The Gaslighting Narcissist

[@TechnicJunglist]

They will insult you & then say you are just thin skinned or too sensitive. Zero empathy; hollow people.

[@mariezeman7914]

absolutely, kiss slap, told me after insults that I was a princess and to toughen up

[@mikekean5902]

Always competitive and contentious.

[@danieller2812]

Or they’ll tell you to stop being a victim

[@mikekean5902]

@Nickhead87 kinda hard to do when you get yelled over and never allowed to have the last word.

[@iammaximus614]

Or your insensitive, When the Narc is the 1 acting angry 😤

[@MsGuard3]

Gaslighting and the silent treatment are two of the cruellest behaviours narcissists can inflict on their victims. Your hurt and angry reactions, demands for clarification or to talk are just fuel to them, and they continue to fan the flames and suck up their narcissistic supply - your emotions. The ONLY answer is to get away from them completely - go grey rock or no contact, and then you MUST discard all the gaslighting, lies and cruel things they have said to you COMPLETELY. Go back to the very roots of who you are, the person you know you are - kind hearted, caring, intelligent, talented and all the rest - you KNOW who you truly are. Now believe it. You are a victim, but don't stay there - outwork your anger and hurt - but keep moving into the light. You can be happy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Love your comments. Thanks so much. Dr. C

[@dianabruijn449]

Thank you ❤

[@lynnebichet7733]

Thank you

[@anikaallen3741]

How?

[@SjofnBM1989]

@Elio gray rock.

[@derycktrahair8108]

"Gas lighters" are only jealous. Take it as a "backhanded compliment". Be greatfull that they reveal themselves. Dismiss them & be happy about the time & caring you didn't waste on them. Life's too short. A real friend is supportive.

[@iammaximus614]

Deryck Trahair I said that 1 time to a Narc, “Thank you for Revealing yourself” & the person went 🤪 It was Hilarious ✌️🤣 I don’t say I enjoy it, But the things that triggers them, is downright infantile🍼

[@troyundroy1]

Thank you - I needed to hear this

[@ericag5346]

Grateful* and great message, totally agree. Life is too short. Just broke up with a gas lighter after two.five months. Obviously not very long and thank God, I look for red flags!

[@shannonsanders3488]

💯 SSS

[@bernitacenteno1326]

Your words are inspiring me. 😊 Thanks.

[@badomaji]

They are in their own world, they are the Director of the play, they control everything, including reality. These people are sick, and they are very good at it. RUN if you can - if you can't, find a way. God's speed.

[@Urania4007]

My response to those who want to run the show -- I'm not auditioning

[@lindagarcia6327]

I am the eldest in the family and left home when i was 15 y/o coz ( 1976). TOXIC home environment. I keep a very dark secret regarding my mother and i just found out that one other sibling born 1975 knew about this dark secret too. Fast forward to 2018. A sibling born 1968 had been triangulating me and my other siblings without our knowledge all these years since we seldom see each other. She is making all sorts of half- truth stories and she wants everybody to believe her lies! Crazy person! Totally out of touch with reality!

[@Joe-to8og]

if you can't go no contact try to avoid them as much as possible. If they're inside, go outside, if they're outside stay inside. If they're upstairs, go downstairs. I did this for years until got the hell out of there.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They are only about themselves; period! My dad the epitome of narcissism! I gave up on his crap!

[@thoughtsfromathenasreality]

Many narcissts are extremely sutle with their criticism. Which makes it hard to spot them.

[@iammaximus614]

Athena Millay Not no more, Because you Are Free, On to them & have Accurate Thought

[@holographicc6974]

Yeah but that Gut (God) instinct alerts you to their attempts to screw with you. I reply with “oh my gosh, thank you for these amazing compliments”!

[@susansacco7583]

Right. She smiles all the time. She smiles when saying something awful about me and it used to be so confusing to see and hear this disconnect. I just didn’t know how to respond or feel. I still get anxious when I say no to her knowing that I’ll be punished. I’m in therapy. It’s helping.

[@76482]

Agreed, a lot of passive aggressive criticisms.

[@geoffdearth7360]

subtle

[@mikek7660]

This is why naive, impressionable and innocent people are so effectively manipulated by gaslighters. If you don't know who you yourself are, or don't have confidence in yourself or that you see yourself correctly, it is especially damaging to have someone else constantly impress upon you their own negatively biased and overly critical appraisal of yourself. It's taking me years to find myself again

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on with your comments. Dr. C

[@H1ana2digital]

Mike K Its so true. That has happened to me also. I still really struggle with this and it can be so painful.

[@iammaximus614]

Glad to have the clouds lifted off 🌤😎🌻

[@holographicc6974]

Yeah but one day the Dragon Awakens and there is No Wrath like a woman that no longer takes shyt 🐉 💃

[@donnalangley117]

Yes, well said. You don't see them coming and they planned it the whole time. Horrible when you figure out they were only there for what they could get out of you. How you can make them look good, until they decide you don't make them look good.

[@contentomnivore]

YES!! To everything in this video. Gaslighting Prevention Tip #1: If someone has to constantly tell you that their "help" IS help, all the while their "help" does not feel like help at all... that's cause IT AIN'T HELP.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You summarize it well. Thanks, Dr. C

[@lightoflife7795]

The stbnxh 'helped' me pack up the house to move by sitting in a bar getting drunk. Then coming home to criticize my packing abilities. Even up to the time I left him he swore he helped me move. Glad to be done with that kind of stress. Lol.

[@anusharma4204]

Yes, the "help" in their eyes is motivated by financial gain

[@javiergarcia6912]

Content Omnivore Exactly experncing that forc3 years. Rrscured help. Work to be paid. But the pay is considered. Generosity and the work to be expected to the level of professional competition. Yet not. On point.

[@erykahm4307]

Love this comment!!

[@coffeebarista1771]

Having friends that the gaslighter has no access to is a wonderful thing too.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes...

[@rickiilatino]

Yes I love my friends and it's true, he has no dealings with them.

[@lindabermudez-hafer5440]

Coffee Barista , Remember “Karma is a bi**h” and also, “Karma will bite you in the a**”. These are 2 statements that I repeat to myself regularly regarding the Narcs I have to interact with because they provide some solace. Karma doesn’t necessarily have to wait for the next incarnation either, it can happen during the current lifetime if you show & speak Gratitude to the Universe & whichever Higher Power or Authority you identify with. Many people don’t realize This & mistakenly believe Karma only comes into play in subsequent lifetimes. Good luck. Namaste & many blessings to you,

[@dianabruijn449]

And how to do that if there are so many connected to

[@coffeebarista1771]

Linda, thank you. Wishing you many blessings too. :)

[@soapmode]

I'm dealing with this right now. It's exhausting. The gaslighting, the gossip and rumor-mongering, and the steady, unmitigated hatred. It's so hard not to become bitter, given people's tendency to arrive at a judgment based on a one-sided story.

[@angelb7578]

Don't give it a second thought. They are miserable as all hell.

[@bq1424]

Cut them out. Especially if you’re dealing with illness or an Emergency because these people are dangerous.

[@Libra_Girl.]

'They won't tell the truth about who they are. They won't admit their flaws" *BAM* !!!!! This is the straight up truth! They don't want other people to have anything to use against them the way they use what they know about people against them. It's against the law to give them any honest feedback on how they can improve. Even if the people around them are miserable due to their toxic speech and behaviors. They're perfect so how dare anyone tell them they're not! I think their favorite tactic has to be provoking people to get upset so they can say "See you're unstable!" And even if they don't say it they sit back and gloat once they've upset you. They know we feel crazy and they love it. This whole video is spot on! Thank you very much for another excellent video.

[@abundantlyclear]

I learned something from my ex the narcissist. .they cannot tolerate you pointing your finger at them, and laughing. The one time I did that, he was taken aback. He could not believe his eyes, and ears. I regained power that night, and was on my path, to separating, from that evil man!

[@uncleclaw171]

Spot on. There's that sadistic need they have to make you upset. Then they say, "you have anger issues" -- NO!! The narc has ABUSE ISSUES.

[@tjszuch]

Mine hid that she was married and divorced before she met me. And then would FREAK out and accuse me of lying about almost everything i said.

[@Libra_Girl.]

Todd Szuch My ex narc's step daughter did that. It just dawned on me when I read your comment that she is probably a narcissist too! I don't see how they can get away with that stuff!? It's absolutely ridiculous behavior to think it's okay to do that to anyone! IT'S JUST NOT! I'm sorry that happened to you. It's total projection when they accuse of us things they are doing.

[@Libra_Girl.]

Abundantly Clear, Good for you! Uncle Claw, EXACTLY!

[@nounours2135]

I've Been sabotage my whole life without knowing it

[@iammaximus614]

Nou nours It is their Fault & Problem, I always say Now, They Ain’t Gettin Me?! It is all@control

[@joesondag6801]

@@iammaximus614 took me 37 years to figure out. We got a handle on it finally.

[@swingtrade2]

And that is the thing, you just go on accepting until you don't. Bet it is nice to finally know...

[@fordgt402]

You have something they dont, they envy you.

[@dork5194]

Thanks for the video. Very helpful

[@sweetbutapshycho]

After watching me cry looking aimlessly out our window my narc flat out said "have you ever thought that maybe your making this all up? That you are making yourself sad?" 😒 sure I just made the last 8 years up...

[@renaissance5300]

you are not alone in this he tells I imagine everything ----is all in my mind that he flirts with everyone everywhere and in the neighborhood he tells me I am dreaming never happens what BS 32 years of this i tell him keep on flirtin maybe you will find someone else to put up with you and support you hahaha dont it make you feel sick and nervous when they do this gotta try the gray rock method keep lookin for the light at the end of this cave we are in god bless your life and thank god for this nice doctor les he calms me down I was shaking so bad from nerves now calmed down

[@T1000Iris]

Mine yells at me for crying. Because I do it on purpose to make him feel bad.... and he doesn't deserve it because he's a good husband & father. And I never want to resolve problems.

[@katherineyoung1401]

My ex did the same thing, I was doing it all to myself!! I'd be crying and he would say I was hallucinating and being paranoid. They are so cruel.

[@nonnogirl123456789]

my moms always said that..she used to speak loudly in the living room KNOWING i’d hear saying: “She just keeps her room messy and not eat well bc she knows that’s a symptom of depression and she wants to keep up the act”

[@dannym6552]

walk away

[@louiseforde5502]

Gaslighting can be very subtle, to begin with, and then you get drawn into a state of frustration. It is a definite form of Crazy Making because it will always result in you not having any needs met and you doubting yourself and feeling like you need to be more giving. The unfortunate thing is that if you are in a relationship with someone like this you can be given false hope but that too is a game. I had to remove myself and that is often the only recourse. I am glad to watch all of these videos that are available for people now. Thank you again. :)

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes to all you said. Dr. C

[@odette8905]

Couldn't agree more.

[@coffeebarista1771]

So spot on. They will tell you who you are, what you feel, what you should do......and be so far off base that you are left speechless. There is no reasoning or truly communicating with them. Their dial is set to invoke self implosion by erosion. There is no way to find peaceful coexistence with them. Their game is endless exhausting competition you never wanted, and didn't sign up for. To love and be loved is the opposite of competition. They smear so badly that others don't know who you are either, and thanks to the narcissist will hesitate to take the time to get to know you. Their view was tainted long before they met you. The decades of gaslighting made me feel so helpless as if there was no way to "be" who I am without being assailed for it, to set the record strait, or even be known. "If a tree falls in the middle of the woods, and no one is there to hear it, is it still wrong?" Limited to no contact was the only solution. The tips about having supportive friends....excellent tips, and the saving grace. TY.

[@christinehaigh9807]

Coffee Barista Well said! They'll tell you who you should be, what you should be, what you should feel, what you should do, & etc. Everything is based on what they want, when they want, however they want. Their terms. It's an endless barrage of competiton & indignant nonsense. It sure is distressing!

[@coffeebarista1771]

Christine Haigh, yes! "Distressing" is the perfect word for it. Its like an aqaintanceship where you can't relax and just be. You always have to be vigilant for the next unforeseen curve ball or dig. I used to hesitate to share good news because it might make them feel insecure, and they would lash out. Such a relief to be free of the head games. :)

[@queenbeenightlyredux]

so well said. They always tell me how I feel and what I think. They tell me what's up with my marriage, and my whole damn life its insane and you have to just ignore them.

[@24kstar]

You just summed up so many experiences in my life, starting in childhood with my own parents. A narcissist's ENTIRE AIM is to erode your confidence and ultimately destroy you. They KNOW what they're doing and they KNOW you trust them because you have a good heart and wouldn't suspect them of doing such a ghastly thing to you. They use all of this to their advantage. All you're trying to do is live your life successfully and happily, and every effort they make is to prevent you from doing that. When it's your parents that do this to you, you as a child have no protection whatsoever. This is where the real, deep-seated psychological damage is done because your reality is constantly being distorted and you're not given a leg to stand on. The child then carries this wounding into adulthood and is ripe to be preyed on by other narcissists.

[@coffeebarista1771]

QueenBeeNightly, when you write: "They tell me what's up with my marriage, and my whole damn life, its insane" Wow, that resonated, as the Ns I have known did that exact same thing. I came out of it with a theory. If your life is going well, and your marriage is good, it freaks them out. They know they can't find anything to pick at, so they make shit up, out of the clear blue. And its usually projecting. One former N friend called me up one day and told me I should get divorced. I thought WTH?? I asked her why she would say something like this, because my spouse and I are happily married, we don't disagree more than other couples, etc.? It turned out she and her spouse were fighting constantly, and she was thinking of divorce. It really threw me for a loop of confusion. But then I found out my MIL (a MN) told her falsely that my marriage was in trouble, so I guess she was just adding her little banana peel to the pending destruction. lol. We can't make this stuff up. :)

[@jengable4888]

Thank you for posting ! This is so true and other forms of gaslighting are: 1) Moving objects around your room/home or workspace, and denying it. 2) Stealing, destroying your property or both, on a "seasonal" or continuous yet intermittent basis, then totally denying it to your face. They may state, "If you do not like it, you can leave/move". (That is a problem because money has been used as a weapon). 3) They know what buttons to push with you, and will constantly irritate you until you lose your cool or snap ! Then they blame you for overreacting ! They are sadistic, and enjoy irritating you ! 4) Another issue that needs to be addressed is when the gaslighter minimizes their horrible behavior, or REAL crime ! 5. In addition, they may make a horrible situation for you worse, by blaming/framing, or shaming you, in order to humiliate, and psychologically beat you down further*. *narcissistic/ psychopathy This is currently happening to me (49 Trailsend Dr.Canton, CT) yet again, and it is forcing me to have to sit and babysit my belongings, or else they will get stolen/destroyed. In addition, when I leave my locked room, I have to carry 40+ lbs of paperwork, 2 dead computers, and other items with me, so they will not get stolen/destroyed further ! I have had bank statements stolen, zip drives ruined, and other items related to REAL crime ruined. Meanwhile after six years of doing this, because my vehicle was vandalized and covered up, my lower lumbar region has been bothering me ! In addition, the LIES, gaslighting, and the insanity created by others is OUT of control ! Money has been used as a weapon to control, and the smear tactics are abundant ! Also, if someone can possibly run the Connecticut license plate of 118 YRR, perhaps the truth will get exposed ! Also, the smear campaign is out of control with the LIES, threats, and schemes ! Schemes may include but do not limit : planting drugs, LYING to you, lying about a SUD/mental health issues, infiltrating cell phones and computers, stalking, manipulation, moving objects/stealing/ and other schemes to try and make you appear incompetent ! If law enforcement began to pull information from license plates, medical, academic, internet, and cell phone records, the truth will get exposed !

[@barbnauman705]

Thank you so much for brilliantly breaking down the way narcissists can, and WILL, distort, deny, and destroy reality. It can be absolutely crazy making for those who function in a rational and truthful manner! Love your work and videos, and I appreciate so much! Sending best wishes from Kansas City.

[@24kstar]

It is so crazy-making and, when you have a good heart, you're inclined to believe and trust someone when they tell you that you have a problem. You know that you would never lie to someone else about something like that, so you automatically take the criticism to heart and start questioning yourself. What you don't know is that it's all a huge lie, orchestrated to bring about your downfall. This is how narcissists distort and ultimately destroy the normal, healthy human bond. They use your trust and positive qualities against you, to force you into a position of vulnerability. It's an abomination.

[@manuelaTVara]

distort deny destroy, demolish wow sounds like some in a certain political party in FLA and CA NM Nd Tx .

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

Thank you so much Dr. Carter. I am very happy to have found your channel. I am using your advice to keep myself strong...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's what I like to hear! Dr. C

[@inspirationalt2143]

10 yrs of confusion, and the Lord leads me to this😭😭❤️💔💔devastation of a marriage doesn’t even describe the feeling💔Lord knows I didn’t even know I had this many tears😩😩 so so very sad

[@grungestoryteller]

Awe hope your away now :(

[@yellowdayz1800]

I been through it too. Even went to counseling in the beginning, thinking I was the problem!!

[@aaronwalton1810]

Congrants of finding the answer to your PROCESS of healing

[@TheMakeupBoss]

I guess you were not ready to find out. The time is now.

[@yellowdayz1800]

ten yrs for me as well...

[@Barbara_Banks_1]

Excellent video! My ex at first masked his criticism as “constructive criticism”. As the years went by, my self esteem was systematically being chipped away by the ridicule and self doubt crept in.Then between the lies and half truths and I’d catch him in, he’d explode with rage fits when I tried to talk to him and make sense of what he was telling me. He would proceed would somehow make it my fault he lied, or try to convince me his lies were the truth Later, after the heat of an argument subsided ... ... I’d try talking to him about it (hoping for resolve and peace between us) he would tell me things like, “Just drop it, you’re only wanting to pick a fight all over again. Let it go.”... “Stop nagging me”. “You just want to go on and on over every little detail... Let it go.” Or he’s just insist I was wrong or just wacky, or even remembering things wrong... I thank God, I left that insanity behind. And have a better sense of myself now, and a sense of peace. I’m so thankful for youtube, and people like yourself that educate people. At least this helps us victims of narcissistic abuse make sense of our shattered lives. This information enables us to pick up the pieces and move forward with a little more wisdom than before. But yeah, I am one who struggles with anger issues as a result. And I have a lot of mistrust.But I try to keep myself in check. Thank you, once again for your diligent work. I really appreciate it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That "constructive criticism" gets old, doesn't it. Dr. C

[@Barbara_Banks_1]

Surviving Narcissism Lol! So right you are... To back up the “constructive” part, the narcissist would say things like, “I know you weren’t aware of this, but you needed to know...” Or, “Mostly everybody can see that about you. I’m just letting you know, for your own good. I love you.” When I left him he said to me, “You’ll never find anyone who loves you the way I love you”. When I told a friend of mine he said that, her response was.... “ Tell him THANK GOD!” Lol...

[@odette8905]

Like you, 20 long years lost to a covert narcissist. Left with complex PTSD damage (anger, hurt, sadness, depression). But am using this experience to grow and become more self aware now, putting those eroded boundaries back in place..this time with a much better knowledge of how to build healthier relationships. There is a silver lining. Blessings and good luck to you.

[@Earthether]

Dealing w this now. Turning to find oneself is key thank you doctor

[@AZDC99]

"Go on and on and on about every detail." It's not even a conversation, it's a monologue! I just discarded a former friend like that for other reasons

[@perfectday777]

This is a brilliant overview of the gaslighters! I have absolutely experienced this on countless occasions; even fairly recently! Difference is now that the last time it happened, because I have been learning stuff about this, I was able to recognize it very quickly, know how to respond, and I couldn't keep myself from smiling while the gaslighter went on with the gaslighting! It kind of upset her, too; which made it even better!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for the good words! Dr. C

[@perfectday777]

Dave Gabe Oh trust me, I know! There's no contact, though. It was nice to finally walk away from a gaslighter not feeling defeated and humiliated. It was a big decision due potential impact on my business but it's still going well. Besides, she was sabatoging my business. In the long run, I am better off and moving forward.

[@perfectday777]

Surviving Narcissism Thank you for the video! I've shared it with others. 😉

[@larrytruelove7112]

Been gaslighted lots of times but I was not aware of why the conversation was going in circles. The worst are spouses and bosses.

[@larrytruelove7112]

Some gas-lighters actually twist reality with compliments. They will tell you your bad traits are good things in order to convince you to keep doing unproductive things.

[@eyesopen4692]

So on the money. My ex always had negative things to say about me, but never took responsibility for his actions. Was always perfect in thought, deeds, decisions. Very secretive.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

@abc123 * nor please, thank you etc. Zero manners.

[@eyesopen4692]

@@Jessica-zf2df Why would they apologize when they're perfect? Never make a mistake, never ever need advice and always knows what's " best for" AND "wrong with" you! We should all be so "perfect".

[@sillycrow3834]

Momzilla was in the next room, talking to my aunt. Didn’t know I was there and I could hear everything. She ripped on how much she hates my hair. I have dreadlocks. What’s funny, I’ve had more compliments on my hair since I’ve had my hair done that way (going on 9 years now). I love it, it’s fun and the most important part of all, it’s ME 👍

[@1230aaish]

I’m at a point in my life that I don’t care anymore and don’t want to explain myself as nobody believes me . I’m clearly frustrated and angry 😡.

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

It's okay to not be okay! Keep staggering forward like the rest of us!!

[@Sparrow0514]

Hang in there, Ash. As you leave crazy making people you will make room for sane and supportive ones. I'm dealing with lots of anger too

[@Barbara_Banks_1]

Ash M I think most of us are angry as a result of the abuse. Hang in there... and what the previous 2 commenters said... is totally brilliant, and true.

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

@@Barbara_Banks_1 Thank you!

[@LG-kx8xl]

I believe you because for so long (although I knew I wasn't crazy) that something was very wrong & constantly tried to put a name to it far beyond their just being mean or rude & always having to be right.

[@carolmcswain3963]

I just recently found you on Utube. So grateful! I am married to a narcissist and it has been difficult. Now I understand what I am up against and can prepare myself emotionally for those times. Now I feel blessed have my “armor” on and will be able to stand strong against him when necessary. Not in s confrontational way but for me as a Christian, in a loving but firm way. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You might also be interested in my new channel, Dr. Les Carter. It addresses other issues that would be relevant to what you are up against. Thanks for these good comments. Dr. C kzbin.info

[@shawnadeyo]

It's amazing how they don't even think about the fact that we can find out the truth about something or they just don't care? One of my ex narcissist favorite thing to say to me is that I have an "attitude". Like never mind all the bull shit and lying and cheating and gaslighting and triangulation and plain hell that he put me through and it was always my fault because I have an "attitude".

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad expects me to comply with his crap; I gave up on his version of "life". He is a dictator. He hates women, too. I am 60, I don't live with him and I don't ask for his opinion!

[@mrtedclayton]

This video is very helpful! Gaslighting has been the most difficult aspect of dealing with a narcissist for me. It took me a long time to learn how to deal with it. Their lies fall apart quite easily once one realizes that gaslighting is the key to everything.

[@whosaskin2469]

I was married to a female covert NPD for 6 years. She was diagnosed by two different therapists. She only went to them to get confirmation that everything was my fault of course, since NPD's are perfect by definition. When that didn't happen and they started looking at her she bolted both times. My advice to anyone in this position is twofold. First, in order to remain grounded in reality and not be sucked into this terrible gaslighting cycle, remain in close contact with those who know you best. She will try to isolate you from those that can support you. Once removed from your support group she can begin to warp your mind to her way of thinking. Secondly, if she is employing this tactic of triangulation on you, don't buy into it. Assume that she is lying to you, because adds are that she is. Then go directly to the quoted individual for a first hand account of what was said. Never rely on hearsay, that's why it's inadmissible in court. I got out and went no contact to escape and rebuild my self-esteem. Two years of hard work later, I met a wonderful woman who cherishes me. God bless everyone.

[@LostHorizon52]

Very well summarized .. I love your calm, caring, and very rational way of covering this subject.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you. Dr. C

[@USNBLUE]

Bottom line Narcissists think they are God, himself and everyone they come into contact ought to bow down and worship them! If not there will be hell to pay. Ad nauseam.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sad to say, you're right. Dr. C

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad thinks he looks like Jesus because he has a beard and mustache. The similarity ends there.

[@deadbeetz9553]

Kindness is the flame on a candle, one candle can light millions. You are spreading your wisdom and kindness to millions of people who needed to hear this. You have changed my life for the better showing me that kindness and love are central in any persons life, even when recovering from narcissistic abuse. THANK YOU DR. LES CARTER! YOU'RE THE BEST!!! I KEEP YOUR VIDEOS GOING ON THE BACKGROUND ALL DAY! ^_^

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these good words, Joshua. You just made my day! Dr. C

[@queenbeenightlyredux]

Tom Sheridan said you have to known your own shadow and own your whole self to effectively deal with gaslighting. And you have given me another level of perspective on that, thanks. This is also about tackling communication issues head on, because they exploit blind spots and divide people that way all too often.

[@mpjapril]

This video was so revealing for me, putting a context to years of my emotions of puzzlement and confusion in relationship with my husband. Thank you for how to respond to a narcissist, some I have done OK in responding, some I need to intentionally employ. These videos restore my sense of who I truly am not who he tells me I am. Keep posting these they are very restorative.

[@MistyMoon112]

My sister and I have never gotten along ..we are in our 60's.. she is one year younger.. she is materialistic and I am a bookworm...we were leaving my apt and she asked me if I turned off the stove.. I had nothing cooking on the stove ..I knew she was attempting to gaslight...I cut her off after she did some other things ...I had enough ...

[@MistyMoon112]

justino justino thank you for that ..we have not spoken in 2 years ... it was the end of life long betrayal, scheming and just plain mean dealing ...good riddance..to her ..

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

Wow, if the stove was a gas stove, it would be even more perfect! Glad you don't see her anymore.

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

I just love EVERYTHING about your videos!! So true! They constantly manipulate their environment and the people in it! It's very selfish, delusional and confusing for the victims. How do people live this way and not think of the fall out? It's very disturbing behavior and emotional abuse should be a CRIME!! Please keep doing what you do! You are SAVING LIVES!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Nutrition for my soul. Thanks! Dr. C

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

@@liroiter6002 both but emotionally is worse. It kills you from the inside out.

[@lightoflife7795]

Emotional abuse is a crime in the UK now. So is financial abuse and verbal abuse, along with others. They passed the bill in parliament to make them chargeable offences.

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

@@lightoflife7795 that's awesome news!! I am so glad to hear that! That gives me hope that perhaps it will be in the USA one day and people will be held accountable. We kill each other with mass shootings every day it seems. All I ever wanted was a peaceful life! Blessings!

[@lightoflife7795]

@@sweettartgoodstuff438 hopefully it won't be too long before it's recognised as the standard worldwide.

[@geoffdein2894]

I took a mammoth step and demanded the narcissist leave the family home. Best decision I ever made. She can now play the victim at her leisure

[@omyachinhead873]

Thank you very much, Dr. Les! Heard the term GASLIGHTING thousands of times but FINALLY someone explained it!

[@gill426]

The real fun starts when your therapist turns out to be an A+ narcissist and gaslights you. Ain't this a crazy world...

[@gypsierose3611]

Mine in high school was. Makes you crazy and distrust anyone

[@lambchop6278]

Kudos to you for being able to see it though.

[@JH-nv2ue]

Do you one better..... DATING a narcissistic psychologist that has gaslighting down to a T!

[@dan4030]

​@@JH-nv2ue Oh god they are EVERYWHERE!!! I THOUGHT I ESCAPED MY DAD!!!! I ENDED UP LIVING ABOVE A NARCISSIST WHO IS WHEELCHAIRBOUND DUE TO A DIVING ACCIDENT; He never stopped mentioning it and made sure he was on the receiving end of everyone's compassion, in any argument. But he lived at night, with his girlfriend who took amazing care of him, but still the moment she spoke up about something she'd be walking out of the front door with her little suitcase packed with her clothing cause he threw her out. Little dove kept coming back cause she knew he needed help. And he knew that as well. Thing was they turned on music at 3:45 on a tuesday night and would do so every night they felt like it. She also wore shoes with a rockhard heel and every step she took on their floor would make a sound as if a wooden hammer hit the wall. 3 out of 7 nights a week this would happen from 22:00 to 05:00. My health was affected immensely, and the stupid timid me, who did ask them to turn down the music a bit, asked to wear different shoes at night, was met with redicule. They'd have ex-convicts over and would take XTC or other substances and be out of their minds. After 3 years I was threathened by one of the visitors, he left at 5:30 in the morning shouting he would kill me. All I did was ask a couple of times to just be a little more considerate as it happened so many nights.... The moment I would hear sound after 23:00 I already knew it would be another sleepless night. I finally thought I escaped my Narcissistic dad.. and ended up with another Narcissist that would badmouth me to EVERYONE in the neighborhood, any people he had over, cause I asked him if he could turn down the music at night. It was supposed to be my way out, start a life, a future, but some people are just not meant for one. After 3 years I moved. Cause I received a death threat. But you will never guess where I ended up... Living above another...Narcissist. This one wouldn't tolerate sound. Any living sound he would do the same back. Any time of the day or night if he heard a door creak, a stumble, he'd make the sound back not even a minute after. At first you brush it off as it can happen, coincidences are real. 10x, 20x, you start to pick up on things. You come home the shared door closes, then when you're inside it's opened up and closes again.. he didn't leave nor did he come back. Just to let me know I made a sound. I was trying to "live" started taking care of my health cause I was a mess. Never found it worth to take care of myself, and I found out I was lacking a lot of vitamins/minerals as soon as I started taking supplements and started cooking healthy organic food.

[@salliegallegos918]

Run!

[@GlendaBetz]

I am so glad I found you. I have just about lost my mind dealing with this person.

[@polskigirl8547]

My ex narc said he was concerned about my memory and that i had repeated things to him...i turned it around on him and every time he repeated a story i told him......""you already told me that"".....it shut him down after a few weeks....

[@davidtucker4676]

My narcissistic sister has told me the same stories over and over... I think they do it as a way of projecting their behavior onto their victims.

[@cwdrock]

When mine would reduce me to tears she asserted that my displays of emotions indicated that I had a disorder of some sort. Yeah its depression and frustration caused by dealing with you!

[@24kstar]

Renata Mileske - Good. They can never take what they dish out. They're spineless cowards.

[@24kstar]

Charles Dunne - They always blame you for the insecurities that THEY created in you. Little Shaman has a great analogy on this - she says it's like a horse who is beaten, starved, and worked to death by its owner. When the horse finally dies, the owner sits back and says, "I just can't figure out what happened to that horse! Must have been a defective one." This is a narcissist. They beat you down and then blame you for being crushed. It's insanity.

[@jennifersmith2935]

The story changes every time to make them look better. If you come up with an idea, they will turn it around and it becomes their idea.

[@lgcuzscienceyo2304]

For 20 years he said I was, "Too much," (too loud, too friendly, too outgoing, too fun, too giving, too naive, too kind, too loving, too empathetic, too 'green' in the ways of the world), only to be here now in the middle of a divorce being told by the same person, "Nevermind, you were actually never enough to begin with." *sigh* I am so grateful for these videos, they keep me sane and moving forward! Thank you, Dr. Carter!!!

[@buzzlightyear923]

I have a Sister and Brother who are both Narcissists, both high in management jobs, i am just a tradesman, frowned upon in my family. Mum now has dimentia and in a home, i am trying to stay 'no contact' with them and just visiting Mum. They have taken control of her life and counted me out unless i do things the way they want. Having no status in wanting the best care for your own Mum is painfull when i can see how unhappy she is but i can't cope with being in the same room as them. The picking starts as soon as i enter a room with them. 😦

[@odette8905]

Feel for you. Can you deal with the care home directly?

[@chatanugadotorg]

So glad that I subscribed to this channel and have been going back to listen to the past videos. I've definitely seen gaslighting behavior in my parents multiple times in my lifetime. While I love them, it's best that I'm not around them except when necessary due to their narcissistic ways and beliefs. One instance of gaslighting that has actually been happening lately is their dislike for my growing my hair long. The only people I've heard complain about it are my parents. Last July at the family reunion for my dad's side of the family, the husband of one of my cousins jokingly called me a hippie. I laughed and knew he was joking around, which he often does with everybody. Afterwards, Mom actually told me "You know he was just kidding with you, don't you?" Like I needed to be told that. Whenever I'm in conversation with her (actually she does most of the talking as I often can't get a word in), she'll bring up my hair and try telling me what other people think of it and how I should have it.

[@TRiley12]

I’M NOT CRAZY?!?!?!?! Thank you for your videos!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

No you're not! Dr. C

[@odette8905]

Agree. No, you're not. Stop listening to the narc and listen to your intuition (it's usually right!).

[@fordgt402]

The one calling you crazy, is the crazy one.Its a Projection.

[@juliedugg4888]

Nope !

[@PhilipMcAdam]

Have gone through all this and I never knew it was happening. I took it all with face value and took it all as truth. It is the insincerity of it all is the bitter pill for me. Fortunately I am not a bitter person as it is too hard on the adrenals. Thank you for super video.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

When you try to live like a regular, normal person, it doesn't dawn on you to interpret life like a N. Dr. C

[@PhilipMcAdam]

In all honesty and possibly in my own silly simple way at looking at things. Relationships or anywhere two sensible people and conversing or interacting, should not require so much reading between the lines. What ever she has done to me that is one thing that I have no tolerance for is insincere people. Life is way too short or what little I have left for them.

[@Alun49]

I have had some serious run-in's with narcissists over the years. Two of the most significant were in professional situations with one, initially, someone I had thought was a friend and the other a manager. It took me a long time to realise that the first was gas lighting me with colleagues. The damage remained long after he had moved on and I still feel angry at his two-faced behaviour. We shared a flat for some time, which I deeply regret as it was as a result of this that I feel he was able to undermine me at a personal level as well as at a professional level. When I was asked by a mutual friend about the individual, given that we had been "friends", I said that I thought we were friends, but subsequently discovered we were not. He had attacked me personally, privately and behind my back, so why would I class him as a friend? I still feel very angry and hurt at what I experienced. I certainly will never trust this individual at any level again.

[@darlalong3097]

Six months ago, I had no knowledge of any of this terminology. Now, the words explain everything!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Once you see it, things begin to make sense! Dr. C

[@Pewtah]

Sometimes I played along with my "enemy in my flat" when he lived for some months with me. Praised, flattered, agreed. No matter what nonsense he said. In such situations he became tame and pleasant, and I was protected from his aggressive tirades.

[@mrossainz]

I was raised by a single narc mom, who not only ingrained a sense of worthless in me but also gaslighted me with every single close and distant family member as well as all her close friends and even my friend’s parents; always trash talking about me. Later she would frame things to prove the piece of sh*t I was. Now I understand why NO ONE EVER asked for my opinion about things before judging me, their opinion was already set.

[@Meowminx]

I just started watching your videos earlier this morning, and I would just like to say thank you for your detailed, easy to understand explanations about narcissism and how to deal with these toxic people. Thank you so much, Dr. Carter, you have saved my sanity, and definitely saved my life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Received with gratitude. Dr. C

[@kathiculver7949]

Dr. Les Carter, thank you for your calming straightforward words in helping me learn about and understand what I have been living next to/ with for 17 years, domestic couple for 15. I have evicted him, but still he remains. I am getting stronger, reading a lot, listening a lot, going to therapy. Creating my art again. Thank you God for everything. I am glad to see what IS. Again, thank you.

[@swingtrade2]

Said goodbye to my gas-lighting mom 3 years ago and never looked back. Got healthy and sober. Rest of family then said goodbye to me. Crazy World!

[@Hendrixtanell13]

Smh

[@SJMe777]

Very true indeed. Everything he speaks on is absolutely spot on. You can be the nicest, giving and kind individual to these kinda people and they'll still take you foregranted, get angry easy for bringing up things that they do that may bother you, lie, lie, and lie some more, criticize you, blame you for their wrong doings, ask for handouts, have a big sense of entitlement, cheat on you, and put you down. Leave and trust your instincts. You're far better off without these manipulators. Please listen to what this expert is talking about. It's exactly true. God bless everyone. 💗

[@tlarson1977]

My sense of reality was completely gone by the end of the relationship. I misinterpreted, heard him wrong, “I never did that”, “crazy”, hallucinating, etc...my emotions were wrong, “you shouldn’t be upset”, your overreacting, “I know why your doing this, ....you hate me, ...you think your better than me (PROJECTJNG). Oh yes, other people had warned him that he should stay away from me and that I’m crazy. Well doesn’t it say something about you then. If everyone warned you that that chick is crazy, then why exactly did you pursue me then? Crazy making. Oh, and then of course after they have royally effed with your head, when they realize that you are on your way out, they start a smear campaign, tell everyone how crazy you are, push you to the brink of loosing your mind, push you to reacting in front of people, Hence proving that you are the crazy one (so they save face and are the victim in the situation in everyone’s eyes, so you must be at fault for why the relationship blew up-not the fact that they are actually an emotionally abusive, sadistic, gaslighting narcissist.

[@zp7853]

My whole marriage was described here. Even though we are divorced he is now doing it to my daughter. Courts need to be more aware of these people when deciding custody arrangements. Narcissists never stop or learn.

[@SitesWithAds]

After 20 years of doubting myself and whether I can be "relationship material," per her gaslighting, after I quit arguing and playing the game she discarded me without a word. Now I see it's the narcissist who is not "relationship material." Not that it was all one-sided. I realize there was something I was after, something I was trying to get. But I kept doing the hard work of addressing my issues with self-awareness, and she did not. When she said "you've changed," she was right. I changed, I grew, I developed a better understanding of myself and my relationship to the world - and she did not. When I no longer danced to the strings she pulled, she had no use for me. Now I am free.

[@christineprice399]

dr Les Carter’s advice about narcissists is so accurate. I have dealt with a sister with this problem for the last 25 years. I had to put her out of my life. She loves drama and is a sad, jealous bitter woman. I feel sad for her but finally have peace in my life.😀 I had to have therapy to finally understand what she is.

[@lisaburmood9457]

I would be exhausted as a narcissist. They truly go to great lengths to maintain their crazy. As always, great video.

[@Southerner316]

These behaviors seem to come as naturally to narcissists as breathing so I don't think they are exhausted by it. The people who are exhausted are the ones who try to have a relationship with the narcissist.

[@sunbeagle9769]

You will never win with these disordered vampires. If possible go no contact ever again, they will never change, they are irredeemable. I have seen this in my family for decades and it is an unwavering toxic assault. Your presentations are so nice and easy to process.

[@MAAYANKEDEM]

WOW, that so true!! Every single word!!

[@amandarecoveryjones8216]

30 years of my life down the drain due to gaslighting.......now i get to start all over again as a new woman and that keeps me going. Thanks for this video.

[@soheilay6778]

I found that there are good people out there, and i stoped wasting my time on sneaky arrogant people. 💙💙💙🙏

[@miamiller7883]

Thank you again. Your voice to us. Your videos, which i have so far watched, are exactly what i experience. And people who dont have experience narcissits dont understand how it is be involved with narcissist. And you explain everything so good and clearly.

[@greeneyes2766]

I recently found out that my Mom and now ex-boyfriend were or still are meeting secretly behind my back. Both have denied it. I can't believe the two people I trusted would gaslight me and deny their affair. I am devastated! I wish this wasn't happening to me. The trust is gone.

[@kimmykimzee]

Thank you so much for exposing this. I was gaslighted by a partner for close to a year. These pathological liars can be very dangerous. I wish I had come across your videos earlier.

[@raeganmcwilliams9843]

OH MY WORD. This is my life with my mother-in-law. This is SO helpful! Definitely subscribing to this channel.

[@lolatheng]

So very true. Am tired being of accused of imagining things. Thank you for helping me see the light.

[@wheelerpat8]

So that’s what’s been going on?! I started this new job a few months ago. My new supervisor has been doing exactly what you’re talking about...to a “T.” Thankfully, my old boss asked me to freelance for him on the side (because he left the same company I left to start his own business). So I’ve been working for both for a few months. Anyway, I noticed as time went by, how the new boss was doing all these things you mention here and, I confess, I wondered if I’m going crazy. I also witnessed how my self-esteem plummeted, depression was sinking in, etc. And I also noticed how I was like a different person and more productive and my creativity soared as I did the freelance work at night (even though I really didn’t want to work that much, but I did because I felt normal again...and the extra money was good...lol) So, having this contrast of experiences (going on at the same time) helped me to see “Houston, we have a problem.” So, thank you for your video and your work. That’s gaslighting, huh? (The good news is: I’m interviewing with my old boss next week. :) P.S. You’re a really good teacher. Much love and gratitude!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep, that's what's going on. Thanks for the good words. Dr. C

[@laimematkeviciute6678]

Run for the hills - I did that, that it is the only thing to stay sane.

[@wheelerpat8]

Laime Matkeviciute Good advice. Thank you.

[@jeanroeder5534]

She Wheels, If a relationship feels toxic, trust your gut; it’s toxic and unhealthy.. I do not allow toxic persons to join the journey of my life.

[@wheelerpat8]

Follow up: I’m still working for the narc. My old boss isn’t ready (financially) for me yet. So I’m staying where I’m at and decided to use this opportunity with the new narc boss to learn how to manage them better. Lets face it. They’re everywhere. So, Dr. Carter, would you be willing to do a video that expands on how we can self-validate? Seems to me this is the key to overcoming their abuse. And may even be the blessing in the experience (once learned).

[@jessybeeckman375]

All your videos are not only very helpful and motivating, but like a cozy comforting blanket for our wounded souls...

[@puresoul1368]

Its worse with a covert coz they are thr worst gossipers. They corrupt people about you by the time you meet this people you notice they are looking funny at you and as usualy our self esteem is usualy so low one reacts in fear and apprehension. I actually called them a control frik at one time when ad just had it. These type can leave so broken, demoralised, at ones wits end, suicidal coz they totaly dehumanise one lije no ones business. God help us who are still caught up with them.

[@LG-kx8xl]

Oh Yes! They can't be trusted & will talk about you behind your back & will lie on you in a heartbeat. The other thing is control with stuff & separation. Buy you things only to take them back or throw it in your face threatening to take them back (the car I never asked for/can't afford thats in his name & now tells me to get another job to pay for but lies to all that he pays all the bills & people think he's so nice to me). Everyone in your circle is no good & people in his you can't turn to because they'll tell him. **After SO long they will periodically let the Truth slip out unintentionally of course & when they realize what they've said will backtrack real fast to cover it.

[@24kstar]

Oh yes. They will lie about you and will stoop to depths that a normal person would never even dream of. They will stop at nothing to discredit you, to make you look bad and to turn people against you. It's all a part of "winning" for them.

[@coffeebarista1771]

so very true. I think the gossiping part with the coverts is like the ultimate gaslight. Coz you believe in your heart they are a friend and ally. But the reality is, that's only the façade. You only had a faux friend, a spy, and a blabber mouth who double crosses their own buds to win points for themselves at our expense. Its a terrible feeling, and I remember being in shock so much when it finally dawned on me with one of these types. My husband literally had to tell me "Hon, she was NEVER your friend, don't you understand that?." No, I couldn't. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. And I felt like such an idiot for not seeing it sooner. We were friends for ten years. We could never do to them what they did to us, I'd have lumps in my pillow indefinitely. :)

[@CountessLydia]

pure soul - very true. I used to be quite anxious about that but to tell the truth, I reassessed and realised that I didn’t really care. In fact they help filter for me and people who will believe their nonsense are probably not going to be healthy to have around anyway. X

[@coffeebarista1771]

niki bull, I like your perspective. At least if they are "filters" or weeders, to weed out the bad apples, something good can be salvaged from the wreckage they create. And it prevents further messes. Kindof like lemons to lemonaide. :)

[@wanderer0617]

Thanks for making me smile in how you present these narcissistic creeps so many of us have allowed to suffer over. Listening to your videos helps me see how ridiculous and childish they are. How I took it all way too seriously❣

[@KL31NGR055]

That was my mom. She would judge and insult me every single day and one time I told her: "I don't really think I'm such a terrible person" and she said: "it's because no one knows you as well as I do, because when people do get to know you, they'll see the same person I do".

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

She's telling on herself, instead!

[@KL31NGR055]

@@jackilynpyzocha662 I never thought of that 🥺

[@stephs143]

This is so my bf of 12 years now...this enlightens me tho...he makes me feel like I'm so wrong and almost EVERYTHING I say to him his words are"youre wrong" or " that's a lie", when I KNOW in fact I'm not lying! He never admits his wrongs and makes excuses for everything he does wrong, then projects it onto me..thanks for this video..it gives me strength and knowledge I've needed to realize that I'm truly not wrong or a liar...

[@susankelley8969]

I finally confronted my sister on why she has been creating lies about my. Character to others because they told me!!! She got very defensive and. Told me". Ohhh,. We are all. Sooo worried about you because you had a high fever as a. Child and it has effected you because your slow!!". I snapped back ". Who is "we". You are talking about because no one speaks to you,. You drove em away"!!! She knew I spoke the truth and I said I caught you lying again!! These people love creating Drama even if they make it up !!

[@fredmad4988]

Tell her to wear adult diapers for being an insecure freak .Arrested development,where her emotions stuck as an 8 year old child.

[@huwhiteknight8867]

I would end up tolerating it for months and eventually erupt in explosive anger. Maybe not the best approach, but I really didn't understand what was happening. I think I may have run across the very most adept version of one of the covert types.

[@cwdrock]

Yeah mine was too. Snake in the grass.

[@shellymichelle2719]

Huwhite Knight come quickly Lord Jesus. Had enurf of this world. Maranatha

[@Gilbert1776]

Yes, I cycled like that sometimes, too. I'd come up for air out of the gaslighting, and try to fight for myself, banging against the brick wall, then give up in exhaustion and sink back into the haze, then repeat.

[@fordgt402]

Anger is a natural reaction .I feel you friend.Time to separate your home from these people, if its a workplace , ask for a transfer.

[@teeare2367]

@@Gilbert1776 I've exploded in violence numerous times after days, weeks, months of the emotional neglect, gas-lighting, projecting, verbal abuse, etc etc. 13 YEARS AND HE JUST PACKED UP AND LEFT!

[@TheLove2surf]

Hey! I’ve just watched about 5 of your videos back to back and just wanted to shout out a big thank you! I particularly liked the video about freedom... it left me feeling much lighter!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, from one free person to another. Dr. C

[@shawnadeyo]

And it's so hard to explain the way they abuse you to anyone that I don't even bother. I know what he is doing to me and he knows what he is doing to me so that is what matters to me. He can lie all he wants. In fact I found out that when I just completely ignore what he does or I actually started recently just agreeing with him I found that he doesn't know what the hell to do. I will just be like yeah you are right. I am so awful to you you poor thing! And just literally pretend like he is right. Well he actually stopped after a few days. I had to leave him but I will pretend that I agree with him and I feel so sorry for him. He's lost lol he is trying to figure out what to do next.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

And the good news is that you don't have to keep walking on egg shells. Dr. C

[@jeannielouise3162]

Trying to get out of relationship with one now and it's hell

[@karlashmeedavlasta6365]

You just give so good explanations....wow. ...I think I just overcame all the feelings that were left for this "person". Makes me feel so calm inside. ...haven't had this in years. Thank you, Sir. I like your humorous laughter when you explain...makes me smile about my own experience. Time to move on....simple as it is.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these kind comments. Dr. C

[@aaronwalderslade]

Practically everyone in my family gives me the "Oh, Aaron" treatment when anything bad happens to me. If someone attacks me, it's "Oh, Aaron, what did you say or do to upset them? It can't have been nothing." Or when I have an accident it's "Oh, Aaron, you're always rushing." Even car accidents I recount that were not my fault I get the "Oh, Aaron, you can be a bit head in the air." implying that they would have seen the thing I didn't see and taken evasive action etc etc. I am wondering now if I've just been everyone's whipping boy my whole life, and it's very distressing to think that, since I'm 50 now... and for most of my life I've had a side of me that fully believes I'm totally defective in some way but can't see it, but this is torn between the other side where some people really admire me, and then I began to doubt even that admiration. I certainly never feel deserving of it. If someone likes me, my first thought is what do they want from me? In relationships, I never really believe the other person likes me or even finds me attractive. Now, I hide most of my bad news or sugar coat it with humour so that it looks like I don't care. If I don't seem to care, they don't do the "Oh, Aaron" thing as much. Clearly it's done only when I've revealed a vulnerability. I can hardly cut off all the people that "Oh, Aaron" me because it's too many people. Which is the other reason their criticisms are so devastating, because they are all in agreement with each other and it makes me feel I'm the crazy one. But at the same time I feel angry at this cowardly ganging up on me. Going back to when I trained as a counselor, one day I spoke to my tutor after a very difficult mutual supervision group, where people started talking against me with things like "We don't mean that, Aaron" (ie, they ["We"] are a group and I'm the only one disagreeing) and so I said to her, to my course leader, in private, "I can't take it any more. I want to quit the course. Everyone keeps ganging up on me. I don't understand why." And she said to me "If you're powerful, people will always gang up on you." My jaw dropped open. Powerful? Me?? I still don't know where that insight gets me - that was decades ago - and I still get the "Oh, Aaron" treatment, but I try now *not* to give away that it gets to me. Learning what my buttons are and refusing to react when they are pressed. It's a lifetime's work. And it's lonely.

[@CharmainO]

Heartbreaking to read this, cause it's so recognisable. Think this pretty much applies to every child raised by narcissistic parents :-(

[@ravenel2]

An empath needs to ignore any negative statement that contains the word “you.” It’s an attack. In your space. Meanwhile, a narcissist should probably pay attention to negative statements containing the word “you.”

[@susiep.7372]

He always claimed that I'm insecure and jealous.. And I wondered why he call me that... I am fine with everyone I have many friends.. That put me on his trail. If you are fine with everyone, and only your "partner" has something to claim.. That felt strange ! A friend of mine, she works at a psychological ward in a hospital, she gave me the key, that he may be a narcissist. Then , the fog cleared up. When I look back , I'm a little bit proud of me, cause I told him , before I knew what's wrong with him, that I know who and how I am and I don't let him tell me some bs of myself !! Thank you for that very informative video !!

[@mosedavid1]

My god! This is my wife. Never once in 10 years have I heard her apologise. She's always right, ignores everyone's advice unless she thinks they are higher ups. She even went into politics. She has systematically destroyed my self esteem, there is not a part of my face that isn't either too big, lopsided etc, a part of my personality that isn't defective in some way according to her. I live in HER house which you've guessed it, is big but has no substance, no homeliness. Thanks for your channel. An eye opener for sure. Just finding the courage to move on.

[@lisamariepagliei3945]

This has been my life for 15 years!! To include my sister!! Wow! Thank you for the validation!!

[@MAAYANKEDEM]

This is the fourth time I've been watching this video.. I think this video is the essence of everything I feel - I have a tendency to blame myself every time when something bad happens. When I tried to confront my ex-narcissist (I think he's a narcissist from everything I've heard and learned in these last months) he accused me of being crazy, with temper tantrums, being stingy, mentally ill. For months I blamed myself. Why should he leave like that? Sure he's right .. Then I started talking to people, remembering the things he did to me, finding out about his past, his previous relationships and ... bingo! It was all a lie. Everything he told me, everything he made me believe. It's all one big lie! Now I need as Dr Carter said: focus on my interior. how? i really dont know, I almost cant remember who I am anymore but I think its just step by step.. every day.. THANK YOU SO MUCH DR CARTER!!

[@Emet-Debar]

Oh my goodness! You laid it out very well! This is my sister to a T!! I have been distancing myself from her for several years now. I experienced her insanity since young childhood. I am now in my fifties. Since distancing myself from her with the help of my Lord, I now have peace of mind and soul! I now have a joy filled life!! :)

[@christinehaigh9807]

Gaslighting Narc do use all sorts of tricks to make the target/supply feel like they're losing their mind.

[@beckyphipps2571]

Christine Haigh ... Including telling you you are! And implying it to others, including your growing children.

[@salliegallegos918]

I know one who slips sleeping pills and EVERCLEAR into people’s drinks.

[@darkladyofthemoon4444]

He has such a soothing, positive way of talking!

[@rosefaulkner7565]

This is so my husband. I been married for ten years and going crazy thinking im the problem but it truly him.

[@pinkpoofbear5833]

Did you guys divorce? Not my place to be asking this but I genuinely hope you are ok.

[@flesheffigy875]

I'm glad I found these videos. I had a break up recently and it was the most confusing and painful breakup I've ever had. I regret telling her anything about myself because it all came out when she wanted to leave. You think you know someone after 15 years and that you're helping them with their negative outlook on others or themselves. I really think she is highly narcissistic but wasn't quite there because we had a long lasting friendship first. I do think she valued me at times, but at the end of it, I was absolutely useless. She condemned my mother, whom I've been trying desperately to forgive for the way she raised me, my inadequacy stemming from a lot of childhood trauma etc. I'm a good guy, pretty calloused now, but a bit more than decent. It's been almost 6 months and I haven't heard from her since late September this year. The point at which I "crossed the line" is when I was trying to move on like she said I should, but she wanted a date with me. I cancelled a date with another nice girl but then she bailed on me. I was kinda upset and just didn't feel like I owed her forgiveness at that moment, instead I told her I wasn't being taken for granted anymore and she cut me off. A few days later she was at another man's house. It was devastating to see she could be like that but I did talk to her afterwards and then the uncertainty and the gaslighting started in. She denied the things I knew about her though, that was really upsetting too. I feel like I don't know someone I've loved half my life. She was the best to me, just beautiful, smart, goofy etc. She was everything I wanted, I thought. I still love her too, IDK what to do.

[@EliahHoliday]

I would also recommend the book The Empathy Trap by Jane McGregor. There's a section that speaks of how the sociopath operates at different stages of a relationship. You read that and recognize the signs and then you understand the kind of person you are dealing with.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for the suggestion. Dr. C

[@debbiehardy40]

So helpful. Revelation years ago that it isnt my job to make happiness happen for others.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

Let's say you share an experience with them about someone being rude to you, or misbehaving. Invariably, the narc will say: "Hmm, I wonder why they would DO that?" Automatically, you start thinking to yourself that maybe you provoked them to be rude to you, and the supposition here, is: The other person wouldn't behave that way unless they had a reason to (the narc can't take you at face-value), and so it becomes an accusation, not a question. My narc mom does this all the time in order to trigger insecurity in my perception of reality. After all, they've set up the equation for you to always be the "bad guy."

[@LG-kx8xl]

So true. It's not them it's you. You just hate people (the ones who believe him) while at the same time he plays both sides & will set me up...i.e. you need to tell them about themselves. I wouldn't let them talk to me that way. Then will side with them & said to me I'm not sticking up for You, you just want them to hate me like they hate you. It's your imagination. They didn't do anything to you. You always got something to say. He expects me to be their doormat and his.

[@24kstar]

Yes. They won't take your side. They want to crush you and they know that by siding with others, you'll feel embarrassed and will doubt yourself. Everything they do is to achieve this.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

K Star Amen to that!

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

L G Well said.

[@coffeebarista1771]

wow, this is a really good point you make Breakthrough Moment. I hadn't thought of that, but the gaslighters I knew consistently sided with my abusers. I think they rather enjoy the insult to injury this is for the already invalidated. As if another could do their bidding, and they don't have to lift a finger. Finding healthy friends who are in your corner and on your side, wow that pisses the nars off big time. One of my former relatives used to literally break out in rashes anytime we had good news to share, or nice things happened in our lives. They wish us the opposite, they wish us ill. Its sad.

[@stephengoodwin6403]

I;ve just had back to back narc experiences,gaslighting and silent treatment.glad I found this channel

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you found us too. Dr. C

[@CYSYS8993]

One thing you should know about gaslighting narcissists is to never directly call them out for gaslighting or narcissism. Not because you're wrong, but because they'll accuse you of being wrong and mock you for even having such an idea in the first place.

[@priestesspersephone9266]

OMG This video describes my mother to a tee, sheesh ..... this is painful to face this reality yet at least hearing this information explains many things to me ..... arggghhhh !!!!! i hate it that now i need therapy to deal with all this craziness and so i think i will start with reading the books that are recommended on this channel. ..... and .... Actually I just found a really good counselor and family mediator by searching online and the info shared on their website about their outlook and their recommendations is excellent!!!! Even though it will cost me a fair penny still i am excited to move forward with my own healing..... that has to be my main focus since obviously i cannot do anything about my abusive family members. i have listened to this video three times now and the information is excellent and very empowering which is also comforting Thank you very much !!!

[@Marcelube]

Ur da man, Dr. Carter. Thank you so very much!😊😎

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well, thank you! Dr. C

[@jillsorbian9002]

A million thanks! I was married to a Narcissistic for 21 years and have a daughter that has two personality disorders and bipolar. I’m still healing but sooooo much better. Hearing this is so helpful and let’s me know I’m okay and I’m doing everything I should for my mental health! Again, a million thanks 🙏🏻

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased. Dr. C

[@cliff8101]

Your videos are so awesome. I’m ending our five-year relationship right now we’ve been married for two thankfully we don’t have children together but your videos nail my soon to be former wife’s personality and behavior to a T. Then you mix that with drug use wow I think I’ve got enough support around me to get through this but thank you for your videos

[@dennisgodaire485]

Thank you, Doctor ... I'm glad to have found your youtube channel. The information that, over the past two days, has been very much spot-on ... to what I had experienced with a now former friend. Again, thank you.

[@un-diluted7444]

life saving video for many ppl. once u understand the narc protocol u w know how to stay away. greetings from europe

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for the good words. Where in Europe? Dr. C

[@kristenmarosi8559]

Thank you so very much. This was absolutely the most helpful thing I have heard concerning this subject. I had a shadow of sadness over me, doubting myself, feeling insecure. This video explained so much.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Make sure you watch the video, Your Superpower When Dealing With A Narcissist. It's about self-trust. I'm pulling for you! Dr. C