram77]

Love this so much. I'm excited for more podcasts like this. This has definitely made me think more and want to work on my relationship more than ever. Thank you guys, you are both amazing.

[@cassybeauti]

This was such a great great convo!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I learned so much! Thank you both so much for doing this!

[@funkytess096]

I love ❤️ that you guys nut out these topics and give us opportunities to learn and grow from our hearts Thank you

[@Shelllmarieee]

Hands down one of my favorite podcasts / vidoes on right now. I’ve gotten so much out of it, I’ve watched a couple times in pieces and shared with everyone. I love how natural it is and the advice is amazing. It’s nice to get both ends of opinions / life experience too - he’s married for 10 years and you’re newly in a relationship so it’s cool to see the pros and “ cons “ of each. Love love love love love this podcast with him in it!!!!!!! Fav ever

[@mk-cf7pm]

I watched this podcast three times in a row to make sure I understand everything ❤️

[@jenniferlogue6739]

I really loved this conversation both myself and my husband sat and listened to your conversation .

[@dianam.5641]

I enjoyed this so much! Y’all are killing it Thank God he has given y’all bad ass wisdom

[@torichupp342]

i enjoyed how real and vulnerable that you both are and you both know what you want in your life that serves you and what doesn't and you are not afraid to speak up and speak out. High engagement and low attachment was huge!

[@karengilmore8445]

Yes!!! This by far is one of the best conversation I've heard in a long time. I'm so glad two men are talking about this. Totally worth listening to the full interview.

[@neetikasammy7777]

Wow what an amazing listen thank u for the knowledge 🙏🏾

[@my_name_is_nat]

So many men that needs to listen to this and learn

[@limaryrojas2992]

I love to hear both of you 😊 Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️ Love, Honesty, Loyalty, Authentic with ourselves and with our loves ones

[@lauriemichael7528]

Comes with growing pains!! Great conversation and excellent points.

[@heatherguyette1979]

I think you can spend the rest of your life with someone as long as your compatible and your a hundred percent honest with each other and communicate

[@nancyadams7218]

I sooo love this video. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom for relationships. I have learned but I also felt affirmed in the 3 keys that are signs that a relationship will last. My husband and I are willing to lern to grow and learn but we thrive well..with activities and date nights and wanting to learn activites together. I am sending this to my husband because I think it will stimulate a great concersation. Yes, I would love to hear more of this podcasts.

[@virginiasanmiguel9930]

Love the way Jay explains with so much detail. Thank u guys for another great conversation.❤️❤️❤️

[@myhana90]

I've learned a ton about relationships through this video. Thank you so much! I hope my future partner and I would have a chance to watch this together.

[@catherinedao1592]

Very true. When you away by chance when ger back together you will more appreciate. We all need our own space, need a break from each other.

[@sheilamoreno7180]

Fabulous conversation between you both thank you 🙏

[@cherylynn9874]

Great insight. Always amazing to listen to both of you Guys. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@paulinanakabugo1271]

Not awkward 🤣 as u've phrased it, it's actually very inspiring. What has caught my attention is that we should always not only focus on issues like intimacy, peace etc in a relationship but look at it beyond the two partners. Great 😃

[@kameliajaber58]

Yes Thank you. My values are kindness, joy, love, adventure, growth

[@PreciousChanty]

Thank you for this Jay and Lewis :) You are both amazing!

[@debbiandomingo9763]

Had so much fun listening to two of my favorite people. Things I needed to hear

[@learnfromlife.3019]

Being a new youtuber i would love to say you both are really creating bright and responsible future generations through both your podcast Spreading positivity love and happiness

[@susanakaan810]

You both should have this conversation again, it's beautiful, especially for couples

[@DhanushRajGN]

Yessss. Need more of these Jay and Lewis. How you shd be open to understand the nuances of relationship is something that striked me and made me rethink on how I was making decisions when I made them.. I appreciate Lewis and Jay being vulnerable on this epiosde. I'd love to hear, what kind of conversations you have when it comes to deciding kids in a relationship.. Once again, thank you bros.. You made a huge impact in my life through this attempt and I'm not exaggerating it, I 300% mean it.

[@celinegrelard6219]

Amazing discussion for its honesty, value and speaking from the heart 💚 Very insightful, merci beaucoup beautiful souls!

[@lihlebrownsugar4159]

Loved it!! Thank you so much ❤️

[@sarahkoestler5072]

Yes! Thank you guys for being open and candid about your journeys. I would like you guys to discuss your journeys to self love and/or discovery, ie: was there a low or a rock bottom when you realized you needed or wanted another way of life? Thanks again!

[@jessicad4186]

This was so refreshing to listen too!! Good or bad experiences, can shape us. But learning, developing on one’s self is a profound process. There is individuals out there, that do it, implement it and live it. Thank the lord.

[@juhi218]

This is an amazing conversation that helps me out so much. I always needed validation for things I was feeling or things I wanted to do. Not just with my partner but with my parents as well. Learning this is such a blessing, and I agree that being with one person allows for exponential growth rather than if I was to be with a couple people. Thanks for this conversation!

[@HolisticPulsing1]

That was a great discussion! One of the most intelligent ones that I heard about relationships.

[@andipandi9826]

My ex-husband and I are very different. We divorced and never stayed apart. After 18 months, we are back together and have the plan to get married again. For sure, we are the love of each others lives, but we have had difficulties and hope we can learn techniques to address differences in a better way. I work hard on myself and meditate a lot, which I find extremely helpful

[@samanthaohearn2778]

Yesss! Really loved this conversation ✨💛

[@simplysinqo]

Loved this conversation 👌🏾

[@ileniepowell]

Powerful conversation between two thoughtful mature men!

[@poundsofbacon369]

Yes, very much. I completely agree with the explanation of quick fixes that don’t allow people to properly learn how to get through things. You guys explained it better .. thanks so much!

[@siri6]

Yes, i am so glad i came across this vlog in my single stage.

[@jtdyson3617]

This was so good. Enjoyed it thoroughly. You need to share this with Common. 💛💫

[@jzh188]

Best conversation on relationships I learned so much

[@denisejones2639]

This has been by far one of the most beneficial and informative dialogues I’ve had the pleasure of listening to - extremely thought provoking. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[@christinacharbonnier167]

Yes I enjoyed all of it. In fact it was confirmation for me because it’s everything that I’m either going through or helping someone else to understand so thank you. You guys were awesome🎉

[@jillianbaker8442]

I needed all of this. Inner validation, independence and commitment can happen in a long relationship. Thankful for this type of relationship with my husband of 18 years, 22 together

[@Jonathan-ze6oo]

Thank you both for your wisdom and advices!! Greetings and love from France 💥

[@Morelifeali]

yesss !! my value in relationships in this time is to explore, grow, nourish , and embody weather that be in love for ourselves for eachother and or in community !! its cultivating this peace and serenity in love for everything that we get to experience ! individually and in unity !!

[@nrembert85]

Yes yes yes! Love all of it! Keep it coming!

[@norma7128]

Excellent !! Thank you please have more of these ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@AmyAsher-bt2lz]

One of my fave podcasts! Loved the topics and the truth in traditional concepts.

[@ojoseph8591]

So grateful to have watched it, I’ve been going through a bout of loneliness and before I went out with the same mindset I watched this. I’m still going out but now I won’t be looking for a “saving grace in every face” for self validation. Instead I’m going to enjoy being in my company and validate myself.

[@verpul165]

I LOVE THIS!... omg I'm gonna listen to it 1.000 times... Do it again, please. You 2 are amazing and so wise!. I loved this!! Thank you! Thank you... 1.000 thanks you-s!!. This video made me see that I wasn't so wrong in my relationships before (because I wanted to share my purpose and I wanted we had our independency but shared our lives together). I thought I was the problem and the dreamer in my relationships before because I thought so different from what all my friends, family and partners thought. Now I now... that is possible. Thank you for that!

[@Tanz17]

'Growing with, Thriving with and learning from each other' is my take home !!!

[@saracherem3794]

Yes!!! Enjoyed growth individually and together, history and loyalty!

[@vanessafitzgerald8575]

yes loved the whole conversation , very inspiring!

[@katejfr5792]

Thank you for these amazing conversation

[@khushbu1409]

Great conversation! All in all they both agreed what traditions have taught us, that one right person is better for peace of mind and purposeful life in the long term 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@sandrareis3136]

Loved this conversation.

[@lhf2626]

Great conversation!!! I really benefited from this.

[@mirandamarsico7601]

Yes! I wish I’d had something like this to learn from when I was much younger. Now in my 70’s I finally am valuing myself

[@julissarivas6992]

This was so amazing! Thank you so much!! I love you guys!

[@sherryj738]

I enjoy watching the two of you together more than any other podcasts you put together. You two remind me of spiritual brothers and you two understand each other on a different level. Sending hugs 🧡🧡

[@elgeebee5250]

Great conversation. Agree and resonate with it all. Thankyou

[@esraaalkhalaf750]

Thank you for beautiful conversation

[@darleneattard5712]

How awesome to have two insightful men speaking on relationships and going deep! More men need to hear this! Love this! Namaste! 💕🙏💕

[@payeldutta4014]

Yesssss!!! Such a powerful conversation!!! It's always a pleasure to hear you guys share your thoughts and experiences. Look forward to more versions of this "awkward conversations"! Love the way you unpack each and every emotion/thought and move towards the ultimate goal! I have always been a firm believer of falling in love with the same person over and over again, sharing experiences together and most of my friends make fun of that(they call me old school!). It's so refreshing to hear you guys speak!!! Thank you so so much!!! Kudos to you!!!!😊😊😊😊

[@pastorita911]

Love it!! Second part, please .. 🥰🤗

[@lillianpadilla1819]

Everything that was shared by both of you was a powerful insight within self and how we think successful relationships can last.. all by honoring self, giving your best and accepting your partner for who they are and bring to the relationship. I’ve heard it said many times that a couple are TWO individuals coming together as ONE. Listening to this podcast from two well known male individuals made it easier for me to understand how important that concept can jumpstart and continue a loving successful relationship for the long term. I even felt comfort in hearing that as time passes and your not in alignment and the relationship ends, that’s ok too because having self love is what keeps you going and the love you carry within yourself will attract the right person❤️. Thank you both. Great podcast!

[@kimberappell]

I love these conversations 🙏❤️