The Dark Side of Self Improvement | Suzanne Eder | TEDxWilmington

Suzanne Eder talks about self improvement at a 2015 TEDX event in Wilmington, Delaware.
Suzanne Eder is a world-class teacher, facilitator and mentor. She founded Solid Ground Transformational Life Coaching in 2003 to help people wake up to their magnificence and create lives they truly love. Suzanne currently authors an award-winning monthly column in Living Well Magazine and has published a book, 10 Ways to Find Peace Rather Than Panic, which earned a full 5-star rating on Amazon. She is a graduate of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, an intense 4-year program in mind-body-spirit health and healing. Suzanne also has degrees in both Accounting and Economics and graduated summa cum laude from the University of Delaware. Currently resides in Wilmington, Delaware.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@justanalt4641]

I don't self-improve because I feel like something is wrong with me. I self improve because I know I can be better.

[@ryancasey3914]

Exactly. You should never stop trying to be a better person.

[@NTGNatural]

💯💯💯

[@TammyJFox]

Good for you!

[@alexskaiaran9573]

I’m both lol

[@alexskaiaran9573]

I think something is wrong with me so I try to be better

[@baby_d777]

“The bud is not less whole than the blossom. It’s just in a different stage of development.” I needed to hear that. Thank you.

[@jskullheisenberg5227]

I read your comment quote the exact same time she said it

[@TheBanterCity]

Hey thanks for thr summary.

[@veesurf]

DeAja and don’t forget that manure contributes to the smell of the rose as well

[@eunbidraws3778]

@Christina Reynolds even broken things can be made into beautiful pieces of priceless art

[@markbroad119]

James Allen's "as a man thinkith" is a real good read, our listen to. "The bird waits in the egg"

[@Adrian-yi8fl]

"Growth-oriented instead of Goal-oriented." That's powerful.

[@annalieff-saxby568]

It's worth checking out Carol Dweck's videos on Growth Vs Fixed Mindsets. I found them a true revelation.

[@luciathefemininewoman]

Adrian N I don’t really find that a powerful quote to me personally. Even though they’re completely two different words. Because goal oriented is when you set goals for yourself and it will take steps or progress to achieve your goal. Growth oriented is when you need to overcome no matter if it’s hard or extremely difficult learning from experience or someone’s criticism can help you grow as an individual. I think the reason people avoids self improvement because they don’t want to change who they are as person. Then what about the things you want in life? If you want to be as social it isn’t about making progress but to overcome those suppressed feelings and negative thinking in your head. If you don’t overcome them that shows that you’re letting negativity and the suppressed feelings corrupt you.

[@aetas4500]

I always thought self help was growth oriented. Am I missing something?

[@lraoux]

The best is when you combine both.

[@chrispullman5902]

Systems vs goals is a big part of Scott Adams philosophy- How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big.

[@Dycehart]

You can simultaneously be a masterpiece and a work in progress.

[@jmannii]

Mango Orange I'm a masterpiece and a work in progress, and I'm happy.

[@FrostedSeagull]

You said it jmanni. We are works in progress and we can be happy. My own experience has been that we seek un-happiness. I read a lot about spiritual matters. By spiritual I mean I do not adhere to religious dogma which are man-made rules telling us what to do. I read about a young Tibetan Lama who came up with this observation. He noted - we run towards pleasures. We confuse pleasure(s) with happiness.

[@xDMrGarrison]

That's the most retardedly sappy thing I've heard all week. But hey! I'm a masterpiece! So there must be some truth to me having this opinion, right?

[@Pavel7918]

Shiroyasha You shoot down an idea before even considering it deeply. Your life seems like it's based on society. l wonder if you learned anything from this talk.

[@xDMrGarrison]

I didn't watch the talk. And what exactly does it mean for my life to be based on society? I've never really fit anywhere, and my whole life has been one big failure if you look at what "society" considers successful, and I don't care about what society considers successful. Maybe you're right and I am missing some beautiful wisdom here, but I just didn't feel like watching it. And I don't even remember why, maybe it was because I read through the comment section.

[@EGV88]

You can't hate yourself into a version of you you can love.

[@howardalien2720]

That's actually deep. Wise words

[@LexRexLibertarian]

Damn, nice insight

[@EGV88]

@Joost Broek Really, because I tried that - didn't work. Self love is wanting what's best for you, like you would for your child. How are you going to do that if you don't even want what's best for you?

[@icreamsogood]

noice!

[@guadalupeeg5034]

Explain

[@huckmart2017]

The way I look at it, is "I'm enough right now, but I want to be better". It allows me to shrug off setbacks a lot easier and stay motivated.

[@ganeshscott5360]

True, but it also means you can't/won't feel self-fulfilment in the present moment. As the saying goes, tomorrow never comes. Often it can be hard to simultaneously accept ourselves and also work toward something if we think we "need" it to be happy. Food for thought.

[@eaumartineau7890]

Yes

[@hansenj2196]

You say you're enough but actually u can become better LOL, never settle for good enough, get the most out of everything

[@johnclemmy7909]

i really like this point of view

[@dormeocattus6564]

@@hansenj2196 He means to be content and still strive for self- improvement. To want to be better but to also know your enough and deserve to be treated and treat yourself as such.

[@firstnamelastname8697]

“When we think there’s something wrong with us, we look outside of ourselves for answers and solutions.” Yeah, why do you think I watch so many tedtalks?

[@windflier1684]

True

[@tarvoc746]

lol

[@thethinkingbeing9817]

Isolation doesn’t work either. But a few minute to introspect? Definitely.

[@thethinkingbeing9817]

Laura Kerin You do that when you are stuck. I’ve learned from harder evaluation that either you are looking at it wrong or you are looking for it in the wrong place

[@mrshastri]

We should ignore Ted Talks. 😁

[@madelyntoday7093]

I've spent decades on self-improvement and I've decided that the best way to live is to love yourself and to enjoy the moment.

[@Sub-515]

Simple but true

[@alohaspirit1506]

Absolutely!

[@mmddyyyy-his]

how to enjoy the moment if the deadline is tomorrow

[@lifeisneverthesame910]

I even don't consider that self is exist...

[@DavidZee888]

so true, what works better is only meditation instead of doing all this affirmations and reading multiple books

[@BeOutstanding]

The most inspirational TED talk I have ever heard. I read a lot of self-help books but never have the confidence. Now I know it's mainly because I have submitted myself to so many people's formulas without carving out one myself.

[@alondrasafavi2064]

Read Karen horney and TA (Eric Bern ) books ...

[@josephkimani8325]

My thoughts too Jason. Totally inspired

[@sunshine-qk8qe]

@@alondrasafavi2064 TA ruined my life it fragmented me , into different pesonalties and took years of counselling to become whole again . Many people have been deeply wounded by this therapy and some have taken their own life.

[@GQ-jv9uw]

Exactly

[@alfonsodelosreyes119]

We need to be more "growth" oriented than "goal" oriented. This hit me HARD. There's so much content on self-improvement that tells us you NEED to be this, successful people DO that, which makes people feel bad when they can't consistently do what these "gurus" tell us to do every single day. I'm going through this right now. I'm trying my hardest to "CHANGE" but sometimes I do fall off because it's hard to learn and practice new habits that is a "MUST" to be SUCCESSFUL when I judge myself based on people's advice. I believe there are habits and strategies that a person can learn to succeed, but we should not judge ourselves based on this HIGH standard, and find happiness in growing everyday and doing more each day and feel fulfilled by our own actions, not because we followed an advice or formula for success told to us by others. Growth rather than goal oriented is the key to self-improvement.

[@shadism1714]

Alfonso Delos Reyes And we can get growth from lots of great self-growth 📚

[@carlosfruiz766]

If you don't improve, how can you grow, learn, flourish as you have said?

[@nosheenkhan2457]

Thank you Alfonso Delos Reyes, Your post helped me to clear up my mind a lot in many ways ...👍

[@daz1317]

Results are important, goals are neccessary. I feel you are confusing having high standards and lack of self esteem with the strategy of how you achieve success. If you didn't have measurable determinants for growth then how would you know you are growing? You NEED to know if you wasting time, money, energy etc on something that isn't getting you closer to where you want to be. If you keep shifting your meaning of "success" that isn't being goal-oriented that is actually faults in mindset or beliefs. Goal oriented is fine as long as you celebrate your wins and have a good understanding of what makes you happy.

[@honvcritic3978]

👍🏼Very well said! 😀

[@pameladegroot6759]

"She leant how to stop pushing her self forward and instead STARTED LOVING HER SELF FORWARD." I love that.

[@arinthel]

I can see why. It’s the kind of meaningless buzzword that makes a certain part of the population feel good.

[@GQ-jv9uw]

Me too

[@glanced9684]

Self improvement is an art. And like Da Vinci once said, "Art is never finished, only abandoned."

[@lancereddick5168]

“She learned how to translate her feelings into information she could use.” Powerful...

[@engenhomental8690]

This Woman has said everything that is necessary to be said in 11min.! Congratulations!

[@laikaspod]

at a good pace!!!

[@shawarmageddonit]

Well, in all fairness, maybe not literally EVERYTHING.

[@JoeSmith-rq5nq]

this video has so many great gems of wisdom!!! -"the bud of the flower is just as whole as the blossom" -"instead of asking 'what do i need to fix about myself' ask 'what do i want to create? what do i want to experience? how do i want to grow?'" -"self judgment will not help you if your goal is improvement" i think this video is exactly what i needed. i've been feeling really lost here recently. i got out of homeschool and decided to go travel. I went from being a pretty sheltered teen to being a homeless guy. i've been going a lot of interesting places meeting interesting people. but i've been told repeatedly that i'm a child. and i've been directly told about things i need to work on... mostly related to maturity, of course. and its been really bringing me down. and yeah... i know i have a lot to learn. i don't think the people i've met are Wrong about how i could improve... but i definitely think i was giving them a bit too much power over me. i assumed "these are grown adults and they've been doing this all longer than i have so i should listen to them..." and yes. kinda. I think I still do want to "accept their wisdom" but i don't want to "give my power" to them and let them assign their time frames and demands. anyway, I'm just ranting in a youtube comment section lmao

[@LarryPanozzo]

I love how she has a degree in accounting. Don’t do what is expected of you! Do what you love! Start young!

[@bron9674]

Start and restart, at any age.

[@wandalee5010]

Or start old! Just start! 💗

[@ceebee1590]

Since watching this I have not only caught myself saying "what is wrong with me?" in moments of dissatisfaction or frustration, but have caught others in my life doing the same thing! When I caught myself and them, it was really helpful to pause and think about Suzanne's words. Instead of immediately heading down the path of self-correction, comparing myself to some "perfect" "other" version of myself that I haven't yet become (a goto move of mine), I took a minute to consider and recognize what other things were going on within me. Reorienting myself from self-criticism to self-reflection even a little bit in that moment somehow made me feel less restricted in moving past what I was frustrated about. As small as this particular moment was, it was really awakening to put this into practice! I'd love to be able to put this into practice during life's more difficult impasses and challenges. Thank you Suzanne for offering such a simple idea that seems so impactful!

[@musicalmercy5204]

You speak my words lol

[@nickbrights9436]

@Suzanne Eder Quite insightful, can you kindly give a real world example ? ( these are some great words but I am having trouble understanding to the core, concrete real world example will help ) ... I hope you respond.

[@nickbrights9436]

Quite insightful, can you kindly give a real world example ? ( these are some great words but I am having trouble understanding to the core, concrete real world example will help ) ... I hope you respond.

[@Javmonster]

I feel like she wasn't talking about Darla, I feel like she was specifically talking about me directly. Wow I needed to hear this, thank you for the post. This is a blessing Alhamdullilah.

[@Positionzen]

I had to self improve due to depression and negative thinking in my past, as well as relationship issues and my behaviors I THOUGHT were the best during that time. Failure after failure I started to realize I was doing it all wrong. The day an important person in my life was pushed away by my behaviors was Day 0. I began to learn and change the way I thought. I spent 2 years during that time reading and seeking educational archives of related materials. Even to this day, I continue to learn and tweak myself to be better than I was. My life and relationships with others has vastly improved. At one point I did think I was "broken". Now I know that it was mainly not knowing enough. Learning will not end until I'm gone from this Earth. Good luck out there everyone.

[@sumyunguy6894]

Absolutely, we should always seek to become better, her message leads to complacency and self destruction.

[@chamomiletea9562]

Thank you for telling me that I know what is best for me. People have always pushed into my life and told me what to do and who to be. It made me nervous and sad. I am finally learning to insist on making my own decisions about life. The guilt of not pleasing people is something I keep working on. All the self improvement tapes, books, and classes can be a waste of time after awhile. It is not about taking one more class. It really does come down to listening to that wisdom from inside which needs to be honored.

[@alexanderwindh4830]

What I noticed with self improvement and goal setting... Some of your friends and family... Will just make you feel bad and drain you of your energy when you notice and get aware of how negative they are

[@Astfresser]

in conclusion: never act out of scarcity

[@LuiKang043]

What? Could you please expand on your thinking? Thank you. :)

[@Gnidel]

@Suzanne Eder What if you act out of scarcity of love?

[@isadora1727]

@@Gnidel its still scarcity

[@MonyMoOse2O12]

By scarcity you mean?

[@Angeck]

Amany Abo-Aly its the "lack of". It means you need to act in confidence and in spite of what might happen

[@MrKockabilly]

Seeking self-improvement doesn't mean there is wrong with me or doesnt mean I am not growing. It means I want to accelerate growth. Life is short.

[@carlosfruiz766]

That's it! Well done!

[@arinaz318]

The way she matched her outfit colors to the stage is giving me lifeeee

[@MINDucated]

This needs a lot more views.. The world would be much better in general if people could understand and follow this advice. Thank you Suzanne!

[@Justaperson520]

Amen to that

[@MindlessTube]

I don't think so this video saying if you like being a serial killer that it is fine there is nothing for you to improve on. Or if you drug addict or what have you. Cause a killers inner voice will reveal more meaningfulness in more killing.

[@IcewhipRoxx]

"We're not broken. We're whole... We're whole and growing." Well, some of us were a a little too whole and growing a little too fast, which is why I went to the gym to improve myself in the first place... so...

[@arinaz318]

hahah truuue

[@43vaRR]

You’ve missed the point.

[@reyana3632]

It's still an act of self love. Pump that iron, baby

[@Pikachu-qr4yb]

@@43vaRR You've missed the joke.

[@sumyunguy6894]

IcewhipRoxx if you’re whole you can’t be growing

[@kritikasingh7992]

What I have learned is: you are hard on yourself because you treat yourself the way you have been treated before, in your childhood

[@ciro4063]

To some extent yes. It is much more than that when you do self-reflection

[@jamesfreeman1286]

Very helpful to me. I am daily assaulted by criticism, which I internalize. Time to stop that and feel good about myself, even while embracing my shortcomings.

[@hansenj2196]

Never stop learning, because life never stop teaching

[@thebrightestrainbowever3841]

This was truly powerful and got me emotional. So true the personal development junkies pray on people making them feel less than or there is smth to chase. Thank you.

[@Businessclassass]

I stumbled upon this looking up the best of self help as I was in a place where I wasn't sure what i was looking for. As it turns out people who are ""know it all" are affecting me negatively making me feel bad about where I am in my journey and what I could / should have been. thank you Suzanne for the unconventional wisdom I will repeat this video over and over

[@scottmcavoy2012]

This is why I prefer to use the term Personal Development. It is more about Personal Growth than improving yourself to some better being. Everyone with past issues or negative beliefs should read the book; Code To Joy by George Pratt and Peter Lambrou.

[@steved.1091]

Self-improvement should be an inner desire. If it's driven by some external catalyst then it's not something that will do anyone any good

[@suprbonnie]

Steve D. And if driven by external catalysts it will also not serve you long term. One will notice by always coming up short in various aspects in life.

[@captlanc]

I stumbled on self-improvement because I was in so much pain. I was depressed, can’t sleep, and hurting 24/7. Pain sucks. It consumes you. Pain doesn’t bring growth. It’s only through the process of easing the pain that you grow.

[@Ashallmusica]

Best thing you can do for yourself is believing in your own learning and perception way. People will say self improvement is good now some say self improvement sucks. So it's better face it by yourself rather listening to others.

[@humanbeing8531]

Pause and listen to your own self. All is available in our heart, just need to slow down to hear our own inner voice. Good thoughts ma'am 👏

[@bradmorgan60]

I related to this entire video because I have been trying to improve myself over the past few years but have been failing in the process. This all starts from comparing yourself to other people. Doing so decreases your self-confidence when you don't feel as fulfilled in certain areas in your life as others. You then begin to feel a sense of worthlessness because you want to be yourself but don't want to follow the system someone else has laid in front of you. It's an empty feeling. Loved the talk.

[@HexaAngel]

I love that perspective of wanting to be growth-oriented rather than goal-oriented! That's so true! When you're only goal-oriented, all you can think about every day is "I'm not there yet, I'm still not there yet", whereas if you're growth-oriented, you can feel proud of yourself every single day as you take the little steps towards your goal.

[@artycrafty8691]

She has really told us reality.....she has chosen something deep and out of the box for tedx talks...... she has given us a GREAT message to only Learn to love ourselves to be satisfied and happy in this world..

[@arnedebeste007]

As I believe, you're only describing one part of self improvement. I love growing spiritually, emotionally, physicly and intelectually on a day by day basis, without disliking myself for the things i cannot do, yet. I'm more positive minded about this. When the mind is at one with the things you want to accomplish, there is no problem or dark side at all. I'm not judging myself at all, but noticing my imperfections and try to learn out of them. When you're not happy with your work and major things that happen in your life, you should reevaluate where you lost track with yourself and search how you can improve or radically change these things. There are always other aspects that you cannot control, but the things you can control, you should. Your own wellbeing and happiness I'd always put first. Love yourself before you can love anyone or anything else. Everyone needs to find his own pace, enjoying every day. But standing still is as I believe going backwards. I don't know anyone who's happy without making any progress in all aspects of his life.

[@karenzhang1020]

I totally agree with you! I don't see reading self-help books is the thing that " I am not good enough, I need " help." When we were born we don't know anything in this world, that's why we need to learn. And you don't have to think that you are lacking of something. Human has limited potential, those book will guide you to discover the part of yourself that you haven't discovered yet. It will also help you to realize the simple concept that most people don't realize, that makes your life much easier. I can't express enough how much benefit I have had since I started reading those books. In my opinion, when people don't like the idea of reading those type of book is that they are expecting those books will give them the instant results or their life will be changed immediately after they read those books. But unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. The self-help books will only give you the compass in life, but in order to get to where you want to be, you have to walk there step by step.

[@sumyunguy6894]

Exactly, because the message she’s preaching that everyone seems to like leads to complacency and actual self destruction.

[@dpleipold]

Suzanne's TED talk is her testimony to the loving support that she shares with each client and each friend that she touches in her work.

[@sukhmanicambridge]

This is sooo needed in the spiritual communities

[@sumyunguy6894]

Everyone should evaluate the reason you like her message so much and without telling anyone else you might come to realize that the reason is it’s easier ridding yourself of any responsibility. Because self improvement requires admitting that we’re lacking and then having to work on improving.

[@marangelliramos]

"You are what it takes" and grow oriented, rather than goal oriented. Love it ❤️ thank you Suzanne!

[@vladbilous9563]

Enjoyed it! Great idea. People should be more self-aware and less reliant on someone else's advice. We have so much more within us. Great scientists, inventors and artists of the past were the people who learned how to use wisdom and knowledge hidden within themselves.

[@PrincessAllie]

"Growth oriented rather than goal oriented." That speaks to me.

[@Cecil381]

Thank you for your message. Your higher knowledge of "self improvement" can be a blessing to many. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[@nocando89]

Great talk and a very important one. I have listened to many a podcast and bought many a self improvement book. Constantly analyzing and thinking- it gets tiring. Self improvement gurus only speak from their own temperament and goals, but we are all different and should not be bombarded with one size fits all templates. It's time to live and learn on our own. I decided to use my own sense and goals as the compass to joy and fulfillment as I personally reached the point of information overload.

[@YourAnonymousGuy]

Thank you. You opened up my eyes. I was in the dark for so long. You are so wise! Bless you!

[@Daysed.and.Konfuzed]

7:09

[@f1sh.s41nt]

This is the one video I keep going back to whenever I lose confidence and I really appreciate how much this has helped me

[@joe1110]

Maybe I miss understand the lecture but I'm not sure I agree. I like to set myself a really high goal to improve myself, and it's the journey towards that, that feeling of progress exhilarating. That every day I'm gonna be better than I was yesterday. And if I fall short of my goal it doesn't matter I just look how far I've come

[@Momma_AL]

Joseph Barrow ya I get what you’re saying. I think she’s talking about people that are doing things they think they are “supposed” to do because someone somewhere said to. Or because that’s the way it’s ALWAYS been done. People that aren’t trusting their own gut and listening to themselves.

[@patiolefamily]

Joseph it sounds like you're doing self improvement the right way! I think she was making us aware of when we don't look at progress but instead look at what we think we should've accomplished.

[@joe1110]

@@patiolefamily Ah I think you are right thanks

[@BeyourbestselfToday247]

Just a few thoughts on this video: To say that Self-Improvement stems from a "false belief" is a only a personal opinion/notion of those who wish to 'validate' such a concept - it is not set in stone. Self-Improvement, Self-help, Self-Motivation, Self-Realisation, and Self-Love all point to one thing; growth. The way that people choose to develop themselves is a personal choice - as their individuality sees fit. There is not one person in this world who is without the 'want-gene,' people just have their own opinions and beliefs about which methods are valid, versus what is not. Those who wish to improve themselves are simply seeking their 'best' - no false belief there - just a meaningful willingness to achieve brighter and better, making consistent progress, as life is for learning, and we never run out of lessons for our advancement. Speaking of the "dark side," it is merely the opposite of 'light.' All areas of life have an opposite, some call this "the balance" and others have no idea what to call it. Personally, I live from a place known to many as 'spirit.' I have an open mind which allows me to view life from a multitude of 'angles' before I make any choices - because choice is power - a power that gives validity to any notion, hence why I'm careful about what I choose to believe in. It is my belief that a person's choices and their root-cause is one of the largest clues that offer insight about 'who we are.' And to know yourself is to know your soul... After all, your soul definitely knows who you are. It is your highest Self - never a stranger. Thanks for sharing, peace, prosperity and light to all... ;) I Have My Beliefs/You Have Yours - and the world continues to spin

[@FrostedSeagull]

Suzanne, 20 years ago I came across a Spiritual Master. He never told us that he was a Master . . I only found out later when I saw him in a dream. What I have noticed is that your talks are great. I am not sure if you are aware of this, BUT, your talks are basic 101 Christian Gnosis. These gnostic daily practices which are also practiced by the Tibetan Buddhists are about daily self-evaluation. You are right in saying self-evaluation is NOT to be confused overly harsh personal judgement. I am pleasantly stunned . . , keep up the great work !

[@shadism1714]

Self-improvement and self-growth materials have changed many lives of people who became one of the best and most successful ones at what they do, for sure there's a dark side for everything but let's not think about the negative side of life and self growth, instead we should just look at the positive side of the story or the things that make us grow and expand our general knowledge. It's better to Be optimistic

[@adriancline-bailey3301]

Thank you so much for this, you just changed the direction of my life. I'm beyond grateful. "Promise to Keep Listening To Myself" is now up on my wall, and "I Have What it Takes to Succeed" is up there too. So I can't miss it everyday i do my self fulfilling regimented work. Monday Mindset. Thank you!

[@paulwestcott2579]

What an adorable lady and I really agree with what she says. She radiates warmth and takes the pressure off “self improvement” .

[@DIAKUMAS]

soo many people need to hear this 11 minutes

[@JustJohnice]

I am listening to this every morning for a reminder of how amazing I am...I give myself space to grow!

[@pamtyson4023]

Suzanne, congrats on this amazing and awesome presentation! Thank you for re-affirming what I continue to learn from and through your teachings and your love and support . . . that self improvement comes from self love and not self judgment.

[@projectikigai3017]

Am obsessed about self improvement for years now but totally see how self improvement can be self destructive. Good reminder. Cheers, Patrick

[@tbd5082]

The dark side is the subconscious programming you received as a child from unaware parents.

[@dunjaradoalignmentcoach1774]

that the essence and it takes a while to heal those wounds.

[@lindseyb1445]

So true... and this is something I’m learning at the age of 25. If only my parents could’ve waited at least 6/7 more years... but I’m happy to be on this journey of self awareness and self consciousness

[@robyndismon394]

Or even more damaging is what was received from abusive and neglectful parents who could have done better but just didn't give a damn and also didn't even WANT 2 do better.

[@flueepwrien6587]

that slaps hard

[@flueepwrien6587]

But you should accept that, get over it and stop blaming them. It is a double edged sword. After all its not just them, its the parenting, enviroment and genes.

[@cynthiadeleon1547]

Suzanne, thank you for those insights. It's so easy to lose yourself in the self judgment when we have what we need to thrive. Thanks for reminding me to look within and trust.

[@mikeeder8541]

Wonderful presentation Suzanne ! Seeking internal wisdom and guidance is a journey, trusting our interpretations is a challenge, but not exploring is a life wasted ! Thanks for sharing !

[@sumyunguy6894]

Where does that inner wisdom come from?

[@sarabelled.a.2846]

one of the best and most informing ted talks. she didn’t talk just to talk but actually came with concrete stories

[@maryschaefer8265]

Suzanne, my friend, I am so delighted you had the opportunity to get this message out to the masses. And you have so much more to say! Can't wait to hear it!

[@chessacts1884]

The world is definitely changing. It's time we all take action, and you're doing just like that for one's growth.

[@annmurphy7328]

It serves us better to be growth oriented rather than goal oriented. Self-judgement never helped anyone on a journey of self improvement. The concept of self improvement itself springs from a false belief that we are fundamentally lacking. Suzanne offers hope to all those who have fallen by the wayside along the sometimes dark and difficult road of self improvement. And suggests we question the advice (no matter how well meant) of anyone other than ourselves, and look instead to the liberating truths that have always dwelt within. Imagine if improving ourselves could be as loving a process as this talk says it can be. Wouldn't the world eventually have to be a kinder place if we could just begin with being this kind to ourselves?

[@carlosfruiz766]

It depends, for young people it needs self-improvement. What if some don't go well with family? What if they're facing addictions? What if they don't have social skills? What if... I can name many more that we need self-improve to just improve any areas we want so we eventually be thankful for ourselves for the effort we invested our time.

[@acertainscientificloli6392]

@@carlosfruiz766 the problem with self-improvement is that it always assumes that the person themselves is the problem. The problems you mentioned are not always the young people’s fault. Social issues and drug addiction can be due to upbringing or traumatic events that are outside the person’s control. Family issues aren’t always the child’s fault. Sometimes the parents may pushed their child away with their hurtful behaviors.

[@betterXdesign]

This video deserves all the awards. Seriously impressive! 🏆

[@awakenyourspirit2219]

I'm losing my mind with the damn self improvement tips and gurus I feel like I'm in a loop and whatever i do is never enough I was far much better before I started following self help tips and books

[@ciro4063]

A lot of them don't know what they are talking about. Check out my chanel, I got a 3 step guide to self-growth in less than 20min for all 3

[@adrianemayes]

Self-improvement is painful at times. However the real growth is being honest with yourself. Thank you for sharing.

[@positiveandhealthy2728]

I'm working to feel good about my self, keep positive and trying to get rid of the non loving attitude of my self and self doubt. It's a daily challenge, but I'm working on it. God bless.

[@MakiAnd]

Beautiful talk, made my morning! Thank you!

[@verasinkovics2308]

"you may have been lured to the dark side of self-improvement" audience: HAHAHAHAH me: me: she didn't even specify yet what that is

[@createdtosubtoathene]

Self judgement is a crucial and beneficial tool in truthfully viewing our actions in light of internal motivation and effect in society. Quite frankly, one whose actions are selfish or cause harm to others should not abandon self judgement, lest such a person paint over their own ego with a superficial layer of paint. Without self judgement, there can be no honest introspective analysis of own own behavior. It can be detrimental when used on trivial matters, but that doesn’t mean that the tool of self judgement should be thrown out entirely

[@frickfran]

knowing the end goal and what that can actually look like by seeing it through others is KEY ~ celebrities have been pushed into the places of experts who should be our heroes and the ones who are idolized for their skills and intelligence. instead we have parasocial relationships and too many ppl talking at once.

[@TRANSFORMATION20]

Just turned 21, and I’m glad I found Jim... I was lost now I see the path thank you!

[@TheBig0smile]

We all somehow sense this philosophy but the way this lady elaborated it is marvelous! Thank you Suzanne Eder, God bless you

[@JieyuLiang]

I really like this speech. It is truly inspiring and worth hearing over and over.

[@putuadriyas5001]

thank you for saying this, you are saved my life

[@djpsykix9266]

"The best way to improve your self, is to stop negative self talk, stop self judgement, self doubt, stop trying to fix what you think is wrong with yourself and instead, learn positive behaviors that break old bad habits to stop repeating same mistakes, and stop trying to prove yourself." --- Henry Hernandez, DJ Psykix.

[@Spirit.free.15]

Thanks you Suzzane Eder because of this talk. And thanks TEDx because you publish on the internet!! Thanks you so much!.

[@DanniBambi]

I definitely needed this. Thank you!

[@wowowee2106]

I totally agree with her. Ive listen to a lot of motivational speeches. Theyre like a drug. But at the end of the day you felt empty. But this talk doesnt contradict many famous speakers(les brown and tony robins) Its not the end goal that matters its what you have become during that process. This is I think what she meant about how do you wanna grow. Setting a goal the first step of growing. pursuing it is another which requires more if not the best of us. There's another talk as well about trust your suffering( this is like trust the process). And why the heck this only get 25k views? really people.

[@ipromisethatserendipityisa9656]

Those who love to listen to motivational speeches, me included, have some goals that they want to achieve. They felt empty because instead of getting off their butts and doing the goals, they just stop at listening to speeches (me included).

[@HeatherSierraVEVO]

That’s exactly why I do what I do. So many people feel this way and don’t love themselves, and I guide them into their own light & happiness and I want the whole world to understand how to feel this way.

[@ciro4063]

How do you guide them?

[@architadesai7876]

Thank you so much for this, I really needed this!

[@azizd4537]

This talk is one of the most important ted talks, sadly it has not that many views. People need to watch this and rewatch it again and again until they learn from it.

[@NeedSpeed39]

perfectly describes what i found out about myself in the last few weeks... i even had to laugh when i realized that i'm trying to reach a goal which i can only reach when i love myself, but i couldnt love myself before i reach that goal so success is logically impossible! it also is kinda hard connecting to people when you don't love yourself, so self love is highest priority now

[@conradcortez6609]

Hello Suzanne, I don´t know if you will read this comments but i want to say you what in your speech there were some amazing and powerfull sentences capable to change lifes. God bless you. Thank you.

[@georgiagirl8059]

Love this!!! This gave fresh insight to me today as I am pondering how to ensure my growth...

[@chasetaylor1805]

I would pay money to see David Goggins reaction to this video.

[@gator6596]

Stay Strong!

[@shannonwaters-mitchell2600]

I was thinking the same thing!

[@ryancasey3914]

Lmao

[@Mevlinous]

Or Jocko Willink

[@boomboom9479]

Roger that!

[@Celis.C]

Self-improvement should not be attempted without first tackling self-knowledge.

[@robyndismon394]

What's one without the other. They work hand in hand.

[@khalidhatem6939]

One of the deepest ted talks, focus on the point the speaker is making, its actually the most profound meditation for life.

[@abs1090]

[@ciro4063]

You can't settle. You need to be your worst critic through constructive criticism to be honest with yourself. Self-reflection, honesty, acceptance, and understanding are the key

[@mehemojie5024]

This is exactly what I needed to hear. Well Done!!! Thank you!!

[@thefakebarrybonz4492]

this is only good to hear if you don't have the mental strength to realize that sometimes you really aren't good or that you are the bad guy and that's why you need to improve.

[@ciro4063]

Of course. Close minded people won't go looking for advice

[@aamiraliasad1747]

Someone Real after a long time who interacted not for the sake of Ted event. Hats off!

[@netjavier7559]

I am delighted to have watched this! I was initially mislead by the title, thinking this is quite gonna be on the pessimistic side, but it s not. Awesome speech!

[@softwareenterpriselimited-8924]

You're right. Satisfaction in the here and now is critical!

[@laural3738]

I was lucky to have a great philosophy teacher in the high school. He gave me this wisdom gem I'm still keeping with myself: "Noli foras exire. In te ipsum redi. In interiore hominum habitat veritas." "Don't go outside. Return inside yourself. In the men's inner lives truth." [Augustine of Hippo - about 400 AD]

[@privateequityguy]

found this channel yesterday and ive become addicted