The Fearful Avoidant's 12 Core Wounds (& Accompanying Emotions) | Fearful Avoidant Attachment

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Dear Fearful Avoidants: Your 12 Core Wounds and Major Accompanying Emotions - What are the 12 core wounds? Why does this matter? How this can help you transform and become more conscious.
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
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#CoreWounds #FearfulAvoidant #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #FA
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[@danaconnolly8574]

Thais, I want you to know you’re saving lives. Seriously. I’m 33 and all my life felt something was so wrong with me and I was so different. Every single video you speak about FAs literally is as if you’re inside my head! I can’t thank you enough. I read the book Attached and couldn’t figure out which 3 I was - until you. FA wasn’t in the book and everything on the internet paints us as poor helpless souls who are either monsters or who are doomed for life. You not only give clarity and hope but you give belonging and self acceptance that we’re not crazy and it’s not our fault. Thank you thank you thank you! If you could do another video about how we begin to reprogram these core wounds you spoke of that would be amazing! If not sending you all the love and gratitude I can muster. You’re incredible

[@mindfulmeaningfulmoments247]

I agree with everything you said! I also read the book Attached but Thais has a way of explaining this that makes sense to me. She truly understands me! It is so refreshing to know why I behave the way I do. I'm already noticing progress just by listening to her videos. There is hope! We will get through this! 😊

[@danaconnolly8574]

That does not sound like an FA - at least not something I experience. I never cut anyone down in fact they end up cutting me down. I’m so afraid of making a mistake or hurting someone’s feelings that I am overly nice and don’t speak up about MY needs and boundaries. I cater to theirs. I beat myself up with even the slightest mistake. So please I’m very sorry you went through what you did but I’ve never once suggested someone should go to therapy. We are not all Satan and that’s a really strong word. However, My Ex DA liked to list everything that was wrong with me and just validated all the terrible beliefs I had about myself. It sounds like your ex was more abusive than just FA. DAs and Anxious can be verbally abusive too. I wish you luck on your healing and happy to hear you’re doing well but please FAs are pretty fragile in their mind of thinking they are “bad and defective” please be mindful before you throw around words like “satan” in this community. The ones who are listening to her are the ones who are here to heal.

[@minervafranco384]

I'm an FA, and I was/am a monster. I try to send my daughter to visit wth family because I am so mean to her thus resulting in her having anxiety.

[@suras8984]

@@danaconnolly8574 Hi Dana I agree with you. I dont tear people down like that. Im also overly nice to the point where I get taken advantage of. Only after I get treated badly or someone is excessively needy does it trigger my avoidant side. I am very sensitive to other peoples needs and never would intentionally hurt someone. People always tell me Im too nice. Im only stern with my family in terms of setting proper boundaries. Im reading the attached book now but it doesn't have the fearful avoidant.

[@zacsofarjustfriends]

I want to reiterate everything said here. 100% agree.

[@ginnytilby]

1. I will be betrayed 2. I will be abandoned 3. I am bad 4. I am defective 5. I am not good enough 6. I am unworthy 7. I am trapped, helpless, powerless 8. I will be attacked 9. I am unsafe 10. I am disrespected 11. I am stupid 12. I'll be alone

[@seanpatrickfolster5606]

12. I'll be alone

[@23hawk_75]

13. I am iron man

[@bigred575]

My ex wife to a T...

[@smileyface702]

@Ocean Flower I had a single mother with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and was triggered quite easily due to very deep attachment wounds (she was in an orphanage and never had a primary attachment figure during her childhood let alone the critical window of attachment, so I was her first proper, longterm attachment ). She wasn't abusive toward me, just very inconsistent. She made me feel unsafe at times through no fault of her own. She felt overwhelmed and unable to cope with having a child at times and at other times she was incredibly loving. She had little to no emotional boundaries though and so there was a lot of enmeshment and role reversal (I felt like I was responsible for her happiness). I just want to make the point that there is no one, typical FA childhood experience. I'm sure there are difference in degree of severity, but all experiences are valid. Some parents are abusive narcissists and some aren't. My mother loved/s me very intensely, but I'm working to realise that needing someone is not the same as loving them.

[@claudiad.4850]

Ocean Flower yep

[@yourerightileft6764]

12:28 - 12:30 "if they can get programmed in, they can get programmed out" They way you said that really gives me hope. Bless you, Thais. 💗

[@jamesdewane1642]

I can't believe there aren't more likes here. That was the absolute best thing in the whole video! And she said it so matter of fact like any good technician who knows her stuff.

[@PHOENIX-ux3gw]

This! 🙏🏿🙂

[@sagarpawar4388]

What are the concrete methods to heal this? from your experience

[@stevereid9591]

Oh boy it has taken me 60 years to find a simple explanation to what I experienced Thais. Thank you for your innate ability to make it easily understood

[@pattiecolom4564]

Me too 🙋‍♀️💔

[@547173188]

59 here

[@sabrinazoccola7947]

1. I will be betrayed- biggest wound. Couldn’t trust caregivers, so can’t trust consistency, mood, sober/not sober, etc. Strong inconsistency between parents or between parent and child. Chaos broke trust. Child becomes hyper-vigilant, tries to figure out everything themselves. 2. I will be abandoned. Can go along with feeling you will be betrayed. Emotional cocktail of “stinging” of abandonment but also with anger and frustration when betrayal feeling comes too. Fear and panic too. 3. I am bad/defective. Likely caused by feeling you had to be perfect due to chaos in the home, anything could set them off. If I make a mistake they will drink/get angry again. Give yourself a hard time for making tiny mistakes- esp. with hurting other’s feelings. Defective; if you do something that could be seen as bad (like lose your cool and say something rude), you shame yourself and ruminate, panic, needing to hide and withdrawal and continuing to criticize yourself. 4. I’m not good enough/ I am unworthy. Often parentified at a young age, so have to deal with things beyond what was meant for your age. Usually some kind of pressure. Guilt. Overcompensating, burdening yourself with unnecessary things. 5. I am trapped/helpless/powerless. Frustration and anger. 6. I will be attacked and unsafe. Typically subconscious- not often to feel unsafe consciously for FA. But will over-defend oneself; anger, volatility, emotional outbursts. React largely to small things. 7. I am stupid and disrespected. Shame and anger.

[@shawndouglas9605]

Thank you for this breakdown. Listening and analyzing these wounds I figured some things out about myself as I 💯 have all of them. The Wound "I will be betrayed" works with "I will be abandoned","I am bad/I am defective" and "I am not good enough/I am unworthy." These are responsible for my Relationship issues and self esteem issues. The next group, The wound "I am trapped/helpless/powerless" works with "I will be attacked/I am unsafe " and "I am stupid and disrespected" account for all my volatile anger issues. These two groups feed into each other, because of the 1st group I become primed for the 2nd group. Like gunpowder and fire, I detonate in a massive explosion in my relationships. Which reenforces Group 1 like a self fulfilling prophecy. Geez this is terrifying. To go deeper, "I am bad/defective" and "I am not good enough/unworthy" are the source of my fear of failure and perfectionism. Becoming attuned to dysfunction and having a subconscious comfort zone of chaos. A crazy revelation for sure but the antidotes of learning to let yourself be seen and learning to receive from other people are the what I now being forced to learn now like it's been happening in the background but now I finally have become conscious of it.

[@xXKuroXx100]

You know... it’s videos like these when you see so many people relating to the topic that you go, “I’m just like everybody else.” There’s hope.

[@virginialee5065]

"You hyper defend yourself because you felt like there was nobody there to defend you" hit so HARD. I remember when I was a kid (~6-7 years old), my parents sometimes had to leave me at home with my psychotic grandmother, who behaved herself absolutely different as soon as they literally set foot out the door. She screamed, blamed me for things I didn't do and was basically unhinged because she has a mental illness and its worst period was when I was a child. She seemed to become a different person when she was alone with me. And that was truly SCARY, especially because my parents couldn't even believe it at first. She wasn't my primary caregiver, of course, but now I see how much these experiences shaped my personality 🤯 Thank you so much for this channel, I've had a lot of insights even in the last couple of days!! You're helping many people ❤

[@corneliaancilla3895]

core wounds start at 6:48

[@HAHAVeryFunnyFasha]

Thank you!

[@trishliving9942]

LOL lifesaver 👍

[@brav0echon0va54]

I have ADHD, I was diagnosed at about 5y/o (now 37). My parents didn’t want to use drugs, so instead they mostly relied on strict control and discipline. I grew up feeling that there was something wrong with me, and that I was a disappointment and a burden. My feelings towards my parents growing up was mostly low-level anxiety, always expecting to get in trouble for something I’d done. My behavior caused problems at school with my teachers, and also alienated me from other kids, and I had no real friends until my mid-teens. As an adult I feel like a failure, I compare my life achievements to my siblings and feel deeply ashamed at my lack of accomplishments. I’ve been healing myself for a couple of years now, and recognise my self-hate and habitual self-sabotage, but it’s not easy.

[@heffthehecked]

i’m so proud of you for doing your best!🥺 I also very much relate to this, i’ve discovered for myself i’ve related extremely to almost every symptom of combined ADHD myself and I just really relate to this... I’m on my road to recovery at 18 y/o rn.

[@bridgeta.]

Your life sounds like mine. My strict parents had high expectations of me but no time or energy for me, or at least that's how it felt and looked to me. When I was six, I climbed to a high spot on the playground and watched the kids play, and then I did that every recess. I was a loner until I got a friend in 7th grade, but then she abandoned me in 9th grade for her own good, and I was happy for her b/c I could see how lonely she was hanging out with me. I'm so ashamed that I can't seem to make friends, and because of the lack of social support I'm not the mom I could be. I'm always overwhelmed and overburdened, and even though I have a bachelor's degree in Spanish, I lack the confidence to use my Spanish or get a high-paying job, so I'm divorced with 3 special needs kids and probably going to be on Medicaid forever with my $12/hr job. I'm trying hard to date and treat the guy well, but it's so much easier to deal with the familiar loneliness and pain than with the unstable limerance. So hard to heal.

[@garethflook5706]

You arent the only one who feels this way, no one seems to understand.

[@MellowBellow1]

Don’t compare yourself to your sibs. Don’t blame your parents exclusively. Medication can be a life saver abd truly freeing. It’s so well worth trying and seeing the “settled” you under the ADHD.

[@brav0echon0va54]

@@MellowBellow1 absolutely, I’ve learned not to compare myself, because that’s not fair. They didn’t struggle with the things I did, and I don’t know everything they’ve been thru. More importantly, comparison to others is a waste of time- it achieves nothing positive at all. I learned a much more constructive mindset (I don’t recall the source)- The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself from yesterday. Take pride in every tiny achievement- the longest journey is made of many steps. Forgive any mistakes- accept they are inevitable and learn from them. As for my parents, I absolutely do not blame them at all. They love me and did what they thought was best for me, and I’m in no position to judge their decisions. Besides, despite my flaws I like who I am, and a large part of my personality was forged by the adversity I’ve faced.

[@Brya-zh6xf]

We live a really hard life. Be strong FAs

[@umunee_m]

THAIS APPRECIATION: You are sbsolutely amazing at what you do. And the empathy and passion is felt with each video. This channel has been therapy and has truly began a true healing journey for many us. Thank you Thais❤

[@ElleDan87]

Your name is very different and unique..i saw it and had to comment lol😊

[@marieliswolfram9087]

100% true, thank you Thais

[@elizabethjones8465]

I focus my perfectionism on my looks. I have to be perfect all of the time.

[@moccisimo]

The "I am bad and defective" hit me. I've parented my younger siblings from a young age so making mistakes, asking for help, and being vulnerable are so hard for me. I isolate to hide my true self thinking I'll be rejected, I'm so tired and I'm only 19 😓

[@kaylabaker7140]

Same girl, from a young age i had to deal with alot of responsibilities, and i now struggling to ask for help (even when i really want it) and when i get it its like i dont know how to accept it. The feeling of being vulnerable definitely comes from my fear of being rejected. Im 18 and like you said I’m tired! I hope we both find healing🙏🏾

[@rksoni2210]

Same girl same

[@toniasheridan]

Me tooooooooo girl

[@ineedhoez]

Do the work now. I am 38 and just figuring thus shit out.

[@PurpleRobot10101]

I see you @moccisimo I know this is old😮 but that was me a long time ago. I hope you’re in a better place now & things are looking up ❤

[@eatworldlove]

I’m unworthy/bad and I’m unsafe w others are definitely core wounds! I used to avoid getting attached to people for so long. But now I am aware, and I’ve been building solid friendships. I’m proud of myself coming this far. And I’m grateful for the people who made me feel safe and worthy, that motivated me to put myself out there more. Here’s to the future!

[@jones2277]

why does everything go back to caregivers? a lot of trauma is experienced in school, from other children. i think the profession really underestimates how scarring that can be for adults. some kids were rejected and ruthlessly bullied for some stupid reason, like the fact that they wore glasses, or had dark skin, or were overweight, or had a big nose, or woolly hair, or because you got good grades.

[@tinalu4695]

Thing is…. In a safe and healthy family these experiences outside the home can be discussed and regulated with the child by the parents and therefore have less of an impact on the child’s programming. Healthy parents can counteract on these painful experiences the child might have outside of the home.I can remember that I didn’t want to burden my parents with my experiences in school and dealt with them alone. Plus the most vulnerable time in the development of a child are the very early years where we do make most of our defining experiences with our primary caregivers.

[@davidc.parkins1680]

The reason is that of course trauma happens outside the home but when we are talking about attachment and bonding dynamics, the root is inextricably linked to experiences with caregivers, many of which happen much younger than people assume (many neural circuits start wiring prior to school age.)

[@ShadowSis]

Ooff, you hit me right in the subconscious with this one.

[@TofuTeo]

What’s been keeping me going lately is the fact that you managed to heal as an FA. Sometimes I think life isn’t worth all this pain, but you’ve made me realise that if I heal, I might be able to help other FAs just like you. I’m studying psychology in university. The mental health field doesn’t have enough resources on FA attachment style, probably because intensity/nature of our childhood trauma is rare. You bring more hope than you might realise. Some days are very hard though, I’ll admit. :’)

[@christopherstickney2730]

Like she's reading a laundry list of things I've never said out loud. GET OUTTA MY HEAD! No, appreciate so much all that I've learned from your videos.

[@ashbags]

Every single time you introduced a core wound, it felt like a slap in the face. All of them resonate deeply for me. Thank you for all of your work. You are amazing and appreciated!

[@LDrosophila]

Welp more talking points for my therapist

[@cloudslady3400]

The thing that help me to transform half of my attachment style to secure is understanding what the trigger is telling me where it’s coming from validating its message and then doing the opposite of how I usually react let’s say for example I felt shame and planned to hide somewhere far...I go and do the opposite and express my feelings to the person who cause the wounds to be activated..repeating this idea over and over helps a looot try it and tell me how it turns out ♥️♥️👍🏻

[@kittthompson]

This is amazing. How do you keep your head clear enough to do this?

[@lizwes7438]

I had to pause this video quite a few times because it brought up a lot of memories, but I just wanted to take the time to thank you for giving me the phrase to describe what I've been going through my entire life. God bless you 💜

[@llakow]

❤

[@kyrareneeLOA]

I found it interesting that you said, betrayal is at the core of it all. That ties right into trust.

[@thecharmer136]

I finally feel like someone else knows exactly what I am feeling. Every single core wound you talked about has been my internal monologue for what feels like my entire life. I know I wasn’t always like this and I really feel the need to find myself again, especially now that I have a woman in my life that loves me. The sad part is that she triggers all of these wounds simultaneously by simply loving me and my brain just starts blaring all the alarms to get out before I get hurt again or accidentally say or do something that will send her down the path I’m on. I would never want her the feel the way that I do, not even a fraction of it. I want to be secure again, so badly… I just don’t know how to combat it because I was never taught how. I know I can, I just need a helping hand. And not panic when someone offers help. Anyway, rant over. Thank you, I feel less alone now.

[@MellowBellow1]

She doesn’t trigger you. … this is a fundamental thinking error. She is not triggering you. You are triggered by love. You are triggered by attachment. Saying it’s her triggering you abdicates responsibility for your own triggers. It’s really important not to blame people who love you; because you will ruin love if you do.

[@HL-hr4ox]

@@MellowBellow1 100% & amazingly important point, thank you for saying so.

[@MellowBellow1]

@@HL-hr4ox thank you for recognising this. …. Once people see this, the penny can drop. ..

[@gigid6142]

Omg, I so relate to connecting perfection to safety. I was never allowed to express my emotions growing up and was actually shamed, threatened, and even abused for it. Perfection has always been expected of me, and when I fall short if that, I hate myself for it. Nothing I ever did was good enough and I was even abandoned. I feel so damaged. It affected my ability to trust in a huge way. I trust no one except God, and it even took me a very long time to even trust Him. I was hurt by those who were supposed to love me the most. Thank you for this video. Much if it resonated with me. God bless.

[@ms.fancypants7779]

I am bad, I am defective, that one hits harder to me. I identify with everything you stated, but that one, man it hit me hard.

[@susannahwares1170]

I love what you said about trust. “Congruency and consistency”

[@dRumpfsadouchebag]

And consideration...

[@SkyePhoenix]

Why do I continually find myself attracted to people (DA's) that trigger the hell out of my core wounds?? It's an ill fated attempt to heal, I suppose.

[@moulee7448]

@@dRumpfsadouchebag yes yes!!

[@christineritchie8014]

Geez, i'm 51 with a lot of past trauma's that have really never been dealt with. i have tried therapy on and off ans never was able to find anyone that could help me. I have Kaiser now and they only have group therapy, NO THANKS! I had a psychiatrist actually fall asleep during a session where I was crying during a story I was telling him. This was just as traumatic as all the other trauma's ive had in my life...including childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and serious neglect and abandonment. Both of my miserable parents allowed me to be adopted by strangers vs allowing thier willing siblings to adopt me....in my teens. i grew up thinking I wasn't that bad but nonetheless, my own family never loved me. I really don't know where to start..... I just discovered your channel and am enjoying the subjects. My goal is to figure out how to find therapy that works for me.

[@Biggy809]

This makes sooo much sense to me, I’m tired of not going after what I want.

[@choochoocharli]

You don't even need to be in an 'abusive' family for this to happen. I grew up with what I felt was a very normal, caring family. But my father was dismissive of my emotions and told me to basically think positive, it's not as bad as you think, etc, and basically did the same to my mother. I had to watch her feel invalidated in her feelings time and time again, and it made me feel like we were just negative, complaining all the time, and bad people because we couldn't just put away all the emotions we had. I became a robot, I was extremely depressed because of all the negative emotions I had repressed, and I felt like there was something deeply wrong with me. I think it was even questioned why I was going to counselling when I started. It took me a good year or two of therapy for me to understand what was going on and start to move on with my life and own my feelings. I still battle with low self esteem. And now I know why I've been so bad at relationships too.

[@livedeliciously]

My parents were and still are horrible at showing emotions. They never talked to me and my siblings about anything on an emotional level. I'm in my 30s now, and have extreme trouble with any sort of relationship.

[@jan1cem]

I feel you. I grew up with childhood emotional neglect wounds. Normal family if you look on outside but the connection was toxic and i didnt even know it until i spoke with a therapist how traumatized i am because i get depressed in relationships. I cant survive being in one. How are you doing now?

[@artisticagi]

2:10 a trauma is basically anything you couldn’t properly process at the moment it happened So it was just stored

[@ginagray8040]

I am definitely a fearful avoidant. The I don’t feel safe is a major core wound for me.

[@annino1999]

For a while I believed myself to be an anxious preoccupied, but when thinking back on romantic encounters with other anxious proccupied people, I am starting to learn that I run away and become dismissive. Just recently I’ve been back and forth, wondering which one I fall under most. Lately I had been wondering “Am I actually a dismissive avoidant? I have tendencies but it doesn’t make sense because I also have anxious tendencies.” Then I thought about the little bit of information I had read once about the fearful attachment, and I’m beginning to to think I fit better under this category after watching a few videos. What I’ve learned so far is helping me to make better sense of myself in situations with romantic partners and people in general. I had even said (before I knew about this attachment style) that I liked being around people but I also could spend time alone. I feel like it’s all beginning to make so much sense!

[@annerittwage1401]

I thought until a few days ago that I was Anxious-Preoccupied, but after some more research about the Fearful-Avoidant (wanted to know more about someone I know), I realized that I identified more with the Fearful-Avoidant than I had previously thought. In my younger years I was very dismissive and avoidant with partners that wanted relationships, while I only wanted flings. But in the back of my head I always had someone else in mind. Was always hopelessly in love with someone I couldn't have of course. Then I got in a relationship with a Dismissive-Avoidant and it has been a ride. But we've been together for 10 years so far. But sure, it has it's huge downs, and it's ups. But I think I'm mostly leaning towards FA --> Anxious-Preoccupied.

[@starqueenlotus3755]

'I am unsafe' is very obvious to me as i attract such situations more

[@bumblepea]

I’m 36 and only just realised I’m an FA. Thank you so much for this. It hurts but finally things make sense

[@lynniegravelyn2387]

My heart is breaking right now.. what this did to my daughters... heart hurts. But I know what it is and maybe I can heal it.

[@MeliMeli66]

I am now 41 yrs old and as I get older I realize that my parents are humans too and that they were not perfect. At some point, I have to accept responsibility for my own life and re-parent myself. Today, thankfully we have youtube and access to information that can help us. As for you, you have to accept things as they are now. The past is the past. You might never be able to repair the relationship with your daughter. However, you will have to forgive yourself and continue to work on yourself as you are doing now. Take care of your mind by reading and educating yourself about these things including MBTI personality types to better understand and be there for the people in your life. You might not be able to have been there for your daughters emotionally in the past, but today you can be there for other people who have no one there for them. That can be your penance and reward and give your life purpose. You are not a monster. You are an imperfect human being just like everyone else. Finally, don't neglect the health of your body through proper nutrition and exercise so that you can feel better inside as well.

[@RenaeJGray]

This saves me so many years off therapy. So much better than any CBT I ever had.

[@RevoJam]

Thais is out here doing God's work and changing people's lives 🤧

[@karimadigital1795]

All i can think is, I have to heal so my son doesnt have these wounds

[@MsJRose11]

Your channel has given me more clarity and info than doing therapy on and off for 15 years. The way you understand and explain everything is beyond relatable.

[@beverlynadom1109]

FA: “I love them, but I keep doing things that hurt them. I’ll just stay away so I don’t hurt them any longer” Loved ones: “Get hurt even more by the distance/no-contact” = You can’t win. Clusterf**k!!!

[@jimmygee3219]

I did not expect to come here and be attacked. Also explains why I felt like I related both to the anxious and dismissive avoidant types. I relate far more to this one than the others. It’s difficult to try to explain this to partners without upsetting them and really knowing how.

[@ashlynnnewman1111]

Holy wow this is an awakening for me. Thank you for helping me understand my wounds. So so so important!

[@wendygraham7787]

My mother was inconsistent with her moods, I never knew how she would be when picking me up from school. No wonder I have trust issues.

[@angieflowe3925]

Your videos are great but I still can’t make sense of what to do to start healing myself😩

[@miroslavafiladova8514]

This speaks me on so many levels - my childhood was a mess.

[@mr.fettesq.7705]

I'm bad, defective, unworthy, not good enough are things I have struggled with all my life...its a big reason why I run from so many relationships, or am afraid to get in too deep. I fear that if someone truly knew me they would reject me. I'm a recovering addict to opioids. Have been clean and sober for about 6 years now. And this ways heavily on me. It's not exactly a desirable trait in a perspective partner. Sometimes I feel like, why even bother trying to start a relationship...once they find out about my past they will feel different and leave. In my mind it's not worth the constant rejection. This is something I struggle with daily. I am a good person. I just haven't always made good decisions. And I have paid the price. For it. Still paying the price. Makes me feel super unworthy. As I'm clearly defective in some way. We shall see how it goes 😊

[@clv603]

Clean for 6 years? Dude... that is a huge accomplishment and very worthy of being proud of! I don't even know you and I'm proud.

[@shana595]

Do not worry, I've been addicted to opioids for 6 years 19 years ago. When i've realised I AM ABLE to free myself from drugs I was extatic for a month. Then the hardest time in my life came-when all the pain started to came out...it took abou t 4 years of ups and downs and veing on the edge of sanity. Then i understood why the percentage of recovered addicts is so low. It takes unbelievable courage to face the supressed emotions and to get intouch with your wounds. Anyways, I wanted to encourage you to be persistant. Do not give up. I threw away 10 years of my life, some would say. But i think i would not be the person i became after if this would not happened. Imagine, you are among the small percentage of people who managed to break free! What an accomplishment! You are worthy of all the blessing in life. Warm hugs

[@helene6686]

You explained core wounds and trauma SO WELL! 😭

[@gabyr4641]

Hi Thais! Thank you for taking the time to do this

[@andrealord1325]

I must be honest. I've listened to a couple of your videos and I realized you're not just talking. But you're a professional at what you do and what you know. I'm a fearful avoidant and everything you said makes total complete sense. Thanks for sharing. I'll keep listening Thais.

[@LexiA0327]

You are definitely describing me, I don’t feel alone anymore. Thank you so much for all your information and videos. I thought I was broken.

[@JaJaJantsen]

not even three minutes in and im realizing that I was dealing with multiple situations around the same time that turned out to be trauma and I thought I was just being dramatic.

[@WestieKatie]

❤️

[@orulz1]

My wife and I are really absorbing and appreciating all your content. This is amazing. I am sure you have 1000 things you would like to make a video about. I would like to request that you add one to the list. Can you discuss what sort of core wounds might come from for someone who grew up in a 'Tiger Parenting' household and how this might affect the subconscious mind, attachment styles, etc? Some of these that you discuss here seem to apply, but maybe not all of them.

[@VasilisaForbes]

Absolutely life changing to hear this, and go ‘yes! Yes!’ At every part of the video. Massively struggled with triggers, huge guilt and self shaming, burdening and unworthy core wound, trapped, powerless, blights of frustration. So glad to be able to move through and name this

[@chrisjames2766]

It seems pretty clear that disorganized attachment style and bpd are very compatible. I wonder if anyone has done a comprehensive analysis of this pairing. Great vid, as always!

[@mihayuli]

Yes :) There are research studies assessing this.

[@Gomba13]

If you read about cluster B in general, all cluster B people had disorganized attachment in childhood, which a fearful avoidant attachment style is the adult extension of. It is not a pairing, it is cause and effect.

[@resueah7257]

@@Gomba13 What do you mean fearful avoidant attachment style is the adult extension of cluster B?

[@ravishingtwinkle3811]

I have asked this in attachment community and not all disorganised attachment is BPD but most BPD have disorganised attachment.

[@twinkles102]

True BPD has a revenge-based core, fearful avoidants don't have this unless they have BPD next to their attachment style.

[@benim4449]

I found you a few days ago and wow! Thank you so so so much for all this information. I finally feel understod for the first time in what feels like forever ❤️❤️❤️

[@jasminewhatchawaitingfor]

Thank you so much!! I really need help. I'm turning 40 and have never had a serious relationship. It's bad because the only relationship I've ever had was when I was 36 and that was only for a few months. I have worked on my self esteem for ages. Thank you soooo much for this clarity!! The advice is priceless. It's not me that's unworthy, it's just my beliefs in this and fear around this 💕

[@ElleDan87]

I am coming to terms that im fearful avoidant with people, socially . Im warm to people I dont know but as I keep seeing the same people over and over, the more I closed up and get more quiet. BUT...in romantic relationships I am definitely dismissive avoidant right off the bat...im cooler at 1st but nice than I warm up over time..as we get closer I pull back a lot...sometimes just abandoning the relationship..i feel so horrible and disgusted with myself to just leave a pretty good relationship because I was bored and started to feel trapped..none of my romantic relationships lasted past 6 months..i am ashamed of this and lie to potential partners to make myself look good😬...i am terribly afraid of being trapped and there"s nothing i can do to get out of it......this is how I felt all of my childhood, i refuse to go back to that! But i still would like a friend but I cant offer a traditional relationship! When that fear hits me, I just gotta go, like completely detach and do something else...but I feel sooooo bad about hurting someone else...this is why I just stay away from relationships..been celibate and not dating for almost 7 years and counting.....that guilt is too strong

[@SkyePhoenix]

I was totally celibate for over a decade.

[@zlataput7334]

I'm so sorry that u r going through that. I can relate to every line. I see you. I accept you. I'm just like you and we both deserve infinite love.

[@annmalone2785]

Thais, I am 53 and found your videos. I just had a conversation with my friend yesterday trying to understand the emotions I am having. We literally discussed most of these core wounds you talked about in your video. I am not sure to what degree these triggers are affecting my life though I am sure I may be down playing the wounds. When you said about as a student the teacher shamed you I almost cried! My second grade teacher in her frustration and anger hung me upside down in front of the class because I couldn't do subtraction. Recently I went back to college and am REALLY getting triggered. Your video was really eye opening. Thank you!

[@9000ck]

This is the most clear explanation of what has affected me in life...the work of processing all of this and becoming healthy is really hard, but I think, worth it.

[@pratikshasonkar2024]

Hey ! I am halfway through the video but felt so driven to tell you that you are doing a great job. This video felt like finally someone understands. Thanks!

[@miathyra]

I think I need to cut my mother off completely if I'm gonna have any chance of healing from my FA style 😭 my entire life has been affected, I'm turning 30 in October and there is zero stability. I don't have a successful career, my friendships are hanging by a thread or have broken and I haven't been in a relationship in over a decade. I've fought so hard to just stay alive, I want to have a chance at happiness 😞

[@UnePaquerette]

how is it going? did you manage to get your life together and be its only ruler?

[@natural91LC]

I'm so happy and grateful I found your channel a few weeks ago. I don't think I've ever commented before but I've been watching your videos everyday and I've almost watched every single one, I wanted to thank you for the great info you share with us and the kind, loving non judgmental way you speak to us. Much love from Italy

[@claudiahamilton9884]

All memories are colored with emotion! Wow. Eye opener. Thanks!

[@florentinamarie]

I guess there are two parts of me in watching this video. Me finally being able to understand that I am a fearful avoidant and being able to understand why I am like this and putting a name to it. But then also feeling like giving up. Feeling like you hit the nail right on the head and that it’s so much work to get fixed or to heal and it makes me feel like do I even have the emotional elasticity or the want to live through all of this. I feel it’s easier to just jump into a lake and drown than to fix all that’s wrong with me. I don’t mean to come off as super depressive but I’ve always felt like I don’t fit in because I care for people a lot but then I also feel so fucked up and so taken advantage of. Therapy is very expensive, amd if I weren’t a mom to an amazing young girl, I know i would have killed myself already

[@Riportellam]

Wow all of this are things I’ve never heard of thought about but so dead on!

[@thevenusian9167]

Thank you so much for existing and making these videos available on KZbin. My experiences in relationships (with others and myself) never made sense until I started watching your videos on being a fearful avoidant. My parents' intense and drawn out divorce has made relationships incredibly difficult for me, but I realize now the sources of all of the conflicting emotions and pain I have had. I have watched over 20 of your videos on this topic and am still in the process of healing. Thank you so much for discussing how important it is to check in with yourself on a regular basis, be attuned to your own needs, boundaries, and not allow yourself to lose your identity in relationships. I greatly admire your work.

[@dieonjeff4639]

i thought i was anxious preocupied until i started watching all of your vids thankyou.

[@fionabond1192]

Just another appreciation comment for all your hard work and dedication! You’re a beautiful human and you’ve helped me and many others through so much. Each video on the fearful avoidant has been so accurate to me and I had no idea about any of this. Thank you ❤️

[@zarielandaluz458]

Thais, is there a way you could present this healing process for a fearful avoidant who needs to feel that this process is manageable and doable? You know, so it doesn't feel overwhelming, never ending, saturating, discouraging or daunting but rather inviting, simple and soothing. Thanks once again. Best vibes.

[@MellowBellow1]

You could not possibly ask for more from Thais. She has made it soooo inviting and manageable. Almost to an unethical degree. If I told you that I think you’re demanding and needy and not taking responsibility for your stuff in this comment. That you’re guaranteed to give up and fail because of your attitude. That you put everything on someone else. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Look at what you’re asking someone else for that they are already providing in ABUNDANCE.

[@angieflowe3925]

Wow Bellow mellow put someone down why don’t you geeze

[@MellowBellow1]

@@angieflowe3925 not a put down. It’s a response to an unreasonable demand of someone else. What all insecurely attached people need to realise …. Thais has made this the most astonishingly easy and accessible information. It’s at reduced prices and soooooo unbelievably empathetic. Almost to a fault. Asking to make it MORE easy than Thais makes it is ludicrous. Honestly. It’s learned helplessness if you can’t see that. Sometimes we can’t keep begging for more help. We have to actually help ourselves. …

[@MellowBellow1]

@@angieflowe3925 could otherwise be suspected of covert narcissism. Asking for more and more and more. Cos of “poor me” syndrome. ….? Just saying. Asking for what has already been provided amply, but not “individually”. So we don’t feel “special” enough. …. Worth looking at well, I say.

[@ineedhoez]

It does feel like a lot but once you understand that her program takes like 3 weeks to reprogram 2 or 3 wounds, it doesn't seem so daunting

[@kelcben]

You are so good! Not only do I recognize myself in essentially all of these, but I'm also forgiving myself for them as a result of your characterizing their sources.

[@nosiphondlovu2471]

So life changing. Grateful I came across this❤

[@mememeome]

I felt these a lot when I was in high school, and then it resurfaced when I went through graduate school. I still struggle in my friendships, and with being unashamed in setting work boundaries, but I’ve made so much progress just through being self-aware. Still have more growing but I know how much these listed items used to hurt, and now I feel these so much less

[@ChocolateSarahPinkLove]

this is so accurate for me... omg. 😮❤ THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[@dRumpfsadouchebag]

observer perspective... to our thoughts and feelings.. great info..

[@isolditaa]

Thank you! This was very valuable.

[@artistic_mama2295]

That is amazing! Thank you for breaking it down piece by piece, super appreciated 💜💜💜✌️😊

[@carlenemae]

This was incredibly insightful and helpful to me understanding why I am a fearful avoidant. Thank you so much.

[@honeymoney23]

This was so helpful. Thank you!

[@flourishbymichelle]

I have followed you for a few years now and I am so happy to see how much you've grown!! Your work here is so appreciated. FA is complicated but you bring so much compassion and clarity. I am FA but I dont know what was traumatizing to me as a child... I cant even remember things from my childhood, it's so weird. Do you have advice for how to navigate this? I feel like knowing where this trauma comes from would be so enlightening to me.

[@TheAmbitionBabe]

This video described me to the T! Thank you for making this available. I have been on a journey to heal and address inner wounds. This video confirmed that I am on the right track but that I have a lot to learn. ❤️

[@amyrengo8037]

Thank you so much for bringing this out into the open, it has improved my life immensely. I just wish this would have been discussed in the countless hours of therapy I've had.

[@thelion1458]

Thank you for how much you are helping me xx

[@kathringreppmeier9126]

Thank you so much Thais! You're really help me to become whole at the Moment

[@msunique37]

Just wanted to let you know I found your channel because of your KZbin ad. 👍

[@alinaakmal8640]

This was so on point

[@livingoncetwice]

Thanks for creating this video!

[@arkieologist]

Thank you for your channel. You speak clearly and convey these concepts simply and confidently. You make it all very easy to understand! Great communication. I love learning from you.

[@unaburke1693]

Thais, thank you. You are amazing and your videos are so helpful and interesting.

[@Klb1028]

I just wanted to let you know that you're amazing. I studied attachment styles maybe 3-5 years back, and I did not get almost any of what I'm getting from your videos. You are SO much more helpful than anything else I've seen!!

[@bringpeacetoall5505]

She's truly a gem!

[@Konkehood]

😭😭😭I discovered your channel today after googling the and taking the quiz. I have done so much for my Healing. I thought I was simply doing shadow work when I Googled the quiz but your work is Soooo intense and rich. I'll sign up for the course.

[@bonaventureBarry]

Extremely useful insight ✨🙏🏾

[@nursevrmakdemirbas5102]

thank you. i dont know how u can know this wounds like almost mathematically. thanks for sharing really.

[@TM-ln9he]

This. Quality.👏👏👏

[@peacepeach6377]

Wow thank you!

[@jenniferbritton9610]

So good ❤️ thank you!

[@Drolo]

You are so wise maam

[@kellykmeister]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[@livedeliciously]

I'm just starting to do more introspection on myself and I'm finding it very difficult to hear the truth. I suddenly realize just how broken I am.

[@cletuspzas1]

This video has helped me so much That is all I can say!