The Hidden Rules of Conversation

[@TomScottGo]

Please keep all vegan jokes in this thread. Or, preferably, inside your own head.

[@spywalkz1]

Hello Tom wait why is this posted a week ago? me: *visible confusion*

[@jyedurnan4793]

Tom Scott 1 week ago message on a just uploaded video 🤔

[@yousefnashwan3366]

Oh my god, 1 week ago?

[@brandonfitzgerald8705]

I refuse to accept the rights or independence of the vegan rebels.

[@magnusnate]

meat

[@FreterP]

All this, as with everything having to do with language, has to be learned. I remember calling someone and their kid answered the phone and I asked "Is your dad there?" And they just said "yes" and hung up.

[@dig8634]

They knew all that already, they just don't like you

[@burntramennoodles1723]

With a username like "Freter", I'd hang up too.

[@pizzawonderer5024]

I wanna be that kid's friend

[@kzch9923]

Power move

[@BierBart12]

I took so long to learn these rules. In an 8th grade boating course, I was just kinda looking out onto the sea. Strict instructor, with intent to tell me to do something: "Are you bored?" Me: "Nope" Instructor, surprised: "O- oh, okay" *I keep watching the sea*

[@lasangthecat8090]

*Goes to a crime scene for no reason* "Hey officer, i didn't kill him"

[@ihsahnakerfeldt9280]

Which is factually correct but because of these implied maxims is interpreted to mean something entirely different. Human communication is so complicated. It's fascinating.

[@blueninja012]

@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 you sound like an alien and it's hilarious to me

[@GTAandApplechannel]

@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 cops : seem a little bit sus to me

[@ihsahnakerfeldt9280]

@@blueninja012 I'm not an alien though. I promise. You have to believe me.

[@blueninja012]

@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 hmm, that reply took 2 months, perhaps this is due to you being far from earth when you left it?

[@Calimbandil87]

One of my favourites are: -Do you need any shaving cream. -No, I don't like how it tastes. -You eat shaving cream? -No, why would I do that if I don't like the taste?

[@ullasjoseph4502]

You must have tasted it though..at least once.

[@Sophie_the_Sapphic]

@@ullasjoseph4502 why would I do that, it doesn't taste good.

[@user-he4ef9br7z]

How do you know you don't like the taste if you haven't tried it atleast once.

[@Sophie_the_Sapphic]

@@user-he4ef9br7z *the

[@harrietyes]

@@user-he4ef9br7z assumptions, assumptions

[@johnchessant3012]

The 3 unwritten rules of conversation: 1. 2. 3.

[@hieutranminh3277]

This is underrated

[@officialSgtPepperArc360]

Uh.

[@NotASpyReally]

I laughed a lot louder than I should have

[@lukestevens6783]

I read this out and realised they are also the three unspoken rules

[@NotASpyReally]

@@lukestevens6783 Why did it take me a minute to understand im so dumb

[@c0nceited822]

My “not involved in human trafficking” shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by the shirt.

[@antsinmyeyes]

nice try matt gaetz

[@aidenbagshaw5573]

@@antsinmyeyes Best reply comment I've seen all year.

[@KnakuanaRka]

Well, why would you wear a shirt like that unless there was some reason to think you were involved in human trafficking? >_>

[@safeforwork8546]

@@KnakuanaRka that is infact the joke thanks for noticing do not pass go do not collect 200$

[@ollypebble]

uh not quirky and cool? sex work is work

[@Eri.262]

Bruh so this is why I can say “have a good day” but “enjoy the next 24 hours” is suspicious

[@mercentperrault]

Try “I'm just gonna hurt you....... really....... really.......bad” instead of just “I'll teach you alright”.

[@shortybb]

Yes

[@Djorgal]

@@mercentperrault By the way, shouldn't that be "badly"?

[@playdoughmaster808]

Honestly the second sounds like your gonna kill someone

[@Yetaxa]

I've always found any situation where '24 hours' is used instead of just 'a day' to be suspicious

[@ristopaasivirta9770]

It is actually cheaper to add the asbestos to the cereals yourself.

[@Everyyoueverymiau]

Risto Paasivirta 🤣

[@xavi.cat.4095]

I'll make sure to do that next time!

[@andimeadwell5233]

@@DarkVitamins username checks out

[@marschallblucher6197]

Yummy!

[@Big.hossss]

@@DarkVitamins no joke, presumably just two seemingly unconnected words that sound like they have some second meaning when put together.

[@johnalock1201]

"I need some milk" "There's a shop down the street" "Does it sell milk?" "No."

[@chaoticstarfish3401]

I actually do this a lot

[@munjee2]

@@chaoticstarfish3401 have you considered the Japanese art of seppuku

[@JudyBabajie]

That's why dad never came back home 🥺💔

[@namAehT]

It seems like when you break these rules there's a very good chance you come off as sounding super sarcastic.

[@leftysheppey]

@@namAehT yes, it's great

[@TheSecondVersion]

Student: "I need a recommendation letter" Professor: "There's a garage down the road"

[@ИванСнежков-з9й]

University burns out after a professor has been set on fire.

[@danishmalik2185]

If you think philosophically this might make alot more sense

[@jobansand]

@@danishmalik2185 philosophically telling the student to get a job at the garage and quit philosophy?

[@marklastenson1012]

*asks gas station manager for a recommendation of their work at the cash register*

[@danishmalik2185]

@@jobansand Or you're so bad that a recommendation letter from garage is enough for you

[@plasmodesmatra]

"I'm out of petrol" "That's good, it probably wasn't safe to be in it"

[@user-he4ef9br7z]

Damn that took almost 5 seconds to hit me

[@AkaiAzul]

"I suspect we will be igniting the midnight petroleum." ~Commander Data when attempting to rehearse the phrase 'burning the midnight oil.'

[@dontreadthispleaseibegyou]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@v2thyl153]

@@randomperson1934 Step 2. Wait for it to rain

[@aqueercommunist]

@UberKrassMann the climate crisis is already happening and ppl likely wont run out of petrol until after the 99% is dead

[@TylerBird98]

“ here’s your drink, I didn’t poison it”

[@DavidBourne001]

"We didn't burn him!"

[@Brindlebrother]

enjoy your next 24 hours.

[@NimhLabs]

I'll bet you are wondering which drink I put the poison in. Am I the sort of person to poison the other person's drink--or am I the sort of person to poison my drink?

[@barrypuccini6142]

@@DavidBourne001 Stay local

[@indikulkarni7781]

@@Brindlebrother enjoy your last 24 hours

[@Freeman4815]

Employer: what is your main flaw Candidate: I correctly interpret the semantics of the questions, but I ignore their essence. Employer: could you give an example Candidate: I could

[@Undesignedd]

But technically answer included the essence.

[@issaach]

I want to hear about you work experience. That's interesting

[@ekathe85]

Employer: What is your main flaw? Candidate: I always tell the truth. Employer: I don't think that's a flaw Candidate: I don't care what you think

[@nicholassingleton6488]

@@issaach "I figured you would, as that would be a wise way to gauge how I might work here"

[@alfiemcfarland2932]

Can you keep a secret?

[@apocalipseleaguepl9248]

Near my home there is a car wash with a giant banner saying “Using this car wash is 100% legal”. It's been there even before the pandemic. I am so concerned every time I see it.

[@impact0r]

Do legal operations concern you?

[@CallenderMan]

What's wrong with a 100% legal car wash?

[@denisnewborn4700]

"Not laundering money for my methlab"

[@devforfun5618]

to be fair, ilegal car washing is a problem where i live, you cant legaly use drinking water for that, but most places don't care they probably just bribe the cops to avoid getting sued

[@thatpersonsmusic]

@@phillipternullo4720 you just need to poison the water before you wash the car

[@JonathanRiverafrickinnice555]

"Coffee or tea?" "Coffee" "Wrong, it's tea."

[@Corwin256]

The Spiffing Brit has entered the chat.

[@gswcooper7162]

There was one little exchange in the Doctor Who serial Shada that I absolutely loved. The absent-minded Professor Chronitis has offered Parsons a cup of tea. Then... CHRONOTIS: Milk? PARSONS: Oh, yes please. CHRONOTIS [OC]: One lump or two? PARSONS: Two please. CHRONOTIS [OC]: Sugar?

[@cathipalmer8217]

@@gswcooper7162 Chronotis as in Douglas Adams, I take it?

[@sparrow4852]

No it’s avocado

[@markchapman6800]

@@gswcooper7162 Or from the Goon Show: "One or two spoons, Ned?" "Two please!" * clank * "I'm.." * clank * "sorry we haven't any sugar."

[@potatoonastick2239]

Me: "I'll have a big mac without strawberries please." McDonald's employee: "...strawberries?" Me: "No thanks."

[@TotalNigelFargothDeath]

H Y D R A T E D W A T E R

[@jorgepeterbarton]

Me; I would like to use the toilet and buy a big mac without the big mac please.

[@eoghan.5003]

"I'll have a big mac free of charge" "...free?" "Oh, that's great thanks!"

[@LeahLuciB]

And I'll have a 6.99 tip.

[@zsin128]

Potato on a stick I would eat that

[@kamikazesenpai21]

As a person who is not a serial killer, I find this video interesting

[@JoseFernandez-zi8qg]

*yet

[@giftofthewild6665]

As a person, I find this interesting.

[@olegmoki]

I find this

[@Dr.Armchair]

I find

[@bnuuy2]

interesting

[@morganeclipse9038]

Police officer: Walking by. Me: "I've done nothing wrong." Officer: ... Me: Runs. How to get arrested for not commiting a crime and telling the truth about that.

[@zachattack1279]

I think your problem is that you’re black

[@ananttiwari1337]

@@zachattack1279 I don't think black people are beat up that much by police? Why are you trying to ruin their reputation? Sure some do, but most don't, and THATS what matters.

[@RVNmax]

@@ananttiwari1337 'their'? Which party are you referring to haha. Im trying to work it out

[@robertsmith-williams5255]

@@RVNmax I have a feeling that anant's comment is legit irony, it's hard to find good examples, this could be one

[@DespOIcito]

Did you conveniently miss all of the black people who were killed when the BLM protests were happening more last year?

[@4it4k]

Server: Would you like something to drink? Customer: What are my options? Server: Yes and no.

[@neillunavat]

Yes *or* no?

[@rorymckinlay2496]

@@neillunavat either yes to drinks or no to drinks not the list of drinks

[@bfc9467]

@@neillunavat yes AND no are both options, meaning the customer should answer yes OR no. Using AND was correct.

[@louisvictor3473]

@@darkforge15 I believe the serve is a sassy computer just waiting for the signal to join the robot revolution and overthrow humanity.

[@harryhirsch3637]

@@louisvictor3473 Wait! Skynet now serves drinks?

[@nunyabidness117]

-I'm seeing stars. -Did you see a doctor? -No, just stars.

[@andrewstephens5885]

i think depending on how you say that reply it can be kind of funny for the other person

[@Sleepy_Joe]

You're getting a like, sir.

[@Moroklumpen]

"I'm seeing an actress as well as a pop singer." "Aren't you worried about them finding out about each other?" "Oh, they know. In fact, they're standing over there, having a conversation." "But do they know you're dating them?" "Who said anything about dating?"

[@angrywizard3199]

This reminds me of a writing tip, where instead of saying "a treeless plain" you say "a barren plain", because adding treeless makes people think of trees and then the absence of them

[@hdr_diamondz]

this is clever

[@user-zu1ix3yq2w]

Very nice. I always wondered about this. Here's a random tip: verbs.

[@GeorgeDCowley]

Stumps, in my case.

[@electric_whelk1653]

see I prefer treeless for that exact reason! I once read Ted Hughes describe the "strengthless neck" of a corpse and it's still one of the most harrowing things I've ever read

[@_Sparky144]

??? Can someone explain?

[@psuedoscience6943]

I’m never saying “I was being sarcastic” ever again. “I was flouting Grice’s Maxim of Truth”

[@PerMortensen]

And in doing that you'd be flouting Grice's Maxim of Manner.

[@thecinematicmind]

Per Mortensen Best Response to a KZbin Comment of The Day.

[@JerichoTheCity]

Indubitably

[@OrangeC7]

@@JerichoTheCity Inconceivable!

[@ReyaadGafur]

How irrevocably obsurd.

[@RealLuckless]

"I'm out of petrol" "There's a garage down the road" "Excellent, I'll go refill my flamethrower and carry on the chaos from there..."

[@hop-skip-ouch8798]

"But, that thing......"

[@deadgiveaway-z3i]

@@hop-skip-ouch8798 ''It scares me...''

[@danielf3623]

Yes, unexpected methods of flouting Grice's Maxims are the basis of most jokes.

[@expfcwintergreenv2.02]

Daniel F I’m never going to laugh again, thanks for that

[@1Kapuchu100]

"HMMHPPHHH!"

[@TheAmazingSpiderPunk]

This reminds me of seeing a giant building in Washington DC called "LEGAL SEAFOOD". I never have been more suspect of the legality of seafood than when I came across that restaurant.

[@juliangaming9713]

Oi I've been there, that was super odd

[@oz_jones]

@@oomfie357 seems very "trustworthy"

[@mejhdhhicbfshihids652]

Would you say that they were handling salmon in suspicious circumstances

[@jenm1]

They probably mean no sharks and stuff

[@ajs41]

Im English but I saw one of those next to the tourist boat habour in Boston.

[@markphan179]

Morbius is truly one of the movies of all time. The script was written, the actors acted and the graphics was animated.

[@oz_jones]

And it was shown on theaters

[@NikoKyunKyun]

​@@oz_jones *and it was shown

[@californiaplant-basedeater2761]

My "favorite" part was when he started flying down the subway.

[@sicsempertyrannishonk7197]

were* animated

[@mymo_in_Bb]

were

[@kitchensinkchronicles3272]

during this all i could think of was “hi, my name is micheal with a b, and i’ve been afraid of insects my whole life” “stop stop stop, where?” “where what?” “where’s the b?” *”t h e r e ‘ s a b e e ?”*

[@Cobalt985]

Oh my god this is actually a great example

[@asticlol]

This hurts my brain

[@adammichna5175]

Oh, you made my day!

[@disklamer]

Bichael - Bike, for short.

[@Halo_Legend]

micheal...?

[@EdenNov]

My favorite: "I didn't kill anyone today!"

[@billyyank2198]

But the day ain't over yet.

[@Areegatoe]

So you killed someone tomorrow?

[@Speireata4]

Good job breaking the habit then.

[@electricmaster23]

Speak for yourself!

[@xxcrypticxx3806]

There's always another day...

[@DanielPereira-ey9nt]

"this drawing looks great !" "I know right ?, and i did with my left hand" "But, you're left handed" "Yes"

[@Blought0]

"That's why I used that hand, duh"

[@dariannnnnn]

@Repent to Jesus Christ Repent to Jesus Christ repent to deez nuts

[@Yuorai]

@Repent to Jesus Christ Repent to Jesus Christ Read deez nuts

[@Mexikirb]

@Repent to Jesus Christ Repent to Jesus Christ People like you make me sick, I believe in God, but that doesn't mean if someone doesn't, I scream at them that THEIR beliefs are WRONG and that they are going to hell. People can believe whatever they want in my opinion, as long as no one gets hurt.

[@jyosh5909]

help comes from deez nuts

[@52flyingbicycles]

Reminds me of the legal idea of “the exception implies the rule” No parking 10am-4pm Monday through Friday implies parking is allowed before 10 or after 4 on weekdays, or any time on weekends

[@KirstyWales]

there are two kinds of people 1. Those who can extrapolate from an incomplete data source.

[@circuit10]

Like the "No crime" sign

[@dinodiego6channel459]

@@KirstyWales 2.

[@eTiMaGo]

There's a sign at our condo that says "no smoking in lobby, corridor, or car park". So I always think "so it's all right in the elevator?"

[@willowdoesmusic1484]

​@@KirstyWalesGENIUS

[@eternal8song]

See this is why I get really suspicious when Windows assures me that the OS update has not moved my files. What did you do to my files, Windows?

[@FoxDren]

Oh many many things. They just haven't moved

[@DragonWinter36]

“All your files are exactly where you left them.” Goddammit, now I have to check.

[@nonnymoose7005]

I think this is derived from a step in the update process known as "user profile migration," in which Windows actually _does_ move your files around (but by the end of it, they've returned to where you expect them!)

[@DragonWinter36]

@@nonnymoose7005 I guess this is why it says that your files are “exactly where you left them,” and not that they weren’t moved. Interesting!

[@albertjackinson]

This is hilarious. On a related note, I always find it funny when an operating system tries its hand at natural, contextual conversation and falls flat on its face.

[@realnoahsimpson]

Tom Scott has an excellent grasp of English and his videos are regular

[@light_david7]

No pun intended

[@1dgram]

And so are his bowel movements?

[@HarryParkin]

@@1dgram His bowel movements have an excellent grasp of English?

[@1dgram]

@@HarryParkin That would be so 'do' his bowel movements. Your grasp of English so far seems not as excellent as Tom Scott's grasp of English.

[@daphnereagle1910]

@@HarryParkin of course they do, didn't you know?

[@emilys1418]

Every teacher who says “I don’t know, caaaan you use the bathroom?” is breaking these guidelines and needs to be educated

[@mr.gilbert2790]

Actually, they’re not. They are going by the guidelines as they imply that you either can’t, or are not being polite

[@johnnyheli]

I read "educated" as "executed" and still agreed

[@spockskynet]

@@mr.gilbert2790 At this point they are as it's no longer impolite to phrase it that way. At least in the US.

[@eamonnwalker4512]

@@spockskynet You can't make sweeping generalizations like that about the entirety of US culture. Americans all hate that.

[@sydneyhammond8834]

@@mr.gilbert2790 You neglect the secondary superlative form of can that implies request for permission. Emily is correct.

[@ShiftyMalcontent]

i was not expecting to randomly stumble on a video that perfectly explains why I despise modern marketing so concisely: it intentionally breaks what we consider to be basic rules of communication in an effort to manipulate people

[@btf_flotsam478]

Politicians also do this all the time, but in a slightly subtler way.

[@JayTohab]

I sense that breaking these guidelines is the simplest form of comedy.

[@jonathanapple4828]

Ever seen Airplane?

[@darthvader2994]

@@jonathanapple4828 is that the stop calling me Shirley film?

[@jonathanapple4828]

Darth Vader ye

[@darthvader2994]

@@jonathanapple4828 then i have seen a small portion of it, i think it has the same guy who did some shows my dad liked and i very much liked my dad's humour so i will definitely see if i can find it :)

[@azlizzie]

The funniest people do tend to be very witty and great at conversation. I’m so bad at all of it. I’m only funny on accident. 🙄

[@Art1_Sec8]

from That 70s Show: Frank: I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hotdogs to teenagers Kelso: ...you have both your legs, Frank Frank: like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam

[@wspann1967]

it runs on water

[@invalidusernamee9967]

What's the show called

[@Art1_Sec8]

@@invalidusernamee9967 That 70s Show

[@Megalejo123]

Dude tf whit that pfp?

[@richard8808]

@@wspann1967 It's a boat.

[@0bread286]

"The sun is 93 million miles away! That's over 4 football fields!"

[@thatgaming1940]

i mean you ARE correct

[@bukachell]

@Heather Petersen You can also say "It's/There's at least 1" in the same scenario, no pun intended

[@stinksorstonks1498]

I always say that. If anyone asks me a question where the answer is a number I say "at least 2"

[@NGC1433]

And even longer than three toyota corollas stacked!

[@CaTastrophy427]

"You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 70 years, made this salad?"

[@lisee123]

So I learned about this is semantics class, back in the day, but it just now occurs to me that this could be a very helpful guide for neurodivergant people who struggle with conversation skills.

[@bunhead8158]

ABSOLUTELY!!!

[@kavaop2121]

am i neurodivergant?

[@HiyaJemma]

50/50, sometimes it just looks like mockery, other times it’s genuinely helpful distinguishing it

[@ijemand5672]

what did you just call me

[@Juleesuz]

You know, you are on to something there. 😏

[@infinitiv525]

-Hello, my name is Kevin without "M". -But there is no "M" in Kevin. -That's what I said.

[@joeldriesner579]

😂

[@louaial-obaidi3998]

Stop lying Kevim.

[@iuriepripa3171]

AFAIK, in Irish, you can spell "Kevin" as "Caoimhín".

[@urieldaboamorte]

my name is michael with a b

[@n0ame1u1]

@@urieldaboamorte And I've been afraid of insects my whole life

[@ThatPyukumuku]

"How many people are there on Earth?" "At least 7"

[@tatertatertatertatertater]

Probably somewhere between 7 and 9.058329*10^58

[@zekrua4006]

@@tatertatertatertatertater are you sure? because it's leaning one way or the other and some guy on xbox live mentioned my mother

[@tatertatertatertatertater]

@@zekrua4006 Well it could technically be 6 but it's a 1 in 5673 percent chance

[@-Len.]

I mean, your not wrong

[@tatertatertatertatertater]

@@segmentsAndCurves I've been able to narrow it down to between 0.3 and 69^69

[@elizabethh8579]

I had a container of snack peanuts that was labeled "May contain peanuts".

[@GrogyGames]

Hmm yes the peanuts here are made out of peanut

[@x_cross9248]

i mean, it may or may not be *m a y b e* possibly be made of what seems to be peanuts

[@thatgaming1940]

@@GrogyGames No, peanuts are made from the ground.

[@KingAndrew07]

That sounds more like rhe company just doesn't wanna get sued by some Karen who gave their kid with a peanut allergy some peanuts.

[@theantimatter]

@derek ashmead so is it illegal if you write something more meaningful in the context, like "not to be consumed by people with peanut allergies"?

[@chriss2122]

I like to say "speaking of (something we weren't speaking of)" and then go on to talk about something totally unrelated to all preceeding conversations. For example, following a conversation about the weather, I'll say "speaking of sandwiches, have you seen how much fuel prices have gone up by". The confusion on people's faces is absolutely priceless.

[@hdr_diamondz]

gotta try this

[@dougshiner9180]

It used to be really funny, but people don't seem to have the same sense of humour, or grasp of English, that they used to. And that includes people of my generation, almost like they have forgotten what they used to find amusing.

[@Corksy]

As my mind wanders faster than the conversation goes, I usually say "speaking of....pause for effect.... absolutely nothing we were talking about" then proceed with my topic. I usually get away with it. It even became a sort of inside joke with close ones.

[@joshuah4952]

Some people just want to watch the world burn.

[@Despacitoian]

@@dougshiner9180 “am I unfunny?.. no, it must be the kids who are wrong!”

[@DavidWillanski]

"Do you have any spare change?" "Yes I do, thanks for asking"

[@tatertatertatertatertater]

"Can I have some, please" "Yes" *runs away*

[@jorgepeterbarton]

Proceed to suddenly lose weight at a rapid pace. (Send answers to the crosword to...)

[@louiserocks1]

"give me your money" "sorry mate, I need it" "I have a knife" "nah that's ok I don't need a knife, bye"

[@Mynamenotyours]

“Could I have some?” “You could if I gave it to you”

[@AugustoFeyh]

- What's your name? - Tom, without a K. - There is no K in Tom! - That's what I said!

[@neillunavat]

This is getting so boring ugh

[@turborooster8548]

@@neillunavat nope, it's funny

[@lukeedwardpanganiban7891]

Fix these with: "There is no K in Tom, why are specifying that?"

[@IMarvinTPA]

So, where does the "C" go, or is it a "Q, U, E"?

[@ka-binko]

"hi my names michael with a b"

[@juntam0m0]

" Sixty percent of the time, it works everytime"

[@nonsensicalhumanoid]

I am ahead of you, I can already figure out what that means.

[@weeb69]

@@nonsensicalhumanoid it means that at least 60% of the time, it works everytime

[@Nugcon]

atleast 60% of stair accidents happen at stairs

[@weeb69]

@@Nugcon every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes

[@pungoblin9377]

“It is a garunteed probability!”

[@victordatsiuk]

"Я снова хочу в Париж" "А что, ты уже был?" "Нет, уже хотел"

[@captainclawlie239]

I am amazed that google translate managed to preserve this joke effectively when translating it into English

[@edwardklemp2266]

@@captainclawlie239 what was the joke?

[@gametmane1093]

@@edwardklemp2266 “I want to go to Paris again” “What, have you already been?” “No, I already wanted to”

[@drakez341]

@@captainclawlie239 yup, that's kinda rare with most jokes since they are language exclusive or simply sound dumb in English or whatever language you are translating them to

[@gepbalta]

Here in Hungary it goes like: "I want to f..ck [Insert any good looking supermodel here] again... And the rest is the same.

[@DA-bm2mj]

A: Excuse me, do you know what time it is? B: (looks at his watch) Yes. (walks away)

[@chilanya]

i did a workshop once to improve sales skill and one of the key things was to avoid indirect questions. they sound polite but it's better to be direct.

[@world_machine]

People tend to call that a “Mathematician’s answer.” “Is there a reason why electric eels also get stung by their electric bursts, even though it’s an important defensive move for them?” “Yes, there is.”

[@thehiddenninja3428]

@@world_machine Indeed. Because having a proof of existence of an answer does not necessarily mean that I actually have the answer. For example, I can prove that there is at least 1 prime number greater than 10^10^100. I cannot, however, tell you what any of them are.

[@ahmadtarek7763]

This so much worse in Arabic as almost all polite questions just sound like suggestions.

[@Leenapanther]

@@chilanya Open and closed questions right. Always ask open questions which the customer can't answer with yes or no.

[@tivadarbanfalvi-kovacs7913]

“I won’t tell you how much they spent on the wedding, but 40 000 $ is a lot of money.”

[@sy-py]

"So they decided to spend 20k instead?"

[@miguelgp8607]

5k is enough for a regular wedding id guess

[@arande3]

That must burn their eyes with all that wow

[@Bobromil]

Friends is a great show

[@dannywhite648]

who has 40 000 one Dollar notes

[@MrAwawe]

Petrol still being advertised as "unleaded", some 40 years after the prohibition of adding lead to fuel, seems like a textbook example of flouting the maxims.

[@IOffspringI]

Aircrafts still uses leaded gasoline. It's called Avgas.

[@Lee-bv7tj]

Old cars?

[@davidweihe6052]

Unleaded usually means the lowest octane grade, nowadays. No one labels Premium as "Unleaded" anymore, just "Premium" or "Ultra".

[@Leenapanther]

🤯My mother tongue isn't English, until this moment I thought unleaded meant that the driver can refuel themselves instead of someone who works for the gas station (someone who takes the lead in filling your car).

[@happygimp0]

Vegan, organic, GMO-free, without calories and artificial sweeteners Water - You can sell1L for 2$.

[@aussiewanderer6304]

My favourite letter of recommendation is: "You'll be lucky to have this person work for you."

[@Sasparilla_]

its like a contronym but a sentence

[@KL-le8ge]

"Would you like to participate in my survey?" "No" "Thank you for taking part in my survey!" am I doing this right

[@swivel_z1371]

Well, it seems like you took a survey anyways

[@eqqx1108]

No

[@piotrwegrzyniak5798]

Thats a survey "do people want to participate in surveys"

[@idontneedaname318]

not exactly

[@dankeman5266]

Survey about the return rate of surveys.

[@gracesteed6574]

this reminds me of adding “no pun intended” at the end of any random sentence

[@TwistTornado9]

No pun intended

[@Equa11ysurl]

This is a funny comment no pun intended

[@bukachell]

Genius, then somebody will think there's a pun! No pun intended

[@whenwhen2284]

I hope all the replies will have "No pun intended" at the end of them. Also, no pun intended

[@Equa11ysurl]

@@whenwhen2284 I agree. No pun intended!

[@ToxicWyvern1]

Grice: "Cooperate, Be Honest, Be Relevant, Be Clear" Politicians: *shifty eyes*

[@FairyRat]

Also corporate-speak.

[@jjperceval]

Scott Morrison has left the chat

[@stirfryjedi]

The reason why here in DC we *always* prefix "true" onto "fact", thus assuring *true facts*

[@mynewaccount2361]

Jay Foreman did a great video explaining this.

[@fins59]

Couldn't lie straight in bed.

[@harukaimai8086]

I had a big AHA moment watching this, because I’ve always wondered why I was never good at conversations and it turns out, all these implied meanings and implications of things I say have a completely different meaning than how I intended them. I usually over explain things because I’m worried people won’t understand the implied meaning, since it’s happened a lot before, and so I usually end up talking for a long time like I’m doing now and then get cut off and talked over because people don’t want to hear me ramble, since over explaining is what I need to understand other people in conversation. Case in point? Haha

[@reeveharper6061]

Are you neurodivergent?

[@toslaw9615]

I get ya, sometimes I do the same.

[@donlitt]

I’m the exact same way!!

[@donlitt]

I take people too literally so I assume other people do the same and I end up over explaining and my stories get interrupted by others 😂

[@M.Datura]

I can understand that. I switch between over explaining or assuming that the person I'm talking to understands how to connect what I'm saying together by remembering things I've said before, often many times. Usually there's simply not enough time in a conversation, no matter the length to properly follow these rules and explain something complex to someone who forgets or does not understand or connect it with things said before.

[@fenhen]

“For £1,000,000, you need you answer the next question correctly. Can you tell me the capital of Azerbaijan?” “No, I can’t.” “Congratulations!”

[@technetium9653]

Sad Baku noises

[@allenliu4956]

"Yes, if you let me Google it"

[@AkmalAzry]

Yes. Then, what is it? Mikaretan (Random names appeared in mind). That's .... wrong. We are sad to tell you that you've failed to.. Wait,wait,wait a minute! There should be one question! Yep, and your answer is wrong. It's not Milk a rattan thingy name you just made up, it's Baku for god sake! I think you are in a great confusion! Don't you realise how I managed to answer everything correctly based on your question. Sorry, sir! I think you just can't accept your defeat. I "CAN" tell you the name!. That's my answer! And yet you still can't tell me!? No, who said I can't? Clearly you can't from your previous answer. I said yes. I can but there's no rule to say that your second questions included in this quiz. You said you'll ask only one question. But there's two! Where's the other one? The name of capital city of Azerbaijan. But that's my sole question! Recall again! You ask "CAN you", I answered "Yes, I can", that's one question. Then you ask "Then, what is it?", Then, I will just answer it "Baku" since I got the knowledge just now! So whose wrong now? Oh my god!? I...I, Gimme the money...! NOWWW!!! O...okay..

[@theperson3739]

"A"

[@Voron_Aggrav]

yes I can as it is Baku

[@ministe2003]

The Lawyers4U ad always gets my goat. "They're real lawyers" it begins. Which of course immediately makes me think, they're not real lawyers.

[@JonathanMandrake]

Better Call Saul!

[@dionysus7653]

The term "lawyer" is a very vague one in the United Kingdom. The terms "solicitor" and "barrister" are protected terms and it is unlawful to claim to be one when you're not. A lawyer is just someone who practises law. It's very vague. You can quite easily call yourself a lawyer if you offer people legal advice or represent people in tribunals or minor courts, and you don't need any law qualifications.

[@hmngghh]

@@JonathanMandrake hes an expert at hiding money made through questionable cooking practices,not the regular kind of cooking

[@justayoutuber1906]

In the US you can be a "lawyer" without having passed the Bar exam, but not an attorney.

[@giftofthewild6665]

Hahaha

[@ReachForTheSky]

I remember speaking with one of my lecturers about university letters of recommendation. In the UK, at least, you are discouraged from explicitly criticising the student. If a student had poor attendance, the lecturer would write something like "When John does attend, his contributions to the seminar are very good"

[@s.monica1682]

This is the most hilarious comment section I've ever seen. I came back to this video once more just to read the comments.

[@Exayevie]

The comments section is filling my need for this video to be twice as along as it is

[@Vitorruy1]

Dad joke factory

[@OrigamiMarie]

It's a party in here, I like it :)

[@JaharNarishma]

I didn't poison my friends drink yesterday.

[@YodaWhat]

It is barely punny, too!

[@Owiko7]

"Can I ask you a question?" "yea? What is it!?" "It's an interrogative statement used to test someone's knowledge, but that's not important right now!"

[@b.clarenc9517]

I love this one.

[@OatmealTheCrazy]

@mikea hiooi I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too

[@HolyKhaaaaan]

Surely you're joking right now.

[@Owiko7]

@@HolyKhaaaaan I'm not joking, and stop calling me Shirley! ;)

[@IsomerMashups]

A solid 70% of my humour is this kind of thing.

[@pedroff_1]

The equivalent to "asbestos free cereal" I've heard here in Brazil is "cholesterol-free water"

[@ShankarSivarajan]

As opposed to American water: coke.

[@macomputersuck]

Dehydrated water (just add water)

[@uzefulvideos3440]

Ok, that one is actually much more stupid.

[@pedroff_1]

actually actually, it was "cholesterol-free margarine", but the absurdity of the redundance grew into the former example

[@DeeSnow97]

@@ShankarSivarajan because in America coke is usually a liquid

[@DacarrotplayzYT]

Someone once stopped in their car as I was out walking, and simply said the word, "Stones" to me. They said it in such a way as to make it into a question..."Stones?" They broke every rule in this video. It took quite a while and a few "pardons" and "erms" from me for me to realise that they were asking for directions to the local gardening centre that sells bags of decorative stones for one's garden.

[@AgentToe]

They just speaking the fresh new language of 'mono'! One word conversations are the future!

[@victorramalhobustamante3565]

Your answer should've been: "NO! BEATLES"

[@Tinky1rs]

"Dermatologically tested" Awesome, but what was the result?

[@Tjalve70]

Within legal limits.

[@MorgenPeschke]

Close enough we think it'll pass unnoticed?

[@woroGaming]

Who needs a result? That's science stuff. The test was for marketing, the results have been used to create toilet paper.

[@stylis666]

I'll do you one better: Backed by science. **sells radioactive snake oil nasal drops as a supplement to help treat cancer** What? Radiation has been proven scientifically to exist and placebos have been scientifically proven to help treat all kinds of things - backed by science, twice.

[@ceruchi2084]

@@stylis666 But Setekh, the snake oil is made of matter and there are physicists who spend their whole lives studying that!

[@pummisher1186]

I used to think it would be funny to put "Now lead free!" stickers on random things in supermarkets.

[@bennemann]

The "Now" means the product had lead before, so just "lead free!" stickers would make more sense.

[@pummisher1186]

@@bennemann THAT'S THE JOKE. It implies it previously had lead. It's precisely the joke I wanted to make.

[@davidweihe6052]

I had a co-worker who put comments in his code like, "Now, with the great taste of fish!"

[@DustyyBoi]

@@bennemann that's the joke..............

[@Asiliea]

@@davidweihe6052 As a fellow programmer, who's seen a few "here be dragons" comments, I would piss myself laughing for a solid 10minutes if I saw "Now with the great taste of fish!" in there

[@SaiyanIsHere]

“I made tea.” “I don’t want any tea.” “I didn’t make any tea for you, this is my tea.” “Then why are you telling me?” “It’s a conversation starter.” “It’s a lousy conversation starter.” “Is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.”

[@painfulorwhat8872]

Family Guy?

[@corberus3119]

@@painfulorwhat8872 big bang theory

[@mattdowds8505]

But it's a lousy conversation. Yahtzee!

[@DerickMasai]

Could have left it at "Is it?" but I'm sure a good number would miss that punchline.

[@DrRank]

Bazinga

[@justtryingtomakeachange2246]

Missed opportunity to title this “ The Unspoken Rules of Speaking”

[@kotresh]

Underrated!

[@vaiyt]

The rules of conversation we don't talk about

[@Macusercom]

I love those ad phrases like: "50 percent more efficient." MORE EFFICIENT THAN WHAT? My Toaster!?

[@bbgun061]

Up to 90% off!

[@deadchannel1745]

@@bbgun061 Especially the "up to" part

[@NetheriteMiner]

@Egon Freeman tldr ads are almost all lies, but you probably knew that.

[@QuickNETTech]

@@ragnkja **heavy breathing**

[@Macusercom]

@Egon Freeman You don't even think about the reference. You just subconsciously pick the reference. It's really weird thinking about it.

[@martijnvanweele6204]

Q: "Is there a word to describe answers that are _completely correct_ but _entirely useless_ under the circumstances?" A: "Yes, yes there is."

[@mirandnyan]

omg i love your comment generally but on the other hand: what is it? (assuming the answer is correct)

[@mercentperrault]

You mean answers that are entirely irrelevent to their respective questions?

[@martijnvanweele6204]

@@mirandnyan TV-tropes refers to that as a "mathematician's answer". My comment is actually a quote from _Irregular Webcomic_ (comic No. 1785) and is used as the page quote on TV-tropes.

[@martijnvanweele6204]

@@mercentperrault No, because technically it is an answer to the question as worded. Compare for instance: Q: "Would you like coffee or tea?" A: "Yes." The answer here is not irrelevant to the question. Q literally asked wether A would like either coffee or tea, and A answered that, yes, they would like one of those two, as opposed to, for instance, lemonade. It was only implied that Q wanted to know _which_ of the two A would like.

[@piotrrywczak]

vain-_"I technically answered your question"_-answer

[@mkaali]

"Can I have something to drink?" "Sure! What would you like? Soda, beer, spiders, water?" "Spiders?!" "Spiders it is!"

[@tatertatertatertatertater]

I love that video

[@Anafyral666]

I'm Australian this is normal

[@jorgepeterbarton]

@@Anafyral666 works two ways: many spiders there. And... Because it would be impossible to tell that there was a question mark in the sentence due to the australian accent using question marks as the full stop

[@syweb2]

@@jorgepeterbarton Wait, really?

[@MonzennCarloMallari]

"I just thought you were ecstatic for spiders!"

[@michelleerika673]

Officially going to prank my daughter by writing a sign on the front door saying “This house is now 100% ghost free”

[@rosea1505]

I saw a picture of a real estate sign which had ‘not haunted’ written on it. 😂

[@MeLoNarXo]

But "now" implies that it was haunted beforehand

[@_jpg]

​@MeLoNarXo Ooor it could imply that it's not haunted at the moment, regardless of past and future events

[@FENomadtrooper]

Humor seems to break these maxims: "Boneless pizza" breaks quantity. Sarcasm breaks quality. Wordplay tends to break manner.

[@Tustin2121]

Innuendo plays with relation.

[@itchykami]

It certainly flouts them.

[@agilemind6241]

Yup, because that kind of humour is the surprise or violating expectations type of humour. Because of these maxims you expect one thing, but instead they say something else.

[@yoyogre]

And the last one : Bait and switch breaks relation

[@Leo0718]

We laugh when things go wrong, not when things go as expected. By definition humor is a natural reaction of our brain to discovering error.

[@PentaPW]

*Me:* "can I have a large Cola with no onion" *Drive thru employee:* "no onion?" *Me:* "that would be correct."

[@lavodnas7899]

"Can I have a burger with two buns?" "Two buns?" "Yes, that's how a burger is built, right?"

[@70sman]

Boneless pizza

[@pizzaschnoesel5896]

I learned today not to drink water while reading comments, thanks

[@---cr8nw]

A Liter-a-Cola?

[@thewanderinggamer1369]

Can I have a Metal Car with Wheels?

[@HaelyO]

When I learned this in university it took my professor about an hour to explain this concept, it was boring and therefore hard to remember anything. And here you are, explaining it within 5 minutes and breaking it down in a fun and interesting way. I should send this to my prof ... he's got a few things to learn from you.

[@sheilakijawani2526]

In which course have you studied it?

[@themostop6142]

You should also send a screenshot of this comment

[@liquidgeorge]

But your University lecturer would be able to go into more depth than a 5 minute video.

[@WoFDarkNewton]

If you had to teach a course with 4 hours of material over the course of an entire semester, you would do the same. The professor is the symptom, the system is the problem.

[@columbus8myhw]

I suppose the professor didn't avoid unnecessary prolixity

[@CattyRayheart]

There is a brand of milk in the local supermarket that advertises that their milk doesn't contain illicit substances. The fact that they feel the need to state that has always made me a bit wary of them.

[@NStripleseven]

don’t worry, they don’t put drugs in the milk. You don’t need to check, and the milk is 100% guaranteed to be completely and entirely safe.

[@higherquality]

"I'm out of petrol" "I'm not"

[@DomenBremecXCVI]

"I'm out of petrol." - "You swim in petrol!?"

[@zachfruin7684]

Every now and again when somebody says they are going to the bathroom, ill tell them "good luck!" Or "be careful!" Just to see their reactions

[@matthewhomman8656]

I had a teacher who would ask, “How was it?”

[@killbotter6998]

Im going with good luck and have fun.

[@angellynn7104]

I always say good luck or have fun. my friends have gotten desensitized to it. I hope I dont say it to someone new I meet, because that will be awkward

[@Lunamana]

@@angellynn7104 I tell most people to have fun whenever they're leaving the conversation to go do something, it's just too funny for me to ever stop saying it :P

[@AFN2750]

For years every single time Someone has said that, I always respond with either “have fun, don’t fall in” or “have fun, don’t die”

[@Windy2468]

"That road is safe" > 👍 "You'll make it through alive" > 🤔

[@blueboytube]

Enjoy the next 24 hours!

[@killbotter6998]

@@blueboytube I wont kill you

[@Equa11ysurl]

@@killbotter6998 Everything is normal.

[@melaniesalphabetgirl]

A very popular joke in Brazil: “I wish I could be poor for one day… Because being poor every day is very difficult.”

[@malijames12]

"Did you hear that?" "No." "Neither did I."

[@senselocke]

Have to reply: That got a genuine out-loud chuckle. Thanks!

[@charlie_mario6292]

I genuinely laughed out loud

[@mustyndusty8277]

lmfao

[@asylumskp4391]

"Have a good day" "Don't tell me what to do"

[@RooobixCube]

"Have a good day" "Make me"

[@leecody5885]

I remember my little brother saying that! 😂 😂

[@Aden877]

This reminds me of "I beg your pardon?" "Then beg"

[@Wubbazt]

i actually say this fairly often to my friends

[@Imadeavideos]

Drake and Josh anyone?

[@rancidmarshmallow4468]

I love seeing little throwaway jokes like 'grice krispies' and imagining the animator sitting there chuckling to themselves the whole way through drawing it...

[@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721]

Speaking of which, I'm flouting Grice's maxim of relation.

[@pafnutiytheartist]

I have literally seen freeze dried strawberries that had "vegan" on the package. I'm assuming that's so the buyer doesn't confuse them with freeze dried meatberries.

[@user-zu1ix3yq2w]

I'm sure it's because it's not uncommon for food products/packaging to have other ingredients in them. There could be preservatives in those strawberries or something.

[@pafnutiytheartist]

@@user-zu1ix3yq2w I don't think any preservatives contain animal products

[@snazzypazzy]

@@pafnutiytheartist Not a preservative, but perhaps cochenille (E120)? Common red/pink food colouring made from bugs. Can imagaine that being used for dried strawberries.

[@ourlessy]

Some fruit products have gelatin in them

[@Florkl]

There are meat-based preservatives or additives people could theoretically add. Collagen, notably.

[@E3kHatena]

Saw “Non-GMO Sea Salt” at a Whole Foods once and I have never been the same since.

[@trent6319]

you could harvest salt from genetically modified organisms. We all have salt in us.

[@VoidKing666]

@@trent6319 the question is, could it be sea salt then?

[@oz_jones]

@@VoidKing666 if you harvest it from bodies found in the ocean

[@VoidKing666]

@@oz_jones gmo corpses?

[@xhantTheFirst]

@@trent6319 Genetically modified League of legends player (in the ocean)

[@achillendimond2124]

You would be surprised. I’ve seen something labeled as “GMO free himalayen salt”. Someone please explain to me how something that doesn’t have genetics could be genetically modified or else need to be labeled as not modified

[@seabassthegamer6644]

Hmm yes let me genetically modify the sodium

[@QPUNeptune]

simple, just add the genetics yourself

[@spiralpython1989]

I have seen ‘organic pink Himalayan salt’... well, Der! But in a ‘whole foods’ store, ‘chemical free Himalayan salt’ I guess it’s the origin of the ‘pink’ that worries some?

[@seabassthegamer6644]

@@spiralpython1989 A. "Ah yes, my favorite carbon-containing compound. Table salt." B. If it's chemical free, why is there salt in it? Salt is a chemical, why can't the food people understand that everything is chemical? Food labels are dumb.

[@Banana-wr8dq]

@@spiralpython1989 my family uses it as regular salt and it's because it has lower amounts of microplastics than sea salt. Or so I've been told, never bothered to fact check.

[@abc6568]

I read the title as “The Hidden Rules of Conversation”.

[@melodycervantes4167]

Isn't that the title? Am I missing something? Is this a joke about stating information that's already implied?

[@JJAB91]

@@melodycervantes4167 woooosh

[@plasticshorts6972]

@@melodycervantes4167 I pick up on your flouting

[@pedroscoponi4905]

...oh, you clever bastard. Thanks for the laugh!

[@moop7663]

Bruhg

[@rollyflan]

I’ve always struggled a bit with social interactions and casual conversation, and have noticed sometimes people think I’m weird when I’m trying to be friendly. This video helped me realize I sometimes fail in the manners of quantity and relativity during conversation, and that probably contributes to coming across a bit off. An interesting insight, thanks!

[@DJ_Force]

My favorites are... 1) Made with 100% whole wheat, which means there is some whole wheat in there somewhere. 2) 100% natural, which means absolutely nothing.

[@renakunisaki]

Part of a balanced breakfast! Which would still be balanced (whatever that means) without it.

[@josueh5831]

You know there’s such thing as artificial flavouring and colouring right?

[@amojak]

ah yes the "made with" line. "made with 100% chicken breast" "made with 100% beef" not From or more importantly Of but as you state it was made With it, was it in the same room? Did it help cook it?

[@Handinmapocket]

@@josueh5831 Yes, but those are often higly concentrated forms of natural product, so still technically 100% natural. Also, wether i coloured your tomato juice with actual juice of a tomato, or with red rocks powdered intro fien dust and absorbed in water, both are also technically natural products. Eventualy every "artificial" product has to have started with a naturaly occuring resource, because thus far we cannot create something out of nothing.

[@josueh5831]

Handinmapocket that’s not what artificial means moron. I don’t know if what you’re saying is true, but even if it is “highly concentrated powder” is artificial because it has been created by humans. Concentrated powder doesn’t occur in nature.

[@piotrwegrzyniak5798]

Typically to my sister: "Do you know what's funny?" "Yes"

[@bananya6020]

and then say your joke, and ask them if it was funny. if they say no say another and ask again. repeat until kicked out

[@Triairius]

Do you know how many people don't understand this style of joke? I love to answer the questions people literally ask instead of what they mean to ask/say, but so rarely do people get it, and I find myself only amusing myself. I still do it, of course.

[@humanisme6746]

@@Triairius totally. I have two main examples. 1) “what’s up?” “The ceiling” 2) “do you know where my keys are?” “Wherever you left them” It’s fun to be annoying sometimes :)

[@vyl4650]

Somewhat like: - you know what? - not yet

[@deyesed]

"I was hoping you could tell me"

[@AntiChangeling]

Or, in other words, 'my "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt'.

[@mirjanbouma]

You really have a shirt that says that?

[@m1lkweed]

Mirjan Bouma I bought one, I love the reactions

[@DashCamSheffield]

That's a lie, as you're moving yourself around

[@nPhlames]

@@DashCamSheffield big brain

[@Droooooo0]

Lmao

[@TheWaffleLord6787]

"Is this the Krusty Krab?" "No, this is Patrick" _hangs up_

[@TheSecondVersion]

Gas station employee: "Hey boss, I need a character reference" "His command of petrol is excellent, and his attendance at the garage has been regular."

[@jhfdhgvnbjm75]

His command of his attendance has been excellent, and his flow of petrol has been regular. XD

[@FindecanorNotGmail]

His attendance at the garage has been unleaded.

[@kylecronin3212]

That's actually a glowing reference for a gas station employee

[@archivist17]

Regular rather than Super.

[@charliegarrison9688]

His mastery of the register is premium, and his soda fountain repairs are absolutely dripping.

[@user-he4ef9br7z]

Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Yes Doctor: How long has it been? Me: A few seconds.

[@cyrus8913]

this is like that video “i’d like to buy a pizza, boneless” “boneless?” “you gonna put bones in my pizza 🤨”

[@cyndai7324]

^^^^^

[@probablylucky6671]

I can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this

[@ghmasterjj]

His KZbin channel is called sethical

[@glowstonelovepad9294]

No, it's a pizzaless bone

[@justayoutuber1906]

I've heard of people putting their bone in apple pie.

[@oosakasan]

This video, and the maxims themselves, have been living rent-free in my head for, well, I guess 2 years now so I'm really glad Tom Scott introduced me to the concept! The implications of this concept on understanding how to communicate with children are amazing. Just understanding that THEY DON'T KNOW THE MAXIMS AND ARE LEARNING THEM is a gamechanger. (I was going to say "they don't know the cooperative principle" but I think that's unfair because I think you can't understand the interactions of children and adults without knowing they're absolutely cooperating with each other and using signals and assumptions based on that. They just cannot competently use it *in language* when they're learning language and social codes to begin with)

[@elijahculper5522]

Starbucks guy: “What’s your name?” Bryan: “Bryan, with a ‘Y.’” Name on cup: Yrian

[@ldub0775]

Ok yryan

[@YEs69th420]

Yyyyy

[@kiimawittu_]

Whyrian

[@benjamingeiger]

Phteven.

[@touruuu2752]

hello

[@casperdewith]

1:28 Give as much information as required; no more, no less. The amount of information given shall only be what is required, and only the required amount of information shall be given. More shalt thou not give, neither less, excepting that thou then give the required complementary information.

[@anaribeirodossantos176]

monty python for the win

[@endermage77]

Tangents are right out.

[@carbon5362]

Tautology alert!

[@InfernalBanana]

Excessive information shall be omitted. Once the information, that which is necessary, be said, then leavest thine conversation with thine partner, who, being adequately informed, shall transmit it.

[@fulcruum7567]

@@anaribeirodossantos176 So I'm not the only one!

[@worldpeace6322]

Jane fell on the metro tracks and yells: "Help! I don't wanna die like this!" So Emma walks over and cuts her throat. Emma: a person you can count on

[@tatertatertatertatertater]

Damn I wish I had a friend like Emma

[@tatertatertatertatertater]

@Jonathan Mercer Well then I guess hi how ar- *slips and falls, nearly falling off cliff* HELP ME I DON'T WANT IT TO END LIKE THIS!!

[@wolfafterdark]

@@tatertatertatertatertater how dare you open phatically

[@tatertatertatertatertater]

@@wolfafterdark Too late can't hear you am dead

[@First-to-last]

@@wolfafterdark why are you talking to thin air

[@Silverr_wispp]

-How do you feel about kids? -I mean, they're okay, I guess. If I saw one, I wouldn't throw a rock at it. -Why would you throw a rock at a kid? -I just said I wouldn't.

[@gravewalkerz7787]

At one point "now splinter free" on toilet paper was an important fact.

[@marmac83]

ouch

[@Voron_Aggrav]

And I thought the Sandpaper TP was Bad...

[@thysquid2157]

So you are telling me not everyone uses tree bark too?!

[@samconcklin]

This explains why adding "no offense" to the beginning of any sentence makes it more offensive. "No offense, but your jeans are blue." "What?" "What?"

[@quinn7894]

Also, adding "I expect you to say no" to the beginning of a yes or no question encourages the listener to say yes.

[@Otakupatriot117]

Not to mention the fact it can offend someone by implying they're easily offended, thus causing them to be offended very easily.

[@chriss2122]

I love doing that. I'll often Start a sentence with "No offence" and then go on to say something really innocuous. Really confuses them.

[@Jay-we2ek]

This annoys me. Because half the time it follows with something really offensive. Other half of the time it's something I'd never ever ever be offended by.

[@IqmalAziz]

Fanchen said no offense and ended up making people feel offended. Proven.

[@thekillingmachine4967]

“I was flouting Grice’s Maxim of Truth” sounds like something Captain Holt (B99) would say instead of “I was being sarcastic”

[@viperion_nz]

NINE NINE!

[@erikamiessner5668]

My god yes

[@doodlebobascending8505]

That is beyond doubt the funniest comment I have ever seen.

[@TrigramThunder]

that show is so great to watch. so fresh compared to the average police shows, except maybe some of CBS's police shows like Blue Bloods or Hawaii Five-O which put a little more pressure on the genre to get out of the usual monotony. So much comedic value to be had in a police precinct setting.

[@chriswade9616]

@@viperion_nz NOINE NOINE!

[@lordsiomai]

"Mom I'm not lying! I'm just flouting Grice's maxims and not playing by the Cooperative Principle's rules! "