The Coffin Ray and Hugging a Penguin: Citation Needed 2x02

techdif.co.uk - This week, we start with Steve Irwin, discuss some shocking fish, and tell a tale of a penguin in the desert who just needed a hug.
BONUS MATERIAL - The Thunderbirds Crematorium: • The Thunderbirds Crema...
THE FULL PLAYLIST: • Citation Needed, from ...
TOM is @tomscott and at tomscott.com
GARY is @garybrannan
MATT is @unnamedculprit and at mattg.co.uk
CHRIS doesn't do this social media nonsense.

[@steve1978ger]

I don't understand half of your British references, but what's left is still hilarious.

[@TheAaaargh]

Okay. Don't eat curry while eating this. Snorting curry out of your nose is not a pleasent experience. It does help against a stuffed nose.

[@louisbarrass611]

The Aaaargh i watch this while having the shits thats worse

[@audreyrasmussen540]

*watching this

[@seanboyd2898]

Cherries aren't good either.

[@odyseya]

Or soup

[@richardmillhousenixon]

Red Bull through the nose at velocity isn't fun either

[@npc6924]

"They have been seen with large things in their stomachs" "Land creatures" Maybe they were... *PANTHERS?*

[@chillinlikeaphilin]

I literally laughed out loud when I read this! Honorary Mystery Biscuits to you!

[@YusriRilke]

I heard it in the voice, exactly

[@thelastcube.]

YES! THIS IS GLORIOUS!

[@CraftQueenJr]

Needs to be ittalic too. Otherwise small caps are just DEATH.

[@ulischmidt03]

*PANTHEEERS?????*

[@umgubularslashkilter9272]

Ornithologist Chris Joel covering his face at the 'Penguins are a fish-ish thing' bit is the best thing ever

[@CBG232x5]

When I say Orith you say ologist Ornith!

[@richardmillhousenixon]

@@CBG232x5 No

[@simoncanttakevideos6727]

@@CBG232x5 ologist!

[@snowfloofcathug]

It *is* a fishish thing. It’s not a fish, but it is fishish

[@tomm.ymacleod9347]

@@CBG232x5 OLIGIST!

[@wrywh]

Australian shallow water is a nightmare between coffin rays and stone fish. Penguins secrete oil to waterproof themselves, given that most of the oil in their diet is from eating fish it stands to reason they would be a bit fishy.

[@oz_jones]

It also helps woth the diving and swimming, i guess

[@AnimeSunglasses]

And the cone snails, and the blue-ringed octopode, and crocodiles, and the... Why does ANYONE swim in Australia‽

[@jgraaay18]

@@AnimeSunglasses Because they're Australians, I suspect.

[@88porpoise]

​@@AnimeSunglasseshave you seen what they have on land?

[@AnimeSunglasses]

@@88porpoise ...valid point.

[@thelastcube.]

I swear that Matt got the least points but somehow won for hugging a penguin

[@notakirakarakaza2118]

as he should

[@notthatcreativewithnames]

12:56 I just have realised, but why didn't they ask Chris Joel, the ornithologist, over there whether a penguin is a bird?

[@the_ratmeister]

When I say ornith...

[@aliciaparker945]

@@the_ratmeisteryou say ologist.

[@alistairwall5470]

@@aliciaparker945 Ornith

[@thatmarchingarrow]

@@alistairwall5470 ologist

[@malachichampion]

He's an ornithologist??!?

[@j.k.wheeler4899]

Tom should've asked 'What shape is the fish?' just so that Gary's apparently irresistible impulse to cry 'Coffins!' would for once be correct.

[@mycharliequinn]

I've never been more envious than I was when I heard matt grey got to hug a penguin

[@anttibjorklund1869]

Envious of Matt or the penguin?

[@thelastcube.]

well Matt got his chance at beign envious when Tom got to fly with Red Arrows and on the Zero G flight

[@QqJcrsStbt]

Nunnery joke, cut to the punch line, 'See, I told you it was a penguin!'

[@meetaverma8372]

same bruh

[@ashtonhoward5582]

@@anttibjorklund1869 yes

[@zammer990]

This seems much more awkward when you consider that Tom doesn't actually have a "Mystery Biscuits" button

[@thelastcube.]

I'd not like to think about that for long

[@matthewatkins2248]

"it's an ugly looking fish that wants to kill you, where is it going to live?" Australia! HAHAHAHAHAHA! come to Australia, we have wonderful wildlife (just don't mess with it, or it will try to kill you and often succeed.)

[@masansr]

@@laurentcardinal2745 Australia actually has the lowest number of deaths by animals out of all continents. And the deadliest animal there is the horse, followed by cattle I believe.

[@aidanbrumsickle]

i've had the phrase 'benthic bony fishes' in my head for so long and i finally found where it came from.

[@seveger]

As russian citisen 7 years later and I'm still waiting to hear the news "Vladimir Putin has misteriously dissapeared during the day and was later found in the stomack of australian coffin-shaped bottom feeding fish"

[@beth12svist]

I think a lot of people would appreciate such news now.

[@volbla]

Listing off big things on land sounded like a Monty Python skit.

[@Fetidaf]

Volbla o seriously couldnt breathe all the way through that bit

[@Dragongaga]

Ironically, more people drown in the desert than dehydrate. While most of the time you only go into the desert well equipped and with more then enough water, you can easily drown in a storm flood if you accidentally camp in a dry river bed. They are tempting to camp in, because they protect you from sand storms, but still deadly if a rain storm happens

[@Malkontent1003]

I dunno about that. Maybe more DIE from drowning than dehydration, but seeing as most people will dehydrate from sitting in front of the telly for too long, I'd say that them just being dehydrated is more common.

[@thecassman]

I feel like the joke of a scuba-geared Richard O'Brien looking like a pint of Guinness wasn't given anywhere near enough credit! XD

[@toyester4570]

Okay seeing as no one won the mystery biscuits, the first person to record themselves pissing on a coffin ray will win them! Bonus biscuits if you get Richard O'Brien to narrate it. We need to know what happens for... science Edit: Actually Chris should of won them for saying "that ones already been sent to the electric chair" at 0:50

[@Convergant]

Toyester even more preferably, Miles O'Brien

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

Do I have to stand on a fence for it?

[@Convergant]

HappyBeezerStudios - by Lord_Mogul no, you have to piss on a beach and narrowly miss Steve Irwin

[@johnnyboy3949]

Chris should win just because he’s brilliant

[@mastersoftoday]

noone won them... or maybe, it's because tom just didn't have the button

[@vanillasadboi]

I remember when the BBC did an April Fool's Day documentary about flying penguins and people actually believed it.

[@beaniepollard8290]

What part of the video made you think of that? (I haven't finished it yet, don't know if there's a really obvious bit.)

[@vanillasadboi]

+Holly Boreham It was around 10:34

[@joshuahadams]

Those are called puffins.

[@boabuin1151]

Matt saying "plankton" and then responding with "B I G P L A N K T O N" after Tom said that it was bigger than that is honestly me at school

[@mufinman1987]

Mythbusters did the whole peeing on the electric rail thing and it doesn't work because of the breaks in the stream.

[@windhelmguard5295]

fire fighter speaking here: minimum safety distance from a source of electricity is five metres in spray mode and fifteen metres in stream mode.

[@AmazingJellyfish]

Windhelm Guard best comment I've seen on KZbin ever

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

You haven't seen a stream after being up all day without being able to relieve oneselves.

[@entropyzero5588]

+KIZUKO1987 Yeah, the Mythbusters really failed on that one… I once tested this myself (accidentally - it was dark, so I couldn't see the fence; I thought I was just peing off the road into a field) and let me tell you: BOY does a shock to your nether regions hurt!

[@danniluxgarbe429]

@@entropyzero5588 Fence is not the same as the third rail. They tested the electric fence in a revisit and THAT did shock, as the stream didn't have a chance to break up.

[@paulieglot]

1:50 Ah yes, the Wallace & Gromit approach to funerary services.

[@torche72]

Coffin with neon "NO VACANCY"

[@slycooper1001]

inb4 287 years later in vegas someone digs it up the only lights that still work spells "novac"

[@ellaisplotting]

Ayyy

[@teipeu9033]

Or Nepo Slian. We already know that Chris has the sign.

[@hotelmario510]

I genuinely have no idea what answer Tom was looking for at 1:08. "Coffins" would be the obvious answer.

[@madsmikkleson8699]

This is banter at its finest

[@telotawa]

+Maddy Bride yes

[@zyaicob]

*Banters?*

[@eagleontheweb]

Best line: "Penguins aren't fish! ...am I wrong?"

[@neeks1139]

the Wikipedia page to CHECK killed me

[@ThePixel1983]

"Vladimir Putin" - Yes, please.

[@losthor1zon]

"It's an ugly looking fish that wants to kill you. Where's it going to live?" "Australia." Ding! lolol

[@simplemaddness]

I really do feel sorry for the people who were not raised in england who have to look up half the jokes during these :D makes mee feel a little more at home

[@programmingwithaiden]

I am Australian and I get 95% of the jokes.

[@IceMetalPunk]

I'm American and I got all the jokes except for whoever that guy is they wanted to put in the Desert Ocean XD

[@simplemaddness]

I said "who have to look them up" if you get them off the bat, im sure this exludes you from the list :P

[@imark7777777]

Yes and all the Americans who are not Doctor Who fans. I say this because half of them make sense to me because I've had to look them up already I think.

[@luciusneochojin307]

So glad this series is back. It's like drunken awesome talk without alcohol or having to go out to join the smokers to continue it.

[@NomadSoul76]

My mind is blown at the idea of taking a green screen underwater and editing in a desert background. The opposite used to be common in movies, it'd be amazing to see it done the other way for once.

[@theboxygenie]

Who films in the desert?

[@andrewwebb917]

People who want to pretend to be on mars. Or any other part of space. Holywood is in a dessert ​@@theboxygenie

[@sporkafife]

I'm just imagining all the non Brits having no clue what you're on about when you talk about Richard O'Brien from Crystal Maze xD

[@stuartm7009]

sporkafife one of said non-brits... i am an aussie, but i haven't seen a coffin ray before...

[@tonyg9451]

sporkafife just say 'Richard O'Brien from Rocky Horror Picture Show' and we will know

[@firebird9594]

I'm in Germany and I watch it all the time. 😑

[@therese294776]

I'm a non-Brit; no clue what's going on in that regard, but enjoying it nonetheless.

[@lawrencecalablaster568]

sporkafife Mr. Fletcher from Phineas & Ferb

[@chechema1010]

10:39 I thought the video switched to a 'Would I Lie To You' segment XD

[@paxardens3505]

I bet the Catholic Church would classify penguins as fish (since beavers, puffins, and capybara are classified as such already...)

[@cadetkohr5508]

Something I need to see: Matt Gray's Matte Gray Gray Mat

[@supremechaosbeing2696]

9:17 Panthers?

[@GigaBoost]

Holy shit, Chris (?) looks really good in that beard.

[@InTenZeGamingHD]

Toast

[@anttibjorklund1869]

@@InTenZeGamingHD never happened.

[@nmat6183]

"Penguins aren't fish! ...amiwrong?"

[@s6th795]

Fridges? Tigers? ...Panthers...?

[@w4tchdoge]

Tom: “Benthic bony fishes” Me: EXTRA THICC

[@CBG232x5]

It has been three years and no one has made Gary Brannan flailing into a gif and I am sad.

[@violaw7304]

on the subject of nast shocks, me dads a muggle, mums a witch. bitofanasty shock for him when he found out

[@Catsandpixels]

*golf clap*

[@lisachong7480]

Yes. YES. THANK YOU FOR THAT WONDERFUL REFERENCE 👏👏👏

[@lawrencecalablaster568]

Thanks, Seamus Finnegan!

[@bastiankunz4585]

And here are the Potterheads (mind you, I am one of them), hooray!

[@tigercake558]

Chris' stingray joke was on point

[@George_Azeria]

I think it was shocking

[@JackMaddock1]

I'm just noting the veeeeeery bad Australian accent!

[@Eeroke]

And I think the joke was so lost to most of the people. Thunderbirds iswell known, this show is a bit more obscure.

[@woodfur00]

Not sure what audio cue they normally get when Tom hits the biscuits button, but obviously there was nothing this time-yet Gary echoed it in exactly the right key. Just thought that was interesting.

[@therese294776]

my thoughts exactly

[@andrewwebb917]

They've heard it so many times

[@Liggliluff]

(5:22) > 'It's the volts that jolts; it's the mills that kills.' volt is a unit, but mill(i) is a prefix ... millilitre? milligram? milliwatt?

[@peterweatherley7669]

Milliamp…

[@andrewmunro8830]

"It's the milliamps that killiamps" was significantly less catchy.

[@Liggliluff]

@@peterweatherley7669 I know, I just made a bad joke. But people should not have a habit of shortening metric units to just the prefixes.

[@LivingLatexKali]

don't pish on the electric fish :-P

[@calza13]

Underrated comment

[@april7635]

+

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

Aye!

[@ImDemonAlchemist]

"New version of Donkey Kong for the Wii now that you got 3D graphics..."

[@Ko0lHaNDLuKex]

"This is a coffin ray, so it kills with..."

[@hotscottrulz]

COFFINS!

[@browser1611]

Too late

[@petertaylor4980]

A respiratory infection?

[@20thcenturygamer22]

Panthers?

[@dbseamz]

@@petertaylor4980 Underrated answer

[@TrencejGaming]

"Brian Blesseds underwear drawer" would be a hell of a sample to put before a Drop in a dubstep/Trap track.

[@paulieglot]

wub wub wub wub wubwubwubwubwubwubwubwub "Brian Blessed's underwear drawer"

[@silentfox-thewhitechaos8279]

Gary. A penguin smells like fish because they are kept in an enclosure, and the enclosure water smells like fish from all of the fish thrown in to feed them. Thus they smell like fish. If it was in the wild, I surmise they smell like the ocean

[@alifedirectedbytom]

I was trying to drink while watching the section on peeing on rays, let’s just say that was a bad idea

[@QqJcrsStbt]

Is a penguin a fish, yes if you are a Catholic. Fridays in Lent meant abstinence from meat, but fish were allowed. In different parts of the world Bishops decreed that certain aquatic species were fish: Hippos in Africa. Penguins and Puffins in places (they did taste fishy). Capybara in South America. Alligators in The Southern US. Beavers up North and in Canada. A colleague did ask 'Really, does anyone eat Beaver?', silent room, face in hands on desk. That one still has legs and many miles left to run.

[@eloiseannicle]

That penguin story is the most unusual I’ve heard from Citation Needed so far (I’m not going completely in order). Also from my trips to the Cornish seal sanctuary (they have more than just seals) I can say that the larger the marine mammal the more they absolutely REEK of fish. Very glad I didn’t go when pregnant, otherwise it’s a very enjoyable trip out.

[@shreyarora9738]

"its an ugly looing fish that wants to kill you, where will it live?" "Australia"

[@dylc413]

"Richard O Brien drowns in the Sahara" the best thing I've heard all day! xD

[@ryebreadthewhite3392]

My local aquarium at Christmas puts electrodes in the electric eel tank that lights up a Christmas tree when it shocks stuff. It’s very cool

[@stephenhorton]

I want to hug a penguin in a desert!!!

[@robotiquebleu9619]

This show is just me incarnate. Half the episode is tangents and the other half is Tom attempting to bring everyone back

[@thislooksfun1]

I just had a 5 minute literally-rolling-on-the-floor laugh at the Putin bit. Hardest I've laughed in months. So glad I finally started watching this.

[@ekjswim]

Always such a chuckle for "BIG plankton"

[@GilTheDragon]

Matt is right though penguins are considered fish with regards to the lenten fast

[@notthere83]

Ah, the times when Gary still enjoyed those... whatever you call those word plays at the end... and was happy for others who won. :)

[@TheLillebart]

I love watching this, i hope it becomes as big a success for you as "Things you might not know".

[@K9TheFirst1]

"I met a penguin the other day." "Was he in a shop?!"

[@siprus]

"ugly looking fish, where it's going to live"- "astralia" XD

[@JonTheGeek]

"Would you like to hug this penguin?" "Yes. Yes I would."

[@evanrigel954]

oh my god, while they were naming big things the ray definitely could not have eaten, my stomach was cramping, I was laughing so hard XD

[@tomstech4390]

1#who says no to meeting...touching...and hugging a penguin? 2# THINK ABOUT THE PENGUINS thier cousins are freezing thier nuts off trying to catch a fish to eat. these are (hopefully) being pampered every day on the understanding that they are allowed to be felt up, groomed and cuddled by these big wierd looking creatures in a dedicated room. by the sounds of it that perfume bottle probably isnt far away. next thing you know theyll have makeup and you end up with some $2 hussy penguins in a little room with a red lightbulb.

[@mattb4721]

Obligatory prog-rock band name joke: Matt Gray and the Hugging Penguins

[@gmtom19]

Is that a BabyMetal shirt there Mat?

[@meetaverma8372]

probably not, but I like that there are people who watch this and has the same music taste as me

[@TessaTron92]

If you need to see Richard O'Brian in scuba gear all you have to do is watch the Spice Girls movie. Yes, really.

[@kaybrann]

Yes. Although I can forgive the guys for not knowing this. Spice World was.... a film.

[@willdrug]

It's a bit of a necropost but... "Could store it in a jar"... erm... yes, it's called a Leyden Jar

[@stephenmstanley]

Had no idea Leyden Jars were a thing, that’s so cool!

[@inkbotkowalski]

OMG I was thinking penguins! (well, actually I was thinking pengwinks, because reasons)

[@qwertyTRiG]

inkbotkowalski Benedict Cumberbatch?

[@E_FoxSnowspirit]

The fact that I can just hilariously picture what they're talking about makes me think someone should animate on of these!!!

[@Battlefox64_RL]

Just imagine a smoking end of an exploded knob and an Australian bloke crying on camera

[@Battlefox64_RL]

All right I'm headed to bed I've had enough internet

[@datenegassie]

I imagined something like a freeze ray, a weapon that would fire coffins or turn other objects into coffins.

[@j.yossarian6852]

It must be noted that the penguin that the ray would have snacked on would have been an Australian Fairy Penguin, the worlds smallest species of penguin.

[@snowfloofcathug]

Thank you for that information :D

[@beth12svist]

Does it share the title of smallest penguin with the kororā, or is one of the two a smidge smaller?

[@yokab]

Gary is a national treasure

[@maneatingcheeze]

Perhaps a penguin is a fish. I mean, the pope considers beavers, puffins, and iguanas to be fish, why not penguins?

[@Abigail-hu5wf]

Just... even though it's been years... just so we're clear every river has a benthic zone. Coffin rays live where people step on them, you won't need to decompression dive to get to them :P Also, all people need weights, not just slim people, and in fact heavier people would need them MORE because it's about buoyancy. You want a person to be naturally neutrally buoyant, so you wear a weight belt to cancel out the extra buoyancy of the wetsuit/drysuit and things.

[@Septimus_ii]

Abigail V just to add, almost all people need belts. A few people, especially children, can sink below the surface

[@Abigail-hu5wf]

Children who have that issue are rarely old enough to dive :P

[@yohopostop]

Do you guys always use so many vocal sound effects? Or is it just this episode?

[@oldaccountthatidontuseanymore]

More of this please! This is really funny.

[@brandonmartin-moore5302]

With the coffin-coughing thing mentioned, I was expecting a Charles Ingram joke.

[@ShadowDrakken]

You've been *****? So you're typically someone else then? :)

[@berndbeispielmensch]

As strange as the sentence 'I've been ...' sounds, is it a usual thing to say for a native speaker?

[@TheRhinehart86]

Bernd Beispielmensch Depends on the context and tense. If a show ends, say a game show called "X" hosted by a guy called "Bob", a narrator might say "this has been Bob, hosting X". If Bob announces the end of the show himself he might say "I have been Bob, hosting X", since its obvious by his actions that Bob has been hosting the show this doesn't necessarily have to be stated so you can shorten it to just "this has been Bob" or "I have been Bob". The action isn't that Bob has been himself, the action is that Bob has been hosting the show but you can only know that if you know the context. I guess its a quirk of English?

[@imark7777777]

I passed by this comment and came back for a like because yes it does sort of sound weird in the context.

[@koppadasao]

If you can't die from peeing on the third rail, you can't die from peeing on a coffin ray or any other electric fishes or eels.

[@ryPish]

That Baby Metal shirt looks fabulous D:

[@1Lo1L]

Benthic boney fish, you know, fish that have been thicc

[@1Lo1L]

They aren't thicc anymore though, just the bottom

[@berndbeispielmensch]

Is the coffin ray called casket ray in the US?

[@PandoraSystem]

"Richard O'Brien Drowns in the Sahara" sounds like the title of a YTP

[@karchkurrai4765]

They seem confused by the concept of desert penguins but like only 2 of 17 species of penguins live in the Antarctic the rest are all in southern parts of South America and Africa.

[@RegiRuler]

I'm gonna give you guys not knowing about the Wii U a pass considering your British.

[@kayleighlehrman9566]

my prog rock sophomore album is titled "Don't Piss on an Electric Ray"

[@sharpfang]

And there I was sure it gives you a bad coff under water and you drown.

[@maxpoggerman7396]

In Australia, down south we have little ferry penguins that are tiny tiny, they only go up to a little below your knee! I wouldn't cool them exactly large land animals. And rats swim too!

[@neophoys]

Jesus you got me to tears (of laughter!) You guys are amazing!

[@stephenhorton]

neophoys The first part of that sounds like an album from an anti-theist band - Jesus You've Got Me in Tears.

[@neophoys]

I literally lol'd

[@welshduckman8562]

There are two types of people, those who trust the electric fence is on, and those who have to piss on it.

[@BeastOfTraal]

Myth Busters did peeing on the third rail. They discovered that by the time the stream reaches the rail it has broken up and in no longer continuous.

[@joshuahadams]

But what if a dwarf pisses on the third rail?

[@anttibjorklund1869]

@@joshuahadams IIRC they checked the hypothesis "what if someone was on their knees?" (which in essence is the same as what you asked) and concluded that there was no difference.

[@maccrazy7335]

Depending on where you smelled, our cats occassionally had really bad breath especially just after eating...

[@beth12svist]

And just as I rewatched this, I received a weekly newsletter from a cooking website titled "penguin on a plate". No, not cooking penguins. This is all happening in Czech, where the word for penguin is "tučňák", derived from "tučný", fatty. So it's a pun about fatty foods. Still a funny coincidence. :D

[@Joeobrown1]

i like this series - time to go back and watch all the episodes one thing though, is it possible to raise the camera angle? looks a little weird from down there

[@MrMartinSchou]

Is that why it's called a raydio?