Love Bombing - The Most Common and Evil Mind Game

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Love bombing - when someone begins the relationship by showering you with time/ attention/ gifts/ love/ compliments without really even knowing you. Then, little by little they take these positive reinforcements away, which causes the person on the receiving end to fight to win their approval again in order to get back to this perceived idyllic time.
Are you dating a love bomber? Take the quiz.
Why it works: nothing creates an addiction like an inconsistent reward
How to spot the red flag: intimacy is about measured mutuality. If someone is giving you a lot of love from the very beginning beware they may be a love bomber and worst of all, they may not even know it. They may be a mind manipulator who understands how to get you hooked on their approval OR they may be a toxic ideallist who is simply in love with a very narrow idea of what love is and thus will get excited by new partners but quickly grow bored of them if they do anything displeasing.
How to play this game-
Remove all expectations, this is a bonus - not a primary - relationship. The key to happiness is managing expectations but love bombers will make it damn near impossible to do this with their inconsistency. Expectations must be earned and until they have this must be considered a stand-by good time relationship.
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Shan "Boody" Boodram is an intimacy and relationship educator who promotes sexual empowerment through information and conversation. She creates content for young adults to make better choices in their intimate lives and romantic relationships.

[@shanboody]

Take the love bombing quiz at www.thegameofdesire.com/bomb - what was your result?

[@MiZzThANGz21]

Shan BOODY loves this! Can you do a video on how it to attract narcissistic men? It seems to be the only ones I attract. I know you have to heal yourself but how?

[@jadefreed145]

thanks, Shan.

[@DB-jx3oo]

Great video! I would have liked to see more emphasis on the fact that love-bombing is not just a behavior that happens in the beginning of a relationship. It is also a manipulation tactic used whenever the other partner starts to pull away. The manipulator will love-bomb them to get them back into the relationship. This includes false promises, dramatic apologies, just showering in love. But when the partner comes back, pretty soon the relationship goes back to how it was with all of its original issues.

[@Once.A.Violet]

Shan BOODY took the test I think I did it wrong cuz it said my relationship seems mutual and stabled lol It’s seems mutual , but stable iiiiii don’t know about that..well recently And I’m also taking accountability for myself , I could be impatient. I’m gonna give it a few days n then I’m out

[@LangBellsChannel]

You should collab with Nu Mindframe.

[@cayej]

"Mad at myself that I didn't trust my intuition." Felt.

[@mixedmamiiD]

The FIRST DAY I knew we wasn't going to last. I have a baby now. I love my child. I have a physically ill reaction when I see him now.

[@Mimi-xv6jm]

Forgive yourself, and start increasing your intuitive powers today.

[@Misswhome2010]

I asked GOD to make it plain and he did last night....

[@NH-vp6qk]

We can only learn for next time and become stronger! We r only human 🙏

[@thewanderingfoodie_]

I once fell for a guy who dated at least two girls in a year. He’d date one girl, be absolutely be ij love with her and when the girl falls head over heels with him he’d abandon them. I’d seen him do that to at least four girls before me and still fuckibg fell for him thinking I’d be different since we were good friends. He dated me for a litrrsl week, saying he wanted us to be end game and all that bs. One week later, he tells me he feels hollow and abandoned me forever. Somewhere deep down I knew it was too good to be true but I still fell for it.

[@vivikal3415]

,,nothing is as addictive as an inconsistent reward”

[@aishastover6981]

Vivi Kal I loved this, thank you!

[@snippets981]

It's amazing how long it can hook ya b4 u realize it's super-erratic/shitty... (Getting better,though. Determined2B healthy/balanced in my mind. Eventually!!!!🙏🙏🙏)

[@LeratoM98]

Very well said.

[@nagbo13]

It's called "intermittent reinforcement." This is why lots of women stay with players.

[@innerpowerup]

Man is that why Candy Crush got so popular? The thrill of beating one level only to fail at the next level?

[@wowmikaila125]

Is it just me? I actually don’t like promises of long term love. To me, you don’t have to tell me that. I know that life happens, you don’t have to love me forever. That’s not how life works. Just love me hella good for now.

[@kakkoifly8980]

Interesting perspective. Let me learn this by heart, it's very freeing btw 💕

[@shruti3767]

You took the words out of my mouth!! I agree with everything you said!

[@MissSunshine221]

Wow Mikaila same. I’ve been in love and even then I didn’t wanna hear any of that “forever” crap

[@kamrynabrial497]

Deeeeeep

[@David-ej1ps]

Yeah except that's never enough.

[@melisbee]

“THE GOAL OF RELATIONSHIPS IS NOT TO GET SOMEONE TO LIKE YOU THE MOST... OR TO LIKE SOMEONE THE MOST. ULTIMATELY IT IS TO LIKE YOURSELF” a word from our good sis

[@suras8984]

I really dont understand that. Shouldnt you like/love yourself first before getting into a relationship?

[@melisbee]

Sura S sis I don’t have the answers

[@suras8984]

@@melisbee lol ok np :)

[@KLB1218]

Sura S Possibly liking yourself while with the other person. Sometimes people are so toxic, you began questioning your sanity, personality or looks if the person isn’t consistent with how they once were. So you don’t like yourself and the self love isn’t there anymore. So if you don’t have self love in a relationship it’s time to get out if it’s due the actions of the other person or any reason for that matter. Just my opinion.

[@jamesforeman8028]

Yeah this is one of those things that sounds good but if you think about it, doesn’t make sense. you really should learn to like and live with yourself before trying to fit another entire human into your life

[@thatblvckhippie1911]

My sons father love bombed me. After two weeks there was I love yous and talks of the future. It was long before I was abused in every sense of the word. He exploded and beat the shit out of me. I was 18 and it took me planning our wedding at 25 to realize he had always been horrible. Called off the wedding, got a restraining order after another attack and now I'm healing 🧡🧡 I ghost love bombers in a heartbeat now.

[@AbrielDelaney]

Thatblvckhippie this hurt my heart. I’m sorry that this was your experience but so happy you were able to liberate yourself. Your strength is commendable. Proud of you, mama. 💕💕💕

[@rainxlover]

I just want to genuinely give you a long hug ❤️ I'm so happy to hear you were able to wake up and realize you deserve better. Im so sorry this happened. Being in my first relationship at 18, i was in love with my ex but was blindsided with all the emotional abuse he put me through. Even though it wasnt at your extent, just know my heart understands. 💫 Better things are yet to come :)

[@stephenkarmichael4709]

Thatblvckhippie 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@loversgarden8441]

this is amazing sis. so proud of you, please know that you can always go to people for help and that god has a better life planned for you from this moment on. love and be the light in people’s life and i promise you blessings will come 💜💖💓

[@jadesmith7983]

I'm so glad you got out of that situation safely and was able to grow from it!

[@kappi2464]

Date 3 he told me he was in love with me and never felt like this before. Week 8 and he said I don't show him respect because i hold him accountable for every silly thing he says 😖 Ended it today x

[@jojoirish8523]

I AM PROUD OF YOU!!!!

[@Vincisomething]

Good lol. I wish I trusted my intuition very early on. This guy who love bombed me, prior to love bombing me, "conveniently" used the bathroom, forcing me to pay for his drink. When someone pointed it out, he sneered at me. I wish I took that drink (that I paid for) and threw it in his face or something. I think this was days within knowing him. And he had the audacity to ask, "if I enjoyed the date" but *me not wanting to be rude* didn't have the balls to say, "at which point did you fucking think that was a date? Because it was never established to me that it was" I didn't consciously think about the red flags until 1.5 months later when it all started to build up.

[@trichardson6824]

Wooo YES FRIEND

[@TinystarTime]

DON’T go back, he will try to punish you for seeing through his games & it will be worst then the first time!

[@stephenkarmichael4709]

kappi246 ha!! one side of “your” story!!

[@meleilay9947]

I always thought guys who said things like that super early are weird . I’ve never fell for a love bomber and I’m thankful lmao . Don’t call me babe the second day we talk , don’t say you love me hella fast , I DONT KNOW YOU . That’s what you gotta realize , these guys don’t know you how would they love you ? That’s how I saw it . I hope everyone starts realizing it takes a LONG time for someone to know you . Please don’t fall for it !

[@kirsten1007]

Very good advice I FEEL for it but you are right. IT IS TOO soon. What is up with that. I need to work on me

[@tvddamonlovernina]

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!!! Never understood women that thought it was romantic or normal

[@UrbanDecayLova247]

Agreed! However, I think sometimes the love bomber is sneaky and chooses a woman that already “likes” them or is “attracted” to them so then it’s easier to ease in all the compliments and affection because they chose a woman they knew sensed would be interested in them.

[@focusedallday5620]

You avoid all of this by keeping your individual life during a relationship. I’m naturally a loving person to my partner, so I make sure she still receiving affection from her family and friends. This way I am not the only one she depends on for care. It keeps her love for me genuine and rational rather than clingy and possessive. Stay focused.

[@shanboody]

Fav advice I’ve read

[@beautiful_3209]

Boom

[@sixteen.candles.4644]

Amazing.

[@luciawalker3442]

What If u really are all she has, it would be great if everyone had loving family and friends but that's not the case how do u apply this advice if u are the only positive thing in her life ?

[@wsk9734]

Because you are a rational, giving and attentive person whereas a narcissist will prefer to isolate their partner/friend, it makes all the difference in the dynamic of the relationship.

[@reina70000]

I’m surprised when most girls believe a guy when they say they love them like after the third or fourth date. To me it mostly seems like lust and some men just don’t know the difference but because love sounds much better to some women so guys just know to use the word. If a guy told me he loved me after a third date, I’d end it on the spot, even if i really liked him. It’s a major red flag. You barely know each other after a third/fourth date!!

[@neurocentricthoughtz1583]

Good comment but let me point out that alot of guys truly feel there in love at the 3rd and 4th date.. alot of women feel cheated and tricked because the man said i love u or i feel like ive known u forever and i feel so close to u and then starts to act different in the 6th month to the 1 year mark and the women feels like it was all a lie which isnt true. Men and women arent as different as most make us out to be. In the same way that the female fell for those words and opened up her heart because she felt the same we have to understand that in early stages of a new relationship the man is seriously open possibly even more than the female and he truly believes what hes telling u. Now maybe this may be out of infatuation and lust and not true love but the intent behind his words were in good spirits and he truly was feeling the female. It just so happened that the lust wore off and he changed.. Im not saying some guys arent being full of shit when they play the fall in love game to win u over because that happens too but not as much as people think..but just as the guys at times are full of shit just to see where it gets them, theres a large number of females who already know hes full of shit but are so heavily attracted to the guy that they let him feed them the bullshit and just go with it anyway but then later try to play the victim role when she knew he was full of shit to begin with but the mutual lust was too strong. The female often enough is just as desperate or as horny as him and ignores the red flags.

[@sixteen.candles.4644]

I can say from experience it is lust.

[@oliviawallenstein5922]

My boyfriend told me that on the FIRST date, I’m with him because I don’t know anything about love, and was said ok and ran w it even though is creeped me out and The more I read an watch videos like this, I’m starting to realize that’s my relationship shouldn’t be the way it is (to say the least).

[@Kimberlyelayyne]

My ex love bombed me like crazy within the first few months. Bought me gifts, praised me, wanted to to see me ALL OF THE TIME, future faking -made promises he didn't intend to keep, made me feel I was the best in the world. I fell in love and it was 8 months of up and down, like a rollercoaster ride. I left the relationship but it has been 3 months and I miss the person I first met. He got with someone a week after we ended. Turns out he love bombed her the same way as me. I should have listened to my intuition. I hoping the pain and healing gets better. Sending love to anyone who is going through this.

[@mightyme.makingitnew9979]

@Kimberly Elayyne , Same here hun and then he decided to ghost me after 6 yrs and then tried to re-enter back in to my life like nothing happened 😳😳😳🤭🤭 I just bounced the f*** off and I did love him so bad but I don’t see why I need to tell u I love u every dam second of the dam day it becomes boring and draining..... 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Kimberlyelayyne]

@@mightyme.makingitnew9979 Omg I cant imagine!!!!!!! runnnnnnn!!!!!! Hahaha I hope youre doing well now

[@mightyme.makingitnew9979]

@Kimberly Elayyne , it was hard but I got out and over it , it’s been 1 yr now so I’m just doing me and I feel so much better thank u 💋

[@manyi4success]

He is a Narcissist. Love bombing is one of the most of traits...it hooks their victims amd keeps them hooked even after discard for new supply

[@jesteroffools1035]

We're definitely going to get through this girl

[@lotoyadavidson1412]

Learned the hard way and ended the relationship about 6 months ago He was also a narcissist And ultimately I knew I deserved better Wish I knew about lovebombing!

[@SlasherChick]

Congrats on seeing the signs

[@kamrynabrial497]

Lotoya Davidson was he diagnosed with Narcissism or did he treat you unfairly? Narcissism is a mental health diagnosis and I need us to stop labeling people as a literal clinical diagnosis whenever we experience behaviors that hurt us. Your opinion is valid. But it’s like calling someone bald and skinny, a cancer patient.

[@kirsten1007]

@@kamrynabrial497 not likely to get a clinical diagnosis on an ex either way. However there are alot of shrinks on youtube who concur that love bombing is directly associated with NPD personality

[@thabeautiful1]

I've been love bombed before, I knew it was weird and unnatural but I didn't follow my intuition. I still haven't 100% forgiven myself for it.

[@nijahsade]

thabeautiful1 aww! I feel you! 💕 same.

[@misshouda1740]

Girl it's human nature to fall for love bombing we naturally like who likes us ! Forgive yourself but never forget

[@anele273]

I’m an unconscious love bomber. I’m not proud of it, this video showed me that I do play these mind games and you’re 100% right. My partners eventually start being erratic and more needy. I think I do it out of insecurity on my part. I know emotionally I’m not capable of keeping the love bombing up but I’m also afraid of being honest from that jump that I can be emotionally unavailable. So I over compensate for that flaw by being inconsistent and manipulative. Thank you for making this video, it’s hard to self reflect but it needs to be said. Love you!

[@3RACHASUPREMACY]

Anele Zikhali me as hell!!!!

[@StreetcarDesire]

The "love you" at the end made me laugh because irony.

[@emilyc3000]

Good job on the self awareness!

[@Lafilledlapluie]

This was insightful thanks for sharing

[@anele273]

H M looool yeah I know 😅

[@kamicee157]

The warmth in Shan’s skin plus the blues in the background are hitting! Yes complementary color combo!!

[@mahedelamo]

He unfollowed me yesterday and it felt liberating. For maybe two years I’ve been obsessed with this game, with this person, with their little hints of interest. Now I’m free because he has showed me he is absolutely not interested. All this time I was idealizing him so much!

[@mrthatguyam]

Yo for real, my past few relationships i have been unconsciously doing this. I just feel all that euphoria and validation from being with a women, I literally convince myself that im going to marry these girls but then all of a sudden, it hits me like a train. I become distant because I get annoyed with the same old routine and I think I need space, until I realized, I didn't love the girl, i just loved the moment, the idea. Not the reality.

[@shanboody]

Poetic and profound

[@Dlovesyou1]

Do you think you’re a narcissist?

[@ruchie3461]

I think you are a codependent who is addicted to relationships. They idealize too like narcissist, but in their own way.

[@mrthatguyam]

@@Dlovesyou1 yea I have a big ego and shit. Working on it.

[@stampandscrap7494]

@@mrthatguyam at least you have realised what you are doing. Try taking relationships slowly as you will never find happiness if you don't

[@nichelleniks4526]

I am still recovering from an incredibly emotionally abusive relationship and love bombing was SO prevalent. Thank you for talking about this because so often we are taught about physical abuse, but not emotional abuse

[@spikelova1]

I’ was just love bombed and he started ignoring me cause i kept calling him out on his shit :( I’ve never been ghosted and I’m hurt lmao

[@VoiAhoyTV]

Skyla L what do you think he would do? My ex used to criticise my friends and the lifestyle I had.

[@KLB1218]

Leave and never look back. Never question your sanity and be glad he ignored you. He did you a favor.

[@SpicySpinach]

@@KLB1218 true!!! I've been through that too couldnt be happier he ghosted me now looking back at it

[@heidyfgt]

I HATE GHOSTERS THEYRE COWARDSSSS

[@catherinepositano8544]

Skyla... Hearts mend.

[@kendyllcole5276]

Okay but THIS EDITING THO 👏🏾👏🏾 Also.. I couldn't relate to this video until you made the connection to unreliable parents.. whew chile

[@shanboody]

that's my husband

[@Native-Kitty]

I really liked the casino comparison. It definitely makes it easier to understand.

[@shadowsaiyan]

Love Bombing is how I ended up in a religious cult that ruined my life. Got out years ago & I'm still recovering.

[@KallusGarnet]

Religion is a scam my dude, sorry to hear you fell for it.

[@shadowsaiyan]

@@KallusGarnet Yeah man, when you're raised religious, it's an easy mistake to make. Won't happen again though, that's for sure.

[@NewBlueTrue]

duane willis. Dang, that’s unfortunate. Don’t feel too bad all religions love bomb. That’s how they get new members

[@Ninaaa_Mosely]

What’s the name of the religion if you don’t mind me asking?

[@shadowsaiyan]

@@Ninaaa_Mosely It was Christian, but a controlling offshoot of the Church of Christ denomination

[@jojoirish8523]

I just sent this to two of my friends. They are constantly being flanked with gross attention like this.

[@shanboody]

sharing is caring oxo thanQ

[@tinybrit3225]

I went on one date with a guy recently and he’s been super lovebomby and I hate it. It makes me cringe from the depths of my soul. I despise daily “Good morning 😘” texts or “goodnight 😘 texts” I basically hate this emoji 😘 in general. I straight up told the guy that he’s being too much way too soon (calling me sweetie and saying he’s never felt so connected to someone before). I tried to tiptoe around it to not hurt his feelings, but then he said that I should “get used to those kind of messages because he likes me”. That’s where I drew the line and was like no I don’t need to get used to those kind of messages, I need you to slow down and actually get to know each other. Otherwise it comes across as fleeting infatuation that isn’t genuine. I just can’t appreciate loveboming behaviour when he doesn’t even know me. I think I may have hurt his feelings but after having traumatic experiences in the past with lovebombing narcissistic abusers I refuse to accept that kind of behaviour.

[@kirsten1007]

I understand It has happened to me too for the first time. I knew it was too soon but s tee stayed in it.

[@tutululushop]

I was just lovebombed for 5 weeks.. even taken on a 10k vacation and then immediately discarded after... I am educating myself on narcissism...

[@-zunaid2124]

RED FLAGS!!! I get you. It’s kind of overwhelming for me.

[@hiSmileyes]

Yeee, Im experiencing this now, should I just end it? Ive had many toxic relationahips also in past

[@tinybrit3225]

@@hiSmileyes You don’t necessarily have to end it right away but you can set a boundary like “let’s take things slow and get to know each other”. Then decide from there if they respect your boundaries or not.

[@hayleyjenner1764]

I feel like all men do this.... they love the chase and then as soon as they get you they act like you were whatever from the start

[@hayleyjenner1764]

don o I’m not saying women can’t do this but I feel like most of the time it’s men who do this every person I’ve come across talks about situations like this where the man checks out and the woman is there trying anything and everything to get back to how he once was... either way people shouldn’t do this it’s hurtful and evil. I feel like people know what they’re doing and try to act like they don’t especially with vulnerable people.

[@tbone9241]

@@hayleyjenner1764 it's the opposite. it's a female tactic. A lot of men these days were raised by women and now move like women move. guarantee you've love bombed every man you've been with that you actually liked.

[@vandecayear10]

Unless you've dated all men, you can't make this statement.

[@hayleyjenner1764]

T Bone ok just say you hate women and move along....

[@hayleyjenner1764]

Cam D Lmao someone felt personally attacked...

[@nadine1018]

Fortunately I turn down such men. It's really fishy when they say they love you after 3 dates. And my gut feeling is always right...

[@leyley9762]

I was a victim to this.. somehow ended up in a two year relationship of extreme tug and pull.. when looking back I cant even remember when times were ever "good", or "consistently neutral"... crazy...!

[@rlaco1219]

here i thought i was crazy for being uncomfortable with the getting too much affection when they dont even knw me, but now I know all these dudes where just love bombers. yall dont understand how light my chest feels right now. I had felt guilty for turning down "admirers". thought I was Damaged and broken from my past relationship that had more downs than ups in. It was traumatic and wanted to be really careful with who I choose and how I planned to be in my next relationship. I thought I was just a coward for never pulling through to try to fix and stay when a guy suddenly stops paying attention. I always blamed my self for being cold hearted for not returning these "affection" and felt mean for saying "how do you love me when you dont even know who I really am?". Now I know, that It aint me booo, ... YASSS I LOVE ME> Thank you SHAN! to all the QUEENS out there.. don't be afraid to take your time to find your right man!

[@mary-lynetten.7188]

Not ready for this!!! But I NEED to hear this!!!

[@shanboody]

Yup! Dem ones

[@Indiegirl007]

I have been with so many love bombers. Gifts, trips, one guy even bought me a box of my favorite book series. SERIES. As in, 14 books. But, after about 3 weeks to a month, they are ALMOST MIA and I feel like I'm just chasing them for some attention. It is so embarrassing.

[@dvmn444]

I can relate to the chasing part so much!!! Old habits are hard to break it's like they're a drug in a sense I'm learning that chasing is the same outcome with every person it leads nowhere.

[@moriahogola8665]

Same here, noticed lots of love bombers and future fakers Ghost after a couple of months or weeks.

[@JonBandMiley]

It's called "the relationship didn't work out." And you got 14 books you liked out of it. In reality, there's nothing wrong with that.

[@nicoleharrington9086]

Yeah, wow. This is creepy.

[@nkoonkukoo]

Let me guess, your favorite book series is the James Bond Novels by Ian Fleming... Am I right?

[@Tiff-vi9kx]

Love bombing is the worst kind of abuse. This is such an important topic!

[@GratitudeGriot]

ummmm so you think love bombing is worse than physical abuse?

[@andaiibori7205]

JEWELL SINGLETARY Mental abuse can easily align with physical.

[@Tiff-vi9kx]

Yes, in my opinion it is. Because physical abuse gives you scars which you can understand and name. Mental abuse stays with you but usually no one knows it’s happening and most of the time you don’t know it’s happening until it’s too late. With physical abuse there is a clear line someone can cross and you can stand your ground the first time someone hits you. With mental abuse it’s gradual and it sneaks up on you. Gaslighting is extremely common and toxic. It eventually takes your self esteem and makes you question yourself, your sanity and your resilience. I’m speaking from personal experience. It’s much worse in the long run.

[@GratitudeGriot]

Andrea Ibori the topic is love bombing not mental abuse. Manipulation does not always equate abuse.

[@GratitudeGriot]

Tiffany Mane gotcha in your opinion you equate love bombing with mental abuse which is not the topic of the video. 👌🏾

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

He was very nice to me, then suddenly treated me like crap. Started rumours about me. Treated me like I was running after him. Thank God I stepped the hell away from him.

[@jaymills3627]

“I hadn’t seen them for 3 weeks” I know that feeling and then when you bring it up to them they gaslight you making you feel like it’s your fault or your too needy. We only lived 30 minutes away from each other 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@NewBlueTrue]

Off topic, but Shannon’s hair looks great

[@Mikisaywhat]

NewBlueTrue yasss

[@TashiSoCali]

I had been love bombed before and on my second date with a new guy, he sent flowers and chocolates then flew us from LA to San Diego in a small plane (he’s a pilot). For so long I was like 🙅🏾‍♀️This is love bombing but he really did just wanted to make a good impression and now we’ve been together for 2 years. Long story short, be very cautious and suspicious but don’t let live bomber ruin romance for you altogether.

[@taopaille-paille4992]

I think you won't find a true narcissist who is a pilot. Love bombers/pure narcissits are not high achievers at all, they are as average as hell in general in term of achievements, they don't do efforts

[@robynhenderson9353]

I feel like I’ve experienced this in friendships too. I had a “friend” who, after like three days of hanging out more, would talk about how much she loved me and how we were best friends. At a certain point, she was telling me she loved me more often than her boyfriend-even he said so. And everything just got steadily worse and worse. But I didn’t think about it this specific way because people tend to analyze romantic and familial relationships more than friendships, and whenever I mentioned this to other people they would tell me it wasn’t a big deal because she “wasn’t my boyfriend.” People were genuinely surprised that I put care and thought into my friendships.

[@cristinarivera5707]

Robyn Henderson People put so much stock in romantic relationships and act like their platonic relationships are just second fiddle or a waiting room until that long term romantic relationship happens for them

[@BASEDinMaine]

Cristina & Robyn, have you heard of the term 'relationship anarchy'? Its a worldview that comes close to what you're describing. Worth a quick search.

[@crownedmelaninqueen]

Robyn Henderson Yes I fell in quick love with a girlfriend and she and I were like instant besties but we never gave that title. We talk so emotionally intimately and she would plug then pull the plug. Fade then return then fade. It’s so hurtful and now I pray for her and I just let God show me how to deal with this. I want both of us to be healthy I desire to be and have healthy same sex relationships.

[@remylabeau5140]

The first person I ever fell in love with was a love bomber. I was only 18 at the time so I was pretty young and it sucked. It took me about four years to get over the relationship but ever since then I know exactly how to spot those kinds of individuals

[@stampandscrap7494]

To be honest as a 54 year old now happily married woman. Many bad relationships. It breaks down to this for both Men and Women. Respect yourself and respect others. Don't treat anyone as if they are a god or goddess just for deining to have you in their life. No relationship where one feels infinatly superior or inferior will be a happy one. Because when it comes down to it, no one respects you if you grovel, and no one will truly love you if you treat them like a doormat. Also people are never perfect, wait until you have a good idea of their faults and they have a good idea of your faults before making a commitment. Don't ignore them. Or thibk you can change themz you won't But decide will this drive mr crazy or will I just smile and think thats just my man/woman. It truly doesn't matter how beautiful or ugly you are or feel, if you treat the other person with genuine respect but not worship and they treat you the same way . Share what you love without forcing it that's how you build a genuine caring, loving and safe relationship. I also do not trust my partner 100% because I don't trust myself 100%. One day he may meet someone who just lights up his world in a life changing way. I also might. I don't think so and I definatly at this point do not want to. But as I know this and so does he we continue to not take each other for granted. Also we do not live our lives through each other we have both joint and differing interests. We can rebuild our lives easier if something happened. We do not stay together out of fear of being alone. We stay together because we genuinely love each other.

[@samwallaceart288]

Stamp and Scrap - thank you

[@nxoxo7322]

thank you for sharing!

[@shrutirasaily231]

This was soo to the point and true!

[@annaarredondo9684]

I think I was lovebombed. From the beginning when we met two years ago he was very persistent, he told me he loved me, the second time we ever hung out he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was so persistent on wanting to get married and having kids even though we were only 20. Eventually we got married last December then I found out a month ago after moving from Texas to Washington with him that he had been on dating sites for 3 months love bombing other girls saying ‘I wanna marry you’ when were still married. Now he’s completely ghosted me and we haven’t finished the divorce process, it hurts. You give everything to someone and they used to be giving everything to you and now they don’t, it feels weird.

[@nijahsade]

Anna Arredondo yikes! Same situation. Except I loved from Texas to Cali. And thank god I haven’t found out about any dating sites. I’ve just learned how to emotionally detach. Somehow my intuition tells me to do so. Love bombers can’t be trusted. What part of Texas are you from? I moved from North Richland Hills!

[@annaarredondo9684]

Anything4Ni I wish it was only dating sites, not only did he leave me home every weekend but he also went to strip clubs spending 2k on other girls :( and was actively telling others he was single. It sucks, I’m trying to detach myself but at the end of the day I still love him and he was someone super important. I’m from San Antonio :) did you move back to Texas?

[@nijahsade]

Anna Arredondo nope still in Cali! Are you living back? I actually Love it out here!! He sounds like he doesn’t deserve you!

[@annaarredondo9684]

Anything4Ni oh wow that’s so cool! I moved back to Texas after I found out he was cheating so unfortunately I’m back here

[@paulaabeta]

I got love bombed and ended up dating a NARCISSIST for 18 months!!! It didn’t help that we actually did have a lot of the same interests. So we were in jet fuel for a while but we both had trauma and toxic behaviors . I’ve been in therapy since the breakup in 2017 and this year did inner child healing which peeled off huge layers off me . Wow!

[@Vincisomething]

I can't compliment people unless I mean it. Even if it feels like they're fishing (which already annoys me), I don't even say anything. The guy who mentally abused and love bombed me would always put himself down and it was pretty clear he was looking for compliments. I just pretended to not get what he was trying to do. One time he came in a room (we barely knew each other) and he went, "please don't make fun me, people say I'm too skinny." Like I wasn't going to.. but now I prefer guys with a lot more muscle and build so thanks for helping me get an idea of what my type is and definitely isn't.

[@user-go2xi7zq5q]

Vincisomething or maybe he was just truly insecure, rather than fishing for compliments?

[@whyarepeoplethewaythattheyare]

@@user-go2xi7zq5q insecurity that manifests in manipulative behaviour and sneaky attempts at gaining attention is a problem. A person can be insecure yet handle it in a mature and healthy way. Then there are those who allow their insecurities to turn them into shitty people.

[@Vincisomething]

@@user-go2xi7zq5q obviously he was secure if he was fishing. He would always make people try to pity him. Other times he would tell lies about people who "hurt" him just to get pity from others. I get insecure, but I don't do the shit he does. I bottle it up and keep it to myself 😂

[@xolacole]

Just pulled myself out of a two year relationship with a narcissist who gaslighted me about 90% of the relationship. Wish I would’ve known about “love-bombing” a while ago but this timing was perfect. Thank you for this.

[@JoshDennis]

“What’s the expiration date on these shrimps?” 😂

[@supriyaingle3270]

I had a boyfriend who was suddenly over all over me with words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time. I was crashed by his sweetness. He was confident that we were meant to be together. I was hooked up to the extent that I was supporting him financially, 100%. I thought we have lifetime to know each other. Someday we will discuss what I want and what he wants. He was there all the time. There was no intermittent rewards. I did whatever I could do for him to be happy. I let him crushed all my boundaries. He used to say that his motto is to take care of me and my dreams. But he never was bothered to really know my dreams. After a year and half, he moved to the different city. And that space allowed me to know him without chemical love in my brain. One red flag I saw was his lack of responsibility and accountability. I remember when just told him I wanna study abroad. He made me feel like I am being selfish to go away and he is paying for it by waiting for me in India. My dreams were always an issue (another red flag). Everything used to end in him doing so much for relationship and me feeling guilty. It took me while to seriously break up with him because he always wanted to try and be together without changing behavior. I realised he was living his fantasy and I happened to be there. I learned to listen actions than words, no matter how real they sound. Also that I stayed with him because my ego was enjoying attention and being savior. My ego kept me in his fantasy. Good experience though. This happened in India. It might look bit different in Western word. But the ego trip is same.

[@melissamascorro9682]

I was in a relationship that was on and off for 3 years. He showed a lot of narcissistic traits. I never knew there was a fern for this, or that it was a form of manipulation. For so long I couldn’t understand why he would be so loving and kind to me, then suddenly go so cold and disappear... only to come back and do it all over again. It resulted in a lot of emotional instability within myself and i allowed it to continue because I wanted that love, even if it was inconsistent. We broke up a few months ago and he is currently dating someone new. He’s been dating her for less than 3 months and he’s already posting about how in love he is. This has been so difficult for me, though it’s forced me to let go. I now realize he’s love bombing her also. To already be telling her he’s in love/loves her? He does this until he’s bored and goes to someone new. I am still healing and it’s taking A LOT of conscious work to choose my future because of how addicted I became to the dynamic of the relationship. I’m glad this video popped up. I’m realizing I dodged a major bullet.

[@zPhresh]

Men do this because they know it’s worked, and will continue to work.

[@fionasunday2393]

I'm 18 and this was like my first actual relationship...he was my best friend...

[@je39981]

Some people make good friends but not good partners.

[@isabelcriadob]

I feel like no other woman has talked about how they were the one doing the love bombing. I have been that person. I moved when I was young, and was naive enough to be assaulted and being very shy I jumped from a relationship to another constantly. I knew something was wrong with me because I kept being super in love and then, suddenly, not feeling it. I started seeing a psychologist last year when I hit one of the lowest points in my life and Im working to better myself. Turns out I have a problem with intimacy because of what happened to me, and so when it gets too real, I back out and dont feel. I close myself. So yeah. Thats my story. This isnt only because of men.

[@ehsh3072]

YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THE MANIPULATIVE NARCISSISISTS THAT HURT PEOPLE CASUALLY OR DO SO WITHOUT FEELING SORRY. YOU HAVE HAD TRAUMA CAUSE YOU TO FEEL AFRAID OF BEING HURT OR TOO CLOSE TO PEOPLE AND I WOULD BET YOU DIDNT INTENTIONALLY CAUSE ANYONE TO BE LEAD ON AND HURT AND ALWAYS FELT REMORSE OR CONFLICTED. IF YOU HURT PEOPLE, SOMETHING THAT WOULD LET THEM HEAL IS FOR YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY DIDNT DESERVE THAT KIND OF TREATMENT AND YOU ARE SORRY IF YOU HURT THEM. I KNOW FOR ME IT MEANT ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD TO BE TOLD SORRY SINCERELY DFROM SOMEONE WHO BROKE MY HEART. IT HELPED ME GAIN SELF RESPECT BACK. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR ENDEAVORS.

[@JonBandMiley]

Don't worry. "Love Bombing" is just a made up term. If you look at the "signs" and how long it could take and all that... and what happens with it and all that.... they can be truthfully said about ANY relationship. ALL relationships lose that "fresh new car scent smell" as they call it. It won't always be special like the first time. I'd say you were just protecting yourself from getting hurt. I think you were trying to prevent yourself from falling in love, so that you don't get heart broken.

[@isabelcriadob]

@@ehsh3072 thank you for saying this

[@isabelcriadob]

@AliSand Okay. I was 18 when I wrote this. 15 when it happened. Good to know other people understood.

[@adrianortega-matta9765]

After all this time did you feel like you had recovered or became a better version of yourself?

[@magdalena9082]

Wow, Shan, this was an eye opener!!! I didn’t even know there‘s a concept of „Love Bombing“!!! This explained almost EVERY GUY I dated in my 20‘s and early 30‘s 😳😩 I wish I would’ve had you in my life 10 years ago!!! But when I met my husband, it was different. It was 🔥 from the first day, but it kept its intensity until today, even increased in ways of intimicy and trust. ❤️

[@gilbertrobert439]

You fuckin old furniture.

[@generationlove2817]

Some people enjoy the "love bombing" until they're expected to reciprocate. Others, who are "love bombers" simply love hard, and just need to learn how to slow down, set boundaries, and "expect" a relationship of reciprocity. Until then, spend such rare energy serving the global community, where sharing love and resources would be appreciated, and yet, where reciprocity would not be the main focus.

[@syd6126]

I feel like a relationship should be the opposite. It should start slow and get more flowery over time. Like, if a guy showed up to your apartment with a whole bouquet of roses it would be nice but you wouldn't see his face and the only way to reveal himself with me to take those roses away. Whereas if he starts off with a single rose you get to see them for who they truly are. And from one, all a bouquet can do is grow.

[@amena_music]

Broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years tonight and guess what... I'm a love bomber :'( Amazing fast start to the relationship but I dont think I was ever ready for it. This really puts everything into perspective for me. The love boming now seems obvious as we were in a long distance realtionship, waiting for the next holiday to cure our weeks of arguments. I know we need space to grow & we'll be in much less pain now. Thank you so much for the insight Shann, would love to watch more vids like this ❤ (Weirdly saw this vid AFTER the break up)

[@ZawadiBirya]

So sick that they're people who do this on purpose.

[@denishaross6089]

We knew each other months before we started talking. He told me he saw himself building a future with me and working on buying a house for us, he was always gonna be apart of my life no matter what. He would tell me that I was different, like, I was the woman that was gonna change him. Months later...he would tell me I have smart mouth and I need to get some “get right”. When I would ask him what did I say to make you feel that way he’ll say don’t worry about or brush it off. This became a cycle where I would try to talk to him to get clear about things he would take it as me trying to argue. When he would come for my womanhood, calling me crazy, saying I act like a child I would clap back. He would say things like “when you find someone else don’t treat them like you treated me” and “treat people how you want to be treated”, which was confusing to me because I treated him with nothing but respect. Everything was always my fault. Now, I’m here lonely af still wondering why, and what I did. I’m losing myself. The sad part about it is I still want him to be apart of my life like we both promised. Chile, I done got mad.

[@cianahorton]

This was something my ex did. I tried to leave him in the first week ended up in a sick relationship for 3 months. I literally wasn't allowed to talk without him exploding and telling me I'm trash. I waited for him to mess up and gave him all his shit and kicked him out. He private called me for 2 weeks, tried to take away my new friends, and stalked me. I had to get a restraining order

[@tasintamron]

This video is literally exactly what I needed. I feel like I’m going through this with someone I’m supposed to be casual with. Things really hit off at first but it took no time for them to go south. There was no gifts involved and we didn’t spend a lot of time together but we talked a lot. There was lots of affection for no reason on his end and slowly we just stopped talking. Due to his schedule but mostly the game he was playing! I did a pretty good job at not thinking about him, that is until I woke up to a text from him. We saw each other and the same thing is fucking happening. We texted consistently after seeing each other (showing affection) and now I can’t even get a response. I bet he’ll pop up in a few weeks but I won’t be available! I thought maybe I was too attached?? I expected too much?? But this video put things into perspective. Thank you! 💖

[@nevermindmyname813]

My first love was exactly like this. I was so infatuated and addicted to him, and he strung me along so long, in and out of my life for years. I recently told him that I have a new boyfriend and that feels like a huge accomplishment that I'm putting an end to the cycle. But the problem now is what Shan said about projecting ideals of romanticism onto a person and being the barrier to your own happiness makes me think about myself and my current actions in my relationship. I don't think I've love bombed him yet, but I can see how it could turn into that is I don't check myself

[@gabriellecintron6402]

This happened to me recently as well. From the start he told me he didn't want a serious relationship because he had just gotten out of something long term, and I was respectful and told him I was okay with that because I wanted him to heal, as well as me leaving NYC for the summer. The first two months of us dating were amazing, even the first date I spent with him we were out from 5PM to 1AM and I had never felt chemistry or a connection with someone like him before either. I managed to get seriously hurt 2 days after the first date, and he came with me to the hospital the next day and surprised me with a care package later in the week and kept on wanting to check up on me. We were spending so much time with each other and I fell for him, hard. I was gone for a week for spring break, and he would randomly call me or facetime me and we'd stay up to 4AM talking on the phone, eventually falling asleep on each other. Once I was back, we kept it up until I left again, and so we were long distance for a bit, but made the effort to talk to each other despite a 3 hour time difference and would talk on the phone and facetime. I eventually accidentally told him I loved him while I was away (I felt that way but didn't want to say it because of us not even being official) but he said it back a week later. Eventually I noticed he started to act distant, and I called it out. He'd say life was hard or that me being away was taking a toll on him, but I told him if he didn't feel the same then to not pick me up from the airport when I came back. But he insisted and so he did. When I came back 2 months later, I noticed he was a little off but I thought maybe he was tired or not used to having me around again. The weeks after things started picking back up again; we had an amazing time for his birthday and I thought everything was okay again. But then came the distance again, and every time I wanted to hang out with him/do an activity with his interest in mind there was always another excuse, either work or school, etc. Fast forward a few weeks later, when he told me he didn't want this anymore because he wanted to be single and he felt like I was suffocating him and he needed time to work on himself. Fast forward to a few days after that, he posts on his Instagram pictures of him with a new girl (he never posted any of me and when I called him out on it he said he wanted to be official first) and I eventually get him to tell me he's a relationship with this girl in a span of 3 weeks (who, coincidentally, just got out of a long term relationship). I'm still struggling to deal with it and heal but this video/quiz made me realize that it wasn't myself, and now I know better for next time.

[@AlllSmiless]

I'm sorry this happened to you. He sounds like a POS honestly, you definitely dodged a bullet. 💜

[@ssissigui8846]

Sounds like a rebound too me. Sorry it happened to u, but happy it did not last too long. You can only have something better

[@superdooper1830]

Ugh I’m so sorry ☹️ xx I really feel for you right now

[@damnmuggle]

I’m so sorry

[@gabriellecintron6402]

Thanks everyone, I honestly didn’t expect this comment to get as much traffic as it did but I appreciate the support. Just a little update: he did admit to me that I was basically a rebound, and he keeps telling me he wants to be friends but I don’t think I can do that with him after he hurt me so badly in a way that I didn’t deserve. As of right now I know he’s still dating the girl. As for me personally I’m trying to put myself back out there, just being a lot more cautious this time and not settling for less. Thanks, and I really hope that if anyone else who is out there in a similar situation knows that it’s not your fault.

[@paris1584]

Shannon needs her 1MIL subscribers real quick. That outro was next level.

[@ctgal9698]

Really scary! On our third phone call he wanted to be my man, spend his future with me, promised to make me always happy, stated he never felt such strong feelings in his entire life, didn't want to lose me. I told him I don't move fast and we need to develop a real friendship first before moving forward any further. He ghosted me thankfully.

[@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa]

I love u Mrs. Boody -- you are of service to society ❤🌻

[@ezz06]

I feel this with some friendships I have had. Fun, gifts and excitement and then it becomes inconsistent with me then overinvesting to get them to like me more... crazy how much I relate.

[@rexflores8461]

I'm a man and this kept happening to me and I could not understand why there are so many women in my experience as a straight man or my irrational responses until a neuroscientist explained it on a podcast. That shtt is criminal and painful. I don't even text everyday and this one girl literally trained me to text back quickly just so that she can start texting me inconsistently. And I would ask her about it and she would just smile or laugh.

[@gigglesticks1240]

It's so nice and helpful to have someone do a video on this without making it about narcissism. We ALL do this stuff, and we all need to face it. This video is very digestible and spot on! Thank you! 👍

[@victoriarasmussen2496]

The first time I heard about love bombing was when I was in college and in one of my classes we were learning about cults and how they manipulate and condition their members.

[@sarena2741]

Shan just spoke the god given truth into my soul, amen sis

[@lollykiss2000]

I always thought something was wrong with me for not being flattered or head over heels when a guy I’m talking to love bombs me. I see it as a major turn off because they most of the time don’t know me. I’m like really you love me 😒

[@DeaB2012]

I'm a love bomber 😯. Wasn't prepared for that at all... but appreciated the video

[@shawnawallace4582]

Please tells us more

[@DeaB2012]

@@shawnawallace4582 I think I have a fantasized idea of what relationships should be and when my significant other fails to live up to those unrealistic expectations I tend to distance myself or start arguments to try and get out of the relationship

[@helenvoss]

@Stephen Henesian u sound like an incel

[@katarzynachojnacka5751]

@Stephen Henesian instead of wasting time and energy on some sour ass complaining on a video that isn't even meant for you ,hit the gym take care of yourself first so you can become what you want to be, because guess what sweetheart this is both way street there is plenty women out there with low self-esteem that either came from an abusive household or disfunctional society or maybe other reasons, that may go through something that you going through or go through way worse than you can imagine and can't get out of that mindset ... Everytime I click on a video where a woman gives an advice to other women there is always this one sour ass guy there trying to make it about them... Wtf?! Gtfo with that childish boys vs girls bs

[@katarzynachojnacka5751]

@@DeaB2012 same, I know that there isn't a perfect relationship but I want it all ,or nothing at all ...

[@DreahHeadJ26]

Yup I’m a love bomber once figured out what I do/done; I’ve been trying to fix that.

[@everyoneheresucks684]

I am so happy this ended up being recommended. My name is Hannah and, I'm addicted to Love Bombers.

[@januaryjones8010]

Hey Hannah

[@aphrodite1699]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@mads9330]

I love that she recognizes that you could be the culprit and not the victim. Its hard to find how we can fix these flaws within ourselves to stop the cycle.

[@Muslimah33]

Went through this with my ex. I didn’t believe the love bombing because it was way too fast. No one had ever liked me that much, so I appreciated feeling special and taken care of. He cut me off and then wanted to get back together. I was having none of this behavior and wouldn’t let him back in my life even though people tried to pressure me into talking to him.

[@A-Noodles]

I appreciated the quiz. I thought I was in a lovebomb relationship, it's actually healthy and I need to just let the good times roll.

[@Wwumzymumzy]

I’m always on the defense against love bombers, so it surprised me that the test said I am one. When I was in high school every girl I knew got played by the same lies and tricks and I’ve never forgotten their sadness. I suppose in my efforts to never get played, I became the very kind of person I want to avoid. That’s just sad. We should end cycles of hurt, not perpetuate them.

[@neoglow]

Thank you. There is so much to say, so many emotions, i thought i was a ride or die but then i finally woke up after 5 years. Thank you, you are appreciated. Truly thank you.

[@abiward2007]

My recent situation seems similar to this. I had been speaking to this guy for a couple of weeks & we went on 3 dates. All he did was talk about sex, he was really arrogant & belittle me. If I tried to say something back to him when he was arrogant to lower his ego he would say I’ve upset him. The next minute he would compliment me to an extreme. We ended up argueing, the next day after 3 dates he turned up at my house with a bouquet of flowers. So odd! This sounds similar to love bombing, even if it had only been a very short amount of time. Turns out he’s cheating on his wife and I exposed him.

[@aishastover6981]

I love how you get your message across.. and no I’m not love bombing 😂 I’ve been following you for years and you never fail to impress me with your content! Your hair is amazing too, you are glowing 😍

[@M3RRY]

THIS HAIR!!!! 🙈💜🙏🏾 Shan you said “the sex of it all” 😂😩 fix us! Thank you for this, I’m constantly being made fun of because I literally run away from people that give too much too soon. Something goes off inside me and I’m gone! And people are like “you’re too short with people, give them a chance” I’m like I already know where this is going whoooo has time for a rerun? Not I! Love the stories in the beginning, it’s all working!!!

[@weehollie2]

This video got me through the weekend after discovering my man was a love bomber. I'm glad it's over and feel sooo empowered after watching your video sis!

[@All.ThingsRE]

I think this man that just popped up out of nowhere is love bombing me or a Romeo. He bought a ticket to visit me and planning to relocate for me. I told him there’s no rush, but I’m going to see where his head is during his visit. I’m going into this with a clear head and logic. I have never knowingly experienced this and I’m scared as hell.

[@Luxesharee]

I went from being a love bomber when I was younger to getting love bombed as an adult. Karma much?

[@MLawrence5789]

Yep, it sucks when what you do to someone else comes back around and bites you in the A$$....doesn’t it?

[@truvy_5544]

Its been 4 years since i was in a relationship & I realized this that most of my relationship was rushed, I was abuse in my last one & it took awhile for me to heal. Tbh I'm still healing & learning the game I didn't know about at 15 &16

[@jotey5129]

Also consider the possibility that the person was infatuated with you in the beginning, then ACTUALLY GOT TO KNOW YOU...and realized you weren't really likeable. Then with time, that person then became less motivated to do nice things for you. It actually sounds crazy when you brand your exes as some diabolical, strategic, evil people. When you say that, wise people can see the real truth.

[@faithmarie1448]

When you are finally pushed to the end it’s so hard to understand and process that it all was never real 😔 messing with someone’s heart is no joke

[@elianarodriguez6947]

STOP!! LOL. You're DRAGGING ME right now😫😓. I'm triggered, this happened to me earlier this year. He literally ghosted me for 4 days and I was DONE. Love you and thank you for your AWESOME content! I need to work on this.

[@jenniiferdo]

damn girl, this is on pointttt

[@DaScorpioQueen1026]

First of all, I want to thank you for putting this series together. As a mother of teens, I worry that someone is going to hurt my child's heart beyond repair. I worry that they may cause pain for someone else.We are very open and honest with them about relationships, love and intimacy, but because our children are Americans who live abroad and are homeschooled. They don't have the contact they would have if they went to school and had daily interactions with their peers. We have watched your videos for years as a way to start discussions, answer questions and educate them on what it means to be a responsible,sexually active adult. Thank you for making relationship advice accessible for all.

[@TheNLful]

I saw the signs early on and had walked away. I should've stayed away, but I got wrapped up in it all over. I gave him everything because he made me believe I never did enough. I don't regret anything because I learned so much from this relationship. I'm still healing, and I will forever be affected because I ended up pregnant. But I know my worth. I know the love I hold and it's time to give it to myself and most importantly my baby. He chose not to be in my life in the end, which is great. Because he needed me more than I needed him. I feel free and one day soon I will be happy with myself without relying on someone else. And my baby will know true love and strength. He or she will never go without

[@TaikinaBeauty]

“What’s the expiry date on these shrimps” LmaoooooooooooooooO suscribed

[@living.on.a.floating.rock.]

I am following you from Romania! My favorite chapter of your book is "the 6 figure flirt" 😏 I find it super useful even though I am married and I have a 9month old! Kisses!

[@debbiebarrera8370]

I was in that kind of relationship for two years... he kept me hanging by a thread... the moment I gave up and left we went three months no contact.. he then came back showering me with love and attention asking for me back and saying he would do anything and everything to keep me only for him to play the same game and treat me the same exact way.. he would call me dramatic and trying to "start" when I would ask him why he pulled back and why he was treating me this way.. he made me feel crazy and like I was imagining it...I felt so hopeless and found myself clinging to the thought of the relationship the fantasy where it would once go back to the way it was when I was being love bombed but no it didn't, it took courage and alot of love for myself to realize that NO that is NOT where I needed to be that is not what I wanted and that would NOT be my future, so I CHOSE to walk away this time for good. I blocked him from all levels of communication and never felt better. YOUR feelings matter and a partner who loves you will not make you feel crazy for expressing your concerns or fears in a relationship, they will not make you feel crazy when they have pulled back. that was not love, love is what I showed myself by walking away and allowing myself no live free and never allowing him to hurt me again.

[@KNakanishi]

Love is a fire. How do you start a fire that will last you through the night and keep you safe and warm? You start it low and slow. You are gentle. You just need a little spark, then you slowly feed into it until it steadily grows into a flame, and eventually a roaring fire. If you smother it at the start and pour gasoline on it, it'll fireball, explode, then burn out of control for a bit before dying down altogether.

[@kmharbridge]

I want to see Shan on Red Table Talk! 🙌🏼

[@Think-see]

This is Perfectly timed! Thank you Universe!

[@Ellequisha]

Shan I love how you have literally not changed but consistently evolved on your channel!!! I’ve been watching you for years and I always want to give you a hug when I see you’re back drop change, you bring up some bomb ass subject, etc. LOVE YOU BISH!! 💛💛💋

[@manushka7297]

Love Bombing was what my abusive ex did to me. It's what a lot of abusers actually do. He got me into his web and I was stuck there for a year. Also I'm bipolar and was manic most of the time, and he would purposefully trigger me to keep my head spinning. I'm glad I got out because he almost killed me. But I know first hand and its a swift way to spot an abuser and run

[@JungleYT]

There is some Indian psychologist on here ( KZbin ) who gave her version of "Love Bombing" as some guy taking a lady on trips or whisking her off to exotic locations, giving her gifts, etc., who slowly grows distant and breaks things off... And I was like, yeah, "How long could even a rich guy keep up that intensity?" Especially if it's based largely on material things? After a while he's gonna get exhausted mentally and financially... Especially once he gets what he wants... The same if a guy gives a woman lots of attention and *ends up with nothing* ... He's gonna lose interest... Getting P*ssy is like going to war for the average guy. It involves "tactics", accessing the weather, the terrain, etc. And those who win are not afraid to use brutal tactics. That's how women often end up getting lied to, disappointed, hurt, etc.

[@papi_manny]

Missed you sis. So glad to see you here ❣❣

[@BooDotBoo]

I've definitely started to be on the lookout for this more. Like, if it's feeling too good to be true or something, it probably is, is what I've started living by. A relationship should start out "normal", not with any extreme gestures, not a bunch of confusion, it should have consistency... it should feel like two people getting to know each other.

[@JustBeREAL1st]

56 days no contact keep going-we got this!!!