A Narcissist's Playbook For Keeping You Subordinate

Narcissists are in a perpetual pattern of unhealthy self-preservation. Dr. Les Carter identifies 12 highly predictable tactics they use as they seek to elevate Self at your expense. As you gain insight into their psychological strategies, you can find freedom from their exploitive efforts.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 120 million views.
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[@susanbennetttellstales7998]

"They'll provoke you to anger then shame you for being angry." Yep.

[@susanbennetttellstales7998]

Also, they'll trounce perfectly healthy protest.

[@437Colie]

@@susanbennetttellstales7998 I started to believe I was the abuser because I was becoming like him. Yelling & fighting back with pleading and explaining, Then that crampy side smirch would appear & he would seems happy that I am all upset. One month no contact I moved to a different city away from him & got an apartment in a different city because he is a cop & the rules dont apply. .

[@susanbennetttellstales7998]

@@437Colie You're a strong soul and you deserve better

[@437Colie]

@susanbennetttellstales7998 thank you so much. Love & light to you

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

Happening to me too

[@laurielaurie8280]

Narcissists are exhausting people to be around. Its like you can't relax around them. They have so much chaos inside themselves.

[@437Colie]

@@laurielaurie8280 it's so true. I didn't understand why he never sat still & was always drinking beer all day long & vape. Lots of nervous energy never sat still

[@laurielaurie8280]

@@437Colie Nervous energy is a good description.

[@itsamerrylife9128]

They thrive on it though while it depletes the people around them.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Narc Tactics to keep you subordinate: 1. The Narc thinks him/ herself as always right 2. They minimize your influence 3. Strongly invalidate your ideas ("you don’t know what you are talking about") 4. They don’t admit their own failures 5. Condescending, blaming, accusatory towards you 6. Provoke you to anger, then shame you for your anger (triggering, to get you to blow) 7. 2 different rule sets for good/ bad, one for you/ other one for them 8. Moral compass is dependent on situational needs 9. Evasive + lies 10. Try to make you dependent on them (or fearful) 11. Promote a very good Public Image for themselves, and... 12. Sow seeds of doubt Publicly about you To wear down your resolve, sense of self esteem, to get their way + feel superior over you Instead of mutual help/ sharing of ideas/ giving validation They cannot manage their own internal confusion REFUSE TO PLAY THE SUBORDINATE ROLE

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@PantaRhei-wz5zn Sometimes you're just so tired, you give in 😔

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Yep, it happened to all of us... However when you feel someone is wearing you out to the point you cannot keep to your own values or basic selfcare, that really is a Hughe 🚩 Try to disengage from that individual the fastest and best you can !

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@PantaRhei-wz5zn I'm working on it. It's my grown up adult children 😥

[@sv-yh3mq]

Yeah, when they try to "f.o.g." you- using fear, obligation, & guilt...

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Sorry, that truly is one of the hardest situations to be in ... Wishing you all the best 💙

[@OptimisticMaya]

I do believe that narcissists are very predictable. The problem is, many of us didn’t know then, what we know now .. Many of us didn’t even know about narcissism until it was too late and the damage caused by the narc has already been done

[@maryberry8331]

You are 💯 correct

[@RatedArggg]

It's even harder if you were raised by one.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Yes.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

​@@RatedArgggYes! My father was a malignant narcissist and this really messed me up.

[@Eugenetra7]

Exactly. I learned about narcissism at the age of 40. The amount of damage is unbelievable.

[@BushcraftQuebec]

That narcissist will destroy your reputation worst then your worst enemy

[@carparthero]

the best protection (besides strong boundaries) against a narcissist is your strong self-esteem and self-respect. your self-love has to be louder than your desire to be loved. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make so much sense!

[@carparthero]

@@SurvivingNarcissism appreciated the kind words and the information you have provide us over the years, to help us critically think and manage narcs around the way. -cheers, steven

[@caroleminke6116]

Self love is self care, self trust & self worth

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

I really like what you have said.

[@carparthero]

@@JackieFerrell-f6o thanks. wishing you all the best. -cheers, steven

[@amandaliverpool3374]

By constantly making you feel that they are more important than you. You feel totally unimportant. They have to be the big boss and keep you totally beneath them!!!

[@yukio_saito]

Indeed. ↘

[@bitsybugaloo]

The only people that try to take you down are the ones that feel inferior to you. It’s the backwards compliment they don’t realize they’ve given.

[@caroleminke6116]

Toddler delusions of grandeur

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@caroleminke6116 ha ha definitely

[@cherylnathanodette]

Ew, those nasty narcs, I let it go over my head. Hope you are all coping okay.

[@RatedArggg]

"They'll turn their moral compass on and off." BOY, did that hit home.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Me, too.

[@sallyshaw3203]

100% guys…it’s a good validation for things I noticed and didn’t really identify previously.

[@yukio_saito]

In their playbook, they are a main character and you are a side character. They are a hero and you are a villain. 😮

[@yukio_saito]

Also, they are the victim and you are the perpetrator. 😦😧😨

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@yukio_saito Absolutely 💯

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

Nailed it! What an ass-backwards script they have

[@frcomet5009]

It's not ass backwards because sometimes it's true. Sometimes you are being the villain and they are being the hero, sometimes they are being the villain and you're being the hero. Sometimes it's nobodies fault or a misunderstanding. Sometimes their is partial blame or fault. Nobody is a straight line, the only reason a narccist can dance with you is because you are dancing with them back. There is evil they identify in you and they know how to manipulate it. Running to KZbin and looking for teachers to confirm you are the victim is quite narssistic in itself and I suggest some self reflection is in order. Thinking you are always the hero or villain, they are always wrong you are always right is pure delusional child like black and white thinking.

[@seameology]

I started watching these videos because of one narc. But now, I see them everywhere.

[@cymbolichuman433]

Oh how I relate to that!

[@denisem4575]

#6!! My sister to a tee! When something didn’t go her way & I was in her orbit, I had better watch out, she knew exactly what buttons to press with me. If she was angry then she’d better make my anger the focus to deflect from her tantrum. I fell for it for 50 yrs until she finally crossed the line & I saw her clearly & didn’t take the bait. Strange feeling in that moment. I stayed calm & reasonable which made her rage more. For once in my life she sat there with the audience looking at her like the crazy person. The curtain was lifted & it has continued to lift the past 7 yrs I’ve gone no contact with her. She doesn’t change & will NEVER be at fault for anything. She’s been on a smear campaign for 7 years & I just let her & don’t engage. Never say A word, take the high road. It’s actually quite freeing. No way I would’ve been able to heal this much had it not been for my discovering these videos & realizing that I was being abused by Narcissists in my family (mother& sister). Brother & father flying monkeys. I definitely was a scapegoat in the family.

[@lindabell2940]

This is my playbook, same thang, down to the sister, the whole nine yards, our strength is with this community, thank you, dear Lord, hec , plus go team healthy, you folks rule

[@anacardinale5769]

Literally you are describing my situation with mother, demonic sister and weak brothers. How evil these people are, like they all went to the same school of deceit.

[@rwdchannel2901]

Telling a narcissist 'Stop trying to control my life' or 'You're a delusional liar' are the two things the narcissist hates to hear.

[@mollypaskie5039]

It's really such a cruel way for someone to live, he is complimenting me one day, and calling me stupid the next day.

[@vickiegroome3220]

That's a slick Willy. Listening closely, assess don't absorb pays off tenfold

[@susannakotoff7095]

dr jeckle and mr. hyde

[@MarianneCatherine]

My husband can do that in the span of one conversation! Not only does he have NPD but he's also bipolar!!! 😢😲😒

[@carparthero]

a narcissist's playbook for keeping you subordinate (12 tactics) 1-the narc proclaims oneself as the keeper of truth 2-minimize your influence 3-strongly invalidate your interpretations/ideas 4-they won't admit their own failure 5-persistent blame, accusation, condescension 6-provoke your anger, then shame you for feeling angry 7-call good bad, then call bad good 8-turn moral compass on or off based on their need 9-tell lies, keep secrets, and be evasive 10-create an atmosphere of dependency 11-promote their own positive image 12-sow seeds of doubt publicly about you they do all of this because they can't manage their internal confusion. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for the outline!!

[@tinalaursen8993]

Howdy from BC. We have our fair share of narcs here in all shapes and sizes lol. Sadly I have found limited understanding of this pattern of behaviour in Canada. A certain prime minister comes to mind 😂

[@carparthero]

@tinalaursen8993 good aft tina. tru-dope aside, i don't really get into politics. but yah to your point narcissism is considered an overused word by casuals. funny though when shit gets real to casuals, they change their stance. my two cents is if you're heart attack serious about learning to protect yourself and doing the work to make yourself self-accountable, you most likely aren't gonna find support amongst your circle or people in real-life in general. most regular folks either don't care about things that don't affect them, and/or don't have the mental capacity to think outside their comfort zone and life experience. stand your ground. -cheers, steven 🍁

[@surlif]

Surrounded by the family of narcissists I married into, the abuse went on for decades. But after listening to Surviving Videos for over two years now, I see it all clearly. Knowledge is freeing but I still have so much healing to do. Thank you, Dr. Carter and thank you for reminding us of civility, dignity, and respect. I need that reminder like you give it... over and over. Sometimes, I still just want to get them back and give them a taste of their own medicine. But getting power back for me to live my life will not come like that and will just keep me in a mess.

[@lindabell2940]

Be ok please, natural peace and harmony, from Doctor C,

[@caroleminke6116]

Gray rocking works!

[@t_nels]

@surlif I fell into the same and chose distance. Sometimes what one lives first is what they wrestle with later, for whatever reason. I realized I never really knew these people. We were able to set boundaries. He is still under the delusion that they raised him perfectly. All it takes is to listen to the stories.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

​@@caroleminke6116 Grey rocking is a band-aid over a gaping wound.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

From my experience, what you said about knowledge being freeing is exactly how recovery has worked for me as well, but I also had to forgive in order to put it all behind me so I could move forward with peace in my heart. Unforgiveness is like a tether connected to something you've buried at the bottom of the sea.

[@MadManInMyVisions]

They can’t have the upper hand if you leave. Leaving makes them feel vulnerable and they don’t like that. Nor, do they like it when their gaslighting doesn’t work and you know the truth of your reality. They dread that, because they’re worried that you’ll do to them what they did to you. From personal experience, they’ll try to unalive you.

[@cymbolichuman433]

I can totally believe you.

[@bbjoyce-je1vx]

My entitled arrogant mother and equally entitled and arrogant sibling did this. They never would let up. Both would do everything you mentioned. It was an unending nightmare. The cruelty, the bullying and the lies were too much. After all of the abuse they inflicted, they claimed victimhood & re-wrote history. Because they both spun the lies together, most of the family believed them, despite knowing I was falsely accused. Thank you Dr. Carter, we know you believe us ❤

[@lookin-up]

"the keeper of truth" really makes sense. If you disagree with that "truth"...man, there's gonna be trouble!! Gone no contact since May of this year with my sister. I feel a sense of peace, Im worn out from being provoked, then slammed if I push back. Ty good doctor, & peace to all in Team Healthy.❤

[@A.Dajlida]

That is soooo true!! The problem with those creatures is that they always believe they're 'on stage' performing in front of an audience. It's absolutely impossible to have a real talk or any kind of communication with them, as they are listening not to you but to their imaginary 'audience' in their head. They think they're f.....ng film directors assigning roles. They literally CANNOT see, hear or understand you, as they care only about their imaginary 'audience'.

[@camillepatterson6849]

My sister is a flying monkey for her husband, the narcissist. She was gaslighting and projecting constantly. I've gotten to the point where every time she does that, I say, "Give me objective fact and back up your statement". She no longer projects or gaslights anymore. I also started playing the reverse card... and turn her projections back on her. I then back up my statements with objective facts. I do it with a calm demeanor and even a sense of humor. Needless to say, she stopped talking to me since I refuse to let her get away with her childish behavior anymore. This suits me just fine!

[@andreacook6000]

Let’s be everything we were born to be!!

[@Duke2363]

To keep me subordinate. That oozed from my brother, walking on eggshells all the time. I started breaking away entirely 3 years ago but due to an aging mother, couldn't completely get away. Now she's passed. It's over. No more of this nonsense. I'm nobody's subordinate!

[@joshuahenley8246]

I like Team Healthy! When I make decisions now I always think: what decision would I make to be on team healthy! It’s a great phrase.

[@andreacook6000]

All the put downs are to stop us from taking the (actions) that would create who we really are, to break the self determination, since of self worth and self esteem we need to do it. Keeping independent and doing it anyway is the key. Wow is all I can say!! Thank you! They can’t stop us! Quietly create your own life step by step🐾🌺🍃💛love you all here on team healthy!! We are going to do it!

[@yvonneneal8063]

The point you made on the anger was so spot on. They made me suppress mine, and therapy is helping me get back in touch with it.

[@andreacook6000]

Just watched again. Oh my goodness Dr C I just figured out, don’t worry about what they say or do or how they treat you or put you down, just go out and do the things you are going to do that is the thing they will see that will truely show them who you are. Once your away from them they can’t stop you from achieving! They can’t stop you from shining! And when you do and become who you are without including them in any of it, your actions will speak louder than any words can do!

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

@@andreacook6000 "and when you do and become who you are without including them in any of it, ... actions will speak louder than any words can do" 🎯Yep. They massively resent you for it, though. I got smearcampaigns + active attempts for destruction. I didnt do anything to them, or take anything from them. They just got pissed they could no longer take things from me ... So yes to what you are saying, just be prepared for the backlash that will inevitably follow once you take that path... (still worth taking)

[@roxymovie3938]

They love your subordination by wearing you down and you love your freedom by expressing your needs. This does not fit together at all.

[@brandonf.8360]

Their biggest strength is making things weaker. You'll soon see they can barely control a remote let alone themselves.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Or their smartphone...

[@Hatbox948]

My nex did many of those things. The one that amazed me was the Great Guy act. He had everyone convinced that he was Mr. Charm. I could tell by people's reactions to me when we visited his buddies that he'd not had many good things to say about me. No one ever seemed to see him for what he really was except perhaps me and his grown sons.

[@gobigirl1]

Often they can't keep their mask on forever. But it's true, you can't stay focused on them and their deluded circle of people and wait for the mask to fall, that won't heal you. Wishing you the company of kind, sane, honest people❤

[@gobigirl1]

My abusive ex would throw scary fits, raging, yelling, breaking windows, 👊 ng holes in walls, and then right after that go out to do something heartwarming in public-- helping someone to fix their car or their roof or something. I was always amazed that his friends couldn't see how "strangely" sad and anxious his partner (me), his child, and even his dog were, and draw the appropriate conclusions.

[@Hatbox948]

@@gobigirl1 So true. Mine did those tantrums too, but only in front of me.

[@Hatbox948]

@@gobigirl1 Thank you!

[@Gardenwitch1954]

Yes

[@mariannethames962]

Taken years to actually recognizing these things. When you dont think that way you are constantly confused thinking it is you not understanding right. Sure messes up your mind. Get stronger with all your teaching and along with your books. When you cant leave it keeps you sane. Youve got their number. Wonderful video.

[@tinalaursen8993]

Dignity. Respect. Civility. Amen to that. 🙏💪🙂

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy

[@gwenrios6268]

Everything you have said, Dr. Carter, I have experienced. When I was much younger, I have a very distinct memory of my sister getting me all worked up. Whenever I tried to state my case, she very calmly said, while smiling, "what's wrong, why are you getting so upset?". I was so young and easily manipulated, that I didn't know how to react to her reaction. I just knew something was deeply wrong with the whole scenario.

[@ute3349]

That's exactly what I see. I change my communication strategy if I have to. Think about wisely before reacting. Unfortunately, the feelings don't always play along, because it's my mother (87). I want to learn how to deal with it. Thank you Dr. Carter ♥that was once again very helpful for me.

[@andreacook6000]

And also, even when a person doesn’t know something and the other person has more knowledge it doesn’t mean it’s ok to treat that person with disrespect or to look down on them. We need to hold onto our own dignity no matter what.

[@annettglass7290]

Hey Team Healthy friends 😊♥️

[@aaronkwolfe]

G'day @Annett. Didn't see you in chat, but greeting here is fine, too.

[@lishmahlishmah]

Hey Annett 💚🌹🌿

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@annettglass7290 Hi Annett 👋 ❤️

[@jessybeeckman1281]

😊❤

[@diane19456]

Hi Recently my narc spent two hours trying to destroy my reputation with our best friends. They were shocked. Suggested separating to cool off! Ever since he has been relatively quiet at home!? He plans to do this over and over again with everyone we know!!!!!😮 Just making himself look like a fool! Your videos have made it possible for me to grey rock him, etc. Thank you forever 😅

[@michelleharkness7549]

Doctor Les Carter Ph.D. : btw: thank you 😊: again; thank you ☺️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Michelle.

[@DKR977]

Dr. Cater is such a positive influence in my path to healing, thank you for everything you do and all the help you've given me over the years since I was fortunate enough to find your KZbin channel. The darkness has receded and I'm on the shining path to love, decency and humility.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So very pleased!

[@maryberry8331]

They are just insufferable! Great video as usual Dr C!

[@oceannomad4236]

My narc tells me it's my fault their life hasn't turned out the way they expected, which is that in exchange for them letting me marry them they're entitled to the equivalent lifestyle of a character in "The Real Housewives of LA". Lots of glamour and glitz!

[@seameology]

Yup. My first nex told me I ruined his life by getting pregnant and then married. I got really tired of hearing how I destroyed his life so I left. Much more to it than that. Anyway, did he get his life to be better? No. He begged me back. Did fifteen years of drugs, alcohol and ho's.

[@MsAugustus1964]

My son passed away 5 months ago, my mom called an hour ago and told me to get my shit together or ship out , preceding to tell me what a horrible person I am , how I scream all the time and am so mean , and I have made a scene long enough about losing my son , I hung up on her and in her words shipped out .

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's cruel

[@harrietleah212]

I'm so sorry that you lost your son.

[@MsAugustus1964]

@@harrietleah212 thank you

[@MsAugustus1964]

@@SurvivingNarcissism knowing what I know she still makes me want to cry , she is cruel and I have to walk away to protect myself.

[@sallyshaw3203]

Yes! The invalidation is subtle at times but it’s constant! You just end up feeling beaten down. I lost my own identity over my relationship of 12 years.

[@sallyshaw3203]

@SurvivingNarcissism-d3e Thanks I missed it sorry. Another time hopefully. 🤞

[@andreacook6000]

I refuse to play that role that you are trying to assign to me! Love that! I love this video. Saving this. Need to keep reminding myself of what is going on. I don’t need any of these peoples approval. Detach. I can see it while I’m listening how this can be done. That’s the other thing they do they self assign themselves as the better one without permission or consent from the other person! It’s presupposed without discussion. Unbelievable!

[@davidhynd4435]

12 out of 12. And I can probably add a few as well. Crazy making.

[@Empathysuperpower]

1000%! I am so thankful for you Dr. Carter understanding these sick people has been so helpful and traumatic at the time. I’m 2-1/2 years into my education and I still listen everyday!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep learning. Glad to be on the path with you!

[@Empathysuperpower]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I’m so blessed to have found you!

[@chrispeterson1989]

My soon to be ex wife narcissist has e mailed me 9 times today, name calling shaming etc., No Contact, move on, Buh Bye

[@bobbarker1798]

Stay free.

[@Gardenwitch1954]

No one believes he is capable of abuse. Thanks Dr. C❤

[@brucefriedman1]

Subordination is practiced by nations and are therefore not immune to the pitfalls of engaging in narcissistic behavior as are individuals, too.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

YES, DrC- they call good bad and bad good! I’ve not heard you say it this way but it is literally the simplest way to describe that particular action of a narcissist. Dealing with a narcissistic neighbor right now at the store and they are being so dramatic over stupid trash cans. They just painted their building and they don’t want the trash cans to damage their paint (of course, who would want that?! No one.) So instead of talking to me about my cans, he’s decided to make the decisions for me and he has raised so much stink about it with the city that they have caved into HIM instead of allowing me any say so in the matter. One gal with the city told me “that owner has been very inappropriate but you still have to do what he says.” What?! I asked her since my actions have been appropriate, why is the city not considering what I have to say and she had no response. Seems inappropriate behavior is better nowadays than appropriate. That’s why it’s so hard to keep from catching those “narcissistic fleas.” Tbh now that I have had enough practice avoiding the fleas, it’s not nearly as frustrating to just walk away from this narcissistic neighbor. It’s still stressful tho

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They're everywhere! They're everywhere! Ugh.

[@darinsmith2458]

I agree with everything you said but the one about them not saying that they are sorry.. I have dealt with people like that but I am also dealing with someone who apologizes for lots of things but does not change their behavior..

[@theresecote9276]

I can relate to EVERYTHING you have said ! Spot on!

[@joshuahenley8246]

After being separated from a highly narcissistic partner for a few months now, I still value hearing the basic ridiculousness of narcissism from a professional. I need it sometimes because it was such a hard experience it still impacts me. Btw I do love your catch phrase “team healthy” and I think about it when I make decisions now. Thanks!

[@michelleharkness7549]

Technical People: btw: thank you 😊: again: thank you 😊

[@Teacher369]

Love and Light to you, Dr Carter ☀️ and to all those in your orbit. Peace to everyone who supports you and also to those whom you support. 🌎 ☮️

[@robinflood7334]

I have a son that fits this profile to a T. Been having trouble dealing with him for years. His dad was the same way. Had to divorce him because of his violent temper. I went through years of domestic violence and now I see my son treating his wife the same way. I’m learning a lot from your series. Just wished I’d found this years ago.

[@keariewashburn4680]

Im not ashamed of my anger anymore. Shock and awe technique now. How i show it is in relation to how they show their nastiness. I do tell the narc that THEIR CHOICE to act/ relate and communicate is unacceptable and i do not let them push that on me. Thats their responsibility. I will not tell them anything private and choices i make for myself either. The power of free choice goes both ways.

[@BaraSchmidt]

They are the author, lead actor and director of their faux-life. It's always the same 'ol playbook because they are always in a play! SPOILER ALERT - No happy endings. Ever. Stay Healthy!

[@aaronkwolfe]

... the fine line between comedy and tragedy.

[@jessybeeckman1281]

Actors in a horror movie…😅

[@carolnahigian9518]

once I told my Narcisist Hisband, " if I am so FAULTY~ why did you marry me??" my THEN HUSBAND SAID, "you TRICKED me on purpose!"""

[@gennifersk1685]

@@carolnahigian9518 🤦‍♀️

[@roseglasses1]

My recent narc says the same thing. It’s baffling.

[@jessybeeckman1281]

Omg, mine said exactly the same…

[@k.4398]

When I asked my narc boss why did you employ me and kept me for so many years if I'm so bad, he replied - "because I'm a good person and tried to help you" ....

[@craigstarjackson3026]

Knowledge is power!! THANK YOU DOCTOR!!

[@rashadjones776]

Thank you for this insightful and good advice.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@alexismerrilldragonqueen6552]

Thanks again, Gus and Dr. Carter. We appreciate you both 🐕🙏

[@spaceted3977]

I am Never Subordinate ! For I am the Mighty Space Ted, Ruler of the Universe ! Love the Videos Dr Carter !

[@judystevens6039]

They are selfish arrogant and cruel human beings they care only about themselves and what they want my middle age son has desroyed his family over another woman he is treating his beautiful daughter and myself like trash bags my grandaughter is finally expecting her first child at 37 does her father care NO she is heart broken but we need to stay Away from him as much as it hurts his favourite thing is the silent treatment hes so good at that 😢

[@pitcher618]

They act mad at you then say you are acting mad at them

[@bridgetmcbride6634]

Thank you once again for continued clarity on these people, Dr. C. Wouldn't have made it this far without you!

[@michaelthompson-li7zs]

Yup. Armed with knowledge after being discarded I still gave my N "friend" the apology they thought they deserved even though the incident was brought about by their own rage; and then I'm just quietly giving them the distance/silence that they heaped upon me. Giving them what they "wanted"

[@crishuez]

Calling bad good-- he would say his anger was caused by me making him hide certain truths about himself. So, essentially he was angry that I "made him" lie, cheat and cover his path. He knew I would be angry if he told the truth. That was my cue to leave.

[@vickiegroome3220]

This is projection. His issues he is not dealing with so just put them on you . Lazy but so easy.

[@andreacook6000]

Just watched again. Oh my goodness Dr C I just figured out, don’t worry about what they say or do or how they treat you or put you down, just go out and do the things you are going to do that is the thing they will see that will truely show them who you are. Once your away from them they can’t stop you from achieving! They can’t stop you from shining! And when you do and become who you are without including them in any of it, your actions will speak louder than any words can do!

[@andreacook6000]

I just leant so much from this video! Wow! I finally get to understand this!! As you were speaking I could see how this has played out throughout my life in different relationships and scenarios. I finally get why people do this! I have carried the results of this in me that feeling of being one down, and being forced to doubt myself or feel incompetent and afraid. They also never acknowledge you when you do well, to keep you down. That’s a really hard one, striving to do right by them and do good things that a different person would be so happy and grateful for or think wow that’s really good. I could never figure out why that would happen or, when I did a good thing I would get in trouble for it or put down. It’s going to be amazing to have a life where I’m not being put down anymore. Or, if someone does put me down at least I’ll understand why they’re doing it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Andrea...It stimulates me to see your lightbulbs turn on! Keep learning!

[@NancyBrown1975]

Thanks again Dr. C. I have been through all these things on repeat and still got to the other side listening to your videos.

[@sharisimonehampton5434]

As always, Doc, you know these ondividuals are difficult. Thanks for the useful advice you give. I could not have survived without it. 😉👍♥️

[@kathyoconnor7801]

Sopt on!!!

[@joannajohnson696]

Thank you Dr. C for this new video on the Narc. Good to see you and Gus. I always take notes on your videos.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome, Joanna. I know you're invested in personal growth, and I respect that greatly.

[@Greenwings701]

And even if they used your input or idea, they will NEVER give you credit, NEVER thank you. They'll never acknowledge you in the same conversation. It's astonishing. If you're not used to getting credit where it's due, you may not realize it right away. You were counted OUT.

[@scharlesnicole]

Thank you 🙏

[@tamitorres3413]

You are a great teacher, thank you!

[@mariarozycka2225]

My 90-year-old mother!!!! All my life has been like that😢

[@rebellaire55]

My dad checked all the list 💯💯💯

[@rosieE121]

Right on again! It always surprises me how well you know the ex.

[@kimmykay-qs9vk]

I think my narc wrote the playbook….extremely covert…acts so polite and proper…a Christian minister. He gets 100% of the 12 tactics to preserve his public image.

[@wingsly]

So helpful and many thanks Dr. C! ❤

[@alimccreery755]

Every word on point 👍👍

[@flyinbry]

amazing explanation. thank you

[@ginkgo2021]

Oh my the anger provoking followed by anger shaming was horrendous And his anger was justified but mine was not. When he discarded me the first reason he gave was he said “you’ve been always-angry for 22 years!” So specific! And he’d also keep secrets but occasionally would start out a conversation with “OK I’ll tell you what happened.” When I never inquired if something had happened! And finally he let me know that “nobody likes you.” Sooo not true.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

He was expressing his fear that no one likes him. That's his projection!!

[@sallyshaw3203]

I love everything about your channel! Respect!! 🫡

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you!

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I recognized at least five. The traits that are the most prominent in my situation are keeping you dependent on them, the blaming, the moral compass (a very painful issue for me), and keeping secrets.

[@antheredhen]

100%. My husband's been through 6 jobs in half a year.. Somehow his failure to keep a job is because of me and my needing a bigger house? It's average and was cheaper than rent. But for years whenever he's ripping through jobs I get "if I was a bachelor I could have a little place. Like that has anything to do with him being fired repeatedly.. We were in a little house paying more in rent than this house.. His theory never makes sense.. It's his controlling attitude that gotten him fired about 17 ish times in 33 years.. They are insane..

[@cymbolichuman433]

I hate what has been my lack of knowledge has been done to me.

[@mythologic]

Do not forget the narcissistic power voice they use😂

[@amarbyrd2520]

They will sometimes literally look down their noses as they try to talk over you

[@roseglasses1]

The tone of blistering disdain and contempt. I found it devastating.

[@fireupyourheartfortruth]

Thank you a Dr. Carter!❤

[@nduality4686]

You nailed it!

[@sallyjaynes2433]

No. 6 hell hath no fury - *Covert styling

[@LaudenElizabeth]

Spot on!

[@sagenutrition7342]

youre really awesome! May God Bless you

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@ozzyhouston2535]

The one I knew for many years thought he was entitled to lie and manipulate. But when I would not accept his beliefs, he falsely accused me of shady character. It was amazing how he believed he held the moral high ground. I guess, in a sense, he was projecting or doing the reaction formation.

[@alankeeling2946]

THEY MAKE YOU CRAZY THEN BLAME YOU FOR BEING CRAZY - treat them like they don't exist - the more you engage with them - the worse it will get for you.

[@nutrigorgeous2736]

How countries keep u fearful

[@sallyshaw3203]

I noticed that! The flexible moral compass. So glad I’m out of it. Never again!

[@slimshany4602]

Thank you ! So accurate 👍🌼

[@DevorahTafus]

This is a little off topic, but that shirt looks fabulous on you. It even makes you look a bit younger. I just love that color. (I can't help it, I'm a designer.) Your wife has good taste in clothes, or you do, whoever does the shopping.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks. BTW, I usually buy my own clothes. She seems ok with that.

[@BrayzenPaddles]

You're videos help me alot. TY Doc.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome.