The Callisto Protocol - Angry Review

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AngryJoe, OtherJoe & Alex take on the Sci-fi Horror Survival Games The Callisto Protocol that topped their list of Most Anticipated Games of the Year, was it a nice surprise before Christmas? or a Big Lump of Coal?
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[@Snarkknight5]

The graphics team was like that one kid who actually tried for the group project, LOL

[@aaronhumphrey3514]

The sound and music people also tried. They absolutely nailed it.

[@bentucker2301]

Looking forward with ue5 there are going to be a lot of games that look amazing but are as deep as a puddle...

[@DoomiePookie]

Im obese

[@creatorsfreedom6734]

Butcher Bay Looks hellah better than this game

[@nivaneh1010]

@@DoomiePookie same lol

[@miguelfernandez3201]

I love how Alex broke the fourth wall when he said “there’s absolutely no excuse for it” lol

[@PremonitionGamingVid]

This 100%

[@joshuagraham2843]

@Vercusgames god that ea never changes

[@mariobadia4553]

@Vercusgames oh please EA has absolutely nothing to do with this. It was 100% The devs Fault With absolutely nobody else to blame.

[@BargerClan]

@@PremonitionGamingVid This definitely 100% refunded it on steam never looking at Back

[@EL-ISS]

@Vercusgames I'm perplexed EA is even still alive ... I think their recycle of Fifa every year is what's keeping them afloat lol.

[@lucianodematos1094]

"I don't fear the enemies... I fear the combat system" That was surgical!

[@population-_-420]

I'm thinking about uninstall this game

[@Pyro67152]

Also gotta love how prisoners can apparently bypass locked doors in a maximum security prison colony by prying open an access panel (right next to the door) and cutting a ribbon cable.

[@mariobadia4553]

The writers didn't really think that through

[@tonito_el_tigre]

To be fair that’s after everything goes to hell, before the outbreak if you did that you’d have your brain blown out by one of the robot security. Sure it alerted staff if that happens

[@Damion176]

the better question is how does your character even know how to do this stuff when he barely got into this prison system. He didn't have any background info compared to isaac clarke from dead space.

[@tetsuoshima7385]

😝👌🏻

[@trevorfrenk4137]

@@Damion176 i was thinking the same thing!! he’s just a pilot, but if he had some expertise in that area they couldve justified it

[@holitinne]

“I don’t fear the enemies, I fear the combat system.” That’s probably the meatiest slap to the face of the devs making this horror game.

[@MrShaggyww]

this horror of a game*

[@delta22ization]

Everything thy say is exaggeration.... and you shouldn't believe anything said in this review, only a 6 year old child would had the same amount of trouble with combat as this 3 put together.

[@touka6589]

@@delta22ization the combat is clunky and boring lmao it’s repetitive asf and it’s horrible in groups of enemy’s because when you dodge you can only dodge 1 person and it’s turn based instead of it being a actual dodge button and being able to dodge whenever you want. So yoy is just getting smacked by 2 other zombies while stuck dodging one person because of the system and camera🥴🤣 stop defending this dumpster fire of a game you look sad

[@touka6589]

@@delta22ization there is only one boss the entire game lmao he just comes back over and over again😂 this game was lazy asf they just worked on the visuals and that’s it😭 they though that just because they made dead space that everyone would give this game a pass but nope everyone shit on this game

[@touka6589]

@@delta22ization they didn’t even get the shooting gameplay right😂 what made dead space combat acceptable was because shooting the enemy’s actually felt satisfying when you shoot their limbs and you see how they react and how they move to it. But instead they made this games enemy’s really spunjy and shooting them on certain body parts don’t do shit they just keep walking and moving the same😂 you can shoot their head off and they still come at you normally which is bullshit you don’t get rewarded for good aim like unlike in dead space you do.

[@derekstein6193]

In a good horror game you SHOULD fear combat, just not in the way Callisto Protocol does combat.

[@MetallicaKing48]

You should fear your opponent in the combat, you should not have to fear the combat mechanics. Ha ha.

[@pretenderxxx2385]

@@MetallicaKing48 Theres nothing wrong with combat and its mechanics. There are some rules but the rules are consistent.

[@gaminginhdmax3854]

I do fear the combat, its so boring and shit. Im clueless how they can downgrade from dead space like this, its not even fking funny

[@MetallicaKing48]

@@pretenderxxx2385 Ok, fan-child.

[@williamyoung9401]

Frustrating isn't fear.

[@DinnyForst]

Callisto Protocol is one example why I'm always skeptical about modern games when they prioritize cinematic and visual over anything else.

[@jonjonboi3701]

Order 1886 is one of those kinds of games.

[@bthsr7113]

@@jonjonboi3701 I feel kind of bad about that one. It had a cool premise, but man, did it waste it.

[@fxzero666]

@@jonjonboi3701 Yuuuuup... I tried to play it and just couldn't... like how could you mess up the combat so badly.

[@joelrobinson5457]

Minecraft will always be an example of why this dosen't work

[@patrick550]

Witch cinematics and visuals dude, why is everybody hot for this shit.....youngsters ill guess? Well let me tell ya, it lookes like 20 year old shit to me. Ok fair, the main character and the cutscenes are like nice but EVERYTHING else is old shit and THE SAME in the WHOLE game! Ok i knew it was risky because of the reviews and the games was like only 25 Euros in store.....well i know wright know why that is...what a piece of garbage. HORR(OR)ABLE piece of shit im gonna break it in peaces!

[@comablack7026]

One of the strongest things dead space had going for it was the enemy variety and design. The Necromorphs all had very interesting and iconic designs and ways of attacking. Seeing the main enemy type with the blade-like arm claws was akin to seeing a xenomorph for the first time. This game has nothing like that. Everything is some kind of tentacle zombie, and it gets boring really fast.

[@hiddenshadow2105]

This part at the beginning? It is honestly the game I want to play someday. Just OSHA inspector going through all of those nonsensical futuristic designs and then loading the whole list of mistakes onto the owners and shutting the whole thing down. It was damn amazing part to see it in action. Thanks, guys!

[@ashtonderojas821]

That sounds like a meta comedic game.

[@ethicalcheeze1407]

I think there's a game called Viscera Cleanup Detail or something where you play a janitor who has to clean up after the hero has already gone through the level and killed literally everything in it lol

[@hiddenshadow2105]

@@ethicalcheeze1407 There is but Viscera Cleanup Detail is rather a lot of back and forth, and everything is level based. I want to be OSHA inspector with a clipboard and pen and go across the game just like main action hero does.

[@akmal94ibrahim]

Now I want an OSHA Simulator game. Both the joke goat-simulator-like version and the serious farming-simulator-like in-depth version.

[@hiddenshadow2105]

@FreeSpeech orDIE!!! So true!

[@AceOniFlyer]

2:36 "This place is so lazily designed, that there's absolutely no execuse for it." As he stares directly into the camera. Break out the popcorn, this is going to be one of those reviews.

[@trafficking2596]

@PatrickBateman215 yeah, but bro...the jiggle physics.

[@SammScripted]

@PatrickBateman215 whataboutism isn't a good counter argument

[@dolabala1755]

@PatrickBateman215 yea you need to play other missons as well, theres 42 missions i think

[@jesustyronechrist2330]

Yeah, games have such talent working on individual components and such big budgets that everybody thinks that somehow automatically equals to a good game. But these studios haven't watched interviews of Id or Looking Glass studios about game design.

[@kcirdor99]

@@dolabala1755 He said "its the same 3 missions over and over" meaning out of the 42... only 3 types over and over again...

[@Zdenko1991]

I hope this 3 guys stay together forever. Perfect tandem.

[@vladkornienko7889]

U mean trio?

[@THE-NC2]

@@vladkornienko7889 shut it

[@matosz23]

Sadly, when even the super best friends can reach a point of splitting up, I don't see that happening.

[@zelg.5551]

@@vladkornienko7889 *threesome

[@Vaternal]

Other Joe is definitely staying forever bro has been around for his entire lives

[@xelldincht4251]

i think all this dangerous shit that doesn't belong in prison would have made more sense if the story would have took place in a mine, factory or something like that

[@joshuaverde5362]

Edit: I spoiled the story my bad

[@xelldincht4251]

@@joshuaverde5362 i see

[@joshuaverde5362]

@@xelldincht4251 sorry if I spoiled it. I'll delete the comment

[@imnotdavidxnsx]

@@joshuaverde5362 the "story"

[@vvasks]

How is this a spoil? It’s a mine?

[@badmedicine65]

The devs forgot how the gunplay in DS was a huge part of its success. Dismembering monsters with the line gun and plasma cutter brought so much satisfaction. Melee was only for desperate situations.

[@Fxrrxt2x]

Although true, I think the point of the game was to try to do something different.

[@drpotato830]

@@Fxrrxt2x yeah but well different doesnt mean better.

[@Kirivera]

@@drpotato830 Still, a breath of fresh air after just having played the entire DS trilogy and it's dlcs before playing TCP. Dead space can be a real shooting gallery

[@nathanaelgolser1349]

And on the higher difficulties melee was almost impossible, a single enemy grapple would see your health brought to critical or just outright kill you. Also, these things are infectious right? The tentacle one and the grubs show that. Shouldn't you be keeping them at a distance? Guns help do that a lot better than an electric baton.

[@mariobadia4553]

Oh so cut off the tentacles is way less catchy than cut off their limbs

[@YouCanCallMeMich]

I love how AJ keeps saying 'Callipso' instead of 'Callisto' :D

[@davillain9974]

I'll be honest, I actually like that name Callipso than saying Callisto

[@Prototype-357]

I don't know if it's a joke or is it just that he doesn't proofread his scripts. I'm leaning to hte side of it just being a joke cause Alex and OJ would have noticed it.

[@Wraiven22]

At this point I’ve just accepted that Joe and Other Joe will mispronounce every single name in everything they review. Sometimes I swear it’s on purpose with how often certain names in shoes like House of the Dragon are repeated. “Carls” instead of “Corlys” comes to mind as one of the most egregious 😂

[@shaunhoyt7815]

Henry Ca-ville lol like burgerville

[@VeratyrFLESHNMETTLE]

Someone's played Twisted Metal

[@tetsuoshima7385]

The only difficulty in this game is the combat system’s restriction. Well said 😂

[@jesustyronechrist2330]

That intro was gold! Honestly, I would watch an entire series of a couple of sci-fi construction inspectors roasting spaceships for not meeting OSHA regulations

[@donkeywithascarf2435]

If the sci-fi has any dealings with chemicals and the environment, you can throw in DOT alongside OSHA. I used to work at a hazmat disposal facility. DOT loved doing surprise visits. And when they did, everyone always went hiding. If you weren't fast enough, you had the DOT inspector watching you work for the next 15 minutes.

[@eugeniaamariei8626]

@@donkeywithascarf2435 I guess it would suck having a DOT inspector watching over your every move.

[@xfunkypicklex]

Omg yes I second this

[@maximusstorm1215]

Ngl, I had to skip the intro due to the cringe 😬

[@oxideactual1018]

@@maximusstorm1215 Good for you. No one asked.😁

[@Ar1AnX1x]

Alex slowly starting to look like a police officer as he goes in his 40s in the future

[@rainstorm4207]

@@jonathanhookano5668 Nope, policemen aren't hot.

[@mightykanohii]

@@jonathanhookano5668 Hell yeah he does

[@machogandalf]

Dude is already like 45

[@alexanderm3504]

@@mightykanohii Y R u geh

[@3217491]

@@machogandalf makes no sense, since men will lose hair wildly different in age. Plus we don't start going downhill visually till after ~50-ish when we're also slowly going sterile.

[@lilmovealotaweight2003]

“My CALYPSO protocol is ruined!”

[@cervenytrpaslik02]

May I see it?

[@Spit1990]

Should have gotten Ocean Wave.

[@AliBazz]

Collapso proto

[@fcukugimmeausername]

I heard that too. lol.

[@ricardohoang8452]

@@Spit1990 Ocean Man 🤣

[@edmundkempin3653]

I played through the game on Maximum Security and found the game ludicrously easy as I had upgraded the GRIP and the Baton and just threw enemies into hazards the whole time. However, because I hadn't upgraded my firearms, it was literally impossible for me to kill the final boss. I was running around the boss arena for 30 minutes trying to find anything to kill the boss with but no avail. Such a badly designed final encounter.

[@johnynoway9127]

did you ever beat him tho? im thinking of getting the game.

[@clickbaitable6320]

I still haven’t beaten it I play it on Maximum and it’s super easy. Even Dead Space Remake is harder and more terrifying than this weird amalgamation of concepts not executed properly.

[@ethaneastwood3130]

Another thing about this game is the “sprint” is just a light jog but at the end of the game you finally see Jacob sprint with the self destruct sequence and I’m like WHERE THE FUCK HAS THIS BEEN THE WHOLE TIME

[@dragonbornexpress5650]

Interactive movie syndrome.

[@RRRRRRRRR33]

You people were courageous to play this goddamn abomination until the end, lol the excess of marketing always felt too aggressive to me, it was fishy... and here we are, overly reliance on graphics and marketing, this game deserved to fail

[@weliveinasociety3324]

The most unrealistic part of this review is that OSHA actually inspected something

[@rafaelsantiago1651]

😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣

[@deepPuddlesarefun]

Ever actually report anything to OSHA? They show up faster than the police in some states.

[@dylankurtz8423]

I'll have to look into this OSHA, sounds intriguing

[@chasejackson7248]

I took covid for them to actually do something.

[@awakeandwatching953]

@@chasejackson7248 well yeah once they could cripple small businesses that would struggle to enforce the senseless lock down requirements, in the uk we still have these stupid plastic barriers at check outs making shops look like banks.. was OSHA responsible for enforcing that bs in the US?

[@eqWillibrium]

Other Joe is remarkably calm for someone who lost an arm and an eye months ago.

[@hiddenshadow2105]

And broke his legs, remember that he also broke his legs

[@FurtiveSkeptical]

He's "All right" now.... Or possibly "All Left".....

[@Danzroo]

He is still in shock to the day l,still is able "shake a leg boyss"

[@inakimendiberri2226]

Professionals have standards

[@joehall9836]

You owe me an eye you bastard

[@CheeseLasagna]

Ah yes, yet another example that just because you have amazing graphics doesn't mean it's a good game. Devs need to stop focusing on graphics and focus on the game loop and mechanics. Gameplay is everything.

[@KICKASS698]

The zombie game joke will never die.

[@ryanfoxon9115]

Just like the never ending onslaught of zombie games? (Although I’m a sucker for em)

[@d-rabbitfor5398]

Because it's pure greatness

[@TheFinalKO]

As someone who works in construction the intro had me dying.

[@SwooshJush83]

Fuckin OSHA

[@jamessac6866]

Lol yeah i work with OSHA aswell that was extremely funny

[@TheFinalKO]

OSHA is what came to my mind .

[@machogandalf]

Damn man I’m sorry you gotta live that life 🙏

[@SSingh-nr8qz]

I would like a game where the lead is OSHA trying to shut down an evil villians' workplace and trying to stay alive as they shut parts of it down.

[@jahn77]

The true monster of space…. OSHA

[@Awakened2001]

reminds me of spaceballs, OSHA inspector on the deathstar.

[@crash4267]

It's funny cuz OSHA doesn't shut you down lmao

[@13nohead]

Lmao

[@tysean0816]

That's a bad word at my job

[@talynhastime9343]

*Gurgling zombie voice* tHiS iS nOt bUiLt tO cOoOodE 🧟‍♂️

[@pierre-mariecaulliez6285]

That opening skit was pure gold ! OSHA FTW ;7 TL DR : they should have made it a movie...

[@Zuernaxashyr]

No need for "tdlr" lol that first sentence is barely any longer than the 2nd.

[@pierre-mariecaulliez6285]

@@Zuernaxashyr TDLR for the video, not my initial comment...

[@cyber_xiii3786]

@@pierre-mariecaulliez6285 This would be a pretty cool movie now that you mention it...

[@lougaroo7351]

Actually, there is a German short movie ("Staplerfahrer Klaus", translates to "Claus, forklift truck operator") from the late 90s/early 2000s in the vein of work safety instruction videos (even with an overvoice by a speaker who is famous in Germany for traffic safety videos) that is pretty much that - it starts out innocent enough as if it was the real thing and quickly evolves into super gory fun. It still is brutally hilarious! And would fit this ticket very well. Highly recommended.

[@slyngn7847]

"It *looks* and *sounds* great." You can say that with almost every modern game. It has the same energy as Geralt saying, "It's like ordering a pie and finding it has no filling."

[@jeremyallen5974]

Or watching a movie whose only strong points are the CG and soundtrack

[@lionheartt15]

@@jeremyallen5974 so every movie starting after the mid 200s then?

[@numbjuhnu]

Or as Joe himself said in Destiny review: "It's got the looks, but none of the heart and soul."

[@0ompaLoompa]

Sound in Metro Exodus is real bad. So much about all great games have great sound

[@pseudosanct5253]

this is why i dont preorder games, no matter how good or promising it is. because these companies are experts at lying to you

[@xxn0cturn3xx]

the only game i always preorder is GTA, can release in the most broken state but we know they will have at least 10 years to fix it 🤣🤣

[@ramon4184]

This game never lived up to hype

[@justaw2982]

GTA is probably the only exception at least for me.

[@MLPIceberg]

I don't preorder either, but in this instance... I think EA keeping the Dead Space IP screwed the devs. Apparently Callisto Protocol these guys wanted to make isn't the version we got because EA threatened lawsuits if certain things weren't changed. But it's only a rumor. I can't confirm or deny. Maybe the devs really were lazy and expected people to blindly like the game because of the rep some devs had of being part of Dead Space. I dunno.

[@spaceman022]

Learned my lesson with colonial marines.That was my very first pre order too lol

[@TheRealRedComet]

I laughed SO hard as Alex looked dead straight at the camera saying there was "no excuse" for the design.

[@williamyoung9401]

You know, id figured out how to switch weapons in 1993 with DOOM (1).

[@Puggy42069]

He said that directly to the fanboys defending this game.

[@ryanrobinson8682]

It's not really laughable it's annoying and they keep getting away with it because dumb people keep buying these sorts of dumb titles.

[@Puggy42069]

@@ryanrobinson8682 Exactly. Ignorant 12 year olds who think comparing this game to worse games somehow makes Callisto Protocol suitable.

[@spoonlolol2]

"No excuse for it." looks at camera

[@SuperGogetaBlue]

The way OJ is just easily and amusingly dodging Alex attacks is just hilarious

[@imsentinelprime9279]

That got a good laugh outta me.

[@Ar1AnX1x]

this game made me realize how important the enemy variety is in Dead Space it makes the game a lot more unpredictable

[@andrewsimmons323]

Made sense not to have many different variations; theres only adult humans on the moon. In DS, there were babys and a hierarchical structure to enemies IE normal slasher, advanced, baby lurker, Hive mind creates pregnant's that release Swarmers. With the parasite experiment in an early phase, makes sense that theres only 9 different biophages, security droids and two bosses. Dead Space actually had 13 enemies and 4 bosses.

[@paulallen2680]

@@andrewsimmons323 the variations in Callisto protocol felt the same besides the spider thing and spitter, and I guess the blind enemies but those are a pathetic excuse of an enemy when I can just crouch walk around them like a cake walk

[@paulallen2680]

@@andrewsimmons323 also, there’s a rule that every dev follows. Gameplay over story, if the gameplay is atrocious then no matter how good a story is, it will still feel boring. And it doesn’t help that Callisto protocol story is extremely simple and predictable

[@kleberson777]

i think the problem is the dev try to design their monster around melee mechanic, so every monster should be meleeable, thats make the monster design very limited. Melee shouldn't be the focus, yes you can make it better, but it's only when you're out of ammo or to conserve ammo

[@yamadiyoo9658]

What are you talking about ds 1 and 2 u can run them games with only the plasma cutter, line gun and contact beam. There games were never great it's just this one u can see all the bad easier.🙃

[@cadelittle7365]

The dodge skit once again shows just how much of a UNIT Alex is!

[@DETRACT0RD00M]

Honestly, at this point, Other Joe and Alex are the high points of every episode.. Joe has just become a parody of himself

[@RsKnDR0991]

@@DETRACT0RD00M a parody? He's still the same, like it or not

[@dharien1000]

@@DETRACT0RD00M Sad but true, when Joe is alone videos are crap.

[@DETRACT0RD00M]

@RsKnDR0991 obviously haven't been watching since 2014.. Joe used to be genuinely funny and the interaction between him and OJ was guaranteed gold.. now that Joe has split himself between video games, movies, T.V., boardgames, hawking GFuel, etc, it has become VERY obvious that he's doing it for the cash now.. if he was still having fun with it, it would transfer through to his presentations, but it doesn't.. long story short, OJ and Alex absolutely carry the show period.. sorry bro

[@TheZachary86]

@FreeSpeech orDIE!!! Exactly I don’t know why people think things have changed. He’s basically smart to change his format and bring OJ and Alex along. And let’s face it, we still love watching his rants.

[@Acecard-jl2py]

The skit in the beginning feels like a great concept for a movie. An evil leader has to keep up with appearances with the main villain in the plot: OSHA

[@trollmaster6994]

Its always funny to me whan game gives you "stealth kills" and enemy scream like pig with spear in ass while dying and NOBODY hears it. Not even another enemy 10m away.

[@charlottecorday8494]

With spear in ass

[@DowntownFunkMeister]

My favorite part of the intro skit was Alex looking into the camera and saying there's no excuse for the level design 🤣 Great review guys

[@goldenchi1d228]

“This place is so lazily designed, there is absolutely no excuse for it” - *Inspection Crew*

[@uberlazio5924]

The death animations really did a great job showing a sadistic side to the creatures but I must say that the dodge Mechanic took me out of it as I found myself walking through the areas like a crab that even when I get caught off guard by a really good scare I was already dodging. Also the lady in this story was a frustrating part in this game giving the guy crap for what happened in the beginning of the game and I'm thinking to myself she broke into his ship with a group of armed strangers how did she think he was going to react.

[@boltowl625]

I assume your revering to Dani as the lady, I believe she broke into his ship forcefully as she suspects you to be the reason for transporting dangerous infections to europa which killed her sister. so at the start she seems very aggressive towards Jacob because of what she suspected and she was right, Jacob is a freelancer who was hired to transport a dangerous infection that would have made him rich for life, him being aware on how dangerous of the infectious cargo was, I found unclear.

[@bizmonkey007]

The terrible combat system, poor level design, and uninspired enemy encounters kill any sense of fear. I was too busy being frustrated to be scared. The story was painfully generic with paper-thin characters and a reliance on cliches. It’s a disappointment all around.

[@avikaurelius4992]

This game is what happens when a bunch of very talented artist are on a nostalgia trip for a game from their early careers. they just needed... game play designers, writers, play-testers and a director with a vision.

[@williamyoung9401]

Unfortunately, the director is an "artist." So all he focused on was graphics and sound. Even he admitted the story was basic. If your story is "basic," it means it's BORING. Which means the GAME is boring. Which is the worst thing your game can be. If only we had Smell-o-Vision, and we could smell all the sewage in the game...

[@lgd921]

@@williamyoung9401 I'm dying at smell o vision dude chill lmao

[@flunkyballs4610]

And level designers.

[@danielwilson2185]

@@williamyoung9401 Bad take, basic story doesn't mean a game is boring. Gameplay comes first. This is a game, not a book or movie. If the story is basic or bad, and the gameplay makes up f or it, then it's good enough.

[@kyzersoze8408]

@@danielwilson2185 incorrect. Doesn't matter how good the gameplay is. Without anything else going for it the gameplay loop will get boring.

[@MioRaem]

Clearly one of those games where the combat sounded really cool on paper and then nobody had the guts to step up and say "Yeah this isn't turning out as we hoped it would is it" during prototyping

[@JoshTyrReece]

This. In theory its great. And listening them talking about it before release its sounds cool. But after several hours playtime its just boring. Maybe more was planned and they didn't have enough time. Like the upgrade system that doesnt change the look of for example the stun baton. Or weapons having more functions. It feels like the bare minimum and thats not enough for 10+ hours.

[@deedelta9263]

The alternative is they did know it was bad, but found out too late, and were like "we gotta release this game hell or high water". Hence why they embargoed the reviews

[@ryanrobinson8682]

100% Agree, it would be interesting to see what the company was like during development and what the real opinions of the developers were. It could be that people spoke out, but were not listened to by senior management.

[@JayceeVoZuri]

Callisto protocol is the best example for graphics means nothing when the game is absolutely bullshit

[@Chubzdoomer]

LOL, true dat. Probably one of the worst combat systems I've ever seen in a modern survival horror game.

[@Caisio]

I think it was a famous dev who said (i dont remember who said it) : Realism NEVER should be in the way of gameplay. Those animations should be way faster or if you get hit, you should be able to cut em/skip em.

[@Pyro8147]

All that Callisto Protocol did was make me want to play Dead Space.

[@benjaminfrazier1039]

I miss Angry Joe saying, "You done fucked it up!" That's what his reaction to this game would be.

[@mravg79]

I assume you will get it when it lends on the top 10 most disappointing games if 2022.

[@PepeLa_]

He normally does in the reviews by himself, he literally said it 3 months ago in the beginning of the Saints Row review.

[@benjaminfrazier1039]

@@PepeLa_ Thanks for pointing that out. I forgot. That being said, I believe that this game is another case where he would say that.

[@benjaminfrazier1039]

@mravg79 I think this game will actually be on Angry Joe's Worst Games of 2022 instead.

[@PepeLa_]

​@@benjaminfrazier1039 Yeah the game deserves a "you done fucked it up" but AJ not saying it isn't the end of the world, I think the final verdict of 3/10 speaks for itself.

[@patrickoakley7890]

Rented this from Gamefly. Went through it on Max Security difficulty from beginning to end. Agree with every single word of this review. The combat mechanics kill you more than the enemies do. Trying to fight a Two-Head, you'll be shooting your shotgun at his head, and for NO REASON, Jacob will do a melee attack and automatically get you killed. Pure fucking trash.

[@MrFitness94]

I just played through for free and I’m glad you commented this; that was tilting me so bad

[@Desbo]

Fuck me guys, the intro. One take? The acting! the script! the writing! Honestly so good, so good feels like a level up, great job - I’m in stitches laughing hahah! ❤

[@foxfire1112]

They are legit talented comedy actors, more than just typical KZbin quality

[@midnightjay]

19:49 There's something so damn funny about Joe losing his shit and OJ and Alex in the back in absolute silence just observing with unreadable expressions on their faces.

[@akmal94ibrahim]

You know a game combat mechanic is shit when you get infuriated even after beating the boss/enemies.

[@1985Seraphim]

As someone who works with OSHA, this skit was spot on😂

[@mikoto7693]

There might be a series potential in that. Pick a game or something from TV and roast it for its pointless OSHA violations. Maybe something like that stealth based Alien xenomorph game… Oh maybe Alien Isolation is the name? I can’t quite remember the title of that game.

[@matthewjones39]

@@mikoto7693 I do know one yt channel that finds the unemployment rate in different games

[@Atarius]

I got an AMD callisto protocol commercial as soon as the segment about the combat started lol

[@thebodykeepsthescore2828]

And?

[@metalvideos1961]

Your point? Use ad block

[@ElSoloNoco]

There's a few things they didn't really touch on in this review that I'd like to list for anyone interested - You climb through vents, holes in walls, and shimmy through doors, cracks in walls quite a bit in this game. You can't do anything during these sections except go forwards or backwards. You quickly realise that these are safe zones, no matter how much they try to scare you in these sections with sound design or something visual, you know nothing is actually going to happen because you can't use weapons / combat in these areas, so you never really feel scared. A horror game that keeps the tension going in these areas would be something like Alien Isolation, where, even in vents you know the alien could come barreling in at any moment to get you. Also the pace in which you move through the vents / cracks etc is very slow (almost like the game is using it to load the next section) and if you accidentally walk back into the vent, the animation to then turn around and get back out is excruciatingly slow. On PS4, (probably Xbox One too) it feels like a next gen game being played on old hardware, which of course it is! BUT, it really feels like it too. Framerate drops & stuttering are CONSTANT, if you impale a couple enemy's onto a spike wall, and hit them with your baton to get the items to fall off their bodies, the frames drop to like 5 - 10 fps for a couple seconds. Textures also have a problem with loading, especially if you move through the game too fast, same with dialogue during some moments, move too fast & they become jumbled. I completed the game 3 times. Once on Medium (took me almost 16 hours 😔). Once on Hard, as a New Game Plus, (took me almost 10 hours). & then I did a speed run of the game on Easy, new game plus, (took me 4 & a half hours). The reason I mention this is, I didn't have 1 crash playing on Medium or Hard difficulty, but as soon as I played it on Easy & ran through the game at a fast pace, the game was constantly crashing & going to the 'send error report' screen, it's as if the game has a real issue with loading things on the PS4, and if you move through it too quickly, the texture loading, the framerate drops, & the crashing become a major issue. There's a few other things I could mention in this long ass rant, like, I beat a boss, after a few attempts, and then glitched through the map, was met with a loading screen & then the boss fight started again from fresh... :/ The game has a weird screen issue when it's like there's faint lines running across the whole screen and all over the textures... The inventory system in the game was pretty bad imo, it makes you run through half the game with 6 inventory slots, baring in mind, health injectors don't stack, and bullets stack in pretty small amounts, so you're constantly going be leaving things behind because there's just no room to take it with you. Also buy/sell stations are often in the worst spots, you'll need one for like an hour, you'll have an inventory full of things to sell & will have to leave so much good stuff behind, and later on you'll encounter 2 buy stations in a 5 minute window, it's kinda ridiculous... Rant over, I cba anymore. I can't give anymore of my time to this game 😭

[@Vortexnicholas]

Whether it is 2011, 2015 ,2019 or 2022, angryjoe's angry reviews are always worth watching. Id love to see a angry review for evil west as well

[@mrgoober6320]

My biggest takeaway from Callisto Protocol is that Josh Duhamel looks exactly like Orson Welles.

[@gypdarin1458]

People who arent cultured should know orson welles was for a bit a handsome lad.

[@S1D3W1ND3R015]

Also him and Timothy Olyphant actually in real life get confused by people to be the same person, lol. They both talked about it on multiple talk shows.

[@accelerator8558]

I am sorry but i dont even know Who those People are

[@DJIsher1]

@@S1D3W1ND3R015 I thought it was Timothy in the game until I read this comment thread lmao

[@lihkan]

Didnt realised it before but cant unsee it now

[@bryanpineda2096]

That is an actual good point for OSHA to come barging in during the intro. Like simply walking around an area in The Callisto Protocol would be deadly in itself.

[@mafikdew78]

Biggest letdown of the year and a waste of $70

[@jubilantvision2212]

I had no plans to buy it, but I wanted to see its reviews.

[@williamyoung9401]

Watch the very end. The heavy metal music during the fight was the best part of the game that never happened, lol. (38:55)

[@imrileth6618]

I had plans to buy it but that plan changed when i watched gameplay after release.

[@dreamtiger5288]

I wish I did was very disappointed but loved the graphics 😢

[@ShallowDepression]

Do you know what a fleeting thought is?

[@Eddycut]

Save your money for the dead space remake. That looks infinitely better than this trash

[@Number99IsTheBest]

Thank you so much for adding in OtherJoes iconic “wanna play a zombie game?” It’s the best thumbnail and so nostalgic 😂

[@Fuxend]

I just simply can not believe there wasn't a single person in the ENTIRE studio who sit down, played with the game 30minutes, stand up and i said:"this combat system fckin sucks, we need to rethink it, hard

[@totallydarknessfilms2352]

I do see the main issue is that combat in the game is little too easy for a horror game it like playing resident evil 6 even though the gameplay makes you into a badass but the enemies aren't terrifying enough to take them seriously

[@danielgeronimo5538]

The thing at least in Resident Evil 6, midway point once you start fighting the J'avo, you'd soon learn they are a lot smarter than the average grunt you've been dealing with. Biophages can look goofy at times and there's no "oh shit" moments not like when necromorph variants starts appearing.

[@insiainutorrt259]

Combat can be easy And NOT! boring....

[@coranbaker6401]

It was easy 1 on 1, but it could get very cheap against multiple enemies, and on hard difficult everyone is so bullet spongey that the whole game is a slog to go through.

[@Fenris2]

Also way too slow paced and then when you're doing well then you suddenly get bum rushed by 7 dudes that came from nowhere

[@VexenDmitri]

Funnily enough, I watched my friend played Callisto Protocol last week, and we basically joked on the same things Alex said about the architecture in the sketch. Word by word. 🤣

[@absolutelyfookinnobody2843]

Nope, you are lying for attention

[@drpotato830]

true, the place alone without all these creatures are dangerous enough. no wonder most of those doing security are robots.

[@Gundamman]

Gaming is no longer about making good games it's about slapping together a product that people will buy

[@pompeythegreat297]

Capitalism has infiltrated gaming.

[@abeyma2242]

if it has a famous name attached to it people will buy/consume it no matter what, its not just movies or shows it seems, its spreading to games too but in this case it doesnt have a famous title or anything but instead people know the lead guy made Dead space so.

[@Fxrrxt2x]

@@pompeythegreat297 Wanna know something interesting about capitalism? We actually control it. But, the problem? The people are stupid.

[@julessaviour5931]

Just like movies these days, they are no longer passion projects but just companies trying to make money.

[@Revan-eb1wb]

@@pompeythegreat297 stop sounding like a commie

[@hunn20004]

Perhaps that is one major gripe...that unlike the Ishimura... The Callisto facility doesn't quite look like either a functional prison or a hidden gene experiment facility

[@Brandon-ml2zw]

It does eventually.

[@hunn20004]

​@@Brandon-ml2zw Where? the DLC? And you get blackscreen teleported into the prison transport, then your cell, and oh suprise, everything is on fire and you're out of your cell. Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher bay did way better on less square meterage. AAAA quality visuals should always take the backseat to gameplay, story AND mechanics.

[@egalitarius8582]

The Dead Space remake was VASTLY better.

[@AzurTG]

I love how they didn’t even realize the annoying woman was kamiko from the boys

[@gaminginhdmax3854]

I love it when devs use all their budget on everything except gameplay and end up with a stinker game.

[@aw9307]

Or Katana, even.

[@EzeLolo86]

Damn, they all look the same😆

[@imrileth6618]

@@gaminginhdmax3854 That's exactly the impression i got when i watched gameplay footage when it released. This game is like the opposite of elden ring, Put all the budget into getting big actors, cinematics and then there was none left for making the actual game good haha.

[@northernseeker1822]

@@SuperFlawless2010 Wasted Actress, there weren't even reason to keep it on.

[@Kuduloka]

I could've forgiven a lot of the mistakes and terrible systems, if the story was more engaging. I remember getting to chapter 4 or 5 (couldn't keep track honestly), and started wondering, "when am I going to start finding out the story?" That should've been a red flag right away, and the game was more of a slog because there wasn't anything I was working towards. Seriously, what story driven game, besides this one, withholds it's story for hours before giving it to you?!

[@AnikiChad]

joe you’re lookin good man, makes me happy to see, been watching for so so many years, glad to see you doin good

[@gracol435]

Words to chill the heart - "We'll fix it" How about (and it's a terrifying thought) releasing a game that works on the first attempt?

[@westberlinerbuoi70]

You guys killed it with this parody intro! Hands down, funniest one in quite some time👌 (extra points for Alex' "he disARMed you" quip lmao)

[@absolutelyfookinnobody2843]

No, no he doesn't get an extra point for the most obvious joke that would have been made by pretty much everyone

[@westberlinerbuoi70]

@@absolutelyfookinnobody2843 well, english is not my mother tongue so I never really drew the connection between "arm" and "disarm". To me that was a funny play on words 🤷‍♂️

[@camolot2102]

@@absolutelyfookinnobody2843 eat a snickers

[@Ming1975]

That starting intro would make a great short of 2 safety inspectors going through the horrors of the facility then at the end issues the shut down slip like what was shown here.

[@MoNkDiZzLe6]

Glad I didn't waste 70 buck on this. Will wait to play.

[@White_Tiger-777]

I pre-ordered this game. Spent 60 dollars on it. I got like halfway through and it took me a week to get back to it and finish it. I gave it a 6.7 out of 10 when I first played it. But I thought a bit more about is and now I believe that it is a 4.5 out of 10.

[@seriousstuff8887]

It took me about 8 hours to play through..its a brawler it's a fun game when you look at it like that.

[@thingsiplay]

@@White_Tiger-777 I tell people never pre-order games. When will people learn...

[@heyjeySigma]

@@thingsiplay ppl will never ever learn. Ppl preordrrd that thrash known as cyberpunk 2077.. but didn't learn the lesson and now they preorder this and didn't learn.. probably same with pokemon SV.. and it wil go on and on

[@trevordennis2631]

It’s not worth it even at like $19.99 on sale. It’s fucking garbage.

Those walkways… maybe this should be The Collapso Protocol"? I'll see myself out…

[@metfan999]

Here, have my like

[@variousengineering1965]

🥁

[@music8419]

How about "corridor protocol" or "cramped protocol" or "confusing camera protocol" or ...

[@docbenway1082]

👏👏👏 I chuckled

[@Ascendedninja6]

Haha. No, you can stay.

[@eddieliusa]

Just played dead space 2 again, and its insane how many more enemy types there were compared to CP. The weapons also all function very differently and makes replaying it still very fun

[@peterversionone]

Scariest enemy in Dead Space 2 were the infants. When the lady allowed it to crawl to her, I was trying everything to break the window to save her

[@absolutelyfookinnobody2843]

No it's not "insane". Why are you over-exaggerating, there are lots of games that had plenty of care and detailed put into it. This game is just a lazy design or they didn't know what they were doing.

[@mattcubed9658]

@@absolutelyfookinnobody2843 They meant insane as in compared to this game which was made by the same devs moron

[@EliteJediX]

@@absolutelyfookinnobody2843 he said compared to he isn't over exaggerating shit

[@drpotato830]

nah for me it always the ds one, beyond comparable. ds2 its starting like a looter shooter when ds3 basically a cod.

[@kylemiller5148]

What I absolutely despise about the combat is that if I came across multiple enemies it becomes nearly impossible for me to get passed that fight without dying 10 times in a row, I mean it's ridiculously easy to get overwhelmed,that especially doesn't help when the enemies start to mutate and the only way to kill them is to shoot them once or twice

[@shredheadterminal]

The game has many, many problems but what you are describing is a 'you' issue. There is a reason the game gives you the GRIP, which allows you to throw enemies away. There is a reason why you can catch enemy projectiles with the GRIP and throw it right back at them. Yes it is a limited resource but if you use positioning and effective use of GRIP, you will realize that the game is not hard at all. I completed it on my first playthrough on Maximum Security with probably 20 or so deaths in the entire campaign.

[@mariawhite7337]

It would be really interesting to have a zombie game where you are a bunch of prisoners trying to survive an outbreak. All the guards left, only the prisoners are the ones left uninfected for hundreds of miles. So you basically have to get the best prison engineers to start Mcgyver'ing zombie killing things. Resource management galore. Have to find a way to survive long term and short. Sadly this game decided to go more with the BAD aspects of dead space and nothing else.

[@arandomfish9755]

Loving the reviews lately, funny as hell, with just the right proportion of talking, gameplay, parody and screaming. Thanks Joe and team.

[@delta22ization]

how old are you? couse I'm sencing a new born, with 0 world experience...

[@williamyoung9401]

To Rage, or not to Rage. That is the question. (23:10)

[@tigeroyer7789]

@@delta22ization what does that even mean? Are you butthurt they didn’t like the game or something? Are you that easily upset?

[@delta22ization]

@@tigeroyer7789 it means I want to know when this person started watching this and his age, couse I personally checked out of the "funny" part on this skits/reviews.... it means I don't find anything he does funny, not after what I witness live.

[@tigeroyer7789]

@@delta22ization so you’re hate commenting because somebody liked something that you don’t find funny? You’re a small and pathetic person.

[@TonySilvey13]

The opening bit where Alex looks to the audience and flat out says "there's no excuse for it" had me dying

[@sadson420]

Lovely video, reminds of the good old days of watching AngryJoe. Great job guys

[@AlexanderTheGreat1000]

This game is hella good, wtf? This generation of people are insanely critical. Clowns

[@StorytellerDan]

NEVER buy into trailers, hype, pre-order BS or anything anymore. ALWAYS wait for your reviewers to give you the BS-Free perspective! Bravo Joe & Team!

[@lutherheggs451]

OR one could just use their brain and see a game then make a decision all on their own if they actually want to preorder it or purchase it...Reviews are literally opinions not facts, combined with only an imbecile would ever pay attention to say user reviews on site like metacritic where pathetic losers with no life and 20 burner accounts trip over each other to either have 20 10s because their plastic masters made the game/have the game OR their plastic master's competition made/have the game exclusively... My brain and common sense work so I've never needed a "opinion" I mean review to tell me IF I have interest in playing a game and i'm not poor so if I buy a game and its bad, then its bad and I could care less, I just delete it and move on.

[@divinitygaming8673]

Unless it's From Software

[@Dekead1930]

Yep. I hate to crap on people’s excitement but there’s always a ‘this game is gonna be the best game of all time’ before they see a second of gameplay

[@ChadVulpes]

@@divinitygaming8673 There is no "unless". Every renowned studio is "one of the good ones" until they finally can't release a game that meets expectations(whether it's because of publishers, their incompetence, or other reasons). You choose to be gullible if you buy into the hype or purchase a pre-order. Not to mention you support an anti-consumer practice by doing so, even if it is studio with a flawless record. No exceptions.

[@divinitygaming8673]

@@ChadVulpes Nah, in fact I feel bad for spending only 300€ for the premium collector's edition of Elden Ring. I honestly felt that it was a steal. Such quality should cost more, so the only way I can repay them is with pre-orders.

[@PhantomHalf]

Its fucking wild how I’ve been watching angry joe since middle school. I am proud to have you being one of the biggest puertorican youtubers. Keep it up!

[@DrViperVideos]

You didn’t say what grade youre in now, so maybe you’re still in middle school. Also him bring puerto rican means nothing lol

[@N3XTREVOLUTION]

@@DrViperVideos why be a dick?

[@PhantomHalf]

@@DrViperVideos bro im a grown ass man im 25 and im also puertorican go suck a dick huele bicho

[@PhantomHalf]

@@DrViperVideos jodio mamao

[@0boro]

@@DrViperVideos Partyboy has arrived.

[@Redwolf322]

The people that made dead space that was part of this must have been the graphics team because everything else was shit

[@javarjv]

I wish they would try again, this time listening to fan's feedback, Like more enemy types, more boss battles, more imagitive set pieces, More weapons, A large skill tree that allows you to play how you want, with more of a focus on range combat, longer story with more stakes, more wide open areas to explore, stuff worth finding to collect while exploring, Few extra cooler suits, Then maybe do something cool for replays & adding life to the game- by adding in multiple random thing's that can happen in certain area's- so say in 1 room the character walks in an it triggers 1 of the 2 or 3 random thing's that can happen for example, 1- time it triggers a unique boss battle that would require a puzzle to help defeat, 2nd time instead a endless wave of enemy's start pouring in from different access points an not only do you have to fight the enemy back you have to seal up those few access points for a certain amount of time, An the 3rd time it could be a qte style set piece that is very intense, These random thing's could be sprinkled around like 20 or so places throughout the journey & that would really add a ton of extra legs to replays, it would keep the player on thier toes an keep it fresh never knowing what they might encounter in those area's, An there is a few other thing's that could be done to make the game better, More varied combat encounters with mixes of different enemy's, Finding a pool of random truly unique weapons or suits, it would really make the game a lot more personalized, bam, that would be a masterpiece, that of done right would have player's in love.

[@planexshifter]

Let’s do a spiritual successor to DeadSpace! Ok- any ideas? Yeah, we remove everything great about DeadSpace! Ok…. And then what? Oh, no that’s it, I was done.

[@Lone1Wolf8]

2:35 died laughing when Alex looked at the camera. He's done 😂

[@ImaginaShip]

I was reminded of the Mass Effect review while watching this and had to go watch it just to see OJ with the googly eyes again 😂

[@zeus1117]

Mass Effect is way better than this game though.

[@ImaginaShip]

@@zeus1117 totally agree! Especially with all the fixes they’ve put into it.

[@bainsvain]

you guys have still got it! Love your intro's!

[@Foppezao]

The load manual save which is actually the last check point save is going on in a lot of games. God of War Ragnarok as well, and they actually tell you there. Maybe they don’t want you to gear everything up before a save before a boss battle?. Anyways, had a good laugh with this review, cheers!

[@izolationmediainc.9625]

All those years, and I still can´t get over the fact, that you three guys, are the perfect buddy combo. Joe is the a little "older" brother, but angry and impulsiv. OtherJoe is the little "younger" brother, not that loud, always responsiv and always by Joe´s side. And Alex is the dissacosiated cousin, who´s always over, never gets bothered, and keeps kind of a overlook because of his distance. Gold Trio.

[@Bhstickman]

This needs more likes! Couldn't agree more

[@Airyed]

I liked Del too

[@billyleho7839]

Even a soft jumpscare in DS such as a necromorph passing by is way more scarier and heart pumping than in CP where they have a monster directly at your face. Also they even have the audacity to reenact the ending jumpscare like in DS which didn't work at all...

[@alexbrown7708]

I think a big reason for that is you don’t want to be close to enemies in Dead Space. But in CP you do since it’s your main form of combat.

[@kingrobotnik6950]

@@alexbrown7708 nah bro, it’s about subtlety. You don’t want to be around any enemy. But you know eventually you’ll have to engage with them. But them just right in your face constantly isn’t scary. Having the enemy creep by you, gives you the uncomfortable sense someone is watching you and you know you’ll have to fight them eventually. You just don’t know when and you hope they don’t catch you off guard like if you are low on ammo…

[@alexbrown7708]

@@kingrobotnik6950 I said a big reason not the only reason.

[@vangoghskye]

3 out of 10? Bullshit, the game isn't that bad. Sorry guys but I'm gonna have to disagree with you on this one.

[@BaltimoreActual]

I’m usually complaining about how little angry reviews there have been over the past few years, it seemed like they really took a backseat to fkn movie and show reviews etc but I have to give credit where credit is due and say it seems like you guys have really put a lot more effort into getting more angry reviews done the past several months and I hope ya’ll keep up the hard work and thanks!

[@BaltimoreActual]

@Poop Frogg same.

[@HoodrichShinobi]

bro his passive aggressive smiling skill is absolutely unreal. It's truly next level. 😂😂😂😂

[@rrice3142]

Joes jump scare bit was so hilarious

[@williamyoung9401]

OMG, I could not stop laughing when Alex kept saying, "foreskin." 🤣🤣🤣 (26:45)

[@rrice3142]

@@williamyoung9401 haha. One of their best videos !

[@FUBRTitansDogma]

Awesome review yet again. I did enjoy the game but agree with joes verdict there was a lot of stuff that could of been done to save the game

[@Minicraz345]

The bit when joe was talking about the jump scares had me dying😂😂😂.

[@MrBurnsy81]

I mean, he did get me on the first one 😅

[@dropsixteentvtv4149]

"allaaa oooop!" Lol

[@CoolSmoovie]

That *final jump scare* had me dying laughing. Especially after how unscary and meh the final fight was, that went for the whole game as well.

[@mariobadia4553]

They tried so hard to make this like the first Dead Space so they just couldn't resist making a s***** jumpscare at the end. The jump scare in Dead Space one worked because issac took the shuttle off the planet so he should be safe only for Nicole that jump out at Isaac

[@williamyoung9401]

When Alex is on his phone while AJ is going off, you know it's a bad game. Not bad. Boring...annoying. Which is way worse. They definitely needed to hire better combat people...A better dodge mechanic. Maybe even bio-upgrades so can the Player can have super-human strength. You're mutating in a good way. They're mutating in a bad way. You know?

[@dtay8913]

THIS is my Christmas present. I love Dead space and Angry Joe so I've been eagerly anticipating your review on this.

[@Seraficamente]

the beginning of the video got me thinking about a question, how did batman get the permits to build the batcave and keep it a secret?

[@AlexanderFort]

2:35 I love how Alex looks at the camera when he says how lazily designed the game is.

[@ieat223]

Love this kind of video,,, discussion still with clips from the game just like the old videos,,,

[@ajaxlewis7664]

You only need one comma, why are you using 3?

[@manwithballsonarm6775]

@@ajaxlewis7664 cause he can,,,

[@ajaxlewis7664]

@@manwithballsonarm6775 Well, you like things in 3s so much 🖕🖕🖕

[@Daniel-jc1bp]

@@ajaxlewis7664 I could not stop laughing you mad my day😂

[@cs45933]

@@ajaxlewis7664 calm calm calm down down down,,, it’s it’s it’s only only only three three three commas commas commas,,, 🖕🖕🖕