Soulmates: The World's Worst Love Advice | Brittany Smale | TEDxMcMasterU

The notion of soulmates has been perpetuated in our society long before we first started to consider finding one for ourselves. It’s an inescapable premise, colouring the fanfare of dating advertisements and TV shows everywhere around us. And yet, what if this idea that we have a soulmate is actually not only decreasing the likelihood of finding a healthy relationship, but destroying our relationships once we’re in them? Brittany Smale tells us why it’s about time to stop saying, “It just wasn’t meant to be,” once and for all.
The notion of soulmates has been perpetuated in our society long before we first started to consider finding one for ourselves. It’s an inescapable premise, colouring the fanfare of dating advertisements and TV shows everywhere around us. And yet, what if this idea that we have a soulmate is actually not only decreasing the likelihood of finding a healthy relationship, but destroying our relationships once we’re in them? Brittany Smale tells us why it’s about time to stop saying, “It just wasn’t meant to be,” once and for all.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@peternorthrup6274]

35 years ago I was away for the weekend. On vacation. 3 days. Alone. I met a girl. 150 miles from home. We lived in the same town. We have been married 33 years now. Funny world.

[@sashaphase43]

God bless you both.

[@spaghettisheepdog]

I would really like to know, how's it going now? I really hope to have what you have someday (if it's good) :)

[@outsideview9052]

I always remember that my wife could easily "give" her love to someone else if I no longer was deserving of her love. Keeps me humble and grateful.

[@avenleaharris3230]

This this this this this!

[@bobleglob162]

Ouch! But yeah. Good to remember.

[@squamish4244]

If you really believe in "The One", then it would logically follow that if they die, you are doomed to be alone for the rest of your life, because there literally can't be another.

[@ZooomaCW]

Yes, but hopefully that death comes at an older age so time left is with children and grandchildren or friends or other family. But if that death comes at a younger age with much of life left, I suppose you could settle for someone else who is lonely also and then you gave a companion who isn't your one but is someone good enough. It would be sad but I imagine it could also fulfill some needs and desires in a satisfactory manner. And this doesn't just go for death. Sometimes the one can lose sight of that and bring about the end of a relationship prematurely. If there's never any getting back together, each may suffer in future relationships if there are any which usually there are because we're human. Other times the broken one in the breakup might commit suicide because there can be no replacing the one he or she lost (usually he.) It's important when we find the one to always work on giving them a long, healthy life, physically and emotionally. Finding that one is so precious. Don't let it go.

[@ZooomaCW]

P.S. one doesn't necessarily have to feel doomed. They may have had many great years together and being alone after that will be okay.

[@JohnSmith-vy4lh]

Everybody settles whether it is a good settlement or not we all settle . Sociality change agents have a lot to answer to here in regards to people being emotionally underdeveloped . They have given us a false perception of entitlement . We all think we are entitled to happiness but you couldn't get fever from the truth . We all have to work hard to be happy and live a fulfilling life . And if you're hoping to find your soulmate then you have to be true to yourself . Work where you want to work , go where you want go , socialise with who you really want to socialise with and do the things you want to do .

[@doctormcgoveran2194]

excellent point.I beleive in one at a time.when the one person dies the other is in a new time

[@shaaddhillon3819]

Yes. Or if they leave you.

[@cleftheart]

I have always believed soul mates could be anyone, not just your romantic love. It could be your friend, sibling, parent, etc.

[@Nathan-ujki46]

cleftheart me too

[@Mitchthe1soul]

I 2nd that.

[@m0nk__mind]

No

[@tanniishkaa]

💯💯 Love doesn't only has to be romantic

[@DelilahZoe]

1) Each of us would probably get along with a lot more than "1" person -- so there's no "one"! 2) Each of us needs to have STANDARDS -- kindness, intelligence, etc. 3) Each of us needs to know the deal breakers! 4) The wedding is just the start....you have to keep working at it!!

[@treborironwolfe978]

I used to feel strongly about the whole "soulmate" thing. But, as the years slowly eroded away much of the pride and ambitions of my former, naive self,.. I began to understand how selfish and impractical it would be for each of us to have just *ONE* "perfect" match in this life. Now, in my midlife years, I no longer look for that perfect match; I simply look forward to the one that compliments me as I do her.

[@frenchsauvage1994]

Pure poetry 🙏🏽

[@lettysaadani5871]

Agree😉

[@lilgoldenbuddy]

I think a lot of people are missing the point. If we work under the belief of a soulmate, then there’s the idea that there’s only one possible person a romantic relationship will last with. It sets up people for a lot of heartache when that “soulmate” ends up not lasting. You have to be open to being okay with the idea that there might be multiple possibilities. I think that is what she is getting at.

[@Romanticoutlaw]

my ideal partner: >is attractive to me >is attracted to me >is a human person with emotions and values

[@Satan666Official]

>respects me >someone I respect

[@jillianleda6732]

Nothing wrong with fighting is so true. People we love trigger us, many emotions are experienced through love. They bring up problems that you have to look at and deal with it by communicating and resolving, understanding, and/or moving on. Fighting brings up things that need to be healed or if its too much to handle, you need to move on to another partner.

[@lemostjoyousrenegade]

🎯❗️

[@NutureMothernature]

Embrace your self. Embrace your life. Embrace self love. Love yourself unconditionally. 🤗

[@---hc6tf]

I like how there's positive and negative charged things that power the world. You need both to direct a person, which includes yourself. :)

[@netzah3488]

My 'girlfriend',and 'soul mate' is 'Wisdom' itself. she 'never lets me down'. Massive 'untouchable' Respect

[@Frst2nxt]

If you can wrestle with your conscience, you can argue with a soulmate. Flattery doesn't increase intimacy. Working things out is better than flattery. You can't look for a soulmate. You can only keep an eye open for them. One must first be complete on their own, but they are at the same time half of a two person unity.

[@soonny002]

The belief in soulmates is nothing more than holding on to an ideal. Like... the dream job, the perfect vacation, and the ideal partner a.k.a soulmates. Ideals do exist but only if you live forever. I can't say for sure if ideals exist in one lifetime, perhaps the probability is so small it is negligible. The main conflict here is between idealism and pragmatism. We all have ideals but we're forced to do whatever is pragmatic. Some relationships require a lot of hard work and even so they remain mediocre at best. Yet few relationships are somewhat easier. So, should you start/stop looking for your soulmate? That depends on your preference. If you subscribe to the 'all-or-none' concept of love, then I say you should continue looking. But if you are more pragmatic and you just want a 'good enough' partner, then he/she is most likely in front of you already. Whatever your choices are, you can't have it all. So just relax and enjoy the journey.

[@soonny002]

+Akrim, I didn't say anything any 'settling' or 'not settling', I'm saying it is up to you depending on your preference. And this has got nothing to do with existentialism. You are making connections when there are none.

[@mendband]

Yep. Love is a literally a chemical.

[@Frst2nxt]

Circe I could never be with anyone for a lifetime that isn't the only one i'd ever be with. Soulmates may be too bad people from differing conditioning, yet have been cut from the same cloth of essence. Thinking something wasn't meant to be because it doesn't work is untrue. As we don't see things covered in snow as they look in summer, We don't see what a person will be in the future. Soulmates doesn't mean the other is cultivated yet. What this woman describes is right, but she is wrongly calling the thing she says is bad a soulmate, but it is what she suggests that best applies to accepting a soulmate. She mistakes ideals and types for soulmates.

[@Frst2nxt]

t m No. Love is immaterial.

[@mendband]

I have t-shirts older than you. lmfao.

[@gaby5546]

Interesting perspectives in the comments... I believe in there being a *right person* for you, who you're most compatible with, and who you have a deep special connection with, and the one person you want to spend your life with. But I also believe there's not just one person out there who you could love and be loved by. If something happened to that right person you're with, you could still find "true love" again with someone else and have it be just as fulfilling, though different, because the person is different. I believe there's the right kindS of people for any one person. Who match your reasonable, realistic standards and your fundamental values and goals are compatible with. And you choose one you intend to spend your life with. But you have the assurance of knowing that there's others you could love. *I think what makes a real relationship so special is the decision to commit to loving this person for the very reason that there's other people you could love.*

[@minstrelofMir]

i lived with my soul mate from 1981-1984,she is the one i had a daughter with,and threw me away and called someone else dad,that broke me...but it was being a weekend dad that taught me selfless love..and mostly i have lived alone since (never married) thats a soul mate they teach us the hardest lessons..after that your dreams are broken,but you have truth and have learnt a friend as a partner is someone that hurts less,,,dont go asking for it all or you may just get what you asked for,,but it will come and teach you the highest form of love,,so selfless its not for you,,everyone else are the stars in your life not yourself,,good lucks stu

[@MaamafricaEsther]

everyone soulmate will manifest in ways.

[@katetheaffiliatemomofficial]

I feel that society has definitely influenced how we think about relationships in general - not JUST soulmates. But I also feel it is important to have a list of priorities that you feel are needed for your romantic partner to have. Now I really feel like my husband is 'my other half' because we have WORKED for that. We both want to give and take in the relationship and fulfill each others needs. We are respectful of each other and open. Now I think that we can have a beautiful relationship with any romantic partner as long as both parties are WILLING TO WORK TOGETHER. To accomplish everything together. This takes effort, time, and sometimes tears, and misunderstandings. It is important to have those times in a relationship because it is NORMAL. I think it is smart to have a general list of your top priorities that you want in a romantic partner - qualities. Obviously you do want to be physically attracted to them but that should not be the number one priority, cause lets face it...one day you and them will have wrinkles and won't look exactly like they do at the present time. A list would look something this: 1. Is there a specific religion that you prefer they believe in? 2. What qualities do they need to have to allow you to feel COMFORTABLE? Humor, joy, humility, responsibility, patience...? What are those for you? 3. How do they treat their mother, father, siblings, friends, coworkers, and the waitress at the restaurant? Are they kind? 4. Are they willing to work with you? Relationships don't always need to be a 10/10 because the truth is is that there will be ups and downs and if you are willing to work together to do your best to have it be wonderful for both sides then it is a successful relationship. And let me tell you, my husband and I were very attracted to each other right of the bat, found that we could laugh and have fun, and found that we could disagree on topics and decisions and still respect the other person. And most importantly we found that we could communicate through issue and come to an agreement or a compromise. This has led to us feeling even closer, more intimate, and happier together. Each time we work through a huge issue wether it be me not being responsible and locking us out of the car over 3 times, or whatever it is we have felt even closer together. What are your qualities you are looking for in a romantic partner? Are you the type of person WILLING to work through issues, no matter what they are even 50 years from now?

[@zquinn1398]

I interpret Plato's Symposium in the abstract. He's simply saying that we are seeking wholeness, and so we search through the world for the experiences that will bring us nearer to our own versions of wholeness. Incidentally, Symposium helped me to value love in my solitary journey over the "love" offered by other people.

[@AprilSunshine]

I'm married to my soulmate and have been with him for the last 11years. We had so much in common it was scary, and I feel amazingly lucky that we not only met but devoted ourselves to each other at such a young age. I loved him from the moment I first saw him, I love him now and I always will. However, I also believe love is a choice and relationships take a lot of work, learning and communicating. And yes, BOTH partners have to work equally hard.

[@Ujjwal927]

April Sunshine so you married your photocopy

[@vinodkumaraug]

Good for you

[@jillianleda6732]

I believe in Soulmates because I believe in God ❤💙❤ Ive had many relationships but as I grew spiritually I started to find real connections in certain people and guided. I dont nitpick I feel the soul connection. People who dont believe in it just havent experienced it. It takes a spiritual person if you just believe in the physical world, you no longer feel, and experience intense soul changing connections.

[@shaaddhillon3819]

Yes. Falling in love maybe a chemical involuntary hijack but staying in love is definitely a choice

[@BarongoCalvine]

@@jillianleda6732 God talked on arranged marriages in the bible not soul mates.. soulmate came frame the Greek mythology where Zeus separated man who had 4 legs and four arms into two etc... you sadly disillusioned

[@Satan666Official]

The person who I thought was the opposite of my type, is the one I unexpectedly fell in love with over time. 🤷‍♀️

[@blacklightning7570]

It's about damn time someone discussed this whole soulemate nonses. Definitely gona share this.

[@epicwriter96]

This rings true, and I almost feel like this is more hopeful than having those ideals that we're unable to let go of. That means that one or two or twenty relationships that failed, does not mean we will never find somebody. It also doesn't mean that one person in this vast world is our only shot, nor are we anyone else's.

[@jacobcarson3997]

I think the reason so many of us look to television and movies for how to love rather than our parents is because a significant portion of us watched our parents struggle in terrible marriages and so we’ve collectively decided that their romantic advice would have little value

[@VidiSensiVici]

Another definition for soulmate is twin, someone with whom shares lots of many things with us, like kind energy, and with whom we laugh easily and could talk for many hours. In short, it is fun to be with this person. It is even more fun or ideal if this person is loyal, the hardest thing to do in life or in any relationships.

[@Irene-gq4jr]

Sometimes it really wasn't meant to be. You make a bad choice: why stick with it and make both of you miserable until death do you part? Anyone can make anything work if they are prepared to suffer a life of lies and misery in doing so. There are many people in this world we can 'click' with, it's not about finding THE soulmate, it's about finding a mate who works for you and vice versa.

[@vargublahkar1038]

I think she needs a hug

[@derek9153]

We all do. Act accordingly.

[@tiffanypollard8621]

Because she's speaking the truth?

[@elizabethbennet4791]

Here's the thing: If you personally, subjectively, define "SOULMATES" as "extremely naturally compatible people" it might be a helpful concept to utilize to discard the unsuited, avoid drama etc. But if you define "soulmates" as some magical dream of instant perfection in a human body and floating on rainbows, essentially an extension of your overly high and unrealistic materialistic standards, then it might not be a helpful concept for you.

[@kaikoolblader]

Now I want Facebook to change the relationship term "Single", to "Complete" 😌 Because love is such a personal feeling and not to be confused as a journey for/with a life partner. Cheers 🥂

[@stealthzi7465]

I still believe strongly in a soulmate don't let your dreams die out

[@bernicewalsh3432]

Probably the best advice on the net. I met my soul mate. Lost out. Now I can't live without. I'm OK for a week and then I dream of him. I've not kissed him for 22 years and I cannot move on ever. That's very sad.

[@davidcuy]

I am Mexican, I met a woman by sight, it was incredible because we only saw each other and when we exchanged glances, we managed to see our interior, it was like being in a waking dream, this happened near the church of Santo Domingo in Oaxaca on December 30

[@ATrueLoveOfficial]

In regards to soulmates, I guess it really depends on your core beliefs on love and/or what you've been taught.

[@elizabethbennet4791]

"destiny" "stars" "fate" etc I don't think thats what "soulmates" necessarily means tho.. i think it's more like just two people so uniquely compatible for eachother they are a statistical improbability.

[@silvijasimic5348]

I would like to have a continuation on this topic, regarding the other way, maybe a bit healhier, to look at relationships which doesn't involve soulmates. That should be really interesting!

[@Rantitoutloud]

So brilliant yet so young. Great speech

[@jamesp5301]

Good talk. Touched on a lot of important issues.

[@justine.Semidea]

I also think there is no soulmates, juste endless love story possibilities. I am with my partner for 6 years now, It seems like forever and I have the impression that it will continue forever as well. I can't imagine loosing him. I love him so much. BUT if one day for any reason we are separated, I think it will be possible to find someone to be with again, and love this person a lot as well, not the same way, of course, but as much. Because I'm propably met and talk with 0.000001% of the population, if I can be with somebody in this 0.000001% how can't I be with somebody else in the 99.999999% rest of the population ?

[@koffinkiss]

Justine Semidea I love the way you said that! "Endless love story possibilities"

[@nickkraynek4931]

I'm married to my soulmate and have been with her for the last 35+ years. We had so much in common it was scary, and I am blessed in the FACT that God sent my wife to me. From the moment that I seen her God smacked me in the back of the head and said that she was the ONE! I love my wife just as much now if not more than the day we met. This young chick need to keep looking for the right person that will knock the socks off her before she will change her mind and know deep in her heart that she is so wrong. She needs to find the person that if her partner physically needs a heart you would give him yours without even thinking about it. I would rip the beating heart from my chest if my wife needed one! Keep looking sweetie!

[@lemostjoyousrenegade]

Beautiful! you are truly fortunate! ✨🕊 ✨

[@auroragulliver5362]

I agree. Same here. I have found mine. I have just told my soulmate about this ted talk and he was appalled as much as me that this girl spreads misinformation. She just needs to keep looking!

[@sharayutravels]

This kid smarter than many adults and relationship coaches!

[@jillianleda6732]

No one is eductated enough to say theres no such thing as soulmates. Its like stating theres no God. No one can prove that. I believe in Soulmates and twin flames, I have clear boundaries in my relationship that I wont allow to be crossed so I never just settle or put up no matter what. I believe there are people meant to teach you lessons in life and someone youre meant to be with forever when you reach the point of finding your true inner self. I dont nitpick in my relationships though like Idc about someones interests I can enjoy almost anything thats the fun of life. I feel how comfortable I am with someone and make sure they dedicate themselves to me and respect and not cross my boundaries. I also believe if youre just about the physical world you cant possible find any sort of soulmate because you cant even find your own soul.

[@Gameking92888]

Perfectly spoken

[@miracleshappen4483]

Wow! It took me a lifetime to get it, you look so young. How did you manage to work that out so early? When I was a child we were bombarded with Wald Disney's stereotypes but luckily, Japanese cartoons came to our rescue and gave us hope! The other half doesn't exist and it's better not to expect anything from another person because, not only the other person may not meet your expectations but they may even belong to a gender different from what you had been taught to expect... Good luck everyone!

[@theboredcleanx]

Miracles Happen realized it since i was 15. People learn in their own time zones.

[@ked147971]

Miracles Happen it's Walt Disney not Wald

[@TheoCynical]

Well, she's a student so most likely she was taught which isn't a bad thing

[@sashaphase43]

Couldn't agree more .

[@davidcuy]

By the way, finding the soulmate goes beyond just finding love, it is the breaking of reality and logic, it is the opening of the mind to a hidden reality

[@iEMMANU3L]

Before I even start to read the comments down below and have them influence my thinking. I just want to first off I generally agree with just about all she spoke about, BUT!, definitely not on the notion (possible fact) that perhaps there is some(one) out there meant for you. For me, I do have a list of 100% turn offs when it came to looking for certain attributes in the women of my life, but also I look beyond the mental and physical spectrum. What do I mean by this? Well, where I am in my life currently, about my upcoming and personal battles wether past or current and if we share the same insecurities, morals and ethics. Granted this may seem negative but it’s our negatives that in the end (hopefully) and ultimately carved out our best version of ourselves. My soulmate, I meet her on October 27, 2017 and I had my doubts just like anyone would. She fit some of my desired attributes and some she fell short on, but it wasn’t till we went on a couple of dates in which I started to not only see but sense that she is special and personalized to me and I to her. It literally feels like I sent the blueprint to God and he made her to my liking and wind the clock for us to meet at a certain moment in Time( if we choose to)(free will) to link up and possible create a magnificent rare love. My professional definition of Soulmates is finding the person who shares your morals, have had your scars( but in different forms), loves you at worst just as much if not more than if you were at your best and isn’t afraid to talk about what’s eating us on the inside and transforming along each other and ultimately isn’t afraid to go toe to toe with their version of their “prince in shining armor” and beat that fuqer down until it’s etched in her mind as you being her new knight. Te amo Dianny.

[@SarahKingsleyHaussman]

EMMANUeL Beautifully said.

[@dottiekeane1823]

EMMANUeL m

[@taylornicolegarcia]

I think the universe is cool enough to give you your soulmate. I don't think you find that person unless you are your true self. You can find happiness anywhere tho in a relationship or single.

[@taylornicolegarcia]

@@afifatanjeem2464 I just said you can be happy single or in a relationship. Please practice your reading skills

[@angelastewart4227]

I never believed in there being just one person out there for me... Till met the one who is perfect for me.

[@faithmaloney9065]

I believe in Soulmates but we all know Soulmates are not perfect, no human is perfect.

[@CUP1DS-B0W]

I hate searching continuously for soulmates constantly instead of finding why I initially said “yes” I will marry you

[@ktrott100]

That story refers to a twin flame. People can have many different soulmates.

[@kacibeaverwestbrook1744]

Twin flames are the HARDEST relationship

[@Satan666Official]

Twin flame is such a dangerous community. I've seen people stick out abusive relationships because they thought there would be no one that would love them more

[@CUP1DS-B0W]

I believe I am too small but I know God is so powerful and even my daughter propose me to get together to pray to God to make daddy Change!!! Isn’t that Amazing! Even kids start to believe How Amazing God is. Praise the Lord that keep me faithful, opened minded, humble, persistant, focus and forgiveness! I trust God will rebuild ! Amen!!!!

[@user-ph2ys8te1z]

I believe in soul mates, but I believe that they are usually your closest friends and you can have more then one true love or even twin flame. I have had 5 long term relationships and believed at the time, they were perfect for me......the last one was a narc And I really believed he was going to be the last one... so now I am learning to respect myself, love me who know, maybe I have one more perfect for me true love, if not I will buy a dog

[@A.I.-]

50% gets divorced... so whether you believe in soul mates or not... you have a 50% chance in whatever you believe in.

[@mollypinto4666]

Totally agree. And for those who truly believe in soul mates. I do to BUT have learnt over the years of reading up on this subject, soul mates are really pending pains (incomplete previous life dues) , that you have to complete 😢 All the best to you 😘

[@gemmaburns8984]

If you know yourself inside n out then you meet someone that mirrors you in every way. But hes not my type physically but my heart aches for this man is a very strange feeling.

[@spfspf2166]

a lot of truth in that !!!

[@Frst2nxt]

I could never be with anyone for a lifetime that isn't the only one i'd ever be with. Soulmates may be too bad people from differing conditioning, yet have been cut from the same cloth of essence. Thinking something wasn't meant to be because it doesn't work is untrue. As we don't see things covered in snow as they look in summer, We don't see what a person will be in the future. Soulmates doesn't mean the other is cultivated yet. What this woman describes is right, but she is wrongly calling the thing she says is bad a soulmate, but it is what she suggests that best applies to accepting a soulmate. She mistakes ideals and types for soulmates.

[@mzp1422]

I do believe in soul mates I have many

[@BarongoCalvine]

I don't have a soul🙄😂😜

[@Nathan-ujki46]

Mariah Parvizi really??

[@MidnightSonnet]

I get what she's saying, but I see things differently. I wholeheartedly believe in soulmates and destiny. I used to question those very things constantly, especially when my life wasn't going well. That all changed fairly recently. In regards to soulmates, I guess it really depends on your core beliefs on love and/or what you've been taught. I was pretty lucky to have grown up with parents that had very open minds and let their kids make their own decisions by exploring possibilities, instead of limiting them to what they believed/how they were raised (i.e. religion, ethics, moral codes, right/wrong, etc). They offered guidance, but never forced their beliefs onto us, usually. But I digress. I've been in abusive relationships, as well as ones with cheaters. Was I meant to be with these people? Of course. I don't regret my time with them. Why? Because I learned a lot and grew as a person. Every romantic relationship you've ever had needed to happen in your life to teach you something important. I think people have a misconception regarding the definition of soulmate. It can resonate on many different frequencies and provide different feedback, depending on the circumstances. A soulmate doesn't even have to be romantic in nature. Your best friends can be your soulmates, because your soul is finding happiness, love, and peace within these people. Romantic soulmates are very similar, of course, but are simply more intimate by nature. I found my romantic forever soulmate 12 years ago, but didn't really realize it till 9 years ago when I asked him out. I put "forever" in there because I truly believe I've found the one I'm gonna grow old with. We've had some really horrible, turbulent times where lines were crossed and our relationship suffered tremendously. However, with time, patience, devotion, and hard work, we've come out 100x stronger than we were before. Like the girl in the vid said, a relationship will have hard times. It's inevitable. It's how you respond, as individuals and as a couple, to those times that will inevitably reveal how you truly feel about one another. Will you give up and think it's not worth the effort? Or will you persevere, because you believe your love and connection is strong enough to withstand the hardest of times? Trust me when I say that my fiance and I have been tempted to give up on our relationship a number of times due to frustration and miscommunication. But we never truly gave up and always turned back to each other. Losing each other is a heartbreaking thought for both of us. We still argue, but it usually never gets too heated. One of us will usually end it if we feel it's going nowhere. My fiance tends to feel pretty guilty after our arguments, no matter how it went. I think, more than anything, that people, especially women, overly fantasize about getting married. It's perplexing to me how completely enamored they become with the ceremony itself. A lot of divorces happen because the two get married way too soon without really knowing each other. It's always better to live together for awhile before committing. Weddings are expensive and so are divorces, so don't jump in head-first simply because you've been "dreaming about getting married since you were a child". People, for some reason, expect perfection when it comes to finding "the one". We ALL have faults. They are not innately a bad thing, unless they harm people and/or themselves. We just have to figure out what we're willing to accept in others. For me, I don't care about marriage. It has its lawful benefits, but I don't believe it's necessary. Two people can stay together forever without an expensive ceremony and certificate/license. My fiance is more into it than I am. :P Role reversal right there. Hehe. All in all, DO NOT get into a relationship with the eerie question running through your brain: "Is he/she the one I'm gonna marry someday?" You JUST started dating, so have some damn fun with it without any preparations for an unknown future running through your head. I always stress that people should start out as friends first before dating. At that point, you know each other well enough to gauge if you're compatible. Also, it's natural and completely normal for us to be "picky" with whom we choose as mates. Most animals are the same way. It's a survival instinct, though it's one we, as humans, don't need anymore. Still, we have it. It's hardwired. We've simply adapted it to be more complex. I'd never date someone who smokes. Ever. I care about my health. Secondhand smoke is deadly. If he/she is a nice person, we can be friends. But I refuse to live with and kiss someone with that awful habit. Yes, I agree that some people are WAY too picky and end up being superficial and shallow in their choices. Be with someone who makes you truly happy and feel loved. Period.

[@Ira.1]

Well written.

[@harpei12]

I completely agree with you.

[@silvervixen007]

Really nicely put! I wish my parents were this open minded! It is now that I truly start to SEE differente people and their lifestyles but I have still a long way to go concerning to actually EMBRACE it. 😅

[@AprilSunshine]

Yes, and just so you know I am living proof that second hand smoke is deadly. I never smoked but both my parents did and "coincidentally" I now live with advanced lung disease. By the way, that lung disease became even more severe when I moved in next to a smoker. (Also mere coincidence I'm sure.) I now have a 1 in 4 chance to die from common things like flu and pneumonia, I rely on multiple drugs to stay alive, I can't do the fun physical activities I used to love, like dancing, laser tag, running and hiking, and I have trouble even walking up the stairs to my home. All of this, because the people around me made unhealthy choices against my will.

[@t.d6509]

Midnight Sonnet relate so much. Thank you ❤ Wish you a happy life together!

[@tiffanypollard8621]

It wasn't meant to be because it didn't work out. If it was meant to be both parties would have been putting into the effort it took to make it work. And therefore if there was no effort from 1 or both parties it wasn't meant to be.

[@thetennisjournal]

This was very well said and in my relationship, dating, a lot of my preconceived expectations have been broken. Lots of times girls are looking for me to fulfill their wildest expectations and unreasonable checklist rather than realizing the person that I am. Everything could seem well but if that checklist is not fulfilled there's no relationship. Things subtle like not brushing your teeth three times a day is a deal breaker for women I've met despite the immense experiences, love, and value we brought to each other's life. I feel like a more inclusive idea of what life is and what a relationship is. Is what would lead to greater success and greater happiness. While realizing it is not all about if the other person is the right person. But am I the right person?

[@lady4581]

She is amazing

[@davidcuy]

I am Mexican a few years ago I found a foreigner on the Plaza de Santo Domingo in Oaxaca, Mexico. I don't know if I'm a soul mate, but the eyes we could see made our interior impressive, but I couldn't speak to her. I had a partner and go with me, I looked for it and tried to find it in the same place on the same date, to no avail. I hope you can read this and we can get in write me.

[@lizmcnay]

Thank you! A psychic told me my soulmate died in France the same week I was there fifteen years ago with my ex-husband. I felt guilty. Then I wondered how that could possibly be true. If they are your soulmates, it shouldn't be possible for one of them to die before they can unite. Dating sites are the same as volunteering to be a victim. Only dangerous predator males use dating sites. I found that out after blocking over 2000 men in under two months. Bless you & keep you. I hope people that believe in the soulmate myth find this video, & get over the brainwashing they have accepted.

[@angelsrosena]

Liz McNay hahahahah your psychic trolled you so well.

[@lizmcnay]

I'm 52. How long could finding a soulmate take??!!

[@Frst2nxt]

Liz McNay Psychics arent prophets

[@joann8506]

This is awesome! :)

[@I.Am.Limitless]

I know soulmates (real meaning of the word) exist because I have found mine and no, he isn't my boyfriend he is my best friend...we connect in a way we don't connect with anyone else...we feel what one another feels at times even though we're not together, like feeling unwell or sad...we know each other in a way no one else knows us...he is my soulmate...we have never been involved physically and never will but I know I will love him forever in a way I cannot love anyone else...I have my partner and 2 teenage kids and the love I feel for him is different than any other love

[@Romanticoutlaw]

JoanaT I have the exact same kind of connection with my best friend who lives a whole country away--but "best friends" isn't nearly a strong enough term for it. We're so in tune that we almost always have our periods at the same time. When her boyfriend of 7+ years lets her down, I can always bring her joy, and there's something immensely special about that.

[@dovenailsbysharon]

JoanaT he may be your twin soul..look it up

[@dalangie]

Yes, I have that kind of friendship too. At first we were in love for a short time, but now we are still friends for 11 years. We contact as maybe every 8 or 10 weeks. And 90% of the time when the other one also just wanted to contact us. It is especially obvious when we are down... than it is sometimes nearly scary when the other contacts us in the moment when we need it most. We live on different continents, didnt see us for 6 years, and before that not in 5... and still this works for such a long time and I am very, very thankful for it.

[@caroline6085]

Wise young woman!

[@game-changer-brand7252]

The BOTTOMLINE is ----- SOUL-MATES Whenever They meet 1st Time in Life at any Age They Interact n Do "EVERYTHING NATURALLY n EFFORTLESSLY" From Day 1 for Lifetime & EVERYTHING in Life so Overall-Life certainly Becomes "Very-EASY Practically" of Both Male n Female 'cause the "Presence n Physical-Touch of Eachother" in Eachother's Life is "Divine & Magical" for Lifetime ! 😉👍😍

[@kevinfishburne]

If we were in a computer simulation and could restart, fast-forward, and rewind (or live forever), then we'd have an infinite number of "soul mates". So I think what it comes down to is that if we find one we're lucky.

[@davidcuy]

I'm Mexican a few years ago I met a foreigner in the Plaza de Santo Domingo in Oaxaca, Mexico. I don't know if I'm a soul mate, but through the eyes we could see our interior was impressive, but I couldn't speak to her. I had a partner and I go with me, I've been looking for it and trying to find it in the same place on the same date to no avail. I hope you can read this and we can get in touch.

[@danesmith2133]

I suppose that I'm an enigma, I believe in having a soulmate, I have met her in fact. But I also prioritize personal choice. And my wife is a different woman, a woman who choose to marry me and together we have built a home. Simply put, a soulmate doesn't need to be a romantic relationship to me, but exists as an innate level of trust and respect for another person on a level of intimacy that is much deeper and feels more meaningful than physical connection can provide.

[@Satan666Official]

I know exactly what you mean. I used to doubt spiritual connections until I met my partner. From the very beginning, we did not rush a thing. We agreed to let each other trust at our own pace, and we both had this realization that we were afraid of the same things. What separated my partner from my other relationships, is that 1. We got to know each other organically, not out of lust 2. We let ourselves be vulnerable 3. The attraction I have for him runs below his skin. He has flaws like I do, and that created deep intimacy. I wish you and your wife the happiest of times! ❤

[@CUP1DS-B0W]

I still believe relationship needs time to build and adjust. There’s no perfect match in reality. If we keep buying new accessories without considering repairing it or maintaining the existing ones… there’s too much debris that need to be recycled

[@lecarlosljrobinsonjr4933]

I believe in destiny

[@redjackal5871]

I think early on in life when you are young you have a high probability of finding your soulmate but it decreases as you get older

[@healingwithholly4602]

She is brilliant, very intellectual and a lot of her points are true and helpful, but you can tell she hasn't had The Experience.

[@GodisReal144]

She obviously hasn't met her soulmate yet

[@niceguy56149]

It's too hard. you have to spend the rest of your life worried about your eyes twinkling the wrong way and falling out of soulmate status. Besides who wants to spend the rest of their lives posing for the monthly facebook profile picture update depicting perfection.

[@louiseparker1915]

So true. The guy I'm with now did not sweep me off my feet ( that's how you fall over); he showed me his constancy and reliability, his good manners and his devotion. I can trust him, but I now realise that because I respect myself, and have clear boundaries that in the future, I could find another decent person, if things don't work out.

[@pyroslavx7922]

What's wrong with riding into the sunset with your prince/princess on a rusty red tractor, in greasy oily sweaty clothes, after you finally made the damn thing run again ;-)

[@jennylistens6135]

Nothing at all ❤

[@davidfranklin7018]

Finally made the damn thing run again - the prince/princess, or the tractor?

[@jacquelinemathew5990]

I believe n soulmate & I hve my soulmate truth about soulmate no one can describe it n words' You only need to experience it only if u hav ever had that experience it personally. .otherwise no you can't tell n words ..

[@RebeccaMaria94]

This !!

[@LuxMeow]

Anyone actually already met their 'soulmate' here? There are people who make the list and it comes to light (so they say). So I am curious to hear from those people. Just like making vision boards, one guy apparently had bought the same house that was on his vision board (unknowingly). Not sure if it's true or not but these are the claims.

[@Happysoul_3]

I believe through our past life karmic account we marry a certain partner. Whether they turn out good or bad it reflects how we treated the other in the past life.

[@QUINTUSMAXIMUS]

Yeah, this idea of soulmates destroys many relationships. Some people think there's some perfect person.

[@shadburns2629]

Also, no matter how much you think you know what attributes your partner/ soulmate should have, that all goes to the side when you meet your soulmate. By definition, a soulmate is exactly that, a soulmate. The connection is so strong that anything you ever imagined about love is gone and superseded by the bonding of two souls in a way that makes sense beyond anything you could ever imagine. It's pure happiness, contentment, protection, stability, etc. Believe it or not, if you find your soulmate love is no longer a word that can describe the bond. I suspect that is why such a meeting of souls is described as soulmate rather than lover.

[@bobleglob162]

Have you found your soulmate?

[@HerStoryofMusic]

😅❤ This is so good.

[@marwaradee3103]

loved it

[@I.Am.Limitless]

OMG people still think that a soulmate is someone who is supposed to be connected to us physically? A soulmate SOUL is someone that you connect with within your soul and this means that it can be your brother or sister, your best friend..it doesn't have to be a boyfriend...a romantic partner...shouldn't do speeches about things one doesn't understand 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@WW-on6bo]

I think you ARE my soul mate!!!

[@shadedman2785]

I KNEW IT!!

[@shadedman2785]

But now with the new generation... Saying you have millions of options.. Is actually what they believe in.. and have.. with a swipe of the finger.

[@shadedman2785]

For some... Not all.

[@bryanbarrera1561]

You mean tinder? Yeah I swipe right but no one swipes me right so it’s still hard to talk to girls online lol and even the girls who swipe me right and not even that attractive in my Opinion

[@markanderson9123]

The real question is "What are standards?"

[@dennisr.levesque2320]

I've seen things that start out with a good foundation, but have a bad conclusion. It's more rare to have a bad foundation with a good conclusion. You just got lucky. Consider this: Maybe it's your destiny to be open-minded enough to accept your soul-mate without even knowing it.

[@rigelmoon9030]

Soul mates evolve. They are not born for a day. It takes time like a garden takes time. One yearly growth of a few vegetable seed scattered on a plot does not a garden make. It is perhaps the foundation for future beds of vegetables, sure. A garden is so much more work until the lovely fruit is born. A soul mate must be fostered with soft and gentle love. The soil must be worked with the hands. Having a prize-winning group of vegetables on one's first attempt at gardening is a fluke of the universe. It has no right to be here. Whereas, building the soul of two lovers into one fused heart takes years of first prize-winning gardening. Soul mates know who they are for they have the soil of love beneath their nails and the stained skin of those who work hard for what they get. Plant your love and watch it slowly grow over the years into a shared experience of true love. It will take time; however, you will know a soul mate was born of all the trouble which was really no trouble at all.

[@farshinanazrul722]

Has anyone read "Brida" by Paolo Coelho and the theory of more than one soulmates in it?

[@dougalsii]

Can't have a soulmate If you don't got no soul. ;)

[@harmonizedigital.]

I would like to make this speaker The One. love the nerdy red head thing

[@johncarroll8993]

I want to hear this woman's thoughts for reason.

[@chensun6156]

Practical advice, but she got Plato completely wrong. The passage she refers to is one form of love that Plato refers to. Plato has other forms. And even the form that she refers to is actually true. Men and women, for the most part, are searching to unite with their other half--to restore a whole.

[@CUP1DS-B0W]

No way, better work out within a relationship rather than having to search outside for soulmate. Risking family to facing divorce which may affect kids

[@greg_austin]

Aristotle, Plato's diametric opposite, claimed, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." Then what, exactly, is a soul? Can't have a mate in a common endeavor when the endeavor itself has no definition, no direction. Clearly this entire endeavor of finding a soulmate is the quest not for the right individual, as much as it is the quest for the source of the soul, the source of love, what religions have called "God." And it appears that one cannot fulfill His destiny, whatever that is, without first giving the credit, and due thanks, to Him, He who created love's masterpiece. People today go to bars to chase the spirits (plural), when they used to go to church to find the One Spirit, and the possibility of one soulmate. Since government has systematically undermined the church, people wonder why it is so difficult to find a soulmate. Churches once were the organized venue of altruism, established, in part, to help the needy, paid by tithing. These were organizations led by love and charity, which have today been replaced by government, government instead empowered to protect and punish people through the force of taxation. While churches close, and fall like dominoes into disrepair, new prisons and psych wards are each year built until overcrowded. Instead of soulmates, people wonder why they seem to only find new war-like sparring partners, over and over again. Erroneously, they may even eventually give up on love altogether, stating that love must be mythical, that their driving force of desire was not real from the start--or worse--that love and its desire has always been the source of all their suffering, while the government is not culpable for any of it. People fight, you say? People must break the hearts of one another? Is that a requirement? How about people force their own wills and demands on one another, instead of relying on surrendering to His will, an act of obedience. So stop doing that. Abandon yourself, and your fear, the fear paid to the tax collectors, to thereby fund the sins of congress under the false premise of "protection" from yourself. Instead, surrender to the love of God, and do not do it alone. Surrender your pride, superiority, and egotistical loneliness to the congregation of His will. If you are open-minded enough, you just might learn something, and just might soften enough to become lovable. Put God first in your life, and guaranteed, if it be His will, you will find your soulmate, and will need no other.

[@Springwight]

I think I've found my soul mate 💖💖💖😍

[@AMYBIERHAUS]

Greg Rosenbaum + I know I have, too! It's a bit complicated, though, as both of us have been married to other people for 40 years. I love my husband, but I now know he was never my true soulmate.

[@CUP1DS-B0W]

People can risk but not me: I have kids and I know there’s many soulmates I could have….. I will feel sinful & guilty! I cannot accept

[@treborironwolfe978]

So Zeus surgically divided amorphous beings into male and female beings, Yet Jehovah created the female being from the surgically removed rib of a male being.. It's all just so confusing to me...

[@bobleglob162]

Soulmates are made, not found.