The Delusional Thinking Behind A Narcissist's Arrogance

Narcissists genuinely believe they are superior over you, as evidenced by their many condescending behaviors. Dr. Les Carter explains how false arrogance was already in place before you even showed up. They want you to occupy the inferior position, but as you see their delusional thinking, you can opt out of that designation!
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 100 million views.
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[@douaa1934]

Toxic delusional arrogance. The narcissist is like a screenwriter that wants others to play the role they assign them in their script. Let go of these toxic relationships and trust God

[@scdundee12]

Exactly. They so want you to play the role they assigned you behind your back. Otherwise their fabricated story doesn’t look legit. 😂

[@CoachK10190]

This is spot on. My narc knew I was a good writer and when they met me the first thing they asked me to do was write a script with them as the main character. Can’t make this up

[@sherrymurphy855]

🙏

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Yes they want centre stage and all the awards 🙄

[@jasminemorales5415]

Delusional being the operative word!!

[@kathiemihindukulasuriya1538]

When I am confronted by a narcissist, I am going to be thinking in a Monty Python accent "Who made you king? I didn't vote for you."

[@sugarpuddin]

The herd! By and large, people reflexively extend powers and privilege's to narcissists

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I can hear Eric Idle now!

[@carolentringer8836]

Too true! 1. cold heart 2. emotional disconnect - not curious about you 3. lack of reflective thinking 4. envy disguised as disdain, put downs, minimizing the good in you 5. contemptuous of anyone who challenges them 6. chronically divisive 7. committed to a fool’s way of life - poor decisions This arrogance is an evil path- to tear others down, bully. Keep your distance, they are not your safe haven.

[@ioanstoica1214]

Exacly my mother ' histrionic narcissistic personality She is an excelent actress

[@roxymovie3938]

Thank you for making the notes, Carole 🙏💛🙏

[@yukio_saito]

Thank you for taking notes 📓✍

[@volumex2000]

3. lack of reflective thinking No. Actually its a lack of any kind of thinking

[@LiveforHim73]

Thank you ! Like your notes as I was helpful Mom with he night meds While we listen. My Dad was narcissistic.

[@callalilly1988]

I've noticed an unfortunate pattern with people i suspect of narcissism. A lot of them tend to fair poorly in the end and it is plain to see that their character leads them there. From failing to play nicely with others to messing up really good opportunities. They are ultimately the authors of their own destruction.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

I don't see any of them falling at the end. They're the same if not worse.

[@chrisantoniou4366]

In short, they're "losers"...

[@RichardPatrick84]

Agreed, seen it firsthand. Went from the center of attention to homeless. One destroyed relationship at a time.

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

They're immature at best. Sad

[@cazjay017]

Yes, very immature.

[@WackyWitchTV]

They are absolutely controlling and impossible to deal with!

[@user-ei6cx1pr8r]

And they are a know it all. My narcissistic husband will tell everyone what to do but he can’t take the simplest advice from others.

[@WackyWitchTV]

@@user-ei6cx1pr8r tell me about it! They go to “anger” so quickly!!

[@jmr152]

This video should be force fed to every narcissist out there. Not that it would make a difference. They believe they're always right and you're the one with the problem. I love these videos. They continue to strengthen me into not falling for games.

[@sugarpuddin]

I read an interesting brain imaging study that demonstrated that narcissists rewrite reality. You can show them a video of their crime and they will rewrite what they saw into a complete different narrative.

[@42jessicat]

Exactly!❤

[@rgntptchr29]

Exactly. I'm so glad to have these videos and comments to know I'm not crazy and not alone in experiencing this pain and craziness.

[@LiveforHim73]

Exactly right on!! I sometimes think I wish he could’ve hear this one. But he’s the good right one and doesn’t think needs help. Thinks counseling is from hell. His words.

[@BetruetoGod]

Me too!

[@sherry3935]

I’ve had to let go of my narcissistic sister. It took me a long time to realize I don’t need to be close to her. Every word that comes out of her mouth is a lie. Sad but true.

[@susanjones8489]

My sister groomed my children to disrespect me, abandon me, and partake in character attacks. She is an evil malignant narc. Keep them away from your family.

[@marieborchardt2910]

It's so sad to let go of family, but it's the best way to take care of yourself, if a narcissist is involved. True friends have helped me heal.

[@susanjones8489]

@@marieborchardt2910 that is what I had to do, for my own mental and physical health. I lost my adult kids to a narc.

[@PassionateFlower]

My narcissistic older sister and my oldest cousin were best friends growing up and she made to exclude me. I recently reached out to my cousin after a long time and he said he and my sister grew apart a long time ago and don't talk anymore. I told him I was really struggling with my relationship with her. He said, "Ya... I love your sister I mean we're family but I wouldn't trust her. She's definitely someone you need to watch out for. I don't know what's gone down between the two of you and I won't ask because that's not my place but I know that you're doing great and don't let her get in your head too much. That's really all I can say on that but just know I'm always here if you ever want to reach out even though I know we don't talk much but just want you to know I'm here."

[@dylannaenzo9737]

Me, too. Sad, but true.

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

Delusional narcisistic arrogant people are just insane. Thank you dr Carter ❤

[@sherrymurphy855]

Appreciate prayers for the passing of the master malignant narcissist in our lives - we are sad but relieved. The pain doesn't stop there when they groom the children to be narcissists.

[@AlexLouiseWest]

Sending best wishes from the Isle of Wight, England, and keeping you in my prayers.

[@mday3821]

It will take time to heal. The Malignants leaves a lot of pain & confusion behind. Abba Father, please give Your child Your strength and courage to get through this dark time in her life. Let her know You are their walking beside her and show her the steps she needs to take. Show her Your undivine mercy and grace and most of all Your peace. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.🙏💗

[@FredHarvey-wp2qy]

When my father died I only felt relief! The only thing I mourned was the relationship that could have been.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

​@@FredHarvey-wp2qyyes, it would have been so nice to have had a real father, especially since my grandfather died when I was only one year old. I understand.

[@aunthat6685]

We were a family of 4. My mother & sister were/are narcissists, and my dad suffered from schizophrenia. I was literally the only sane person in our home.

[@joshua255860]

My blessings and peace for you.

[@user-zd7uv2zt3o]

I am sorry you had to grow up that way; unfortunately we cannot pick our family prior to birth.

[@judyosowa5516]

We bless God you are healthy

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Question sanity. Every day. Even your own.

[@kerrytaggart8206]

Born not made. Narcissists abound in our family tree but my parents and I were/are are neurotypical and loving. My sister, my aunt,uncle and grandfather were/are full blown narcs. No childhood trauma in my life other than the trauma caused by my sister. Made from trauma and not born that way is pure B.S. Those of us who survived it can affirm that.

[@caroljohnson3313]

I got a Christmas card from my narcissistic sister. I can't imagine telling lies enough to ruin someone's friendships and reputation, and then sending them a Christian-centered card. I tossed it away unopened.

[@robertafrender3935]

Mine was a birthday card. It went to shredder immediately. All I felt was relieved. Be one year this July.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

So that begs the question, how did you know it was a Christian-Centered card?

[@gabeee4332]

Happiness is nothing a narcissist will bring to a relationship it's a sad life for anyone who is in that sort of situation.

[@caroleminke6116]

Cold cruel callous calculated contempt

[@mandyjames8211]

I can think of another C word 😂

[@llhannah9297]

My brother moved in with my elderly parents and literally set up his giant desk in the middle of their house and began ruling over his dominion. It gets weirder but that's how it started. The most heartbreaking part is seeing how he's brainwashing my Dad and turning my Dad into him. So I have two delusional lunatics now instead of one. I feel like I'm abandoning my Dad but he won't listen to me so I have to remove myself from all of them. It's so horrible.

[@blen740]

lol... this too funny. My narc believes that she rules with an iron scepter in her hand. She's so lazy that people have to get up and get her a drink of water!!!!

[@sandrabryant5228]

@llhannah9297 I'm wondering if he has financial motives? Narcissists always have an agenda or a new scheme/scenario to set up and then sit back and watch it unfold. If you have any inheritance that rightfully would go to you, I would suggest you start looking into that situation as soon as possible. Also, definitely keep an eye on your parents finances too. If you suspect elder abuse, you can contact Aging Services where you live and they will look into it. You can get consultations with attorney's and they can help you navigate thru this situation for you and your elderly parents. I really encourage you to seek this outside assistance sooner than later.

[@dmxm6763]

@@sandrabryant5228Agree! Please don’t leave your dad. Even if you have to advocate for him from a distance please do so. Sounds like he needs you. And, as stated, I’m sure there is a hidden motive and agenda behind your brothers behavior.

[@susanjones8489]

@@sandrabryant5228 your bro is after dads estate, plain and simple. See an attorney now, one familiar with financial abuse of elderly. This is common.

[@joshua255860]

You need to do what you have to do. God Bless

[@karlabritfeld7104]

I recently asked a narcissist who claimed to be trained in information technology what computer school she got her training at. She went ballistic on me and couldn't answer. I suspected she'd been bull$hitting all along and I was right. She was furious that I caught her.

[@FuneraryGirl]

Was with my now ex a for seven years. The whole time he claimed to be an architect, who “fell into” being a new build site manager. Would run around telling anyone who listened that he was an architect. Got suspicious this spring and ran a check on him. Nope. Not an architect. Was actually not surprised by that :/

[@user-jp1hs6sl3h]

This is usually the case when confronted about their alleged superiority of any kind

[@ronies41]

I'm looking forward to this one! I lived with a narcissist for several years before I realized he was seriously delusional. How could I have been fooled for so long?

[@braveheart977]

I ask myself that question every day too

[@sherrymurphy855]

It can happen - trust me.

[@Earthy-Artist]

18 years and finally now in 2023 realized it won't ever change.

[@sherrymurphy855]

@@Earthy-Artist unfortunately, the only change is they get worse - much worse.

[@annmariekeim9553]

It is torment being.raised by narcissists and being told everything you do or say is wrong and what they do is right. You might even see it as foolish. For me it has taken years to realize the gravity of the delusions and that I was forced to live in an alternate reality. I am so grateful to Dr Carter for all help, compassion,.and wisdom.

[@aaronkwolfe]

It took me awhile (after discard and space/distance) for me to even see how delusional the thinking was. I didn't recognize the arrogance until even later.

[@roxymovie3938]

Ha, Aaron, same happened to me. I only realized that the behavior was very strange but I could not recognize the arrogance.

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@roxymovie3938 It just seemed shady. And from someone I’d really believed in, I was blindsided.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@aaronkwolfe yes, "shady" is a good word to put it. I was also blindsided. Took me about 2 years to recognize and now I am 2 years out and still wondering. And you have even built up a whole life with children!

[@aungar2403]

After the discard you slowly begin to peel away the layers. It involves your soul and your heart is broken into pieces. I know God is holding me together.

[@Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr]

@@aungar2403 God also put this person into your life and watched your heart and soul get broken into pieces, and created some people to be like this in the first place. Never forget that part. For every bit of healing we attribute to God, know that God watched you get destroyed first and didn't help you then. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

[@tinajones5548]

Dismissive until they need something from you ( which they hate ) push pull in action.

[@samdevallance1527]

So true.

[@peggymuller4588]

I am in the midst of divorce from a Covert Narcissist. Videos like this are so helpful. They are a reminder of the "pitable" person I am dealing with and how best to preserve my well-being.

[@klp63]

I’m in the midst of a divorce too, from a Dark Triad who is making the process utter hell in every way. Stay strong, we will survive this and come out better and free on the other side. ❤

[@joshua255860]

just keep moving forward, don't let anyone disrupt your healthy life now.

[@pamela9148]

Im in the same boat, getting a divorce after only 15 months of marriage. I could not handle the emotional and mental abuse anymore. This man has torn me up and spit me out over and over, causing me to become self destructive by drinking. I finally decided i had peace and happiness before this man, and would rather be single the rest of my life than live another day married to this narcissist. I agree, we will survive!

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Hey, me too! It should be over soon. I won't exactly be rejoicing, but it will be a relief.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes. My mother act as if God put her in the position to judge and condemn everyone. Except it doesn't apply to her. He put her into position to judge everyone else.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They can certainly pick and choose which parts of the Bible that will prop up their narrative. Ugh.

[@allanwalli2935]

@@SurvivingNarcissismYes indeed Dr C. I will never forget my N father demanding that I “honor thy father”😅

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I remember a way a narcissist tried to put doubt in my mind. They told my that people were only pretending to like me to make me think that I was popular that really they didn't like me. This individual reckoned that thwy were the only one that did like me. This was of course done in an attempt to isolate me. How arrogant is that? 😮

[@roxymovie3938]

Amanda, this is beyond arrogance. Just very disgusting 😝 ❤🫂

[@sugarpuddin]

Ha! I experienced that one!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@roxymovie3938 Yeah he tried to get me to be quiet so he could mirror my personality. But, people saw through his false self 🙄

[@roxymovie3938]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Luckily people could see through his facade! 👍👍

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Yep! My husband tried to do the same thing to me, but I wouldn't fall for it. Don't feel bad about frustrating and thwarting their ridiculous crap

[@carparthero]

the narcissist's arrogance is their biggest perceived strength, and ironically the real cause of all their downfalls with relationships. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@sugarpuddin]

The world is in a terrible state because by and large, the herd reflexively extends powers and privilege's to narcissists

[@michelemcintyre9749]

Perfectly stated👍🏼

[@lindyc.2552]

All these points are spot on! But, the one that struck me the most was that narcissists are chronically and impossibly divisive and competitive. They don't think in terms of being a harmonizer! WOW!!! That is SO TRUE!!!! How much damage can be brought to a relationship with that kind of distorted thinking! I've been dealing with that mental attitude from my spouse for 25 years!

[@denicehaley9902]

@lindyc.2552, I’m in the same boat, but 36 years.

[@lindyc.2552]

@@denicehaley9902 Yeah, it's sad that you can't be a team ..But, I just let him do his thing, and I do mine Not how I want it ..but that's how it is. Best wishes!

[@denicehaley9902]

@@lindyc.2552 , same here. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change themselves, so I’m like you, working on myself.

[@lindyc.2552]

@@denicehaley9902 And we'll be better off for it! We're not afraid to take stock of ourselves and grow...😊

[@denicehaley9902]

@@lindyc.2552, Yes! So True! I’m thankful for Dr. C., Gus, and TH helping me in my growth journey! May your New Year be full of growth, health, peace, and DRC!

[@jeankipper6954]

Gosh. I wish they wore signs around their necks, warning us off. Well some do. And they are becoming more visible. It just takes time and lumps, to see them. Thank you.

[@lindaadams1008]

My mother was very mentally ill from being raised by an abusive mother... She fought for a long time not to become her mother, but as she aged, that's exactly who she became... She would never go get help, and she destroyed her grandchildren by speaking dirty about her own children... Before she died, she was determined to leave a negative clone of herself on this planet... I haven't seen my family in 23 years now.. I'm extremely happy and content... One thing my mother taught me that I found to be true is that happiness is an inside job... There's no way I could live that nightmare through another generation of dysfunctional people and pretend to be a family unit... I'm truly blessed... I'm staying no contact for the duration of my life...😅

[@sharonboehm5296]

A narcissistic individual in my bible study group last night stated "yes - i think God should save and forgive me!" I hope he will learn the truth.

[@Alice-fr1ef]

The Narcissists had the problems before they even met us but now they have someone they are not afraid to blame and feel that they can control. They will only ruin your life. Get away asap. Thank you Dr. Carter and have a Merry Christmas.

[@Kalinious]

This man is warrior of brilliant Light! God bless and heal his whole lineage, Ancestors and descendants. and so it was

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@AmourofgodShinelight]

DR Les is a warrior of light, He's a great bloke, Thank you, Peace, love and respect to you 😃🌌🌈💗💙💜💛💚❤😃🦁🕆🕊

[@amgod40]

Merry Christmas to you and your family! So grateful to be a part of this community!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, and Merry Christmas to you as well.

[@Xaxtarr_Neonraven]

Cooperation is the key to relationships: openness, kindness, humility, "we" rather than "me." When we work together, don't things go smoother? It is an equality, a relinquishing of control, not being a teacher, a savior, a patient, a child, a parent but an equal, understanding that the value doesn't lie in "me" alone but in the "togetherness." You will never be as strong alone as our strength together.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

That was very intuitive and well said. Thank you!

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Yes, why get married if you're not interested in togetherness. Sad.

[@Spock_Rogers]

I'm dealing with one now, unfortunately. How can you learn anything when you already know everything?

[@amandaliverpool3374]

🎯👍

[@karlabritfeld7104]

They don't change.

[@chrisantoniou4366]

...and everything they do know is 100% correct... 😆

[@Spock_Rogers]

@@chrisantoniou4366 I do fact check and I am pretty damn sure about what I am saying before I make an assertion. Being human, we all make mistakes. When I am mistaken, I am willing to admit, apologize if appropriate, change my mind, and stop claiming a false thing. Narcissistic people do not admit when they are wrong and they don't care if what they say is true in the first place.

[@chrisantoniou4366]

@@Spock_Rogers Absolutely 100% correct! One of the distinguishing traits (among many) of Narcissists is that they never say "sorry" when they are in the wrong. ...Except to say it and follow up with "but..." then blame someone else.

[@notthatvashti8127]

Yes, yes, and yes Dr C. There is a new buzz word going around the internet, delulu. They are this to the tenth power! There is absolutely no safety with or surrounding them. And as for the psychological damage they visit on any and everyone they just don't care. It's really a shame. Bring the pain is their motto!

[@janinealexander2037]

Its remarkable how many unhealed narcissistic hearts are out there. I encountered 3 men recently. All who prospected me as a single “available” woman…. Two blamed their exes for their state of being, 12:42 the one with a current girlfriend denied his motives and called me “crazy” when I suggested that he should not be texting me. I requested that he lose my number and that’s when he lashed out in royal fashion. The flags flew Dr. C!!! I don’t wait for the third one anymore. When the first one flies, I take a step back and create emotional distance. Thank you for all of your education and training and it helps. It has help me be a more bold human being while maintaining DRC.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I can honestly say I'm glad I'm not in that marketplace. Best wishes to you as you navigate through it all. #TeamHealthy

[@janinealexander2037]

Distance, reflection and calm… To add to your Dignity, respect, civility!

[@KatWoodland]

@@janinealexander2037I am glad you know when to say “No.” Hopefully you are not on dating apps, a surreal place favored by pathological narcissists.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

​@@janinealexander2037oooooh! That is very good! Really, that is exactly right . Thanks!

[@An-mei]

They think they can control their suffering, when in fact by in trying to control they have become more enslaved.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Very true ❤

[@roxymovie3938]

Exactly 🎯❤

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Narcissists don't suffer

[@miranx5735]

His true personality always comes out when he’s been drinking. He has ALL DAY to talk about issues but he never says anything about anything. However when he’s intoxicated all maliciousness spews out.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Alcohol does that to a lot of people

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Whoa! If my husband had drank two, I would have left within a couple of weeks

[@miranx5735]

@@karlabritfeld7104 that can be true but I wish he wasn’t so negative & abusive every time.

[@5thmardiv636]

Has your narcissist in residence constantly espoused the mantra, “I never asked to be born”? I’m so tired of hearing that!

[@maxsiehier]

5) Chronically and impossibly divisive. That's such a good one. My narc brother is endlessly antagonistic. No matter what I do, it's wrong, and he has to divide our cooperation into a fight. It's chronic because it happens without exception. And it's impossible because it happens no matter what I do or don't do.

[@roxymovie3938]

1. The Hidden Agenda 2. The Magical Thinking 3. The (Shared) Fantasy 4. The Poser of selfimporance 5. The Controller 6. The History Rewriter 7. The Blameshifter 8. The Victimhood 9. The King of Darkness 10. The Rabbit Hole Once upon a time in a deep forrest there was living the King of Darkness, who thought he lived in a golden palace, which in fact was a dark rabbit hole with lots of different underground tunnels, where he gathered all his supplies into chaotic mobs. "Well, it's time for a new supply, the old ones don't function anymore and already begin to stink!" The King of Darkness rides on his horse to the marketplace where he immediately scanes the people before he begins flirting with a beautiful woman, who will be hooked quite soon through his tremendous charme. Through mirroring this woman, she feels like under a spell, not knowing that this poser will just target her for his hidden agenda. Soon he will invite her into his shared fantasy, where she will find herself in a space of love bombing, which will distract her from reality. The King of Darkness will rewrite history for her for he is the ultimate truthteller of his universe. After a while the King of Darkness will do what he does best: he will begin to devalue her and the woman will get confused, "Is this the charming King I met on the marketplace?" And because the King of Darkness is a master in his play as a con artist, he will start charming again and will even promise to carry her on hands. Through the changing behaviors of faked charme and cruel harshness this woman will be addicted to the King of Darkness and will find herself trauma bonded. And if they are not dead, the King of Darkness will ride into the sunset again and again while the woman finds herself lost in a dark rabbit hole and is looking for the exit.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Your creativity is flowing Roxy!!!!

[@vickibazter3446]

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME = LOVING A NARC. You cannot love them. You are a hostage.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

🍎🍎🍏🍏🎄🎄🎅🎅

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

A beautiful bit of writing roxy.

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Thank you so much Roxy!❤❤️🙏

[@rossanderson5243]

We are their personality trash bins. Their arrogance casts doubt on everything we say or do.

[@Mrsvragica666]

I'd known the person for years before becoming more than an acquaintance. I have to admit that although I was shocked and angry after learning about my friend's narcissistic and sociopathic behavior, I ultimately felt profound sadness seeing them in their true light. I had to distance myself, and I have to admit it was emotionally one of the most difficult things I had to do. The notion that these individuals typically do not seek therapy due to a lack of self-reflection is heartbreaking.

[@anthonystubbs1978]

PSALMS chapter 109 -- 16 :17...... Because they did not (earnestly) remember to show mercy, but pursued and persecuted the poor and needy individual, and the broken in heart (they were ready to slander and slay).

[@denicehaley9902]

Amen

[@danemartin5674]

It's game over, and for me. It's my time now.

[@bongofury333]

When I graduated with my master os social work the told me I was too crazy to be of help to anyone.

[@blen740]

I have three degrees on my wall, but that doesn't even put me in the category with of a gnat, according to my narc. She's quick to tell me that I don't have sense enough to talk to other people, even though I've worked with corporate executives for years.

[@caroleminke6116]

Cheers to craziness 😊

[@erikstevens470]

One of the best characteristics of my narcistic boss is the one as a secret movie director. Continuously controlling a script to be evolved for each and every employee, in which he is the God and the persons he is bullying being incapable, detrimental to the organisation or even evil. Main tactics are gaslighting and continuously spreading lies. The first thing you will notice once you choose to oppose is that you are being sidelined. It starts with persons going around you and avoiding you. To the extent that nobody will ever contact you from the very moment you had to go on sick leave.

[@sandrabryant5228]

Yes, so accurate 'secret movie director' ...... thank you

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

9:32 'Nuff said, Doc! You're making me chuckle a lot tonight! It's like somebody gave me a happy pill. Yeah, happy to be free after only ~3 months of that ridiculousness! He'd get angry and yell at me and I'd just put my arms around his neck and tell him I love him. I guess it was too much because he kicked me out. The sad thing was that I really did love him, and I pray for him. The funny thing is that he's the one who went no contact, which really works for me.

[@jameshicks7125]

I got trapped into a relationship with a narcissist for 15 years. The four S's were spot on, Sex, Supply, Safety and Service. I entered the relationship with infatuation and was up front that I struggled with major depression. I realize now that that I had some bipolar affect too. We were attracted like magnets in a shared fantasy (phantasy). I was always an object and never a subject. He really didn't seem to grasp that others were independent beings. Eventually, I completely broke down into a psychotic state of major depression, dissociated and withdrawn. I was so sick I couldn't leave I was entirely dependent, and finally he kicked me out onto the street. We were living in India at the time. So I fulfilled the phantasy that I would eventually leave him, but probably not as expected. Instead, I became an Albatross around his neck that he had to discard. I ended up homeless for a time in India then the US Embassy helped me get back to the US. Now I am a psychoanalyst and life coach.

[@denicehaley9902]

Thanks for sharing your story! I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, Generalized Depression, and ADHD. I realize being raised and “married” to narcissists, have destroyed the inner essence of my soul. I’m going to therapy to slowly rebuild what was stolen from me-ME! I’m starting to think what I can do in the future, and your story is an inspiration! I’m glad you’re out of that toxic relationship and back stateside helping others in this dark place recover and heal.

[@merry-kenpiper5685]

Thank you Dr. Carter. I'm having a really tough Christmas this year dealing with my husband's daughter from his first wife who died. Oh no....she's riding back into this area from California on Christmas day on her narcissistic broom from hell.

[@suejohnson3972]

🙏❤️🙏

[@darleneschreiber9415]

Thank you, Dr. Carter! You summed up my mother more perfectly than I could have ever imagined! My problem: she's 78, and I'm trying to get healthy after a lifetime of her insanity....but I'm trying to find the line between protecting myself and "honoring my mother" in a godly way. Sigh. It's harder every day.

[@anautisticsguidetotheunive4109]

Absolutely understand! It is very hard to reconcile the boundaries that we need with our spiritual values of what is right. I have really been leaning into listening to what my soul--that inner voice I used to suppress--has to say about things. It is very, very hard at times because I still want to reach out and try to fix things for her but in the end, it's only handing her ammunition that she will use against me.

[@Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr]

God's way is not the best way. He also thought slavery was a good idea and lots of genocide.

[@blen740]

Sitting on your emotions can be dangerous! I was trapped and had to sit on mine for three years. What it did was land me in an ICU (1st time) and laid out near the tracks at the Amtrak station. You have to find a healthy outlet. A place where you can be at peace even for a little while. GOD gave me one: under a tree outside the library across from where we lived. Can't tell you what a help that was to me. Now that I am healing, I can look back on some of this stuff and laugh.

[@anautisticsguidetotheunive4109]

@@blen740 OMG can relate as I attempted in the past.The thing about Amtrak is it works out better to get on the damn train rather than the tracks. I live a mile from station and actually ride the train simply for relief. No joke, have my tickets ready for Christmas Day.

[@joshua255860]

They have to be honerable, to be honered. God wants you to be righteous not a door mat for unhealthy living! Bless you.

[@jeankipper6954]

Who gave you the authority? "I am your mother. I gave you life. No other things from you matter.". Sigh.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Did I ever mention how entitled they feel?

[@michelemcintyre9749]

Oh my gosh, how many times I've heard that!

[@BodyByBenSLC]

My brother was a terrible narcissist. He died a week ago under a pier in Alaska. He was arrogant, delusional, seldom centered. Had kids all over the place He never spent a dime on. A bad alcoholic but because he wa unable to see fault in his self he never got treatment. He just was a low level con man that drifted from town to town. Couldn't hold down a job or keep friends, he would give sob story people or church or group would give him a chance, he would use them up and move on. He was my brother for 44 years but he was a total strange because he spoke on lies, half truths and omissions. He was unable to change and it lead to.hos early death

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

What a pitiable, tragic way to live and die.

[@dixiedebene3413]

Arrogance is when someone says to you, “ I feel you have made some bad decisions lately so from now on we’ll need to run the decisions by me”. The final straw !

[@ThisIsMe155]

Or...I have made some bad decisions and....I am going to hold you responsible. 😇

[@elzechristinedun6387]

Big smile on my face when the thought entered my mind: I wish I could see the reaction of a narc. individual who sees this video.😊

[@wren1114]

Thank you Dr. Les Carter✨

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

​@@SurvivingNarcissismhey Doc, I wasn't sure if you saw my other comment, but this is your second video tonight that won't let me give you a thumbs up. That's unfair to you. You DEFINITELY deserve it! I must be getting better because a lot of what you say makes me chuckle lol. Thank you so much for all your hard work to help us.

[@user-kd6wq5fp7m]

I just laughed at them,it does make them upset.

[@tradfam8850]

This is exactly how my dad and ex treated me. Thank God I’m free now……healing…….but free. 🥰🙏🏻😭

[@kristend344]

@4:49 . .. You just described my grandmother. Anything good that happened to me, was *stealing* from her "favorite-victim", my sister. (not quite Munchausen, but she'd undermine my sister so she could "rescue" her.)

[@sandrabellerue2836]

You've actually stated some of things he barked at me as to how I was to behave and see things his way. This came directly after the love-bombing, into his devaluation/gaslighting phase when he told me I have "just a few things wrong with me." At age 75 I recognized b.s. What I failed to do from the beginning was withdraw upon seeing red flag after red flag. His life a mass of psychotic shambles. On the flip side, I learned a lot about NPD and myself during the pandemic lockdown. Thankful I discovered so many corroborating podcasts that gave truth.

[@dale3754]

I know one that would give any therapist a headache and cause them to question their own sanity.

[@nancyludlum2646]

I know of a narc who said once that she wanted to marry someone just like herself. Talk about self-centered, not looking for growth, arrogance.....

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Since it's Christmastime, get her a mirror as her gift.

[@nancyludlum2646]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Ha! That's a great gift idea!

[@yeshetsogyalling]

My narcissist answer to the first question was: "I have the experience". He made me laugh.

[@sharonjones5173]

Throw in contempt and a need for revenge and you covered them all. One of your best Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Sharon.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Yes they will take revenge

[@ccdm515]

I was just thinking today many have an air of arrogance. It is like this energy of disproval even if nothing is said. Today I went walking in yoga pants and holiday socks. It was fine for me but I imagined an ex friend with me and that changed the whole dynamic.

[@janjeny]

Yes once he told me. " I am the king" , then I realized that there is adeep problem in this man I did not know where to place it then. Now I understand the pitiful behaviour he projects!!!!

[@etphonehome4511]

gus is over there contemplating the meaning of life 😂

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

As I type, he's STILL contemplating, if you get my drift.

[@Dynamic_heart]

Seriously, I felt like a narcissist when I woke up from a nap feeling cranky. Then I entered the kitchen. My husband was busy fixing something. I was complaining about the neglected mess in the kitchen. I was not being in a good mood. My husband stated see you are the problem. I’m thinking this is the 4th time this week that this has been a mess. He’s truly believed he is righteous, and I have no right to be cranky/ irritable. He ended up leaving with his fixed music box for his mom. I’m thinking I’ve had COVID and no one in the family will clean up after themselves. I did say I have been fine with cleaning up. It’s getting ridiculous. I totally felt like I am a Narcissist. I did realize I hadn’t been sleeping because of a family crisis. ALSO I feel estranged from my daughter who didn’t invite us over for Christmas. She inherited her father’s Narcissism. I did find something to do. My mood is better. I’m going to appreciate the peace while he’s gone. He has no empathy for how I feel. I feel ridiculous now because that’s his nature not to have compassion for my feelings. I still feel like I was being a Narcissist because of my negative behavior. Then I listened to this. I’m at the beginning. I really feel like a Narcissist. I do care that I was frustrated earlier.

[@samdevallance1527]

I don’t think you are a narcissist. I think it was reasonable for you to be cranky and frustrated if the kitchen is always messy and no one cleans up after themselves. Enjoy the peace while he is gone you deserve it❤️

[@Dynamic_heart]

@@samdevallance1527 thank you for your support. I do listen to music and relax while he is gone. I used to focus on he’s neglecting or abandoning me again. Then I became aware that is a negative attitude. I changed. God bless you. Have a Merry Christmas.🎄

[@fred.k9875]

Dr.C and family including Gus! and team healthy, wishing you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year please take care!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks Fred. I wish the same for you as well.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

And you Fred 🎄

[@An-mei]

Merry Christmas Fred 🎄

[@fred.k9875]

@@An-mei merry Christmas to you too!

[@fred.k9875]

@@myhalowithin thank you all the best to you too in this holiday season and ever.

[@katiepierson8364]

A narcissist woman ,said watch where you place the blame ,it was never my fault .

[@Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr]

Inflicting pain? They told me that it was my problem to deal with it and go to God with my problems because you can't control others.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well, the word delusional is prominently featured here...and this is living proof.

[@sherrihaight2724]

Learning to talk started the problems. It just went downhill from there. 😂

[@sherrihaight2724]

My narc dad found his long lost son his ex-wife narc stole and hid for decades. There are grandkids. Too! Dad does dad things. Upset they don't im.ediately treat him like he wants. More dad being dad. I facepslm and cringe like a train wreck. Goodbye from them. Can't blame them. But Shame. I wanted to know my brother.

[@user-jp5uu2wl8g]

Thank you Dr. Your videos nails it on its head. I had to littery escape from my wife after enduring 22years of absolutly hell. They will simply not participate in marraige counciling as everything that is wrong in her life is blamed on me. After three councilling session the therapist said, this is going nowhere and ended the sessions.Basically a waist of time and energy. Merry Christmas to all. Take care and be safe.

[@user-bf1zi7fx9z]

Dr C ❤ You nailed it again!!! I played Nobody Does It Better from the SPY who used to love me 😂 I also told him. How on earth can anyone be perfect? He said he's so close it's sickening 😮 I told him he's a Psychopathic Narcissist. Stop treating everyone as subjects of YOUR PLANET

[@chrisantoniou4366]

The Narcissist:- "I won't say nobody's perfect, but there's precious few of us!"...

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

Ya I went along to get along. And he was really attentive. Once he knew me he could play with me. When he was listening he was plotting how to surreptitiously bring me down. His goal was to make me crazy so he could tell people I had to medicate because I am permanently defective.

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Not sure I can be arrogant but I am deluded on many levels.

[@VeganoGuy]

I can't believe how well you know and explain narcissists. Seriously, I have never seen such a great video on this topic.

[@nancytwigg4631]

"I am going to choose my priorities." Guess what? "I have the final vote!" I am going to be me, I choose peace, not the narcissist's chaos. Dr. C, your preparation, efforts, experience, and expertise have helped me so much. I'm forever indebted to you and your generous gifts. Thank you so.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome.

[@janjeny]

Dr. Carter thank you so much for your kind intervention in my life s experience with a narc husband. I got my life back that was stolen and I can feel the freedom and enjoy anything I intend doing without involving him whatsoever . I am praying for you to be abundantly blessed with a thankful heart. Greetings from Greece.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for you, Jan. Glad to be there with you in Greece!!

[@robertterry3036]

If a teenager is showing a lot of these sides, and they be labeled as a narcissist

[@darleneschreiber9415]

A lot of that is typical teenager behavior....and, with maturity, they should grow out of it. As such, I've heard it's rare for a counselor/therapist to diagnose anyone with a behavior disorder until they're older. However, even when a "normal" teenager exhibits such behavior, they DO need to be corrected....before it's too late and become a disorder!

[@caroleminke6116]

Usually in place by five & cannot be remediated

[@leftykeys6944]

You articulate well what I've taken a lifetime to learn. Great videos!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Awesome! Thank you!

[@mitchellrose3620]

This teaching would be helpful for early education. Teachers should be, I think, trained along these lines, and business leaders should also be well aware of the dynamics that narcissistic behaviors create.

[@Earthy-Artist]

Thank you Dr. Carter for your channel! Thank goodness I've crossed paths with you it will affect destiny and future. I used 'Grey Rock' last night and I could see my husband was confused by it, I kept very silent and even though he kept jabbing at me with a figurative sharpe stick I still didn't crack & kept my composure. The difference about my silence last night, and other silences I've given him in the past is that I felt 'empowered' this time, and I think he picked up on that something was different. I feel so much better already after hearing you and hearing from your wonderful subscribers. I don't feel alone. And feel like I have a direction to go in and a plan of action or non-reaction to formulate.

[@roxymovie3938]

What a wonderful testimonial. That's really great 👏👏👏 You have got the strength. He is absolutely powerless without you, always remember that, will you 😉

[@aldeenarnold1205]

Thanks Dr. C for all this information, now I am well informed about NPD, it almost destroyed me. I trust and believe your expertise on this disorder. Thank you. I'm in my healing stage. DRC all is necessary.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep leaning forward, Aldeen!

[@sammorton2023]

Dr. Carter I’ll be 37 on Christmas and began this journey of learning and healing with you a couple years ago ! Still to this day your one of the most important people in my life my only role model really and just really have grown to love and respect you more and more all the time still nine years in but been disconnecting and radical exceptance etc is all part of my daily life my son is 2 and a half now still think about being connected in this way all day everyday I worry really but it will all get worked out Thanks for being such a guiding light and bright presence and a wonderful human being !! Fixing to tune in to this video as always love ya Sam

God bless u

[@sammorton2023]

@ thank you so much that is so nice ❤️ right back at ya

@sammorton2023 i live in Morton. 😄. This narcissism topic has just come to me. Im taking these courses and pushing forward with God on my side. Wish me luck. Thank you!

Dr Carter is very special. I listen to him pretty much everyday

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sam, you honor me with these gracious comments. I'm pleased to be on the path with you and let's hope the growth continues! I'm pulling for you. #TeamHealthy

[@annecarroll3429]

We are dealing with a very unpleasant bio father. We have guardianship of our grand daughter. Your insights were helpful especially when you used the PHRASE "how dare you". We just heard that recently from him along with other insults. Thank you.

[@judystevens6039]

Thank you dr carter for your videos you have helped me at 80yrs to be come so much stronger dealing with a son and grandson who are so arrogant and just awful iv had to let them go 😢MERRY XMAS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND GUS FROM AUSTRALIA 🇦🇺 🎉

[@tracygreco6372]

Notification on! Thank you!

[@gjthomas9770]

As my mum lay dying, l was the last one to arrive at the hospital. My family were sitting around my mum. I took her hand and leant In to hug and kiss her goodbye. At that moment my covert narcissist sister screamed. GET OUT OF THE WAY I WANT TO SEE HER FACE..THAT WAS THE LAST THING MY MUM EVER HEARD 😭😭😭😭

[@gertrudewest4535]

Thanks for helping me to see how I can do better

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased!

[@RevDocLisa-IntegralHealer]

The video you do about contempt being a key element was very helpful. I will never fall for it again.

[@user-sp9qr8ik2t]

My wife feels as though by getting counseling for herself will be the answer to repairing and saving our marriage....i whole heartily believe and respect the decision to get help for ourselves however how can we work on saving oir marriage if we are walking on two different paths and in two different directions when we are in a separation and not even touching on what and where we our when it comes to our marriage. Even in getting help for ourselves she is still making it about her and doing things her way.

[@sugarpuddin]

These questions for the narcissists - I would very much like to ask these same questions to bureaucrats and politicians! They don't understand the concept of Synergy! What a shame!

[@prophet1782]

If you ask them those Questions they'll laugh at you and feel Empowered .

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I think you missed my point.

[@sparkoman123]

I watched only 1 of your videos and it really made me open my eyes to what's around me and has shown me a better path in life , so thank you it really did save me

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated. Stick around. Hopefully there's lots to learn.

[@kimberlywight4293]

Thank you Dr. C. I am so grateful to you for the insight. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome...Merry Christmas to you as well.

[@user-rb6uh4jw5w]

You could never have, as you seem to portray it, such a conversation with a narcissist.

[@jeannedouglas9912]

Thanks Dr.C for trying to help victims of narcissistic abuse.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@Cerebralseid]

I grew up with two narcissistic parents. One is a devouring mother as well. She's a covert narcissist. My father is a covert malignant narcissist. He's so arrogant and so is she. Neither one of them will grow up and mature. Both are self absorbed and self centered. My father is a tyrannical type of dad too.

[@richardmeyer1837]

9:17 Yes They Are Delusional Seriously!

[@susanmark1744]

Keep yr wholeness of truth to yrself . Never stop believing the parts of you that are deserving in kindness. Thank you Dr C.