LIVE: Dr. Cloud Discusses Gaslighting

In this live event over KZbin, I’ll be discussing one of the most popular courses on Boundaries.Me - gaslighting.
One of my favorite bible verses comes from the book of Hebrews, and it's something I often apply to various parts of life. It says ... Solid food is for the mature who, through practice, have had their senses trained to discern good from evil. (Hebrews 5:14)
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation, and if you are hurting, something is not right. God gave us the gifts of experiencing our feelings - pain, fear, doubt, etc., - to tell us that something is wrong and that we need to do something about it. Someone who gaslights you is trying to talk you out of your experience to alleviate their shame and responsibility to an issue. It’s a tool to control and manipulate you.
I’m going to talk to you about how to get in touch with reality - how to train your senses to discern good from evil - and to honor your feelings so you can set boundaries with this toxic behavior.
Jessica is under the weather at the moment, so she won’t be live with you this week; however, I’ll still be in the comments engaging with you and doing giveaways for Boundaries.Me membership, as well as my upcoming workshop, Narcissism in Relationships.
Excited to have you attend this one!

[@evelina787]

“Narcissists will destroy your life, erode your self-esteem, and do it with such stealth as to make you feel that you are the one that's letting them down.”

[@littlepixel1650]

Yessssss! I’m the bad guy now! For 15 years have tolerated obnoxious manipulative in laws and my husband and I were like “oh that’s just the way they are” ………. ABSOLUTELY NOT. That’s just their inability to be healthy and normal .

[@juliewirch2992]

Well said!

[@evelina787]

@@littlepixel1650 Sorry to hear you've been through this Hope you're able to es cape the in lws behaviour or at the very le@st detach extremely strongly so you don't allow it to affect you Hope your husbnd sees the behaviour for what it is✨☘️🙏

[@evelina787]

@@juliewirch2992 Thank you God bless you Hope lifes treating you well ✨☘️🙏

[@juliewirch2992]

@@evelina787 God bless you too and thanks. You just described it so brilliantly 🤓

[@LiftingUrVeil-LUV]

I’m a42 year old black man who was very codependent on my narcissistic mother who up until 2020 gaslight me my entire life. Now I do t give second chances to anyone who gaslight me. I doubted myself and had no self worth my entire life because I trusted her reality more then my own

[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

The worst gaslighter in my life,, was my Pastor. As a brand new Christian. He did it to both myself and husband. Looking back now, as a mature Christian, I see that it was all about control. He’s gone. ,,, our new Pastor is a real man of God,, a real person full If compassion and love. The whole congregation reflects this. Many of us prayed for YEARS, asking God to send us a Pastor,, it took 35 years,, but what a blessing.

[@LoriJoBreedlove]

Your explanation was like you were reading my story. I went from pretty healthy & self confident to nearly losing my self completely in a 10 year marriage . Little by little I’m recovering me again and your message was great encouragement.

[@kathiejl1]

Me, too.

[@LoriJoBreedlove]

@@kathiejl1 I’m so sorry you went through that & hope you are also recovering yourself. Godspeed ❤️

[@elizabethrose8105]

I had the same experience in a 7 year marriage with a pastor. Three years after divorce, finally finding myself again

[@mauratierney371]

Discovering the HEALTHY SELF and Meaningful Resistance to Toxic Narcissism by Eleanor D.Payson,LMSW was tremendous help in recovery. Also the PSALMS are great with meditation and prayer. Great resources for spiritual growth and healing.are available now.

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

Keep a journal..weather it's your doctor, husband,whomever..Keep all documentation, documents...It's your protection..

[@juliekong5013]

A counselor/therapist/church member can *unwittingly* gaslight you, invalidate, minimize or deny your experience, by *not believing you* when you try to describe more covert forms of abuse by your spouse. The person/people you trusted to *help* you can cause untold psychological and spiritual damage. So it's often not gaslighting in the sense that they want to *control* you - it's out of ignorance and lack of training regarding more "subtle" domestic abuse. It's so hard to heal from that.

[@sage9836]

I went to one of those wacky churches and was around wacky theologians - gaslighting was standard, esp toward females.

[@johncross116]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Sadly, many churches are not equipped for this type of work. I was told to "just be stronger" among other things. It's especially difficult when places amd people who are supposed to be safe become places of deeper pain. I'm grateful to have found a different church now with better understanding.

[@moogsiepr6975]

@@johncross116 I can relate to all of you on this thread, I've also had similar experiences, when I was trying so hard to talk to people and be heard about how gaslit I felt. Multiple psychs had told me the relationship dynamic was abusive, while well-meaning untrained church people would just handwave the situation with "well you're just both busy blaming the other". It's like they have a default of needing to think there's fault on both sides, when actually, sometimes, one party is treating the other very badly and the latter is just trying to figure out what is even happening.

[@susanmielke4026]

That has been my experience exactly. Horrible feeling when you think someone has good intentions but actually is hurting more than helping.

[@ladykathyrnroyster8393]

There is definitely ignorance with how the church or therapist is able to help when it comes to DV. Even police and the court system often do not have a clue. It takes training and knowledge coupled with action when they encounter dv victims and perpetrators. I know I am a dv advocate and survivor.

[@johncross116]

The ironic part is I was blamed for gas lighting so frequently that it didn't occur to me that it was the other way around. It really does diminish you, but I have been receiving amazing healing over the past year and a half. I'm especially learning the value and legitimacy of my own emotions. Thank you Dr. Cloud, this was extremely well presented.

[@visualapologetics4891]

The worst fight I ever got into was when I confronted the Gaslighter with the written facts. He exploded with profanity. There was Never an apology about “Oh! I didn’t realize…” That was many years ago, and I was naïve enough to think he really wasn’t aware of the true circumstances. I so appreciate your videos. While I read your book “Boundaries” many years ago, I am only now finding your videos, and they are incredibly helpful!

[@anembrown5397]

My teenage daughter used to record her conversations with her narcissistic father and she used to play them to herself over and over and in the end she decided to come and live full time with me and never see her father again. Because those recordings really spoke to her and were like living proof of his lies, gaslighting, threats etc. The judge (we live in France) had just issued a court order saying her father is not to ever contact her again on the grounds of severe psychological abuse. Those recordings on her phone were literally her life saver.

[@robinchilds7492]

I'm an empath. I was in a 4 year relationship with a covert narcissist. When I entered that relationship I didn't really know what a narcissist was. I learned a lot.

[@sonialuna3257]

My husband is my problem, and I see some of these characteristics in him, scary. Its crazy because I am a newlywed, and it flipped where its hard to be intimate with him because I already just see a man that hurts me emotionally. It's crazy because we are both Christian's, how is this happening? Thank God, I have a third party person (2) to be exact. I tried to get therapy through my church and he freaked so much I had to cancel it. Right now these videos are helping me to stay strong, and we will see how God is going to see us through this. I'm sure God is watching, and cares.

[@KhassiaK]

Go get counseling without him knowing. Manipulaters don't deserve transparency. Your safety is more important. Take it from someone who knows where this goes.

[@jessicavargas5535]

Very hard for these people to change. Better to leave w your dignity and a sane mind. So srry your going through.this I unfortunantly have been around toxic family .

[@malenejensen2995]

I would recommend you to see Ray Comfort's sermon Hell's best kept secret. I thought we were a Christian couple too, but after seeing the lack of fruit in his life, I doubt it. And this insight have helped me to grasp how he can behave in ungodly manners...

[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

@@jessicavargas5535you cannot advise someone to just “ leave” their spouse.

[@maggiereyes2493]

My husband left me after 11 months married. I’ve cried everyday. He did something and I asked and he ran away. We dated 13 years. Now he is traveling with his brother and family traveling Miami, vegas, Arizona. He has made me look like a monster and emailed me really horrible things. He’s been gone for 2 plus months. No contact but mean emails.

[@wakeupalready2099]

I felt like I was going crazy since childhood like I was ultimately something very wrong with me and now in my late thirties I found out there’s different forms of narcissistic abuse and describes both of my parents I felt like I finally solved a very complicated math problem they matched so many behaviors it was astounding and then I had to choose to consciously forgive them and now I’m trying to learn to set up boundaries to guard my heart because I sought The Lord and He Completely Healed my heart in a instant and I want to stay healed so The Lord Is Leading me in how to guard my heart yet at the same time to honor them I had to accept even if they never choose to change that’s none of my business but I have to keep my heart clean Before God because at the end of the day and in Eternity that is all that will matter

[@annastone5624]

‘Finally solved a very complicated math problem ‘ that’s a great description. This channel is also really good. m.kzbin.info/www/bejne/pambf6Vugptjp68

[@yolandevanzyl8475]

Amen

[@cherylstallard1798]

May you feel whole and loved and acknowledged and fulfilled. May you be happy and joy filled. Please, think that maybe your parents arent what "The Accuser" wants you to believe. Their is a real spiritual war going on in the world. Parents love their children and fight an extremely hard battle trying to protect their family members and keep them all tethered to one another in good relations. It is not an easy or simple feat! What I know, when I hear what you and others say these things is that you are being directed away from your family. YOUR FAMILY❣ The family that loves you! The family that suffers for you! The family that will always suffer for you, fight for you and love you! The truth will come out. All things are brought out into the light. I hope you have compassion for your parents and find good, positive and loving things to say about them. LOVE covers over a matter. LOVE covers a multitude of sins. LOVE CONQUERS ALL THINGS❣ We are never alone. We all are fighting a hard battle that no one else knows anything about, so BE KIND. Also, maybe your spouse and in laws are the true gaslighting narcissists?😉💞

[@sh6460]

I can relate, simon the sorcerer is a good example, he bewitched people and wanted power and influence. By Gods grace I hope you continue to heal and follow the Lord, I know first hand how confusing this situation can be, on my own healing journey. Parents are people, they make choices, some are toxic.

[@jilllingenfelter4682]

I definitely appreciate God allowing permanent divorce!!

[@AZGirlDreamingofBeach]

Omg. I wasn’t crazy, I’m not crazy. Thank you for this explanation.

[@chrisliving1610]

😢😢😢

[@keyjones1638]

You're medicine to the soul! I don't even want to think about all of the ways God has saved my life and sanity through your teaching! Thank you Dr. Cloud for all you do! You're on my permanent prayer list 💙

[@crissyhandley4919]

After 53 years of marriage and my parents the same, I just am thankful I am sane. After the death of my husband I finally have been able to get some healing to a life that has and continues to be gaslighted. This was an excellent talk.

[@alexr.3504]

This is my favorite video on gaslighting. Your counsel is so helpful and balanced. You also helped me understand why I like feedback, debate or discussion, and constructive criticism so much as an adult survivor of childhood trauma and abuse!

[@mystrength5640]

Wow., You soo correct. I continually made excuses for myEX-- To my Daughter.. She asked me what’s wrong with her dad for over 16 years! I’m now going through DIVORCE from my marriage partner of 36 years! He’s done this to our adult Daughter., who he used/ and still using in a TRIANGULATION! I ensured that our Daughter developed a Spiritual relationship with God, He’s an Aethesist and Mentally ill.. I been used by his Flying monkeys as well! I’m heartbroken. I know Gods with me!

[@jjramon3286]

Your message touches my heart because we have similar experiences. I got separated in May 2020 and divorced a year later. He is powerful with money and connections in the community. I pretty much was diminished to a shell of myself from being a very high functioning, competent, intelligent, beautiful and loving human being. Today, I am suffering from PTSD, health and financial issues. He got my house and I had to flee from my home island just to stay sane. I left my family, friends and paradise island to move to the US. It has been a struggle but finally I united with my 23 year old who lives in the pacific Northwest. Things are better. My ex narc was helping my son with a few hundred dollars for rent but when he found out that I was with him. He cut him off..So basically his trip is using money to control people and his goal is to have my sons not have a Relationship with me. Until this day, he cannot just be happy without trying to destroy my life completely. I only have God at this time. I cannot work because I'm still trying to treat my health issues. I was doing ok until he attacked again yesterday. Please pray for me. I know you understand how much anxiety and damage these toxic behaviors cause. I know things will get better. I must believe it. Thank you for sharing. ❤🙏

[@beyondandback]

I AM ONLY ALIVE AND SANE BECAUSE OF JESUS! Praise God!!! That's what happened to me and I've been diagnosed with PTSD BUT GOD🙌🙌🙌

[@leekflower1]

23 years into marriage. Don't want to lose the marriage but so tired of this dynamic.

[@kathiejl1]

Is that what you want for the end of your life? Is the other half going to lovingly care for you at the end of days?

[@staceyfountain8769]

Oh my goodness. You hit the nail on the head. I’ve been feeling like I was wrong, too fragile, consistently apologetic, for 28 years. I’m wondering if some people that gaslight don’t realize they do it. They don’t know they’re manipulating. I feel reduced and worn down but I’m ready for a change.

[@daniellatan9016]

Yes i have given up on therapists here. As narc husband is a renowned surgeon here. Who would believe me?! God knows what to do. I am at peace now

[@angelgaudet3697]

Yes, everyone sees them as a saint

[@steffiebeffie3468]

Thank you for explicitly explaining gaslighting. Much appreciated.

[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

Sometimes,,, like in the past two years,, my social circle, ( or even those I do not socialize with) has become SO THICK WITH NARCISSISTS and gaslighting,,,, I finally just withdrew from life. I just gave up. Beat down to a pulp. But during this time,,,, like a tiny seed planted,, a stronger me is pushing through the dirt on top of me. Videos like this,,, are a shining sun on my wounds. So I really really thank you. ❤❤❤❤,

[@iamgoddessoflove]

Pay attention to what you think and feel when dealing with a gaslighter. As one sign of gaslighting, is when they try to feed you with doubt about your own self-worth. 💙KZbinr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

instincts.....yep. he always denied mine. im free after 37 years.

[@sonjaray8285]

My parents often told me I didn’t hear them correctly. They would say I misunderstood. One year I brought my children to their home to visit. All day my mother said things with my children around. When she told me later I didn’t hear her right my children relayed the conversations perfectly. It was and amazing gift.

[@ginnyryan8893]

A family member gaslighted me and my grandson so badly that my grandson had to have EMDR therapy & multiple counseling sessions. This started in 2019 and continued into 2023 . The worst thing is subjecting a child to this - we had nowhere to turn as the narc made sure we were isolated. Narcs believe their own lies & are wickedly deceptive.

[@lynnb5196]

Thank you Dr Cloud for educating me on this. There have been so many times in the past that I wish I had this information. You're a great teacher! ❤

[@sandywilliams848]

I had never heard the definition of this clearly explained. Thank you!

[@ronfox5519]

Agreed. A great explanation.

[@DesertlizzyThe]

Agree with this. I've listened to others but Dr. Cloud was so Clear & concise.

[@xyz123ohme]

Thank you for explaining this so clearly! I have felt so unsteady about what happened to me, but this gives a foundation that I can steady myself on.

[@rachelsalex]

Love the rainstorm example... It really helps to expect to get certain attitudes from the narcissist... makes you stop feeling as crazy.

[@SuperBrilliantbrunet]

How the narcissist responds (defensively) tells the reality of the situation. 🥺and this validates the victim's concern.

[@cathie223]

Thank you Dr. Cloud, and forwarded to a friend whose daughter is currently being influenced by a person who is snuffing out her ability to see the truth clearly; fiancé has narcissistic personality disorder that’s evident to everyone else but herself.

[@booyaka870]

Gaslighting is so disgusting. Setting boundaries have helped me. I've expereienced that other people's insights may be very limited but your own instincts are valuable. Don't push them away but it's not wrong to talk to other people about them but if they aren't the right person to talk to don't push them away. Doubting yourself when you shouldn't is a trap. I have done this so much I am sick of it but there seem to be some lure to go back to that destructive person anyway which has been encouraged by other people. In that sense it doesn't help to talk to some people because when they come with their dogmatic views on what you should do. That is sickening and can very well be the case if that toxic person you have set up boundaries around have deceived other people that you know and they go after you because they are in that persons camp and defend their toxicity but also because they haven't seen the toxic side due to them being a cameleon changing color and lying and because they may be glorifying that person for some reason like vain socioeconomic status. Really sickening.

[@pamelarodriguez5674]

As I continue listening to the definition of gaslighting and tactics used, it's the last 2.5 years of my life. What a relief to listen and make sense of things.

[@cchemmes-seeseeart3948]

God truly hears your prayers. I am so thankful God Himself provided true evaluation & a reality check against abuse, protecting me. Amid long term family dysfunction, I prayed & read a daily Bible devotion. Astonishingly, it spoke of a woman bullied by people who saw her through a distorted lens, & how she ignored it & remained strong in knowing herself!!!

[@cchemmes-seeseeart3948]

Jesus truly saved me from being entangled in evil.

[@cchemmes-seeseeart3948]

I've seen proof like this, over & over, that God hears our prayers, through daily Bible devotions. You are not alone. God can be your support.

[@tearthangel373]

Now it’s coming back to me, he changed his story two or three times so I felt uneasy

[@tearthangel373]

I rarely felt safe with my X as he chronically lied to me and it caused anxiety

[@jennavanvolkswagen2822]

Hi Dr. Cloud! Thank you for all your good advice!

[@1948rambo]

My daughter in law did this “ever so sweetly” with my son n she has the smirk too!

[@mariawcislo301]

This is the best explanation about gaslighting I have heard. Thank you!!!

[@blackbadger6749]

Dr. Cloud, you explained gaslighting better than any other one on KZbin! Hence, I had an “aha” moment! Thank you so much!

[@tearthangel373]

I felt like I was going crazy while he tried to deny his pornography addiction and said I was going crazy and paranoid

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

mine tried to chase me around the neighborhood with a cop "was gonna have me committed" I survived 37 years. such a joke

[@cathymoore3503]

Thank you!! I knew what he was doing was wrong and the further I get away from it I start to feel like I was wrong. Thank you for reminding me why I no longer have that person in my life!!!

[@jackieanderson6344]

Thanks for another great session. One thing that confuses me about gaslighting is this. After living with a narcissist for 30 plus years and knowing now his lack of intelligence, how do they all resort to the same tactics especially gaslighting?

[@clairemoye3045]

When I listen to this, I get the feeling that I'm a gaslighter. I have told my husband many times, "that's not true" "that's not what I said" and I've defended myself when he has said I've hurt him. The other side of the coin is that he's an alcoholic and somewhere in the narcissist range. He is hurt because he thinks I've said something I haven't, or meant something I haven't. He blames me a lot. And when I explain what I actually said or meant, he's still mad. In Al-anon I learned that I don't have to take responsibility for that which is not mine. I'm a confused about what the right thing to do is. What is a healthy balance between me not taking responsibility for his misunderstanding and me being curious about how I hurt him and apologizing? Especially because I feel like the latter is abusive with him.

[@petrastrong7799]

I’ve had a similar experience - my x would shame shift and blame me

[@dianalang3844]

Have a Relationship with Jesus Christ..He tells you the Truth and what to do

[@BlueJeansandJellyBeans]

Thank you for this explaination and examples.

[@danitapearson4075]

This information is soo helpful to understand these tactics and behaviors. Thank you Dr. Cloud

[@darlenerego4891]

Dr. Cloud, It seems as though you were in our house, listening! I appreciate your wisdom!

[@aawrnnc]

Several months ago I ended a relationship with someone who would gaslight me. I had never been in a relationship before that had this component, so until that relationship I didn’t know what the word meant!

[@chrischapan9670]

This is my current work situation. I am thankful in two months I am getting away from it

[@tapper122]

Wow what a way disempower anyone trying to lift you up.

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

Excellent explanation of gaslighting..The absolute best that I have ever heard..Thank you ❤

[@bekah2138]

I miss you Dr cloud. :)

[@tearthangel373]

I like your flowers in the room

[@cathypetrucci1005]

Thank you! Thank you!

[@elizabethchristensen3497]

Love the practical and intuitive explanations. Wow thank you Dr Cloud

[@beyondandback]

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt me!!!! 💔

[@pamelarodriguez5674]

Not sure if this has been mentioned or not, but the covert narcissist will also highlight their faults every once in awhile. That's one of the things that caused confusion. However, my observation was that it was done to gain attention and reassurance from the person they're manipulating. Yes... just another sick way to manipulate.

[@glennavelilla156]

Thank you kindly 🙏🏻😍

[@justsewit_tk5477]

I was raised in a household with a narcissistic parent who gaslighted me ALL the time. Even up to five years ago when I left and went no contact. I was asked one time what I remember of my father who had died and then the gaslighting started. I just replied with "These are my memories not yours because you weren't there."

[@brandyk]

The best thing about recording an interaction with a gaslighter(s) im my case it was my parents n my 2 siblings,is that perhaps not just in one conversation as everyone can have a bad day ( depending of course on how egregious it was) but a very clear n unmistakable pattern does develop. The good news is you're not crazy the bad news is that you are being emotionally and psychologically abused and while some people don't feel they have the financial or emotional means to leave ( be it a romantic relationship or family relationship) those of us who do or even if we dont find it preferable m almost necessary for our sanity n not to lower ourselves to their level ( lets face it everyone has their breaking point) there is no turning back. Understandably these types of situations create self doubt but some people dont have as much doubt as they may suggest to others or themselves they simply aren't prepared to leave. It is difficult to do in many ways and change kf course is always hard. False hope that the person will change by reading a book or going to therapy or eventually youre going to speak your peace in such a way when they are somehow now more receptive and all the stars are aligned is simply that...False Hope but its so strong at times. Im so glad je mentioned that even people we like and trust to keep our confidences are not necessarily without agenda n biases even therapists sad to say as this is supposed to be part of their training. I think sometimes they feel they are helping to push us towards a certain decision but all they should be doing is helping us to gain better perspective on reality. Some of these things are done by many people. I mean who likes to be wrong or called out for their words or behavior so its hard to know when it croses into gaslighting but i think his summart at the end is best. It always goes in one direction. What are the chances unless youre is a real lunatic in which case they should want nothing to do with you, that you're always wrong. You're always perceiving it wrong, your alwasy oversensitive, you're always making a mountain out of a molehill etc. friends of course are important for so many reasons but here is a perfect way that having friends can help. If you have long time friends who value n appreciate you n dont accuse you or misunderstanding, exaggerating,making mountains out of molehills, being oversensitive wouldnt it be weird that this other person always thinks you do? I don't mean an aquatintance as they are usually not intimate enough to truly know us n our reactions. And if people know you and are good friends with you for 10,20 even 25 years you can pretty much believe if you were a total headcase they woukd not have continued the friendship. People will stsy far longer in romantic relationship that are not healthy then they ever will in friendships especially if theynhabe a romantic relationship,kids other friends n even family. So you're not as crazy as anyone can suggest.

[@JennyAmigo31]

You have the same exact voice as Mr Rogers! Double Great stuff!!! Thanks

[@KH-jm2mk]

Thank you Dr Cloud. This helps me a lot.

[@beyondandback]

I STILL HAVENT HAD VALIDATION.. AND NOW MY FAMILY IS DOING IT!!!! Oh my God!!!! I TRUST NO ONE

[@brandyk]

I believe you trust yourself. You must start there n be strong.

[@beyondandback]

Oh my God, O my God Jesussss!!

[@algobo]

Fantastic video, thank you so much. This is very helpful. 🙏🏻👏👏👏

[@intell0]

Thank you for the explicit and thorough explanation. But actually why people gaslight or such isn’t because they need to make the person confused Is so they can save them self! It’s a disability !! Also it doesn’t make the victim any good believing they are evil When it’s better to realize they are in a mental wheelchair

[@serenityfields7514]

Wow! Youve got this down well... thank you.

[@beyondandback]

It's unbelievable unbelievable X on my BACK! Later I learned satans tactics? And it felt like everything I went through

[@coffeytnmilk7]

Is it common for the gaslighter to be very popular and adored by outside people?

[@kathiejl1]

Yes. Narcissistis are good chameleons. But once behind closed doors with you the truth comes out.

[@2.A963]

Find a trusted person to get validation is the most difficult part.

[@Lisa-ty5xw]

When the relationship with a dysfunctional person (narcissist) is a family member like a mom makes it more difficult to navigate because you can’t just end the relationship, but deal with it.

[@patriciareed3510]

Stand tall an Call them out, it freaks them out! A doormat looks different standing on its end!

[@jlea9793]

My dad started to gaslight me when I was four. When I was 10yo kids on the bus bullied me. Once they pulled ribbons out of my hair and threw them out the window. I came home crying. I had to tell my dad what happened. He told me go to them and ask for the ribbons even after I repeated that they didn't have them. I almost didn't go, but I thought he was like God and could see me. So, I rode my bike and saw the kids playing. I embarrassingly asked for the ribbons and they replied that they didn't have them. I quietly said, "I know" and went back home. When I i was in my 50's my (female) pastor started to gaslight me after a couple of years. Eventually a couple of friends saw her do this to me. None of us mentioned gaslighting because we'd never heard of it. I was praying one night and Holy Spirit simply responded, "gaslighting". So, I learned what it was. I told my therapist what my pastor was doing and said that it sounded like what my dad used to do to me. I brought this up to her several times, but she never once responded. At some point I wondered if her continued silence regarding this (re both dad and pastor) was a form of gaslighting.

[@beyondandback]

TYhey MAKE ME THINK IT IS ALL ME ..I AM THE PROBLEM

[@kellycushing2904]

Great video! Thank you, Dr. Cloud!

[@1948rambo]

Excellent teachng.

[@celiaiannelli4352]

Very helpful

[@natinamack5123]

When I tell my mother I have a different perspective she goes off, hurling insults at me and telling me I'm a lie. As soon as I use my boundaries she goes into a rage. When I didn't know it was gaslighting I would react in not in a good way. Now, I'm calmer but she get on the phone and call her friends telling them I called her a liar. What should I do in that instance? Regardless of it all, I still use my boundaries. I'm free! 🙌🏽

[@chilloften]

Smear campaigning you to the others. How typical.

[@MelissaR784]

Break all contact with your mother. She'll never respect your boundaries and will continue to trash talk you. I know it's tough. She's still your mother.

[@natinamack5123]

@@MelissaR784 Oh I know. But, I decided low contact is best for me and she starts to go there I apply those boundaries, not get on her level, remaining calm, and I'm like, ok mom I got to go...immm ok bye for now. I freedom to chose who I want to be. Thank you for the encouragement. On this healing journey we need each other to continue uplifting this community of game changers! 💖🙏🏽🌹

[@JTScott1988]

I honestly don’t need much. Just to not have his brothers who live with us manipulate us… to have him listen to what I’m saying… To have him not guilt trip me into believing that every single thing that goes wrong here is my fault and Mine alone. To not be constantly told how much of a waste of time and life I am. It’s rough as fuck in this situation.

[@jijiprasad2055]

I wish I knew this few years ago 😢😢😢

[@jillmccarty1227]

Wow!! It's crazy how these ppl do this and try to convince you that you are crazy!!🙈

[@edwardjones8249]

I notice narcissistic men and women always set up dialouge to make sure they always ask ALL the questions because they think the one who always ask the questions is always in control. Q&A builds a conversation. I've noticed narcissist avoid Q&A and make sure it's Q&Q. True story: for example, I and a coworker were upstairs and she asked me what time I got off work. She questioned me and I simply answered her question (Q&A) no problem. Then I asked her right back, and instead of simply answering the question she first replies with the question, "Who me?", knowing I'm talking to nobody but her. Then she told me the answer, what time she got off. Keep in mind we're the only two upstairs so I'm thinking, "Why would she say "Who me?" knowing I'm talking to noboby but her? Remember in Genesis when God told Abraham Sarah would have a baby and she laughed? Then the angel asked him why did she laugh? Then in Genesis 18:15 it says, "Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.” But He said, “Yes, you did laugh.” (NIV) Is this a failed attempt to gaslight?

[@aawrnnc]

Hmmm, never thought about the Genesis passage as an example of gaslighting- but I see it now! It goes to show you that even people God uses are flawed. However, I find gaslighting very infuriating- it’s dishonest and manipulative.

[@edwardjones8249]

Agreed! Yeah neither did I until I Iiterally saw it happen at my church between two people.

[@anneboyle2240]

My husband does this all the time - I wondered why til now 😮 i even asked him about it and said I'd refuse to answer those ridiculous questions he was asking, like the above one, this is enlightening

[@beyondandback]

AND my family has said they've tried to get me committed or they are going to try to. My daughter said she tried . Both sisters have threatened to commit

[@2rhythms]

What is gaslighting … relationally? Isn’t it lack of trust / confidence + contempt

[@jlh82]

Will my mind ever heal completely from the damage caused by gaslighting? Gaslighting caused Dissociative disorders are common. Will my fragmented mind ever be fully integrated?

[@mistygreer8542]

I Dealt w/gaslighting so long I question everything I'm so w/drawn bcuz of the life I thought I was going 2 have completely changed Plz Help I don't know which way 2Go Up Down Left Right SO IM STUCK IN HELL IT FEELS !LORD I NEED HELP

[@paullagod7791]

What about when the experience/reality/feelings of another is part of the gaslighting?

[@beyondandback]

PLEASE HELP! I have NO ONE NADA ZERO PERSON IN MY LIFE!! I found a Christian Counselor loved 1st bust I don't have money to pay for it

[@beyondandback]

I had red handed proof

[@itsafantakis]

I went through this with my exhusband and ex boyfriend ( covert and overt narcissists)…..

[@juanitaseekola1093]

I need help! I’m struggling with this situation😢😢

[@victoryamartin9773]

Me too. I'm in the death throws of their abuse. I can't get them to leave, and it's my house.

[@dakotamosier7995]

Do you have a video about what I can do if I am the narcissist in the relationship?

[@MrsRose20]

I don't know of any videos Dr Cloud has done on that topic. I can personally recommend Caring For The Heart ministries. I don't think they are in all countries but if you contact their main office in Colorado USA, they will tell you where the closest branch is to you. They do not charge for sessions, they operate on donations only. They are the best I have found. It's not an overnight fix, but I am happy to say I have lost most of my narc tendencies

[@cchemmes-seeseeart3948]

My comment was deleted, so I am reposting. Yet more cruelty in our world.

[@amelittaberretta9109]

I have been gd😊

[@hulady27]

Are they aware that they are gaslighting?

[@debvansickle4031]

What if it's your Mother?