The Cruelest Form of Gaslighting

[@youngblood8540]

Confront a narcissist about what they did wrong and watch them make it about you.

[@hiloknowsall7462]

I wish jellyfish 🪼… to even have the possibility of confronting a narc and watching them project and blame shift would be respite cf. to the highest level malignant narcs

[@eddywarhole5113]

I was talking to my ex after we broke up to understand with all she did to me. 50% of me wanted to have her back and the other half wanted to understand und finally leave and have closure. All the strange situations she put me through i wanted to under her side and I wanted her to understand my side and at the beginning i was believing her allot. But somehow after every conversation i felt like it was a bit unfair so i told her exactly what i felt. At the beginning i was defending myself, when she was blaming me, but when I noticed the conversation was over then, i started listening. And what came shocked me then. I really didn't wanted to see her this way, but i always knew something was off. I really needed literally that punch in the face to see and believe it for myself how she really is. That was the most hurtful in my life, but also i really wanted this closure so badly. At first it was a quite vanilla talk. But then when she thought I would take the blame, she fully revealed herself and blamed everything onto me, with all narcs do including cheating gaslighting and so on. My detective tactics worked^^. It was the most painful 3 month period of my life, but it brought me also allot self-healing, because I was reflecting allot and talking to friends,so I feel even better than before the relationship. Hehe if she would know that... Be gentle to yourself and don't see it as a mistake to gaslighting yourself. See it as an opportunity why we had put up with that bad behavior for so long. We have to start accepting and loving ourselves. Nobody is perfect but being at peace with it and learning from it will help :) Good luck to all survivors!

[@realhealing7802]

Every time!

[@dannynyman9681]

Yep!

[@reesedaniel5835]

Exact same thing Cain (the genetic father of all narcissists) did to God regarding his brother Abel (whose head he bashed in with a rock and murdered). "Am I my brother's keeper" he said to God when confronted about his evil deed.

[@tag_76]

The cruelest form of gaslighting to me is being told "I love you" yet their actions NEVER match the words.

[@athens31415]

This

[@BG-mn6di]

I disagree. In a sense, that’s actually helpful cause you know they’re full of it. They just showed you lol. The cruelest is when they say they love you but their actions are inconsistent.

[@reginaangell5327]

The narcissist is incapable of real love. They manipulate and try to control. They are pathetic broken children. You have to get away from them or you will spend time dealing with their games.

[@hiloknowsall7462]

Yes, i “love you” when all their actions are abuse and devaluation is, especially “crazy making” behaviour. How is an adult let alone a child suppose to make sense of that shit? Being told the truth i feel would actually be less damaging long term. At least their actions would comport with their empty words. Thanks for sharing, i replied because that was and is even as an adult a “reality” that is particularly hard to reconcile. All the best- to yourself and all survivors. ☺️xx

[@LanaMyslyvetsPlanners]

I am there 100%. He knew I would see through him, so he went the "I love you so much " route. And he doesn't.

[@holistichoneybee87]

The worst is when you start to feel like you are the narcissist.

[@jarhead21100]

Yeah. It makes you use selfishness as a defense mechanism.

[@holistichoneybee87]

@@jarhead21100 selfishness isn't always a defense mechanism. Sometimes it's offensive against the wrong people. A lot of narcissists give to others that aren't their family so they can look like a giver when they are not. In fact they are takers taking from their loves ones to give to others for recognition etc. This in turn can make the victim be what may be perceived as selfish when in reality they are just protecting themselves. It's a shame because they also have a hard time trusting and can seemingly miss out on help they may need or relationships they deserve. And in trying to figure out who they can trust, their conversations may seem like gossip.

[@bettymoncrief1956]

So true. You can't trust your own thoughts anymore

[@holistichoneybee87]

@@bettymoncrief1956 but you can trust God. Ask Jesus for help 🤗🙏💗

[@el-louise1886]

Fact

[@natalieparker3187]

A narcissist is a predator. They always need a target - someone they can pick on and abuse. This education is gold, thank you, good Doctor.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

Indeed they are.

[@LSMH528Hz]

Predators kill for food. it's just the way they are. Narcissists are like a parasite infection, they will kill the host and ultimately kill themselves. Predator are apex creatures, parasites are the lowest of the lowest lifeforms on earth. like dangerous bacteria or fungal infections. They are the pathogen sick rotting decay piece of nature

[@dreamcatcher5502]

Mine was both my parents. It was brutal. 😪

[@sherriflemming3218]

Spot on Natalie.

[@sherriflemming3218]

@@relied7934 Trauma focused therapy. Personal development courses and books. Do the introspective and healing work.

[@KiwiBee21]

My husband narcissist of 34 years was the darling of everyone. He would often say no one would believe me and he was right - he had crafted and groomed his monkeys. They believed I was insane. He's passed on now and I'm free of his cruelty and the tribe of flying monkeys.

[@clairebourassa5943]

@CoachSandy-NZ this might sound cruel, but what a liberation when a narc passes on ! And you get rid of their flying monkeys! Wishing you a life of happiness and freedom 🌹💕!

[@Psychologist-Shakthi]

Narcistic personality is th emerging dangerous situation to this world

[@carolynthomas8193]

I'm happy for you. I'm 74. My husband is a covert narcissist. Everyone thinks he's the nicest person that's ever lived. I am going to get a job and leave him forever.

[@Your_pixels_are_showing]

This is exactly what I’m dealing with. He says no one will believe me. He definitely has his flying monkeys. And he says I’m crazy/insane/psycho. He’s also a pathological liar. He’s a scary person. On top of that, his best friend is a police officer that he’ll threaten me with. I was never convinced demons exist until I met him.

[@user-uq6ic8pw8x]

​@@Psychologist-Shakthimore like ppl are getting what really it is.

[@dominiquegianni-embrey2552]

It’s taken me 14 years of separation to get out from under the grip of that type of toxic relationship. At 72 years old I’m feeling the freedom to be me. No matter what. I’m one of the fortunate ones. ❤

[@carolynsirianni1251]

Took me 58 years, being there was no info , or help . You were on your own in the 60’s/ 70’s , and up..

[@cmauj7688]

I'm so happy for you that you are free ❤

[@carolynsirianni1251]

You are… 💪

[@lydiaveldhuizen3157]

Stay free. Its your highest Good.

[@Alex-sr3ez]

I’m currently at the 11 year mark of remaining single after a long history of relationships with one narcissist after another.

[@PoodlesMcNoodles]

Yes! “No one will believe you” is totally reinforced by the “justice” system when you report your abuse and the judge finds the narcissist not guilty. Mind F for sure!

[@PoodlesMcNoodles]

… and another judge refuses to grant you a protection order.

[@WitlessSod]

The legal system really isn't equipped to deal with narcissists. In fact, in my case, it was borderline complicit in perpetuating the post-separation abuse and harassment. It was only after my narc ex-wife took things way too far and actually behaved in public how she had long behaved in private that someone finally intervened. However, none of it undoes what's already been done.

[@phoenixchick5088]

Judges are in a position of power. What kinda ppl love power?... Power positions are flooded w narcs

[@clogs4956]

“No one will believe you” was my Narcs response to any challenge to his behaviour. From experience, I was forced to believe him for the longest time. I can’t get those years back.

[@la381]

And, when the lawyers and physicians are narcissistic, too???? Then, what???!!🤦‍♂️ It's a rhetorical question.

[@JennRazo]

The narcissist will spend time with family and friends character assassinating you, which is part of the reason why people actually often times don't believe you. This sums up my entire relationship with my mom.

[@theresaloos1485]

My mother did the same thing. Even years after her death I hear things from people who say how much she helped them. She was right, no one believed me.

[@silkie09]

same here: my mother, my sister, my husband - even towards my own children + after his death..., even though I have been in therapy for many years, I go through life, not ever expecting, that anyone believes me.

[@silkie09]

@@theresaloos1485 oh yes, same here

[@nyk0l3tt3]

This. My father did this, and my sister actually said, "now that we don't have parents it's my job to humble you." Lol wtf? So she has taken it upon herself to continue the character assassination 🤪✌️

[@annap2523]

Or they may "play cool" although they're wary of you because they know you are on to their bullshit but the moment you try to defend yourself about something they did they switch to full survival/attack/character assasinate mode. And they do it so quickly and with such precision like it's a game of chess.

[@karenspafard8841]

I think the gaslighting phrase, "Nobody cares" is even more cruel.

[@jodycasey6936]

Oooh my dad

[@carolannedasilvarocha3651]

When they say after all I've done for you. After treating you like a skivvy and shit

[@delicate.mascara]

"He/she has always been nice to me" is, in a nutshell, why so many abuse victims never come forward.

[@alicefreist318]

It's so creepy. They'll even SEE the abuse with their own eyes, and say "but s/he was never like that to me!", right up until the day the narcissist turns on them, too. THEN, all of a sudden, they are so shocked at the narcissist's behavior.

[@lucyszoocrew6037]

That one makes me crazy.

[@spinnettdesigns]

🤢

[@deborahcheek1715]

That's my story. Can't prove verbal abuse. I honestly used to pray for my husband to punch me so I could show the scar/bruise.

[@jokendrick2124]

My late husband was a malignant narcissist. He told me many times that he as an attorney, knew of ways to kill someone and get away with it and he would have me committed for 72 hours as it was easy to do. Karma (cancer) took care of him. I spent as much time as possible on road trips to visit relatives. My dog was/is/always will be the best companion.

[@remaininganonymous4129]

Wow that is so brutal 😢 I hope you are at peace now x

[@Adzes]

My DIL is threatening when she can get her victim alone.

[@laurabfromvt6197]

I think it's more than karma. It seems to be a pattern in people who are extremely emotionally unhealthy that it eventually takes a toll on their immune system and they succumb to a physical illness. This happened to my mother and my husband.

[@franco2b145]

@@laurabfromvt6197 It’s their KARMA, for what’s on the inside will eventually manifest on the outside, toxicity is what they carry.

[@Freeknickers24]

you killed him and you just posted a passive confession.

[@troymccullagh]

When a narcissist tells you and others that you are a narcissist. When someone is abusing and disrespecting you and says that you are the one abusing and disrespecting them!!!

[@w8what575]

I’ve had them do this to me so many times…even the school labeled me an abuser because my son was groomed to scapegoat me just like everyone else does..my son even put pain killers in my coffee creamer and damn near killed me on a few occasions but idk what was going on until years later after his friends mother died suddenly from overdosing on pain killers…it was strange that these strange disoriented sleeping rh episodes suddenly stopped after she passed away

[@chikaka2012]

I’ve got that. When I finally set boundaries the person accused me of disrespect & abuse because I refused to make myself available to them at all times to be used as they saw fit.

[@UKDazman]

Literally happened to me tonight.

[@MulattaMermaidvlogs]

Never being believed as a child until the narcissist did something to them created so many trust issues.

[@realhealing7802]

Same here.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Only my reactions to their HIDDEN abuse were seen by onlookers (or spread around and gossiped about by narc mother/enabling father) to convince them I was "crazy" and the "problem child"......and of course I helped them out by rebelling even more and getting into trouble thereby cementing the false narrative already planted in everyone's mind about me. So they were all looking at ME the Scapegoat and not at the gross dysfunction and hypocrisy of my parents.

[@reesedaniel5835]

I'm certain that if I had had a normal, loving and supportive family, especially a real MOTHER, I would not have gotten into even a fraction of the amount of trouble I got in because of rebellion against THEIR dysfunction, emotional neglect and obvious hypocrisy ("do as I say, not as I do" crap).

[@ushere5791]

exactly. my mother created a narc in my sib and scapegoated me for all her problems and took her frustrations out on me. when my narc sib turned on our mom, and i protected my mom by telling her what was coming, my mom finally realized how toxic my sib is. she never forgot how i protected her and was grateful every day, but she still sided with sib and blamed me for a comical amount of crap til her dying breath. at that point, though, my mom and i were closer than peas in a pod, and i could laugh with her rather than be hurt by her.

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

@@reesedaniel5835 Absolutely. You are so correct. Me too.

[@hilpherHarris]

I knew as a child who my siblings were as they were cruel and unloving toward me. Fast forward to adulthood, and I had one person to believe me, my mother, but she passed away, and I was left with the smear campaigns and gaslighting by not 1 but 2 narc toxic siblings. They have lied, cheated, and stolen from my mother, and I am being portrayed as the villain who did these acts. For my safety and sanity, I just left my family, and I tell you that I now do not care who believes me. It took about 5 years to get here. I realized I am a better and more productive person with them or the family enablers out of my life, so if you make these choices for your life, it does get better.

[@margaretmcgonegle6484]

Amen. We should be friends!

[@DollfaceKim]

You are admirable! You are the strength and guiding light for others looking to just have a loving, supportive family that sadly doesn't always exist, at least for some of us. I wish I could give my son a family, the "village it takes to raise a child", that's the hardest part. I don't care about me as much, I just wish he had family gatherings to go to and feel he always has family behind him, unconditionally. How does one find something else, something full of unconditional love that will provide what a healthy family is "supposed" to be able to provide in life?

[@pennylacombe4763]

@@DollfaceKim put that fantasy family dynamic we have drilled into us by Disney and the like away and you’ll see that, just like an animal in the forest, You are his family and You Are Enough 🫶

[@josiah5776]

I left my entire family too. The peace is worth it. My mother and father were both narcs, covert and grandiose respectively. My mother did far more damage, especially as she got older. I left her and the family behind years ago and did not discovered she had died until years after the fact. All I felt was relief. Her legion of flying monkeys, including my own son, still slander me and others on her behalf long after her death.

[@glitchy9437]

Best thing you can do is record sometimes and still, people tend to want to believe everyone is good and choose to believe that than the truth. Best wishes. Narc survivers speak out!!!

[@timirhonon]

It’s so cruel when only you know the truth but no one believes you. 💔

[@christychristina292]

I simply keep a daily written record of the narcissistic behavior of my elderly mother. Very simple, no personal feelings or input on my part, just almost like a transcript of a tape recording of what she said or did and the situation surrounding it or that triggered her. Word for word what she said. It is the most helpful thing I could ever have done for myself. I'm not doing it to convince myself, validate myself, etc. I don't ruminate on it or spend my day thinking about it. It's a clinical document. It is amazing- with time and distance, the actions and words really do begin to become almost like a mathematical formula, predictable, and similar. It allows me to take myself out of any responsibilty for this monstrous behavior and put it in context. Very helpful to my well being. Liberating.

[@stepintoyourpower]

That's a really good idea. I'm going to do that too. Thanks! :)

[@theshanny8]

I am going to try this I think it's just what I need to maintain that control of not letting it get to me I am pretty good at that but there are more times than I want to have where it still gets to me.

[@Sezfluffy]

I will do that with my Dad

[@lorettag.2675]

I always felt like this idea was going behind someone's back but you made this seem so natural and your attitude is so good. Thank you for following through on your idea and confirming it for me. You are a big help just like Dr. Ramani !

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

VERY good. 👍👍👍👍

[@cheerscheers9819]

What narcissists love to do is take the person they are gaslighting and invalidating into public or social settings where they wear their mask and get praise from those other people in front of the one they are victimizing. As if to show the one they are hurting, look everyone else thinks I’m great, you must be the problem. My mother-in- law, the narcissist. Thank you for all the education Dr. Ramani!

[@chayo4537]

Hey look... everyone thinks and feels the same way about you

[@cheerscheers9819]

@@chayo4537 Mother-in-law, is that you? 😂well, you don’t know me and you don’t know “everyone “ else. Your comment is a good example of what a narcissist would say. I hope you have a peaceful and blessed day.

[@E.C.2]

Damn you nailed it! They also smile like a deranged maniac upon telling you they've turned so and so against you,like it validates their envy jealousy and lack of unique personality traits.

[@barbarahorn6051]

That’s the truth. Then they sneak around and own your friends too.

[@supernova11711]

⁠@@cheerscheers9819I took it as them being sarcastic…as if that’s what the narcissist would say…agreeing with you. I get it though…I’m reactive and defensive as well. It’s a product of the abuse.

[@tennysoneffie6943]

My entire life , ( for sixty odd years) my sister whispered nasty untrue things about me into my mother’s ear. She in turn told my other siblings. Then in 2018 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This same narcissistic sister told my mother not to believe me as I was only looking for attention. My mother never phoned or supported me during this awful time, Mum died 3 years ago thinking I was a liar…..that I had shaved my head to go grey without having to endure the ugly regrowth.. It took cancer to make me realise how malicious and bad they all were. I have a mostly ‘No contact’ with them now. I understand what it means and how soul destroying it is when the narcissist says, “No one will believe you”

[@flynneart1111]

💜

[@asweetnightmare2090]

Late response but: she knows the truth NOW. Remember that. Upon Death, all secrets are revealed. The ways of the world no longer apply. From God, no secrets are hidden, and he has been counting your tears since day 1. Stay strong, I hope you are doing much better now 💕

[@angelsandintuition]

So sorry this happened to you. Sometimes we have to walk away from the ones we are closest to. May God & his angels continue to heal & watch over you. Blessings to you moving forward in your life & may true love find you. 🕯

[@tennysoneffie6943]

@@angelsandintuition thank you for your prayer. The gentle words of a stranger mean a lot.

[@M_SC]

I was affected by your story (saying touched sounds weird because it’s usually positive). I’m sorry you lived in basically a fairy tale world of “evil stepsisters” and witches etc from the original fairy tales that aren’t told to kids much anymore. that must have been actual he77. Peace and joy to you now and going forward

[@Tarotlynx]

"No one is going to believe you over me." Mother was very good at that. I'm on the autism spectrum, and she was a professional nurse. So there was nothing I could do. She was in absolute control until I was about 40, in which, at long last, she wound up in a psych hospital where she was not in control.

[@Divinefrequencies555]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@hiloknowsall7462]

I’m so sorry 😞 to hear your lifelong ordeal (me too 37 years) - but, i will say I’m replying because, call it fuc** up, but it’s nice to hear that some narcs do eventually get theirs. Much ❤️ love and hugs 🤗

[@shewho333]

My mother was able to behave herself in the psych hospital long enough to have the doctors asking why she was even there. They cut her loose after the first week. She was there to be tested to see how best to treat her dementia. She was dead a year later.

[@chayo4537]

Everyone autistic now. Grown ass.adults. yikes! God help us

[@ark194]

Hugs

[@Pure_Imagination_728]

Gaslighting is extremely triggering for the victim and can make them very emotionally reactive because you’re desperately trying to break out of the mental cage the narcissist has trapped you in. It’s one of the cruelest abuse tactics because it’s purpose is to convince a person they have no voice and prevent them from speaking up. It works incredibly well for the narcissist because they use their public persona to easily convince people that the victim is deluded because most people judge based on what they see. This leads to the victim questioning their reality even more. At this point the victim feels totally silenced, only able to rely on connections outside of the narcissist’s circle. You aren’t crazy, but gaslighting can definitely make the victim feel like they’re going crazy. Narcissists may use it a lot, but psychopaths are even better at it. Psychopathic individuals are highly intelligent and know how to manipulate the environment to alter your perception, kind of like a very talented magician. They take gaslighting to the extreme. Psychopaths may even use mind altering substances to aid in gaslighting. Depending on how extreme and calculated the gaslighting is, they may actually trigger psychotic like reactions in their victims. Also, gaslighting is not only used interpersonally. There is also gaslighting on a larger scale often used by political figures who have authoritarian, narcissistic, or psychopathic traits.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Yes and the 1% globalist billionaires are all psychopaths. They have the govt/media/schools/religon all in their pockets. Democrat? In their pockets. Republican? In their pockets. The entire system is controlled and rigged by these psychopaths. They tell you what to think and give you two false dichotomies, both in error so that you never come to the knowledge of the Truth.

[@tammyhollis1519]

What you said about the use of gaslighting on an entire country is factual.

[@chayo4537]

No shit

[@petalparker5]

Drs are so good at it I assume a whole semester of medical school is dedicated to it.

[@Pure_Imagination_728]

@@petalparker5 A sad truth. Honest, compassionate doctors have become a rarer find nowadays.

[@dreamcatcher5502]

I look back now and my happiest years were when I lived 2 days drive away and there were no cell phones or internet. Long distance calls were very expensive too. So no contact was basically required. NO CONTACT is the answer. ❤

[@MadonnaGrogan]

❤

[@kiyo6262]

This and 'I'm sorry you feel that way' are just the worst. Especially when the narcissist acts like nothing even happened afterwards. Really messes with your head.

[@Anonymous_Anon882]

“You’re deeping this situation way too much. Yes, we said and did awful things that were out of pocket and gaslighted the fuck out of you in the most two-faced way for the best part of a year/a decade (whatever the case may be) but you’re older than us so surely you should understand that we’re not like you in terms of interpersonal intelligence and knowing what it means to be anything like a class-C friend. Let it go.”

[@E.C.2]

Completely lying about everything,fucking you over financially,rearranging conversations minute by minute,lying about what was said 45 seconds ago,replaying what they've done to you & accusing you of it,and smiling whilst saying how they've turned people against you,and never once acknowledging how they've completely financially destroyed you,etc...Dealing with one right now who'd threatening me if I don't stay. Looks like I'm going to have to go through Hell & back. Personally have noticed their jealousy envy and utter lack of genuine unique personality traits hobbies and interests generate much anger in them.

[@E.C.2]

@@Anonymous_Anon882 The one I know literally rearranges the conversation every 30-45 seconds,lies about everything,doesn't acknowledge anything I've ever done for them,and does their upmost to put their behavior on me. What they do is what I get accused of,to the point of looking disturbed if it goes on long enough.

[@xchrysantha]

Honestly "I'm sorry you feel that way," hurts way more than, "No one will believe you." It made me feel like it was my fault I was feeling that way, so it was my fault that it was even an issue. To this day that phrase still jars my brain a little bit.

[@E.C.2]

Starting conversations then putting their hands over their ears upon your response.

[@scapegoatsarepowerful672]

This is why going no contact is vital. Once you remove yourself the narcissist finds a new target/scapegoat. Time has a way of bringing the darkness to light. Just be aware of flying monkeys.

[@deddysudoyo5064]

Agree. Just disappear

[@lisasalgado6713]

Silenced

[@dreamcatcher5502]

YES !! After my Dad passes I will change my name and no one will ever hear from me or find me. The nieces have taken on the abuse roles of my parents and a brother. They can all turn on each other. I will keep my peace and happiness.

[@user-fl3im1qy2o]

That is correct. We were married for 27 years and divorced for 9. When we moved to a new house and he could’t find us for two month…oh that was heavenly! Unfortunately the state publishes all new addresses. That man showed up at our house saying “I found you!” It is not hide and seek. If someone moves and does not tell you…isn’t that a big hint?? It took us not responding to anything he said to understand that he is no longer part of our family. That was this past Thanksgiving. I still have nightmares about it all. He tried being super sweet. He tried being very angry. He tried to bribe the kids (they are both adults). I am SO glad to be away from his craziness. We all stood firm in not responding to him and it finally worked!!!

[@EmpressPixie420]

@user-fl3im1qy2o One must move out of state and then change it. Hoping he won't travel that far, of course. I also found out that one can also get their address impounded. It's crazy how they can search online nowadays & see details. Pay money to see even more, too!

[@crystal-eb5rf]

My morher put me down so much i had a nervous breakdown . Then she used the fact id had a breakdown to blame me and my mental health for everything. Thank god for my decent therapist!

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

They're grasping at straws and will use whatever they can find against you

[@stefaniweiss2077]

Me too. We should swap gaslighting stories.

[@cymbolichuman433]

Moral of the story: Think for yourself. Remember who you are. Believe in the truth as you know it. Let them think what they want. Don't let them think you are on to them. Most of all, believe in your perceptions.

[@darlenealessio7609]

Less time =peace of mind

[@chayo4537]

They know you're onto them. You're not fooling anyone/thing

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Thank you.❤

[@cherylwade264]

They don't care and word of mouth makes you an easy access person. Always on tap ,easy to use , no regrets for the abuse . They stay near to gain anything they think you value.

[@cynthiawhite681]

​@@chayo4537 Yes and then they try to kill you and constantly and continuously HOOVERING back with evil wicked intentions and always wanna argue and fight 🙏🙏🙏

[@happysparrow5929]

No one believed that my mother was this way, even when I was granted an order of protection and then went to a second hearing to have my order upheld by a second judge. It took her going completely crazy on another family member and another court case for people to even start thinking that the stories I was sharing were even a little bit true. Five years after getting my OaP, a close family member who couldn’t see what I saw, called me and told me that my mother’s ex contacted her and shared more incidences that backed up what I went through, and it was only then, when she heard it from someone that was basically a stranger to her, that she started to believe it. It’s been really isolating and difficult.

[@DollfaceKim]

Wow! You sound a lot like me. I don't have family because of my mother who has controlled me in my entire life until about 5 years ago when I started to distance myself and with that I lost relationships with family members and it is very lonesome. If you want family I'll be your family! I have a 12-year-old son who doesn't have a grandmother because she's mentally, verbally, and physically abusive. And I have a sister who thinks I'm absolutely nuts due to the weird things that my mother says about me. I feel like my mother is only going to haunt me more when she dies, but I can't do anything about it. I can just find friends to fill those missing pieces in my life. And I just divorced the narcissist ex last year (these videos gave me the guts I needed to do it) but those family members are gone too bc they think I'm evil for divorcing my ex. It hurts, but at least I've got me and my "selfdom" now!

[@krismarsh6978]

Such terror you have lived through. Hugs.

[@realhealing7802]

Narcissists are so hide who they really are to the public. They will show their victims who they really are. It's evil!

[@barbaraburbey7654]

Sorry that happened to you. So isolating!

[@purvamandlik4696]

My narc parents never had to say the phrase 'no one will believe you'. I could see how well respected they were in their circles. They were seen as generous, gracious, wise, funny, patient, talented, hard-working, self sacrificing kind of people. They even held court to tell others how good they are. I knew I could never be believed if i told anyone what actually happened at home. In fact, people have even told me that I was lucky to have them as parents.

[@maryray5059]

The most painful is when the victim of the narcissist doesn't recognize what they are the target Of . And they minimize and discount the reality

[@ginkgo2021]

Yes. At the time a friend of mine (whose husband requested a divorce out of the blue) said to me “he’s really nice.” But in hindsight she had such a strange tone and look on her face when she said that. I was aware that her husband had been smearing her for several years before divorcing her, via conversations relayed to me by my ex husband (his friend). The wife was described as crazy. Years later I found that my ex husband told the same friend that I was “always angry” in the days before my husband said told me he was filing for divorce. Two covert narcissists who also played flying monkey for each other. The wives were not aware and thought they were the problem.

[@lynnebucher6537]

My ex did a variation of this as a preemptive strike. Stated he'd been talking to my closest friends and "everyone agrees" I am defective in some way. And my ex was very good at presenting his angelic persona to the public while showing his evil side to me.

[@kjeldtherogue]

Omg that is the worst when they try to get everyone on their side to think you're the problem. Hope they'll see who your ex really is and that you'll make better friends who know you better than your old friends do.

[@l.5832]

Before I left my narc husband I discovered he had put my coworker's contact in his phone and had been texting her about me! They will infliltrate! I told my coworker to block him, I removed the contact from his phone and I changed workplaces after I left him....only to find he tracked me down at my new workplace via one of his harem. Can't do a restraining order because he uses his harem to track me and report to him. His hands are clean.

[@DollfaceKim]

When I was going through the beginning stages of separation from my narcissistic ex-husband, I came to realize that there were an insane amount of people that listened to Hitler, also. Stupid people are everywhere. Let them stay stupid, you know we can't change them but we can change ourselves, and our situations for a better life. Get yourself to a better place with better people and you will be happy again. If I can do what I did to get the narc ex out of my life, you can do flips and cartwheels around me!

[@DollfaceKim]

​@@kjeldtherogue it hurts but Then you realize wait anyone who listens to gossip in the first place has issues. Intelligent people know that it's not really exciting to talk about other people, especially other people's pain.

[@krismarsh6978]

My daughter tells my husband I " rub people the wrong way". This is backed up by nothing!

[@CampaholicsTV]

I’ve heard “you’re the only one that feels this way” and “no one else has ever had a problem with me” and “you’re insane “ so much that I literally started to wonder and then believe that I was nuts and I had to be the problem. Thank God I found this channel and a few others and have begun to get educated on toxic relationships and narcissism. I’m 56 years old and two people in my entire life have called me narcissist, turns out that those two people for the narcissistic mold that I’ve been learning about. I was blind but I now I see so clearly

[@harlowsmama3417]

Yes! I heard those too😢

[@gayeinggs5179]

Mine was you are over emotional !

[@appaloosa42]

Variant:all the neighbors think you’re crazy ( because I told them you are ). Response: how would they know then’ve never met me/ said hi/ etc. then go stonewalled.

[@sstritmatter2158]

My narcissist discarded me - while I struggled with it, I didn't realize how blessed I was until later when I could SEE and UNDERSTAND things

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

There you go!

[@caroljohnson3313]

I used to be afraid of the dark, of seeing, hearing, and feeling spirits. After surviving and finding empowerment post narcissist attack, I am not afraid of paranormal things anymore. That is really significant, that people who have a narcissistic bent are scarier than the dead. I'd rather deal with the dead. Living narcissists are way scarier!

[@Robidu1973]

Consider them to be undead: On the outside they seem to live, but on the inside they are completely dead.

[@Trollika_Devi]

The ones who are alive are more dangerous and scarier than the dead ever will be. Put me in a room full of poltergeists , I can deal with it. But YET another narcissist ? God please no.

[@Trollika_Devi]

Ironically narcissists and sociopathic people are dead . Dead inside. Sometimes during an episode , when they're ranting racing and freaking out , you look into their eyes and realise - " Oh my god, there's no one in there really , this is just a simulation of a person..an empty shell " . You don't feel angry anymore when that happens. You feel TIRED instead ,in a second you feel exhausted and you head for the chair to sit the rest of the freak show out.

[@reesedaniel5835]

I so agree. Bigfoot, Dogman, Goatman, the Rake, ghosts demons, etc are nothing compared to HUMAN NARCISSISTS!!! I would rather deal with these nephilim cryptids any day than my narc "mother" and her little band of worshipful idiots. 😉

[@ramonafrances4364]

Hugs

[@TaijaT76]

Even more cruel is to say you are imagining things. You begin to doubt your mind.

[@maryyoung4046]

Same. I still doubt my mind.

[@sandracaldwell1603]

You’re dreaming 😢

[@MegaSnow121]

I have a child who is a narcissist. I lived with that child to help take care of my grandchildren, and ended up leaving a few years later after emails from her to me was the proof I needed to get help from other family members. Many seniors are victims of abuse, and it was difficult to gasp that my own child psychologically abused me to such an extreme that I considered ending my life. Narcissism is so easily hidden to outsiders because the narcissists put up a great front to the outside world. My abuser told me several times that other family members did not care about me. When I left without a word to anyone, I showed the emails to family members who did in fact care very much. I am in a much better place and am concerned that this happens to more elderly that we realize. Thankfully, I am in good physical health, and with therapy my mind will heal from the abuse I went through. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for this video. Gaslighting is so very damaging.

[@chikaka2012]

So sorry! I hope you still can have some involvement with your grandchildren as they likely also are enduring narcissistic abuse which they may be too young to understand.

[@Goodpizzaa]

"I lived with that *child* to help take care of my grandchildren." Probbaly created that narcissist yourself.

[@michelel.3681]

My mother just revealed to me that she was even diagnosed as a narcisist in the 90s while she and my stepfather were going through psychiatric testing for full custody of my Stepfathers 2 children. I've always felt her trying to push me down because she is in competition with me. No one believes it because she is "fine" with them. She does everything for my younger sister and her family as another way to hurt me more. She has an army of enablers and I'm on the outside now. It's been really hard but watching your videos helps me know I'm not alone and gives me insight as to what's really going on. Thank you!

[@Divinefrequencies555]

I hope God protects you and you are free from them❤❤❤❤❤

[@michelel.3681]

@@Divinefrequencies555 Amen! I'm working on it. I'm going to counseling and church.

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

I believe you. I'm in Dr. Ramani's group and it's GREAT! In two months, I feel better now than I did for 60 freaking words.

[@la381]

Michele, what's the reason your mother "admitted" that to you????

[@la381]

@@michelel.3681 church??? 🤦‍♂️ Church is the LAST PLACE to go to complain about the abuses done to you by your parents. Church people are the worst enablers!!!!!

[@PreetiSharma-yj8rb]

I met Narc teacher, Narc Doctor, Narc bf, Narc siblings, Narc tarot reader, Narc father, Narc friend and Now Narc psychic 🙏🙏🙏 actually now I am done meeting human.

[@PreetiSharma-yj8rb]

@@Feribrat99 yeah but I met first person in 3 years, and that too narc.. Also now I only encounter narc pattern in 2sessions . Without personally meeting them but through call and video sessions.

[@rkl3692]

So true. Why is it still a taboo to point out that your teacher is a narc?

[@PreetiSharma-yj8rb]

@@rkl3692 female narc professor.

[@naturegirl372]

@@Feribrat99 . Nice analogy

[@DollfaceKim]

Don't give up on your happiness due to zombies in your way. You are enlightened, keep your frequency higher with unconditional love, that doesn't mean to befriend toxic ppl, it means try not to judge or let them hurt you bc then you will suffer more and you don't have to. Try to come to realize that there are people who are unaware, they don't know any better, but you absolutely do know better. Raise your vibrations and you will attract those on your same frequency, and vibes. I have found that all of these people that I've met along my life's journey who are toxic and made me feel less than were only subconsciously screaming about their misery, and insecurities to me bc I was the only one who would listen. You have something that they don't, and they cannot even fathom what it is bc they aren't as emotionally aware, totally different level, but it's as if they are jealous on a spiritual or subconscious level. Stay aware and stay on your higher level of frequencies. You'll empower yourself so much. You don't need those people, they need you, and you get hurt bc you're empathetic, caring, and expecting others to be the same. But don't you see how much better of a person, a soul, you are? Don't let others get you down, they are only life lessons to learn from. Use a different "you" when having to be around those people, don't expect anything in return that will be of any good, instead just be the better person that you are. I call narcs "zombies" bc they're not dead but not fully alive and awake. They feed off of you, and can turn you into something like them if you're not careful. You're the one behind the wheel, don't be fooled into thinking otherwise. ❤

[@shutdownaftv549]

One of my favourites has to be when they preach about how they would never harm anyone while they continue to harm you

[@sharilynnedenton9200]

I think it's hardest when I told multiple family members what was happening to me, and they said, oh, but they're a good person, oh, it wasn't that bad, when they weren't there to witness the abuse/assault.

[@lorikeetpocket9030]

For me it was “you made that all up, it’s all in your head”. Even though I was a young child when it was said to me it rocked my reality and still does at times.

[@sh6460]

I used to hear "you're just jealous". I finally told her she couldn't touch me with that anymore. I think a lot of things that she said were what was told to her.

[@magickinfused5230]

"Stop living in the past"

[@magickinfused5230]

If you Google what's evil a lack of accountability is listed as a related trait to being evil. Just remember, you're a intelligent sane person, And they're the deluded insane one, and subconsciously they know this, that's why they're projecting their insecurities onto you, it's their form of admitting it.

[@sh6460]

@@magickinfused5230 I think your " stop living in the past " comment triggered me 😅 Yes, like " the past" was 5 minutes ago! Lol! I need rebooted, heard wayyy to much evil speaking.

[@susieneville5612]

SO understand ....

[@GudridCarlsdottir81575]

After spending over 60 years with a narcissistic family member I finally have peace with no one believing me. I decided to step back and let everyone believe whatever they wanted too. I just wanted to learn to live with myself. I just kind of am drained of any emotions or feelings for this person. I know that they tell lies and misinformation about me and my family to others but I’ve kind of been trained not to care. If people believe these lies without checking with me then they were never friends or family.

[@soniahathaway1]

So like my story. Well done escaping. I too am no contact, narcs and their cohorts are very sick. You are not alone and you are a strong survivor.

[@supernova11711]

👏👏👏!!!

[@M_SC]

Also give people some time to sort out confusing contradicting info.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

This happened to me from a police officer. I was very young and managed to get away from a severely abusive and toxic narcissistic sociopathic boyfriend. I called the police after to report his assaults on me. The police officer dismissed me and said it was ‘his word against mine’ and did nothing to help. It really damaged me and my life. Super awful when it’s from a police officer whose suppose to help protect you.

[@cavgrey8]

If you are a female or identify as a female the misogynistic Patriarchal structure of law enforcement will not believe you. I worked in medical & the rape victims were further victimized both by the police and male MDs. They do not receive the care & support like Law & Order Special Victims Unit.

[@chopsieflores4844]

My experience is police and politicians are enables of abuse.

[@laken1804]

Always secretly record an abuser. That way you have evidence.

[@Leannot35]

Yes like where I live threatened this to use for control in our lives there's no living in any ways, they will get into your personal life ruin you

[@Kenzofeis]

Often they are the same types and will side with each other

[@SamsungGalaxy-dc5mq]

Here's an unpopular fact. People who are extremely likeable, are usually ( not always) narcissists. The fact is that authentic people are not always likable or agreeable. The most likable people I have known turned out to be narcissists. They were involved in their church, their community etc. If you get to know them well enough and long enough, the true version of them appears. They always slip up eventually.

[@biggibbs4678]

This is true. The problem is that society doesn't value morals anymore and instead values good emotions. It should be common sense that anyone who is morally upstanding and true to their values will often have to go against what's cool and popular.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Yep they are charming like snakes. That's how they get everyone to believe them over their victims. The dupes think that this wonderful, charming person who never abused or mistreated THEM cannot be an evil, machiavellian abuser. They don't realize they are merely pawns in the game of this manipulator who is very selective about their choice of victims (always the most righteous, pure or truthful person in the crowd). The rest are just pawns or as they refer to them "useful idiots"....

[@cavgrey8]

Actors in their own production

[@tammyhollis1519]

It's the mask. After 15 years, I snatched off my husband's dirty, evil mask. He still doesn't know what's going on.

[@heatherview3870]

This is absolutely true.

[@traciebourque6293]

You are breathing life into people who thought their lives were over. Thank you for this public service and self care advice.

[@hawtdawg3823]

My mother was right, none of my siblings believed me. Most of their own masks fell off and I really got to see the family unit for what it was. Talk about eye opening and life changing. The positive change didn’t come from my family believe me , but I’m discovering they were all part of it all along. I don’t regret speaking the truth even though Im alone in it.

[@reesedaniel5835]

You are not alone in the truth, hawt dawg, there are many of us Scapegoats out here. We are just separated by a few layers of narcissistic "black mold"......😆

[@killadjango6995]

agreed! stay strong and become stronger!💪🏾💪🏾💜 the purple heart is for courage!

[@LB3llas]

I can relate. I know how much it hurts. I’m realizing the same with my family. Stay strong. You aren’t alone.

[@killadjango6995]

@@LB3llas 🙏🏽💜

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

This happened to me in a work situation. I was being harassed by a male coworker. When it came up in a meeting, the bosses didn’t believe me and dismissed it by saying ‘well he doesn’t do it to anyone else’ . So they blamed me. It damaged me and my work life a lot. I ended up leaving cause it was so awful. Still recovering from it all and trying to get my life back. It’s been super messed up:(

[@heidiheidi0]

This happened to me as well. It was during an internship, so fortunately, I just left after the internship was over but I couldnt believe that I was not believed at all. not even an investigation. It really opened my eyes to how these things happen and why so many people just stay silent.

[@user-kl8lo6rj5i]

It could be illegal, but if you can leave your phone on record, or have a conversation going with someone so they can hear it, at least someone else will know. Try to get him to do this when there is someone around to hear it, or a security camera running. Try to get an email trail going. Any kind of record of the abuse. But yeah, when it's your word against one of the boys, you are probably screwed.

[@exaudi33]

I am one week out of a horrid, abusive workplace -- narcissistic bully of a boss --and believe me I am deeply aware that those words would be thrown at me now: "he doesn't do it to anyone else." I grew up around such behavior. My choice today is to turn my back on it. Whatever time I have left on this earth will not be spent fighting psychos. Let them dig their own graves.

[@graceslick705]

I'm going through this also at work. A bunch of young girls ( the leaded is 20) started on me my first week on the job. I'm 61 and this job is really just a side thing for me. My first week there , I was locked out three times ( I was taking out trash) each time I could see the group of mean girls laughing....the leader said to me " or you sure you didn't lock yourself out?" The third time I yelled from outside to open F'in door. Well wouldn't you know, next day I'm caled in office for yelling at them. This girl gossips, spreads rumors " even said boss drinks on the job" which when I was called in the office again I told the boss to bring the leader into our meeting. I said " tell her what you told me?" She was quiet as a mouse, so I helped her along and told her what was said. Long story short, now boss and everyone in office on her side as they continue to put extra work on me and continue to bully and harass me. I'm ready to just quit

[@DanielWilder-mq7nc]

It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,

[@globaltrustsolutions4360]

I'm really sorry u went through this. Whn it's a woman abusing a man, the (no one will believe you) card really hits effectively for the narc. I happen to be a female with a narcissist husband, and know there are different tactics that work for both genders. Men get away with the 'control' aspect more so, financially and with personal relationships. However it is just as detrimental to men when being abused and controlled by a female who can look innocent. Especially when there are children involved.

[@lindabell2940]

Man dude, its freaking, help the normals have peace, please

[@genevievebelanger903]

You have got it right. What is so difficult about narcissists is that they change the narrative all the time. They always have another story to explain away their bad behavior or anything else that can make them appear in a bad light.

[@manichairdo9265]

Your post is superb; informative; insightful. Thank you.🎉

[@stupensardi2783]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to go through that hell. I hope you are doing much better now and that you have peace and happiness in your life. Your story has helped me tremendously. It validates the similar things I go through. I hope I can be as strong as you. Thank you and bless you. xxx Dee

[@c.brownell8618]

Well said, Dr Ramani. The cruelty is exacerbated by the fact that they sabotage therapy too.

[@robynstanish3949]

So true

[@kmbewe]

That happened to me over and over again . However they didn’t say it . But no one believed me. Ever . Not even my brother who is disgusted with me, for even saying it. Who did when he was younger. But now he is gaslighting me about what happened to me . But he was the golden child .

[@moonmillghost5435]

The sibling stuff is awful. My brother always talked about how he didnt like the parents but then suddenly he changed and he was being much nicer to them and doing whatever they wanted but I couldnt tell yet so we had a fight about how traumatizing the parents were to me and he called them “saints”. That was a real stomach sinker. My parents did some horrific things to me. Unspeakable. But saints. Yeah, it’s like doubly traumatizing with the siblings.

[@spinnettdesigns]

This is so difficult, it’s been my whole life…I’m the scapegoat. But no more: half of my family doesn’t speak to me and the other half have died. My sweet brother (the golden child through no fault if his own) even betrayed me and it just devastated me, we were so close as children. I was forbidden to ever be with his girls and they are now grown. The sadness and betrayal actually almost killed me (I got down to a size one) but I have excellent friends that I’m so grateful for and I can continue to learn. Keep prioritizing your own sanity 🙏🏻

[@mrdaft3272]

My narc partner uses the phrase No one likes you or wants to be around you. that is her version of that phrase....essentially making it like no one would believe me because no one would want to be around me anyways

[@TrillKump]

I get pushback from friends all the time who just don't realize the dual aspect of such people's personality. That whole 'pillar of the community' aspect is absolutely blinding to people fawning over them.

[@Coryraisa]

So true!!!! The 1990s daytime drama _One Life to Live_ is illustrative of this and is why I'm glad I don't live in a small town. For years, "pillar-of-the-community" Victoria Buchanan bullied her stepmother Dorian Lord and convinced many that Dorian was "bad."

[@reneemorgan3144]

I was scapegoated and gaslit for as long as I can remember from a covert narcissistic parent. The moment I tried to understand and get help for the abuse going on in my home, I was punished by being isolated from friends and family at age 7. They were told i made up stories "lies." I was treated differently so I felt different most of my life. I no longer justify their projections and lies about me. My life and truths are mine and that's what matters!

[@toddk1479]

My mother does that. Breaks my heart.

[@dreamscape405]

Both of my parents have high narcissistic traits, and my mother was the overt/father covert...divorced when I was eight. She said this to me often growing up. And she was right...no one believed me, and still don't. I'm the only child, and she was very good at keeping up the act in public, even to the bitter end when she died last year. My stepfather's family adored her, because she treated them MUCH differently than me...she treated pretty much everyone else differently than me. One time in particular, she was being nasty to me, then her SIL called, and the voice she used to answer the phone was the sweetest tone...it shocked me a bit since I'd not heard that from her, directed to me...ever. It was like a switch. And it was weird. We didn't have contact for many years, and was only in contact for the last 5 yrs. Although I'm happy that period in my life is over since she's gone now, but still deal with the foundational beliefs and affects being raised by a narcissistic person.

[@carolyndavasligil1388]

Sorry you had to deal with the hell.

[@ianmason979]

I am an only child as well and I do do completely understand what you are going through It is the double mask of the narcissistic attitude and I have heard the comment in various ways. As agree with me and they say the same thing and they can't be wrong etc

[@cherylmockotr]

In a way, you're now lucky to be an only child. I was the oldest, so received the same treatment, but the younger 3 didn't. She turned them in to her flying monkeys, and to this day they carry on the family tradition of vilifying me "because everyone knows the oldest is bossy and has to have her way." Sadly, my two nieces who are the oldest got the same mantra said about them, my nephew who is an oldest didn't because he's Asperger's and it wouldn't have worked on him.

[@anonmous4468]

Within the recent gaslighting i went through, I walked away so the narcissist made a fake screenshot of me talking bad about a mutual friend who not only wouldn’t believe me but attacked me and called me names. So I fear of returning as I feel this narcissist has turned everyone against me

[@hippiechick2112]

"Nobody is going to believe you" also translates to "They only talk to me." This prevented me from talking to most of my family for years. It's difficult to get close still.

[@sage_forensics_2261]

My mom took out her narcissistic rage on me as a kid. I was a child of the 80s, so we didn't understand these dynamics in the way we do now. I just knew it was wrong--not why, how. She created a mini-me in my little sister, and they triangulated against me with my father. They would tell him I had done things I hadn't, so I would get into trouble. My dad was a preacher, so my mom was a preacher's wife. So yes, my dad's job gave my mom a perfect mask to wear in public. No one believed me. She also made sure to rage at me when he was not home, so he didn't even know what was happening. As a kid, I thought he did; I have since learned that he didn't. Today, my parents are divorced, which is a big deal for preachers. I am No Contact with my mom and sister for many years now. My dad is basically Grey Rock with them and has contact with my mom when he needs to for court-related issues. Thankfully, he and I have a good relationship. I would not have thought that was possible years ago, so if you are reading this and wondering? Please, give things time. Sometimes, relationships can be repaired, and sometimes you realize later on that's not the best thing. Someone will believe you, and people will help you. Keep trying. One day at a time, you will figure it out. Clearly, Dr. Ramani and everyone here believes you and understands. It sucks right now, but it will and can get better. Hang in there! That's what I would have wanted to hear all those years ago. Peace and safety to all...

[@user-kl8lo6rj5i]

The religious façade offers the perfect camouflage for narcissists and worse. Always look behind the mask.

[@meleshenko3767]

I’m so glad you were able to see what was happening. And I’m so glad you have a relationship with your dad! I needed your encouragement this morning because I am neck deep in narcissistic abuse, and have been most of my life. I am in my 60s now and it’s worse than ever. I have no one but my mom and brother and they are horrible. The problem is I get so lonely and then they are all I have. And the truth is These are people we love. I don’t know if I’ll ever escape it. Maybe you and your dad could pray for me. This craziness has caused me a nervous breakdown to where I don’t ever go out and feel incapable of healing or hoping anymore. I had a relationship with God but resent that he doesn’t help me, and now I have begun to hate my tormentors. All these years I have struggled to love them, to forgive them, but I can’t anymore. So I feel that in my faith I am at an impasse. It is impossible to please. God without faith, but my faith is failing. God says he will never leave. But I feel like I am leaving.

[@ypcomchic]

It doesn’t matter if someone else believes you! It only matters that you believe it and deal with it in the way that you can- confront them about it but they will still lie or go no contact.

[@lemonbess6303]

My son went throughout the community in his charming way telling them I was a vodka drunk who beat him. I never knew this till years later. I couldn't understand why people snubbed me and treated me harshly-i was a single mom who was busy so I shrugged and kept on working forward. Now I still maintain isolation because someone told me that my son acts as he does, does drugs and has gotten into legal trouble because I was a vodka drunk who beat him. I know I wasn't and didn't do those things but I have to still deal with the repercussions of his gaslighting. There is no escape and people who are that easily manipulated aren't worth being around.

[@jsmithsemper4848]

Kids these days are pretty mixed up & scary as hell. It’s like a race to the bottom. I’m so sorry that happened to you & you are so right about that. I’d rather be alone for life than be around ppl who can’t reserve judgement of others & just blindly follow & trust. 😢

[@paigemosher8697]

This isn't a generational issue, J, but if it was, just know that you're a lot less safe around older crowds than you are with any kid. Older people have had more time to perfect their manipulative craft, and they grew up in a time where being so snakey was still acceptable. They just haven't been willing to adjust to people seeing them for what they really are. You wanna talk about "a race to the bottom", that's the race the older generations participate in. Young people are trying to clean up their messes and snuff out any narcissm even in their own circles, but older people will just continue to feed the process if it means maintaining status quo.

[@9lirika]

Everybody gets manipulated easily...i lost so many friends in relatives bcoz of my narcisstic sister in aw who takes about me as her liking behind my back....everyone believes her stories...she acts like she is concerned about me while throwing mud on my character....bcoz of her narcissm,i lost so many friends,who are very nice people...it's our loss bcoz of the narcisst attitude

[@jsmithsemper4848]

@@9lirika I don’t know if I can impress upon you how much I will not be getting over the INCREDIBLE insult to our collective intelligence. It won’t be any time soon. That is for sure.

[@courtneymeyers82]

This is the way I look at it. You say these people believed him without speaking with you? Now, are you the type to do this, or do you give people a chance one-on-one? Because these people are malicious gossipers - they're doing you a favor by showing you their true colors Good people reach out and reserve judgment until knowing the full truth Also good character says a lot, more people know you by your character Hope this helps!

[@TienLam-t6b]

I witnessed a victim being gangs up against via gaslight tactics..I recognized the patterns and told the victim I believe the stories..When the victim passed away, I felt the vibes of the entire gangs collapsed in guilt with 💔 without much saying until one day, one person from the gangs whom told me how badly these gangsters felt of their guiltily acts..I quietly said: Yes, they should and they had to carry that until their last breaths..Period..

[@fmichaud4755]

My narcissistic mother told everyone I verbally abused her. I’m so glad my sister sided with me. My aunts believed me also that there is no way I would do such a thing. I only called my mother out on her lies. Thank goodness. I have cut her out of my life last year, finally when I turned 51.

[@radsammichmaker7392]

I tried so many times to reach out about my parent. She's seriously adored by everyone. No one ever believed me and would tell her what I said. I finally gave up.

[@hiloknowsall7462]

I’m so sorry, i can’t take the unique pain away; giving up 🆙 after surviving so much is no stranger to me either, but with all my love, compassion, and energy i put out to you in this universe- don’t let the 🔥 flame go out…i support you❤

[@jsmithsemper4848]

I think sometimes they might even believe you a little bit but they don’t know you well enough to trust you & on some level, they get a very sick satisfaction from seeing you hurt bc it means they aren’t the only one hurting. 😢

[@jordanferguson2254]

@J SmithSemper, Or they simply don't care. They might be just as abusive/toxic or cool with toxicity as the narc. Maybe they prioritise whatever benefit they get from knowing them or remaining in the social circle. They might be enablers, doormats and gossip lovers too.

[@sethphillips8949]

The worst is when they apologize (knowing they don’t mean it) I’ve always said the best apology is changed behavior.

[@nicolajane6264]

Thank you Dr I've been gaslighted by a professional and the consequences have been so bad. I can't get help from anywhere...its soul destroying.

[@moonmillghost5435]

Me too. It’ll stay with me always especially since she told me I couldnt have been abused when I had a feeling I was and then when I found out the full extent (its absolutely insane how much worse it is then what I suspected) it just makes me disgusted especially that I still have trouble trusting my flashbacks and such because she planted that doubt. You can try to do your own therapy, no asshole professional required or very carefully vet a new therapist but I hear its quite a process of trying out various therapists and trying to see which one will be good or listen. But that said, Ive stuck to doing my own therapy cause whenever i think about seeing one….i just cant. I hope things get better and Im sorry you were hurt by a professional.

[@dalecarpentier7055]

YEP HAVE NOT SEEN MY 3GRAND KIDS FOR 15 MONTHS BECAUSE I CALLED OUT MY DAUGHTER IN LAW ON SOME THING SHE DID TO ME

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Thanks to videos like this, more and more people are getting educated. ❤

[@patriciaherlevi6217]

I know someone like this who makes sure that all his friends think that I'm the crazy one. And he's right, none of those people would ever believe the truth about this person. I felt isolated, lonely, and lacked confidence.

[@tihanaharrison6728]

No one believed me when I was tell people as a child how physically, mentally and emotionally abusive my mother was. And if they met her with her public mask of a caring, loving and unappreciated mother, they’d feel very entitled and would criticise me relentlessly for daring to complain about the single mother who’s doing the best she can with all the love and best intentions in her heart. Mothers are sacred and not to be criticised no matter what they do, and how abusive they are.

[@MsHopeify]

Thank you for explaining how continually deceptive narcissists can be near perfect in public, yet so very cruel in private. Just knowing someone recognizes that struggle is helpful. Thank you.

[@Rome274]

It's when they say "Everyone is laughing at you/ saying this about you/ or everyone else gets it ...why can't you ....etc "

[@heleenloubser9072]

Or you get that smirk. They know that nobody will believe you!😮

[@annekerotterdam7499]

true!

[@annekerotterdam7499]

I've noticed that smirk. Bizarre. They smirk stealthily, looking down and knowing they have you gaslighted/ triangulated

[@songbird19210]

​@@annekerotterdam7499God sees 👀

[@mainowlin6176]

I have heard this phrase nobody is going to believe you. He goes one step further and says how I yell and scream at him all the time. He makes it sounds like I’m crazy. Thanks for validating my feelings Dr. Ramini.

[@SIC647]

I had this happen with a person in a community. I am a truth teller, saw through the c*** in my own family too. I spoke out about the person in this community, and people didn't believe me. I refused to run for the board when that person ran, knowing it would end up ugly. What happened? The person ended up blowing up the community and the board. The society of that board ended up closing down. I didn't feel vindicated, I felt sad that they were allowed to get away with it and destroy so much.

[@lemejohnny]

Thank you, Doctor Ramani for putting a light on the truth. So many people have been dimmed and got lost in the dark from gaslighting.

[@sunflower7532]

When I took a risk to talk to a friend after trying to expose how his behavior had become violent, I started the conversation with ‘ he said, no one will believe me’ to which to my astonishment she answered, ‘ yes we will, we love you, and we have noticed enough to believe you.’ I was saved because I took that risk but prior to that person , 5 other women had excused his behavior. I had to wait until the aggression reached critical point where he was really sure he had me controlled. I also worked with a women’s refuge to learn how to let him hang himself. But someone eventually did believe me.

[@bellaluce7088]

I'm so glad you were believed!!!❤ It's so important to share stories that sometimes it does work out.

[@chayo4537]

Is this a polygamy ?

[@chayo4537]

How you calling someone who was violent a friend? Were you still in contact after the violation and after this conversation?

[@TheLiquidCat]

Cherish that friend forever. I'm so glad they believed you.

[@Threadbow]

Pray share with us how the refuge taught you to let him hang himself? Dealing with family who are narcissistic controlling must be similar.

[@HatRatt]

You just described me. I wrote everything down, made charts, took pictures, and he did not have to tell me that no one would believe me because I already knew no one would believe me. They knew he was outstanding, righteous, and all that. I was cut off from my family and all my friends were not of his acceptance, so I had none of my own. All our friends were his friends. I knew I had to discipline our children "his way" because it was the "right way." I happen to hear the phrase, "If you do not change something, it will always stay the same." This made me realize that I was always waiting for something to change but nothing ever changed. That is when I took a trip by myself to visit my sister far away. This gave me time away from the busyness of life to reflect on my marriage relationship. I did not stop reflecting when I got back from the trip. I also started observing (rather than serving) and thinking about what was really important in my life. Then I went to documenting, taking pictures, planning, and saving as much as I could. I realized that he was not going to change! The only way out was to get out. I began packing under the pretext that I was cleaning the shelving "because I thought I saw spiders." I packed only important & necessary things, no junk. Morning by morning I moved my boxes to a secure location. When I was all set in a rented unit, I left with my son and had my X served the same evening. It was very successful, and I am happy with only the regret: that I did not do this sooner. My son was glad to move also but he still suffers the effects of the abuse.

[@phoenixd9679]

Yes I experienced this all my life sadly from more then one family member and I end up confused not trusting myself! Thank you Dr. Ramani 🥰 I am doing all my efforts to healing myself 💕

[@reesedaniel5835]

Yes this is how they teach us to self sabotage. To cause us not to trust our inner voice/gut (God/conscience). Which further enables them to accuse us and portray us as The Problem when we mess up. They make sure everyone in the extended family circle knows about our Eff Ups too. But nobody sees the hypocritical, dysfunctional, psychologically abusive BS that THEY do behind closed doors.....

[@cath3rine9]

This rings true on so many levels for what my husband and I have gone through with my narcissistic mother in law. Except with her, she never said “no one will believe you” directly- she implied it by trying to destroy our reputations and get us to doubt our own mental health. More than once when we calmly confronted her, she claimed we needed to be on medication or in therapy, or that we must be autistic, or that we were possessed by a demon. In front of others she would act all sweet to us but make well hidden jabs and comments that cause others to doubt our competence- and she’s so good at it that they don’t even realize they are doubting us based on her lies vs actually talking to us to hear our side of the story. They just blindly believe her and it really sucks.

[@janetduncan87]

I endured so much. He pretended to be the quiet type in many situations. Our children to this day think he was a loving dad and good provider. My, how theyve forgotten. It's because they didn't hear him but they could hear me. The lies he told, the promises he broke, he was never there for me during any time I had surgery or I was severely ill. He didn't bother to come home because because while he was out of town, I began to miscarry. 😢 he was supposed to be working, but he was out fishing with his nephews. He said he'd come home. It really traumatized me when he didnt. . He, years later admitted he just didn't think it was that important. SMH. It meant nothing to him. I MEANT nothing to him. I get angry when I think about how big of a fool I was, and Why didn't I see it, or say things that would make him see himself for what he was and not who he pretended to be every chance he got. He died 6 years ago, and I really think he was punished for his vanity. He knew he was vain. He would stand in front of the mirror and then practice his facial expressions. He was the most cunning man I had ever met.

[@Littlescienceguy]

In recent years, my narc mother started saying to me, “You’re not going to use me as your scapegoat.” Apparently, she felt that I was on to her.

[@janetmalcolm6191]

They often twist things and do the very things they tell others are bad.

[@moonmillghost5435]

Ughhh. I felt similarly when my mom started saying she needed to exercise her boundaries. LOOOL

[@beverlypawsat6529]

OMG, thank you for validating so many of my experiences with the narcissists in my life. When I was grown and gone, and my father had no one left to attack, he finally attacked my mother. It was so hard to comfort her when she didn't believe me all those years. And she certainly didn't want to hear about any of my experiences even after she had it happen to her. Cathartic to tell it, again, thank you.

[@chuckiegravesfield3170]

at that point you curse out your mother and your father. point blank.

[@shaybay8]

He's starting mine and our twins things. He's stolen every camera or thrown batteries away. Any journal I've ever had or notes, for ,4-5 years he's gotten ahold of and destroyed without my m me knowing it while I'm sleeping. I'm terrified to go to sleep and hardly do now

[@Gotoworkkk]

Take the twins and go to a safe place!!! you seriously need to get out❤

[@finster1968]

I went through horrendous gaslighting and verbal abuse as a child, teenager, and young adult when dealing with my narcissistic father. Fortunately for me, narcissists eventually implode when you step back, disengage, and let it happen on its own. I’ve gone no contact for six years, and he’s on his third marriage. The rest of my family finally gets it because he’s burned all his other bridges as well. Today I’m successful, have more confidence, and I’m financially independent because I’ve been able to turn off those negative voices in my head. I’ve told my extended family all the horrible details of what my father did and said to me. They all believe me because they’ve also witnessed for themselves what he’s capable of.

[@AngelsHikari]

My family was so used to my mother's narcissism that they felt having children would change her. That when telling anyone, it was more a shrug and I guess she didn't change oh well response. And then used us children in their arguments and she'd laugh at them and say my children will love me because I'm their mom and they'll do what I say. I tried to talk with my brother about it but he was the golden child. I learned it wasn't that they didn't believe me but that no one cared. Growing up I read a bunch of how to disappear books and when I was 33 I got brave and disappeared.

[@leeboriack8054]

Sorry you had to disappear from your own family. But you did the right thing, as no one can change a narc and their followers. Your leaving upset the pecking order and someone became the new target. Live your best life!

[@9lirika]

Same here...can't say my mother is a narc,but emotionally n financially absent parent...n my brother is the golden child...when it comes to his education,they spent lakhs n for me it was all free education choices....i endup without. Proper career while he is. Highschool doctor now...can relate to your comment

[@DivineAwareness88]

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for just doing what you do because you're saving a bunch of people and you deserve every blessing you've received & continue to receive ❤!

[@carmenwolf3680]

Yes, Dr. R. You are right on! I grew up with lots of extended family, one of whom lived with us. She was elderly, very religious, and always called a saint. My parents had the freedom to be gone enough because this "saint" was most of the time in charge of us kids. I was terrified of her because she had a huge and very life-like bust of Jesus in her room, with blood dripping from his crown of thorns. My brothers loved her but she sensed that I did not so she probably disliked me because she aways blamed me for anything that went wrong. I was punished by my parents every time the saint reported my "bad behavior" to them. I tried to explain things to my parents but of course they believed the "saint". I WAS LABELED A LIAR BY THEM WELL INTO ADULTHOOD. To this day (and I am 87) I still doubt myself all the time- even though I have a terrific husband and four wonderful kids and six best possible grandchildren. I went through life scared that I would be "found out" without ever knowing WHAT would be found out. I don't know if my kids ever lied to me but I have NEVER accused them of lying and have always taken their side against whoever dared to complain to me about them

[@bluesky8057]

I met so many proffesionals who just don't understand narcissism and severe impact of emotional abuse, I'm sure 1 or 2 were narcassitic themselves, now when I have an emotional flashback I also get their gaslighted negative unsupportive /abusive comments along with the flashback which intensifys it. This also impacts on trusting other people and professionals and keeping me silent about my abuse as 'They just won't get it'

[@Lisa.Halloran]

I agree 100%. So many trained counselors/therapists have been fooled by narcs in my life. It is so disheartening and invalidating!

[@jordanferguson2254]

It helps to record things. Whether by secretly filming the narcs or recording their voice (for instance pretend like you're working on your computer, use your computer recorder or phone), or by writing down word for word what happened and what was said. You can then practice how you would present this info to a therapist and start of generally or with general examples. Keep looking if you still want a therapist, one who actually understands narcissism. It's strange that a therapist wouldn't consider that people are not what they seem and are very different behind closed doors or when they have company. A narc would never be honest during therapy. They'd use their charm and fake empathy and mirroring to build their case. Maybe don't go to go to therapy with the narc, but if you do, ensure you don't lose your temper or cool. You'll come off as unstable. But honestly, I feel like the internet resources are quite sufficient. When I was healing I was on my own, and it was only after I already processed things and came up with my theories that I found channels like this. So it was really just a bonus or have ideas validated. It honestly helps to be able to say I healed myself. I was there for myself. I have my back and I have no reason to be afraid because I've gotten myself through hell. It also increased my respect and love towards myself. I not only looked up to myself but felt a nurturing feeling. It's like being every role for yourself. Codpendency dies and you're now a whole, self sufficient being.

[@mandygreen9152]

what i found the worst that he alway's said "i hate people who lie!"" aftherworth i found out he was lying so much! oh and don't forget the word salads he like to fight and then at the end i was the grazy one!! they almost make's you grazy! im glad its over! took me 3 years of preparation to end it, also because of your vids. thanks dokter Ramani! oh and for the outside word he was so sweet and caring! uug!

[@Rana0211]

The narcissist in my life has always told me this sentence: “Grow up, the older you get , the dumber you become.” And I can never explain how much these words damaged me 😢

[@Dana-gj5hr]

Wow. "Grow up, the older you get, the dumber I become because you can now see through me" - should be the statement if your N wasn't projecting. :) Backhanded compliment.

[@courtneymeyers82]

Sweetheart, the exact opposite is true! Always believe the opposite of what attributes a narcissist tries to put onto you. You were getting smarter, catching onto them❤

[@mayqueen2]

I was told daily how “worthless” I was from a young age.It’s taken my lifetime to work on the damage done.

[@deliafernandez775]

I'm glad u don't put up w that anymore! I learned not to put up w those kind of words anymore from absolutely anyone anymore! Blessings.

[@deliafernandez775]

True, narcissists people, even some friends who later I found out were narcissists, have told me that Fraser "no one is going to believe you." Now when I hear someone telling that phrase, it doesn't hurt me at all. I know that most likely it comes from a narcissist person. And I am learning to protect myself from narcissists.

[@jadegreen1554]

Another big one very related is “you can’t prove it” almost like - “you wouldn’t believe it yourself” (which leaves the victim feeling even worse) When you have small evidence but not enough to prove it, but just enough to convince you after years of experience with it, the audacity to say “you can’t prove it/even you yourself wouldn’t believe you” could be very destructive internally.

[@mahwish_syed_designs]

I had a friend who copied my book-after she insisted she never read it. “You can’t prove it” came out…and my skin crawled. I had enough evidence but I was shocked at her statement. It felt like an “F you”-no remorse, no apology. She felt entitled. We are no longer friends…

[@MK-mt4kn]

The courts: “Amen.”

[@c557jem]

You hit the nail on the head. "No one will believe you" and "You're crazy" kept me locked in fear of leaving for over 20 years. Friends and family always said, "He was upset. He didn't really mean it," or "You need to try harder to understand him." What gave me the courage to leave was telling a domestic violence counselor who heard me and validated me. I still had years of work to do after leaving, but having that counselor believe me unlocked the chains forever.

[@janegehringer8485]

How VERY true!!! My mother has treated me extremely cruel, and has not been anything but kind to my siblings...so even though I haven't expressed what she has done to me, I am perceived as the crazy, selfish, argumentative one when I simply & calmly express boundaries to attempt to prevent further damage to me

[@whendays659]

0:51 Gaslighting described by its effects and not its definition or tactics is so helpful. "A permanent state of self-doubt." Every thought, action, decision or conversation, trying to decide if you're responsible. So true.

[@susanweaver2866]

This is so true what you say about these narcissists. So charming, they walk around with their silver tongue abuse.

[@gertrudewest4535]

Let’s go further with the no one is going to believe you - it’s not just a phrase, it’s the well planned tactic of ALL abusers. It’s precisely the reason of why they cultivate their appearance of charm and charisma. Beware. When I meet a life of the party, outgoing, charismatic type- all my antennas go up.

[@DollfaceKim]

I think it's ok to isolate yourself from the world until you've learned how to empower yourself, and how to handle the toxic people who just don't know any better but are everywhere. For those of you who are enduring the pain from a narcissist (or ahole of any kind) please remember it's because you're alive, you have a good heart, you are an absolutely normal person but even more amazing than that and you'll discover how marvelous you really are one day when you start loving yourself and not the toxic people that need to have the door slammed in their faces. When a person in need of something finds someone who has it they will do anything to get it. The narcissist will hound you, put you down, manipulate, play weird games, and drive you nuts like a little kid throwing a fit because you're the one who can give them what they want - attention, love, support, and all of those amazing qualities that you possess, extremely hard to find type of qualities but that's how the insecure narcissist finds you. Use your gift to empower yourself, don't give it away to the soul sucking zombie narcissist, they don't even know how to acquire nor keep the qualities of love that you have.

[@chayo4537]

Why are you wasting time and giving love to a narcissist.. instead of someone just like you.

[@carolmatthews1073]

What you say is enormously helpful to me, in the thick of completely undeserved but clear hatred, reeling in disbelief at the cruelty of folks who always got the best from me. Now I understand why no contact is the only alternative. I do tho’ have a partner who says I cut off my nose to spite my face. 😂. Its the pure denial of reality that is so hard to process. Thankyou!

[@gingergirl8797]

Oh yes, heard this from childhood (parent) thru marriage. Did not start to break free until my abusers died.

[@nikkinorton8310]

That is the truth. My mother asked me one time why I didn't believe her over my dad when I was clarifying the issue with someone. I said sometimes dad gets confused, and sometimes you just don't tell the truth. She asked what was the difference. She then asked how I know she doesn't tell the truth, and I told her that she lies to me about me. That's the deal with gaslighting. They don't trust what others say or do because they themselves aren't trustworthy and they really don't seem to understand the difference between lying and being confused.

[@gche9961]

‘It’s a Mind F’ is such an appropriate way of putting it. I remember using that phrase when trying to describe what was happening to me to someone before I found this channel or learned what narcissistic abuse is all about. I just couldn’t find any other better way to express what I was feeling

[@Tom-nw4vb]

It was made clear that I will never get anyone to believe my life story and that it isn't ever going to stop but get worse till I take my life or they get someone to do it , all I can do is Indore, and work on how I can live some kind of life some how and pray that someone will connect the dots and start the process of untwisting enough of this so that I can get a chance to live with out being psychologicaly attached every time I leave my home and stalked as well as then to be able to feel safe enough to find help for what I can't deny are trust issues and working my way through all the negatives feelings and fear of any kind of relationship ,with anyone on any level, but thank you for listening, I have looked and listen to your site many times when I just felt that I can't go on one more minute and then after listening I tell my self maybe I can hope for help on all levels for my self or at least I am not alone and I am not crazy, but I have to understand that no one will ever believe or understand the level of abuse I have been through and am still going through, I will always hope for others to get free and heal and find some peace

[@lynnecryer1811]

This is SOOOO true! Story of my life with my ex, and my family of origin. I used to think I should check myself into the psych ward because I thought I was going crazy!

[@robingoldman5944]

This has been happening to me since early childhood and continues to this day. I'm almost 70!!!

[@elevans5758]

Excellent. Thank you. Another very cruel thing is when a person close to you tells you : "I have no idea what you are talking about", when the person knows exactly what you are saying, but does not want to talk about that issue for various reasons.

[@marshallrobinson1019]

I was in a relationship with a vulnerable female narcissist. Whenever I'd piece things together and ask, she'd tell me "you're scaring me." Once I showed her a joke video [which was too close to her agenda(?)] and she angrily told me to leave the room