The GAME does NOT run on GRATITUDE: understanding human motivation

[@psychacks]

Success in any game does not depend on gratitude. This means that you cannot hope to secure a positive outcome on the basis of the good you've already done, or the value you've already provided. This will be a bitter pill for many to swallow. On the other hand, what does consistently associate with positive outcome is power: the ability to implement future rewards and punishments. If you can no longer benefit or harm another person, then you become irrelevant. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by @valntinomusic. Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #power #success

[@ashlavanadis]

But the human game is not the highest game in town. There is a higher game which does run on gratitude, it runs on energy, and it runs on love, and the human experience flows down from it, not the other way around.

[@DNA350ppm]

"Games people play..." I think adults can also promote "fair play" and a level playing field, where ever they have influence, not only prepare young people for smart winning in foul games. Naturally with open eyes. Cheating, harassing, mobbing, betraying, etc are challenging when growing up - one has to learn to defend oneself against them, already at home and in school.

[@Force1Com]

Got it, understood the video with in the first minute. No need to watch the rest if it.

[@isaacsykes3]

This is interesting content and always a great gateway into more meaningful conversations among my friends and family. My only push back, would be based on what has been stated, where does love fit into this equation, if at all? Also, using the job as a transactional analogy, what is the purpose of a 'resume?' So to speak, can you even have one in a relationship, as to say what do my prior actions say about how I may continue to be beneficial to my partner? Lastly, what are your thoughts on, or do you believe in altruism? Thank you for all the information and perspective you provide.

[@WildMidwest1]

@@ashlavanadis Are you implying a transactional relationship? The writings of Paul suggest otherwise… that acceptance of the “gift” is what is required, not specific actions. Or maybe your comment derives from some other understanding?

[@alexp7274]

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy

[@bluebutterfly5062]

This is too true A good story comes full circle. In real life, you don't get closure

[@mamaliamalak7825]

That reminds me of: Truth, of course, must of necessity be stranger than fiction, for we have made fiction to suit ourselves.” - G.K. Chesterton

[@elitenemysis6633]

@@bluebutterfly5062does that explain why we derive satisfaction from good stories and tear apart “bad writers”?

[@YourManifoldWorld]

Man, the original comment is so deep. It's so damn true. Life is bloody unfair.

[@itzajdmting]

So true. Reality will wreck you if you are obsessed with always understanding everything perfectly. Learning to let go is an important life skill. Detachment.

[@zoraster3749]

“In business as in life, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.”

[@joeballer4036]

I’ve actually heard the opposite quote from Coach Corey Wayne.. “in life you don’t get what you deserve you go with you negotiate”

[@gorilla4lifeperry329]

Negotiate before you sign the dotted line 👍🏽

[@sean0330]

So true

[@bernaridho]

@@joeballer4036 you got instead of you go

[@leedawson3505]

she doesn't love what you've done ,she love what you will do next ,it's never ending

[@leedawson3505]

@@Khan-rz8qi desires of a child with no limits ,no different than a kid with the keys to the sweet shop .

[@agatastaniak7459]

Any man who does believe it is a perfect sugar daddy material. Any man who believes the opposite, like my own father may someday become happily married. ;-) So keep on watching videos like this one and taking it for the absolute truth and then I will see you on channels where males complain about being abused by gold diggers. ;-)

[@busystreet38]

@@agatastaniak7459 All human relationships are based on give and take. Otherwise why you don’t hang out with those who make you feel bad, but magically you hang out with those who make you feel good. If I tell you that the woman who has made you feel amazing all these years will only make you feel bad moving forward, your gratitude will vanish. You’ll be gone never to see her again. Hence his point.

[@coimbralaw]

Yikes you’re completely missing the point

[@RoboPutinPresidentinCE]

​@@busystreet38well no actually a decent human being would try to divert that and work through it together. Especially for the sake of the old times and nostalgia. And if that didn't work it just wouldn't be a rational decision to stay together.. Because that would just cause pain for both parties? So no your gratitude wouldn't vanish? Unless you were talking about a betrayal in which case everything that happend before hand was phony and thus invalidated...

[@randalchandler2366]

I saw this video months ago but didn't want to accept the wisdom at the time. I've changed inwardly since then. Thanks for the wisdom.

[@JaySmith-pv2mw]

I wish I had learned this a long time ago. My sense of loyalty and fairness is NOT shared by most other people. Noted.

[@briansmith303]

But he's also saying that your sense of fairness and loyalty are not shared by you either. You're just fooling yourself, if he's right.

[@RecreationalUseOnly]

I had to learn this the hard way. Take care of yourself first.

[@kingrhino11]

Ditto

[@Doberman_6773]

Absolutely - look out for yourself, because no one else will.

[@Waldo-Manfred]

straight to jail, right away

[@robertconnier9457]

Men are well and truly used and expendable, unfortunately I learnt this the hard way too!

[@ericbaxter3944]

You are absolutely correct and spot on. I was in a loving relationship for 3 years. Within 2 weeks of getting severely injured she left me and started dating someone else. I made a full recovery and several very good financial decisions. She caught wind of my recovery and success and reached out, trying to pick up where we left off. Needless to say, I declined her offer. She was not happy about it at all.

[@fatpatlives1998]

This is real common with married men or long term dating say the man gets hurt on the job or handicap the wife either leaves or monkey branches

[@samlape]

In certain areas of the US, we have a term called "bitch made" for this kind of behavior.

[@eQuariuz]

Damn dude. Sorry. This is more common IMO in women. I've never (and never will) dated a male, but I believe a male has longer "basic loyalty" than a woman.

[@matthewdietzen6708]

​@@eQuariuznah. Women who get a terminal illness frequently get abandoned. Harsh reality is harsh.

[@fredjones554]

Good for you brother

[@leebilai5542]

I told my girlfriend of 3 years I might lose my job. A week later she got flown out to a different state by another guy. Her reasoning was she was doing it for me so she's not a financial burden. I'm still young and as much as it did hurt to be betrayed like that I'm grateful I experienced it now instead of when I'm older.

[@fitnesspoint2006]

LMAO!!! the relationship was in decline 2 years prior and she was talking to another guy 1 year prior, this move did NOT occur because you may lose job in a week.

[@ericxb]

People really are ruthless, and they’re perpetuating this idea as if it should be a hard social norm. All we are is transactional value to many people. I’m sorry but working for a company is not the same thing as love, not for healthy people.

[@paulbucklebuckle4921]

Your lucky fella .

[@jimmyb267]

The game is rigged regardless. If your on top, you can rig it to your favor. In a capitalist society, this is what is known as the commodification of human beings. Everything becomes transactional. Your told to be loyal and grateful in the brainwashing indoctrination camps known as the educational system. It's only years later, if you're smart enough to figure it out, that loyalty and gratitude only apply to the slaves at the bottom to keep them from revolting from the oppressive U.S. socio-economic system. I do believe that loyalty and gratitude is an important measure of family and communal cohesiveness. That's one of the many reasons why American culture is in the toilet. No family and communal ties. People have become loyal worker drones to the corporate state and grateful for the opportunity to be exploited. Every institution has become corrupted and backwards. There is no fixing this.

[@kimsmith7212]

She sounds like a LEACH. As long as there's MONEY, she's there. I'm sorry. May your future be bright

[@modickens1272]

" A person is only motivated by two things, self interests and fear" -- Napoleon Bonaparte

[@alexeysamokhin9629]

It's a very, very simplistic way of thinking. A lot of people do have sense of duty and responsibility. Not everyone is selfish.

[@modickens1272]

@@alexeysamokhin9629 duty and responsibility are aligned with either fear of being rejected by others or the self interest of being praised and approved of. Start thinking deeper on things instead of superficially. Napoleon put it in simple terms but even then you can't grasp it.

[@alexeysamokhin9629]

@@modickens1272 nope. I’ve seen a lot of examples to prove otherwise. People are not the same.

[@modickens1272]

@@alexeysamokhin9629 let me try this one last time. Even when people help others, self interest is a motive. To feel good about themselves or to be recognized. To think otherwise is naive.

[@alexeysamokhin9629]

@@modickens1272 when someone is selfish, they think all other people are selfish. I’ve seen that countless times. Any arguing with them is just a waste of time.

[@brucetownsend691]

This is why nearly all the “friends” made in a work environment disappear when you leave it. Even the ones you thought had become real friends rather than just acquaintances are mostly people who have no motivation to keep up contact.

[@danr2390]

Because you were forced to befriend them, or gave them friendship freely, so you already did your part

[@poloboy]

@@danr2390ouch! It stings cause you’re telling the truth lol

[@Me-eb3wv]

@@danr2390true.

[@Ashnesss]

That’s not true. Many people become best friends with colleagues. Many people meet their best friends and good friends there. People of all ages make friends through their professions. It’s well known and common. Because they share similarities. You lose people from all walks of life but people who share similar skills, values, outlook and lifestyle often remain. That’s why colleagues remain good friends. The friendship is so solid that it can be revived anytime. I’ve never heard of people speak negatively of their colleagues or workplace to the point that they even be friends. It’s negative and it stems from the individual who’s probably difficult to get along with, anyway. A decent, friendly, positive and skilled person will make friends anywhere and everywhere. Workplaces are filled with such people because everyone is driven and wants to do their best. So you’re surrounded by ambitious people who you bounce off of. What’s not to like? People with bad attitudes don’t magically develop such attitudes at work. First, you develop a bad attitude at home and only after you become comfortable, because no one stops you, do you develop a bad attitude at work where you refuse to get along with people. It’s unhealthy and will always lead to failure because getting along with people is a BIG part of success. So is having difficult and honest conversations. If you can’t do that, you can’t be successful.

[@brucetownsend691]

@@Ashnesss Wait until you retire. Then see how many of the friends at work keep in contact. If you meet them by accident occasionally, they will be friendly but that’s as far as it goes with most.

[@landry6788]

This guy has made me swallow so many bitter pills! However, just like workout, it hurts, but you get stronger and stronger after recovery (after you've seen the wisdom - or sheer obviousness - of what he's talking about). Thanks Doc

[@stickiestfingers2155]

Good analogy.

[@Provocateur991]

I was literally just saying that lol. He's serving up so many bitter pills.

[@brent1387]

You don’t get stronger….Your resiliency gets a little bit less every time….in other words the ball bounces back but not as high the second, third or fourth time…..just the way it is!!!!….Oh, I forgot to mention you get older too!!!!

[@mikeburkett5417]

Honestly this guy is starting to come really close to the edge of acceptability with this video. He is blaming people who are victims of a cultural lie for problems that arise from being a good person. This should be worded differently for their information as a kind of warning. He tries to approach this impartially but I can't help but to hear hints in his voice that he believes in this. I have actually had employers make contracts only to see those same employers break them and then dare me sue and take the risk I might lose. Let's see how Orion feels about this being poor negotiation skills when you have a contract and need to run up over 48,000$ USD to enforce an employer based education contract in the USA.

[@psychacks]

@@mikeburkett5417 I already made an episode on this: "fouling is part of the game".

[@kollow]

My mom gave me rules to the game that nobody played by. In turn, I got played instead of playing and winning. Thanks Mom ❤

[@cinthyasalas2360]

Now wipe those tears and utilize what was given and what you’ve learned. Accountability & Discernment 🕊️ Have a blessed one

[@FairladyS130]

Yes, do the right thing. Which may be good for society but not so good for the individual.

[@FreeDingus]

Happens to a lot of people especially those raised by single moms, but that’s a separate can of worms to open. Luckily I had a father who instilled in me it’s not the benevolence of the butcher and baker that we expect our dinner.

[@mikeburkett5417]

I totally agree with this. It's like your preyed upon for your gullibility even though all the authority figures you should be able to trust are lying to you. Honestly: God help you if the good things you do are religiously motivated.

[@DNA350ppm]

Rules that is, that most mothers play by, modified as win-win-win, but in the long run on the expence of mothers, who have to think of it as a chain of ever shifting generations, serving the next, or they get crazy resentful. It is remarkable how many mothers can do it. Compare "Cornelias jewels". Gratitude in healthy relationship should be mutual. Show your mother some gratitude, show your power by practicing how to arrange relationships to be reciprocally pleasing. That's important for respect and selfrespect - we are always in transactions with others and we don't need to ge so greedy and petty-minded that get stuck in counting. But of course be aware of military propaganda nonsense, as well as commercial lies. Don't use people even if you could. Uncover those who do. Don't let overly egoistic people use you - the principle is mutual love and reciprocal caring, nothing less. Give and be grateful! Pay both back and forward!

[@dwightbrown]

Many men are 'relationship equity' based. Relationship equity (past interactions) do not resonate with women to the same degree as men and thus, men get angry when a woman gets to her 'What Have YOU Done For Me Lately?' mode.

[@warrenwhite9085]

He falls in love, she gets in business.

[@ajseb]

The game was never run on gratitude, it was always run on by power. Power is the thing that’s makes someone stay or attracts people in the first place. Physical attraction is a form of power, social influence is a form of power, financial independence is a form of power, etc.

[@pillotonelli2849]

"The vast majority of human relationships are not governed by loyalty, or gratitude, or fairness, or kindness". That's right. But this is why it is revolutionary to be loyal, grateful, fair, kind. I won't be slave of a world whose ideals I don't share.

[@sean0330]

Very few actually share those values

[@briansmith303]

According to this, you're a slave anyway. You just feel better about it.

[@waykee3]

Same here. That’s why I belong to the “upper human class”. I mean I don’t even want to be classified as “upper human” but it’s basic human behaviours that we all should have but it seems like most humans are just like or even worse than animals.

[@24CarrotCake]

"What have you done for me lately?!" I didn't want it to be true! But, alas, it is true!

[@petermollo1908]

This is nothing short of devastating. What an impactful explanation. I am dumbfounded by my own naivety when I listen to your videos.

[@dekev7503]

This is the primary reason why it is imperative for men to be needed in a relationship. Women think ( or like to tell themselves ) that men don’t want independent women out of intimidation. That couldn’t be further from the truth. As soon as a woman either doesn’t need you or is not afraid of the ramifications of losing you, your place in her life becomes capriciously optional at best ( this is dangerous in a state where there are harsh penalties on men for divorce). On the other hand, women need to feel special because they know that their security in the relationship to an extent depends on how irreplaceable they are to the man. Therefore, there’s nothing more insulting than when a woman tells a man the old “ I don’t need you I want/choose you” rubbish. The functional equivalent of that would be a man telling a woman that “she’s not special, she was just available when he was ready”

[@smartek9322]

that requires an arbitrary definition of need. No one ever "needs" anything at all except for food, water and sleep

[@GhostlyNomad130]

​​​@@smartek9322Maslow's Hierarchy would like to have a Word with you. Sex is the base Along with Food,Shelter, And Water!

[@blindeyedblightmain3565]

@@GhostlyNomad130 Not so much in 2023. You can look at the statistics of sexual intercourse between young people for that.

[@GhostlyNomad130]

@blindeyedblightmain3565 Not being Able to get sex Does NOT Equal Not NEEDING Sex! You seriously gonna argue this? If sex isn't a need why is porn As Ubiquitous as it is?! Smfh

[@DaveE99]

Heard of attatchment styles yet?

[@troydunn8463]

I absolutely agree; however... Without ANY regard for the relationship or the other, you will be happier if you choose to FEEL gratitude. Gratitude is not for them or for getting more. It is for yourself. Because I do not feel entitled for a lady to cook me a meal; when she does, I feel gratitude and thus feel good about her/us. When I express gratitude, she feels appreciated. One meal will not keep me around forever. One expression of gratitude won't keep her feeling appreciated.

[@uhnborhn5032]

This. Gratitude is simply a state of being. Still setting boundaries and fair deals while be grateful is possible. I tend to thank people for doing what's expected, and become stern when having to push a bit more.

[@chadcadsonvii5258]

If you remain bluepilled you will end up burnt. Just look up what happens to a man's marriage if he becomes injured or ill and cannot work. 30+% increase in the chance of divorce. That's how women show their gratitude!

[@RupertMcGruber]

Underrated comment.

[@guksungan1267]

Congratulations on having an actual relationship instead of a veiled game. I believe this video limited its scope to "game" to not pull punches to the painful truth, but what you said is also true, just out of scope. I hope we can create a world where we don't play games but enjoy each other's presence.

[@Youtubehandlesaresilly]

If you treat everything as just a momentary transaction, the world is a hard and harsh place even if you ‘win’. If you don’t recognize every interaction has a degree of transactionality, and ensure you’re not being taken advantage of - and *all* your needs are actually getting taken care of fairly - then you’ll be misled and end up in a cold and harsh place too.

[@salguoddenham4421]

I was fired from a startup after single-handedly building out the product and hiring in the rest of the technical team over 2 years. The C-level position I thought I was going to receive as the company grew was hired out to someone new. When equity was eventually put forward I was offered a small fraction of my contribution. When I later disagreed with the direction the product was going I was unceremoniously fired. The CEO was misguided in many ways and had a nasty habit of firing on a whim (as I found out from former coworkers that were also axed), despite much talk about a close team and tight culture. I am bitter about this experience, yes, but really just at myself that I did not get setup in a greater position of power early on and along the way. It might seem callous or calculated, but I could have saved myself a lot if I had been more realistic about my leverage... and being idealistic myself certainly didn't prevent anyone else involved from being ruthless about their perceived best interests.

[@xchalibur77]

The key word in this wall of text is "leverage" If you lose it, you are worthless, just like a bum who is hoping to receive something.

[@recklessnotion1899]

Sounds like a similar situation that happened to Walter White in the Grey Matter company with Elliott and Gretchen.

[@peterkimani3364]

You will be paid forward.

[@hotlucky5622]

be an idealist with the idealists and ruthless (but fair) to the savages

[@benhamnett2165]

@@hotlucky5622 this is important. The prisoners dilemma only breaks down in one time and short games. If you are always being selfish you will end up with only selfish people around you. If you always help people when it’s easy and grow your network of people who help when it’s easy, eventually everything becomes easy

[@bluntlyspeaking8289]

Oh my God, this is my FAVORITE idea that I learned in law school! If you want something, make sure you negotiate it BEFORE the transaction starts! e.g. make sure that your name is on the property deed before you "move in together", because most of the time, you sure as hell ain't getting half *voluntarily*, from a common law relationship when you split up.

[@alexeysamokhin9629]

> make sure you negotiate it BEFORE the transaction starts! Without an ability to enforce the negotiated agreement all these negotiations are worthless.

[@melawieeinapfel8594]

You just made me think „wow yeah, that‘s true, i remember! It wasn‘t all that bad that I wet to law school“. Thanks :)

[@megatronDelaMusa]

Truly, ensure your name is on the deed before investing. Bitter lesson.

[@sststr]

In Chinese culture this is so deeply understood and accepted they even have a special word for it: guānxi

[@devs.4254]

The true foundational principle of civilization is not loyalty, but reciprocation. Reciprocation perceived of as "fair enough" by both sides, at that. Everything else instills resentment and eventually enmity. By abstraction people can do acts for no reward in the short term if they think it will pay off in the long term, even beyond their own generation, but the main goal of reciprocation is still present.

[@Zero_Zero_Zero_Zero]

This whole video basically screams "NEVER GET MARRIED!!!". Thanks doc. You rule. Keep saving lives.

[@bluebutterfly5062]

Lol not really. It is screaming "understand and agree on what being married means, and don't just expect things to happen just because you think they should"

[@tedoymisojos]

That doesn't follow. If you want a family its beneficial to create obstacles so that everytime you feel like disappearing it makes it more painful to do so. That way the children can have the blessing of growing up with both parents. It will also for sure lower stress for both mom and dad, since a clear commitment has been announced, which opens up the possibility for significally more openness in communication, sexuality and everything else, and more effective problem solving that keeps both parties happy. Not just one. There's benefits, or it wouldn't exist, and people wouldn't do it.

[@bluebutterfly5062]

@@tedoymisojos can you explain what you mean by obstacles? I agree with you on everything else you said, but that confused me

[@ThorMaximus]

No it does not. It’s almost scary that this is some new revelation to anyone. Take this mindset and apply it to the house & car you bought. Think you can just let them exist in perpetuity without maintenance? Good luck with that. In relationships, you must continue to add value. You can’t rely on past value - it doesn’t benefit you in future. This is why negotiating is so important a skill.

[@philliasphog6689]

That would be the view of someone who doesn't plan on providing value in a partnership. But the message to someone who is bettering themselves and aiming upwards is to exchange your valuable time for something of similar worth from another person who has the potential to give it.

[@PharmacyTechLabs]

This is so true about relationships, even more so in sales. I've made a shit load of money, but I know I'm only as good as my next sale. I understand this perfectly clear. 😂😅 You have to continue to be an asset and not become a liability. Note: America is also a corporation and we are all the employees. The powers that be want you to work not just work but work hard. They want you to have a mortgage, have multiple credit card debt, owe on your car and have kids. Because they know if you have major financial abligations you will be an abdeient worker. Less lokely to challenge the status que. When you're like me, no children, no debt, then you're kind of a liability. Because you now have the time to change minds and laws.😊

[@thomaskalbfus2005]

America is a country, not a corporation.

[@PharmacyTechLabs]

@@thomaskalbfus2005 America is a corporation disgused as a country.

[@0b3ryn29]

Not having kids does not make life better. Kids give people meaning. Kids continue your legacy. Kids can help achieve your goals. I also don't have kids but working towards that reality.

[@PharmacyTechLabs]

@@0b3ryn29 Kids don't make life better. Speak for yourself.

[@0b3ryn29]

@@PharmacyTechLabs I hope you have an epiphany soon. Coz there is no turning back when you get to 35 and you suddenly want kids but you find out you've lost most of your eggs.

[@Ninjaphil24]

True on many levels and unfortunately, yes, I have experienced this on many levels. But, you did say an interesting word towards the end... Honor. Honor is very lost in today's morality and it is breaking apart society. Here's the thing... you don't always know what you stand to lose or benefit... That's why honor is there to protect your investment, that you don't fully appreciate at the time. For example, my former business partner believed that he could kick me out of the game, whilst having benefited from my work with very little remuneration... turns out, he kicked himself out of a very lucrative game, because he was not aware of what he stood to lose or gain. Similarly, exes, having no honor, decided to "do better" without me (even though they were doing very well with me). Many tears in retrospect... The reason so many people lose when playing the game like this is because they fantasize about "not needing the other person". They either turn a blind eye to what they're losing or they're simply unaware. Whichever of the two... not being honorable almost always leads to severe consequences.

[@fredrikdippel3664]

Honor and dignity is very important to me. I think about the saying: "Be careful whose toes you step on today, they may be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow."

[@GGWP-nx3kn]

Because society has been feminised. Honour and honesty are masculine traits.

[@nostalgicbliss5547]

​@@fredrikdippel3664 It goes hand in hand with what he said about potential future harm that might come.

[@builderofcastles]

Unfortunately, as an Aspie type person, i believed that the world ran on gratitude. I was the person who would stay at a job when the money stopped flowing. I have repaired lots of trailers for old women in trailer parks (for peanuts)... but if i need a place to stay, pet free, there are none to be offered. But i get lots of condolences about my hardship. I really do not want to be so money focussed... however, if, as you say, after the job is done, after the new garbage disposal is working and i leave. Nothing is coming back to me. Or maybe i will get a lot of karma in heaven.

[@kevinmccarthy1196]

If you gained self-respect or self-love from helping others (which you shouuld! bravo!), then you were "paid in full". Expecting others to serve you similarly is irrational, but will happen from time to time. I think doing things for non-monetary gain is incredibly valuable, but is not a good strategy for solving the lower levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs (food, shelter, safety, etc).

[@quemony]

​​@@kevinmccarthy1196 say more, I'm intrigued

[@vajradorj]

i understand too i am an aspie from canada

[@thomaskalbfus2005]

What do you expect?

[@Eans_urban_jungle]

I have lived in groups of individuals who did things largely on gratitude, in a system where money was only exchanged with the outside, all food , coffee and tobacco was a human right, and everything that wasn't essential to survival was bartered. Being an extra hard worker would likely get you smoked out or dosed, men refused to compete for women and no woman could put the men at odds with one another and alot of partner swapping went on. Really there weren't always clear lines around who was a couple. Kids would run around with walkie talkies so the mom could keep up with them , running about and snacking on everyone's food and learning different things from different adults, and there would be drum circle every night. The problem with this way of life is that another group with a heirarchal structure and the will to dominate can infiltrate and corrupt it, unless all of the people are very awake, and then they will just use violence. This is how these situations would always dissolve.

[@thomascummings7589]

There is truth in what you say, but like all things, it’s a little more nuanced , and there may be more to it. The ideals with which society sets out, and we try to live up to, is a psychological benefit one gets when one tries to stick to them, it is also beneficial for all around us and stabilize society. We do not always know the cost benefit analysis. Our brain is running, but that is why I over many generations. The wise among us have developed these ideals with which we try to live up to. Faith, loyalty, hope love, obligation, family, etc.. I have grown up very idealistic and a bit naïve and have been burned by people not being as idealistic as I have been. I don’t know for sure, but I am guessing with my 58 years of experience that the more we break things apart, and just look at our baser motivations, although, mostly true, we will end up, losing this beautiful society. We a group or culture of people who have not become so cynical, and still encourage the idealistic honor bound approach to organizing a society. This approach also causes less anxiety and stress among people, all be it not perfect, but in the long run, the small difference in a more functional society built on these higher, pro social, human traits will be better suited to outperform our current society, which is breaking dow. All these pro social endeavors and traits will outperform a more atomized, self-centered, hedonistic culture that will fragment itself and spin, and spin out of control, like a wheel without a hub. This may be a naïve comment, or a wise one time will tell. Thank you for your thoughtful vibrations on the human psyche,

[@stefanroche3052]

It will always be the weaker people who break these rules and contribute to its downfall. I say this as someone who this description applies to sadly. The strongest people do not fear their physical death, and it may be the only death there is.

[@TheTruthArchive]

Remember: it's the GAME that does not run on gratitude, not LIFE, love, or human existence in general. And yes, 'the game' does cater to our lower nature and it is void of morality. The world knows only one god and his name is Money, while earth is a planet.

[@benhamnett2165]

What you say at the beginning resonates with me. You sort of answered your own question I think and it connects back to the video. The power dynamics are what they are. Different cultures emphasize bluntness or clarity (Dutch) and others emphasize dignity and face (China). British combined both and do it with humor. And always talking about morale and with charisma. sometimes it does seem like morale really IS all that matters. American businesses always have mission statements that don’t speak of money. Everyone knows monetization is necessary for long term survival and stability. But the implication is that if your in it for the money, you will likely be wasting your time and be out competed by people with more passion. The point of these ideologies is to lubricate a world that runs on power. The cultures with the most ideologies in their tool box, have the most options for helping people navigate power structures. These ideologies thrive because acting on them through indoctrination before you fully understand them, puts you in a good position to not mess yourself up too much while your still learning the game. I remember a lot of kids saying redpill sht 25 years ago before this was such a movement. Those kids were right. I was blue pill and hated hearing it. I think most of the bluepill peers from my youth would admit they were wrong about a lot of stuff too. But they’re all saying it from positions of power, successful careers and happy families like mine on Facebook. The redpill kids are mostly unfindable, methheads, in jail, ODed, miserable etc I think this is what Peterson alludes to about what it even means to be “true” or “right”

[@skiptomylou011]

You just explained the tail end of my past relationship to a T. My ex felt like she deserved marriage and all the perks that come with it due to past experiences despite showing worse and worse behavior. Acts of disrespect and overall not holding up her end of the bargain as a girlfriend. Her argument was very similar to what you said "after all this time I gave you my love, my body and my time to be with you and you repay me by wasting my time" I had no rebuttal for it. I felt like she had a point, and felt guilty for selfishly deciding to not give in. But after watching this video it's like the blindfold has been removed. It was a power play all along-nothing more, nothing less.

[@psychacks]

My next episode will address this exact situation. Stay tuned.

[@skiptomylou011]

@@psychacks Awesome!

[@frcomet5009]

This is the same with animals too I noticed. Dogs love me!. But was interesting is if you scratch them or feed them or pet them too much. They start wanting it more and more till the point they become agitated and will potentially nip at you just to get you to keep going. So the more u give the more people want and the more agitated they get when you cut that off

[@joncarbone]

My ex-homeless, drug addict sister is just like that. Family had to rescue her from the streets of San Fran after she was evicted. She blamed the 'greedy' landlord. All the handouts for the 'homeless,' and restrictions on rent during the pandemic let her get away with whatever she wanted. Now she lives at my parents here in OR, refusing to work or do anything constructive. She's loud, obnoxious, opinionated and entitled, with loads of personal debt. No gratitude at all for the thousands and thousands spent on her via family; storing all her junk belongings, paying for hotels, Uhaul etc. etc. Oh and no rent or bills to pay at my parents.

[@frcomet5009]

@@joncarbone its funny you say that because my baby mama is going through the exact same thing she got evicted when she could of just payed rent but she blamed everybody for wanting to hurt her and not liking her so she wasnt gnna pay rent. i helped her move all her shit out nd she was still ungrateful complaining so i drove back to my state she wanted to come with but only if she could drive my car i said fuck no and drove back 17 hours by myself and then after she was evicted she was still causing problems wit people who were trying to help her e.t.c there personality is just fucked there basically losers. we try to make it all complex but in actuality there extremely paranoid, weak losers. if ur a winner urself hanging around those people is like givng a diamond to a wild hog. there gnna piss and shit on it. nd if u stay around there gnna piss and shit on it some more. in there minds they wanna be winners but there to weak nd spoiled to do the work it takes. so they stay losers full of anxiety and self loathing. nd anyone who stay with them after they start devaluing u is a loser as well

[@vtmegrad98]

The biggest issue with the loyalty thing is that most companies like to throw that term around to benefit themselves, with additions of "we're a family", until you're inconvenient. Never forget that companies lie to employees for their benefit as much as they lie to customers about their product.

[@andersnielsen6044]

That is what HR is made for..

[@vtmegrad98]

@@andersnielsen6044 nope. HR exists to protect the company, not to protect you. The only chance you have of them protecting you is if you are more valuable to the company than the one that you are complaining about

[@andersnielsen6044]

@@vtmegrad98 HR is the management's communication tool toward the employees.. If you do not understand that - then the tool has done its purpose..

[@andersnielsen6044]

I am sorry to say - it is the exact same thing in human interactions like relationships.. It is a pure ego-thing that you can agree on, and it is really all it is.. ;)

[@rayg.2431]

Agreed - organizations that blather on about "we're a family" are often the most dysfunctional places ever. Unfortunately, all organizations are inherently pathological - search for the "Gervais Principle", which posits that an organizational hierarchy is composed of Sociopaths, the Clueless, and "Losers".

[@etuitivemillionaire]

Life is not fair and if you expect it to be you will be truly disappointed. Germany Kent

[@kimhawkins2891]

I have watched this episode several times. It helped me know what to do after a break up. I felt bad about taking back something of mine they were using, but it helped me realize he wouldn’t be grateful anyway. Whenever I took it back he would be angry. There was no reason to wait. My gut told me to go ahead and get it over with. I have a tendency to be a people pleaser. I didn’t want to inconvenience him or act in anger. He cheated. We were done. His transportation was no longer my problem. Thank you for this episode and many more. I love hearing your views. They are direct and honest. It helps me to filter out some of the clutter in my head.

[@navigatorofthevalley]

As a ceo I learned this a longtime ago. Expect people to put their own interest first. Once you accept this you will make better decisions and be hurt less.

[@dustinquinton]

Extremely true. Remember, it goes the other way also. People hate the other. My advise is, forgive if you felt that you have been wronged. That’s the only way you can get over a past relationship. That doesn’t mean that you condone or forget. Forgiveness is for you.

[@RupertMcGruber]

Truth!

[@KevinOlson-io3dm]

Supposedly, JFK once said, "Forgive your enemies - but don't forget their names."

[@dustinquinton]

@@KevinOlson-io3dm very nice. I’ve never heard that saying.

[@jackdeniston59]

Nah never forgive betrayal. Forgive yourself for being fooled. And learn from it.

[@KomalSingh-cm8gc]

So true! Loyality ,fairness,kindness ,gratitude and other pure virtues are incredibly rare.

[@jasonyardley5097]

Yes

[@SelfImageStylist]

Yes and I would add what @philliasphog6689 said about someone who is bettering themselves and moving upward in terms of these purer values. Without being naive and gullible to predatory people and situations out there, they are far better equipped to find personal, material & relationship success as a by-product.

[@charitykopczeski5649]

True love in any relationship leads to an earnest ongoing desire to bear one another's burdens.

[@huckaf]

Thank youuuu, sooo much!! My therapist believe im aspergers (although i haven't been officially diagnosed) and i swear i struggle so much with all this social games that involve hierarchies, power dynamics, gossip, bullying, incoherent ideas, etc.

[@nnamdi.u]

The guru has spoken yet again…. Thank you!

[@TonyGizer]

Soldiers don't hold the line but for the soldiers next to them.

[@sgraceffa]

Amen! Just posted the same. Very insulting example.

[@adamthompson2953]

I suspect people who have not experienced combat, do not fully understand the physiological push/pull of combat Killing people is not a natural behavior for most people. Combat tends to trauma bond groups together. It is a strange, intimate, profoundly strong, and irrational bond. Individuals will make very irrational decisions for the good of the group under those conditions. Court marshall's are not a normally a strong negative push. Typically, "letting down the group" is a much more powerful negative push. True, patriotism is a good way to get people to volunteer. Patriotism is also a way to allow veterans to be "ok" with what they did in the name of the country. I don't feel insulted. It is just one of those things you have to experence to understand.

[@Foodie-o6z]

I have never been told something like this. It's crazy but really. True. I wish you could do a Part 2 on this like how to get in that position of power to be able to benefit or harm and how somebody from scratch can do this.!❤

[@rejectwokeness1314]

Truer words have never been said. This is probably your best episode

[@AntiquatedApe]

Never waiver from virtue. It is true that human existence is one of power struggles,but that doesn't mean you personally have to give in to your more base lizard brain activities.

[@ReachingHigher001]

Facts! Like so many people do. Freaking reptiles out here, for sure.

[@spajas8092]

The only reward for virtue is in the grave. Not in this society. That only works when societys built on virtue which isnt the case. That trust is broken, its out for good.

[@AntiquatedApe]

@@spajas8092 I don't care if there's a reward for virtue. That's the difference between myself and the types of people which I have described.

[@kevinlow69420]

Funny an guy named antiquated ape would term it as reptilian when it is in fact based on monkey brain. I say embrace the ape.

[@robertconnier9457]

@@AntiquatedApe You are follower of stoic philosophy if ever I heard it, but unfortunately few understand it's importance until it's too late.

[@CITYBEACHTV]

Facts - just move country to discover how many ‘friends’ you never hear from again, even on social media. Why? Because they no longer see you as a potential help, nor as a threat.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Mmm, kay.

[@timsimmons9995]

I've never considered this but it is true and I've experienced it in romantic relationships and friendships. It is probably the catalyst for feelings of betrayal when the other person acts or omission towards me have damaged the relationship.

[@mrarcade2504]

I think this just convinces me that the slow change of people’s hearts and way of doing things is necessary. Amen

[@cal5444]

This man just sumed up the whole 48 laws of power in 10min.

[@chicagoperspective2571]

Keep providing the quality content.

[@herculean547]

I used to get angry that she forgot my sacrifices and efforts of the past. I then learnt not to expect gratitude or reciprocation. I've had peace since then. This also means I can no longer go the extra mile, I stopped appreciating the few gratitude shown and I saw them as insincere. It also means that the relationship will be unable to achieve its potential. It would have been a lot better if there was gratitude and loyalty but It is what it is.

[@SomeGuy-xf9bc]

There is a glaring omission in this video. First off, what he is describing is 100% true. The omission is that there are men who do act out of honor and for whom that concept is very real. These men are generally preyed upon by society and end up used their entire lives because the honor they offer the world is almost never reciprocated. Further, a marriage contract offers the illusion of the existence of this type of mutual honor within the bounds of matrimony. It is a very explicit agreement by two people that ends in "till death do you part". Many men have taken that oath seriously only to find that the agreement isn't worth the paper it is written on. The target audience for this video is basically the very men who do act honorably as a matter of principle. Most humans are guilty of projection. This is true for both negative and positive traits. We project our values onto other people and expect them to act as we would. These means honorable men expect reciprocal honor from other people that simply will not provide it. These men often end up the most bitter and resentful of all. If this video triggered you, then I humbly suggest you learn to protect your neck. You are someone who most needed to hear his message.

[@bloodcarnage8285]

it is smart to look for signs if the other party is less honorable. need to be smarter to know when you are preyed upon. marriage contract is old. needs renewal. like the video said no point in being honorable in a bad deal. only those men who take the bad deal out of emotions is to blame

[@jamesrobertson9149]

Sorry to be nasty, but what he implies is that someone like you is slightly delusional. You think that you are more honorable than others, but actually the same rules apply to you as others; namely the game does not run on gratitude. For example, if your wife left to work in China and never contacted you then I am sure that you would not remain faithful to her for many years. Why? Because you are not getting anything out of that relationship (such as companionship, sex).

[@SomeGuy-xf9bc]

@@bloodcarnage8285 I don't hold anyone responsible until they have been presented with the truth. Some men wouldn't recognize the truth if it were kicking them in the balls. Those men are lost.

[@TidesofWarHighlights]

I only wish I had more courage and self esteem to trust myself to not only identify who were the rats and the snakes early on, but treat them accordingly rather than be so forgiving.. Luke 10:19 "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you."

[@SelfImageStylist]

Wait. What about those in Special Ops who can act out of honor, willingly sacrifice their lives for their brothers and yet unhesitatingly kill you if necessary? They're called heroes, not simps. No one is walking all over them. In civilian life you don't see them flaunting their power. They are often unassuming & rarely experience reciprocity except from a select few, their 'tribe'. There’s a different message to glean from this. Ok, I know these are exceptional men. But I am inclined towards a man who, despite all the contrary evidence, exudes positive masculinity, sharp wits & humor. I look for concrete evidence of character & have come to believe that fiscal & emotional responsibility run downstream from that. I know I don’t fit this demographic & that this won’t resonate with most. I feel compelled to offer a counter-narrative.

[@toothlessseer3153]

Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors. _Francois de La Rochefoucauld_

[@Miiiiiiighty]

This is true in most of cases but thanks God there are still people who act unconditionally ( and I have met many ) even if they are one of the rarest commodities

[@andersnielsen6044]

Or it is you that want to believe so..

[@TheAn0maly]

Thou shalt love the Lord and thy neighbour and seek the fruit of righteousness is the balancing force to the games people play. This is honour and wisdom.

[@judyl.761]

The fruits of the Holy Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. ~Galatians 5:22

[@MVProfits]

In adulthood, we learn quickly that ALL people are self-centered, not necessarily selfish or uncaring, but for each of us, our world revolves around.. ourselves. Gratitude is definitely not the primary trait. The issue I feel is that women tend to quickly "shut the switch off" if they are the dumper, and even emotionally attribute some of good actions her previous BF did to her new BF. As men, we like to build, to invest, to grow, yet it can be all taken away in a flash, and our previously adoring GF is now indifferent and directing those same good emotions to another man. While we still recall all we did together, the times we did and that, etc. Ungrateful is not really what we feel about her, but more a coldness, an uncaring about all we did in the past.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

She's the electric company.

[@SelfImageStylist]

We would greatly improve the quality of our relationships and our lives if we would only substitute "all" and "always" for "some" and "sometimes."

[@KomalSingh-cm8gc]

Selfless devotion is a incredibly rare virtue.

[@reviewramble]

I operate differently. I'm always grateful and return the favour I can in the future. Men tend to believe their hard work buys them credit in the relationship while what have you done for me lately for women which has been some of my experiences.

[@SelfImageStylist]

Yes, the dominant culture has eroded femininity and masculinity. (You might consider how this in itself might be a larger scale power play). The pick-up/hook-up culture is the sad compensatory downstream effect. We do need to develop a stronger spidey-sense around when we are being manipulated by people, the culture, marketing, institutions and government. We do need to become more astute in recognizing those behaviors. This channel points out some of these hidden motives and traps. But we don't need to become cynical or negate those with higher aims and capacities.

[@TruthTriumphs777]

God, this man has opened my eyes in ways I couldn't fathom.... Great to learn this

[@dv7768]

Being one of those soldiers you reference I have a bit of different take on it. Love of country may get you to join the service. Threat of jail or worse may get you to not quickly leave. But.. when as one of my old commanders said; "when you are knee deep in claymore and hand grenade pins", it the respect of those AROUND you that matters. Flag, family and country/punishment at that very point in time mean less then not letting the guys you sleep, eat and joke with down.

[@walterwilkinson1499]

Isn't that making the best of a situation where you're already stuck there? I don't think comraderie remains if you and your comrades could suddenly choose to go home to family, without punishment?

[@benevans3142]

This channels a goldmine I want this guy to have trillions of subscribers and even more dollars

[@gdargdar91]

Past benefits are good predictors of future benefits, so they also count.

[@bluebutterfly5062]

I agree, this is the only thing I think he missed in this video

[@willhogtieyou4752]

“The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.” - Robert Briffault, The Mothers. Vol. I Even though a woman has accrued past benefits from her relationship with a man, this is no guarantee of her continuing the relationship with him. If a woman promises a man to continue her relationship with him in the future in exchange for a benefit received from him today, her promise becomes null and void as soon as the benefit is rendered. A man’s promise of a future benefit has limited ability to secure a continuing relationship with a woman, and his promise carries weight with her only to the extent that the woman’s wait for the benefit is short and to the extent that she trusts him to keep his promise.

[@AlanPontes-m2p]

I’m now experiencing the same from a woman who left her husband of 19 years for me. Now that I have nothing more to offer her, as she has what she wanted, just as she had exhausted what he gave to her, I have become persona non grata. It is brutal. But you reap what you sow.

[@BasementBerean]

All relationships are based on power, now please like this video out of gratitude and the goodness of your heart.

[@bsdiceman]

If you dont he may stop posting and you will be harmed by that.

[@hermiliocarvalhojr.7208]

Relationships are based on truth and meaning, and also competency. It's from these things that trust is built.

[@bsdiceman]

@@hermiliocarvalhojr.7208 what do you mean?

[@psychacks]

Is that what I said?

[@cantrun5491]

Do it cuz of game theory.

[@bobdavis7290]

100% true, like sales or business in general, there must be a perception of value to both parties and a transaction. If there's no value, there's no transaction and the two parties will separate. Hypergamous women know precisely what their value is, what the transaction is and what the benefit to her is: a man's economic, domestic & social support that she can't otherwise provide for herself. And this benefit, and transaction(s) continue subject to her value conveying benefit, the value to that man. Lose your value and you've lost the business or personal transaction and hoped-for benefit. OR you could say, gratitude-only in a personal or professional relationship without conveying value, the transaction, means you're receiving charity and you're on a countdown = pack your bags. OR you could say, "gratitude doesn't pay the bills." OR you could say, "your gratitude + 5 cents equals a nickel, and the price is a dollar." OR you could say, "thanks for your gratitude, now express your appreciation." OR you could say, "We had a discussion about expectations and an agreement. You're falling down, not performing and here's the remedy. Out."

[@utarian7]

This is why loyalty is one of the most precious traits in another human being. How many friends do you have that you could disclose with confidence that (hypothetically) you just killed a man? I’m so fortunate to have five friends like this.

[@elvisojeda5600]

I'm one of those that choose compassion and chose to give, I'm rich, not in money, but inside. I also have friends like this, not many, and that's fine. Whatever good you do, it comes back to you as well as the bad.

[@col.strayga1389]

Friends will help you move. Real friends will help you move a body.

[@onetwo5155]

Now, imagine knowing this nature of relationships and the fundaments of power in them as a young child and being emotionally manipulated to care as well as conditioned to disperse or reduce your own power at any given relationship by everyone around you, by people insisting that this is not how it is; and you get me. Christ, but this is so hard to fix...

[@290revolver290]

The truth in this video is so "concentrated". Wow! I never thought about it critically like this. But one thing that happens to me from time to time is evaluating my friendships; once I'm not or no longer benefiting, I'm done.

[@FriendofDorothy]

This video is one of your best and is most useful to me as a gay man even though your videos seem generally directed toward a hetero audience. I learn as much from your videos as any hetero man or woman does about their relationships. I am guilty of the "you owe this to me as I've done so much for you" line of thinking and will now return to sobering reality with this latest advice.. I loathe the idea of punishing the other person, either overtly or passive-aggressively when he has been honest with me; I believe in open and respectful communication. There are multiple videos on YT telling people to "WALK AWAY" from a bad relationship. (Yes...if it's an overtly abusive relationship but otherwise I don't agree with this unloving action.) That seems passive-aggressive to me so I choose to end the relationship with clear communication, with kindness and love for what we did experience together (which in this case has been fabulous sexually and in other ways if not leading to a LTR due to his wanting to remain a closeted bi-sexual to his kids. ). Thank you for your help; you are great at what you do but I'm sure you get a lot of blow-back.

[@CalinGilea]

People act in their own interest and respond to carrots and sticks, no doubt about it. This is external motivation. People who act in this way do it only when in certain circumstances, but not always, because over time it’s alienating. But people also express who they are and act according with their identities and values. They are authentic. This is internal motivation. It depends on the context. For this please read Edward L. Deci - “Why we do what we do”. Do NOT assume that people will always respond to carrots and sticks. This is how revolutions starts.

[@francesburrell7033]

😢 totally agree. Try not to reach out first ... let the other party reach out to you. Otherwise u could become a nuisance when u are in a doubtful relationship. Thanks so much for your clear advice !

[@cdb8987]

This a good baseline for what to expect from other people but I would encourage people by saying that immediate short term power opportunities are not the only thing that drives people (even though it may be the best single predictor). If someone has helped me but no longer has anything to offer, I may feel this effect somewhat but there is still a part of me that values having a relationship with a person who has demonstrated they WOULD help me if they could. Assuming they are not completely useless...it is quite possible they could help me again in an unforeseen future circumstance. I guess that is the value of loyalty from a selfish standpoint.

[@fps6612]

Excellent information doctor! Thanks for your kind work. I will tip you in a near future.

[@MisterFanwank]

You're right, but only right now. We live in a time when the traditions that would have made it less necessary to negotiate these things are dead. In the past everyone knew the rules, more-or-less, so what you are saying did not play out in the same way. There was a shared long-term sense of loyalty because we all understood which actions demanded lasting loyalty as payment. People who are still sensitive to the old traditions, and for good cause, are the same people saying "after everything I did for you?!?" because they expect those actions to carry a meaning and a price for everyone who benefits from them, but that has been lost. The people who believe this way are not wrong. They're just wrong right now.

[@BodyByBenSLC]

Literally this is the same thing Patrice O'Neal was spitting before he passed away.

[@anewlifestirring]

I am most impress by your cynical outlook on life. Your presentations are most helpful to me as typical description of the sick and disintegrating society you are immersed in. The good news to those very few but part of fast growing number of those who wish to invest in a project of a new civilisation based on empathy as described by Jeremy Rifkins, is that the society described here is on its way to extinction, allowing for a new culture based on successful family units. Thank you for having the courage to describe the ailing society around you. I do hope you are not a medical doctor as you would be a shame to our profession.

[@trevwill21]

Thank you

[@factfullyindian8178]

"Games People Play" by Eric Berne somberly but brilliantly sums up human interactions.

[@sgbawg0]

There is no love, only leverage

[@ghanshyam1990]

Excellent presentation, agree 100 % from past experiences.

[@danielking104]

true relationship builds from the position of weakness and vunerability which requires trust. What you describled is negotiation. There is no love involve.

[@1Maklak]

This concept is called Briffault's law. There is some lag in gratitude sometimes, based on sentimentality and the possibility of more benefits down the road eventually, but even then gratitude will run out. EDIT: What I meant is that there is usually lack of gratitude, except occasionally there is some gratitude, but it may be delayed, not that there is always gratitude, but it's sometimes delayed.

[@gary6449]

Sometimes that "lag in gratitude" can stretch out to *infinity* ..

[@dzvw]

Some lag in gratitude sometimes? More like complete lack of gratitude all the time.

[@TheTitian69]

In this world of ideas that lack logic or any real intellect full of questionable ideas, philosophy or so called life lessons that try to be THE beacon of virtue . I find your direct (not feeling based) and to the point content to be a stand out.

[@Comeonemane1]

this is so true. obvious but still hard to stomach

[@natashagrant7784]

I must admit you are usually right! Hard to swallow, but realistic!

[@SteveJones379]

This is HUGE!! Thank you ☮️

[@SeanMcGown]

Yeah, that's pretty good. Dovetails nicely with your vid about being influenced less by your emotions.

[@JSteelers]

While the game isn’t run on gratitude, gratitude and concepts such as loyalty are crucial to maintaining a relationship. This is because value within a relationship can fluctuate between the participants and trust that value can be reciprocated in some way is crucial to the concept of loyalty. Gratitude acts as a manner to show appreciation of transacted value which can be necessary to maintain a mutually beneficial relationship. Of course, gratitude and loyalty are not strictly binding if the transactional value becomes skewed and the prospects of fixing the skewed value seem improbable. In these situations, it is necessary to set boundaries and sometimes cut ties with the other parties. This will always be based on the context of a situation though.

[@Tkhan90s]

After going through the stages of thinking "should I keep or leave" there comes the question "how much I can gain" there will always be the options to get multiple portfolios, but end of the day, the decision by oneself to remain loyal to one single portfolio is beyond other portfolio's power and control.

[@Shenkie987]

Relying on gratefulness to translate to loyalty is a shortcut to disappointment, but so is the notion of power in relationships. Instead of exercising power (i.e. the ability to impose), subtle influence gets you much further in the long run.

[@AshAndCream]

NPC is a non-playable character in video games that often goes unnoticed because the NPC has no purpose to the person playing the game.

[@ハク-q6e1j]

This "idea of fairness" is well and alive in the relationships between men, I know because I help my friends when they need and they help me when I need, and if they were to become disabled and not have any more "potential benefit" to me, I'd still be there to help them when they need me.

[@ChrisPTY507]

Both men and women require some sort of benefit in order to associate with anyone. EVERY interpersonal relationship is a transaction. Every human relationship is a transaction. Whenever someone helps you is because either it’s THEIR JOB (meaning they help others for a living) or it’s a family member or even a significant other who needs you because of the value you provide to them. I learned this uncomfortable truth years ago. The earlier you learn about it, the better.

[@Hunter-xc5ry]

This type of work you are doing makes the pain feel its my fault, that is exactly what I need to hear. Thank You.

[@xmrmtor]

I think this perspective is a largely post-modern view of the world, and adopts the somewhat cynical perspective of power is everything. There are people who do things out of a sense of duty, loyalty, pure joy of creation (artistry), love of family, love of life, joy of wielding competence for its own sake, passion, etc. Perhaps this will be seen as a naïve statement by some, but each of the motives listed have countless examples one could find throughout history, sometimes at great cost to the one doing the thing, and often producing little or no external benefit to the individual.

[@Dominicus13]

Yes, there are people out there like that. And once society proves to them that their honor is a worthless currency….

[@xmrmtor]

@@Dominicus13 That assumes they are looking for currency in the here and now. Some people believe in a currency that follows after death (namely, those who are religious), some people value their own actions with respect to how they view themselves. Either way, what society says about the value of their currency is irrelevant.

[@Dominicus13]

@@xmrmtor spoken as someone who is either highly religious, or have never had no currency left except goodwill that they thought they had earned. You spend decades helping people who are down expecting someone will do the same when you are down only to realize no one is there to repay your kindness you realize something. Me, I realized that people are less useful than npc’s in video games. Ungrateful, useless, and self serving. And since that is the core of them, they don’t deserve anything more than to be used or feared. This video hits that nail on the head. If you can’t be of use to me, and you aren’t a threat than you are less than a hammer in my shed.

[@xmrmtor]

@@Dominicus13 I hear you, and I think the way you describe people is often true in life. However, when I think of the ancient concept of virtue, these are things that were worth pursing for their own sake, not with expectation of reward (at least not in this life, and maybe not at all). Virtue for virtue's sake is a beautiful thing, IMO. The virtue of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude are of immense value in-and-of-themselves, and I think pursing excellence calls one to pursue these (and other) virtues for their own sake. To live a beautiful life in pursuit of such fleeting qualities is priceless. And due to its fleeting nature, and rarity among people, I think it is prized, though I admit it seems to be quite rare these days.

[@Dominicus13]

@@xmrmtor Justice is a made up concept to make people feel better. Unless you accept an afterlife reflecting life than justice is a concept that is nothing but an imaginary balm to make people feel better and to give an illusion of civilization. Justice is a tool the powerful use to keep their power. As to the other virtues you listed they are fine to pursue but don’t really relate to gratitude. I don’t argue against them being fine things to pursue in yourself and i personally don’t think they interfere with treating humans as nothing more than tools in my shed. Holding my temper and wisely using those tools and being strong and in control of myself, thoughts, and actions are good things. Forsaking the idea of humanity hasn’t turned me into a hedonist.

[@viveksharma8334]

Agreed. Benefits and harms.

[@LisaCulton]

I don't do things for my son because I expect something in return or it makes me feel a certain way, because I already feel good anyway. I do it simply because he's my son and that's what feels natural for me to do.

[@Otavez]

You are building a lifelong relationship, and when you are old and frail you will benefit

[@LisaCulton]

@@Otavez But that's not why I do it. I do it because it feels natural and right for me as a mother. He shouldn't feel obligated to take care of me. I can pay people to do that.

[@Otavez]

@@LisaCulton I wish you and your son well

[@LisaCulton]

@@Otavez Thank you.🙂

[@talknight2]

Presumably he treats you nicely as well (assuming he's old enough to make sense of relationships) and you benefit by knowing your progeny prospers.

[@plainseed]

This video just hit home for me. I will stop chasing power in other people's lives

[@peterpalashevky7423]

Soldiers hold the line for their buddies too

[@SomeGuy-xf9bc]

Society depends on these honorable men. The problem is they expect it to be reciprocated. Unfortunately, it usually isn't.

[@cases2939]

Absolutely, and the US Army hasn't shot a deserter since WWII. It's cynical to believe we fought for fear of punishment. We simply didn't want to let down our brothers. /A soldier

[@rayg.2431]

@@cases2939It may not be a fear of formal punishment (court-martial, then imprisonment or execution.) But it still is a fear at the most basic level just above your own personal survival - the fear of letting down your buddies, to be despised as someone who left them in the lurch - so fear of punishment (of a different kind) is still there.

[@cases2939]

@@rayg.2431 lol, I didn't volunteer to go back to combat because of fear. Our entire force is a volunteer force. Ideals like honor and selfless service are real if you believe in them. I guess it depends on your level of risk taking what you're willing to put your life on the line for.

[@SPACEDOUT19]

I agree, but then again, there is so many types of people, and not all will appreciate the same things. Just do your best and hope it works, worrying about anything you cant control is just a loss of energy.

[@jlynn468]

I guess this means that you better be happy with the payment you are receiving in real time because you won't get more in the future. This has totally changed everything for me. Now I just have to learn to apply it. Thank you.