WORLD LEADING THERAPIST Answers The Biggest Questions People Ask In Therapy | Lori Gottlieb

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author, podcaster, and advice columnist.
In this episode, Lori answers the questions you submitted to us. We cover love, dating, healthy boundaries, friendships, and more. Lori gives us tips on navigating all types of relationships and becoming a better version of ourselves.
In this interview, we will discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:02 Dear Therapist: Why Do Men Only Want Sex, Not Friendships
03:50 The Pitfalls Of Texting In Dating
04:43 Establishing Healthy Boundaries Early
07:47 Dear Therapist: I Struggle With Social Anxiety, How Can I Fix It?
12:37 How To Have Deeper Conversations With People
16:24 Dear Therapist: My Partner Isn’t Ambitious Enough, Does This Relationship Have A Future?
18:26 Healthy Dating & Relationship Standards
22:25 The Importance Of Listening To Your Partner
25:47 What Is A Healthy Boundary?
34:14 How To Maintain Your Boundaries
38:10 Letting Go Of People Who Are Not Serving You
40:41 Dear Therapist: I’m A Woman & I Earn More Than My Male Partner, He’s Uncomfortable With It
43:56 How To Have Difficult Conversations?
48:22 Dear Therapist: How Do I Know If I’m Settling?
52:32 Dear Therapist: I Want To Purse My Dream Job, But I’m Scared Of Making A Big Change
56:33 Why Is Journaling An Important Self-help Tool?
01:01:02 The Stages Of Change
01:03:45 Dear Therapist: How Do I Get Over A Difficult Breakup?
Episode Resources:
Lori Gottlieb | / lorigottlieb_author
Lori Gottlieb | lorigottlieb.com/
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
www.amazon.com/Maybe-Should-T...
Want to learn to coach like Jay Shetty? Discover how here: gtly.to/PMlHc6JZw

[@JayShettyPodcast.]

Let me know what audience question resonated with you the most! If you enjoyed this episode, I’d like to invite you to join this community and subscribe to the channel. By hitting the 'Subscribe' button, you're not just becoming a subscriber - you're choosing to make a positive difference in your life.

[@cartergomez5390]

Already did!

[@sweetangel83rc]

When you can immediately answer your own question…. You had for the other person

[@OJgram]

@JayShettyPodcast Hi Jay, I just wanted to take a moment to express how incredibly inspiring your videos are as well as your approach to life, personal growth, and mindfulness. The question on "Social Anxiety" definitely resonates with me the most. And apart of the negative self-talk I'm noticing when I'm with people, it resonated because you mentioned "your preference for deep, meaningful conversations with one person rather than engaging in surface-level conversations with many". That actually got me thinking about my husband. He's an individual who shares your passion for empowering others and is such an incredible and genuine person that I believe that you and he would have so much to talk about, sharing insights and experiences that could be mutually beneficial. I know this may never be read by you, but the idea of both of you connecting feels so natural that I'm writing it here. :D I truly believe that your genuine approach to connecting with people and your passion for making a difference align so well with his values that you guys would totally fit in one conversation. Reach out if you ever read this. Thank you for all that you do, Jay. Your work has touched countless lives, and I'm grateful to have come across your videos and this one particularly.

[@hardwork7465]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@arzaliawahida6312]

​@@cartergomez5390q😊

[@claudiafegari5116]

50:33 - "How do I feel with this person? That's the most important question you can ask. How do I feel when I am with this person? And if feel you enjoy their company; you feel heard; you feel understood; you feel safe; you are having fun, you are not settling. All the rest is just noise..." This statement is GOLD!

[@syedadoniya4200]

How about if you feel numb?

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

Take time for friends...they are the source of happiness.

[@123shotas]

Take time for everything, friends are not the only source of happiness

[@miachevais4154]

YOU are the source of happiness. 😅❤

[@aileenmac1]

Depends on the friend 😂

[@K-10-limitless]

⛔️ ⚠️ No thing outside of you is the source of anything ⚠️ ⛔️

[@Christina-yu3gu]

KZbin friends for me

[@ka9202]

That was my Pops only advice to me about dating. "Boundaries aren't for them. They're for you." Man, I wish now that I'd listened.

[@Shan0714SLS]

“HOLD HANDS” an absolutely beautiful way to have a difficult discussion with your partner. ❤😊

[@user-iw4lb1mb1m]

I'm available

[@erichkaanikin3555]

I’ve done this and appears to have made us both more sincere, gentle, and lovingly understanding of each other. Empathy level shot through the roof.

[@LY-js7ff]

Woww, I did this and then my ex squeezed my hand real hard cause of his anger. Because of his anger issues I‘ve dumped him.

[@redalextravels]

I can listen to her talking forever. She explains things so easily.

[@claudiafegari5116]

Same!

[@esikazemese]

Read her books if you haven't! She is an AWESOME storyteller besides a great therapist! I love her so much.

[@maura9698]

I heard the quote: "Boundaries are bridges, not walls." It helped a lot! Thank you for these interviews. I really loved the insight that our partner does not have to love everything about us, which does not mean we are not loved.

[@just4domo575]

"Boundaries are bridges, not walls" what the hell does that mean

[@Princess02732]

She couldn't have explained it any better, loved the part about setting boundaries and going through a breakup, getting some good insight and reflection from this ❤

[@JayShettyPodcast.]

Amazing! Glad you enjoyed the conversation

[@poppy2244]

helping me through a bad breakup - come back and listen often

[@user-iw4lb1mb1m]

I'm available

[@jsluva8808]

Everything she said about social anxiety having to do with our childhood is on point

[@alaalfa8839]

People are addicted to self-pleasure that brings them instant but short-term satisfaction. instead of having self-love that makes long-term feelings. Dr. Joe Duispentza says people confuse self-love with self-pleasure. Self-love is more about health, the nutrients for your body for immunity, mental health.

[@Christina-ot9ie]

The compassion of the friend who touched her partners arm when he was stressed , how beautiful. That's something I miss very much.

[@motiversity]

What an episode! Thoroughly enjoyed 🔥

[@zankhanamistry799]

It’s so surreal that people are more comfortable texting instead of meeting in person.

[@lazombie3052]

Loved this episode so much!!! It was so helpful 🫶 and love discovering new people to help our healing journey! We appreciate you Jay!

[@biancavaldez4165]

By far one of the best interviews I’ve heard in a long time!!

[@JayShettyPodcast.]

I'm glad!

[@gilliannecowenn]

I loved the first interview with her! So glad you brought her back. Thank you for this Jay.

[@Christina-ot9ie]

First time I watched this I was so triggered. The second time I watched this I was much calmer. Having no-one to talk with ( lonely) , stiffles my communication skills, say things I don't exactly mean. I need understanding too , and second chance❤

[@UrBigSisKey]

Happens to me all the time, sometimes a fresh perspective is all you need

[@danaw23]

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this episode. I needed to hear all of this. ❤

[@margaretjongebloed5888]

This is such a wonderful interview that everyone needs to hear! Great one and one of your best Jay! Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤

[@jessicarogers9453]

This is SUCH good stuff. Thank u for choosing such quality guests and asking such layered questions! ❤

[@yashiskv]

This is one of the awesome video I've ever watched .😇 Thank you Jay for bringing such amazing podcasts and conversation to the audience . 🙇‍♀

[@elle8099]

I learned a lot from her and you, Jay. Thank you so much for this episode!

[@gabgoich8232]

i love the guests you bring on here, thank you for all that you do!! you keep me open-minded & learning.

[@loveandhappinesswithsheila]

Hey Jay I would like add one small tip that I find useful when it comes to having a difficult conversation with a love one . 1- from my experience I notice that when I choose to have the difficult conversation when the person is calm and in the right mindset to hear me out that usually works out best. . Lastly make sure you are calm yourself and are open to listen to the other person feedback without judgement. These 2 little simple steps have always worked wonders for me , hope it helps .

[@adriana27100]

Exactly this! I do the same thing and make sure I’m in the right place to discuss things nicely 💕💕

[@mirelasemanjaku]

These are applicable to literally every relationship you have in your life! Be it family, friends, colleagues or lovers.

[@janukarai3946]

😅😅😅😅😅😅

[@skyislight3804]

It’s tough when the man doesn’t wanna hear it , any time of any day.

[@skyislight3804]

This only works if the other person is mature. Too many man-children who think communicating or discussing anything remotely negative is world war 3

[@_slkg_]

Lessons I learnt from this podcast: 1. If it’s hard to talk about your feelings w a friend then that’s not a great friendship 2. Relationships are like cement if you put up a lot in the beginning then that becomes a pattern as the cement starts drying after a certain point. 3.Try to have a face to face conversation 4. Scared of being social stems from childhood cus of the narrative I am not good enough but you really need to sit and question what am I afraid of and is that true!!! 5. Try talking to one person instead of trying to get attention from everyone when out in a bigger setting as you can have a true connection w them. Don’t pressurise yourself trying to talk to everyone. 6. Ask simple questions ex. Siblings, where did you grow up? How do you know the person? 7. Flexible, emotionally stable, responsible, sense of humour - ideal dealbreakers 8. Money represents so many things ex. Love power self esteem. Talk about money how it was like growing up. 9. Aww and the cutest hold hands while talking if it’s a romantic relationship 10. Don’t blurt of someone when they have j broken up as they did lose someone valuable to them as they had a past w them and thought of a future and now it’s not there so it’s hard. I JUST LOVE THIS WOMAN❤️

[@snayemdubu4179]

I am currently going through a break-up, I needed to hear what she said in the last few minutes. Thank you Jay!

[@nathanleung5592]

So much to learn all about better boundaries & ways to know if you’re settling in a relationship! This is saving so many types of relationships & interactions! Keep up the good work Jay 😊❤

[@paulinenjeri5254]

Wow. What a message. I was literally holding my breath 🫁 Thanks Jay.

[@wrenbisson4760]

Omg I cannot explain how much this has served me!!! Thank you both!

[@DivyaJoan]

This hit home. That scenario is what I am going through. Was tough making those boundaries clear... particularly when the other person doesn't want to listen.

[@TT-vs2ti]

One of the best and helpful relationship advice I’ve heard. Thanks Jay and Lori!

[@itzelromero7499]

Wow so insightful! Lori is so well spoken. Thanks Jay!

[@brunagomes9373]

One of the best talks on relationship I have ever listened to. Thanks for that!

[@stzlys]

One gem followed another in each question that made the entire episode as gold. Truly enjoyed it!

[@Leonimat23]

Amazing conversation!.. it helped me lot to journal as a parent to my inner child that’s asking the questions .

[@MsKiskakas]

I loved this conversation! You talked about such important questions in a very simple/casual and understandable way. I loved the examples too. I couldn’t pick only one question that was the most interesting. All of them were interesting and the perspectives you had on those questions are interesting and sometimes eye-opening too. Or many times just feelings/thoughts that I couldn’t put it in words and you did. Thank you!

[@GetPodcastAI]

Here is a TOC I generated in one click. Feel free to use it. 0:00 - Laurie Gottlieb on treating dating like shopping and relational issues 11:51 - Understanding social anxiety and its roots 18:22 - The struggle between not wanting to settle and accepting that nobody's perfect 23:00 - Ignoring red flags and the importance of responsibility in a relationship 28:12 - The importance of context, compassion, and boundaries in relationships 37:39 - Handling emotional exhaustion and financial disparities in relationships 47:15 - The question of settling in a relationship and societal impacts on our choice of a partner 52:29 - Balancing dreams and reality: Not making decisions in binary 1:00:03 - The value of journaling in self-awareness and personal growth 1:03:24 - Navigating the difficulty of breakups and the sense of loss they bring 1:10:07 - Promotion of Laurie Gottlieb's book and podcast Table of contents powered by PodcastAI ⭐

[@liketheleaf]

Thank you so much : )

[@greyknight5823]

The video already has an index, and it's better than this one. If this is the best your AI can do, just delete it and save us all the trouble.

[@Iam_only_human]

THANKS A BUNCH 🌹

[@tanyamiller6083]

You're so right. My HUGE mistake in my just ended relationship. I always wondered why text was the only way we talked unless we were actually together for a meal. Great information....thanks.

[@MatTMatT1.]

This has been absolutely amazing for me. 😢thank you so much Jay and Lori❤

[@biancadewlal8110]

Thank you Jay and Lori! One of the best podcasts ever! It humbling how when you need to hear something, and if you're open to it, it finds its way to you. So many important points covered. Thank you! ✨️

[@ZarinaBibi-kk2ou]

I love you so much to see all the videos. I learn a lot from your precious videos. Really I feel pleasure and feel mentally, healthier and cool. Thanks a lot jay for this life of journey with marvelous people's experiences and life stories. ❤ You live in billions of people's hearts.

[@khansaabdulghafoor1089]

One of the Finest conversations and the best answers with good explanations.

[@OJgram]

This was absolutely amazing; I'm so happy that I've landed on this video.

[@hacam5525]

Thank you Jay and Lori. Great discussion

[@alpiannoor2]

I truly love this conversation ❤ thank you so much for sharing this. I really appreciate it.

[@edwardlims9102]

19:15 benchmark required for healthy relationship 21:30 seeing potential partner as they are, by listening and identifying instead of ignoring their red flags

[@stephenwynn9158]

I think YOU TWO read my mind today....I was Struggling BUT now i have zero excuses because this chat healed my soul by 75 percent

[@diaryofanobody]

Most accurate podcast on this subject out there. Grateful this hour is free because this info is valuable. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@meghnaalves9615]

Thank you for these enriching & honest conversations Jay.

[@lushomonicho2825]

Always very insightful..... All she says are things I'm always trying to bring across to everyone I know.... 😭👍

[@rebelle4884]

Thank you! ❤ Going through a break-up right now. And what she said at the end is going to help my journey of healing so much 🙏🏼

[@elisabethkarner1434]

Amazing interview so many For anybody going through a breakup at the one-hour mark, extremely insightful.

[@daniellem9579]

The boundaries part of this is AMAZING

[@ItallMatters96]

JUST WOW, now this is a conversation so dripping with pertinence that it almost made me blush, that is when I wasn't too busy finishing Jay's questions for him.

[@SowingSeedsWithChristy]

Such a great interview! ❤ I really enjoyed hearing about so many of the aspects of a rltnshp, esply when to know you're incompatible - because sometimes love is simply not enough. If one wants to broach subjects and the other avoids doing that, consistently, it's frustrating, and then it's sad. Yet being honest about one's needs brings about the possibility of both of you finding a better compatibility with another and both people deserve that. I've often stayed too long thinking we just have to "work on it" or "work through it," when we simply are not compatible in the MOST important ways. Thank you!

[@lucidmaya]

Thank you so much for this, very poignant and resonant for me right now

[@crystaloertle7736]

One of my clients told me about your book last night in group, and this morning I stumbled onto your you tube page!! That's incredible. Was meant to be!

[@juansegura42]

I'm one of your newest audience and i found this episode fantastic, thanks for sharing this interview, greetings from Mexico.

[@ransebelas10]

OMG! I love this ep, thanks jay and lori ❤

[@cristinaovid1309]

This was so helpful for me in this moment in life! I’m transitioning into my better self after my 12 year relationship has finally ended I have 3 kids with him its hard to move forward but what’s hard is the opposite of easy so I got this thank you Jay 🙏🏽

[@SJR-bv9yi]

How is it going? How are you?😢 hows your kids?

[@ViperaVize]

Update?? I hope all is well.

[@badasszen7189]

This tips are so helpful, thank you so much for this interview

[@qinyaolin]

Such a great episode! I really appreciate it!

[@thabitsheikhalarap9281]

Thank you jay for this episode was really perfect

[@fengkas]

found this video by accident and I'm subscribing now. i read Maybe You Should Talk to Therapist few months ago and it's one of my fav books! Thank you for inviting Lori Gottlieb.

[@LOUTUS38112]

❤❤❤❤ I vaaalue this interview big time! Must say it's one of my most favorite 😍😍😍😍👍🏼 helped so much thank you so much❤

[@thefit_hotelier_]

I love this episode and how she gave me ideas and ways to have hard conversations 🙌🏻

[@user-hu5ni7gu1m]

I’ve started to dive into a lot of videos discussing marriage problems because my marriage is coming to a divorce right before my eyes and I would like to leave this marriage feeling at least a little bit of growth instead of resentment from never being able to talk openly to my husband. Being honest with myself now, I let too many opportunities slide by me thinking there would be another similar opportunity just to land me 9 years into a marriage, with the father of my three younger children and I’ve been reflecting on all that I could have and should have enjoyed had I made sure this relationship was comforting for me to be in in the first place

[@lexnite22]

I needed Lori like 10yrs ago!

[@imlikoklajamir8145]

I’m only half way through in finishing watching this video; but this podcast is the bestttt so far. Thank you so much Jay ✨✨

[@mrs.keisha4482]

I needed to hear this. This was so helpful. Thank you❤❤❤. I have been Journaling for 3years now and it has helped me tremendously!!!

[@bachkourhassan3313]

Thank you for the podcast Jay .you help me improve the language inglish and the mind site I lovet❤

[@koustav_18]

Thanks for the podcast jay❤

[@florenceojowa7706]

Great insights. I loved every bit of it

[@andreea1352]

Thank you for bringing me clarity especially when you date someone 🙏🙏🙏 I enjoy this interview and the end is exactly how I’m feeling most of the time when I date and after a few dates is not really working ..I’m tired exhausted sad and lose hope..but then I have hope again 😊

[@sophieakoth5771]

Thank you Jay for this one.

[@bralynstokes9193]

Heard a lot of stuff I needed to hear in this one! Thanks so much guys.

[@caglarmetiner4464]

thank you a lot , i really needed this ❤

[@stasiadeeva]

What an amazing episode! Enjoyed watching it. Thank you! I really appreciate your work!

[@iCeeChelss]

I needed to hear this ❤

[@DahshonPugh-iq1bd]

This is super helpful! Thank you so much again for this; It was done amazingly and comprehensively. I could understand and also felt there was not a minute I was not learning valuable information.

[@ifeanyiulasika7405]

beautiful episode. Will rewatch this every sunday

[@dilekavci6137]

What a great episode👏🏼👏🏼🤩

[@TajHerzerBaptiste]

@7:30 and this is why I really loved @Cody Ko's reaction to the CUT videos of putting people in a three sided box and having them talk for 12 hours while answering generated questions.

[@Gleyi07]

You are saving my relationship with this video❤

[@swatiyadav2801]

Bang on! Feeling guilty about hurting the other person and explaining yourself to them constantly. That's not friendship! Yes

[@navidcharkhi8019]

WOW! this Video felt like 10 min long! everything she talked about landed fully. Such a great conversation.

[@Laceta2]

I enjoyed and learned so much from this episode

[@taniagil3122]

Great talk !! Helpful thank you !

[@KyshiaMarie]

48:22 this section was sooo eye opening for meeee it helped make me feel so much better

[@albertoandresdiez3755]

Great episode Jay! loved the questions you chose and I leave with so many insights about boundaries social anxiety and journaling. Thank you both!

[@muhammadqodirtoychiboyev2356]

I needed this episode like an air. Thank you Jey!

[@Guzalikramova77]

what is your conclusion ?

[@JayShettyPodcast.]

Thank you for watching!

[@ThemisGeorgoudis]

Discussion about Boundaries. Very important. I will keep that in mind. You set boundaries because you want the relationship to grow.

[@nithyar659]

It was useful jay ......thank you so very much❤

[@etheldacosta1388]

I loved this interview. It enriched me

[@darakarac]

Any other civil engineer being annoyed with the world-leading therapist using cement in a metaphor when she should have used concrete😂Cement is dry powder and when mixed with water and aggregates makes concrete. Concrete is liquid at a very early stage but with time hardens (dries) Other than that great conversation! 😍

[@noman.reigns]

😅 I hear you, Talk of being a machine .. Hard, cold and cranky !

[@migueljimenez8710]

I'm with you my fellow civil engineer! I'm with you 😂

[@aish.y]

Why are you trying so hard Why are you in this Because this is so hard, you are not happy Why are you trying to get this person to do sth Why don't you find someone who is willing and interested The way you win is you let go of that, you grieve what you didn't get and then you go find it in someone without trying to change them. So you're not trying to win anything, it's already there. This was just the encouragement I needed ❤

[@leandrojulianmarquez6959]

Such a great interview, thanks

[@roveism]

This is such useful advise that I’m going to have to watch it twice and take notes. Thank you so much :D

[@July4ik]

I loved all the important things she said we need for a good relationship. I've been together with my man for 17 years and I agreed on each of them.

[@whitewalker608]

This podcast is LOADED with information.

[@dollieunsudimi6889]

very insightful. i have to accept that the relationship was just not compatible, even though it hurts

[@user-zr6hi7zc9p]

your interviews help me do the work that is so important to me, thanks