The Glass Siblings

This documentary explores the experiences of siblings who have a brother or sister with a moderate to severe intellectual disability. It features intimate discussions on their identity as a sibling, as well as challenges such as care-taking roles they’ve had to take on, public reactions to their disabled sibling, feelings of isolation, and worries about the future. This project was inspired by my own experience as a sibling of an older sister with Down syndrome.
‘Glass children’ is a term that has been used to refer to the siblings of people with a disability. The ‘glass’ metaphor depicts how we tend to see right through them and focus only on the person with the disability. When we speak of disability issues, the perspective of the typically developing sibling is often overlooked. This documentary has given ‘glass siblings’ a platform to reveal their innermost thoughts and feelings and I hope it becomes a resource of support for other siblings.

[@karenfraser4701]

Louise is awesome. She got it so RIGHT. Her use of cinematography is amazing, the synergy between pics, home-movies and sibling stories gives this piece a dimension of authenticity that is not easily achieved

[@hydrogeddonn]

I was adopted into a family with three older siblings as an infant. My parents had also adopted children from a good friend of theirs, whose family had a long history of severe psychological issues. As the youngest of 4, I was thrust into a tumultuous life of chaos, violence, and deep mental issues. My parents adopted my other siblings with no knowledge of the deep-seated and intense mental and psychological issues they would develop as they grew, yet they still did their best and kept these children they swore to love. I faced years of chaos growing up. Screaming, violence, destruction, and threats, all were normal to me from the beginning of my life through adulthood. My oldest sister has multiple personality disorders and is also autistic. My youngest sister is autistic and has schizophrenia. My brother is autistic with severe Aspergers. I never had therapy or counseling as a child growing up. I was never given the tools to handle my siblings and their illness as a child. I am 25 now. I am fiercely independent and a very empathetic and supportive person. I am an old soul with a world of experience and issues of my own. I do not feel worthy of compassion or support. I do not rely on family or friends for support. I give and give and give support until I myself and neglected. If I vent to someone or ask for help, I feel like a bother and that I am putting the relationship in jeopardy simply by asking for empathy. I have OCD and panic disorder. My parents know this. I am never asked if I am ok. I am never called unless I call them. It is taken for granted that I am ok when I am so deeply unwell and don't know how to ask for or even receive support. I am strong. But I have been standing alone for so long and I am breaking. I need help but my parents are blind to my suffering, and when I share it, they write it off and I muddle down the severity. My parents still aid and help my siblings and other family members with problems and personal issues. But im here all alone.

[@hello.6748]

You doing ok??

[@joeya289]

This is the true use of the "glass child" term. I hope my response helps you feel seen. There are no books or guides for exactly what you are going through, but I'd like to reccomend "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker, it's available as an audiobook if you search youtube. Many of the issues that glass children suffer from are similar to those of children of addict or abusive parents, and without the general societal understanding that asking for help in such a situation is appropriate. Happy to respond here on the small chance you read this and want more explanations or recommendations.

[@caesar349]

My sister has severe developmental delay along with autism. I have no other siblings. It’s been indescribably stressful, extreme loneliness, severe anxiety disorder. Very tough life

[@joeya289]

See my response to the user hydrogeddonn in this comments section. You may find cptsd support work helpful as we share a lot if symptoms with it's primary audience.

[@painterj100]

My brother was severely disabled and lived to the age of 26 and passed in 2010. I'm also from South-Africa. I was a lone sibling and now 43. Lack of support in the old days during my formative years has left me as a dysfunctional adult. I wish social media was around back then to have had a support system. My mother had mental illness but was the powerhouse in our family. My heart goes out to all siblings of special needs children.

[@louisevandenbergh6249]

@@painterj100 thank you so much for sharing your story ❤️

[@cintsscha5899]

I was also a glass child. Knowing this has helped me in my own journey of healing...

[@keepingupwithkater]

hey louise. this was an amazing video. the effects of siblings having to take care of siblings with special needs (like significant) and it’s effect on family dynamics (divorce rates go up) cause i feel like it’s not spoken about enough. my brother has prader willi syndrome, which is when the brain never tells the body it’s full. this meant when my brother was born (he’s older) my mom just changed. the advice the pws website gives is to control the food and diet of the child of pws. when i was born this meant my diet with food as always kind of been negative cause my mom was always controlling it. i wasn’t allowed to eat bad food in front of him-leading to an ED cause i would seek food away from home but then purge cause i felt guilty cause he could control his food better. my parents got divorced when i was five (i believe my dad just couldn’t deal) and i felt like i became a second parent. my mom has grown to have a food aversion, and while i don’t blame her cause she’s always prepping his meals, she also makes me feel bad and the therapist i had said i’ll only heal when i go to college. i’m ready to start a new life, but i wish more people new the trauma behind the scenes of family dealing with a kid with severe special needs. everyone thinks their angels, which, some are, but my brother began hating me when we hit puberty. he screams and throws tantrums out of jealousy but i’m also the only one whose been able to help my mom. that’s why i’m worried about going to college, i’m worried she’s going get depressed cause it’s just going to be her and my brother cause my stepdad is usually at work. while i’m glad to be starting college, i’m also worried that my mom won’t find the help she needs.

[@rainbowgirlism]

Thank you for this. I am a glass child and my disabled sibling is very disabled. I was an education major , and did my senior project on mainstreaming, but I wish I had done it on glass children. However the siblings weren't really acknowledged back then (late 90s), and I certainly had never heard the term glass children. I really believe glass children are a type of special needs children in their own right.

[@Maria7Maria]

Finding this 6 months late but I’m in a similar boat to you. My older sister is very severely disabled. It sounds selfish but honestly it’s only at the age of 29 now that I realise how much this really impacted my life negatively. I hope you’re doing okay now

[@rainbowgirlism]

@@Maria7Maria yeah I am . I have some ( more minor) disabilities myself , so I couldn’t hold down a regular job, so I became my sister’s caregiver (I get paid), and I actually really enjoy it. I am sorry for what you’ve suffered.

[@just_go_with_it]

My cousin literally just told me about being a glass chand I realized l am brother has autism, and it's honestly such a relief to know that there are other people out there and there is a community.

[@charmainenewton2780]

What an authentic beautiful picture of our lives behind that glass window....excellance personified...silence is the best answer to fools..buddha...tku be never enuf xxx

[@carriebecker2092]

Bawled my eyes out. Beautiful siblings of Beautiful souls. Thank you for this.

[@louisevandenbergh6249]

@@carriebecker2092 I'm so glad that it moved you! Thank you for watching. 🥰

[@carriebecker2092]

Am I free to share?

[@louisevandenbergh6249]

@@carriebecker2092 Yes!!! Share far and wide!!! 💕💕

[@cathycreates]

Thanks for making this. I am 53, when I was young resources like this were not available and I did not know that I was a ‘Glass Child’. I wish I had known as I think things would have been very different for me.

[@Frogtoadleaping]

Thank you

[@zuzuxzu]

This makes me feel so seen. Crying in my room right now😂

[@siixzine]

Thank you for creating this. I’m 18 and my older twin sister has Down Syndrome. It’s such a blessing and also unbelievably hard. It’s nice to hear others stories and how similar our experiences are as glass children. Your insight is amazing, I wish more ppl could see this.

[@masakimoayra00]

Thank you for making this. It is really lonely and I really appreciate you raising awareness. It's so hard sometimes to figure out my needs and their needs and how to fill them both, but knowing there's other people helps 💜

[@timothykapend7114]

So glad I watched this. Well done Louise!

[@louisevandenbergh6249]

Thank you!! 🤗🤗

[@jodirushin4894]

Such beautiful insight to a world that not many people are familiar with , society needs more reminders that being special needs is special , thank you for this beautiful documentary that showcases the wonderful dynamics and dedication in special need families ❤

[@dogsontherunproduction]

Thank you for such an insightful view into your life as siblings. The use of film to create awareness by those with the lived experience has such power. We all need to understand the lives of others more. A beautiful film, I hope you apply to film festivals to help your message grow.

[@aarifahzalgaonker6307]

Excellently captured! It's in incredible to see the experiences of siblings ❤. Would love to see more!

[@niallelassi274]

Very inspiring! 👊🥇

[@saajidaakabor4007]

Wow Louise, this was such a beautiful, heart-warming documentary. I loved every aspect of it - we need more South African perspectives and voices relating to disabilities and how all our lives are beautifully impacted by it. Even as a mom to an autistic son, I could relate to so much of what was shared by these mature, amazing siblings. Thank you for this documentary. This is exactly the type of quality content we all need more of ♥️

[@louisevandenbergh6249]

Thank you so much for this beautiful comment!! I'm so glad that you liked it and that it had an impact on you. 🤗❤️❤️

[@ShannanPotgieter]

Thank you so much for sharing the insight into siblings ❤️ Love this.

[@azrahmajiet6452]

heart-warming, informative, and so inspiring 👏🏼