Are You A Safe Person? 8 Indicators

[@jimpanse5450]

I think the dog is with a safe person ;)

[@judyscheiber3661]

Yep! LOL - 2 safe very intelligent good looking fellas.

[@bonniey7299]

What if a person has intermittent health problems that dictates there Dynamics ?

[@huggafox8551]

Jim Panse I think the dog is a safe person as well

[@Cvandyful]

That's Gus. He is definitely a good guy! ❤🐶❤

[@violagentsch]

Well sure, he's with an empath. 😆

[@Libra_Girl.]

I'm a safe person and frankly, I'm tired of dealing with people who aren't. I don't have time or energy to try to deal with people who don't really want to get along, who don't want to communicate and work things out. Life is too short for me to keep being the only one trying. I need to learn to stop apologizing when I haven't even done anything wrong. That's my task.

[@MzShonuff123]

Libra Girl same! The pitfalls of being safe is attracting the wrong people who see us as easy prey

[@chrisw3421]

Yes!

[@69LOLIN]

More or less the same here. Tired to deal with unsafe ppl😕

[@movadoband]

It always hurts to leave a relationship, even a bad relationship.

[@cwhitneyvuchetich]

I see people that don't know that they aren't safe. It's like they have something else going on.

[@smlnsgd4u]

Now I know why most of my time is spent with cats and dogs. They are my safe people 😉

[@xcxxcccvbnnvjml9314]

Yes

[@catzska]

I agree.💕

[@69LOLIN]

Very true! 😊👍💕

[@azaramoon4027]

Me too, cats , pet mice, and Goldfish.

[@chschaley]

Same

[@maariyahshah9008]

traits of a safe person: 1) approachable, especially in disagreements 2) want/like to learn from their mistakes 3) they are transparent (what you see is what you get-authenticity) 4) genuinely like to connect 5) they affirm and encourage (not a critic) 6) a generally agreeable manner (disagree agreeable- respectful, loving) 7) manage anger cleanly (talk about it with dignity maintained) 8) they’re reliable, can count on them (responsible) would you be considered a safe person?

[@GoogleAccount-oe9im]

Your content is always so consistently innovative and creative. This platform is so fortunate to have you here.

[@That_Awkward_Mum]

Definitely. 🙂

[@chinookvalley]

Being a safe person has positioned me in some very unsafe situations - with people who only befriended me to take advantage of my kindness and generosity. I have become cynical and un-trusting, which is alright by me. I now take my time to get to know people before I open myself to them. If they are safe people they will understand that time is what it takes! If they aren't willing to wait, that is their loss.

[@christinelamb1167]

chinookvalley I am the same! I am unwilling to deal with other people's baggage and bullshit anymore. I don't have room for it in my mind, heart, or life. I believe that you are right, that it does take time to get to know a person, before you can know for sure if they are safe or not. Most people present such a fascade, and can keep it going for quite some time, sometimes even for years!

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

Same here.

[@margaretsinkule7186]

Me, too! I was RAISED by an unsafe person & always believed I was “the crazy one” because, even at a very tender age, I questioned “why”? (Help me understand.) I am an ENFP. I used to think I WAS crazy and had a big LOSER or SUCKER sign across my forehead. Unsafe people are drawn to me like flies! I SO needed affirmation and mistakingly thought they genuinely liked me. I was CRUSHED when I had opened up to them, nurtured them, loved them and, in a turn of a hat, for any reason, comes the daggers in the heart. Even worse, I’m totally ignored, as if I don’t even exist. YES, I have trust issues. And with good reason. I’m still my authentic self, but I do not invest myself emotionally or trust anyone, even after years of thinking I know them. Those I LOVE spending time with, I provide my own transportation, in case I need to leave, I totally enjoy their presence, I come home and savor the day and I move on. I set a firm boundary around my heart, because, at any time, their will be an emotional attack that devastates me for days. “Do not share your pearls among swine, lest they drop them and trample on them”. Don’t share your very self Amun’s people that will stomp on you. I’m far from “there”, but Dr Carter opened my eyes 30 years ago, when I brought my son to him for ADHD evaluation. In the course of conversation, Dr Carter said “It’s not our job to think for our children. It’s our job to teach our children to think for themselves.” I instantly wept, uncontrollably. This started my road to recovery. It’s a long road! Thank You, Dr Carter! ~M~

[@69LOLIN]

I agree! 😊

[@spaceguy6846]

Good grief, I feel this. My best friend from third grade to two years after high school was the type to take advantage of my kindness. I was a shy kid, and he was the first to show interest in me on the playground. Things started well, but that wouldn't last. I came to feel sorry for him, especially later on, as I was one of his only friends. He'd driven the rest away. He had a lying problem, near constantly. One time, he'd made up this elaborate story of how he was a masked, notorious vigilante in some MMO. It wasn't his first fib, and this sounded fishy, so I looked into it. He lied. I called him out, and he admitted that he'd made up the story to appear more interesting to me. He would keep embellishing things as long as I knew him. The MMO incident was about halfway through our time. There were times when I enjoyed his company, especially early on, but as time passed those feelings were replaced by feeling drained and used. I was just somebody he could use to stroke his own ego. My thoughts became less and less important to him, and I eventually washed my hands of him. By that point, I had long lost count of how many last chances I'd given him. He was the first, but he wasn't the last "friend" I had. I wasn't so forgiving with those who followed. I still like to connect with people and help when I can (it makes me feel like my continued existence means something), but there's definitely barriers erected. They'll come down in time, but they do so when I'm certain that I feel safe in that person's presence. Even then, I find myself being pessimistic and overly suspicious of people. I've never been in a violent confrontation, but I never leave my room or house without something I can use to defend myself with, even if it's just my keys. I got a lesson early on in the concept of a fake smile and have seen my fair share. Leave it to my paranoia to jump to the worst possible outcome of such a thing. I didn't originally intend to write that much, so I want to thank everyone who read it. I think I needed to get that off my chest.

[@usa4287]

My #1 criterion Unsafe ppl may act friendly and cooperative, but are two-faced. They betray you.

[@stacierocke6830]

hidden agenda

[@jussaraarundel9953]

I think Gus makes everyone feel safe and happy.

[@sugabear161]

Oh, this is an EXCELLENT breakdown of how to evaluate ourselves, & ourselves in relation to others. Great info. Thank u Dr. C. 🙂

[@MsLibertyorDeath]

I'm looking forward to this one. I hope I'm a safe person already but, if I'm not, I want to learn to be one.

[@MsLibertyorDeath]

Based on this criteria, I think I'm okay. I'm a little stronger or safer in some areas than others but, overall, I think I pass the test and I know where I can use some improvement.

[@MsLibertyorDeath]

Thinking about the people who I've chosen to be in my life (as opposed to some I'm kinda stuck with through blood or work), I've finally selected well. (Better late than never! ) They may be few but they are all quality, safe people.

[@AVDRR]

Auntie Madder Unsafe people don’t think they need to work on anything so you must be safe!

[@MsLibertyorDeath]

Thank you, Alice Reed.

[@fingerprint5511]

You are oozing heart ❤

[@eugenemurray2940]

Gus in no ordinary dog... I assert, in an agreeable mode of enquiry, that he is actually the therapist and you are translating for him... Just a joke...😃 Another to the 'Heart of the Matter' video by you sir, DRC indeed!

[@oliviaginsbourg6541]

you erminded me of that dog that listens to gramophone, HMV His Master's Voice, i always understood what it represented, hearing the voice of love, affection, honesty and the dalm and serenity it allowed, the original over the years i created my own problems now i see i was not my own safe person all is well now, so gggooooodddd

[@bryankilvinski]

"Internally and externally consistent" - Brilliant! An excellent way to evaluate both oneself and others

[@ruthycantfail]

Love your videos, you are a beacon of light 💕

[@pamcarter6595]

I am a safe person..💜 Thank you for my fix today, and for reassurance that I'm not the crazy one..❤

[@justatexasgirl5583]

Unsafe people, especially when they are a mate, do so much damage that it can change your DNA. Unsafe people are narcissistic. For me, even though I have been away from my ex husband for almost 20 years and I still fear his judgement and what his hatred might move him to do to me and his daughter. Thank goodness for my SUPER safe parents.

[@TRiley12]

This came at a perfect time for me! Thank you for all your videos. I want to be a good person, but, not a doormat. You help me see my roll in an unhealthy relationship. I have options.

[@Mike-xt2lh]

Same here

[@christinelamb1167]

Teresa Riley Yes, this has been huge for me the past couple of years! I am finding that I can been kind and empathetic, and compassionate towards others, but this does not require me to be a doormat! A lot of times those unsafe people out there see someone who is kind, and they mistakenly believe that they can go right ahead and take advantage of me. Thankfully I have learned (through much practice) how to stop their abusive behavior by simply not engaging with them in it. It's funny to see how confused they get when I don't fall into their little evil traps!! 😁

[@notagain779]

@@christinelamb1167 , Ha-ha, It is funny to watch. One like that I was friends with (not a romantic partner) was working an elaborate scheme over time, a scheme that he decided I would play a part in. I watched it develop, waiting to see what his next move would be. I didn't indicate that I knew what he was trying to pull. I knew I'd eventually have to do or say something when the noose began to grow tighter, and it did. When that moment came, I diverted the whole scheme down another pathway, and you should have seen the confusion in his face. He began to run his hands through his hair, and was making noises like "huh, ummm....huh." After a long awkward silence, he said, "Uh, ....interesting." And we were both quiet as I just stared at him. It was weird and uncomfortable, but it had to be done. It wasn't mentioned by either of us again, but I knew I was going to start pulling away, and after knowing him for several years, I eventually just stopped returning his calls. It just makes you wonder if they know how wrong it is to exploit kindness in others. Good that you are taking care of yourself!

[@christinelamb1167]

@@notagain779 Ha ha! Yes, it sounds similar to some relationships/people I've been in/encountered. Like you said, it is an awkward moment, but it needs to be done. Otherwise, they don't know when to stop! I think they absolutely know that it is wrong to exploit the kindness of others, but they just don't care. This is what makes them unsafe. Good for you, too, for taking care of yourself in this relationship. It is sometimes sad to have to let a relationship go, but the trade off is just too costly to continue.

[@notagain779]

@@christinelamb1167, Yes, you're right - the trade off is much too costly to continue. Now that I remember back, he did mention that he thought he was clever, and knew how to "get things done." Also mentioned people "giving me the permission to continue." I guess you're right that they know it's wrong and don't care - no doubt it's some kind of ego boost compulsion that's too delicious for them to resist. They also seem to know that since you're a nice person, you're not likely to do anything to punish them once you figure them out.

[@PCMenten]

I like Dr. Carter’s priorities, especially taking responsibility, and understanding your own motivation.

[@elizabanach4440]

Gus is a big part of my recovery, thank you Dr Carter 💝

[@upstatenewyork]

Aw...that’s sweet.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

In these end times events we can expect that most people will not be safe. Lot and Noah probably... tongue in cheek......didn't have any safe people other than their immediate families. 2 Timothy 3:1-5, "Perilous" times as described in this passage actually means "ragingly insane" times. We are there now, the challenge is to become the person we should be no matter what others are doing.

[@christinelamb1167]

Gwendolyn Wehage "the challenge is to become the person we should be no matter what others are doing." I love this, it is so true! I have always resisted being a part of the "group mentality" which causes people to just follow along with what everyone else seems to be doing. This has made me an outlier for most of my life, starting with the family I grew up in, and as an adult living in mainstream American society. I am not like them, and never will be! I live my life in integrity, and I hope to be able to find more people who live that way, also.

[@un-diluted7444]

so true. most ppl today are NOT SAFE and u can feel it too in their presence... a dark ominous cloud. the bible has warned us. we know what we are dealing with. thank god.

[@fingerprint5511]

Dr. Carter, your open heart is reaching all over the world, in all sorts of places and people you'll never even know about. Thank you most sincerely 🙏

[@DrLesCarter]

Received, with gratitude. Dr. C

[@crshia]

I love these summaries - they provide great touchstones! Speaking of boundaries, I know it sounds funny, but as a child of an NPD, most of my life was spent just responding. As an adult, I had to learn how to schedule out my plans for the week/weekend first and then learn to respect them as an adult, without feeling guilty. It's such a simple thing, but I find I still have trouble with committing to too much for other people and not making sure I've taken care of my needs first. It's an ongoing challenge I have to keep fresh in the mind.

[@1funkateer847]

I struggled with this also. It is very common for children of NPD parents to become "people pleasers", often to their detriment. We are still unconsciously trying to please the parents we could never please, to garner acceptance from those who would not accept as as individuals and not extensions of themselves. I was nearly 50 before I learned to say no to unreasonable expectations and to enforce boundaries.

[@martymaloney1032]

I went to a therapist to learn to say no without guilt thirty years ago, it was incredibly helpful. I wish I’d known more about these negative personality types back when I was younger and been able to set more boundaries with family members then. With the exception of my two older sisters I have disconnected with two brothers and sisters. I couldn’t take the lying, manipulations and misogyny, it’s too bad but is also a huge relief not to have all that negativity in my life.

[@vicbaker8367]

Ha Ha. It seems odd now, that we have to “ schedule time “ to care about ourselves because as children we weren’t allowed to. My sympathy and congratulations for making it to this new self care level💪, ( and because it was necessary to make a conscious choice to achieve it.)

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

This is helpful. I'm fairly safe but need to do a little tweaking.

[@sheilajac]

I have no safe people in my life. Where the hell do I find some?

[@michelecraig9658]

I think the more safe you are out in the world, the more you will find people like that. The problem is, that we have been conditioned to think this behavior isn't normal, there fore we keep seeking people who reinforce old, familiar, dysfunctional, patterns.

[@chinookvalley]

When you find out, let me know!

[@sheilajac]

@@michelecraig9658 or attracting them, like a magnet.

[@evenbiggeral5089]

Join a church and participate in activities there. Make friends by volunteering at a shelter ...just some thoughts for you. Good luck my friend.

[@Etuffly]

Tamashii ii I am a Christian. Sadly, some of the most unsafe people in the world are in churches.

[@tullysoulliere8103]

Thank you Dr Carter for making so many peeps feel safe listening to your calming wisdom.Awe!!!! Gus is such a cutie pie (O:

[@barbaradixon8614]

Dr. Carter...you're a gem. I really love watching and learning from your videos.

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks, Barbara. Dr. C

[@contiflex]

Thank you Dr Carter, another very helpful video.

[@paulski7307]

"Authenticity is internal and external consistency" Incredibly well put. Thanks doc! 💙🤖💙🤖💙🤖💙🤖💙🤖💙

[@charliebubbles9501]

Hi dr Les......so; you’ve met the ex then....😂😂😂

[@rajyalaxmichapgaon3058]

I am a safe person, but it beats me to find that I am a magnet for unsafe people. How do I set this situation right and attract safe people?

[@faithm9284]

A narcissist can initially come across as a safe person! Wanting to get to know you better and know you're ups and downs but all to know what makes you tick and where your soft buttons are located. : /

[@hortensekallus4226]

Faith M my narc was a very safe person in the beginning. After 17 years he destroyed my safe person and made me unreliable, lying to him because of his consequences and unforgiveness. I became sneaky, scared, lied about my perfect marriage and.....and.... now I am separated and have to find my old ME

[@merry-kenpiper5685]

Dr.Carter: You have nailed it again. Your home is your safe place. I have made this my number one priority for many years now....shelter from the storm. I have never heard of a certain kind of individual being described as a "safe person". Remarkable terminolgy. Thank you! God Bless.

[@vicbaker8367]

Thanks. I have a couple safe friends. I didn’t realize how lucky I am. Now to be sure I’m safe too. This info is invaluable. 👍

[@violagentsch]

See the narcissist in the background? Total silent treatment. 😆

[@sarahstrong7174]

Or patient listening?

[@violagentsch]

@@sarahstrong7174 never know

[@joehernandezjrjr1144]

Lmbo 🤣😅

[@nikkilove6128]

Hi Gus!! Thank you Dr Carter, I appreciate your videos, always straight to the point with great explanation, providing alot of clarity for my every day living😊😊 Your awesome❤

[@Coparentingwithanarcissist101]

I was most definitely living with an Unsafe person

[@cwhitneyvuchetich]

I like Gus and I look forward to watching Dr. C. next time.

[@illbeback126]

Would you be willing to put a list of the main points into the description of your videos?

[@terryankevmiller470]

Gus is so relaxed in the back ground he's not moving...just lying still

[@katherineshaw1]

These days, I'm convinced there are truly UNSAFE people who wake every morning who actually wonder what they can be outraged about...and "safe" people are their potential victims. The older I've become, the fewer things I need...including people. If anyone attempts to get in your face and put you down and you KNOW you've not given them a reason to do that, walk away...and stay away..but don't hold your breath waiting for them to contact you again. They won't. Usually, because they are so arrogant, they actually think they're hurting you by denying you their "august presence." Let them stay delusional! Little do they know or can they understand that you've rejected them! Such sweet irony!

[@tamivega6225]

You know who are usually pretty darn good at knowing a safe person when they meet one? Small children! And Dogs. And cats. But especially dogs.

[@peppertree8244]

Thanks, again, Dr. C. Always so clear and comprehensive which = very helpful. Good boy! ...that's for Gus...okay, for you, too, Dr. C, (of course)! 🐕☺

[@ronw484]

I wonder if Gus has trigger words that have to be avoided in conversations. My dogs would react to words like "walk, go, eat, bad, cookie, car, ride, snack, outside, and hungry" just to name a few. All except the word "bad" would have them dancing around in excitement whereas the word "bad" (if they heard it) would have them dropping their heads down as if they'd done something wrong. We'd have to spell the words in conversations if the dogs were present to avoid hysterical dogs leaping about. My biggest mistake with them was taking them to a drive in restaurant one day for ice cream when they were still about 8 months old. They got the idea that every time I left the house, that's where I was going so it became a ritual to always bring them back a cookie or some kind of treat as they'd always sniff my hands and mouth to see if I'd been eating anything when I got home. Anyway, had a few people say my dogs were spoiled rotten but I just considered them happy. I somehow suspect that Gus is living the high life too as he has his own special reserved chair.

[@LoveAllCreations]

It depends; sometimes I am a safe person but other times I am an unsafe person. There are people that I deliberately keep at an arms length. Not because I am upset or angry with them but because some of their characteristics are unsafe for me, so I put invisible barriers between us. However, if I let you close to me, you can be sure I have your back. I will fight for you, I will support you and be there for you. I hope I’m making sense.

[@main2333]

This hurts hearing this. I’m with an unsafe person.

[@seckhoffable]

I am too, in some ways. I never, ever forget.

[@Cryo837]

Same....extremely avoidant too. No wonder I drive my wife crazy...

[@donnawoodham868]

I don't think I feel safe with anyone. .... Now. I thought I did once . I don't think I will ever feel that ever again . That takes trust , intimacy , and kindness . ... Just to name a few . God help me . He is who I feel safe With .

[@alohachristine]

Hi Donna, I'm so sorry for your sorrow and heartbreak. It's so true that there are a lot of unsafe people out there. I know a few of them!:( But there are also some safe and loving people. And Yes, indeed, God is a safe person you can trust Him and He can also lead you to people who can be trusted. I hope you have been finding healing. I am saying a prayer that God will bless you to find a friend who is safe and supportive and that you will recognize who you can trust.

[@melodiesproul4109]

I would say that Gus is probably one of the safest people on earth.

[@chinookvalley]

I do animal rescue and feel safer with a dog who has his hair raised and teeth bared than with most of the people i know.

[@e.a.jeanson2772]

Thanks Dr. Carter. I've unfortunately been connected to two narcissists, but that doesn't absolve me from continuing to work on myself. Your videos have been a big help.

[@brightphoebesays]

Listening to this cries out two significant males in my life, unsafe. I thought that I was an unsafe person because people have been running away from me, just the strong ones staying, but after listening to this, I think I'm actually a safe person. I lash out sometimes, in my struggle against drowning, and in my anger and fear, but I don't want anyone to feel unsafe around me. Just gotta remember who I am maybe.

[@t200b-i7k]

I put up with users & boundary-crossers, then I just BLOW UP. (afterwards regret it) Which then makes me seem like an unsafe person. Very distressing.

[@hektoreinpad5993]

I'm a safe person and so sorry that I've learned so late I've been sorrounded by those unsafe people, type Narcissists. Thanks for the channel.

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

💞 great content Dr Les Carter. Thank you!

[@marijkevandermeer2772]

Did you meet my mother? 🤣🤣

[@sunshine-sm6nf]

yes I love being in my home where it is safe with my good husband of 29 years, I also like to talk to some of my safe friends and I like to eat my safe foods and not a lot of high calorie foods. I lost 30 lbs when I learned to let go of narc people. Yes when you are with a narc it is never safe, you always have to be on guard and ready to set a boundry and take care of yourself. I am learning, your videos have helped so much especially that one Listening to your emotional pain, that woke me up. Thank you Dr C.

[@tikasari5744]

How can I be safe person when having deal with narcissist? Try to be balance position but with narcissist have to win-lose position. Not great at all.

[@constancebarrett1398]

The puppy feel safe with you.

[@cuisined]

I Wish Safe People were listed in the telephone book pages, in large ✔ green box next to the telephone number.

[@carrierutherford5946]

Wish I'd heard this kind wisdom when I was a kid ~ but young or not so, every heart could benefit from the experience as mine has. Many thanks, Dr. Carter!

[@illbeback126]

I live with such an unsafe person. All your points apply. All your descriptions match to a T. It's exhausting and draining. Not nice to come home to.

[@SOliveira2010]

I feel you, however is much harder when we really love them 💔💔

[@illbeback126]

@@SOliveira2010 yes. It adds a broken heart.

[@kristenkz]

Jo Biden me too. I’ve described this many times as exhausting and heartbreaking. Through watching Dr C and others, I am beginning to feel much more calm and grounded in my own values and convictions. I expect I will have to leave this person soon if things do not change

[@sherrim4067]

I get home earlier then my narc does. But if he is home earlier then I, I can feel my blood pressure rise before I open the door.

[@greenqueen2673]

That's no way to live. I know.

[@InfiniteMindset99]

Brilliant Dr. Les! I visualize a child’s book on this topic for the world to see and hear your wisdom.

[@DrLesCarter]

Great idea! Dr. C

[@annaleasfinest5295]

Wonderful video, this makes so much sense. Your videos are very helpful! Thank you!

[@pattyweber1725]

Wow....this was wonderful! If you have every wondered if your videos are helping people-they truly are. I heard the word "Narcissist" for the first time in August of 2018. I have listened to you regularly every since. I only dreamed of having peace and being comfortable in my own skin. Now, having the understanding that I do, I am actually living and enjoying life again. Thank you for the work that you are doing. I do really appreciate it!

[@tawnytuppence5573]

GOOD BOY, GUS! I just adore him.

[@DrLesCarter]

I do too. Dr. C

[@Treezp1]

Gus says "Here he goes talking at that funny box thing again. Doesn't he know it's not real?! I'm a much better person to talk to! I'm worried about him. I'm determined to keep my eyes open this time to make sure nothing else that's strange happens!" ☺🐶 Love your work, thanks! Theresa

[@DrLesCarter]

Ok, that made me laugh. Dr. C

[@ceeceemac9072]

Excellent content. I don’t usually comment, because I don’t know who might ultimately read it. But I need to say thank you. All your videos have been a great help to me. This one is among the best. My home has been and will always be a safe harbor for my family. I am generally a safe person. And thanks to you, my eyes are open to the root of certain behavior. Knowledge gleaned from you has made all the difference in dealing with it. I am grateful.

[@galacticecho7027]

Here is the hard thing about this. My parents aren't safe people...but if my wife and I tried to point this out, even kindly, they will just project onto us all the times they have been unsafe and ignore all the times we have tried to do conflict resolution in a kind manner and attempted to understand them. But, then say they have no obligation to understand us.....thankfully we are moving ourselves and our kids out soon. But, it is really hard when you're failures and imperfections are remembered to a T and on top of that someone else projects their own issues on to you. There likely isn't anything my wife and I can do to fix this and we will only be visiting on major holidays from here on out...it just sucks.

[@Zoey-xm9jn]

He has said sorry but only to do that all over again....like nasty texts with horrible words. Calling me names & it's my fault!

[@ginaheaton2203]

I never feel safe and I don’t work in a safe place. How ironic that I work in a hospital. I feel like I walk a mine field everyday.

[@stacierocke6830]

me too

[@lottiemartin22]

What a wonderful video thanks, you really helpful for me I can understand you well and I feel safe listening to you ! It seems everything is manageable for you with kindness, a wonderful way to be mature . You speak with wisdom. I don't always find it easy to understand some people, I don't mean that I'm stupid, and other people are understanding then fine,, but I can't seem to understand some people, and after listening to them. Because I don't seem to be able to understand, its difficult to know what to do because, if I ask questions I'm feeling that I will not be able to understand their answers, love and peace everyone

[@SingingPupRecords]

Do people like that exist? It would be nice to be in relationship with someone like that. They must be few and far between.

[@melaniel7263]

I can safely confirm that my mother is unsafe 😏

[@greenqueen2673]

Neither is mine. Nearly ten years completely no contact. Don't miss her.

[@catzska]

I am grateful to be a safe person. Yet sad that unsafe people seem to flock to me. I don't allow many people in my life because I have had much trauma dealing with unsafe people. Yet I am sure grateful that I am a safe person.

[@matilda4406]

Gus was interested in the topic so was all ears and eyes. Thank you and see you next time.

[@joannajohnson696]

I have no safe people in my life. But I sure do have to look forward to Gus & your videos!

[@alohachristine]

Johanna, I am going to pray that you can find those safe people with the help of God. They do exist.

[@debrahelgeson6677]

Dignity & reliability are key. Healthy living is important for body & mental stability. Being the only healthy person in a relationship is taxing at best.....but still, my faith, being true to myself, boundaries, & all the lessons learned from Dr C help create a safe place for me to fall. I’m in control of my life! Hi to Gus!

[@puresoul1368]

Sounds like a narc and their victim, people whove relativly grown up in as much normal environment are not extreme.

[@JR-ej9up]

I just have something to say. Regarding where I'm at in life right now. Two weeks ago, my car rental was damaged overnight. I had no idea until the next day, which was my re-up on my rental registration. A coincidence. I even took in an oil change earlier that morning. I didn't think the car would have to be returned. That day I turned it in. And was told, a detail shop. And I thought ok, a few weeks, get another rental. Last year I had an accident where I was rear ended. They investigated. No problem. So this afternoon, I received an email stating I owe $2700 on a $2500 deductable. Or $2500 to pay in full. . . That was a side swipe. And not a lot of help from the phone call after I called. I emailed claims and they get back to me. But insurance. This decision on fault is already made. Maybe I can knock to price down. But I'm out another big sum of money. To go further. To being honest. I have been a ride share driver for over 4 years. And I owe probably $20,000. Not all pertaining to ride share. But most of it. . . Tickets. Business license. Taxes. Repossession a few years back. $20,000. . . Safe to say, this has Not been a lucrative venture for me... When working at home Depot I was making $14.65 on a raise the last few months I was there. I left in 2014. I was never there for the money. With free apartment I paid my dad a hundred or one $150 every two weeks. For phone too. . . I was never at that job for the money. I honestly don't really have a deep concept of finances. Hence the financial backround I wish to invest in. I started getting free money at 13-14. Puberty. To control. The only job I worked outside of him, was a construction job at 17-18. A three man crew sometimes four with the plumber. And I left. Because I was drinking heavily with new friends from highschool. With no guidance on where to go. Only arrogance of my own entitlement. What I was worth. I started working for dad after. Paint jobs were being given to me. He owns a property management firm. 100 buildings. New rentals. I would paint them. With my alcoholic new friend. Whom later I discarded because he was telling me he loved me. Then telling others I was into him, if you know what I mean. On drugs heavily. A total Narcissist with drug parents. All my friends and his knew each other. I bailed on everyone at 24. To many users and con artists for me. I never liked them. But then again. My upbringing is to look down on people anyway. Friends has been an issue my whole life... So for I worked for dad till I was 27..at my wit's end. Even then dad would play aloof. When I knew I needed help and guidance. I was ready to end it. But instead went to see a therapist for the first time as an adult. Parents divorced at 7 and I was in therapy till maybe 13. Off n on. Another long story. So his first reaction. Telling him. As my Defacto Leader. He blabbermouthed to everyone he knew, I Was Seeing Doctors. I did great for 6 months. Routine once a week. And got a new girlfriend. Which turned out like the old drinking stuff. But still. I was out there. I starting acting classes for fun. I got my first job away from dad. Home Depot. Since 18. Construction. I was 27. . . It felt like starting my life. And I used him as a check in. For support. I guided him on all interactions. When I left Home Dept at 30. I did one paint job. And he flipped over the money. He was the same. I Owe Him He Says. A Lot. ! My opinion will never get out of "Debt" that he says. I say f*ck him, to a degree. On the outstanding bills. So I've run from money my whole life. - How much money do you have he always asks. Since I was a child. Then would say how much he has. Like he's better. Very slyly. . . I just didn't know anything other than this world. Mom's another story on the other side. Different style herself. But same Narcissistic Maneuvers I'd say. I began ride share driving. Borrowing money from them. Honestly again, it has been physically taxing the whole entire time. I have never been able to get in a consistent routine driving. Because my body breaks down. The mental aspect is exhausting as well. Over time. I was younger and in better shape then. My body still would get worked alot. And here I am. 34. I don't feel bad for going down this path. I've learned a hell of a lot. The 4 plus years of driving is beyond valuble in life. And I felt it the other week talking to people outside of the car. Pushing myself. And the work out, training I've been doing is making me stronger outside of the car. I know I have value. From what I learned driving. And from what I can do away from driving. Training upward. Today was a shot to the stomach. Another bill. Large. That I owe. Add here I am. Asking telling myself, Not or I can't go to dad. Even for guidance. I'd get yelled at. Made to feel small. A fool bad. Weak. And he's the saving savior with money. Again same routine since I was probably 13-14. When he lied and said my stocks were sold. Here's a thousand bucks for your bank account. I didn't even know I had stocks. No guidance. I spent it all. Says I just want to see how you do. He's been a sociopath my whole life. Calls the world crazy and beneath him. Loves the current president. Not to get political. But more for the power that's shown. He even states he himself had 3 votes during the last election period. I cannot live under this anymore. Or around it. Or have it hold me here. - I do have options to continue driving, For Now I think. And to work thru my own fear tactics my parents instilled. To keep me here for them. Being honest in looking for new work. I actually see the excitement in it honestly. I have come a long way. And worked very very hard to change my thoughts. From stuck in those old patterns. To seeing possiblities now. Even small stuff as Not looking backwards angry. But ahead. . . It all adds up. All the work. I'm not giving up. . . Thank you for listening. This is a long vent I'd say. But as real as I can be. Honesty will help me to see lights further. And I think I'd be a Great Actor. Financer. Friend. Colleague. I can on n on. Having someone close would mean a lot. I work towards that too. All Things So plan right now. Which I've been working on, How To Plan Better. Is to continue training my body as I feel better when I'm up and moving. Focus in consistency. Not the one day bang everything out. Go back into a hole if it doesn't work. Or ride a wave of greatness while it does. Consistency. And starting applying again. For other kinds of work. New lines of work. And something for right now. That can help me build towards the next step. I know I don't want to do some things. But I think continuing to work those steps in doing them will help and aid my growth further to doing the things I want. Thanks again. Really appreciate this place. Thanks.

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks for sharing this. I know you want to grow, so practice the concepts of being a safe person. And live into Dignity, Respect, Civility. Dr. C

[@sw9172]

"Asking cornering questions..." = unsafe person. Thank you Dr C.

[@TM-hl9me]

I feel safe in your channel, Dr. Carter. God bless you.

[@kellysims5732]

I almost wrote I am a safe person but I realized there is always room to improve!

[@DrLesCarter]

Upward and onward, Kelly! Dr. C

[@OceanSound100]

Another great video! Thanks so much!

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks Ocean. Hope you're having a good Monday! Dr. C

[@rhondafricker3656]

I find so many experts giving their input amounts to confusing data! Putting people in an idealistic box as to the way it should be does.not factor in how our imperfections and sins affect the dynamic you are talking a bout!.in other words people can present a skilled illusion of being safe when actually they are really snakes ready to strike when you are asleep!

[@67lindyloo99]

Is it fair to say our attitudes and biases are programmed. How wonderful to know then that with good guidance we can damage limitation and know a better alternative. This education should go out to parents before their children are born and in partnership with the educators there on. Thank you for your straightforward information Dr. Carter. We don’t realise our worth but you remind us that we are worthy.

[@rhondafricker3656]

You maybe very well surprised at how many people are actually safely sleeping and eating with the enemy!

[@shirk5294]

According to your descriptions of a "Safe Person", I guess with me it's yes and no. Yes, when it comes to if I say I will be there etc... I will be there and do what I said I would do. But I've been so hurt by people in my life, that I really avoid if I could to connect with people. I will connect, say for instance a new neighbor etc... I feel like I ShOULD go over and introduce myself, because it's the right thing to do. At the same time I'm nervous about it, I don't know how they are, if they're a safe person. I put up my guard, I don't want to get hurt again, and again and again.

[@martymaloney1032]

Shir K Hugs I know what you mean, opening up/sharing your story often means being used or abused. I have a couple of neighbors I really like, we share plants, water each other’s gardens when we go on vacation and feed the communal cats. I also have a neighbor who thought I should watch her daughter because it would be convenient for her...actually I’ve had that happen a couple of times in different neighborhoods. They thought because I was a stay at home mom that it wasn’t a big deal to interrupt my life and make our days hectic because after all I wasn’t doing anything. I firmly said no and interesting enough they were not so friendly anymore...users as far as I was concerned. Of course I would take someone’s child in if it were an emergency but I chose to forgo an income to have a calmer life with my family.

[@shirk5294]

Marty, thank you for the "Hugs"!! You sound like a really nice person/neighbor, too bad you had neighbors who took advantage of your niceness! Sounds like we had similar experiences with some neighbors.

[@SlaveofTheMostGracious]

Everybody is evolving, whoever is learning or have the right mindset to learn is or will be "safe". Time cooks everybody different.

[@missyb1020]

I've definitely always been an unsafe person, but with the help of some great Drs and therapists I'm able to understand why and how to change. You are great at making things clear and understandable. Thank you!

[@shyraliz20]

You are amazing. Thank you for your incredible service to the world, Dr. Carter. When counselling is not possible, because the other person wishes to use counseling as a weapon, the hope is that your videos will help said individual to realise that how they are behaving is destructive. Also, incredibly, you again help the true victim to remain CENTRED. Bless you. I would never wish for my daughter to come across a narcissist in her life.

[@joanplaylist304]

Safe person for sure. However, room for improvement. Hi Gus ! 🌹

[@lizareyes8910]

Dr. Carter you are now my favorite therapist. You make life better for people who are into hard times dealing with difficult and toxic people.

[@caleuxx9108]

Helpful video. Thank you. Being from a dysfunctional family full of unsafe people videos like this help. No one is perfect, right. I think that I am a safe person but I have so much anger due to all the bullying and abuse that has come my way, that when I get angry, sometimes it is extremely intense (the emotional charge along with the emotional energy is huge). Some people (codependents, people pleasers, etc. ) swallow their anger and resentment (I used to do that), which also causes problems - problems sleeping, headaches, migranes, back pain and other psychosomatic problems; some say it can even lead to autoimmune disease. Picking safe people is so important. The challenge is first finding those safe people and not turning them off with dysfunctional behavior.

[@katerinakiaha6925]

Cal EuXX AMEN, so True💯

[@Elje41]

Pay close attention to be sure it’s authentic AND also what you want and need

[@jessiesing1034]

Thanks this just confirmed my horrible experience tday where I realised yet another family member is actually unsafe person ticked all those boxes divine guidance I even showythis person ur channel last week at least the experience and this vid concludes matters in a deep way for me , it’s my birthday tmw guess il be spending it safe for the 1st time in 42 yrs . I love my cat like u love Gus . Peace to all be safe

[@DrLesCarter]

Our animals are a gift!! Dr. C

[@un-diluted7444]

the term UN-SAFE is such a revelation in itself. these days the vast majority of ppl is un-safe .. to themselves and others. glad to have yr teaching dr c so we can find the safe ones.

[@sherrim4067]

Wow this one of my favorite new videos. I know what list I want to be on. I hope I bring that peace and happiness to others.

[@DrLesCarter]

Stick with List 2. Dr. C

[@1ajtg]

Thank you once again Dr Carter. Safety is my no 1 priority after decades of narcisstic abuse. 🤍

[@shadesofidaho]

Considering I am living in a tiny town of 160 people I have 10 I feel totally safe around. I think I am a safe person even though I am not terribly social. I have always been an introvert. I enjoy my alone time. I also LOVE the safe feeling each time I arrive home. I know that Ahhhhhh feeling oh so well. I enjoy it so much some times I do not even leave the house but to get my mail at the pobox for a few weeks at a time. Even stretching my need to grocery shop out for 2 months now. Thanks for this It was enlightening. I hope my safe people feel safe around me. I just avoid the people I do not feel safe around. I am not unkind to them I just do not socialize with them.

[@martymaloney1032]

Chris Pyle We could be twins with the enjoying our own company and avoiding the grocery store...still want a deep freezer so I can go longer between trips. 😊

[@shadesofidaho]

@@martymaloney1032 OHHH I could not go so long without my deep freeze. I am carnivore almost 95%. My freezer has enough meat to last me another 4 months. Keeps life simple and me healthy. I only went down this time to get my prescription filled. so while there stocked up I know I have to go back for sure first week in Sept so hoping I can make yesterdays trip last until then. 1/3 of my grocery bill of 150 was for cat food. Hahaha YES I am one of those crazy cat ladies.

[@martymaloney1032]

Everyone should experience the love of an animal...I still miss my dogs and it’s been ten years.

[@shadesofidaho]

@@martymaloney1032 OH Marty I am so sorry. I still miss our old beloved Dog Groucho. He has been gone almost as long as he lived with us. Every year I remembered his Birthday as I was there at my friends the day they all were born all 13 of them. Border collie mixes. A wonderful dog. And sadly almost 3 years ago now my hubby died on our Groucho's birthday. At least they are together now. Been up three nights with my old dog after having surgeries on both eyes and his back. The back is no problem but he wants to rub his eyes and the cone of shame makes him even more frantic and miserable. So I try to cuddle him in his bed to keep him calm. Vet saw him again today for check and said he is doing great. Happy about that and he is calmer tonight so maybe past the worst of it. OR maybe he is worn out from the 44 mile trip. Hey if this is it I will take them off for another drive tomorrow. Night night. Eyes slamming shut on me.

[@sumbals]

Thanks for sharing and loads of hugs for the patient person behind you 😘 listening to the complexed psyche of humans..

[@DrLesCarter]

Gus hears lots of good stories. He'd make a great dog psychologist. Dr. C

[@sumbals]

Dr. Les Carter no doubt about it we hope to watch his videos soon Dr. Gus on screwed up humans😁 my furry fellas will be his top followers 🐶

[@svetlanabarrow6026]

For whom? For people who looking to abuse you?

[@ValkerieSilk]

Wow... Incredible Insight... Absolutely priceless information... Interested in that online counceling...

[@michelepascoe6068]

I like your definition of safe people, Dr Carter. I have valued honesty and humble sincerity, and now see that those people have safe qualities. I look forward to your teaching about personal boundaries as I've trusted unsafe people to my detriment and am practising new skills now that I know that some people harm others on purpose - even a mother can try to destroy her own child. I had assumed that mothers naturally love their children.