The Arrogant Narcissist: And They Think It's Confidence

Dr. Les Carter explains how narcissists desperately want to portray themselves as confident. In fact, they are deeply insecure, and what they think is confidence is really arrogance...and there is a tremendous difference between the two traits.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
Sign up for Dr. Carters brand new course Free to Be HERE: survivingnarci...
Download Dr. Carters FREE Ebook Here: survivingnarcis...
Join our Community: survivingnarci...
If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: betterhelp.com...
We receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.
Dr. Carter's video workshop, Free To Be: courses.surviv...
Join Dr. Carter on our Facebook page, Surviving Narcissism, for a time of live questions and answers each Thursday at 11:30 Central Time, U.S.
Sign up for our email list and check out other videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarcis...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other KZbin channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarci...
Dr. Carter's online video workshops on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity: drlescarter.com...
Coffee Mugs: teespring.com/...

[@LostHorizon52]

Arrogance is loud and aggressive, Confidence is quiet and has no need to make it's presence known ..

[@keplermission4947]

Vintage Audio is making its presence known, see link sfmkm.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_59.html but takes up a load of time. Not everybody's shot of Bourbon.

[@marilynkunz351]

Their arrogance is profound. In reality they are scared to death that someone will find out the person they really are. They are constantly comparing themselves with others. Example: "If you think I'm bad, you should see this one". So sick of this bullshit.

[@LostHorizon52]

@@marilynkunz351 Indeed, it's beyond boring, lol

[@marywilsonvocalist2181]

yep he said that already

[@danielkaiser8971]

When arrogance is not loud and aggressive, it is passive-aggressive.

[@l.5832]

All narcs are arrogant. Even their humility comes across as arrogant. The Humble-Brag....

[@ShelleyFayles]

All day, every day--- the humble brag!!! 🤢🤮

[@noracharles9366]

Deceptive 🎭

[@lynnfincham6839]

They hide there ignorance with arrogance

[@itsnotaboutyou]

Linda Facts! When my narcissistic friend low-key brags in a group chat with other friends (how much his net worth is, his high credit score), I text back, ‘Wow - so-and-so with the FLEX!’ You’d think that callout would elicit a response like, ‘I’m not trying to show off!’ Nope. He just carries on per usual 🙄

[@keplermission4947]

Vintage Audio of the arrogant radio tech, see link sfmkm.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_59.html These outperform many modern Audio sets and are available on internet auctions.

[@johnbundy4818]

Arrogance is the cousin of ignorance

[@vals74]

My very thoughts. They are ignorant in who they are. Approval from others is essential to their existence which is why they become so arrogant when challenged.

[@hermanman8235]

SPOT ON

[@gratefulsoul1661]

In fact, there first cousins. Lol.. God bless you Dr. C your always spent on. God Bless all, the Lord is returning soon. Take care.

[@powergod80]

bingo

[@deloresayers4677]

That dang Ance Family--😏.

[@nanctttjensen3437]

Confident people don't have to put down others to be secure.

[@dawnwilliams5609]

My ex husband puts me down to make himself look better. Thanks to these videos. I am learning that it is him and not me. He is an insecure little man

[@samuelsurbrook1428]

Exactly.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

@@dawnwilliams5609 My experience is similar. My entire family put me down to feel better about themselves. That it is them and not me, and that it is a game played on my naïveté is finally becoming clear. Also important, I understand that there is a lot of value I have that they refused to see in me while I worked to make them happy. But slowly I am coming out. I hope the same for you!

[@RomanticRomeoCasanova69]

I completely disagree. If you know that a narcissist is a liar that is full of crap then it is natural to want to attack their false sense of self directly. Ghosting and ignoring someone that sees through their crap is a tactic that narcissists use instead of direct and honest attack. I prefer direct attack over ghosting or sideways, sneaky innuendo comments.

[@fiddleandsqueak6504]

Confident people know their self worth & don’t feel the need to bring down others to feel good about themselves

[@jamnoise72]

They want to impress strangers ONLY because the stranger does not know them.... yet!!! 🤣 Give it time...🤣🤣

[@roserouthier4814]

Right!!!?? They treat strangers like gold but their loved ones like trash

[@maggspaine5419]

Spot on

[@MPA111]

@@roserouthier4814 Couldn't agree more

[@25Newengland]

Called one out one time, always exposes things that should be kept private about his friend (singular) to make himself look good, was met with fake tough guy act and all the sudden i was the one who over reacted? Even though I stayed calm the whole time, yea sure buddy missed me with that one

[@indiesindie1984]

Nailed it!

[@wifferstess2824]

Arrogance is really ego and ignorance. You'd be amazed at how little an arrogant person knows about the bigger picture of a matter but feel that the small sliver that they know is the absolute truth. Confidence is a quiet belief in your own abilities whereas arrogance is a need to show others that you're superior.

[@Gigi-z3z]

The N can be connected to some people that are not confident. That helps the Narc thrive!

[@LinYouToo]

So true. They focus on such small details but can’t see bigger pictures nor do they see context. You’ve described my neighbor across the street.

[@carolnahigian9518]

My brother k used to insult me/in public restaurants, to see if theSERVERS WOULD HELP Ridicule me

[@marmaladesunrise]

@@carolnahigian9518 SAD!

[@marisadaniela6]

That last line of this comment is especially great

[@Axess-sv8nq]

It's more delusion than anything else. They're never at fault. They don't take the blame for anything. It's always someone else's fault - even if they do something bad themselves. And they ENJOY the pain they cause people. There's just no reason at all to stay with a narcissist.

[@Axess-sv8nq]

@Dezy blue Very true. There are a TON of them on social media. I run into at least one a day because I dare think for myself rather than be a sheep. So, I get challenged, attacked, threatened, etc. It's both amusing and sad at the same time. In my 50+ years, I've never seen so MANY people just stuck inside their heads and acting like their own opinions are laws. It's disturbing.

[@Axess-sv8nq]

@Wendy Watts If I were you, I would forgive... and then LEAVE. I know what it's like to feel trapped with a narcissist. It's the worst! I know it's easier said than done to leave. But, keep in mind that he'll never change (because narcissists DON'T - I don't care what anyone says to the contrary). They're very comfortable being the nasty people they are. They will always have that need to hurt other people to make themselves feel good.

[@opticaltoxin079]

@@Axess-sv8nq I second your comment to wendy watts👍👍I told my narc mom I was smarter than her and my father after their involving me in a role play (aka me being made by my father to march on a plunger handle through my mothers body) only for her to say oh really? You think you're smarter? Back to infancy you go! (I was 5 mind you) so she proceeded to give me bottles laced with pcp to chemically lobotomize and indoctrinate me historonically. Fast forward 20 years my family still laces my food and pillows with it so I'm aware of how they like to hold people captive haha. Please pray for me and all others trapped by these narc demons if you are so inclined 🙏

[@maureenwoodard9588]

I agree 100% ! I’m new to the fact I have a violent malignant narcissist ! 12 yrs of hell , and I’m planning my exit ,I have 3 cats I must bring and a handicap brother , it’s a lot of planning , and I’m actually afraid an scared , I’m tired of feeling this way , everything I’ve ever heard or read is exactly what my narc is !

[@Axess-sv8nq]

@@maureenwoodard9588 Oh, I know the fear you're feeling! When you're in an abusive situation for years, and finally have enough. The thought of walking away is frightening because the abuse became slightly normal - as sick as that is. You got used to it. But, from experience, I know that the further you get away from one - time-wise - the better you feel. They steal your identity and you forget who you are. The one I was 'friends' with in 2017 pretty much masterfully manipulated me into being her servant/flying monkey. I forgot who I was and started doing things, at her bidding, that were VERY out-of-character for me! After I walked away from her, it was like waking up from a long sleep. I was ME again. I vowed I would never do that for ANYONE ever again.

[@dakoderii4221]

My dad is the greatest rockstar ever though having never played an instrument or done any singing. He is the greatest MLB player ever, despite never spending one day in the majors or the minors. He is also the greatest general ever, despite never spending 1 second in any military. He is a child in an adult's body.

[@LuketheFinn]

He might make a good actor. No Kidding!

[@rfoley402]

You just described my oldest brother.. perfect memory, perfect pitch, can speak any language, stronger than most.. it would be funny if it weren't so pathetic.

[@bobtaylor170]

A child in an adult's body. Perfect! Just this morning I was thinking how like a 2 year old my 65 year old cousin is.

[@WestCoastDon448]

@@rfoley402 just like my uncle! He claims he worked 17 weekends in a row and 18 hour days on top of that. Hes also way faster and does perfect work on top of that. Just completely delusional

[@syndatha]

Just like Mary's uncle 😉

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.👍

[@venusrising6554]

In othef words, a total A-hole.

[@rbnutwood4659]

charlie smith They don’t choose to, they get tricked into it by false charm or flattery or habit/training/grooming and then are trapped in a toxic situation which they can’t make sense of or unravel because by now they are being gas lighted and besides which they probably love that person and keep giving them the benefit of the doubt or thinking things will improve in time. Or they may be too scared or fragile or lacking means or health to leave.

[@Injusticestinks]

Condescending, exploitative, demeaning, POS's

[@stevehancock7925]

@Irina Ivanova amen. On Tuesday mocking his opponent for wearing masks and then coming down with the virus by the next day. SMH

[@notagain779]

@@stevehancock7925 , I like people who don't get sick! 🤣

[@VanessaLKing]

Sheesh.. these poor souls are everywhere& the pandemic is truly revealing their vicious antics..be aware, be careful&get away from them quickly-survive!!

[@Robidu1973]

Being an introvert surely helps. If you don't have to be around people, that greatly reduces the likelihood of being subjected to that sort of bullcrap. However, I can also confirm the increase in recklessness (long-distance commuter here), especially after crap has hit the fan.

[@ljackson3928]

A confident person life is not a competition, it just is. You don't have anything to prove to anyone, you're just confident, & secure in your skin.

[@judysangregorio2787]

Narcissists are “fake nice” and have distorted confidence.....it’s creepy and gets old fast. Thanks for another great video Dr Carter! (Hi to Gus)

[@Sam-xr8ne]

it's creepy that people fall for it too!

[@flashylights]

Great description I couldn't put a name to it.

[@rickydale1347]

People who are confident do not need additional support and are happy and fair. Good people. People who can’t be still in a seat are bothered people.

[@Jackie-dm1ye]

What I’ve experienced time time again is that they dish it out, but can’t take it. Ever.

[@Jackie-dm1ye]

*and time

[@UlitheUnruly]

...and when you open up and show them, that YOU are vulnerable, they pounce all over you, try to destroy you...robs your breath

[@AngieEissa]

They are just a fake facade ....they are so insecure and very competitive.. even with a life partners. I have experienced a narcissistic partner who would intentionally humiliate me on a day I received a promotion at work or made a big accomplishment. They are messed up so badly. Truly troubled souls.

[@funlovinbloke6266]

Any type of narcissist is arrogant. It is just the 'way they perform and show it' that can be different.

[@RobShuttleworth]

These people would be killing each other in a lawless land. They seem to be only focused on dominating and they are not talented enough to create useful things. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@PS-um3oh]

Exactly! If they can't control it, eliminate it!

[@aprilhancy7277]

But if they are talented enough to create useful things it's even more confusing. Ugh.

[@RobShuttleworth]

@@aprilhancy7277 Maybe something they were trained to do?

[@marijkevandermeer2772]

Lizards...

[@steppenwolf3252]

Is America a lawful land? We seem to have lost track of what laws are. Rich get richer. Laws don't apply to them. We, the masses. get poorer and have no health care nor ability to get a pardon for corruption and even murder. Perfect storm for dangerous event, Rob. So sad but still opportunity for us all to make a difference (if we can). It's a noble cause.

[@libbybaker6890]

One thing a confident person can do is recognize it when someone else has a better way to do something, or more information on a particular subject than they do, and are able, and willing, to be taught by them. A narcissist becomes very agitated when their plan, project or discourse doesn't work well, because they won't admit that they were wrong or incompetent . Expect attacks both in anger over minutia and in covert actions designed to make yourself and/ or others doubt your own skills and knowledge if you are the one to point out or witness a failure on their part. Listening to your videos has helped me put so many pieces together, and leave so many damaging memories safely behind. Thank you so much, Dr. Carter

[@bmbutler2]

Exactly right. This leads you to being called negative, argumentative, pessimistic and not a team player. Doesn't matter if their plan doesn't work or if you have found an easier, better use of time way to do the same thing. YOU are the problem. It is never them

[@PS-um3oh]

@@bmbutler2 Yes, on the rare occasion that they agree with you, they end up taking the credit for it.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Yes indeed, confident people tend to own their shit, not throw it in the fan when mistakes or errors are pointed out by others.

[@thebigescape1163]

Same experience

[@santossaint]

They can literally make up lies about you to the supervisor and if the supervisor isn’t a person who stands up and just follows suit then he won’t go and see what’s really going on

[@izawaniek2568]

Let us be people of peace and dignity❤❤❤

[@chickwitthagoodies]

Facebook exposes these people daily

[@americanpatriot7082]

All those selfies....... Makes you wonder if they accomplish anything constructive during the day. 😊

[@steppenwolf3252]

That's why I have no real FB social media. Just fake one in the name of my dead Mom who died when I was 7. All photos in boxes somewhere...awaiting bigger place for better home . Suzy Q (9 lb., brown chihuahua/dachshund mix) Sootie was twice Suzy's size but they slept together (very proper of course) Just jesting. They grew up together. Lost Sootie at age 22 (died in my arms).. Rather painful (for me) but peaceful too (for her) too. Suzy ! I had to put to sleep at age 18. I miss them terrible.

[@dubliner1303]

T McAuliffe your comment made me sad.

[@judithparker4608]

The doors are locked and the keys are thrown away!!

[@1Hopeinhim]

Looking back (recent retiree) narcissism has become epidemic. It wasn't when I was younger. Most people were genuinely kinder then but now......

[@alexbaird2670]

I'm not so sure. There just wasn't a label for it then.

[@1Hopeinhim]

@@alexbaird2670 Maybe but I don't remember dealing with difficult people at school or work.

[@Chahlie]

I suspect that with people moving around more, and not staying in their hometown, there is less accountability, nobody to pull them up. Or they used to just hide it better due to public expectations. It does definitely seem rampant now, but look at the young people whose parents can't control them as they no longer have any power.

[@steppenwolf3252]

Boob Tube and lack of solid educational skills so that we can fact check for ourselves and learn how to think for ourselves. My parents limited TV and NO commercials allowed. We kids were "remote control" long before such controls existed. And taught us to consider the source and do our own thinking. The nuns were great educators too (I was never hit with any rulers) but I was required to learn to earn my scores. Essay questions. No "multiple guess" as we laughed at Americans...I dunno how it is now. Haven't been to Ireland for far too long....

[@steppenwolf3252]

No narcissists allowed in the Convent where I went to boarding school. Parents didn't coddle their kids but insisted that students do the work assigned by teachers. (I don't mean to generalize but there was courtesy and civility required (even if the kids didn't like it). Easier, of course if the education of children began at age 0 (I'm only slightly exaggerating.) The children knew their place and the teachers knew theirs. None of this kids telling teachers what to do. It had a strangely comforting aura too. (always exceptions, of course, but...) Kids need self discipline skills and instinctively knew it was for our benefit. I'm sure I'm being a bit nostalgic here but Nuns did NOT need Guns. Far too scary for that! hehehe! It's probably changed a lot. American TV and of course now internet too. No doubt I have romanticized memories. Still I'd love to visit Ireland once more before I die.

[@indiesindie1984]

You just described my last boss. She is the poster example of an arrogant narcissist!

[@misty1tl]

- They don’t value themselves, they value who they want you to see - 🎯💯👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@inkystarz]

Its unbearably disgusting. My mother in law is a communal narcissist and has decided that because I won’t submit to her over-the-top control, I am her enemy. Appropriate Respectfulness isn’t enough for her. Its mind-numbing.

[@inkystarz]

MsYogaGrrrl its not currently possible, as we live on a family trust farm property (different home) until this custody battle with a malignant narcissist is settled. I can manage with grey rocking the be-jesus out of her, but it’s definitely exhausting. These people are everywhere. My mom, one ex, three of my husbands exs, his mom... They. Are. Everywhere.

[@amarie6223]

Omg i am experiencing the same thing with mine. She's use to everyone in her life kissing her butt. Yes I'm nice and respectful when around her, but i don't kiss her butt like others, and i can tell she doesn't like that. How have you managed?

[@QuasiBlond]

They express cynicism about everything and think that demonstrates their superior sophistication and confidence.

[@AmandaMG6]

Conflating cynicism with wit.

[@steppenwolf3252]

yes--instead of creativity and opportunity to use American dream innovative skills. The Irish really looked up to America. Now they ask me if I'm OK and are glad to be in Ireland. American dream seems more like dangerous American nightmare to my Irish relatives. Not that they're not still strangely fascinated by our absurd insanity too. However education can help all humans. (even Americans? Only jesting! Sorry...hehehe)

[@WaveDancer426]

@@steppenwolf3252 hey! It’s nice to see another McAuliffe! I’m third generation but have Irish heritage from both sides of the family. ☘️ I hope to visit Ireland one day

[@steppenwolf3252]

@@WaveDancer426 Hey there, Wave Dancer (LOVE your "handle")! I was born in Ireland far 2 many moons ago. Used to be an "alien" but they "naturalized" me (I'm perfectly natural now-hehe). The McAuliffe "clan" from Co. Cork--U SHOULD visit (I'm dying 2 go home myself). All my extended family there. Covid's come between us but I KNOW you'd have a grand time. Irish are VERY hospitable--love to talk, tell stories, sing, dance (you could teach them your "wavy dance!") Slainte' (as U probably already know: "Slainte'' " is Gaelic (Irish) word for "your health" (can be used as a greeting/farewell or simply a toast when sharing a beverage), so Slainte' Wave Dancer!☘️

[@kathywebster5805]

Hits the nail directly on the head. I just divorced a narcissist after 25 years of marriage. Hindsight, should have done it sooner.

[@steppenwolf3252]

Me 2! We have our own movement here folks.

[@annabee922]

The humble brag: "Oh! People tell me ALL the time how beautiful I am and how young I look for my age..BUT I'm NOT boasting because you know, I don't like to boast..so I'm not boasting because I'm not saying I'm beautiful, OTHER people are telling me I'm beautiful. They tell me ALL THE TIME!" 🙄

[@steppenwolf3252]

I laughed out loud, Anna. Thank you!

[@oldschoolcollodion]

Hahahaha

[@rebeccablalock8021]

I hate arrogance..and narcs r the worse.and so mean .thy thk they r all tht and gods gift to the world.poor lost souls. They mk me sick.but yet i pray.for myself and them.omg haughty yes.

[@DS40764]

They're are so absolute about things. They seem to know everything, on little evidence. It's so common to have bosses that are this way. Thank you for the insightful discussion .

[@shawkdagod354]

He just described 95% of the population

[@jennywager6228]

They are the most weirdest f up people you can ever meet. When you know the signs you can’t miss it...hopefully!

[@thehealthylife5715]

I've known a few in my lifetime and they are so toxic to be around and after while you really end up hating them and dispizing them. They are also selfish pieces of shit most of the time and usually end up having no friends which just intensifies the narcissistic traits because they feel rejected

[@Ms.Jingleberries]

"They are the most weirdest f up people you can ever meet" God is my witness, and yes I take pride in that 😂😂 "When you know the signs you can't miss it...hopefully" Oh honey don'tchu worry I let everyone know as soon as they walk thru that door 🤣🤣🤣 I refuse to let it go unnoticed

[@betsyburton9031]

Perfect description of my former spouse! After 16 years, I was able to break free, and am happily married to a fine man now!

[@len1045678]

Narcissist are children in adult form. Their illustions lies and deception is what makes them feel good, they enjoy hurting and bringing down people is one of things they don't want u to know beein arrogant is the facade, they think it cover up their childish ways, and the minute you see right thru them they go into panic mode, shift blaming, devalue you, insults and even cry if they have to get back their control over you.

[@kaytiedidd1780]

Oh, MY! I have lived with this for over 50 years! People have even referred to my husband as 'so arrogant!' However, I have just about carried the full load of thinking I AM THE CRAZY ONE! I was a 'child' when I met him, and I thought he was the most confident person I had ever met, and I would compliment him on that. I now realize his 'cocky' facial features when I said that. Boy! He has depended on me for EVERYTHING, including decisions, because he is just unable to make them. However, he certainly lays claim to my decisions--most especially when they worked out well! Whew! I am exhausted.

[@steppenwolf3252]

I hope you will be able to disconnect before the next 50 years Kaytie. Or find a way to enjoy and value your obvious beauty. Send yourself flowers from anonymous admirer? Lover's note with reference to your Arrogant Professor? That'll shake him but I'm not sure you'll want the exhaustion. Maybe tell him you're retired?

[@HeadedOutToNature]

No reaction is a reaction. 🙏 wish them peace and move along.

[@jaredticer6255]

You cannot dispel ignorance if you retain arrogance.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well stated. Dr. C

[@timmykkgb]

I hope this guy realizes how much these videos help people like me. Just gave my freeloading narcissist a 30 day eviction notice. Someone who i once called my bestfriend.

[@jamesnock5572]

They are all arrogant in their own way, coverts hide it but it comes out eventually

[@kayren948]

Very true!

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

Coverts are so sneaky that, by the time their arrogance shows, you're very likely to be already in their web. That's my experience.

[@afakkobyab5982]

@@Miss_Wonderful1 Same here. They force you to take care of them by sob stories, drama and all kinds of lying / manipulation.

[@ChrissyCat87]

@@Miss_Wonderful1 Yup, same here. They've got you trauma bonded real good then!

[@Vezmus1337]

Proverbs 21:29 "Righteous people are sure of themselves; the wicked have to pretend as best they can."

[@steppenwolf3252]

And then we have the Pooka. That's a mythical trickster old Irish mythology. Famous for playing tricks on your horse while returning from the pub. Or just mislaying items of the critical judgmental candidates. Perhaps a strange noise in the woods but never seen. Old American movie with Jimmy Stewart (called "Harvey") who played Jimmy's invisible Pookha rabbit friend, 6; 3" tal is a delight. (not sure when it came out--may be in the 1940's?)l. I enjoy that flick immensely. Usually comes out on old Turner Classic Movie Channel around Easter time. quite good.

[@lorriecavanah6304]

The golden child repetitively makes others feel inferior to him and puts himself above others as superior to them. He see it like a competition.

[@thatspersonal7910]

If I was to show this to the person in question, it would be reflected back at me so fast my head would spin. So I won't be sharing this with them, lol

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Let's just say they operate with low insight. Dr. C

[@hollywalen4875]

Absolutely. Save your breathe.

[@chazzmccloud36]

Just be quietly confident that you're on to them. And plan out your speedy escape.

[@dawnwilliams5609]

I thought about sharing this with ex but he would turn it back on me. Smh. For years I thought I was the dumb one....

[@roserouthier4814]

Not only does this teach me about what I’m dealing with (a narcissist of course) but it also reaffirms that my core beliefs in life are not skewed....such as wanting understanding during an argument instead of wanting to win it.

[@joannajohnson696]

My husband blurts out, "I am NOT a narcissist, I took a test!" i turned to him replying, " a clinical psychologist has to determine that & test you. NOT an APP on your phone!" To me, that is arrogant. He is so arrogant, he makes ME feel like the narc. 5 years ago I made the mistake of calling him out. He never forgets anything. He punishes me for everything.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You deserve better. Dr. C

[@rbnutwood4659]

💖💖

[@aprilhancy7277]

You are a gift who that person does not deserve.

[@cymbolichuman433]

I suffered for years because he asked me what I thought of his body and I told him he needed more "tone". He expected me to say he was perfect! But I can't lie.

[@anniemaymcneely2013]

Why are you still with him ?

[@redbabyva166]

Yup there are really problematic people 😐.

[@krca2100]

They are truly suffering on the inside and in deep denial.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true. Dr. C

[@privatejen3590]

They are extremely insecure and have a lack mindset. They couldn't self-differentiate or develop an identity when they were a child. Since they have no core and no continuity, they split into 2 selves: the true self which is a traumatized child paralyzed by fear and hurt and a false self which is god-like; wanting to convert others to victims to feel at home. This is their comfort zone. When they are around you, you will feel distinctly uncomfortable and anxious because you can sense something is missing, unreal, and fake. We pick up their energy and know they are imitators who cannot have meaningful experiences with a hole in the soul. They are who they think they are.

[@cairosilver2932]

I think the traumatized child is also a false self, with the actual inner child being fooled by the two masks. The traumatized child mask is another way of trying to get stuff from others - their victim self. They are masks because they are entirely based on getting other people to care for them, they do not supply themselves with self care. Like most children actually look after their own wants (even a small child will reach for what it wants), a genuine inner child will attempt to look after themselves even if in simple ways. The traumatized child only existing in a way that gets others to look after them...means that child isn't real. It's a mask and a good enough one to fool the person's actual inner child as well.

[@dawne2443]

Yes. Spot on. The narcissist in my life was/is very arrogant and condescending. I used to feel empathy because I knew others saw through his silly facade and were laughing at him. Yikes.

[@sebastiangiovinco2871]

after 2 years, now what you do? still use your empathy to that Narc?

[@miraclesforus2]

They are a blight to humanity.

[@judithparker4608]

To Speak Has All Kinds of Dangerous Implications.

[@kasspriscilla5183]

Another thing that is amazing to me about a narcissist is how he can keep the mask up for 7 months and then after 7 months his mask slips and you see the narc again and it's amazing it just blows your mind and you realize he can keep up that False Image like that sweet guy for 7 months and then all the sudden that slips and there he is and it wakes you up and you see it for the first time in seven months it's like oh there is it just blows my mind away how they can do that I just thought I would share that because I experienced that and I'm still trying to get over it cuz it's amazing how they can do that

[@lynnfincham6839]

They are blood sucking vampires

[@mdee860]

Try 2.5 years! I too, was stunned & didn't know what the heck was going on. Of course, the love bombing started immediately after. I was so confused & on guard. Sure enough over the years the mask kept slipping at a far faster rate. Then comes the "fun & games" stage, at partner/spouse's expense: gaslighting, projection, rage, silent treatment, etc. So mentally & physically exhausting. I wish I had understood this, and that he had let the mask slip PRIOR to our marriage. It had been a total waste of time. Good luck to you, and to all here in this great community!

[@kasspriscilla5183]

@@mdee860 thank you so much for sharing I was so stunned he was going to try to talk me to go back to Wisconsin and I was in the fog again and 7 months after talking The Mask slipped and I recognized it right on the spot if I went back there to be with him it would have been pure hell I'm so glad I woke up and thank you so much for sharing 225 years wow that is something else

[@kasspriscilla5183]

2 to 5 years wow

[@mdee860]

@@kasspriscilla5183 - sorry if I wasn't clear. It took 2 and 1/2 years (2.5) until his mask slipped for the first time. I thought he was so calm & nice. He appeared that way when out in public esp. Turns out I was just #4 in his list of victims.

[@victoriac.attorneyatlaw]

All chickens come home to roost. But I don't miss having to walk on eggshells, the silent treatment and having to constantly be "on-stage." It emotionally drained me!

[@marren6323]

I really appreciate the clear and straightforward way you lay out narcissistic traits. I LOVE 💜 the way you always include contrasting healthy behaviors & attitudes! I find that empowering & hopeful!

[@alcrook6662]

That's why Dr. Carter's talks resonate with me, like talking with a good friend. :)

[@gloriacoleman7012]

The narc has a really sad life counterfeit empty as unreal as you can get, destroying instead of valuing and enjoying.

[@judithparker4608]

We've all got to shut up and put up with Judgement !!

[@americanpatriot7082]

This is perfect timing because I’m getting “advice” from a narcissistic acquaintance that I did not ask for and that I do not want or need. It’s all about him and has nothing to do with me. Boundaries!!

[@americanpatriot7082]

MsYogaGrrrl Thank you for saying that. You are right!

[@christinahall2587]

Having studied with Dr. Carter for so long makes me never take for granted the compassion I can feel for someone else. 💔💧

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes! Dr. C

[@mapleleaf902]

The narc I live with is so above, that I am not worth acknowledging or talk to, guess it frees me up from caring about a jerk. So onward with no longer trying and see the emptiness he will have for the rest of his one sided life

[@SuperGuanine]

Sad that your narc makes you lose a bit of your caring personality. But I do understand. I gave up trying to say ANYTHING to my Narc b/cuz he would always just DISMISS whatever I said. He didn't even TRY to explain why he dismissed so RUDELY whatever I said. Just a one word aggressive dismissal. e.g. he and i are both beyond our 4 score and 10 allotments. I kept on trying but then realized I had to say NOTHING. he had his "secret rules" and you didn't know them. Plus he made up NEW SECRET RULES

[@unpredictablelikeaslot5827]

My X had cameras on his computers, garage, and I think kitchen. Watched me and only slept a couple hours a night. Then told me to get out. The day before, he told me we are going to be together, FOREVER. O, what a rollercoaster ride.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Unpredictable Like a Slot,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!

[@TSte18]

They have confidence in deceiving people for their own convenience without guilt

[@great4ever845]

😂😂😂 that's everyone

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

I notice how narcissists in my life can never ever admit a flaw, they want people to believe they are confident but we know they are not because a confident person can say things like; "I shouldn't have done that" or "I could have done better." Our confidence is not connected to our performance but to our belief in what is right.

[@kevinbrislawn5918]

I knew a guy like this, it always seemed to me when he talked arrogantly, made me feel like he was too good to be true.

[@DharmaBelle]

Thanks Dr. Carter. I have been misunderstanding my guys arrogance as confidence. Like The Wizard of Oz, I was a confident person all along, just confused. How ironic.

[@uriaholsenpuna8017]

" HEALTHY INITIATIVES" and "COMMAND GROUNDS" = HEALTHY and PEACEFUL PERSON!! MAHALO, Dr. Carter!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Mahalo. Cr. C

[@hathlete4ever916]

Out of all the damages that are done that those narcissistic people have caused, when time is supposed to come to have peace, harmony, happiness, and or joy, it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen because they've sucked so much life out of you, it's impossible to even have a little bit of comfort in any way.

[@aliajactaest1543]

To stay in the victim mentality is your choice.

[@bridgettetraveler658]

U have talked about many ppl I know! Some are relatives & some are inlaws! I hate to admit this, but some are dead & I don't miss them!!!

[@MegaMARLEEN1]

I also like that way of thinking much more.☺

[@sarasol4677]

Excellent description, Dr Carter! Their arrogance hides how shy, insecure, scared and timid as a rat they are

[@hermanman8235]

Arrogance is nothing to castle about..and for me living in log cabin in the middle of forest or mountains far away from civilization are a big sign of confidence.good video 🌞🌞🌞

[@dvawva5197]

I've noticed, Dr., that the narcissist lives in our past. We've moved on and they are competing with what we did YESTERDAY or last week. This makes them frantic and frustrated. Hard for them. Amusing for me. 😊

[@christinedegarmo4714]

I used to tell him “you have a chip on your shoulder” but “raw arrogance” is a better description. Definitely not confidence.

[@yojsomar7878]

Feeling good inside...narci mom and an empath daughter😊💐🙏🇵🇭

[@queenterri23]

They feel superior in everything they do. And that if it is done their way it is the correct or best way. can’t even take constructive criticism because they don’t like to feel flawed. They hate being perceived a certain way because they expect everyone to perceive them the way they perceive themselves

[@intuitivebeautie777llc5]

Wow!!!! Just Wow!!! I tried not to see this in him. But this is every bit of him... I better get away now while he no longer wants me. I really thought I done wrong to him

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Once you see it, it's hard to unsee it. Dr. C

[@judithparker4608]

The Narcissists are Relaxed Happy and Enjoying Admiration, Servitude and Importance.

[@great4ever845]

Thank you yes

[@rustyspork4917]

This right here. Very yes.

[@TheSuzanne90210]

Inside they are helpless Mamas boys who are empty shells. With narcacistic family members all empty shells ..the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..

[@vikki-leec6169]

So sooooo true! Xx

[@maryloumonheim8724]

Thank you so much Dr Carter.

[@ddgryful]

Whenever someone needs to have the literal last word, it's a narcissist

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

I'll be honest: I took a break from everything even remotely related to narcissists. It was probably a sort of pretending that my life had never been tainted by one of them but, since it had, I was starting to fret over a sudden bout of sadness, or nightmares, or distrust towards other people. Back to this safe haven, I'm once again seeing things for what they are. Nightmares, sadness, etc. are normal once one is on one's way to fully recover from years and years of narcissistic abuse. Thanks, Dr. C.

[@TheSuzanne90210]

A narcissist goal is to destroy you. They are envious and jealous of happy people..kind people..you are just a supply for them. It's like a child in a sandbox ..the supply is their toys..run just run!

[@great4ever845]

🤣🤣🤣 sure

[@JR-ej9up]

My Father - I talked to him recently, about everything going on in the World. Mostly he does the Talking. And wants resources if you disagree. So he can knock those too. The negativity is sooo high, This subject seems right up my Alley. - Lately I have been working on my inner voice. The way in which I speak to myself. More supportive. More positive understanding. And in a way that I Can Listen. i.e Not in a jabbing way to Force. Like I was taught. My own inner parenting needs work. As does my inner child. All in a well rounded system. I recognize this and after eight years of travels to get to this place in Life. I feel I have got more to Learn. In a Good Way. The paths lead me here - The job has been going good. And even just an offer from the Owner. That maybe I might be able to have a part ownership of this place. We'll talk at the end of the year, just the offer is Nice. Of course anything can happen. And I don't bet all myself on it. I feel just putting myself into that place with all my hard work. It's paying off. - The breakup still feels weird. Hurts. But not as much as it would in the past. Here, I have many more skills to recognize what happened. And I don't see a whole lot of comfort there. I reached out to her. And we texted a little bit. But no hangouts for me. I wish to keep pushing myself to find these better people I want to hang with. Putting forth the effort to spend my time with some great people. I think I have shot low, on my end, for quite some time. Drinkers. Druggies. Etc. I'm not one of those. I want more in Life, Definitely. And to Say my car is completely paid off. And my taxes are done as of Yesterday. I Feel Great. The taxes aren't nearly as much as I thought they'd be. Even better. And also with my two days off Thursday Friday. I didn't do much. But recognized, again, that my Home environment can very much become my Work From Home Place. Another skill I wish to Learn. For years I hid at home. From Mostly family seeking me out. But to have my own place of sollice and Work would be a great skill to have. Pandemic employees are doing it everywhere. I'd like to get good at it. And there are other things I want to work on, besides my corner store job. Which brings me to Moving. I have a set date of end of next year. That should give me enough time to save for a First Move. At 37. All on my Own. Away from my father's controlling behavior. My mother's dragging behavior. And everything else. To explore. And make it out in the world. I have been controlled my whole life. I learned to control myself into doing not much. My Voice. My Adventures. My Life. So many Great Things to work on. And embrace. I felt kinda down on my two days off. At least lethargic. But working today, although tired and out of it. I feel much much better moving around and talking to familiar people. I'm Making It. Everyday. One Step at a Time. Thanks. For some reason your videos have become More impactful as the few years I have been watching them. It Feels Great - I am Learning.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, Keep learning, and thanks for your story. Dr. C

[@rbnutwood4659]

Don’t forget you might just be recharging your batteries those 2 days, go easy on yourself and good luck 💚😊💚

[@lileelisamc.4722]

@Star Burst craigslist i a creepy place

[@vicbaker8367]

JR. : I believe we’ve spoken before. I hear you trying to get your head around a different way of life. Using these videos as support and a learning device, same as me. And I hear that you can see your progress and are figuring out where more work is needed. Me too, same deal. I’m glad for you even though I know it’s tough. I’m sure I’m older than your mum, but we all can continue learning, and I’m quite proud of you for “ getting it” at such a young age. ( or embarrassed with myself for not). I filed for divorce a year ago, and it’s been a long tough year, but Dr. Carter is inadvertently coaching me through it. My next step is to have coffee with someone of the opposite gender. Not to build a relationship, but to listen and learn and take advantage of all the information Dr Carter has given us. I’ve never had a problem snagging a guy ( even as old as I am), but I don’t want to do that.. I want healthy human relationships from now on. And I’m not sure I know how to do that. One step at a time. I apologize for over sharing, but I can see by your comment that you’ll understand the “assignment “ I’ve given myself just like you are taking one step at a time.

[@mdee860]

Dr. C., you deserve another PhD. in Narcassism. Pretty sure there is no one else on this planet who so accurately dissects the myriad nuances of these destructive people. You have helped me to deal with my current situation in a much more healthy & calm way. As you know, it is quite the rollercoaster ride until one starts understanding "The Narc. Playbook." Then the 💡switches on & it's a whole new ballgame on a far more even playing field. With so much gratitude, and hugs & peace to you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much! Keep learning! Dr. C

[@steppenwolf3252]

Me 2 Doctor Les. So grateful for your live form (well I used to be an alien--not from Outer Space (although it sometimes felt that way) They naturalized me so I'm perfectly natural now (or so USA claims) (they haven't seen my sect ret space though (only jesting)

[@tomekamontegue5122]

When we first met I was 21 and I thought it was confidence and I admired it and thought it was attractive. However as the years went on I began to see that they are very arrogant to the point of uncaring. Almost aloof to the feelings or concerns of others. It’s just really refreshing to have this channel and others like it to point out all these hidden things and title them. I appreciate all that you do Dr C. Thank you

[@cymbolichuman433]

Yeah... It took me a long time to recognize the differences, but I had thought that I was not very confident. As it turns out I am confident about things I have knowledge of. If I don't know something I need to know... I ask questions until I know what I need to about a subject. It's different when you know for sure.

[@joannbyrd6324]

We are called to peace and as I regain mine I struggle still with flashbacks and anxiety . This was so dangerous to my humanity in so many ways . I surround myself with the word to renew my mind and my spirit. Grateful to be alive and moving forward again.

[@steppenwolf3252]

Yes. Well it's a circular experience as long as it's going upwards. Even if you have a bad day once in a while (or twice)...It's ok. Healing takes time and patience. It 's not a half hour sitcom. I used to hate it when my ex told me to get over my sister's death and quit my whining. Whoopsie! Time for ex to go into the doghouse (or can he behave himself? I'd ask. Or I'd get one of my FAVORATE puppets and use my puppet friend to admonish my ex. (e.g. That wasn't nice now was it, Mr. Ex? Don't do that to T. T is our friend...please!" One day my ex cried out in exasperation--as he addressed my puppet "I cannot believe I'm talking to a puppet!" Believe it or not you are, Mr Ex! ! Fun, huh? Instead of allowing him to reduce me to tears on floor.

[@SChiasson3]

Thank you for this excellent description of the pathological arrogance of a Narcissist. After years of learning & recovering from the impact a Narcissist had in my life ... this video puts it all together for me. Deception & deluded self-deception that has them falsely thinking they're better than others & showing disdain for others

[@martinbegley532]

We can see through the deception with the help of Dr Carter. This describes the slouching in a chair full of confidence, distance in meetings I had to endure. And they were totally useless. Not willing to listen, help, contribute, be open without any judgement, refused encouragement and advice. Jeez oh .... Its like you were there watching Dr Carter. They are long gone now as they were too good for their job... Of which my 6 year old could be more mature about. These videos are top class. Keep em coming.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Martin! Dr. C

[@fiskebollbukta]

"Thanks, but no thanks" -great :)

[@judithparker4608]

There's noone and nowhere else to go to get a correct perspective and resolution, nor for Self Sovereignty even armed with a Restored Strong Sense of Self, Health and full knowledge!

[@pianolearner7]

Any conversations I ever tried to engage in would have him say "the trouble with you" or "your problem is" and immediately I'd feel slapped down and there'd be no point in continuing as my voice never got heard. Thanks to these videos I'm finally able to see what's going on. I always knew he was arrogant but now I realise he's a typical narcissist. Thank you Dr Carter.

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

Arrogant people pretend to be someone their not & do this horribly by the way , and confident folks - be who they are inside & out.

[@debrabowman8750]

My husband once told me he doesn't make mistakes. I am so amazed with each video I watch (I have watched dozens of your videos Dr. Carter) I continue to drop my jaw at how you describe him to a tee.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They tend to have astonishingly low self awareness. Dr. C

[@debrabowman8750]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for all you do! I am very grateful for the information and support you provide.

[@judithparker4608]

Completely Ostrasised and Silenced!

[@twopurringcats]

So very true. My narc parents are extremely arrogant and only associate with those who elevate their status and those who they can use. Their friends are wealthy and called into use when needed, naive to the fact that they are being groomed to be used..and used. Love is a foreign concept to them because they equate love with gifts and favors. They expect "offerings" and shun when they don't get what they want. They don't bother getting gifts for me 99% of holidays..or regift things they got from others because they don't care. Yet they buy eachother extremely expensive gifts. I learned when very young to expect and ask for nothing. I buy my own holiday and birthday presents as well as my birthday cake. The only time they pretend to "care" is when I stop talking to them because they always want me in their back pocket for future use in case some emergency comes up. It's not genuine love. Why I stay away and make no effort to reach them. They visit once in awhile, but love to tell me how much better they think they are than me whenever they can. I consider the source and am glad their rare visits are brief. Distance is the best way to deal with narcissists because they don't get better with age. Mine got worse.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Carolyn McFann,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!

[@ruthfowler390]

My husband bullied, belittled, and constantly run/put, me down.. I was never good enough, no matter how hard I tried.. he stands, watching me work, and says he did it all.. I'd go off on my own and let it all out with a big cry..till one day, years later, I had a terrible heart attack and almost lost my life.. I fought to live, because I felt I deserve a better chance in life... I came back a stronger, no nonsense person, careful, not to echo , a lesson on learning true forgiveness on my behalf. Your video gives wonderful advice..I recognise the meaning of confidence more profoundly now. I don't expect him to change, but would appreciate some respect.. I avoid him as much as possible, I garden and paint.. I must be responsible for my own choices, I married him, for better or worse. I must walk my talk in prayer. 🦋 I recognise myself with the confidence, but I have very low self esteem. Thank you so very much for your video..💕

[@foodfieldtofork]

Just keep showing up and telling the truth. We love you, Sir! Press on.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Anita. Dr. C

[@duromusabc]

They hurt others to elevate themselves- NOOO THANKS!