The Female Narcissist: Top 10 Toxic Traits Revealed

In today's video we are talking about the Female Narcissist and her Top 10 Most Toxic Traits. If you have a Female Narcissist in your life, then today's video is for you. #femalenarcissist #narcissisticwomen #narcissist #npd #gaslighting #jillwiselifecoach #mentalhealth #personalitydisorder
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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[@Clevelandsteamer324]

DEEP: don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain and don’t take personal. These people are deeply disturbed. You can’t fix them. You are entering into a world of pain if you decide to tangle.

[@MikeT-yt4ql]

A fellow man who has felt some shit.

[@chocolatesouljah]

Beautifully stated!

[@53Strat]

Agreed, I'm glad it did not last longer then 3 months after texting with her for 5 months before actually dating. Its crazy, I even remember asking her. Ain't that narcistic when we had a discussion about me dropping her of somewhere with the car as it came over as demanding. Little did I know, luckily I have experience with women and it was not hard for me to walk away, when she started the break up games after meeting her parents and becoming more emotional invested. I always kept my guard up with her, that saved me. She also gave me my 1st now fully recovered STD, perhaps she cheated. Now I know what good women are and for the 1st time 1st hand I experienced a narcistic woman.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

@@MikeT-yt4ql it’s like seeing dog crap on the ground. Next time step around it instead of in it.

[@colleenstrader8198]

I am a female.. and I have been dealing with one for the last 7 years.. use you for everything they can get from you.. and when you have nothing else to offer.. they turn completely evil and accuse you of things that you are not or have never done.. they talk so negatively about you when you are not needed anymore. Then, get upset when you stop talking to them or coming around.. and all of a sudden you're needed again and you're their "ride or die"... It's a constant whirlwind.. and materialistic.. WHOOO... So very much so... Flaunting money all over... Even knowing you are in a hole... And could use that help.. Unfortunately, I live maybe 50 steps from them.. calls you sister (not by blood).. then tells you you're a thief.. when they are going above and beyond to keep you in that hole.. where you "need" them.... I'm over it!!

[@maggiesalle2256]

I was raised by a narc mother and narc father. The gift is that I know that women can be horrible narcs.

[@valleytiller42]

10 out of 10 describing my wife of 37 years. She left two years ago and I filed for a divorce. This has been the most peaceful and healing two years. Is been like getting my mind back. Thank you!

[@rockyp32]

good now get saved If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to Heaven? all people have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. What is sin? Sin is essentially any bad thing we've ever done. Because of sin the punishment is a burning hell. “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21‬:‭8‬ ‭KJV‬‬ Do u know why you have to be saved? Do u know the story of Jesus? (If yes skip next step) if not do next step. God came down to earth as a man. Lived for 33 and a half years. He never sinned his whole life. Eventually some people got jealous of him and got him convicted of phony charges. He got crucified on the cross. Died. Was buried for 3 days then he was resurrected by his own power. Do you know why Jesus went through all this bloody mess for us? It’s because remember your sin is the problem why you can’t go to Heaven right? The only thing that can wash away your sin is the blood of Jesus Christ “But God shows his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭5‬:‭8‬ ‭KJV‬‬ God did all that to save us from hell "Much more than, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭5‬:‭9‬ ‭KJV‬‬ Ephesians 2:8-9 “We’re saved by Grace through faith which is not of ourselves it is the gift of God not by works for fear any man should boast” Salvation is not by good works like “water baptism, attending church, any good thing you do” “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭10‬ ‭KJV‬‬ Feeling godly sorrow leads to salvation To be saved you have to feel guilty for being a sinner do you feel guilty for being a sinner? “that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭10‬:‭9‬ ‭KJV‬‬ If you agree with all that. All you have to do be saved is this. You have to mean it. Dear God I repent as a sinner I believe Jesus is God who died buried and resurrected so his blood can wash away my sins. So I only trust in the blood alone to save me. Not my good works. To save me from hell in Jesus name. I pray amen Just saying it wont save you you have to mean it

[@T0NYD1CK]

I thought she was describing my wife! Mine only lasted 8 years - just long enough to depart with a substantial part of my savings under UK law. Money well spent!!

[@christo3635]

I couldn't have said it any better 👍

[@Carllizard]

37 years with a narc.. dude I really feel sorry for you

[@rockyp32]

@@Carllizard that’s crazy. Only Jesus can save

[@riogirl1221]

My mother was a Covert Narcissist. The everlasting impact she had on my life is still a challenge for me to overcome. She left behind another female Covert copy(my older sister) a malignant narcissist (my youngest brother) and another younger narcissistic brother. I was the scapegoat fighting against those 4 plus an evil compliant step-dad. I survived these demons! I don't have any contact with those left behind after my mom's death.

[@brendastein404]

Bravo for you Warrior Woman ~

[@craiggertheeunknown]

I can relate. I said to all attending my Mother's wake," look at all the people I will never see again". My words could have never proven to be so true after 15 yrs.

[@judyklynstra531]

Stay away from all of them, you will survive and thrive! Trust me…family doesn’t have to be blood, and it can be so much better than what you had! ❤️

[@woobielocks]

I feel you! Just figured out it was never true that I’m an incompetent crazy horrible thing. I kinda knew that, but I had no idea how it was not my toxic pattern and no I am not the game player or liar. I’m so mad at this 😢

[@judyklynstra531]

@@woobielocks be kind to yourself, the best blessing is now you know and can adjust your sails away from them. Don’t accept any labels from them, they are all FALSE!

[@Angie_Secret_Squirrel]

If theres a scar thats almost healed, they will pick at it until it bleeds again, even after being warned not to, after it begins to bleed, they will deny they did anything to cause it, play the innocent and then blame the victim for being so sensitive.

[@mikesmith6594]

You're describing several type of women in my life Jill. I've met, known, encountered too many types of these women. Female narcissist are very sneaky and double standard etc.

[@beaglerescue5281]

Total hypocrites.

[@robertduda6336]

As an Empath that was destroyed by a Narc, thank you for validating my thoughts and feelings in this relationship.

[@stevenvicijan4338]

The " fake " smile gets us every time . . .

[@likitadevi]

And the fake laugh to trigger us. It's funny how childish they act.

[@pattygreen9125]

I put the trash out to the curb. My narcissist didn’t know who she was messing with.

[@truthylucy7068]

Hahaha! Good for you! 😄

[@m.o.bmindonbusiness5584]

Good for you

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

You are right in your description. It sounds incredible but it is true. I have met such female narcissists. They are more than draining, exhausting and nerve wrecking. To be avoided at all costs. These people are crazy.

[@williamheinsinger7390]

Pure Evil 😈

[@AabbCc-c8p]

I'm in my mid 40s, I just thought my mother was a bitty and didn't like anyone much. I was never allowed to participate in sports, after-school activities, dances, sleep overs. You know, the normal part of a kid, being a kid with friends. At 8, I was babysitting my younger sibling, cleaning the house, mowing the yard, getting lunches ready for my brother and dad for their jobs. I remember getting up one Saturday and being up maybe 10 minutes. My dad ran to the room I was in. He screamed "Get up off your lazy ass and help your mother clean this house." I will never forget it. 8 years old, watching Duck Tales. That's the painful kind of stuff that hits me hard. I was and am not a bad person. I never had the right to have my own emotions, opinions, or boundaries. One of my first memories of my life... 4 years old. I don't know what I did, but I know that my mother loved and gave the silent treatment all the time. I just wanted to be loved, never knew what I did wrong. I learned to listen and not talk. I watched and watch eyes a lot. That was how I knew my dad was going to beat me. The eyes, it's a hollow d ea d look. I saw my older brother get hit so hard at 13 , that my dad flipped him over the couch. I was S.A. and of course I was called a liar, to this day I'm called that. I got married at 17 to get away and out of here. 3 kids. 28 years later and at least 6 or 7 affairs my ex husband had thru the years. We Divorced, about 6 months after it was final my ex sent these long messages " Have you ever thought about us hooking up regularly, all the time?" I told him, no bc he had a gf ( for 2 years now ) and leave the past in the past. He kept on, saying it would be so much fun. I said... for who? I told him he was fd up for messing with my head and heart like that. How could you be married to me for that long, cheat on me, break my heart and our kids. over and over.. So now you want me to be the cheater with you and you're wanting to cheat on your gf with your ex wife. He is cheating on her, all the rime with people he works with, the kids say. ( They are over 21 and grown) I got engaged after that too. I thought I had found my person. He was really good to me. Wellll....1 year later he was BPD and Antisocial pd and I had to take a protective order out, he was stalking me. I actually work for a federal agency and the OIG personnel that I worked with , dared him to come on federal grounds again and told him they would get him for stalking. He left me alone then. To this day my parents don't want or value you to have an opinion. It's their way, you are their property. I'm sorry for anyone that read all that. The video was everything I grew up with and I just wanted to get the yucky feelings out. Praying for all that have been mentally tortured by narcissists.

[@elkekirkpatrick6481]

Have you considered writing a memoir?

[@RedroomStudios]

thanks for sharing your story... I'm glad that you at least had a good job and co-workers who supported you. I wonder if you ever considered moving to a different city or state to leave it all behind? thats what I ended up doing... after an insane on and off relationship of 5.5 years with a narc female who was also on medication for anxiety disorder I moved to Mexico (for a different reason) and now there is no temptation or ability to get involved with her anymore.

[@93Jubilee]

I am so veyr sorry for all you'e been trhough. I had an awul narcissistic first husband who had the stupidity , once he had a little girlfriend, "(ohh, she's so beautiful!, he told me). that I could either let her move in with us or "You're going to ruin our marriage!" unreal, right? Of course, the "marriage" was alreayd ruined so I walked out immediately. He was also phhysically violent.That sentence "If you don't let Pam move in with us, you'e going to ruin our marriage." sounds like ajoke, but that ass**** meant it!

[@Twixy-bn1du]

You are seen and heard. I'm really sorry that was your childhood. Both my parents were strongly narcissistic, my father overt & my mother covert, and I feel shattered at age 46, from an abusive boss and angry ex, both who have strong narcissistic traits too, I too have my faults, but bullies like to bully and try to maintain control forever. I can't people any more, I do not know what I am going to do next.

[@georgegavallos4519]

Thank you Jill for the validation. It’s as if you peeked into my 38 year emotionally destructive marriage to a covert Narcissist as described by my Psychologist. My ex filled the boxes: 10 for 10. She refused by our Therapist to get a Psychological evaluation. So she filed for divorce instead. Analogy: It’s as if she pulled the pin on an emotional grenade and blew the family up. And after the smear campaign, I was stuck holding the pin and blamed for the cause.

Same thing happened to me. Except it was a 5 year marriage with 2 children. She filed for no fault divorce and I refused to sign it. She refused counseling and a doctor's analysis

[@georgegavallos4519]

@DullahChadarmod she divorced me over a year ago. A blessing in disguise

[@georgegavallos4519]

I feel your pain bro. Look for a way out if you can. God never intended marriage to be like this

[@dwddavidsway71159]

Wow! Describing my experience to a T, unfortunately, awareness of their dysfunction Is a blessing! Peace.

[@georgegavallos4519]

@DullahChadarmod yes Gods’ mercy is limitless and is an unexpected joy for me. 😊

[@Rexag]

💯grew up with 4 narcissist- 3 sisters, step-mother and my enabling father. Me, the scapegoat, I call it out.The drama that ensued had my father telling me to apologize - knowing I'm right ..."Just, do it for me" he says...to calm his house down... "I will talk to her/them" and he never did. They would lesson me and I really felt sick apologizing, to one of them " Yes, you see why that is wrong.."I would almost lose it again. Dad passed away 8 years ago and I went NO CONTACT to all of them, blocked all medias refusing attempts to contact me. The best years of my life. Don't regret anything. Finished! I've learned - Who needs enemies when you have family! 🏆🎉

[@andron967]

I've had several narcissists relationships. I've seen incredible insanity. Every one of them was similar. In their looks. All thin highly groomed. All well above average intelligence. All would appear to be spoiled at first glance. And all left me feeling like I'd failed to really be with a real person. I think they were spiritually empty. Not connected to theircown souls. This is a horrible mental/spiritual illness. I'm working on myself as hard as I can. I feel very damaged.

[@karadiberlino]

Yet men flock to these „All thin highly groomed.“ and later complain about her character being the problem. Maybe look out for that in the first place?

[@carolmiles7474]

They should stick to their own equal types,Similar in looks ,same financial status similar education and background,

[@1233-h1]

Very true.

[@BrendaWest-u9z]

My 44 year old daughter is a walking textbook example of a narcissist! I had to get a restraining order against her to stop the abuse!

[@reddove108]

While listening I heard you perfectly describe the two narcissists in my life, an overt mother and a now deceased covert ex-girlfriend. This was particularly spot-on with the latter, a neglected housewife with whom I had a relationship for many years. I've learned that the affair followed the classic path for a covert narcissist: Love bombing, triangulation, the slow distancing and the discard. It's been over 30 years since the day I was tossed aside and it still hurts. Videos like this have helped me gain a better understanding of why narcissists do what they do. That, I suppose, is a step closer to healing. Good luck and healing to all.

[@my_humble_opinion4019]

She is spot on about triangulation…the sad part is that the female narcissist will completely destroy her family…and then has no clue why no one speaks to each other…it’s always someone else’s fault…no accountability or personal responsibility. It’s heartbreaking….female narcissists get worse with age.

[@JeremiahWeber-uw4yf]

There needs to be an advocate group for men that have gone through the hell of being in a relationship with a female narcissist

[@JeremiahWeber-uw4yf]

@@Sally-ih6ls I would agree female covert narcissist are very dangerous it is amazing how easy it is for them to weaponize the law to character assassinate you it is truly earth-shattering

[@Patsanford220]

Highly recommend reading and or participating in some subreddits dedicated to those of us healing from narc abuse. They’ve been sooo helpful for me over the last 4 years and there are both men and women who post there. They are very supportive and validating communities! R/narcissisticabuse is one of my favorites. R/lifeafternarcissism is another. I hope that helps! And best wishes to you on your journey to healing ❤️‍🩹

[@andron967]

Yes I agree. But I've also known two male narcissist. I saw the way the treat their wives. Both were cheating in their wives. So I don't believe that there is much difference

[@cheogt4623]

@@Sally-ih6ls I also think the same, there is something in culture...

[@JeremiahWeber-uw4yf]

@@andron967 then you never had the law of weaponized against you you truly don't get it why don't you watch Jill's video about how dangerous a female narcissist is

[@BG-gr6vc]

Every single thing. Every. Single. Thing. Broken or lost items, setting me up for failure in front of her people and then abandoning me in it. No ability to take positive correction. Making up reality to salvage ego. Assuming nothing but the worst in everyone to justify doing the worst to everyone. Impossible to please. Paint you into a corner and then blame you for being stuck. You can't win. You can only leave.

[@RedroomStudios]

yep... sounds so familiar. as soon as you think you had worked hard enough to correct something she complained about it would never be good enough and then there would be a new thing to take you down another road of insanity and wasted energy.

[@barbarapaton4005]

So much ridiculous behavior from narcissists. Fed up with all of them.

[@truthylucy7068]

I have a sign on my forehead. "Over here!"If you're a narcissist. I want nothing to do with these evil individuals! I run like hell!

[@breynolds3321]

Thanks for shining light on female narcissists. I’ve been really struggling to recover from the abuse I suffered with my ex, and felt so alone. Your videos are so helpful 😊

[@AnoNymInvestor]

You are are certainly not alone. I experienced the same now for 20-30 years in germany. In germany pseudofeminism started in the 1970s.

[@pauladix5655]

Yes thank you 😊

[@HikingDog-pv7es]

I’m divorcing one currently. After discovering NPD it explains everything in our 18 year marriage. I’m fortunate to be getting out of this marriage and still have a life to live and will meet a true partner.

[@granttaylor4762]

do not have another relationship, its not worth the pain

[@m.o.bmindonbusiness5584]

20 years for me and I recently gave her divorce papers

[@m.o.bmindonbusiness5584]

I'm staying single after this

[@beautyinthedark7406]

You just described the female narcissist I now keep at a distance for her benefit. She really thinks sooo highly of herself. The delusion is real. Everyone thinks she is so generous and nice but I know she only does this for control. I never been around someone who looks down on anyone that’s nice. She sees this as a sign of weakness. Took yrs for me to realize how envious she is of me. I don’t want or need that toxic BS around me. I rather deal with her absence than presence🤷🏾‍♀️. She’s also a neutral friend to the narc i despise😡 Good riddance.

[@callmealfredo759]

Yup you we're spot on. Dealt with this for 2 years and had to cut her loose cause I couldn't tolerate the disrespect, lies and drained my energy like crazy. Best thing I ever did was walk away from chaos

[@joekido55]

To me, it sounds like the News Media to point out the obvious...sometimes I feel I live in a narcissistic world...Thank you for your insight....it is on target...

[@RedroomStudios]

it is a narcissistic world, make much worse by social media and internet.

[@galaxy98765]

Wow. You are describing my 52- year-old niece! She never calls me or writes, but after she called me three times at 5:15 in the morning, I told her that is not when I like to wake up, as I had covid which she knew about as I had sent her a note about that, plus I am 71 years old. She has a temper, too, so she flew into a rage and she said that she calls everyone between 5 and 7:00 a.m., and she said "no one else has a problem with it" (therefore I shouldn't either). I'm sure the other pwople she was talking about are her age, not 71 like me. She said she was just calling to see if I was getting over the covid. She turned herself into a victim and told me that if my behavior (?) ever changes, maybe we can have a relationship. She also told me that she will never speak to me again. I didn't tell her that I don't want a relationsip with her any more. I am actually happy that she got so mad at me that SHE decided she will never speak to me again, because now I don't have to worry about my phone ringing at 5.a.m. I am also glad that she lives five states away from me. I am free now! Free from her toxic positivity, free from her bragging about herself, free from her total lack of empathy, and free from everything you mentioned in this video. I am happy being free of her.

[@sirid2987]

Narcissist will always resurface and return. Don’t be surprised if she calls you or just show up at your house one day.

[@galaxy98765]

@@sirid2987 Yikes! Perish the thought! (an expression my mom used to use). Thanks for the warning, I will be on the look-out. She lives several states away from mine, and she was planning on being in my state next summer to see her friends. I hope she stays away from my house! She got mad at her sister 30 years ago, hasn't spoken to her since and doesn't plan on it, and she is just as angry at her sister as she was 30 years ago. She (the one who is mad at me) played a dirty prank on her sister, and the police and investigators found it originated on her sister's home computer (the one who recently discarded me)

[@galaxy98765]

@@sirid2987 Part 2 of my reply: Sorry, I was trying to delete some of my message as it got too wordy, but instead I accidentally sent it. I was going to say that, once my niece got caught playing that prank on her sister, being a true narcissist, instead of apologizing, she denied it and got mad at her sister (the one she played the illegal prank on), and she turned her sister into the villain, when she is the actual villain. Narcissists don't take responsibility for anything, they think they are the victims, and they forever perceive the other person as the villain, when it's actually the other way around. We should all stay away from people like this. P.S.: I love the picture in your profile. Beautiful colors and so peaceful. Have a wonderful week, and stay safe.

[@galaxy98765]

@@sirid2987 Sorry, here is Part 3: I guess the point I was trying to make is that, seeing as she got mad at her sister 30 years ago and is still mad at her and still plans on never speaking to her again, I was hoping that she would also leave me alone and never bother me again, either. But you might be correct, she might call me or show up at my house, acting like nothing ever happened. If she does, I will maybe listen to her, but she won't be allowed back into my life. I'm done with people like her. I'm done with borderlines, too. Take care!

[@evelynniemeyer1119]

Perhaps you can visit friends or spent some days where you love to go if she wants to see you.

[@catzee4720]

It can be extremely traumatizing to be forced to play nice and act nice to a person who has abused you as so many of our narcissistic parent made us do. Especially with siblings. They abuse us and then we are asked to suck up to the very person who abused us. Confusion!!!! And delusion very damaging. Luv your channel. Thank u!

[@SharkE747]

Which did I experience? All of the above. I got tired of trying to appease her because nothing was ever good enough. The littlest things would set her off and forget boundaries because she broke them all. I had learned something else recently that I was totally ignorant to and that is she was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder years ago and I thought that it implied that she wasn't socialable. I got an eye opener.

[@pauladix5655]

I can relate. I'm assuming you are referring to a spouse but I am experiencing this w our 30 yr old daughter after our divorce. Getting worse and more estranged towards me, her brother, and grandma. 😢it's devastating. He has everything, and he chose to be out of their lives 15 yrs. I was patiently waiting for them to wake up, mature, and realize they owed their loyalty and respect towards me for always being there and supporting them. Especially since I have no $$, job, ability to work or do much of anything due to health issues. I'm chronically alone, isolated, depressed, and need help with things. I don't understand. Their dad never wanted to spend a single holiday or birthday or anything in 15 years and they left both their 92 yr old grandma who was always there supporting and helping them, and the mom who is alone, unwell, living in a small condo, all alone in our own homes an hour apart on CHRISTMAS DAY 🎄 WITHOUT EVEN PUTTING MY TREE UP AND MY SON LIED ABOUT GOING AND YELLED AT ME ACCUSING ME OF USING METH AND HAVING "BLACK TEETH" , and then going to his dad's house to have a nice prime rib dinner, dessert, and all the trimmings, w the woman who pursued him & had affair during our marriage and the 2 illegitimate daughter's. They opened gifts, which were laughably cheap for me and my mom, and played games, the one thing I asked to do that never happened. Why?????? What did I do wrong???

[@SunnyBeetle1922]

This video nails the female narcissist in my life …everything you mentioned is what she is.

[@oliviamiller9267]

I had the misfortune of being the blonde daughter of a dark haired narcissist. She never forgave me for that. Going into my teens, she gossiped with my friends and acted seductively around boys. I remember teachers acting differently toward me after parent/teacher nights. We know the manipulations - parents have rights to supervise their children’s lives and narcissists choose something that could be true. Any self defence looks like a guilty excuse.

[@georgegavallos4519]

I feel your pain Sister. Peace be with you

[@kristinachristian3914]

OMGoodness, I'm SO sorry this happened to you both!! 💯 UGH. They really are just downright HORRIBLE, thru and thru. SMH

[@susanjones8489]

As a little child I had curly blond hair and thick eyebrows and lashes. My mother tweezed them out painfully so I looked like a little Joan Crawford. The kids at school made fun of me and I noticed no other girls in my class of 4th & 5th graders had their eyebrows tweezed. Later I found out mom was jealous. On her deathbed she requested her eyebrows be penciled in. Mom also hit on my BF when I was 16.

[@georgegavallos4519]

@@susanjones8489 wow Sister. Peace be with you

[@manuseal5983]

@susanjones8489 So sorry you were subjected to that. I hope you have empowered yourself as a result of your Mother's misdeeds. Be strong

[@Tashiro808]

Thank you for all this information, my wife, her brother , her sister (past away by suicide ), and her dad. A Doctor of mine let me know mental illness comes in clusters and hereditary. Thank you for making my Day. 👍

[@JenGable-Justeson]

They will say or commit horrible acts against you (throw things at you, commit crime), then once someone else finds out about it, they DENY it ! They will use individuals as tools, to manipulate a situation to get what they want ! They will LIE right to your face, when questioned about certain addictions (shopping, gambling, etc) and do not care who is negatively impacted by their horrific behaviors/impulsivity ! Thank you Jill ! The information in this video is spot on !

[@pauladix5655]

So much my 30 y old daughter who wants nothing to do with me unless I have something to offer her. She has cut me out of her life for 15 years and betrayed me in worst way by moving in w the dad who abandoned her 15 yrs and caused her to drink & she developed severe alcoholism, she subbed w weed, vaping, benzos, Adderall & who knows what else. She lives w him, the gold digger who he cheated on me with & the daughter they had who is 12 and she recently calls her SISTER to get to me. On July 4 I asked her to come over and take me to ER bc my arm was numb & i couldn't move it & she literally said she wants to hang out with the "friends" she was w all day and night but she offered to call ambulance!! 😢😢😢😢

[@JenGable-Justeson]

@@pauladix5655 I am so sorry, and at times when you sit and analyze the situation, it can be so hurtful. Are you okay now ? Did you finally receive the medical treatment that you needed ? What are you doing for yourself, so you have peace to move on with your life ? Have you tried to establish boundaries ? If that is not successful, have you tried to cut contact ? Now that you know or see, you cannot unsee it, and at times, there is nothing you can do to change THEM, or repair a dysfunctional situation.

[@taylod151]

It’s like you actually knew my ex partner as you’ve just described in perfect detail every aspect of her. I spent five years questioning why I was so bad at maintaining the relationship- it took me a long time to realise it was her and not me that caused every issue. I’ve moved on but it’s taken me 10 years and left me very suspicious of everyone new.

[@themessenger5868]

Each day getting stronger...the level of abuse and manipulation is obvious to me now. My story is horrific. Love is for the brave.

[@gchang916]

Totally described my narc mom. She died. We are still dealing with the harm she caused. I just hope we are strong enough to heal.

[@pauladix5655]

Prayers for you and best wishes for finding a skilled therapist.

[@consider_the_alternative]

As a male who only learned about narcissism through a lifetime of female narcs, it came as a surprise to me, to hear you say that it is mostly talked about with men. Maybe it's the covert aspect that separates them.🧐I'm currently on a highly expedited training course and only coming out of the fog as we speak. Thank you for sharing this. So many validating points. Some of this is so subtle. I would never be able to prove it to anyone. Even the perpetrators, perhaps.

[@carlshawver7332]

Curious of your experience and expedited recovery program. Thanks

[@consider_the_alternative]

@@carlshawver7332 I wouldn't know where to begin friend. I'm doing the same thing you're doing probably. Watch the videos, get lightbulb moments, apply it to the rest of the world. But, who are you? Who am I? You're free to ask any questions but, my story is less important than your healing. Are you a seeker of Truth, prior to finding out about narcissism?

[@WhammyBamber-wn2jv]

My last relationship was with one of these woman......when my time wirh my young.son was being challenged that was the boundary that changed everything.. thereafter we were finished in my mind....i had to still cohabit for a.few months after breakup and i got to see rhe real face of this monster ....truly extraordinary... single for 10yrs now ...can be lonely..but good for the soul

[@RedroomStudios]

thats good you had that boundary to wake you up! my ex would be jealous and attack my family to my face but then she would be super nice and friendly to them in person and she would try to paint herself as a victim of "my abuse" to them (because I would refuse to give in to her insanity) to try and turn them against me. the end of that was one night she got drunk and called my mother in tears to complain about how abusive I was to her. she was on the phone for like 4 hours saying all kinds of crazy stuff and I was just laughing in the background. after finally ending the call my ex decided to cook herself dinner at 10pm but then promptly fell asleep on the couch while the food ended up burning on the stove. I cleaned up the mess and called my mother to tell her what was really going on and thats how I finally got my mom to realize I was living with an insane person.

[@naarah9242]

These were some great red flags on what to look out for! I’ve dealt with more female narcissists than male narcissists throughout my life. The first one being my own mother. After dealing with all of their chaotic antics, their personalities just sum up to being annoying lol They act like overgrown toddlers.

[@julianwalls1077]

Great points.. about 35 years ago i met this woman that i started going out with ..3 weeks into relationship was first red flag of her been a nart we at another party and it was a big one around 100 people plus. A good friend of hers comes over to the opposite side of big room and tells her about another woman they both know from school and university who had been bullying her and saying bad things about her. She listens for about 20 minutes and once her friend has left the room goes up to the bully and says i heard from a few people you been bullying jenny. Next thing thst happens 10min later is my girl friends friend come back into the room and this is this massive explosive argument in back corner and my girl friend has a huge grin on her face because she enjoyed creating the drama ..very two faced ..she is now a prominent lawyer and well regarded by many people is a good person but lets just say after going out for her for 18 months she is not as she appears she had many of other narc points. I had a lucky escape....😢😮

[@ssgoifvet]

Thank you for spreading this...

[@LowkeyT4Prezident]

I like that u wear floral. I appreciate your feminine energy but also logic. Thank you beautiful soul.

[@rosesilveira344]

You nailed it on all points! I know a woman who fits the descrpition to tee. She talks about herself & glory days incessantly. God forbid you interrupt her. The competitiveness is off the chart. A new custom built house is no match against her 45 yr old house. I caught on to her game early on. Haven't heard from her in months which means I've probably been discarded or being punished. Either way my life is back to normal leaving the chaos & drama behind me. Surprisingly I don't miss her.😂

[@peterwinzeler2935]

Thank you. I was married to a multiple narcissist for 16 yrs. Financially, mentally, emotionally broke!!! Two kids filed for divorce. Quit drinking three years after started all over. Happy after 20 yrs

[@dazpearce2096]

great content Jill - it resonated for sure. I think it's worth remembering that these people (male or female) are incapable of reaching any sort of lasting peace or contentment, only fleeting bouts of euphoria. Praise provides that as does drama. Can I add one other item to the list please? That item being HAZINESS. You'll never get any sense of clarity, catharsis or closure from somebody like this. Keeping things hazy and unresolved is one of the leading narc power games.

[@manuseal5983]

Very helpful insight. Thank you on behalf of my 5 and 6 year old daughters and myself. As charming as my ex- wife is, she is the most dangerous, distorted and treacherous human being I have ever encountered. You managed to say so much in just a few sentences ! Thanks again.

[@mrsk812]

When we bought our new home in the 90s, my mother had one built with the exact floor plan, but she added a few luxury spaces like a breakfast nook, an extra half bath, and a finished bonus room (ours was unfinished). When I remarked about how our floor plans were very similar she got very mad and told me I was crazy. But it was obvious. Of course, her house was perfect according to her and mine was messy.

[@michaele.francis]

They thrive on creating division. If you're married, they'll cause a rift between you and your spouse. I have an Aunt who does this. Where there's smoke, there's fire. They're always in the middle of a conflict.

[@timc2493]

I was in a relationship with what I believe is a covert narcissist. She pretty much showed all the behaviors of what narcissism is. However she is quiet and reserved to those that don’t really know her. I was addicted to her and she slowly drained my positive energy. I am currently detoxing right now. Fortunately, we did not live together or share any assets. It is easy for me to point my finger and blame her. But I must own my share. I have hired a coach, and I am currently going through the process of understanding what CPTSD is. I would probably categorize myself as a codependent. She crushed me with the lies and gaslighting.

[@betsygarcia4346]

I am a senior female living with a senior female family member. I've known her all her life and we were always close. That changed when she invited me to move in with her so I could financially enjoy retirement, as 2 can live cheaper, etc. It started slow at first but once I said something that she didn't like, it's been mental anguish for me ever since. She raged at me and hasn't spoken to me since. If I do ask a question the answer is always nasty. She treats me with no respect. You best believe if someone spoke to her that way, it would bring on some powerful rage. This has gone on for several months. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind because I have no one to talk to about it. Two things in my favor though - I had an ex-boyfriend who was a total narcissist, so I could quickly assess this situation. Now when she does her passive aggressive mean things to me to get a reaction, I say nothing like nothing is wrong. I know that drives them crazy because they need that reaction, so it's a little enjoyment for me. The second thing I have going for me is I'm moving in 2 weeks. These people are sick and evil.

[@lucyt-c8092]

I am sooo glad you are moving!

[@lucyt-c8092]

..and beware the hoover ! Go no contact with this person…

[@betsygarcia4346]

Thank you, and once I'm out, I'll never look back! I will not waste one more minute of my life on her mental instability!!

[@truthylucy7068]

I'm glad you're getting away from her! Yes, they are evil!

[@zenmasterj9497]

Very Powerful Message and Information!😮 You're the Truth!😮

[@modernrustics5069]

She had me thinking I was insane and told me to get a therapist. When the therapist justified my behavior suddenly I had a bad therapist

[@pauladix5655]

My daughter is constantly asking me if I found a therapist yet whenever I bring something up she wants to avoid. I was a therapist for 30 years. Her narc dad sent her to HIS therapist?? Conflict much??? She spent over 2 years w him and is completely alienated from me, hateful, and worse than ever. But the dude claimed he didn't dx, which is a LIE AT LEAST IN IOWA, insurance won't pay without dx. He's a narcissist too probably

[@belight6280]

Unfortunately, this happens. Unfortunately, it happened to me. Just destroyed my life's work and family in a matter of months, that's all. Lied in court and she gained full custody, to then continue to mess our two kids up. The system breeds narcissists for profit. After hard, hard lessons of being with and divorcing a covert narcissist, for me, it's been head on a swivel with my Narcdar set on high. They are everywhere, even set on medium. No joke

[@ma3alimezo82]

Still going through it in court. 1 lovely child. Covert liar ex wife in court. Massive liar and 2 faced. No honor. She is with Satan. Just need to protect my boy

[@manuseal5983]

@ma3alimezo82 hang in there. I'm in the same situation. Teo toddler daughters. Have been divorced for almost 2 years now. Multiple lies in court. Amongst one of her falsein court allegations against me was when she went as far as putting makeup on to stimulate that I beat her up and gave her a black eye. Since it was during Covid Lock down/ no contact/ everything via Zoom, she was able to fool the Social workers, Therapist's and Women's Advocacy groups that she was a victim of spousal abuse. They all showed up in court to testify on her behalf ! By the grace of the All Mighty, I was able to prove beyond doubt that did not happen. Despite her making a mockery of the court and judge, they did not hold her fully accountable aside for rewarding her about 1/4 of her monetary demands. Thankfully, custody is 50/50. 2 years on, she is still seething..... psychological campaign of abuse of our daughters ( trying to sow division between the sisters, telling one, she is much more beautiful than the other etc,) And og course trying to get the kids to hate their father. My advice to you, is to show your son by example. Give him your time and your UNCONDITIONAL love and support. Children are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for. Despite how charming their Mother is, my daughters have noticed there is something "off" about what their mother spouts regarding their father. I realize my situation being 50/50 is a major blessing since it gives me an opportunity to counter her assaults on the children. Hand in there brother man.

[@93Jubilee]

prayers are with you, goo dluck with all of that horror. Im so sorry! @@ma3alimezo82

[@ft7504]

Number 1 Sensitivity. This is so true that even comments with good intentions are dangerous. Once there was a renovation of my sister-in-law's apartment where there was a complication in the middle of the process where some correction was to be done and I dared to comment that 'It is lucky that the issue emerged now during the renovation and not when the apartment is completely renovated.' I was naive as I wanted to raise attention that the issue was not a big deal since the apartment was being renovated, but my Mother-in-law's face turned cold and she got hurt by comment. My MIL is so protective of her daughter that thinks she is her extension. Yes, female narcissists are so sensitive that they get hurt and offended even for things that are indirectly connected to them such a renovation of the apartment. I thought that she may have been offended as with my comment I exposed that their territory was not perfect even under renovation. Really, you have to treat them like you treat dead people: either say only good things about them, never mention any issue or you better stay silent.

[@93Jubilee]

How weird, that she was so hurt by that! Bizarre. So sorry you had to deal with that. Stange people. Soundslike you hand'ed it great

[@ft7504]

Thank you! Appreciate your comment. Believe me, these are trying times when you are surrounded by people like these ones.@@93Jubilee

[@johnnylafayette]

This is why i no longer trust my own judgment in women and now that i feel whole again at age 45 i don't know if ill be willing to date again sadly.

[@valerieweeks2930]

I’m very sorry….. don’t give up, there are mentally healthy women out there. Be encouraged.✝️

[@sofiars0922]

My mother is a narc, but also a selfless and sweet person at the same time. She was diagnosed with bpd when I was very young but she refused to take medication because she believed it was bs. I know that I definitely have narcissistic and bipolar tendencies just like my mother... I'm really trying to work on myself but it's so hard.

[@pauladix5655]

Does she have bipolar or borderline personality disorder? Both get referred to as bpd although I think they renamed borderline to emotional dysregulation do or something which makes more sense. Was just going to say, meds are usually not super helpful for borderline, but YES for bipolar it's a must!!! Ppl don't like some of the common meds bc of negative side effects but they have come out w different ones. Sometimes it's trial & error & support groups/therapy are good for coping skills. With borderline, the best therapy tx is typically a technique called dialectical based therapy. Lots of x it's used in group settings which helps to normalize & cope with mood swings & other issues. CBT (COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY) is used too but it's used for most conditions. There's also some great books & workbooks on borderline and bipolar as well as others. Mindfulness for depression is a good one. Good luck 👍

[@Hopeissoulful]

Thank you for exposing on point on npd. It have brought to light on what I went through with a whole group of these woman and how I was also becoming one! So I had to go out camping just to bring myself back to reality! Reset my heart and mind again!

[@truthylucy7068]

Well, my mother checked all ten boxes! I've experienced them all! My mother is 78! I no longer speak to her. I've tried to have a relationship with her. Not delve into the past, but move forward! It’ll go well for about a week. Then she can't resist saying something rude or telling me what I should & should not do. She wants to talk on the phone, I don't , I prefer to text. Every time we speak on the phone, it goes south! I don't have a voice on the phone. She's not interested in anything I have to say. The entire conversation is about her. If I try to get a word in, forget it! She'll say, "Don't talk over me, I'm speaking right now! The only time in my life I could ever express myself & talk about things that are important to me. Is when I email or text her! Get this! Then she'll yell at me for sending lengthy emails & texts! She doesn't have time to read them. She's busy! She's retired! The last straw was when she told me I was trying to monopolize her time by sending longer texts or emails. 😆 I told her to read a paragraph a day! She proceeded to tell me. She always knew I walked with Satan! 😳 My mother is a beast! She'll never change because she can't stand me! That's her problem. I never did anything to warrant the way she treated me! My life is better without her in it. Yet, the damage she did is with me every day! I appreciate your channel! Thank you!

[@user-up4oe9pw1n]

That totally resonates with my life experience with my mother! I tried to speak some sense into her for her own self awareness then realised I’m wasting my time. Narcissists are incapable of empathy or change.

[@truthylucy7068]

@@user-up4oe9pw1n In my opinion they are truly evil that walk among us. Empathy is what makes us human. Without empathy you truly have no soul! Imo

[@dumpybear8664]

Blames spouse for everything and a complete unwillingness to see their spouse happy in any capacity. Have a hobby or interest…. You’ll hear something like “Only shallow people do things like that”.

[@amandaball353]

Perfectly said with real life examples. Thank you for putting this video out there today!!

[@meiw8358]

So good to watch your channel , so spot on for what my mother did to me and my dad. Thank you ❤

[@brendaw.7597]

You did one of the very best explanations for a female narcissist I have ever heard. I wish you had as equally good advice to give men and their children on how to best deal with one if they cannot get away from the person😢.

[@embrj1453]

I have seen many videos that are spon on on all of those traits, but you're the first one so far to mention about competitiveness, it's like everything is a competition for them

[@pauladix5655]

For sure even my covert daughter who plays the victim card w any sort of competition but still makes it obvious she wants to be the best.

[@StacyMurphy-y5o]

Thank you so much because when you mention Boundary Bulldozers.... I was struggling with what had happened when the narcissist went into my room, sifted through everything and I mean everything...every piece of paper, my underwear drawer, my private things...washed all my clothing and reorganized everything, moved everything. Also they cleaned my vehicle and went through it with a fine tooth comb. The contents of my console had been gone through and put into a separate bag on my passenger seat. My personal space, my private space, my human being space was just bulldozed through. When my underwear was washed and separately folded....I can't even put into words how horrible and violating it all was to experience that. To make matters worse, she made a game of this and enlisted her children to help with the project. I have gone no contact. And I'm in therapy. I discussed this with my therapist yesterday. It was such a steam rolling experience, I went out and got new clothes (I shop at goodwill...) but I was so thankful to set a new boundary. Just to reclaim my personal DIGNITY.

[@maxwell-cole]

This is one of your best videos, although all of them are awesome, you hit the nail on the head regarding female narcissists. Well done, excellent video, keep up the great work in this space. You are fantastic. Everything you shared is literally one of my biggest learning lessons after dating two of them back to back. 🙏🏽

[@theenlightenedtarget]

Thank you so much!

[@pauladix5655]

Absolutely 💯 👍 agree!!!! She is the BEST. Most knowledgeable, all videos are well organized and address everything you want to know & more & she presents the info in an easy to understand & professional way & uses terms easy for layperson to make sense out of. I've learned SO MUCH from just the few videos I've watched so far, even w masters in social work & 30 yrs in private practice!! She has taught me an incredible amount of very useful information and validated the way I have been feeling. I'm so GRATEFUL TO YOU JILL FOR YOUR EXCEPTIONAL VIDEOS. I HOPE I CAN WATCH THEM ALL & JOIN YOUR RECOVERY SUPPORT BC I DESPERATELY NEED IT. IDK IF YOU HAVE ANY VIDEOS ABOUT HOW TO BEST HANDLE YOUR ADULT KIDS WHO ARE COVERT (ED)& MALIGNANT (ES)? HUGS FOR ALL YOUR HELP YOU HAVE GIVEN ME & COUNTLESS OTHERS! YOU ARE DOING AN INVALUABLE SERVICE AND YOU ARE BY FAR THE ABSOLUTE BEST OF ALL THE OTHERS WHO HAVE VIDEOS ON THESE TOPICS!!!!!❤❤❤ 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

[@marmel4086]

Love the pink flower theme🌸

[@johnsmith-ik8il]

When mothers push fathers out of the home, backed by the state, the trend continues.

[@0patience4flz]

....the state.....1st time I've heard this from ANYONE...... with the state on their side... they're always a single mom...the state is their ally. They're in a built in gang

[@RedroomStudios]

appreciated the mention of breaking boundaries... my ex used to go on my computer, read emails and conversations I was having with other people and even delete digital images of other women from my past. she knew my entire history and would "diagnose" or accuse me of things based on what she read on my social media going back more than 10 years before I met her. on the other hand, not only would I never do that to anyone else, but I simply dont care about anyone else's personal business. they are not my property. they are free to do whatever they want. it's funny because I would let me ex go away for the weekend with friends, meet male friends for dinner, have all the time she wanted with her family... but she would claim that I was controlling. meanwhile she would be suspicious if I was 5 minutes late and would always create a narrative that I was meeting with other women. she always wanted to know where I was, who I was with and showed jealousy when I would spend time with my family.

[@Andrew-iq2it]

They also act like a victim once they destroy a relationship

[@stephenhanchey594]

You just described my wife 100%😢

[@kellywilde2835]

I came here to see if I had narcissistic tendencies after being told I was a narcissist by a verbally and emotionally abusive and very unstable boyfriend. I am happy to report that this very plainly laid-out video did not even closely describe me. Thank you for the clarity! Now I’ll have to look for a video about narcissistic injury, projection or rage.

[@apushman]

Totally agree about a female narc lives drama. Dated a girl who had a few narc traits and there were a few times that out if no where, she created a scene and blew up. Even when i proved her wrong, it didnt matter.

[@caroleminke6116]

Could have been a borderline

[@pauladix5655]

​@@caroleminke6116probably both. My daughter has both & a couple others.

[@Coolingfin]

Honest conversation? I should count my blessings that NO conversation at all occurred. Of course that was because the latest one had become a flying monkey before I met her. I didn't know about NPD and fell for her 'mirroring' me because she had studied me. Head over heels stupid for her. When I finally learned about NPD I exposed her without knowing it until I saw the rage. I keep geting reminded of the WWII poster 'Loose Lips Sink Ships' so true. Thank you Lord for getting me here. Experience taught me to be cautious, I took it slow and payed attention even though I didn't recognize it as being 'too good to be true'. Claims made did not match with actions.

[@ursulasmith6402]

My grandmother was o e, back in the 20s and 30s, wasn't known yet. My dad suffered a great deal, his.younger. brother, my uncle was the golden child.

[@allenhi-flowdc6100]

You walk into the door, 2 years later you crawl out battered and bruised and you think to yourself. What did I do, and it just sits with you. You heal, you get back on your feet and after awhile of the shock and disbelief of the trauma you just went through you realize it wasn’t you. It was her. I was in one and she ruined my life. Turned my daughter against me and tried with friends and other family. Rocked me like a hurricane. But it’s now a few years later. I’m back and healed and come to terms with what I had gone through. The only mistake I’ve made in that relationship was entertaining it. Never again.

[@mikehess4494]

Thank you.

[@davidm4566]

Very good. I would say that it's not about superiority for them, though. Inside, narcissists are very inferior and they are deathly afraid that everyone else (especially those they view as important) will find out. All of their manipulation is in order to keep others from seeing them for what they truly are.

[@joycleckley2881]

This was my mother and her sister at every holiday meal with my grandparents. Sister was 10 urs older, my moma was the baby of the family. They always had a huge argument at every meal table. Was absolutely gut wrenching to say the least. Now, my little brothers wife carries on the narc role, stirring up as much strife as she can!!!!!

[@vanessapehl7581]

Thank You TRUE FACTS ❤❤❤

[@JamesCooper-d6n]

Thanks for pulling the sheet off of female narcissists. I was married to a Border Line Personality Disorder narcissistic. You hit all of the points I learned after the divorce. I learned to be a survivor, not a victim. I learned it's not the end but a new beginning. People like you and Les Carter are God sent. Keep it up because you're reaching the people who need it the most.

[@killjoyredux8361]

Yeah I can attest to having dated at least 3 chicks that readily ticked the serious narc box. I don't date anymore.

[@pauladix5655]

Jill- I can't thank you enough for your amazing information and facts about narcissism, especially about female narcissists. You have provided me with so much valuable information and validated the sadness, rejection, hatred, loss, betrayal, and so much more I have experienced from female narcissists and narcissists in general. Even though I have a masters education in clinical social work and 30 yrs experience as a professional clinician, and thought I had a thorough understanding of narcissism and how to recognize narcisstic behavior, I had not heard much about female narcs & the unique characteristics they display. Looking back, I recognize female bosses, friends, colleagues, & others, but the last person I suspected was a narcissist was the daughter I loved, and supported her entire life, even after her father and I divorced due to his desire to be w woman he was involved with and subsequently had another daughter with. He checked out of our son & daughter's lives for 15 years and I was committed to being there for them both, and sacrificing my own interests and desires for my kids, especially my daughter. She developed severe alcoholism for the 10 years following her dad leaving, and was absent from my life during this time. She eventually decided to quit drinking (or so she reports), but substituted it w heavy weed smoking, heavy use of vapes, & various prescription drugs, and I suspect she has also been using alcohol. She is very removed from my life and her grandma & brother. In 15 years, I have seen her possibly 20x, all brief, during times when she needed something & she was physically and emotionally distant and cut off from me. During the 1st ten years, I took her on several vacations, about 5x to Florida beachfront resorts, California, a sreamo concert, & annual birthday trips to Chicago to shop for new clothes and stay in a nice hotel. She never acted grateful for any of the trips, never thanked me, & I actually had to convince her to come on the last trip we took to Florida, bc I asked her to pay $200 towards airfare, bc she had an income and no responsibilities, and I was paying for everything, both for trip and everything else. After she was not drinking, & we had taken our last vacation, although I didn't know that then, she got involved with a guy who had been in prison for a drug related felony and then was arrested and sentenced to prison for child pornography and meth possession and manufacturing. She waited for him to be released a few yrs later, and saw a couple other guys I barely was allowed to see. Shortly after he was out of prison, she moved from the condo she had committed to live in with me, free, to a warehouse apt w the guy she waited for while he was in prison. During the 5 years she lived there, i saw her a handful of times, always for a short time, and never to spend quality time together. She would come to pick up food or something else I was giving her, or briefly on a holiday or birthday. She grew increasingly more distant and emotionally detached and spent considerable time with her bfs parents and family. When her brother was in town for a holiday, I began seeing the triangulation, and the 2 would always gang up against me for one reason or another, usually false accusations or my son telling me i was being hard on her. It was never enjoyable and they both seemed to hate me. Neither shared much about their lives w me, their dad & family were off limits and they seemed to prefer finding things to criticize or bully me about. I felt like a victim and nobody was in my corner. They had decided to quit doing the traditional things I had tried to continue, and had little to no love or affection towards me. They were nothing like other ppls adult kids and I had always tried to be a good parent and make up for their dads absence. I felt less important to them each time. About 18 months ago my daughter became very depressed and anorexic. She went to live w her dad who had a big house similar to the one she grew up in. She knew we didn't communicate, she began lying about him being w gf again or the time she spent with them. I hoped it would bring them closer and perhaps it has but she is consistently dishonest with me and so is her brother. They choose to accuse me of some wrongdoing, tell me I need help, swear at me, gaslighting primarily from my unhappy son, and manipulation, triangulation, and victimization from my daughter. Both were 90% or more estranged from me at this time but both angrily denied it. I couldn't win. And its only gotten worse. I didn't see any obvious indicators that my now ex husband had narcissistic tendencies for the majority of our 21 yr marriage. He always had a low tolerance for stress, likely due to his upbringing and their practice of not arguing or showing any significant conflicts. He did demonstrate a Jekyll and Hyde personality at times, especially when he was under work related stress or parenting conflicts, as well as disapproval of my actions or lack of his expectations. I didn't notice any narcissistic traits until the few yrs prior to him entering into an affair with a younger woman who had been flirtatious and aggressively pursuing him at a mid life crisis time and a period of minimal intimacy due to his verbal and emotional abuse towards myself and our son. He was increasingly more impatient and yelled more often. He was using alcohol more often and in larger amounts. He also became more secretive and worked out, purchased new clothes, spent more money that was not explained, spent more time away from home, and stayed out much later, and all night on occasion, claiming he didn't want to drive bc he had too much to drink. I was naive and didn't expect him to ask for divorce. Our kids were 15 & 18. But he was working with a major international corporation and held a high ranking position with a generous income and benefit package. And the status of being affiliated with the areas largest and most reputable companies. It was shortly after he started the job, I began seeing more signs consistent with narcissism. Before then, he was almost over emotional & teary at minimal things. He was also genuinely apologetic if he did something wrong or hurtful. He was always physically affectionate and nurturing & gave me compliments regularly. I feel he did what he had seen others do, vs it coming natural, but it seemed sincere. He was always the black sheep from his 2 brothers. I think the new prestigious job & young gf gave him more confidence & he felt more on their levels. Even so in the years preceding request for divorce, he had been making costly home improvements that didn't increase value & we were taking nice family vacations that weren't cheap, bought 3 rooms of nice, expensive new furniture,and an antique dining table we rarely used, and a piano basically for show, and bought me a brand new car 2 yrs before asking for divorce for my grad school graduation. Up until the divorce came up, I didn't believe he was narcisstic, but he showed his true colors as divorce went on,mostly about money matters. He even took me to an upscale fancy restaurant 2 mos after moving out of family home to celebrate our anniversary, & gave me a romantic sentimental card, & a wooden box with the inscription "youll always have my heart " & a little stuffed 🐖 pig, he knew was a favorite animal.???? Guilt? But I understand narcs didn't feel guilty. A few yrs after the divorce & he was out of the picture, I began seeing more and more signs of our adult kids who had never shown characteristics of narcissism until now. It was always 2 against 1 when it came to me. My son defended my daughter at all costs. He was very into gaslighting me, making accusations, yelling and swearing at me, & total disrespect which I had never seen. My daughter was displaying mental health issues, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, rebellion, lying, substantial mood fluctuations not age appropriate, dating/sexual relations with abusive, unhealthy & she didn't generally have her bfs or even the friends, most of whom I knew around me, as if she was ashamed of me. We tried 3 therapists together to improve our relationship and communicate. My daughter would go once or twice & then fabricated excuses for not wanting to go back. When she finally agreed to counseling, she was living with her dad and she saw his therapist he had seen 2 yrs. I feel this was a conflict of interest but didn't object bc I wanted her to get tx and be better. But I see now that between her dad & his lifestyle and family and the therapist ,combined with unhealthy friends & ongoing substance abuse, along w possible isolation which I am unsure about its accuracy bc she lied & triangulates & her dad was not communicating. He has everything he wants and I have nothing and nobody. 😢 do you or anyone reading have any opinions or recommendations for me and the situation?? Idw to lose my kids but I feel i already have. 😢 Does anyone have any idea why my ex is refusing to communicate? Or why at our retirement age 58, he chose to be w a younger woman who he had been on & off with multiple x over the years & she has a 4 yr old daughter w a different guy she had during one of breakups?? I know its wishful thinking on my part,but I have never found anyone else who developed into a lt relationship and Ive never stopped loving my ex husband and wanting a new chance to make things right and make up for the 15 yrs we lost. We always wanted the same things in our retirement. Please help and forgive me for the novel!!🙄🙄🙄🙄

[@estherclark820]

What interests me is that all these things were apparent when I went no contact with my sister 6 years ago, when I had yet to hear a comprehensive list of symptoms. It's strangly comforting to have professionals confirming what was so confusingly alarming then. I'm still sad that someone who meant so much to me was afflicted with this disorder. 😢

[@missuszee70]

My female narcissist used my boundaries, (which were established during a quite an intense ‘Love Bombing(?)’ stage at the beginning), as targets to exceed as quickly as possible under the most convoluted circumstances you could imagine. I went full no contact within nine months! PEACE ;]

[@BeeBeeBell]

I disagree with a high focus on physical appearance as a clinician. This sounds a bit more like the grandiose or overt narcissist. A female covert or malignant narcissist is focused on control, manipulation, and all relationships are transactional. So right about the competitiveness! It is extreme.

[@MareB-10n]

I’ll need to respectfully disagree- I’ve had long term “friendships” with two female covert narcissists, and I can tell you that appearance and swanky possessions were always top on their list of importance, particularly with regards to competition with me. One was into high dollar purses, horse tack, cars, expensive dining/food and real estate and the other was always showing off her clothes and expensive personal care products. A third female covert narcissist that I know is all about expensive manicures, jewellery and plastic surgery as well as fancy clothing and hairstyles. They were all also very competitive with me regarding fitness and being slim…one of my long term “friends” would ask me my weight every time we got together.

[@galaxy98765]

Call it what you will, beebeebell. My narcissistic 52-year-old niece thinks about her physical appearance 24/7. Everything on her and about her is FAKE: fake eyelashes, fake boobs, in fact her fake boobs are so big, they go from her waist up to her neck. She spends four hours in the gym every day and used to send me too many photos of her abs. Her natural hair color is a pretty auburn, but she bleaches it blonde. She takes more pictures of herself than Kim Kardashian does, with the tight pants on and one knee sort of out and over the other knee, you probably have seen "the pose". And she sends these photos to everyone she knows. She is not aging gracefully, she is fighting it all the way. She even told her two adult sons that they better not get married and have any children, because she doesn't want to ever be a grandma. Crikey! This is all in addition to her fake niceness ... on the rare occasions she decides to be nice. She discarded me last October when I asked her to stop calling me at 5:00 in the morning. She said no one else has a problem with it when she calls them at 5:00 a.m., and she doesn't like people telling her what to do and not do. (See my other comment if you want to.)

[@BeeBeeBell]

​@galaxy98765 Oh my. She sounds very insecure and superficial. And. Yes, I know the pose!

[@BeeBeeBell]

​@@MareB-10n this does not present as covert but overt but in the female form. So glad you see the red flags now, whichever form of narc they are, they are terribly cruel and toxic.❤

[@georgegavallos4519]

I respect your opinion. But don’t try to out guess or overestimate the “ father of lies” Narcissism root source is evil. The “ Father of lies “ and source of this egocentric poison. We as humans will lose every time. Guard your heart with the truth. Jill is on the right track and speaks the truth through experience. Peace be with you Sister.

[@pierrechevalier20]

I would've been much happier if I had this information 17 years ago. I was so confused for years back then , didn't know what was happening after she discarded me. Now I'm happy I avoided an evil who I thought was an angel.

[@Leofirestone]

Always love you videos your so aware of all the different ways in my case a woman caught Me in a trauma bond never had any knowledge of these issues such npd etc keep giving such great advice ❤

[@catec3102]

Very good, but you forgot the passive- aggressiveness, and blocking/unblocking friends and boyfriends on social media!

[@masumszone7160]

Thanks.I have been living for 13 years with a female narcissist. 100% correct with her.

[@fifilafleur5555]

You just described my dad’s wife (stepmother only 10 years older than me) and their daughter (half sister)… as well as “mean girls” I knew in jr high & high school. You hit the nail on the head here, Jill. **Exactly** how they behave! 🎯🎯🎯

[@homeagain9692]

After 15 years i finaly shut down. There is no fixing that. I am so grateful i am no longer on that roller coaster. Some of these points fit so well. Most notably #1. In all that time i heard an analogy literally one time and it was dripping with sarcasm.

[@kaystephens2672]

Hi Jill. Good to see you again. Still making great progress. Hope you're doing great and keep up the great work!

[@meredithheath5272]

❤Like that - "the 3 'E's' - "E to the third power"

[@douglasmiller1212]

Wow, what an insightful video and treatment of this malady! Thank you!

[@Mystic45708]

You hit the nail on the head about criticism, my son’s ex wife went ballistic when I commented on something about her. Everything you said is so true. Our son’s ex wife has even beat him up & she would get mad at their first son & slap him across the face, then throw him off his high chair , we just found this out. She has choke him too& got mad at him for jumping on the couch next to his dad, she pulled him off the couch when she did this she knocked him out. She is pure evil. Alanna Clarkson os Sooke BC should be charged.

[@natashajohnston381]

I think my ex boyfriend was a female narc...like , he's a dude but....every one of these hit.... idk WTH i experienced but i NEVER want it again

[@georgegavallos4519]

Evil knows no gender. It seeks souls to reap. Narcissism source is evil. Dr. Scott M Peck, a specialist on Narcissistic behavior surmised Narcissism is not just a personality disorder but more so a spiritual disorder. Based on evil. He wrote a very informative book: “ People of the lie”. Peace be with you.

[@ladyvirgo013]

Same as my soon ex husband

[@srobearl]

Their love is very conditional. I am constantly finding myself on the outs.😢

[@emgee691]

Thanks for your really very clear explanations. Eye opening actually. You're right in saying that when we speak of narcissists, our bias is primarily about men. Like domestic violence, most people automatically think it only relates to men. But no, it doesn't. I think the general statistic is around 20% of domestic violence is acted out by women., towards men and/ or children. But hardly anyone ever seems to mention this. As I listened to your presentation here, I realised that I think narcissistic may have been my late mother and it definitely still is a female sibling of mine. Her jealousy is off the charts.

[@fireupyourheartfortruth]

Thank you Jill so much!❤😢❤🎉😅. We can all get through this!

[@izzydeadyet7336]

My mother always used to bellow, and still will, “ you can’t win! You can’t win against send me!” And she’s right, I’m not even trying to win, just defend myself and she’ll never let anyone, myself or my father, get defensive or were hiding something.. try to fight back, and we’re the bad guy!

[@wardeggerrobertmarius144]

Extraordinary... you described the behavior of the majority of women.

[@kimberlyboldt5213]

You've just described my daughter. It was very painful for awhile as she is our only daughter. She is on her third husband. Unfortunately, she has 4 kids, our grandkids whom we never get to see anymore. She pitted my husband and I against each other for years and now she's trying to pit my own mother against me. We finally separated ourselves from her, and took ourselves out of the drama. My husband and I endured a whole lot of chaos in our household. Very painful. But we got through it. We've been married for 41 years. Our daughter is now 35. Our grandchildren have all sorts of emotional problems and there's nothing we can do. We had to let go for our emotional well-being. My heart goes out to everyone who has experienced this. My advice, do not place the guilt on yourself and beat yourself up. No one is perfect. But no one deserves abuse, especially if you are naturally a loving and kind person at heart. If you have faith in God. He will guide you and bring you through this.