The HARSH REALITY of having a narcissistic CHILD

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Narcisistic people lack empathy, are entitled , exploitative, egotistical and bullying and no matter if they are your parent, sibling, spouse or an adult child they are dangerous to our health and we must radically accept that painful fact as truth 😢 thank you dr Ramani ❤

[@PenninkJacob]

Thank you so much for addressing this extremely sensitive and difficult topic. 👍❤

[@jeanie5074]

Praying for you, Dr. Ramani, for your safety, wellbeing, and protection during these awful times of wind, and fires in/around the LA area❤😮

[@CenterWomen4B]

I was thinking about her when I saw the news. I hope she can share how she's doing when she can.

[@lesabrydson2526]

❤🙏🙌🤲

[@beenapunjabi3823]

Thank you for addressing this issue Dr.Ramani. Now I know that I'm not alone !

[@Judyjlefebvre]

My 2 adult sons are wildly mean spirited, and yes, VERY NARCISISSITIC. I did my best to raise them with compassion and great empathy.. they definitely were not paying attention and followed their very toxic abusive father whom I divorced in efforts of protecting my sons from him. The hardest part was trying to find a decent man(father & husband) to guide them in the right direction. Unbeknownst that I attracted narcisissits as my father was...radical acceptance they are who they are. I miss them but am safest away from them as adults. Theyre just as verbally abusive as their dad was. What their dad did to them was not my responsibility. Thats on him and they need to realize that. I loved them and all this broke my heart deeply. 💔

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I am so sorry you experienced this. I experienced this with my nephews that I helped raised who have narcissistic parents, similar to my parents in ways. I have had to come to radical acceptance, grieve, and distance myself from all of them to protect my health. It is very difficult to do. Thank you for sharing. ❤

[@rinskeraphael8755]

It makes you lonely, devorced and than taking distance from the children. There is no creative bond with them, and if grandchildren were there your not a part of there live. You get lonely , ad least i am. finding a reason to live without them for your self. You had a creative live with husband and children and endsup alone with empty hands and all your creativity that you put in the children is lost , has no fruits. And than you have to find a new reason to live for, when you lost everything you put so much love in. Its like grieving and fill the emptyness again with somthing worthy. Much love from a single lonely mom in The Netherlands. Your not alone in your loss and pain.

[@carylcammack7679]

You nailed it, the grief is awful 😢

[@LORELLism]

OMG! Thank you! I’m the mom! The grief and loss of my son? The guilt? What did I do wrong? Did I not hold him close enough as an infant? I can’t change the past! I had to figure out “radical acceptance” alone. I couldn’t explain to my world what I was going through. I have been grieving alone. 😢

[@annchurchill2638]

Me too, His Father was a serious narcissist and a Dark Triad type.He abandoned our children when they were under 5 years old.The children did spend time with him when they were in high school.HIs family had a lot of money and the children were bascially bought off.I had my children early so my Son is 57 now.I expect him to be mature but he is not.He treats my granddaughter badly, invalidating and selfish.While I was just in the hospital he came and , for one hour, attacked me verbally so deeply that it was traumatic.He broke my heart. I have gone No Contact and am healing.I think I know the pain he has but that is not going to solve his porblem.I cannot help him.

[@user-sx9hq7qwert]

E grief is real: grieving a parent or a partner who will die b4 u, n grieving a child who will outliv u? As a former teacher, how many kids did I know who were distorted n twisted by narcissism? Is it inborn? Is it external effects? Is it a combination? E pain n e grief r very real. We grieve w/ u. U r not alone.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

I completely understand. I went through the same thing with my daughter. The pain and grief is awful.

[@tanjacullum3256]

Thank you Doctor . I haven’t heard from my daughter in a few weeks and I was going to send a text to see if she was ok . Every time I think of doing so I get sick to my stomach. I’m not going to text her, your video reminds me that there is nothing I can do to change her and by me reaching out to her will just open up days of grief and pain for me . Thank you ❤

[@mariehughey5390]

I know the feeling. I never call. A short text stating I love her. Then she will call and it’s always awkward at best. That’s it.

[@beverlyadams7205]

I finally walked away from my daughters for good.

[@tanjacullum3256]

@@beverlyadams7205 I went no contact for a month and she went to other family members to get to me . They all know now not to let me know if she contacts them. It’s so hard and I’m so grateful for the Dr. and all of us who support each other 😊

[@mariehughey5390]

@@beverlyadams7205 sometimes it’s what we need.

[@sheryl6043]

My maternal love was defined as having faith in my daughter. I am an encourager by nature. It's become hard to have faith in anyone. That was my career. This is so hard. Very painful christmas again. I've completely distanced. No more. That's all I can do now.

[@beverlyadams7205]

Me too

[@Alaska_Engineer]

Thank you for the tips. Hindsight is 20/20 and we didn’t recognize that behavior was actually narcissistic, but the damage that child has done over the years has been immense.

[@rorrim5627]

❤ thank you for addressing this much needed topic.

[@donnetted]

Please provide more of this content. You have no idea how helpful it is for parents with narcissistic children!

[@beverlyadams7205]

My thoughts exactly. I have waited for this video and am so appreciative of you, Dr.Ramani .for addressing this subject.

[@TheStoicSage365]

Thank you for sharing such a raw and honest perspective on this challenging topic. Many people might feel isolated in their experience, but this video surely helps them realize they are not alone. I hope you continue to create such valuable content!

[@Stardusted1]

Perfectly stated. YES!!!

[@kangofudesu]

Yes. This is my case. I went through all these situations. Thank you for validating my feelings and that’s we mothers have to bear it.

[@lesliechew7293]

Wow, you described my entire relationship with my adult child. I have very conflicting emotions.

[@k.popper2620]

It's absolutely brutal

[@lesliewheeler4785]

My son is a cop & a malignant narc..a liar!! His charm & good-looks fool many & most .. his 3 sons are kept for just his in law family not for his dad or myself. 😢 Grief is ongoing. Radical acceptance helps me ❤ Ty, Dear Dr. R.. 😘 HOPE YOU'RE SAFE TOO.

[@ebonyqueen6155]

I needed to see this video!!!!! I have been so depressed over this very issue!!!!

[@k.popper2620]

Me too, some days are better than others.

[@ebonyqueen6155]

@@k.popper2620my daughter is 31 and has financially and psychologically abused me for YEARS!!! I have been on leave from work due to a mental breakdown….. I can’t get out of the bed most days… I’m not caring for myself as I should…. I have not slept in 2 full days…. I have to let go… it’s draining the life out of me 😢😢😢

[@LORELLism]

As a mom, it is hard to watch! My heart aches for my son, with no closure or positive outcomes. He struggles. He suffers! I will always love him. Double-bind.

[@susanjones8489]

Dr. Ramani is right on target with this message. Every single rotten stinking act of cruelty imaginable has been done to me by my narc daughters..yesss I have 2. Both identical to their narc father. For my own health, I had to cut ties, otherwise they would have destroyed me. I changed my legal directives and emergency contact info to exclude them bc they don’t care.

[@NarcSurvivor]

Having a narcissistic child can be very challenging. It may bring up feelings of guilt and cause you to blame yourself. It may make you want to fix everything for them, which causes you to become their enabler. But then if you avoid them, you may feel guilty or as though you’re not being a good parent. They will also blame you and make you feel bad for them. So it’s like whatever you do, you can’t win with them.

[@conniet.7271]

And then we are to go no contact with a narc In every other video if it was a partner? Is it the same here?

[@Taysbookbabel]

Very challenging

[@seameology]

I did for four years. She got humbled. Not sure if that's going to last. Luckily, she's a thousand miles away and we have limited contact. For now. I may go back to no contact.

[@Taysbookbabel]

@@seameology sometimes that's the best decision, but that doesn't make it easy!

[@GMJBlood]

Wow! It's as tho you were living invisible in my house when my son was growing up. I'm reading these for the first time ever, and feel like my eyes are open for the 1st time in my adult life. I am in shock. Thanks for sharing this.

[@rietharikini3238]

9 years ago I got divorced after a marriage of 35 years, to a narcissistic man. And 4 years ago I stopped contact with my adult son. I just couldn't handle it anymore. 2 narcissists in my life, it really is too much. My son now has 2 children. And every day my heart bleeds when I think of them.

[@sybilizzard4926]

That is the thing that so hard, not being able to see other family members. I know.

[@yuu_miran]

Praying for them is the only thing that can help them and you.

[@Waithera-l9x]

Dr. Ramani, I was wondering when you were going to talk on this topic. I am a single mom with a narcissistic adult daughter. As you just described, it is the single most challenging thing I have ever done - radically accepting!! I still get manipulated just like you described when she smiles or comes through on the simplest of things!! Of course, I beat myself up afterwards and tell myself to remember next time. The back and forth is quite frustrating and for me it's been about money. I recently put my foot down on helping her financially and I am hoping that keeps her away, at least for now. I have even suggested co-counseling hoping that she will see reason with a facilitator around! She has not accepted. Thank you so much for addressing this topic and for helping me know that I am not alone ❤

[@loris4814]

ADHD , ODD, CD ,years of therapy as a single parent . I lost so much and my emotional well being over her . This is heartbreaking . I hope I can get to that point .😢

[@MT-ij4kd]

Omg!!! Thank you so much for this video! I really needed to hear that - my adult narcissistic daughter has done everything you said. I finally had enough

[@aprilcampbell9747]

Just wow. Thank you so much for talking about this subject. And thanks to all the people commenting. While it doesn’t fix the grief and the constant making myself not think about my kid, it’s a little reassuring to know that I am not the only one who has a kid who acts like a narcissist, and is actively using at the same time. Thanks. ❤

[@wanderinghome9979]

Radical acceptance means that I stopped the roller coaster of emotion. I do not imagine that every improvement is actually a gain. I do not think that every attempted manipulation is the end. I am completely stable on my own, and more so every day, but I remain in their lives as an unyielding oak tree that just grows, and they bump up against me.

[@lisalambert81865]

I started to write a comment and as I was I was listening to this video and it hit me hard and I deleted that comment. I am and was nervous about commenting on this because I know she has or does watch your videos and ones like it. I had a toxic upbringing and was not a healthy parent, I tried but failed and the more I failed the more angry I became. Then in 2013 I sought out my own intervention and started therapy. I found a really good therapist and made progress with a few setbacks but had an awakening/breakthrough in January 2019. I thought things were going to be better from there, but that’s when I started seeing things in my youngest daughter, she is now no contact with me and has used everything she learned about narcissism to lay down a foundation with people in our family that I am a narcissist and she is the victim, she has weaponized her learned knowledge against people in her life that questions her. I acknowledged I had narcissistic traits and I hoped she had them as well because at least people with traits can heal and change them. This video really hit me and made me cry. Cause you don’t want to believe that it’s possible. Going through all the stages of grief, shame and guilt, while missing them and their children is difficult at best. Hope still lives inside me and probably always will. 😔

[@leahg3926]

Same here. Sorry you're suffering. ❤ But it IS nice to know it's not just me. The grief is agonizing

[@chantylove2459]

Sometimes the narcissistic parent grooms the children to be narcissistic since they are little unbeknown to you. They brainwash them against you at an early age behind your back. Planting seeds and manipulating them against the other parent. It is extremely painful.

[@larrylorimer3065]

Yes my children as I look back can see what was taking place while I was at work. It's EVIL!

[@tillaeulenspiegel9281]

Thank you so much. It is so hard to find something helpfull when it comes to our children. Silence, guilt and isolation on that 😢

[@babaclay]

My son's a narcissist and he married one. After the grandkids got big enough that they didn't need me, they dumped me. I'm 71 and broke. He's 43 and wealthy. Now I got no family. Trying to adjust after running my life around family. Now there's just me. At least I'm free of their abuse. But it's really sad to lose my granddaughters.

[@Babeatrice]

It’s really difficult to stand up for yourself after years of fawning to a little sociopath in training due to ab*sive circumstances you were in with the co”parent” and toxic family, and it’s essential you get them out of your home/life as much as possible before you do.

[@jennysedgley8284]

the 'what did I do wrong' conversations I have with myself are the hardest. Radical acceptance for me means accepting I don't have a definitive answer to how my son became so mean.

[@larrylorimer3065]

My story too!

[@orielwiggins2225]

Thank you Dr Ramani for touching on this topic again. It's very under discussed and so important. I especially struggle when I hear folks and leaders in these communities say things like, "all it takes is one good enough parent to avoid the child becoming narcissistic". It's taken me decades to occasionally shake the guilt and shame over everything that's happened in my life (two narcissistic parents, cult survivor, narcissistic ex spouse, etc etc etc) so, it's tough when I've finally gained a sense of reality about who I am and how I've parented (high levels of empathy, compassion, and making emotional and relational well being a priority) and give myself credit for the good I brought to the marriage and parenting, rather than taking responsibility and false accountability for the things the other parent did and caused in both the marriage and the child rearing. So to hear, "even tho your ex is a toxic person and abusive and manipulative/antagonistic (egotistically punative, vindictive, controlling, triangulating, and all the rest) if you are a good enough parent (not perfect), your child will be ok" is a hard one to digest. I still have not fully radically accepted, (my child is still only 21) that they have chosen to follow hard in the other parent's toxic footsteps, albeit wearing different shoes (leans more victimized, rather than grandiose self righteous). In my better moments I can see what's happened in their early life and honestly cannot see how they could have perceived and experienced things differently, so I don't blame them for the awful betrayals etc. But it still breaks my heart to see the shame they are drowning in that's causing all the ugly and mean behavior, and I still occasionally go back and try to figure out how I could have done things differently. Often in my best times I'm able to really see the truth that even if I'd known what I was up against, even if I'd understood who my ex was, even if I'd stayed, the outcome would have been the same or worse, no change in the way I interacted with either of them could have protected my child from the coercing, manipulating, and shaping them into the early adult I have to be guarded with as I love and interact with them as well as I possibly can. I still hold out Hope for some miracle intervention before personality is fully set, tho this has been since they were 8 years old. I'm Always glad to see you tackle this topic. Thank you again!

[@leahg3926]

Yep. Thank you for this. I've been despondent since the holidays...starting with Tday, peaking with Christmas. I've puzzled about the despair. Nothing changed. But I was included in the festivities - which doesnt always happen...and I got to stare it all in the face. Thanks for validating. Theres a reason I felt so bad. ❤

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I avoided the holidays . Just don’t want to deal with narcissism on the phone constantly texting!

[@paulineklostermann5877]

I had to go no contact with my narcessistic adult children 6 months ago. I could not take the abuse anymore, i was their scapegoat, not their narcessistic drunk father. They became worse at time. My health destroied. It is the most painful expierience in my life to be target of my own children. I miss my grandchilderen a lot, but I had no choice anymore other than to go no contact. It hurts every day. I gave all my love to the famely, but narcessistic abuse is not possible. 😢

[@MichelleJones-t2p]

"Radical acceptance" is where I am at, but struggling. I even tried to convince myself that maybe he is autistic and overwhelmed. I am always making excuses. I accept It but it is like a death and it is sad. On my 3rd year of little contact with my 27yr old son.

[@jaynemurphy6169]

I had a Marc Dad, sister and husband, but dealing with the overwhelming pain of admitting my 39 year old daughter is one has nearly killed me. The worst pain I have ever felt. 🇨🇮💚💗 Thank you Dr Ramani. Ps Love your new book!🍀

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

💯 when I finally held my ground the narcissistic family members attacked me more, then went no contact when they realized I was no longer a soft target as I finally stood up for myself and kept my boundaries! Focusing on truths and taking myself back! Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@Boyhead1973]

My husband's 20-year-old is a narcissist. I actually saw it when she was much younger. I feel bad (at times) for my husband. I don't feel bad for her mother - who insisted her daughter was more her friend than her daughter. For years I was the focus of both her mother and her passive-aggressive and insane behavior. So - after years of trying because they actually would make me feel like I was losing my mind! Anyway - I decided to reclaim my sanity and I disengaged. That was the best decision ever.

[@talbenavraham1478]

Due to parental alienation, my daughters consider me the devil personified. This is the result of marrying a narc. No contact from my ex has been relatively easy, but no contact with my narc daughters is much,much harder. Whatever happens, they're still my children. Unfortunately theres nothing to be done but it hurts.

[@2023Red]

Yep. Me too. Age 76 with 43 year old narc. I disengaged two years ago. Not good but less painful.

[@seameology]

I'm not going to enable my adult daughter any more. I have enabled her long enough. Nothing is ever enough for her. Ever. Now she tries using the grandkids. I'm not biting. She was the worst teenager. I cried when the others left. Not this one. I couldn't wait.

[@JH-ls8pg]

Thank you for addressing this issue.

[@yvont3188]

Thank you. I have forgiven so many times, but it got too painful. I needed to hear this. The holidays are so difficult.

[@patrickbinford590]

The lightbulb -- that is the adult child --not only has to want to change, but has to know how to change.

[@dereklough1815]

It's very difficult to reconcile the idea that the very person these videos are helping me heal from may escape accountability by finding solace in this video. It must be a real challenge for Dr. Ramani to address all these various circumstances in the narcissism framework.

[@SammieHQ-og5ii]

Thank you for your videos ! Can you talk about the narcissistic spouse of a child. I am so worried about my son who doesn’t realize she’s doing this to him. I accepted her with open arms not knowing what she was about to do. The cult of one. 😔

[@Jae-by3hf]

Yes the narc spouse of a loved one. My brother is in a relationship with one

[@lauriw4895]

Thanks for this video. You really nailed it again! My narc 39 year old daughter has been the cause of so much pain in my life. I spent decades trying to fix it. I couldn't figure out why she was so critical, entitled, mean, petty and bullying. I was sure I could fix it. Of course I was wrong. I have been on the journey to radical acceptance for years. Two steps forward one step back. It is a journey, not a straight line. I am better, but I will forever have sadness and grief over the pain of this relationship.

[@patrickbinford590]

Radical acceptance applies to everyone.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Good reminder- if they don’t want to do the homework and change. Their life their choice.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant. I now have a whole new respect for the special challenges of parents with narcissistic children. And of course it goes without saying, we should never shame these parents.

[@p.w.352]

A few years ago I had to talk with my parent and point out that my sibling isn't capable of changing and that the rest of us kids can't be responsible for the narcissist's emotions. Parents need to realize that when they place the burden of keeping the narcissist regulated onto their other children, they are only nurturing the narcissism. My parent thought they were protecting us, but it only made it worse.

[@seameology]

I let my narc teenage daughter leave home early to give her brother some peace. I don't regret that. She bounced from guy to guy but she was doing that at my house, anyway.

[@MomCatMeows]

Everyone is responsible for their own feelings and emotions, not siblings or parents!

[@p.w.352]

@@MomCatMeows Sadly, that isn't the experience of many kids growing up with narcissistic siblings.

[@p.w.352]

@@seameology I'm sorry that you had to make that choice, but I'm sure your son needed that. There was a collective sigh of relief when my narcissistic sibling moved out. Life got better for everyone.

[@MomCatMeows]

@ I know

[@ankerimalltag990]

Just on time. Thank you. The hardest truth still to accept, I cannot do a thing.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

‘Radical acceptance is an internal change in you’…I love it. ❤ Letting that sink in... you ❤

[@seameology]

Oh yes. When I was went no contact, my daughter posted what a narc her mother was on social media. Family members sent me the screenshots. Anyway, it woke me up to what a narc is. I researched and figured out that she is the narc. At least everything made sense. It's one of the reasons two of her siblings work in the mental health field.

[@Taysbookbabel]

2:06 The exhaustion can be a real challenge!

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

My 45-year daughter is narcissistic. I went through a divorce from her father when she was a one year old. Her father was angry that I divorced him and the reason I divorced him was because of abuse. The things my daughter told me about what her father was saying about me was awful. I couldn't do anything about it. My daughter and I haven't had any contact since September of 2017 because of something she did to me that was so painful - a betrayal.

[@hopperweiter7235]

Soo sad! You deserve nice and non abusive people around you 🌷.

[@michelleking6963]

Thank you for this video!! So helpful in understanding the situation! 🙌🏼

[@winter-qd4yw]

This topic needs to be addressed more often. It is hard to hear over and over about all the other narc relationships (which are also difficult) but to never hear about adult children! Thank you for this video! I am “stuck”. All of my adult children treat me in hurtful ways - yes, their father is their example and I knew nothing about narcissism. I am no contact with their father who I believe turned everyone against me. This has left me trying to understand if my children have been alienated from me or are narcissistic themselves as the behaviors can overlap. Why does it matter? If narcissistic there is nothing I can do. If they have indeed been alienated and are still being controlled by the other parent the advice is to keep the door open in the event that by some slim hope they wake up. Then yes, there are the grandkids. Damn, I love them dearly. I put up with much to have a relationship with them! The older ones I feel have in turn been “taken away” from me, if for no other reason than the way they see my children treat me. So I carry on with the younger grandchildren and live them so much but at the same time I live with the pain of knowing that I could lose them at any time. Yes, this is grief unlike any other!! Please, everyone, know that you are not alone! The isolation, grief, desolation, health issues - all real. As for support from others? None! How can anyone understand about your children. If you try to talk about it the it, be prepared to be invalidated much more than other narc relationships which makes your suffering worse.

[@autiejedi5857]

Being raised by abusive narc and having an abusive narc partner didn't prepare me for the grief and pain of having an adult child like this. Their abuse feels so much worse, and the agony of having to go low/no contact is a pain like no other.

[@Stardusted1]

Finally somebody else with this problem! It’s hell on earth. Thanks for admitting this because you have helped us all. You feel so alone and NOT ONE PERSON understands. After all, how can anyone get this? ❤

[@autiejedi5857]

@Stardusted1 😪💜

[@GMJBlood]

Good lord, I thought it was just me. I hear you, I feel for you - for the few others on this thread. We're brave souls! The pain? The loneliness from NC? I'm disabled, for 25 yrs now. Have spent the last 7 Holidays alone. (Old friends/relatives mostly gone now, and it's really hard to get out & meet people.) That's not his problem or responsibility; I just miss him terribly. We were SO close, truly; we were looking at houses together. Suddenly NC. I understand parts of this as my mother, 95, is M-NPD. Good grief, it's a miracle I'm not a raging alcoholic and/or dead! It's beyond brutal to realize I may well be the source of his pain. And how to remedy with no communication. Our last comm was over his gf, how bad she was toward him and could I help? Of course, whatever you need. Crickets. I'm not allowed to see my granddaughter, whom gf conceived during active heroin addiction to present day. I sit & think & think, and cry - a lot. Have a heart condition now, so the thought of a shorter future does not trouble me now. I just wish we could talk and exchange like we used to.

[@ingridmarrero8470]

Going through it as well 😢with my Only Child This type of pain is Unbearable 💔God, Therapy, the Let Them Theory, Dr. Ramani and Mediication have been my ways to Deal and Cope with it. Don't Give Up Blessings 🙏 ✨️ 🙌

[@autiejedi5857]

@ingridmarrero8470 💜💜

[@CindyLivingstone-sq9zq]

I see this with my mum. She vacillates between hope and reality. At the same time, she sees the pattern clearly. At the end of the day she doesn't trust him and acts accordingly. Otherwise, he would take advantage of her at every single turn.

[@CenterWomen4B]

This is why so many womyn are going chyld free. A lot of womyn with a narc child had a narc sprm donor.

[@caroleminke6116]

Never married & didn’t add to the problem but became a teacher as well as started a humane society. Home owner who encouraged other women to buy property & manage their finances for retirement. My younger sister, a nurse who became the golden after I was switched to the scapegoat, was narcissistic but neither of us had kids so we didn’t perpetuate family dysfunction. My parents were both dangerous to children 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@CenterWomen4B]

@@caroleminke6116 Thank you for sharing that. That is wonderful to hear how you help other sisters. I heard that message loud and clear myself and bought a property at 30 yo, exactly one year after I used Plan C to escape my abusive narc ex. He was trying to trap me a bby.

[@TiffanyTurquoise]

After what I have been through...I would tell women: be HYPER VIGILANT about your birth control. Don't let estrogen oxytocin and dopamine play tricks on you and allow yourself to daydream about sweet babies to cuddle. If you conceive with a narcissist, they will grow up and will seem to want you as the mother, unalive or insane. No matter how much ayebuse and destruction my ex husband inflicts, he gets support and understanding. I am constantly criticized by my daughters, my son from another union has bonded with my ayebusive ex, so...he has turned all three of my adult children against me. This is my punishment for divorcing him 27 years ago.

[@susanjones8489]

Narc husband, total narc father to both kids now adults, and who are just as awful. No empathy compassion sense of responsibility sadistically abusive manipulative and lie.

[@PCAGA2298]

This is one of the most heartbreaking things ever. There are and have been so many narcissists in my life. But having my oldest child as a narcissist is THE most painful thing I have ever been through in my life. I have not had an easy life. I am now seriously progressively chronically ill. The narcissistic adult child chose to discard me in 2020 at Christmas. The pain is beyond belief 😢💔🖤

[@CreativePolyglot]

Wow. Thank you for this. ❤

[@sarawallace6696]

I really appreciate this video. I have come to radical acceptance in my family’s situation and there are several family members who have not yet. I have people in our family saying “I still have faith so and so will change or come back into the fold.” Bottom line is that you can still love the child but not play the game and not torture yourself over things you can’t control. We cannot go back and make different decisions and even if we could it may not change the outcome. We just need to work on being our healthiest self and make the best choices we can with the information and limitations. ❤

[@pennywhite34]

I REALLY need more information on narcissistic adult children. There doesn’t seem to be much info about this. Most of the info is about narcissistic partners or parents but not narcissistic children. Please post more about this!

[@paulineklostermann5877]

There is an American woman ,she is expert about famely scapegoating and narcessistic famely dynamic . She did recerce for 10 years and wrote a book. You can find her online, she is Rebecca C Mandeville. I had realey help from her tools to go on ,and understand the situation with my narcessistic children.

[@cherrybacon3319]

I love my adult Son to pieces, but I have to say I'm scared of what he's capable of in ways of psychologically saying things that hurt and how he can be violent towards me and my things. I have seen him do things that have shocked me to the core. I've had to come to hard decisions in my life, and one being to let my Son go. It hurts me every single day and I miss him so much. I miss his children, my Grandchildren even more and it hurts like hell nor knowing whether or not to say "Hello" to them whenni see their Father walking them to school. The circumstances that has brought this about I have no doubt I am NOT entirely to blame for, but the action I took I knew was the right thing to do. I can only say I hope he's safe and well, as only a Mother can do. 🍒

[@MarnieA-lf2bt]

I have witnessed "Grandchildren being used as leverage" and it's incredibly painful!

[@paulineklostermann5877]

Me too 😢

[@mariehughey5390]

Low contact, short visits, accepting my grandchildren will never know me, love from a distance. That’s me making the best of an impossible relationship.

[@barhawley123]

Thank you, thank you, thank you Dr .Ramani..It really IS a uniquely difficult situation..

[@jeanenekellett1021]

Thank you sooo much for talking about this! I’ve replayed 3 times. “Suspended hope” … that has been me. My grief has been devastating and deep with 2 of my children. It’s a hard journey to get to radical acceptance. 😔

[@hope-joy-peace]

Please please please delve more into this. BPD adult children too please.

[@sushmayen]

They take advantage of their parents. Should they be cut-off? Thats the difficult question..

[@k.popper2620]

I put a boundary down with my adult narassistic son back in October of last year. Finally, I put my foot down...years of his abuse, neglect, putting me in impossible situations and his constant lies and/or recreating reality to fit his needs. I'm DONE. I haven't heard a peep from him since. And it's painful as this is. I don't think I ever want him back in my life because he is not ever going to change.. he creates chaos everywhere he goes and I'm done with it. I feel sorry for whoever he marries. And I just don't wanna be a part of any of it anymore. He has done so much damage to me to get me emotionally to this point. I'm just too exhausted. My health is not good in frankly, he is taken so much of my life for the last 23 years that I need to take back my life now.

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

How do you define "taking advantage of" is the real question. If the kid has an illness and cannot fully support themselves? It's a complex issue. I'm 26 and have been struggling with treatment-resistant OCD since I was 15 (I also have ADHD). My therapists has patient with OCD who hasn't left her house for 20 years now and is completely financially dependent on her family. I'm 26 and have been working for 5 years (I finished highschool and went to university while working 2 jobs at the same time but had to drop out due to health reasons) and I still have to rely on help from my family to cover therapy and meds and I'm still being perceived as a "burden". Where do you draw the line? An honest question

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

And having a mental illness is even worse in that case because it makes it easier for others to downplay your symptoms if you don't have a visible physical disability...

[@chreudinegueur6367]

​@@alltheliliesbloomed I think Dr Ramani's video on the difference between autism and narcissism could answer your question.

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

@chreudinegueur6367 Uhmm.. I don't see any conection to autism specifically but okay...

[@aimeestutzman5823]

Thank you for this. It's good to see this discussed instead of the parents.

[@TheMilesLuca]

Everyone needs to check out Guarded Laws of Money Manifestation. I can’t believe how underrated this book is

[@evans7764]

What's the book called? . Can't find it.

[@rinskeraphael8755]

And how is this related to this video.

[@romanator915]

Thank you for all the info

[@KathleenGray-si3qc]

You have been such a blessing in my life. You have a way of explaining the unimaginable. ❤

[@JPAbbott]

This hits home. My adult son has become much more like his father, and indeed, has renewed his relationship with this father who has treated him like crap his entire life. His father demands that our son cannot see other family members at the same time as his half sister. So his entire support system has been whittled down to me and his father--leaving me in a terrible situation. I am doing my best to set boundaries and keep them. My son does seem to think my money is his money. Really hard stuff.

[@rinskeraphael8755]

Wish there was a longer video about this. Have two adult sons but they are both like this. Its very lonely , like loosing them alive. Never get love from them, never get positive words from them, never get birthday cards from them. Its so empty to say it out loud .i see them only 4 times a year and never do they bring love are asking how im doing. Its all about them and i listen to them like a good mom , and im glad they tell a bit about there lives. How litlle it is. And when there gone i feel dubbel. On One side im always glad a saw them and being with them both and on the other side i feel hurt because they didnt care about me and hurt me trough te day with there hard words. Leaving me wounded behind. It takes weeks to recover , get over it. Just live alone. Im just stil recovering from that one day on christmas.😢im glad there are no grandchildren. Thats for the best. They say they dont want children because i was such a bad mom, and one of my sons told to all of his friends😢 he is almost 35 , al his friend have children ,when Im on his birthday his friends are there and look ad me as if Im cruela herself. I gave both so much love and was a stay ad home mom. I was always there for there demands and always feeling guilty being not good enough for them. I did so much for them, keeping them busy , make things in live fun for them. It was very hard to do that because there was 10 years between them. Since 3 years im alone. And both of them have also narc partners. They hate me aswell . They dont even visit me anymore. Its just my two sons. I struggle very hard to go on in live , its like loosing them a live. There is no room for me in there live , no love no warm feelings between us. Only feeling tired with them and deeply hurt by there comments how bad i always was. Never good enough. There both very succesfull earn lots of money, work for there one and living in spain and greece in luxery . I live in the netherlands and they moved away from me. Ist lonely but im glad they have enough money to spend have nice cars and a nice house . I was disabled for a long time and live from wellfare almost 20 years. I never had any problems with money, always lived very cheap and they wore always very need , kept the house clean and need. I could always come around with money ,it was tide but i managed well. Its hard when they use it against me in public with family and there friends . I dont have money for clothes ,by everything 2 hand. I love marketplace. I never own anybody money . Im proud of that. That I have a nice home ,with nice furniture and curtains m very cozy, have 6 litlle chihuahua’s very spoiled. Its my live. I cant drive a car, have no money for a driving licens. Had a bad ex who didnt want me outside the house and having a car . I was only good enough for being locked up in the house and clean there shit. He didnt allow me to have friends are family coming over. After 20 years living alone i stil strugle with what to do with my time.there is no fruits from my tree a spent so much time on to build and make strong and big. Its just me and my litlle friends. Its hard to find purpes in live without a job. I never had to work and dint have friends. Family , only a mother and sister, is the same toxid to . And i take care for my narc mother clean her house even she is very rich and can easely affort a cleaning lady. Just wish how to move on in this lonely emtyness where there is nothing left from my live than only selfish people. 😢

[@Swimininmonet]

My son is 17 & it was never my fault ..

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

Your son's personality hasn't yet fully developed but I guess it's easier to give up on your child this early and victimize yourself instead...

[@phoenixrising5338]

​@alltheliliesbloomed You clearly did not watch this video and probably are wasting time on this channel. If you don't have empathy for parents with narcissistic children, please find somewhere else to be. Your comment shows a profound lack of understanding of the situation.

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

@phoenixrising5338 A personality isn't fully formed until adulthood (personality disorders are usually not even diagnosed until a patient reaches the age of 25). And almost every teenager displays some narcissistic TRAITS in the process of growing up. The boy isn't a lost cause. I have more empathy for literal minors than their parents with a victim complex.

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

@phoenixrising5338 Narcissistic projection is a thing too and a vague (and quite bold) statement "it was never my fault" from a parent of a minor, considering that most victims of narcissistic abuse are prone to self-blaming, is making me raise my eyebrows to put it lightly 😉

[@alltheliliesbloomed]

@phoenixrising5338 And the whole video is about ADULT narcissistic children so clearly you are the one who wasn't paying attention while watching (as well as the mom of a 17 year old...)

[@PatriciaBell-uz1pi]

I was grateful for this video. I've been waiting for it, really. But here's a place I didn't really think it would take me. And please, if it's a metaphor or otherwise, but it's meant to yield of sense of comfort. And those of us who are trying to heal often do so quite alone after the ravages of Narc abuse. It went to the place of radical acceptance through what many might understand as a Loving Heavenly Father-God. The belief that a child can grow and change! The hope that the child will come through the trials of a terrible horrible crazy making divorce is only a starting place for narc survivors....but the child was there all along. And looking back to see that the child was also effected by the abuser. Oh yes, the grief of having been truly deceived and then always gaslighted....you weren't alone. And we didn't understand. But here's the metaphor in play....is that what God feels when He looks at 'us'? The grief of hostile and angry rejections..And if so, then actually we are not alone in how we feel. It really won't work for some people and it took me by surprise but it makes it less like you are alone in this grief. I mean if God knows all about it, then there's "a place" to start thinking about how it might be different for others if we supported those who survive what we did/do. Or, in fact, if we were able to spot the narc, identify the 'playbook' and educate others so that Narc abuse was harder for them to get away with and less reasonable people were weaponized......Vulnerable narcs demanding hyper-rights...... from empathetic, good "church-type" people. The list goes on. Help others who are open to understanding understand just how good people enable deceptive sly and manipulative people who still show up at places like spiritual sites.....wolves in sheeps clothing.....oh, the sweetest feeds are the spiritual sorts who make plausible excuses for terrible behavior.

[@Myopia2047]

Thank you, for this, dissecting the narcissistic adult child.

[@larrylorimer3065]

My one son keeps making contact after not seeing him for 15yrs. He is not the same boy with no sympathy and rudeness he carries. I do not want contact with the others if they are like him. I won't tolerate him Bullying and put Downs from him and his Attitude. This is how MONSTERS are made!

[@jennifer4152]

Thank you so much for putting this video out going through this right now with my daughter of 25. Please do more videos on this, having a really hard time.Have gone no contact. Couldn't take it anymore.

[@themysticnavigator]

They love bom just as much..this is so heartbreaking. With 2 adult boys say terrible things to me and laugh, it hit me ...they r like their father..my ex. It was a huge light bulb moment. I didn't want to see or ferl the damage they were doing psychologically. Saying I love you then can I have money with no relationship. They would bring me in the middle of their toxic relationships like a fun game, causing pain to the women and finances. Then they get bored and come crying to me to figure out then blame me for choices cause I left their abusive father. No matter how many broken relationships they will come back to me and tell me I am to blame. I recently went no contact and it was the most heartbreaking thing. Thank you for posting. I have sent this all out to the creator and I have found peace. I truly didnt want to see the damage..I held onto crumbs of love for 14 years. No more.

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

His favorite line about me is "ohhh god please! Your mom always thinks shes the victim." Wrong but the court battles i went to school for paralegal courses to fight back with no money while he has lawyers at his disposal. I am a strong woman. A survivor! Have i been the victim of foul play...yes. He has been in more lawsuits then i can imagine. With the Borough, the forestry dept. Ect. I couldnt image living a life of lawyers and court battles like he has pursued. Our case alone was 8 volumns full the judge was pissed when he ordered psych evals and his being Narcissist did not change a thing.

[@Solis225]

I haven’t spoke to my narcissistic son in three years. This pass holiday season all my children and ex wife met up at one of my son’s home whom my narcissistic son lives with. The whole 10 days was fantastic. My son apologized again for his behavior as he had apologized a year ago through text which I continued to grey rock him. Myself spirit tells me he is the same. I am at peace accepting him for who is and understand it’s about me not him. I just need to keep my boundaries with him.

[@dragonflysu6189]

How can we avoid/evade potentially raising a narcissistic child? I do have this concern, as I’m raising a Son on my own - (the dad was unfaithful and abusive, even when I was pregnant and our Baby was just a newborn. Of course he blames me for the breakdown of the relationship)… I worry that my love and care, and the desire to give my Son everything that I can (and I don’t mean spoiling him with material possessions) - will make him grow up to be entitled… as well as having to co-parent with the dad, who already continuously does a smear-campaign. I’m sure he’ll tell our Son lies and try to manipulate him when he gets older…

[@katiec3768]

I believe it is an inherited set of traits. So many times, it runs in families. Parents should not blame themselves. Good video. 👍

[@paulineklostermann5877]

I can see we are many parents suffering about our narcessistic adult children. I am so sorry to see you all had to expierience this and I wich you love and power from Holland

[@briant7652]

Tim Kennedy. Anti Hero Podcast called his behavior out. He is a classic grandiose narcissist. He made himself a big hero in his book.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

The narcissistic sister in law and brother repeatedly do horribly hurtful abusive things and are not apologetic for it. Then they suddenly come by with chocolates and expect everything to be ok even though they never were accountable in any way and keep doing harm. My parents and the enablers expect me to pretend nothing happened because they suddenly do something nice briefly. It’s messed up. So tired of it all. How do we navigate this pressure from enablers who don’t see this pattern? I’m made to look like the bad guy because I don’t buy into it, it’s so frustrating. 😢

[@marthahedberg2913]

I have a narcissistic daughter-in-law & it's a nightmare.

[@phoenixrising5338]

Excellent video. ❤ Would love more content on this subject.

[@kimberleyshott8970]

Thank you for this Gift 🕊

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

Ive known this man for 40 years now. His brother he owned his business with died. He said Good im finally rid of him. I know everything he will say. Over the L.A fires he will say OH GOD GOOD, LET IT BURN DOWN UGHHH.

[@Dafdaf-k9f]

These comments make me nauseous to be honest. I´m the daughter of a narcissistic mother who whole-heartedly believes I´m the narcissist and she is the scapegoat, despite everything she said and did to me in childhood. It just baffles me beyond belief how blind some people can be to the truth of a dynamic. And it makes me sad to see that people like my mom will find validation in this video.

[@phoenixrising5338]

That's sad, and I get it, because I had narcissist parents, but it's also very limiting because you're cutting genuine victims off from empathy and support. I also had a narcissist husband, now ex, who alienated one of our children, who is almost certainly a narcissist herself now, and who has done incredibly abusive and hurtful things to her siblings, her own children, and others in the family. There's this mindset I keep seeing where people, particularly of a certain generation it seems, say, "Because I was a victim, no other possible set of circumstances can exist in a family." That's just not how it works. Quite a lot of good, decent parents do have children who are narcissists, and they are every bit as cruel, nasty, and destructive as any other narcissist you have ever encountered. However, those parents get the double whammy of being called liars and ridiculed by people like you, which is unjust. They are twice, and frequently thrice or quadruple, abused.

[@nopereradicator]

I don’t understand how any parent can raise a narc child and see that child grow into adulthood and still be in denial and delusion. Been there done that. 2x. Narcissists are consistently narcissistic from young. There is something inside you that feels terror. Fear and love can’t dwell in the same place. I waited a LONG 18+ years to escape those children. Free at last!

[@OddJaxx900]

Both of my brothers are narcissists. So is my father.

[@suetrundle3510]

Thank you sooo much. I need to hear this so bad

[@kharper506]

This such a tricky subject - for the parent who dealt with ( unknown) counter parenting , hidden abuse and an echo chamber of narcissists. It is insanely complicated especially when they frame the target as the “ common denominator “( and use the grown children as part of their covert ops ) it has been the biggest challenge for full recovery . And they way narcissist personalities can move along at any age and find new supply it emboldens them with their audacious false narratives. NPD will use anything against you and hold heart strings hostage. It is mind blowing how they will blow up lives to try to satisfy that dark void within ( that they can hide from others who don’t know who they are). Yeah a painful subject and detachment and healthy parenting can feel like a constant uphill battle but it is the only way towards peace. This is such a complex subject for the state of the world Machiavellianism on the rise -you want your grown children to be autonomous but when they have been bribed, conned and brainwashed by narcissists -it is such a heart heavy subject . The double bind is you know the vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder who plays victim and when you confront them it is amplified on steroids so you know they will con others to believe the truth teller grown up adult in the family is the narcissist ( I don’t worry about it any more anyone who drinks that koolaid is in for an eventual shock of reality )

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

Children learn what they are taught and how to think like "THE NARCISSIST." EMPATHY AND COMPASSION IS A FORM OF WEAKNESS TO THIS MAN. BLATANTLY SO!!!! CRUELTY IS VALIDATED BY THE TACTICS THEY USE.

[@paul-wq2rd]

Recharging is not selfish. It is not coming out right. When one cannot see that larger spectrum, it makes it worse. Maybe is is not in the nar realm.