What Happens When YOU Discard The Narcissist

[@coloradorocky1298]

Those of us who get involved with narcissists, often have narcissistic parents.

[@bobbamford5207]

So true my Mother was one...

[@billstone8451]

So was my mother! And 20 years with first wife . Went no contact my mother cornered my present wife in grocery store said I mentioned boundaries in past and in last letter when I told her I had no desire to have any type of relationship with her, she stated I didn’t know he had any boundaries??? Typical and so telling!!! I am so done!

[@pinkpill5355]

Not for me. I found out that his mother and sister are narcs and made him realize it, but didn't see at the time that he himself is also one until now. He is no different than them.

[@babytt8487]

Yep thats my family! F em rather be alone and being at peace in nature. I don't need them, they need me.

[@babytt8487]

I agree we need to leave them alone, let God deal with them. Narcs have a lot of mental ill health, they need to seek Jesus Christ we can only deal with them from a distance.@@rtshaw3621

[@maryannwilliams3893]

My narc boss did not see my resignation coming. 8 years of narc abuse, I couldn’t take it anymore. She was defensive and made herself the victim. She actually believed that I would never leave. I have never looked back. BEST decision I have ever made.

[@nopereradicator]

Hugs. They’re the worst when they control your ability to shelter and feed yourself.

[@flowerpink33]

Good for you. You don’t deserve any of that treatment.

[@bjones73387]

Me too! Walking out was the best feeling ever!!! 😊

[@kimhumiston2686]

I basically experienced the same thing. It took me 10 years to make my exit. Female narcs the worst, especially when they are your boss. Kudos to you for leaving!!! Best decision I ever made!!

[@sandypandy9161]

I have a similar situation as you did....after 5.5 years with a narc manager I had FINALLY had enough. I went to the owner of the company and gave them an ultimatum...either you transfer me from her dept or I quit. Well it's been 2 years now and I am sitting in my comfy office narc free....and only a 10 minute drive from my house to boot. The owners not only transferred me to a better location...I literally do not have to have any interaction with the narc. That doesn't stop the narc from sending her flying monkeys or trying to trigger me, but I stay no contact and give zero fucks....life is great now😊

[@carlosalvarado5729]

Do not fear the narcissist, plan an exit strategy, leave as soon as your able to, expose the narcissist for who they really are (if you're able to) and have no sympathy or mercy on the narcissist whatsoever.....the same way they had no mercy on you for all those years.

[@maggiemay8622]

That’s what I did, he went to work I had already gotten an apartment, called the movers , took only my stuff and I was gone before he came home! He never even called to ask what, why or anything 😳never talked about it ever😳he just told me that his family hated me.

[@carlosalvarado5729]

@@maggiemay8622 it's a tough situation all the way around but you made the right move for yourself.......good job on leaving the narcissist and congratulations on your victory. 👍👍👍👍

[@donavonmacallister3101]

Amen, I was telling the nuns this exact same thing after the eucharist today. We have many narcissists in our midsts.great insight .

[@nutech1810]

I left. People will think you're the problem if you attempt to expose them.

[@cookiemama4]

@@maggiemay8622 That is exactly what I did! I highly recommend this strategy to break free and stay free!

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

Your life gets so much better. You get off the roller coaster and have a normal life. No more drama or lies. Later you wonder why you ever stayed as long as you did.

[@WBrown-gm4er]

If you can, No Contact is a must. A true narcissist will never truly be the one who discards. The victim will always be the one who ulrimately do the discard, even if the Narcissist leave first. For them, they leave with the idea that they can "shelf" you and come back anytime they want. If you are in a position to go NO Contact, that's the best position to be in.

[@georgiafrancis9059]

No contact with a narcissist is absolutely impossible until they finally die. After we divorced, I moved 2000 miles away and changed my phone number a few times, but smooth-talker, could sell ice to eskimos, and even told me he had hired someone to "hunt me down and slaughter me like a pig" yep, they simply don't take no for an answer. The day he died, my first words were, "Thank, God!"

[@BillyLintzenich-wf7sk]

I did no contact for 5 weeks this sept. I was very happy at first but when i tried to re-kindle things and found out she already had another bf ive been miserable ever since. Eventhough she still calls me a liar and ive never lied to her. I love/d her

[@lasmith0680]

@@BillyLintzenich-wf7skWhy did you try to rekindle things? They move on quickly.

[@BillyLintzenich-wf7sk]

@@lasmith0680 i guess because she sounded like she did. Yes i know now that i shouldve just stayed the no contact and i shouldve written her off but again i loved her.

[@lasmith0680]

@@BillyLintzenich-wf7sk I understand. I just went thru the same thing. Sorry if I made you feel like an alien. This experience has made me feel like an alien. It’s important to remember it was never real. That’s what I keep telling myself. Oh, and it’s not my fault. So it’s not yours either.

[@jaydixson1731]

I’m so happy I discarded my narc. I did this without ever listening to a video. I just knew something was terribly wrong

[@RubGoddess]

Me too! So terrible and wrong

[@KeneseSonny]

Me three ! I leaned everything and saw video explaining what I had experienced after I discarded him with no contact.

[@Dorothy4Justice]

GO NO CONTACT! IT'S THE ONLY WAY!

[@supobostarman]

Unless you are married and then its impossible.

[@konkylie-3000]

prepare yourself for anightmare

[@cheryldee95]

You will never see anyone go further out of their way…to abuse, neglect, gaslight, financially restrain, cheat on, triangulate, criticize, isolate, and do any other nasty thing to…to PURPOSELY break you down and ‘sabotage’ the relationship. And yet, when you finally have to leave…to literally ‘save yourself’…they instantly become the enraged, ‘shocked’, feigned ’innocent victim’…who will now feel justified in seeking the most vile ‘revenge’ against you, simply for refusing to accept any more of their vitriol. If that doesn’t scream ‘entitlement’, I don’t know what does.

[@RLifestyle453]

Wow that is an astute accurate speach 👏🏽

[@martyvirtue4051]

A narc friend smeared me in my neighborhood after I disgarded her. The sad part of the smearcampaign is, that everybody believes them. Without a doubt.

[@Kate-zg6wo]

Yeah, that was the hardest pill to swallow for me. My own extended family even 😂

[@martyvirtue4051]

@@Kate-zg6wo people look at me as if I am the worse kind of convicted pedophile. That is letteraly what I believe she has blabbered around about me. I can’t even buy a stamp without getting the dirty looks. When I tell my friends I am the one being paranoid...

[@wayneelliott1180]

You are not alone. My neighbour narc stalked me mercilessly when I quietly politely backed away after helping her out when she moved in. I had realised how toxic she is. She realised I knew. She desperately tried to get police involved in her manipulations to crush me. She failed. Any sound I made in my home from then she deemed was an attack on her. I couldn't even brush my teeth without a retaliation because I'd used the taps for a whole minute. She would bait and provoke to get a reaction out of me (reactive abuse) so she could engage police and limp around playing the victim. She failed. Enter the smear campaign - a vicious mix of outrageous lies and projection, a formula she had been concocting from the very start. The fact that neighbours - who knew me I for six years before she darkened the suburb - believe her crap is mindboggling. The sneers, glares, stares and shunning I have endured has been very corrosive. What can we do about it? Nothing. We just have to continue in our routines with our heads held high and comfort ourselves with the fact that, at the end of the day, the truth will be known to all. And those flying monkeys and other idiots who gobbled up the lies and demonised an innocent person will see what they have done.

[@martyvirtue4051]

@@wayneelliott1180 thank you for your response. It really does help to know.

[@wayneelliott1180]

@@martyvirtue4051 you’re very welcome. I know how it feels. It’s a lonely experience. Depressing. Exasperating. So unfair. But we’re survivors. And we have something they are terrified of - the truth.

[@sue7621]

I saw a poster board one that said what I wanted to say! Quote I would rather adjust my life to your absence Than adjust my boundaries to your disrespect! Standing strong! The best is yet to come! ❤️💜❤️🕊️🙏🌎

[@KeishaWoodbridge]

Painful but very true. The devaluing o me was so horrible that I lost it and acted crazy.

[@mamabear71234]

My ex narc underestimated me. He thought that since I was married to a narc that I left, that I would go through another 6 years of abuse. Nope. I cut him off with no warning. He was crushed. He showed his friends how crazy he was when I cut him off. He went nuts. Everyone thought he was crazy after that. He exposed himself unintentionally because he couldn't handle being put in his place like that.

[@jarozemjar379]

My narcissistic friend terrorised me for years. When I discarded him, he took most of our ´friends´with him by badmouthing me. I cannot thank him enough for that. He cleared my environment so that I can start fresh with new nice people 🙂

[@mstanley97]

That happened to me as well. Best friend was a narcissist. I was so blind. She took alot of friends with her. It was a blessing in disguise. Be blessed.

[@sawneybean8011]

Well done!!! @ jarozenjar

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

"Their sbusive bahaviour is a choice." Yes!! They KNOW what they are doing, they may think that they can get away with that..because of their sick, entitled attitude. I witnessed the last hour of my ex-narc's life..scared to death of dying. Last words: " I'm sorry i was such a bastard". I had left him years ago.

[@Prometheuspredator]

I agree. They know exactly what they are doing. They can turn off their vile malicious violent behavior with others, but those who are web of influence they show who their true self is.

[@zerospecs2331]

Genuinely asking: if they were an ex and you left years ago...why were you there/went back? Because they were dying?

[@michaelgarrow3239]

Destruct mode is activated. Getting law enforcement involved is a common tactic. Jill is not exaggerating…

[@michaelgarrow3239]

@@hannibalweber3549 - Women are the property of the State…

[@wayneelliott1180]

Yes, they abuse the system so frequently that they learn how to play that game well.

[@michaelgarrow3239]

@@wayneelliott1180 - They bond with the state as their source and protector; and will not bond with a man.

[@ginacassares6801]

Narc mom called police on me 2x. For telling her the truth. Then boy did I get it Code enforcement My job Landlord Code cause I bought me a newer car. After not having one for. 8 yrs. I bought one. She called Code??? I never get. Why. My own mother would do this. Messed me up. For 9 months. Had to use my money I saved. Cause I was off work. Now after a yr. Letters. Blaming

[@henrykujawa4427]

Just before I left my home care client's apartment (FOR THE LAST TIME!) he was yelling at me to get out NOW!!!! or he would CALL THE POLICE on me for TRESPASSING. And to think, just 5 minutes earlier, his younger partner and I were gonna go food shopping as usual...

[@dannettepeters1507]

It is so true, you can warn them and warn them, giving them specific grievances to work on for the relationship to work. You are asking nothing unreasonable, just common consideration and respect and value. Then, they are utterly SHOCKED when you can take no more.

[@lorihoop3831]

THIS!!!

[@NathanSegal]

Based on what you've said, I was fortunate to be discarded. Since going no contact, there have been no problems.

[@justinrobinson9583]

Often I wonder why they discard.

[@bernieyuen8445]

I tolerated nearly 2 years of narcissistic abuse and during our talks, I mentioned he needs to start looking for a place because I cannot stand him anymore. He thought I was joking so he said he'll take a 40 day vacation to let things cool. He even acted all smug and said I shouldn't miss him too much. While he was away, I educated the whole family for a few days about narcissistic abuse and all the times he's gotten away with his cruel behaviours. One day we settled and we decided to pack all of his belongings, put it into a storage, and left the key to the front desk. Sent a simple and short email with no explanations. That was 3 months ago. It has been 3 peaceful and serene months. Educate yourselves then come up with an epic strategy to outwit the demon!

[@RLifestyle453]

Absolute Hallelujah to this 🥳🎉

[@MarciaSantos-ox1fk]

Well played! ❤

[@ckvarnmass]

I am amazed at how accurate this all is. There was nothing like this available to me at the time I divorced my children’s father. Everything you are saying is exactly what he did. It took me 18 years after the divorce before I finally figured out what was wrong with him, and when I learned about narcissism, I felt a freedom within my soul, knowing that it truly was not me imagining.

[@debarabian-looney3527]

Many good things ahead for you my friend....! Be blessed and never look back😂❤

[@thepoetdelayed]

I want to say that I wish I'd know all of this before, but even if I had heard this information before I left my ex-wife, I don't think I would have believed that it could be this bad. I don't think there's anyway to believe it unless you go through it. And this video is spot on.

[@Linda-bq7eq]

I moved 3500 miles and stayed there. Remembering them makes my hair stand on end.

[@daynapeterson9033]

Went no-contact from my 88 yr old covert narc mom. I'm the scapegoat. Am the independent child. First came the "revenge" and she sent me a letter informing of a meeting with the lawyer to discuss the family trust. Ha! Did not go. Next golden child brother tried to pull me back in to get her off his case. Next her best friend sent me a guilt letter. No response from me. All the targets try to pull you back in to get her off their back. No response from me. Finally 1 year later the phone calls and letters stopped. I WILL arrange her funeral when that time comes, then I'll be gone again.

[@keithstewart7514]

Deal with my 85 yo Sadistically Catholic mother as well. I'm scapegoat that got out of the Famdamnly trust also. Not going to carry the BURDEN of their endless shortcomings. So many NARC republican s into tRump these days, expect to see world demise SOON and if cHump is reelected Sooner yet.

[@autumxxleaves4186]

Enjoy your life! You deserve it.

[@alexbaird2670]

Good the harassment only lasted a year! My 88 yr old malignant covert passive-aggresive MIL has been harassing my husband for > 3yrs; since he walked away from the relationship. She used to harass him by email (I told him to block her which he did thank God). She now sends an abusive handwritten letter approx every 3 months.

[@daynapeterson9033]

@@alexbaird2670 keep those letters as proof as to how nasty she is.

[@MM-kt4is]

👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

[@camilleizzo2811]

Everything you said is true! It takes years to get rid of one of these psychopaths Pray they get a new supply sooner than later (that makes me feel bad because I wouldn’t wish one of these psychos on my worst enemy) But it’s the only way to get rid of them they need something else to occupy their pea brain

[@georgiafrancis9059]

Years is an understatement. My ex-husband wrote the book on narcissism and he lied about me to everyone, hoping to "poke me in the back" for divorcing him. Thing is, he threatened my life and I got the FBI invoved because we lived in two different states at that time. He'd call me every hour all day and night. Truth is, this never stopped until he finally died. You'll laugh: He died when an anuerism in his throat burst and he drowned in his own blood. Fitting end, I thought.

[@kerstitekko2257]

Omg sounds saddening prospect but sadder is to stay with a psychooath

[@Mista_Paaarka]

​@@georgiafrancis9059-- "You'll laugh..."??? You, also, appear to lack a good deal of empathy.

[@INHOUSEMUSICGROUP-PROMOS-vz7lm]

@Mista Parrka Stop projecting your narcissism on to her … Your condescending reply was clearly observed as attacking the victim for finally receiving peace as if we are supposed to feel sorry for her abuser’s demise.. Find another KZbin to troll 🤚

[@shoshannahearle3780]

@@Mista_Paaarkahave you ever lived with a malignant narcissist? Have you been emotionally and physically abused? Beaten daily? Until then you have no right to judge how others feel about their ex narc.

[@nopereradicator]

For many divorce is only the beginning.

[@jesusrules9925]

Yep.

[@ginadean5696]

That was true for me, but they like to use the legal system for revenge, get your ducks in order expecting that, unfortunately they will use your kids as leverage.

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

Jill I really feel for you being subjected to this hideous abuse 😢 I've had this too, but luckily I had no kids with him so my abuse wasn't probably as bad. I love your videos, thank you ❤❤❤🇬🇧

[@garyjohnston6248]

You are the only person I have found who truly knows & understand the narcissist PERIOD Thank you for always helping others.

[@LR-yu3mx]

yes, Jill is the best ,imo, of all narc-advisors. In every single item that she places on U tube, she is spot on!

[@pocahontas4583]

Right! She’s talking about a TRUE narcissist. There are a lot of people being labeled narcissist just because the other person doesn’t like them. I tell my stories and the same people think it sounds so bizarre.

[@sanwash4563]

Yes, I was just saying the same thing. Every time I listen to one of her videos, she's 💯 percent on the money!

[@robin2319]

I finally went no contact completely blocked him out of my life , with no regrets whatsoever, and it took 5 years of torture to finally leave for good

[@jessmason2112]

"who do you think you are." I've heard that time and time again. I'm someone who is your worst nightmare who will not buy into your delusions and someone who isn't afraid of the truth.

[@ZLLi661]

Perfect answer.

[@henrykujawa4427]

I had a "friend" once back in the 80s & 90s who loved to tell me how I should be running my life while he would sit back and allow his own to fall into chaos. At some point, I ran across the term "passive-aggressive" and realized that was what he was. I gave him every chance to straighten himself up, until one day it was just too much. The next time I saw him, I actually said, "I want you OUT OF MY LIFE." I swear, it took him 2 years to realize I meant it! Many years later, I found myself working as a Home Health Aide for 2 older guys, both argumentative control-freaks, who I eventually figured out were NARCISSISTS. I just spent the last year-and-a-half studying narcissism with the immense help of videos by Dr. Les Carter, and along the way exercising an increasing amount of EXCESSIVE self-control on my part. Some days the stress was really getting to me, and their INSANE behavior was really infecting my thoughts. All for naught! 2 days ago, the older one (the one who's ALWAYS in charge, the younger guy just follows orders to get along) got upset because I refused to come in on my day off, after spending 3 months trying to get that day off. I even told him I have a doctor's appointment on that day! He just quietly-- in a VERY sinister tone of voice-- said, "Then I won't be needing your services anymore." It would have been wonderful if I could have had more self-control right at that moment, and simply said, "Okay. BYE!", and left. Instead, it got nasty, and by the time I showed up at my agency office, I was called into a side room to be WRITTEN UP-- for the first time since working in this field for 10 years, 8-1/2 years at this one agency, and 4-1/2 years with these 2 clients! But the lady who LECTURED me on things I already knew (she'd never met me, I think she just started a couple weeks ago), gave me what I felt was good advice, and I was so enthusiastic talking with her, she probably was confused and wondering, "How can THIS guy be a bad-tempered trouble-maker?" The gist is... I'M GONE from the narcissists. I didn't have to leave (as I'd long considered and ALMOST quit twice), they gave me the push. Too bad for them. As the office manager-receptionist at my agency said, "They're gonna have a hard time finding someone else to work for them!" Meanwhile, I've got some time off, and am looking forward to a NEW assignment. They've usually found me something within 2-3 weeks. The BEST thing the lady at my office said, was that if she had been in charge of the case, she would have gotten me a new client MUCH earlier... and, that I should never be in a position where every single day I'm stressed out worrying about "doing a good job". It gives me hope my relationship with the office may actually IMPROVE after this incident. If I can be in such a GOOD mood under such horrific circumstances, I look forward to how I'll be feeling WITHOUT the stress.

[@Hisgirlsue]

May God bless and protect you.

[@dwddavidsway71159]

You revealed my rescue plan Jill! I relented so much that my fuel was cut off from her until I starved her . . . My discard was epic in that I had my life saved from MRSA at the same time! A double savings!!!

[@Spaceman-jo5mz]

Heartbreaking to hear the cruel abuse you endured for so many years. Jill you not only survived, but are a champion for others who have been in or are currently in a similar situation of abuse. Thank you for your service.

[@ThisIsMe155]

I agree! Jill, You are amazing!! ❤

[@joglynn602]

These narcissists also can have narcissistic parents but don’t want to change where us empathetic people have them and want to help others and not abuse others knowone has the right to traumatise others because they have been traumatised and use that as an excuse to do so 🙏🔥

[@loraglick5745]

OMG!!! When I divorced my narcissistic ex-husband, he sued me post-divorce for custody of our 3-year-old son on grounds that I was parentally unfit. His favorite phrase around our son was “I’ll bury her”

[@BonnieJean4578]

Hopefully the judges are on to them. Bless you.

[@lovejumanji5]

I’m so glad you survived. My sweet family member did not . She ended her life. She was model pretty with a troll. My heart breaks always now. He separated her from those who could reach her. Who she once trusted. It’s no joke and it could be deadly . She was leaving him.

[@claudiacanales2662]

I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I think a lot of people don’t realize that this is truly a life and death situation!!! I pray for your healing! 🙏🏽

[@lorettaknox154]

This is so true. It took seven yearsto get rid of a narcissist that I lived with for 8 months. I was slandered, he tried to block me from moving on. I saw the beginning of him trying to break my self -esteem. I left. He went to my family and friends trying to pressure me to come back to him. There was no way I was going back when he put me out of our apartment at three in the morning. That showed me what I really meant to him. That was it for me.. They are relentless but I decided all his evil effort would come to nothing and I stayed strong. Finally I told him to stop being lazy and go find yourself another woman. He left me alone after that.

[@snblee]

I know ppl who still have them around 30 & 50 years.

[@lorettaknox154]

@@snblee You think the relationship is over but they won't go away. I feel sorry for women who have children with them. I went on with my life like he wasn't there. I dated and did whatever I wanted to do. When they see they're no longer the focus of your attention. They can't take it. Don't be nasty just live your life.

[@snblee]

@@lorettaknox154 💖💖💖 I’m so happy for you. I moved my mum out & she went no contact for a few yrs. My parents are still married but rarely see each other. They have been married almost 50 yrs now. In my own home I had the revelation, the last few yrs & last yr, that I lost me. I was depressed, lost & sad. Nothing of the shell of the happy, confident person. I’m not nasty but I focus on my kids & myself more than making others happy.

[@georgiafrancis9059]

You're luck you finally got rid of him. My ex, aka known as "Malignant Narcissist" had to die before he'd leave me alone. I've thanked God everyday and that was back in 1996 when he finally left my life for good.

[@Kate-ze3se]

'Abusive behaviour is a choice'.. So very true.

[@MinaMina-mb7ev]

You're right about these wicked individuals. My family is terrible with this behavior.

[@angelaramsay1778]

I saw him drop his mask fully ( villain face ) just once. It was pure evil.

[@CleoWard]

My niece is a narcissist! She started out asking for financial help... my husband and I did. As the years progressed she started 'wanting more'... taking up my time by daily phone calls which was 'all about her... talking crap about her mother, she's always the victim! Of course, things she has said about me has gotten back! She 'gaslighted' me twice... after the second time I 'warned her' - "Third time & you are OUT!" It wasn't two weeks after 'the warning' and she DID IT AGAIN! I haven't had anything to do with her in two years!💕 No matter what she gets her mother to say to me; goes in one ear and out the other🙃!

[@sugarcookiecube]

A younger sister kept coming at me by sending annual toxic emails accusing ME of being the narcissist. When I stopped responding,she escalated in her bizarre email attacks.

[@crankypantsmcduff]

Im getting punished for discarding the narc, oh am I getting it big time!

[@carlosalvarado5729]

Stay strong, stay focused, do not fear the narcissist, watch your back at all times and have no sympathy or mercy on that narcissist whatsoever......the same way the narcissist didn't have no mercy on you for all those years.....BE SAFE!!!!!! 🙏

[@ginadean5696]

Find a supportive group or therapist if possible, support was helpful for me when I was going through a divorce. He used the legal system and trying to run me broke with legal cost. I won my fight when I went no contact (once the kids were older, 100%)and there is a better life out there for you. I had to work on my reasons for not seeing why I was drawn to him and confused for many years.

[@lightbulb888]

Very good advice to try to get them to leave you first. Let them think they won. THEN RUN!!!

[@pocahontas4583]

3:15 I used to CONSTANTLY tell him “I’m a person with my own brain” “That’s why God gave us each our own brain”. He even admitted to me after I left that he saw me like he SEES (not saw) his children, just a possession.

[@wayneelliott1180]

I'm so sorry to hear all that you have endured at the hands of those monsters, Jill. As a fellow survivor I can identify with the "cemetery, prison or mental ward" comment.

[@Damyka4]

"Making them feel they are the winner"- THE BEST!

[@stephenfreeburn2875]

Best thing I never did was divorce my narcissist wife after 31 years of abuse and hate . Always me me me should have done it years sooner. I have now met the most loving caring woman .She has made my life worth living again

[@levelsuponlevels]

Good job, I wish my Father would have done that 😢

[@elainesmith5313]

Thank you for validating all that I have been through for many many years. I did get the malignant narcissist to discard me.....I cut off her supply....she was my X Mother in Law. My husband died in 2022. I still believe that she had tried hard to groom me to take his place. Someone to meet her every want. After he died I slowly back away a little at a time over a 5 mtg period. She went nut...calling me ugly names ....trying to shame me.....calling in her Flying Monkeys to harass me. Well.. I sold "EVERYTHING" Stopped communication with his entire family, and just disappeared . Hope this 91 yr. Old demon has found her another victim. I'm no where to be found now!!!! My advice is to just Run like He'll and get away. I moved at nite while they all slept. Must be as deceitful as they are to out wit them!!!!! Thank you so much!!! Great Suggestions!!!!

[@roba4139]

Going through this right now. As I watch this video I get the email of pity and how could I. Im so glad they coincide, Ive thought I was strong enough before and fell back in. A steady feed of these videos is keeping me on track. No contact is my goal, as much as it breaks my heart. Thank you

[@ClairesMyth]

Thank you, it IS a choice. Very few people will call it out for what it is. Thank you so much, appreciate the warm-honesty. Experienced this. It messes with your mind, soul, and leads to physical consequences. Don't kid yourself, IT IS life or death- directly or indirectly, period full stop.

[@SidNasir]

My ex said the day after i broke it off “i feel bad for you” 2 weeks later she saw me talking to another girl then brought a tinder date to my work just to spite me. I feel bad for her…

[@DarylSimpson58]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[@BonnieSetliff]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

[@BonnieSetliff]

@@DarylSimpson58 Her name is *Victoria Lee hess*, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@KnowBullshit]

You blokes have got a lot of lessons to learn yet if your partners are infact narcissists and you’re here on a narc channel so im assuming they are SMH🙃

[@Sngbrd1001]

Find other things to do with your time. It will help alleviate that dread filled feeling we live with when our lives are disrupted due to things beyond our control. You 'sound' a bit too fixated. Another thing, ask God to help you with your problems. I guarantee, whatever problem that ails you can be resolved by searching the scripture for His guidance. He's given us the perfect set of instructions on how to live the best life we can while traversing this life. Get to know your Creator. He'll help you get over your loss.

[@wandasanders4924]

You are SICK 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢.She doesn't want you, and you need to move on, your giving scary.

[@janetjones5087]

I was discarded nearly 3 months,lost my dog my beautiful companion too,the pain is unbearable,im so lonely and trying to cope on a daily basis with no family or friends wish I had passed with my dog life as an older person 63 years old i dont see a future or any happiness

[@craiggertheeunknown]

Due to my outliving All that has known and loved me,I've lived this for the past 8yrs. At 62 (still working full time), It's difficult creating the opportunity to meet"someone"that has/will reciprocate healthy behavior. Of good physique and health, I expect to live alone for quite some time. Life is meant to be shared, and I don't "see"an opportunity to find any like minded others before I surcome to age.

[@janetjones5087]

@@craiggertheeunknown I feel the same way as yourself.

[@valleytiller42]

You have described my soon to be ex perfectly. Thank you for clarifying my resolve and not letting me slip back into being compassionate.

[@dancmarik8620]

When a narcissist enters into your life never let them get that close to you emotionally. Keep them at arms length so they can't control you.

[@SherrilPerhach]

My ex narc kept threatening to leave me! Finally, he said he was going to divorce me. I looked at him and said, "What took you so long?" I have a lot of patience, I took notes of abuse of 51 years of marriage. Found a great lawyer who brought him to his knees! He knows better to contact me in any way, shape or form in the future!

[@Chiyloko]

I Left the whole family behind. Wow i was so happy to hear you also left. ❤ THANK YOU !!!

[@susanjones8489]

Exactly my X and older sister ! Together, but separately, false arrests, slander, stealing what was legally mine, stalking, always knew my business, and tried to befriend anyone who knew me professionally, neighbors, clerks in stores. All to destroy me, so they looked like victims and for their dim candles to appear brighter.

[@shannond.5916]

This is spot on. I've been out of a narcissistic relationship for 3 years. It was a good review. I left. He never admitted his infidelity, and DARVOed me. (look it up). That's when I realized this relationship was so toxic, it was unworkable. Also saw a good Ted Talk on Betrayal, the Loss No one is talking about. Remember to Right yourself from your capsized relationship. The narcissist loves to poke holes in your boat and watch you sink.

[@istj66360]

The advice she gave at the end is good sound advice. Narcissists do need to believe they've won or they'll never leave you alone. When I got my narcissist out of my life I did so in the worst way possible and put myself in a bad situation because of it. I would urge everyone to talke this lady's advise and let your narcissists have their victories. Because the alternative is that you're ganna have a helluvu fight on your hands and narcissists do not accept defeat period. Enlightened Target, I wish I would've come across your advise back in January because it would've saved me from making a serious mistake that can't be undone. She's no longer in my life. But I paid a heavy price and put myself in a very dangerous position. And there's not a day that goes by that I wish I would've made a different choice.

[@aliraelei3313]

He did that to me and after they smeared me they will smear you too. They live on drama lies and supply.

[@francesjingoli6727]

After 48 years, I finally had reason for divorce. He refused the divorce, but signed papers for a legal separation.

[@surviveunplugged]

My ex-wife of over 20 years ago wanted to talk about "our relationship" and spoke in terms of "US". I thought she was crazy and couldn't believe my ears. I've never considered the "narcissist" angle, but I'm digging the content. No matter the diagnosis, now Ive got a basis of SANITY.

[@michaelclark4043]

The narcissist is NOT worried about your feelings so WHY should you be worried about theirs.

[@pnatwick]

I watched this because my current wife left her narcissistic ex and dealt with most all the traits you detailed, the smear campaign, flying monkeys, causing tax audits, etc., etc. The worst part of the aftermath was the manipulation of the younger children against her, but they are starting to see the cracks, the bs, as they mature and have children of their own.

[@astrialindah2773]

The serious dangers of these malignant narcissist is not to be underrated!! Thank you so much for your encouraging message! I broke up with one of these types and was lucky enough to be able to move out of the apartments that we lived in together and move 25 mi away... He doesn't drive thank you Lord for that ....😂 He did manage to steal some items that I had left in the storage unit there, by lying to others that I had called him and said that he could have it.... When in fact I had blocked him..... Anyhow four months later and he got ahold of a friend of mine that still lives in those old apartments saying that he wanted to give me my stuff back and for me to call him...., Which I stupidly did..... Which open the door that should have never been opened. It was only open for a few days thank you very much, because I slammed it shut today by blocking him again...... After putting up with crazy-making that boggles the mind...... And literally does scare me as well. I think he purposely stole my stuff so that he would have a way to hook me back in and try to destroy me..... I am much stronger than that though.... He has way underestimated me.....🤬

[@peggylee2267]

Mine told me..." This wont end well for you." I picked up the phone, called the owner of the business and outed him. He was so shocked, he forgot to deny it. 😂. He immediately got on the phone with the owner and cried about his reputation getting ruined. He forgot he could say " I cant believe that came out of my mouth!". The owner called me as soon as he hung up with the narc, and we both had a good laugh.

[@DavidTower-Frasier]

I heard from her all of that and more. The last words she said to me as I walked to my car and drove away was that I was a weak and pathetic man. It wasn't the worst thing she said but it was the knife that cut the tether.

[@every1hasaproblem]

I just completely shut my sicko T out of my life!!14 years of gaslighting

[@catherinewalton6839]

My ex tried multiple times to get back into my good graces and what she did was she would let alone space a time in between trying thinking that I was broken down, however whenever a message came through or she attempted to call I never responded she got nothing more than crickets for me. I think she's finally gotten the message.

[@joannbarthold3032]

SO on point!!! I finally left Jill!! Filed for divorce after 37 yrs ❤

[@santanapage5044]

Everything youve said is 1000% correct!! I warned the narcissist hundreds of times i would leave if he didn't change, once i left the stalking and harassment begin

[@cassandrachavez6501]

You are absolutely right! Since 2003 it's been absolutely hell. My kids are in thier 20's and don't respect me at all. They can go months or years without talking to me." And it's always my fault". My ex has filled them with so much poison so cunningly and manipulatively. That they tell me that he never talks bad about me. Humph!.... his actions and body language says it all. The same with my husband's ex. She has his kids against him. And they say that he causes so much chaos. This is the worst pain to ever endure as a parent. So I guess they have won in their eyes.

[@cassandrachavez6501]

Both of us have been smeared and lied about beyond recognition. 😢

[@vtwinpower1903]

Ur not alone kiddo, my story has the same ending BUT F.T IM DONE BEING STEPPED ON. HANG IN HANG 💪 STRONG🙏✌️

[@Kate-ze3se]

Dear Jill, my heart goes out to you for what you've horrendously suffered for soo many years, especially through the precious years of your beloved son's life, when as a mother these should be enjoyed with peace and love. I thank God you're alive 💝 I've been going through the court with my covert ex in regards to custody of our 22 month old son for the past year. He not only abused me emotionally, psychologically, sexually, verbally and physically, but also abused our infant son. Our son has been in my sole care since our separation in September last year, and he is only able to have access to him through supervised visitation (for a period of time). He has slandered and falsely accused me of being the violent and 'mental' one in the relationship. He is now love bombing me because things are about to get really tough for him in the court due to the substantial evidence that I have against him. My issue is that the family laws have changed in the last 18 years, and they think that it's best for a child/children to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. They have no regard for the emotional, psychological and physical (due to stress) damage that this places on the abused parent and child/children in the long term. I intend to fight for my son's physical and emotional safety for as long as I live, but it is exceptionally difficult without the support of family and friends due to being an ex Jehovah's Witness. Do you have any encouraging videos of advice on how to cope with family court proceedings when dealing with a narcissist, please? Warmest regards.

[@reenztia]

Im leaving this Friday with 4 kids - 11yrs and under. The Narc totally tricked me and took everything from us. We are broke and walking with a backpacks. GOD will judge him. Karma...

[@michelleflynn7485]

How are you doing now? 🙏

[@Hatbox948]

Good luck. Be safe!

[@Acceptancetoday]

I hope you and your precious children are in a better place and remain free. May God bless and preserve you.

[@brianagladney7593]

🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@monaonassis6346]

It is nice to listen to and learn from someone who is open about the fact that they have experienced it too.

[@Ms101benz]

You hit it on the Nose. The Destroyers of happiness and joy😅😅😅😢

[@Unherd_Of]

MADAM you are a breath of fresh air. The truths you are sharing are crucial. We need all the truth we can get.❤❤❤

[@DennisKurz-r3k]

I've experienced EACH one of these results...So glad I found this channel and others like it. It always seemed so normal because I was raised in this environment. I've only really gotten behind it in my late 40's, early 50's....but at least I'm there. I've had a good bit of competence in my field, but kept getting mixed results because of how it's weighed me down. It's just insane once you get behind it...

[@dianahummel1874]

My ex son in law has done every one of these things, in the order that you have listed. Including, telling my 4 grandchildren that he is going to find a way to kill their mother, and get away with it. He was a police officer at the time. He has since retired on a permanent PHONY disability claim, at tax payers expense. My daughter was a stay at home mom of 4 kids since age 22. She discovered that he had a long term girlfriend who was also married and filed for divorce at the age of 34. He tried to make her think that she would not survive without him.

[@justmejuju]

This is spot on my 14year relationship with my soon to be ex-husband. He always says things like "I've allowed you to treat me this way or that way", when he plays the victim. When he's playing the "hero" he uses terms like "I'm the ONLY ONE that can do this or that". I've been called every name in the book and he gets off on public embarrassment, I cant even count the amount of times I've been called ungrateful. He feels everyone is beneath him. So pitiful he can't even manage his own life. And he definitely viewed me as a possession as well as our 4 year old child. If we didn't have her I could go no contact so fast. He moved out on us and my son 3 years ago and has the nerve to say he didn't abandon us...what a joke. He thinks he knows everything about every subject but can't even complete a task. Everything was my fault and when I changed my locks and the passwords to the security camera's he threatened to take me to court and felt like he's entitled to it all because of our child. I finally got sick of years worth of empty promises, emotional abuse, defensiveness, deflection, fake reality, delusional thinking, gaslighting, and rage, and I filed for divorce and now I've "ambushed him" when he got served the papers and I've "backstabbed him", oh and of course he began to remind me of all the things he's done for me....hopefully his new supply will keep him far away from us, I just feel terrible for our little one.

[@fortune.]

Hi Jill. This video made me cry. I did not know of/understand Narcissism until I met the covert narcissist. Thank you for this video. Healing tears. This abuse runs deeper than DV in my opinion and the wreckage was catastrophic for me, personally in many ways including my health. I have subscribed. Blessings to anyone who survived or currently has a narcissist, a true one in their life. Takes great strengths to make it out, much like a very large thorny rosebush. Be well.

[@bronwynsimons7028]

Wow! This was indeed a truly a jaw dropping episode. Oh my goodness I cannot believe just how bad they are And how much you've had to endure. I'm so very sorry😢 I'm still planning my exit, and at the same time struggling to accept that I've actually married a narc And this, I only discovered about 1month ago after researching his behaviour for many years now 17 years together. Married 11 Sooooo, my plan is to be out by my next anniversary February 2024 God willing Hard as it is, with so much to do before then Not to mention just how much I stand to lose But atleast I'll have peace And thats what I live for. Peace and structure. Good boundaries

[@levelsuponlevels]

Left everything after 20 you can do it, you deserve peace❤

[@juliarutkowski549]

You can do it! This is a very courageous and admirable step! Nobody deserves to be treated like that. I left my second narc recently and it’s second best decision ever. Keep safe and be strong ❤

[@raina9783]

My ex husband literally put me thru the same stuff for years I can totally relate...

[@RealTalk-mq2ug]

When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever: he'd give me the silent treatment. REMINDER TO SELF: Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment: * Stonewalling * Gaslighting * Emotional immaturity * Lack of interpersonal skill * Victimhood * Dysregulation * Doing to me, what was done to him * Terrified of conflict * Not knowing any other way * Fear/panic/anxiety * Desperation * Power over * Regaining a (false) sense of control * Punishment EVEN STILL, regardless of the above, I miss him and what we had, our friendship, our connection: WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. But he never really cared about me. He used me and discarded me. Replaced me so easily. Why is she better than me? Why? What makes her so much more profoundly better than me? Is he her best friend now? Or maybe is there even more between them? Why couldn't he love me like he loves her? Is there something wrong with me? Is she just so much better? He's replaced me with another. In an instant: just like that. HE REPLACED ME. HE SHATTERED MY HEART. HE RAPED MY SOUL. I'm all alone and suffering in anguish, and they are living happily ever after together. The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me... Makes it so that I can't breathe. I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside. I'm in hell with no escape. NO ESCAPE. I need him. I loved him. He raped my soul: brutally viciously violently maliciously. Every night: nightmares. Every day: panic attacks. I want to die. Every morning I wake up in despair, desperately praying to die. I can no longer bear the pain. I could die from the pain of missing my best friend. He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage. My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend. I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing... I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear. I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified. I'm dying inside. My soul is raped. He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe! How and when will I ever heal? In 5 days, it'll be exactly 5 months... God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief, I pray you guide and direct and hold me... I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!! It's time to be free: in Jesus's name! I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%! ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF: When you chase a man, you NEVER get the man, and you ALWAYS lose yourself!

[@daeclipse03]

Stay strong. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. There's nothing you can do to change or control that outcome. Fall in love with yourself again and you'll find peace. I'm praying for you.

[@jayneweaver8695]

No Contact from 06/20. The Narc, dad died, had to get a lawyer to get my inheritance from the loving sisters and their equally lying, thief attorney. Sister sent her neighbor (met him 3x) over, Unannounced to tell me "I know U don't have any friends, UR here all alone and I want to help U." THEN he, his wife came over, unannounced to say same again. Brought a "gift" (old, regifted stale "food") to tell me the same, again. THEN they followed up w/a Xmas card w/same. U MUST go No Contact w/EVERYONE or "visits" "calls" of "concern" follow.

[@Edd-s]

This message comes right on point.

[@DeshCanter]

What a great video!!! Jill, I’m so impressed with your strength through your story. You’re such a wonderful person and deserved so much better. But look at you now! You’re doing so much for so many! You’re amazing!!! Thank you! I was married to a covert narcissist for 18 years. It took a few years for me to get myself together. Now I’m healthy and happy. Your videos make me feel like I’m not alone and can talk about these things. What a blessing! Thanks again!

[@murielglaphre8946]

Every time you listed a "symptom" or "consequence" of discarding the narcissist, I said ✅✅✅✅ ✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅ yep, that all checks out, had that all done to me, but when you said to make them think it was their idea and that they win, i have to say that they will change their minds about something and argue when you agree with them. There really is no way to get around their bs.

[@teresadvorak6145]

They are not worth the salt in a tear

[@deja14]

Making them feel like break up is on their terms ….. soo true. Works best

[@autumn7031]

Wow everything you discussed was my life. Even now, 6 years post divorce, he is still in his tactics. I've chosen to let it control my day/life. They Never stop being a narcissist. Where you leave them, they will be in 5 years, they don't change or improve their lives, only their agenda. As the saying goes... "The happiest people I know are evaluating and improving their lives. The unhappy people are usually evaluating and judging others". Empathy is difficult to teach a person with narcissistic traits, and impossible to teach to a sociopath. Your only prayer and hope is to go no contact whenever possible.

[@7superswede]

Excellent, best description of narcissistic abuse that I've heard! Yes, I made my boss discard me- only to have him come running after me to return to work???? These people are not, in reality, convinced of their own superiority- but seem genuinely shocked when you expose their weaknesses to the world.

[@lasmith0680]

Thank you for the heads up. I just got a restraining order on her. Oh God 😮

[@Peacefully-Happy-86]

Word of Advice, i suffered 6 years of emotional and mental abuse (not violent) but emotional and mental and psychological abuse is just as bad in my eyes. Take screenshots of conversations with them when they say things that are far from normal and also when they say things like they too think it's best that the relationship is over... Then pester you again after you accepting it being over.. Manipulation. Told my ex Narc to play the victim to whoever he wants and that im glad i took screenshots over the years of his abuse, eg i have the absolute BEST evidence when he plays the victim or calls me the heartless one, told him to tell anyone who he playing the victim to to come see the screenshots including his family. He can't make me out to be the bad one i have all the proof against him and he knows it. Stay strong everyone ♥ 🕊 🕯

[@cassandramichelle1839]

💯💯💯

[@Sarahsemails09]

I told the Narc to leave…I had had enough of the lies, bs and drama…he cheated and turned family against me…I went no contact, changed my email and phone number…I told him when I’m done…I’m done…he had new supply…so I was so grateful he was gone…felt sorry for the new supply..

[@sandral2261]

I needed to hear this , thank you ❤

[@WillowForest-q3v]

sounds like my life. I discarded and told him I am done. I feel this is the calm before the storm.

[@caroleminke6116]

I grey rocked till nearly blue in the face then one day I went for a walk without asking permission & when I returned he was gone. Relief!

[@johngmulhatton9794]

My personal view on this; after the first three (two too many) threats, hit the road and get a new start in your life. As a youngster I was abused with all household cores including being a labourer in our yard. Punishment was almost every day, until I uttered the final blow. But as it continued, I decided, enough is enough. Get out of this before someone is going to become a victim of my rage, and I have to regret it. On a daily basis it did not take me too long to, carry my entire wardrobe content of clothes from home. No enquiry was ever levelled toward me as to where those clothing items were. My accommodation was organised by myself, so I had somewhere to go to and I had already arranged employment in the future city. When they finally heard about my "silent absence" I was already far away from my ex-home. No bragging rights, but I proved my point, don't push me too far, There is a future elsewhere and one does not have to continually complain should you not want to do something for yourself; Nobody else is going to do it for you. (Hit the road Jack)

[@debarabian-looney3527]

Ive been divorced for 15 years and have not healed. How do I get help for this? I'm tired of being controlled long after being free. Now my only son has started abusing me! The only family I really have left

[@Lafilledlapluie]

Its like meeting a devil or demon

[@juanitarogowski1629]

I just subscribed. WOW ! You just described my ex, we were divorced in late 80s, it did get worse. I finally had to leave the state on the advice of an attorney, and didn’t share with anyone where I was moving to. Thank you for your video, blessings💕