The Hoffman Process: Changing Lives in 7 Days

The Hoffman process was designed to help us detect negative patterns of behavior, break them, and become the person we truly are. Today, over 100,000 people across the world experienced this intense journey of self-discovery.
#hoffmanprocess #psychology #sproutslearning #selfdiscovery
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This video was made with the support of our Patrons: Judy Roland, Bettina Kind, Gatsby Dkdc, Enrique Arellano Farias, Vishruth Harithsa, Nancy Bueffler, Adam G, Tetiana Gerasymova, Raman Srivastava, Daniel Kramer, David Markham, Marq Short, Scripz, Muhammad Humayun, Ginger, Tsungren Yang, Esther Chiang, Badrah, Cedric Wang, Broke, Jeffrey Cassianna, Sergei Kukhariev, Andrea Basilio Rava, kritik bhimani, Don Bone, John Zhang, Mathis Nu and all the others.Thank you! To join them visit www.patreon.com/sprouts
SPECIAL THANKS to our co-author!
Elke Menzel, the director of the Hoffmann Institute Germany, helped us develop this video: www.elkemenzel.de and www.hoffman-institut.de
CHAPTERS
00:00 Parents almighty
00:20 Faulty love
00:38 Reducing friction at a high cost
01:04 The Hoffman Process
01:15 Changing Your Life in 7 Days
01:37 Our protagonists
01:48 Eva, Jay and Tom
02:36 Eva's past
02:56 Jay's past
03:25 Tom's past
03:53 The beginning
04:21 Day 1
04:51 Day 2
05:37 Day 3
05:59 Accusations and understanding
06:38 Day 4
07:02 The Development Plan
07:33 Day 5
08:12 Vindictiveness fades
08: 30 Day 6
09:07 Saboteur sabotaged
09:22 Day 7
09:40 Bob Hoffman's legacy
10:00 Learn more and never stop asking questions
10:24 Our fantastic Patrons
10:33 Support us
COLLABORATORS
Script: Jonas Koblin
Script: Elke Menzel of Hoffmann Institute
Artist: Pascal Gaggelli
Voice: Matt Abbott
Coloring: Nalin
Editing: Peera Lertsukittipongsa
Production: Selina Bador
Production Assistant: Bianka
Proofreading: Susan
SOURCES
www.hoffman-institut.de/wp-co...
​​www.hoffman-institut.de/
www.hoffmaninstitute.org/bob-...
www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article...
www.amazon.com/Hoffman-Proces...
DIG DEEPER
Still curious about the Hoffman process? Check out this personal account by journalist Janine di Giovanni or read about how Katy Perry and Justin Bieber experienced the process.

[@sprouts]

Help us reach more people to learn about The Hoffman Process patreon.com/sprouts 🧡

[@ceterisparibus8966]

How did Tom regain his honor on that day?

[@kelf114]

The day you realize your parents were young and just winging it too is the day you become an adult.

[@Maya-sv1pz]

that realization comes to me last 2 years

[@PaulStringini]

It's weird when you become an adult only to find that your parents not only WERE essentially children when they raised you, but they still ARE children to this day.

[@ShakilHashmi]

Yes, you can shortcut the process to a big extent simply by empathy and understanding. Well said, Keif, very well said indeed.

[@-randomuser-4897]

Ah yes, i became an adult at 8 years old

[@ImCarolB]

@@-randomuser-4897 Me too! Perhaps I took too much responsibility on myself because I realized they might do worse than I would!

[@IsaacJoshi]

So much of our behaviour we think is part of our identity but is actually just adaptations to please our parents and society

[@pranavmunjal9653]

true that

[@quentinkumba6746]

Hi Issac, I have something to say about that. I have gender confusion, I cross dress, I am not straight, or gay, or trans, I identify as queer. It’s connected with bad stuff that happened to me all through my childhood. I have a choice to make, I can consider my gender confusion to be a symptom of damage done to me as a child, or I can think of it as a glorious part of my identity wherever it comes from. I choose the latter.

[@grayfox1298]

@@pranavmunjal9653 so it sounds like you’ve chosen to gaslight yourself. Do you consider that a healthy coping mechanism?

[@pranavmunjal9653]

@@grayfox1298 it's just something that I learned over time that the people pleasing stuff was just happening from within myself unconsciously without realising what was happening but then I stopped doing so with due course of time realising what was happening and seeing the bigger picture I really did stop giving an f abt what society and my parents thought of me...rather I tried to establish much better relationships with both my mum and dad and now I seem to be in a much better position in life than I was abt two and a half years ago when all I did was please ppl but now it's just me focusing on my own goals and ambitions whilst keeping in mind the interests of my close ones and then taking an informed decision from professionals abt it

[@tracylf5409]

@@pranavmunjal9653 Good for you! My parents were both deceased by the time I was 40. I've done a bit of work on myself (the people-pleasing) and I got to the point of forgiving my parents. As they said here, our parents only worked with what they had, too. The damage done is done- it's up to me to try to sort it out now, for my sake, and my children's. xx

[@rogerhaun9340]

While much of this is useful, I've found (as the youngest of four) that much of who I am is also from relating to siblings -- both the good and bad they did to me plus my reactions to those helpful or unhelpful actions. Much of psychology seems to forget that we're not all an only child; the eldest is raised by parents but the younger ones grow up in the dynamics of a much broader range of people. I am who I am because of my parents, because of my siblings, because of those others around me AND because of choices I've made for better or worse.

[@roxnbrix]

Well written!

[@christinelitvak6427]

And don't forget teachers. Some can make a child's life even more difficult if they reinforce what is going on at home. Teachers are often the cause for other children bullying a child that stands out because of a lot of negative or positive attention from the teacher.

[@kevindevlieger300]

I'm the oldest one, my parents just graduated 1 year from college. Sister who is 3 years younger and a brother who was 8 years younger. My sister was raised a bit the same as me, my brother has been raised on a completely different way. True... even within one family there are different dynamics based on the time, place & situation.

[@da_copreee9929]

They actually made a video on that

[@cayt23]

100% One of the biggest influences in my life was my older brother, and how he treated me. Being constantly belittled and degraded by someone who your supposed to trust, and who is supposed to be more of a protective figure gave me massive trust issues.

[@IsaacJoshi]

Crazy how our perception of our parents change over yime

[@Carmine_Lupertazzi]

Yeah. Mine went from mum to cunt pretty quick.

[@mitalikambli5592]

Funny how the root of all mental health problems leads to our parents. Feeling it in the core rn!🙂💯

[@bigwillieforlife]

Most but not all. There are genetical, social and traumatic factors that are really important to mental health and behaviour as well.

[@armeshram]

So am I

[@pranavmunjal9653]

same here

[@RaviKumarTiwari]

and our children's will be us

[@estring69]

Yes. I would say more genetic here, not that bad things did not happen to me as a child. I know exactly how my Grand Mother, Father, Sister, and Brother were, are. Divorced parents for instance, loss of Younger Brother. Favoritism. My recent problems would be to try to have my children not be like me, which is stupid, futile, just create problems between us. My children are young adults now and my job in raising them is done. I also have the benefit of experience and looking at the good aspects of myself; something I wish I could have when younger. There is definitely a point where you stop the parent work and be adults in a family and enjoy each other. Children just can't leave and be established as soon as my generation did. I definitely knew I never wanted to be in a divorce and put my children through the cringey blended family thing.

[@BadWolfSilence]

Regardless of what other people have or haven’t done, there comes a day when you have to choose for yourself to get better. It’s very hard but it’s absolutely possible, if you change your thoughts you will change your life. God bless.

[@estar1277]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/hZCoXn6KgdCnorc

[@sonne2351]

AMEN!

[@annaariza1575]

Amen to that! It is hard work, but worth it in the end!

[@frogpelt]

Every once in a while you run across a wise and intelligent comment on the Internet. It’s like a flower poking up through the pavement. This is one of those.

[@stephanazor8898]

For some it's best to just leave. Some parents aren't capable of having healthy and functional relationships. Some people were were just born into irreparable situations.

[@atiger4716]

Yes, There are a lots of parents that did their job so poorly and they never changed. So the idea to come back to reestablish connection is dangerous and counterproductive Happily that psychology has improve from that time, and now we know what is about cluster b parents and people, really soul killers. Most of the time they do not deserve to have childrens The hypocrisy of the family as a institution that is always good and sacred is slowly been recognized as a lie, when the parent are not fully developed.

[@kalebgonzales4009]

I disagree to the "some were just born into irreparable situations." It can still be fixed, but it is an agonizing long process. It may even take them close to their deaths to change, and that's still progress. Late progress that is, but still worth the change.

[@LowenKM]

@@kalebgonzales4009 Agreed re: the 'possibilities' for change in anyone, though in the case of serious 'cluster b' parents (NPD/BPD, etc.), it realistically probably ain't gonna happen, and anyway it's not our _'obligation'_ to 'fix' them.

[@kalebgonzales4009]

@@LowenKM haha that true, only they can fixed themselves. That goes for us as well, that why, if you are going to be a parent. Be good to children, especially in developing their minds and be similar to example C in the video.

[@leebeavers6912]

Yup, I had to leave. The hardest thing was people asking me how could I? It wasn't easy or a light whimsical choice. Often doubted if it was the right thing to do. Later a relative confirmed it was a good call.

[@TheArtInterviews]

There's a phrase in a Chuck Palahniuk book that's very powerful and it goes: "we only become adults once our parents die. Because before that we're always doing everything either to proud them or spite them"

[@DrTait]

“You’re not welcomed.” That resonates with me. I’m starting to reflect and now understand... Thank you

[@lightinthedark9201]

Yes you're right

[@blackhagalaz]

I have a mom who was very desperate for love her whole life (middle child of 3 siblings and only girl). Looking back on the things she told me she felt left in the shadows. That her brother where always getting more attention then her. She felt that she got not enough love by my grandma (who honestly I think was overwhelmed with 3 lively children, and bitter that she ended as a housewife when she had a lot of dreams). Therefore my mom idolized my grandfather who always seemed more loving and less strickt (well he was always working so of course there where less conflicts with the children). So my mom had may relationships later, often to older men, but sadly often picked men who didn't treat her right. She is kinda stubborn and often went her own way against everyone's expectations. Eventually she met my father, who she thought would be a nice caring man. So she started a family with him. My father is indeed nice and caring but emotionally immature as heck. He has a mom (my grandma) who is basically a self centered block of ice. Still she always gave more attention to her sons then my aunt, and did everything for them. Therefore my father didn't really know how to step um and express love. When my parents got my sister and me, my dad often kept to himself, drank and didn't take part in family life. Not because he didn't love us but because he didnt know how to take responsibility. My mom was extremely unhappy because she felt like the love she always searched for, was betraying her. So she left with us kids to be a single mom. My sis was still to young to understand what was going on, but I witnessed all the fighting, and my mom crying. I started to comfort my mom and be an emotional support when I was only 6. My mom started to depend on me as a friends rather then a child. I became an over achiever and a big caregiver to my mom and my sister. I learned that my wants and needs are less important than those of other people. So I was the quite kid who always let others pick on me, and gave myself the blame for it. I was bullied heavily in school, and developed depression anxiety and OCD. For example I learned to connect my OCD to stress and pressure. When I myself don't feel emotionally conflicted and pressured my OCD gets better. Now I am in a marriage with a man who is even more emotionally immature then my dad was (and guess how my mother in law is). And now I realize that I pick a certain pattern of men, since my ex was also from a middle class family, with a golden-child younger brother, an enabling father and a distant strickt matriarch. And I am sitting here giving myself the blame for my unhappiness. My therapy made me realize how it all repeats. How relationships and struggles as far back as my grandparents influenced what kind of person I was gonna be. The realization is the first step to free myself from that, though it's still hard a. f. I now try to set boundaries with the demands of my mom, and the carelessness of my husband. He got the ultimatum to step up for once and organize couples therapy for us. As for my dad... A few years ago I heard him say "I love you" for the first time to my sister and my when he was drunk a.f. So there is some progress there to lol.

[@psychologybooks]

I really appreciate your patience and hope that you soon find love and comfort that you deserve...sending you love and hugs❤❤

[@kuziwamtsvamuno4016]

I once heard that therapy is a strategy but prayer is a weapon 😊... I've been healing in my life too because of my faith in God and therapy... There's a kind of LOVE that GOD only knows and Jesus loves you❤❤❤

[@just_a_curious_thinker]

Be strong. Believe in yourself. I believe in you.

[@robdom91]

Fun fact: Not every personality disorder comes from your parents. Some of them are created by the many MANY wonderful, refined and kind people you are surrounded by: Like your neighbors, who can break your stuff and then ostracize you after. Your teachers, who control your future career prospects. And your boss, who can make you live under a bridge with the stroke of a pen. If these people want to abuse you, they pretty much can. If you lash out, then you are the problem, not them...

[@LowenKM]

True, though perhaps we might ask ourselves why we chronically seem to *_attract_* such people into our lives in the first place?

[@robdom91]

​@@LowenKM Maybe if someone suffers from an extremely painful physical disability that limits their interaction with normal people? Maybe most people don't like those who are different, more quiet, stoic and reserved? The harder it is to relate to someone, the easier it becomes to ostracize them. That's just my theory though.

[@LowenKM]

@@robdom91 Perhaps, though we all have our crosses to bear, with some simply less obvious than others. Except the successful ones somehow manage to avoid the temptation of Victimhood (aka, 'Entitlement').

[@robdom91]

​@@LowenKM Where I'm from we don't have victimhood. It's not a thing here. Victimhood and entitlement are western concepts, mostly American. It is a snake oil only beneficial to the one who sells it. Nobody in their right mind would want to be a victim! I wouldn't want to be pitied. If anything, most disabled people I know do their utmost to hide it so they can fit in. We want friends who understand us and can look past our differences. Can't make friends with someone who's too busy feeling sorry for you. The trick is to figure out how one can be successful in life despite our shortcomings.

[@choosecarefully408]

Well, sometimes, being illustrated by a cartoon is ironic or symbolically perfect. This *is* a simplistic summation, possibly of Arthur Janov's "The Primal Scream." Although I will say this; It's the only place I've ever heard the term "subconscious" used to describe where our hurt goes correctly. It's the sense I've always used it in. But I'm constantly astounded by how many people think this is new stuff. Apparently, I have a highly unusual level of empathy. I see this everywhere.

[@jahnavirai9443]

It feels so bad that they have such a good content and so little subscribers

[@innomind]

I think it's about the access to their content. If they would simplify the language in their content it would reach broader audience.

[@faribx0687]

@@innomind if they add subtitles for other languages they will gain more subscribers

[@faribx0687]

@Spoiled Hu dikkat hai???? What truth ?

[@SachinThakur-sx6jf]

@@faribx0687 instant gratification vs delayed gratification. The first one always wins the popularity game.

[@cosimo3869]

Are 1 MILLION people a joke for you? People who really gives attention are worth x10 people that just entertain them self.

[@bayukresna165]

Make peace with your past is important. Thanks for that advice

[@marcelo.grohmann]

I only understood my father long gone after his death and I was able to develop a beautiful friendship with my mother, after I turn forty years old. Now I'm fifty four and my mother is one of my best friends. And life goes on.

[@223erikwebb]

This video is for my kids. So I can recognize when I might be hurting them

[@Klover_pearl]

To all hoomans! Whenever we decide to intertwine our soul to someone always remember the possible consequences. You both can produce another soul that you’ll be accountable in your whole life. It’s hard that the world is in constant loop of toxic parenting which eventually lead to an unwell child that can engage to toxic behavior when they become adult. If you can still recognize a need for a change, do it! If we all truly care for everyone to live life, make a better place

[@LeoJusti]

And... Legalize Abortion ✊

[@aliaalnuaimi528]

Never seen someone who summarised so much valuable content in a single video! This is perfect

[@anasbenhaddou7827]

You are such great team of creative teachers to provide us with complex information simplified and animated. Concerning this topics, it sheds the light on the fact that no one is just the way he or she is; there is always things behind the scenes that we don't easily know about, including childhood. Thank you!

[@cvampaul]

This realization is so heart-wrenching

[@leebeavers6912]

This journey took me about 25 years for mom and 30 for my dad. Every step they talked about was right in the feels. Good job, just wish I could have learned these things long ago.

[@MattieBennett]

I have only just discovered this channel but I absolutely LOVE it already! Hats off to all involved. I doth my cap!

[@JMWeber]

I was intrigued by this video, so I looked the process up. Please be careful, aside from costing a lot, it's certainly not for everyone and there are things that can go wrong... Plus, the positive impact on your life usually doesn't seem to last - that requires real psychotherapy. Don't get me wrong: I'm still intrigued, but I'll probably find another way to make peace with my past.

[@oohehoohahahtingtang1232]

Try meditating. It helped me get over a lot. I can only recommend meditation.

[@ABB-rs8wm]

Hey thanks for the comment!

[@inashamsia]

Real change requires real work, not just a 7 day workshop

[@FernandoLozadaVera]

I agree with you, the Hoffmann process (as any other psychological process) has its risks. Yet, I went through the Hoffmann process some 18 years ago. I've done personal work for more than half my life, but still the Hoffmann is THE process that impacted me the most, and the one that transformed me irreversibly (into the "me" I've been all along, if that makes any sense). If you ever want to ask questions and are considering attending, I'll gladly help.

[@MEF7]

@@oohehoohahahtingtang1232 Any recommendations to which meditations are good?

[@marcosrogeriocostabarros2596]

We have layers, like an onion, a cake and Shrek... :-) Out of joke it seems we spend part of our lives just building layers on top of another deep inside and the other part of life reshaping it all! Many thanks for this video! Good job!

[@Kristin95762]

I don't think we can put ALL the blame on our OWN parents. As we grow up we're exposed to all kinds of people. Other children we are surrounded by, and teachers. All these people affect our lives and we need to be given the tools to deal with all these entities as we go along. Sure, parents can be rotten to the core, but not for the majority. The Bible talks about forgiveness for a reason. It eats us alive if we don't learn how to forgive.

[@l4l01234]

Cope

[@bereal6590]

It's not about blame, it's about growing and learning. If anyone from a family of toxic abuse needs to be forgiven those of us who went through it need to give our energy to forgiving ourselves for not knowing. If you haven't gone through this then it's not the same for you as it is for those that have yet we aren't blaming we don't care anymore we just want to heal

[@starter_4008]

You lost all credibility the moment you mentioned the Bible

[@michelecastellani6310]

You can't forgive without assigning some kind of blame before. If there's nothing to be blamed there's nothing to be forgiven for. Assigning blame to our parents isn't something we make out of spite: it's a way to validate our own thoughts and feelings in the relationship

[@raycoleman3183]

@@starter_4008 I am not a “Bible thumper”, but do think it contains many passages of basic truths and wise admonitions worthy of our attention. Perhaps it would be worth exploring why a mere reference to the Bible causes such a strong reaction/rejection. It is, after all, only a ‘book’ and the only ‘power’ it has over you is what you grant it.

[@YashSha]

Loved the way of explanation, and animation, So thankful for the information of how to reshape our behavior ❤️❤️

[@sprouts]

Thank you so much 😀

[@myfriendscallmek2745]

The truth is people need to expiate their own defects on someone to admit them and that is how this process works. But the real growth happens when we develop accountability

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

But with (so-called) role models like former President Trump... Their is neither accountability, growth, nor mental health

[@chirag.r]

Simply awesome!!

[@rgarlinyc]

Very enlightening... thank you.

[@SlowBrow]

great process of mending broken relationships...tks Sprouts..keep up❤️

[@rifter6176]

This is incredibly one dimensional. not Sprouts presentation, but the Hoffman Process. Without an unusually insightful/mature professional guiding this, it can be a net negative to the participant and their family.

[@LyrixNChill]

Ok. Whew. Glad it wasn’t only me thinking this. The entire video was predicated with MAJOR blanket assumptions.

[@sultanofswingdrift3021]

I once dated a girl who had many issues, encouraged her to go to therapy. Unfortunately we realized all the therapist did was trying to convince her that her parents were to blame. Her parents were some of the best I ever met, and she agreed they were good parents. She soon got feed up paying 50€ an hour for being told in how many ways parents damaged her, never addressing her real issues at all.

[@phoenix.]

@@sultanofswingdrift3021 What was the real issue, if you don't mind sharing?

[@sultanofswingdrift3021]

@@phoenix. in the end it turns out the meds she was having were 90% of the problem, she changed her physician and is doing much better now. Noone will return 6 years she lost though. Turns out some psychiatrists need more help that they are able to provide.

[@phoenix.]

@@sultanofswingdrift3021 Hope she's doing better now, thank you for answering.

[@hsaqib8995]

Thank you for sharing.

[@KAKANSRIC]

One of the most powerful KZbin videos on this site

[@siskfjkfkk]

Thank you!

[@tmosest]

Great video! Thanks for the content. Weirdly feel similar to all 3 case studies 😂

[@WhereisYunoGasai]

great video, lots of self reflection needed.

[@KhushiGupta-gn8gy]

Interesting video.... really so much informative 👏👏

[@TheJohnwel]

This was incredible

[@omarisrael4974]

Amazing video, keep it up! :)

[@ajeethkumar5016]

U r always great dear sprouts

[@gray.berries]

Thank you

[@DineshKumar-uv3xb]

This whole video also reminds greatly of the second epilogue of "War and Peace" discussing the dependence of human will on external world. I can't believe I figured parts of Hoffman process by myself. Still, got stuck at completing it. Now that I know about this, I will further learn about the process

[@latasubedi7988]

Thanks to the researchers we have explanation for this and above all a big thank you to this channel that they are providing knowledge in this section. Not in every country or in society people talks about these things. Glad that i came across here today.

[@sprouts]

hey, we appreciate your kind words :)

[@lidiaaquino8136]

Wow! That is great! I would like yo know more about tve Hoffman proccess! Thanks a lot🙏🙏

[@knowwhere4185]

Came across this channel,, such great insights.

[@sprouts]

Awesome, thank you!

[@thelife8836]

I tryed to be always nice to be more interesting to people because im not good in beauty.but it killed me. But now i know we cant make everyone satisfied because People are different and kind of selfish.but im late im an anxiety patient now😔

[@pepehypnotoad9079]

Amazing video. Somehow all these ideas of recognizing and understanding patterns in your own behaviour and thinking to then be able to act somewhat independant of them feel so powerful and liberating.

[@sprouts]

Yes !

[@a.d.b535]

I feel like my parents were very good to me, but I internalized traits and attitudes I observed about them. Ex: My mother didn't exude a high level of self confidence, while my dad was very confident, and still it took years to develop mine.

[@srishtikannaujiya2050]

Bunch of thanks to the creator of this channel 🙂 The videos are helping me a lot in UG.

[@sprouts]

Yayayay! Thank you so much. Keep learning :)

[@visheshsux]

really makes you think!

[@limbowalker2053]

I was in need of this video 7 days ago

[@aliciastaley-best7763]

I could argue that I was emotionally neglected, however I believe it is important to consider that it is just about impossible to perfectly match the needs of your child whilst dealing with life and your own issues. I have struggled with low mood and low self esteem all my life, for my parents to recognise that, not being trained in child development or psychology, and to then be able to adjust their own behaviour to match my needs is too much to ask for modern adults working full time (or more) with their own issues and a complete lack of support from society.

[@sprouts]

Yes. That’s why making peace with them is maybe the only way forward!

[@avivastudios2311]

Very healthy mindset.

[@dominique2812]

Dear Sprouts Team, thank you for your wonderful videos. I found your channel about two years ago between recipes for Brussels sprouts and I got hooked instantly. I am going to school to become an early childhood educator and I have often suggested your videos to watch in class which we now do all the time. I love the drawings that go along with the narration and I love the wonderful voice of the narrator. Hats off to your team and thank you for educating us

[@happinessloveyoursmile]

Thankyou

[@davedave8263]

One of the most important things a person can do is accept that their parents did the best they could with what they had. No matter how good or bad our parents were, they did the best they could. If they could have done better, they would have.

[@sprouts]

I believe that as well

[@TofuTeo]

Say that to severely abusive parents e.g. my mum who terrorised me with unregulated punishment as a child, and my father who told me with hate in his eyes, "Maybe if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have had you". All those years of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse -- you really think all parents do their best? Some parents just don't have a core of love.

[@johndoe8091]

​​@@TofuTeo And then you understand they were once also a child, naive and without any hatred in them, can you imagine what was done to them by the people in their lives for them to be that way towards their child? Accepting that we share common struggles and relating to one another is much better than judging each other for the inability to do better. Forgive your parents because they didn't know what they were doing.

[@TofuTeo]

@@johndoe8091 You may be right about some things but that's not your place to say. You do not know the timeline of another's healing journey, so don't interrupt my process by asking me to forgive before I'm ready to. That's very damaging. It's never wise to comment on a stranger's personal life because you could very easily say the wrong thing at the wrong time, even if your comments generally have some truth to them. In short, don't tell people recovering from childhood trauma what to do about their trauma, especially if you know nothing about the nuances of their grieving/healing journey. Also, your "insights" are not new to me. I was empathetic and understanding towards my parents from a young age, and now my healing journey involves tempering my understanding/compassionate nature so that I'm LESS self-abandoning; so that I know I'm worthy of being treated with love and care. Again, many nuances of my journey you do not know, so I do not appreciate your comment.

[@absolutelynoone5776]

I fear being abandoned but the first fact you learn without much search is we are all going to die but the time we remember and cherish goes on with us attached to our energy as it passes on into the next phase of existence so be grateful for seeing the light of love in others

[@summoingenieduconsultssupp4143]

Parenting is not a joke

[@EtreTocsin]

Knowing the whys does not free you. Forgiveness frees you, but it is way easier said than done. The memeories have hard wired our brains into the adult we have become and overcoming is a moment by moment choice.

[@matttejada7381]

Why did this video make me cry so much?

[@EricSanchez]

The Hoffman Process helped transform my life a year ago. Highly recommend! ❤️

[@sprouts]

Hello 👋

[@golikogoliko1850]

For anyone wanting more depth and information on such a process, look up Teal Swan.

[@mahmoudmohajer8065]

the general process is to understand the roots of your certain actions which some may relate to your parents during your childhood. but some are connected to your friends and environment you live in. even though the greatest impact usually is from parents. if we can forget the past and make peace with it, then we can start to draw our own painting of life.

[@dikgamkadu3012]

I can kind of relate to the vedio. My mother used to always blame me for all the mistakes even when she was at the fault. I used to let most of the things go as I was a kid and thought whatever shes telling is right. because of that I always tried to avoid things so that I won't do any mistakes and get blamed. As I kept growing I realized my personality is holding me back so I tried hard to move past it. Now I won't say I am the centre of party or something but little better than how I used to be.

[@Truthseeker371]

So fortunate humans are to always have others to blame.

[@idrissahmat498]

Ultimately, I feel that you can never fully make peace with the harm that our parents (more often than not unintentionally) caused us, but through working on ourselves create a healthier, more stable society.

[@andyc9902]

Fixed me in 10 mins thanks

[@futuresite11]

Very good.

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

Great drawings!

[@pscrypto966]

My mom sacrificed for us and worked really hard but had extremely negative attitude towards everything and lack of empathy. Dad simply didn't care. He existed in the corner of the living room and never communicated with his kids about anything. Today I'm 37 and living in the aprt above them. Mom nags at all my life decisions. She believes she's more perfect than God. Dad just wants to meet God. I always criticized him for not caring but I know understand mom was thorn in his pleasure center. She killed him on the inside and completely emasculated him. She trying to do the same to me...

[@marcosrogeriocostabarros2596]

Wow! This is so similar with my life and my children... scary. There are some patterns ongoing all around the world...

[@pscrypto966]

@@marcosrogeriocostabarros2596 for some reason i think my marriage is ending up the same. Something on the subconscious level is leading me to the same fate as my dad.

[@marcosrogeriocostabarros2596]

@@pscrypto966 Hi, I understand from this video that what we call fate may actually be a negative pattern of behavior that we adopted from our parents, in present case, or any other important person in our lives. While we grow old we are able to trace the roots of this (negative) pattern and our longing to break it down and reshape it according to our inner desires or aspirations. I can see similarities in my life with what you mentioned in your family. And in regards to marriage I can see that mine started all wrong from the beginning... and it was "destined" to fail, not because of fate itself, but as natural result of parental and religious patterns imposed on me. I hope this is not your case and that you can truly find & follow the very best pattern to your marriage and life!

[@user-xb5oo5dd4f]

I understand you very well brother. I think you should forgive both your parents, don't hold anything against them, this will deliver you from victim mentality. I don't know if you are religious at all but the whole world is broken and there is only one way to fix it, his name is Jesus! God bless you my friend!

[@plummypurple]

Then move and focus on your life. Have empathy for others. Help yourself.

[@michellenash6802]

This is waaaaaay to simplistic!!! You don’t spend your childhood in a bubble with only your parents!! There are countless things that impact us not only in childhood but at every stage in our lives! In addition, our society has been on this ‘blame game’ train for decades - at least since the 60s! ‘It’s someone else’s fault you are the way you are.’ Instead of - taking account of your behavior, taking responsibility...and making the changes needed. Things happen to you in life...that’s life! How we decide to react or dwell or take it out on others is entirely up to us!! It’s called being an adult!! You take responsibility!! Unfortunately, we as a society have coddled children far too long! We’ve made childhood last into the early (and for some, into the late), 20’s! We haven’t wanted our children to struggle, to suffer. But...having to struggle/suffer is what builds character and empathy. Why are our 20-30 y/o’s running around disrupting, demanding, destroying, waling, screaming, talking/yelling over someone else...all in the name of “___________” cause???? Bc they are behaving like spoiled children that know if they act out they will get what they want! And unfortunately, the so called adults in this country, from every walk of life, from universities to politicians, and everyone in between, are still acting like the parents of today who, when their kid is acting out in the store will say: “honey, plz stop.” (They continue), “honey plz stop...if you stop I’ll buy you ______”! This is the level of insanity we’re dealing with! The WWII generation. Which is almost all gone, was called the greatest generation. Why? Because, as children they struggled! Their life was very difficult!! Which made them (and their parents), have the mental fortitude along with the willingness to sacrifice what was needed to fight against tyranny!! (Though there’s a lot that came out of that that I disagree with). These strong men and women, who mostly had next to nothing, turned everything around and made us the wealthiest, strongest, and most generous Nation on earth!! As the saying goes.... “Strong men create good times, good times creates weak men, weak men create hard times.” We are in the latter part of that statement. The question is....will these ‘weak men’ be the final catalyst plunging the world into the utter darkness of tyranny, as their utter brainwashing from the boomer generation has them believing ‘socialism and climate change activism (changes that only affect the first world but doesn’t regulate anyone else, the true polluters)’ is the only way to save the world.

[@sprouts]

That saying is gold.

[@lulumoon6942]

I can easily imagine the people who could benefit the most from such an intense process would be the most difficult to complete the process...

[@amandamherron1981]

Wish I came upon this in my teens to early 20's LoL

[@alexnikander6353]

I think this is interesting and I do think that this might change someone’s life. To make peace with the past and perhaps your parents is important and sounds amazing but I still think that 1 it’s important to remember that the parents haven’t gone trough the 7day program and are still the same 2 if you have cut contact w/them and you are living a better life because of it you don’t have to take them back 3 this depends on the situation but you don’t always have to forgive someone, by that I don’t mean “hold on to your resentment and spend your days hating them” but you are allowed to feel hurt even if it was a mistake or even if they are also only people

[@estar1277]

One major solution to our problems is to always be honest to yourself and others.

[@samcortez9879]

This is simplistic

[@boddy0776]

Omggggg it can change pattern education !

[@gwarlow]

9:58 This video was going well until it mentioned that even celebrities have taken part in the process… Isn’t there already enough celebrity worship? Thanks for the rest of the video. Definitely worth following up on this method. Cheers.

[@sprouts]

I cut it out. Thanks again for the reminder

[@radiantcat540]

Why is that celebrity worship? Just meantioning them?

[@FernandoLozadaVera]

I went through the Hoffman process some 18 years ago (my wife took it some months before I did) and it completely CHANGED our lives. If you are considering attending, please do. I can only describe it as a "reset button for your Soul."

[@sprouts]

Hello 👋

[@FernandoLozadaVera]

@@sprouts Hi, there!

[@metzdupcounselor]

I like that it's about understanding (not blame) and forward momentum (no longer stuck). It has limited utility though. What if the parents are alive and want nothing to do with the child after the process? What if the parents didn't ever really give it their all? Some people make awful decisions. Some people intentionally hurt others. We can understand reality and the apparent impact without minimizing or offering flawed reasoning. We can't explain it away with generational patterns. It is what it is, and from there we can choose to forgive or not, to live out new experiences in relation to others or not. Also, I don't think it's a good testament to the process to say certain celebrities went through it. Are they really the most notable graduates of this method?

[@itslapislazuli]

Learning by trying,failing, doing

[@Tematrilia]

I kinda escaped my parents/family, but now my mum is getting old, we do not get on...we are almost enemies, same with my brother...my father died...I still feel sorry for him....I understand where they were coming from...I know they did the best they could...they should not have had children.. I know I should not complain because .it could have been much worse...They are/were victims themselves...but I am still full of contempt...also because now my mum is old...I have returned...and I am happy to be back geographically to were I was born...the problem was not place but the people...mother would love to trap me in her spider web of misery, her lifestyle, or have me like a pet /slave / doll, yes a prop-doll... I want to help her , but I do not want her to destroy me, not her and not my blood-brother...somehow I hate(too strong feeling, I do not really hate them) and I love them( yes I love them, as I love everything)...I would happily never see them again, but I feel obliged...and this is true, my own moral dictates I have to do as much as possible for them, visit help be nice give love...but without letting them to destroy me...to me they are ugly creatures...but it is not their fault really...and I cannot change that...which is sad

[@ABB-rs8wm]

What culture do you follow, if you don't mind me asking? Could there be a safe distance/middle ground where you are close enough so that you can take care of them, plus you are distant and independent enough to escape the "spider web"?

[@Tematrilia]

@@ABB-rs8wm I am a westerner spanish but I have lived half of my live in the UK...What culture ? I dunno. There are things from different cultures or traditions that I like and adopt , making them part of my lifestyle...I am trying to keep a safe distance while I am still close same country...I am trying to be patient and not to worry or get angry.

[@WalterPidgeonsForge]

People have limitations.. and Parents are people. And children are often ignorant of their own influence on the outcome af any given moment. Children do illogical, abusive, selfish and short sighted things all the time.. regardless of parenting. Being a parent isn’t easy.. and in school your child might learn not to respect you, not to listen, and blame everyone but themselves for why ANYTHING doesn’t go how they want it to. Simply? Y’all need more Alan Watts… life is short..Live YOUR life, Socialism is living for what someone else needs.. run your OWN game/race/life.. win or lose, at least you will really know whose life you are living, and who is responsible (you).

[@b00gi3]

Batman should definitely go through this process.

[@Klover_pearl]

Teachers are also accountable for it, all I can say I haven’t remembered anything good a teacher said to me

[@Brightifyisthebest]

Sprouts Always Finds A Way Of Making Everyone's Day Better 🤩 *They're The Inspiration For Small KZbinrs Like Me 🖤*

[@yazidkrayem7408]

Thank you for this video. The technique is making piece with your past. What if you past unfixable?

[@wiszak9370]

You achieve peace by understanding what happened instead of being controlled by it. You are not ought to fix the past, just understand and deal with it.

[@ritesharyal2815]

Really liked it. But, how to get peace with the past - that is interesting question. Yes, I learnt that today's behaviour is the past reflection but to get correction and at what stage ?

[@wiszak9370]

You achieve peace by understanding what happened instead of being controlled by it. You are not ought to fix the past, just understand and deal with it.

[@parisnj1019]

1and 2 is for me. And something else also which was not mentioned.

[@relentlessmadman]

I have come to realize as much benifit, or more from youtubes comment section, than from the videos them selves!!!! most of which are selling somesort of product!

[@TheReynoldsTruth]

Only in California and Connecticut 😔 and so expensive! I wonder if lodging and meals are included.

[@sunitapandey70]

Nature and nurture are behind everyone's personality. Yes, the parents have a much important role in shaping a child's personality but we can't blame solely the parent's for everything. The society also plays a major role.

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

I explained to my child that looking to each parent for relatable quirks noticed during self reflections gives the known quantum values that may or may not be pertaining to baseline psychological value sets... She was 3, stared at me for a while, and threw the toy she was holding at me, but later understood the gist of what I meant - quite early in life 😎

[@sprouts]

Sounds like you got a exceptionally clever girl!

[@TiffanyNg100]

Congrats 🎉 if you are all the three persons

[@compier12]

The odd thing is, when I ask clients how they would picture the Saboteur, they often tell me it looks like a dwarf. Often frantically working hard, but not aware of the damage it is doing to the Person.

[@spiralsun1]

This. Pure gold. 🙏🏻❤️🧘‍♀️ This takes a lot of people a long time to figure out and sometimes those people are just a projection of your own issues 😂 😳 That friggin “saboteur”!! 😖

[@trendingnews4203]

Nice

[@aleksandarnikolov144]

I wish my parents were still alive so I can talk it out with them.... they both died way too young and I've got so much unresolved trauma. Relating to example no. 3.

[@RoseRose-eq3fg]

I use all these as a cheat sheet for my twins

[@lesROKnoobz]

I still love my parents to the point of adoration.

[@IamJenJen101]

It's not just our parents that cause our issues though. Like me for example, I have issues asking for help even when I really need it. I know exactly the cause of this. I was a kid with a learning disability, it took me longer to do the things other kids did, but I looked fine and I acted fine so my struggles were blamed on my work ethic. I would ask my teachers a question and get yelled at because I was practically hours behind the other students. I didn't like getting yelled at and it sure didn't make me faster so the next time I would try a little harder and take even longer to ask for help. This proceeded on, only getting worse, until I just stopped asking questions. Anything I definitely couldn't answer got turned in blank. I'm still afraid today that when I ask for help, when I show vulnerability, I'll only be yelled at or demeaned for my shortcomings. All that emotional baggage was caused by a series of shitty teachers.

[@melis6294]

If you had had Emotional healthy parents, they could've talked to your teachers and explained your problem and asked them to treat you with respect. In a healthy family environment a child feels comfortable to talk about any struggles at school. So it's your parents fault that you suffered at school.

[@IamJenJen101]

@@melis6294 This kind of thing happens a lot. Young kids respect the authority of their teachers, and unless they do something very very wrong, kids don't actually know that their teachers are doing anything wrong. If I knew that it was wrong of my teachers to yell at me for this I would've told my parents. Instead I believed what my teachers and even sometimes my parents told me. That I was smart enough to do the work, I was just too lazy. I was too young to understand that I had attention issues.

[@IamJenJen101]

@@melis6294 I should mention, it was ADHD. I was actually evaluated for it in something like 1st-3rd grade, and my dad was told I didn't have it. Young girls express it very differently, and in general with many disorders it's harder to detect in young women, because we're taught at a young age to mask it unintentionally. My parents were involved in my school life. My grandma, and then my dad, helped me with homework after school everyday. There was often talks with my teachers. I also knew stranger danger, I knew severe stuff that teachers could do that I should tell my parents. As a kid I didn't really understand why I was slower then the other kids. I didn't put it together. When my teachers yelled at me I thought they were right, that I just wasn't putting enough effort in. This is especially so because I had multiple teachers do this, to some degree or another. I had really great parents. When I got older I got evaluated again, and medicated for it. I know I said about the smart but lazy thing sometimes my parents would tell me that too, but this was only after years of teachers repeating this to them. They were very supportive overall. Parents can't just read minds, and it isn't like this specific situation would be something anyone would specifically think to look out for. I trusted my parents a lot.

[@melis6294]

@@IamJenJen101 The fact that you had a learning disability just proves how emotionally dysfunctional your family environment was. We are shaped since birth by the dynamics, moods, behavior, of our caretakers. Ask yourself how emotions were dealt in your home. What happened when you were sad, angry, lonely, disappointed, etc. How did your parents handled your emotions since you were born? It's not enough to say you had great parents, you have to analyze the emotional environment further and deeper. I recommend listening to Patrick Teahan here on KZbin he's a trauma therapy specialist and eventually get one on one Therapy with a trauma therapist.

[@IamJenJen101]

@@melis6294 ADHD is a neuro disorder that is genetic tho? Like there's no environmental factors that caused my ADHD I was just born with it. Unless your implying that sense I have ADHD that means one or both of my parents likely have it and caused me to have a bad childhood.