The Drama Triangle | Transactional Analysis Games | Lauren Kress

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

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[@imapandaperson]

Being raised by a narcissistic and abusive mother, with a father who enabled her --- I have shifted through all 3 roles throughout my life, with my brain trying constantly to find ways to survive. Thank you so much for this video, I'm gonna show this to my trauma therapist so I can work on my own toxicities.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You are very welcome and thank you for sharing so openly. It’s so great that you have a therapist to work through this with and wish all the best for you on your journey ❤️

[@Hmbldzy99]

Thanks for this. My therapist mentioned the drama triangle today. I'm a single man who is dating a woman who is currently enabling another man (victim) and their friendship is platonic. She went from the rescuer (he needed a place to live and is a popular local musician) and she is now the victim because she literally went bankrupt supporting the dude. My initial reaction is to want to come in as the rescuer, that's what I've been most of my life and it definitely hasn't worked out well (10 years in a narcissistic cycle of abuse, completely healed after 5 years of intense self-work). Learning about the drama triangle just saved me a lot of time. Thank you for the easy to understand language and fun presentation.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You're very welcome, so glad you found this helpful!

[@ZulcanPrime]

The Drama Triangle was based on ancient Greek plays over two thousand years ago. I had been mostly in the role of a 'victim' when I was a young naïve passive man. However, after more life experiences and self improvement plus reading about TA and games people play I become confident and assertive. I am now able to deal with conflict situations from toxic people.

[@xEloiseKerryx]

The best explanation I've found. Thank you. Putting victim at the bottom and rescuer and persecutor on the same level really makes it make more sense energy wise. Total game changer. Love it!!!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Eloise, glad you liked it :)

[@natbinette3676]

This is amazing. For 4 years now I've been aware of this model... and I've had coaching about this model and how it plays out in my life BUT, I hadn't worked out how to break the cycle and now you've given me a road map. I am truly grateful. This information is massively empowering :-)

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

So happy to hear that Nat! Thank you for sharing your journey and I'm so glad that you found this helpful and empowering! Wishing you a safe, happy & healthy 2021!

[@Btn1136]

What’s interesting is that this triangle of conflict can exist with in a single person when they are especially fragmented.

[@aishaeveleigh7668]

I can identify times where my mind falls into these three categories at different times and am interested to know if my mind is fragmented. I think it's normal for minds to float in and out of all three, it's about identifying that in a mindful way and not falling into it too much. I'm interested about what you mean by fragmented as I've not heard of these before? Thanks :)

[@richardgigg1640]

@@aishaeveleigh7668 I don't think it is fragmented just how we have been brought up in the society we live in. A society where there is a right way and a wrong way of being

[@harrietthespy2119]

Internal conflict is the main reason we externalize the conflict within relationships with others. Internal conflict can be resolved with EMDR/IFS therapy!

[@biancaperry34]

I was talking about a problem with my boyfriend to a friend and they said that is was a drama triangle… I see al three of these types of people in him. And I find myself trying to comfort him when he’s the “victim” but he’s trying to “help me” by telling me what to do like the rescuer, and if I don’t need the help didn’t ask for it and have got it under control and let him know that I appreciate the help but I don’t need it he becomes the persecutor… idk what to do?

[@biancaperry34]

By the end of it all we both feel like “victims”

[@kaboutertje1561]

I went from rescuer to prosecuter to victim, where i am now. Thank u for this, i think this is something i needed to hear, it makes alot of sense to me.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

undefined int I’m so glad to hear you found it helpful !

[@meisterfrederick3967]

Learned about this while studying TA in the early ‘70s…Eric Berne and Claude Steiner. Still using it today!

[@joyeaman5476]

I've been using the drama triangle model for years in my coaching practice as well as when helping friends and colleagues. I was looking for a succinct way of describing it and came across your video. It is perfect. Concise, really easy to understand and covers so much ground. I will point people towards your video because it says it all. Thank you so much. (This is also the first ever time I felt inspired to write a message on KZbin!)

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Wow, Jo, how kind of you to say! Thank you so much and greatly appreciate your referral to this video also.

[@dntstopmenow]

My counsellor introduced me to this topic today and it's crazy how much this triangle fits into nearly every family dynamic/friend dynamic I have. Thank you for this :)

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You’re welcome :)

[@coltenkelso5764]

I'm here to learn more about this triangle. My therapist told me about it. I generally get pulled into this triangle as the rescuer. I've always been the "nice guy". Trying to learn more about this triangle and to stay out of it. Thank you for this video.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You’re welcome Colten! Thanks for sharing what you’re working through in your journey here in the comments :)

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Hello everyone! Thank you for all the lovely comments - I really appreciate it! It has inspired me to make more videos like this and I'd love to know more about what you'd like to hear about. I'm also hoping that some of you may be able to help me make this video more widely accessible. I've enabled an "add translation" function to this video which you can see if you click on the three dots button (...) Do you speak another language? If you found this valuable and want to help others learn about the drama triangle can you help me translate this into the language you speak? All contributors to adding translations for this video will be featured in the credits for this video. Let me know if you have any questions or anything I can do to help as well xo

[@ManCalledHorse]

Can you do a video on how to deal with those roles so a person will know how to keep from being sucked into the triangle by another? For example a persecutor trying to get you as an Allie against someone or something else. Or a victim keeps trying to solicit a rescuer from you. Great video, informative!

[@JStevenson13]

I would like to see one of these made for tweens (10-12 y.o.). I work with middle school kids and would love to see this geared towards girl drama. Thanks for sharing this!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Appreciate the feedback and idea Jessica Stevenson - I've added this to my content to-do list!

[@cherylkeys1284]

I am grateful for the insight I received from this video. It explains perfectly an interaction in my family this past week and has led me to delve further into the concept.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Cheryl Keys - thank you for your kind comment I’m so glad you found this helpful :)

[@criticalbil1]

Excellent work. Clearly and economically explained without being simplistic. Just what I was looking for.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks for your lovely comment :)

[@debbiestaite3184]

Thank you for this. I've been looking for a drama tri video that explains this well and I believe yours is the best. Cheers

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Debbie!

[@jordanhenare7068]

Fantastic explanation of Karpman's Triangle. Concise, useful, poignant, easy to understand. Thanks very much for this, will definitely be sharing it within professional and personal social circles!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Hey Jordan! Thanks for your kind comment :) Appreciate it!

[@amyj.4992]

Definitely the rescuer part of the drama triangle, and I needed this video. It came right on time

[@amyj.4992]

And I have enabled shitty cycles in other people, trying to "validate" them

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Glad to hear Amy :)

[@dayangerry]

Good explanation, Karpman was part of the Transactional Analysis theoretical approach and the starting gate refers to the life script proposed by Eric Berne.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Appreciate you saying so Dayami Fernandes!

[@JohnSmith9386]

This needs to be shared by everyone here!!!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks John! Appreciate it :)

[@vertrauensvollerfreund]

This is the best explenation of the Dramatriangle I've ever seen, Thank you so much

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Andreas Ändy Riechert - thank you! I'm so glad you found it helpful and thanks for saying so as well :)

[@vertrauensvollerfreund]

Which Software did U use, to make this Video? Thanks for ur feedback.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Hey Andreas, I used videoscribe software (from Sparkol.com) hope this helps!

[@vertrauensvollerfreund]

Thx great Job 😉

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Andreas !

[@mwalker1354]

Thanks very much. Great approach, well written and read. Very helpful. Cheers, Mw

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you for saying so M Walker!

[@Ifzal42]

Great video. Really easy to understand for those of us new to this. Thank you.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You're welcome Ifzal and thank you for your comment!

[@CherylMuir]

You explained this so well! Loved the animation. It's powerful once we understand how our family dynamics impact how we're showing up in relationships today ❤️

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Cheryl Muir thank you! Glad you found it helpful :)

[@jasonhansoncounselling2432]

Really well explained Lauren, will be interesting to keep this in mind with one of my clients

[@tigeechan2040]

Love it. Great explanation! The drawings are icing on the cake. Just stumbled on this today, going to find out more.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Tigee!! Glad you enjoyed it :)

[@pamwoodson7372]

Solid explanation with most importantly suggestions on how to respond to stay out of the triangle.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Pam Woodson - Thanks Pam! Glad you found it to be a useful explanation

[@thepurposecollective]

This is great @lauren - thanks so much - sharing with some clients now!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Carla! Great to be connected on LinkedIn too :)

[@katiebarrett1433]

Really awesome video, hanks so much. My Mum has just started therapy again and mentioned this triangle so this was a great explainer for it ❤

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You’re welcome Katie! Thanks for the lovely comment :)

[@wynstansmom829]

This was an excellent presentation and I learned so much. I also have copied the video link and posted it to the INTJ subreddit. Thank you.

[@Ceannsias]

Thank you for the video, highly informative as well as wonderful animations. You certainly have a talent for excellent quality.

[@KazakhToon]

Great summary of what is a pretty new theory to me. Thanks!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you! Appreciate you taking the time to say so - I'm glad you found it helpful!

[@zephyrkhambatta]

Great one Lauren, thanks!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you Zephyr! 🙏

[@spambamsniper7980]

This is perfect and very helpful, thank you for making this video 💗

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

I'm so glad this was helpful to you - thanks for your lovely comment!

[@maureenbernard5061]

Thank you for the ebook download!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

No problem Maureen! thanks for your comment :)

[@CherylMuir]

Excellent explanation. I'm sharing this with my community ❤️

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Cheryl!

[@athenakyle2777]

I'm finally getting the proper help I need. Being a rescuer and confused as to why they leave. Has put me in victim mode of feeling like everybody uses me. Then I become prosecuting to those around me who actually care to not turn their backs on me. But, certain trauma catches up to me and I lash out.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Glad to hear you’re getting the help you need Athena ❤️ thanks for sharing your experience

[@tobydurrant4035]

Really useful video thanks Lauren.

[@tediouspig4959]

Great video. Well done. I look forward for more.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

parcli - I’m glad to hear it! Thank you for your comment :)

[@tomfogg4627]

So clear and helpful. Thank you

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You’re welcome! Thanks for the kind comment Tom :)

[@eyes-of-angels]

great video, many thanks. will share with my mental health students. i wish you did one on the pac model!

[@rutheames979]

Yes please!!!!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks for the idea Indi Angel and Ruth Earnes - OK I will :)

[@ancabostinariu6550]

Very good presentation!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you Anca!

[@annecheng1813]

Bravo! Thank you!

[@JustinRohrerJr]

The rescuer is the most toxic role in the triangle. Mostly because people who believe it’s their job to fix other peoples problems are usually very arrogant and extremely abusive and depend on how others view them for their self esteem. Therefore building an ego.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Justin. I don’t know that any are more or less toxic - they are all problematic in their own ways.

[@meninne3able]

Amazing video. Thank you.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Monica! Glad you enjoyed it :)

[@chalkschoolscounsellingser6472]

Thank you so much this is so helpful. x

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks for your comment! So glad you found this video helpful!

[@strategysprints]

Beautiful, thanks!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Glad you like it!

[@IamJeromeFord]

Good breakdown!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Jerome!

[@willow_pillow]

Im going back and forth beeing the rescuer/ persecuter, but my man is on the persecuter/victim side of the triangle. When we both ends up as the persecuter, the arguing is so intense.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

It’s certainly challenging when we fall into the trap of playing these roles.

[@cazek445]

Very helpfull keep it up!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you! Glad you found it helpful!

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Very helpful. Thank you

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You’re welcome Mellie! Thanks for your comment :)

[@damianinwood3490]

Super clear . Well done & thanks

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Cheers Cliff :)

[@AllTotalCoaching]

Lauren thank you so Much great job

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you :)

[@ECConlinetherapy]

Thank you for this video 💜

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You're welcome! Thanks for your comment :)

[@tomg5187]

Fantastic thank you i was shown this at college :-)

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You’re welcome Tom! Thanks for taking the time to come back to the video and leave your comment ❤️ appreciate it!

[@deborahann9474]

the strongest boundaries are made in love. boundaries made with any type of hate or rejection is a fantasy lie. boundaries made in love can be moved n always make room for . this is true forgiveness the forgiveness we all desire , so hopefully you will desire this for others, cuz only then will you experience true love n acceptance . real love cannot deny love to another n the vulerability show the love in exreme to decide beforehand to not strike back

[@songsangnim]

very nicely explained

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Ben :)

[@murielbomfim5302]

Thank you so much for this. 💚

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you for your comment Muriel! Glad you found this helpful!

[@Bigngreen]

Ya did good kid! Thanks Brote!

[@aresmars2003]

It looked great but problematic ending "identify toxic relationships we're better off without", that is the concept of "toxic relationship" itself is PART of the drama triangle. It's how the victim sees the persecutor, and how the persecutor sees the victim. Both of them hope their problems exist in this other "toxic" person and that they can better get their needs met somewhere else, while bringing the same bad strategies and same "default position" into it. If "toxic relationships" exist, it is because it is hard to get out of habits that you find yourself with a specific person, and so you can gain perspective by setting boundaries and widening your relationships, and you can try to bring skills and perspective from those new relationships to change your habits in older ones. Think about parent-child relationships. Teens naturally rebel from parental authority, and may back away from parents for a few year or longer, and that doesn't mean the parent(s) are/were toxic, but that parental authority issues exist in dependency states, and that's ambivalent, both good and bad, and rebellion itself can be good because it means you're ready for more personal responsibility. And similar in relationships with siblings, and things like going off to college allows a break in those relationships and they can change later. But if you read about "toxic relationships" online you can easily convince yourself you are a victim and you need to punish parents or siblings for past wrongs, or stay estranged for years, while that is not solving anything, and just keeping their power over you in your mind.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Hey aresmars2003. Interesting perspective and thanks for your comment as it gives me an important opportunity to clarify this. I would agree with you if I had said "toxic person", because as you rightly say, thinking of people in that way is a consequence of being in the drama triangle. But I'm not talking about "toxic people" - as per the quote you pulled out of the video - I'm talking about identifying "toxic relationships" - ie. unhealthy interactions we have with others. The drama triangle helps us to identify these toxic relationships - relationships (not people) that we are better off without - keep the person, change the relationship. Perhaps this could be misconstrued by some but I think in the context of the video, as I don't talk about cutting people out of your life, and the whole video focuses on being empowered to change the way you interact with people, that it is unlikely to be misinterpreted as you suggest.

[@aresmars2003]

@@HolisticADHDCoach Thanks for the clarification. And this is why I appreciate the drama triangle, for helping us see the roles we play, rather than labeling people, which I hate. I also appreciate the Four Agreements for helping me see how to hold better integrity with self and others. www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements 1. Be Impeccable With Your Word. 2. Don't Take Anything Personally. 3. Don't Make Assumptions. 4. Always Do Your Best.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

@@aresmars2003 Great share! Thanks again for your valuable contribution to this discussion!

[@clarerice5601]

The images and layout are simply brilliant and easily understood. I would love this to be a downloadable pdf file - to use with clients. Would this be possible? Thank you!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Hey Clare! Thank you - yes absolutely, good idea - I had someone else ask me for this previously, I’ll dig it up for you and share the link here so others can access to :)

[@rolofrangipan3719]

Thanks for making this so concise :)

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

You're welcome Rowena! Glad you found it helpful :)

[@AQuilla-8]

SO well done. Thankyou ;)

[@emcfarland678]

I love this 🥰

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Evan! Appreciate you saying so :)

[@onelife7247]

The term “victim” is now considered obsolete within the EU research community. “Survivor” is more empowering for clients. Familiar with Karpman’s paradigm but the real challenge arises when an individual is both the target of abuse/survivor AND the rescuer ...

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks for sharing!

[@54321saveusy2j]

Well done!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you!

[@runserk3982]

Thank you for this video. Tbh I sometimes feel the need to protect others anyway I can.

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Runserk thanks for your comment :) I can relate to that - but it’s important we remember to maintain healthy boundaries and recommend appropriate courses of actions with the people that can help - as well meaning as our help might be, if we’re not qualified to provide help in certain instances we can actually do more harm than good.

[@pinkroses135]

This is so pervasive in our culture nowadays

[@ParisTNT]

This is good. thanks

[@alexawarner3810]

Great job I going to show this to my students There is lots of bullying

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

I hope it helps - would love to know how it went with your students :)

[@alonmarron6675]

Alot of your situations can be improved by improving your finances, check out this report here: bit.ly/2LswkZp

[@sta9706]

Thank you !

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank YOU!

[@jacentwamala]

Thank you for making this

[@laurenkress5946]

Thanks Jacent :)

[@leonardmavuso3670]

Very informative

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Leonard Mavuso cheers!

[@user-hx6xu8jj9s]

Splendid Video! Thanks for the effort. May I ask which computer software did you use to create the animation video? BR /Muhammad

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thank you Muhammad! Yes it’s Videoscribe 😀

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Thanks Alison!

[@stephenwilliams1649]

I love this video.. anyway we can get it back online?

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Hi Stephen, thanks for your kind words - are you having problems accessing the video? I've just checked this and it's live and working. Let me know if this is still causing you an issue?

[@stephenwilliams1649]

I got it to work on google chrome better.. thank you! I am using with my staff this week..

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

No problems, glad it's working for you now! Oh? That's great - I would love to hear how it goes. I've had a few people contact me about using it for training at work, at retreats and at schools. I'm so happy that more people are learning about this framework, it's so useful. Thanks again for your comment :)

[@Mijn24]

I split into the 3 ego states what can I do to fix it?? I have many symptoms of cptsd and depersonalization, should I just write down my thoughts??

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Hey there, thanks for your comment and I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing symptoms of Complex-PTSD and depersonalisation - these are not symptoms that are easy for any one of us to deal with on our own. Thankfully there are some great treatment options, including psychological therapy, which a healthcare professional can talk to you about. If you, or anyone else reading this comment wants to know more about C-PTSD and the treatment options, this link is helpful: www.healthdirect.gov.au/complex-ptsd and is from a trusted health care source in Australia. In regards to The Drama Triangle, we all experience the different "ego states" as you refer to them - we tend to start off in one but we all end up becoming the rescuer, the persecutor and the victim. It is useful framework and tool - as is writing therapy as you mention here - but I do want to be clear that I am not a therapist and it is important to seek the appropriate advice and treatment. Wishing you all the best. Lauren

[@kieransturgess2005]

What software was used to create this? :)

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

I used videoscribe :)

[@franciscobizzaro]

On point.

[@zachsaxena]

how do you make ppt like these? very informative

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Hey Ashutosh, thanks for your comment and sorry for the late response! I use a software program called 'Sparkol'

[@shopobjetdart]

Thank you.

[@tammythurston1962]

Is this the same as Trauma Triangle?

[@tammythurston1962]

Yes or No?

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

The Trauma Triangle is an adaptation of The Drama Triangle - you might find this article helpful: themighty.com/2020/03/trauma-triangle-meaning/

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Tammy Thurston - well essentially yes and no. The trauma triangle has additional ideas introduced to it but the drama triangle is the foundational building block. It’s sort of like asking ‘am i the same person as I was two years ago?’ ‘Yes or no?’ The answer is ‘yes and no’ - I am the same person but I’ve also learnt more and (hopefully) grown as a person. Make sense?

[@tammythurston1962]

Lauren Kress Yes and exactly. I have ppl wanting me to go back who I use to be but too much trauma has occurred. I can only move Forward and learn as I mitigate this new life of mine. Tyvm Hugs 🤗

[@kdot999]

Instead of reflecting upon themselves they blamed the beasts.

[@BBFCCO733]

Is this realistic though?

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

In what sense?

[@HomeFromFarAway]

challenger is a weird term. I think it's unintuitive

[@harrietthespy2119]

The victim generally does not take on the other roles

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

The roles all move around in the drama triangle - they aren't static. We usually have one role we typically fall into (the "starting gate role") but as the dynamic plays out it changes. We can move from victim to rescuer to persecutor, persecutor to rescuer to victim, rescuer to persecutor to victim...etc.

[@lauracabe]

helpful

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Glad you found this helpful lacabe!

[@mamatembo10]

Sadly there is a a TON of information missing from this video and it's so incomplete in its explanation I can not recommend it to anybody. Feels more like a game of telephone than the information from the original author and professionals who have expanded on the concept.

[@evek2572]

Food4Thought

[@Michelle-bg3mo]

👍🏻

[@kevwills858]

hmmm ... not such a good diagnosis of the the trjangle, I sense that you think you have a grasp upon it based upon your own interpretation .. ie the starting role as in you practically presume everyone enters as a Rescuer or Persecutor, but fob off entering as a Victim ... Maybe you should re-assess and wonder why you did this ? Where you thinking of yourself or your parents ?? 🤔

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Not sure I would call this video a diagnosis. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, there are surely things I could have explained better in hindsight!

[@KurtKress]

323000 views!!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

🤗

[@mikelheron20]

Please consider just talking to people rather than this fake writing technique. I know when a technique is available it is tempting to use it but it doesn't add anything to the presentation, in fact it's distracting.

[@kk-cat5262]

I I learn way better with some kind of visual plus an audio so if works great for me and those like us!

[@HolisticADHDCoach]

Me too K K-cat!

[@zachsaxena]

how do you make ppt like these? very informative

[@alonmarron6675]

Alot of your situations can be improved by improving your finances, check out this report here: bit.ly/2LswkZp