The burden of expecting happiness (Part 1)

[@KotBlini]

I feel that. After my burnout recovery period I can't pretend anymore. I can't force myself to do anything.

[@brushstroke3733]

How do you get started again when you feel like your burnout recovery period is beginning to burn you out?

[@laurencem6448]

@KotBlini What did you do to get out of burnout? Did you receive outside help or were you alone? (I m lost in this state of being and body pain)

[@KotBlini]

@@laurencem6448 I started saying no to others and yes to myself. The ecstacy of that will lead you to peace and health.

[@evelinel.9827]

@@laurencem6448 There is a new book out The Secret Language of the Body by Jennifer Mann and Kardin Raybin (The are creators of CFS School, online recovery course) on tools that will help you regulate your nervous system and get back into the Parasympathetic State by helping your brain feel safe and then you will get you out of chronic pain, fatigue, burnout, etc. I have recovered from Fibromyalgia and CFS with these tools. @brashstroke3733

[@QueSeraSera-f3s]

…and a fortified ‘self’. Until what IS, is accepted…

[@brigitteh4825]

Hey, Alexis, there's absolutely nothing wrong with less talking and more quiet. Don't feel pressured into acting in a way that's unnatural for you. The more you accept the way you are, the more joy you will find.

[@macparker3549]

Only partway through this, but I just want to say that your response to Mitch is so exquisite. And such a beautiful expression of what you do and how you do it. Also, listening to this I’m understanding more deeply what you mean about the “fraudulence“ of many spiritual teachings. It’s like our spiritual yearning is the last bastion of Hope that there may be some kind of a get out of jail free card. A way we can avoid what is so difficult and so painful to face. I have no question that some people have genuine awakenings that clear away a lot of illusion, conditioning, and deeply rooted beliefs. I also have no question (because I have experienced it again and again), that many, if not most, spiritual teachings are at least subtle, and often overt, strategies to try to circumvent the pain, conditioning, fear and heartbreak that all of us carry around. To the extent that this is true, I can see how you describe this as “fraudulent.” Apparently, not everyone is going to have a massive awakening that’s gonna clear the deck for them. And to keep holding this out as a hope, a goal, something we can attain, actually keeps us trapped, and keeps us from facing what can always be faced right now. What you do so beautifully is to simply provide a space for people to be OK exactly where they are, without holding out the carrot or expectation of some future awakening. It’s obvious how this allows people to begin to unwind and untangle whatever pain and conditioning may be there. I am so grateful for how you do this, for how you model the simple undramatic companionship, and the peeling away of these many layers. I am also grateful for your courage and integrity in about what you see as fraudulence. Thank you as always. 🙏🏼🔥🫥🫠🌻💫

[@josboot9836]

Misery is like a visitor that comes when it wants and goes when it wants. Just let it be, thats all!

[@pauladiaz7101]

I want to know more about this as apparent misery and despair is being felt here. Grief is being experienced and it is apparently unbearable

[@brushstroke3733]

​@@pauladiaz7101I have been going through a period of self loathing and guilt and shame lately as I seem to keep turning away from and avoiding the challenges my family members have that they would like me to help with (even just talking to them and sending love and being open about my embarassment and shame and cowardice.) Also avoiding my own challenges (like getting a job and moderating addictive behaviors.) At the same time I am feeling awful, I am finding that resisting feeling awful doesn't help. Burying it or hiding it doesn't help. Wallowing in it also doesn't help. So what to do? Sometimes I am blessed to recognize that things are OK despite how you, me, or anyone else interprets them. We're specks of dust on a speck of dust in space, all here for an instant in eternity. Since everything is connected, if anything goes "wrong" it means the whole works from the beginning up infinite time is "wrong." I am then somewhat relieved of the burdensome thoughts of my mind. Life is right by definition. Nothing ever goes wrong. We can't get it wrong. We're just one beautiful outburst of expression. Ultimately what matters is that we choose happiness and begin guiding ourselves there as best we can, without resisting our unhappiness when it appears. I say this because everything could be going "wrong" and yet we couls still be happy through it, while it's also possible that everything could be going "right" and we could still feel unhappy. Thus, conditions really are irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that we choose (or keep trying to choose) happiness. Also, try to go out and get some exercise for practical relief. If it's just a 50 ft walk, that's a start. If you can do something more vigorous, do that. The more you can exert yourself physically, the easier you will find it to rest and relax when you're not exerting yourself. Best wishes and regards to you.

[@N2MTness]

I’ll take your misery

[@ItApproaches]

"Chasing happiness only leads to misery."

[@doc2590]

yep, I like that.

[@KimL101]

All the little movements and practices to feel better, get more aligned, have a higher vibration are ALL just trying to control this, which cannot be controlled.

[@charlheynike9619]

Amen. The control gets exhausting after a while.

[@Insideadeepwell]

This shit is actually terrifying. I actually felt joy today for no reason at all. It didn’t last the whole day. The one thing I was holding onto though was what am I going to do with this feeling. Like finally I have the energy to go and do the things I really want to instead of just working. Cause for some reason I think if I have joy I need to use it to create more joy. But when I got home I fell right asleep. No need to chase things anymore. It’s freaking me out a little. All of my dreams are just dying slowly.

[@brushstroke3733]

That's awesome! It demonstrates that joy isn't something we earn. In fact, joy is more readily available when we stop thinking it (or anything) is something to be attained.

[@Insideadeepwell]

@@brushstroke3733 yep joy doesn’t need to be attained or maintained. Lol

[@brushstroke3733]

"You want to travel with her And you want to travel blind And you know that you can trust her 'Cause she touched your perfect body With her mind." Leonard Cohen - "Suzanne"

[@pointlessly.perfect]

Hehe what a coincidence

[@chrissickler1977]

So glad to see you posting again!! ❤

[@lunkerjunkie]

thanks everybody! felt is allowed resisted is un felt

[@chinchilla_462]

Also, beautifully sharing Mitch. Your expression is so authentic and vulnerable.

[@maciuswido8956]

All the pain of our early life gets stored in our bodies. There’s no way to run away from it, because it’s at the source of all running away. All of the later personality is built on top of it. The only way to heal is through feeling what is stored deeply within. But this pain is not infinite, even if it’s probably impossible to heal all of it

[@doc2590]

Life is like riding a kayak downstream, sometimes you turn over and you're upside down for a while but we always come back up. so don't be surprised if one day all is well and the next day you are upside down. But remember the kayak always rights itself.

[@discoteque7768]

16:36 We are so accustumed to fix things, in the mind think that it is an actual problem. But what if the body was capable of processing everything and the mind was just an interpreting machine?

[@pauladiaz7101]

Thank you for the honesty in admitting to misery because thats where i am at, please continue these talks, would like to hear more from Mitch

[@unbrokenspine]

I watched some neurologist speaking about difference between dopamine and serotonin. Two different reward mechanism that drive us. I think when we are young we drive by dopamine/happiness which is short term and more intense reward. Then as we get older we drive by serotonin which is long term, less intense and more stable. But some people never experience that dopamine based times in it's fullest as some people do when they are young. Then they are having trouble with entering into serotonin based reward system.

[@molly203]

❤❤

[@ubuntuber1619]

🙋🏻‍♀️➰🩲👃🏽💕🏃🏽...🧎🏽🛸 umm id travel light years for Suzanne non duality umm

[@giuseppeLizzi-rj3er]

Some of my childhood felt like heaven even though it was bad at times it still felt good

[@Lizarus.un-sane]

Happiness is simply appreciation in and of the moment Why do we make it unattainable?

[@brushstroke3733]

I think mostly because people have vague definitions of happiness that are not as clear as yours and that do not align with yours. Most people would probably define happiness as receiving pleasure. I like the definition of happiness as "unbroken peace of mind" given by another non-dual speaker.

[@Lizarus.un-sane]

@@brushstroke3733 I call that the okayness which maybe doesn’t sound great but it’s the stable equanimity of it that makes it profound… I suppose unbroken would fit there

[@evelinel.9827]

There is also a misogynistic belief in our culture also that women should be smiley, pleasing, etc. and if not there is something wrong, they are B or something.

[@j0oi88]

Which culture? US? The heyy how are you I’m goood how are youu? in sing song voice is so fake it’s bizarre

[@masksoff7488]

Love the title

[@paulowen3934]

anticipation expectations are internal.......dont chase......go with the flow.....what is just accept do nothing......happiness will find you....good luck!1

[@JulieMoyer-be5sj]

Wow. I have never resonated with anyone more than I do to Mitch. Thank you for sharing. I’m just in tears.

[@mannutdutd]

Yep recently found myself admitting the truth of the misery, it was weird after so much denial and fighting to stay’ on top’. Trying to be happy and acting happy is not happy and that’s ok. I’m ok not being ok. The choiceless choice

[@eisvogel8099]

It even seems to be obligatory to "be ok".

[@ItApproaches]

I can see the mother doesn't understand any of this, but at least she isn't the usual type of "This is all nonsense, you don't know what you're talking about, what crap are you filling my daughters head with!"

[@linusluminus1806]

Isn't it funny how for some it is such a freedom to finally be allowed to LAUGH and for some it is freedom to finally not have to anymore? 😄😐

[@shramanaascender]

You’re an awareness holder. It can be….tortuous.

[@wolflarsen3447]

What do you mean by this?

[@brushstroke3733]

Maybe we're all just avoidant attachment style people and the messages of non-duality strongly appeal to us because they justify our avoidant behaviors. Or maybe not. Maybe we are letting go of unnecessary beliefs and concepts but it's still miserable any time we go back to clinging to them.

[@shramanaascender]

@@wolflarsen3447 it’s difficult being singular.

[@MsVisualss]

Thank you Suzanne there's just something so deep every time I watch you talking, almost everyone in society says to negate this deep rooted unhappiness even spiritual teachers but maybe in different ways, I really appreciate your honesty ♥️ I'm just crying so much seeing this video

[@discoteque7768]

17:38 We become accustumed to defining things, sticking to a thought, belief or feeling. Energetically it is not free in the body. It is not free to come and go.

[@JasperGrinsdale]

Happiness is this false notion of a solid ground. Life keeps revealing that nothing the mind can come up with is safe. It's a bleeding out.

[@gilbertlujan1220]

Question ! Why do humans entertain themselves with non sense , why not just live how you can your only here a short while what’s the big deal what people think , and who cares if we’re not in controls why would you want to anyway ! You see every thing we go through we do it to ourselves ! Just live

[@brushstroke3733]

Did you have a secure and stable childhood? It might be easier to see things the way you do if you had a secure and stable childhood and so didn't grow up feeling unworthy, needing to earn the validation and approval of others just to survive.

[@j0oi88]

Fear may be an answer to ur question.

[@sanjayjattan9547]

Happiness depends on outside circumstances. Why would anyone want to hitch their emotions to happenstance, coincidence or accidental circumstances… Our true nature is Joy. We are Pure Bliss!❤ Imagination is Key!!

[@j0oi88]

Imagination is key what you mean? Imagination divides wat we don’t know into things, as imagination it’s no problem.. believed real it’s a potential nightmare.

[@laurencem6448]

Could you talk about the internal energy of the body. This creates effects, do they not intervene in happiness or unhappiness/pain?

[@brushstroke3733]

When defined as a never ending series of pleasurable experiences (with no uncomfortable or painful experiences of any kind), "happiness" is impossible. However, when defined as unbroken peace of mind, "happiness" is something we can experience once we have uprooted the belief in a separate, personal doer and all it's accompanying forms of suffering (guilt, pride, blame, worry/anxiety, and expectation/attachment to outcome." Seems at least worthy of looking into. Definitions are very important to discussions and sharing ideas, and I think far to often we gloss over them or ignore them and then end up disagreeing over semantics.

[@wolflarsen3447]

Have we got a Roger Castillo fan in the house?

[@brushstroke3733]

@@wolflarsen3447 Yes! Glad to encounter another!

[@wolflarsen3447]

@@brushstroke3733 yup, love Roge

[@homelessballoon]

Happiness for ourselves is not something we plan or can create. It is something we discover. There is an exception, though: We can try to make each other happy by saying and doing nice things. When someone is depressed, I try to remind them of the opportunity they have to change this by actively showing a friend or another person that they care about them.

[@matw1x]

Looking extra nice, lean, and clean here.

[@christophermd216]

Non-duality is a fundamental reality and something to integrate as many facets in life. Yet people need to lighten up eat some good food have good sex watch a show and laugh. Let it Go.. non-duality is an ultimate truth that always exists, but there's so much more let's be real. Yes there really is no nothing we can all non-duality ourselves away from everything. Yet we are still growing as a collective understanding of the metaphysics spiritual reality. It's still going to continue it's still happening and the reflections of wisdom and even hints of prophecy collective awakening. Is most certainly happening science is catching up a new more grounded sophisticated psychedelic Renaissance. Non-duality in its Spirit my connection with God is profound personal beyond words. Yet people get stuck in thinking that's all it is, it becomes another form of bypassing themselves and reality.. be authentic but don't close yourself off, if being totally unrelatable is your choice then so be it.. again it's a very personal thing and we can stay in silence stillness as the observer or we find the balance the middle path.. it's relevant for some time to exist in that space, integration is a continuous process. Once you're integrated non-duality now you have to reintegrate back into being who the f*** you're meant to be.. energy is real the shamanic realm is real etcetera even if it is all maya, it is more subtle and less romanticized than people try to make it. Nonetheless regardless if you've experienced it it's their existing on some level. Limiting reality and its extreme intelligence that is consciousness. Is silly

[@ItApproaches]

I saw a video of a girl named ALINA, she wants help with depression, she seems to have the potential to end up as an enlightened nobody. I told her to check out your videos, also told her she could (somehow I'm not sure how) reach out and chat with you like you do with others. If you wish to help by as you know, acting more as a mirror for her to bounce her thoughts off, you might be open to it. Not as being some teacher or guru cause we both know that's fake crap.

[@thegeminiclub]

Sorry you feel that way sweetheart I’ve got absolutely no idea what God is up to but I know he’s got whatever is happening under control I hope you feel better soon Big hug

[@yishaishasha8690]

Funny that you mention the subject , you come across as unhappy you could be an enneagram type 4 personality

[@thiagogustavo4712]

How can i participate of these talkings with Suzanne?

[@joz8925]

thank you suzanne, this is so profound.

[@dominicfagan5496]

When I meditate like its the only thing that matters, then it doesn't matter anymore if Im happy or unhappy. I notice that happiness sometimes emerges and gets intense. It doesn't matter, I dont care about happiness, its ok to feel terrible and to be in pain. Its ok to be unhappy. The paradox though is when you accept it, then it actually feels good, its like "thank you!!! ❤️" . Sometimes wounds spontaneously heal when you accept them. But the point of accepting them is not to change them or to accept them. Its just lovingly accept everything that appears in your field of awareness.

[@muffinspeaks]

She always seems so cold. I wonder if she had just a top (mind-level) awakening that has not sunken into the heart.

[@j0oi88]

She is what she is. You are what you are. Enjoy.

[@pointlessly.perfect]

Mitch you threw it out of the park

[@loseyourselves]

I thought the video froze at 7:28

[@gilbertlujan1220]

Mmmm🤔 are you channeling. Or meditating ?

[@Shrimpilla]

😢 i want to be quiet

[@niopiohappy22]

Hello Suzanna🥰😍

[@shouldi9575]

Uh beautiful

[@dancewomyn1]

I wonder...did you say that to your friend(when she asked if something was wrong),? Did you explain about your path, or feel no need to explain? Once there is no identity, or we experience this sense of no self, how do we move about in a world of extreme identification, where signifiers, like smiling when we run into someone we haven't seen in a long while, is socially part of communicating? How do we interact with people who do not share the same awareness, people we've known, old friends and family?

[@j0oi88]

re: later general questions. It’s natural and spontaneous like it always has been. Without the artificial internal commentary overlay your body functions more efficiently and intelligently. The q is kinda ‘how should’, there isn’t a should.. should is contrived. w/o the negotiating filters, a freedom in expression. If people have a problem that’s their problem. agenda-less playful yet naturally intelligent. Fwiw that sorta fearless realness has its own impact. 2¢

[@dancewomyn1]

@@j0oi88 ...Wow, thank you very much!..I really appreciate your answer. It makes complete sense. "Minus negotiating filters, w/o the artificial internal commentary overlay". Sounds like freedom to me. I look forward to that at some point. :)

[@j0oi88]

@@dancewomyn1cool. But you’re free now, no conditions no dependencies. one day, at some point, once, when such&such condition.. is a load of stinky shit, spit it out💩.. anything gained can be lost&comes with anxiety of losing, not worth spit. Right now exactly as is, what-is, not a particle is out of place.. nothing wrong. arrogating shoulds, desiring&fearing.. asserting incompleteness, is the lacking-self idea.. arrogating control n judgment on all things&has a hefty price. all is uniquely incomparable always. Exactly how you are, even if crying, judging, or murderous, uniquely incomparable as is, no problem. All things rolling on as they are.. Have fun.

[@gameofthrones5655]

Agree...when joy arise= fine...when not= fine. To be without projections and not taken some in is also quiet peaceful.

[@peterparke2977]

Thanks Suzanne and Alexis, Alexis, you asked some good questions that helped Suzanne to explain a little more deeply the different situations that we find ourselves in our naturally quiet, listening state, which is very different from being introverted or antisocial.

[@johnjackman8113]

Yeah gd to see u.

[@chinchilla_462]

Big surrender energy in this expression! And also, can't help but notice that your room is assembled beautifully, so cool

[@vivienk8162]

Thank you for holding and sharing this space. Feeling very seen through this quiet understanding and acceptance.

[@Tu_Dios_Apocalipsis]

❤

[@elektrotehnik94]

❤️

[@BeautifulZeroUK]

If searching for happiness makes us less happy Does searching for sadness make us less sad?

[@vincentfn]

To me it is, or rather feeling what’s in the body, not avoiding sadness or anger etc

[@BeautifulZeroUK]

@@vincentfn just going with it? Or picking it apart to see it in a slightly different way to feel less stagnant about it?

[@vincentfn]

@@BeautifulZeroUK just going with it. What comes around goes around. And sometimes it sucks :)

[@brushstroke3733]

Maybe, but no one ever searches for sadness. It just comes when we are interpretting events a certain way that pinches us off from our inherent joy.

[@BeautifulZeroUK]

@@brushstroke3733 when I’m sad I listen to sad music and it helps me feel less alone

[@Californiansurfer]

Yesterday, I spent time with my coworkers then, they began to drink. I tried it, but I knew I would get a head ache. Yes, we’re having fun, but is that what happiness is? This morning my head feels like mushhhhh.

[@j0oi88]

If u don’t need it u don’t need it. If u wanna drink poison consider its antidote.. water electrolytes. or a simpler organic poison without sulfites.

[@FRED-gx2qk]

A big help Sweetheart!😎

[@WingZeroSymphonics]

the whole thing.

[@webernprophecies]

Your videos are. [sic] And I watch, listen. [sic]

[@willcollins5660]

45:55 Group setting socialization doesn't really apply to Asian people, so therefore there is no suffering or fomo for the need to socialize. Socializing is more of a western thing. You are barking up the wrong tree when you ask Suzanne that question, she is completely fine being alone, unphase and do not have the need/urge to socialized.

[@brushstroke3733]

Do you really believe that? Stereotypes and generalizations usually have some basis in the observed, but they're still only broadly and vaguely true. All people need socialization. Some cultures may produce more avoidant people than others through their emphases on judgment of virtue and rightness/wrongness though. Maybe some Asian cultures are more critical (and less accepting) than some western cultures so this produces a higher percentage of traumatized people who feel unworthy and who isolate themselves from interactions that trigger them to feeling criticized.

[@thomascarr1392]

Thanks

[@suzanne-chang]

Thanks so much Thomas ♡ Really appreciate it

[@gilbertlujan1220]

Hey who’s granny there !🤔

[@Californiansurfer]

What is happiness I am to busy working and providing service to others , but I realized when I don’t do that. There is no happiness So, happiness is helping others. Frank. Downey library “used book section “.

[@j0oi88]

Sounds like a do-gooder high. You learned to label happy, without the label you are as you are, incomparable. No description and no problem.

[@natanunorthodox]

4:14 This is why I don't want to run into people that I once knew because it's going to be very awkward when they expect you to be how you "used to be." Well, I'm not! 🌗

[@emmanueldenniss]

Good to see and listen to you suzanne 🪴