The Day Aliens Learned There Was a Reason Humans Were The Only Species Still Using Outated Weapons

[@beccabbea2511]

Once again one a story with dry, sarcastic humour and wonderfully descriptive comments. I just love it. Thanks.

[@collinbrooks6513]

“Eat shit and die aliens” “Lieutenant” “Sorry sir... consume fecal matter and cease all bodily functions invaders”

[@SandraNelson063]

I love the bingo card, Rodriguez and throwing rocks.😊

[@Astrofrank]

When I noted the humor, I thought it would be funny and entertaining HFY - and it was. Thank you.

[@armorhand3332]

*THAT* was FRIGGIN AWESOME!! Like, to the point of *literally* laughing out loud. Definitely one of the most enjoyable/entertaining sci-fi stories I've encountered online. Thank you!

[@debracole81]

The author certainly has a way with words. Very nice story

[@user-dj3nq8ty1o]

The bingo card and the lieutenant are just a mood, lol

[@bmac9936]

I do believe Lieutenant Rodriguez could replace Sarah Chen on my bingo card. The kid has style.

[@starchildofthesun]

"The weight of the pistol felt comforting" That's something only a human would say lol

[@williamherndon5065]

Oh no don't put me in the Briar Bush!

[@williamherndon5065]

General quarters all hands manned your Battle Stations !😊

[@boqndimitrov8693]

cannons?war??this is starting to look like christmas! 🤩

[@levonneburris5335]

The lieutenant is the hero of this story

[@kacbcd]

Agreed!

[@azurephantom100]

i like the image of the aliens thinking Isaac newton most likely used a gun and was as enthusiastic about kinetics as the lieutenant is. also im sure some of the plans he thought up might end up like that one part in the starwars movie using FTL drives to send ship sized projectiles to "open unauthorized docking station port holes in the enemy ships"

[@thomasb1889]

I am showing my age but I keep thinking of Keith Laumer's Retief stories.

[@ServantOfOdin]

Who comes up with these innovative descriptions?! That's hillariously epic.

[@jefftitterington7600]

F=MA is a clear statement of cause and effect. The F, with projectiles, is in the form of kinetic energy. So shields would have to be designed for that as well as for other forms of energy. Beautiful dialogue and wording - you had me at caffeinated rhino! The lieutenant is a dear.

[@ceu160193]

Which is precisely why shields won't work, as they dissipate incoming energy, spreading it across it's surface, but mass is highly condensed energy, so shields would have to be absurdly powerful, with power requirements growing with size of projectile.

[@brunsy1990]

@@ceu160193 unless FTL travel is achieved solely via some sort of portal/wormhole system shields would have to be designed for the absorption of immense physical forces. Even a .5mm spec of iron moving at relativistic speeds would have more kinetic energy than the most powerful tank round even tested to date.

[@jefftitterington7600]

@ceu160193 give the engineers enough money...😎

[@ceu160193]

@@brunsy1990 It's exactly how it's achieved, I suppose, so shields are good at stopping space dust or plasma projectiles, but aren't strong enough to stop something more dense.

[@gamerduchessnightnight4444]

Sounds like the author was a big fan of the mass effect game trilogy. Lol. So many little nods. "Sir Issac Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in space..." random npc lecturing new recruits n I loved it.

[@konekillerking]

Will admit. You did the best on this class project. A-

[@ceu160193]

Reminds me of X2: The Threat, where I destroyed pirate space station using kinetic weaponry, that simply ignored it's unbreakable shielding.

[@josephmarsh7647]

😄great story. I really like the reader.

[@KGTiberius]

New weapons: gravity/singularity mines, van Neumann bombs (set to self-terminate after 60 seconds), self targeting asteroids, directed stellar flares (read up on how to move stars), trackers to attach to any ship that retreats, antimatter weapons, biological weapons, tech viruses, etc.

[@joewhitt2073]

David vs. Goliath. Throwing rocks really really fast. SUPRISE!!!

[@thaphreak]

To be fair, that coffee maker was so angry because they only brewed decafe in it.

[@cargosquid]

Fixed positions against mass...nope. Can't dodge. Will go boom.

[@AliceI7764]

I liked this one. It was clever and snarky. A little repetitive at the end, but it's still really good. I give it a B.

[@laurahayes8784]

Diplomatic grace of a caffeinated rhinoceros. So stealing this!!!😊

[@henrylynch3949]

Awe that had me heehowghwing way laughter defoe need a follow-up

[@Erodoehtdtm]

"Sir Issac Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in space" Best Quote Ever in a game.

[@4362mont]

I enjoyed this despite thinking it might well be AI-generated.

[@ArtoftheCrowe]

Feels like a low budgt Mass Effect even quoting Issac Newton scene from the games

[@michaelstirrett5545]

Hahaha funny story could use next chapter .

[@whatsamattau4749]

Sounds a lot like the fall of the bronze age civilization.

[@SIB1963]

Watch out for those Militrary Capabulities.

[@altonbrek]

OK, who elected to actually sit behind the octopi?! 😮

[@Team.WorldTour]

Is this a new chapter to the Hitchhikers Guide?

[@dmurphy1578]

Little repetitive. I thought I started the story over at one point.

[@gwolfstahl]

Maybe it was originally submitted in chapter form?

[@ex-navyspook]

24:24 A new defense system...that nobody else has EVER used OR built before, they have NO factories or workshops which are tooled for this technology, and they built all of this in three months? I can suspend my disbelief only so far. Up to that point, it was okay. I've read this story before, in novel form (actually, series form): the Stars at War series by David Weber and Steve White, and the Aldenata series by John Ringo.

[@glass1337]

Where I can read original

[@jeremywilson2022]

Great story still some repetition tbough!

[@mialiahh9228]

Not bad. Pretty sure it was an AI voice, or your clipping is way, way to close together. The pacing is a bit off. It does, as a few people have said, get a bit repetitive, mostly at the end, but still it was pretty good. Better than a lot that are out there!

[@jaywerner8415]

"Rodrigez would explode if we didn't let him examine the enemy ships", "No sir, but I would have to give my Resignation for completely unrelated reasons" BEST LINE of the entire store. Also Brick must ether be EXTREAMELY BRITISH or a hardass with that many corrections for the Lieutenant. That said, Holy CRAP this has got to be the DUMBEST Galactic Counsil iv ever heard. Like.... did that guy _really_ expect a ENERGY shield to defeat a Kinetic Slug? This is why Shield Technology (if a civilization is smart) tends to be divided into layers, 3 layers usually consisting of: Heat, Energy, and Deflector shields. OR Plasma Shielding will just be the Standard type of shield. Because Plasma shielding contains MASS to "catch" or at least Slow down kinetic slugs, while still being a effective Field vs Energy Weapons. Which is why most Space fairing civilizations tend to Mutiple weapon systems, Such at Kinetic Railguns mixed with Laser Beams/Batteries of some sort and Missiles of some description.

[@Hypercube2017]

3:10 somebody give this guy the “Sir Isaac Newton” talk. kzbin.info/www/bejne/nn3TmKuorppnaK8si=yx7Nd17Qf7zImJya

[@Hypercube2017]

18:56 *_HE SAID THE LINE!!!_*

[@johndavis-en5xg]

A shark trying to sell crypto?? Times must be tough for maui

[@jan80trs]

Funny story. But the constant Laurel & Hardy interaction between the humans is annoying.

[@Rebellion90s]

You know, the alien was half-right. Railgun is not supposed to have any kind of recoil. Unlike the traditional gun that shoot projectile propelled by chemical propellent (likes gunpowder), so when the propellent ignite means it causes an explosion compressed in a tiny space of gun breach or casing, and that is what send the projectile forward as well as kicking the shooting platform backward. You can clearly see this when Russian tanks fire their 125mm gun as the entire vehicle rocks due to low mass teamed up with big gun and might as well with the quality and capacity of recoil dampening system. On the other hand, Railgun/Coilgun use magnetic field as propellent which run along the barrel lined up with magnetic rails or coils which doesn't cause any kind of explosion to create recoil to begin with, so I'm very, very sure that 3" naval gun can produce more recoil in 1 shot than 300" railgun firing 100 shots combined. In short, if the subject alien warship was built to be modular, you can remove their death ray and replace it with the most powerful railgun the ship can operate with little to no modification.

[@despaney]

Rail guns definitively have recoil, simple physics principle, you send one mass away, the sender's mass is pushed in the opposite way to achieve equilibrium of force. You just don't have the push from the blast of the explosion. But with a very little mass on one side and a very large mass on the other, as long as you keep structural integrity (the gun mount is sturdy enough to not deform or break) the large mass will barely move, but it must be conceived for that, hence the part where you can't put gun anywhere because the gun would tear himself away due to the recoil.

[@Rebellion90s]

@@despaney Isn't that only apply to magnets of the same pole facing each other. Even if the railgun actually create recoil, you'll need massive bullet not only by mass but also by weight heavy enough to send the mass driver backward, however, in the zero-gravity environment of space, I highly doubt that something even weighted unless caught in an orbit of any kind.

[@despaney]

@@Rebellion90s Weight is the force we exert on the ground due to our mass and gravity (to simplify), on the moon we weight 6 times less than on earth, in space we weight nothing. Mass is linked to our quantity of matter and the type of matter, wherever we are the mass remains the same. Recoil is linked to setting a mass in motion in one direction, this creates an opposite force on the thrower, be it on the surface of the earth, on the moon, or in space. From one extrem to the other: if we push something much less massive than us, we will not realize that it is pushing us backwards, if we push something with the same mass as us, we will push ourselves backwards as much as we push it forwards, if we push something much more massive than us, the something will hardly move and it is us who will be pushed backwards. But it's also dependant on the force of the push, the greater the force, the greater the backward force, and a railgun pushs something light but very very hard, and the backward force is to be accounted for even if what holds the railgun if far more massive than the projectile. Science is cool 😁

[@Rebellion90s]

@@despaney Alright, since we both could only come up with our own theory and the real thing closest to functional railgun is still in the lab, nice to have a scientific chat for once in a while.

[@NIGBEATS]

Crap. Predictable, uninspired, ai written, crap.

[@leonwardz3999]

But quite funny 😂😂😂

[@KubaxKristallmond]

Can you do better? Prove it, or shut it.