The "I've got to prove that I'm sick" problem

[@katkatfrost1978]

I relate to this so much. The first time I took myself into treatment I was desperate to prove to them that I was ill, even though I wanted nothing more than to get better from anorexia, the way in which I could ensure that I would get help was by being as ill as I could - and i can understand that logic on a vulnerable and emotional level - but what I wanted was to get well and by making myself ill to do that, well that's just backwards. I wasn't helping myself there, I was helping anorexia. I suffered a relapse a couple of years later, and having been in recovery before, I then knew what recovery was about, and that the best thing I could ever do for myself was to leave that urge to "prove my illness" unsatisfied. The more unsatisfied the better.

[@lilbsbluvr07]

Total normal feeling! For a year I was seeing a dietician and therapist weekly. I would be weighed and when I gained weight I would be so afraid that my team would think I wasn’t really suffering with anorexia. I felt like every week I had to prove to them that I really was sick, maybe even the sickest patient they see. Basically for a whole year I went to see them to have the eating disorder validated. I needed them to tell me i was doing well with the ed, I needed them to see that I was sick and suffering. Twisted really. I stopped going (not recommending), and now I’m doing it on my own with help from parents. I don’t have to prove to anyone anymore. I’m no longer a sick patient that has to go to the hospital to see the treatment team every week. Im finding it easier for me to eat and recover because I no longer feel the burden of having to suppress recovery to prove illness. If that makes sense.

[@creepydani3225]

I relate to this so much! I fit the DSM criteria perfectly but I was still ashamed to even admit to myself that I had an eating disorder because my life wasn't in immediate danger. I definitely hoped I'd be considered anorexic because I couldn't cope on my own and this was the only way I could think of to "earn" help (because asking for help never crossed my mind -.-). I also relate to the self sabotaging when it comes to trying to look extra sick before seeing my therapist. Dumb thing is, that now I had concrete evidence that what they were seeing was an overstatement of how sick I was and the imposter syndrome grew and buddied up with the guilt of lying basically telling me that I didn't deserve help. That then led to more restricting in order to be sick enough for help. Until I saw this video I didn't think it was this common, so just putting it out there for the person who asked this question: you're not the only one.

[@Dannan1989]

I am so so glad I found your channel. I went from a BMI 42, to around BMI 17 (hate to use BMI but just to show the extent of my weight loss), gained back up to around 22-23 with the support of my family/partner, before totally freaking out and starting to lose again... only then getting referred to treatment, where I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia. I am struggling with what you describe in this video a whole bunch. And so much what you describe in the other videos, too... I have a weigh in in exactly 7 hours and I know my weight is probably gonna be up loads and I am panicing that I am 'not doing anorexia properly' because I am not super skinny anymore/losing, and neither am I 'doing recovery properly' because I am still gaining and eating a lot at this stage, when I 'let myself' eat. This is causing major swings between heavily restricting and then eating a lot (or perhaps it's the amount I SHOULD be eating?) and I just don't know what to do about it. My therapist scares me because even though he is super nice and seems understanding, he seems to be scared of me gaining too much weight, and that makes me even more scared because of what he might say at my weigh ins if I have gained too much.. Blah :(

[@missyanne3100]

I absolutely love your videos. My treatment team has been telling me that I'm aproaching a healthy weight/ bmi I worry that I'm going to lose some services that I still need. I finally got it in my head to do the opposite of what my ED wants me to do. I'm fighting the urge to prove that I'm sick because I need to maintain a healthy life style for my son. If I lose services I may just have to do it on my own and I'm willing to fight for it and maintain it. I really am so happy I found your videos they got me facing my fear foods now. 😊😊😊

[@margotmcdonald7585]

I'm at normal BMI, i've hit the weight I used to have before I started losing yet sometimes a day's worth of eating can still feel like a battle.

[@jaydaxx612]

Thank you so much for this, I've been searching for an answer to this for so long but all I could ever put it down to was attention seeking. I really appreciate this video, thank you xx

[@rosieone4533]

Thank you so much for covering this.

[@rebeccastanding7729]

this is so true i used to fast for two days before i had therapy because i felt like a fraud and thought the psychology wouldn’t believe that i was sick at all if i didn’t lose weight ahaha completely defeated the object of going to therapy

[@kelsosunshine3400]

Ironically I am watching your videos while procrastinating having to go and make myself something to eat. I am trying to muster the energy to be ready by the end of this video...fourth time's the charm? PS. Fourth time was the charm..even if it was only a bagel.

[@kullykaur7736]

Well done. The more you fight the ED, the stronger a resistance you will build up to its taunting and demands.

[@susanzumback7711]

I was inpatient five years ago -they discharged everyone as soon as insurance ran out,regardless of health🤔😐off topic sort of,I’m wondering if you’d be willing to talk about a touchy subject but I bet I’m not the only one who can be preoccupied by,,,TRANSIT TIMES💩yes that’s right,what is normal transit time for foods from ingesting to bye bye??ive got an unrealistic expectation and get freaked out whenever I feel like things are just “sitting there”(gross dirty toxic blah blah blah)I’d love to refute these lies w facts 🤗🤗🤗enough to post jazz hand emojis

[@lenajazuk4231]

Treatment facilities don’t care what weight we are as long as they get paid which in most cases by insurance so it’s up to insurance to decide on approval for admission and discharge ... very sadly I was discharged after 3 weeks bc I gained just enough to be considered medically stable My ex therapist didn’t really believe me that I was restricting bc I’m at normal BMI and instead she suggested that my evening munchies were an emotional eating and I have to figure out why and work on practicing other coping skills

[@franchipaniiii5547]

Dear Tabitha Could you do another video about periods? I haven‘t had one in 2 years now although I feel weight restored (I‘m about the weight I was before my ED time...). I have stopped exercising finally a month ago, and it is a release, but at the same time I sometimes think I should take it up again... But I know I need to get my period back first! I‘ve been researching alot about this topic, and have found that there are a lot of „recovered“ people who have no period for years after „recovery“. Is that normal? Should this take so long? How do I get it back?I would love to hear your opinion and experience with that.

[@susanzumback7711]

Also your skin looks really good💕💕sorry,former spa owner...

[@fornamnefternamn4869]

I have in fact experienced being without therapist or care, due to weight gain. Not once, several times. And when asking about it, saying I feel worse than ever due to weight gain, help me, the answer always was: "you are not as underweight anymore as others, they need the help, goodbye". This goes for people never getting low enough BMI too, they not get help in the first place. (And yes, suicidal patients do not get care before thay proven they will really try suicide - before that, they are just "threatening".) This is in modern Europe, Sweden. And have been for decades by now. This is why I would never ever contact a doctor or therapist when I have a relapse. I know that care will make it impossible and harder than it should, to get to a better mental place. Forget about others, just focus on yourself and YOUR journey to be healthy. That journey will end in losing the therapy contacts anyway sooner or later, one cant get to them forever. I try acceptance of this fact, and try to manage my life with ana-ED and reocurring depressions (with a base of dystymi and BDD) sithout relying on health care. As strange as it may seam, it works better for me and I for sure never have to have concerns about losing the contact. I also tried talking to a priest. Not about religion, just about mental health. They can talk forever and wont kick you out after "this time", "this many meeting", "you did not improve, dead case, bye" or "gained weight, bye". Sadly enough, reality is not that one can get the care one needs anymore in all places. And one has to deal with that. I love your videos, they for sure help people (also me) to want to chose recovery and to see the important stuff in life. Especially when dealing with this without help, your channel is gold.

[@mollylikesspace]

I relate soooooo much

[@Bozpot]

I do this every time I have any kind of hospital appointment. Next week I'm having an MRI scan (routine, post-cancer) and will need to be weighed so the medics know how much contrast dye to use. I've relapsed anyway this year, but even when I was previously 'recovered' I had an overwhelming desire to be as thin/light as possible before a doctor saw me for any reason.

[@emily8152]

Oh I relate to this so much!!!!!!!!!!!

[@mealswithfoods6252]

Totally get this! Insurance in the US is horrible. I played this game to keep therapy. I cant afford therapy so I stay sick. It's awful. I am a sick bird. 😩

[@janicegladstone6999]

So I was a healthy weight the tail end of last year and had convinced myself that I was never I'll and didn't need this help then all of a sudden I'd lost 5% body weight and was in a hospital bed on iv drips and ecg.. then I realised maybe I was a bit ill🤨

[@hawkeyepierce8886]

Are you okay now? Sending love and prayers

[@treasuredupuy1614]

Also if you think about it. Anorexia is the illness conceived by humans from a natural biological and genetically formed response to starvation (not saying it's natural and meant to be, specifically to the extent most of us are obviously taken by it.) So these behaviours, that of course needed to be identified so proper treatment can be given, initially started off as way for us to survive in times of famine. So, your survival brain (reptilian brain) when in starvation, is the area of the brain that is used to think, control and make decisions because it requires very little energy to use, compared to the prefrontal cortex etc. (uses a lot of energy) does not see someone pointing out the behaviours it is almost willing your body to do in order to survive famine as an illness. Possibly even seeing those that are diagnosing us as having an Eating Disorder as a threat because they are basically proving we are sick and being unwell is a very alarming thing for the survival response to starvation as all it's trying to do is keep you alive. So basically for those of us who have that genetic predisposition for Eating Disorders, it feels very natural for us. These behaviours that make us feel safe and like we will survive are a sickness because of how they present themselves in this modern day. I don't really know just trying to get some understanding for myself and this is cathartic. Questions 1. Skin problems (eczema and folliculitis) and eating disorders I can find nothing about the connection between the two on the internet and I am also certain they are. 2. Sympathetic nervous response....when i am in active restriction or recovering from (like now) my body cannot handle stress at all...like my body has a pins and needle sensation, my heart rate jumps so quickly and my eczema itches and by stress i mean exercise (which is my other job ugh fitness sucks), a slight fright, busy shift at work etc. 3. Eating a lot (which is great) but affording all the food, like how do i pay for it..every day spending quite a bit of money on food. 4. How to help digestion..seriously I am so uncomfortable.

[@treasuredupuy1614]

Also if you think about it. Anorexia is the illness conceived by humans from a natural biological and genetically formed response to starvation (not saying it's natural and meant to be, specifically to the extent most of us are obviously taken by it.) So these behaviours, that of course needed to be identified so proper treatment can be given, initially started off as way for us to survive in times of famine. So, your survival brain (reptilian brain) when in starvation, is the area of the brain that is used to think, control and make decisions because it requires very little energy to use, compared to the prefrontal cortex etc. (uses a lot of energy) does not see someone pointing out the behaviours it is almost willing your body to do in order to survive famine as an illness. Possibly even seeing those that are diagnosing us as having an Eating Disorder as a threat because they are basically proving we are sick and being unwell is a very alarming thing for the survival response to starvation as all it's trying to do is keep you alive. So basically for those of us who have that genetic predisposition for Eating Disorders, it feels very natural for us. These behaviours that make us feel safe and like we will survive are a sickness because of how they present themselves in this modern day. I don't really know just trying to get some understanding for myself and this is cathartic. Questions 1. Skin problems (eczema and folliculitis) and eating disorders I can find nothing about the connection between the two on the internet and I am also certain they are. 2. Sympathetic nervous response....when i am in active restriction or recovering from (like now) my body cannot handle stress at all...like my body has a pins and needle sensation, my heart rate jumps so quickly and my eczema itches and by stress i mean exercise (which is my other job ugh fitness sucks), a slight fright, busy shift at work etc. 3. Eating a lot (which is great) but affording all the food, like how do i pay for it..every day spending quite a bit of money on food. 4. How to help digestion..seriously I am so uncomfortable.