The anatomy of the narcissistic COLLEAGUE

[@gertrudewest4535]

I think narcissism in the workplace deserves the most attention. Because we live in a capitalist society, we have no choice but to scratch out a living in the workplace which has been overtaken by the narcissists in the last 20 years or so ( didn’t used to be this bad).

[@keithstewart7514]

So 6 decades of DEMONIC Family Scapegoating Abuse that goes beyond child abuse, molestation, brain washing & being pushed into a lifetime of health related issues that includes being guided towards a child commiting suicide as a solution within the Authoritarian Christian famdamnly is what you see as second place as important? I respectfully disagree. Other's, many others have taken their own life so I speak for many.

[@AlanChambers]

Several years ago, I bought a book called 21 Dirty Tricks at Work. I was trying to find out what I was not understanding about "office politics." But after a full fledged education from Dr. Ramani, I've discovered that all of these tricks were narcissistic. This channel has taught me so much since the beginning of this year. I call it RamaniU.

[@bellaluce7088]

RamaniU - love that! 😄

[@susiesalome]

Blows my mind how they get away with the bad behaviour, meanwhile the rest of us wouldn’t dream of behaving so outrageously out of basic human decency and a fear of consequences.

[@dianacarreras3461]

This has happened to me in my career. That is why I have resigned the constant hell on every shift, they were lazy and did no tell me information that I needed to know, the supervisor constantly complaining about everything and never had anything good to say. The bullies were friends and friends with the supervisor it was pure hell full of anxiety, depression. They got away with bullying me and they sabotaged my shifts. I had to give in my resignation letter because i had no support from the supervisor or colleagues. I am so glad that I resigned.

[@sabinevonbank2606]

Glad you got away! I did the same🎉

[@angelawade1445]

You are a good nurse, and don't forget it. I would rather have one of you than 10 of them.

[@Ab3ndcgi]

You did not resigned, you signed a contract with yourself, your work ethics and your mental health ❤

[@Warriorbride11]

Doing the same now. Oh my the toxicity! Enablers, flying monkeys... 🤢 last of my 2 wk notice.

[@rmzang]

Yep. These are the "foot-soldiers" of the narcissistic boss. They're all a demonic posse

[@ceilconstante640]

Years ago a wise woman I worked with told me not to be buddies with anyone. Not to lunch in the cafeteria regularly or lunch with anyone. Better to go alone or sit in your car with a brown bag. Make sure a dept head sees when you leave and return. Always be punctual. Just do your job well and recheck things! Keep any slow time chit-chat limited to non personal conversations..... discuss a great restaurant, book or movie you saw, recipes etc. If someone asks about your personal life, just say it's not important. I'd never ask anyone about their private life. Ignore gossip, just walk away and find something to do. Don't cover for anyone or ask anyone to cover for you. Don't do anyone else's duties unless asked to. Helped keep me out of trouble and last long enough to see new people come and go

[@bellaluce7088]

I can see the wisdom in this AND I couldn't do it because having friends from work adds so much happiness and value to my life (some even decades later). Also, solidarity and commiseration with *trustworthy* colleagues has helped me get through more than one hellish boss or coworker (and even get a particularly abusive boss fired!). I've definitely been burned before, but all relationships have risk, and sometimes the benefits are worth it. I respect that others feel differently though. : - ) ❤

[@ceilconstante640]

@@bellaluce7088 I think it's great to start off that way and pay attention to the dynamics. If you feel a connection with someone and feel you can trust them, then slowly open up. Some Narscissts are bubbly phoney nice and share fake vulnerabilities and info about themselves to get you to open up. Once those types are discovered you can relax more .

[@paulinelong9945]

Great comment, I agree, that's my experience after 40 years in the workplace. At my first job in my 20s, a colleague told me 'trust no-one'. So true, a clever boss will turn people against others, seen it happen time and time again. Staff lunches are dangerous, seen people's innocent comments used against them by people running to the boss with tattle tales to get favourable treatment for themselves. Great advice from this post, this is a keeper for me as I head on the last stretch before retirement.😊

[@ceilconstante640]

@@paulinelong9945 To this day 35 years later I am extremely grateful to Shirley Rogers. I was green, very frustrated and didn't understand the dynamics of 30 women working very closely together in competition for sales commission, bonuses and advancement.

[@Timebend2025]

Stellar advice 💯

[@rubycubez1103]

At my old job, when a new employee started, the seasoned workers would do this weird "initiation" with them. They would have the new employee do most of the work and even sadistically savor the person getting overwhelmed. They claimed it was to help the person get used to the workflow. It happened to me but I never participated in that foolishness. Its not a gang. Its work. It only makes ppl h8 coming to work and dislike their coworkers.

[@amarbyrd2520]

" It happened to me but I never participated in that foolishness." -- how did you get out of it or refuse to do it without getting completely ostracized to the point, as Doc Ramani says, that you weren't left out of the loop on critical information?

[@rubycubez1103]

@@amarbyrd2520 I was bullied and eventually left the job. It was like HS. But while I was there I made sure to go out of my way to find out about new/critical information even if it meant checking with different/ outside sources. Ppl care more about filling voids at work via insecurity projection than they do about doing a good job.

[@Dreznik88]

My coworkers do this secretly took me 2 years to notice but they act like there friendly all while throwing me under the bus and act dumb like they don't know anything but expect me to know everything going on ....

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

I worked with a wide array of toxic narcisistic colleagues. It was draining, painful, debilitating and exhausting. I quit and became my own boss and have not looked back. That is the best option ever. Luckily. Thank you dr Ramani❤

[@malindarayallen]

Narcissistic colleagues will also report you to HR for made up problems. This happened to a friend of mine. Wise to record all interactions with colleagues, keep an email trail, etc. it deters bad behavior and provides protection if something comes up. Even if they insist on "dropping by to talk", make sure that they have to follow up with an email, or the conversation didn't happen.

[@mikejarrells431]

Thanks & good job. Don't forget toxic doctors, lawyers, politicians, pastors, etc. There are limitless situations for narcissists to ply their craft. Don't settle! We got this!

[@ludensregisluciscaelum7636]

In my workplace we have a coworker who recklessly flirts with managers and new coworkers to gain their sympathy and high regards, while "regular" staff who does not feed her with supply are invisible. It is funny because for every one you can actually see her personality shift like an actrees, sweeter tone of voice, smile, etc. To other people she even screams at. To new coworkers she tries to brainwash with her charm and tells them stories of how bosses are explotative, and other colleagues are toxic. Divide and conquer is her moto.

[@timpinkstone6093]

We must work in the same place 😂

[@AllTheHappySquirrels]

I used to work in a mental healthcare clinic and one of the therapists displayed a lot of these behaviors. She was an awful bully and made my life (and those of many others) a living hell.

[@bellaluce7088]

I find tales of bad therapists validating after my own experience with one who left me with literal PTSD symptoms. Thank you for sharing. : - )

[@jennaz8306]

ME TOO. They seemed to use their knowledge just to manipulate people better and recruit an army of flying monkeys.

[@gertrudewest4535]

The therapist crowd is some of the most toxic people I’ve worked with.

[@AllTheHappySquirrels]

@@gertrudewest4535 yeah, what's up with that? How can degree programs screen out toxic individuals so they can't do harm?

[@CanadianBear47]

its brutal and also validating for u to share your story and seeing it inside even medical settings much more than many will do

[@Doodlefisher]

There’s a reason nobody likes snitches: they throw you under the bus not because you did something wrong but because they are threatened by you in some way and use your mistakes for their own benefit

[@jokendrick2124]

Omg all of this can be true. This happened to me once. I was shocked at how many toxic people could work in a DA's office and in this case it was NOT the attorneys.

[@InvisibleWarrior279]

Same with schools. Some narcissistic teachers but A LOT of narcissistic and sociopathic administrators 🙄

[@amarbyrd2520]

Don't be shocked. Any attorney's office -- or any doctor's office -- any white collar professional's office in the United States -- is a ripe hive for enabling that kind of behavior. Attorneys, doctors, mental health professionals. It's one of the reasons why the society is slowly collapsing; too many "strongmen" bullies & narcissists have been fully enabled by the get along go along types.

[@jilross4892]

Its the work place where people get really sick

[@allkindsamusicchick]

Sadly.

[@scamperingdream_7413]

Thank you for talking about workplace situations. I am finding the higher up in the organization you go, the more predominantly this happens. In the senior levels it is unfortunately more common to experience these types of coworkers

[@bricsyle]

The big problem is when you are the only one to recognize the narcissistic toxic college and the boss is like in love with this person...terrible!

[@AndreeaDragomir-co6zu]

I know exactly how this feels like, horrible😢 especially when you are a people pleaser like I used to be. I can't stand my colleague, she is so manipulative and superficial, and it screams narcissism, and our boss absolutely loves her, never questioned anything. Our boss is being manipulated too, when something doesn't suit her, my colleague would get mad at our boss and then would not talk to the boss for days, until the boss asks for forgiveness. I work twice as much to cover her, and she knows and enjoys that, she always calls me when I'm on vacation to ask me work stuff, to make me feel sorry for her and help her, she only feels good and is being nice when she gets lots of compliments and benefits. Luckily I'm almost over at this workplace, but life can't promise that narcissists won't be present in the future. But I learnt my lesson: talk as little as you can, stay distant, offer as little time as possible, keep busy. It's the only way

[@MOEBIUSSLAB]

This is so painfully accurate. I worked in a very toxic work environment where many people behaved this way. One of those was behaving like a victim all the time, made me trust on her, made me believe we were friends and I later realised after a very traumatic end of that work experience that she was gathering intel from me to use against me, so she could climb up the ladder. It was so hurtful, traumatic and also disgusting. The worst of all, is that she talked horrible things about many people within that company, but when she stabbed me in the back she was licking all those same people's boots.

[@anniethompson1041]

I have been waiting for this video - thank you thank you. Please do more of these. I escaped a narc marriage and ended up in a toxic work environment that I'm still dealing with today (six years later). Constant chaos when you're just trying to make a living.

[@peculiarstar4261]

That's true and we have no other choice but to go to work

[@Kiskadee8388]

OMG You just identified a coworker that I worked with, who actually was promoted to an administrative position. Toxic personality, morale deflator. Thank you for validating my intuition about this co-worker.

[@AllTheHappySquirrels]

They do tend to _fail up_ don't they? 🙄

[@agak61]

They will always CC a manager on your smallest mistakes. They will write long emails with questions out of the context with a crazy 😜 terrorizing email voice. They won’t say Good Morning. They wont look at you when you approach their desk and play like they can’t hear you !

[@Tormekia]

Just an FYI: Never ever ever EVER use the word "narcissist" in the workplace to describe someone. That can be used by them as a form of "harassment" by you. It's not illegal to be mentally ill.

[@sharchannel1836]

Thanks for this

[@NovaPrincess]

This is why narcissism being considered a personality 'disorder' rather than a personality style is so harmful to abuse victims.

[@keishaofficer9063]

Thank you for talking about the workplace. I have so many stories about a “narcissistic infested” workplace. It had all levels of narcissists. Video idea!!! How different levels of narcissists run a workplace.

[@flashmburu907]

You're spot on Doc. You must've been a victim. You nailed it so well, especially withholding info😮

[@Myopia2047]

You narrated the perfect script to the T , of what I have been through the past 7 years working with extremely toxic n narcissistic colleagues.

[@lindagithaiga1974]

Ten years here😢

[@Fight-4-your-food]

I literally just dodged a bullet with this. This narcissistic person was hired and I was dreading having to train her. I could see her already starting to manipulate on her first day. Giving me attitude and then crying to the boss and asking to leave early. Luckily I was told she wasn't going to work out. 😅. Other colleagues got a bad feeling about her.

[@Aanframe]

It would be interesting to address narcissism related to toxic femininity and toxic masculinity when there is a predominance of one of the sexes/genders in social environments in general and in work environments in particular. Just like in high school contexts, there are always "queen bees" (skilled in cognitive empathy and capable of scapegoating those who don't admire them sufficiently or share aspects of their personal lives) and alpha males (regardless of sexual orientation), both making other people's lives miserable.

[@lindagithaiga1974]

Oh my God THISSS!😮😢

[@mapleleaf902]

I ended up retiring at 62 yrs old. I was called after work at home and harassed. I was expected to do work after hrs with no pay and told not to go to HR. I was just done with it.

[@EgotisticalObserver]

Thank you for talking to me about 80% of my coworkers. I really gotta figure out how to deal with this. My job is also my aunt and uncle’s business which complicates things further, for some reason no matter what I say to my aunt and uncle, nothing gets better. My coworkers on a daily basis pretend to be nice to me only to screw me over by making me do their work while I’m already too busy, but I don’t have a choice because they aren’t doing the job and it HAS to get done. I’m just so f-ing exhausted and sick of being ignored and alone

[@proudatheist2042]

Please update your resume, practice interview questions, and look for another job. From what you said, the working conditions where you are won't get better.

[@BarbzSA]

I lecturer in a university. So much politics, gaslighting etc. I was totally ignorant of narcissism when I started working. And it's so triggering for those of us who had a narcissistic parent.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant breakdown. It is so rare to have a workplace that is Narcissist-free, and these people can make work Hell. Know how to spot them and what to expect. Thank you! BTW, you look great, Dr. Ramani.

[@SpecialEdDHD]

They are masters at weaponized incompetence. Next thing you know they have half the work load and your doing all the filing and everything else.

[@bellaluce7088]

"Weaponized incompetence" is such a great phrase! My boss did this to me. I'm not ashamed of delighting in the fact that when new management came in and figured out how little she did she lost her job. She had to take a demotion and pay cut somewhere else doing less interesting work. > : - )

[@gregwindell7702]

Be strong enough to be honest and kind

[@gertrudewest4535]

My personal life is awesome… it’s the workplace that is the WORST because you spend more time there, than free, and you don’t have a choice about who you work with or for.

[@thereisnoninadria]

One of the most baffling things that happens with a colleague (that I have noticed vulnerable narcissist behavior patterns in) is that even if you verbally agree with her, she will still argue her point and behave as if you hadn’t agreed with her. It’s so weird! She is a massive contrarian too. 🙄

[@rainbowkitty1996]

They are constant complainers about coworkers they don’t like. “Telling” on people to HR every chance they get. Funny, when you go no contact with them and their flying monkeys, they start to break. They might even start to obsessive over being in your presence and seen to get your attention or to annoy you. It’s beyond sad and HR will never believe your side. They are the victim and that’s it. When things get to hot, walk away.

[@greenroses4950]

I used to work in sales...I had a coworker give out their personal cell phone to a contractor so he wouldn't call our actual business phone anymore. Cutting me out from actually answering his calls and successfully stealing several thousand in sales from me. I moved jobs because of it. I still work with her unfortunately, but she can't steal from me anymore...such a fake and toxic lady.

[@AndyChromwell]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani! I've been looking for a resource like this for years. There's so much information about narcissistic significant others, but I spend more time with my coworkers than I do family and friends. The relationship dynamics with narcissistic coworkers have taken a toll on my mental and physical wellbeing. I've really wanted to better understand the purpose behind the 6th and 7th behavior patterns. This information is so appreciated!

[@LaneBelle]

I’d love to hear more on this topic. Dealing with one right now. I’d love to hear a video on how best to deal with these situations, and how to combat gaslighting from management

[@loislois3526]

Me too. Sabotaged my review so bad that I was denied. It was overturned and higher ups did the right thing but I worry she’ll do the same 3 years later

[@beatlebarb64]

This chat perfectly describes a former colleague! She used to moan and groan about all the work she had - she just retired and they haven't found a new person so I am doing my work and hers - it takes me 1/2 hour to do her work!! LOL! Happy Holidays!

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Oh oh oh the withholding of information. Drove me crazy!!!! I spent a lot of time being angry

[@afanofthem2734]

I've been used and bullied so much by my colleagues that even a year after resigning I still don't have the courage to pass near that shop

[@csfiskus610]

As I've mentioned in a previous episode, every person I worked for or with that had narcissistic traits have either been promoted to managerial roles a lot faster than everyone else and they hang out with and suck up to the executives. Most I know of have been hired via nepotism, especially for positions they weren't qualified for. It was a disaster. People eventually got fed up and left, including myself. Narcs are bad news and the higher ups, including HR, either don't notice or refuse to do anything about it for the reasons you've mentioned.

[@taniathomas7353]

Also these narcissistic colleagues are so miserable because they aren’t where they want to be or can’t get the job they really want.

[@LisLara]

Worst than a narcissist boss 'cause you don't see them coming

[@Hggnsbri]

I swear, you have been a God send.

[@M.STAR.MEDIA1]

I'm so happy you posted this! I'm dealing with I think 2 narcissists at work and not the boss😓 my indirect supervisor and colleague is sneaky and has the boss wrapped around his finger. A lower level colleague likes to use the silent treatment.

[@UnaverageJoe4]

I read a book I found at the library titled “The No Asshole Rule”. It was a great read and if principals from that book were followed at every workplace, I think the workplace would be a little more palatable for everyone.

[@peeveandtoonces]

It's sick how accurate this is.

[@dianamiller2947]

Please keep making content on narcissism in the workplace!

[@flowerchild89]

I'm so glad you brought this topic up, Dr. Ramani!!! I've been through this situation, and it was so upsetting. I ended up quitting the job.

[@microdosenyc4515]

They.steal. Your. Work. This has been the most frustrating part has been having my work stolen or copied. It’s laughable tho.

[@erinward2983]

Integrity seems to be in short supply these days. When you share your idea, packed with potential, with someone you trusted and they run with it, make something of it, put their name to it, take credit, and take a payout...well, it's devastating. Especially when you shared it confidently, and with the hope of just getting your head above water financially. Business as usual?

[@LuciaBell-i8p]

When I realized my coworker was a narcissist, I also realized my father was a narcissist. The pieces all just fell together and I could finally see it. Thank you Dr. Ramani! It would have taken me forever to figure it out without your help.

[@damionk3258]

Great video, I am currently on the job search as a toxic colleague has recently been promoted to supervisor and is a complete nightmare.

[@ThanksHermione]

Please do a video on narcissistic customers. I've been told that they take out their frustrations on people when they're having a bad day, but that doesn't excuse their behavior. There's the attitude of "The customer is always right".

[@bumblebee_ms]

I've ONLY ever worked with toxic people, from my family (in the family biz) to bosses and colleagues. I've had them all.

[@RobertJones-kk7rw]

There are incompetent co-workers everywhere (intellectually and culturally) ... They are lazy and manipulative and well versed at playing office politics. I appreciate the knowledge sharing Dr. Ramani and Alan. The fact of the matter is that today’s workplace cultures allow toxic colleagues to run ramped since saving face is a priority for many to maintain what they think is peace in the office setting. Therefore, mediocre even incompetent performance is heavily rewarded so it poses no threat to the supervisor responsible for creating a culture of learning, professional growth, team development, and unity. Besides, in my experience it is very difficult to change mindsets which often coincides with promoting growth along with creating an environment conducive for the development of cohesive teams, teamwork, individual intellectual and cultural competence.

[@limolnar]

So topical and wonderful! As a counselor of executives this is an area my clients swim in but suffer through. Very helpful! :)

[@CB19087]

God yes, there's always one at the centre of the "popular" groups. I seem to spot them, which is good, but I'm also a target because i will not conform to their game! Ours is so brazen that he does the insulting things right in front of our manager! But miraculously, he wasn't aware he'd done anything 🤷‍♂️ I make sure I challenge him every time. Own your reality, even if you're feeling gaslit, never show anyone that you question your reality. It's a narcissists kryptonite

[@J21637]

So spot on - and sadly we have likely had to experience this to learn the hard way not to trust many as we have had this toxicity from someone we thought was a “genuine” friend in the workplace.

[@rudolphsimmonds1382]

Thanks you for doing this topic. Everyone is not in a romantic or relative relationship while dealing with a Narc but they bring their own type of living hell at work!

[@heathersteinhoff9540]

Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[@eringobragh7]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. I have had my fair share of dealing with toxic bosses and colleagues. As I’m back job hunting after a career break, I have decided to keep a diary starting with day one when I get that new job. It’s a hard world we live in especially after being raised in a narcissistic family and coming out of intimate relationships with these personality disordered people, however, I feel it’s essential to have our own backs and document everything. I so look forward to reading your new book!

[@Varykino1917]

Absolutely, Absolutely, Absolutely. Dr. Ramani, you have described every workplace that I have worked at in the last 20 years. And I wonder about 2 things. One is why is this so pervasive? And two, why does this seem to be even more pervasive in the millennial generation? Because most all of the millenials that I have worked with act as if this is normal behavior. They not only get it but they propagate it. Given that I'm a boomer, and given that we do have toxic people in my age range, they are in the minority whereas with millennials, this type of workplace behavior is very common. I can't cope with it anymore.

[@AllTheHappySquirrels]

I don't think it's a generational thing, most of the narcissistic people I've interacted with have been Boomers and Gen X 🤷

[@oddindian1]

I am a millennial and the mentality I experience from others is soul sucking. Everywhere I go there is pervasive insecurity and comparison. There is constant competition for the smallest of things. The people like this are hopelessly absorbed in a sense of self importance. The superficial mindset gives these people are sense of control in their own sideways brand of "normalcy." People do not go out of their way to say hello to a stranger and genuinely want to be invested in another person's life. If you don't give the impression that you are on their wavelength they will create a monster out of you in their own minds and do petty things to you.

[@Varykino1917]

@@oddindian1 Yes, that does seem to be the culture nowdays and I'm so sorry for everyone that has to live through it. Somewhere along the line, we became seriously derailed. When I was younger, we worked together and helped each other out. It wasn't such a place of psychological warfare. I feel for people who can never know what working in a healthy environment is like.

[@Varykino1917]

@@AllTheHappySquirrels Strange that you claim that it's not generational but yet offer an opposing view using generations.

[@AllTheHappySquirrels]

@@Varykino1917 I'm just pointing out that I don't think it's specific to Millennials. It's cross-sectional across generations. Apologies I wasn't more clear. 🙂

[@LS-yy5iv]

Thank you Dr. Ramani!

[@ThanksHermione]

I've had bossy coworkers. They act like the manager when they're at my level. One even yelled at me in front of a customer when I didn't do what she wanted. I told the HR manager who acknowledged that she tells others what to do and said she'd talk to her. HR followed through on this, but she went back to being bossy. Just telling her to stop it wasn't cutting it. She needed consequences.

[@sues4432]

Dealing with a very manipulative coworker is how I discovered narcissism on youtube

[@MN_MAGA]

I’m going through this right now. Reporting her to supervisors to no avail as they are on her side. She managed to have our clinical supervisor, who was phenomenal , maintained high standards of documentation and care, was ran off with her lies. she’s doing everything that you’ve described in this video to me and sadly after a year I’m quitting. I just can’t take it anymore and I absolutely love this job. I work as a chemical health Counselor in our county Detox. I’m extremely bitter

[@allkindsamusicchick]

So sorry. Some people really stink.

[@amarbyrd2520]

I JUST said this to someone this morning -- American "work culture" has fully enabled and rewarded malignant narcissists in the workplace to the extent of putting one of them in the White House in 2016

[@gertrudewest4535]

And 2020

[@larryl2398]

Can't argue with that.....but let's not forget about 2008 and 2012. Those two despise each other which has led to the current political scene.

[@joaniebalonie707]

dealing with a toxic colleague right now - never takes accountability for anything... it's getting really tiring. They always play victim, self-entitled, and want special perks

[@hollystiener16]

Congrats on your Today show appearance. I am just about to watch!!

[@aniram.6079]

I had a terrible colleague like this when I was a teacher. Nobody knew what her position was supposed to be for (she was some sort of admin) but she would claim higher status to students, even claiming to be like the vice principal which couldn’t be farther from the truth, but she assumed that authority on her own. She was awful and lied so much to her own benefit, and our principal was too much of a coward to do anything abt it. He let this woman bully the entire staff and the students. She would gossip abt the students and staff to both students and staff in the most inappropriate way possible, even beyond the normal teacher talk. It was awful. But I realized ultimately, this woman was so alone and miserable, no kids nor husband, being a school admin was the peak of her career, she had no dating life, and she would use meeting time to rant about her life.. and these videos resonate so hard, bc I can see how narcissism rlly is almost a coping tactic for people who are truly deeply insecure and miserable with themselves, that they must live this life of grandiosity in their heads to avoid dealing with their reality. I resent this person fully for what they did to not only me, but the entire school I worked at… but now, I truly just feel sad for her. To be at that age, and to choose misery over and over towards everyone around her.

[@proudatheist2042]

Former teacher here. That's absolutely awful that you, the students, your colleagues, parents had to endure her. Thank you for typing what you did. I know that I am not the only former teacher who had a principal who didn't do anything about the bullying another teacher inflicted upon everyone else.

[@murniherrick1053]

Firstly, I was reported by "a group of people" through my senior to reduce the volume of my humming. This was ridiculous, because I almost never realized when I was humming. How could they can not tolerance my humming, we worked at the office cubes and open space. I was so surprised. My humming was just normal humming and not most of the time, I heard my other coworkers humming too. Secondly, I was reported by "a group of people" through HR because my perfume was too strong and caused medical issue to someone. This time I could not tolerance anymore. I never had complaint about my "dolce gabbana" light blue perfume after many years I use it. I knew the reports came from the same person. She wanted to make me down. How could my perfume cause her medical issue? HR should investigate before calling me and check her life style and knowing she was a heavy smoker. I knew I was bullied by a narcissist. She felt superior. Lack of empathy. The point that my perfume caused her medical issue really made me mad and insecure. She was trying to destroy my self esteem. She also with her bestie at work trying to control us salary people to work like hourly worker. She through her bestie emailed us if we went home early, she and her besty even not our boss. I went home immediately after the second report. I sent a resignation letter after discussion with my boss who worked out of state office. I just did not feel safe to work with narcissist, controlling, lack of empathy person. With heavy heart my boss agreed I worked remotely until 3 weeks ending. Glad I have some savings and supporting husband so I can quite immediately. I feel narcissist is dangerous and manipulate.

[@larasudomlak7128]

This kind of stuff happens across any kind of industry. It can be very frustrating if you are a new comer to a workplace. Toxic colleagues will hold back information but over instruct or criticise...leaving you to try and "read their mind" as to what it is "exactly" that they want from your association with them. Until you work out their style of toxicity and realise how they operate. Being met with passive aggressive behaviours that leave you thinking WTH? So, other staff slowly filter out information about the modus operandi of what is going on. Once these staff members know you are a stayer...the "protective" ones furnish you with what you need to know to survive that particular workplace. In other places you find colleages who you just stay away from because they are the loud and colourful ones who need to dominate and be very pushy with their personalities. You cant get a word in. You can hear them loudly in the hallway of a quiet residence for the elderly. Even the residents would roll their eyes 🙄 at over the top noise in their space when its meant to be peaceful for them. So you get "creative with your own form of busy" ensuring your interactions with the "larger than life employee" are limited. Others who break away from the "norm" of being a colleague and seek out a commrade in management because they feel they are above the level they were employed at. They keep cosy company together at work because of similar interests and the professional status of their significant others. Yes there are certainly some 🤔 memories.😊

[@calliemist]

Yup. All the points. I’m dealing with one of those now.

[@musicenthusiast96]

had a friend become a former ex-narcissistic colleague. he withheld information, was increasingly rude to me, and was highly entitled because the leaders liked him and admired him. while the leaders knew he was verbally abusive and toxic to me, they still took his side and asked me "do you know how it feels like to be in his shoes?" his behaviour spilled over to other colleagues in other wards. i formerly wrote entrance essays for college for him. was also close to the girl that became his girlfriend (and of course disregarded me). he matches every single thing she mentioned about.

[@Timebend2025]

First Dr. Ramani thank you for the understanding you share with the world. It's such a blessing, I can't do it justice the level of thanks for your words. I worked in Attica Prison for 15 years. It was unreal. First the Security rank staff and civilians are at odds. It's living in the Stanford experiment. The biggest betrayals were from same secretary pool. It was like the abuse of power was so vast they were just cannibalizing their own. It wasn't enough a Sgt thinks he can grab your butt, but it's another secretary that says you bent over to pick up your bag, pen, whatever. Seriously the old saying "Crabs in a bucket". It's easy to see it now 7 years later, but co workers like that are the worst. No solidarity. And just sprinkle toxicity and violence all over the situation. We need more of you and less ugly. Thank you for making it make sense. God bless and to anyone going through it, Leave. Work place violence is real. I knew I had to go and did. Time was up, and these kind of people are what fuel corporations and government abuse. And usually for a day off. Nothing.

[@martamiko3050]

Point by point what is happening right now!

[@Greenwings701]

Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani. Expresses so many toxic dynamics.

[@postbybj1048]

I Worked with a woman several years ago that displayed all these characteristics perfectly. She was successful in destroying a long term business relationship I had and made life miserable in the office everyday.

[@Maarillu]

I cannot thank you enough for your help, Dr. Ramani. ❤

[@barbaraedwards5675]

Spot on, Doc! Having my first experience with narcissistic coworkers. Monday, spent almost two hours texting btw narc, owner/manager, and myself, because they owner/manager refused to tell me if I was on the schedule. The narc never texted. This is a triangular relationship the narc has created.

[@angelawade1445]

Omgosh flashbacks. The job from hell.

[@Sunflowerforeva]

I’m going through this right now……

[@jeremiahwashington5093]

That’s why I had to quit my cna job, my charge nurses had it out for me

[@IonTrone]

thank you for your interest in narcissism science!

[@mariem6605]

Saboteurs !! I have very good strategies for them now in my 50s. Learned it hard way though.

[@nikitarome6208]

It happens to me…. During my training… INFJ… I did not resign because I felt that God is training my mind how to overcome them.. thanks to Jesus Christ. I already graduated my residency training 😊🙏🏻 I ignore narcissism behaviour and focus on my goal to finish my training.

[@WriterK]

YES, You absolutely explained my colleague!!! You absolutely described this woman that we have been putting up for 2 years now. Specially when I am given credit by manager, oh gosh, I have to kill myself, because this woman gets passive agressive and nasty with me and everyone! gosh she is not okay and now I am grey rocking her. Thank god our work is not directly related, though in a way it is related

[@3rdeyedoll]

I’ve been waiting for this!

[@masztaarc]

I just wanted to make sure I'm not one of those colleagues, and so far I don't think so :)

[@larrywarner1630]

I am dealing with one now. Just learned that I am under investigation from the state because they brought false accusations. I could use my professional license in a career I have been in for 24 years because of this.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

I understand what you're going through and hope everything turns out okay. I just resigned from my position with County, a salary job because of relentless bullying and backbiting from a narc and flying monkeys.

[@loislois3526]

Mine tried to ruin my career too. Now my reputation is ruined

[@susanazinger2525]

One narc son + his narc mother who owns their own business , who fires everyone they hire . They heap their severe psychological abuse on each other - FEED off of it - yet puts on a united front for society . Never witnessed so much evil in my life. Good luck to all who are suffering at the hands of evil entities like this . ✌️

[@JB_Fraulein_Kunst]

I had one who over a year or so actively poisoned people with influence against me and then once i was off sick with stress and anxiety, i was gradually managed out. My crime was not pandering to his ego or doing his job for him like he was able to manipulate others into doing. I had the audacity to do my own job meaning he had to **gasp** actually do work himself. Because of this, he ended up getting in trouble cos me staying in my own lane inadvertently shone a light on his laziness and incompetence. To be fair, most of those in power were probably narcissists too. They certainly didn't support me or help me, even though i was good at my job and hard working, he wasnt and always had complaints against him. I didnt have a chance really and was too mentally ill to fight for myself. Of course i left and ive not had any issues in the 3 x jobs ive done in the years following this place.

[@dansasap]

I am very lucky that I haven't gad a toxic colleaugue or a toxic boss yet... but I've heard a lot about the toxic people in our union rep group, and they've made it impossible to resort to the union as mediators for example, because they tend to just make things worse! How ironic...

[@augustineschaefer5522]

It’s fascinating from a layperson view. I’ve got my own triggering back story, but studying the interactions from a knowledge/skills/ability lens the grandiosity, the level of entitlement, the need to maintain control and say ‘no thanks’ to the smallest of collaborations is making them look foolish. The need to say no is stopping them from growing or knowing or being able to ‘feed themselves’.

[@tempest6048]

For every behaviour you mention I can recall many instances where my toxic coworker did exactly that. I was working on my current job for three months and already have issues with this person who is literally old enough to be my mother...childish.

[@EFoxVN]

I worked in a not-too-big business and had the wonderful misfortune of having had a toxic senior (which later crystallized as a Narc) and a very dangerous HR person who was either a Narc, Psycho or a Dark Empath. Needless to say, it was hell and affected my health. The withholding of information was real. But one day it blew up in my Narc boss' face, as it made _him_ look like a liar. I can confirm the things Dr. Ramani says. One rule of thumb is, "Your colleagues are not your friends". Even though I did leave that place with some friendships made, you have to take a loooooong time to trust people at work. I unknowingly Grey Rocked somewhat, and the toxic and dangerous HR hated it, because she could not easily get information out of me. But I am still glad I did it.

[@DMRoper1]

Scary people.😬 That's why I hated going to work. Freelancing has its downs, but I don't deal with the workplace monsters anymore.

[@riel4553]

I used to make brochures that are meant to be handed directly to the client. Narc would *photocopy* the brochure with his business card covering part of the info, then give that awful-looking photocopy to the client. When I realized I told him that I can just add his info to the brochure, no need to get the copier involved; but he was doing it on purpose to blame me for the low-quality prints.