The Difference Between the Fearful Avoidant and Anxiously Attached Individual!

[@maryhargrave5652]

I initially identified as an anxious attachment, but once I get into a solid relationship, I become a fearful avoidant. As I experience outside stressors not related to the relationship, I subconsciously push away my partner. Also if I feel the slightest shift in our relationship I take on the attitude of "I'll hurt you before you hurt me". Awareness is key. Thank you for your videos

[@skwerl81]

Oof, I can definitely relate to this! Unfortunately, awareness has just not been enough for me when I'm in the middle of a reactive moment within the relationship... sometimes I feel like something else takes over my body! That subconscious is a strong thing LOL! But I've started to spend way more time during my conscious everyday life focusing on this stuff, so hopefully it will come up more naturally in the future. I've also created emergency lists in my phone that I can access with tips on what to do when I get caught up in a subconscious pattern... I guess it's a lifelong journey!

[@Crissynxander]

Yes! This is EXACTLY my pattern as well!

[@katrin6388]

im not sure yet, but whenever i feel this distress and insecurity, i tend to try to find words and just say it lol thats why idk what i am...i feel like i am secure but also anxious and fearful. but the avoidance part is more a fear of physical intimacy and repressed sexuality i guess

[@sanamsitaram7940]

Yes! This is absolutely me

[@superlady2960]

❤

[@witchymama3439]

This makes a lot of sense. I am fearful avoidant but I always dated other fearful avoidants or anxious attached. It wasn’t until my last partner who is dismissive avoidant, that i felt like an anxious attached person. I hate the feeling.

[@duygubayram5485]

same it felt like i had 0 control over myself

[@MsGuitars666]

Loved this video. Also I kinda feel like almost all dogs are anxiously attached 😂

[@ahobimo732]

... and most cats are dismissive avoidant.

[@MsGuitars666]

Mark O 😂😂 yes

[@navymed3]

We have 1 of each! An anxiously attached dog, a dismissive avoidant dog, and a fearful avoidant cat!

[@aprylsaurusrexx]

I was an anxious preoccupied but after i went through so much pain in my previous relationship im seeing more fearful avoidant tendancies. Overachieving at work and school, being afraid to be in a relationship, making myself "perfect" for the next person. Verh heavily independent.

[@cloudslady3400]

Meee too i believe most fearful avoidants went through a lot of problems relating to trust specifically so when I meet one the first question that comes to my mind is who broke his/her trust?...and the interesting part is women’s trust get broken differently than men’s trust!..so don’t worry you’re not alone♥️👍🏻

[@Feedaneeshaqua]

I used to be anxiously attached but now I've transitioned into a fearful avoidant. Meeting someone who's also a fearful avoidant and who hurt me because of it, has pushed me to learn more about myself and work towards becoming more secure.

[@MAzurburg]

According to the quiz on the website my attachment style is mostly fearful avoidant with equal amount dismissive and fearful. Interestingly I feel a lot more shame towards my anxious traits than towards my dismissive traits.

[@smileyface702]

Me too! I'm so confused right now.

[@MsSexyAngel29]

Me too! I've to keep telling myself not to be anxious or clingy...what's up with that?

[@isabelkloberdanz6329]

My avoidant side is boring and my anxious side is embarrassing and disempowering

[@MAzurburg]

@@MsSexyAngel29 yeah same.. I posted this 2 yrs ago. I'm now with someone that doesn't mind my clinginess at all, he even welcomes it. I don't feel the embarrassment anymore. Now my avoidant side gets triggered sometimes 😂 i guess we got punished for needing connection. That's why we feel shame. And we needed to practice avoidance in order to please the caregiver.

[@beckym8245]

Different partners create different styles in me. I think I'm right on the cusp with fearful avoidant and anxious. When I get really comfortable with someone, I start to take them for granted. I seem to seek out company that makes me feel stirred up! Initially, that's exciting and then, Ugh... exhausting.

[@SpiralJoel]

Hi I am Fearful avoidant I feel safest with breakup energy or a exit date. Thats when I share deeper feelings and cry. Thats when I feel so seen and heard. Intense emotions blow out from the resentment I have for my weakness which is my ability to set preferences. Boundary setting in real time ain’t no joke. I am working on it thanks for the help. Oh and your talking much better since this video. I hear less “ummms”Good work. I love those writing exercises too. The one about what stories do I attach to moments when my needs aren’t being met is very helpful. Thanks again for stepping in to the Arena PDS

[@lincris10]

I’m FA and you described me so accurately! I threaten to leave all the time. As a former dismissive avoidant, I hate it! I suffer so much now, and it used to be so easy 😥

[@chloehammond2836]

HOW THE HECK DOES SHE ONLY HAVE 51 K FOLLOWERS?! SHE DESERVES WAY MORE! Love this channel ❤️

[@prachibhattarai3833]

Because not everyone is ready to accept the reality....we tend to lie to ourselves about our relationship n our partners to avoid the possible pain

[@ShadrockMarciano]

109k now! What a jump! Her channel is constantly getting better!

[@ahobimo732]

Thank you for the extensive amount of information you've provided on this topic. It's been very hard for me to figure this out for myself. It was very helpful for me to think of it as a ratio like you suggested at the end. The funny thing about my attachment style is that I flip from "seeking" to "avoiding" very abruptly. And no matter which mode I am in, it is always extreme. Usually when I am in a relationship, I act very anxiously attached - until I reach a "breaking point", and then I suddenly become extremely avoidant. Sometimes the avoidant behaviour is short lived, but it is always intense. And most of the time, I just avoid relationships altogether, choosing to be alone rather than risk getting hurt.

[@Borboleta1212]

Mark O I’m exactly like you Mark, and this channel is a God-send!

[@gezor20]

"subconscious strategies to push the person away.." so recognisable in the second relationship.. seems like all that happened had given her arguments to leave me, without me actually allowed to just work it out with her..

[@iconoclastic-fantastic]

I had anxious attachment, and then I went through a traumatizing breakup, and became a fearful avoidant. Truly the worst one-time experience (ie not ongoing like the childhood trauma I experienced) of my life. It completely destroyed me. But now I just want to heal for good. Because I can't go through something like that again.

[@K-A5]

Thats exactly my story too. I hope youre doing better now. Keep healing and growing

[@iconoclastic-fantastic]

@@K-A5 same to you

[@smileyface702]

Hands up all the other FAs who thought they were another adult attachment style before discovering they were FA ✋ now that I know I'm FA, it's so clear! And I'm so thankful for Thais doing such in-depth and clear content about all the attachment styles, especially FA because it gets the least attention

[@luketimewalker]

OOOh I was just confused tonight by a great video from someone else describing the FA and finding it sounded a LOT like your DA, and now I find this old video that explains it all. You've done so much since that video!

[@jasminejohnson4707]

I’ve been anxious attachment since I started dating. Met my twin flame last year and turned into fearful avoidant once we parted. A con is: this sucks. A pro: I feel like this is my last hump before I’m secure. I’m more aware of my actions and emotions. I now know what boundaries are and how to use them (Although I still get nervous putting them in place), I don’t fear being alone anymore and I want to heal! This journey is long ash but worth it. If you’re trying to become secure and an overall better you… I’m proud of you. Keep up the good work. You’re doing great.

[@khadijathaliru]

You look absolutely smashing today, Thais!

[@drsalka]

Was about to comment how great she looks with her hair the way it is and what i would consider better makeup ☺️💅🏻 lookin sweet!

[@desikrus]

This video was super helpful as it finally enabled me to figure out my attachment style on the spectrum (I was hesitating between the two in the past). Thank you so much! Now I've got the road of re-programming ahead. And I'm grateful I have you as inspiration and support along this road! Thank you!

[@captainnatalie6937]

It’s so turbulent out here :’(

[@djenning90]

“I might stop the video, but I’m not going to for now”… then the video stops and you briefly give us a “deer in the headlights” look… that was so cute and funny! I love it when your personality comes out like this in your videos.

[@emilykayisit8400]

This is very helpful, I have watched a lot of dating coaching videos, finally these attachment styles solve my questions in my head! Thanks so much

[@Magnoliasdiary]

I'm both fearful avoidant (38%) and anxious attached (31%), just a little but more fearful avoidant which makes more sense now of how I push people away to protect myself, I see both attachment styles in me now, thanks for explaining it so well.

[@angeliquenoelle7316]

Thank you for your videos! They have helped so much, especially the ones about core wounds. I would love more videos about that topic. I would love to know what happens in a relationship when two people who have fearful avoidant attachment get together and how they can learn to be healthier together. Thank you :)

[@Makor1966]

Your skincolor looks a bit more natural here. Love it.

[@Jasmine-gv3uj]

Is it possible to have a core wound of unworthiness that is more along the lines of "I'm afraid of being treated/seen as unworthy of love" ? I ask this because I experienced quite a bit of racism in my social communities during childhood and was often treated as invisible or unworthy by peers. There wasn't much ethnic diversity in my home state. I feel that I isolate myself a lot as a FA adult because I am deeply afraid that I will continue to run into this again and again, even though I live in an accepting and diverse city now. Just wondering if the core wound of unworthiness could stem from factors outside of the primary caregiver(s). ☺

[@lentilmills2866]

I loved this video! I would love to see a similar one on determining whether one is fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant. Those are the two I'm torn between myself. It's likely that I just lie somewhere on the spectrum between them as you alluded to at the end there.

[@ginnytilby]

Girl I love your hair in this one

[@Amandahugginkizz]

Thank you so much for this! You give away so much info for free and it's so helpful. I am deff fearful attached and it kind of mirrors bpd (I thought I had bpd but I'm sure its fearful avoident)

[@gezor20]

hey, some other unrelated audio-video comment.. can it be that somewhere in your recording pipeline, you are loosing quality? Maybe you are you are recording it with a too low bitrate(in your recording program's settings).. if so, then uploading it in 1008p afterwards, is not going to recover the quality... since it was never recorded :) anyway, thanks for another great video

[@blakechusin3995]

I am a combination of these 2. Thanks for keeping it real and for giving info that is relevant. The Personal Development courses are solid.

[@suras8984]

So I guess Im both. As you go on to describe the differences Im like oh yea for sure Im anxious. Then im like no I guess Im fearful lolll I freak out with thoughts like the anxious but I also have a core wound. Im very independent and I keep saying Im trying to prepare my life to be ready for a relationship but its not from a feeling of unworthiness. I get so anxious when a relationship begins to develop that I guess I self sabotage. Then I take a long time to heal and reflect before Im interested in someone else. I can self sooth very effectively but not when it revolves around a potential relationship.

[@smileyface702]

Yep I've been saying that to myself most of my teen/adult life. "I'm just trying to prepare my life/self before I get into a relationship.' i rarely connect with people but when I do I'm very anxious preoccupied. I feel a lot of shame around my neediness and will try to bottle it up, so I'm inclined not to want to communicate my needs bc deep down I'm afraid of being rejected if I express those needs (which I hear is characteristic of AP). I hate the feeling of neediness so much that I will often try to avoid intimate relationships, so I don't relate to the characterisation of APs as never being single or constantly having a crush or moving on quickly. I take forever to move on, I rarely get crushes, I've gone long periods of time without having any crushes or interest in someone. I've been single for over 7 years. But once I let myself be emotionally close to someone, which I'm working on trying to do more (be vulnerable), I get so anxious preoccupied and I relate to soo much to the commentary and advice about AP style. I'm honestly rather confused right now about whether I'm AP or FA, and I think I just have elements of both.

[@katrin6388]

@@smileyface702 have u read attached by amir?

[@RussMalina]

Omg you guys describe me. So that means it’s typical for FA’s! That’s a good confirmation. Like the confusion around “which type of the two am I?!?!” It probably means, you’re FA!

[@AA-mg3xr]

I love you so much Thais! Thank you so much for helping us ❤️ ~Fearful Avoidant over here

[@geraldbrown8711]

I took the attachment quiz, and my primary attachment style is Anxious Preoccupied. My wife of nearly 20 years is a Fearful Avoidant. What can we do to overcome this? Our relationship has been a struggle over the years, and we have invested so much in our marriage. We truly want to work through our different attachment styles

[@miguelzorro7631]

Congrats for the 20 years

[@geraldbrown8711]

@@miguelzorro7631 thank you! Things have improved since we sought out counseling

[@randomthoughts4429]

This resolved my confusion I'm anxious preoccupied. Well-explained and detailed 👌

[@weavingthevaluess]

thank you so much. you understand me better than i do haha. feeling very seen and understood

[@anaktrina]

Your hair today looks great! Longer bangs 👍🏻

[@eh4074]

I am fearful avoidant, but I lean a little to anxious attachment. As I get older I am becoming more and more fearful avoidant. I can go years between relationships now. Sometimes, I wonder if I am capable of a healthy relationship anymore. If I date a distant avoidant, I become more anxious avoidant. If I date an anxious avoidant, I become more fearful avoidant. I won’t date distant avoidant types anymore, because it brings out the worst in me. I drop people so fast, that they are often left wondering what happened. Since, I can become codependent, I run when I see it. I think I need to work on myself more. I definitely relate to the workaholic thing, and I use it to distance myself. When I am by myself, I appear quite healthy. Unfortunately, I fear abandonment so much, that I sometimes push it to happen. (I am not a cheater, but have been known to say things, such as, “If you want to go just leave, but don’t come back.” I think sometimes it makes someone feel that they aren’t wanted, and instinctively know I am pushing them away. My feelings take control, and it isn’t healthy. It is a passive aggressive way of having someone prove themselves, but it is exhausting. I recognize this intellectually now, but in the past I didn’t see it. Hopefully, this self realization, is the first step.

[@oh_sparkling]

While it seemed like the anxiously attached style fit more based on this video where you make the distinctions, the video on the characteristics of fearful avoidants seemed to speak to me more than the one on anxiously attached (though I identify with most of those too), so I just did the test online to hopefully gain some clarity and got: 35% fearful avoidant 24% anxious preoccupied 24% dismissive avoidant 18% secure Guess I'm smack dab in the middle of anxious and avoidant afterall... lol

[@Makor1966]

Also the blue top makes your eyes pop!

[@gsina1989]

Wow thanks Thais Gibson Thank you God. God used you to help me discover myself. Be blessed in Christ Jesus!

[@HeyitsJade]

Wow. This is so me. Im fearful avoidant . I’m 30 and I’ve never been in a relationship. I have a career , a masters degree, my own place independently, I’ve accomplished so much . But I struggle in dating. I can never seem to connect to people, I immediately within seconds of talking to someone new see flaws. I’ve only ever loved someone who was avoidant and I definitely don’t play games. I shut down , he pushes and I push back or I’ll pull then I’ll push. Very hot and cold . I’m exhausted 🥹

[@Itshollymoon]

I’m very anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant at the same time in every relationship

[@DDDD17890]

Lol, my cat is also anxiously attached

[@JoePAcalaughs]

Your cat probably rocks though. Cats are amazing.

[@unhealingwithsandy]

I have to continually remind myself it is OK to be exactly where I am and how I am and to feel the things I feel and have the thoughts I have. Otherwise I find myself learning these attachment styles and only compounding the issue of NOT BEING ENOUGH because I need to get to the SECURE attachment. But when I just acc er pt myself, the anxiety fades away and for s short moment, I feel normal without trying.

[@vladimirsamsonov46]

My cat is DA af 😂

[@whistlepixie]

"Cold? No I won't believe your heart is cold; maybe just afraid to be broken again" - the song 'Watch What Happens' by Michel Legrand. Fearful avoidant style right there, in a nutshell!

[@roshalllambert]

Thank you so much for this video really great points. Your audio quality is good in this video.

[@Geminisag314]

I've totally been seen is this video.. very good information

[@lulus3041]

I just want to be love and love back. But always is painful and a nightmare. I feel so empty

[@Hopscotcharooski]

Not laughing at your pain over here, but I had to lol because this is exactly what an anxious preoccupied would say since they come from a place of lack.

[@MJ-od5sh]

The guy I was dating said this to me before he ghosted on me . After everything I had put up with , with him . Nothing was good enough.

[@djenning90]

Helpful! Thank you ❤️

[@KsyuSmith]

I got it all wrong!! I used to be certain I was anxiously attached and was listening to all the fearful-accident content to understand my ex boyfriend. Until I realized two days ago that I was ALSO fearful avoidant

[@sshuteandrew]

Informative video as always....and your make-up and blue shirt look beautiful on you!! 🙂

[@yogaboy55]

Push/pull, hot/cold. 66 year old man. Now I know why few close friendships, co-dependent marriage, rage at life and utter confusion after a heart awakening. Spiritual Being, having a human experience awakening. But I’m still an FA

[@cloudslady3400]

The question is why some dynamics can turn a AP to become Fa while other dynamics don’t?...why even though AP’s get rejected a lot more than Fa’s they have less wounds?

[@priscillajones7100]

Being a fearful avoidant, can different people in your life bring out different sides and make you lean more anxious or more avoidant? In relationships I feel like I lean more anxious, but with family and friends I am much more avoidant.

[@sqfanatic]

This really helped me sort out the two. However, I find that I have strong traits on both sides of these two categories. Overall, I think I do identify more as "anxious" than "fearful".

[@KierraLovesHipsters]

This is so wild o always thought once I got my first apartment in a fancy neighborhood making a certain amount of money I’d finally attract what I want/deserve in love and hear I am all that and still the same fucking problems just with different people. -Fearful avoidant

[@jahzah3934]

I took your quiz and I am 33 % anxious p and 29 % fearful a. Thank you for your videos ! They have been so helpful the last few months.

[@coriej2284]

Can you have different attachments for different relationships? For example, one in friendship, another in romance, etc.

[@sanamsitaram7940]

Absolutely

[@adarksea]

Great video!!

[@impressivenow2000]

I think that the major difference between the two is that anxiously attached individuals always strongly self soothe through others, while fearful avoidant, even if leaning anxious, are more guarded and self sooth alone because in the whole process of the relationship they move slowly. As a result they get really afraid when the partner unexpectedly pulls back (or perceived as such), they panick and just think that the relationship is back at step 0 again, which can trigger an avoidant "all or nothing" behavior, or an anxious activation to save it. Am I right ? To me its like going on a scale, step by step, slowly, and when there's a sign of inconsistency, the scale becomes unexpectedly unstable, you may lose equilibrium on this scale because you went very high on it - it's stress. All you want to do is to either stabilize the scale immediately (anxious activation), or just go back to ground immediately (avoidant deactivation). I am not sure if anxiously attached individuals can rely on this, like it's not a scale for them, I think that for them it's like they are stucked on a boat within a storm, there's no way out, but only activation to stop the storm. They are not considering going back to the ground like for fearful avoidant analogy.

[@CL-qj6ps]

Thank you for the video! How does a FA handle a long-term relationship? Smh

[@user-pb8ec9gy2x]

CL i'm a fearful avoidant and i can't imagine myself in a long term. i get 'bored' and it's like i don't want it anymore after 3 weeks.

[@moneeq4]

Something happens to me at the 1 month mark :/

[@Mindsetolympics]

I wanna believe dating is not all pain

[@musicchick581]

So pushing the person away the closer they get to you because you're afraid of eventual abandonment but then when the person actually agrees to leave or says they're done, crying and then feeling desperate and anxious and clingy, is that anxiously attached or fearful avoidant?

[@MegaDreamOo]

Fearful avoidant, you want a deep connection with other individual but you are afraid that they are going to leave you as well.

[@Czymoch1993]

Start at 2:40

[@vicklou]

Ha, I'm so fearful avoidant. And thought my love interest is too, but sounds like actually he's half that, half anxiously attached. He's not good enough, & unworthy, in his mind.

[@lisaq787]

What if a FA is addicted to their partner even though it's not making them happy... This is so confusing because it can be hard to tell if it's the avoidant side kicking in or being addicted and feeling guilty about leaving someone when it's not a good match, and they've been trying so long without things improving...

[@jaredvaughan1665]

I have a theory disorganized people on average have 50% of anxiety as anxious types AND 50% of avoidance as avoidant types.

[@jaredvaughan1665]

The fact that anxious preoccupieds fear more than disorganized people mean we should stop calling anxious avoids as fearful avoidants.

[@j.a.1239]

Are FAs more likely to choose DA partners bc the abandonment feels comfortable?

[@BillyT531]

I think I have elements of both patterns...I can't decide which one I am. What kind of doggie do you own?

[@Steertanzer]

Fearful Avoidant sounds very similiar to Borderline Personality Disorder. Is a Fearful Avoidant attachment style linked to BPD?

[@witchymama3439]

Yea

[@andreamagyar7776]

No.

[@josephland8876]

How exactly do we find out what ratios we exhibit. I've looked to find it and I can't.

[@laignermassey3631]

Definitely FA. I will leave/pull the plug out of fear of being hurt, yet I will want to cling as well... it's chaotic ova here in this head of mine. Extremely Hot and Cold.

[@ocital4892]

I'm 17 and have never been in a relationship. I know people who would date me if I wanted and I do but I don't show it... Idk why I just see too many negative things about dating but at the same time, I want it. I don't allow myself to show my emotions. They build up and I get very angry sometimes but I don't tell the people that I'm angry instead I just treat them like they have made me mad without telling them why. My dad never shows emotions but my mom always was there for me. Even with my mom always there for me, I feel like I cant trust her with some stuff idk why I feel like that. I act like I am a person Im not (ik most people do) but as much as I want to show people that I care about them I cant get myself to because I'm too worried they won't like me anymore. What am I?

[@arrenking9505]

For such a quality brand of entry level podcast mic the quality is terrible. Maybe do some eqing in post to remove the rumble?

[@katrin6388]

is it possible to be secure-anxious? lol i do indentify more with the anxious style bc i crave intimacy alot...but at the same time, after i can point out what it is that is making me anxious, i find a way to express it, even if i feel embarassed about it. yet i have an avoidant personality. i am scared of closeness, since i am still a virgin, i am scared of crossing the line...of not being a kid anymore, "i am a women now", i guess...and idk if i am ready to let go of that identity. i am also somewhat repressed, sexually. i cant show men i fancy them, especially not in front of my parents or other people...i feel the need to hide my attraction even from the guy i am into.

[@musicchick581]

Also, if you test high in both, which course do you get?

[@Count_Jacula]

Im so stupid i always thought i was anxious but i think now I'm fearful avoident on the quiz both got 33% I've been approaching everything wrong an now i feel really bad because what if i knew i was FA maybe some people wouldn't have left previously :/

[@happysinger23]

Yay I am the first to comment! Can you answer a question for me as a prize? hahahah. please~ Does Dismissive avoidant also avoid getting into relationships like Fearful Avoidant? I almost feel Fearful Avoidant reject opportunity of relationships much more than dismissive avoidant? Is that accurate?

[@sshuteandrew]

JEN TANG Dismissive Avoidants are the MOST avoidant! They def avoid relationships and intimacy.

[@happysinger23]

Summer in one of Thais video she said Dismissive avoidant sometimes seem like secure avoidant at the beginning. So I kind of want to understand deeper what that means. In another channel, a lady also said that dismissive avoidant is good at starting a relationship but once they start they don’t know how to maintain it they don’t know how to be in intimacy

[@sshuteandrew]

JEN TANG Yes, exactly!! My ex is a DA and now we’ve only been seeing each casually, but exclusively, due to his fears and trust issues. Wanting to be with me but having doubts and walls of resistance. A DA wants a relationship but very much feels incapable. He has told me a few times he feels incapable. Yet, in our relationship he was the best man I’ve ever known. Intimacy overwhelms them- it can irritate them and they can shut down, feel hopeless, defeated and depressed. Mine wont move on with anyone else but he also won’t step up for us. Very hard.

[@sshuteandrew]

JEN TANG Thais’ videos are spot on and best I’ve ever found on attachment- and I’ve scoured KZbin to learn about attachment.

[@happysinger23]

Summer can you share how he and you started? I’m trying to figure if this guy I met recently is a dismissive avoidant. Everything sounds like him but he did pursue me directly and quickly at the beginning. I’m a fearful avoidant.. we were a mess....... but I really feel something for him

[@nikkyttta2404]

super helpful

[@kieragg6829]

i’m both and feel both incredibly, what does that mean?

[@magicwandm]

Now I'm a FA

[@fhunt01]

I am almost positive that I am FA, but I do not have the childhood trauma from my caregivers that u talk about?

[@Sarablueunicorn]

you may not remember

[@nicolewinston135]

Seems like dismissive and fearful are very similar.

[@IronX77]

2:39

[@starqueenlotus3755]

Can you make a video on attachment style quiz interpretation pls. I am confused bcoz Mine came averaged 25% each of 4 types so I dont know what it means and I fall into which category.

[@kubawarzecha1770]

Both are not material for long term commited relationships. That's all you need to know in first place.

[@pinkette]

Can a person go from AA to FA? Or even, can a secure attachment style go from secure to AA to FA, through trauma experienced in adulthood?

[@Apanthertrappedinadogsworld]

I was AA and after a traumatic breakup where there was cheatings and lies I became more fearful. I have been single for 1 year and a half and I can't trust people anymore. Sometimes I wish I had someone special in my life but then I freak out. I am 40 and I feel that I will never be able to let someone come into my life as long as I remember all I've been through.