The Hidden Psychology Of Sexual Conflict - David Buss | Modern Wisdom Podcast 319

David Buss is one of the founders of the field of Evolutionary Psychology, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas and an author.
The topic of sexual deception, harassment and assault are an emotive, highly charged conversation. Men are accused and women are afraid. But why do these conflicts even arise? Why is it that men and women's sexual desires diverge? David's new book opens Pandora's Box to this murky world.
Expect to learn the key sex differences men & women desire, how the over-perception bias explains much of why we are confused, why women are attracted to bad boys, how men are mentally hardwired to objectify women, how mate-value discrepancy can cause all manner of catastrophes and much more...
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#psychology #dating #relationships
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[@ChrisWillx]

Press Subscribe for more uncomfortable truths.

[@dlmetzger]

I'll take my lumps as a man. Will the women take responsibility for their part in bad relationships? Why is paternity fraud never a topic for discussion? Who commits the majority of child abuse? Hint: women. This guys is very biased. Woman good, man bad, agh! If you don't address objectively address all sides of an issue, you will never make a good decision.

[@octopus4925]

@@dlmetzger men who didn't want children often just leave as the social stigma is much lower for them for leaving. But the proportion of present fathers who commit child abuse is actually higher than the proportion of present mothers who commit child abuse.

[@joeblow407]

Additional uncomfortable truth: If only women voted in the US, all states would turn blue. If only men voted in the US, all states would turn red. A more exacting truth of politics is that it's not specifically liberal against conservative, but actually a long term gender war. Politics is a gender war. 🤯

[@FredCarpenter-pb6bd]

The perception of truth is relative to brainwashing, and I have yet to encounter even one individual who is aware that they've been brainwashed. The average person is functionally insane.

[@FredCarpenter-pb6bd]

@@octopus4925 Define "abuse". Should brainwashing and indoctrination into the cult of society be considered abuse even if it's "normal"?

[@warmflash]

I forwarded this to a self-described progressive I know and she shut it down after three minutes declaring the conversation the work of Trump supporters, racists and misogynists.

[@KhukuriGod]

The funny thing is Buss is biased towards females.

[@barbarastrayhorn4667]

That's too bad. Listening to other viewpoints is crucial to growth. I feel sorry for her.

[@warmflash]

@@barbarastrayhorn4667 The same woman declared the French, Dutch and other European crowds protesting Covid mandates to be Trump supporters and white supremacists. It's come to this.

[@petercrawford6687]

@@warmflash i've run into this. i think it has less to do with the content and more to do with the demographics of the guys in the conversation. if you have two straight white guys talking, these get shut down very quickly by certain kinds of people with their response being that they've already heard the white males voice and it's time to hear others. it you were somehow able to sub out these two straight white males with a trans person and a black female, these type of people would be much more open to hearing the conversation from beginning to end. it's the presenters that is being found offensive compared to the subject matter which is fucking silly.

[@14DK1]

My sister is just like this... I really hope it's just a phase or part of the age cuz of this kind of thinking continues I'm really scared for the future of western society in general

[@stephaniekitchen4819]

Chris, you are brilliant! Your questions and comments are based in an education and understanding that is relatively rare. For the bulk of my 30 year career as a therapist, I’ve worked with female victims of partner abuse and sexual assault, as well as with men who’d been referred to a program to address and eliminate abusive behavior. Yet I have learned a bunch just from this 1 hour (too short) interview with David Buss! I will get the book, and give copies to many of the men and women in my life who could benefit from a deeper understanding of the nature of men and women.. Almost everyone, right?! Thanks for the work you do.

[@RPMentorTokyoChannel]

I'm greatly appreciative of Dr. Buss' works.

[@oddfitnesstimbrennan560]

Mr. Buss thanks for the awesome information. Chris you have some of the best content on the Tube Period

[@CrunchyGreenWater]

New subscriber here. Great interview with David Buss! I really appreciated your contribution to the dialogue as well. Looking forward to watching your other material.

[@averagejoe2043]

A difficult yet necessary conversation. Already added his book to my list. Great episode!

[@supernate223]

So glad I found this podcast.

[@manusha1349]

This was super interesting! Great podcast, Chris

[@martynspooner5822]

This channel is so good the variety of topics and the quality of guests is brilliant. I have learned a lot, often about things I had not even thought of. Thanks a lot it is really appreciated.

[@captainbeastazoid7084]

I 100% agree with Dr. Buss' statement that most forms of extreme sexual violence are committed by men. It's simply the truth. That said, I was victim of a sexual abuse from an older female in my family and the long-term effects for me have not been good. I think sexual abuse committed by women towards their sons or brothers is vastly underreported, particularly covert, emotional, incest. Also, deep beat mothers, which may be a modern phenomenon, are a common problem as well.

[@dahliaherrod4301]

You are absolutely correct about that and it is a huge problem especially within the black community that never ever gets discussed. I genuinely believe that part of the reason why we have so many men who have so many issues with sex it's because they were introduced to a way too young and told that it was a good thing when it's really not. I would love to have women specifically discuss this seedy part of human relationships more because it's a huge problem.

[@devicemangler]

Kathleen Wournos

[@mahamirza2388]

So very very informative - one of the best episodes I've seen.

[@Wingedmagician]

This is one of my favorites. Going to be relistening to it thank you so much

[@rickdaniels1000]

This was so depressing to listen to…

[@helenarii]

This is one of the best episodes of yours, Chris. David Buss is simply amazing. Thank you for delivering this one to us! 👏🏼

[@elsbells.]

Very awesome episode. This man is a G.

[@pommieMJ]

Brilliant interview 👏👏👏👏

[@rangerwhite7091]

Any man wanting to keep his job doesn’t go near women in the workplace these days.

[@beepbopboop7727]

We are hoping

[@adamwarlock5286]

​@beepbopboop7727 Or not you at least.

[@diutrinh1240]

Just like the post-modern time when the genders are heavily regulated and separated.

[@wojiaobill]

@@beepbopboop7727 sure you are

[@deathbycognitivedissonance5036]

Excellent!

[@cosmicartsastrologicalserv242]

Fantastic conversation. It's so interesting to hear that women underestimate sexual interest. I've been in a few situations where EVERYONE IN THE ROOM could see that a man was interested in a certain woman, but she herself didn't pick up on it. I have also BEEN THAT WOMAN. I had to be told by other people that a man was showing interest in me. When I was young, I learned to be very careful what I said or did around boys/men because they interpreted everyday friendliness as sexual interest. I would hear them talking sometimes about a girl "liking" them when she was not interested at all and had only told him he dropped his pencil or whatever. This episode brought up a whole string of memories for me, some of which were very amusing. Thank you.

[@Heidi123]

Yep a male friend of mine claimed a woman was stalking him at work and that he didn't fancy her so she was wasting her time. I and other women pals had to point out to him that it looked to us that she was just checking he knew he could ask any work/ technical questions if he was struggling (he was new in the team). She was just a bit of a micro-management type team-member (ie a bit annoying/ interfering)...he saw it as an interest in him sexually/romantically.

[@mikasasukasa4479]

Dr Buss is an amazing evolutionary psychologist

[@KatieLouise98]

That was a brilliantly engaging conversation! Definitely be adding the book to my (long) list! Good job once again

[@isengart]

Another great one, Chris. Bravo!

[@TGP109]

I find it hard to believe that Buss is ''shocked'' by content creators teaching men ''dark triad'' traits since he's been on many of those same creators podcasts. It helps to keep in mind that evolutionary biology is just a series of theories and not facts.

[@PhantomFilmmaker-jd9ho]

You have to do what works, unfortunately

[@TheSimonG]

19:25 brilliantly formed question Chris, you really unearthed Buss' motivations behind his thought processes. He was 15 in 1968 and got his PhD from Berkeley in 1981 when he was 28. He is the generation that decided what university studies into men and women are permitted nowadays and over the last 40 years. Evolutionary psychology and evolutionary biology are the key explanations to our relationship troubles today but the information is bottle-necked because of oversight and misdirection by biased gatekeepers.

[@schahrzadmorgan]

I would like to know how women abuse men (emotionally likely) because all this anti male stuff is not helpful to our society. If we see that men and women both are flawed then it would be a more fair tale.

[@TheSimonG]

@@schahrzadmorgan if you substitute the word "abuse" for "take advantage of" it would be easier to see the unfairness. Men and women both take advantage of each other but every single way of men taking advantage of women is dissaproved of, discouraged or has been made illegal and every single way that women take advantage of men is promoted, supported or championed. Think of all male and female interactions: dating, marriage, pregnancy, divorce, child custody, sexual encounters, employment, earnings etc

[@TheSimonG]

@@schahrzadmorgan Then, when you have identified all the ways that women take advantage of men in those situations, substitute the phrase "take advantage of" and replace it with the term "abuse" and there you have a list of how women abuse men.

[@schahrzadmorgan]

@@TheSimonG Thank you for your reply. Being grandiose or boundaryless is not limited to either sex. I choose to be the best version of myself and attract good friends along the way. I wish you well.

[@mup1537]

@@schahrzadmorgan it’s way harder to measure. Violence rates are easy to measure so it will never be easy to say conclusively. At least not now

[@kellyf6642]

Impressive guest!! Chris your podcast is just getting better and better with each episode. Good on ya!

[@kellyf6642]

@@samuelyates9165 Yup that's why I'm impressed! I'm a psychology graduate :)

[@MrDreadEnd]

intro snippet was much needed verbalization of something I've been meditating on. The overweighting of a segment of a population

[@drakoan]

If you are being consistently blamed for the actions of other individuals then it is perfectly natural to take offence to that.

[@mup1537]

💯

[@TGP109]

Of course, so don't wonder why women get pissed off at Red Pill assholes.

[@FredCarpenter-pb6bd]

Yes, I am God and Satan rolled into one and a popular scapegoat. I have come to the conclusion that humans are quite insane.

[@user-ic7gl9nz1m]

the most important question is at about 32:00, good job Chris

[@erikyang4260]

Thanks!

[@elmateo77]

How many s3xual partners would you like to have? Men: 15-20 Women: 4-5 The question he forgot to ask: How many partners have you actually had? Men: 3 Women: 50...ish

[@IvyShaw13]

50 really? Males will consistently insult women and still wonder why they are single and sexless. But hey keeping spreading misogyny if that's how you get your rocks off.

[@Stringwar]

This stuff is really interesting but personally I feel it's lacking a deeper dive. We really need to take into account the damage that divorce does to (good) men, but not only that, the sustained damage caused by women using the legal system even if they have broken the relationship through infidelity and subsequently living with another man. This is something that only those men see and feel, if you're not a victim of this behaviour others tend to suspect the guy deserves it or that other people simply don't care because it doesn't affect them.

[@Justkimchii0111]

I think this would be an interesting follow up video since this video mostly focused on the effects of rape/harassment on women so it would make sense to me to have a similar topic from the men’s point of view. I personally don’t think the video is “lacking” in the sense that the speakers research is specifically based on how men and women are programmed to think and act, so I understand why most of the conversation went the way it did. The conversation can probably deepen if they choose another person with more extensive research on the effects of divorce on “good men”. I haven’t seen all of the videos from this channel so I wonder if there’s a topic like it somewhere in this channel.

[@IdeasAboveStation]

David Buss is a professor of evolutionary psychology. He’s not a legal expert nor otherwise is an expert on the social impact of divorce on men. While he can and does argue for female strategies for mate switching or breaking of costly relationships, why should we expect him to have a detailed understanding of the fall out? It’s not his area. It’s like asking a nuclear physicist how a nuclear bomb detonates but then expecting him to know how the weather patterns will affect nuclear fall out. He could give educated guesses, but if it’s not his area of specialism then seek your answers elsewhere.

[@Stringwar]

@@IdeasAboveStation It seems that you may have a bit of Asperger's. Nobody is asking for you to explain anything, we're just simply stating where we would like to see the conversation develop and lead. I didn't say anything about this guy's professional knowledge of lack of expertise in the consequences of relationships, the conversation just needs to develop and evolve in order to gain meaningful insight and analysis as these are the answers people are seeking. It's the "so what" element of any conversation, you speak about the What and the How, then you should explore the Why, When, Who and where. This is the basic premise of problem solving or research and evaluation 5WH model. Whereas you've just turned up to scald people speaking out loud, it's a bad You Tube comments habit. If you've got nothing of actual value to add don't bother.

[@IdeasAboveStation]

@@Stringwar Wow. Ok. There’s no need to make assumptions about my, or anyone’s, cognitive faculties. For clarity, no I am not diagnosed to have ASD or any related disorder. For another, I don’t think you could make any such diagnosis from a lone comment on a YT video. Talk about hypocrisy of ‘comment etiquette’. But ok, I can see that my comment may be interpreted to be somewhat abrasive, but it was meant in good faith to illustrate that this isn’t the man for the ‘deep dive’ you said that this conversation needed. You literally said “[…] it’s lacking a deeper dive”. I.e. this conversation. Not another conversation. To that end, I’m explaining why that was not the case and why Prof. Buss is not the man for that conversation. So again, seek those answers (or that conversation) elsewhere. Or otherwise, perhaps you could have framed your wish for such a deeper dive without the need to make it the fault or insufficiency of this conversation, as you have done here. Or perhaps you don’t see my point in which case, have the final word. But do us both a favour, and lay off the ad hominem’s.

[@Stringwar]

@@IdeasAboveStation You comment was the opposite of good faith, it's intent was to be a smartarse and be argumentative. It's not simply abrasive to be patronising and strawman a comment. It's disingenuous. You tube comments are mostly, when genuine, simple musings, ruminations and like I say thinking out loud in the moment. I mean do you really think I'm sat here waiting for the answer to my query, of course I go elsewhere to examine other perspectives from other experts. It's not Ad Hominem to query your psychological nuances. The You Tube comments section is full of dark triad personalities and you wore yours on your sleeve, just calling it out, maybe you'll even reflect and modify your behaviour so as to not provoke other people in a Narcissistic fashion. Like I said, you've added no benefit to this comment thread other than to assuage your own sense of self importance.

[@membersonly4977]

1:04:38 hahaha love the honesty, we need more of that!

[@carldavies4776]

Incredible video...I do wonder if we'll ever get a clear image of unvarnished human nature...I wonder what that would teach us?

[@MrBeatthemusic]

Great topic, Amazing guest! Well its hard to for men today. As an averange man using Dating apps is in Best case wasting time un worst case causing depressions. So what us the Best way to find a suitable female Partner. At work its way to risky to approach any woman since i like to keepmy job.

[@LivingALifeOfAbundance]

Not getting married in your 20s and 30s is like missing out on buying the last ticket for the Titanic

[@em3sis]

I disagree. It's worked out wonderfully for me, but I can see how it's incredibly difficult for some as men are having their usefulness siphoned away from them steadily while women have not yet stripped themselves of hypergamous dating habits.

[@RosieAmlett]

The amazing benefit to getting married young is you grow up together and influence each other and it really makes you one. Not that you can't get this kind of bond later in life but I imagine there is a benefit to getting married while your frontal lobe is goo and while you're finding who you are together.

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

@@em3sis female hypergamy is a myth

[@alexavasquez1992]

@@RosieAmlett husband and I got married at 24. It's been five years but we've already grown so much together

[@reginasemenenko148]

I disagree. Not everyone is grown up enough in their 20s. I married after 40 because I couldn't find someone who respected my values. I married him when I found him and I am very content.

[@fiveleavesleft6521]

I'm not sure what he was getting at when he said that sexual harassment limited female sexual choice? Things like forced marriage clearly do but he seemed to be largely talking about the West. Also, there seemed to be a lack of joined up thinking (or maybe just the short interview) between the idea of female sexual choice, women's lower attraction levels to men in general and the incel issue. To put it simply, if female sexual choice is optimised (over maybe pragmatic partner selection) surely it's pretty obvious that more and more incels will be created if women are generally only interested in the top 20% of men. That is a social catastrophe in waiting.

[@Sluttybags]

Scrolled through to see if anyone else put this thought together. His thinking is thus: "women already control the sexual marketplace, so they should be given even more power over it because sometimes they have a fear of a few men." And just a few minutes before this he described the evopsych reason this behaviour evolved in men: because they needed to capitalize on few opportunities. In practice, his thinking then leads to even fewer opportunities by assigning women the "right" of hypergamy with no way to check/balance it (not saying harassment/r@pe is a balance against hypergamy). That's great news for the top 5-10% of men (like Chris and myself), not so great for the bottom 90%.

[@deleted01]

@@Sluttybags "like Chris and myself" lol

[@kar1837]

​@@Sluttybags But what are your suggestions for women then? I can definetely see your logic and I mostly I agree with it, but what is the alternative for women? Not to go for the men they are attracted to in order to please more men? Such that the men left out doesn't become women-hating misogynists and eventually rapists? Often times when these sort of things are brought up in comment sections etc., there seems to be a burden placed on women to make sure that men don't become incels or rapists. Also, as with the evolutionary factor related to men needing to capitalize on few opportunities and resorting to violence, the logic also applies for women wanting the best partner. Men and women are different, the consequences of having sex are far greater for women than for men, resulting in women wanting some form of security when they choose sexual (or life) partners. This is also an evolutionary fact. Another thing I wonder is how you put in a check or balance on female hypergamy? To be clear I completely agree that it is definetely something we should as a society talk more about, but I just don't see how we realistically can completely stop it from happening. I definetely feel for the boys and men that feel like they are completely unattractive and unwanted and we should do all that we can to help them get out from the dangerous and lonely place they're in. But I would also like to say that women are far kinder and generous than (some) men seem to think. Rapists and abusers and sexual harassers are often used to degrade all men, but the same can be said for women. Many women capitalize on men's sexual desires sexualizing themselves on IG and selling porn on OnlyFans, but that's far from all. None of my friends do either of those two things (and, not to brag, I've got a lot of friends) and we all find it embarassing that some women and girls actually choose to do this. We'll all do well to remember that neither men nor women are monoliths.

[@KhukuriGod]

@@kar1837 Trying to control female hypergamy is like trying to control men's attraction to slim, busty women. The only thing we can do is watch as society crashes and burns.

[@fiveleavesleft6521]

@TheMsPowers The point is that being "suitable" in the past was far easier than it is today. As a man you basically needed a steady income or land to grow stuff to be seen as marriageable and women's hypergamy would be hugely limited by geographical factors. Your second point isn't backed up by the data. Ok Cupid found that women rate 80% of men as unattractive whilst men were far more reasonable. The same goes for every dating site- men swipe, like and message at a rate many times higher than women.

[@reginasemenenko148]

He is correct. Only young women are attracted to bad boys because a grown up woman knows a bad boy will not be a good husband and father. I have never been attracted to bad boys because my Mother told me to look for a man of character, integrity and duty. If women want security they need to choose a man who has a stable mindset. Shame on the parents who are not teaching sons and daughters to vet the opposite sex! That is Dating 101!

[@andrewu2480]

don't lie

[@Feber2001]

A girl that wants a bad boy deserves all the instability she'll get (from him).

[@DAEDRICDUKE1]

@@andrewu2480 silence incel

[@Asto508]

@@andrewu2480 Slawic name, probably gold digger, so no surprise

[@taras3702]

By then they have been impregnated, sodomized, infected and passed around by bad boys......which is why men who are not bad boys but know their worth want nothing to do with them.

[@laurentchampoux5768]

Dr. Buss perfectly nailed the explanation for evolutionary psychology

[@DouglasD.]

Heard Heard of David from Tai Lopez. Great interview.

[@schahrzadmorgan]

Do women engage in emotional violence while men use physical violence?

[@nackedgrils9302]

On average, yes. Women do not have the same ability to use effective physical violence on a man than the opposite so they have to resort to different tactics. You should look into other podcasts that hosted David Buss, namely the episode on the Lex Fridman podcast and the Jordan Peterson podcast. In both conversations they went a lot more in-depth in these matters. His books are probably your best option though.

[@schahrzadmorgan]

@@nackedgrils9302 Yes I've watched them and alsp read books on evolutionary psychology. Just didn't run across anything on women and emotional violence. Thus the question

[@wojiaobill]

from experience I would say mostly yes

[@bassk1000o]

Women use the "white knight" men to fight their battles

[@ronallan8680]

1:03:40 LOOOL! I've met girls that confused me too. I made a rule when I was a teenager, "If she's in a Customer Care/ Customer Support role, she is Absolutely NOT hitting on me, and if she is, then the burden is on Her to make it more obvious before I reciprocate!"

[@samwalton4598]

At 51:00 Mr. Buss is commenting on Online dating. 80% of the women are going for the top 20% of the guys! This is what is actually happening and I believe he misstated this fact. But this is a very interesting conversation. I love his work. Good show!!

[@nackedgrils9302]

It's crazy how Chris has the ability to get incredible guests on his podcast, yet most of these episodes seem to slide under the radar for most viewers. I've listened to quite a few of his podcasts and have enjoyed the nuanced conversations, just like this one, but I'm usually underwhelmed by the quality of the comments (not the case here for some reason). The incels/blackpilled guys don't seem to have clicked on this one and I think that they should. This is the type of conversation that could really help them.

[@reece5934]

How does Chris formulate such insightful questions?

[@tefilobraga]

Cos he's an intelligent guy (and presumably prepares his interviews).

[@anewagora]

It sounds like he was blind to a large portion of women's dysfunctional/abusive behavior and that warps the focus of his book. Somehow he missed the narcissistic and Borderline mothers and the epidemic of single motherhood and how that impacts the kids? It's hard to see anything he says as accurate if he is ignoring a major section of behavior, anything else would be missing context or cause-and-effect.

[@lameduck3630]

Tom Torero recommended David Buss's book.Not sure which one.

[@nickst0ne]

I'm one year late but for what it's worth: great episode! I do feel like David Buss isn't quite doing justice to men's suffering and the bazillion different ways we get shafted in what amounts to total indifference. But whatever... Keep up the good work!

[@tefilobraga]

Thinking about it coldly, this is understandable. On average, men are much more capable of inflicting horrendous damage on women than the other way around. Not to minimize the psychological (or even less extreme physical) harrassment that men may suffer.

[@awsambdaman]

I was kinda feeling the same way but I just chalked it up as “you can’t make a book about everything”

[@joedavis4150]

... All the wisest people of all times, have said two things : simplify, and look to Nature....... any psychology that helps us adjust to the damaging rat race, is just boosting our maladaptive Behavior.

[@user-sm3vr9qp9s]

I want my book.

[@d33pLuM]

Is it possible that people have been evolving to refuse being oppressed/suppressed by others and it becomes more and more obvious the less oppressed/suppressed we become? Or when we feel we’re losing control over others?

[@alcibc3037]

You should get Adam lane Smith for another video that was amazing!

[@VeeruSingh-ww4nr]

I want to read dark triad articles that you talk about in the Meninism section.

[@user-sm3vr9qp9s]

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Consequences/corrections

[@uenmm4745]

The fact that David Buss thought she was hitting on him makes me very suspicious of this woman's behavior. At some point women has to realize that there is appropriate ways to behave around men just as for us men we have to behave appropriately around women.

[@mary-janebelec9082]

Relationships observed as a child has a lot to do with how you end up with specific partners. We repeat patterns.

[@epixen3339]

A tip for all men, even researchers, is don't listen to what women say, but rather look at what they do...

[@epixen3339]

Sorry @@bro4539 , but this is especially about women, for so many reasons

[@cynthiajohnson9412]

@@cantbendknee No shit. I think Epixen 333 is one of those creepy, problem guys discussed in the video who can't take no for answer. Yikes!

[@epixen3339]

No @@cynthiajohnson9412 :)

[@cynthiajohnson9412]

@@epixen3339 Eh, Yes! Your statement above has proven you are, not only incredibly disrespectful of women, but down right delusional. And apparently you didn't even listen to the interview-I don't even know what to do with that.

[@cynthiajohnson9412]

@@epixen3339 Oh and just so you know, you don't have the option of just ignoring what a woman says when she says 'no'. The United States actually has laws against that very thing. Go figure.

[@anonymissed3611]

29:30 As in nature, males are still expected to do the pursuing. It is inevitable that signals will be misinterpreted or imagined/hoped for . Take the physical contact issue. A man opens himself up to an HR visit if he does so. A woman doing same is portrayed as merely friendly or "touchy feely". If you have women who express desire for higher achievers under higher achievers trained to do the pursuing......

[@yllwhrn]

4:01 🤔😧

[@ohsweetmystery]

Why not just have everyone honestly state their own feelings on the potential interaction? Just ask and answer honestly, on BOTH sides.

[@alexavasquez1992]

Probably too many people have had bad experiences with being too honest too early on. He touched on this when he discussed the concept of soft rejection in the workplace

[@windstormstrike]

Ok, so if almost all attempts at courtship signaling is DIS-ingenuous, then what is genuine???

[@paulus5877]

I feel this whole notion would disencourage men to make any moves and rather stay lonely than behaving "badly".

[@mary-janebelec9082]

Men's discomfort is nothing compared to women's oppression. We all get that it's not all men. The men who act badly go to great lengths to convince women that they won't. Saying that it's not all men doesn't help us to discern which men! The fact that women have to be alert & cautious says it all.

[@CmoIsDaNam3i]

Man. Learning about this makes me NOT want to get any girlfriend or married period. Thanks Chris for thr guest! And no. I'm not joking. It really does help. Relationships are frickin TOO complicated.

[@paulus5877]

That's sad and it's actually what this whole metoo, modern feminism bullshit is designed for. But, as a 27yo incel i get it. ^^

[@CmoIsDaNam3i]

That isn't sad. Its just realizing that relationship in the romantic manner are not for me. I'd rather just have a good female friend than a wife man. It makes life much easier and truthfully for me and many others there are people who are not suited for it. I find 90% of my lasting happiness from artistic creations. Even though it didnt make me any money and all that jazz my gaming montages where I got to sync my favorite clips to some of my favorite music of all time and did so for other friends too, those are still some of my favorite things to go back and watch because those memories will last forever and can also say the same with my misic, drawing, and even the sillier stuff like in middle school making Transformers out of construction paper, tape, and some other bits and bobs. I don't think a married life would fit me like that, and nor would it be easy to find anyone like that to my degree either. I'm not an incel, I get depressed and crap and get those black pill vibes too, but it tends to come a lot more from failing to meet my standards and goals and not able to figure out how to fix it whem it comes to my artistic endeavors more so than most other times really. I don't wish for people to not get married, but I do think with how its going now, its gonna be hell for those who want it, vs people like me who really just want other things in life outside of romantic relationships.

[@paulus5877]

@@CmoIsDaNam3i It's good that you have other aspirations. I still think its sad how the world evolved to this point because i bet you it wasn't that difficult a 100 years ago. Im also biased, since im lonely and wish for wife and kids but can't seem to find any girl who would want that with me. (guess i just need to work on myself) but im just saying times got a lot harder and if you take a look birth rates and divorce rates in the west, for me it is concerning and tragic. We are basically going extinct in the long run.

[@damienbarton3910]

“Relationships” “marriage” have always been a business construct, You get something and they get something, both things aren’t necessarily the same but weighed up in a beneficial way due to leverage. Might pay to learn the difference between lust and love also.

[@Stringwar]

In terms of Incels, this is a poorly understood concept and seems like a further attempt to belittle such men. In the case of the Santa Barbara killer he was horrendously bullied by other social groups. Incel wasn't the root cause of his murders, his treatment by his peers was.

[@jessecuevas6456]

You’re not listening. You can root all of that to the lack of reproductive success. A lack of respect from peers can lead to no reproductive success. It shows you lower on the social hierarchy.

[@sarahrobertson634]

@@jessecuevas6456 A lack of reproductive success can lead to lack of respect from peers.

[@Feber2001]

You're all looking at this from an evolutionary lens. That guy was severely abused by his father and step mother. He was damaged at an early age.

[@Stringwar]

@@Feber2001 Exactly. If Incels were some dangerous group of people you'd be seeing mass murder every day. The fact is, alpha males kill more women in domestic circumstances. I'd hazard a guess to say that women who have killed because of period moods have killed more men than Incels have killed women. I've known guys be a virgin for a long time then they hook up with a chick in their 30s. Relationships don't happen for everyone immediately after puberty, but someone is an Incel if they are still single by 22.

[@alexmash1353]

@@jessecuevas6456 You can root it to simply the mental damage and desperation that heavy bullying can cause. There are studies that show incels aren't that hostile towards women, usually the only people they passionately hate are themselves.

[@nicolette3436]

Another good book is The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker. He states that a woman's worst fear is to get killed by a man while a man's is to be laughed at by a woman

[@xe666]

Men have much worse fears than that

[@bentleycoupe8788]

Nicolette I don’t agree with that men have way worst fears then that.

[@charchuk7456]

It's the Truth, pithy as the one liner sounds. You've got to dig deeper or quote the whole passage to get the full value. It's about mockery, prestige, honor, and basically losing face and value in the eyes of the community. And in the small communities of prehistory, one's Permanent Record had gravity.

[@cagatayyilmazer3908]

@@charchuk7456 Then why is the female fear can be understood in a straightforward fashion and male fear has to interpreted in the right way for the author's point to be understood correctly? Kinda reminds me of biblical verses; if the straightforward message is messed up, must be your interpretation and not the verse.

[@kalig.4982]

Then this women are "mistaken". Is more much likely for a man to get killed. Often in the act to protect women and children or provide for them.

[@colettehylan19]

"Some men, subset?" I'd like percentages because there are high numbers of women being impacted. Are "bad boys" in the same category as sexual harassers???

[@Flitalidapouet]

The fact that he thinks we have freedom of speech make me doubt everything else he is talking about. If he is that blind about speech, how blind was he about the other topics ?

[@lukrecja2102]

I comment as I watch but please could you link articles you mentioned about men who coach others on dark triad behaviour. I have seen this behaviour here on you tube and I agree it's frightening. I guess from evolutionary point of view the fact that those guys don't aime on having children is somehow reassuring but they will definitely do damage to society..

[@GeraldSmallbear]

Science is catching up to reality. And Psychology is catching up to science. Another 30 years and your arguments will probably stand up to scrutiny. As it is, we have to make do with fawning interviews and zero intelligent pushback. Sometimes my side of the Culture War sucks.

[@Fuego958]

In America, where the legal standard is supposed to be objective evidence, accommodating another legal standard around sexual conduct that is inherently subjective makes sexual conduct full of landmines. If a man must wait for constant, unambiguous, and wholehearted acceptance of his interest in women, he will never talk to any woman. It is the nature of male-female interactions that men will mostly be rejected and women will mostly be disappointed, upset, and irritated by the men who approach them. Many would like to stigmatize or criminalize the "male gaze", unless, of course, that male looks like Chris ; )

[@0MoTheG]

Why do they behave badly? Because it works and they get away with it.

[@BigTunaXXX]

Thanks bro. Last thing we needed was a male-feminist interview

[@Edmond347]

The most depressing thing about this interview was that Buss felt compelled to explain who The Doors were.

[@FredCarpenter-pb6bd]

Collectivism is a political theory associated with communism. More broadly, it is the idea that people should prioritize the good of society over the welfare of the individual. "Conform... or we will make you conform."

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

Friendship comes first. Without that, there will be no sexual relationship. No exceptions.

[@frat8853]

so naive

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

@@frat8853 we're out of your league, sweetie.

[@frat8853]

@@legalfictionnaturalfact3969 yeah, my mistake, it's not naive, but rather hypocritical

[@reginasemenenko148]

I married my friend. We were friends first and it grew into a romantic relationship.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

@@frat8853 "wah wah". haha. again, as a highly sought after woman, i did not EVER consider a man who did not offer some beautiful friendship first. many were friends with me because i'm an amazing person and they saw my value as a human being, with no expectations. NO other kinds of man got the time of day. good luck getting there, little boy. put down the p r 0 n. lol.

[@liopleurodon155]

51:30 you mean: top 20% of men bang top 80% of women, bottom 80% of men compete for bottom 20% of women.

[@pujhpiuhnpiun]

100% of women find only the top 20% of men sexually attractive. Nothing to do with 80/20 rule at all.

[@Emptytopfloor]

No it’s 95/5 percentage wise.

[@wickidflash]

I’m only 20 minutes in, but am I just dating the wrong women? Because I’ve dated several women who were really, really promiscuous and abusive, one of which I had to recently file a restraining order against. I wonder if this guy’s book is based on self reporting, rather than experience and observation.

[@tefilobraga]

Is there a chance that you suck at choosing women?

[@LionKimbro]

10:00 -- In the world of gay men's sex, something like the "disaster" situation plays out, and -- quite honestly, I've got to say: It doesn't look all that bad. That's what I wish for with women. "I would like to face the peril."

[@anthany4719]

Men….and women are different. That’s why it’d work better in the gay sex world than in the straight one. That’s coming from a gay guy 😅

[@paulus5877]

As a 27yo incel, this is hard to listen to. Btw, birth rate and male virginity is going down to extinction levels.

[@cattheveganartist]

I think he’d find it interesting to study Asexuality in humans. It’s not always about sex for everyone. For some of us sexual attraction, or even sexual desire, has nothing to do with our search for partners.

[@nackedgrils9302]

People who self-report as asexual are (from my anecdotal knowledge) all people who are uncomfortable with their sexual identity or who have had issues with abuse (especially from parents) in their childhood or teenage years. If none of this occured, another explanation would be an hormonal imbalance in their mind or body (maybe biological or related to some mental illness). These people should seek therapy instead of validating themselves in their illness by saying that this is a valid ''sexual orientation'' or whatever they might call it. My point is that this should be studied by psychiatrists and not by evolutionary psychologists because there's no evolutionary explanation to a genetic dead-end.

[@cattheveganartist]

@@nackedgrils9302 again speaking for myself NONE of what you suggested applies to me, yet I very much identify as Asexual. Have done for nearly 20 years now - since I found out about it being a real thing. Perfectly comfortable with my “sexual identity”. (Being in my early 40s now I would certainly hope I’d be comfortable with it by now.) Never experienced sexual abuse - be that from family, friends, strangers, or partners. Have had my hormones checked - more than once (for unrelated issues) - and came back normal every time. I highly recommend reading “The Invisible Orientation - An Introduction to Asexuality”. It’s available as an audiobook too if you prefer.

[@cattheveganartist]

@@nackedgrils9302 also, one of my public playlists, in my channel, is about Asexuality. Educate yourself. Your comment is so ignorant and backwards thinking it’s painful.

[@cattheveganartist]

@@nackedgrils9302 the dangerously false beliefs you have expressed here are the reason why so many people who are not heterosexual are driven to safe-hatred, self-destructive habits, and all too often to take their own lives. Yours are the beliefs that lead to conversion therapy. Corrective rape. Drug addiction. Attacking, disbelieving, disrespecting, mistreating, torturing, and even killing, of homosexuals, bisexuals, Asexuals, and others who are not purely heterosexual. Please educate yourself on a matter before spouting such ignorant, offensive, and outdated, nonsense about it.

[@steffihaas7490]

No offence, but you're not all that interesting and also you're a teeny tiny minority that has no bearing on any of these studies. Jesus, the self-importance of people.

[@pinosantilli3371]

How about Women? Do they have drive, goals, resources?

[@0MoTheG]

No, women have non of those, they just move around randomly and stuff happens to them.

[@pinosantilli3371]

@@0MoTheG not a good way to live tho!

[@0MoTheG]

@@pinosantilli3371 Works great for them. They get to blame everything on others.

[@meatheadscientist8061]

38:50 women are attracted to good-looking bad boy, think about it Imagine an ugly and/or a short guy being a badboy, it would be laughable 😂😂😂

[@alexDumont2020]

If this is not bashing men even more, I dont know what it is... disgusting how these so called scientists do anything to sell books.

[@drawingtom]

Reddit is full of stories about guys completely missing obvious sexual hints from women

[@ChrisWillx]

What's the sub?

[@eugenemurray2940]

Facts don't care about your feelings... DNA does not care about... What we think are Our Motivations

[@tefilobraga]

Free will: we can decide to act or not on what we will, but we can not decide what we will. This applies to sexual drive in particular.

[@JSiracusan]

The fantasy part: I think Mr. Buss is basing this all on what a survey says. He's not taking into account that women have NOT felt free to express their fantasies. Just Read the beginning and some of "My secret Garden". Women also want variety! I think it's just repressed by themselves and by men not being open to their fantasy because it's not about them! This is a big topic. that book opened my eyes though. That story at the end. There's just more to it. He thought she was hitting on him... well that could have been him, as he said, and there could have been aspects of her behavior that were drawing that out. For example, if she's functional histrionic personality type, then she will tend to over-sexualize things. There are things histrionics do with their body language and language that sexualize the atmosphere. Histrionic personality is pretty much only women. Read the DSM and it explains, and then think about that we all lean toward one of those types, but most of us function normally.

[@meatheadscientist8061]

40:25 he put this in a nice way Women don't mature they are running out of time.

[@juneelle370]

Men don’t age better than women when they need a 💊 for their 🍆 … and after 35, two headed sperm abound… autism, allergies and immune issues from men over 35 impregnating

[@yekaterinaorlova]

You are pathetic. Don't put your words in another person's mouth. He literally said 'as women mature and get more experience'. But no words or evidence can get to your brain if you're a sexist right? That's surprising (not really) how from one hour of this video you found something that is not even there just to diminish females so you could feel a little bit better than sht. Bravo.

[@gefiltefist2088]

evo psych is just so squared

[@DarkPrince784]

I’m at a point where I don’t want to ask women out because I don’t want to add to the problem of women being harassed and getting unwanted attention from women. It’s something women have to deal with a lot and I really, really don’t want to be one of THOSE guys.

[@cjones8213]

What people won’t admit is......sexual harassment is the reception of sexual attention from unattractive people. Argue with me if you disagree.

[@em3sis]

I've always agreed with this. You can do the same thing to 2 different women, one will think you are a creep and the other will think you are the hottest thing since sliced bread.

[@stayhuman7244]

you maybe right but keep in mind attractiveness is subjective. basically it's on the person who was allegedly abused or harassed to say so. like consensual bdsm. it's all about consent. not really about attractiveness.

[@em3sis]

@@stayhuman7244 consent unfortunately cannot be the end of morality and there are some elements of objectivity in there. Stockholm syndrome comes to mind. There can be such a thing as an unreasonable claim of harassment. As men can often blow rejection out of proportion, I think women can also blow sexual advances out of proportion from men who they find unattractive. 1- to dissuade the man from further advances and 2-to maintain an elevated sense of status... And I'm-out-of-your-league mentality.

[@Macheako]

@@stayhuman7244 no......just no lol So now ugly men are bad people....for being ugly???? 😂✌️ bro, ur a prick lol

[@em3sis]

@@cantbendknee is this meant to be sarcastic? He doesn't comment specifically on the artifically inflated egos of women as this podcast and his book are largely male focused (nothing wrong with this). However, your claim that all harassment is subjective is fucking insane. Women are not perfect truth-angels hovering above us.

[@Luca-xh7ng]

It would be very interesting to analyze how these dynamics are affected in societies such as Muslim countries where the value of women is legally (sharia law) inferior to men and also the aspect of accepted poligamy.

[@waddison77]

Great job! I wonder if the structure of religion, ie: Eve as the evil woman with apple, and men as the helpless disempowered person, was built around the physical awareness of men's vulnerability to their sexual desires. To 'resolve' this, to reassert power, men, via religion create a mindset that women are wicked, possibly witches, to enhance patriarchy?

[@drakoan]

That is a very specific and very debatable interpretation of the story of original sin. Have you ever considered that it may be about social power in a more general sense? The knowledge of good and evil coupled with the understanding that we are not capable of properly interpreting those variables, women develop socially faster than men and society is nothing if not an interpretation of what is good and evil. So the idea being that women may have been the ones to become socially aware first and all the corresponding merits and sins there of are birthed from there. As support for my position, women are more vulnerable to social contagion than men are, young women extremely so.

[@beebobox]

Its not men that are good and women bad Its men that are bad and women good! Or, hear me out, both are both good and bad and it just comes out in different ways. Rape and physical violence from men and reputation destruction from women. And neither gender as a whole has some grand plan for an end goal, we're all just playing this shit by ear.

[@TheSh_dow]

Why generalizing, when it's a small proportion of men?

[@alexavasquez1992]

Watch "full context: Benghazi accountability coalition event." The analogy fits

[@benwhiley9680]

This entire episode is just a session of absolving women of the consequences of their sexual actions. His example of the woman who complained to him about men staring at her breasts at work - how about not wearing a low cut top at work? His example of the student who gets flirted with by everyone, including the guest - it cannot possibly be that she is giving off signals that she wants to flirt, no instead EVERYONE else is wrong. It's the exact same defence the idiot incels use - it's not me it's them. As JBP says; if everyone has a problem with you, the problem is with you, not them.

[@tefilobraga]

well put. I was thinking the same.

[@Druids234]

So women have rights to sexual selection, etc., etc., and of course those should be respected. But what rights do men have? Timothy Corwen (author, The Worth of a Person)

[@sarahrobertson634]

None. You have no rights.

[@DarkPrince784]

Incorrect. Men have the right to have nothing whatsoever to do with women who have your attitude.

[@anthany4719]

Competition. We have the right to compete to be selected. Let the best man win

[@wizardadmin]

@@DarkPrince784 em... debatable... most men can be conscripted and sent to do some work for women who have "power"

[@garymarls]

Interesting, but this guy seems to be missing a lot of other insights

[@FredCarpenter-pb6bd]

Everything is based on normal, such as the average level of intelligence.

[@muradahsan]

Bro let him talk 😢

[@gmanrpg]

Preshumably

[@freedomsglory1]

27:20 “He note that violence against women is one of the most widespread human rights violation…” Male on male violence has entered the chat.