The Agony Of Parental Alienation

[@aprils.9726]

This hurts more than anything....my poor babies. I hurt for them far more than I could ever hurt for myself. This is one SICK DIRTY GAME!

[@trentsteel1542]

Tried it all. Listened to all the advice fought like heck. Did everything "right" My child is too dangerous for me to be around. Truth is we need to stop lecturing the targeted parents and start fighting for them

[@gerger5670]

This is what I’m seeing, I walk on eggshells around both her and her dad and they are sooo similar

[@matthewthompson5792]

I feel you, Trent. I am living the same hell. Love my daughter to bits but she threatened my career with false accusations at the behest of her Narc mother. It’s super sad and there’s no justice to be had. A miserable existence for sure.

[@ddeuce1847]

I'm sure everything you've done or haven't done has validated the alienation.

[@rachelhope3161]

I feel the same as you do. My son now 28, acts like his step dad, a narcissist. My son has called me horrible things. I was widowed with 2 sons under 5. My narcissist was my deceased husband’s best friend. I was with the narcissist for 16 years, he adopted my sons. When I left the narcissist he told my son a lie that his birth father who died from leukemia was not his birth father. My son never treated me the same. The narcissist destroyed my life with a lie. My son has chosen the narcissist’s family over his own biological family. It’s awful. I live in grief. I have such hatred toward my evil narcissist.

[@Jasmine-gw1uw]

Opposed to realizing they got pushed too hard

[@kristiekogutrodriguez496]

My daughter is convinced of things that literally never happened at all! It’s painful

[@styler-ji5pr]

Same here

[@AllAboutGuitarsUK]

Yep, I hear you. Things that literally didn't happen. Like, even staying in touch with visits, cards, presents, helping when in need .. and they turn around and say you never made an effort and missed all the things that you actually didnt miss. And they believe all sorts of things about you that simply are not your character.

[@Mantelar]

@@kristiekogutrodriguez496 you sound like my mother. Except I have the arrest records to remind her that, yes, she really is that cruel.

[@Jaysthudandblunder]

The worst thing about this is that it never ends, and no one believes you, all they see is the alienated child(ren) and assume you are some sort of beast and you are crucified twice, by both the courts and your child(ren). The pain is beyond anything I have ever felt in my life.

[@lifestylebyrachel]

Me too…. Heartbroken. Haven’t seen my son in almost 3 years. Some says I’m ok but lately I am feeling so broken.

[@jennaarmbruster2169]

God Almighty I'm so sorry. I'm going through it and want to scream. I'm always sad. Always.

[@lapalad]

8 years since my son spoke to me and for the life of me I can't understand what I did wrong?

[@JustAmz1]

Haven't seen my son since 2019... I have been separated with my ex since 2014 Jan and he's still sour. I'm not playing into his games. I do go through phases of feeling awful, but nice to know I'm not alone feeling this way :(

[@johndoe-wv3nu]

You ain't alone.

[@PM-re3ix]

I can relate to that example. My narcissistic mother managed to make me want to cut all contact with my father when I was 7. Four years ago I found out about narcissism and cut ties with her, healed and rebuilt my life. Now I'm 27, saw my father online and hopped to a plane to another country to right the wronged. We're both in tears. Sometimes miracles happen, sometimes they don't. He's almost 70. It's really sad.

[@Jaysthudandblunder]

Same age difference with me and my son, his mother also a narc. Convinced him I'm evil, won't even read my letters now. I will continue to write. One day, he will understand. I just hope I live long enough to reconcile. Life is cruel and tragic, and bad people win too many times. But karma is a great teacher. Tell your father you love him every time you see him, he'll need it. I know I do 😢

[@jimig399]

@@Jaysthudandblunder sorry man. I hope you're doing ok. I know from personal experience how difficult it can be from day to day with the ruminations. It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my son. We were best buds. He was my shadow from the day he could walk up til he was alienated from me at age 17. He's really messed up now because of it and so am I. It all could have been remedied with a conversation and a hug at any point over the past 10 years to prevent further traumatic injury to both of us. I feel like now it's too late. I think if he knocked on my door tomorrow I would probably slam the door in his face. He abandoned me without any explanation for 10 years. It's difficult not to be resentful.

[@MorganJServices]

It is a horrific situation that deeply damages the children, the grandchildren and the discarded parent who just wanted to love them all. I can't even begin to explain.

[@nancyburkardt4949]

Yes and all the pain to all family and friends connected to the healthy parent.

[@JameSSpeedCo]

U don’t need to explain. In the midst of hell myself. Reach out if u need to talk.

[@melissatarin2535]

I don’t know if I can keep going without my baby

[@Warriorbride11]

Going through this hell now. Began long before alienated parent (my son) was even aware what was going on. Now, yrs later and 3 grands (teens) who are rude and disrespectful- using vulgar language towards dad. Silent treatment, no responses to texts/phone calls/convo attempts otherwise. Cards are trashed and left on the floor. He is still in the house. Mom dragging out divorce... horrible situation. Devastating... also aware this is generational narc abuse and alienation. Maternal grandmother enabling/colluding and has taught daughter well.

[@Thepathof77]

@@melissatarin2535I understand how you feel. I don’t know how I keep going either. But we do. We have to.

[@littlelulu4107]

Ultimate act of cruelty

[@barbarabuttler7647]

​@@Myers-v4eThey buried us before we died.

[@jackgoodings]

It's worse than a death. Torture of the soul. It's the one thing that I cant move on from .. but have had to and have had to disconnect .. and that has left a huge hole in my being. And I've seen how my children have been affected in their personalities and psychological wellbeing, in their judgements and their life choices

[@dnk4559]

Don’t give up. Live a beautiful life so you’re ready if and when they return. My husband has the same situation and it’s been very painful for him but we have a good life together, he has other young people who consider him a father and we pray and hope for the day his kids might return.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

I suggest you fill that hole with Jesus Christ Jack. When we have no one in our lives who seems to care, He is always with us. However, we must confess our own sinful nature and ask Him to change us into a new creation. When that happens we depend on no one else but Him. We enjoy people and make new friendships but we are in bondage to no one. When we are alone we are content because Christ in us never leaves us. Something to pray and think about Jack. No one in the world can love us the way Christ loves us.

[@officerfarva3666]

I relate to this so much. The pain is unbearable. It is like grieving the death of a loved one. It’s truly horrific.

[@Lion-1.]

@@gwendolynwehage6336 amen

[@elvispelvis610]

Jack hope things are better but hang in there & God bless you!!

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

I have noticed that alienation does not have to be overt. Merely an attitude of disapproval in front of the child causes the child to think something is wrong with that parent. Even when you live in the same household with the alienating parent they will act irritated with your rules or decisions no matter how reasonable they are.

[@jerzykorkuz3130]

100%. And might be even more effective in the long-run :-( Ignoring, small criticisms/underminings, disrespect...

[@Thepathof77]

Exactly, and sets up for full alienation in the future. I wish I had known about alienation back when I was still married. It was happening then. It made it impossible to parent once I left the house and we had split custody. He slowly over the last 10 years took them from me right under my nose. Then one day they were just gone, one by one.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

@@Thepathof77 so sorry to hear this for you. There is a way to live without these people that brings joy and peace. If we cannot live without them we are "co-dependent." Our ability to live with ourselves and bring in new friendships shows that we are not controlled by those mean people. We can live happily and even more happily without them than if they remained in our lives. Sadly the children will align themselves with the father, just my opinion but let them go. If they ever want you they will come back without our urging. In these last days of 2 Timothy 3 we are watching many parents being treated shamefully by their children, even without cause.

[@Thepathof77]

@@gwendolynwehage6336 im alright with being labeled co-dependent. It’s not normal to be able to live without your children before it is time for them to live their own life. It’s not healthy to have the ability to just ‘let go’. I do not want to be ok without them. It lessens their place in my life. Their importance to me and the love I have for them. I do not find it a healthy attribute to become well adjusted to such a backwards society. It’s gross and the more we accept this and move on the more it happens. One thing my children will not ever be able to say to me is, you gave up on me, you stopped fighting for me. That’s a regret that I could not live with. Out of love for not only them but for myself, I have to disagree with your advice

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

@@Thepathof77 It doesn't matter what your children say, it is of no value whatever to chase after those who do not want us, it only makes them run faster. There is an old saying, If I have a bird in my hand and he flies away but comes back then he was mine. If that bird never comes back he was never mine. I never want to pressure my children to be around me, it seems fruitless to run after those who do not want us. When they finally miss us they will be back. I will hug and love my children if they come back, they know that from years of living with me until age 18. If they lie and say I gave up, then that's on them. When children are rude, disrespectful, and mean they are not anyone I choose to be around. Our blood running through their vains does not make them our children. Our children are those who want us, love us and treat us as though we are valued. It is enabling to remain with those who treat us disrespectfully. The longer we allow the disrespect the worse they get, they do not learn consequences when there are none.

[@trka2905]

This can happen even when the parents stay married. The alienated parent takes on the role of the scapegoat.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are correct. Dr. C

[@CH-in8dm]

Truth....Living it

[@beautifuldayzee5942]

Yes - in my case the parental alienation started occurring from the time my kids were still on the young side.... but at that point there was no mention or thought of separating or divorcing, and unfortunately I had NO understanding of what was happening right in front of my eyes - I was so confused, but I thought there must be something wrong with ME. It’s only now that I understand that my role was of the scapegoat, and that scapegoating me was a way for the ex to turn the children against me. It certainly worked well for him..... well, actually it wasn’t ONLY scapegoating that worked, it was also lots of false claims about me and, especially, ‘projecting’ and verbally abusing me in front of the kids -for instance coming out every night after a bottle or two of wine, shouting“BITCH! BITCH!’ to make them think that *I* had done something to HIM. Etc etc. I’m afraid to see what happens if/when either of them have children of their own....

[@OilCanHarry2U]

Damn right.

[@donnaanderson2846]

I know this to be true from experience. I finally started seeing the devastation on the children, and realized that trying to stay in the marriage was allowing the worst to continue. Separating after 20 years, at least gave an opportunity for them to see some difference. However, alienation is a form of brainwashing, and without some therapy/support, can continue into adulthood. My children, ranging from 40s, to early 20s, are on different parts in f the spectrum. Some are free of it, whereas other go in, and out of it, seemingly with the more contact with the narcissist parent.

[@echase416]

My son’s counsellor has a collage of waiting room wall quotes. One said: “When you criticize your child’s other parent, you are criticizing 50% of your child’s DNA”. Think about that for a while… It’s no wonder the children often go on to develop emotional problems.

[@steviep9780]

@Pedro Ivan Sanchez Keep watching Dr Carter's videos. Your answers will come. If you are an adult, consider finding a counsellor.

[@steviep9780]

@Pedro Ivan Sanchez One step at a time, dear heart. Perhaps have patience with yourself as you begin to learn. Give yourself time to learn, and the forgiveness for your shortcomings. You're only human... which is more than any narcissist will admit to with honesty. Create a very short term plan to get you started. Maybe it's watching these videos. Then add to the plan when you feel comfortable. Perhaps ring a psychotherapist for a consultation. Perhaps take a training course. You don't have to remain stuck. I'm starting over at 51. You can do it too.

[@bakpoassylzhan]

That makes sense. My narcissistic parents used to complain about each other and say negative things separately as I was a parent in the kindergarten.

[@myr8902]

@@steviep9780 please explain how you started over? I'm 55 with a 10 year old and trying to gain the soal and strength I need to be happy in life and to have thinks to offer people so they want to be around me.

[@steviep9780]

@my R I'm restarting my life with no close blood family, rather than restarting after a marriage. I decided to after a betrayal by two ex-family members. Following this betrayal, I realised my identical twin also required culling. Narcissism is rampant in my ex-family. I didn't at all deserve what they've done. I know now how sick they are to have done these things.

[@YaelEylatTanaka]

I've taken my hands off the controls, to "let things happen," and that has been interpreted as my lack of caring. Damned if I do, and damned if I don't. My door has been open, provided there is respect and regard, but such has not happened. I am now resigned that I'm alienated from my son and he from me. So be it. I can't make myself sick hoping he'd understand.

[@jackgoodings]

This is exactly what happened. Just the fact of the relationship with the children breaks down, more and more, with no real reason .. that is all the evidence one needs for parental alienation. A huge part of me has become numb, simply because there's only so long you can keep emotionally connected to it.

[@liss76kat03]

I’ve been dealing with parental alienation for over 12 years now. My daughters now 18 and it’s still bad. The brainwashing is REAL. So sad that parents put others - especially their own child - through this pain!

[@kellypolfleit3942]

It’s like someone stabbed you in the heart

[@iamthestog]

My 19 yo daughter believes that I abused her and wanted me to apologise for the "abuse" I gave her! The warning signs were there when we divorced, within 2 months I had the police call me to let me know that my exwife had accused me of sexual abuse and that my daughter (only 6 at the time) had confirmed that I had never touched her in her private parts. When I eventually won in the courts to get custody of my children I was told to keep her mother out of her life but this was impossible in the age of mobile phones. Eventually the manipulation led to my daughter returning to her Mum and then never speaking to me again! Even when you're in the right the manipulation is so strong for the child that you can't win. I'm now afraid to speak to my own child for fear that she will make my life hell with her false memories. When you've been subjected to parental alienation you grieve their loss, losing your child is the hardest thing and I struggle even though I have accepted it.

[@eurekaelephant2714]

Its disgusting isnt it.

[@Steve197201]

The real problem is the dysfunction of family courts. Judges have no idea that this goes on, and in so doing, they contribute to the problem. The whole legal system needs to be completely overhauled.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I so agree. Dr. C

[@lesleydunn615]

Yes, the court system does not know how to deal with these individuals. They violate court orders and agreed signed orders! A lot of attorneys will tell their clients to take the high road or to just go ahead and agree, do what’s best for the child and all the while have no idea that you are dealing with a narcissistic unhealthy minded individual who does nothing in the best interest of the child. They counter parent and create all the havoc they can…I call this behavior “running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off”. The targeted parent does try to do what’s best for their child. When dealing with a demonic narc, you need an attorney that understands this, not an attorney that isn’t interested in helping you and encourages you to be the bigger person in every situation that the narc creates. When you’re constantly being undermined and lied on and alienated…then have an attorney who you’re paying thousands of dollars to tell you to just agree and agree it’s very disheartening and the child suffers the most. Family court system needs schooled on this. It should be a requirement each year to have educational required credits on PA and Narcissism.

[@jodyross5707]

The country dog approach works, especially dropping bread crumbs of love and acceptance. After 2 years, I got my kid back while still in high school. Repair and healing is occurring. One must do his or her own healing and self care work.

[@PM-re3ix]

Being a good person is the best defense. In the end, actions speak louder than words, and as the kid (me) grows up and starts developing critical thinking, they'll never forget the good memories even if they're few and were young because for them it's also painful, it's the only thing they have left from the lost parent...

[@stellathefella]

born into a narcissistic family. i spotted patterns in my families behaviour which seemed abnormal, judgemental and based on myth very early. even though i knew "they" were not right i stayed with them for 46 years till i felt happy and empowered by walking away and stopping contact. i could tell you stories that are fact and you would not believe me. but hey. i am happy now more than ever

[@jbellbird9050]

Yes, it's amazing how family can tear each other apart because of narcissism and dysfunction.

[@sharonchristian8508]

When my childrens father informed me that I was not part of the family, I wrote a note to his wife thanking her for all the years of kindness. I have no relationship with any of them since. I did all the work when he didn't want anything to do with them. So he won. I worked, I paid all the Bill's. I did without and he got the family I worked to support and care for. I regret ever trying to protect and care for them. I regret treating him with respect. The life I wasted was my own.

[@lotusmccary9365]

@@sharonchristian8508 Me too

[@misschievous5071]

This badly damages the child. The other parent doesn't care. They hate you more than they love their own child. And will purposefully hurt their own child for their own fragile narcissist ego.

[@jimig399]

@@misschievous5071 that's the truest statement I've ever heard with regard to this subject. "They hate you more than they love their own children!" I could not understand how my ex-wife could knowingly and willfully damage our kids the way she was while it was happening. Many years later I found out it was because she was cheating and was trying to conceal the affair. She prevented all 3 of her children from graduating from high school with her drama. They had been on track to head to university. She's a teacher at the same school they failed to graduate from. She was screwing the principal at that school...for 20+ years. Truth is better than fiction. She didn't care at all about her own kids. Neither did he. She has to live with that so she just changed the narrative. I'm sorry for your loss.

[@tinman10]

My son is 25. I last held him when he was 6 months old. The pain never lessens 😢

[@tommypearson9260]

Same here my friend son will be 22 in a few days haven't been around him since his 2nd birthday and still in arrears over it etc

[@shannaphillips9319]

10-5-23: Reading all of the comments and thankful to not be alone. It’s almost worse than death…u could imagine they would want to be with u but couldn’t. Praying for all of u and hoping we can be reunited with our children wether they r young or adults. In the meantime, may God soften their hearts toward us and comfort ours that r breaking.

[@bigheartjoe7543]

Thank you for talking about this subject. This is the most painful experience of my life. My soul is crying, the pain is unbearable. Every day for me is like a part of me , my soul , my heart , is gone . 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 Never knew such a pain NEVER . Believe me I been to Afghanistan lost good people. But this ...oh lord .....this ...is another level of evil. Sadistic behaviour

[@sallylee4647]

Yes. My son went through this abuse with his father behind my back. It will take some work with a therapist. I am so sorry. I saw the after effects once I divorced and it came to light. I have to go to counseling and just started myself. The level of evil is unspeakable. I really am sorry. You were not to blame, you have worth and I am sorry. I was abused in foster homes and my home of origin, but even the level of abuse levied against me doesn't match what could have happened to my son in secret. And by the way with him being abused that was abuse towards me, too. This PAIN is one of a kind.

[@beautifuldayzee5942]

@@sallylee4647 - yes, so much pain :-( I hope you can find a really good therapist. Parental Alienation is one of the worst and most evil things that can be done to a child. It completely destroys one of the most precious gifts we are meant to have in our life: Childhood innocence.

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

Narcissists are very entitled and they own the children. And I couldn’t do enough for poor poor daddy. They’re grown up now and it makes daddy happy if they freeze me out. I didn’t realize we were still in the 8/th grade.

[@dianahill7239]

I learned about this over thirty years ago. Some parents actually will or attempt to sabatoge the former spouse's new relationships. They will use their children as 'flying monkeys,' and use their children to spy on the former spouse's new relationship.

[@stevenkeller476]

This is so important and thank you. I've been on this journey of alienation for 6 months now. My son is 15 and use to have him half time as a co-parent. This pain has been unimaginable as you explain. Been trying to focus on self love to keep the horrible thoughts and emotions at bay to get through my waiting period. I want to share with all of you one thing that has helped me immensely, hour by hour. When I have feelings of fear and loss, and gravitate towards behavior that is in not healthy for me, I start to intensely focus on that love that is so strong in my heart I have for my son. This is the strongest and purest love we will ever know. I ask myself, "do I want my son to be thinking these thoughts? "Would I want my son to be leaning on unhealthy behaviors that lead to self abuse?" Tap into the love you have sown and turn this to yourself. This is like a battery that has unlimited power. This helps me all day long and strengthens my love for my son as well as myself. I believe learning self love is the most powerful tool we can use for healing. I hope you all try this, It has helped so much.

[@karendalsadik7119]

Grandparents, aunts and ex fiancée can play a role in this.

[@Hopper11]

Thank God for you Dr Carter…. Parental alienation is what is happening to me. It is taking me time to unpack all of the deception I was living with for 18 years. The narc always had his, “Club of Two,” with my daughter (when he was home, because he was gone most of the time), and they both liked to mock me. I was odd-man-out. I have since learned that he is a sociopath (thank you Dr Carter), and he took my daughter with him when he left using his narcissistic charisma, charm and sex appeal(and porn addiction). This is in spite of the fact that my daughter is the one that exposed him and his sexual escapades when she was 13. He manipulates all women- even little girls. He wants all of them to LOVE him the best. The confusion I have felt has been painful, but I am figuring things out thanks to you. My daughter is at university and goes to see ex and his new faux family before me. Also, my daughter never asks how I am doing. Agony is the right choice of words that you have used in your video title. I am moving past it all though and healing. I just needed to get UN brainwashed. You are saving lives. You have no idea.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Heidi. PAS is one of the most baffling patterns, especially since the unhealthy one re-invents "truth" and the child can actually see what is real, yet continues with the alienating parent. It is insidious. You'll never completely get over it, yet you can still invest well with other relationships. There are more parents in this boat than you could imagine.

[@Zahnclassof95]

Also the alienating parent will distort the childs memories with the target parent

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very true. Dr. C

[@bethbrown1393]

Thank you Dr. Carter for addressing this painful, but important topic. Most courts and many professionals are woefully uninformed to deal with Parental Alienation, as I found out 24 years ago. It has truly been heartbreaking to watch my precious children used as pawns in the cruel narcissist's game, and now as adults, continue to struggle with the consequences-substance abuse to escape, unresolved and misplaced anger, and loss of potential-to name several. It is awful to watch a beautiful soul all but destroyed by the selfishness of the father and first one stepmother and then another.

[@melianelson9036]

I just told my children, 17 and 29 at the time, I would love to see you have a relationship with your father, just be sure it’s a healthy one. He is an Alcoholic, and that exacerbated the Narcissistic personality traits a thousand fold! He of course tried to turn them against me.

[@sl6066]

Alienation can also happen when the parents are still together. My husband’s ex devalued him to the children throughout their marriage. Also he was forced into the Bad Cop role. His ex would insist he discipline then take the kids’ side against him. If anything went wrong it was always his fault according to her. Since watching your channel he has realized she has many narcissistic traits. His children are now middle aged and still dance to her tune trying to please her whereas Dad is often taken for granted or treated very disrespectfully. I guess some parents who have lost all contact would think he is lucky that he still has his children in his life at all, but it’s often very painful.

[@jodiehamilton8518]

You exactly described my marriage but in reverse. I was made to be the ‘bad cop’ disciplinarian. To this day, I’m taken for granted by my girls and they bow down to him. 🥴😔

[@enlightenedhummingbird5101]

@@jodiehamilton8518 Same here. It's heartbreaking. I'm thankful I see what's up. In this way, I can limit how much my daughter can negatively impact my life from here on out; whereas in my marriage to her father, I was young, naive and trusting, also loyal to my own detriment. It took me years to unravel what was going on, and learn how I'd gotten there. I'm thankful for what I've learned, but sad for the destroyed relationship I *should* have had with my daughter. I'm especially sad for my daughter, because either she'll wake up down the road to what's going on, and have huge regrets for how she's treated me; or she'll remain as she is and struggle to create and maintain real, healthy relationships. Either way is going to be painful. So, now he basically has her for life, in one way or another. I hate him for doing this to her.

[@raccuia1]

Would it be an idea to try to get the children to watch YT vids on narcissism and parental alienation? If they watch lots of them they will see the truth. Just saying.

[@selah71]

@@enlightenedhummingbird5101 My ex, with help from his wife, alienated our children when they were barely teenagers. They were devastated, heart broken and my heart broke for them. Once they became young adults he came back into their lives. He and his wife commenced to tear us apart with crazy lies, flying monkeys, etc, and I didn't know any of this other than there was a noticable change in my daughter's behavior towards me. It was after she alienated me that I learned about the crazy lies only because my son point blank asked me about them. I was floored at the allegations, lies, etc, they'd said, and heartsick and broken hearted that my daughter believed them. It's been over 20yrs since I lost her and 10yrs since my son died by suicide and I grieved both losses deeply. This is what malignant narcissists do and care nothing about the hearts, feelings and emotions of others.

[@enlightenedhummingbird5101]

@@raccuia1 Tried that. It doesn't work. The kids need to come to it themselves. Any attempt from the alienated parent to shine light on the truth, further confirms to the kid that the narcissist parent it right. Cognitive dissonance. They will not allow themselves to see the truth, as they've completely tied themselves to the narcissistic parent. It is too painful for them when they finally *do* see the truth of it all. I'm leaving my daughter be at this point, but she knows the door is always open, as long as we enter counseling together, for some shared education. Having a relationship has proven to be painful for both of us. She sees me as the enemy; she regards me little and respects me none. She has been taught disdain, even hatred, for the feminine, which makes her loathe herself, too. She's on a rough road. I pray she wakes up, but the damage may be too deep.

[@louisaisthankful6455]

This has been The Most Painful Thing In My Entire Life. I suppose for my son as well, he just isn't aware of the ramifications, even at 25 years old.

[@melanielemire3766]

VERY painful, relentlessly. Mine is 25 too. I miss him soooo much. I long for resolution and healing, especially for him. I hate to imagine that he might be alienated from his children, as I was alienated from my father. He was dead before I realized, when it happened to me. Multigenerational trauma sucks.

[@PC-sq9oc]

Wow…you have described my childhood. At 16 1/2 I had to figure out where my father was living to ask to live with him as my 'mother' was so toxic. My mother did the brain washing to my sister and as of today, our mother has walked away from us. While this can be seen as sad, my sister and I have reconnected after a number of years. With solid counseling and realizing that I need to heal and cut the codependency, I have found my level of happiness has increased. The current status of our mother is that this is 'her' issues and needs to find her own healing. Unfortunately she is of the 'age generation' where my recommendation for mental health help has been interpreted as me stating she is insane. Again - her issue, not mine. In looking for the light thru all of this, is the reconnecting to a sister and seeing each other through our adult eyes with no expectations. Just spent the weekend together and had lots of laughs! Making positive out of a difficult situation!

[@DanaP3335]

Narc told me in court docs that my son is scared of me and doesn't want to be with me. My soon to be ex husband threatened to get our son his own attorney to fight me in court. I was a stay at home mom, homeschooling him and a very good relationship. My soon to be ex has systematically painted me mentally unwell. Has ruined my relationship with my 3 adult sons too. All four sons worship their dad, he can do no wrong, never questions him. I am devastated

[@emmabrady8262]

I'm a child who had to go through this. I'm older now, but when I was little I lived with my dad, and my mother wanted custody of me, she told me horrible lies about my dad to make me hate him. I'm just now starting to realize how every little thing she did was to get me to be on her side. My relationship with my mother is and will always be tainted now.

[@SaraSoura-w2s]

@@emmabrady8262 how old where when you realized who your mom really is?

[@emmabrady8262]

@@SaraSoura-w2s I was around 12 when I started realizing how manipulative she was. She would be mad at the smallest things and get violent but then deny she ever hurt me. She would lie pathologically and use all of her friends and family to convince me to live with her. I would have my grandma, my uncle, my stepsister, my cousins on my moms side all telling me “your mother just wants whats best for you and you keep acting like a brat” because they didn’t know what would truly go on when I was alone with her.

[@tedschmitt178]

This video cannot possibly get enough upvotes. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@M.C.Blackwell]

It's like you're reading from a book about my life today. I was 12 when they divorced, and my mom had such a furious temper combined with my great desire to earn her love, that I chose to live with her. She wouldn't even let me accept gifts or visit my dad yet my brother could visit all he wanted. I once tried to tell my dad what was happening and he stopped me from talking and didn't want to hear anything about my mom. They've both passed away now and my dad and I were never able to have any kind of genuine relationship. I wish I known then what I know now, but it's taken years of therapy and study to realize they were both too damaged from their own childhood to behave any differently. I always wished my dad would have stood up to her or at least let me tell him what she was doing. That's life

[@AllAboutGuitarsUK]

I made so many 'mistakes'. The thing is, they wouldn't have been mistakes in any other situation, they would have just been reasonable parenting decisions to help raise my children to be effective safe rational law-abiding respectable decent individualised adults and loving parents too.

[@GinjaNinja01]

A total nightmare and an utter CRIME. I feel for everyone who has had to endure this and hope that you all find Peace...Justice has already been trampled beneath the weight of the Narcs' hatred. God...must be deeply disappointed ... Stay strong people and accept my Empathy...that...was what they tried to crush. Pathetic ...aren't they?

[@mikenoonan856]

The alienation doesn’t stop it intensifies and is far reaching. When the narcissist recruits the adult children of the minor child put a fork in it, it’s done. Every time I hope for reconciliation it his swept out from underneath our feet. I have walked a lot of death and it pales in comparison to the alienation of my precious daughter. I have turned the whole lot over to our Lord, trying to stay sane today. God Bless you all.

[@CH-in8dm]

Hope your ok....it is the cruellest pain

[@hoopsfordays1533]

This is really helpful. Thanks 🙏 I’m on the receiving end and have lost both of my children. It is agonizing and heartbreaking.

[@williamconley102]

Thank you for your candor and civility. It is a difficult place to be. It is like being exiled

[@She_McGee]

my projecting, abusive brother accused his ex of trying to alienate their children, who he had sole custody of, against him, which is basically impossible for a non-custodial parent to do. Then I realized he was actually alienating them from HER, then he alienated them from me. Then he accused me (behind my back, not to my face, I had to figure it out based on years of passive-aggression and hostility) of causing his divorce, to the woman I introduced him to, that he then triangulated against me, then triangulated me against her, then the whole alienation thing started and it goes around and around, projection, rationalization, justification, blame and on and on, to maintain the delusion. There is literally no reasoning with them. They really do live in an alternate reality where no matter how abusive or vile they are, they are the victim!

[@CJ-CANADA]

Yeah, my sister did the same. Now my ex-partner of 10yrs is trying to do it with our child.

[@enlightenedhummingbird5101]

Your story could be my story...

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Thats horrible to do to children. I pray that the truth comes to light. My heart goes out to all of you going through something like this.

[@She_McGee]

@@enlightenedhummingbird5101 that was the beginning of a nightmare that is still ongoing. he's the "golden child", my whole family is fked, both parents are brainwashed by my brother. they've been gangstalking me. character assassination. my brother's justifying it with the insane belief I am responsible for his abuse and the consequences. he and his ex were abusive to me, then he abused & discarded her, then I was the main target for his rage and hate.

[@enlightenedhummingbird5101]

@@She_McGee Wow. Still could be my story. I have gone complete no-contact with my ex, brother, sister and father. It's been a few years now, and I have no desire to be in contact with any of them. They can all have each other. I hope you're able to find some peace. 🌸

[@hmdeassis]

I've been alianeted from my son now for 5 years. Zero contact and he now hates me and unfortunately wants nothing to do with me. He is 17 now. I made several videos for him so he will know something about me before I kick the bucket. The videos in a way are therapy, but never talk negative about his mother. The pain of not having him in my life never goes away it's always constant, some days are better than others. I just want for him to find peace.

[@karirbassett]

I’m 45 and both of my parents still try to pull that crap.

[@tallguy8937]

I totally understand. At 51 I sold everything and moved far away. It goes from them humiliating each other to humiliating the adult kids to other siblings. Then, the well trained siblings join in the narcissistic fun. I refuse to be like that or be a part of it any longer. Not sure there’s enough years left to fully recover, but I’m gonna do my best and learn and try 😎

[@1966wilky]

56 and my mother’s been doing it all my life. My fathers dead now, but that hasn’t stopped her.

[@AmericastCasi]

@@1966wilky yikes. i've learned to stay away from ALL toxic relationships

[@MaryCreswellRusso]

That's truly tragic.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Narc grandparents do it too. Or try to. I think my adult son had been affected tbh but I’m very glad he’s never “turned” or wound up being awful like them. They talked him into living with them for his high school years, (well you know mostly it was “financial perks” or “superior” living arrangements that mom could not offer him...Aka bribes) so that whole time if I wanted to see my kid, it was at their cruel mercy with them loving the fact that I had no choice but to deal with all their bs just to be with him. Plus during that time was only the beginning of my journey once I stumbled upon the word “narcissism.” I miss him...as he’s off at college now, but I am also very relieved that he’s not living with them anymore and is out there seeing the real world for himself. Plus most definitely getting me to a better place of lower contact with them also. Def it is at times quite the tightrope tho. I still sometimes have to be delicate about the subject of grandma, tho he already knows his grandpa is quite an ass. They weren’t able to ruin my relationship with my kid but they most def did put a strain on it and have made it a lot harder for me than it should’ve been with my kid.

[@casglow]

Dr. Carter, it's like you know my current situation! Of you or Laura are taking new clients, I'd love to see either of you in person! Thank you so very much for sharing your wisdom!

[@beebaker1014]

Hi casglow I said the same thing to Dr C. about 2 years ago, as if he was talking to me personally and he knew my situation....he's the best (online) therapist I've listened to for many years! Alot of stress has been lifted off my shoulders 🙏🏼 him... I hope you are staying safe and well 💗

[@susanmunoz7688]

@@beebaker1014 If I’m not mistaken Dr. Carter is retired from practice.

[@JoeAskew]

The root of the problem lies with the parent who is the alienator, always putting they're vindictiveness before the child's best interests. My former wife married her family law solicitor who has become step dad and co-alienator / cheer squad, despite not seeing my daughter for 15 years or so, I have comfort in the times spent together around our horses.

[@heatherann4390]

That is exactly what is happening to me. My daughter is 13. Her father has kidnapped her mind and body for one year and kept her from me. And is now taking me to court for sole custody. He planned with my child behind my back for her to betray me. I swear to god he is the devil. I had a child with satan himself. I have literally been treated as i am dead and dont exist or matter. Like ive been erased. Its traumatizing and life shattering. Never hated someone so much in my life.

[@sarcasmglory5498]

I feel the exact same way. Erased.

[@Van-hb4gi]

Same

[@dodi-wankenobi]

My ex is the devil. His „narcissistic“ babymomma died and i was there for them to catch them (5/7) and fill the emptiness and loss. I loved them as my own. He became more and more volatile towards me, emotionally abusive, paranoid, hostile, vile. I am diagnosed pwBPD. And he triggered the worst in me. I left him causing a massive narcissistic injury. Now he contradicts himself and makes no sense, while clearly just having his ego and „win“ in mind. he will never get supply from me again and this makes him want to destroy the bond i have to the kids. He is on a good path to alienate his son already, and the little girl is already a depressed mess- and of course THAT is my fault. He sees my love as manipulation, my borderline fits HE caused as an incalculable threat to his kids, me as a liar, betrayer and not worthy of trust. He made me SAY that to that little girl, who wanted to crawl inside me while she was crying in pain of loosing me. I tried all i could to sooth and caress and hold her and tell her that i am so so so sorry and please forgive me.- while He stood in the door and watched and did nothing. He didn’t even bother to hold her as she was sitting outside on the stairs in the rain crying and shouting my name, as i was sent away for good, while he was „busy“ glancing down at me with hate from the balcony. this monster is the coldest FUCK on earth. I should have sent him to jail as i had the chance to, when he acted in „self defense“. But i know, he would literally kill me if i do anything that could shake his custody

[@fondasnow]

@@dodi-wankenobi oh no. How are you now? This breaks my heart.

[@dodi-wankenobi]

@@fondasnow hi there :) it is one year no contact now. I still think of the kids and wonder how they are. i tried to keep in touch via their grandfather but it never exceeded a short message exchange on holidays and birthdays. I „inherited“ their late mother’s harddrive and pulled all her pictures and music on flash drives and sent these to their granddad. I am at peace with what i did and invested into the relationship with this family but feel emotionally detached from them now.

[@MsNevermore19]

I paid for a membership due to this video. Dr. C, thank you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Maria. Dr. C

[@tawanawilliams6296]

This brought me tears. My sons Dad tries to keep get between the boys and me. They are adults now and I refuse to go away. They know l lo them but he still lives in the home with them. My oldest left and the middle son is getting it now….but it’s devastating to go through this. My parents helped him do this to me too. I have confronted my mom. She doesn’t deny it but doesn’t apologize or acknowledge it either. Just the usual silence I get when I bring up the many mean things she has done to me for reasons I will never know.

[@paulakaye2108]

Yep, I'm experiencing this right now. My ex has effectively "purchased" my daughter's affection and she's quit speaking to me.

[@eurekaelephant2714]

If you mean buying a lot of stuff, knowing the other parent cant, then yep, happening to me too.

[@lifestylebyrachel]

Great video. Truly a heartbreaking situation. Haven’t seen my son in 2 years 8 months.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

My heart goes out to you.

[@rachelchenoweth5748]

My Sons father remarried a woman that did this with my Son... It was the worst pain i have ever suffered. She made my Ex keep my Son away from me... Now my Son does not even speak to them... But that doesn't change all the years of suffering those two caused for my Son and I.... He came to see me when he was 18 after he left their house... We spent a month together and he found out the truth about me and now we are close... But the tears we both cried and the years we both lost together... Such suffering

[@jennaarmbruster2169]

The courts said that she, at 12, was capapble of making her own decisions and thats when her Father got all the power. All.. And im dying

[@terryermini4280]

Don't let. his hate kill you. The same thing happened to me. Work like crazy to let your love be the winner...even if it takes a whole lot of time. And see how this has made you strong and how you miight use your "free time" to develop something wonderful for yourself. Reading and studying something useful ar VERY helpful.

[@eurekaelephant2714]

Capable when brainwashed...hmm...courts need an overhaul!

[@Thepathof77]

I can’t seem to accept it, let go and move on. I’m stuck. I feel frozen. There’s nothing I want to do besides see my children. There’s no where I want to go. No one I want to see. I just miss them. I can’t even go to sleep to escape it because I dream so vividly about them. Then I wake up and my hearts breaks all over again. Every single day. This is agony and I’m terrified that I won’t survive it for much longer

[@markparrish9766]

Dittos!! Dr. Carter speaks of a son reuniting after 33 years. I'm only 17 years out with my 2. I know exactly how you feel. Figuring out how to rebuild my own life was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Just going out to eat or to a movie by myself was hard. Despite being completely alone, without any other family, I knew I had to survive as you must. Life is very good today but I would give anything to hear "I love you dad". My grown step kids tell me they love me but it just isn't the same. You must survive because you have value and some day your kids will need you.

[@Thepathof77]

@@markparrish9766 thank you for your words. Those are some I needed to hear today

[@larrypease2]

My heart breaks for you. I am experiencing it too. Its nuts!! Cling to God, it is the onkly thing that keeps me going. There is always hope in Christ! He desires reconciliation!

[@anthonyramirez7272]

Thank you so much for making this video. I didn’t realize how much I’m still being affected by this, even though it happened really early in my life. I don’t know where to start describing how it feels; but, this helped

[@kristihutter7499]

Thank you for your videos. There is hope, 3 years ago my son was hitting, kicking and throwing things at me, my friends told me to walk away, but I knew my son was doing what he thought what his father wanted and deep down there was hope. For Valentines Day my son gave me a chocolate rose, I have shared custody, and we have a wonderful time together. Don't give up and don't reduce yourself to the level of the narcissist...

[@stephaniereeves6330]

Wow! This was definitely needed today. Thank you!

[@BrettPittman]

Exactly! My mom used to say my daughter would come around. The hardest part is to sit back and watch the damage being done to my daughter psychologically

[@merillwalter8698]

Everything is a competition to people with NPD or Narcissistic Traits. The goal is to get as many people on their side. Because they apparently don't have human flaws like the rest of us so everything is someone elses fault and that award typically goes to their devalued partner or (later on) ex partner. The kids end up being treated like marriage counsellors. Or worse.

[@DebbieDavis-d6e]

I always did what I thought best in my heart. However, the end resulted in irony, as I lost everything to complete evil. Thank you for this very informative video as it allows me to accept things as they truly are. 🕊

[@carolynsmith813]

Thank you for the very informative video of PAS. I am now 1 month into it and my 34 has blamed me and has now alienated his wife, my grandchildren, and him from me.

[@olive6676]

Thanks for your advice 🥰 pray for parent & each child going through this, been alienated from my 3 daughters 4 years & it’s something you never get over. But I have HOPE is what keeps me strong 💪 I will always be there when they are ready, even though it’s tough.

[@staceyjohnson2929]

I had the same experience as the 46 year old in your story, except my dad died just in time for me to figure out that what I was told wasn't accurate. There's just not any resolution, other than finding peace within myself, and clinging to my faith that I'll see him again one day to tell him I'm sorry.

[@CPaul-cm7qk]

Stacey...I couldn't stop crying when I read your comment. My adult daughter has been alienated from me by her narcissistic father and I often wonder if the truth will come to her before I die. Your comment brought tears to my eyes...because I do believe it will be a struggle for her if and when she comes to the truth and I am gone...but you reminded me that she and I will have eternity to talk about it...Bless You.

[@cathywilliams6265]

I experienced this with a mother-in- law who lived just a few houses down the road. It was with our first born female child. The mil babysat our daughter while I went to work. The mil favored girls. My xnh NEVER gave me a voice in the extreme visits. He was enmeshed with his mother and could NEVER tell her no. I fought for my place in this daughter's life until I just became emotionally numb. My xnh told this daughter she could go to grdma's ANYTIME she wanted and NEVER had to ask me. My mil had our daughter 5 days a week, 8+ hrs a day, (she would ask for extra time when I'd go to pick her up and this daughter would throw tantrums to stay longer) everyday and wanted her EVERY wkend for overnight visits. I would get scolded by the xnh if I didnt let his mother have this daughter longer after I got off work. . Then she would take her to church on Sunday while having her on wkend visits and then out to eat. I'd get my daughter back at about 3 or 4:00 on Sunday. My xnh NEVER understood that I worked and "I" wanted time with her. Grdma's was this daughter escape from chores, and she was given special treatment when at grdma's. It was PURE HELL!! The favoritism was rubbed in my other 3 kids faces by this grdma. The Parental Alienation ruined the relationship between this daughter and I. I lived the narcissist abuse for 42 yrs never realizing what "it" was or that it was emotional abuse. It wasnt until I made my exit and 3 therapist later that I got the answers. Thank you Dr. Carter for taking the time to educate and give validation for what I lived.

[@m.s.biteth1164]

Do you know my ex wife? Your every episode - and I have watched for years - has provided me much comfort regarding my 9 out of 9 ex wife narc who did just this to my children. Have not seen them for years and they do not care if I am alive or dead. If it were otherwise, well, you'd at least get a return text after 7 years with the same phone number/email. I have wanted to end it all many times due to this. No one but a parent can know this feeling.

[@dnk4559]

I feel for you. My husband has experienced the same thing with his ex and four children. When he and I started dating I couldn’t believe that all four of his children would not speak to him and considered him dead. I met with his counselor because I wanted to understand what was surely wrong with him and even though he seemed so nice. That is when I first learned of parental alienation. She almost succeeded in ruining the rest of his life because one would wonder what kind of person someone is whose children considers them dead. Thankfully I have an amazing husband today and even though his children still don’t speak to him we pray someday they will and my husband as several “adopted” young adults that he mentors. We have a wonderful life together despite his loss. I pray you will too. Don’t give up!

[@jann9507]

Thank you Sir For sharing your thoughts and knowledge about parental alienation; The scrounge devastated our family and the courts only helped weaponize the mom who was empowered to alienate the children even more. You are amongst the rare therapist who calls out women/ mothers who are primary alienators. Single moms not just devastate the family but hurt the kids mentally, emotionally and psychologically for life

[@CB-ei6ez]

We really need a concerted grassroots efforts to reach the younger generations about narcissistic abuse and parental alienation, like for example giving lectures at high school and colleges

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

True.

[@tedschmitt178]

My only question: what happens, or what can you do when the child is an adult? And the child never provides a phone number, address, or email in order to reach out? The child has been manipulated and brainwashed by an EXTREMELY narcissistic other parent.

[@PM-re3ix]

It's a horrible thing. For me as the child who hated my father for no reason from the age of 7 and flew to a different country on the spot to find him 20 years later... It needed to come from me. The more my pour father tried to reach me the more it was viewed as aggressive, she always said she feared he would come and take me away... I realize about her ways in general being wrong four years ago and left. It wasn't until now that I thought of him, the moment I did I quickly remembered how kind he was with me and all her criticism that I didn't realize was bad then... I ran to him on the spot... I hope this helps bring some hope...

[@Georgia.O]

A very difficult topic and a refreshigly candid approach. Thank you.

[@princesscariad374]

Wow, thank you. It’s a weird coincidence that I’ve woken up to find the notification for this on my son’s 27th birthday. His father is diagnosed as NPD. Unfortunately my son has been coerced into living with him as his father has manipulated him and used his severe mental illness against him. It’s been four years since I’ve seen him 😭

[@m.s.biteth1164]

I feel for you. Ex wife .... exactly. My kid, 7 years.

[@CPaul-cm7qk]

My ex...as well

[@stephanief3506]

This subject is close to my heart. Praise God you are reaching out to help others with this because I've been on all sides as a child and as a parent. IT"S HORRIBLE for all involved! Thank you for sharing I will pray on these people right now.

[@sf4010]

Currently going through this now. Beware of the child is always avaible line...it usually means child is always available per the alienating parents choice.

[@ddeuce1847]

The alienation of my children started when they were three, twenty two years ago. I stayed married until they were 17, knowing if I divorced I'd be alienated from my children. When we finally split, I became frustrated and confused with the parental alienation and through that, I had the epiphany of understanding the covert the narcissism of my ex. I never really knew what that word meant until I looked through the lens of parental alienation. Now, I have adult children, and they see me and our history through the black taint of their narcissistic mother. Well, and guess what? I'm not perfect. As I stayed with the narcissist all those years, I fought. I yelled. I jumped up and down, demanding and insisting. It's the only way I ever got any consideration from any of them. So, since they were little, I have validated their black view of me and our history. In our adult relationship, apart from the bad marriage, I'm not perfect either. They are rude, entitled, discourteous, disrespectful, and sometimes, I react badly to that, and I have my own independent flaws as well. Did I say apart from the bad marriage? Yeah, really, it never ends. They have the dirt on me and my own actions. I'm willing to take ownership for that. I've tried to make amends, but it's not just my specific actions. It's the black history. They don't see specific bad actions, and they are adamantly unwilling to see their mother's undermining covert narcissistic role in all that black history. My son told me the other day that every conversation with me for the last 5 years has been miserable, our entire relationship since he was a kid. My daughter told me one day that I was never there for her. None of that is true. The black taint is hole I'll never dig my way out of. In fact, it's the same black hole I tried for 23 years digging out of with my ex-wife. They treat me badly, because I deserve it for my black history, and when I complain, that validates their black view of me. It is truly a no win situation. The more I try, the worse it gets. The worse it gets, the more all of us want nothing to do with anyone else in the family. My ex insisted on me signing the divorce papers on our 23 anniversary. I call it the anniversary gift that just keeps on giving! I knew a woman that grew up the black sheep in a narcissistic family. The narc father finally died. After being cut out of most of my friend's life, he reached out through the execution of the will with a letter, a letter from beyond the grave of the bitter evil narc. She asked the golden child sister to read the letter for her and spare her getting stabbed in the back one last time. Nope. The Golden girl wouldn't do it. Take the letter or not, and curiosity got the better of my friend. Yep, it was every bit the bitter hurtful letter you might expect. It stabbed her right in the heart, one last time from the grave. The only surprise was that the golden girl knew what it was. She knew what it said. She wanted to play the flying monkey one last time. She wanted to help daddy stab her sister in the heart, and she got what she wanted. This stuff never ends. It will out live us all.

[@tallguy8937]

Both parents did it. They hate each other, blame each other, both are narcissists, and as kids and adult kids we were to pick a side, do what was expected, or be punished. Never heard anything good about either of them. It’s STILL happening after 50 years. As a result none of us get along. Removed myself and gonna find peace on my own. It’s a toxic situation with toxic behavior. Always has been.

[@rebeccajohnson7864]

This is my same scenario. I sent both a group text saying "After 20+ years of being forced to pick a parent, I've finally picked and I pick neither ". That was the last time I communicated with either of them.

[@tallguy8937]

@@rebeccajohnson7864 Good luck moving forward 😎

[@wendychavez5348]

I have an ex boyfriend whose brother was being alienated from his 2 or 3 daughters by his ex wife. It backfired on her, because as soon as their oldest daughter turned 18 she chose to spend more time with her father and much less with her mother. When she got married at age 21, Rebecca clearly told her mom that if her dad were not welcome at the wedding, neither would her mom be. I went to that wedding and it was beautiful, and I'm quite proud of Rebecca for standing up to her mom and making sure that her father and his family were included. I can't imagine how difficult that was for her!

[@danielrobertson2154]

Funny, I was just talking about how it feels like I lost my child, even though she's not dead, I feel like I'm grieving a loss. It's been nearly 2 months since I've heard her voice, and because of the false 50B her mother took out, I have no way of knowing if she's ok, the mother won't let her parents or mine even talk to her or visit. The mother suffers from bipolar disorder, uses various drugs and is a narcissist prone to fits of rage. It's about to be exposed in court in 2 weeks, but these past 2 months have been absolute terror. To make it all worse, the mothers live in bf is a real piece of work, among a litany of other charges, his record includes assault on child, and assault on female. No solid job, is a felon, no license, doesn't even have custody of his own kids, known for meth, the list goes on. But DSS or Family Crisiis won't do anything until it's too late.

[@doreenplischke2169]

The hardest thing is to accept that likely the dynamics won’t change much, even if later on the kids are grown and do come around. The TRUTH will likely NEVER be spoken. The sheer loss of time, it is a form of total destruction. The inability for connection, so minimized, so beaten down on, it’s like going through an emotional mine field, When my son basically went through years of treating me the same way he saw/sees his father treat me, there is nothing much I can do. My daughter just turned 12 and now she, too is being ‘used’ ‘thrown into the same dynamic’. I knew this might happen (again), although of course I had hoped it would somehow get better. It doesn’t. It’s so pervasive. Devastating to know that all I can choose is to either endure it or give up to feel like a mother. It is sooo unhealthy. Everywhere I turn.

[@preparedsurvivalist2245]

My mom is a narc and tried to alienate my dad my whole life. My dad like most people is a flawed person, which seemingly justified a lot of the alienation directed his way. Fortunately, my mom is such an over the top narcissist that it became clear early on who the really problem person was. Dad and I still talk. Mom and I dont.

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

Someday children will have the right to be free from psychological abuse. I can’t participate in my children’s lives because they are grown. I spent 10 years trying to keep my family intact and it didn’t work. My therapist argued with me about the fact that I wasted my life; the narcissist knew that all I ever wanted was a family. Now I know I will never have a family and see no point in loving anybody because it is a tool that people can destroy you with.

[@wendikarass-horvath5181]

I do understand that PA generally is defined occurring at time of divorce. I wonder if you could address this behavior (the turning of the child against the other parent) if there was already a pattern PRIOR to divorce. Subtle ways but very obvious. That’s MY situation and I didn’t even KNOW there was a NAME for what I experienced (I thought I was kookoo).

[@beautifuldayzee5942]

You would probably be better off finding that information elsewhere, from actual Parental Alienation EXPERTS who actually SPECIALISE in Parental Alienation. Dr Les Carter (who is not a PA ‘specialist’), claims in this video that mothers are more likely than fathers, at about a 2-to-1 ratio, to be the alienators. But this is NOT TRUE. Pretty much ALL actual Parental Alienation SPECIALISTS are in agreement now that PA does not discriminate between genders and that men are just as likely to alienate their children from their other parent as mothers are. And that’s because Parental Alienation (in its severest form, which is the form we are discussing HERE) is a ‘Cluster B personality disorder’ issue, not a ‘gender' issue. More men have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) than women, and more women have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) than men.... and put all the men and all the women with these two disorders together and you pretty much have a 50/50 male/female split. And that 50/50 gender split applies to Parental Alienation, as PA (in its SEVEREST form, which is the form we’re usually talking about) is a Cluster B personality disorder issue My situation was/is the same as yours - there was already a pattern PRIOR to divorce/separation, and it also was subtle yet also obvious. But I had no idea at the time what exactly it was that I was witnessing, I just remember feeling confused, puzzled, sometimes annoyed. For instance quite a number of times I would just by chance come across my now-ex yelling angrily at the children that they were not to touch any of his tools or bicycles or anything else of HIS in the garage.... but he would then be fine with them touching MY stuff, taking MY bicycle, and so on. He didn’t know at those times that I was right behind him .... and I remember being SO confused about what I was witnessing. I’m sure now that there was much more going on that I DIDN’T just chance upon by accident, as over a period of years the kids were becoming more and more entitled about just about anything that belonged to me. And that entitlement only applied to ME, and MY things..... not their dad, and their DAD’S things. Unfortunately, I’d never heard of ‘PA’ at that point. But I remember so vividly the number of times over the years that my eldest looked at me curiously when I was trying to tell her she couldn’t touch something of mine... there was so much puzzlement on her face. And that look on her face used to haunt me, as it was so devoid of any understanding. Still haunts me now...

[@windyday85]

This is happening to me. I'm the mom. I'm so broken. I see what's happening. And I see how much it hurts my children. Even though they don't see it. It is the ABSOLUTE worst thing to happen in life.. Not sure how much more I can take. One of my children has so much anger it is literally killing them. I see all of their health issues. And I know why😢😢. I've done nothing but give my all. To my children. Yet I'm the one who is alienated. It HURTS to much💔💔. My children are grown adults with their own children . They have been so brainwashed. Please don't let this happen to you. Stand up for yourself with your children immediately. Set those boundaries. Free yourself of the worst heartache in the world💔💔💔 Definitely spiritual warfare. Sending prayers to all🙏🙏. Yes it doesn't need to be this way. It is so wrong. I didn't say anything to my children as I knew my ex wouldn't let me love him and my parents, siblings my children. I knew he would make them choose. I didn't want them to have to choose. But he has. It's a loose loose battle. Not only my children but their spouses are turned against me. And they fuel the fire of my children. 🔥🔥🔥

[@eurekaelephant2714]

Im so sorry and thankyou for your advice.

[@Shimmerin]

It was always a blast when both parents did this.

[@susanritchey1849]

My son does things that make him "identify with the aggressor,". My son has expressed that he knows he's abusing me but can not stop doing it. Needless to say...his father was abusive to me. His father threatened to take our child out of the country if I didn't sign the court document that was presented... Sad ..to say . Our adult son continues to abuse me on an emotional level.

[@crazydaisy4516]

The other night he told me that he was going to put bruises on his body and tell the police that I beat him so I would go to jail.

[@joannasaadati8810]

That's really upsetting, I'm sorry you're in that situation. I went to therapy for myself and the tools I learned have really helped me navigate relationships where the other person has abusive tendencies.

[@eringorman4479]

@@crazydaisy4516 goodness gracious I'm so sorry you have to put up with that nonsense. Absolutely terrifies me that stuff can be hereditary. I'm hoping my son's don't turn out that way. They're only 6 and 3 now but already have really bad anger and tantrums like their father.

[@ladyd1614]

@@crazydaisy4516 ..the next time he tells you .. tell him ok 👍 I am calling the police now to inform them of what u are planning ! Get your phone out n video him as you tell him this !!

[@joannasaadati8810]

@@crazydaisy4516 It sounds like he needs psychiatric help.

[@scep8551]

This has happened to me. My ex-wife alienated/ brainwashed our 3 daughters to have nothing to do with me. Lies about abuse, etc. They haven’t spoken to me since Aug 2016. All coms go through ex. GAL evaluated kids and testified to her alienation in court, but nothing came of it. She also alienated some of my family and even some childhood friends. It’s heartbreaking. I text and call to leave voicemails to my kids (25, 23, and 17), but no communication comes back. They all stonewalled / ghosted me in my own home for 2 yrs before separation and divorce.

[@MKCarol-ms7lg]

@@taylorjeremy71 My mother was 35 when she finally figured out that she had been lied to by her mother and grandmother about her father. Her step mother helped her learn the truth about many things.

[@scep8551]

@@taylorjeremy71 Thanks. God bless.

[@Vilmarie_Sanchez_90]

I’m glad I came across this because I think I’ve been doing parental alienation because I’m still not over everything that happened and seeing the kids get along so much with my abuser and hi supply hurts me. I feel awful about it and don’t want to do this.

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

When the kids are grown then it’s the grandchildren that are cheated. I’m a grandma without any family whatsoever. I was the one who raised them and when they were teenagers winning prizes they became important to their dad. I waited 10 years to get a divorce because I knew dad was alienating them, but I had no idea how to counter the lies. When you don’t know what the lies are and the kids don’t talk to you there’s nothing you can do. So I just view my family as a job I used to have.

[@elizabethann5054]

Nailed it.

[@sturcke1]

My beautiful daughter disappeared 12 months ago after being in my full time care for 3 months. Had allegations labelled against me, I launched multiple investigations went through mental and emotional hell defending myself and eventually uncovered the truth and recieved official letters of apology from government entities , I still haven't seen my little bub and have to wait up to 12 months for the court trial to occur to hopefully be in her life again.some people can truly be evil and care about nothing but themselves and their ego..my heart breaks for my poor little girl..don't give up folks stay strong and believe love will win in the end..💞

[@_k911]

I followed all those instructions, and nothing worked. My daughter still turned against me, and even worse she turned against me knowing that her mother was wrong but she used our situation to her advantage to get what she wanted by attempting to control me to the point where I had to let go.

[@shereadsshescries1457]

When the breakup is not a breakup, but the parents are both different types of narcissists, I guess they stay together for the lifelong drama and unfullfilled life and partner sabotaging satisfaction they both get, this alienation happens to the kids with the other parent or step parent in the next room, it is just Dantes inferno.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Yes that is so true. Thankfully mil is an hour away

[@christineplaton3048]

No matter how snarky and hateful the now adult - child becomes, as a result of (narcissistic abuse) dysfunction in the family, we love . We love them, and we might suffer and ruminate our losses the rest of our life. This triangulation also happens when a child marries a narcissist. They will be alienated from loving family. Punishment ensues, and loving family gets attacked. It's obvious to some, but the lies and deceit to destroy bonds are very powerful. Not everyone understands what is happening. It can be alienating parent, or sibling. It's very destructive to all family members. There is very little peace and healthy interaction with the narcissists present.

[@MrDanny19292]

I was told I am in the top 1 percent of parental alienation, my son is almost 19 now. This started almost immediately. Sadly, our relationship is not well. I was beat mentally and continue to push every day for a normal relationship. Don't give up..

[@therange4033]

My ex-husband managed to do it even though I had custody. The divorce was a nightmare and has ruined my relationship with my now adult children. Its awful.

[@crushynn90]

Same here. They become the fun one that doesn’t give the child any consequences. It snared 2/3 of my children from me. The worst kind of pain.

[@kevinproulx9137]

All true! God with us all still going through this today including myself (two years now and my two teens are brainwashed) ❤️🤘✝️

[@coffeegirl6854]

Older sibling did this via enablers… lost my own kids and grands and any future g. Grands. Plus any extras along the way. Slandered to every relative. I know I never could possibly deserve this. I walked from them all. This also happened with my spiritual family. I am a forgiving person. But I do pray that God rebuke them in any way necessary. This damage was death dealing.

[@lindageiling5922]

My ex husband was a big part in my children alienating me. 2 yrs my daughters stop speaking to me. My son been a year. My children lied about me. My ex lied about me . ITS THIS GENERATION THATS BRAINWASHING . I DID my best . So I have to let go . N move on with my life . I will not chase them . My story is too long I can't write it all here. 😢😢😢 my children broke my heart. There's no guarantee your children will love u just because u love them . I'm 60 now . My children spied on me n relayed the info to the dad. I am the stranger now . They were brainwashed against me. I was abused by 3 children n the dad. I was having chest pains, worse anxiety, n depression. IT was real bad. I was the joke in the home. I was laughed at by my children . If u could go back i wouldnt have had any children .. im done trying ..

[@marthaokelley9360]

Pure EVIL.

[@RosyFdz]

I lost 20 years with my dads side of the family because of a selfish childish alienating parent … I’m so glad I snapped out of it

[@gus8378]

That was harder to watch than I thought. I had forgotten about that period in my life. Crazy that I often think that there wasn't really anything to justify my C-PTSD symptoms, and then to remember this kind of thing.

[@Coach.Kallista]

There is also the grandparents(extended family) who alienate the child from the mother - even as my son was dying, I was excluded from the process nor told of his death for a full month, thus alienating/isolating me further.