The disappointments of Dating as a Black Woman

[@farhiyaa4880]

Go where your desired..not where your tolerated.

[@TURBOBEATZZZ]

...and that ladies is how you end up pregnant or in an abortion clinic by a loser😉.

[@tiaraw872]

Rob Clark ummmm what? Based off of how you took that comment I can tell your mind set is the size of a tiny box

[@TURBOBEATZZZ]

You don't get it. Must be your hooked on phonics edjumication kicking in lol. Peace,

[@happypuppyyumyum]

@@TURBOBEATZZZ what r u talking about

[@ariesmry]

Rob Clark Your inability to see the original comment as being made in regards to romantic relationships and not just sex astounds me. But continue on 😉

[@donnewkirk2051]

Bottom line... seems like dating today just doesn't seem like it's worth the trouble.

[@tranquility9325]

Ppl have no self respect anymore, are banging as soon as they meet the person, and the rest seem mentally ill😯

[@donnewkirk2051]

@@tranquility9325 facts

[@wtyler75]

Rachel Neige - I would say not because the hook up sites but because that’s just how we are programmed now a days. Hook ups are casual for the better or worse.

[@supernovaa9332]

Yeah dating in this generation is a waste of time but I’ll admit I’ve been on both ends . I’ve been the relationship girl who puts her all into someone jus to end up getting hurt . After I learned the hard way not to trust people so easily , I jus do me now whatever that is ; ie focus on myself, take things slow, have a hook up if I feel like it 🤷🏽‍♀️it’s jus easier that way to me atleast . I can move as I please without the headache I have no desire to be tied down at the moment . But I would like something more stable in the future .

[@IMDGTV]

FACTS

[@kuunami]

The first step to getting a good man is that you have to ACTUALLY be mature enough to be attracted to good men. Immature people are bored by good people.

[@11jcarter]

You can’t control a great man with sex, paying for stuff and always guiding him. That can be unattractive because the woman doesn’t have control because it boosts ones ego to feel better, hence why they keep mentioning their careers. They want to have control, compete and feel better than the individual, it’s nature. But eventually one that is great will want to be with another person that’s great because it’s not cut taking care and teaching someone something ALL the time. It’s letting a guy lead that knows what he is doing and not fighting that because if they led all the time they will eventually lose attraction. Women want to feel protected, they don’t want to be seen as protecting and leading in the very end. It’s a turn off to mature women.

[@sidney8678]

Sometimes growing together is better then who is more mature.....

[@remanilove2696]

Preach!

[@shalalala868]

That's right! I've always loved nerdy, smart, well-spoken men. Thugs could hit the door and I could NEVER think to bring home riff raff home! My parents don't play that.

[@Bigjizay]

You tell em Palpatine!

[@28ebdh3udnav]

I've noticed that black women, at least in my region, are caring, respectful, and I like black women over anything else.

[@TheMrgoodmanners]

Those must be African women not African American women

[@Rich_Reese]

Until it's time for them to take accountability for their actions

[@MoveNgroove93]

Something isn’t right. on this end of the spectrum, the women are questioning why that can’t seem find the right guy. Then u have guys on the other end wondering where the good women at. To me it seems like everyone is overlooking one another because of society’s standards.

[@brownskinbeauty.]

I swear I just told my male friend this like last week! It's ridiculous but true

[@MoveNgroove93]

Brown Skin Beauty i say this because I too am guilty of being picky but I suppose for the right reasons.

[@brownskinbeauty.]

@@MoveNgroove93 It's okay to be picky, especially if you have a valid reason to do so. But a lot of these guys out here are looking for something unrealsitic.

[@MoveNgroove93]

Brown Skin Beauty both parties in reality, folks aren’t content with what they have.

[@brownskinbeauty.]

@@MoveNgroove93 You're right. I think social media plays a big part in that as well

[@erika0182]

I just stopped dating altogether. It was a waste of my time and energy. It's not good for your psyche either.

[@akuasalaam490]

I am getting there... Struggling in this dating game!

[@AllPro777]

I'd be interesting in seeing your dating laundry list. Most women have one and it's part of their problem, but no one ever has the courage to tell them that...

[@Xarkom89]

Have not been on a date in 2 years.

[@sharonrevelle1858]

Men are all the same

[@SIR_REALIST_88]

RIDE THAT WALL. IT CAN BE A COLD WINTER.

[@EbonyJon]

College does not equal intelligence.

[@johnballard6725]

BW shouldn't lead with their degrees and educational qualifications because frankly men are not that bothered.To men a woman with a degree or MBA is a bonus,that's all. Woman should lead with their character and femininity and even if more successful and educated than the guy should give him and her a chance at romance provided they have similar goals,similar values,and have spiritual,emotional,social and intellectual compatibility. The physical side can even be absent at first as it can grow over time. To reject a possible match because you don't immediately find them physically attractive is the height of madness.

[@hakeem84cmdr56]

Facts thank you...

[@ambitionisamust1204]

There’s nothing wrong with being proud of a degree. No you should not think of yourself as better than someone who doesn’t have one. However, college is hard and mentioning that you worked hard and got that degree (especially as a black woman) is an amazing feat. Getting to know someone to see about compatibility takes time, but things such as education, where you work etc can be discussed upfront 🤷🏾‍♀️.

[@skipg73]

@@ambitionisamust1204 To men it means nothing and to men it comes off just like a man bragging about his Jordan collection. You don't care about that just like we don't care about your degrees because we don't benefit from the degree.

[@ambitionisamust1204]

@@skipg73 how is that bragging? I can see if I throw it in your face and put myself above you. But if we’re just having a conversation and I mention I have a degree, that’s bad?

[@Jada_RE]

At some point, it's exhausting and inhuman to always have a mission to prove others wrong. I wouldn't wear that as a badge of honor. It's more of a harmful effects of living in a world where surface level appearance opens and closes doors.

[@ClayMastah344]

Well said! It leads to an inevitable self esteem denigration

[@octane7047]

I think one should develop himself/herself and enjoy life the way he/she should. If a suitable companion comes by, it's good. If no one suitable comes, it doesn't matter. Romantic relationship and marriage have been overly marketed by societies. In the majority of cases, these things don't work and offer little value or make your life worse. According to studies, on average marriage significantly reduces one's happiness.

[@thedeepdarkwebb]

Megan Thee Stallion did a great job curving a UK journalist asking if her hair was weave or a wig. She flat out told him it was none of his business and you all (black women) are entitled to the same.

[@spazz-ok9nr]

I heard about that interview. I thought her response was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. She didn't spend the money ... Time it took to get it done or the overall effort on her hair... So ppl would not notice it. And no it wasn't hers

[@spazz-ok9nr]

@@Wowyana if big white teeth was the new trend and everyone was doing it and u spent time and effort to get big white teeth how then do u get offending by someone asking u about ur teeth especially when it's quite obvious their not ur teeth.

[@spazz-ok9nr]

@@Wowyana this woman has out on wigs of almost every color and hugh? He was probably asking a legit question as it was normal colored hair

[@spazz-ok9nr]

@@Wowyana so running around talking about and bragging about bundles cool...... guy asking if those are indeed bundles not cool ? Obtuse huh ? If a guy asking if that's weave something some of y'all put over ur health kids and go broke for offends u I think u got ur wires cross. In most cases it's nothing discrete about the way alot of ladies wear the stuff. Per example if a balding man went and got hair plugs it's different becuase in most cases he would do so on the low? Y'all are loud and proud about ur weaves and I've been on the wrong end of not commenting on them positively to believe somhow any form of embarrassment could possibly take place by someone asking if in fact it's weave.

[@lacienagalacey9454]

Nicholas Heath dude you’re like big mad in these comments. Who hurt you? Like stop being so obtuse you know what we all mean you just want to stir shit up. Just say you hate black women and go.

[@Songstress92]

Whew the “giving yourself permission to be desired” thing is so real. I was preemptively pushing men away out of habit of feeling like they would never desire me. It took being rejected by someone who used me in a situationship to realize what I really wanted and that I had everything it took to be in a healthy solid relationship. I realized I was both settling for scraps and pushing solid guys away due to what I thought I could get.

[@celineo9445]

Ariana H. And don’t forget to reject any dusty broke men with nothing to offer. Even if most men make it clear that black women aren’t as good as other women, that shouldn’t stop us from keeping our standards high. Wait for a real rich provider who values you as you are. I have one who made my life easier, please follow suit.

[@daysofold5553]

@Robert Drake lol

[@jonmacdonald2193]

@@celineo9445 if this isnt the definition of toxic femininity i dont know what is. Maybe the problem is people like you only look at men as wallets?. Maybe black men dont feel appreciated enough and if they dont get it at home they go elsewhere

[@enigmaticazaleas]

@@jonmacdonald2193 stfu bum

[@AmabelleDesir]

Mumbo jumbo aka i'm alone

[@scadieee]

Protect our queens at all times. So tired of my fellow brothers trying to disrespect black women. Y’all go through too much to be dealing with this🤦🏾‍♂️. Y’all stay safe, hydrated, moisturized & stress free

[@sk8tor4ever]

I agree with black men protecting black women, are you doing the same for black men?

[@scadieee]

ChimeU95 of course. All positive vibes. Just wished our brothers wasn’t so sensitive & could take constructive criticism rather than take it as hate/shade. We’ll get there in time. Gotta keep on striving

[@sk8tor4ever]

Scadieee so if I went in-front of a room of black women and said we appreciate your natural hair and the weave looks. Will they not be sensitive and take constructive criticism just like you’re saying to me?

[@lateshag4958]

@@scadieee he's on every comment making it about "men too". Ignore...

[@sk8tor4ever]

@soul sessions tv Bdhrh Stop bringing up the whole "mens job" thing. If men started saying "Womens job" it will be a problem.

[@justinneill5003]

I’m a white man from UK and this discussion left me confused. When your white boyfriend/date made comments like that about your appearance, like wishing your skin tone was lighter or wanting you to wear your “white girl hair,” were they actually seeing a future for the relationship? Because for me, I would expect a comment like that to mean that the relationship was over. You didn’t say how you reacted but I hope you fired those guys on the spot.Black girls are super sexy, the whole package (yes it’s another stereotype but a positive one, and you can stereotype me any time!)

[@michaelcheng4985]

As an asian man, I understand the struggle. Just gotta keep grinding and working on yourself to make yourself more attractive and desirable. Life ain't fair but that don't mean you need to give up.

[@drellz9361]

Asian men making moves y'all ain't goona worry bout nothing my people gotta stop dealing with people with how they look instead of what they produce

[@tranquility9325]

No one has to make themselves anything for anyone. Either ppl accept you for you, or they can go dive into a shark's mouth.

[@michaelcheng4985]

Tranquility life doesn’t happen to you, you make things happen for yourself in your life. You’re in control. I believe successful people can look themselves in the mirror and try to improve themselves rather than blame others or their situation.

[@MarjorieStewartBaxter]

@av rmx lol you're probably one of the same BM who starts foaming at the mouth when y'all see one of us with a non black man. Coming from a BW who has dealt with this for years after finding a non black man who treats me like a queen without shaming me for my black features which y'all perpetually do more than any other group. Y'all are trash as a collective and other BW are finally waking up and divesting. Have fun with your wealth of options...I'm sure you don't have much money so I doubt many non black women are knocking down your door. Because let's face it, most non black women wouldn't give you the time of day during your come up period. Anyway...

[@KryptonIstheFuture]

hahhahahhahahaha hold this w

[@theboldeststatement4005]

Self love is hard in a world that wants you to hate yourself. 😳 Working on that now in my life. I'm too aware of others and society issues- I didn't use to be.

[@StageInTheSkyCreations]

I wonder...if the best way to love yourself is to know and believe that the one who created you, loves you. The beauty of a woman comes from her love of God. If you have that, you'll know you're desirable. It will be like a light for all to see.

[@theboldeststatement4005]

@@StageInTheSkyCreations true! That's part of the "working on that now in my life". That's been part of my understanding but sometimes I forget when I get wrapped up too much in this word.

[@nakiyacooke8840]

Me to girl,, I use to love wigs! Now the sight of straight wigs on black women makes my ass itch!! 💯

[@bescuit]

Its interesting they never mentioned they learned self love from there mothers

[@theboldeststatement4005]

@@nakiyacooke8840 same

[@chantesammering]

Shanboody is so underrated. Why is this channel not at 1M subs yet? Come on sista, share the work of another sista

[@jessicav1015]

👏👏👏👏💜

[@selenaitara]

Oh wow. I've been following her for so long and watching her success that I didn't even realize she wasn't at 1M. I assumed she was already there 😄

[@BishopEddie5443]

Yeah share these lies that wont work. lol

[@alibalbee2883]

Great question! I just subscribed because of your comment!

[@Tre38843]

WHY ARE BLACK WOMEN SO ANGRY THAT STATISTICALLY THEY ARE FOUND TO BE THE LEAST DESIRABLE? IT IS BLACK WOMEN THAT ARE THE MOST SUPERFICIAL WHEN IT COMES TO HOW A BLACK MAN LOOKS IN DECIDING ON WHETHER TO GIVE HIM THEIR NUMBER... WELL HOW'S THIS AS A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE... DOESN'T FEEL GOOD DOES IT!!!!!!

[@BuildingBetterMen]

"as the SUCCESSFUL black woman that i am". That's where she loses the men she really wants. Identification with success is not a leading factor that attracts men. Black women do this too much.

[@khareensterling8826]

Ok we'll say less 👌🏾 we'll dumb it down for yall

[@BuildingBetterMen]

@@khareensterling8826 don't dumb it down. We can tell. Just don't identify with your success more than you identify with your beauty and agreeableness. In terms of dating, men who y'all want, we don't care about y'all's money or success.

[@byakuyakuchiki6277]

@@khareensterling8826 ok

[@zinknot]

Yes! It's so hard for them to understand this. They want to tell men what they should be attracted to.

[@khareensterling8826]

@@BuildingBetterMen I can respect that. Gotta ignore the ones who question a woman's worth in that aspect. They ask what does she do more than who she is

[@deidralatrice3925]

The woman in the red top is absolutely stunning. I couldn’t stop starring!!

[@neishah]

Yes she is beautiful

[@alibalbee2883]

She reminds my of my best-friend. Absolutely stunning!

[@125loopy]

She's gorgeous and her outfit 😍😍

[@LimKaamen]

She sounds very smart and is energetic too.

[@silas1424]

No knock to her but she has a lot of masculine energy.

[@Betterme4lf]

The dark skinned women in middle is exudes more sensuality which is a plus in dating. She's gorgeous❤️

[@ericthered1140]

Lol.....🙄🤭🤔

[@justdoit.86yearsago]

Eric Glenn what do you mean by those emojis?

[@Betterme4lf]

@@justdoit.86yearsago He's insignificant so nevermind what his thoughts are.. don't even question.

[@luvbig41]

The one in the multi-colored blouse is attractive

[@nzingalou7556]

WusPopN Mane? lol the only one who is a hater here. You see someone happy and you want to come out of no where and tear them down with something irrelevant. Get a life!

[@UdoADHD]

Need to also consider weight and colorism in this conversation.

[@UdoADHD]

ATL 1 because it affects your dating just as much, if not more, as being black

[@SagRising19]

yeѕ, ι agree eѕpecιally ιn regardѕ тo weιgнт.

[@SagRising19]

@ATL 1 ι ĸnow ι waѕ agreeιng тo нer coммenт..ι нave no ιѕѕυeѕ ιn тнιѕ deparтмenт.

[@shalss1592]

William Freeze you’re filthy.

[@Hollywould94]

Yup.

[@brution2000]

The echo chamber of a false reality, blaming men for providing competent feedback as to why black women are the least desirable. The entire conversation was literally women talking about the feedback that they got from men, telling them how to adjust themselves on the dating market to be more attractive and their goal was to fight it all 😅😅😅😅. Plenty of women told me to get braces because my teeth were crooked. Many black women told me that I needed to have a nice faded line up. I didn't get offended, I just understood what they wanted. I was very skinny growing up and did not look very masculine. You have 2 women over weight on the couch, and an overly masculine woman on the couch. The one from LA was just outmatched for her environment and couldn't figure that out. Culturally, I like permed hair on black women and not afraid to say no to locks, dreadlocks, braids...etc...The women are in group think and in an echo chamber, digging in their heals. It will be another 10 years and all of them will still be single, because rather than changing themselves, the ego has dug in...

[@Fullmetaltracer]

You got your head on right brother love to see it 💯

[@tillmen4444]

I personally prefer natural and maybe a style or two, but you are right on the rest

[@DLBMOS]

exactly...

[@qthequick]

Fact is women do not like men having preferences. They can have them in spades an express theirs readily but get offended when we do the same…but I have also learned not to give too much attention to what women say on the topic of men

[@fabriceizzo2922]

Thanks bro

[@mariancounsellor]

When are we gonna stop with this narrative? If you feel confident about who you are with a high level of self-esteem, you won’t have issues meeting men. Not all men are going to be decent or be the right one but something I’ve never struggled with online or offline is meeting decent black men. Statistically, the majority of black men are in relationships with black women. Who cares if someone somewhere says black women are less desirable? It’s about how we feel about ourselves that matters.

[@kingoftheswap7656]

Now we must address the issue of self confidence, and unfortunately not many have that, and there are so many different variables to what may cause it, I myself suffered from lack of confidence in the past and didn’t really realize my worth until I met my partner sometimes it helps when there’s someone beside you telling you things you want to hear 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@mediaiweb]

@AWETHENIK Life PG hmm, That's deep. You don't attract what you want, you attract who you are.

[@LiterallyTho]

Nu Journeys Counselling Black men date outside their race more then any other group of men. They don’t get credit for dating a black women. Everything else you said I agree with.

[@chandler4324]

@@LiterallyTho where are you getting your statistics on black men date more outside there race than any other group of men? Also what's that statistic when it comes to black men and marrying our queens, because isn't that the goal securing a life partner. Dating is necessary, but irrelevant in the grand scheme of things if your just moving from partner to partner without any real commitment and that commitment doesn't have to be marriage, but more something long term and mutually understood. I just don't like when people spew "statistics" without educating the masses and at least giving some insight to having better understanding.

[@jobeauty3722]

Chenell Jackson That is a complete falsehood about black men! There are percentages and stats that are being conflated and manipulated!

[@boricua584]

What’s so crazy is most of my matches are not black men. My best friend didn’t believe me but when I was on the app, it’s 90% non black men, of all colors. It’s so weird to me.

[@Ilikefrogs..]

SAME

[@BishopEddie5443]

Yet STILL you're single?

[@boricua584]

Brian Abisdid I actually don’t mostly non black guys.

[@boricua584]

Bishop Eddie yup !

[@Bells723]

Mela Boricua So you’re limiting yourself to a black man and only black men? Good luck 🙄🤦🏿‍♀️ Get a African man if you plan on waiting Black American men are majority incarcerated

[@Rachel-vw3bi]

Does anyone else hate seeing stuff like this? I’m tired of the media and online making it seem like being a black woman is such a negative experience, it doesn’t look well at all. I love being dark skin, love being a black woman and honestly out of all the aspects in our life DATING is what we’re complaining about? I’m tired of this narrative and I want to see more black women win without some type of struggle attached to it.

[@ninawestlake5005]

Best comment! It also make ud look desperate. As if we have a strong need to b wanted. Let it go already and take back the power. Ignorant folks and their thoughts are not worthy of discussion.

[@omoyeotoide5322]

I'm a young dark skin girl and I agree. I've never hated my skin tone and I love everything about being black. I haven't really dealt with dating issues pertaining to my race. I don't think dating apps are the greatest way to meet someone regardless of race. I met my bf through a mutual friend and even before that I still got attention from men of all races and colours

[@Sunny-we7uv]

True smh. We need to start keeping these personal things to ourselves. It's telling the world that we have dating troubles and that we will be desperate Although, my heart goes out to the dark skinned females that do actually struggle with dating it will be like that but we gotta push through it 🙏

[@nkreseknowledge2241]

Exactly!! I'm living my best life!!! Like come on!!

[@nicolesmith7611]

I agree, as a black women that rocks my hair natural majority of the time. I do have this experience and I live in a majority white town. Black men are far and few between. We show to much, my friends of other races also have a hard time dating nowadays.

[@Drega001]

It's nice to see a dark skinned black women to be honest about what they want, think, and desire.

[@frankalmanzar3492]

Online dating doesn’t really work for long term relationships in my experience. I think the best way to meet someone is through a friend or family member.

[@BellaandJake1]

Frank Almanzar or in person in general

[@Kufo-Oriji4632]

Online dating hasn’t been around long enough for us to know the effect it has on achieving a long term relationship

[@ajh.4131]

That's the kind of connection I'd prefer. Meeting someone through mutual friends seems more authentic and less pressure. Online dating is frustrating as hell.

[@ms.bubs4fun506]

or co-workers

[@Sunny-we7uv]

@@Kufo-Oriji4632 it has been on for pretty long. Most people would say online dating suxks.

[@BaileyBlurbs]

It’s so hard dating as a black woman especially in Metropolis areas. I’ve run into the fetishizers, the experimenters and the white guys who just love black women (no shade). I’m going to be a nun. I personally don’t mind who I date race/ethnicity wise but it’s hard navigating true intentions of non black men.

[@Ilikefrogs..]

This is so true. Definitely feels like other groups of men find black women attractive, but only as a sexual partner, not as a long term relationship or lifemate.

[@Naomi-su2hn]

That's maybe because you are "programe" to think that the only men who will value you and think that you are beautiful is black men , because i think a lot of black women are in reality scared of non black men so they ignore them . And also black american women need to take how they promoted

[@Naomi-su2hn]

Check the channel of chrissie ,she's awesome

[@rhead1811]

Sis, I’ve been saying I’m gonna be a nun for years. It’s tiring out here.

[@melissacharles8410]

Black men who fetishize big asses ? And "good hair" IM WEARY OF ALL MEN

[@rrussell9731]

If you want to fail do these two things: 1. Limit yourself to one race/group. 2. Don't take any risks.

[@orubek355]

👌

[@alltheworldsastage4785]

3. Be a bitch that has no respect for men.

[@So_Cato]

They mentioned IR dating.

[@veronicaconde6467]

True!

[@DeltaGunz]

Yeah black men go date outside your race dont listen to bitter people saying your a self hater and such live your life!

[@Mustang_Dan]

As a white man who’s been with black women. I will NEVER ask about her hair. Like if it’s real, a weave, a wig, etc. “You changed your hair! It looks beautiful babe.” Is bout the extent of my input on her hair.

[@jackjack4412]

Lame. Here's the thing, it shouldn't be brought up in the first couple conversations. Human to human connection first, man to woman, and then racial or cultural differences will come up but they have to be addressed, not swept under the rug.

[@TwoWorldsToo]

Why obliterate anyone who doesn’t want you? Everyone isn’t for everyone. I only love those who love me and I leave the rest alone.

[@lototheflo9640]

obliterate the ideas and opinions, not them physically.... listen next time

[@TwoWorldsToo]

@@lototheflo9640 No, you listen this time: Thoughts create reality. When we obliterate by "idea or thought" its no different, than when we obliterate physically. Exactly why many state that mental abuse (thoughts) is just as destructive as physical abuse (reality). Thought is nothing but energy that eventually manifests into reality. My point stands. Love those who love you and move on from the rest.

[@vanilla6754]

TwoWorlds so if I continue to think about killing people will it eventually happen

[@obiwashere]

Vanilla if pushed hard enough you definitely could. Like when a racist white person gets angry enough at a black person, the n word comes out.

[@RadyoMusic]

Perhaps it shouldn’t be the focus, I agree, as what we continuously focus on becomes our reality. Nonetheless, they are merely conversing about facts and their experiences for educational purposes. The statements you made support what the black women in this dialogue touched on, your implying that their opinions don’t matter, which is problematic in itself. Your statement is to simplistic and ignores the value that these women provided. “Why obliterate anyone who doesn’t want you?” Because based on history the primary reasoning for black women of today being less desirable stem from colonialism and patriarchy. “I only love this who love me and I leave the rest alone.” I’m curious if you’d type that same statement if no one loved you on an intimate level (sexual and lifelong relationship with a partner who loves you). Or (stay with me here) if there were 100 you’s and only 10 potential partners available, were 5 of them didn’t like your kind because they weren’t knowledgeable about your culture; didn’t like the hair growing out of your scalp, asking you to wear a wig similar to a hair texture that makes them feel comfortable. Or mentioning that they thought your skin complexion was lighter. Such odd statements to make right, almost sounds comical right...

[@urhyhnis]

I’ve always found that when you’re enjoying your life alone you attract the most men/people. It’s almost like when you misplace something, so you’re searching high and low for it with no luck. Once you say “aw fudge it 🤷🏽‍♀️” and move on to doing something else suddenly you’re stumbling across whatever you were looking for. At least it’s always worked for me and the people I’ve advised to do the same. The energy you out out gives you the response you desire or not. Be calm, happy and free it will attract a variety of people for you to sift through. Put out desperation, neediness and self doubt you get what your not looking for....loneliness, which can sometimes be the better option.

[@misfittv313]

Thank you I really needed to see this I should take your advice

[@ShawnieEllis]

Amen to that!

[@chandler4324]

Big facts.

[@leofeza9325]

Bingo!

[@bettinaivory28]

I approve this message 🙂

[@britd.1152]

Great Podcast Shan!!!! But I just want to mention this, to the non black folks on here mentioning their struggles with curly hair, hair color, and size please know that this is a FALSE EQUIVALENCE. Everyone goes through struggles about something however when it is systemic and oppressive the consequences are a lot steeper.

[@shanboody]

Excellent point and something I tried to be mindful of in casting of both my book and this video. It’s something I will continue to keep in mind and try to be sensitive towards

[@britd.1152]

Shan BOODY thank you for the reply! I thought you were mindful with your approach and the casting was great! Please continue to tell these stories.

[@alanai1981]

BIG FACTS

[@Renoclark]

As a black man I just enjoy the company of Black women, and I don't mind paying for dinner and just talking I don't come with any expectations, just try to get to know her, if it works Great, if not I met a friend, it's that's simple for me.

[@misshoneynevercame4832]

Love this mentality. Most men claim sex when they pay for dinner.

[@justkita7078]

Fetishism is a real thing too. I can’t tell you how many men I’ve walked away from because they make a comment strongly implying they just want to sleep with me because ”they’ve never gone black before.” I feel like a checklist item, not a person.

[@obluesixoo2293]

Yeah some black men go through this too, when women from other races always talk about “trying a black man” or “taking some bbc”

[@justkita7078]

Oblue Sixoo absolutely, unfortunately

[@justkita7078]

Jim Dawson There’s nothing wrong in my opinion with having sexual preferences. I have my own too. But there are people who’s interest is to use the guise of dating to sleep with a certain type of person (black, white, red head etc.) just to say they did or to scratch a certain itch without regard to that person’s personality.

[@isadorascarlett1028]

Woooooow, ..such a coincidence, ..one time a white guy told me "I heard once you go black you never go back"......I didn't know what to feel about that,because I know that's not a compliment to be honest 😂😂😂😂😂

[@TheBlackShinigami]

Women fetish men ALL THE TIME. It doesn't make it right, however it's something that happens and it sucks. I hate that your being approached like that but the inverse happens to men as well. Especially black men who prefer white women. We are all people who fetish and wanna experience different things. However, the approach needs to be respectful and appropriate for the setting that is laid for the conversation IMO.

[@gigilamoore2656]

I'm a 48 year old black woman. I'm not disappointed at all. Love is going well for me. Notice, I didn't say black love. I would have loved to have met a black man, but I didn't. My partner is a blessing to me. Kind, patient, stable, consistent, a great communicator. At this age, being with someone who really wants to be there and who leaves me in peace instead of knots is a must.

[@msgirly6827]

@Marie Baker how did you gather this from all of what was said lol?

[@glittergirl1915]

Exactly I honestly aint knocking any Black woman who happen to date out anymore. BW need to get in where she can fit in these days.

[@msgirly6827]

@Marie Baker Okay but that doesnt mean she doesnt like her partner though? She wanted love in a certain type up form but got it differently. Doesnt mean she doesnt like her partner.

[@msgirly6827]

@Marie Baker Marie, stop refering to black people as chocolate. Also, reading is fundamental.

[@msgirly6827]

@Marie Baker thats great and what you said was wrong.

[@marissar.359]

I haven't really had many issues dating as a black woman. I get attention from men of all races. I've noticed that a lot of black women who think dating is such a struggle often date black men exclusively. They're trying to find the childless, six-figure making, monogamous, marriage-minded black man and just statistically speaking there are not a lot of those and there is a shitload of competition from women of ALL races these days for the few that do exist. At this point, black women who are not willing to expand their options after being single for years at a time waiting for their own personal President Obama can miss me with the complaints. There's a certain point where it's ridiculous to keep ignoring men that have every quality that you want just because they're another race. Dating is a numbers game. If you don't expand and increase your options, you will likely have a scarcity mindset and feel desperate throughout the process because you know you're looking for a needle in a haystack and have barely anything to choose from.

[@DivestedCanadianBacon]

Amen! Black women are stupidly loyal to black men meanwhile black men are tasting the rainbow. Black women need to put black womanhood before the “black community” and expand their options.

[@Blueloveblue]

So true

[@NadziiBerryz]

So if I prefer dating a black man im the problem? 😂

[@Mimi-bp9fm]

@@NadziiBerryz she's literally only saying that we as black women should try and consider other races of men if you prefer black men that's cool.

[@kwamenyantakyi8398]

finally someone with common sense and i a s a black guy completely agree !

[@damienjefferson3317]

This is sad because there are plenty of black man that wants a good black women but we’re overlooked

[@tonimartin8547]

Define "good" bm.

[@marlenahawkins7098]

I don’t believe that’s true

[@GrammaDhan]

@@tonimartin8547 define a good black woman

[@tonimartin8547]

@@GrammaDhan Easy: a woman who understand the importance of a stable household, a woman who value being part of a family. A woman who knows her future child's health , education and well-being is more important than a Birkin bag or being in the club chasing D. A woman with values and morals demonstrated in the life she lives. It's really that simple a good bw doesn't have a child by a d-boy/convicted felon. Bc she wouldn't have entertain ppl like that in her life in the first place. She didn't learn her morals/values in her 30's they were instilled in her as a child by her parents.

[@Vince-I-Am]

Don't you realise what is happening? 1. As I question everything especially where the statistics comes from. 2. Wannabe white supremacy is still raging war against Black family. As this is the consequences of participating in a system that will continue to oppress and divide us. 3. All these institutions are owned by the oppressors including the education system. I now see the truth and we need to deal with the issues we have in our community. We need to find a way to come together be honest with the roles both Black Men and Black Women played a role with the divide. As the wannabe white supremacy is using the same tactics against us so many times; DIVIDE AND CONQUER Judging from history, other races have no love for us and can't relate to the Black struggle. Difficult times are coming with the fall of Babylon. Time to start thinking of strategies as complete shutdown of every systems in the Babylon is imminent.

[@honeyreally232]

The 30 min video was posted less then 20 minutes ago and a lot of the men in these comments are coming for the women having "attitudes" when A) they dont and B) its an opinionated video on theyre personal experiences and struggle... the fact that you havent even watched the whole video but claim these women who are having a friendly normal discussion as having an attitude??? That says more about u and ur preconceptions about black women (which further remakes the points in this video)

[@sk8tor4ever]

People comment as they watch.

[@honeyreally232]

ChimeU95 Shannon talks for the first 7 minutes. I think they read the title and judged

[@sunpi]

The attitude thing pisses me off

[@SAMack-xd2fn]

I watched the whole video. As a black man, I just heard a lot of whining and complaining. This will not solve the problems that were addressed. The reality is that black woman have to date differently in this modern era. Many are hard headed, and as in my case, stalkers. Why can't many black woman simply take 'No' for an answer. It's okay for an educated, successful black man to have dating standards and reject basic blk women. I think blk coupling will improve when blk women improve. Until then, all they will do is complain.

[@celineo9445]

Aaron but the problem with you guys is that those standards you set for black women disappear immediately when it comes to white women. Every black guy will drop all his standards when it comes to a woman with “white” skin. Now stop making excuses and run after a white skin as usual LOL fools.

[@loismetuge9316]

4:39 I can't believe she continued to entertain him AND went on a date. After he asked that question that would've been the end of that interaction

[@gm8418]

Desperation. You can tell that she is all about swirling regardless of how disrespected she gets.

[@kanida6836]

@@gm8418 Stop generalizing. Black males insult black women in their music and black women still support them. Black athletes and actors insult dark skin black women and they still support them. Who is worse, one white man asking a stupid question about weave, or black men calling black women bitches 24/7?. Sit your racist butt down.

[@spazz-ok9nr]

@@kanida6836 this perspective always puzzles me all the way back to when I was young and my mother was secretly throwing out my CD's under the notion that the language was harsh and disrespect ful to blk women ... So I'll ask u what I ask her ......are u telling me that bitches hoes thots etc don't exist ? Bw just perfect huh ?

[@muhammedalli19]

What if a black man said that to them they would have gone off. They the disrespect they will allow from other races is crazy

[@Lafemmefutile]

Muhammed Alli Lol 😂 So That Black women get that weave bullshit from black men 24/7 and from some white men, then they should also go off at them so you guys can go write another comment about BW being aggressive and loud. You all sound like those cops that shoot unarmed people.

[@avaphynx]

I've always dated IR. I've always had options and felt desired. Now I've been in a 6 yr relationship with a man who isn't my race. I just say keep it open. No race is better than the other. However limiting yourself to just one will be hard to find someone.

[@JacobStayViben]

SUN OF RA OSIRIS facts 😂😂😂. I don't think we're suppose be cross mingling like this. That's why there's so much confusion and chaos now

[@avaphynx]

@@sunofraosiris1995 I'm not fully black so *shrugs* let the confusion begin and we're all gonna die someday lol. I do what I want. As I please :)

[@adele19b3]

That’s sad

[@seven7399]

avaphynx It’s more so about compatibility and that by definition means some quote races better than others for building a life together especially considering how you were raised and what you’re beliefs are

[@avaphynx]

@anger & rage my mom is mixed with black, my father is black. I'm not mixed but I'm not 💯 black either. I honestly don't care what race I date. As long they treat me with respect. If you're not respectful, I don't waste my time. So what's the issue?

[@SeekerGoOn2013]

Older white man here: Yes, yes, yes to just saying “hello” for your confidence AND his. Many of us are concerned with coming across as creepy for just saying hi.

[@DIDDYTBABY]

Who wants to talk to their oppressor. Go say high to the judges and police who allow the murder of the very “black” women u creep out

[@JohnnyRanks-s7z]

@@DIDDYTBABY troll

[@FirstLast-gk6lg]

Bro get on dating apps. Black women LOVE white dudes, esp if you are tall and have a beard. I am fetishized every day on these apps by TONS of black women. Go find a good women bro!

[@michaelangst6078]

@@FirstLast-gk6lg I call bullshit.. I have good looking photos and even list how much I make over 100k a year, and I hardly ever get any woman messaging me first

[@kenhenrylynn5448]

@@michaelangst6078 lol he’s lying 1000%

[@DarronBrown88]

Moral of the story... stop caring what people think of you. 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@Alldance09]

Thanks for posting this conversation, Shannon. Black women should have more open spaces like these to speak their truth. Unfortunately with that comes the trolls chalking all of the statistics up to a "bad attitude" choosing to perpetually live in their own bubble based on their very limited personal experiences with less than 0.0001% of black women. Overall, agreed with most of what these women had to say as far as dating is concerned but don't know if the narrative of black women will change in my lifetime without heavy corrective positive promotion of dark-skinned black women. Good job pulling this together!

[@kevinc3342]

Women talk a lot about "promoting this," "promoting that," and a bunch of other subjects that virtually dismiss what men in general look for when considering a woman as a prospective wife. While colorism is a problem, it makes no sense to focus time, attention, or worry toward men who dismiss women based on skin tone. Women would do well to ignore these men and focus ONLY on men with SERIOUS intentions of both commitment and marriage - Period. If women want a financially stable, career-focused, and top-tier man who is proven and ready to be a loyal, dedicated, and outstanding husband and exceptional father...then you better show up to the relationship very young and no older than 21, with a hot and fit body, with a very LOW number of sexual partners or NO sexual partners, with a friendly disposition and a great personality, know how to cook, clean, and be ready to be an outstanding, loyal, and dedicated wife to a hardworking and great man and an exceptional mother to his future children. You better NOT be fat, DON'T be a slut, and DON'T be a single mother. Men have requirements for what they want in a woman if women have requirements for what they want in a man. It's a pretty low bar for women NOT to be slut, NOT be fat, and NOT be a single mother. Be ready and don't step to good men with bullshit.

[@itsmob4life]

Alldance09 open spaces??? Black women have had open spaces to speak their opinions for decades

[@ArreyNicole_]

Girl big facts you should see the slander I got on my comment by men💀💀💀

[@lacienagalacey9454]

Brother Voodoo what? Do y’all just type without... any thought process?

[@itsmob4life]

Lacienaga Lacey do y’all type without thought of being truthful???

[@tblazin01]

What I MOSTLY heard (not everything) is that I'm a black successful woman and have a lot to offer. I heard less about personality, character and morals... this was very vague.

[@FromtheeyesofShaun]

What you said is both true and compelling... now i cant speak for them. But in my experience the bar always changes with women. If you have a good ass personality and your bring no finances in YOUR BROKE gold digger ETC... If your goal driven its "nobody gaf about your accomplishments" Smile more.. Or what about your personality? Its like these guys change shit all the time to prepare an exit.

[@WhathehadasSole]

From the eyes of Shaun the personality thing is what black men complain of the most. That includes the attitude. It gets talked about too much to not be a issue

[@FromtheeyesofShaun]

@@WhathehadasSole i totally agree but are ATTITUDES really exclusive to one set of beings (black women) within the culture ( black men & women) ? What im saying is.... DON'T WE ALL HAVE ATTITUDES? i just believe there's a difference in how each individual expresses themselves based on whats going on. We dont have it EASY as a CULTURE period.... MOST of us have been HARDENED and taught to do whats BEST for our SAFETY & SURVIVAL.... Nobody ever mentions this but "easy going" women ALSO get: Manipluted, Mistreated, Abused, Berated and often times LEFT.... just like the women with an ATTITUDE. Using how people express themselves against them is wack.Especially without intentions of knowing there story first

[@atomicpressure5112]

@@WhathehadasSole If the woman has an attitude and is not giving it up you need to know women to suffice I get rid of that 1 because she is not doing her womanly duties

[@alishadennis17]

Some things you have to find out in person by getting to know some one. If a person says I'm honest & faithful, trust worthy it sounds like bragging & I won't really know that until I experience them for my self. I would think you would know that. Your just another black man who has to take a swipe a black women when your not perfect your self in your conversations.😒😒

[@Debgirl27]

We, as black women, are slandered in the media. People don't know us unless they are around us.

[@jeremybalizenter2896]

That is such a lie. Most of you are vulgar, violent, masculine, abusive, disloyal, untrustworthy... The media, on the other hand portrays you as educated, divas, bosses, queens... Fax

[@Debgirl27]

@@jeremybalizenter2896 what violent crimes do black women lead in? If we are so violent, vulgar, etc why aren't we the main demographic committing mass shootings?? How many times do Black women violate people's civil rights? How many people have we oppressed? We are reactive, absolutely, but we are not predatory. We are not calling police on innocent people just because of their skin tone or terrorizing people just because they are a different color at our jobs or in our neighborhoods. If black women are such a menace why are you safer around us than we are around you. Hate mongering racist psychos are the real threat to right's of people.

[@tanyatroxler9918]

Keep believing that lol

[@Youngwarriorforchrist10]

Also my dear black women tend to be more evil as a whole than other women

[@fatkidsgettinghurt]

I'm around ya'll. The media is being nice.

[@iep3906]

"Can you put your white girl hair on?!?!?!" Boy, bye!!!

[@foxyboop4164]

I hope he wasn't White saying that bc my nasty mouth would've responded "Only if you can put your Black guy dick on" 😒

[@rihannambea5758]

@Manuel Shaul thats an interesting perspective on the subject!

[@JordanBrooklyn97]

Manuel Shaul Wow! I’m shocked and yet not at all surprised by your response. You Manuel, your thought process and core beliefs are the literal problem. It’s clear from your message that you believe black women to be inherently unintelligent, lack basic respect for them as people (referring to us a bitches based on what?) and believe that intelligence and “big words” belong primarily to caucasien people or is it just black women that shouldn’t be allowed to possess an ounce of intelligence? We have nothing to prove to you or anyone else for that matter. The way that I and other black women (and really everyone) speak is up to us and pertains to you zero percent. It does however have everything to do with how I feel like expressing myself in that particular moment. The problem is that YOU believe we have something to prove and are less than just because our skin comes in darker shades. The problem is that you (society) and so many others side eye, backhand compliment, block and push us down in an effort to twist our narrative and bully us into acting, dressing, fixing our hair and speaking in ways that are appeasing to you. YOU sir are the problem. WE just want to live our fucking lives. Thank you for coming to my ted talk. Sending positive vibes 🙏🏽

[@markporter8196]

@@JordanBrooklyn97 sounds like an attack instead of an attempt for understanding. My grandmother always said you get more flies with honey then with vinegar.

[@eddiethomasville3124]

What's the percentage of black females wearing nylon hair hats/nylon rope plats? Please don't say white girls wear them to because their hair is the texture inwhich you wish having.

[@omarsharif4484]

“Put your white girl hair on” whaaaat, these mayonnaise people out of pocket fr.

[@pacificocean7361]

She should have left him immediately!

[@ariellewht]

Then she had someone tell her she would look better lighter . She is dating definitely the wrong men

[@bjohnsologist]

Miss Conceiteality I have so many comments, but I’ll just agree and move on.

[@jeswazwadi7049]

@@ariellewht its actually sad but its like she has believed those lies to the point that she literally said that she thinks black women must date asian guys because we are both the least desired what???! date who you love and who loves you back

[@civilshaman8906]

She continued to see these white men that disrespected her as possible mates. After a few seemingly red flags. I wonder if she would of did the same for a black guy??

[@Aggie4life77]

It’s simple. Date people that are attracted to you. The difference between different people is that that group may be larger or smaller. It is what it is. It’s what God dealt you. Work with what you got. Don’t worry about what the masses think of you. It’s all about finding that one person and being happy.

[@maddipage1347]

I think we get so caught up in the media, travelism, searching for better etc that we forget the great guy could be in our own backyard

[@kgthoughts]

you can sense the entitlement in there tone.....

[@crzxm]

You make no sense.

[@momofabardian1308]

Its hard to tell the difference sometimes

[@brumhelldah917]

@@kgthoughts you mean you dont like the fact that they have different experiences because of their privileges so they will have different and more favorable experiences on the market because of a higher income?

[@nellybarrett7]

Woooah somebody told her they wished she was lighter wow that is sooo I have no words absolutely heartbreaking us black woman are so strong! We face so much craziness daily stay strong ladies!

[@afropluto5625]

Black man here late 20’s making 6 figures in tech. I love my sistas of all shades of chocolate! I know the internet crazy but I would say don’t give up on us in real life cause I’m looking for y’all for sure. ❤❤❤

[@shimmer4771]

​@Alex Martin There's plenty of men who will. Color doesn't matter to some.

[@shimmer4771]

​@Alex Martin Found the racist.

[@mantality312]

Just in the first 5 minutes this woman said she was insulted multiple times in multiple ways by the white dude and then in the same breathe said “should I just continue this conversation and see if this person is a possible mate”. 💀💀 The swirl must contain hallucinogenics or something because homegirl is out of her damn mind.

[@crushingzero]

exactly what i was thinking. she knows she's ended it with other men for less

[@Mama_Moto]

Word😂 ......this is PATHETIC 😂

[@jayedemby9255]

Asian men are georgeous very humble, interacting with them @ the nail shop has gone well. Black women are also. We're so different, were often times very misunderstood..God made us all different. I don't approach black men b/c I know they have these dumb stereotypes of me. I have AAS degree. I work for USDA Department. I'm single because I don't wanna be bothered with foolishness.

[@gouloune1]

Black women swirl by default. Black men swirl by choice!

[@gouloune1]

@Asia Marie Allow me to rewrite your comment. I cannot stand bad grammar and spelling: "You make no SENSE, you should love that person regardless of THEIR race." Now, about your response to my comment. It shows that you did not even understand my point, since I am using American vernacular and you don't seem to have a very good command of the English language.

[@ErickaWilliamsCC]

Go to events, galas, banquets, concerts, etc folks have better success offline. studies still show friends, family and work are the top places people meet/marry.

[@AmabelleDesir]

Maybe a gym would work for you ma'am 😴

[@ErickaWilliamsCC]

@@AmabelleDesir faceless internet loser go play out in traffic.

[@AmabelleDesir]

@@ErickaWilliamsCC go play on a treadmill

[@brittanyr1456]

@@AmabelleDesir remember that response when God asks you about it later 😉.. God bless him please

[@illmatic826]

@CitySlicker lmaoooooooooo

[@PlumCrazy392]

I always notice that the “ black women struggle dating” conversation seems to be geographical. Most of the vids are done in LA, which has a very small black population of 9%. Other vids are in Atlanta, we’re black women have a different struggle of finding men at their “level”, and finding guys that are serious. But Atlanta , which is over 50% black, has an extreme in balance of the male/female ratio. Way more women than men (5 women for every 3 men) and men know it so they act like jerks. NYC has a similar issue. But if you were asking in Indianapolis, were I’m from, which has 23% black(healthy pool) a near 50/50 ratio of men to women, and black men earn more here than women, on average, it would be a lot smoother experience. St. Louis, Detroit, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Jackson MS, Louisville etc etc are similar. I’m sure there are still some struggles, but smart, beautiful, black women here seemed to be married or in a long term relationship. At least on the same levels as white women I know. But that is anecdotal, so I could be wrong. Just a theory I guess.

[@haizekhaze8868]

Good point! 🙉💭

[@enigmaticazaleas]

I might need to leave NYC then

[@kaylao.3326]

Yes it is geographical. I agree. Your comment should be pinned

[@rawo2187]

That is Atlanta.. if you add the metro areas it is very much balanced

[@19Hollisterchick90]

This is such an underrated comment. I am tired of women in LA convincing the rest of BW that BM don't want us and prefer others. I live in the South. Houston, TX to be specific. IR dating exists, but Black people are with each other down here. If you live in Swirl Capital and can't find a man, that us a you problem.

[@Miriam-pn7jy]

I speak to hundreds of people a day and have dated Black, White and Asian. I'm based in London and I am always baffled by how ignorant a percentage of black women are. So awkward they can't make conversation, not friendly, unnecessary snide comments, no interest in exercise or healthy eating practices, not willing to help other women build or grow in society and then wonder why they can't date. I don't date out of choice but get asked out a couple of times a week. If black men don't want to date some of us and white and Asian men don't either there are many cultures that would date us in a heartbeat so lets not limit ourselves through a Western lense.

[@yaheyah]

but are you married ? what was your longest relationship and what would your exes say about you KS.

[@MsLotusBlooms]

Find the good people in the world. That's who should be dated.

[@rickeyharris178]

@@yaheyah u are literally the problem

[@TheShooteR28]

I'm not not dark-skinned per say, but I am a brown girl and can relate to a lot of the comments. I don't find it hard to get attention or dates, it's more difficult to find someone to get serious with. 99.9% of the men I meet have kids, looking for a side chic or have no job/ goals or ambition. I have been out of the dating pool for years and I kinda don't miss it.

[@mutedearthvirgo]

Great conversation! I do wish you all would have spoken about the the growing preference of ambiguous vs unambiguous blackness, though. Because in my experience/environment, it's not men choosing white women over black women - it's men choosing black adjacent women with lighter skin, looser hair, lighter eyes, etc. Please reach out and connect with Chrissie, Paris Milan, Yannie Red, or myself to explore this in another video!

[@StageInTheSkyCreations]

Do you think they're choosing those women because of their looks or...possibly their personality that's cultivated by their looks. I only say that because I'm a black man coming from a mixed family. I have expressive eyes, lighter complexion and I talk white, not a lot of bass in my voice. If it's a problem of black men choosing these women due to their looks...looks we really can't do anything about, shouldn't we simply accept the cards life has dealt us and accentuate the good qualities we do have? For instance, if you think a black man is going after a lighter skinned woman while you're darker in complexion...if you want that black man or to improve your chances, doesn't this mean simply going the extra step to accentuate other features you can control? like hitting the gym, cultivating humor, improving your femininity, showing yourself more caring and nuturing? Don't get me wrong, if none of this is who you or anyone reading is, I'm not saying pretend to be someone you're not. But there's always something you can do to improve your chances. It's either that or simply accept reality and resign yourself to something else.

[@jewelsvermin8866]

@To be or Not to be Life's not fair. You play the cards your dealt.

[@playablue]

She wont.. he is “technically” profiting on that same measure..

[@saeon4427]

@@StageInTheSkyCreations stfu u simply basically said dark skin women should accept being at the bottom due to bad media promotion ,u also said behavior which is cause by looks yh right prejudice against people of certain look ,

[@saeon4427]

@@jewelsvermin8866 by why don't black men accept that being shot down by the cops is life's way

[@BreJax]

Love this conversation but this legit made me sad 😞 growing up I was raised with so much love and was born with so much confidence. It’s not until I stepped outside of my family interacting with the world even my own ppl that I understood how much oppression black ppl but esp. black woman face. I love us. I just wish it didn’t take so long for everyone else to love us.

[@haneeojimadu7846]

fr!!

[@DIDDYTBABY]

Post traumatic slave disorder is REAL

[@fruitsarelife7073]

Yes, this world is unfair. We just have to deal with it. Our people dealt with worse, so we can Deal with this now ❤.

[@keithclark1504]

I’m a white male . American and I prefer black women. I don’t fetishize black women. They are just like every other woman . I’m just physically attracted to them more. However, connection, communication, and common goals is where true companionship lives. Black women are not all alike, just like whites women are not all alike. However, I find it extremely difficult for Most women to respond to me on dating apps

[@yvettechinsee63]

I grew up in a country where about 90% of the people are black so dating as a black woman there is a non-issue. It was social media that first informed me that black women are the least desirable. So up until around 2017/2018 I was completely in the dark about my undesirability. Lol. I have always had the mindset that I am the prize or that I am a prize and I think having that mindset makes you move differently in the world. Personally I prefer to date within my culture so any race from my culture would be desired over someone of my race but outside the culture.

[@Ilikefrogs..]

You're going to have to broaden your horizons, you are still a prize here, but mostly to white, asian, and other races of men. Not to the black ones.

[@milesmorales5271]

Mia Katharine Myers - I think that “I’m the prize” mentality is toxic and unhealthy. It’s such a narcissistic mindset to have and will lead to you having unrealistic expectations. I know you were probably brainwashed by media growing up but in healthy relationships, both people put in effort to keep the relationship alive. It’s not only the man’s responsibility.

[@yvettechinsee63]

Jon, you clearly didn't detect the sarcasm.

[@milesmorales5271]

Jon Mwan - It 100% is. These girls are obsessed with social media to the point that they think it depicts real life. It’s like they live in their own world separate from reality.

[@yvettechinsee63]

Social media is in fact where I first saw that black women were seen as undesirable so I went searching for the data and did find that part of the OK cupid research as well as other research. I even found paper on the NCBI website by a woman who did her research for graduate school. It also supported the other research I saw. A law professor, Ralph Richard Banks wrote a book called 'Is marriage for white people?' I didn't read the book but I saw his TED talk. He stated that part of that ok cupid research also said that there are more non-black men interested in black women than there are black women available. Bear in mind that black women are a minority which suggests that we focus on what is more sensational. I actually didn't see that part of the research myself so maybe someone can find it and post it here. Point is I certainly won't allow some research to make me change my view about myself. I do understand that sarcasm is sometimes lost on and offline lol. Also I don't want to discount other women's experiences. I know that our experiences are different.

[@RealTalkRelationshipTherapy]

Wow so interesting I’ve never felt that dating was difficult for me as a black woman. I’ve literally been able to date most races with no problem. But, I have however felt rejected from the black community and black men because I’m not the typical “black woman”. There were always comments like you need to gain weight, you have no ass, or why do you dress that way. I was was just diff from the average and they’ve always made me feel unaccepted for it.

[@retrogirl2498]

Wine and Wisdom thats because you’re pretty lmao

[@RealTalkRelationshipTherapy]

coco.so.curly we’re all beautiful to someone

[@alexismerriman6843]

I agree that getting a date has not been difficult, but I have gotten the most derogatory comments and disrespectful behavior while dating black men. The requirements to be a black woman who is thick, good cook, freak in the sheets, educated but not too educated, and twerk team affiliated with black men are just comical. I just went on a date with a black man who pointed to a white woman while we were walking down the street who said, and I quote, “I’m just giving you advice to help you look more like her”. So I calmly told him that he did not have to put me down in order to compliment someone else. Suffice to say, I promptly turned around and left him standing on the street alone looking like the idiot he was.

[@mandamandamanda6722]

Alexis Merriman I feel like these type of stories are so common among black women who date black males. I’m just so perplexed as to why you all continue to date them?? It doesn’t make sense it seems like the average black male has an obsession with making y’all feel bad all the time. Why do so many black women still want to be with them? It’s so irrational and illogical to me. Also before you left you should have pointed out a well put together white man and said something like “when you get like him than I’ll get like her” something to that effect. I’m happy you walked away but you should of said something to put him in his inferior place.

[@alexismerriman6843]

Manda Manda you make a good point. I did date outside my race when I was younger (Filipino/White/Latino), but back then, I felt almost hyper-sexualized or fetishized. That “I’ve always wanted to have sex with a black girl” mentality. I love my black men. I stan for my black men. I’d prefer to marry a black man, but if I marry a white man or any other race, that’s ok too! This was my second date with this individual, but I knew enough before his comment to know that there wouldn’t be a third. He truly thought he walked on water, if you catch my drift. Nothing I could have said would ever bruise an ego that big. Haha! At the end of the day, hurt people hurt people and misery loves company.

[@muhlaynee]

I can't help but think that those stats for online dating are so skewed. I don't know a lot of black people dating online... because they got mad GAME in the real world. They have an energy that people are just drawn to.

[@etherocean6206]

They are its all out war on the black woman's image and character. No one wanted to talk about how the data was collected or who collected it. You have to be very careful when believing stats. The media wants to continue holding up the image of white women being most desirable even if it is not true! so if media tells you that you are ugly, violent, loud, and undesirable it must be true so you act out what you are told it is that you are.

[@civilshaman8906]

Facts we play the game in the field of life

[@bla-bla-bla8881]

damn where that game at?? im trynna get sum too

[@SunnyGee-jd6pb]

Factsss👏🏾👏🏾

[@paulrevere1479]

Please stop. It's embarrassing

[@tupe7868]

I innately always tell my daughters how beautiful and pretty they are. But because of this video I'm going to take it a step further and have more open dialogue throughout the years and make sure that their self confidence is nurtured!

[@germandaddy907]

yeah but why are you lying to them ?

[@shimmer4771]

​@@germandaddy907 Yo, that wasn't cool.

[@OH-vh6vi]

@@germandaddy907 what have black girls and women done to you? I really would like to know.

[@roselinee]

black woman in America go through this specifically. Black woman in other places such as Europe or Africa compared to what black woman in America. I think that we need to make this distinction if we want to address this issue. What is happening in America specifically that is not happening in other places. As a black woman in Britain I see so many black woman finding love and getting married.. This year alone i have been to so many black weddings. All im saying is this discrimination of black woman in dating is very geographically specific.

[@sedsa097]

Maybe in London/England, but no one is checking for black women on the European continent except African/Caribbean men. Which is not a problem at all.

[@MsLotusBlooms]

@@sedsa097 Not true at all.

[@brennencalloway6285]

Duci faith best woman comment they will never admit

[@lordgully5951]

As much as I love my women and exclusively date them, it’s no brain buster than in terms of attitudes collectively, American Black women are always said not have the best ones. And that’s from BLACK WOMEN from other countries, as well as those you’ve mentioned.

[@msgirly6827]

@@sedsa097 false lmao

[@MoveNgroove93]

Sad that black love has come to this.

[@mediaiweb]

i blame hiphop too back in the 90s it was different

[@MoveNgroove93]

It’s been agenda to divide the black home, whether it be through incarceration, death, absence, addiction, sexuality, and empowering women to the point where the man is no longer needed. Think of it during the earlier days, we posed more a of threat because we were united.

[@MoveNgroove93]

av rmx we all need to change our way of thinking and how we view one another because it’s toxic on both ends.

[@MoveNgroove93]

There should be panel for open dialogue composed of men and women of all shades so there can be an understanding of what’s going on and what needs to be done. Too much finger pointing.

[@MoveNgroove93]

av rmx this could be true, anyone with that mindset is brainwashed and doesn’t truly look to elevate and better themselves, which we all should be doing.

[@ashleighstake2]

Are there any black women who don't want children, or to become a step parent, that have found it difficult to date?👀

[@whitneyrful]

Yes and some men look at you like your a bitch because you don't want deal with additional issues that can come along with being a step parent. Relationships are hard enough with just two people.

[@chocolatecuban]

Great question

[@SUPABOOOMB]

Ashleigh'sTake2 Present! All three! 🙋🏾‍♀️

[@ashleighstake2]

So 20 of us can relate to this. Has this caused anyone to stop dating completely? Has anyone become so comfortable being single and self reliant that you feel it would take a special kind of man to give up your singledom? Where are the groups or forums for like minded women to talk about this lol!

[@xobelieveox3116]

Ashleigh'sTake2 right

[@joshuaforester]

"Have you ever experienced racism from people you're dating?" You must have a different definition of racism.

[@DLBMOS]

They do, anything "offensive" is racism...

[@joshuaforester]

@@DLBMOS Bingo. Words lose real meaning when aggression is being assertive, PTSD doesn't involve true trauma, and racism allegations are made against people who have a literal love interest in those they are supposedly racist against. This just in: up is down.

[@wasdwasd609]

Yeah and she said her man asked her to do her hair up or put the white girl hair on. Apparently that was racist, first off why are you dating people you consider racist and secondly, everyone wants their partner to look nice. No woman wants their man to go out with them looking like an unwashed slob, women who play these mental gymnastics with themselves are so suffocating.

[@temis6639]

The dark skinned lady is absolutely STUNNING. I’m a black woman but I couldn’t stop staring at her, she’s gorg!!!

[@david-kq8re]

Go for it then. What are you waiting for?

[@SixySix704]

Which dark hair

[@temis6639]

@@david-kq8re aha nah, i like men

[@alltheworldsastage4785]

She's a 6.

[@AmabelleDesir]

You cant be serious shes average

[@theeternalself946]

My heart goes out to the black woman dating in 2019..... I don’t date.....and I’m perfectly ok. It saves me the headache.

[@DavdBlack]

Dominic LaShay you don’t date because you are 30 and Wack (30 something year old with over 30 thousands in debt)

[@theeternalself946]

Akon Mochaa yep just like your mother

[@winniediallo4118]

I'm 19 and don't date. mostly cause I never leave my house.

[@DavdBlack]

Winnie Diallo Do not be scared. Go out and live life. Date marry and have kids. Don’t let lonely old bitter 30 and wack women discourage you from dating. But be careful there are liars and evil people in the world

[@theeternalself946]

Akon Mochaa lol...and your Grandmother

[@alyssahall3197]

With me as a black women I'm always shamed for dating outside of my race (mainly by family). With comments, such as, "Why couldn't you find someone in our own group?" I'm never sure how to comment except for the simple: I love them and let's leave at that.

[@Hersheychocolate12]

Well if they're religious so another clapback could be, "is that mindset of God?" Or "Is it christlike? If they're not. Then yeah at end of day "they respect me, make happy, and I love them." No explanation beyond that needed.

[@sk8tor4ever]

Only cuz you down black men for doing it.

[@themandinkafamily]

There's nothing wrong with ur family's mentality. We need more of that. Other ethnicities do the same

[@BellaandJake1]

maya moon other ethnicities do do that. Not everyone but they sure as hell do.

[@themandinkafamily]

@maya moon yeah your kind always comes to west africa looking for our men lol. Im married to a West African as well. Many of them just want u guys for the opportunity but they know nothing is better than black love sweetie

[@1loveshonuff]

This is what I’ve been looking for!! No drama some good healthy conversations…I’m here for it

[@Fitbody_bysarah]

Man: “Is that your hair?” Me: *snatches off lace front* “Yes and so is this!”💁🏾‍♀️💇🏾‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️

[@chrisbranch231]

Y'all some weave junkies but men hate that shit whether they have the courage to tell you or not

[@geraldcortez826]

@Shanika ANIMATION idc if a woman wear weave a wig or go natural. I love a pretty black woman. Dark or light it don't matter and think it's dumb to get hung up on little things like that. Turn offs to me for all women are. They fat, selfish and won't put in effort like me. Plus I don't chase not jumping through hoops for no lady. And women shouldn't nether. Get with someone who is crazy about you. None of us should have to prove our worth to someone else. They is someone out there for everybody ;) dude don't like that wig/weave. I'm over here having my blood on fire because got that red/blond/blue wig/weave. Love them braids too really love the small blonde ones! Woo lol

[@saranicole2423]

Shanika ANIMATION 😂😂😂

[@geraldcortez826]

@DARK POWER well with or without idc. But we live in a world where we are all brainwashed. Just like the 1st black superhero in the 60s and 70s were pimps. While white people had superman. That was done to brainwash just like the rappers today and the chicks in videos. They is a reason TV is called tell a vision programming the evil people in power want to control things. Not much anybody can do if someone buys into their lies of beauty and how we should act. It's the devil's world and evil is everywhere

[@geraldcortez826]

@tensay hadgu thank you pretty lady :) yeah to many men and women are worried about the wrong thing. We need to get back to love and all this little bs isn't worth worrying about. Like hair if a lady want to wear a wig weave or natural or it be nappy sticking straight up lol my ex wore it like that she was still beautiful. But we all have crazy standards these day's you lady's wanting that rich 6.2 great conversation ect ect. Superman lol girls need them a Clark Kent :P Here's a tip that can save lady's some heart break. Imo Us men don't be big talkers we more about action. If a man is good at conversation and entertaining you. And they is never dead air. That's a learned skill and took him talking to many women. And probably was developed to get into a lady's pants. Just saying, we as human beings need to get back to the basics loving each other and both working together even when things hard. Instead of throwing people away. And idc what race people want. But don't think you going to find something different. We all the same. White guy will cheat and do the same dirt if he a dog. Same as a white chick she may have a bad attitude and want your money and cheat. It just like a car they come in different colors but the same damn car. Now people can be affected what kind of life they have lived. That what make someone a certain way. Anyway just the way I feel about it hateful and evil people of all races and both sex. Just don't let them change you because they hurt you. Be real to who you are. Be wise tho and don't be a walking mat. I got off on a rant on here lol sorry :P

[@jaylove4535]

As a black man a real black man, I love natural hair. (MY OPINION )

[@princelevi1804]

Jay Love me to ... our sister need to go natural ...

[@AlterMythic]

honestly I am grossed out with straight hair. Stringy shit gets everywhere. Last thing I want sleeping with my gf is one her hairs ending up in my asshole for a mysterious reason

[@trinibwoy27]

I don't understand why soo many men are pressed about Black Women's Hair. They can wear it however they want.

[@sysbm4life923]

That's why I date out of my culture they all have natural hair.

[@sysbm4life923]

@Jalaya Your attitude makes you a bitch, not your hair.

[@stupidrules1000]

I feel like that okc study is probably skewed. If we assume that generally people are primarily attracted to their own race, if you're on a site with primarily non-black people, you're going to get selected at a lower rate. But that doesn't suggest that black women are the least desirable, it just means that black women are less desirable than non-black women to non-black men. I'd like to see a study that measures the swipers and not just the swiped.

[@bres9977]

Gregory Richardson I agree.

[@chi8514]

what no your desirability isnt relative a BW who is a 6 and a WW who is a 6 are the same. what the study showed was that more WW are 6 and above and BW are obese and ranked 6 and below.

[@mister0sir]

@@chi8514 desirablity is relative, someone who considers someone a 6, but another person might consider them an 8. You can do this yourself just to see how desirability is relative, go rate random people on tinder. Tell your friend to rate the same people, and see how different their answers are.

[@chi8514]

@@mister0sir desirablity to a point is relative. thats why we use averages for a close truth. Desirabilty isnt variable

[@thanerdchi]

This is why more men need to be in this conversation. It's just a bunch of women on the couch reaffirming all the negative things that they say about dating in relationships and such. All of these women are trying to run their own dating lives and probably don't involve their parents in any kind of way. And possibly don't date with intention to begin with

[@the90daytransformation]

Exactly!

[@aronnemcsik]

nah those men woudn't give them the answers for those questions they would just reaffirm the "Oh. It's so difficult for you" stuff. which is not a good mindset to have as a man

[@wolf-man_icey.]

Forreal you feel me those type women don't want a black men with value cause we will Intimidate them

[@steff6146]

No, I don’t want Black men involved. Black women need spaces too to say shit - whether ignorant or not. Y’all got Black men all over the internet running podcasts where they say the most off the wall misogynistic shit about Black women, and you ALSO want men in this podcast too? I get your point, but be serious. Men don’t have to be involved in everything. Same way I think Black men should have their own podcasts.There are podcasts out there with both sexes discussing dating, this just isn’t one of them.

[@thanerdchi]

@@steff6146 and as I said in my comment there's a bunch of black women reconfirming a bunch of nonsense between each other and trying to run their own dating lives when obviously it isn't working. More women need to get their fathers involved in their dating life or some type of male figure in their life that they respect that doesn't want to have sex with them. And from what I've seen with these female lead podcast and the female TV shows like the real and the view they always talk about a bunch of nonsense when it comes to dating and most of these women have absolutely no clue what men actually want. That's why men need to be involved because in order for men to get women we have to know what you want but since women are the ones that are pursued they usually don't know what men want because they hardly ever approach me in and ask them out on dates 99% of the time men are the ones that ask women out on dates.

[@IloveNaturalHhair918]

Can we have these every week?! I love love love this video!!! Thanks for keeping it blunt and real ladies.

[@Fia789127]

I’m a black woman. I’ve been with my husband a black man since I was 20. I’m 32 now. I’ve dated before meeting him and I’ve had shitty boyfriend who happened to be black. I was never turned off by black men because of negative experiences with individuals. I LOVE black men, LOVE black people period. I never desired to date another race. I need my partner to understand my culture can relate to my experience in this country. I can’t imagine dating a white guy or any other ethnicity and come home and explain my reality. I just couldn’t. The black family is under attack.

[@joshuagregoire9504]

You said it best 🎯

[@MrCMR901]

Love this comment , cause a lot of women & men bring their bad experiences to the new relationship and 9/10 it ruins it

[@handsomedevil6458]

We need more black families indeed 😊

[@KingComp67_-io3iz]

Unflattering True 💯💯💯

[@diamond_soul_black_gold]

I love to see black women in happy healthy relationships period in general it’s not just about black love

[@stephaniesmith3544]

For a second I thought the title said The Disappointments of Dating a Black Woman and I was like wttfffff hahaha

[@crazyanimeloveable]

Me too 🤭

[@aksprkl6594]

Growing up, I was always told that I would need to be the best, just to get noticed. Because I was not the best, I always felt like a disappointment. As an adult hearing these women talk, it saddens me that we still live in a society where Black women feel like they have to be "shiny" in order to feel worthy. Have your own company? Great! Post graduate degree? Cool! Workaholic? Good for you! But we should be just as worthy of living on this earth, with or without those qualities. I'm tired of my own community treating anyone who doesn't have something to brag about as if we are a disappointment to the race for just being average. I'm tired of the dog and pony show of being a Black woman in America.

[@TheSuperNats]

The OkCupid study does not mean it’s a “fact” that BW are the least desirable. No single study could ever create a fact. They just showed that on their website that seems to be a case but that’s a small sample size and open to a lot of confounds. I think it’s harmful to label this as a fact. Other than that I love the channel and the video was very interesting.

[@bres9977]

TheSuperNats That study is definitely not a fact. That study was from 2009 and I’ve seen plenty of bw getting married to black and non-bm since then. PLENTY. Many of us were married years before that study even came out, so it only spoke for the ones who use that site. There have been many more sites since then with some of them geared towards bw and non-bm looking for relationships with each other. Therefore they don’t have to deal with people who will reject them because of their race.

[@publicenemynumberuno5758]

@@bres9977 where's the real world stats to prove this. And exactly what type of non black men are marrying bw more?

[@bres9977]

Public Enemy Number Uno All types are. There is a recent Pew study which came out and there has been a 33% increase of black women marrying interracially.

[@publicenemynumberuno5758]

@@bres9977 like I said show me the stats. I go outside everyday, and live in a big city. Wanna know how many bw and non black men couples I see? Do you wanna know how many bm and non bw couples I see? Lol, big difference because it's a fact bm can date out more. Only thing bw can do is try to catch up because you been rejected by bm. If we deny you black love you got no choice but to settle.😂😂😂😂

[@publicenemynumberuno5758]

@@bres9977 33% increase lol , so you telling me other races of men are leaving their women in droves to be with bw? 😂😂😂😂 even you know that's not true, hence why you gave me no stats just emotional based opinions. And if yall dating stats have increased, what's the purpose of steadily making videos about black men not dating black females?

[@ZawadiBirya]

I've never been considered desirable. Always been over looked. I've learnt to accept it. Great conversation. I enjoyed this video.

[@alexisf22]

girl I feel your pain I'm a dark skin black woman I've had guys overlook me for my white friends and I notice black men don't even look at me so at 25 I've decided to date outside my race

[@AmaniArk]

Same girl... there is power in invisibility

[@ZawadiBirya]

@@alexisf22 You're not limiting yourself. Good for you.

[@ZawadiBirya]

@@euclidredpill7277 Black women spend their money trying to look like whites? Where did you get that from? From what I can see white people like the Kardashians are spending their money trying to look like black women. Let's not blame the victim here. Black women are beautiful and feminine. Just because we don't have our own Hollywood doesn't mean we don't have people to look up to. Do Arabs have a hollywood? Are Arab women ghetto and masculine?

[@ZawadiBirya]

@@AmaniArk Absolutely but it can also be isolating no?

[@etherocean6206]

I really think the women in the red is gorgeous but I wish she would not try to change peoples minds, it is not our job as black women to say in the dating world "so this is what you thought I was I am going to prove you wrong". Thats a waste of time! Be the prize you are and if you think a man is worth your time allow him to prove him self to YOU never the other way around!

[@spazz-ok9nr]

That mentality will continue to drive the populist to despair

[@nishajones27]

It’s sad I’m a 38 year old black woman of a darker tone that is single and it seems white men are the only ones that want me for more then just sex it’s so devastating especially when all you really want is a good black man … being devalued by your own culture is a heart throbbing pain🙁

[@misshoneynevercame4832]

It's sad. Lots of colorism in the black community.

[@najicodm8405]

Nah it's cause of how masculine a lot of you girls act plus no one wants an ugly shrivelled up 38 yr old, i know you don't look attractive i can just tell

[@royjones3rd]

​@alexmartin5073huge lie

[@tanaishawillard1365]

It's a damn shame when being you is not enough for someone because of your skin tone and the negative stereotypes associated with being darker skin toned. If black woman were appreciated and deemed beautiful as a whole and it just came down to personality and compatibility, then things would be a lot easier.

[@qmulus1]

Skin tone has nothing to do with it. Do you think Lupita has dating issues?

[@keepinitkawaii]

@@qmulus1 funny because she herself says that she does

[@qmulus1]

Elle Marie What man is turning Lupita down because of her dark skin? Where did she say that?

[@keepinitkawaii]

@@qmulus1 i dont know who the men are personally but her and Janelle Monae were featured in a magazine speaking about the different stereotypes they had to face growing up and dating.

[@keepinitkawaii]

@@qmulus1 i mean granted she probably doesn't have those problems now that shes famous and people actually give her the time of day and are able to actually hear her speak and get to know her. But there are plenty of other black women who carry themselves in the manner that she does and who were not raised to be the stereotype but continue to be overlooked. Some people wont even give you a chance to open your mouth and speak. They just assume that you are a certain way and you have to become famous and gain a voice for yourself just to prove them wrong.

[@wepersonallyexperience1272]

As a black man who loves and respects black women...this conversation was heartbreaking as much as it was enlightening...

[@Ghostintheshell3551]

if they werent so violent and behaved like dudes it would prob be different .

[@rerungirl]

Victim shaming much? Thank you for listening OP

[@speckhao5680]

@@Ghostintheshell3551 please! Black men are DL and gay on the low. Yall have no room to talk

[@nicoyablackmon7004]

@@Ghostintheshell3551 smh

[@steff6146]

@@Ghostintheshell3551See what we deal with? FOH.

[@pokinhonicola]

I dnt know why I even I decided to watch this but it makes me feel so depressed

[@SacramentalASMR]

Don't be. They're exclusively talking about online dating and in LA of all places. Of course they're going to meet trashy, racist men in LA. It's home to elite pedos and satanists! Dating irl is overwhelmingly better than meeting men through apps meant for casual hookups.

[@InLoveWithaPaladin]

I agree I'm done here

[@tiffanyyates6756]

facts! I'm disappointed at how disappointing this was. Like if it's so easy and about confidence then why aren't they dating anyone? it sounds like their advice is almost worthless. something's not adding up.

[@henryleestudio]

Same.. What about the black nation? Too educated to have any sense.

[@DIDDYTBABY]

The online dating isn’t productive for marriage. We need to go back to the early 1900 and 1800s and take plays from that book

[@billjolley8443]

Oh my dearest jezzabell. I couldn't explain to you the horrors of this war. But I do survive. I reckon you are the one piece that keeps me sane.

[@ktpris5754]

I tried dating for a good twenty years since my teens. It is apparent that no matter how beautiful and open minded you are, as a black woman you just don't have respect or many that appreciate your amazing attributes. I have had many men of many backgrounds and income levels that wanted to marry me, but they were abusive in a variety of ways I just couldn't tolerate. I am finding that being single is much less stressful and much more fun. Embrace it ladies. We don't owe anything to anyone, especially men in our own community that do not value us. As I tell my family regularly, I am not a baby factory or some mean guy's trophy, and if I am single that is God's desire.

[@chillywilly3102]

Your tripping.

[@brumhelldah917]

@@chillywilly3102 how

[@fixthesegames6303]

You have a very defeatist attitude. Promoting being single your entire life will ruin more lives than it helps

[@ktpris5754]

@@fixthesegames6303 It has improved mine so I am sharing my experience.

[@wintur2856]

@@ktpris5754 those were men responding. You can tell. 🙄

[@MidlifeEdit]

It’s a interesting conversation. I have given up on dating for 10+ years. Add to the flow that black women arent seen as feminine unless skinny, fair skin, straight hair etc. Black women will have to be open to dating out if not already, invest in being feminine and let the baggage go. Men are basic but they have alot of work to do.

[@thebluejay3145]

If bw were more feminine with less baggage and going after quality men in their prime years..there would be better results within the race. The leave the attitude only is only brought up when going to date other races..why is that

[@chocolatecuban]

Black women are feminine.

[@beew584]

Black women are feminine and constantly have to combat stereotypes, which may account for an attitude if there is one. We’re perceived to have attitudes even when being extremely nice. The bigger problem is going to be dismantling so many years of false narrative.

[@beew584]

The Blue Jay you have to consider why they’re saying it. There’s the issue. Millions of people have been conditioned to think a certain way. It’s up to you to unplug from the matrix.

[@thebluejay3145]

@@beew584 no...sorry mam. I have aunts, sisters, friends, bw i knew in college, ex girlfriends all before i even found the sector of you tube with men having similar experiences. Ive dated other races as well and there is a accepted direspectful culture towards black men, obesity, and entitlement. Truth is some men have options and choose not to put up with it.

[@notsorryjasmine9655]

Just the late night podcast I needed. I just love when black women have deep and meaningful conversations.

[@RG-vc9nn]

I'm a Indian guy and I have dated a beautiful black woman , everything was going good until she was being mean to others and being way to judgmental on white people. I felt kinda uncomfortable. I told her politely that I felt uncomfortable her comments and she yelled at me and told me I don't know how white people have done to her race. I told her actually , I do . The British slaved my ancestors and raped , killed , stole their property ( land). I told her that doesn't define me as a person. I told her that I choose to be humble and not think of people being judgmental, I told her that I believe in being positive and having God in my life. She wouldn't stop being a angry woman, so I had to break it off with her. I can't be with someone that complains about everything in life. All black women aren't like that. I think all races of women are beautiful, however it's hard dating women these days. Where are the women that believe in God and do the right thing in life , also a woman that isn't judgmental of others.

[@R.O.T.C._SEEM]

Glad you told us your experience with one. People are afraid to be honest about their experience because it will be taken as racist

[@jmcgoughy]

The goal is always happiness but I have always known that my happiness is connected to a black woman. I tried to date outside of that and it never felt complete. I felt like a fetish or an exception to their rules. No matter how sweet, similar or understanding they were in spaces, I could not love someone that does not understand what I have to walk into everyday. I hate having to explain being black, even to black ppl. Also........black women are just better looking to me. I might be in an minority in that but meh,

[@mariancounsellor]

john mcgoughy that was really sweet. I’ve only ever felt completely satisfied dating black men. I’ve only ever kissed a white guy and an Asian guy once in my teenage years but it didn’t feel right.

[@kimberlybrowndiaz9293]

Thank you sir

[@TheMaskedCleaner]

You’re def not in the minority-PREACH

[@plymakkayestudio1827]

Our sisters are EVERYTHING. same here, I dated outside of my race but I will always marry a sister but most of them now have lost their femininity in the states so i had to go to the Caribbean

[@Minaa298]

​ @PLYM AK KAYE STUDIO Wow. I love to see your appreciation for your own race after going outside your race and coming back is served with back handed compliments.

[@YourTravelWithOlivia]

It's a shame that sterotyping is still going on... But it is a great reference for the source... Next!!!

[@sk8tor4ever]

I would say that to if im trying to shut men up

[@sk8tor4ever]

IF CAN BRING UP EXAMPLES THAT PROVES MY POINT MORE THAN YOURS, WILL YOU SAY IM SORRY?

[@BishopEddie5443]

Yes, a shame that women are still stereotyping men and lying about it.

[@krystalmiller5003]

Well...stereotypes must have some truth to them otherwise it wouldn't be so commonly understood.

[@BishopEddie5443]

@@krystalmiller5003Yes, but remember that those who are deceived by lies and propaganda also think they have understanding. God will put liars in the lake of fire.

[@Grace1708]

The "I'm going to show them otherwise" approach to being underestimated and/or stereotyped reminds me of this Toni Morrison quote I saw many people post on their social media yesterday: “The function, the very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work. It keeps you explaining, over and over again, your reason for being. Somebody says you have no language and you spend twenty years proving that you do. Somebody says your head isn’t shaped properly so you have scientists working on the fact that it is. Somebody says you have no art, so you dredge that up. Somebody says you have no kingdoms, so you dredge that up. None of this is necessary. There will always be one more thing.” Black women have nothing to prove to racist or lost men. Don't waste your time and energy. Invest in yourself for you.

[@naruto_uzumaki2012]

yes!

[@keithgray5525]

Online dating sucks ... regardless of sex, religion or race....it just sucks.

[@TheKrista5]

Agree

[@QlightW]

All my black Women stand up an embrace who you are and love yourself!!! You all are beautiful and unique in your own way.

[@winniediallo4118]

Thank you may God bless you.

[@MsLotusBlooms]

One thing I get tired of is the same recycled statistics. We all know the OK Cupid stats from years ago, but guess what? Life hasn't stopped. I find talking about this over and over again doesn't change anything. I still need to move on and live my life as other black women. Just keep doing you ladies, go out there, and enjoy your lives, and don't worry about anything else.

[@StageInTheSkyCreations]

well said

[@bres9977]

Tina That OK Cupid study was about 10 years ago and since then, there has has been a 33% (and growing) increase of bw marrying interracially. Also with that study, they pulled from their membership pool. If you’re a bw who doesn’t use OK Cupid (or dating sites in general) those types of “studies” are a grain of sand on a beach. It’s nothing.

[@AllPro777]

@@bres9977 Can you name and link the study showing this 33% increase? I should also mention that statistical studies used to test new medicines and treatments use only a fraction of the sample size OK Cupid used, so the "grain of sand" analogy is off. If anything, OK Cupid's study is far more thorough in size than the standard sample sizes used in scientific research.

[@MsLotusBlooms]

​​I know things have changed some. I am actually among that increase. But I didn't let some sabotaging media outlets determine my fate. I persevered, continued to live my life with joy and purpose. ​In fact, I triumphed in the adversity and got the most amazing husband I could have asked for. I hope other bw put there don't let all the negativity get to them. It is all a mind game. In life, you need to know when you actually should go against the tide or go with it. Those that win in life will do this with the best judgement. @@bres9977

[@joelenenakova6910]

Thank God I was born in Africa, where being black is never an issue. Edit: Majority of the successful men date and marry light skinned women.

[@vauna3434]

But colorism is

[@ChristinaQueenHeart]

Colorism is

[@rikki_25]

Isn't it an issue in south Africa?

[@vauna3434]

@@rikki_25 it def is an issue there too, but not just in South africa

[@willemdee]

skin whitening, colorism.

[@TevronWisdom]

A black woman's strengths: Vision A black woman's weakness: Open mind Im experienced in dating pretty much all races including my own. I want you all to win, but you gotta self reflect and see that you have flaws.

[@annco9801]

this whole comment comes across as if black men are superior to black women. The only difference is you BM have more options to date out based on PHYSICAL desirability but you still have the same issues. You use your desirability from other race of women, to feed your ego, and believe you are better and bm actually believe they have less issues than black women. You use other races to validate you, when dating is based highly on LOOKS. I'm sure all race has issues too, lets not pigeon hole all black women.

[@TevronWisdom]

@@annco9801 But its not though is it? Your comment comes across as bitter and not looking at the bigger picture. You just made assumptions on who we think is superior. This video is about black women and you just proved my point with my previous comment

[@annco9801]

@@TevronWisdom How typical of you to use "bitter" because I'm a black woman. You just proved how contrived and fake your first post was, and you don't want black women to succeed. The bigger picture is you speaking about your dating history on a video that is about black women? for what though? Its really sad when black males use other races women to validate them, or for them to feel superior to black women. Black males have more options because they fit a sexual stereotype that benefits them. Do you realize desirability for the most part is based on LOOKS, desirability does not make black men better partners in relationships. They bring those same issues when dating outside the race. So black men are not better lovers or partners than black women period. "black women's strengths: vision" What does this even mean, it sounds so contrived, like you were trying to get likes. lastly you don't date black women, so why are you speaking about them. and next time instead of using bitter how about try the word VEX.

[@annco9801]

@@TevronWisdom You don't even see how ridiculous your post looks, first you are saying what black women's strengths and weakness are, then the next sentence you mention how you dating all races, then you switch to you want black women to win and self reflect. But what does you dating white, Asian, Latina have to do with black women? where you trying to compare them to other races. Like what was your angle for mentioning that. And this is why I don't believe you are sincere about wanting them to win and also your initial post was all over the place and filled with insincerity.

[@TevronWisdom]

@@annco9801 Because you judged me for seeing black women as a less superior race. I stated that I date all races including my own, to validate that I don't have a preference, so people like you don't assume that I hate, lesser or bash black women. Every man and woman of all races have their flaws and that's a fact. I'm not knocking it. But this video is about black women on why they're rated less desirable to men by statistics. As a "man" myself, I can't even feedback what black women need to work on to be more desirable to the average man? Do you see why I said your bitter?

[@SnowFoxParty]

Dating is so hard for me. Successful and single as a black woman is not enough. 😤🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ all the face palms

[@SnowFoxParty]

@Black Knight Fool So....what do MEN look for in a woman"? And not all black women are masculine, loud, ratchet, etc etc. I am trying to figure it out.

[@JokerG16]

@TheSnowFoxParty us men are looking for a feminine woman who takes care of herself. All that education shit doesn’t mean much to us.

[@bres9977]

Look elsewhere.

[@AllPro777]

@@SnowFoxParty If you're not feminine, at least average attractive, have a dominant personality, and have a bad shape, only the bottom of the barrel losers will be available. Men don't care about your success, degrees, and job titles. Means nothing to us.

[@jacquigreen8895]

Looks nor a submissive nature adds value. Ask Wesley Snipes. That's how he ended up broke and dodging the tax man.😆

[@nfvy8111]

YES, asian men are so SLEPT ON!!! Asian men and black women go AMAZING together! They’ll treat you with a whole other level of respect that you don’t even know existed!

[@lkpeace911]

My boo is Asian.. looooovveee him!!!

[@lkpeace911]

Kwasi Oh and what a beautiful mix it is🤷🏾‍♀️❤️

[@lkpeace911]

Kwasi 🤔 hmm? Nope. I’d say we’re pretty happy🤷🏾‍♀️. Thanks for your concern though 😘

[@sonicusen260]

@@lkpeace911 Happy for you

[@calicowboy4242]

Who cares

[@enigmaticazaleas]

@@calicowboy4242 You clearly do

[@ayo9525]

Would love an updated version of this video! Especially in the current climate of dating for black women within and outside the community

[@leedirtybriches]

Ain't no one checking for them.

[@generalwillwelsh7926]

Lmao its even worse for yall now

[@markelraya10]

2023 Hinge stats are the same