The Illusion of Limerence | Alex Castaneda | TEDxSouthPasadenaHigh

In exploring the psychology of love, Alex Castaneda discovered a condition of stress caused by attraction, known as Limerence.
Alex explains how Limerence can affect an individual's mind through different phases, then describes different techniques to mediate these damaging effects.
Alex Castaneda has, for many years, dealt with an affliction that affects millions of adolescents around the world; falling in love.
However, unlike most young adults, Castaneda uses his unique investigative skills in order to drive his search for answers. Why are we awkward? Why do we get obsessed? How do we deal with these fierce issues that, while plaguing everyone, so often get overlooked?
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@dimitraskrekovski1424]

Ive had extreme limerence for 10 years of my life. I lived in a total fantasy-psychosis-like state and drowning in longing for him. I also have severe OCD. ONLY REJECTION SET ME FREE. I think its the only way out. Total upfront conversation. I had real luck because my object of limerence was really honest about it and strongly told me he has no feelings for me. I felt his whole being rejecting me. It set me free. I was in a manic state for 3 days then depression started then healing. Its been almost 2 years after the conversation. Ive been healed completely for the past 1.5years. I hope this helps anybody

[@CruzyThaMan]

Thank you I think that may be the answer

[@dhanishta7824]

You lucked with your limerent object being truthful. My limerant object is abusive and toxic , sleeps with other women but gaslights me by saying i am not there for him which is why he goes on to seek a committed relationship , where it is crystal clear that he never felt for me even once right from day one . he only uses me as an errands person or somebody who gives him money , but he says that he loves me i forget about every thing . been almost 2 yrs in this mess and i dont knwo how to get out of it. he actually did tell me to help him as a friend but i just cannot ...

[@Msasha2727]

I’m glad you shared this, I’ve been going back n forth with someone who sends me mixed signals and I need for them to reject me to set me free…. That’s all I want, is to be free from the fantasy and the thoughts and the plans.

[@pinkrabbit7672]

Thank you for bravely sharing your personal story It gives insight and hope , yes it is helpful 💗

[@beatrixbrennan1545]

I had a boyfriend who has fallen into limerance. I had to break up with him because the relationship just wasn't a good fit and he is OBSESSIVE in trying to get me back. I have had to yell and scream at him that I don't love him and there is ZERO chance of us getting back together. 5 minutes later, he is texting me telling me I don't mean it and everything was going so great and I just need to stop. That I really do love him and I'm just emotional. It is beyond frustrating having to tell a 50 year old man my reality which is that I don't love him anymore and do not want to be with him. We've been broken up for a couple years and he still dumps LOADS of gifts for birthdays and Christmas on my door. Sends flowers constantly. I've been in limerance before several times but my God, I didn't think it would go to this level of obsession for him.

[@darksavior1187]

Too many people haven't even heard of limerence, but it is a real cause of great anguish for many, especially those who are married or in a long term relationships ambushed by limerence manifesting for someone outside of their relationships. Its very strong, person addiction and can overpower people into betraying themselves and the life they had built prior.

[@pogogogo9002]

My husband developed limerance for a women that has such a troubled history ie attempted murder charges, meth charges. We were married 28yrs and respected in our community. He is lost at the moment and behaving so out of character.

[@jonathanlow9838]

@@pogogogo9002 Sorry to hear that and hear it so late. May I ask how is he now?

[@Gaffelglim]

I wish I had heard and learnt about limerence before the twin flame concept. 😰

[@TheWesleyvicary]

@@Gaffelglim may I ask why, what do you feel the difference between the 2 is? I've met a woman who says I'm her twin flame but not learning about limerence I'm not sure if its this im feeling

[@michaeltpowers5316]

@@pogogogo9002 I just went through this similar scenario. I am now living alone and desperately trying to get over this weird and pervasive condition.

[@seabreaze4243]

And watch out for cultural trends like the "Twin-Flame" which only exacerbates this dynamic....

[@launaskin9332]

Well said, thank you for mentioning it!

[@savetheoaplease8112]

The moment I start to think about someone in a romantic way, I get stuck in a cycle of overthinking. I can't stop imagining scenarios, how it would be, what it would feel like, maybes, ifs... And I beat myself up over what I should've done to get closer to that person, how I shouldn've kept in contact, done the first move... When in reality I am not ready for a relationship. A part of me, doesn't want to depend on an other person, get tied down and get in something serious. I don't want anything underious either. I see it as just a waste of time on both sides. But an other part of me, longs for romance and closeness... I'd sell my kidney to be able to get rid of this trait of mine.

[@Shivanikumari-lm2wr]

Same girl! Every freakin word of yours is soo true. It's soo confusing

[@IAMCHIDERA]

THIS IS MEEEEEEEE😦😦😦😦😦😦😦😦😦

[@michaeltpowers5316]

I understand completely.

[@khaltoumach1243]

Same thing here ✌️😔

[@keumamelanie5602]

Girl! I can totally understand how you feel because this is me as well. And thank you for writing this because it helps me realize that I’m not alone in this. I wish I could give you any sort of advice but I’m struggling with it as well so all I can say is at least we are not alone.

[@HaleySmith]

I wish I knew about this 10 years ago when I was absolutely OBSESSED with a guy I was seeing. I did not get over him for 7 years and oh my god the pain going through it. it was as though someone had died. I couldnt finish uni, i couldnt hold down a job. And I stalked him online for years, he would message me on occasion about the fun times we had together, I watched him fall in love with someone else and get married and the messages stopped. I wrote an entire journal about my life with him and burnt it before going to Europe. I kind of regret burning that journal to this day if I'm honest because I would have loved to have looked back at this completely raw journal in the healed mental state I am now and what that girl wrote. And I would look at it and realise how deeply in limerence I was.

[@jons4934]

I see in your blog that you're with a new guy. Are you still with him, and also did you have limerence for him? Did your limerence SUBSIDE after he gave you reciprocity? What if he didn't? Do you think you'd have lasting limerence for him for years just like the first guy? Thanks

[@HaleySmith]

@@jons4934 I certainly am haha I got married to him! And no I had no limerence with my husband, it was and is a completely different love. And a healthy relationship is so, so healing for people who've experienced CPTSD and limerance. If it hadn't have been reciprocated would I have had limerance? Mmm no, I think this was completely unique to that guy at that time because of what had happened to me and I was in a different headspace when I met my husband. I don't think about that guy anymore but I did reflect for years to come and I probably will reflect over my lifetime but I had convinced myself he was "the one" which is so so dangerous and I wish I knew the word limerance because it would have helped me heal a lot faster

[@becksbecks88]

I totally understand you. I did this many times and have no idea I was doing this. I did this with a guy friend for 3 years in elementary school. Another guy I went out for 3 months in middle school took me 3 years to get over him. Another guy friend I had in high school was Another obsession for me for 3 years. My ex fiance of 5 years took me Another 5 years to get over. Now that I know what's going on.... I can begin healing and working on myself even more. Thanks for sharing.

[@udontknowme3920]

@@HaleySmith hey! I don't know if you'll see this, but can you tell me a little more about your healing journey. How did you overcome and heal?

[@natsaltanat]

@@udontknowme3920 i’d love to hear that, too!

[@daystyrfer7887]

it needs to be recognized that limerance is a means of coping with stress, anxiety and depression. I've been in an almost constant state of limerance for the past 5 years because of my debilitating physical and mental health issues. It's very hard to reconcile the truth of the matter, "they mostly likely don't want anything to do with me" and this fantasy I've built up of them rescuing me from my torment. The only thing keeping me from reaching out to them is the sheer amount of shame involved with crawling back only to be rejected again and I"m also very aware of the harm this fantasy can do to an unwilling participant. this is not their burden, the responsibility is mine.

[@rockrecordreport7136]

It can also be a means of coping with loneliness. Creating a love affair that does not and cannot exist in the real world for the person. It is not all negative imo.

[@wordswordswords8203]

Sometimes limerence is all someone can get. Not everyone can move on and find a healthy, loving, reciprocal relationship. I am currently in limerence with a couple of people and I know full well that it is hopeless and that I am using it as a coping mechanism for extreme loneliness. It helps me. It's better than being utterly alone. It's not realistic to expect someone to just not have any romantic feelings ever in their life because there are people who truly cannot attract a mate for whatever reason. It's sad but that's the reality. And fantasizing a relationship and hoping for something is better than nothing. Believe me. I guess I should say it helps to be aware of what you are doing. If you are unaware, it can be much more painful. But if you know what you are doing, I find it better than complete and utter lack of hope.

[@Entertainment-hq5rt]

How are you doing right now? Any update if you wish to give?

[@michaeltpowers5316]

I finally found not only an explanation for my problem but also an actual name and albeit a diagnosis.

[@robindear5043]

I've heard of the term limerence before, but only recently found out what it means. It needs to be discussed more often, in junior high, senior high, and college. People talk about their "relationships" that may not even be anything romantic, just an acquaintance kind of thing, someone being cordial and kind. The hard truth is if there is no reciprocation in action, not just words, from the person of interest, then that "relationship" is a figment of your imagination. People need to tell the truth and be honest, plain harsh and mean, if necessary, to get those caught up in limerence to see the light. They are missing out on the best things in life by focusing all their energy on a fantasy.

[@behuman3811]

I pitty my old self because I got caught in limerence for 3 years for someone. Gladly I could overcame it since last year. Yeah, I do agree. This term need to discuss more and more in order people recognize between real love and imagination

[@JChristo1984]

Robin, that is so powerful It's exactly my mindset. Last year we were building a house. This year she's moving in with some guy we went to high school.

[@brianarbenz1329]

I thought for sure Limerence was a little village on the River Shannon by Limerick.

[@funkymunky]

Limerence is a coping mechanism for emotional deprivation. Name every human who's ever loved too hard, and fallen...

[@wordswordswords8203]

I agree. I don't see limerence as something bad, but just a coping mechanism. easy to denounce it if you can get a real person. not so easy for people who can't and dropping limerence doesn't mean you'll find a real relationship. they two re necessarily related.

[@niknurain]

Limerence really is a great struggle. We need to raise awareness on this. Thanks Alex. It’s real and hard to go through.

[@hhhoneycomb]

got recommended this video from my therapist. So many people are unaware of this, my therapist associated this with my obsession with marriage and the favorite person syndrome. It’s a real struggle, it took me 6 years to get over a guy I wanted to marry so bad. Its exhausting but I’m happy I know what’s going with me. Glad more awareness is being brought up. Stay strong my limerence people, what’s been working for me is literally no contact and pretending the person is dead.

[@farmpunk_dan]

I think I am a very emotionally aware person who spent years in therapy. I have read many books about love and psychology, yet I didn’t learn about the word “limerence” until I was 31. I struggled with it for ten years but I couldn’t name the feeling. That is a huge problem for our society. It’s a wonderful advancement that KZbin exists for ideas like this to become mainstream.

[@dietrichrosiers8184]

Indeed! How did you manage to break free from it in the end, if I may ask?

[@ariadgaia5932]

I think there is need to differentiate between what's natural & what's unnatural when it comes to limerence.. Separate the obsessiveness & possessiveness from the feeling itself. I learned from a doctor in psychology that the initial attraction in limerence is actually normal & a natural part of human beings. It's when the limerence passes into an unhealthy obsession that it becomes a problem.

[@wordswordswords8203]

very good point

[@actuallyarjun]

It definitely feels like a romanticized form of depression normalized by pop culture. By surely believing that you will be liberated or find your purpose once you get the person (and your love is reciprocated) being in itself a catalyst to denial (of the fact that this form of obsessive love will bring you no fulfillment whatsoever) is what makes it so dangerously masochistic. I just wish that quality education like this is made available in high school or college irrespective of what branch we study just for the sake of our mental health.😓

[@jackkreacherr9339]

This guy just helped me figure out my entire lifes problem. Damn.

[@grandiose5720]

fr

[@AceHoffman]

Excellent description of my mom's research on the subject of "Love and Limerence"! Bravo Alex!

[@LifterwiII]

HUGE applause to Alex for his research, speech AND for discovering at such an early age what is a deeply valuable life lesson, Many (including myself) fail to put the pieces of this very complicated puzzle together until we are far older and have needlessly lived with what I tend to believe is one of the results of childhood trauma (not always). THANK YOU ALEX!!

[@garrettgrimes7561]

He did a fine job on a topic many people suffer from and want to learn how to end it.

[@Whitemoon379]

Social media is making limerence even more common

[@projectconan1]

no one in middle school couldve predicted that he would have his own tedtalk.

[@KP-st6hk]

Right what a pleasant surprise

[@rebecca538]

Suffering from this for 4 years now... It's becoming unbearable, and even though I know I have it I can't do anything about it.

[@SplitTheBeat]

Just hang in there, okay. I'm 5 years in and I'm still functioning. I confessed to her about six months ago for the sake of my own sanity and it really feels much better now than the endless limbo I was in prior to that even though it made our already dry friendship a bit worse than it was. It gets better.

[@pedrodlr15]

you are not alone 2 weeks ago I never heard of limerence and I was stuck fantasizing my ideal romance with my ex best friend,the more I know about limerence and the more research I do about it the more liberated I feel,I'm going back to school to give myself a better life,a better future,she was evrything to me,but I now I feel more powerful the more I look into this subject

[@Tshego2000]

7 years for me...it happened when I was in the 6th grade( we didn't go to the same high school so I figured id just forget about her). After 3 years it seemed like it was finally over, but then I had to run into her by mistake and it started all over again. It felt so intense and so vigorous I was convinced that after high school I would reunite with her and we would get married. After 1 year It was finally over( so I thought), my memory of her was so blurry that it didn't cause any intense emotions anymore. Guess what happened next, out of the blue I had a dream about her, and every single memory came rushing back like a swarm of grasshoppers...then I convinced myself that I needed to talk to her. so I asked mutual friends for her number and at last I got the opportunity to talk to her, but here's the thing...we were acquaintances back then and she literally couldn't remember me😩😭😭. I told her how I felt about her anyway; she was puzzled. I felt like my existence was bothering her so I deleted her number. at last I felt some closure. well temporarily at leas. anotherIII successfully helped her retrieve her distant and encrypted memory of me. I told her how I felt again...and she was similarly astonished in juxtaposition to the the previous time we interacted. burdened by the ambiguity of her response I deleted her number once again and was convinced it was the last time I would let her stir my emotions. here I am one year later experiencing the ripples from a dream I had about her last night, trying to find a way to contact her with little success because she doesn't have any active social media accounts and its been so long we don't have mutual friends anymore. all I can do now is rewatch and reread old online media that I've definitely seen before hoping that somehow the cases of other peoples limerence experiences may be more severe than my own; so I can acquire a bit more strength to endure the effects of the recent surge of intense emotions that can be simply described as a beautiful tragedy.

[@DyDi]

It’s been 2 years now and i still suffer form it

[@AmandaMG6]

Test for ADHD if you haven’t before

[@edwardsbarbara25]

I have been searching for this explanation for so long. Thank you so much, Alex

[@michellebarre5397]

I just recently learned this…limerance is not talked about and should be. I know people stuck in fantasy, and this would be an aha

[@charissecoal]

I really could have used a presentation like this one before i lost interest in my most recent crush. I had to figure it all out myself, wasting 17 years of my life in the process

[@wordswordswords8203]

Don't be hard on yourself. It's not a waste. You were doing other things at that time. Living your life. Who knows, maybe it protected you from something worse. Take care.

[@KP-st6hk]

Left me thinking, great job Alex!

[@Whitemoon379]

Without limerence there wouldn’t be these amazing love songs. 🤷🏽

[@jotaro9664]

Starvation 9:19 one let's time desensitize any feelings of attraction Consummation 9:30 One finally -attempt- obtains reciprocation from their limerent object, at times this does not end limerence due to the fact the lemerent expect a certain form of reciprocation, consummation serves as a form of self reflection for the people at limeren and allows for a lemerent to truly wonder if they truly love Transference 9:55 One passes their feeling of attraction towards another individual thus ending the initial limerence altogether

[@catherinetangney2621]

The Story of Adele H, a 1975 film directed by Francois Truffaut, is about a young lady who basically loses her sanity over her love for a British soldier. Limerence for sure

[@scarletgiry3958]

I really liked that movie but it was so sad. I agree it was totally limerence.

[@biondna7984]

I got news. It ISN'T just adolescents. It's happened to me about four times in my life, and it took me months to shake it off each time. Got one going now. At least I now know what it is and where it comes from. It often comes from psychic wounding from childhood traumas. I'm 68.

[@Caparason824]

What do you mean with psychic wounding?

[@JoyFay]

Learning about limerence late last year has taught me a lot about myself.

[@MrJgbc]

Why are we here? just to suffer?

[@wordswordswords8203]

I wonder about that myself too.

[@longshotz38]

To live life

[@allysonreneau9523]

This was very well constructed and delivered. Nice job Alex

[@TruthTriumphs786]

There's a Indian movie named "Darr" which shows how a man affected by Limerance becomes so addicted that he almost kills his crush' s fiance. It was a thrilling movie acted by Shahrukh Khan. The only way to end Limerance is look at the flaws and insecurities of the other person. Get to know them first. You may never know the woman you fell over must be full of s hit

[@Theone-ou2xt]

according to dr Susan Forward - it comes from bad childhood ,although she uses the word obsessive love instead of limerence .Having first care givers who somehow were responsible for the bad childhood of their kids by fighting infront of them by leaving them or even sometime if they were good something else happened ,but conditional and restricted love in the childhood can cause that according to dr Susan forward.

[@RashaunMichelle]

great explanation and presentation. thank you Alex Castaneda and TEDx

[@angelicalee6]

Great speech!

[@kr-666]

I have been miserably obsessed with someone for three years, I obsessed over small details, trying to consume every possible fact. I behaved irrationally and inappropriately because of this obsession. I can not get this person out of my mind, but my feelings are not romantic. I do not love this person I am just obsessed with them. Perhaps I love them platonically in a friendship sort of way. Hearing everyone experience limerence in marriage and want to essentially marry their lime rent object is not something that I can relate to. So I'm confused. Do I have limerence or not?

[@Expireddepression]

I know someone like you, it's ok 💖

[@thunkjunk]

Are you lonely in some way? Intellectually or emotionally? I'm asking because I'm trying to decide if loneliness is at the core of limerence. I'm in a marriage and getting limerence for another woman. I think it is because I'm just not feeling a connection to my wife and that other woman is interesting and I feel some kind of connection there. God I really with it would end even though my wife and I are getting a divorce.

[@paniq_fnite]

@@thunkjunk I feel for you, I literally know what you’re going through except I’m the female and was married, having limerence for someone else (which was reciprocated). Are kids involved? If not - my advice is to go where the connection is. Even if you have kids, honestly evaluate life for you and take time to explore your options. I’ll tell you you’re not crazy, or bad, bc you are experiencing something life-changing. Pray and ask God to guide you. Also keep checking Ytube - specifically “attachment theory” about relationships. Good blessings bro, this is a big one to get thru. 😳

[@thunkjunk]

@@paniq_fnite Not long after I wrote that post and after a few days of barely sleeping...I wrote my LO an email explaining myself and asking if she felt anything or liked me at all. I got a rejection. I never thought I would welcome a rejection but I did. lol. I feel so much better now and the constant thoughts have been diminishing more and more every day for about a month now. It also helps that I changed gyms so I will never see her. I thank you for your empathic and compasionate reply. The entire situation was fairly complex and kinda interesting in a way. I'm still going to get a divorce, although it is not hostile or anything...but I've been putting it off because I needed to be able to think clearly (without limerence) to make decisions like that and to give my wife the respect she deserves. As far as connections go; I have none right now and I'm ok with it. How are you doing? Do you need to chat about it. Stranger or not, if you are drowning I can grab your hand if you need it.

[@autumngrace8541]

Hollywood taught us well through unrealistic romantic shows of what we thought was normal. Divorce is high and how much has been from limerence?

[@geriweis-corbley7177]

Well written!!

[@leahmay1506]

Excellent presentation!

[@LianaBuzea]

Beautifully presented! 🙏💯

[@nicolameikle3976]

Omg limerance is destroying my life 🥲

[@thunkjunk]

What do you think of a website for limerent people to get together? Like a dating site. When limerent people get reciprocation it can end the limerence.

[@lamoe7382]

I needed this!!!

[@dehsa38]

Some people don't like to be viewed with limerence and end up killing a relationship they really wanted.

[@thunkjunk]

What do you mean?

[@dehsa38]

@@thunkjunk They can see, by the way you look at them, that you're in limerence. And they have a spontaneous reaction of doing something to defeat any chance of a relationship.

[@wordswordswords8203]

@@dehsa38 yes, i think that is very true. good point. it's kind of like the playing hard to get strategy. I hate "love". hehe

[@WitnWisdom64]

I had no idea of this concept of Limerance. I am almost 60 and just thought the one I was with wasn't who I wanted so I would seek novelty. thanks!

[@kuhataparunks]

This book helped a lot :(

[@dbishop4761]

I have had it for all 15 yrs of my relationship.

[@suegoldfild8990]

Omg. Idealizing the other in that way is oddly similar to a mother-child idealization. As well as the separation anxiety. As well as the intense feeling of belonging - it's what we were supposed to have when we were psychologically One with our parent- before we individuated. Why are we compelled to go back? Because it felt so good to be connected to another that way? Is that what heaven will be, the ultimate connectedness?

[@HappyHolyHealthyLife]

Great video!

[@simeoda]

I’m currently suffering through limerice from a guy from my job

[@positivevibesonly4426]

Very well said.. This young boy did a great, through job discussing this subject! Despite his nervousness which is apparent in his voice.

[@Jman2774]

nah man its his instinctual accent

[@allieboy181]

Jman2774 it's his fuckin lisp. His toungue was getting in the way of his mouth forming words

[@bonnieclayton2311]

Why would you publicly call attention to that?

[@CeroGenesis]

@@bonnieclayton2311 Projections

[@FireFortProductions]

you can have limerence for someone who doesn't know you exist right?

[@vanessasahadeo4982]

YES

[@milanshah4]

That would be worse. Better to let them know.

[@FireFortProductions]

@@milanshah4 hey i know we've never met and you have no idea who i am but im obsessively in love with you

[@user-ul5lb4cm4d]

Yes, my limerent one lives about 2,600 kilometers away :p

[@S.M.Jean-Mahmoud_Ier]

@@FireFortProductions I feel like you have little idea how awfully liberating this sentence would be...

[@Firehazerd5444]

I'm called out, and I hate it

[@Studyforum69]

100 % truth for me .same happening with me 😅😅😅😅 I will heal myself now

[@marym9585]

Education about limerance is great, but even better would be if parents stopped damaging their kids self esteem....self hate makes real intimacy a source of pain

[@mrfarax4944]

Limerance is such a horrible thing to go through

[@adastrizzy]

Ohhh dear I’m being called out 100% of this video

[@JasonJia11]

LOL so am I. Every symptom/detail applies to me at the moment. It's been a really rough month for me since I went to lunch with her and found out she had a bf; she didn't know I wanted it to be a date! Logically I know she isn't worth the mental strain and effort, but my brain does what it wants. Being neurodivergent makes it even harder.

[@kentbarnes6380]

I'm pretty sure mine is limerence

[@wordswordswords8203]

Infatuation, daddy complex, unrequited crush, limerence. It's all the same thing.

[@BK-jb6iv]

Off topic, but I love the shape of his face.

[@snoozyq9576]

Ugh why does this keep happening to me!!!

[@alo3943]

Same!!!!!

[@thatrachellegirl3321]

I understand. 😒 It’s a subconscious core wound your brain has mistakenly determined the other person will resolve. But the truth is they will more likely reinforce.

[@beatrixbrennan1545]

Attachment trauma from childhood. Look up other videos and the good ones talk about that in depth

[@wordswordswords8203]

@@thatrachellegirl3321 Interesting. Very cool. Like daddy complex?

[@Manofvalue525]

Suffering from this 10 years now

[@Moepowerplant]

That basic garden-variety infatuation isn't so smart, but you can shoot off a limb, and it's still 86% combat-effective; here's a tip, aim for the nerve stem... And put it down for good. Starship Troopers, 1997

[@jiu-jitsudude5178]

I'm from Buenos Aires and I say kill the all!!!!!!!!!

[@sirdelrio]

Mine lasted 14 years. You know nothing, Jon Snow.

[@kathleenblair7278]

I am going through limerance withdrawal. I have a history of drinking over the end of a relationship. I didn't want this to happen. I am as powerless limerence as I am over alcohol.

[@rockswings]

👏👏👏

[@KumarPhx]

00:45

[@kathleenblair7278]

My friend met a man that was in prison, she went to see him, gave him money, married him. They split up 3 days after he was released.

[@jotaro9664]

Transference

[@NitinMahajanCA]

Am not into fantasies, never felt the other person to be perfect, in fact she is amongst the most imperfect persons that i may know of... But still i miss being with her, miss her all the time. Is that limerance?

[@wordswordswords8203]

if it's not reciprocal, it might be. If you are getting out of a relationship with her, you might just need more time to adjust.

[@thunkjunk]

How about a double whammy of limerence during middle age, during a dry marriage and of course, a younger woman. Try that one. It sucks.

[@FC-ku4ez]

Imagine what your marriage could be like if you invested all that limerance time into your wife? Your marriage would bloom again.

[@thunkjunk]

@@FC-ku4ez My marriage is dead which is why I'm interested in another person. However, I'm trying so hard to suppress it and work on the marriage. I'm in limerence because I'm not telling that other woman a thing while I'm still married. The irony is killing me.

[@FC-ku4ez]

@@thunkjunk Whatever the case, please don't drag someone else into your situation. Sort out your life one way or the other, and start fresh so there won't be additional negative repercussions for anyone involved. I speak from experience here.

[@thunkjunk]

@@FC-ku4ez I have not dragged anyone into any situation and you haven't explained a thing. You are asking me to be a certain way based purely on faith (because of your experience).

[@FC-ku4ez]

@@thunkjunk No. Because you said yourself you have limerance, which is by definition unrequited. It's not the young woman's fault your marriage is in shambles. Stop focusing on women you have nothing in common with, and fix your life. As a younger woman who is routinely preyed upon by older men, it's very annoying, and especially when they're in relationships. Really get a clue!

[@vipmonicake]

Why did he randomly call on that guy? 4:19

[@evanbland2079]

Is this basically the same thing as Idolatry?

[@gracemarie3632]

Yeah that’s what I was thinking

[@evanbland2079]

Grace Marie well i struggle with idolatry then. Sucks...

[@gracemarie3632]

Evan Bland at the same time, the fact that you don’t like it and feels out of your control...i don’t know if that would be idolatry then. Maybe a symptom of being with shimmering smiley faced narcissists that want you to be obsessed with them? I’m not sure

[@evanbland2079]

Grace Marie I am very intrigued by what you are saying I have never thought of that aspect of it. I tend to think very poorly of myself while putting people on pedestals and I think people think poorly of me too a lot of the times. I do also tend to form somewhat toxic relationships and I can’t seem to break out of it. At home I do not feel like I am allowed to express how I feel and I do kinda think there are people in my life who may be narcissistic at times and I think it has effected me in a very negative way that I still have yet to understand. Do you mind elaborating on your point a bit more I’m not sure I understand what you are saying fully but I’m very very intrigued. I think your giving me a perspective I’ve never considered before

[@S.M.Jean-Mahmoud_Ier]

Nope. Idolatry is when you make something else than God, your God. Your subject of adoration, instead of God. Obviously, when you reach that level, you need to stop and pause. And put that limerent object down your altar, and God back where He shouldn't have left.

[@ardently750]

mine lasted 13 years.

[@tneita3166]

"BIG TALK " have a good day,,,.

[@jotaro9664]

Consummation

[@jotaro9664]

9:30

[@Feber2001]

Where does LIMERENCE come from?

[@auroram.5196]

Its a reflection of your unmet needs

[@mallorywho144]

It also has to do with attachment styles and stems from the limbic system.

[@user-ul5lb4cm4d]

Ocd probably

[@leahmay1506]

@@auroram.5196 I strongly believe this! I believe I’ve been seriously deprived in certain areas of my life and this limerence is a result of that deprivation.

[@way.truth.life.]

Childhood PTSD

[@jotaro9664]

Starvation

[@jotaro9664]

Leave any feeling of attraction

[@brotherdaveseattle2791]

Hard to listen to this guy

[@aaacomp1]

I would love to listen to this talk but his lisp is so distracting!

[@ziad8947]

What lisp?

[@adrian1718]

Ziad you're kidding

[@heidirachaelpieterse5109]

I love his lisp

[@edwardsbarbara25]

A young individual trying to figure himself out already? The reason for his thoughts, actions? And, you can only focus on a possible lisp? My bets for a fulfilled life are on Alex

[@isabellavalencia8026]

Way to focus on the wrong part of the story

[@ramonvillaster609]

Goodness, his stuttering and hissing are very distracting.

[@Adronitis]

That's rude. Clearly he is not a native English speaker...and he has a lisp on top of this. Most likely he was born in a foreign country where early speech intervention is not common. Lisps are seldom trained out of people as adults.

[@ramonvillaster609]

@@Adronitis I'm calling out the elephant in the room. I meant no disrespect, just saying the obvious, regardless of how others feel about my opinion on the matter.

[@isabellavalencia8026]

@@Adronitis english is his first language he simply has a speech impediment...aka a lisp.

[@EcoworksFL]

Speech shaming...you rock..🙄🙄🙄

[@terrycraig6386]

@ramonvillaster609: I don't hear where he stutters.i hear a lisp,that's all.

[@zack9991]

omg I cant understand what this guy is saying at all, get a grilfriend

[@ExplorewithSvetlin]

Very poorly presented.

[@audreydoyle5268]

He was only 16, give him a break

[@vanessasahadeo4982]

Shame on you

[@laceyroyce6550]

@David it's a high-school tedx independent event. All of the presenters would have been high schoolers at this.

[@laceyroyce6550]

Oooh Let's leave mean comments about 16 year old's on the internet! That seems constructive 🙄

[@5sojourner]

This speaker is so annoying to listen to!find a speech therapist!

[@rashadpenny826]

No wonder his girlfriend left him

[@zack9991]

D:

[@laceyroyce6550]

He's a 16 year old presenting at a high school event. He's practicing and learning. Have some grace

[@leahmay1506]

You need therapy for your insolence.

[@terrycraig6386]

@5sojourner: don't be a jacka##. You think you could do better? Try.😮