THE DEVALUATION STAGE OF NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIPS

[@JacquelinePletscher-x9w]

One Narc ex gave me the reason of “I like dogs with down (folded) ears - and MY DOGS have UP ears”. For the reason for him leaving… I said let me help you pack

[@DaughterOfGod247]

Narcissist are not real. Like it’s just an empty suit for demons to use. Whatever is left of the person is their inner child imprisoned deep within. He straight up told me “Can’t you tell I can’t stand to be around you?!” Your opinions doesn’t matter!” “I don’t care about your needs!” These things hurt deep to my soul. I still didn’t leave but now, I am

[@BG-qk6ek]

When people tell you who they are, believe them

[@slimjim1104]

They are being pursued by themselves...

[@monarene44]

That voice in their head says “don’t waste time with anyone less great and deserving than me, myself and I.”

[@melissagroves5394]

You are speaking the exact life I’ve been living for the last 4 years. It’s such a relief hearing someone say what I have not been able to put into words. Thank you

[@rogersmith5870]

Once it has a name, you are 90 percent there

[@SigmaFeminine]

hope you got out! ❤

[@TurinTurumba]

Such a horrible and confusing experience, I do wonder if they remember devaling U, when they try to hoover

[@BG-qk6ek]

I remind them and they deny it. Now they can only communicate with me in writing 😂😂😂 I send them screenshots of what they wrote and they can't deny it

[@louisejones3478]

I feel I annoy my husband of 39 years by just existing. I feel like I'm having a breakdown. The all good or all bad is so true. Everything on this video is so true.

[@farilevan884]

Impossible expectations they will compare u to the best but u could never b the best or better than them

[@andreww.2902]

This resonates deeply. I would bend over backwards for her and the moment I needed something small she would say things like I was needing to be coddled. Would always get mad at my reaction to her mistreatment and start saying she couldn’t do certain things bc I wasn’t meeting certain needs. My breaking point was when she suggested going to therapy ( they love to weaponize mental health and say you are the one with the problem) and that she’d go with me for support, then at the last minute told me you should go by yourself you got this I can’t be there when you walk out bc I have nothing positive to say to you. Then the day of the appointment texted I hope you had a decent day! ..

[@BG-qk6ek]

I had the same relationship but with my step mother. Forcible therapy is a form of punishment. Forced into therapey for not being the man she dreams of. Ended up living in a car because I wasn't satisfying her unfulfilled needs, emotionally and sexually.

[@nikc1520]

Thank you. Depressing bc it’s all true . I wish I had all this information when I was younger, damn it would have saved me so much time and from so much bullsh*t.

[@SoniaProteau-cj6tk]

I can only control by behaviour nobody else's.

[@drlarrymitchell]

If you come inside things will not be the same , when you return to the night And if you think you've won, you never saw me change the game that we have been playing...

[@CreativeWarrior-]

A 21-year-old couple I know went through this: the husband began telling his wife he was suicidal and felt that he could hurt their baby or her. This was scary and she asked me to give him sort of a spiritual Tune-up, which I gladly did. It seemed to help him for a while, but a couple weeks later, he dropped this MASSIVE devaluation on her! With a horrible look on his face, he began to tell her how he regretted getting married and having a baby with her, that he wants to divorce her and marry another young girl who's barely 18! He dreams about being with this young girl, he said. He then complained that he doesn't like her looks or her body. She's in good shape even just after having the baby and is a sweet, attractive young lady. He said intimacy with her was disappointing and he was disappointed with her even on their wedding night! Get this: he told her flat-out: he's stuck in a cycle where he LIES to get what he wants and when he's done, he moves on!! He tells her he's tormented and has huge bouts of abject fear. He said that he HATES some of her other relatives and there's no real reason for such bitter hatred. She felt that she and the baby were in danger so she fled. He contacted her and she told him she was taking the baby to be with her parents and family, etc., like she suggested earlier that it might be a good idea to have a little time apart to sort this out. She was waiting for a flight out at the airport. What he said next was shocking.... He said, "If you leave, DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK!" She has made up her mind that she's done with all this, as his covert mask is now completely off. She will be divorcing his cruel ass. I've known him a couple years or so and I had no idea he was truly like this! He comes off as quiet, sweet, helpful and hard-working. However, the more we have encouraged him and supported him, the less we get in return. He's very empty and has no charisma. He has not grown up and we don't think he ever will. He is a covert narcissist.

[@barbarabuttler7647]

Very well described!

[@CreativeWarrior-]

@@barbarabuttler7647 Thank you!!!

[@wisemanj2934]

Idealized and devalued within same days is exactly what I go through for the last 3 years. "Impossible expectations"... that hits the spot. I started doubting myself. I go through therapy every week to go through this. So why am I still in it? She jumps back to this attitude I like and says things like I am stuck with her forever, she wouldnt have it any other way, showers me with compliments. I can only tell with time that it doesnt make sense, how can I both be the man of her dream and be all the root cause of her problems at the same time? So much that I wonder how is it I am feeling so neutral.about everything as in already expecting its all magic powder... and when she starts lashing out I literally started to say out loud "oh here it comes again". At some point, I wanted to die and immediately reached out for help, I started to lose it during arguments. No matter how small, its like every roads leads to the same "and here is why she is not happy with me, miserable, etc". Every argument comes with some kind of threat to discard you basically... that when I took the exit for real its not what partner wanted. All I know is that my parents are married, together and they gave me a good example about an harmonious relationship. I know for my partner is another whole story. I dont want to replicate the kind of conflicts she witnessed in her life.and less much so to be threatened to leave if such conflicts arise. I feel so weird at times because I feel responsible because I raised my voice and then oops okay now I am the bad guy... but its clear to me I am very easy going person in life but not when I feel like I have to justify.myself allll the.time about the same things, to try to make my boundaries respected about the fact that you.dont get to tell me who I am, because I know who I am and if everytime you are angry you guessed I am dumb and stupid well you guessed wrong. One day.on a pedestal, the other day.one.foot in one foot out and cycle repeats.

[@MaileyMcAslan]

Sending you love and strength

[@joannegillis6629]

I am not a professional… But I am just wondering if this person could have something else like borderline personality disorder… So sorry you are going through this…… It doesn’t sound like narcissism to me, just saying

[@yah9489]

This is an old video, but very very valuable. Wonderful insight. Thank You so much.

[@amothergoddess2774]

IN MY SITUATION, MY 2 SISTERS ARE NICE OCCASIONALLY BUT MOST OF THE TIME THEY ARE DEVALUING ME IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER EVEN IF ITS A LITTLE DIG AT END OF PHONE CONVERSATION OR THEY HANG UP ON YOU AS YOU'RE SAYING HAVE A LOVELY DAY! YOU CERTAINLY DO NOT FILL EMPTINESS BY PUTTING YOUR LOVED ONES DOWN AND ABUSING THEM, ITS A LOT MORE THAN EMPTINESS!

[@MB-sg8dx]

Mine too. They will employ referring to me as “the baby sister” at strategic moments to force me to defer to their rudeness. I’m 61 years old 🙄

[@BG-qk6ek]

​@@MB-sg8dx😂😂😂 so happy I cut contact with my family hearing about demons like them

[@johnmoresjr6997]

Nice background.very professional delivery.your growing and we'll deserved...EMOTIONAL REGULATORS IS ALL WE ARE.YOUR VERY GOOD..!!!🎠🗼🐧🐼

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Thank you.

[@dannyflood7825]

Thank you so much. Your videos have given me confidence to leave her. You can't put a price on that. This video is perfectly created for my situation. I am leaving tomorrow

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Best of luck to you!

[@chadkrietemeyer6361]

Thank you, I could relate to almost every scenario.

[@indilew]

This one is excellent. Thankyou I needed this!

[@energyneverlies5601]

Thank you for this video. I can not tell you how much it helped me.

[@charlescarpenter9000]

You have a definite charism for describing what goes on in the mind of the victim. The greatest relief for the victim is understanding why the narcissist speaks and acts the way they do. Since “it’s not about me,” I can remove the guilt trip. This is especially important for certain victims who are not in a position to walk away from the narcissist but who have to interact with them to varying degrees, according to each case. I’m trying to practice emotional detachment, as this is suggested in co-dependent relationships. I think many narcissistic relationships are codependencies.

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Yes. I would agree they can be very good examples of codependency.

[@TurinTurumba]

Definitely, idk what it is, perhaps its their charm in the lovebombing phase, but ive never felt so codependant in my life, than when I was dating a narcissist

[@RN_BSN_PHN]

I petitioned for divorce. After she suggested separation. Later I realized she was committing devaluating me at home about how I wash dishes.. While discarding me. By hiding a one year affair. Which made me feel my instinct was right on point. I felt abused and shocked but relieved.

[@andreaveira1637]

Just the reminder I needed!

[@JacquelinePletscher-x9w]

He told me “you will leave me” A LOT in the beginning. I thought it was insecurity from his ex wife supposedly cheating on him twice and the divorce. Now I see it much much cleared. I also saw a flash of a demonic smile the first time we were intimate .

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

Every one of their relationships will end in this way. It’s inevitable

[@LeeDawson-sm2bh]

Totally !

[@Truthteller1s]

So spot on! Thanks so much for your channel.

[@fonkfiend]

Thank you.

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

You’re welcome.

[@totalpwangeNOMNOM]

Thank you for this video. Was so well stated and brought me good clarity. I really needed to hear this exactly right now.

[@johnmoresjr6997]

The imagined prince/princess is really a frog who imagined they were royalties.THE FROG IS NOW THE VICTIM..leave and let them aggravate someone else...why...AGGREVATION WAS THE PRIMARY GOAL FROM THE START..THEY FEEL IMPORTANT WHEN THEY AGGREVATE!!!

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

True!

[@isabellglover5217]

@@LookingBehindtheMirror You nailed it so plain & understanding 😀

[@isabellglover5217]

I have heard so many talk about this subject. But you brought it like no other

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Thank you! ☺️

[@mattb4461]

Wow! Ty

[@Gagoum17]

WOAH that was my relationship described perfectly. Ooof

[@rogersmith5870]

I was abandoned

[@farilevan884]

Ex they will try everything to make you look silly and then say u look silly

[@emmarae4322]

I feel like my partner just tolerates me.

[@maryannbeach656]

I wonder if it is possible for a narcissist to do this to their children? Have high expectations of their children and the relationship they expect to have with them. Then would it be possible that they would actually work at devaluing their own children when the children do not meet expectations?

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

That happens all the time with narcissistic parents.

[@brendakauffman2222]

Great video as usual. A video on Future faking would be great.

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

That's a great idea! I haven't done that topic yet. Thank you!

[@salisasmeditation4012]

I knew she was a narcissist. My therapist told me that I was with a narcissist

[@denisewilliams9304]

So, this morning, my husband pipes up and starts with..."when I get some money [pause], I'm going to buy you a haircut because you really need one." This is after I had just dressed and styled my hair. As soon as I opened my mouth, here it comes. "You're so defensive, what's wrong with you? You tell me when I need a haircut (he cuts his hair once every six months and I cut it). What the H is wrong with you? You really need to look into yourself." I started laughing (while he was giving me the hateful stare) and said, "Stop. I know your gig and why don't you look into yourself. What's *your* problem?" He wanted to know what his gig was. I didn't say a word. This situation sort of defused, but he was still angry and agitated. I walked away. The devaluation process started about 5 years ago. I still get hurt, but I don't show it or feel it as deeply like I used to because of videos like yours.

[@BG-qk6ek]

When you're feinding for a chick with that amber rose hair cut and have 0 chance of your hostile aggressive wife playing along

[@farilevan884]

Like buy a cheap wig but he likes the expensive ones

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

Relationship with Christ will make you whole

[@blove2023]

😮 PLEASE consider not using the music in the background. It's hard to focus on what you're saying. You were doing great 👍 without it

[@anissaholmes4495]

I like the music. Very calming

[@barbarabuttler7647]

Why can't they look in the mirror?🤔

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

They don’t want to

[@barbarabuttler7647]

@@LookingBehindtheMirror They're ashamed of what they know.

[@odeyinkamotunrayo4789]

Thanks 😊