The Illusion of Rudeness - The Myth of Respect | Richard Burnell | TEDxWolverhampton

In his thought provoking talk Richard asks us to consider our expectation of respect and how we often judge people as rude without understanding the context of their lives. Richard Burnell is a former Police Constable now employed in the NHS as Specialist Lecturer in Conflict Management; He is also a visiting Lecturer at Birmingham City University. His work focuses on the way conflict manifests in leadership, within teams, and in patients in clinical environments, often with dementia and other cognitive impairments. To keep himself busy he also covers specialist workplace mediation between colleagues who aren’t getting on and provide resilience coaching for staff who work in ‘extreme’ or high stress roles. Conflict doesn’t have to be scary, it’s all in the mind of the beholder! This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@8randomprettysecret8]

Puts politeness and respect into perspective. Thank you for sharing these insights.

[@AdhamAlOka]

Wow. Very powerful talk. The way Richard delivered this short talk is very powerful. His tone, voice pitch and natural sense-of-humor have made a great impact on me, let alone the powerful content of the talk. Thank you Richard... :)

[@gonzabuzz9844]

"Being Heckled from the start that's not very kind" That would be expectations of the public and perceived rudeness. But i love the points he made i live by this, my connections are strong and i feel a stronger sense of community and understanding when i don't put expectations on others, If respect can be taken away easily then it's a form of tolerance of the other only if they meet our standars.

[@JamesDClarke]

This was one of my favourite talks on the day - love it 👍🏻

[@lureenhutchinson4075]

Awesome talk. Very much appreciated Sir. Bless you.

[@vortexpop1000]

Thank you for your insightful philosophy.

[@hiranyasankarroychowdhury1547]

This is what the central tenet of Vedantic Philosophy is: "Your right is only over your work (Karma) not its fruit."

[@WhatEver-i]

Thank u for this... ♥️

[@haydenwilsonx]

Great speaker

[@johnvang2503]

Wow amazing talk. I'm surprised this ted talk had so little views

[@ph11p3540]

As a Canadian, drivers waving is there way of aknoleging each other respectfully. It means thank you, hello and occassionally sorry. What I have learned the hard way when visiting the US bible belt states is, you never ever raise your hands off the steering wheel for any reason. Down in the bible belt, other drivers can't tell the difference between a wave or the finger.

[@steveb8183]

Not true, I live in the bible belt and people who do the hand wave/finger wave/ head nod while passing one another have an unwritten but seemingly universal behavioral code.. if there is another car within viewing distance behind the car you're waving at, that person will not hand or finger wave/head nod bc it's mutually understood that it'll become tedious to fingerwave at 2,3 4 people in a row, the wave is a casual thing reserved for people on isolated roads. It roughly means that we'rr both glad to finally see a car after 5 minutes of not seeing one, but it's also an irritating thing if they fail to wave back. It's like a minor insult, you know that they know about this exchange, most of us grew up doing it, but to be fair, it only seems to occur amongst pickup truck drivers,larger vehicles.. sedans don't do really it. They don't know about the culture

[@steveb8183]

Sorry,I forgot to point out what I considered not true, the raising of the hand off the steering wheel is more common amongst older commuters, so it's not at all uncommon for that one to be used... But if you shake your hand back and forth, it looks too enthusiastic and seems suspicious, tourist-y even

[@Ida-Adriana]

In Shetland there are single track roads so we’re always waving to communicate thanks, etc for giving priority

[@Ida-Adriana]

@@steveb8183 Try living in a place with single track roads! Lots of waving involved 😃

[@Epiphalactic]

That's .. not even close to true. We wave to eachother in the country.

[@AngieMusicArt]

This is powerful! Question… if the audience didn’t clap and acknowledge the speech would the same principles be considered?

[@mauricemcginnis8671]

Amen

[@assiaelh2349]

we moroccan people have also the culture of waving hands I think it is everywhere cuz I kind act recieve a response of a kind act and that is a value we share evrywhere like other values and all around the world but if we want to say hello to each others we turn on and off the strong light rapidly or honk

[@SpatzAI]

Let's get to the point on rudeness and incivility please..... What do you do when someone calls us a "Loose Cannon" because we shared an idea that that the listener vehemently disagree with? What is the global standard procedure for tackling this type of rudeness/incivility/abuse and why don't we have one?

[@miamia7199]

it's ok to not understand everything

[@arshiadehghan2187]

Love this man ,he just said what I had in my mind for years .that’s what I call a real psychologist not like all the other snowflakes.

[@joelmartinez7439]

What if someone bumps in the street while walking and looks you dead in the eyes and smiles without apologizing? Is that rudeness an illusion?

[@Zeno7741]

Getting physical is different

[@joelmartinez7439]

@@Zeno7741 i know..

[@MynameIsnotforsell]

Why do you expect an apology?

[@PLAYERSLAYER_22]

why would you yield to anyone in a yield lane? you might subjectively attribute the opinion of respect to your decision, but the data regarding the amount of motorcyclists getting killed because of this would disagree entirely.

[@Ann963]

Right?!

[@robd5995]

How do you know the person that held the door open and said “your welcome” wasn’t being genuine?

[@assiaelh2349]

the way he said it and the tone its like he told the guy "yeah you may say a thank you as well it won't hurt"

[@soslothful]

I have worked in food service for decades and can relate to the frustration of not getting a thanks or even a nod of acknowledgment from some coprophagic customer. I call out a "you're welcome!" and sometimes get a grudging response. I then imagine that person tripping and face planting in their meal.

[@seegee9]

You sound like the problem tbh

[@paulogarcia9739]

​@@seegee9 Agree

[@DavidAdamBishop]

In that situation if the person holding the door had ever worked a real job, nope straight to being a door holding nurse

[@snickerdoodle7134]

That man claps cheeks

[@HamzaAli-it2bb]

So, i have school tmr and it 4 o clock can someone shorten this down to annotations

[@dgontar]

This is just delusional thinking. It's a way to pretend that people are not callous or even malicious and they often are. And also, there is nothing wrong with needing respect if respect just means needing good manners on the part of another.

[@denissdennis]

those who are actually malicious or rude should actually just be ignored then just be careful and be sure that this person is being rude before pulling the trigger

[@tammy2855]

You just missed his whole point.

[@nithinbosej]

Too much positive spin on it.. you need to obedient yourself not to think bad of others yet it’s a good habit not to take the beat always and push back when you need to.

[@CarrascoWangler]

This is a poor excuse for bad behavior.

[@Bugoy_ADHD]

The whole idea is to focus on personal actions... Not others', so it is actually not an excuse.

[@treverhoughton1067]

First learn the meaning of what you say, then speak -Epictetus This is a beautifully worded but profound statement. Just no..This is not the definition of respect. To learn the true meaning takes more than just knowing the definition, you have to intentionally experience and practice the context in which the word Respect describes to truly analyze and understand it. Is the glass of water half empty or half full? This is making Respect into something more or less than what it is. re·spect /rəˈspekt/ Learn to pronounce noun 1. a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. "the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor" late Middle English: from Latin respectus, from the verb respicere ‘look back at, regard’, from re- ‘back’ + specere ‘look at’. If it's a feeling, then it's a reaction, not an action. Newtons third law of motion. Then opposite of respect, is disgust. I don't have deep admiration for what is essentially misinformation, if I chose to feel otherwise, I'd have to lie to myself in order to do so. Realistic is not based on subjective truth but what is objectively true. Words are subjective, but not always the context in which they describe. noun /noun/ Learn to pronounce nounGRAMMAR a word (other than a pronoun) used to identify any of a class of people, places, or things. Respect is entirely objective based, how's it a myth again? I know what I feel and know feelings are real, based on the chemical reactions in my body happening in order to produce them.