Did you LOSE TRACK of YOUR VALUES in a narcissistic relationship?

[@sushmayen]

The difficult part is to keep our values while being hurt. Our values are deeply tested and strained and keeping our sanity is enough.

[@lisbethchristensen1981]

I completely agree. It's exhausting.

[@christinemunger7054]

Thanks for that. Friday was my 25th wedding anniversary and I turned down his (covert narcissist) invitation to go out to dinner four times (I left him two years ago). It felt so icky though... it's only dinner! No one would have been hurt by it! But it felt like I had to do it. It was a horrible day for me...simply because it felt like I was purposely being mean and someone I'm not. To compensate, I've agreed to go on an outing with him tomorrow. Because, you know, no one gets hurt by it! 😅

[@NancyBrown1975]

This happens to so many caring people. Narcissists are disgusting.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

I had PTSD as a result of being raped at the age of 18. I let the man I was in love with go because I knew I wasn't going to be good for him in the state that I was in. I didn't make my problem someone else's problem. The narcissists can't do this because they are reprobates.

[@lorenebaxter-e8c]

As a 67 year old lady, I came across this quote during my own healing journey that resonated with me. It makes sense. "Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals or self-worth" - Anonymous

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@jamithunder]

I did above and beyond for the narcissists and toxic people that were in my life, but when I needed help where were they? Tumbleweeds. Don’t sacrifice yourself for people that won’t lift a finger for you.

[@PaigeSquared]

They will let you fall and hit the ground, cover you with the carpet and call it help.

[@lisalambert81865]

I was taught from birth to not have values, boundaries or emotions. Learning all of that now.

[@ruthslater6364]

I have never heard of anyone nit being raised with no values ever. Certainly you went to school and learned something. Or you didn't have any parents or the ones you did have were useless. Some how through l8fe you learn something 😮

[@RZ-sh6yi]

Thank you for sharing, not only a shocking story but one to be aware of. They sucked her dry financially and did not care, another life destroyed by narcissists.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@ArtistNorth]

Wow…thank you yes I have very similar dilemma …have funded my adult covert narc son for years…and now at 70 realize it will never end…and in order to insure my own financial future I can no longer let him drain me…it goes against everything but my self preservation is kicking in…after all I have learned here…this one really helps as..its true the only one I can actually save is myself and yes learned from Narc FOO that’s selfish…had to face that paradox and deep feelings of I’m the bad one for letting go when in fact he has drained others and will never take responsibility …thank you for sharing this- it helps to realize others who have done the right thing all along still have that moment of having to let go and realize its not us its them

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@beverlyadams7205]

I so needed this video. I walked away from my two daughters who were in their mid to late 50s. One of them moved out of state, but still expected me to drive to her to take her to recurring doctor appointments. I told her she would have to find a doctor closer to her when she moved, but she didn’t. When I walked away, I felt guilt because my values were challenged. Now, I see that thinking about myself first will always be an issue for my daughters. However, I no longer want to be abused.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@dk5755]

This struck home for me today, thank you. My values were to grow old together with my partner and support each other in all ways. I had to come to the realization that these values were not in alignment with his and I couldn’t stay any longer, because I couldn’t afford emotionally or financially to stay. It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do. In the end I will struggle immensely, but nowhere near what he could possibly place upon me. I had to re-evaluate my values (and morals) when I no longer recognized myself in the relationship.

[@GoogleUser-pc6tu]

Same here!

[@mqua4610]

Yes. I think this comment describes most of us here: We didn’t know much about this narcissistic behavior until we came to this channel and others like it. If I had known a few years back, I could have escaped. Unfortunately, for those 70+, health issues prevent us from a full break. And then add to that, like the story Dr. R. tells, financial issues and other narcissistic family members make it impossible for me. A flood took my home. The lawyers just laughed and told me that when I my husband and I pay off the mortgage of a house we can’t sell, I can get a divorce. I love Dr. R. for supporting those who live daily with this!

[@moniquejackson7741]

Stories are so Powerful. It's when you know it's important to you to take care of them, and also know that taking care of them would be your undoing.

[@ArtistNorth]

Exactly

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@christelleny]

Our values and core qualities are what makes us vulnerable. If we want to protect ourselves, we have no choice but to abandon them. It's a survival strategy.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@julianterris]

Thank you so much for talking about this Dr. Ramani. I won't go into detail, except to say I can empathize with your friend's dilemma. Narcissistic relationships are like war though, you want to be able to "play soccer on no man's land on Christmas day" but you know that you're liable to get shot. You want to be kind, and generous, but you know you're simply going to be taken advantage of because you can see the values that you live by aren't being lived by those you'd like to help. You have to "come out and be separate" sometimes -to save yourself. It reminds me of the Opossum, who often wind up having to gnaw their leg off to get free of the jaws of the Gin-trap. *You don't have to go to dinner if you're on the menu.*

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Turned the other way around here. Usually it’s on not being financially dependent on the narcissist. Which I was. And screwed over. To giving to much , to a bottom less pit. The narcissist sees your purse as theirs too.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@lionheartklaric3729]

In my last narcissistic relationship I lost my values of honesty, respect, kindness and peace. To get them back it had to end. Fortunately it did and the values are mine again and I can build them into my new life. It's very painful to be in a narcissistic relationship and even more painful to (or equally so) to lose yourself. My dad was a narcissist too and I grew up with this dynamic. I am just so tired of these people. Letting go and healing can also be painful in itself. Love to all people coping with these issues ❤

[@lindaphillips5194]

I can relate to your statement that letting go and healing can be painful. Two weeks ago I ended a seven year relationship with my toxic, hurtful, angry, mean, manipulative younger boyfriend. I have found it hard to get over him and to get him out of my mind and thoughts. I don't understand why seeing how I'm the one who ended it to make the constant painful comments and so much more stop. Any thoughts would be helpful. Thanks

[@gazoo7411]

Dr. R. Thank you. You are truly gifted. You just described the last 20 years of my Life: taking care of elderly parents, e.t.c. Now: I am the bad guy. I made tough choices for the benefit of others. And now I am the bad guy. It truly depresses me, and hurts me deeply, very, very deeply.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@LauraShields-ho9mu]

You bring up such important issues that are very present, but so often go “ under the radar “ or never brought to light at all. So to finally be able to see these and to bring them to consciousness is freeing.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I can 💯 relate to this. It’s heartbreaking to realize how much they have taken advantage of me. Grateful to learn I am not responsible for them. Tired of doing ‘what’s right’ for others at my expense. Focusing on taking myself back as I now value myself more. ❤ Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@Hodijo]

Moral of the story is: stop paying other people's bills. Stop giving free money to people who have the ability to make it.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@susanservin1949]

This is one of my deepest regrets as a former victim of narcissistic abuse. Especially since it affected my children.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@Ozy-te1rr]

This woman was exactly me

[@PearlTarjanne]

I can relate, paying my black tax and extended black relative tax, felt like digging a scab and as months become years, you can see and are aware that you are responsible for it not healing , it feels impossible to stop peeling and digging it, you realize that you can no longer feel anything but the pain. You have completely lost all reasoning for why you began doing this but you feel like it’s what you were taught to do, you don’t know anything else. So you have a man that has destroyed and altered your sense of self, but now you are still chained to the cancer you can never divorce yourself from ( your own family), it’s so crushing looking back at the financial abuse and lack of appreciation.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@PearlTarjanne]

@ If that’s addressed to me , I’d be honored.

[@deborahklinkner1730]

Lol....when my husband (I was planning on leaving) wanted me to invest my inheritance in more education for him at 54, I told him to PROVE what kind of ROI I would get that investment. He got mad & obviously refused to do it. He didn't get a cent & I moved far away across the country

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@devinjeffrey275]

Becoming a convenient liar is mine. To survive and not argue I lie.

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

I had to tell a lie to literally save a life and it still bothers me. I hate it. I hate what they do to people.

[@mariellarobles3372]

Some people were so upset because I didn't struggle like they did. I relied on my principles and morals and that has always kept me safe and blessed. Trying to play hero was wasting my life away. Now I focus on saving myself and only do what I can. Guilt is heavy but living for others was not working for me.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@patrickbinford590]

Feeling that grief about something that is impossible and unworkable, well I really felt that for that woman that Dr Ramini was talking about.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@well_weathered]

Yes, if I could know what I suspect of my mother, who by the way left her home country and family for her own life I WOULD NOT FEEL I had to be here to manage this. She refused to move for decades and even after my father was diagnosed with cancer and wanted to downsize. My father is worried about my mother. I'm sure he knows that I am no longer going to go along with the games she plays. She has to figure this out herself. The people who expect it of me would use me up anyway.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@antoa5825]

These grifter family member were MADE by the Mother and Aunt who enabled them. I will never forget after having sent money monthly to my Mother for years, even at the expense of my own needs, I finally had to tell my Mom I could no longer give her that income. I gave her a few months to be able to adjust. I then received a call from my golden child narc older brother, who had not provided a dime for my Mom, screaming at me that I was a selfish piece of work and how dare I put our Mother in that position. I told him that if he was so concerned he could provide for her, since he had a good job and income. Of course he said that it was not feasible for him, lol. As Dr. Ramani says, there is no winning with narcissists.

[@TR-nv3if]

Sounds like my narc brother..almost exactly..

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@bridgettetraveler658]

I've been there. My family treated me as if I owe them something. My parents allowed me to grow up & live in their house, but it wasn't a home. I thank GOD everyday for getting me out of that insane asylum I grew up in. My parents thought I owed them. GOD changed my way of thinking & gave me thick skin to be able to stand up against their smear campaign. They've gone viral trash talking me & I don't care!!!

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@sparkygump]

I never let go of my values. That's why she discarded me.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@sash.t.e.]

No need to apologise. I like the long story and you being confident that you mentioned everything you wanted to make sure you were as clear as you mean to be.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@craigmerkey8518]

Thank you ! This hits home! Duty is a two way street!!! As someone who has family members that claim "credit" for success which they cannot provide one coherent sentence for any steps in the succession. Blatantly omitting a century (three generations) of inheritance! Except I don't feel for them one molecule! Their answer to everything is "they will just figure it out" meaning no one will lift a finger then judge them for eternity for failing! I can hardly make it through a 15 min phone call listening to the ever evolving orchestrations! It is a reminder that everything has its time, the gift of honesty, to take care of my partner and myself!

[@DominieRobinson]

I was sidehustled , coerced, railroaded into situations that were completely against my better judgement , and blindsided, ambushed into situations where I had No warning . I found myself thinking, " this is Not me !" Several of the situations the covert Machiavellian narc sprung on me with No warning, I found out later he told others I had " asked" him for. I thank God for Dr. Ramani . She Saved my Sanity ! Literally !

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@Ozy-te1rr]

This was exactly my family

[@patrickbinford590]

For me it's both figuring out and reminding myself of my values. Or they CAN be the same thing if I go deep enough into myself.

[@amyfox9659]

Oh boy.. I did.. at risk of my life, and lost my "miracle fetus". My family of origin already had their Golden child,. So couldn't bother with helping me out of abusive ( familiar relationship ) narcissistic marriage. I almost died. My only chance of being a mother died. Now I've become a disabled introvert who doesn't want to risk that pain again.

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

I’m SO sorry.

[@GodisLove143-32]

Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@twovirginiacats3753]

This strikes a familiar chord. Well said.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@TorgerVedeler]

This story rang a bell for me. Here: Me: I’ve suffered a stroke. Narc: That’s a shame. Sorry to hear it. Two years later, without another word, until: Narc: Send us money!

[@JohannaVanDreumel]

Hope your reply was BANK, has run dry

[@TorgerVedeler]

@ Close. I didn’t respond. Then, after another year, the narc started sending me messages about how she was really bothered that I didn’t respond. She even emailed my boss. Finally I sent her a note telling her why I had ended contact. She responded with a whole bunch of lies about how she had never said any of it, even though I had the previous email. Narcs do not change.

[@keariewashburn4680]

I so relate to the story. Thanks Dr Ramani 🙏 ❤

[@Ry-n8j4l]

🙏🏾❤️

[@mariagill7129]

Semi-empthy is really bad. When one person feels their pain but not other fellow beings. When one gets angry for being not prioritised but discard others and their need. When one really disappointed when others have more important things to do than narcissist. It's like the positive emotions are reserved for a narcissistic individual even others are liable to feel these emotions for narcissistic. All the negative emotions are for others 😂

[@x-2954]

When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: *[e-mail]*

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@MoMo-gr2pg]

being adult and growing up is scary indeed

[@gefen6638]

Thank you for the important video and memorable story, Dr. Ramani. The sad truth about values is that to be meaningful, they require mutuality. Human beings, even the most morally exemplary ones, have the need to receive, not just to give. Charity can be meaningful when the recipient is genuinely unable to help themselves (for example, due to a serious health condition or disability) or when the recipient is at the same time working to help themselves. Otherwise, it can be a one-sided exploitation of the giver's good intentions.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@PiaLoveBSNRNCCBTP]

NursePp loves this video. I learned a lot!

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@jokerlovesyou1861]

YES....a very good friend who im lucky enough to have back in my life.... She was disgusted with what was coming out of my mouth... She said you would NEVER talk like that

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@phoenixrising4768]

Suffer the same value problem. I don't know if you have read Gita. Arjuna at the battlefield faces the same issue.. how can I go against my own people. He doesn't want to draw sword.. and that's when Krishna explains. When your own people hurt you and forget the bro code, you are not obliged to follow through. That doesn't mean you are valueless. There is value, and there is doing the right thing.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@57cparks]

Love the Word Art and very beautiful examples that were meaningful to you. TY for sharing and for the freebie.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@dianamoore2241]

I hope that woman is doing well now 🙏...

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@PenninkJacob]

This is the type of narcissism that I can relate to! Thank you!👍❤ Narcissists are Parasites... (I had to watch that one twice👍)

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@makaylahollywood3677]

Yes, I lost track- and, it set me back. I’m back on track, but can’t erase an experience wish I never had.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@Sarah-pj4vo]

...What I've learnt and continue to learn everyday is that, as the world is becoming more antagonistic (or maybe it was always like that!) that 'rules and values' regarding honesty, fairness and cooperation etc can not always be applied when some people will intentionally NEVER follow through on their obligations or responsibilities nor reciprocate what is presented to them....even as laws, policies and legislation are applied for everyone's benefit and to maintain collective order, such guidelines are also applied on a case by case basis.....we could also argue that, even if we learn to know who we are, be honest with ourselves and what our core values are, we can also apply such values on 'a case by case basis' with individuals and groups of people we meet. That doesn't we can't be civil or respectful, we can, but as a minimum that other people will only get and nothing more.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@rickkillian2378]

I remember when I was young hearing about "Family Values" but never understood what it meant. I was too confused trying to figure out what our Family values were from how my father was trying to confuse us. I basically wound up being the quiet one watching and listening to everyone else what they were doing or saying and then trying to put things together on my own. Wow , what a ride.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@Ozy-te1rr]

I was guilty of my job and situation

[@chilloften]

This happens in the workplace as well, healthcare. Can you imagine what I witness? I’m sick about it.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@shainanash8518]

Thanks,Dr.Ramini.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@ACH-t2z]

I would have never described my mission as "being a light" in the first place

[@Ry-n8j4l]

Exactly. That's a human tragedy.

[@ACH-t2z]

​@@Ry-n8j4lwhat do you mean?

[@Ry-n8j4l]

@@ACH-t2z "Colony Of The Blind" or "Mosquitoes In A Nudist Colony" [Romans 1:25]

[@ACH-t2z]

​@@Ry-n8j4lThank you

[@ACH-t2z]

​@@Ry-n8j4l Thank you

[@valiizajames925]

Wow! Heartbreaking

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@Figureitout933]

Narcs are instrumental, like this family is. Duty, rather than love (which is for non narcs), becomes the value we hold for narcs. Love can fizzle or burn out, so can duty.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@ACH-t2z]

I am abig fan of spiritual outcasts from history who worked to heal and socially support people who likely would have been categorized as narcissists today. These peaceful leaders in their own principled way were not societal peacekeepers. My favorite spiritual leaders who helped make resources available to others were definitely not agreeable.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@rwoodyk5112]

Wow, thank goodness the narcs in my family have enough pride and integrity to be financially responsible. There are other values that are in jeopardy though don’t you think?

[@tlotus3032]

I feel you❤🎉

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@ACH-t2z]

Short Answer: No I do not consent Dr Ramani is denied access

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@Greenwings701]

Thank you -

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@Warp75]

Nope thankfully I never did.

[@edenjennings8395]

Oh sweetheart. This is your story isn't it? I'm so sorry. I would hug you if I could. It's not fair. You are right.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@ivangeo3319]

I don't know if I have value of my own, Doctor Ramani. Most things I received, are from my narcissistic mother. So, I don't have any clue what real values supposed to look like. Only recently that I take real stock of any values I received. Some value, I have decided to discard, many are still in me, and are still under review.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@lostredsock6989]

Some people only feel truly alive when they're living on the ragged edge of disaster: they're addicted to the tight-rope!

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@Earthether]

I can relate to this story

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@Saskia-ww2gq]

"values" based" aren't suggestive nor interchangeable wherever opportunity strikes. Doc Rom please give a solution now because my toxic life has now been changed into a zombie existence & this constant 'discussion' isn not helping those of us left here at shore!!!! where's the life boat? lol omfg humanity -talk amongst yourselves;P

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@ericalbright7210]

Christine Albrigjht BRILLIANT VIDIO 🙏... Thank you🙏...

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@TR-nv3if]

Sounds familiar.. I helped my brother out a yr…now, no more ..I never hear from him( no contact) he only wanted to use me ans wouldn’t do for himself….( yes, I love my brother so much, he was my little brother, I was 3 yrs older than he, we were really close when even in our 20’s..I had to say no to him…he did call me selfish and try to guilt trip me, but I had to say no, I can no longer do this as I have responsibilities too ( he refused to take anyone’s advice in seeking help …

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@janiscaswell19]

How can I contact Dr.Ramani?

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@anne-vc7bg]

12:31 the layers and layers and layers and repeats and rehashes and layers upon layers upon layers and repeats and rehashes and layers upon layers 🫥 and the harm lingers and festers between the layers and the layers and the layers of NA.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@randymonroe1633]

KZbin It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1/10) movie clip.

[@Doc_Ramani_fanpage]

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[@dbt2910]

Oh yes, toxic money narc sibling & family are parasites. Vulnerable narc mother enabled that golden child. She is now dementic & no one minds her, but me. All siblings shirķed responsibilities for both parents. I'm so trapped with no life. I'm done with those sibs. If only narc mother could just pass away, I'm going to lead a new life. Unfortunately, she's living a long life.

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@brigitte2217]

Could be my story 😢

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[@hadiza1]

🔥🔥

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[@xsilentg]

🌻

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[@merlinwizard1000]

12th, 28 December 2024

[@Saskia-ww2gq]

[x] my 'so called "life"'... wtf reality show timelines too>_

[@Doctor_Ramani_youtube_fan]

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[@Tammy-q3w]

WOW, I would have said.... Piss off Lou!!! ENOUGH is ENOUGH... WOW ..😮 Where are the lines!!!? Was she groomed early??

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[@Jypsyz]

🦄 136 🙏♥️❤️💖

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